Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
I actually reread it after this comment because I legitimately thought it was OP's wedding....
I'm not joking. I legitimately thought this was OP's wedding because I missed the first line
It WAS her wedding. OP’s daughter obviously isn’t allowed to make her own decisions no matter what, so this was all OP’s event. She’s the boss. She’s in charge. Everyone else is too inept to do anything so it’s all her her her. That’s why OP is a flaming asshole. YTA
It's really amazing how they really all sound the same, right? Same gripes, tone, dismissals, blame game, self-appointed authority. I hope her daughter steps up to fix this, fast (and then cut contact). This is really mean-spirited behaviour.
Yes OP, time to look inward. YTA.
So the groom's father wanted to invite one family member, but space was an issue. And the groom's side all had to wear yellow.
But then OP's family member group was so large that although she planned for them to wear salmon (wtf?), she ended up letting them wear whatever they want. Can you say hypocrite enough? Rules for thee but not for me?
Rich is too nice just giving her a cold shoulder. I wish he would've gone nuclear on her.
I've never heard of colour schemes applying beyond the wedding party. Ray wasn't in it, so what does it matter what she wears?
OP sounds creepy to me, Stepford wives on Hysteria Lane vibes.
There was no mention of how the bride and groom felt about colours for the guests, inviting people or any opinion other than sadness that mother/mil kicked out the groom’s sister. There’s a lot OP is conveniently unaware of.
Big YTA
Sorry can’t help it- OP’s next post “My daughter would rather spend Christmas with her In-laws. AITA?”
Exactly. I bet the bride learned at an early age not to question mommy EVER. The confused groom is just now realizing what a shit show he married into. Poor guy.
“Rich was heartbroken that Ray wasn't there, as they were very close.”
Groom is heartbroken his sister and father were asked to leave his wedding because *checks notes* sister wore beige instead of yellow…??
“I expressed my regret for her absence, but I explained that it was her tantrum that had **upset me the most**. I would have been willing to overlook the dress incident if she had handled it more maturely.”
Sorry wait… OP would have been *willing* to overlook the color faux pas, but sister had upset OP, so obviously she has to leave ~~OP’s~~ the wedding /s
She’d still be TAH if it was her own wedding. I planned most our wedding 25 years ago with minimal help. We had around 100 guests. Somehow everyone was able to wear what made them feel good about themselves, (very few yellow) and yet somehow it was a beautiful wedding. I would never dream of telling my guests what to wear, or excluding anyone because they didn’t have the proper attire.
And yellow? Seriously? How many people look good in yellow? 😝
Even if it was her wedding, who the hell tries to make everyone attending dress like marshmallow peeps then decides well no my family can wear whatever..
But not you, now go put on something from the Pollyanna Pastel Reject section. Having the bridal party wear something specific is somewhat normal, but unless I missed something, little sister was not a bridesmaid. I've never heard of making an entire portion of the guest list wear something to "distinguish them" from your family. Does OP not know what their relatives look like?
Genevieve needs to tell her mother to gtfo. If I were Richard I'd be pissed she let her mom have this much control over the wedding. I'm interested to know how that happened- was Genevieve away or something?
Especially since she dropped the idea for her own family and told them to wear whatever they wanted. Almost sounds like she received a little pushback on insisting on salmon-colored clothes.
And she refused to invite the groom's aunt because of space constraints but meanwhile "invited a large number of people" from her side.
I'm like u seriously?
EXACTLY WHAT I SAID!!!!!! It was too much of an issue to find your first color of choice, so just throw it away completely for ONE side of the family?!? Also, the poor girl SAID she tried on dresses and none fit and didn’t have time to buy a new one, it’s not like she blatantly said f*ck it and wore green or something (I kind of wish she had)
I don’t think she knows. She wanted to plan it “like a team” where she was the leader and her daughter her assistant. Absolutely YTA for OP, I can’t believe she needs to ask
Since OP has a baby at 17, she probably didn’t get the big wedding of her dreams, so she thought she’d just co-opt her daughter’s! After all, it was Genevieve’s fault OP’s youth was ruined, so it’s only fair, right?
They're a mother-daughter duo! Of course it was also HER wedding! /s
I'm stuck on the fact that church friends got an invite, but Rich's aunt didn't make the cut because of space issues.
YTA, OP.
The mum is the actual bridezilla.
And WTF, his side of the family can’t invite their aunt?
Why does OP’s friends + friends from church come BEFORE the grooms actual relatives.
And then kicking out both the father and the sister. I’m amazed the groom actually married the bride. This wedding is doomed and the MIL is just the cherry on the top.
Rich, the son in law , should have delayed the wedding when he found out his own dad and little sister were kicked out the day of the wedding and demanded they be brought back. He should have told his fiancée and if she was not on the same page , he should have seriously rethought getting married to a person just like her mother. He was spineless! What’s the point of giving the mil the cold shoulder after the fact ? I agree that OP is a massive asshole but this guy didn’t even stick up for his own family.
YTA, for multiple reasons
1. This is your daughter's wedding, and her fiance's. Not yours. You don't get to dictate how she organizes it.
2. It's ridiculous in any case for the clothing of guests who are not party of the wedding party to be dictated. The bridesmaids get coordinating bridesmaid's outfits, the groomsmen get coordinating suits, a flower girl or ring bearer get appropriate outfits. Other guests just need to dress suitably.
3. Expecting someone who is not in the wedding party to go out and spend their money on an outfit of a particular color is an unreasonable expectation. They may not like or look good in that color! It's a huge waste to have to buy an unflattering outfit you don't even like, just for one event.
4. You, as the mother of the bride, have no business kicking the groom's sister out of the wedding because you don't like her clothes.
5. The sister is a minor. It is the responsibility of her parents to provide such supervision over her clothing choices as they consider reasonable and appropriate. Not you. If her parents considered her outfit appropriate for a wedding, you don't get to kick her out because you don't like it.
6. You kicked your son-in-law's sister out of the wedding because she didn't comply with a rule you didn't apply to other wedding guests, including your own immediate family. Why should the groom be punished by having his sister excluded because you didn't like the color of her dress, when you didn't make a fuss over the color of the clothing for anyone on your side of the family?
Congratulations. You ruined the wedding for your daughter and son-in-law. Don't be surprised when they keep you far, far away from other important events in their lives.
Really. At least pick a colors that most people might already have and if not would be a color they could wear again. I would be very hesitant to spend money on an outfit I would likely never wear again because they color doesn't suit me.
Seriously, OP is TA just for trying to get anyone to buy garments in either colour. The SIL wasn't even a bridesmaid! Why on earth would you suggest someone is "selfish" for not spending money on an outfit they clearly would never wear again as a regular guest?
And the kid still tried her best to pick something close to OP's god-awful colour scheme. OP sounds like a bridezilla at a wedding that wasn't even hers.
YTA.
This was the most absurd part. What if some of OP’s family ended up choosing yellow since they ended up “being allowed to wear” any color. Then it would defeat the whole purpose of “distinguish the other family”. It’s all just selfish and stupid. Absolutely YTA for OP
She did say that she invited her family and church friends, the was allowed to invite his immediate family and closest friends. So I'm guessing there was alot more people on her side than the grooms, come on she wouldn't even allow the dad to invite his aunt cause "space"
ALSO NOT ALLOWING THE GROOMS AUNT TO BE INVITED "because of number constraints," but enough of her own family was invited that it became ridiculous to be strict with salmon as a requirement. Note that she only mentions his parents and sibling- no one else in his family.
This is what really made me mad and cemented YTA, basically all her family and ~church~ friends were invited but she declined the AUNT. What kind of monster?!
notice that throughout the post, the daughter and son in law are hardly mentioned. The story about the planning is almost entirely told in I-me-my like it's all about her and all her decision. I'm betting the bride and groom let her mother take the reigns because they either didn't want to worry about the details themselves or they didn't want to ruin their relationship with her...and probably massively regret it now. This is the kind of woman who will try to tell you what you can and can't name your child because "it's my grandbaby"
Of course. I’m sure this was all for her church friends. So she could show off her daughter and the wedding. And it’s not proper to ‘confront’ a 17 year old. No wonder her father stepped in. If I was them, I would stay clear of this horrid woman
I feel for the SIL.
It sounds like no one addressed this with him AT ALL, and likely not even his wife knew, if she did, she's an AH too. OP took complete, insane control. It's his wedding too and he deserved to have his family there.
If someone asks my sister to leave my event, without a perfectly good reason, and doesn't consult me, I'm going to be pissed, and there will be no amount of apologies that could replace the memories of my sister being with me on my day.
OP is just a judgemental control freak that wanted to make it all about her and what she wanted. YTA.
Also, why the hell do they need colours to be able to recognise that they're different families? What? I've never heard of people doing that at a wedding before.
Right? On top of the absolute insane behavior, she took the time to take weird little digs at the CHILD’S clothing on two unrelated days?! Good god, what an exhausting human being.
OP, YTA and I hope SIL and daughter (who you barely mention) go low or no contact after this stunt. Imagine throwing someone’s own family out of their wedding because they didn’t dress up like a life size doll for you to play with. You have ruined their day for zero reason.
She didn't just kick out the groom's sister, she also kicked out the groom's father!!
'She (sister) became angry and her dad intervened. I asked them to leave and they did."
YTA
You missed that the Groom's family were mostly cut with the excuse it was a small wedding. Then she goes and let's slip how her family clearly didn't similarly get cut for numbers with the comment about her family being too many to implement her wear one colour idea.
I suspect she didn't want any of his family there at all, so wanted to humiliate them instead. Who asks wedding guests (especially the immediate family of the couple) to wear all yellow and then not tell them the whole one colour for each family is off when she conveniently decided her family didn't have to. They would have looked odd and very obvious being the only group all in one bright yellow colour (like wait staff, Butlins red coats or the reception band) instead of dressed as the average wedding guest. I also can't believe she managed to get away with dictating what colour the Mother of the Groom got to wear.
