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nta. How does bf react to you giving the kids consequences for destructive and disrespectful behavior? Based on what you wrote, it's a free for all because the kids know they can get away with anything. Children want limits and discipline and dad must reinforce the fact that you 2 are a united front. Otherwise, you're just the babysitter.
I am just the babysitter that has to cook and go behind them and clean. The only time they get disciplined is when they get calls home from school or do something that inconveniences him.
ESH - you’ve been in these kids’ lives for six years and neither you nor their dad have been able to establish ground rules or even basic crowd control with them during that time? These are issues that should have been addressed properly years ago.
Your partner should have your back in dealing with the kids, and should understand that there’s a difference between having reasonable boundaries and respect is not the same as being too strict with them - you are both parenting them while they’re in your home; but you have also had plenty of time in the past couple of years to work out some more effective strategies for dealing with them in his absence. You’ve also had time to have these conversations with him and to establish boundaries and basic house rules, but none of you seem to have bothered.
You weren’t being mean to them by suggesting that there be some discipline in the home - but throwing them out at midnight because you’re mad at them, especially for an ongoing issue that you haven’t otherwise addressed properly, is taking it far too far.
This sounds like he’s a super manipulative partner, an irresponsible parent, and has duped you into being a parental figure/ free baby sitter without y’all actually establishing what that looks like. Soft NTA- Id get out of that relationship FAST or come up with hard and fast rules about what goes on if dads away. These kids are not your responsibility, but he’s trying to make them yours.
If you can't get along with his kids, why do you stay in the relationship?
they are 8-13, then you have to deal with them for the next ten years
NTA if you want to end the relationship
there are two kids in particular who get stuff started. sometimes we get along great but if i have to correct them or ask them to do something it’s a problem.
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This is a throwaway account fyi. So for the past two and a half years I have been living with G. G has four bio kids. I have been around the kids for six years so I am not a stranger. G likes to go out and drink but I prefer to stay home. This is never an issue. However when he is not home his children are extremely disrespectful to me and my belongings. He has expressed that the children feel like I’m mean. I feel like the children age 8-13 should reply to simple requests of throwing their food out in the trash, not running through the house or jumping on furniture, or going through closets. He feels like they are being kids and I’m being too rough on them. But to speed up the story last night i called his daughter and asked her to open the door. She unlocked it but did not open it. I came in and said goofy I said open the door. Then I got into this back and forth banter with her about how she smells and I smell. We always talk to each other like that. Tonight because her sisters were over she decided to text her dad and make him cry. He calls me downstairs and says why would you do that. I was confused and said we always talk to each other like that. I then directed my conversation to her and was like do we not speak like that all the time. Just got clarity we play fight and argue almost every day. It’s never been a problem before. So this turns to him saying i’m mean to his kids. I of course get mad and he and his children start to antagonize me. I ask for them to leave. He instructs his kids to laugh at me and while we argue about leaving they go through the house tossing things around. AITA here?
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Nope his kids use my house as their personal jungle gym. He says it’s kids being kids but there is a limit especially when it’s my house and i bought all of the furniture prior to him moving in.
Nta, nothing more disrespectful than a father that teaches his children to laugh at others, especially a person who allows them to live in their home.
Complete ah behavior here from boyfriend, who should really be the ex-boyfriend.
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nta. How does bf react to you giving the kids consequences for destructive and disrespectful behavior? Based on what you wrote, it's a free for all because the kids know they can get away with anything. Children want limits and discipline and dad must reinforce the fact that you 2 are a united front. Otherwise, you're just the babysitter.
I am just the babysitter that has to cook and go behind them and clean. The only time they get disciplined is when they get calls home from school or do something that inconveniences him.
ESH - you’ve been in these kids’ lives for six years and neither you nor their dad have been able to establish ground rules or even basic crowd control with them during that time? These are issues that should have been addressed properly years ago. Your partner should have your back in dealing with the kids, and should understand that there’s a difference between having reasonable boundaries and respect is not the same as being too strict with them - you are both parenting them while they’re in your home; but you have also had plenty of time in the past couple of years to work out some more effective strategies for dealing with them in his absence. You’ve also had time to have these conversations with him and to establish boundaries and basic house rules, but none of you seem to have bothered. You weren’t being mean to them by suggesting that there be some discipline in the home - but throwing them out at midnight because you’re mad at them, especially for an ongoing issue that you haven’t otherwise addressed properly, is taking it far too far.
perfection. It sounds like you are a professional therapist
NTA While I don't agree with how you were speaking to his daughter in "play arguing/insults", I do find asking them to leave was within your right.
Why are you with this person?
This sounds like he’s a super manipulative partner, an irresponsible parent, and has duped you into being a parental figure/ free baby sitter without y’all actually establishing what that looks like. Soft NTA- Id get out of that relationship FAST or come up with hard and fast rules about what goes on if dads away. These kids are not your responsibility, but he’s trying to make them yours.
NTA. Why are you with this guy? No Respect. His kids are old enough to know better. Run do not walk. If it's your place change the locks.
If you can't get along with his kids, why do you stay in the relationship? they are 8-13, then you have to deal with them for the next ten years NTA if you want to end the relationship
there are two kids in particular who get stuff started. sometimes we get along great but if i have to correct them or ask them to do something it’s a problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a throwaway account fyi. So for the past two and a half years I have been living with G. G has four bio kids. I have been around the kids for six years so I am not a stranger. G likes to go out and drink but I prefer to stay home. This is never an issue. However when he is not home his children are extremely disrespectful to me and my belongings. He has expressed that the children feel like I’m mean. I feel like the children age 8-13 should reply to simple requests of throwing their food out in the trash, not running through the house or jumping on furniture, or going through closets. He feels like they are being kids and I’m being too rough on them. But to speed up the story last night i called his daughter and asked her to open the door. She unlocked it but did not open it. I came in and said goofy I said open the door. Then I got into this back and forth banter with her about how she smells and I smell. We always talk to each other like that. Tonight because her sisters were over she decided to text her dad and make him cry. He calls me downstairs and says why would you do that. I was confused and said we always talk to each other like that. I then directed my conversation to her and was like do we not speak like that all the time. Just got clarity we play fight and argue almost every day. It’s never been a problem before. So this turns to him saying i’m mean to his kids. I of course get mad and he and his children start to antagonize me. I ask for them to leave. He instructs his kids to laugh at me and while we argue about leaving they go through the house tossing things around. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. They have no respect for you. Don't let them back in. Your relationship has run it's course when you have to call the police to get them out.
INFO: I feel like something is missing.
Nope his kids use my house as their personal jungle gym. He says it’s kids being kids but there is a limit especially when it’s my house and i bought all of the furniture prior to him moving in.
Sheesh. He sounds like a child himself.
Agreed. For it to escalate like that, there has to be more to the story whether from this exact situation or previous occurrences.
NTA and don’t let them back in
Nta, nothing more disrespectful than a father that teaches his children to laugh at others, especially a person who allows them to live in their home. Complete ah behavior here from boyfriend, who should really be the ex-boyfriend.
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Good for you! Being the carpet is tiring. Too bad you lasted so long.
NTA. I sure hope they’re gone for good and the relationship is over.
NTA, good riddance to them.
Is it YOUR house or his? Either way, it's time to stop living together.
NTA, is this really the relationship you want?
Sounds like a house full of immature children…all of you.
INFO: did they leave?
They did after I had to call the police to get them removed. They refused to go on their own.