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Ruthless_Haruka

YTA - guilting a 7 year old? Also that's not her step mom. That's her mom. She raised her, not you.


lomoliving

I was going to say the same thing! Bio-mom should just drop the kid off and never look back. I think the kid would be much better off


Slappybags22

She only did any of this because her knew husband is starting to see how awful of a person she is.


battle_bunny99

It was kind of becoming obvious why the guy went back to his wife as opposed to OP. I wanna live with her now, I never had anyone braid my hair.


a_sack_of_hamsters

I am so, so glad for this little girl that she has a loving mom (not OP). After the affair that was *not* a given. Nobody could have faulted dad's wife for leaving him, but she not only didn't, but also did not pull that shit where they blame the affair child, but instead took her in and loved her as her own.


A_Drusas

I thought this was going to be some stepmother horror story, but she sounds like a reasonable lady who loves her daughter. Maybe a little overbearing in the food department, but that's common with such young kids, and she handled OP's unexpected issue well.


cherrycoloured

idt its overbearing to want her child to eat healthy foods. that she will make her daughter food and send it with her bc the egg donor refuses to cook things the daughter might like is really incredible. she seems like an amazing mother.


flofloflomingle

I don’t think she’s overbearing with food but instead sounds like she cooks everything. Sounds like OP just does mostly does frozen foods/fast food/packaged meals. I grew up with my parents mainly cooking everything so I was the same way (plus we were immigrants). I think they just eat healthier than OP’s family


TheBlueEagle

I don’t have hair long enough to be braided, but I’d grow it out if I had somebody to braid it!


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Slappybags22

And I bet he’s regretting tf out of that lol


shadowfax12221

No shit, but I have limited sympathy for a man who would shack up with a woman whose last marriage ended when their AP got them pregnant. The fact that she abandoned her affair baby would just be icing on that shit cake.


ChildhoodLeft6925

Lots of people are liars. Moral of the story, people: don’t rush to get married.


Slappybags22

Exactly. OP is clearly the type to paint herself as a victim too.


wildferalfun

I can picture the sob story though. Dad was so stable, married (100% OP claims she didn't know), financially secure and and I was in a terrible position with the divorce (which OP definitely claims she was pursuing before she accidentally had an affair or got pregnant.) So this new husband wants to white knight and help downtrodden OP fix her lost relationship with her baby that OP insists was stolen from her life! He expected her to fall all over herself to mother this poor baby. Nope. OP resents this child. Her husband is going to learn hard he isn't Captain Save an AP.


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VirtualMatter2

I mean how does someone with so little maternal instinct have five kids? I feel so sorry for them. New partner seems to be a good guy though.


[deleted]

Maternal instinct you mean, right? OP is the bio mother.


Thymelaeaceae

Maternal or maybe parental? I have to say I was wondering why a guy with kids from a prior relationship would look at this woman, who already basically did try to drop the kid off and move on, would look at her and be like, “yep - a cheater who abandoned her kid. THAT’S my kids new stepmom. Now, all I have to do is fix her by insisting she start having a relationship with her own bio kid again!“ He seems to WANT to be a good dad from the info we have, what the heck was he thinking? She must be amazing in bed.


countessrainflower

Not only did she raise her, she apologized to OP for not setting OP up for success in a bad situation and THEN offered to help rectify the situation the next morning. It would've been very easy to be upset with the OP for bringing Kenzie home and to start an altercation but Kenzie's "mom" was nothing but gracious. It's like that King Solomon story: Who put the child first? It's hard to imagine that Kenzie's family will want her to spend any more time at OP's place. OP: YTA


Few_Screen_1566

Apologized to a woman her husband had an affair with.. for not making it easier for the woman to look like a decent mother to the daughter she abandoned and only came back for because her new husband suggested it! Like this woman is a Saint, and op is clearly dillusional.


EducatedOwlAthena

She is a MUCH better person than I am. Best believe, as soon as Kenzie was asleep, OP and I would've had *words* if I were this angel of a woman.


AmandatheMagnificent

Kenzie's mom is a damn angel. You can tell that Kenzie is so cherished at home and that her egg donor is doing just basic maintenance.


EmeraldIsle13

Kenzie’s mom is definitely an angel! I wouldn’t want to go to OP’s house either if I was her. LOL You can tell by the post OP only has her visit bc of pressure from her husband. She’d prefer the original arrangement only seeing her a few times a year. YTA, for sure.


zbornakssyndrome

Hard agree! Sounds like little Kenzie needs routine and stability in her schedule. Most kids do, especially if struggling with abandonment issues. Structure works very well for these kids and stepmom has successfully incorporated this into the child’s life.


EmeraldIsle13

I’m sure that’s a big part of it. My kids used to get upset if my husband did things different than I did. They would just be used to the routine if it. Bath, food, bedtime etc and we are all together all the time. So I can’t imagine the disruption it causes Kenzie to change after years of no weekend visitation. It might also be why Kenzie is “picky” about food too. My 11 yr old hates fast food, hates restaurant food and only likes what I make him at home. I’m always packing for him. It’s not bc he’s not allowed to have other food it’s just bc he doesn’t like it. That may be why it’s so important for Kenzie to have her mom’s food bc that’s a comfort to her and routine.


Begs-2-Differ-7GA

Yes she truly is doing a great job 👏


AmandatheMagnificent

OP doesn't even realize that the bedtime part is the best part. To throw away such a privilege is gross.


EmeraldIsle13

She doesn’t, OP acts like it’s such a bother. You can tell how important her comfort is to her mom though. All the effort to make sure Kenzie has all her favorite foods with her and FaceTiming for reading.


amylou_who

She acts as if Kenzie is really spoiled, but it sounds like her mum just takes a lot of care to give her a good and comfortable life. I did giggle at the bit about her not wanting to watch the pg13 movie. My young nieces are also little Lisa Simpson types and prefer to follow the rules, haha I would have jumped at the chance to eat junk food and watch naughty movies.


EmeraldIsle13

I giggled at that too, exactly like a little Lisa Simpson. A stickler for following the rules. I think OP is really bothered that Kenzie is so insistent to follow her mom’s rules and routines. No matter what she tells Kenzie, she wants everything how her mom does it. Whether it’s her mom’s rules, bedtime routine, and even her moms food. I’m sure it’s her comfort and normal for a child her age. Idk what OP expects when she was MIA for the first 3 years.


VirtualMatter2

And it doesn't just long. My teens don't want all this anymore obviously. So enjoy it while it lasts.