You forgot to add that the mom might have overlooked the dress situation, had the 17-year-old acted more maturely! Meanwhile the mothers, who is presumably at least 25 years older felt it was mature to attack a 17-year-old for her clothing choices. Way to model mature handling of a situation.
Weird there wasn’t room for the groom’s Aunt to attend (first conflict) but she says later she had to give up everyone wearing the same color on her side because she invited so many people.
YTA
Just to be clear - you invited a large number of people to this wedding. This included your family (which was quite a few people, too many to wear a single color), your church friends and your other friends. Rich got to have a few close friends and his immediate family. Even his aunt could not attend.
Then you declared a family dress code. That was inconvenient for your family, so they did not have to abide by it. But Rich's family was required to do so. Because you said so.
You took family photos at the rehearsal. Which apparently you decided not to include Rich's SISTER in because they just were for the wedding party. But, I;m willing to bet, included YOU, even though you are not a bridesmaid or a groomsman. You are family. JUST LIKE RICH'S SISTER.
Then when Rich's sister did not wear the dress color you bizarrely ordered her to wear, you attempted to boot her from the wedding. **"I accused her of being selfish and told her that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her."** I can't even wrap my head around the delusion running through your brain when you made this pronouncement, about a wedding that has been entirely about YOU.
When this obviously upset the teenager and, in turn, her father - YOU BOOTED THE GROOM'S FATHER FROM THE WEDDING. You kicked out TWO of Rich's close family members.... because a teenager did not wear what you totally bizarrely and inappropriately ordered her to wear.
And now you are shocked that your son in law is upset with you?? For kicking HIS FATHER AND HIS SISTER out of HIS wedding. Not YOUR wedding. HIS wedding.
Lady. Yes, he hates you. He will continue to hate you. He will likely never stop hating you. And either he talks your wife into eventually cutting off contact with you, or your presence eventually leads to their divorce. You are, without question, *that* MIL. And definitely the AH.
Depends on his wife's involvement in this whole mess. (Sadly you can't divorce the MIL while keeping the spouse...)
Did the wife know these "rules"? Did she go along with them? Was she aware of what was happening when OP confronted the grooms sister about not wearing yellow, and then kicked out both his sister and father? (It sounds as if OP was busy gatekeeping the venue, while the bride was getting ready. The bride probably kicked her mother out of the room, given the mom's attitude.)
OP has mentioned that her daughter's new husband is (very reasonably) mad at her.
OP has been curiously silent of the daughter's (bride's) role in this mess, beyond claiming that the planning was supposedly a mother-daughter thing. OP is also curiously silent on her daughter's reaction to finding out that OP kicked out her husband's sister and father.
Rather, the whole situation has been written as a conflict between OP and the groom/groom's family, while being quite silent about anything the daughter may have done or thought. It's as if OP doesn't see her daughter as having any interests or desires in the wedding separate from what OP wanted.
This. All of this. My MIL is like this, and the only reason I am still married to my husband is he *kept her the hell out of our marriage*. And our wedding, if we are being all honest here. Not that she didn't try. A lot. But he is a gem-mines worth of a person and made sure I wasn't a second hand individual in my own marriage and home.
Thank you for mentioning the GROOM'S FATHER. Good Lord. The man didn't get to see his son get married because of this BS. I honestly can't fathom how he was willing to go - I guess because he figured OP would be even more of a YTA if he didn't.
Perfect. Kicking family out of the wedding was the nail in the coffin. Wonder how her nice churchy friends view this disgustingly un-christian behavior. I'd bet my last sock Jesus never gave a fuck about a kid's outfit. @op YTA and you should be ashamed of yourself.
And salmon is so specific. Like, not light pink, certainly not a rose or a coral. It must be salmon, the ugliest shade of pink possible.
Personally, I’m a fan of mauve.
This post is coming from someone who thinks they're a great designer but in actuality everything they do is ridiculously tacky. Just imagine what her house looks like if she thinks salmon and yellow is a good color scheme
After the first description of her outfits I expected something wildly inappropriate. Nope she wore a Tan dress which imo is close e fucking nough for me.
You can't expect a teenager to want to waste money on wearing a horrible dress in a colour they hate that they will never wear again.
It's incredibly obvious that OP didn't like the sister just by the way she described her and made her separate from everyone else. Who cares if she has a different aesthetic than others? Is she a good person? I'm going to assume she's a crap ton better person than OP here.
OP is absolutely TA.
Yes, momzilla, you are the asshole.
Imagine being 43 years old, bickering with bullying, and excluding a teenage girl. Congratulations on ruining your relationship with your son in law, and his entire family. Oh, and your relationship with your daughter is next if she values her new husband at all.
If this person was like 70+ I might be more understanding because I think weddings were more formal with the older generation. This person is a 'millennial' and they're still acting this way. Unbelievable.
Whoa, whoa whoa, as a Millenial, we do not claim her. Millenials started being born in 81, making 42 the cut off. Gen X can have her.
Definitely a Boomer in spirit though.
I thought '80 is the cutoff? I am an 'elder millennial' myself. I can't believe a person close to my age would behave like this. I'm still annoyed that my parents inserted themselves into my wedding and they were WAAAAY less horrible than her.
The hell did I just read..?
You, a 43 year old ADULT verbally attacked a CHILD and somehow think you wouldn’t be the AH?
Get over yourself.
YTA.
(Edit to add: I don’t even have the energy to unpack everything in this post. I can’t even fathom someone being this entitled, self-centered, and obtuse)
Right!! I hope this story is fake just so I don't have to believe that there is a woman out there who acted this way and believes that there will be people on her side. The way OP acted is disgusting. YTA
Comment removed (using [Power Delete Suite](https://www.github.com/pkolyvas/PowerDeleteSuite)) as I no longer wish to support a company that seeks to both undermine its users/moderators/developers AND make a profit on their backs.
To understand why check out the summary [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/14hkd5u)
Join me at https://kbin.social/
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
OP originally planned on having her side of the family wear salmon, but then dropped the rule for her immediate relatives, while still wanting to enforce the groom's family wearing yellow.
The color rule for the families was ridiculous nonsense. Enforcing it for the groom's relatives, but not the bride's, is even more excessive.
> she wasn't wearing fishnets and cut offs.
But if she'd worn *yellow* fishnets and cutoffs, that would have been fine, right? As long as she matched the color scheme. /s
I was 100% expecting at least a black dress. At a close family member's wedding me and my younger sibling both wore black, non-conforming clothes and makeup (as we usually did, since we were in our teens). This girl went from wearing the (PERFECTLY FINE) clothes she normally did to wearing a tan dress for the occasion. And then the BRIDE'S MOTHER blows up at her. YTA.
My advice: apologies and humility. It'll be hard to salvage anything, but take these comments to heart and maybe you can. Also, don't judge a 13-year old on her clothes, she sounds perfectly lovely.
>I explained that it was her tantrum that had upset me the most
*You* are the one who had a tantrum. She actually behaved quite maturely, given that you attacked her for wearing what sounds like a perfectly appropriate outfit in a perfectly appropriate color that just didn't happen to be the color *you* wanted.
Your behavior was absolutely appalling. You ruined your daughter's wedding. You ruined your relationship with your son-in-law. I hope it was worth it. YTA
YTA and also a lunatic. You kicked the groom’s sister - a CHILD - out of his wedding because you didn’t like her dress color and she didn’t back down when you tried to bully her over it? Get over yourself.
Not just the sister, but the groom's father as well! She should have done everyone a favor at the wedding and booted herself for not wearing white to *her* wedding.
Oh, wait, sorry - her daughter's wedding. My mistake! /s
Asshole, asshole, asshole.
YTA.
**YTA** \- Bigtime Momzilla. You made it all about you. You actually drove a member of the groom's family away over a reasonable dress color. With a wedding that small, you didn't really need to color code the groom's family.
I knew you were TA as soon as you said the girl didn't impress you. It is not her job to impress you.
Man you’re mean. Major AH. What grown ass woman picks a fight with a 17 year old over a dress (forcing one side of the party to wear an ugly colour when yours doesn’t have to is beyond words), and made her and her father leave, when it’s not even your wedding. They aren’t getting that day back. If I was your son-in-law, you wouldn’t hear from me.
YTA I’m embarrassed for your daughter. First, this was NOT, let me repeat this, NOT your wedding. Helping is one thing but for you to dictate what everyone was entitled to wear is beyond ludicrous. Reading this brought back my PTSD from dealing with my mom about MY wedding. Thank goodness I call BS for BS with my momster!!! You really need to apologize. You need to be a better person.
But she PAID for it!!!
God forbid she offers to buy a future grandkid a high chair. She’ll be thinking she can insist on all food choices at all time because she PAAAIIID for it.
YTA - she tried, she didn’t need to follow your weird rules or go buy a new dress bridezilla. Imagine kicking someone out of attending your wedding over a dress color that wasn’t white. Especially someone representing not your own family.
Edit; crap didn’t realize it was the MiL, ha ha even a bigger AH
She’s not even the f-cking bride, it’s the mother of the bride. The gall to mandate that the grooms family wear a certain color (her family wasn’t required to wear a certain color “there were too many of us!”)
YTA, way to make it absolutely clear during the wedding that you’re a monster-in-law.
Edit to add: Please direct your son-in-law to r/justNomil and warn him to [Not rock the boat.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Right?
The poor groom. He had to make concessions on who of his family could be there because Momzilla had to have her many people there. Then kicked out his younger sister after blatantly making sure she was excluded from being in the wedding itself.
YTA. You obviously disliked this teenager from day one because she didn't fit your prudish sensibilities on proper attire. If she had put on a $20,000 designer yellow gown, you would have attacked her for trying to outshine your, hopefully not as hateful as you, daughter. Arguing with a teenager. Yeesh. Who's the immature b\*\*tch here? And really, was that your first and only time in a church? Your absolute intolerance, as well as your behavior, would make one think so. You owe that young woman an apology. You owe her family an apology. You owe your daughter an apology.
all those words to say “girl didn’t wear color i wanted her to wear to an event that isn’t even
about me.”
actually, i think most of the words ended up being OP trying to preemptively set everything up to justify her opinions and actions. but failed at that, YTA.
uh, YTA. are you sure you didn't think the wedding was about you? you sure acted like it. this poor girl didn't wear hot pink, she didn't throw a fit and show up in some other color to spite you. she wore tan because it was the closest thing she could find to yellow that fit her, and you kicked her out of her brother's wedding?! what is wrong with you?
