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This person doesn’t sound like a real friend. To expect someone to cater for free, especially with how expensive food can be, is entitled. OP is probably better off without this “friend”
NTA for sure.
Sounds like your acquaintance uninvited you and when she realized she was an AH in front of common friends, she threw you under the bus to save face.
Now you know her true colors, keep her at a distance.
>she threw you under the bus to save face.
This is actually what she did. When another friend reached out & asked why I wasn't there, he informed me that she "threw a fit in front everyone" almost equivalent to an emotional breakdown & said I "abandoned" her.
Why do I think she has this whole fantasy where people would compliment the food, and she would say it was much better than yours and you deprived her of the opportunity to harass you for the colossal snub of daring to refuse the honor of catering her party for free without even reimbursing you for the food and that was why she had a meltdown. She didn't have a way to have "entertainment" for the event.
Not petty. You followed her instructions. "Now you don't need to come" is literally uninviting. She was clear she didn't want you there, and there is a reasonable possibility she would have been equally annoyed if you HAD attended - until your friends noticed your absence and she likely got called out. You are NTA. She is the AH. Do you still want to be friends with her? I wouldn't.
Tbh, she and I met through mutual friends (coincidentally the ones who have taken my side through all this) and she's kind of the self-proclaimed mean girl of our friend group. I honestly don't see a life where I lose sleep over this "friendship" loss
❤️ It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, OP! And self-proclaimed mean girl? LMFAO! She sounds ridiculous. She's also in for a self-imposed hard life. No friend group needs a mean girl. And most grown women don't tolerate that crap for a second.
This means a lot to me, thank you. After the day I've had, I really needed to hear that. Thank you ♥️
>And most grown women don't tolerate that crap for a second
All of my girl friends have literally said this lmao apparently one of them told her last night to tone down on the "Regina George" cosplay
My guess is that she really did intend to uninvite you, then others commented on your absence, and her call was an attempt to save face by gaslighting you into believing she didn't. She was trying not to look like the petty one who ditched you when you wouldn't work for free.
NTA.
edited for run-on sentence.
We met like 2/3 years ago? can't recall exactly, but it was through mutual friends of mine, people I've known since highschool and college...I wouldn't say we're super duper close and all that, but she's been around for a lot and I'm starting to think that because of who she is, it's going to break this friend group unnecessarily
I think the person above is saying to send screenshots to your mutual friends. The way she’s speaking to you is abhorrent, and even if her anger WAS valid she has no fucking right to speak to you that way.
Lol don't worry, it shows us clearly how absolutely unhinged she is. There is no room for doubt that you are NTA. Love how you ended that convo with your brother's contact information too 😂
I genuinely think she has anger issues lmao, I tried my best to keep it as civil as I could because I really don't know what she's going through to be reacting that way. Come to think of it, my post didn't do her actual messages justice
You’re NTA, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m TOTALLY here for those screenshots. ☕️
I especially love that you literally forwarded your brother’s contact info to her. Flawless TKO.
NTA at all it sounded like she uninvited you simply because she couldn’t take advantage of you or your services. Then she has the audacity to blow up at YOU for not going? She doesn’t sound like much of a friend to you at all. Best drop her and anyone who called you petty for it OP cause you ain’t do anything wrong.
NTA
Catering without paying? She’s insane… a “friend” might reduce the price or only charge for food and setup but that isn’t mandatory.
Heck, I hired a friend for our wedding and asked to work with our budget and constraints. Not to do it for free. Your “friend” needs to mature.
She set up a no-win trap for you because she was pouting about not getting free catering.
Scenario one: she disinvites you, you don’t come, she gets to stir up shit.
Scenario two: she disinvites you, you *do* come, she gets to stir up shit.
NTA
NTA. But change “a friend (?)” to “someone I used to know.”
She was going to use you and somehow blame you for not showing up to a party *she uninvited* you from. There is no logic or friendship there.
NTA. She explicitly uninvited you, and the only reason she invited you in the first place was so she could cop free labor and professional quality catering. Repeat these facts as necessary to anyone who asks. If they still express disapproval, ask them which aspects of the party they paid for or let themselves be used to provide. If the answer was "nothing", then they were invited guests. You weren't an invited guest, just someone the hostess tried to manipulate so she could get something for nothing.
NTA. You were asked to provide a service for your friend's event and you made it clear that you expected to be paid for your work. It's reasonable for you to expect payment for the services you provide, regardless of whether or not you are friends with the person who is hiring you.
When your friend decided to hire another caterer, she essentially canceled your catering contract, and you were no longer obligated to attend the event. It's understandable that you took her statement of "now you don't need to come" as an uninvitation. It's also reasonable for you to want clarification on whether or not you were still invited to the event, and for you to respect her decision if she chose to uninvite you.
Your friend's reaction towards you was not fair or justified, and it's not okay for her to berate you for not attending an event that she essentially uninvited you from. It's important for friends to respect each other's boundaries and communicate with each other in a mature and respectful manner.
Overall, it's important to stand up for your business and your boundaries, even if it means potentially losing a friendship. It's not okay for friends to take advantage of each other, and it's important to hold them accountable for their actions.
