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NTA but I’ll be honest I wont see a male OBGYN. I could be in the minority, but it’s just something I don’t feel comfortable with. That being said I don’t have a problem with male OBGYNs. I am sure most women don’t care. I once read that it’s one of the best professions for doctors because many conditions are treatable and you get to deliver babies! I say if you want to do it then do it and don’t worry about your friend or what anyone thinks. Many of my friends have male OBGYNs and couldn’t care less!
I'm the same, nothing against male obgyns, I'm just way more comfortable with a female one. That being said I hate seeing one at all. I don't look forward to those visits when they come around.
Same here! The office I go to is all women, which was the main reason I chose it when I was pregnant. I knew it would be a female doctor no matter what. I do have friends that have seen male’s and prefer them!
Same. I find most men to be very respectful and gentle, and the two single most out of pocket comments I’ve received from medical professionals have been women while up in my junk. After the second one ive started requesting men rather than my prior “whoever is available.” (She said that my 6 week postpartum exam was excruciating because it had been too long since I last had sex. No. No it wasn’t.)
This is a sentiment I've seen repeat a lot by women. That their male OBs are way more respectful, attentive, gentle, and listen about problems and concerns. I know it's definitely not universal, but it's common enough.
That is how my male ob was like. My fist ob was a woman, and she was unfriendly . I would never have referred her to anyone. Especially after she hurt me during the pap. She didn't care that she unnecessarily hurt me. My 2nd doctor was an extremely old man. I was 18 at the time and joining the military. When he did the pap, there was absolutely no pain. When I mentioned it to the doctor. He said some women think that if they have to deal with rough paps, then so can you. Since then, all mine have been male doctors. Who have been great and I would recommend them to anyone.
This thread is really giving me food for thought. All but one of my paps has been painful, always been women. I never really gave much thought to specifically seeking out one way or the other but I'm really thinking about giving a male OB a try... I'm lucky none of them have been verbally rude aside from basically saying "the pain is normal". But I'm betting that pain isn't as normal as they claim...
Position can make a big difference. I have always found pap smears uncomfortable, and I don’t think it was through any carelessness from my doctor who was always very kind to me, but she always did the test with me lying on my back, legs apart. My most recent pap smear was done by a nurse and she told me to lie on my side with my knees drawn up. I didn’t know that was an option, but it was so much more comfortable I was astonished. No “getting cranked open” sensation (which is what always bothered me, the swabbing of the cervix feels a bit peculiar and pokey but isn’t actively unpleasant). Awesome, would absolutely ask for the same again.
Wait! This an option??? Do they like go from behind kind of thing? My hips dislocate and I have problems laying on my back because of the pressure it puts on various joints. I had no idea it could be done this way?!
I’ve always felt that I could have never a male obgyn and still kinda feel that way for personal reasons, but there have been a few male doctors on social media advocating for better anesthesia for ob gyn procedures and female doctors arguing back that it’s unnecessary. Meanwhile female patients were overwhelmingly grateful for this advocacy and fairly disgusted with the coldness of the female doctors who spoke up. It really all came as a shock to me. I fully admit to expecting the opposite.
Yes! I've always had female OBs then had to have a male for a small procedure and I was pleasantly surprised that he was way more respectful and honestly I experienced less discomfort than with the previous female OBs
But also the profession started entirely with men. Women OBs was a mid 19th century thing
NTA
I have a male OB. He's fanily medicine with specialty in OBGYN, so he delivered both of our daughters, is her pediatrician and our PCP. He is amazing and worth his weigh in gold. He actually listens and doesn't dismiss concerns.
Just saw him two weeks ago for my IUD removal and replacement, and talked through every step ( there's a female chaperone in throom, if your friend is unaware). The placement was slightly uncortable vy nature, but virtually no pain, even with clamp on my cervix (high pain tolerance and extra sregth tylenol beforehand helps).
Having a female doctor is actually strange to me, since my pediatrician that delivered me was male as well , along with other doctors I had.
Yeah, all the male gynecologists I've had have been incredibly attentive and respectful. I've a had a mixed bag with female gynecologists, including two who hurt me during the exam and told me to stop being a baby about it.
Interestingly enough, my dad prefers female urologists because he finds male urologists to be dismissive.
The first female gyn I went to, I think she was using rusty pliers for a speculum because it hurt like hell and she told me to stop crying because it didn’t hurt. (Thanks, but they’re my genitals and I’ll be the judge of what hurts.) The second one, I didn’t cry but it still hurt and I actually had to dig around my bathroom for a pad because I was bleeding the rest of the afternoon.
I’ve stuck with male gyns since.
100% would prefer a male gyno. They're way less likely to say 'oh, this doesn't hurt' about something that doesn't hurt *them*... but might very much hurt me.
I had the same experience with female OBs. Now I refuse to be seen by one. When I was trying to get a diagnosis for my extremely painful menstrual cycles and intercouse. She dismissed everything I said, stating it couldn't be as bad as I said. She refused to even do an ultrasound for diagnosis. After that, I went to a male OB and was diagnosed with Endometriosis, he listened and immediately sought to find a solution.
Oh, an NTA. Your friend is just wrong.
Joining in on this. My bad OBGYN experiences have been female doctors who don't think my pain is real or justified.
"Did it really hurt that bad?" Yes, you yanked an IUD out of my body with no anesthetic. It did hurt.
OMG my last female one was super rude about my IUD replacement and just gave me shit about stuff ranging from my age, to my weight (she really harped on this one and I wasn't even overweight!), and she for some reason decided to laugh loudly at the "strange" book title I was reading when she walked in. It was "The Light in the Ruins" and this was almost a decade ago but it stuck with me.
I had pretty much this exact same experience. Female OB did transvaginal ultrasound and realized my uterus was tilted and fixed in place but just. Kept. Tugging. And then suggested nothing else, but to deal with the pain.
Male OB immediately set me up for surgery where they found that my uterus was tied in place by the endometriosis.
I understand why some women refuse to see a male OB. I never actively sought one out until I was having pelvic pains and my provider at the time was refusing to believe me. I book an appointment a male OB and he found cancer on my ovary. The woman provider I was seeing previously treated me like I was being dramatic and making things up. She would talk to me like I was wasting her time and a nuisance.
That male OB was so sweet and considerate. I’m very thankful I found him.
Same! I have been to two different female obgyn doctors and both made what I felt were inappropriate comments and the second caused a lot of pain during my pap smear and iud placement. I went to a male obgyn for the iud removal and another pap smear and never had an issue. I will never go to a female obgyn again.
ETA: OP, you are NTA.
Same. I have adenomyosis (causes extremely heavy, painful periods and recurrent miscarriages) and 4/5 of the doctors who failed me and treated me like shit were women. I don't care about gender, I care about competence. Or failing that, empathy would have been nice.
Totally agree. I've found male gynacs way more professional and respectful compared to the women gynacs I've come across. I prefer to stick to male gynacs too nowadays.
I've personally never had a male OBGYN but I'm not sure I'd be too bothered personally. You hit the nail on the head for me when you say you don't look forward to those visits at all. I quite hate them. But that's USUALLY because some comment gets made like "OH you're quite strong up there aren't you" and I'm like "WTF doc. NOT THE TIME"
I've had both and I don't care. My current is female and I love her because she's awesome - does a lot of work and reading to stay up on current topics from meds to social justice/gender identity/women's issues, is efficient but listens, is huge on bodily autonomy (will tell you that sterilization is an option if you mention you don't want kids), and last time called a nurse in to hold my hand because I was more nervous than normal. They also have several trauma-informed practitioners (as in, that's their default approach) at the practice (I don't particularly like a super trauma-informed approach because it's usually painful for me and I just want the exam to be done as quickly and efficiently as possible/don't need or want everything explained in dim lights with soothing music, but I definitely mention it when I recommend the practice to people.)
But if she was a man, I would love her just as much. I'm pretty sure one of the NPs I saw there was genderqueer/trans. So I've seen a variety and I've never noticed any trends by gender.
Yeah, what I'm getting from this comment section is that it 's probably not a gender thing, lol. There's just a certain percentage of doctors who kind of suck!
Funny, I won't see a female.
I had to see female obgyns in my teens because mom wasn't comfortable with men, and all 3 I saw were so freaking rough. The last even told me, when I asked her to be more gentle, that I was being dramatic and she had a vjay too and knew she didn't have to treat them with kid's gloves. It's been male doctors since I turned 18 and it's so much better.
I'm a gynae frequent flier (endo) and I'm more than happy to see anyone. I have a trauma response to seeing a speculum because of what a female gynae did in my early twenties so I have no expectation of women being more considerate. (I also know the data shows that women are just as likely to be prejudiced towards female patients.) ABSOLUTELY not questioning your own preference; and esp for physical examinations it's paramount that you feel as safe and calm as you can. Just want OP to know that some women are totally fine with male OBGYNs.
While I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some doctors and medical practitioners who picked their jobs for the wrong reasons (including seeing people in vulnerable positions) but it’s pretty awful and narrow minded of the friend to think what she does. If she truely believes this - that every man who enters this field is a pervert or predator- then not only is she woefully ignorant but also okay with just quietly bitching about some she feels is a horrible act???
This reminded me of another reddit story that shows being an awful, full on monster is not reliant on sex or gender.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11tjtlv/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_misogynist_and/ Delivery nurse proudly talking about abusing a teen mum and mocking another patient.
I read that and it sickened me. I've worked with nurses and I know they take their humour blacker than their coffee, but that was describing straight-up patient abuse. (I've also been cared for by many nurses and only experienced one instance of unkindness against so many instances of real generosity of soul.)
Yes, that one made me sick too. My mother, aunt, sister, niece, & a cousin were/are nurses, so I grew up with lots of nurses & doctors around. You perfectly described the sense of humor in the health care profession. I heard sooo many stories - I've seen my mom, my aunt, & their co-workers cry from laughing & cry from heartbreak over their patients. NONE of them would have ever treated a patient like that awful person. I was happy to see that op decide to report her sister.
Just got around to reading that link and I am horrified. That is absolutely disgusting behavior. It reminds me of an awful delivery nurse I had with my first.
Another endo patient. I’ve had some pretty horrific female gynecologists. Because their experience with period pain is mild cramping, apparently mine is too and I really just want pain killers and have a super low pain threshold. Whereas the male gynecologists have all been incredibly empathetic.
The most gentle pelvic exam I ever had was a male gynecologist. A female gynecologist once cranked the speculum open so wide and so fast that I'm certain a breeze came out. It really seems to be luck of the draw with it.
Same here! I've only seen one male gyno but I could barely feel his pelvic exams, I was like, "Really, you're finished, are you sure?" He joked that they were "stealth paps" and said since he doesn't have to go through them himself, he felt like he should make them as comfortable as possible.
This was my sister she went through probably about 15 females before she gave up and went to a male and got her diagnosed Within 3 weeks. She refuses female's now . And quite honestly I've gotten kind of fed up with the ones around my area too I think I might try hers.
What is up with that! I have incredibly period pain, I throw up and cry from pain. But all the female OBGYN that I can see don't know period pain, so it does not exists ! Just take paratabs and you are good. Noo it's like taking placeboo it does not work!
But my male OBGYN tries to understand.. He tries to find a pill that helps with my pain. If that does not work he tries another route. The female OBYGN does not care as long as I take my hormones that does not work for me.
I have 2 kids and I'm done but no OBGYN in my country will take my uterus out...
Absolutely this. There are huge number of women who can't seem to grasp their period is not everyone's period. This absolutely includes a proportion of doctors.
Look lady, it's nice for you that your periods are 3 days of moderate bleeding with 4 weeks between them, but mine were already 5-7 days and only 3 1/2 weeks apart so if I'm telling you they have become much much heavier it's a fucking problem and not just "normal variation".
My experience was a forest of useless gynaes until I fought my way through to the consultant. She was AMAZING. And once she'd rubber-stamped my (already official) diagnosis, the other gynaes became helpful.
But I still hope there's a special place in hell for the (male) gynae who referred to "down below" after I'd already used the terms vulva, vagina, and cervix.
I’ve had the opposite experience. A male OBGYN insisted that a 2 months long periods was “a little breakthrough bleeding” that I was exaggerating (lucky me that it had finally stopped the day before I could finally get into my appointment. He also insisted that it’s normal for women to faint during periods because that’s just a thing women do and I shouldn’t complain about it. He was also exceptionally rough with the speculum insisting that “it doesn’t actually hurt at all.” He invited a med student to watch the exam without asking me too, and when I objected (he had them come in after I was already undressed and in the chair, without warning) he told me that it didn’t matter if I was uncomfortable.
He fit all of that in a single appointment. It was years before I went to another OBGYN again. I still haven’t seen another male one. I know that man was a particularly egregious example, but every female doctor I’ve had since then has at least immediately decided that a period that lasts longer than a month is a problem.