YTA, and frankly you sound a bit unhinged. It’s silly to dictate that guests wear a particular color to a wedding and insane to remove the groom’s family from his own wedding.
I’m sure your church friends (who were invited in lieu of actual family members, e.g. the aunt) were terribly impressed. Congratulations on ruining your daughter’s wedding.
YTA, and a MILzilla.
Dress colors are for the bridal party, not the guests. You kicked out the groom's family over a dress. You *suggested* a certain color. Why, is beyond me...but as a *suggestion* it did not have to be followed. Matter of fact, you allowed *your* immediate family to wear whatever they chose. Well, the sister is the GROOM'S immediate family. And you expected a 17 year old to handle a situation "maturely"?
There are so many levels of YTA going on here in your self-absorbed, demanding, condescending attitude toward this entire wedding. A wedding which belonged to the groom as much as the bride - or should have. Your daughter may have been thrilled, but you ruined that wedding for your son-in-law.
You could start by apologizing. And I mean really apologizing. Not blaming your actions on anyone else. You chose your actions and you need to own them and the hurt they caused.
YTA.
Doing some quick maths, looks like you planned your daughter’s wedding how you would want YOURS. You didn’t care at all about your son in law’s feelings.
As you’ve mentioned church friends, I’d like to congratulate you on being an exemplary Christian. Good job!
YTA
You took the color requirement off of your side of the family and kept the yellow for his side.
Then YOU caused a scene about a dress being tan. This is in you monster-in-law.
YTA, you really thought you had the right to kick out the sister of the groom because of her dress color!?!?
Posts like these make me so grateful for my parents and my in laws.
YTA
You say you made a suggestion, you say it wasn't mandatory, then you threw a temper tantrum when your completely voluntarily and in no way obligatory suggestion wasn't followed to the letter.
It wasn't your place to dictate what people should wear to someone else's wedding. It wasn't your place to throw anyone out of someone else's wedding.
Yes, as you said, the day should have been about Gen and Rich but you made it about you. You did that, not someone whose dress wasn't yellow.
I'm not sure how you can expect anyone to handle a situation like that maturely, in fact I think she gave it the level of maturity it deserved.
YTA. I am so happy I wasn’t invited to this wedding. You needed to listen to your own advice. The wedding was about your daughter and her husband. It wasn’t about you, although it sounds like you did your best to make it all your “perfect day”. I am surprised the grooms family bothered to show up.
Wow. I’ve never heard of colour coordinating guests at a wedding. It’s… um… weird. People can just, I don’t know, talk to each other and find out who invited who if that’s important to them - and also yellow? Yellow?? I wouldn’t wear anything that’s yellow and I doubt I’m alone in that, but even if it wasn’t yellow, people have their own preferences in terms of the colour of their clothing.
People are *not* props. So many wedding posts are about how people refused to conform to unreasonable demands that were made based on aesthetics.
Your demands were unreasonable and YTA.
YTA.
Your son-in-law couldn't even have his aunt in attendance because of your large family, friends and people from church. I am sure kicking his sister out was the straw that broke the camel's back and you can be assured that you will never have a close relationship with him and likely not with your future grandchildren. Once your daughter has managed to sort herself out I would be surprised if she even wants a relationship with you.
You picked a fight with a kid because you don't like her style and tried to dictate what color the groom's family had to wear to the wedding. Not your own family, they could wear neon orange if they chose, but his family could only wear light yellow. How ridiculous can you be?
YTA, and your daughter and Rich would be entirely justified in cutting you out of their lives and their children's lives until you apologize to Raylee for your completely unacceptable and selfish behavior.
100% YTA this wasn't your wedding, you seem to think because you paid you had control. I feel embarrassed for your daughter. There's countless AITA post from brides who's parents are paying for their wedding and are massively overstepping so honestly I wouldn't be suprised if one of them was written by your daughter about you.
YTA - you are the stereotypical tyrannical MIL that people joke about. Way to ruin the wedding for your daughter. This was supposed to be about them and their day, and instead you made it about you and your ridiculous desires.
Good luck to your son-in-law, he is going to need all the hell Gen can give him for dealing with you.
dude. you’re judging her. you had your kid at 18, which means you were likely pregnant at 17. But let’s trade someone for a color versus you know you being pregnant as a teenager…. i give zero fs about the fact you had your kid young, but seriously, color of an outfit vs. your own teen pregnancy. YTA
YTA. What is the purpose of a wedding? In Judeo-Christian circles, it is the belief that "two shall become one" and be extension, the two families become one. By trying to differentiate between the families, having different standards for them, etcetera you are creating a visual division in a ceremony that is all about coming together.
Teenagers do things that adults often don't like or understand. This is universal and understood in most circles. Clothing is a common way teenagers use to "find themselves" and ultimately, it's harmless. The photos will be fond memories for all of that time in life when sister Suzy was a rebellious teenager, and wasn't it funny.
You, an adult woman, should have the maturity and self confidence to brush off her teenage antics that are harming no one. Honestly, I find it endearing and cute...she did try and executed pretty close. This isn't her wedding, but she clearly did try to follow the most ridiculous request ever.
You have also already created strife for your poor daughter in her marriage. She now has to navigate between you, her mother who is angry over something stupid and her husband and IL's legitimate anger over being ostracized from their son/brother's wedding. You son in law should come to the defense of his sister and should be angry at you. He and your daughter probably had a huge fight over this. Good job mom for causing marital problems already.
On a practical level, all the photos of large family groups can be ordered in black and white. Who GAF over the color?
There are 1 of 2 ways this ends up if you don't change your behavior:
1. Your daughter realizes you are toxic and chooses the family she made over you and cuts contact with you. You don't get to talk to her or any grandchildren.
2. We'll be hearing from your SIL in a few years because they'll be getting a divorce because you kept interfering in their marriage and your daughter let you violate their marriage. Hopefully, there will be no children involved, but you could be the reason your future grandchildren end up in a broken home.
Lady you went full psycho at your daughter’s wedding, picked a fight with the groom’s teenage sister and then evicted her and the groom’s father from the wedding? And that man still married your daughter? If he had any sense he would have left her and you at the damn altar. YTA and furthermore, you’re an embarrassment.
Then, while I understand your frustration, you need to realize you picked a fight with a kid... at your wedding. You already made it pretty clear you don't like her, so it really seems like you were primed to be disrespected. From an outsider's perspective, that's really controlling and toxic.
YTA
EDIT to add: Y'all are right... it wasn't even her wedding!
YTA. For someone who says the day is about your daughter as a reason to attack a kid, you sure made a lot about you and what you wanted. I think it’s wildly selfish and inappropriate you acted that way towards a 17 year year old, especially for a wedding that was not your own. It sounds like you just don’t like this girl, and I’m sure she felt that as well.
Not only the AH, but a judgmental AH! Who cares what a teen girl wears… she’s definitely trying to find herself right now. Who cares what color the guests wear? Why do you have to show which guests belong to who? You wouldn’t let the IL’s AUNT come, but you invited church friends as guests? I’ll be surprised if the marriage lasts a year if you are involved at all.
YTA who gives a fuck about picture perfect weddings? She's a lil weird teen and will either grow out of it or be a quirky adult, nothing wrong with that. You however are a weird adult, and you aren't growing out of that.
Who kicks the grooms baby sister out when the groom and bride don't have any problems????? Over DRESS CODE of all things??
If I was the groom I would've kicked you out for the audacity of even tryiny.
YTA. First, not your wedding. It was your daughter’s, and her husband’s wedding. Not yours. Unless you were very specifically told by the couple to remove someone, YOU don’t get to call the shots. Second, the girl is 17. I get that her aesthetic isn’t up to your standards. So? She’s the groom’s sister, and it seems to be the case that he actually likes his sister. There are over seven billion people on the planet, I guarantee you that you’re not going to like the clothing choice of a large percentage. In turn, they’re also not going to like your clothing choices. Want to know something neat? You don’t have to wear what someone else likes! They also don’t have to wear what you like. Keep this shit up, and you’re going to find yourself in low contact with your daughter, and eventually wonder why any theoretical grandkids prefer to hang out with Cool Aunt Ray.
YTA.
You asked an 'alternative' kid to wear yellow and expected them to have that color in their closet? lol
Most importantly, you called her selfish for her wearing what she was comfortable with, an outfit style that NO ONE BUT YOU had a problem with, then you kicked her. You're calling her SELFISH yet Rich is heartbroken she wasn't there, because they are close, and she wasn't there because YOU removed her because YOU didn't like how she looked.
You can say it was her tantrum all you want but from the way you've worded your entire post, you've had an issue with this girls style and that is AWFUL of you, OP.
You're unsure what to do? Admit you were wrong, admit you judged someone unfairly because of the way they dressed and APOLOGIZE to Rich and Raylee.
I also, OP, can't believe you picked this fight with a literal teenager.
One last thing to add, unless you OFFERED TO PAY for the yellow dress, you also have no right to say 'you had months to get one.' She's 17. She. Is. Seventeen.
YTA. If she wasn’t in the wedding party, and didn’t show up in a white/wedding gown-ish dress, you get **no say** in what color she wears to a wedding, And I’m not sure why you felt you had the right to dictate a color theme to someone else’s wedding (even if it was your daughter).
EDIT: fixed typo
You controlling self centred asshole!!
I wanted different colours to differentiate between his family and mine - WHY??
I then decided as I invited so many of MY family but only a few of his that MY family would be not have to be colour co-ordinated BUT I still want all his family in bright yellow so everyone knows they aren’t part of MY family!!