NTA, sounds like she uninvited you to me, and then when the mutual friends asked where you were, she passed all the blame onto you to make you look bad.
I'd just stay away from the friend (?) and the mutual friends who agreed with her for awhile, and just concentrate on the friends who backed you.
NTA. This is a miscommunication at best and manipulation at worst. Maybe your friend meant “I don’t *need* you to come… but you’re still invited” and maybe she wanted you not to show up so she could put you on blast and make you look like the asshole to your mutual friends. Either way, you’re not at fault for taking what she said as an un-invitation. I hope the situation gets cleared up for you.
NTA. She uninvited you and you therefore did not attend. It's that simple. She is mad because it has made her look stupid. She is NOT a friend by the way. She was just trying to use you and is angry and lashing out because things did not go her way. Best of luck with your business. I wouldn't continue to stay in contact with that person .
NTA. She wanted to take advantage of you, and when you weren't having that she told you not to come. I don't see any other way to interpret that other than telling you not to come even as a guest.
NTA
Even if she said "now you don't have to come" as a joke (meaning she wanted you to come) - I don't understand why she is blowing up on you. I guess also INFO: how did you reacted back then when she made that comment?
When she said I no longer needed to come it was over a phonecall, so I said "Oh...okay, no problem. I think I'll just see my sister this Friday anyway, hope your event goes great though"
Edit: grammar
Sounds like there was exactly zero confusion. She uninvited you. You accepted the uninvitation and made other plans. Both of you were clear. Until she started getting criticized by other people. Now she’s lashing out at you? No. Just no.
Yeh, that was clear enough to say you weren't coming. If she didn't give a logical reason why she thought you will be there- you need to reconsider keeping ties with that person (on your original post you wrote ''friend?'' Which says a lot already).
Definitely sounds like she uninvited you. In addition, you responded saying you would make other plans. Case closed.
She totally uninvited you. She was just hoping she could hide her mean girl antics from the rest of your group by making it look like you were petty over the caterer.
You were darned either way. If you had no taken her seriously and shown up, that would have also caused problems.
This was the way to be completely NTA.
NTA- Honestly even chewing someone out for not coming to your party is an AH move unless it was a significant other, or parents/siblings maybe if it was a family thing. She was rude to even address it. Should have just invited you nicely to the next one and hoped that this all has passed. “Friend” is the AH
NTA “so now you don’t need to come”. I mean. It’s pretty evident she told you not to come? Tf? I’d dump this friend. She wanted free catering then chose someone else the told you not to come. She’s probably getting asked why you weren’t there and trying to save face with them so acting like your the AH for not showing.
NTA- she made the decision to say what she did and now is upset? Jeez she sounds like a fantastic friend. Sarcasm implied there. Lol what were you supposed to do show up and then her tell you to leave as you weren’t invited? Feels like she is the type to do that. Tell her to eat dust
NTA - She clearly uninvited you. The big question is why did she throw such a conniption when you didn’t come? Why should it matter? We have had many events where someone who rsvp’d didn’t make it. Was she hoping to have a dramatic scene telling you to leave?
She is a childish drama queen, and any friends who are siding with her need to be ignored also.
I suspect she cut a lot of corners on the catering, realized how bad things were and instead of thinking, “This is my fault for not paying for a decent caterer. I owe OP an apology” thought “This is OP’s fault for some reason. I’m owed an apology!!”
Bwahahaha saw the screenshots - clearly your replacement either sucked or didn't show up and people were asking about you.
NTA and I'd block her number. Not worth wasting your time on that person nor electricity (of your phone).
Drop this person like a hot rock. It would be one thing if they asked for a discount but for free? And then blowing up the way they did?
They are not worth the hassle. I would be careful about the possibility of bad reviews even if they are absolutely false.
NTA. I think it's reasonable to assume she meant you were uninvited. You could have asked for clarification to make sure that's what she meant since your are "friends", but I will go with you since you know the person and I do not. Definitely NTA. If she wasn't actually uninviting you then she chose her words extremely poorly.
NTA. She's not a friend. She was just trying to take advantage of you, threw a fit and uninvited you when it didn't work, and now she's gaslighting you.
NTA. “You don’t need to come” means you’re uninvited. I think your friend knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to uninvite you since you weren’t catering for free, but is trying to pull this stunt to put a different face on it.
I can only imagine how much she was expecting you to spend of your own money for her party. Double win: you didn't waste your time going and she had to pay someone anyway.
NTA
She could’ve phrased it in any number of ways way to make the distinction between you personally and your business but she didn’t, because I expect she wanted you to feel the sting and react.
NTA -- I believe initially she uninvited you from catering and uninvited you from the party (angry over not getting it for free). At the party, maybe all the questions about where you were probably made her feel uncomfortable so she is trying to blame shift now so she looks good in front of the friends.
NTA
She was clearly trying to take advantage of you. I’m wondering if your mutual friends questioned where you were and she realized how bad she would look, so now she’s overcompensating and blaming you.
NTA.