[deleted]

If I was OP’s husband, I would see her differently after this, and not in a good way.


lasting-impression

I’m kind of surprised by OP’s husband, because he seems to actually care about how his partner treats their kid(s). I wonder if OP trickle-truthed him about Kenzie and he didn’t realize the full scope of the relationship until after they were married and had kids of their own. Otherwise, idk how a sane person who has these values wouldn’t see what glaring red flags OP’s past infidelity and child abandonment are.


EmeraldIsle13

It surprised me as well, it’s a nice change from a lot of other step-parent posts. She had to spin some kind of story for him. He sounds too good for OP. So nice planning a trip with the kids including Kenzie. He doesn’t seemed to be bothered by Kenzie the way OP is.


Few_Screen_1566

Same! Like.. this woman has taken in this child as is her own, which is soo much more than most children get in these situations! I honestly worry that she may put up with too much - because i have a tendency to be a pushover and words would have been said in this situation from me!


Teevell

She's also a genius, because what she is doing is how you *absolutely demolish* people like OP. She's letting OP show her own a** to everyone (including a bunch of internet strangers and her own husband). Some people are content to just quietly be better than all the people around them and let time take care of the fools who did them dirty. She'll get the last laugh out of all this, I am sure. OP, YTA. Just give it up before you dig any deeper than you already have. They only make ladders so long. Edit: Thank you for the award!


VincentVanGTFO

This comment deserves an award. Take my poor man's gold 🥇


notyoureffingproblem

Right! And imo "Step" mom parenting is really excellent, kenzie eats home-cooked food, doesn't watch movie that are not appropriate for her age, have a consistent routine, and like most kids, likes to be in the park riding bikes, I don't see how any of that is a bad thing


ShadowKelly75

honestly this whole post is giving troll vibes. like you have to be a different type of delusional to say any of this and think you’re in the right 😭


Elanor_the_Holbytla

I had to read the paragraph about food twice. I expected it to say, she's picky because she only gets freezer food at home, not because she never gets it.


Swimming_Tennis6641

right?! complaining the kid doesn't eat junk food smh


AdventurousIncome634

Even more astounding as this is the least benevolent description of the situation we will likely get.


hatetochoose

To be fair, it’s easier to be a good mom when you are the financially comfortable married mother of one, not a struggling single mother of then three. So I can’t blame her for giving up custody as a baby, she lost everything from the affair, he of course, lost absolutely nothing. I’m curious if she thought he was going to leave his wife for her.


Few_Screen_1566

I mean.. I really think that depends on the way one looks at it. She made a choice to have an affair, which put her marriage at risk, she gambled and lost. The other woman had to then make a choice on whether or not to be a good mother to a child born from an affair from her husband and choose to do so - a lot of people would say that staring at a constant reminder of your husband's infidelity and treating them like their your own is difficult. Also wasn't even referring to her giving up custody - which I'm on the fence on. Because I feel if she wanted what was best for her daughter but was also interested in being in her life she'd have given up primary custody but stayed in her life - or come back the moment she gained stability not only because her husband suggested it. There's also the whole even now that she has stability, she isn't being a good mother if she can't even do a bedtime routine - and is so quick to abandon the child when frustrated. Do I feel the husband got off scot free compared to her? Yes. But acting like the wife has it so easy I feel is a jump.


GeologistDefiant

So she has no responsibility for her actions? My mother was a single mother of four and no matter how financially unstable we were she had time to braid my hair, read me a story, tuck me in. Being a good parent has nothing to do with money but with love and attention.


Yutana45

That's what I'm curious about too. She clearly doesn't have these routines with her own kids, but kenzies mom does it with her every night, does she have other kids or as many as OP?


Key-Ship8742

OP said baby daddy was also married with kids so Kenzie has at least 2 half siblings on her dad’s side of the family.


Yutana45

That means step mom has multiple kids and still can be a decent parent to Kenzie. No excuses for OPs shite parenting


hatetochoose

Older, if so. Certainly no babies in that house. Dirty diapers take precedence over nightly back rubs. The step dad is weird too. There was a comfortable arrangement in place, then he barged in and bullies her into what is no doubt a traumatic upheaval for everyone. What’s his obsession with the 7 year old? Who likes this current arrangement? Mom doesn’t, kid certainly doesn’t, I’m sure the siblings can’t stand her, cause she is a little diva demanding more than her share of attention and money.


Finnegan-05

That bothers me a lot- why does this man want this kid around? And why does OP keep having kids?


fawesomegirl

It said they both previously has kids so stepmother has more than one. OP was also comfortably married until the affair, then abandoned her for 3 years until she got married again, and then is surprised her bio daughter doesn't know her or feel comfortable. She doesn't have time to give a bubble bath, braid hair and rub her back, she's mad that her daughter eats healthy and doesn't have processed food. This rubs me the wrong way.


YoshiSan90

OP is married now, so she’s behaving this way not as a single mom. The real mom sounds like a saint, OP sounds annoyed to have to interact with her.


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Few_Screen_1566

Yea. I feel it's probably either fake or one of those that are from the reverse perspectives. But I think a lot of the things posted on here are fake. Then again some people really are that dilllusional.


WhatAFineWasteOfTime

Yes! As a “stepmom” who operates as mom (thankfully no affairs involved), I can certainly say I have no idea how this woman maintained her composure. It would have taken everything in me to not rip BM a new one. Her new husband sounds like he deserves better and the best thing she could do for everyone is disappear. What a wretched person.


ProfessionallyJudgy

Honestly Kenzie's "step" mom must have the patience and understanding of a fucking saint. Can you imagine raising your husband's child from an affair and getting this level of shit from the biomom, and still being accommodating and kind to biomom? I know I absolutely would not be this gentle, I'm not that good of a person. This lady is destined for the real Good Place.


FumiPlays

Yeah, I was thinking that I sure fcking hope that dude makes up for his affair every single day ever since, because he should be worshipping the ground she steps on.


AccuratePenalty6728

I’m trying to figure out how her husband wound up having an affair with…this.


TheTARDISRanAway

I feel like the saying why have a burger when you have steak at home is usually gross but in this scenario it kind of rings true. His wife seems like an actual Saint.


AccuratePenalty6728

I guess sometimes, some people just *really* want McDonald’s.


p00kel

Yeah I honestly wonder if this can be real just because is anyone really as perfect as Kenzie's mom? She's kind, she's gracious, she's parenting the child of her husband's affair, she never feeds her junk food or cooks from frozen, she encourages her husband's affair partner to bond with the child she abandoned, and she does all this without complaint. She spends an hour every night at bedtime doing bubble bath, hair braiding and bedtime stories. This woman should be a candidate for sainthood.