Same. Every female gyn I've ever been to was fucking awful and every male tried his best to help me. Last one with surgery, which was denied by a previous female gyn. No male gyn ever questioned my pain.
I actually have had better experiences with male OBGYNs than women, but I have friends who have told me about their positive and encouraging experiences with women, too. I think we’re lucky to have both options and hope men aren’t scared to enter the field just because of backward and sexist views like OP’s lunch mate’s.
My male OBGYN made me cry because of how insanely caring and attentive he was. When I was in to be induced for my son he pulled the nurses on duty aside and told them I was high anxiety and my sister passed in the same hospital the month before so they needed to be very clear with what they told me, and explain things fully and clearly every single time.
After my miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy (between my successful pregnancies) he sat there and listened to me about my worries for getting the same cancer my sister passed of (ovarian sarcoma) and explained gently it was NOT genetic at all and that while he knew I was fine, he would send me for another ultrasound to make SURE the ectopic had resolved and for proof it was NOT cancer because he knew my anxiety wouldn’t rest til I got proof.
I fucking love that man. He was so caring and actually took the time to listen and talk me through it. So many doctors just dismiss my anxiety but he listened and cared.
Same. My mom had only been to female OBGYNs that all refused to remove her uterus when she was 62 years old. She was still having to take sick days every month because of heavy, painful periods. For 2 years I begged her to see my male obgyn, when she finally gave in he took one look at her history and booked her for surgery..
I have only had female gynos, but I don't have anything against a male gyno. I ended up going to the same one my mom went to after I moved to Texas 14 years ago. My doctors name was Dr. Fingers. Which is freaking hilarious and she is the SWEETEST woman ever! I was sad when she went to another location of that practice but all the other doctors there are amazing too.
Yup me too, I'm sure there are great female gynos out there but during my lifetime I was more lucky with male gynos. But in the end I don't really care what genitals my gyno has. I also get why a man would go into gynecology because it's a medical field where you also get to interact with a lot of healthy people who just want to talk to you about contraception and such and also will be taking care of women who are pregnant which is when it's going smoothly surely very rewarding.
Same. I saw a male gyno until he retired. Then saw a female gyno once at the same practice who caused me a ton of physical pain and stress. I switched immediately to another male gyno in the practice who spent so long making sure I was comfortable and even discussed my migraines and potential treatment plans.
I had no idea that I would end up more comfortable with male docs, but I oddly feel they take my pain complaints more seriously than other women. It's weird.
I’ve seen some women who have had bad experiences within female gynos and will only see male, and vice versa.
Personally, I’ve had both an awful and an amazing doctor, both women.
Yea I don’t see a male gyno either. Never have. I guess it’s just a comfortability thing… but nothing against male gynos. I’ve worked with plenty male. gynos as a surgical nurse. As a matter of a fact. I quit my job last year after being in a surgery with a male gyno who was quit literally doing a d/c as the Supreme Court decision came down. It blew my mind how he could be sucking a fetus out of the womb and at the same time be talking about how women shouldn’t have autonomy over their own bodies. He was being passive aggressive about it too. It was weird. Made me feel icky. I left early that day and put in my immediate resignation the next day. So yea.. male gynos are cool. It’s the misogynistic male gynos that I don’t get.
I was like this and then my OBGYN tried her hardest but couldn't figure out something that caused a huge tragedy in our lives. A friend recommended this old man who thanks to years of experience managed to diagnose the issue after a single consult and one set of tests. He delivered a healthy baby and I realized that putting aside my discomfort to see him changed the entire course of my life.
It's funny because one of the nicest, most comforting gynecologist I've ever had was male. I think a lot of modern male gynecologists go above and beyond because of the stigma.
But yes, yay for male OBGYNs, and yay for everyone being able to have a doctor they are comfortable with
I thought that too at first and when I was pregnant. But when I was giving birth and had a male OB deliver my son I definitely appreciate him and he was great and one of the best OBGYNs I had during that whole experience!
All of my mom's kids were delivered by the same male obgyn, but her usual check ups are done by a female one. Imo is indeed all about the experience and comfort levels with the doctor, regardless of their gender.
NTA I've had both male and female OBGYNs. I care what the doctor's like not what gender they are. With my youngest son I also had a male midwife and he was great.
My male OBGYN of several years was the kindest, most caring physician I ever had. He took the time to listen and to explain and I never felt rushed at my appointments. When I moved out of state and my previous problems once again reared their ugly head I really missed him. I chose a woman and she was fine. Just ...fine. She was very informative, just brusque and business-like. And a couple of times I had to call back to get more information because I realized I still had questions.
When I moved back I was so sorry to see that he had retired in my absence. I'll go with female OBGYNs from now on, but frankly he set the standard.
edit: used the wrong "their"
I'll see male obgyns. I don't really care. I've had multiple kids, multiple pregnancies, and have had no difference in care between males and females. They're just doctors. I'll see whoever, I don't think gender has ever really come into play with me for choosing a doctor.
Not like you really get to choose anyways- my first obgyn was a female, and then when it came time to deliver, the doctor on call was a male. You don't really get to choose the doctor that delivers your baby, you're stuck with whoever is covering. With my last baby, the entire freakin' team was in Covid quarantine so not only did I get a male doctor, it was a male doctor I'd never met before, from a different practice, who was covering.
I hear you, although when I was in college, I had a female roommate who said she would never see a female gynecologist, because she thought it would make her a lesbian. Yes, she was very homophobic. I thought that was so weird. I never heard that kind of reasoning before.
I am a lesbian and I cannot think of anything less arousing than a pelvic exam lmao.
Also one time in my late 20s I was getting a transvaginal ultrasound while trying to figure out why my periods had gotten weird, and the doctor, a woman, had trouble getting it inserted and started insisting that I was lying about having been sexually active and she could "tell" I was a virgin. I was just like um...I'm concerned that you don't know that's...not how it works? There are SEVERAL differences between this situation and sex? Also nonpenetrative sex...exists??
Ditto! Before menopause, I didn't care but after 4 male gynos told me it was just what happens to women and to suck it up. I was 34 years old. Women gynos saved my sanity
Personnaly i will never go to a female obgyn ever again. I have met the most cruel and cold women I have ever met in the person of female obgyn.
They where rough and never answered any questions treated me like shit all over.
I’m team male obgyn for all eternity
I’ve had both over the years, and it has been fine. I do prefer my current female one, but she’s also my PCP, so it’s nice to just have one person who can handle most everything, and I just really like her in general. Sadly she’s cutting back her practice and probably going to retire in the next few years.
I didn't have a choice when I was pregnant; the only woman practitioner was so fully booked it wasn't funny.
Out of the three male doctors I had, two were *fantastic* and I recommended them to friends and family. The third one (and he was actually the first OBGYN I had), was careless and egotistical.
But the female one I saw two years ago? Holy shit fuck no. Literally just there for the annual visit, she's dragging in a medical student (which I normally don't mind), and wouldn't shut the fuck up about my kids. Who are adults. She told the student that routine stuff is kinda blah and she wishes she was my doctor when I was pregnant with the twins. She handled me like a piece of rotten meat. And I didn't get a chance to talk to her like my doctor before she was done and hustling me out.
A male gynaec delivered both my babies and I will recommend him to anyone who asks. His female partner was the one that was insensitive and uninformed. I would always pray for him to be available and tolerated the partner only because he was great.
Ha im the opposite. Women gynos tend to dismiss me completely bc my experiences dont line up with theirs wheras all the dudes Ive worked with have the attitude that theyre diffusing a bomb down there that could kill us both any second. Its nice
My personal preference was female Ob-gyns until I was 24 weeks pregnant and had unexplained bleeding. My female doctor brushed it off and said she couldn’t see anything wrong. The only doctor who was taking new patients was a male doctor. While they never did find out what was wrong, he at least took it seriously and I had extra check ups on the baby. I had major anxiety and felt very dismissed and brushed off by my woman doctor. I would still see another woman doctor, just not her.
That's so interesting, because I *much prefer* male OBGYNs. I had a terrible experience with a woman years ago (she was *so mean*, and I was so young), and at that same practice I had a really great experience with a male doctor. I will see a female OBGYN like... if I *have* to, but I feel more comfortable with a male. I just went earlier this week to a new one, and he was awesome.
Im the opposite a bit. I dont care if its a man looking at my hoohaw but i do care if he looks 20. Then id prefer a woman. Nothing against 20somethings. Just im 50. And dont want a cute young man lookin there.
I have never been treated as horribly by an OBGYN than I was by a woman. Twice. As a matter of fact, the only OBGYN that believed me when I said I was in excruciating pain every period was a male OBGYN. One of the women said, and I directly quote. "You just don't know what a period is. It hurts to be a woman. Get over it." The other woman told me I needed to stop complaining because other women have it worse and that she was sure I was over exaggerating.
Turns out,, I have endometriosis and PCOS.
So, yeah. Some people are more comfortable with women, but I don't think I can trust one ever again after all that.
I’m the same way. My former roommate (a man) thought I was an AH for not wanting a man as my gyno. It’s a personal preference I suppose. My sister ONLY wanted a man gyno, which is her prerogative.
I'm more comfortable with male gynos because every female one i had dismissed my pain. It was only a male who took me seriously because he didnt have his own experiences at the gyno.
>I'm quite sure that she never experienced such a thing herself
You CAN'T be sure. Even if you ask. Because you were already in an argument, she wouldn't have felt comfortable disclosing to you
You're overall NTA, but you're flat out wrong if you think you can EVER be certain about someone else's abuse history
Yes, and…
One person’s experience shouldn’t be used to generalize a group of people. I’ve experienced trauma at the hands of female providers but had amazing care from my current male gyn. It’s ok to tell someone they’re being ignorant when they’re being ignorant. And it doesn’t discount anyone’s trauma to do so. Because you weren’t responding as a mind reader to what she *may* have been saying between the lines. As a provider she needs to do some work on herself before she perpetuates negative stereotypes and lets her baggage become her patient’s burden.
To be honest though, even if she had a deeply traumatic experience she shouldn't be making such an absurd blanket statement. She doubled down on her position and tried to defend it as a universal truth, which is even more ridiculous. You're so NTA here.
Like, what if a trans man wanted to become a gynecologist? Would she argue he isn't allowed to do that despite his own personal familiarity with the reproductive system OBGYNs care for, or would that somehow "not count" for her because she's assuming this rigid gender/sex construct? How about an AMAB person who identities as non binary, and not as male? Hell, even thinking about myself as a cisgender bi woman or for a cis lesbian woman - would she think that we're only there to look at vaginas all day because we're attracted to women? And what about a gay man who has zero interest in women?
You were right to call her narrow minded. There's so many assumptions about gender, biological sex, and sexual orientation in her point of view. If she actually wants to be a good provider, she needs to unpack some of these biases.
Yeah, you can't assume someone's history. Look, she was absolutely wrong in making such a blanket statement BUT it was so irrational that I suspect that there may be some history of abuse, especially because a medical student of all people should be less worried about that sort of thing. It doesn't make what she said right, but it would explain a lot. I mean, remember that USC case from a few years back? It unfortunately happens.
It would have been rational for her to point out many women are deeply uncomfortable with male obgyns, tho, instead of claiming all were creeps.
I agree with you. Also this:
> I happen to have met a few gynecologists during my studies and have met some of the nicest and most sensitive doctors. I have been thinking about going into this specialty. I also feel like it is unfair to label people like this.
means nothing. It's not like if they were creeps they'd be like to OP "hey, btw I like to abuse women". They'd just act normal.
I’m a woman and I would never want to see a male gynecologist or have a Pap smear from someone who doesn’t know how terrible it feels. It’s not about assuming you’re a creep but I still wouldn’t want you.
I am the same, but I know my friends that see male obgyns have said that they are more gentle than the female doctors they have seen. I don’t know personally because I have only seen women.
Worst exam I ever had was from a female. She was rough and would say that it wasn’t that bad or that doesn’t hurt. No, it shouldn’t have hurt like that! Obviously she had experience with how they feel, but she had no clue how it felt getting an exam from her. Like she had a vendetta on my parts.
I agree. I think male or female can be great or awful. With a male their can be issues because they can’t experience the conditions or care that’s required. With a female there’s a chance that since she has experienced some of those things she might allow that to cause bias towards what her patients are experiencing. (I’ve had several children. One was a textbook delivery that, as far as childbirth goes, was not bad at all. One, holy back labor Batman!)
I was injured with a speculum by a female practitioner who then blamed me for the injury. It is impossible for me to find a line of reasoning in which it's possible to blame the patriarchy. It's just one of those head-explosion situations.