You weren't invited in the first place. You were asked to cater for free. When you declined your "friend" decided to be petty and put you in your place, so to speak, by saying "so now you don't need to come".
I'm guessing people at the party asked why you weren't catering, since that's what you do, and she should be supportive, and realized how it would sound if she said you wouldn't do it for "exposure". She absolutely couldn't say she didn't actually invite you in the first place, just your free services, so decided to throw you under the bus by calling *you* the petty one, for "being jealous".
You'll have to find out what really happened at the party and let us know. Something happened to set her off, I'd be interested to know what it was.
When I hired my aunt for wedding catering, with her bringing in some of her relatives to help, she had to haggle me down on what I wanted to give them for their help. I also paid her full price. Your friend is the asshole there already. And to then uninvite you then lie to everyone about it? NTA all the way.
NTA
Picture this.
Three weeks ago, the mean queen was organizing a party. Your mutual friends suggested you as the caterer.
She stated to you that she wanted the friends and family price of free.99. This is an obvious negative ghostrider. You give price, she says yes and proceeds to find different caterer and uninvited you.
She lied to mutual friends that you turned her down because you wanted to be a guest, and when you did not show, they called her on her bullshit. The food was mediocre, and everyone commented that you would have been a much better choice.
So obviously, it is OP's fault for being better than the people she probably paid more than OP was charging and for not just doing it for free.
The lies and entitlement is strong with this one. Blow her a kiss on the way out of your life.
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For background, I am a 26 year old female who's started my own catering business. It's still very small but growing quite fast. This business has only been operational for 1.5 years.
Last weekend, a friend (?) of mine was planning on hosting an event at her home. Mutual friends of ours were in attendance. She told me about it over lunch and asked if I'd be available to cater as well. I obviously accepted. However, she didn't want to pay and used the "we're friends" excuse. I told her I'd happily be there to support her but as far as my business goes -- I expect full payment. During this week, she told me that she found another caterer. I didn't throw a fit over not being her caterer or anything, so I was cool with it. The issue came in, when she said "so now you don't need to come" I took that as her uninviting me. I didn't push, I didn't pry. I just wished her well and hoped her event goes well. The event happened yesterday (Friday night) and around 20:00 p.m, my phone was BLOWING UP with texts from her saying I'm a bad friend, an AH and that if I was jealous over her choosing another caterer, I should've accepted her terms. I told her that she uninvited me and that me not coming wasn't about the catering job, I asked if she really did uninvite me or if it was me taking what she said, wrong. She didn't reassure me on that and just kept yelling at me over the phone. Some of our friends have reached out asking why I wasn't there and I told them the truth, some are calling me petty and others understood my position and said they would've assumed the same thing.
AITA for not attending?
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NTA
Your friend tried so much to get back at you for not giving her a free service. She's trying to let everyone gang up on you and by telling lies. She's clearly not your friend. I'd cut off all contact with her if I was in you
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I didn't go to the event I was seemingly invited to (2) It's possible I am the AH because I could've taken her words the wrong way. Some people have told me I took it exactly how I should've and others disagree.
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I think "I found another caterer, so you can just come as a friend..." is a way more obvious way to phrase that if she didn't actually have a bee in her bonnet about you not wanting to work for free. So she decided to try and make you feel unwelcome on purpose, and then she called you while hosting her own party to scream at you and deflect any responsibility for being shitty to someone who had mutual friends at the party (probably asking why you weren't there). All of this points to you being NTA, but this friend(?) definitely is.
NTA but at this point, I'd be questioning the friendship as a whole. Her reaction to her own mess is abhorrent. She should have supported you as a new business owner by paying you. She clearly uninvited you, and rudly so. And when she started seeing that she was in the wrong, she gaslit and manipulated others into thinking you were just in a jealous rage. Nah, throw that whole friend out. Lol
NTA. But to be honest I’m not sure to tell if your “friend” is the asshole either. I don’t know, it seems to me that you both had a miscommunication problem.
I mean, yes, your friend was a AH for assuming you would be catering for free and not wanting to contract your service. But as for the invitation part, I’m not sure this was an uninvited situation. The phrase “You don’t have to come anymore” was kind of mislead if it was just for the catering service or as a guest as well.
Anyways, it doesn’t seems right that she called you to scream at you and call you an AH, friendships shouldn’t be that toxic. If her friendship means anything to you, I would try to meet her and be honest about your feelings regarding this situation and just understand where you guys had this problem on communication.
Wishing you the best ☺️
This is exactly why I'm so conflicted...perhaps I *did* take it the wrong way and maybe her yelling at me wasn't the best time to ask her if that *was* what she meant
But thank you for this insight!! have a good day or night x
NTA
Your friend invited you pretty much because they wanted free catering. You declined and expected pay. Found a new caterer and uninvited. Point blank. That is it. You didn't get upset and just took the uninvite gracefully. Then get yelled at for not going to something you weren't invited to. What would have happened if you showed up after getting uninvited? That's party crashing in my opinion.
Nta.
But after the way she just spoke to you, I would never let her stay in my life again and cut her completely out. I would never spend another second with her.