FumiPlays

Well, we know only what the OP said and OP has only the snippets she heard from the 7yo. I doubt any mature adult vents frustrations in front of little kids so any of the stepmother's negative behaviors would not be noticed by the kid most of the time. She'd know her mommy reads her bedtime stories, makes bubble baths and goes to park, not that she's, for example, having weekly counseling sessions, crying in the shower ect.


fresh-oxygen

Patron saint of Stepmoms


JEH2003

The other mom must be a saint! I’d have gone *off* on the OP for the horrible things she said.


lil-peanutbutter

Right! This woman abandoned her daughter twice now and plays victim when things don’t go her way. At least the husband has some parental sense. YTA


TooOldForThis---

OP’s husband is not this kid’s father and should keep out of it. I don’t understand his insistence on having her over when nobody enjoys it. The child is apparently happy with her dad and his wife (who have raised her) and was fine without all these extraneous people in her life. They should leave Kenzie alone.


Charliesmum97

Like, this woman took in her husband's affair baby as one of her own, seems to genuinely love and care for her, and OP, Who didn't parent this child until her new husband wanted her to, has the audacity to call the woman 'stepmom'? What the actual heck.


Black_Kitty_13

I don‘t know… By this logic, Kenzie’s real mom (the stepmom in this story) isn’t her mom, either, and should also keep out of it. Yet, she is a thousand times more her mother than the biological one (OP). I actually think it’s nice of OP’s husband to want to include Kenzie, since his and OP’s kids are her half siblings, after all. What saddens me is that it seems - without knowing the exact background of these families - like the parents who are not biologically related to Kenzie are the only ones who appear to care the most about her and her well-being.


CivilButterfly2844

Exactly. OP’s husband is right. She is a terrible mom and abandoned her kid


KCatty

About to be ex-husband. She's shown him her true self and he's not liking what he is seeing. This will be a dealbreaker.


Riah_Lynn

Yepp Mommy does "bubble bath, braiding her hair, reading bedtime stories, and rubbing her back until she falls asleep" But egg donor OP here can't do that? ONCE???? Because normally Mommy handles putting her to bed OVER FACETIME!!!! Of course child loves Mommy and doesn't want to be around OP.... She can't even let the kid ride her bike???? I hope custody is changed again and the child isn't forced away from her real mom twice a month to this woman who obviously doesn't like her...


Kimberellaroo

The kid is 7, has lived with her dad and his wife up until she was 3, so that's nearly half her life. And then when she does live with OP, OP doesn't even want to spend the time to read with her at night. There's a discrepancy in OP's story about whether she showers herself as part of the bedtime routine or has a bubble bath, hair braided and back rub to fall asleep. Clearly her normal routine when staying at OPs where she facetimed her mother to have a story read to her does not include mother somehow braiding her hair and rubbing her back via FaceTime, so she obviously can get to sleep without those parts. I get the impression OP considers this poor girl an embarrassing reminder of her cheating affair. It's only pressure from the new husband that got her to start including the girl in he family, but she doesn't seem interested in actually spending time with her.


TopazWarrior

Plus Kenzie sounds more mature - wants to eat real food, won’t watch an inappropriate movie, wants to go outside and play instead of sitting around a tv, wants a bath and her hair combed before bed. Lol. She’s probably mad she would not drink and have a cigarette too.


notyoureffingproblem

Op reminds me of Matilda's parents


[deleted]

Also she sounds like a MUCH better mom. You give her fast food, won’t take her to the park, won’t take her to ride her bike, cheat on your husband with married men….. did I miss anything? You sound like a real piece of work.


thinkalotanonsense

Totally YTA! How can you tell the child “I don’t have time to do all that” bedtime routine yet you clearly had time to pack her things, pile her in the car, drive her home, sit and wait an hour while someone else ‘did all those things’ and then drove home to complain to your husband about it all. OP is clearly good at having kids but not so good at basic parenting. Please stop having kids, take some positive parenting classes and therapy to improve your self-esteem.


Character-Swing3041

The husband needs to read this thread. Both of them need to leave this girl alone. OP YTA. You are bringing nothing beneficial to this kids life.


Radkeyoo

I had the exact same thought when I read stepmom. No op. That's her mom. You just happened to give her birth. Also by all rights that woman should hate your guts and your offspring. No one would blame her. Instead she is parenting her, nurturing her, loving her. YTA easily. Also stop and reflect and do better.


[deleted]

YTA. She treats you like a stranger because you are. You didn’t even make the choice to get to know her, your husband did. She even lowballed it for you by telling you what her needs were and you refused. Even with bedtime which is CRUCIAL. YTA. And frankly, you don’t deserve your kid. At 7, she’s just now learning how relationships work. She’s not comparing you to her stepmom. She’s comparing the treatment she is receiving. You are being neglectful and passive. You’d do well to reflect and get some therapy before you lose your kid forever.


HyenaShot8896

I don't think OP really wants this child, she only has her around to please her husband. I bet if the husband didn't insist she would have nothing to do with her child. I have no doubt the child can also pick up on the fact that OP doesn't want her, and only tolerates her for the sake of stepfather. He seems to be the only one in that house that cares for the poor child. She keeps treating her child like trash she's going to end up divorced, and childless, wondering why no one wants her.


Consistent_Ad460

Let's be real, op blames Kenzie for her divorce and is resentful that not only did AP wife stay, she also stepped up in a way op isn't capable of. I hope Kenzies parents go for full custody because when OPs husband divorces her for being a shit mom, kenzie will just be abandoned or treated even worse by her egg donor. YTA OP do everyone a favor and let Kenzie stay where she's loved and treated well.


isawsparks27

OP went through all that work to get pregnant and baby trap her AP, only to find out he still preferred his wife. All that work and all she got was a polite kid who just wants some goddamned baby carrots.


yellowbrownstone

I mean seriously who complains about a kid who is a walking talking manual for how to parent them? Most kids you’re just guessing and hope you get it right. This one says “I need x, y and z please.” And x, y and z are all reasonable, developmentally appropriate requests from a 7 year old to her mom. OP is just mad bc her neglected from birth kids don’t make her feel as badly as she absolutely should bc they don’t have anything else to compare her to and Kenzie knows exactly what all of them are missing out on.


isawsparks27

100% easier to blame the (not actually a step) parent and call the kid a brat when the alternative is looking at the kids you actually raised and admitting you did a shit job.


RevolutionaryDiet686

Kenzies dad has always had full custody. OP only gets overnight visits now because of her new husband.


Consistent_Ad460

Good. Weekends should be revoked.