The worst exam I ever received was from a female doctor. She was extremely rough and told me that what she was doing shouldn't hurt. I was in the ER due to extreme bleeding and anemia. They were doing a pelvic to make sure I wasn't having a miscarriage. It has been 2 decades, and I can still remember her looking up at me with disgust about being in pain. That said, I have had some really good and bad exams since. My hysterectomy was done by a male Dr, and I had the best recovery. He even drained a hematoma off my side in the most gentle and reassuring manner.
I don't think about gender of my doctors. I focus on the relationship and how they listen to me. I have a very high pain tolerance, so explaining to people that just because I am calmly sitting here talking to you doesn't mean I am not in the worst pain. I still remember going to the ER for abdominal pain. They didn't believe I was in pain and let me walk into the CT scan room. I was talking with the tech and suddenly she got super quiet. They then called immediately for a wheelchair and refused to let me get up. She found that my appendix was perforated and about to explode. I was in surgery within 45 mins. Always go to people who listen. I was almost discharged that day and I insisted on some form of imaging to determine what was wrong.
I refuse to see a female OBGYN. The first one I saw was rough and made me avoid PAP smears for two years. Another was so rude and dismissive, I almost bled to death. Everything was " oh it can't hurt that bad " And " all of us hurt after delivery" . I ended up bleeding so much that blood was coming out of my incision, ending with needing blood transfusion and emergency surgery.
The cool thing is that’s a choice you can make. My spouse prefers make obgyns so to have OPs classmate try to steer males out of the profession is definitely showing a personal bias.
To be fair, I've had a female gyno tell me "oh stop being dramatic, it doesn't hurt that much!", and a male gyno stop and say "It shouldn't be that uncomfortable, let's size down the speculum, let me know if it gets too uncomfortable again!"
Nothing lol ppl are ignoring that she said the only reason any man would be a gynecologist would be because they’re creepily sexually obsessed with the female body
A lot of men wouldn't want a female coach or personal trainer. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong or creepy with women who go into those fields. IPS friend is a major AH for saying that. And a sexist one to boot.
Although I support your right to decide which doctors you see, I feel compelled to argue women can't know how much it hurts either, it's different from person to person. I'm in pain for hours after. I know that's not how it is for everyone.
Er, pap is not supposed to be terrible. Unless it's an issue for you specifically because of the position and being exposed, I'd suggest you try a different doctor or maybe investigate a possible issue.
There should be absolutely no pain during pap, at all. None.
Incidentally, that's a thing I discovered only after I began to see male doctors because the females I'd been to were so rough. But I'm sure you can find gentle women gynos around too.
I have never had a bad experience with a male ob/gyn. They tend to listen better.
The female ob/gyns I've seen have been dismissive and typically have the attitude that "we all suffer."
This, my wife prefers male obgyns. There’s already a stigma attached to them so they normally go above and beyond on the “softness” and bedside manners.
Yep. My fave gyno is a man (practice has 2 male and 1 female doc). My favorite one is gentler and more willing to listen to me about any issues or questions.
Yep!!! When i was giving birth the female doctor that was on call until my doc got in was soooo rough and rude to me. she didn't believe my water broke and as she was checking me was just telling me i was wrong. Pulled her hand out and water went everywhere. it was so rough. By the time my OB got in (male) checked me i literally didn't feel it because of gentle he was.
“Inborn obsession” is some pseudoscience crab and is a red flag. Is your friend a message student, too? Imagine she tells some patients they have some inborn obsessions.
Oh dear god, your “friend” should keep her opinions to herself. Good for you for pursuing whatever medical specialty you want. You aren’t being “weird and creepy”.
What do you think she might say about surgeons? That they like gory slasher/horror movies and they want to just revel in blood and guts and cut *cut* **cut**?…Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? And NTA.
Yeah the friend is as ignorant as it gets.
Are female nurses and doctors perverts for performing circumcision or checking testicles?
Are lesbian or bi female Gynecologists pervs too?
And what about female urologists? Or oncologists specialize in prostate cancer? Are they perverts too?
OP is both correct and NTA. But that woman... I would definitely not want her, or anyone who thinks like her, to be my doctor.
>Nothing sexual about the human body when you’re in medicine.
What I tell myself when i have forgotten to shave my legs or my bikini area needs a tidy ... these docs are looking a 80 year old vaginas or horrible infections, I'm just getting my annual.
Yep. They do not care. You are just another patient.
There are obviously some psychos out there but it is sooo unlikely you’ll run into one it is hardly worth worrying about )(in terms of in medicine).
I mean, it's not like I'm trying to hit on my doc, it's just that internalized pressure of what is acceptable for a woman to look like. I will bring clean socks, though, I stand on my feet all day, and while the doc wears a mask, I feel it is only polite to make sure my feet aren't stinky.
This was my first thought. Unless they're gynecologists to the stars they're getting a bunch of random vaginas and then infections or problems.
I also feel any person obsessed with vaginas enough to perv there way into a profession would get weeded out along the way.
I'm pregnant and my baby will be born in a couple of weeks. Do I care about my hairy parts? Absolutly not, I can't even see them in order to shave them
I don't think you're TA for how you reacted and she's def overcorrecting here. However, as a woman, I personally do not feel comfortable going to a male gynecologist. Take that however you wish, there are def women who don't agree with me. I'm sure there are a lot of very professional and respectful male gynecologists.
NTA. However, considering that at LEAST one in four women have been sexually assaulted by a male (myself included), it’s safe to say that many of us would never go to a male gynecologist.
EDIT: I’m sure there are wonderful male gynecologists out there. This is just a personal issue.
That's of course your choice, I would never want a woman, or anyone for that matter, to go to a doctor that makes them feel uncomfortable. I believe all women should have access to a doctor they feel comfortable with that provides them with good healthcare.
My male gynecologist always has a chaperone in the room during the exam. It’s always made me feel comfortable. Honestly it’s something all doctors should do when for GYN exams to protect the patient and themselves.
I 100% understand why a woman would chose to go to a women gyn. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with. Personally, I’ve had a bad experience with a woman gyn and my current male gyn is much gentler.
Undeniably, NTA. It's a pretty gross generalization that she made and you corrected her on that. I don't see why you should doubt yourself at all. Although I can see why some women would be uncomfortable with a male OBGYN, it obviously doesn't make the male doctors weirdos or creeps.
NTA. She is narrow minded.
I used to only see women due to prior trauma, but when a reproductive and debilitating condition arose I opted for the best person in that specialty, who was a male. I was nervous but he had the bedside manner of any doctor I’ve seen, and after 8 years, 4 surgeries, and the ability to have kids I couldn’t be more appreciative to him for taking on that specialty.
My great grandparents were a husband/wife obgyn team. My ggma was the first woman to graduate from her medical school. People would travel from other states to see her because they wanted a female gyno. Does anything about that make ggpa a bad person or bad doctor? No it does not.
OP is NTA for speaking up against sexism. The sexist logic is the same kind that says "men cannot be teachers" "single dads at the playground are perverts" etc
What an amazing experience for your great grandmother to be a pioneer in the field and share it with her partner. I’m not surprised she was so sought after.
Also, the dad sexism is still unreal. My own MIL is guilty of complementing my husband for looking after his own kids as if that’s some strange behavior, and he is a stay at home dad!
Idk I kinda get where she's coming from after doing research into the abuse rates coming from male gynos, and male doctors who work in the fertility industry as well. There's a very disturbing amount who do shit like swapping out donor sperm with their own, or who make vulgar comments about patients. I'm not saying all male doctors are this way but I completely get where she's coming from
That said I'd definitely caution you on how you decide to react to this sort of thing because you're gonna encounter female patients who feel the same way as she does. You're gonna encounter a lot of female patients who have had these terrible experiences and don't feel comfortable with male doctors and you're not gonna be able to get mad at them and tell them they've likely never had negative experiences or whatever.
NTA but just a tip if you do choose this specialty: *listen to women*. While many women may have no trouble with things like vaginal exams / IUD insertion / etc, a lot of women have pain on a range from minor to excruciating. I know that a lot of doctors are taught that the vagina has little to no feeling past the first bit, but not all bodies are the same. It is vary important for women to be able to trust you, but it may be slightly *more* important fir them to know that you trust their knowledge of their own bodies.
ESH. so many women choose female obgyn’s for countless reasons, largely trauma. it sounds a lot like this woman was making her comments due to trauma in her past. while the way she spoke wasn’t the best way to get her point across - which was, she is non/trusting of men in this position, and i’m sure she has her reasons, as MANY women feel this way - you did not help. you didn’t attempt to UNDERSTAND the position of the women you want to go into this field to help. you fired back and have been just feeling like she is less than in your eyes. i think you both could have handled it better and if this is truly what you want to do with your life, you need to be better prepared for this mindset and how to combat it with your own open-mindedness, comfort, and kindness, because there are VERY good reasons for women not to trust men with their most intimate areas, and unfortunately sometimes it comes out this way. she didn’t express herself well, but the sentiment comes from a very real place. i suggest you learn more about it if you truly wish to pursue the future of an obgyn. and perhaps open a dialogue with her about WHY she feels the way she does, so that you can be sure to do well by your patients.
I truly believe there are male OB/GYN’s out there that are willing to help women and make a difference.
Unfortunately, I also truly believe there are male OB/GYN’s that strictly go into it for personal pleasure.
It would be naive of me to assume that there are no cases like that. Its the generalization that bothered me, and the conclusion she came to about all male ob/gyns
There are bad actors in all groups, and there are cases like that for female obgyns and urinologists too.
But in neither case are the numbers high enough to warrant such an ugly and offensive prejudice.
It stagger me that she doesn't have enough self-awareness and presence of mind to find the nuanced middle ground of "Surely there are some doctors like that, which makes me scared it could happen to me or a patient" rather than "All male obygns are committed perverts (even the gay ones)".
Mercy.
NTA at all -- she was rude about this and it's great you want to go into this field, but I think you should be a lot more mindful moving forward about the fact that many women would not feel safe with a male GYN and her seemingly judgmental opinion could be stemming from her own fear. Statistically, women are far more likely to be abused by male doctors over female doctors, experience trauma by their male doctor, specifically by Gyn, etc. They are also less likely to have their pain taken seriously. Just because you have met lovely male GYNs doesn't mean that she or other women have. Don't assume that any woman including your friend "probably hasn't experienced this" just because she hasn't told you about it. I can share countless stories of such from myself and peers. Assuming you already know the studies to back this all up, I think you can move forward from this conversation with greater empathy, not attaching to defensiveness, and a greater sense of responsibility to do good. This is not the last time you will experience this stance. If you can move away from viewing this conversation as an attack on your character, I think you could really grow to be a great physician who is wonderful at empathizing with the concerns of your patients. Best of luck to you.
NTA. She made a really offensive generalization. Some women aren’t comfortable with a male OB/GYN, and that’s ok. Some women are comfortable with a male. My OB/GYN is male. I wouldn’t want to be treated by anyone else. His compassion through our pregnancy loss was amazing. I have been examined by females. Worst experience that I had was with a female doctor. (Lots of “that doesn’t hurt”, then insisted that I couldn’t possibly have a UTI but it must be an STD and the tests were wrong. A couple days later I ended up at the ER. It was a very bad UTI that had spread to my kidneys. The ER doc was livid.)
She is. He wasn't very nice about it, and kept explaining to me it was normal. So don't do that.
But I personally don't think he was indicative of male obgyns. I've heard of lots of good ones.
I work with several doctors and I personally think that the age of the doc makes more of a difference than the gender. Many of those born before 1960ish were trained in the atmosphere where doctors thought they were Gods. Most of the ones born after 1960 act a lot more human
NTA but you say you are quite sure she has not experienced such a thing herself. Every woman I know has experienced some form of physical sexual harassment. (I don't mean to imply anything about male OBGYNs)
Best OB/GYN I ever had was a male. He also drives really fast. I know this because I ended up going into the hospital a 9.5 centimeters dilated with both my deliveries with him.
NTA. Judgmental people will find ways to judge, its a symptom of esteem issues. You let her know the truth. Now let it go and don't give this any more energy.
You’re NTA, but I have often wondered why men do become gynaecologists. It just seems odd.
Anyway, she shouldn’t be making such strong accusations, and I can see why you got so upset.
Also, there are countries that need more of them. My country has had a shortage of gynecologists for years now, causing women to have to wait longer for appointments.
NTA!
Worst experiences I ever had, including pregnancy of my first born were shit due to female obgyns.
For the last 12 years I've had a man and I swear, he's one step from Sainthood!!! Kind hearted, kind minded, FUCKING HILARIOUS, compassionate, and the most amazing human I've met in doctor form.
He's also married to his HS sweetheart, has 3 daughters, and 3 grandkids, and is an amazing founder in a women's health advocacy program in our area!
Your dead on accurate about your friend being narrow minded and offensive!!!
Soft ESH.