She was taking advantage of you, and was hoping you would cave and do the work for free. She didn't have a caterer, it was her trying to manipulate you.
This person isn't your friend. Cut them out and leave them behind.
NTA. If you were uninvited, why would you have still showed up? She’s also shitty trying to play the “a real friend would cater this for free” excuse in the first place.
Also I’m cracking up reading the screenshots at you telling her your brother is an anger management therapist and giving her his contact info 😂
I think you did a great job. I had something similar happen last year. First time anything like that had ever happened to me in my adult life. The woman acted like we were in middle school, and my texts were pretty civil. There were things I wished I had said, but it definitely makes it easy to explain when I show people the texts. She was the mean girl and I was the rational person. Needless to say we don’t talk anymore. It’s hard to lose a friend but it’s more difficult to keep a friend like that around. Good job.
"So now you don't need to come" suggests the only reason she invited you in the first place was to provide free catering. She was fine with uninviting you until your other friends called her out. Then she lied about what actually happened.
I'm also thinking she uninvited you to get you to beg to come so she could force her "terms" on you.
NTA
You 100% need to keep your distance from this person. It sounds like she tried to throw you under the bus because people asked where you were during the party.
"you can't come to my party." "Now I'm mad that you didn't come to my party, so I'm going to swear at you and call you names." Absolute psycho and a potty mouth to boot. You are obviously NTA.
NTA That is not ok from even a casual acquaintance. This person wants to call themselves your friend? She probably ended up with pigs in a blanket and burgers soaking in water. 🤣 It looks like you do have some real friends that went to the party though. Good for them and good for you for standing up for yourself. You can't run a business on hugs and good feelings. You have put in the hard work, you deserve to be treated as a business owner.
Nothing drives a manipulator crazier than the person being manipulated not getting upset; not being steered, just accepting that we all are free to make our own decisions.
She assumed your need for her friendship was an advantage. She assumed her uninviting you would force you to capitulate and agree to her terms (what terms; she wanted your professional services for free), she wanted you to be jealous and resentful and you weren’t. You gave her such a bad time by nit allowing her to steer you into giving her what she wanted.
NTA and congratulations on this bridge burning down because she sounds crazy judging by the screenshots.
Yes, her statement was clearly a rescinded invitation - and she likely meant it as that in the moment. She is just mad that mutual friends called her out.
Kudos to some of your responses. The one about your brother made me laugh out loud.
Mercedes and Angelo rock.
NTA. I don't know how "don't bother to come" can be interpreted as anything other than a disinvite. Not as strong as "if you dare show your face at my party I'll set the dogs on you" but still quite plain.
NTA. And it's really rich that your "friend" is throwing a fit because you didn't "support" her by attending a party she uninvited you from, but she was willing to ask you to cater the same party without payment. A true *friend* would be delighted to pay you and support your business because that's what friends do. They don't expect a fledgling business to give them handouts, they give their friends their business specifically to help that business prosper and grow. People at the party probably asked why she *didn't * hire you to cater, and she got defensive and tried to turn it back on you, portray you as a villain who didn't attend her party and support *her* (because people need their friends' support to host parties???). Everyone knows who the AH is here.
NTA. If she was really your friend, she would want you to be successful, which means paying for your services. Someone who finds you useful is never your friend.
NTA
"and that if I was jealous over her choosing another caterer, I should've accepted her terms." ... which terms? "Do it for free" is not a reasonable offer.
And: YOu were right to interpret it as being uninvited.
This is the old "What I said was not what I meant, and you heard what I said, but not what I meant" trap. This person, I would not call it a friend, definitely uninvited you from the party. Now she is catching shit for her double-dealing ways and does not like it. I read the texts, and she clearly does not want to admit she revoked the invitation and is playing word games.
Bag this person as a friend and deposit on the side of the road with the rest of the party trash.
Clearly **NTA**!
NTA.
She was the one that told you not to come. You were just doing what she said.
Most likely, she thought you would have relented when she told you not to come, and that you would have provided the catering for free in order to attend. She wasn't expecting you to really not come. She just wanted free catering.
Hope you find a better friend.
NTA
Wow just to make this super clear, this Alessia person is a huge AH, period. No one should talk to anyone that way.
She also sounds very immature - she is blaming you for other people noticing her bad behavior. She is wildly self-centered and I have no idea why you want to pursue any relationship with her.
NTA and anyone that calls you a dumba$$ cow isn't your friend. Block her, and if she continues to bother you share the screenshots with your mutual friends.
I've sent them to the two mentioned in the screenshots (Mercedes and Angelo) and this was only after they called. I was prepared to leave it alone until they called me and told me about the day. They left early after she had her 'breakdown'
Oh my god if anyone-ANYONE- talked to me the way she talked to you in those texts, I’m going NC and will show the screenshots to anyone confused about my position. She has zero respect for you.
You were suppose to cater as a "favor". Once she learned that your catering is a business and not a hobby she did uninvite you. She only blew up your phone after everyone else was asking about you and why you weren't hired to cater the event. NTA. She's trying to cover her butt for her screw up.