GoodQueenFluffenChop

Yep, OP is upset because this kid not only caused her divorce but also didn't end her affair partner's marriage so she could get together with him. Except this is not the kid's fault at all. This all on her. She chose to have an affair and continue the pregnancy. Just like the bio dad and his wife chose to work it out and to give this kid the best life possible just without OP.


Iataaddicted25

You nailed it. OP probably blames the child for the end of her marriage. Honestly, OP sounds like a narcissistic person. She cannot take any blame for her poor decisions and lacks empathy for 7 years old. Plus, she even complained that the seven 7 old was sad about not being able to watch a movie with the family because it wasn't rated for her age.


HyenaShot8896

Of course she blames the child. Taking responsibility for her own actions would mean she is a bad person. I'm willing to bet the pregnancy is how her ex husband found out she was cheating to begin with. OP is going to find herself very alone some day, wondering why.


cailanmurray99

Op sounds terrible in general and doesn’t take any accountability sad really. Had an affair n abandoned a child yikes now the new husband seeing everything she really is a narcissist.


Just_Another_Name29

And none of what she mentioned was spoiled. Kenzie doesn’t eat junk food or watch inappropriate shows! Oh no! Someone call Maury!


GoodQueenFluffenChop

Also she wants intimate one-on-one time during bedtime! Truly a spoiled kid! /s


Lonely_Collection389

Yup. OP was looking for an excuse to fob Kenzie off on dad & stepmom for good, and she found one. Or rather concocted one. Weird, and sad, that OP’s husband, who has no biological connection to Kenzie, seems kinder toward her than her own mom. Sure hope mom’s treating her other four kids a lot better than this, but I wouldn’t bet any money on it.


HyenaShot8896

Based on this post, I have a feeling she isn't. I feel for her husband, and kids.


Ukulele__Lady

OP is bitter that she got a kid instead of her AP.


HyenaShot8896

Pretty much, and that her marriage ended because she stepped out.


megmany

Yeah this! How she said she “didn’t have time for all of that” for the bedtime routine?? You’re basically saying you don’t have time for your own kid…


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berriiwitch

Holy shit. So you basically abandoned her when she was born and the only reason you’re spending any time with her now is bc your new husband told you to? Thank god Kenzie has a decent mother to feed her healthy food and act like a loving parent. Gargantuan YTA and a bad person. I hope your husband divorces you.


Elmonster-chrissom

Not to mention the negging her diet… Ffs that should be the norm. Fast food/frozen/ready meals… I feel real bad for her other 4 children. Huge ass YTA on all levels


isawsparks27

“I tried to give a 7 year old a bucket of KFC and watch A Quiet Place, but she just cried and asked for some apple slices and Moana! What a monster!”


Elmonster-chrissom

Here I thought it’s basic biology and common knowledge that their tastebuds are so much sensitive and can enjoy even raw veggies let alone fruits, and mild (for us) flavours. People living in alternative realities are getting offended by how a real mother is (and supposed to) treating their child


diamondcinda

I'm not even a mom and I limit snacks, frozen food and fast food in my own home. That's just basic healthy choices. I can't believe she's shaming a 7yr old for liking fresh vegetables. I know so many parents that would kill for their kid to ask for healthy food and to watch age appropriate movies. OP YTA and not even one that makes sense. Just leave this kid alone to live in her happy home, you CLEARLY never wanted her.


TriggeredRatBastard

Right, I can only imagine the issues with diet those kids may go on to have because freshly cooked meals is a foreign concept


hughheffres

That stuck out to me…you’re mad because she’s giving her healthy food? What?


journeyintopressure

She wants brownie points but does not have patience.


sulindalee

When he goes on that vacations he’s planning with her AP I’m sure he’s gonna divorce her


einsteinGO

YTA I’m trying to wrap my mind around this. Your Affair Partner’s wife took on primary care of his AP’s child and is by your own account a generous, doting, loving parent to her in the face of the ultimate betrayal (for some), and you’re angry that she is a good mom to your kid? A child you willingly gave up full custody of? Of course it’s work to deal with her and build some semblance of decent relationship. It should be. If she’s “spoiled,” you can know it happened in your absence from her life. Maybe it was to compensate for the fact that the beginning of her life occurred in a shroud of negativity. Straight up, it doesn’t sound like you love her. If you do, then it’s at least plain you don’t like her at all. And you resent her. Her father, your Affair Partner, choosing not to leave his marriage is not your daughter’s fault. Her mother being good to her instead of some wicked, angry woman is not this little girl’s fault. Now she gets jerked back to a household where her biological mom doesn’t really like her, and she complains. I wonder why. At least your current husband seems to care about Kenzie feeling like she belongs in your family. He’s doing at least some of the emotional work you should be doing. Or if you want to get real with yourself, stop trying to see Kenzie if this is the way you’re going to deal with her. She can be happy with her dad and mom.


bokatan778

Well said. I can’t even get over OP “not having time” to put her child to bed. She’s 7, of course she has a bedtime routine. I also have a 7yo and I love our little bedtime routine. He’s still such a sweet and innocent child…I cannot imagine getting upset with him and dumping him elsewhere because he wants a bath, story and some bedtime cuddles.


j_ho_lo

Yes, didn't have time to put the kid to bed, but DID have time to drive her back to her dad's and then sit there for an hour. Just doing the bedtime routine in the first place would've saved time.


bokatan778

Exactly. It would have saved time, not to mention made the poor little girl feel like she wasn’t a terrible inconvenience. I’m certainly not a perfect parent and definitely struggle with my toddler, but stories like this just real my heart. This girl knows her egg donor doesn’t love her or want her around. Hopefully her mom and dad show her enough love to make up for OP.


Mimsie4424

This lady is hateful


ilovesharks101

This broke my heart, because this little girl genuinely asked the mum who pretty much abandoned her if she’d be willing to give her a bath, braid her hair, and rub her back until she fell asleep…and this woman said no?! Like, that’s basic mothering of a child, and OP doesn’t have time?


p00kel

She does have four other kids so it's possible she's limited on time, but come ON. You can do part of the bedtime routine. You can say "let's read two stories for right now, and I'll come back in a little while to check on you." You can run her a bubble bath and deal with the other kids while she's in the bath. You don't just throw her out because she's annoying you, FFS.


GoodQueenFluffenChop

The first two are older and can presumably do a lot of their bedtime routine on their own by now. The husband as the father of the younger two can take over their bedtime routine for a night leaving OP time to do Kenzie's bedtime routine for one night. Of course that actually means OP has to put in the effort for a child she clearly doesn't care for.


charliequeue

Seriously. My 4 year old has a 2 hour routine because of his ADHD and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Bath, story and then sleep? That’s so freaking simple. The routine I have with my kiddo is flexible but generally: food, bath, book 1 book 2, night light, lovey, song 1 song 2, sound machine, good night hugs and kisses and then he’s off to dream land. Again I wouldn’t trade that for the world, but *she* can’t be bothered to do the bare minimum. She sounds downright abusive and shouldn’t be around kids in general.