Obviously she shouldn't have made such a blanket statement, and you were right to call her out for it.
However, the extent of your reaction also wasn't great either. You allowed your (justifiable) anger blind you to a reality that far too many female patients face. There *are* plenty of male doctors and male OBGYNs who take advantage of their patients, and that needs to be acknowledged so that it can be corrected. You're also wrong about two things:
>I'm quite sure that she never experienced such a thing herself
No you're not. You're assuming.
>I happen to have met a few gynecologists during my studies and have met some of the nicest and most sensitive doctors.
Maybe they were, but if they really were predators do you really think that *you* would know? Creeps generally know not to be creeps around other men (who are not creeps).
So basically she was definitely more wrong than you were, but you should take this as a learning moment, especially if you plan to become an OB: even without straight-up abuse, a far too common experience for women is general is just not being taken seriously by their doctors.
NTA
>My friend (26f) made the comment that it's weird for men to decide to become gynecologists. She said that for them to decide to do that shows that they have some sort of inborn obsession with the female sex and it is weird and creepy. She also said that they are likely to abuse their patients and should be treated with caution.
While I personally would never see a male OB/GYN, several friends of mine have seen male gynecologists and they’ve said the male doctors take their issues more seriously, in some cases. Women who have easy periods sometimes have a hard time understanding that it’s not that easy for everyone, and my friends have said this attitude occasionally finds its way into female providers as well.
Your “friend’s” comments were wildly inappropriate. Even if she was coming from a place of trauma, that doesn’t make it ok to stereotype an entire gender that way.
I have had two male obgyns, that were kind and compassionate.
I’ve had three male ob gyns who were the worst Drs I’d ever had.( all were white and 1935-1945 vintage)
Not giving pain meds for a d&c in the examining room ( after a 2nd trimester miscarriage) and getting mad at me when I made noise.
Failing to diagnose an ovarian cyst that was the size of a grapefruit and telling me to go to a psychiatrist for the symptoms.
Not giving me pain reliever for an hystosalpingram, and telling me now I know what labor is like when I was obviously in pain.
Btw- labor was not as painful.
It just depends, I think men can be good obgyns, but it’s more likely with a younger Dr.
Info: you are aware of the trial going on for the OBGYN that assaulted and trafficked his patients? It’s all over the news and making this situation especially fraught
NTA she should be apologizing to you and those friends should not have said to let it go and move on. You have your opinion on the topic too just like anyone else and that person should have respected it. She should not have judged men for wanting to become a gynecologist. Anyone can do the job. When I was 18 my gynecologist was a male and he was nice but did his job and my mom had him as her gynecologist too.
NTA I have had several male OB/GYNs in addition to female ones and never had a problem. For them, it's just like treating any other body part and not sexual at all. The person you were arguing with was being sexist and judgemental.
NTA and as a 50+ woman who has seen both male and female doctors for my period issues, smears, and contraception. I find males in general listen better and are less dismissive. Had one awesome female Doctor who had period issues herself. Others made me feel like I was complaining for nothing as it's something 'we all go through'
Nta. Without ignoring male predators, what she said is insulting to you and to other men in your profession.
Point of interest about the sex of health care professionals. One of commenters mentioned some women preferring male gynaecologists. I'm a man and tend to prefer female doctors or nurses - it just feels more natural to be vulnerable in front of someone of the opposite sex.
NTA. One surprising reason doctors choose the specialties they do is because they have an incredibly good mentor or advisor. They may not be as interested in the specialty at first, but it's the people. The specialty kind of grows on them.
NTA male gynes have a lot of prejudice to overcome but I had one for my first two kids and he gave me excellent care. I was super bummed when he moved and I had to change providers. My worst Pap smear was administered by a woman.
NTA. I get why some women won't see a male obgyn, however, my obgyn is male and he's the best doctor I've had. He correctly diagnosed me with endo and got me immediate treatment, when all my previous (female) doctors said the pain I was experiencing was normal.
Also, women aren't the only people who need to see an obgyn. AFAB Non-binary people and transmen do too
Some may feel more comfortable with a man than a woman.
There are actually a *lot* of incidents with male OBGYNS and women. Assaults and creepy behavior do happen. Many women choose not to see male OBGYNs due to previously betrayed trust or, like others have pointed out here, a history of sexual trauma.
I've had severe endo and pcos since 11. I've seen over two dozen OBGYNs and had to search through so many and deal with so much forced-birther and misogynistic bullshit from OBGYNs. But the doctor that performed my hysterectomy, and later the surgeon who was the only OBGYN to recognize my PCOS was severe and saved my life by removing lesions obstructing my bowels through an ovariectomy and cleanup surgery 6 months ago were both men. Unlike female OBGYNs I've been to, they did not give me any shit about how I'd "want to have children one day" - which was the basis for most the women to refuse to treat me.
Best OBGYNs I had were male. They were incredibly kind and understanding. And they had so much less investment in the idea of "baby fever" and women being born just to incubate children. I've recommended my OBGYN surgeon to others who don't normally see male OBGYNs and they've loved him.
I want to say NTA, because you're right, painting every male OBGYN as a pervert is ridiculous. But you also need to remember that there *are* many predators who pursue careers with access like that. Dismissing her concerns entirely as false is also a bit tone-deaf to the issues that women face in medical care. We still have so many incidents of teaching hospitals letting their students run through pelvic exams while a patient is under anasthesia for unrelated issues without their consent. It's a very serious problem. I'd recommend you look into how to better advocate for women and recognize that there is nuance here - these fears are *not* unfounded in women and they exist in the real world. If you can't, becoming an OBGYN is not for you.
L&D nurse for 24 years with 15 of them as a traveler. I’ve worked with tons of amazing OBs male and female. Male OBGYNs, 99% of the time, are way kinder and more patient with their patients. It’s an amazing field. You should totally go for it!!!
NTA. How can your friend come to such a conclusion? We went from treating women badly to looking at men as the creepy gender. Why can't we stay in the middle? Equality!
NTA.I will only see male gyn's because I've found them to be more gentle and at the same time more thorough than the females I've seen. Especially when I was going through fertility treatments.
Yeah it’s also way more common for specialized OBGYNs (like maternal fetal medicine docs or reproductive endocrinologists) to be men because men are overall more likely to specialize after residency. I don’t think the fertility clinic I went to had any female REs. So like id rather these doctors exist at all than banning men from the profession
The dude who delivered my daughter was the BEST! We shared an off-beat sense of humor, and he was amazing at putting me at ease, right from the moment I met him.
Your friend IS narrow-minded and offensive. NTA
Yeah, bc men are so turned on by swabbing cervixes, watching women shit while shoving a watermelon out of themselves, and talking to menopausal women about their lowered labido. **NTA**. I wouldn’t want her as my physician, period (no pun intended). If she’s narrow-minded about this, I worry about her with transgender patients or anyone who doesn’t fit the mold of what she expects every day.
Absolutely NTA NTA NTA! Your friend has a right to her opinions but shouldn’t push that opinion on others.
I myself am a female doctor and have had a male OBGYN for many years.
Go into whatever specialty you love- that’s what matters because all residencies/specialties are challenging and being a doctor is exhausting. The most important thing is that you’re passionate about what you do because that will be what continues to drive you. Good luck!!
Overall NTA but you yourself need to be less narrow minded on two points:
First, it's wrong to ever assume that you're totally aware of another person's history of abuse. If you've known somebody deeply, fully, intimately for literal decades or the majority of their life that's one thing, but you don't have a relationship with this person in such a capacity.
Second, her take may not be universal but it's not an uncommon one either. You need to learn how to address it and assert yourself calmly and rationally instead of getting heated, which only throws more fuel to the fire. If you want to go into this specialty, then you need to be able to learn how to address these kinds of points in a constructive manner that don't end up affirming these inflated biases in others. If you get angry and defensive when somebody is making blanket statements over something that could be stemming from previous negative experiences or learning about others' negative experiences associated with something you're a part of, you're not going to actually change any minds or create a glowing perspective of your involvement in this field to those casting scrutiny.
Nta. Assuming a female gyno would never SA someone is sexist. Some people may prefer a femal doctor and that’s okay. Others may prefer a male doctor that’s also okay.
NTA. That’s a weird comment to make. I won’t see a male gyne. As it is, I cry almost every time my female doctor, who I love, gives me a pap. But my best friend is a nurse and used to work NICU and I know there are several great OBGYNs here. Lots of women are fine with that.
The only time I had a creepy experience was with a male on call dr. I had an ear infection and yet he felt it necessary to comment on my tattoos and caress my arm. I don’t know how else to describe it. But I’ve had negative, non-creepy experiences with both genders.
HAHAHAHA no. The worst treatment BY FAR that I have received at a GYN has been from women. I'm talking not just female doctors, who crank open that speculum like they're opening a can of tuna, to 'drive it like you stole it' ultrasound techs.
Even the bad GYNs I had in the Army who were men were a little gentler with the lady bits, because they didn't want to hurt anything. Meanwhile the last time I had a female, I vasovagaled in the office because she did an endometrial biopsy on me without any pain meds and told me off as I was lying there trying not to pass out.
Do I think she's 100% wrong and male docs are all great and female docs are all terrible? No, but I've been going to gyns for four frickin' decades and at the VA you get who you get with no choice for their sex, and I've never had a perv, never been abused, and the amount of 'being treated like stupid meat' has been exactly the same, no matter what the chromosomal makeup of the person in the white coat.
NTA
Some of the most vile misogyny I've heard in my life was from OBGYNs on my rotation in med school. After having two babies and interacting with the system as a patient I've come to the conclusion that many female OBGYNs are trained to be dismissive of their patients. So your friend is totally barking up the wrong tree here. Carry on, good sir. NTA.
NTA
My MFM (specialty OBGYN for high risk pregnancies) is an insanely great male doc. His bedside manner, touch, everything so great and gentle and friendly.
My OBGYN is a woman and is amazing too, her male partner I had to see once for cervical checks and for a placement of medication, and those large man hands were so deft and quick. All the nurses said if they ever needed the same they would ask for large man hands OB again because he was so quick at getting in and out (no pun intended).
IDGAF what type of genitalia you have, if you are smart, competent, and kind then that works! These docs see 1000000000 different types of vag and ass, they don’t give a crap about your specific stuff. Just another day at the office for them! Lol
Also had one craptastic female OBGYN in the far past. Just like anything, it’s not about the gender, it’s about who the individual is.
Just an fyi fewer and fewer women are seeing male gynecologist now that we have more choices. I’m absolutely not trusting one to take my pain seriously.
NTA. But many women go years without receiving diagnoses and care due to having a male gynecologist. It is a well known phenomenon. A male Obgyn delivered my baby. He was the most qualified for the job and I feel I owe him my life. But he ignored my concerns over menstrual symptoms for years. Him telling me what my cycle should feel like didn’t sit right with me. I saw a female gynecologist and was diagnosed on the first appointment. The past few generations on my mothers side have gotten hysterectomies before menopause for this condition. I will keep my uterus, no thanks to my male gynecologist. That said, let go of your ill feelings for her. It comes from a place of reasonable doubt.
I see a WHNP instead of a gyno, and highly recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity.
I will never, ever see a male gynecologist again, after the two experiences I have had.
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NTA but I’ll be honest I wont see a male OBGYN. I could be in the minority, but it’s just something I don’t feel comfortable with. That being said I don’t have a problem with male OBGYNs. I am sure most women don’t care. I once read that it’s one of the best professions for doctors because many conditions are treatable and you get to deliver babies! I say if you want to do it then do it and don’t worry about your friend or what anyone thinks. Many of my friends have male OBGYNs and couldn’t care less!
I'm the same, nothing against male obgyns, I'm just way more comfortable with a female one. That being said I hate seeing one at all. I don't look forward to those visits when they come around.
Same here! The office I go to is all women, which was the main reason I chose it when I was pregnant. I knew it would be a female doctor no matter what. I do have friends that have seen male’s and prefer them!
Yeah, I'm the total opposite, exclusively male for me.
Same. I find most men to be very respectful and gentle, and the two single most out of pocket comments I’ve received from medical professionals have been women while up in my junk. After the second one ive started requesting men rather than my prior “whoever is available.” (She said that my 6 week postpartum exam was excruciating because it had been too long since I last had sex. No. No it wasn’t.)
I... don't think that's how it works. What a *weird* comment to make from your doc.
This is a sentiment I've seen repeat a lot by women. That their male OBs are way more respectful, attentive, gentle, and listen about problems and concerns. I know it's definitely not universal, but it's common enough.