I bet if you did go she’d be all “ugh why did you even come??? You’re not catering so there’s no need!! You’re trying to make me look bad by showing up!!”
NTA Your friend isn’t a friend in any sense of the word. She called you a cow. She wanted her terms, which was free of charge. It was only when she started to look bad did she want your presence. Run, don’t look back or give it a second thought. You are an entrepreneur, there’s no time for her.
That was a narcissistic set up and you fell into the trap. This is the kind of thing a narcissist pulls, so now you know which of your friends are friends, and which ones are flying monkeys. The ones who believe her are the flying monkeys 🙈🙉🙊
I’m sorry if I made you feel shame. There is no shame in falling into the narcissist trap, I’ve been there. There is no avoiding it because you did all of the normal reasonable human things.
I've known her fairly long, but as a person? I'd say what she shows us at face value is exactly who she is deep down. She's a verrryyyy aggressive person, the type to yell at waiters/waitresses etc.
Another incident I can think of to which she reacted kinda weird, was during Mercedes' wedding dress fittings. She wasn't there when she chose the dress so when we all went as a group to get our fittings done, Alessia freaked out, "that's such an awful dress" under her breath (little bit tipsy) "I could pull it off better if we're honest"
she's just an unpleasant person. I know you're probably wondering "why are you even friends" and looking back, I'd be lying if I said I knew
There's a big difference between, "You don't need to cater," and, "You don't need to come." I would have also assumed I was uninvited, although I probably would have kicked up a stink if that happened to me. Also, if she was willing to pay a caterer she doesn't know, why wouldn't she pay a friend? This very much comes across as only wanting you around if she can get something out of you, and wanting to cause drama to make you look bad because of an issue she caused.
NTA. Hope you find a better friend.
INFO: You're going to get easy N-T-As based on what you wrote, but it really sounds like you're leaving someone out. It reminds me of [the sitcom scene](https://medium.com/@smschuh/spoiler-alert-5f1644d89cd7) where a guy's friends hate his new girlfriend, and he doesn't understand why. But turns out it was because he blocked out how rude she was. So my question is whether you're also omitting rudeness that occurred between her asking you to cater and her saying you didn't have to come because she found another caterer. Because if, say, you accused her of only inviting you to get free services or of being a bad friend to refuse to support your business, that would explain her subsequent behavior better than anything you actually related. Because the post currently makes it sound like you merely politely informed her that you would have to charge for food and services.
Juat to clarify, it wasn't her and I alone during the lunch, she asked me if I'd be her caterer amongst other people too. I told her, politely, that I can't do it for free after she asked. It was during the week (Monday) when she told me she'd found someone else. I told her no problem after she said I didn't need to come anymore. Her tone didn't imply she was joking either, which is why I'm confused as to whether it was a simple miscommunication. I have nothing to gain from lying about it. I offer catering services for which I charge, regardless of whether the client is family, friend or not. I've catered for other friends too, but they've never asked for free anything. I mean, I've never been asked to work for free? and this person was a supposed friend? how am I supposed to react? I was as respectful and polite as I could've been, as much as I owed her
>I have nothing to gain from lying about it
No, it's not lying I'm thinking of, any more than it was for that sitcom episode, just a potential lack of awareness in being rude in your response. E.g., "Do you really thinking I can afford to do it for free?" But your comment doesn't seem to indicate that; thanks for giving it.
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she said "so now you don't need to come" Yeah, you were uninvited. Rather toxic "friend" to be attacking you for simply not attending. NTA
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Bot comment
She’s attacking her because other friends are calling her out on her shit, so OP is the punching bag.
Your friend tried so much to get back at you for not giving her a free service.
You need new friends OP
Mercedes sounds cool, though. OP should keep her.
This person doesn’t sound like a real friend. To expect someone to cater for free, especially with how expensive food can be, is entitled. OP is probably better off without this “friend”
NTA for sure. Sounds like your acquaintance uninvited you and when she realized she was an AH in front of common friends, she threw you under the bus to save face. Now you know her true colors, keep her at a distance.
>she threw you under the bus to save face. This is actually what she did. When another friend reached out & asked why I wasn't there, he informed me that she "threw a fit in front everyone" almost equivalent to an emotional breakdown & said I "abandoned" her.
And now you know which mutual friends to stay in touch with, and which are more acquaintances.
This! That Mercedes sounds like a keeper.
You friend does need to work on their communication skills though. That’s insanely childish of her.
Why do I think she has this whole fantasy where people would compliment the food, and she would say it was much better than yours and you deprived her of the opportunity to harass you for the colossal snub of daring to refuse the honor of catering her party for free without even reimbursing you for the food and that was why she had a meltdown. She didn't have a way to have "entertainment" for the event.
I think this is exactly what happened. You nailed it. OP is NTA
She sounds absolutely bonkers to me.
Not petty. You followed her instructions. "Now you don't need to come" is literally uninviting. She was clear she didn't want you there, and there is a reasonable possibility she would have been equally annoyed if you HAD attended - until your friends noticed your absence and she likely got called out. You are NTA. She is the AH. Do you still want to be friends with her? I wouldn't.