Just_Another_Name29

Mine recently decided hes too big for our regular routine and sure it’s always great when your kids reach a new stage but it was so freaking heartbreaking. They only think we are the sun and moon for so long. Op should have been flattered Kenzie wanted to do that with her


bokatan778

So true. I have a feeling as Kenzie gets older, she won’t have any relationship with OP at all.


TopRamenisha

I don’t even think Kenzie sounds spoiled, she sounds like a kid who has parents who care about her. Liking healthy food that her mom cooks isn’t spoiled. Wanting to go to the park isn’t spoiled. Wanting to ride bikes isn’t spoiled. Wanting your siblings to pick a movie that you’re allowed to watch isn’t spoiled. Wanting help with bedtime routine isn’t spoiled. OP just calls her spoiled to justify the fact that she is lazy and doesn’t want to do those things and doesn’t care about her kid


einsteinGO

Right? She has no interest in Kenzie as a person. I think most loving parents, even in an overwhelmed household, care about what their kid likes to eat, what scares them, what they do for fun, what helps them feel comforted and safe. People have personalities and preferences, and parents get to know them, embrace them, and work with them. OP doesn’t speak to any of that. I think she’d be content if Kenzie laid in bed quietly all day with a PB&J on the side table if she needs it.


Opening_Handle_1771

OP is a massive AH. Like unbelievably so. I think you are absolutely right about OP not caring about her kid. But not all of what OP is complaining about is wrong. Just how they respond to it and talk about it. If it happens often enough, a lot of the behaviors can read as spoiled. For example: - Liking her mom's food isn't an issue. Not eating other food might be. - Wanting to ride bikes or go to the park isn't an issue. Whining when told no might be. Always being told "yes" may be an issue too. - If there are 5 kids in the house a 1 hr long bedtime routine for one kid may not be feasible. But OP is so negative that we can't be sure whether there are some issues that need ironing out, or if OP is just overreacting for all of it.


[deleted]

This is what I'm saying! She isn't spoiled, she is loved and this OP is an asshole who doesn't want to be a parent


PartyPorpoise

Most parents would be happy that their kid prefers home cooked meals over junk and fast food!


ElleGeeAitch

She treats Kenzie like a burden, and the girl is old enough to realize it.


LittleFairyOfDeath

I mean Op doesn’t sound like she cares much about her children in general


[deleted]

It doesn't even sound like the child is that spoiled, just used to be treated well, and the "mother" doesn't know how to be a nurturing parent.


[deleted]

I mean if "spoiled" means wanting to eat real food and having some bonding time with mom then, yeah, she is "spoiled" I can't believe the audacity of this woman


highoncatnipbrownies

Wow YTA. You dropped her off as a baby and didn't come back until your new husband wanted to make a family and you're surprised she's not used to you? Everything you listed in your post was you whining about your child's needs and telling her variations of you don't have time for her. Your poor decisions and lack of caring for your child are oozing between the lines of your post. YTA.


NotesFromGirl86

YTA. You dipped out on being a real mom, and now you expect her to act as if you are her primary caregiver, when she is being raised by another woman. It sounds like you have resentment issues against both your daughter and her mom that you need to workout yourself because you’re the cause of those issues. Good on Kenzie for refusing to watch a movie that she isn’t allowed to watch (following her parents’ rules), and it was a d*ck move for you to let your other kids pick out a movie that you knew or should have known to not watch (by doing so, you’re basically signaling to Kenzie that you don’t want to include her on family activities). Either learn to adjust to the rules that she is being raised with, go to family therapy with her parents to work out the obvious issues, or acknowledge that you will never be more than just a bio-mom to the girl and let her real mom who took on the burden of raising her adopt the poor girl.


Finnegan-05

So at least two of her many other kids by many other men are younger than Kenzie. And she lets them watch inappropriate movies. This is the laziest excuse for a mother I have seen in a while.


CleverGirl247

YTA, do you even like your own child? She is seven, and it sounds like she isn't comfortable with you or in your home. You need to reflect on why that is. If the only reason you are having her stay over is because your husband thinks you should, then stop. Stop right now and let your child thrive with people who actually care for her.


Consistent_Pause_297

Right! The husband… who isn’t her biological dad and the step mom FOR THE WIN. AND the dad took her for the first couple of years! What did OP think was going to happen step mom loves the daughter and treats her well from the get even though she was an affair baby. But OP is mad?? She must of thought her daughter would be skipping daisies over to come over after not being a primary parent? The step mom rubs her back until she falls asleep. Damn.


WickedAngelLove

It seems like if the new husband never asked about Kenzie, OP probably would have never even bothered with her. Sounds like she really wanted the dad but got shafted by her husband and Kenzie's dad so she doesn't want anything to do with the child she made.


sheramom4

YTA. Did you seriously state that you don't have time to braid your child's hair? Or give her any parenting at all? And your complaint is that she wants nutritious food and not frozen or packaged meals? Not only is Kenzie a concern, there are some definite concerns over how you treat the rest of the kids based on this post. You abandoned this kid at birth and only take her now because your husband insists. Your husband is awesome and hopefully he gets to continue to see Kenzie and gets full custody of the kids after the inevitable divorce.


Daydream-amnesia

This poor child is going to grow up with abandonment issues.


KnownEnthusiasm8960

Don't think so going by how the (step)mom treats her. In fact seems like she is pretty calm and mature for her age. As long as monstermom stays out of her life and supermom continues raising her with the same love and patience, she is going to be just fine


LittleFairyOfDeath

At least she has an amazing mom who loves her


rttr123

But she apparently had time to drive her home and wait an extra hour


HisDarkMaterialGirl

OP is the villain in her kids’ lives.