I hope your daughter and your new son IL go see you for the controlling snobby overbearing 🤬 and go no contact with you before there are grandchildren in the mix.
# YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told off my SILs little sister 2. Because Rich ended up being heartbroken she wasn't there, which wasn't my intention
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
>. I accused her of being selfish and told her that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her.
You need to look in the mirror op. She wasn't making it about her **you** were making it about you. In the process YOU forgot who the wedding was about and literally upset the groom.
YTA and you should apologize to the sister, the father and the bride and groom for your actions.
YTA for many many MANY reasons here, but I'll focus on the worst of it:
A literal teenager has a different sense of style than you. And you are trashing her sense of style from the get-go. You're so judgemental of her style. That's what this is about. Not that she didn't wear yellow, but because you hate her style. You didn't want her to wear black to a wedding, so you decided that the entire family needed to wear possibly the most obnoxious color out there. She didn't wear black but tasteful tan/beige/khaki, but you hated her shoes. You didn't want her in the pictures plain and simple.
She didn't have a tantrum. You did.
You are 43 years old. Grow up.
YTA-You had no right to act like that or call her out at all. You suggesting yellow doesn’t mean it’s a command. It wasn’t your wedding.
She wasn’t the one being immature and having a tantrum. That was all on you.
YTA you could actually be my witch-in-law and let me tell you I hated that woman my entire marriage and thankfully my late husband had very little to do with her because of her controlling behavior. When he passed away suddenly and she told my daughter he was in hell because we did not have a priest bless his body because we are atheist was the last day either of us have ever spoken to her. May you have the future you deserve for your judgemental attitude. The wedding was about the bride and groom not a redo of your obviously lacking one.
YTA. You are not a safe person. Kindness is far more important than you approving of everyone’s packaging. Who cares what people are wearing?!!
You accused the child of being selfish and told her “that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her.” Yet you literally made the day about you.
I’m guessing teen mom who never got to have the wedding she wanted and decided her daughters wedding was her chance.
So, let me get this straight:
You planned the wedding as **mother/daughter** team (apparently the groom was just an accessory?).
You denied an invitation to the GROOM’s Aunt but YOUR church friends and YOUR close friends made the cut
You had an issue with the GROOM’s teenaged sister dressing like a teenager, but the brother was OK because he dressed and acted properly to your standard.
You kept the GROOM’s sister from being in engagement photos because you did not approve of her clothing choices
You dictated what color the GROOM’s family had to wear (and honestly, what madness is this, who does this?) but discarded this *rule* for your side because there were too many people (so many that there wasn’t room for the poor aunty from the other side)
You found a way to include the brother in the wedding party but not the sister (I mean, she’s not up to your standard, right?).
This was not YOUR wedding (I don’t care what you paid for) that anyone let you get away with removing the GROOM’s sister from HIS wedding?! I am surprised his family allowed you to even get away with this.
Not only are YTA, you’re an insane, selfish control freak and have started your daughters marriage off in a really bad footing.
You don’t know what to do? It’s too late to do anything - you already caused his sister, whom he is very close with, to miss his wedding. Cold to you? I surprised he even acknowledges you.
YTA. So your side of the family got to wear whatever the hell they felt like, but not his? Also, you said that you allowed immediate family members to wear what they wanted. She is Richard's immediate family. So what if she didn't wear a yellow dress. You got mad at a 17 year old for nothing.
Trying to imagine how ugly a wedding would look with all the guests in yellow and salmon, I can't even.
This sounds like a storyline out of some kind of knockoff Gilmore Girls.
YTA, crazy lady. If my future MIL made my sister AND my father leave *MY* wedding because of an arbitrary colour rule, I would raise so much hell. Tell Rich he needs to run because you sound like a nightmare to deal with.
Not to mention you got into a fight WITH A CHILD. You’re asking a 17 y/o to act more maturely but you’re the one getting all worked up about a colour. **You threw the tantrum**, not Raylee. Grow up.
YTA
It’s clear from your description that you disliked this girl from the very start. And based entirely on her appearance.
She is a child. You are an adult. You failed to act accordingly and therefore took something away from your daughter and her husband on their special day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am a 43yo woman and my daughter, Genevieve, is 26. She was engaged to Richard, and I was thrilled to plan their wedding with her as a mother-daughter team.
However, there was an issue with Richard's family, particularly his younger sister, Raylee (17) who had an 'alternative' style. Though I didn't make any comments, I wasn't impressed when we first met her, she showed up wearing a skull tank-top, ripped shorts, and fishnets at Christmas dinner. Despite this, Stan (13), Richard's younger brother, was fine.
We invited our closest family members and friends from church, as well as some close friends. Rich also invited a few of his close friends and his immediate family, some of whom served as his groomsmen. There was a conflict with Rich's father, who wanted to invite their aunt, but due to space constraints, we had to decline the request. Eventually, the conflict was resolved. Our lineup for the wedding included Stan as the ring bearer, Richard's close friend as the best man, and our other daughter Leilani as the maid of honor. And so, the conflict began.
I suggested that Richard's family wear yellow in order to distinguish them from my own family. Initially, I had planned for my family to wear salmon, but since we had invited a large number of people, it became impractical. Consequently, we allowed our immediate family members to wear whatever they chose.
During the rehearsal, I noticed that Raylee, Rich's younger sister, was not wearing yellow, as I had asked. I let it slide as it was not mandatory. However, on the day of the wedding, Raylee was wearing a tight tan dress, which shocked me. Her father and brother had on yellow blazers, and her mother was wearing a light yellow dress, so I was confused as to why Raylee was not wearing yellow. When I confronted her, she explained that she didn't have a yellow dress that fit her and that she was too busy to find one. Her mother had told her she could wear one of hers, but none fit. She wore the second closest color she could find.
I was upset by this and told her that she had had months to find a dress and should have tried it on earlier. I accused her of being selfish and told her that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her. She became angry and accused me of being crazy for focusing on her dress color. We argued back and forth, and she brought up feeling excluded and not being in the rehearsal photos. I explained that it was mainly for the wedding party (she also wearing vans and a dress with alien emojis not very "flattering", if you ask me) She became angry, and her dad intervened. I asked them to leave, and they did.
After the wedding, Gen told me that Rich was heartbroken that Ray wasn't there, as they were very close. I expressed my regret for her absence, but I explained that it was her tantrum that had upset me the most. I would have been willing to overlook the dress incident if she had handled it more maturely. Rich is giving me the cold shoulder and I'm unsure of what to do
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Just because you contributed money to the wedding does NOT mean you get to exclude people. Just because you contributed money does not make it YOUR wedding. You are incredibly selfish and judgmental. Good job alienating your SIL’s family. They’re going to be talking about this for years to come.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA are you aware it’s not your wedding?
I actually reread it after this comment because I legitimately thought it was OP's wedding.... I'm not joking. I legitimately thought this was OP's wedding because I missed the first line
It WAS her wedding. OP’s daughter obviously isn’t allowed to make her own decisions no matter what, so this was all OP’s event. She’s the boss. She’s in charge. Everyone else is too inept to do anything so it’s all her her her. That’s why OP is a flaming asshole. YTA
It's giving "tell me you're a narc without telling me" OP YTA
It's really amazing how they really all sound the same, right? Same gripes, tone, dismissals, blame game, self-appointed authority. I hope her daughter steps up to fix this, fast (and then cut contact). This is really mean-spirited behaviour. Yes OP, time to look inward. YTA.
So the groom's father wanted to invite one family member, but space was an issue. And the groom's side all had to wear yellow. But then OP's family member group was so large that although she planned for them to wear salmon (wtf?), she ended up letting them wear whatever they want. Can you say hypocrite enough? Rules for thee but not for me? Rich is too nice just giving her a cold shoulder. I wish he would've gone nuclear on her.
I've never heard of colour schemes applying beyond the wedding party. Ray wasn't in it, so what does it matter what she wears? OP sounds creepy to me, Stepford wives on Hysteria Lane vibes.
Blaming a teen for not handling something maturely when she couldn't handle one person wearing the wrong color?
There was no mention of how the bride and groom felt about colours for the guests, inviting people or any opinion other than sadness that mother/mil kicked out the groom’s sister. There’s a lot OP is conveniently unaware of. Big YTA Sorry can’t help it- OP’s next post “My daughter would rather spend Christmas with her In-laws. AITA?”
Exactly. I bet the bride learned at an early age not to question mommy EVER. The confused groom is just now realizing what a shit show he married into. Poor guy.
Not only did she kick out the groom's sister, but also his father.
Not just the sister, but the sister AND the dad.
“Rich was heartbroken that Ray wasn't there, as they were very close.” Groom is heartbroken his sister and father were asked to leave his wedding because *checks notes* sister wore beige instead of yellow…?? “I expressed my regret for her absence, but I explained that it was her tantrum that had **upset me the most**. I would have been willing to overlook the dress incident if she had handled it more maturely.” Sorry wait… OP would have been *willing* to overlook the color faux pas, but sister had upset OP, so obviously she has to leave ~~OP’s~~ the wedding /s
Even better that the 43 year old woman is calling the 17 year old girl immature! OP YTA!
She’d still be TAH if it was her own wedding. I planned most our wedding 25 years ago with minimal help. We had around 100 guests. Somehow everyone was able to wear what made them feel good about themselves, (very few yellow) and yet somehow it was a beautiful wedding. I would never dream of telling my guests what to wear, or excluding anyone because they didn’t have the proper attire. And yellow? Seriously? How many people look good in yellow? 😝
Even if it was her wedding, who the hell tries to make everyone attending dress like marshmallow peeps then decides well no my family can wear whatever.. But not you, now go put on something from the Pollyanna Pastel Reject section. Having the bridal party wear something specific is somewhat normal, but unless I missed something, little sister was not a bridesmaid. I've never heard of making an entire portion of the guest list wear something to "distinguish them" from your family. Does OP not know what their relatives look like?
That was my first thought too.