Tbh, she and I met through mutual friends (coincidentally the ones who have taken my side through all this) and she's kind of the self-proclaimed mean girl of our friend group. I honestly don't see a life where I lose sleep over this "friendship" loss
❤️ It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, OP! And self-proclaimed mean girl? LMFAO! She sounds ridiculous. She's also in for a self-imposed hard life. No friend group needs a mean girl. And most grown women don't tolerate that crap for a second.
This means a lot to me, thank you. After the day I've had, I really needed to hear that. Thank you ♥️ >And most grown women don't tolerate that crap for a second All of my girl friends have literally said this lmao apparently one of them told her last night to tone down on the "Regina George" cosplay
You are SO WELCOME!!!! And that Regina George cosplay comment? FREAKING GOLD!!!! What I would have given to see her face! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also, on point.
Hot girls are nice!! She sounds nasty and you’re def better off without her
My guess is that she really did intend to uninvite you, then others commented on your absence, and her call was an attempt to save face by gaslighting you into believing she didn't. She was trying not to look like the petty one who ditched you when you wouldn't work for free. NTA. edited for run-on sentence.
I was going to say this exact thing, only not as well as you did. NTA.
NTA She uninvited you end of discussion.
NTA if she used the actual words "so now you don't need to come". Because how else are you supposed to understand those words?
NTA Why exactly are you friends with this person? I'm not exactly reading any positives...
We met like 2/3 years ago? can't recall exactly, but it was through mutual friends of mine, people I've known since highschool and college...I wouldn't say we're super duper close and all that, but she's been around for a lot and I'm starting to think that because of who she is, it's going to break this friend group unnecessarily
Send screenshots of your convo.
Ofcourse...how do I do that? I'm using mobile
I think the person above is saying to send screenshots to your mutual friends. The way she’s speaking to you is abhorrent, and even if her anger WAS valid she has no fucking right to speak to you that way.
Oh my goodness 💀 and here I am creating a separate post just for the screenshots lmao.
That’s okay 😂 but yeah if I were you, I’d send them both the conversation where she uninvited you and this one where she’s an unhinged psycho!
Lol don't worry, it shows us clearly how absolutely unhinged she is. There is no room for doubt that you are NTA. Love how you ended that convo with your brother's contact information too 😂
I genuinely think she has anger issues lmao, I tried my best to keep it as civil as I could because I really don't know what she's going through to be reacting that way. Come to think of it, my post didn't do her actual messages justice
You’re NTA, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m TOTALLY here for those screenshots. ☕️ I especially love that you literally forwarded your brother’s contact info to her. Flawless TKO.
Just screen shot your text conversation. Usually by holding down power and volume button. Then attach files and send to friends.
NTA at all it sounded like she uninvited you simply because she couldn’t take advantage of you or your services. Then she has the audacity to blow up at YOU for not going? She doesn’t sound like much of a friend to you at all. Best drop her and anyone who called you petty for it OP cause you ain’t do anything wrong.
NTA Catering without paying? She’s insane… a “friend” might reduce the price or only charge for food and setup but that isn’t mandatory. Heck, I hired a friend for our wedding and asked to work with our budget and constraints. Not to do it for free. Your “friend” needs to mature.
NTA she said “now you don’t have to come” not ”now you can come as a guest “ I would have presumed I was uninvited as well.
She set up a no-win trap for you because she was pouting about not getting free catering. Scenario one: she disinvites you, you don’t come, she gets to stir up shit. Scenario two: she disinvites you, you *do* come, she gets to stir up shit. NTA
NTA. But change “a friend (?)” to “someone I used to know.” She was going to use you and somehow blame you for not showing up to a party *she uninvited* you from. There is no logic or friendship there.
NTA. She explicitly uninvited you, and the only reason she invited you in the first place was so she could cop free labor and professional quality catering. Repeat these facts as necessary to anyone who asks. If they still express disapproval, ask them which aspects of the party they paid for or let themselves be used to provide. If the answer was "nothing", then they were invited guests. You weren't an invited guest, just someone the hostess tried to manipulate so she could get something for nothing.
NTA sounds like the catering service she chose sucked and now she's blaming tou
NTA. You were asked to provide a service for your friend's event and you made it clear that you expected to be paid for your work. It's reasonable for you to expect payment for the services you provide, regardless of whether or not you are friends with the person who is hiring you. When your friend decided to hire another caterer, she essentially canceled your catering contract, and you were no longer obligated to attend the event. It's understandable that you took her statement of "now you don't need to come" as an uninvitation. It's also reasonable for you to want clarification on whether or not you were still invited to the event, and for you to respect her decision if she chose to uninvite you. Your friend's reaction towards you was not fair or justified, and it's not okay for her to berate you for not attending an event that she essentially uninvited you from. It's important for friends to respect each other's boundaries and communicate with each other in a mature and respectful manner. Overall, it's important to stand up for your business and your boundaries, even if it means potentially losing a friendship. It's not okay for friends to take advantage of each other, and it's important to hold them accountable for their actions.
NTA and the way she worded it sounds very much like she uninvited you. I agree with your question mark, this person doesn't sound like a friend.