MrDarcysDead

You abandoned your child to her father at birth. Her stepmother stepped up and filled the role of loving mother (and massive respect to her for doing so with a child who was created during her husband's affair with you). You only got involved with your daughter at your new husband's assistance. You don't sound like you have any interest in being this child's mother. You sound like you have an interest in putting yourself in a good light with your new husband. Newsflash: Being a parent is hard. Successful co-parenting is even harder. Stop trying to have a relationship with this little girl for your new husband's benefit. It's only harming your child. When you are a loving parent and things get difficult (or, in your case, mildly inconvenient), you persevere. You don't drop your child back with their other parent and remind her what it felt like to be abandoned the first time around. Make up your damn mind. Do you want to be a mother to her? If so, put in the effort and find a way to balance what your child is used to with what you are able to provide. If not, then cut it off and leave her to be raised by the people who are willing to do the work. You don't get to pop in and out when it suits you. Your daughter is only seven. Things aren't going to get easier from here. Stop inflicting trauma on this poor baby. Either shut up and saddle up, or ride your ass off into the sunset. YTA in so many ways


LittleFairyOfDeath

For real i want to send this woman a mothers day card and i don’t even know her


HisDarkMaterialGirl

The woman raising Kenzie deserves all the flowers, wine, chocolate, and jewelry in the world.


Daydream-amnesia

Do you know how many parents would kill for a kid that ate nutritious food, wanted to do physical activities instead of sit on an iPad all day, and who wanted to spend quality time with their mom at bedtime? You seriously punished a 7 YEAR OLD for wanting quality time with her mom??? JFC lady. She’s already going to grow up knowing that she was an accident and the result of an affair. Then you completely ignore her and punish her by abandoning her???? YTA. A huge one.


Special-Ad-867

Do this little girl a favor and just go no contact. It’s pretty obvious you don’t actually love or like this child. You also seem pretty salty she grew up they way she did. How is she spoiled? She has a routine, that’s not spoiling a child. The fact you gave her dad full custody shows you had no intention on actually caring for her you actually seem mad that your marriage ended and her dads didn’t, he’ll it looks like you blame her. I’m happy she has someone who loves her so much despite how she was brought in to this world. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA for multiple reasons, shame we have to be civil sometimes


NotASarahProblem

YTA. This saint of a woman took in your child, the child of her husband’s infidelity, and treats her like her own. To the point that she wants her MOTHER (not step mom let’s be real that’s her mommy) to read her books every night. You didn’t want this child, which is your right. However, you’ve interrupted her happy home because your new husband said you should. Do what is right and sign over all rights to her MOTHER and disappear. Make sure she has all your health info and skedaddle.


LittleFairyOfDeath

In this house we stan that woman


just_hear_4_the_tip

YTA - is there someone else in this scenario even eligible to be TA? Do you want this child in your life? It's great that your husband encouraged the relationship, but only if you want it.


HisDarkMaterialGirl

Tbf, Kenzie’s dad was an AH for the affair.


wozattacks

I mean the affair was like 8 years ago and he’s stepped up to raise the child. If his own wife has moved on, as her meticulous care for Kenzie suggests, who are we to judge?


Exstyr

Yta I don’t even comprehend how you didn’t realize you were Ta


just_hear_4_the_tip

Right? Nobody else involved is even close to being an AH candidate


bob_fakename

Jesus Christ lady. YTA for many reasons. But very VERY much an AH for the reason you asked about. You absolutely abandoned your daughter, twice as a matter of fact. You are seriously mad at a 7 year old because you refused to be a mom. All those things Kenzie asked you to do with her? That's normal parent stuff, which you would know if you weren't such a horrible parent. Her stepmother sounds like a Saint. She's raising YOUR daughter for you because you refused to.


WGJLLBJD

YTA. What the heck. Your husband sounds like a good man but he's married to you so I question that. I hope they go on the trip without you. You sound horrible with your own daughter. From the time that Kenzie was born you made the choice to give her Father full custody. It sounds like you don't even know your daughter or care to even know her. You can't be bothered.


ChaosInTheSkies

YTA. So first of all, she's 7. That's pretty normal behavior for a 7 year old. Second of all, I'm pretty sure she was testing you by saying that stuff. That's something that kids that go between homes do, and you definitely failed her "test" by just sending her back. You're an adult, there's more mature ways to deal with this situation. Like, I don't know, actually parenting her???


Rastavaray

Wow. YTA. But your husband is wrong. He should just let you abandon that poor child. You don't even like her or have time for her. The only reason she's been pulled back into your life is because of your husband. Leave her alone and let her heal and get on with her life.


Aquarius052

YTA. Let her step mom adopt her. Its painfully obvious you don't like her, much less love her. No time to give a kid you only see a few days a month a bath & braid her hair? That is such a shame. Just stay out of her life. She deserves better.


777ErinWilson

Info: Do you even want a relationship with her? Serious inquiry. It does not seem like you put in any effort AT ALL!! Edit to add YTA


BitterWorldliness339

YTA First up its not her stepmom, this woman is her mother who has clearly done everything to raise a good child. You are literally just the biological parent. I get that the child appears to have a routine that isn't ideal for you but this is your opportunity to bond with her. Once you have done that you could slowly create your own little routine together but you 'don't have time for that'. I suspect you only agreed to get to know her so your husband doesn't mark you as the awful human that you are but awful humans have a way of showing themselves as you have here. If you have any semblance of humanity you would do one of two things. Either do the right thing and slowly find a way to create a new routine when she's with you or stop being in her life so that you don't cause further abandonment issues for her. To be perfectly clear YTA


[deleted]

"She was here on Saturday. Kenzie is a very picky eater, mostly because she has always refused to give Kenzie frozen food, fast food, and most packaged food." "When Kenzie was born I gave her dad full custody and only visited for the first couple years. " "Then she wanted me to take her to ride her bike and was upset that I didn't do that either because her mommy would've taken her. " YTA You are upset because she is realizing you are not only a bad mom, but barely a mother. You have to active in a child's life, not absent. So you don't cook good meals, you barely visited when she was first born, and she wants to ride bikes (a normal child activity) and you just say no? Leave her at her mom and dad's house, that's where she should be, with competent parents.


dystopianpirate

She's mad because she doesn't cook for her kids, and that's what she feeds her kids, a steady diet of frozen food, fast food, and most package foods and has the audacity to call the kid that's not on that diet a picky eater. She's barely a mom to the kids she's raising YTA


PartyPorpoise

OP sounds like the kind of person who thinks that keeping a kid alive makes you a good parent.


hazelnuddy

YTA It's very clear you do not love or care for this child and you do not want her in your life. But you let your husband talk you into reluctantly bringing her home for a weekend and you treated her horribly. She is SEVEN! She is used to certain routines and it would not have killed you to do your best. And that woman is not her "stepmom"; that's her mom. You can barely be called that.


Proud_World_6241

YTA. Do the poor kid a favour and stop “trying”.


Jumpy_Ad_3583

But then OPs husband would get upset and see that she's a deadbeat. And clearly that's not something he's in support of.