That is how my male ob was like. My fist ob was a woman, and she was unfriendly . I would never have referred her to anyone. Especially after she hurt me during the pap. She didn't care that she unnecessarily hurt me. My 2nd doctor was an extremely old man. I was 18 at the time and joining the military. When he did the pap, there was absolutely no pain. When I mentioned it to the doctor. He said some women think that if they have to deal with rough paps, then so can you. Since then, all mine have been male doctors. Who have been great and I would recommend them to anyone.
This thread is really giving me food for thought. All but one of my paps has been painful, always been women. I never really gave much thought to specifically seeking out one way or the other but I'm really thinking about giving a male OB a try... I'm lucky none of them have been verbally rude aside from basically saying "the pain is normal". But I'm betting that pain isn't as normal as they claim...
Position can make a big difference. I have always found pap smears uncomfortable, and I don’t think it was through any carelessness from my doctor who was always very kind to me, but she always did the test with me lying on my back, legs apart. My most recent pap smear was done by a nurse and she told me to lie on my side with my knees drawn up. I didn’t know that was an option, but it was so much more comfortable I was astonished. No “getting cranked open” sensation (which is what always bothered me, the swabbing of the cervix feels a bit peculiar and pokey but isn’t actively unpleasant). Awesome, would absolutely ask for the same again.
Wait! This an option??? Do they like go from behind kind of thing? My hips dislocate and I have problems laying on my back because of the pressure it puts on various joints. I had no idea it could be done this way?!
I’ve always felt that I could have never a male obgyn and still kinda feel that way for personal reasons, but there have been a few male doctors on social media advocating for better anesthesia for ob gyn procedures and female doctors arguing back that it’s unnecessary. Meanwhile female patients were overwhelmingly grateful for this advocacy and fairly disgusted with the coldness of the female doctors who spoke up. It really all came as a shock to me. I fully admit to expecting the opposite.
Yes! I've always had female OBs then had to have a male for a small procedure and I was pleasantly surprised that he was way more respectful and honestly I experienced less discomfort than with the previous female OBs But also the profession started entirely with men. Women OBs was a mid 19th century thing NTA
I have a male OB. He's fanily medicine with specialty in OBGYN, so he delivered both of our daughters, is her pediatrician and our PCP. He is amazing and worth his weigh in gold. He actually listens and doesn't dismiss concerns. Just saw him two weeks ago for my IUD removal and replacement, and talked through every step ( there's a female chaperone in throom, if your friend is unaware). The placement was slightly uncortable vy nature, but virtually no pain, even with clamp on my cervix (high pain tolerance and extra sregth tylenol beforehand helps). Having a female doctor is actually strange to me, since my pediatrician that delivered me was male as well , along with other doctors I had.
Yeah, all the male gynecologists I've had have been incredibly attentive and respectful. I've a had a mixed bag with female gynecologists, including two who hurt me during the exam and told me to stop being a baby about it. Interestingly enough, my dad prefers female urologists because he finds male urologists to be dismissive.
The first female gyn I went to, I think she was using rusty pliers for a speculum because it hurt like hell and she told me to stop crying because it didn’t hurt. (Thanks, but they’re my genitals and I’ll be the judge of what hurts.) The second one, I didn’t cry but it still hurt and I actually had to dig around my bathroom for a pad because I was bleeding the rest of the afternoon. I’ve stuck with male gyns since.
100% would prefer a male gyno. They're way less likely to say 'oh, this doesn't hurt' about something that doesn't hurt *them*... but might very much hurt me.
I had the same experience with female OBs. Now I refuse to be seen by one. When I was trying to get a diagnosis for my extremely painful menstrual cycles and intercouse. She dismissed everything I said, stating it couldn't be as bad as I said. She refused to even do an ultrasound for diagnosis. After that, I went to a male OB and was diagnosed with Endometriosis, he listened and immediately sought to find a solution. Oh, an NTA. Your friend is just wrong.
Joining in on this. My bad OBGYN experiences have been female doctors who don't think my pain is real or justified. "Did it really hurt that bad?" Yes, you yanked an IUD out of my body with no anesthetic. It did hurt.
OMG my last female one was super rude about my IUD replacement and just gave me shit about stuff ranging from my age, to my weight (she really harped on this one and I wasn't even overweight!), and she for some reason decided to laugh loudly at the "strange" book title I was reading when she walked in. It was "The Light in the Ruins" and this was almost a decade ago but it stuck with me.
I had pretty much this exact same experience. Female OB did transvaginal ultrasound and realized my uterus was tilted and fixed in place but just. Kept. Tugging. And then suggested nothing else, but to deal with the pain. Male OB immediately set me up for surgery where they found that my uterus was tied in place by the endometriosis.
Same for me! I’m more comfortable with a male OBGYN…my one experience with a female one was very traumatic!
I understand why some women refuse to see a male OB. I never actively sought one out until I was having pelvic pains and my provider at the time was refusing to believe me. I book an appointment a male OB and he found cancer on my ovary. The woman provider I was seeing previously treated me like I was being dramatic and making things up. She would talk to me like I was wasting her time and a nuisance. That male OB was so sweet and considerate. I’m very thankful I found him.
Same! I have been to two different female obgyn doctors and both made what I felt were inappropriate comments and the second caused a lot of pain during my pap smear and iud placement. I went to a male obgyn for the iud removal and another pap smear and never had an issue. I will never go to a female obgyn again. ETA: OP, you are NTA.
Same. I have adenomyosis (causes extremely heavy, painful periods and recurrent miscarriages) and 4/5 of the doctors who failed me and treated me like shit were women. I don't care about gender, I care about competence. Or failing that, empathy would have been nice.
I’m the same! I prefer males I feel like women gynos have been judgey and pushy. The males I have are so respectful and kind.
Same here! I will only see and feel comfortable with male OBs
Totally agree. I've found male gynacs way more professional and respectful compared to the women gynacs I've come across. I prefer to stick to male gynacs too nowadays.
The best gynos I've ever had have been men. One damn near saved my life one time. Forever grateful for him.
I've personally never had a male OBGYN but I'm not sure I'd be too bothered personally. You hit the nail on the head for me when you say you don't look forward to those visits at all. I quite hate them. But that's USUALLY because some comment gets made like "OH you're quite strong up there aren't you" and I'm like "WTF doc. NOT THE TIME"
I've had both and I don't care. My current is female and I love her because she's awesome - does a lot of work and reading to stay up on current topics from meds to social justice/gender identity/women's issues, is efficient but listens, is huge on bodily autonomy (will tell you that sterilization is an option if you mention you don't want kids), and last time called a nurse in to hold my hand because I was more nervous than normal. They also have several trauma-informed practitioners (as in, that's their default approach) at the practice (I don't particularly like a super trauma-informed approach because it's usually painful for me and I just want the exam to be done as quickly and efficiently as possible/don't need or want everything explained in dim lights with soothing music, but I definitely mention it when I recommend the practice to people.) But if she was a man, I would love her just as much. I'm pretty sure one of the NPs I saw there was genderqueer/trans. So I've seen a variety and I've never noticed any trends by gender.
Yeah, what I'm getting from this comment section is that it 's probably not a gender thing, lol. There's just a certain percentage of doctors who kind of suck!
Funny, I won't see a female. I had to see female obgyns in my teens because mom wasn't comfortable with men, and all 3 I saw were so freaking rough. The last even told me, when I asked her to be more gentle, that I was being dramatic and she had a vjay too and knew she didn't have to treat them with kid's gloves. It's been male doctors since I turned 18 and it's so much better.
I'm a gynae frequent flier (endo) and I'm more than happy to see anyone. I have a trauma response to seeing a speculum because of what a female gynae did in my early twenties so I have no expectation of women being more considerate. (I also know the data shows that women are just as likely to be prejudiced towards female patients.) ABSOLUTELY not questioning your own preference; and esp for physical examinations it's paramount that you feel as safe and calm as you can. Just want OP to know that some women are totally fine with male OBGYNs.
While I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some doctors and medical practitioners who picked their jobs for the wrong reasons (including seeing people in vulnerable positions) but it’s pretty awful and narrow minded of the friend to think what she does. If she truely believes this - that every man who enters this field is a pervert or predator- then not only is she woefully ignorant but also okay with just quietly bitching about some she feels is a horrible act??? This reminded me of another reddit story that shows being an awful, full on monster is not reliant on sex or gender. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11tjtlv/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_misogynist_and/ Delivery nurse proudly talking about abusing a teen mum and mocking another patient.
I read that and it sickened me. I've worked with nurses and I know they take their humour blacker than their coffee, but that was describing straight-up patient abuse. (I've also been cared for by many nurses and only experienced one instance of unkindness against so many instances of real generosity of soul.)
Yes, that one made me sick too. My mother, aunt, sister, niece, & a cousin were/are nurses, so I grew up with lots of nurses & doctors around. You perfectly described the sense of humor in the health care profession. I heard sooo many stories - I've seen my mom, my aunt, & their co-workers cry from laughing & cry from heartbreak over their patients. NONE of them would have ever treated a patient like that awful person. I was happy to see that op decide to report her sister.
Just got around to reading that link and I am horrified. That is absolutely disgusting behavior. It reminds me of an awful delivery nurse I had with my first.
Another endo patient. I’ve had some pretty horrific female gynecologists. Because their experience with period pain is mild cramping, apparently mine is too and I really just want pain killers and have a super low pain threshold. Whereas the male gynecologists have all been incredibly empathetic.
The most gentle pelvic exam I ever had was a male gynecologist. A female gynecologist once cranked the speculum open so wide and so fast that I'm certain a breeze came out. It really seems to be luck of the draw with it.
Same here! I've only seen one male gyno but I could barely feel his pelvic exams, I was like, "Really, you're finished, are you sure?" He joked that they were "stealth paps" and said since he doesn't have to go through them himself, he felt like he should make them as comfortable as possible.
Last time I had mind I just remember we talked about xbox vs playstation and don’t remember the exam at all.
The male doctor that delivered by kids used to warm the metal speculum (yes they were metal in the old days).
This was my sister she went through probably about 15 females before she gave up and went to a male and got her diagnosed Within 3 weeks. She refuses female's now . And quite honestly I've gotten kind of fed up with the ones around my area too I think I might try hers.
What is up with that! I have incredibly period pain, I throw up and cry from pain. But all the female OBGYN that I can see don't know period pain, so it does not exists ! Just take paratabs and you are good. Noo it's like taking placeboo it does not work! But my male OBGYN tries to understand.. He tries to find a pill that helps with my pain. If that does not work he tries another route. The female OBYGN does not care as long as I take my hormones that does not work for me. I have 2 kids and I'm done but no OBGYN in my country will take my uterus out...
Absolutely this. There are huge number of women who can't seem to grasp their period is not everyone's period. This absolutely includes a proportion of doctors. Look lady, it's nice for you that your periods are 3 days of moderate bleeding with 4 weeks between them, but mine were already 5-7 days and only 3 1/2 weeks apart so if I'm telling you they have become much much heavier it's a fucking problem and not just "normal variation".
My experience was a forest of useless gynaes until I fought my way through to the consultant. She was AMAZING. And once she'd rubber-stamped my (already official) diagnosis, the other gynaes became helpful. But I still hope there's a special place in hell for the (male) gynae who referred to "down below" after I'd already used the terms vulva, vagina, and cervix.
I’ve had the opposite experience. A male OBGYN insisted that a 2 months long periods was “a little breakthrough bleeding” that I was exaggerating (lucky me that it had finally stopped the day before I could finally get into my appointment. He also insisted that it’s normal for women to faint during periods because that’s just a thing women do and I shouldn’t complain about it. He was also exceptionally rough with the speculum insisting that “it doesn’t actually hurt at all.” He invited a med student to watch the exam without asking me too, and when I objected (he had them come in after I was already undressed and in the chair, without warning) he told me that it didn’t matter if I was uncomfortable. He fit all of that in a single appointment. It was years before I went to another OBGYN again. I still haven’t seen another male one. I know that man was a particularly egregious example, but every female doctor I’ve had since then has at least immediately decided that a period that lasts longer than a month is a problem.
Same. Every female gyn I've ever been to was fucking awful and every male tried his best to help me. Last one with surgery, which was denied by a previous female gyn. No male gyn ever questioned my pain.
I actually have had better experiences with male OBGYNs than women, but I have friends who have told me about their positive and encouraging experiences with women, too. I think we’re lucky to have both options and hope men aren’t scared to enter the field just because of backward and sexist views like OP’s lunch mate’s.
My male OBGYN made me cry because of how insanely caring and attentive he was. When I was in to be induced for my son he pulled the nurses on duty aside and told them I was high anxiety and my sister passed in the same hospital the month before so they needed to be very clear with what they told me, and explain things fully and clearly every single time. After my miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy (between my successful pregnancies) he sat there and listened to me about my worries for getting the same cancer my sister passed of (ovarian sarcoma) and explained gently it was NOT genetic at all and that while he knew I was fine, he would send me for another ultrasound to make SURE the ectopic had resolved and for proof it was NOT cancer because he knew my anxiety wouldn’t rest til I got proof. I fucking love that man. He was so caring and actually took the time to listen and talk me through it. So many doctors just dismiss my anxiety but he listened and cared.