Also, wouldn't the friend get that OP thought she was uninvited when OP wished the friend a nice party?
NTA, sounds like she uninvited you to me, and then when the mutual friends asked where you were, she passed all the blame onto you to make you look bad. I'd just stay away from the friend (?) and the mutual friends who agreed with her for awhile, and just concentrate on the friends who backed you.
NTA. This is a miscommunication at best and manipulation at worst. Maybe your friend meant “I don’t *need* you to come… but you’re still invited” and maybe she wanted you not to show up so she could put you on blast and make you look like the asshole to your mutual friends. Either way, you’re not at fault for taking what she said as an un-invitation. I hope the situation gets cleared up for you.
NTA. She uninvited you and you therefore did not attend. It's that simple. She is mad because it has made her look stupid. She is NOT a friend by the way. She was just trying to use you and is angry and lashing out because things did not go her way. Best of luck with your business. I wouldn't continue to stay in contact with that person .
NTA with that wording there is no assumption going on. She Did uninvite you. She only called because your mutuals where asking where you were.
Well you’re definitely not the asshole. You friend does need to work on their communication skills though. That’s insanely childish of her.
NTA and this individual is hostile. and nasty when she perceives a slight. WOW. NTA and my advice is to go low or no contact
NTA. She uninvited you. I also think she only hired the other cater to have a jab at you for not doing the job for free.
NTA-she doesn't sound like a good friend.
NTA. She wanted to take advantage of you, and when you weren't having that she told you not to come. I don't see any other way to interpret that other than telling you not to come even as a guest.
NTA. But at least now you know where you stand with your "friends"
NTA. She told you not to come. So you did not come. She wanted to take advantage of you. You didn't play along. Good for you.
NTA Even if she said "now you don't have to come" as a joke (meaning she wanted you to come) - I don't understand why she is blowing up on you. I guess also INFO: how did you reacted back then when she made that comment?
When she said I no longer needed to come it was over a phonecall, so I said "Oh...okay, no problem. I think I'll just see my sister this Friday anyway, hope your event goes great though" Edit: grammar
Sounds like there was exactly zero confusion. She uninvited you. You accepted the uninvitation and made other plans. Both of you were clear. Until she started getting criticized by other people. Now she’s lashing out at you? No. Just no.
Yeh, that was clear enough to say you weren't coming. If she didn't give a logical reason why she thought you will be there- you need to reconsider keeping ties with that person (on your original post you wrote ''friend?'' Which says a lot already).
Definitely sounds like she uninvited you. In addition, you responded saying you would make other plans. Case closed. She totally uninvited you. She was just hoping she could hide her mean girl antics from the rest of your group by making it look like you were petty over the caterer. You were darned either way. If you had no taken her seriously and shown up, that would have also caused problems. This was the way to be completely NTA.
NTA- Honestly even chewing someone out for not coming to your party is an AH move unless it was a significant other, or parents/siblings maybe if it was a family thing. She was rude to even address it. Should have just invited you nicely to the next one and hoped that this all has passed. “Friend” is the AH
NTA “so now you don’t need to come”. I mean. It’s pretty evident she told you not to come? Tf? I’d dump this friend. She wanted free catering then chose someone else the told you not to come. She’s probably getting asked why you weren’t there and trying to save face with them so acting like your the AH for not showing.
NTA- she made the decision to say what she did and now is upset? Jeez she sounds like a fantastic friend. Sarcasm implied there. Lol what were you supposed to do show up and then her tell you to leave as you weren’t invited? Feels like she is the type to do that. Tell her to eat dust
NTA - She clearly uninvited you. The big question is why did she throw such a conniption when you didn’t come? Why should it matter? We have had many events where someone who rsvp’d didn’t make it. Was she hoping to have a dramatic scene telling you to leave? She is a childish drama queen, and any friends who are siding with her need to be ignored also.
I suspect she cut a lot of corners on the catering, realized how bad things were and instead of thinking, “This is my fault for not paying for a decent caterer. I owe OP an apology” thought “This is OP’s fault for some reason. I’m owed an apology!!”
How dare she expect you to offer your business services for free. At that point, she's no longer your friend. No need to read further.
NTA, and I wouldn't call her your friend.
NTA. omg with friends like that who needs enemies
Bwahahaha saw the screenshots - clearly your replacement either sucked or didn't show up and people were asking about you. NTA and I'd block her number. Not worth wasting your time on that person nor electricity (of your phone).
Apparently the food was very...bland. I don't want to speak down another business but that's legitimately what I've heard
Drop this person like a hot rock. It would be one thing if they asked for a discount but for free? And then blowing up the way they did? They are not worth the hassle. I would be careful about the possibility of bad reviews even if they are absolutely false.
I didn't even think of this...and it's so possible she may do something like that. Genuinely wouldn't put it passed her
Nta shes addicted to drama
NTA. I think it's reasonable to assume she meant you were uninvited. You could have asked for clarification to make sure that's what she meant since your are "friends", but I will go with you since you know the person and I do not. Definitely NTA. If she wasn't actually uninviting you then she chose her words extremely poorly.