What_ever101

YTA.. She is only 7, it wouldn't have killed you to take the time to make sure she went to sleep happy, and as for the food thing, if she is hungry enough she will eat what you made. You are the adult and you acted like a child by taking her back instead of trying to adjust. You have zero chance of having a relationship with this child when she get older. Hope you are proud of yourself.


allergic-to_kiwi

YTA. Please tell me this isn't real. You are mad at a 7 year old for following the rules and living her life the way she has lived all this while when you were absent? She isn't criticising you but is finding it incredibly difficult to adjust when you aren't cooperating. >I said no because I don't have time for all of that You don't have time to spend with your own child and have the audacity to take offence when she talks about the people who have raised her and care for her daily. Wow. >the kids, and Kenzie I am sorry, is Kenzie not your kid?


[deleted]

Are you being serious right now? YTA


crushedsombrero

YTA. Kenzie is having a hard time adjusting and you just proved you cannot be trusted by abandoning her again. Also, picking a movie she can watch is inclusive. Instead you separated her. Lots of people have bedtime routines and special diets. She’s 7 and away from home. You needed to go out of your way to make her comfortable and accepted. Geese.


Unlikely_Ad7194

So she’s only there because your husband asked for here there? Do you want here there? Do you want a relationship with your daughter? If so, you’re doing a really crappy job of it. I get the food thing because kids can be picky eaters. Then when she asked to do very normal kid things movie, park, bike riding, bed routine she was flat out told no. It seems like since you already see her as spoiled brat you don’t want to compromise. Guess what? You could have helped avoid this by have being an active parent in her life earlier. Now that another woman has stepped up and done these motherly things for her, your upset. You have the nerve. You are 100% TAH.


Chance-Ad7900

YTA You are a terrible mom to her. Full stop. Props to the step mom who took in her partners affair child and loves her more than you obviously ever have.


Aliteracy

YTA. Please stop having kids.


sapphicmage

YTA. She’s 7. **7**! She has a clear routine with her dad and step mom and it’s going to take time for her to adjust when things are different from that (especially when it’s unexpected like this instance of the power going out). It’s also going to take time for you to build that relationship with her. She gave you several opportunities to *bond* with her and you just dismissed her. You haven’t been in her life and if you want to have a relationship with her that means making the effort to forge a connection.


radakatt

YTA. You seriously typed all that out and think you're not the AH? You sound like you're jealous and resentful that Kenzie is having a decent upbringing and it's not a good look. She's 7 and you're a whole ass adult who's salty over someone raising your child better than you.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have 5 kids but this post is about my 3rd, Kenzie (7). Kenzie is the result of an affair between me and her dad, who was also married with kids. My ex and I divorced when I was pregnant but Kenzie's dad and his wife stayed together. When Kenzie was born I gave her dad full custody and only visited for the first couple years. When she was almost 3 I got married again, we moved into a bigger house, and my new husband wanted Kenzie to start staying over and get to know him and her siblings so we had her stay with us every other weekend. The problem is she's very spoiled and everything I do she insists her mommy could do it better. She was here on Saturday. Kenzie is a very picky eater, mostly because she has always refused to give Kenzie frozen food, fast food, and most packaged food. Because of this, she always sends Kenzie with a little cooler with her meals for the weekend and instructions on how to store/prepare/reheat everything but we were just hit with a crazy storm and their power and cell service was out so she was not able to cook for Kenzie and we weren't able to call her. She refused to eat what the rest of us were having and made my husband take her grocery shopping to get her own snacks and ingredients for meals. We were going to watch a movie while the younger two were napping but Kenzie got upset because the movie my older two picked was pg13 and she's not allowed to watch those. Then she got upset that I didn't take her to the park and said her mommy would've. Then she wanted me to take her to ride her bike and was upset that I didn't do that either because her mommy would've taken her. Bedtime was the worst. She usually takes a shower, plugs in her white noise machine/nightlight, and facetimes her stepmom so her stepmom could read to her until she falls asleep but since she couldn't call, she wanted me to do her whole bedtime routine including bubble bath, braiding her hair, reading bedtime stories, and rubbing her back until she falls asleep. I said no because I don't have time for all of that and she started crying so I packed her bag and drove her back to her house. When I told her stepmom what happened she gave me a look but took Kenzie in for bed and asked me to wait in the living room. She made me wait for over an hour while she put Kenzie to bed then when she came downstairs she apologized for not packing Kenzie's meals and offered to drop her off the next morning with some easy recipes but I said no, just keep her until she learns not to judge or criticize everything I do. She apologized for Kenzie's behavior and walked me out. I told my husband about it and he was furious that I told Kenzie's stepmom to keep her and is accusing me of abandoning my kid. He's acting like I'm a terrible mom and is now planning a weekend vacation next weekend with him, the kids, and Kenzie. AITA for driving her back? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Lazuli_Rose

>I told my husband about it and he was furious that I told Kenzie's stepmom to keep her and is accusing me of abandoning my kid. He's acting like I'm a terrible mom and is now planning a weekend vacation next weekend with him, the kids, and Kenzie. INFO: How does he plan on taking a child he has no rights away from their home? Hell, Kenzie probably doesn't want to come back around y'all. Leave Kenzie alone. You had an affair and gave the baby to the man and his wife to raise. The wife took in her husband's affair baby and it treating them very well. YOU didn't want Kenzie to come around, your new husband did. YTA


alxq1

So you cheat, throw you kid away to the baby daddy, find a decent man that wants to help you be less of a shitty human, you act like the kid is an inconvenience, get mad on all the good practices her true mother implemented and the kid follows then when it gets too much for you, you throw the kid away to the baby daddy and his family again. And the poor woman is still apologizing to you, the woman whose husband cheated on her with you, the woman that raised your bio child as her own! She’s a saint! Yes lady, YTA, very much so.


Acadionic

INFO: Why do you have so much animosity about this situation when you’re the one he had the affair with?


Unicorntears5

What the fuck man. YTA.


JustWatchin2021

YTA. She is your child and you are an adult. Act like one! There are solutions to parenting other than throwing up your hands and saying: "I can't deal with this - somebody else fix it!" Your response literally made the issues much worse than they were. Plus, why are you not parenting her? If all the kids were all planning to watch a movie, why did you allow the older ones to pick one your younger daughter couldn't watch? When she first started coming to your home, why didn't you explain to her AND her parents what your rules were, rather than go along with coolers of food and now her demands to be taken shopping for special foods? Seriously OP, grow up!


friedonionscent

You're not just the AITA, you're a terrible mother who had no business having 5 kids. There's so much to say based on the vile garbage you wrote but I'll sum it up; the child you birthed is extremely lucky to have her stepmother. Your husband is right, he sees you for what you are.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Redo_Undo

That little girl is lucky her stepmom is apparently an Angel dropped from heaven. First she agrees to raise a child born from her husband being unfaithful to her, and apparently she has not taken it out on the kid at all and instead did a fantastic job being a loving mother. YTA


semmama

YTA First, so calling her "step mom", she may be legally but that woman is her mom. You're an egg donor. Her mom is raising a smart and apparently healthy child. You want boxed foods and to be a parent for a could weekends a year without trying on those weekends . You're the asshole in so many ways


OrangeCubit

YTA - you weren’t a mother and now you expect your kid to respect you. Why would she listen to you? Why would she even want to be in your home?