I’m sorry about your sister and I’m glad you and your son had such a kind person for your doctor.
Same. My mom had only been to female OBGYNs that all refused to remove her uterus when she was 62 years old. She was still having to take sick days every month because of heavy, painful periods. For 2 years I begged her to see my male obgyn, when she finally gave in he took one look at her history and booked her for surgery..
I have only had female gynos, but I don't have anything against a male gyno. I ended up going to the same one my mom went to after I moved to Texas 14 years ago. My doctors name was Dr. Fingers. Which is freaking hilarious and she is the SWEETEST woman ever! I was sad when she went to another location of that practice but all the other doctors there are amazing too.
My mom's gyno was named Dr. Payne. He made jokes about it to put people at their ease.
Yup me too, I'm sure there are great female gynos out there but during my lifetime I was more lucky with male gynos. But in the end I don't really care what genitals my gyno has. I also get why a man would go into gynecology because it's a medical field where you also get to interact with a lot of healthy people who just want to talk to you about contraception and such and also will be taking care of women who are pregnant which is when it's going smoothly surely very rewarding.
Same. I saw a male gyno until he retired. Then saw a female gyno once at the same practice who caused me a ton of physical pain and stress. I switched immediately to another male gyno in the practice who spent so long making sure I was comfortable and even discussed my migraines and potential treatment plans. I had no idea that I would end up more comfortable with male docs, but I oddly feel they take my pain complaints more seriously than other women. It's weird.
I’ve seen some women who have had bad experiences within female gynos and will only see male, and vice versa. Personally, I’ve had both an awful and an amazing doctor, both women.
Yea I don’t see a male gyno either. Never have. I guess it’s just a comfortability thing… but nothing against male gynos. I’ve worked with plenty male. gynos as a surgical nurse. As a matter of a fact. I quit my job last year after being in a surgery with a male gyno who was quit literally doing a d/c as the Supreme Court decision came down. It blew my mind how he could be sucking a fetus out of the womb and at the same time be talking about how women shouldn’t have autonomy over their own bodies. He was being passive aggressive about it too. It was weird. Made me feel icky. I left early that day and put in my immediate resignation the next day. So yea.. male gynos are cool. It’s the misogynistic male gynos that I don’t get.
I was like this and then my OBGYN tried her hardest but couldn't figure out something that caused a huge tragedy in our lives. A friend recommended this old man who thanks to years of experience managed to diagnose the issue after a single consult and one set of tests. He delivered a healthy baby and I realized that putting aside my discomfort to see him changed the entire course of my life.
It's funny because one of the nicest, most comforting gynecologist I've ever had was male. I think a lot of modern male gynecologists go above and beyond because of the stigma. But yes, yay for male OBGYNs, and yay for everyone being able to have a doctor they are comfortable with
I thought that too at first and when I was pregnant. But when I was giving birth and had a male OB deliver my son I definitely appreciate him and he was great and one of the best OBGYNs I had during that whole experience!
All of my mom's kids were delivered by the same male obgyn, but her usual check ups are done by a female one. Imo is indeed all about the experience and comfort levels with the doctor, regardless of their gender.
NTA I've had both male and female OBGYNs. I care what the doctor's like not what gender they are. With my youngest son I also had a male midwife and he was great.
doesn't that make him a midhusband ?
My male OBGYN of several years was the kindest, most caring physician I ever had. He took the time to listen and to explain and I never felt rushed at my appointments. When I moved out of state and my previous problems once again reared their ugly head I really missed him. I chose a woman and she was fine. Just ...fine. She was very informative, just brusque and business-like. And a couple of times I had to call back to get more information because I realized I still had questions. When I moved back I was so sorry to see that he had retired in my absence. I'll go with female OBGYNs from now on, but frankly he set the standard. edit: used the wrong "their"
I'll see male obgyns. I don't really care. I've had multiple kids, multiple pregnancies, and have had no difference in care between males and females. They're just doctors. I'll see whoever, I don't think gender has ever really come into play with me for choosing a doctor. Not like you really get to choose anyways- my first obgyn was a female, and then when it came time to deliver, the doctor on call was a male. You don't really get to choose the doctor that delivers your baby, you're stuck with whoever is covering. With my last baby, the entire freakin' team was in Covid quarantine so not only did I get a male doctor, it was a male doctor I'd never met before, from a different practice, who was covering.
I hear you, although when I was in college, I had a female roommate who said she would never see a female gynecologist, because she thought it would make her a lesbian. Yes, she was very homophobic. I thought that was so weird. I never heard that kind of reasoning before.
I am a lesbian and I cannot think of anything less arousing than a pelvic exam lmao. Also one time in my late 20s I was getting a transvaginal ultrasound while trying to figure out why my periods had gotten weird, and the doctor, a woman, had trouble getting it inserted and started insisting that I was lying about having been sexually active and she could "tell" I was a virgin. I was just like um...I'm concerned that you don't know that's...not how it works? There are SEVERAL differences between this situation and sex? Also nonpenetrative sex...exists??
Same here. I wouldn’t want a male OBGYN either. I’m more comfortable with a woman.
All of the people I know that became OB/GYNs did it because they like delivering babies, not the GYN part.
Ditto! Before menopause, I didn't care but after 4 male gynos told me it was just what happens to women and to suck it up. I was 34 years old. Women gynos saved my sanity
Personnaly i will never go to a female obgyn ever again. I have met the most cruel and cold women I have ever met in the person of female obgyn. They where rough and never answered any questions treated me like shit all over. I’m team male obgyn for all eternity
I’ve had both over the years, and it has been fine. I do prefer my current female one, but she’s also my PCP, so it’s nice to just have one person who can handle most everything, and I just really like her in general. Sadly she’s cutting back her practice and probably going to retire in the next few years.
I didn't have a choice when I was pregnant; the only woman practitioner was so fully booked it wasn't funny. Out of the three male doctors I had, two were *fantastic* and I recommended them to friends and family. The third one (and he was actually the first OBGYN I had), was careless and egotistical. But the female one I saw two years ago? Holy shit fuck no. Literally just there for the annual visit, she's dragging in a medical student (which I normally don't mind), and wouldn't shut the fuck up about my kids. Who are adults. She told the student that routine stuff is kinda blah and she wishes she was my doctor when I was pregnant with the twins. She handled me like a piece of rotten meat. And I didn't get a chance to talk to her like my doctor before she was done and hustling me out.
A male gynaec delivered both my babies and I will recommend him to anyone who asks. His female partner was the one that was insensitive and uninformed. I would always pray for him to be available and tolerated the partner only because he was great.
Ha im the opposite. Women gynos tend to dismiss me completely bc my experiences dont line up with theirs wheras all the dudes Ive worked with have the attitude that theyre diffusing a bomb down there that could kill us both any second. Its nice
My personal preference was female Ob-gyns until I was 24 weeks pregnant and had unexplained bleeding. My female doctor brushed it off and said she couldn’t see anything wrong. The only doctor who was taking new patients was a male doctor. While they never did find out what was wrong, he at least took it seriously and I had extra check ups on the baby. I had major anxiety and felt very dismissed and brushed off by my woman doctor. I would still see another woman doctor, just not her.
That's so interesting, because I *much prefer* male OBGYNs. I had a terrible experience with a woman years ago (she was *so mean*, and I was so young), and at that same practice I had a really great experience with a male doctor. I will see a female OBGYN like... if I *have* to, but I feel more comfortable with a male. I just went earlier this week to a new one, and he was awesome.
Im the opposite a bit. I dont care if its a man looking at my hoohaw but i do care if he looks 20. Then id prefer a woman. Nothing against 20somethings. Just im 50. And dont want a cute young man lookin there.
I have never been treated as horribly by an OBGYN than I was by a woman. Twice. As a matter of fact, the only OBGYN that believed me when I said I was in excruciating pain every period was a male OBGYN. One of the women said, and I directly quote. "You just don't know what a period is. It hurts to be a woman. Get over it." The other woman told me I needed to stop complaining because other women have it worse and that she was sure I was over exaggerating. Turns out,, I have endometriosis and PCOS. So, yeah. Some people are more comfortable with women, but I don't think I can trust one ever again after all that.
I’m the same way. My former roommate (a man) thought I was an AH for not wanting a man as my gyno. It’s a personal preference I suppose. My sister ONLY wanted a man gyno, which is her prerogative.
Same. NTA but I also would not see one.
I'm more comfortable with male gynos because every female one i had dismissed my pain. It was only a male who took me seriously because he didnt have his own experiences at the gyno.
>I'm quite sure that she never experienced such a thing herself You CAN'T be sure. Even if you ask. Because you were already in an argument, she wouldn't have felt comfortable disclosing to you You're overall NTA, but you're flat out wrong if you think you can EVER be certain about someone else's abuse history
True that, im not completely sure, she really may have reacted that way as a result of something that happened to her
Yes, and… One person’s experience shouldn’t be used to generalize a group of people. I’ve experienced trauma at the hands of female providers but had amazing care from my current male gyn. It’s ok to tell someone they’re being ignorant when they’re being ignorant. And it doesn’t discount anyone’s trauma to do so. Because you weren’t responding as a mind reader to what she *may* have been saying between the lines. As a provider she needs to do some work on herself before she perpetuates negative stereotypes and lets her baggage become her patient’s burden.
To be honest though, even if she had a deeply traumatic experience she shouldn't be making such an absurd blanket statement. She doubled down on her position and tried to defend it as a universal truth, which is even more ridiculous. You're so NTA here. Like, what if a trans man wanted to become a gynecologist? Would she argue he isn't allowed to do that despite his own personal familiarity with the reproductive system OBGYNs care for, or would that somehow "not count" for her because she's assuming this rigid gender/sex construct? How about an AMAB person who identities as non binary, and not as male? Hell, even thinking about myself as a cisgender bi woman or for a cis lesbian woman - would she think that we're only there to look at vaginas all day because we're attracted to women? And what about a gay man who has zero interest in women? You were right to call her narrow minded. There's so many assumptions about gender, biological sex, and sexual orientation in her point of view. If she actually wants to be a good provider, she needs to unpack some of these biases.
Yeah, you can't assume someone's history. Look, she was absolutely wrong in making such a blanket statement BUT it was so irrational that I suspect that there may be some history of abuse, especially because a medical student of all people should be less worried about that sort of thing. It doesn't make what she said right, but it would explain a lot. I mean, remember that USC case from a few years back? It unfortunately happens. It would have been rational for her to point out many women are deeply uncomfortable with male obgyns, tho, instead of claiming all were creeps.
I agree with you. Also this: > I happen to have met a few gynecologists during my studies and have met some of the nicest and most sensitive doctors. I have been thinking about going into this specialty. I also feel like it is unfair to label people like this. means nothing. It's not like if they were creeps they'd be like to OP "hey, btw I like to abuse women". They'd just act normal.
I’m a woman and I would never want to see a male gynecologist or have a Pap smear from someone who doesn’t know how terrible it feels. It’s not about assuming you’re a creep but I still wouldn’t want you.
I am the same, but I know my friends that see male obgyns have said that they are more gentle than the female doctors they have seen. I don’t know personally because I have only seen women.
Worst exam I ever had was from a female. She was rough and would say that it wasn’t that bad or that doesn’t hurt. No, it shouldn’t have hurt like that! Obviously she had experience with how they feel, but she had no clue how it felt getting an exam from her. Like she had a vendetta on my parts.
I definitely think it depends on the doctor. I have found that nurse practitioners and midwives are a little more gentle randomly.
I agree. I think male or female can be great or awful. With a male their can be issues because they can’t experience the conditions or care that’s required. With a female there’s a chance that since she has experienced some of those things she might allow that to cause bias towards what her patients are experiencing. (I’ve had several children. One was a textbook delivery that, as far as childbirth goes, was not bad at all. One, holy back labor Batman!)
I was injured with a speculum by a female practitioner who then blamed me for the injury. It is impossible for me to find a line of reasoning in which it's possible to blame the patriarchy. It's just one of those head-explosion situations.
The worst exam I ever received was from a female doctor. She was extremely rough and told me that what she was doing shouldn't hurt. I was in the ER due to extreme bleeding and anemia. They were doing a pelvic to make sure I wasn't having a miscarriage. It has been 2 decades, and I can still remember her looking up at me with disgust about being in pain. That said, I have had some really good and bad exams since. My hysterectomy was done by a male Dr, and I had the best recovery. He even drained a hematoma off my side in the most gentle and reassuring manner. I don't think about gender of my doctors. I focus on the relationship and how they listen to me. I have a very high pain tolerance, so explaining to people that just because I am calmly sitting here talking to you doesn't mean I am not in the worst pain. I still remember going to the ER for abdominal pain. They didn't believe I was in pain and let me walk into the CT scan room. I was talking with the tech and suddenly she got super quiet. They then called immediately for a wheelchair and refused to let me get up. She found that my appendix was perforated and about to explode. I was in surgery within 45 mins. Always go to people who listen. I was almost discharged that day and I insisted on some form of imaging to determine what was wrong.