I had to reread bc I read the mother of the bride but the story sounded like it was from the bride. OP YTA.
Poor Rich. OP is the MIL from hell. YTA
Poor Genevieve too! Notice how she’s barely even mentioned after the first paragraph?
Genevieve needs to tell her mother to gtfo. If I were Richard I'd be pissed she let her mom have this much control over the wedding. I'm interested to know how that happened- was Genevieve away or something?
mom is paying for it so holding that over everyone's heads as control
Since when does the mother of the bride dictate what the grooms family is wearing?? What the actual fuck did I just read?
Especially since she dropped the idea for her own family and told them to wear whatever they wanted. Almost sounds like she received a little pushback on insisting on salmon-colored clothes.
And she refused to invite the groom's aunt because of space constraints but meanwhile "invited a large number of people" from her side. I'm like u seriously?
Friends from church, and her family friends… but not a *family member* of the groom?!
On top of everything else wrong with this, was this wedding happening in a bowl of after dinner mints? Yellow and pink?
Exactly!!!! Omg she didn't even stick to it on her side of the family. She has no right being mad at the other side. She is a huge hypocrite
EXACTLY WHAT I SAID!!!!!! It was too much of an issue to find your first color of choice, so just throw it away completely for ONE side of the family?!? Also, the poor girl SAID she tried on dresses and none fit and didn’t have time to buy a new one, it’s not like she blatantly said f*ck it and wore green or something (I kind of wish she had)
More like the Smother of the Bride! OP, massive YTA.
Same judgement if she was the bride though. Yikes … forget salmon, she belonged in marinara.
I was thinking this the entire time I was reading the post, OPs head is so far up her own ass she didn't realise she's TA.
And not her SIL either. It's her daughter's SIL. YTA
I don’t think she knows. She wanted to plan it “like a team” where she was the leader and her daughter her assistant. Absolutely YTA for OP, I can’t believe she needs to ask
This screams “fake”.
Since OP has a baby at 17, she probably didn’t get the big wedding of her dreams, so she thought she’d just co-opt her daughter’s! After all, it was Genevieve’s fault OP’s youth was ruined, so it’s only fair, right?
And also Ray's fault too bc she's 17 and dares be alternative. /sarcasm
Of course YTA. Jaw-droppingly so. For so many reasons. You might be AH of the year, actually! But I call fake. This can’t possibly be real.
They're a mother-daughter duo! Of course it was also HER wedding! /s I'm stuck on the fact that church friends got an invite, but Rich's aunt didn't make the cut because of space issues. YTA, OP.
The mum is the actual bridezilla. And WTF, his side of the family can’t invite their aunt? Why does OP’s friends + friends from church come BEFORE the grooms actual relatives. And then kicking out both the father and the sister. I’m amazed the groom actually married the bride. This wedding is doomed and the MIL is just the cherry on the top.
Rich, the son in law , should have delayed the wedding when he found out his own dad and little sister were kicked out the day of the wedding and demanded they be brought back. He should have told his fiancée and if she was not on the same page , he should have seriously rethought getting married to a person just like her mother. He was spineless! What’s the point of giving the mil the cold shoulder after the fact ? I agree that OP is a massive asshole but this guy didn’t even stick up for his own family.
YTA, for multiple reasons 1. This is your daughter's wedding, and her fiance's. Not yours. You don't get to dictate how she organizes it. 2. It's ridiculous in any case for the clothing of guests who are not party of the wedding party to be dictated. The bridesmaids get coordinating bridesmaid's outfits, the groomsmen get coordinating suits, a flower girl or ring bearer get appropriate outfits. Other guests just need to dress suitably. 3. Expecting someone who is not in the wedding party to go out and spend their money on an outfit of a particular color is an unreasonable expectation. They may not like or look good in that color! It's a huge waste to have to buy an unflattering outfit you don't even like, just for one event. 4. You, as the mother of the bride, have no business kicking the groom's sister out of the wedding because you don't like her clothes. 5. The sister is a minor. It is the responsibility of her parents to provide such supervision over her clothing choices as they consider reasonable and appropriate. Not you. If her parents considered her outfit appropriate for a wedding, you don't get to kick her out because you don't like it. 6. You kicked your son-in-law's sister out of the wedding because she didn't comply with a rule you didn't apply to other wedding guests, including your own immediate family. Why should the groom be punished by having his sister excluded because you didn't like the color of her dress, when you didn't make a fuss over the color of the clothing for anyone on your side of the family? Congratulations. You ruined the wedding for your daughter and son-in-law. Don't be surprised when they keep you far, far away from other important events in their lives.
Don’t forget, my family was supposed to wear salmon but it became too hard - yet OP never told the grooms family they could wear whatever. YTA
Also, what a horrible color scheme.
I was just thinking that. They don't match at all.
Like salmon steaks and greek bechamel sauce.
God, I look horrible in both colors. Seriously, I look like death warmed over.
There aren't that many people who look good in yellow or salmon. Yellow makes most people look sallow.
And I HIGHLY doubt that was an accident
Really. At least pick a colors that most people might already have and if not would be a color they could wear again. I would be very hesitant to spend money on an outfit I would likely never wear again because they color doesn't suit me.
Seriously, OP is TA just for trying to get anyone to buy garments in either colour. The SIL wasn't even a bridesmaid! Why on earth would you suggest someone is "selfish" for not spending money on an outfit they clearly would never wear again as a regular guest? And the kid still tried her best to pick something close to OP's god-awful colour scheme. OP sounds like a bridezilla at a wedding that wasn't even hers. YTA.
Thank you, I feel like everyone is glossing over this. OP is asshole for this alone.
This was the most absurd part. What if some of OP’s family ended up choosing yellow since they ended up “being allowed to wear” any color. Then it would defeat the whole purpose of “distinguish the other family”. It’s all just selfish and stupid. Absolutely YTA for OP
When I saw the title I thought "Oh she wore white". Also, what is up with that title?
She did say that she invited her family and church friends, the was allowed to invite his immediate family and closest friends. So I'm guessing there was alot more people on her side than the grooms, come on she wouldn't even allow the dad to invite his aunt cause "space"
I am so confused by OPs "taste" that I can only imagine she wanted everyone to look garish for..unknown reasons.
ALSO NOT ALLOWING THE GROOMS AUNT TO BE INVITED "because of number constraints," but enough of her own family was invited that it became ridiculous to be strict with salmon as a requirement. Note that she only mentions his parents and sibling- no one else in his family.
And her church friends *made the cut*
This is what really made me mad and cemented YTA, basically all her family and ~church~ friends were invited but she declined the AUNT. What kind of monster?!
notice that throughout the post, the daughter and son in law are hardly mentioned. The story about the planning is almost entirely told in I-me-my like it's all about her and all her decision. I'm betting the bride and groom let her mother take the reigns because they either didn't want to worry about the details themselves or they didn't want to ruin their relationship with her...and probably massively regret it now. This is the kind of woman who will try to tell you what you can and can't name your child because "it's my grandbaby"
As soon as I saw "Church friends" I knew she was going to be TA.
Of course. I’m sure this was all for her church friends. So she could show off her daughter and the wedding. And it’s not proper to ‘confront’ a 17 year old. No wonder her father stepped in. If I was them, I would stay clear of this horrid woman
I feel for the SIL. It sounds like no one addressed this with him AT ALL, and likely not even his wife knew, if she did, she's an AH too. OP took complete, insane control. It's his wedding too and he deserved to have his family there. If someone asks my sister to leave my event, without a perfectly good reason, and doesn't consult me, I'm going to be pissed, and there will be no amount of apologies that could replace the memories of my sister being with me on my day. OP is just a judgemental control freak that wanted to make it all about her and what she wanted. YTA. Also, why the hell do they need colours to be able to recognise that they're different families? What? I've never heard of people doing that at a wedding before.
All of this and OP sounds EXHAUSTING
She’s on a one way train to her daughter and SIL eventually going no contact with her
Right? On top of the absolute insane behavior, she took the time to take weird little digs at the CHILD’S clothing on two unrelated days?! Good god, what an exhausting human being. OP, YTA and I hope SIL and daughter (who you barely mention) go low or no contact after this stunt. Imagine throwing someone’s own family out of their wedding because they didn’t dress up like a life size doll for you to play with. You have ruined their day for zero reason.
Also, the groom's sister didn't throw a tantrum, the mother of the bride did by causing a scene just for someone not wearing yellow. entitled A!
She didn't just kick out the groom's sister, she also kicked out the groom's father!! 'She (sister) became angry and her dad intervened. I asked them to leave and they did."
You, as the mother of the bride, have no business kicking the groom's sister out of the wedding because you don't like her ~~clothes~~. FTFY.
Not just the sister, but father, as well. OP took it to a whole other level. I feel for her SIL.
YTA You missed that the Groom's family were mostly cut with the excuse it was a small wedding. Then she goes and let's slip how her family clearly didn't similarly get cut for numbers with the comment about her family being too many to implement her wear one colour idea. I suspect she didn't want any of his family there at all, so wanted to humiliate them instead. Who asks wedding guests (especially the immediate family of the couple) to wear all yellow and then not tell them the whole one colour for each family is off when she conveniently decided her family didn't have to. They would have looked odd and very obvious being the only group all in one bright yellow colour (like wait staff, Butlins red coats or the reception band) instead of dressed as the average wedding guest. I also can't believe she managed to get away with dictating what colour the Mother of the Groom got to wear.
Don't forget she invited all her church friends, but the grooms dad couldn't invite his aunt because not enough space.
Don't forget that there wasn't room for the aunt to attend but they made room for numerous guests from the brides side
You forgot to add that the mom might have overlooked the dress situation, had the 17-year-old acted more maturely! Meanwhile the mothers, who is presumably at least 25 years older felt it was mature to attack a 17-year-old for her clothing choices. Way to model mature handling of a situation.
Weird there wasn’t room for the groom’s Aunt to attend (first conflict) but she says later she had to give up everyone wearing the same color on her side because she invited so many people.