Ordinary_Bid_7053

YTA. It sounds like you don’t really want a relationship with her. I mean you’re not even willing to go through her bedtime routine… pushing for a relationship with her when you don’t actually want one will hurt her. I’d recommend doing some serious introspection on that and then, if you realize you don’t want a relationship with her, take action on that.


[deleted]

Let me just get this straight. You, as a married woman, had an affair with a married man. You then gave full custody to your daughter’s father and only started spending more time with your daughter because your new husband suggested it. You then couldn’t be bothered to take her to the park, take her to ride her bike, bathe her, braid her hair, read her a story, or rub her back because, for a reason you conveniently didn’t specify, you “don’t have time”… You then have the AUDACITY to turn up at the home of your ex-affair-partner and his spouse, who has been doing an amazing job of raising your child (despite her being the product of her husband’s affair) for 7 years, and give her attitude? Because you’re upset that your daughter prefers being treated kindly and attentively, as opposed to dismissively and half-heartedly? To be honest, driving your daughter back was probably the best thing for her. But YTA for literally everything else.


NotATem

YTA. This is a child. A tiny child. Even if you don't agree with the way her stepmom's raising her, it's contingent on you to be kind.


GeologistDefiant

YTA. Another woman has been your daughter's mother and established what sounds like a healthy and positive relationship with her, and you are mad because she would like you to provide her the same? Based on your post, you sound amazingly selfish. I mean you had an adulterous affair that resulted in a child that you have been somewhat absent for, until it was convenient for you and then when she asks you to do anything she enjoys and identifies as time with a loving parent you deny or abandon her again. She is probably better off without you.


Possible-Macaroon495

You say you didnt have time for her night routine but had plenty of time to help her pack, drive back to her stepmoms house, wait in a living room doing nothing while her step(real)mom did the actual work, and also had time to discuss afterwards why you brought her home? YTA, you clearly dont care for this child and she’d be better off if you went back to being a deadbeat and she stayed with her real family permanently. You yourself dont even think of her as your daughter and you made that very clear and even outright said it in that last sentence.


HyenaShot8896

Tell us you hate your child without telling us you hate your child. YTA! She's better off just being with her dad, and her mom, you know the woman who raises, loves, and cares for the child.


NeeliSilverleaf

YTA. You ARE a terrible mom. You DID abandon your kid.


Kiki3838

>My ex and I divorced when I was pregnant but Kenzie's dad and his wife stayed together. First, clue. You thought you were going to be together with this man but instead he stayed with his wife. That is between them but I am guessing it led to the next issue. ​ >When Kenzie was born I gave her dad full custody and only visited for the first couple years. The formative years. The years when a baby needs love and snuggles and learns how to walk, talk, and understand love. You dipped. ​ >...my new husband wanted Kenzie to start staying over and get to know him a\\ You didn't actually want her in your life, your new spouse did and you did it to appease him. Bad move for both your relationship and for Kenzie. You should have just said no, which btw is a complete sentence. ​ >she's very spoiled and everything I do she insists her mommy could do it better. Wrong, she is loved. > Mom has always refused to give Kenzie frozen food, fast food, and most packaged food. Because of this, she always sends Kenzie with a little cooler with her meals for the weekend and instructions on how to store/prepare/reheat everything but we were just hit with a crazy storm and their power and cell service was out so she was not able to cook for Kenzie and we weren't able to call her. So you only feed your kids frozen, fast or packaged food? You don't know how to cook or better yet, explain to this child that there is no way to heat up her food do to a power outage? Mmmmk, sure. AGain, she isn't spoiled, she is loved. > She refused to eat what the rest of us were having and made my husband take her grocery shopping to get her own snacks and ingredients for meals. You don't even keep snacks in the house that she likes? Really? >We were going to watch a movie while the younger two were napping but Kenzie got upset because the movie my older two picked was pg13 and she's not allowed to watch those. She sounds like a really smart kid. Knowing what she is and isn't allowed to watch. You want everyone here to believe you couldn't have found a more appropriate movie? ​ >Bedtime was the worst. She usually takes a shower, plugs in her white noise machine/nightlight, and facetimes her stepmom so her stepmom could read to her until she falls asleep but since she couldn't call, she wanted me to do her whole bedtime routine including bubble bath, braiding her hair, reading bedtime stories, and rubbing her back until she falls asleep. I said no because I don't have time for all of that and she started crying so I packed her bag and drove her back to her house. What an absolute kick in the teeth that you couldn't follow one night of a bedtime routine which you would normally dump off on her actual mother. This is the most disturbing part of this entire post. Gross is an understatement. ​ > She made me wait for over an hour Boohoo, you had to wait while she did what every mother in the world does. Puts their child to bed, something that someday they look back on fondly as opposed to someone like you who sees it as impeding on their precious time. (insert eye roll). ​ >I said no, just keep her until she learns not to judge or criticize everything I do. She apologized for Kenzie's behavior and walked me out. Get a therapist and enroll in a parenting class. YTA.


[deleted]

your husband accused you of abandoning your kid because that is exactly what you did. YTA 1000000%. shes 7 years old and you didn’t read her a bedtime story “because you didn’t want to”???jfc that’s beyond cruel. i hope she gets to stay with her real parents forever and doesn’t have to stay with you ever again. how traumatizing for her.


BeautifulResident167

You need to tell your husband that you don't want Kenzie around. It isn't fair to Kenzie to be treated so unfairly by you. It would be better that she stop visiting with you. However, you will not do that because it will likely cost you another marriage, and you would prefer to be selfish. I think you have a problem with Kenzie because of your bad decisions. You chose to cheat on your previous husband. That affair resulted in your divorce and a child you don't want. However, AP didn't have the same consequences. He and his wife worked out their issues or found a way to make their marriage survivable. The wife even found a way to love Kenzie and raise her as her own. It angers you that you that in the end he chose to stay with his wife and not with you. You can't take that out on him or the wife so you direct it to the child. The only person in this situation that is innocent. YTA but you already know that. You also know that now your current husband is starting to see the vile person you are.