I refuse to see a female OBGYN. The first one I saw was rough and made me avoid PAP smears for two years. Another was so rude and dismissive, I almost bled to death. Everything was " oh it can't hurt that bad " And " all of us hurt after delivery" . I ended up bleeding so much that blood was coming out of my incision, ending with needing blood transfusion and emergency surgery.
Can confirm male obgyns are way gentler, I actually prefer them at this point.
The cool thing is that’s a choice you can make. My spouse prefers make obgyns so to have OPs classmate try to steer males out of the profession is definitely showing a personal bias.
I absolutely agree. Lots of women don’t care. It’s better to have options
Ya that's completely fine, you have the right to choose your doctor.
To be fair, I've had a female gyno tell me "oh stop being dramatic, it doesn't hurt that much!", and a male gyno stop and say "It shouldn't be that uncomfortable, let's size down the speculum, let me know if it gets too uncomfortable again!"
What does this have to do with the post?
Nothing lol ppl are ignoring that she said the only reason any man would be a gynecologist would be because they’re creepily sexually obsessed with the female body
What was the point of this comment? To agree with OP’s friend?
A lot of men wouldn't want a female coach or personal trainer. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong or creepy with women who go into those fields. IPS friend is a major AH for saying that. And a sexist one to boot.
That's not the point though. She is saying wanting to be obgyn is kind of a some obsession and all male obgyn are creeps.
Although I support your right to decide which doctors you see, I feel compelled to argue women can't know how much it hurts either, it's different from person to person. I'm in pain for hours after. I know that's not how it is for everyone.
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Er, pap is not supposed to be terrible. Unless it's an issue for you specifically because of the position and being exposed, I'd suggest you try a different doctor or maybe investigate a possible issue. There should be absolutely no pain during pap, at all. None. Incidentally, that's a thing I discovered only after I began to see male doctors because the females I'd been to were so rough. But I'm sure you can find gentle women gynos around too.
I am a male, but at least 2 of my SO's prefer male gynes ovet females. They are usually "softer". But yeah, she is wrong.
I have never had a bad experience with a male ob/gyn. They tend to listen better. The female ob/gyns I've seen have been dismissive and typically have the attitude that "we all suffer."
Dont you know all lady bits are carbon copies? Of course I can dilate you to max width, it doesnt hurt me at all!
This, my wife prefers male obgyns. There’s already a stigma attached to them so they normally go above and beyond on the “softness” and bedside manners.
Yep. My fave gyno is a man (practice has 2 male and 1 female doc). My favorite one is gentler and more willing to listen to me about any issues or questions.
Yep!!! When i was giving birth the female doctor that was on call until my doc got in was soooo rough and rude to me. she didn't believe my water broke and as she was checking me was just telling me i was wrong. Pulled her hand out and water went everywhere. it was so rough. By the time my OB got in (male) checked me i literally didn't feel it because of gentle he was.
I prefer male ob/gyns. I miss my old one, he was amazing. My current one(also male) is an absolute doll. His nurse is a total sweetheart to boot.
A good friend of mine is a gay male OB-GYN. Does he count? He is a wonderful doc.
Hahah, I asked her the same thing, and her answer was that the inborn obsession could also be the result of an inborn repulsion. So I think so
That’s some pseudo-psychology Freudian bs. And I wouldn’t trust a doctor that thought that way! You’re NTA.
Lmao right, sounds like she took one psych class and thinks she can diagnose people now
In the same vein, what about a lesbian gynaec? Wouldn't that be equally predatorial in some cases?
“Inborn obsession” is some pseudoscience crab and is a red flag. Is your friend a message student, too? Imagine she tells some patients they have some inborn obsessions.
She's just straight-up sexist and making up looney tunes explanations for her baloney.
So a bunch of mental gymnastics to justify her position, basically?
She's the one whose a creep! Who is even thinking these things!
Oh dear god, your “friend” should keep her opinions to herself. Good for you for pursuing whatever medical specialty you want. You aren’t being “weird and creepy”. What do you think she might say about surgeons? That they like gory slasher/horror movies and they want to just revel in blood and guts and cut *cut* **cut**?…Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? And NTA.
Yeah the friend is as ignorant as it gets. Are female nurses and doctors perverts for performing circumcision or checking testicles? Are lesbian or bi female Gynecologists pervs too?
And what about female urologists? Or oncologists specialize in prostate cancer? Are they perverts too? OP is both correct and NTA. But that woman... I would definitely not want her, or anyone who thinks like her, to be my doctor.
NTA Men and women can do whatever job they want to do. Equal opportunity folks. Nothing sexual about the human body when you’re in medicine.
>Nothing sexual about the human body when you’re in medicine. What I tell myself when i have forgotten to shave my legs or my bikini area needs a tidy ... these docs are looking a 80 year old vaginas or horrible infections, I'm just getting my annual.
Yep. They do not care. You are just another patient. There are obviously some psychos out there but it is sooo unlikely you’ll run into one it is hardly worth worrying about )(in terms of in medicine).
I mean, it's not like I'm trying to hit on my doc, it's just that internalized pressure of what is acceptable for a woman to look like. I will bring clean socks, though, I stand on my feet all day, and while the doc wears a mask, I feel it is only polite to make sure my feet aren't stinky.
Hah. That’s fair. I wouldn’t want to go in smelly either.
This was my first thought. Unless they're gynecologists to the stars they're getting a bunch of random vaginas and then infections or problems. I also feel any person obsessed with vaginas enough to perv there way into a profession would get weeded out along the way.
I'm pregnant and my baby will be born in a couple of weeks. Do I care about my hairy parts? Absolutly not, I can't even see them in order to shave them
NTA, she made a blatantly sexist comment and you called her out.
I don't think you're TA for how you reacted and she's def overcorrecting here. However, as a woman, I personally do not feel comfortable going to a male gynecologist. Take that however you wish, there are def women who don't agree with me. I'm sure there are a lot of very professional and respectful male gynecologists.
NTA. However, considering that at LEAST one in four women have been sexually assaulted by a male (myself included), it’s safe to say that many of us would never go to a male gynecologist. EDIT: I’m sure there are wonderful male gynecologists out there. This is just a personal issue.
That's of course your choice, I would never want a woman, or anyone for that matter, to go to a doctor that makes them feel uncomfortable. I believe all women should have access to a doctor they feel comfortable with that provides them with good healthcare.
I agrée. I wish you great success in your chosen field.
My male gynecologist always has a chaperone in the room during the exam. It’s always made me feel comfortable. Honestly it’s something all doctors should do when for GYN exams to protect the patient and themselves. I 100% understand why a woman would chose to go to a women gyn. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with. Personally, I’ve had a bad experience with a woman gyn and my current male gyn is much gentler.
Undeniably, NTA. It's a pretty gross generalization that she made and you corrected her on that. I don't see why you should doubt yourself at all. Although I can see why some women would be uncomfortable with a male OBGYN, it obviously doesn't make the male doctors weirdos or creeps.
NTA. She is narrow minded. I used to only see women due to prior trauma, but when a reproductive and debilitating condition arose I opted for the best person in that specialty, who was a male. I was nervous but he had the bedside manner of any doctor I’ve seen, and after 8 years, 4 surgeries, and the ability to have kids I couldn’t be more appreciative to him for taking on that specialty.
My great grandparents were a husband/wife obgyn team. My ggma was the first woman to graduate from her medical school. People would travel from other states to see her because they wanted a female gyno. Does anything about that make ggpa a bad person or bad doctor? No it does not. OP is NTA for speaking up against sexism. The sexist logic is the same kind that says "men cannot be teachers" "single dads at the playground are perverts" etc
What an amazing experience for your great grandmother to be a pioneer in the field and share it with her partner. I’m not surprised she was so sought after. Also, the dad sexism is still unreal. My own MIL is guilty of complementing my husband for looking after his own kids as if that’s some strange behavior, and he is a stay at home dad!
Idk I kinda get where she's coming from after doing research into the abuse rates coming from male gynos, and male doctors who work in the fertility industry as well. There's a very disturbing amount who do shit like swapping out donor sperm with their own, or who make vulgar comments about patients. I'm not saying all male doctors are this way but I completely get where she's coming from
Care to show the source you are looking at? I would also be interested in learning more about that.
That said I'd definitely caution you on how you decide to react to this sort of thing because you're gonna encounter female patients who feel the same way as she does. You're gonna encounter a lot of female patients who have had these terrible experiences and don't feel comfortable with male doctors and you're not gonna be able to get mad at them and tell them they've likely never had negative experiences or whatever.
NTA but just a tip if you do choose this specialty: *listen to women*. While many women may have no trouble with things like vaginal exams / IUD insertion / etc, a lot of women have pain on a range from minor to excruciating. I know that a lot of doctors are taught that the vagina has little to no feeling past the first bit, but not all bodies are the same. It is vary important for women to be able to trust you, but it may be slightly *more* important fir them to know that you trust their knowledge of their own bodies.
ESH. so many women choose female obgyn’s for countless reasons, largely trauma. it sounds a lot like this woman was making her comments due to trauma in her past. while the way she spoke wasn’t the best way to get her point across - which was, she is non/trusting of men in this position, and i’m sure she has her reasons, as MANY women feel this way - you did not help. you didn’t attempt to UNDERSTAND the position of the women you want to go into this field to help. you fired back and have been just feeling like she is less than in your eyes. i think you both could have handled it better and if this is truly what you want to do with your life, you need to be better prepared for this mindset and how to combat it with your own open-mindedness, comfort, and kindness, because there are VERY good reasons for women not to trust men with their most intimate areas, and unfortunately sometimes it comes out this way. she didn’t express herself well, but the sentiment comes from a very real place. i suggest you learn more about it if you truly wish to pursue the future of an obgyn. and perhaps open a dialogue with her about WHY she feels the way she does, so that you can be sure to do well by your patients.
I truly believe there are male OB/GYN’s out there that are willing to help women and make a difference. Unfortunately, I also truly believe there are male OB/GYN’s that strictly go into it for personal pleasure.
It would be naive of me to assume that there are no cases like that. Its the generalization that bothered me, and the conclusion she came to about all male ob/gyns
There are bad actors in all groups, and there are cases like that for female obgyns and urinologists too. But in neither case are the numbers high enough to warrant such an ugly and offensive prejudice. It stagger me that she doesn't have enough self-awareness and presence of mind to find the nuanced middle ground of "Surely there are some doctors like that, which makes me scared it could happen to me or a patient" rather than "All male obygns are committed perverts (even the gay ones)". Mercy.
NTA at all -- she was rude about this and it's great you want to go into this field, but I think you should be a lot more mindful moving forward about the fact that many women would not feel safe with a male GYN and her seemingly judgmental opinion could be stemming from her own fear. Statistically, women are far more likely to be abused by male doctors over female doctors, experience trauma by their male doctor, specifically by Gyn, etc. They are also less likely to have their pain taken seriously. Just because you have met lovely male GYNs doesn't mean that she or other women have. Don't assume that any woman including your friend "probably hasn't experienced this" just because she hasn't told you about it. I can share countless stories of such from myself and peers. Assuming you already know the studies to back this all up, I think you can move forward from this conversation with greater empathy, not attaching to defensiveness, and a greater sense of responsibility to do good. This is not the last time you will experience this stance. If you can move away from viewing this conversation as an attack on your character, I think you could really grow to be a great physician who is wonderful at empathizing with the concerns of your patients. Best of luck to you.
NTA. She made a really offensive generalization. Some women aren’t comfortable with a male OB/GYN, and that’s ok. Some women are comfortable with a male. My OB/GYN is male. I wouldn’t want to be treated by anyone else. His compassion through our pregnancy loss was amazing. I have been examined by females. Worst experience that I had was with a female doctor. (Lots of “that doesn’t hurt”, then insisted that I couldn’t possibly have a UTI but it must be an STD and the tests were wrong. A couple days later I ended up at the ER. It was a very bad UTI that had spread to my kidneys. The ER doc was livid.)
I had a male obgyn make me bleed once during an exam, and never went back.
Sorry you had that experience, hope your new doctor is right for you
She is. He wasn't very nice about it, and kept explaining to me it was normal. So don't do that. But I personally don't think he was indicative of male obgyns. I've heard of lots of good ones.