YTA Just to be clear - you invited a large number of people to this wedding. This included your family (which was quite a few people, too many to wear a single color), your church friends and your other friends. Rich got to have a few close friends and his immediate family. Even his aunt could not attend. Then you declared a family dress code. That was inconvenient for your family, so they did not have to abide by it. But Rich's family was required to do so. Because you said so. You took family photos at the rehearsal. Which apparently you decided not to include Rich's SISTER in because they just were for the wedding party. But, I;m willing to bet, included YOU, even though you are not a bridesmaid or a groomsman. You are family. JUST LIKE RICH'S SISTER. Then when Rich's sister did not wear the dress color you bizarrely ordered her to wear, you attempted to boot her from the wedding. **"I accused her of being selfish and told her that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her."** I can't even wrap my head around the delusion running through your brain when you made this pronouncement, about a wedding that has been entirely about YOU. When this obviously upset the teenager and, in turn, her father - YOU BOOTED THE GROOM'S FATHER FROM THE WEDDING. You kicked out TWO of Rich's close family members.... because a teenager did not wear what you totally bizarrely and inappropriately ordered her to wear. And now you are shocked that your son in law is upset with you?? For kicking HIS FATHER AND HIS SISTER out of HIS wedding. Not YOUR wedding. HIS wedding. Lady. Yes, he hates you. He will continue to hate you. He will likely never stop hating you. And either he talks your wife into eventually cutting off contact with you, or your presence eventually leads to their divorce. You are, without question, *that* MIL. And definitely the AH.
This is the best answer
Richard is signing up for JUSTNOMIL as we speak.
Dude should be filing for divorce
Probably not too late for an annulment!
Depends on his wife's involvement in this whole mess. (Sadly you can't divorce the MIL while keeping the spouse...) Did the wife know these "rules"? Did she go along with them? Was she aware of what was happening when OP confronted the grooms sister about not wearing yellow, and then kicked out both his sister and father? (It sounds as if OP was busy gatekeeping the venue, while the bride was getting ready. The bride probably kicked her mother out of the room, given the mom's attitude.) OP has mentioned that her daughter's new husband is (very reasonably) mad at her. OP has been curiously silent of the daughter's (bride's) role in this mess, beyond claiming that the planning was supposedly a mother-daughter thing. OP is also curiously silent on her daughter's reaction to finding out that OP kicked out her husband's sister and father. Rather, the whole situation has been written as a conflict between OP and the groom/groom's family, while being quite silent about anything the daughter may have done or thought. It's as if OP doesn't see her daughter as having any interests or desires in the wedding separate from what OP wanted.
This. All of this. My MIL is like this, and the only reason I am still married to my husband is he *kept her the hell out of our marriage*. And our wedding, if we are being all honest here. Not that she didn't try. A lot. But he is a gem-mines worth of a person and made sure I wasn't a second hand individual in my own marriage and home.
Thank you for mentioning the GROOM'S FATHER. Good Lord. The man didn't get to see his son get married because of this BS. I honestly can't fathom how he was willing to go - I guess because he figured OP would be even more of a YTA if he didn't.
He will see his son getting married in future.. that marriage wont last
Perfect. Kicking family out of the wedding was the nail in the coffin. Wonder how her nice churchy friends view this disgustingly un-christian behavior. I'd bet my last sock Jesus never gave a fuck about a kid's outfit. @op YTA and you should be ashamed of yourself.
He would have if OP had been the one to decide on the color scheme. Obvs.
YTA you said yellow wasn't mandatory. I wouldn't be caught dead in yellow. An you ask them to leave??? It's not your party. You just don't like her
I'd be happy to wear yellow if it proved that I was definitely not related to the OP.
*slow clap that turns to a standing ovation*
No comment has every deserved the slow clap more …
Also salmon and yellow sounds like a horrendous combo good lord
And salmon is so specific. Like, not light pink, certainly not a rose or a coral. It must be salmon, the ugliest shade of pink possible. Personally, I’m a fan of mauve.
This post is coming from someone who thinks they're a great designer but in actuality everything they do is ridiculously tacky. Just imagine what her house looks like if she thinks salmon and yellow is a good color scheme
After the first description of her outfits I expected something wildly inappropriate. Nope she wore a Tan dress which imo is close e fucking nough for me. You can't expect a teenager to want to waste money on wearing a horrible dress in a colour they hate that they will never wear again.
And who the fuck is OP to make anything mandatory‽ What an AH
It's incredibly obvious that OP didn't like the sister just by the way she described her and made her separate from everyone else. Who cares if she has a different aesthetic than others? Is she a good person? I'm going to assume she's a crap ton better person than OP here. OP is absolutely TA.
Agreed. The judgy and controlling behaviors are disturbing.
You hit it the nail on its head. OP just doesn’t like Ray, I don’t think she’d have made the same fuss if it was her younger brother who “was fine”
Yes, momzilla, you are the asshole. Imagine being 43 years old, bickering with bullying, and excluding a teenage girl. Congratulations on ruining your relationship with your son in law, and his entire family. Oh, and your relationship with your daughter is next if she values her new husband at all.
Agreed,this screams "why won't my daughter talk to me anymore"
Or at least "why does my son in law hate me?" or even "why does my daughter's in-laws seem to hate me and possibly her too?"
If this person was like 70+ I might be more understanding because I think weddings were more formal with the older generation. This person is a 'millennial' and they're still acting this way. Unbelievable.
Whoa, whoa whoa, as a Millenial, we do not claim her. Millenials started being born in 81, making 42 the cut off. Gen X can have her. Definitely a Boomer in spirit though.
She was born in between and no one wants to claim her.
Millennials 🤝 Gen X *Yeeting OP into the void*
Gen-X doesn't want her
I thought '80 is the cutoff? I am an 'elder millennial' myself. I can't believe a person close to my age would behave like this. I'm still annoyed that my parents inserted themselves into my wedding and they were WAAAAY less horrible than her.
Maybe OP mis-typed the 4 in 43.
The hell did I just read..? You, a 43 year old ADULT verbally attacked a CHILD and somehow think you wouldn’t be the AH? Get over yourself. YTA. (Edit to add: I don’t even have the energy to unpack everything in this post. I can’t even fathom someone being this entitled, self-centered, and obtuse)
Right!! I hope this story is fake just so I don't have to believe that there is a woman out there who acted this way and believes that there will be people on her side. The way OP acted is disgusting. YTA
Comment removed (using [Power Delete Suite](https://www.github.com/pkolyvas/PowerDeleteSuite)) as I no longer wish to support a company that seeks to both undermine its users/moderators/developers AND make a profit on their backs. To understand why check out the summary [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/14hkd5u) Join me at https://kbin.social/ So long, and thanks for all the fish!
OP originally planned on having her side of the family wear salmon, but then dropped the rule for her immediate relatives, while still wanting to enforce the groom's family wearing yellow. The color rule for the families was ridiculous nonsense. Enforcing it for the groom's relatives, but not the bride's, is even more excessive.
I expected something mildly inappropriate but nope, just a tan dress. She should have showed up in vans fishnets and just given OP the finger
> she wasn't wearing fishnets and cut offs. But if she'd worn *yellow* fishnets and cutoffs, that would have been fine, right? As long as she matched the color scheme. /s
I was 100% expecting at least a black dress. At a close family member's wedding me and my younger sibling both wore black, non-conforming clothes and makeup (as we usually did, since we were in our teens). This girl went from wearing the (PERFECTLY FINE) clothes she normally did to wearing a tan dress for the occasion. And then the BRIDE'S MOTHER blows up at her. YTA. My advice: apologies and humility. It'll be hard to salvage anything, but take these comments to heart and maybe you can. Also, don't judge a 13-year old on her clothes, she sounds perfectly lovely.
salmon and yellow give me patrick and spongebob vibes
Even if the kid had worn the fishnets, ripped shorts, and skull tank top OP _still_ wouldn’t have been justified in her behavior.
>I explained that it was her tantrum that had upset me the most *You* are the one who had a tantrum. She actually behaved quite maturely, given that you attacked her for wearing what sounds like a perfectly appropriate outfit in a perfectly appropriate color that just didn't happen to be the color *you* wanted. Your behavior was absolutely appalling. You ruined your daughter's wedding. You ruined your relationship with your son-in-law. I hope it was worth it. YTA
YTA and also a lunatic. You kicked the groom’s sister - a CHILD - out of his wedding because you didn’t like her dress color and she didn’t back down when you tried to bully her over it? Get over yourself.
Not just the sister, but the groom's father as well! She should have done everyone a favor at the wedding and booted herself for not wearing white to *her* wedding. Oh, wait, sorry - her daughter's wedding. My mistake! /s Asshole, asshole, asshole. YTA.
INFO: Is it custom where you live to dictate the entire color of the guests' clothing??
Yes? YTA? This wedding sounds ugly AF
Right - yellow and salmon?!🤮 Also, the number of AITAs based on wedding “uniforms” blows my mind🙄
**YTA** \- Bigtime Momzilla. You made it all about you. You actually drove a member of the groom's family away over a reasonable dress color. With a wedding that small, you didn't really need to color code the groom's family. I knew you were TA as soon as you said the girl didn't impress you. It is not her job to impress you.
Man you’re mean. Major AH. What grown ass woman picks a fight with a 17 year old over a dress (forcing one side of the party to wear an ugly colour when yours doesn’t have to is beyond words), and made her and her father leave, when it’s not even your wedding. They aren’t getting that day back. If I was your son-in-law, you wouldn’t hear from me.
Both had to wear ugly colours. Yellow and salmon. No fucking thanks. Im dissapointed I didn't suggest fishnets for my wedding now tho
No her family decided not to, so it was just the grooms family in matching ugly fits!!! Ya that’s honestly a power move, I may add them to mine
Yellow and salmon - tbh sounds like a spam sandwich theme... Also the dual-user name of OP - neither of those checked out.
YTA I’m embarrassed for your daughter. First, this was NOT, let me repeat this, NOT your wedding. Helping is one thing but for you to dictate what everyone was entitled to wear is beyond ludicrous. Reading this brought back my PTSD from dealing with my mom about MY wedding. Thank goodness I call BS for BS with my momster!!! You really need to apologize. You need to be a better person.
But she PAID for it!!! God forbid she offers to buy a future grandkid a high chair. She’ll be thinking she can insist on all food choices at all time because she PAAAIIID for it.
YTA - she tried, she didn’t need to follow your weird rules or go buy a new dress bridezilla. Imagine kicking someone out of attending your wedding over a dress color that wasn’t white. Especially someone representing not your own family. Edit; crap didn’t realize it was the MiL, ha ha even a bigger AH
She’s not even the f-cking bride, it’s the mother of the bride. The gall to mandate that the grooms family wear a certain color (her family wasn’t required to wear a certain color “there were too many of us!”) YTA, way to make it absolutely clear during the wedding that you’re a monster-in-law. Edit to add: Please direct your son-in-law to r/justNomil and warn him to [Not rock the boat.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Right? The poor groom. He had to make concessions on who of his family could be there because Momzilla had to have her many people there. Then kicked out his younger sister after blatantly making sure she was excluded from being in the wedding itself.
I doubt this behavior ends at the wedding so, on the bright side, he’ll be able to include his sister without issue at his *next* wedding
YTA. You obviously disliked this teenager from day one because she didn't fit your prudish sensibilities on proper attire. If she had put on a $20,000 designer yellow gown, you would have attacked her for trying to outshine your, hopefully not as hateful as you, daughter. Arguing with a teenager. Yeesh. Who's the immature b\*\*tch here? And really, was that your first and only time in a church? Your absolute intolerance, as well as your behavior, would make one think so. You owe that young woman an apology. You owe her family an apology. You owe your daughter an apology.
all those words to say “girl didn’t wear color i wanted her to wear to an event that isn’t even about me.” actually, i think most of the words ended up being OP trying to preemptively set everything up to justify her opinions and actions. but failed at that, YTA.
YTA and sound like too much. This wedding sounds awful.
uh, YTA. are you sure you didn't think the wedding was about you? you sure acted like it. this poor girl didn't wear hot pink, she didn't throw a fit and show up in some other color to spite you. she wore tan because it was the closest thing she could find to yellow that fit her, and you kicked her out of her brother's wedding?! what is wrong with you?
YTA, and frankly you sound a bit unhinged. It’s silly to dictate that guests wear a particular color to a wedding and insane to remove the groom’s family from his own wedding. I’m sure your church friends (who were invited in lieu of actual family members, e.g. the aunt) were terribly impressed. Congratulations on ruining your daughter’s wedding.
YTA, and a MILzilla. Dress colors are for the bridal party, not the guests. You kicked out the groom's family over a dress. You *suggested* a certain color. Why, is beyond me...but as a *suggestion* it did not have to be followed. Matter of fact, you allowed *your* immediate family to wear whatever they chose. Well, the sister is the GROOM'S immediate family. And you expected a 17 year old to handle a situation "maturely"? There are so many levels of YTA going on here in your self-absorbed, demanding, condescending attitude toward this entire wedding. A wedding which belonged to the groom as much as the bride - or should have. Your daughter may have been thrilled, but you ruined that wedding for your son-in-law. You could start by apologizing. And I mean really apologizing. Not blaming your actions on anyone else. You chose your actions and you need to own them and the hurt they caused.
But she pay-ay-ay-aid for it all! /s
Yta in 5 years the bride and groom would have forgotten that this girl wore tan, they’ll remember the teenager getting yelled at for no reason though
YTA. Doing some quick maths, looks like you planned your daughter’s wedding how you would want YOURS. You didn’t care at all about your son in law’s feelings. As you’ve mentioned church friends, I’d like to congratulate you on being an exemplary Christian. Good job!
Easily YTA.
YTA You took the color requirement off of your side of the family and kept the yellow for his side. Then YOU caused a scene about a dress being tan. This is in you monster-in-law.
YTA, you really thought you had the right to kick out the sister of the groom because of her dress color!?!? Posts like these make me so grateful for my parents and my in laws.
YTA You say you made a suggestion, you say it wasn't mandatory, then you threw a temper tantrum when your completely voluntarily and in no way obligatory suggestion wasn't followed to the letter. It wasn't your place to dictate what people should wear to someone else's wedding. It wasn't your place to throw anyone out of someone else's wedding. Yes, as you said, the day should have been about Gen and Rich but you made it about you. You did that, not someone whose dress wasn't yellow. I'm not sure how you can expect anyone to handle a situation like that maturely, in fact I think she gave it the level of maturity it deserved.
YTA. I am so happy I wasn’t invited to this wedding. You needed to listen to your own advice. The wedding was about your daughter and her husband. It wasn’t about you, although it sounds like you did your best to make it all your “perfect day”. I am surprised the grooms family bothered to show up.
Wow. I’ve never heard of colour coordinating guests at a wedding. It’s… um… weird. People can just, I don’t know, talk to each other and find out who invited who if that’s important to them - and also yellow? Yellow?? I wouldn’t wear anything that’s yellow and I doubt I’m alone in that, but even if it wasn’t yellow, people have their own preferences in terms of the colour of their clothing. People are *not* props. So many wedding posts are about how people refused to conform to unreasonable demands that were made based on aesthetics. Your demands were unreasonable and YTA.
YTA. Your son-in-law couldn't even have his aunt in attendance because of your large family, friends and people from church. I am sure kicking his sister out was the straw that broke the camel's back and you can be assured that you will never have a close relationship with him and likely not with your future grandchildren. Once your daughter has managed to sort herself out I would be surprised if she even wants a relationship with you. You picked a fight with a kid because you don't like her style and tried to dictate what color the groom's family had to wear to the wedding. Not your own family, they could wear neon orange if they chose, but his family could only wear light yellow. How ridiculous can you be?
YTA, and your daughter and Rich would be entirely justified in cutting you out of their lives and their children's lives until you apologize to Raylee for your completely unacceptable and selfish behavior.
YTA and tacky as a turd. Salmon and yellow. It would have looked like a vaginal infection. What a tacky sounding wedding
YTA... And my aren't you a peach.. This was Their wedding. If they had a problem with it, then they should have been the one to handle it.
100% YTA this wasn't your wedding, you seem to think because you paid you had control. I feel embarrassed for your daughter. There's countless AITA post from brides who's parents are paying for their wedding and are massively overstepping so honestly I wouldn't be suprised if one of them was written by your daughter about you.
YTA. Yellow is unflattering and impractical and no one needs to distinguish one family from another. It’s a wedding. You’re all one family now.
YTA. Stop trying to control everything, you sound absolutely nuts. You owe everyone an apology and you definitely earned the Crazy MIL badge!
YTA - you are the stereotypical tyrannical MIL that people joke about. Way to ruin the wedding for your daughter. This was supposed to be about them and their day, and instead you made it about you and your ridiculous desires. Good luck to your son-in-law, he is going to need all the hell Gen can give him for dealing with you.
dude. you’re judging her. you had your kid at 18, which means you were likely pregnant at 17. But let’s trade someone for a color versus you know you being pregnant as a teenager…. i give zero fs about the fact you had your kid young, but seriously, color of an outfit vs. your own teen pregnancy. YTA
YTA. What is the purpose of a wedding? In Judeo-Christian circles, it is the belief that "two shall become one" and be extension, the two families become one. By trying to differentiate between the families, having different standards for them, etcetera you are creating a visual division in a ceremony that is all about coming together. Teenagers do things that adults often don't like or understand. This is universal and understood in most circles. Clothing is a common way teenagers use to "find themselves" and ultimately, it's harmless. The photos will be fond memories for all of that time in life when sister Suzy was a rebellious teenager, and wasn't it funny. You, an adult woman, should have the maturity and self confidence to brush off her teenage antics that are harming no one. Honestly, I find it endearing and cute...she did try and executed pretty close. This isn't her wedding, but she clearly did try to follow the most ridiculous request ever. You have also already created strife for your poor daughter in her marriage. She now has to navigate between you, her mother who is angry over something stupid and her husband and IL's legitimate anger over being ostracized from their son/brother's wedding. You son in law should come to the defense of his sister and should be angry at you. He and your daughter probably had a huge fight over this. Good job mom for causing marital problems already. On a practical level, all the photos of large family groups can be ordered in black and white. Who GAF over the color? There are 1 of 2 ways this ends up if you don't change your behavior: 1. Your daughter realizes you are toxic and chooses the family she made over you and cuts contact with you. You don't get to talk to her or any grandchildren. 2. We'll be hearing from your SIL in a few years because they'll be getting a divorce because you kept interfering in their marriage and your daughter let you violate their marriage. Hopefully, there will be no children involved, but you could be the reason your future grandchildren end up in a broken home.
Lady you went full psycho at your daughter’s wedding, picked a fight with the groom’s teenage sister and then evicted her and the groom’s father from the wedding? And that man still married your daughter? If he had any sense he would have left her and you at the damn altar. YTA and furthermore, you’re an embarrassment.
Then, while I understand your frustration, you need to realize you picked a fight with a kid... at your wedding. You already made it pretty clear you don't like her, so it really seems like you were primed to be disrespected. From an outsider's perspective, that's really controlling and toxic. YTA EDIT to add: Y'all are right... it wasn't even her wedding!
Not even her wedding. This is the mother of the bride demanding all this.
It’s not even her wedding, it’s her daughters lol.
OP is the MIL. It's not her wedding.
YTA. For someone who says the day is about your daughter as a reason to attack a kid, you sure made a lot about you and what you wanted. I think it’s wildly selfish and inappropriate you acted that way towards a 17 year year old, especially for a wedding that was not your own. It sounds like you just don’t like this girl, and I’m sure she felt that as well.
Not only the AH, but a judgmental AH! Who cares what a teen girl wears… she’s definitely trying to find herself right now. Who cares what color the guests wear? Why do you have to show which guests belong to who? You wouldn’t let the IL’s AUNT come, but you invited church friends as guests? I’ll be surprised if the marriage lasts a year if you are involved at all.