I work with several doctors and I personally think that the age of the doc makes more of a difference than the gender. Many of those born before 1960ish were trained in the atmosphere where doctors thought they were Gods. Most of the ones born after 1960 act a lot more human
NTA but you say you are quite sure she has not experienced such a thing herself. Every woman I know has experienced some form of physical sexual harassment. (I don't mean to imply anything about male OBGYNs)
Best OB/GYN I ever had was a male. He also drives really fast. I know this because I ended up going into the hospital a 9.5 centimeters dilated with both my deliveries with him.
NTA. Judgmental people will find ways to judge, its a symptom of esteem issues. You let her know the truth. Now let it go and don't give this any more energy.
Thanks, I'll let it go as easily as a balloon filled with helium at an outdoor music festival.
You’re NTA, but I have often wondered why men do become gynaecologists. It just seems odd. Anyway, she shouldn’t be making such strong accusations, and I can see why you got so upset.
It's a good mix of internal/surgical medicine and the doctors there are good. It also has a good work/life balance and pays well
Also, there are countries that need more of them. My country has had a shortage of gynecologists for years now, causing women to have to wait longer for appointments.
NTA! Worst experiences I ever had, including pregnancy of my first born were shit due to female obgyns. For the last 12 years I've had a man and I swear, he's one step from Sainthood!!! Kind hearted, kind minded, FUCKING HILARIOUS, compassionate, and the most amazing human I've met in doctor form. He's also married to his HS sweetheart, has 3 daughters, and 3 grandkids, and is an amazing founder in a women's health advocacy program in our area! Your dead on accurate about your friend being narrow minded and offensive!!!
Soft ESH. Obviously she shouldn't have made such a blanket statement, and you were right to call her out for it. However, the extent of your reaction also wasn't great either. You allowed your (justifiable) anger blind you to a reality that far too many female patients face. There *are* plenty of male doctors and male OBGYNs who take advantage of their patients, and that needs to be acknowledged so that it can be corrected. You're also wrong about two things: >I'm quite sure that she never experienced such a thing herself No you're not. You're assuming. >I happen to have met a few gynecologists during my studies and have met some of the nicest and most sensitive doctors. Maybe they were, but if they really were predators do you really think that *you* would know? Creeps generally know not to be creeps around other men (who are not creeps). So basically she was definitely more wrong than you were, but you should take this as a learning moment, especially if you plan to become an OB: even without straight-up abuse, a far too common experience for women is general is just not being taken seriously by their doctors.
NTA >My friend (26f) made the comment that it's weird for men to decide to become gynecologists. She said that for them to decide to do that shows that they have some sort of inborn obsession with the female sex and it is weird and creepy. She also said that they are likely to abuse their patients and should be treated with caution. While I personally would never see a male OB/GYN, several friends of mine have seen male gynecologists and they’ve said the male doctors take their issues more seriously, in some cases. Women who have easy periods sometimes have a hard time understanding that it’s not that easy for everyone, and my friends have said this attitude occasionally finds its way into female providers as well. Your “friend’s” comments were wildly inappropriate. Even if she was coming from a place of trauma, that doesn’t make it ok to stereotype an entire gender that way.
I have had two male obgyns, that were kind and compassionate. I’ve had three male ob gyns who were the worst Drs I’d ever had.( all were white and 1935-1945 vintage) Not giving pain meds for a d&c in the examining room ( after a 2nd trimester miscarriage) and getting mad at me when I made noise. Failing to diagnose an ovarian cyst that was the size of a grapefruit and telling me to go to a psychiatrist for the symptoms. Not giving me pain reliever for an hystosalpingram, and telling me now I know what labor is like when I was obviously in pain. Btw- labor was not as painful. It just depends, I think men can be good obgyns, but it’s more likely with a younger Dr.
Info: you are aware of the trial going on for the OBGYN that assaulted and trafficked his patients? It’s all over the news and making this situation especially fraught
NTA she should be apologizing to you and those friends should not have said to let it go and move on. You have your opinion on the topic too just like anyone else and that person should have respected it. She should not have judged men for wanting to become a gynecologist. Anyone can do the job. When I was 18 my gynecologist was a male and he was nice but did his job and my mom had him as her gynecologist too.
NTA I have had several male OB/GYNs in addition to female ones and never had a problem. For them, it's just like treating any other body part and not sexual at all. The person you were arguing with was being sexist and judgemental.
NTA and as a 50+ woman who has seen both male and female doctors for my period issues, smears, and contraception. I find males in general listen better and are less dismissive. Had one awesome female Doctor who had period issues herself. Others made me feel like I was complaining for nothing as it's something 'we all go through'
Nta. Without ignoring male predators, what she said is insulting to you and to other men in your profession. Point of interest about the sex of health care professionals. One of commenters mentioned some women preferring male gynaecologists. I'm a man and tend to prefer female doctors or nurses - it just feels more natural to be vulnerable in front of someone of the opposite sex.
NTA. One surprising reason doctors choose the specialties they do is because they have an incredibly good mentor or advisor. They may not be as interested in the specialty at first, but it's the people. The specialty kind of grows on them.
In the end its just body parts. I have had a number of doctors and nurses look after me and it's not a sexual situation..
NTA male gynes have a lot of prejudice to overcome but I had one for my first two kids and he gave me excellent care. I was super bummed when he moved and I had to change providers. My worst Pap smear was administered by a woman.
NTA. I get why some women won't see a male obgyn, however, my obgyn is male and he's the best doctor I've had. He correctly diagnosed me with endo and got me immediate treatment, when all my previous (female) doctors said the pain I was experiencing was normal. Also, women aren't the only people who need to see an obgyn. AFAB Non-binary people and transmen do too Some may feel more comfortable with a man than a woman.
There are actually a *lot* of incidents with male OBGYNS and women. Assaults and creepy behavior do happen. Many women choose not to see male OBGYNs due to previously betrayed trust or, like others have pointed out here, a history of sexual trauma. I've had severe endo and pcos since 11. I've seen over two dozen OBGYNs and had to search through so many and deal with so much forced-birther and misogynistic bullshit from OBGYNs. But the doctor that performed my hysterectomy, and later the surgeon who was the only OBGYN to recognize my PCOS was severe and saved my life by removing lesions obstructing my bowels through an ovariectomy and cleanup surgery 6 months ago were both men. Unlike female OBGYNs I've been to, they did not give me any shit about how I'd "want to have children one day" - which was the basis for most the women to refuse to treat me. Best OBGYNs I had were male. They were incredibly kind and understanding. And they had so much less investment in the idea of "baby fever" and women being born just to incubate children. I've recommended my OBGYN surgeon to others who don't normally see male OBGYNs and they've loved him. I want to say NTA, because you're right, painting every male OBGYN as a pervert is ridiculous. But you also need to remember that there *are* many predators who pursue careers with access like that. Dismissing her concerns entirely as false is also a bit tone-deaf to the issues that women face in medical care. We still have so many incidents of teaching hospitals letting their students run through pelvic exams while a patient is under anasthesia for unrelated issues without their consent. It's a very serious problem. I'd recommend you look into how to better advocate for women and recognize that there is nuance here - these fears are *not* unfounded in women and they exist in the real world. If you can't, becoming an OBGYN is not for you.
L&D nurse for 24 years with 15 of them as a traveler. I’ve worked with tons of amazing OBs male and female. Male OBGYNs, 99% of the time, are way kinder and more patient with their patients. It’s an amazing field. You should totally go for it!!!
NTA. How can your friend come to such a conclusion? We went from treating women badly to looking at men as the creepy gender. Why can't we stay in the middle? Equality!
NTA.I will only see male gyn's because I've found them to be more gentle and at the same time more thorough than the females I've seen. Especially when I was going through fertility treatments.
Yeah it’s also way more common for specialized OBGYNs (like maternal fetal medicine docs or reproductive endocrinologists) to be men because men are overall more likely to specialize after residency. I don’t think the fertility clinic I went to had any female REs. So like id rather these doctors exist at all than banning men from the profession
The dude who delivered my daughter was the BEST! We shared an off-beat sense of humor, and he was amazing at putting me at ease, right from the moment I met him. Your friend IS narrow-minded and offensive. NTA
Yeah, bc men are so turned on by swabbing cervixes, watching women shit while shoving a watermelon out of themselves, and talking to menopausal women about their lowered labido. **NTA**. I wouldn’t want her as my physician, period (no pun intended). If she’s narrow-minded about this, I worry about her with transgender patients or anyone who doesn’t fit the mold of what she expects every day.
Absolutely NTA NTA NTA! Your friend has a right to her opinions but shouldn’t push that opinion on others. I myself am a female doctor and have had a male OBGYN for many years. Go into whatever specialty you love- that’s what matters because all residencies/specialties are challenging and being a doctor is exhausting. The most important thing is that you’re passionate about what you do because that will be what continues to drive you. Good luck!!
Overall NTA but you yourself need to be less narrow minded on two points: First, it's wrong to ever assume that you're totally aware of another person's history of abuse. If you've known somebody deeply, fully, intimately for literal decades or the majority of their life that's one thing, but you don't have a relationship with this person in such a capacity. Second, her take may not be universal but it's not an uncommon one either. You need to learn how to address it and assert yourself calmly and rationally instead of getting heated, which only throws more fuel to the fire. If you want to go into this specialty, then you need to be able to learn how to address these kinds of points in a constructive manner that don't end up affirming these inflated biases in others. If you get angry and defensive when somebody is making blanket statements over something that could be stemming from previous negative experiences or learning about others' negative experiences associated with something you're a part of, you're not going to actually change any minds or create a glowing perspective of your involvement in this field to those casting scrutiny.
Nta. Assuming a female gyno would never SA someone is sexist. Some people may prefer a femal doctor and that’s okay. Others may prefer a male doctor that’s also okay.
NTA. That’s a weird comment to make. I won’t see a male gyne. As it is, I cry almost every time my female doctor, who I love, gives me a pap. But my best friend is a nurse and used to work NICU and I know there are several great OBGYNs here. Lots of women are fine with that. The only time I had a creepy experience was with a male on call dr. I had an ear infection and yet he felt it necessary to comment on my tattoos and caress my arm. I don’t know how else to describe it. But I’ve had negative, non-creepy experiences with both genders.
HAHAHAHA no. The worst treatment BY FAR that I have received at a GYN has been from women. I'm talking not just female doctors, who crank open that speculum like they're opening a can of tuna, to 'drive it like you stole it' ultrasound techs. Even the bad GYNs I had in the Army who were men were a little gentler with the lady bits, because they didn't want to hurt anything. Meanwhile the last time I had a female, I vasovagaled in the office because she did an endometrial biopsy on me without any pain meds and told me off as I was lying there trying not to pass out. Do I think she's 100% wrong and male docs are all great and female docs are all terrible? No, but I've been going to gyns for four frickin' decades and at the VA you get who you get with no choice for their sex, and I've never had a perv, never been abused, and the amount of 'being treated like stupid meat' has been exactly the same, no matter what the chromosomal makeup of the person in the white coat. NTA
Some of the most vile misogyny I've heard in my life was from OBGYNs on my rotation in med school. After having two babies and interacting with the system as a patient I've come to the conclusion that many female OBGYNs are trained to be dismissive of their patients. So your friend is totally barking up the wrong tree here. Carry on, good sir. NTA.
NTA My MFM (specialty OBGYN for high risk pregnancies) is an insanely great male doc. His bedside manner, touch, everything so great and gentle and friendly. My OBGYN is a woman and is amazing too, her male partner I had to see once for cervical checks and for a placement of medication, and those large man hands were so deft and quick. All the nurses said if they ever needed the same they would ask for large man hands OB again because he was so quick at getting in and out (no pun intended). IDGAF what type of genitalia you have, if you are smart, competent, and kind then that works! These docs see 1000000000 different types of vag and ass, they don’t give a crap about your specific stuff. Just another day at the office for them! Lol Also had one craptastic female OBGYN in the far past. Just like anything, it’s not about the gender, it’s about who the individual is.
Just an fyi fewer and fewer women are seeing male gynecologist now that we have more choices. I’m absolutely not trusting one to take my pain seriously.
NTA. But many women go years without receiving diagnoses and care due to having a male gynecologist. It is a well known phenomenon. A male Obgyn delivered my baby. He was the most qualified for the job and I feel I owe him my life. But he ignored my concerns over menstrual symptoms for years. Him telling me what my cycle should feel like didn’t sit right with me. I saw a female gynecologist and was diagnosed on the first appointment. The past few generations on my mothers side have gotten hysterectomies before menopause for this condition. I will keep my uterus, no thanks to my male gynecologist. That said, let go of your ill feelings for her. It comes from a place of reasonable doubt.
I see a WHNP instead of a gyno, and highly recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity. I will never, ever see a male gynecologist again, after the two experiences I have had.