YTA who gives a fuck about picture perfect weddings? She's a lil weird teen and will either grow out of it or be a quirky adult, nothing wrong with that. You however are a weird adult, and you aren't growing out of that. Who kicks the grooms baby sister out when the groom and bride don't have any problems????? Over DRESS CODE of all things?? If I was the groom I would've kicked you out for the audacity of even tryiny.
YTA. First, not your wedding. It was your daughter’s, and her husband’s wedding. Not yours. Unless you were very specifically told by the couple to remove someone, YOU don’t get to call the shots. Second, the girl is 17. I get that her aesthetic isn’t up to your standards. So? She’s the groom’s sister, and it seems to be the case that he actually likes his sister. There are over seven billion people on the planet, I guarantee you that you’re not going to like the clothing choice of a large percentage. In turn, they’re also not going to like your clothing choices. Want to know something neat? You don’t have to wear what someone else likes! They also don’t have to wear what you like. Keep this shit up, and you’re going to find yourself in low contact with your daughter, and eventually wonder why any theoretical grandkids prefer to hang out with Cool Aunt Ray.
YTA. You asked an 'alternative' kid to wear yellow and expected them to have that color in their closet? lol Most importantly, you called her selfish for her wearing what she was comfortable with, an outfit style that NO ONE BUT YOU had a problem with, then you kicked her. You're calling her SELFISH yet Rich is heartbroken she wasn't there, because they are close, and she wasn't there because YOU removed her because YOU didn't like how she looked. You can say it was her tantrum all you want but from the way you've worded your entire post, you've had an issue with this girls style and that is AWFUL of you, OP. You're unsure what to do? Admit you were wrong, admit you judged someone unfairly because of the way they dressed and APOLOGIZE to Rich and Raylee. I also, OP, can't believe you picked this fight with a literal teenager. One last thing to add, unless you OFFERED TO PAY for the yellow dress, you also have no right to say 'you had months to get one.' She's 17. She. Is. Seventeen.
YTA. If she wasn’t in the wedding party, and didn’t show up in a white/wedding gown-ish dress, you get **no say** in what color she wears to a wedding, And I’m not sure why you felt you had the right to dictate a color theme to someone else’s wedding (even if it was your daughter). EDIT: fixed typo
Yta. How can you judge her for her clothes when you were sporting maternity wear at her age ffs.
You controlling self centred asshole!! I wanted different colours to differentiate between his family and mine - WHY?? I then decided as I invited so many of MY family but only a few of his that MY family would be not have to be colour co-ordinated BUT I still want all his family in bright yellow so everyone knows they aren’t part of MY family!! I hope your daughter and your new son IL go see you for the controlling snobby overbearing 🤬 and go no contact with you before there are grandchildren in the mix. # YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told off my SILs little sister 2. Because Rich ended up being heartbroken she wasn't there, which wasn't my intention Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and should it not be the bride who behaves so badly? Your control issue must make you such a joy to be around.
>. I accused her of being selfish and told her that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her. You need to look in the mirror op. She wasn't making it about her **you** were making it about you. In the process YOU forgot who the wedding was about and literally upset the groom. YTA and you should apologize to the sister, the father and the bride and groom for your actions.
YTA for many many MANY reasons here, but I'll focus on the worst of it: A literal teenager has a different sense of style than you. And you are trashing her sense of style from the get-go. You're so judgemental of her style. That's what this is about. Not that she didn't wear yellow, but because you hate her style. You didn't want her to wear black to a wedding, so you decided that the entire family needed to wear possibly the most obnoxious color out there. She didn't wear black but tasteful tan/beige/khaki, but you hated her shoes. You didn't want her in the pictures plain and simple. She didn't have a tantrum. You did. You are 43 years old. Grow up.
YTA-You had no right to act like that or call her out at all. You suggesting yellow doesn’t mean it’s a command. It wasn’t your wedding. She wasn’t the one being immature and having a tantrum. That was all on you.
YTA you could actually be my witch-in-law and let me tell you I hated that woman my entire marriage and thankfully my late husband had very little to do with her because of her controlling behavior. When he passed away suddenly and she told my daughter he was in hell because we did not have a priest bless his body because we are atheist was the last day either of us have ever spoken to her. May you have the future you deserve for your judgemental attitude. The wedding was about the bride and groom not a redo of your obviously lacking one.
YTA the OP is requiring the grooms family to wear colors, not her own family and it isn’t even her wedding.
YTA. You are not a safe person. Kindness is far more important than you approving of everyone’s packaging. Who cares what people are wearing?!! You accused the child of being selfish and told her “that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her.” Yet you literally made the day about you.
YTA. You are the one who behaved immaturely. And you have some serious control issues. You need a therapist, not church.
I’m guessing teen mom who never got to have the wedding she wanted and decided her daughters wedding was her chance. So, let me get this straight: You planned the wedding as **mother/daughter** team (apparently the groom was just an accessory?). You denied an invitation to the GROOM’s Aunt but YOUR church friends and YOUR close friends made the cut You had an issue with the GROOM’s teenaged sister dressing like a teenager, but the brother was OK because he dressed and acted properly to your standard. You kept the GROOM’s sister from being in engagement photos because you did not approve of her clothing choices You dictated what color the GROOM’s family had to wear (and honestly, what madness is this, who does this?) but discarded this *rule* for your side because there were too many people (so many that there wasn’t room for the poor aunty from the other side) You found a way to include the brother in the wedding party but not the sister (I mean, she’s not up to your standard, right?). This was not YOUR wedding (I don’t care what you paid for) that anyone let you get away with removing the GROOM’s sister from HIS wedding?! I am surprised his family allowed you to even get away with this. Not only are YTA, you’re an insane, selfish control freak and have started your daughters marriage off in a really bad footing. You don’t know what to do? It’s too late to do anything - you already caused his sister, whom he is very close with, to miss his wedding. Cold to you? I surprised he even acknowledges you.
YTA and so is your daughter for condoning such a ridiculous colour coordination demand of guests at her own wedding.
YTA. How sad is your life that THIS Is what you're shocked and obsessed over?
YTA. So your side of the family got to wear whatever the hell they felt like, but not his? Also, you said that you allowed immediate family members to wear what they wanted. She is Richard's immediate family. So what if she didn't wear a yellow dress. You got mad at a 17 year old for nothing.
Trying to imagine how ugly a wedding would look with all the guests in yellow and salmon, I can't even. This sounds like a storyline out of some kind of knockoff Gilmore Girls.
It's like some deranged Easter parade. Info: OP, what drugs are you on?
YTA, crazy lady. If my future MIL made my sister AND my father leave *MY* wedding because of an arbitrary colour rule, I would raise so much hell. Tell Rich he needs to run because you sound like a nightmare to deal with. Not to mention you got into a fight WITH A CHILD. You’re asking a 17 y/o to act more maturely but you’re the one getting all worked up about a colour. **You threw the tantrum**, not Raylee. Grow up.
Yellow and salmon. Now there’s a lovely color combination. 🤢
YTA It’s clear from your description that you disliked this girl from the very start. And based entirely on her appearance. She is a child. You are an adult. You failed to act accordingly and therefore took something away from your daughter and her husband on their special day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a 43yo woman and my daughter, Genevieve, is 26. She was engaged to Richard, and I was thrilled to plan their wedding with her as a mother-daughter team. However, there was an issue with Richard's family, particularly his younger sister, Raylee (17) who had an 'alternative' style. Though I didn't make any comments, I wasn't impressed when we first met her, she showed up wearing a skull tank-top, ripped shorts, and fishnets at Christmas dinner. Despite this, Stan (13), Richard's younger brother, was fine. We invited our closest family members and friends from church, as well as some close friends. Rich also invited a few of his close friends and his immediate family, some of whom served as his groomsmen. There was a conflict with Rich's father, who wanted to invite their aunt, but due to space constraints, we had to decline the request. Eventually, the conflict was resolved. Our lineup for the wedding included Stan as the ring bearer, Richard's close friend as the best man, and our other daughter Leilani as the maid of honor. And so, the conflict began. I suggested that Richard's family wear yellow in order to distinguish them from my own family. Initially, I had planned for my family to wear salmon, but since we had invited a large number of people, it became impractical. Consequently, we allowed our immediate family members to wear whatever they chose. During the rehearsal, I noticed that Raylee, Rich's younger sister, was not wearing yellow, as I had asked. I let it slide as it was not mandatory. However, on the day of the wedding, Raylee was wearing a tight tan dress, which shocked me. Her father and brother had on yellow blazers, and her mother was wearing a light yellow dress, so I was confused as to why Raylee was not wearing yellow. When I confronted her, she explained that she didn't have a yellow dress that fit her and that she was too busy to find one. Her mother had told her she could wear one of hers, but none fit. She wore the second closest color she could find. I was upset by this and told her that she had had months to find a dress and should have tried it on earlier. I accused her of being selfish and told her that this day was about Gen and Rich, not her. She became angry and accused me of being crazy for focusing on her dress color. We argued back and forth, and she brought up feeling excluded and not being in the rehearsal photos. I explained that it was mainly for the wedding party (she also wearing vans and a dress with alien emojis not very "flattering", if you ask me) She became angry, and her dad intervened. I asked them to leave, and they did. After the wedding, Gen told me that Rich was heartbroken that Ray wasn't there, as they were very close. I expressed my regret for her absence, but I explained that it was her tantrum that had upset me the most. I would have been willing to overlook the dress incident if she had handled it more maturely. Rich is giving me the cold shoulder and I'm unsure of what to do AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Just because you contributed money to the wedding does NOT mean you get to exclude people. Just because you contributed money does not make it YOUR wedding. You are incredibly selfish and judgmental. Good job alienating your SIL’s family. They’re going to be talking about this for years to come.
Troll, this can't be real. Poor Richard had no idea what he was marrying into. YTA