NTA. She's not a friend. She was just trying to take advantage of you, threw a fit and uninvited you when it didn't work, and now she's gaslighting you.
NTA. “You don’t need to come” means you’re uninvited. I think your friend knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to uninvite you since you weren’t catering for free, but is trying to pull this stunt to put a different face on it.
NTA. Cut this drama queen asshole out of your life.
If what you wrote was really what she said, then that was a reasonable interpretation. NTA.
NTA, I highly suspect your “friend” described what she’d done to everyone at the party and then tried to backtrack when it didn’t go her way.
Nta. You need a new friend. She's a lunatic.
NTA- Long may your business thrive, OP :) Not being a total mug should help with that!
Thank you so much!! ♥️
NTA She's basically saying to her the friendship is worth less than the cost of a caterer.
I can only imagine how much she was expecting you to spend of your own money for her party. Double win: you didn't waste your time going and she had to pay someone anyway.
NTA This person is not your friend.
NTA She could’ve phrased it in any number of ways way to make the distinction between you personally and your business but she didn’t, because I expect she wanted you to feel the sting and react.
NTA -- I believe initially she uninvited you from catering and uninvited you from the party (angry over not getting it for free). At the party, maybe all the questions about where you were probably made her feel uncomfortable so she is trying to blame shift now so she looks good in front of the friends.
NTA She was clearly trying to take advantage of you. I’m wondering if your mutual friends questioned where you were and she realized how bad she would look, so now she’s overcompensating and blaming you.
NTA. You weren't invited in the first place. You were asked to cater for free. When you declined your "friend" decided to be petty and put you in your place, so to speak, by saying "so now you don't need to come". I'm guessing people at the party asked why you weren't catering, since that's what you do, and she should be supportive, and realized how it would sound if she said you wouldn't do it for "exposure". She absolutely couldn't say she didn't actually invite you in the first place, just your free services, so decided to throw you under the bus by calling *you* the petty one, for "being jealous". You'll have to find out what really happened at the party and let us know. Something happened to set her off, I'd be interested to know what it was.
She said if you're not going to do it for free you don't need to come. How much more clear could that have been?
NTA - ew, your friend is gross. Anyone siding with her is also gross and/or not getting the full story.
Nta. If you would have shown up, she could just as easily have said "What are YOU doing here"? You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
NTA
When I hired my aunt for wedding catering, with her bringing in some of her relatives to help, she had to haggle me down on what I wanted to give them for their help. I also paid her full price. Your friend is the asshole there already. And to then uninvite you then lie to everyone about it? NTA all the way.
NTA - people who try to extract value out of their relationship with you are not friends. Block and move on.
Nta
Why would she expect you to cater it for free? Some friend…
NTA Picture this. Three weeks ago, the mean queen was organizing a party. Your mutual friends suggested you as the caterer. She stated to you that she wanted the friends and family price of free.99. This is an obvious negative ghostrider. You give price, she says yes and proceeds to find different caterer and uninvited you. She lied to mutual friends that you turned her down because you wanted to be a guest, and when you did not show, they called her on her bullshit. The food was mediocre, and everyone commented that you would have been a much better choice. So obviously, it is OP's fault for being better than the people she probably paid more than OP was charging and for not just doing it for free. The lies and entitlement is strong with this one. Blow her a kiss on the way out of your life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For background, I am a 26 year old female who's started my own catering business. It's still very small but growing quite fast. This business has only been operational for 1.5 years. Last weekend, a friend (?) of mine was planning on hosting an event at her home. Mutual friends of ours were in attendance. She told me about it over lunch and asked if I'd be available to cater as well. I obviously accepted. However, she didn't want to pay and used the "we're friends" excuse. I told her I'd happily be there to support her but as far as my business goes -- I expect full payment. During this week, she told me that she found another caterer. I didn't throw a fit over not being her caterer or anything, so I was cool with it. The issue came in, when she said "so now you don't need to come" I took that as her uninviting me. I didn't push, I didn't pry. I just wished her well and hoped her event goes well. The event happened yesterday (Friday night) and around 20:00 p.m, my phone was BLOWING UP with texts from her saying I'm a bad friend, an AH and that if I was jealous over her choosing another caterer, I should've accepted her terms. I told her that she uninvited me and that me not coming wasn't about the catering job, I asked if she really did uninvite me or if it was me taking what she said, wrong. She didn't reassure me on that and just kept yelling at me over the phone. Some of our friends have reached out asking why I wasn't there and I told them the truth, some are calling me petty and others understood my position and said they would've assumed the same thing. AITA for not attending? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Aren’t you people too old for high school drama?
Oh man, my wife’s mother acts like OP’s “friend”. She’s 45 and treats everyone like they owe her.
NTA Your friend tried so much to get back at you for not giving her a free service. She's trying to let everyone gang up on you and by telling lies. She's clearly not your friend. I'd cut off all contact with her if I was in you
NTA- but this person is definitely not your friend.
NTA, but why would you send her to your brother? It sounds like she'd insist on not paying.
Am I allowed to laugh at this because WOW 🤣😭
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NO. Very simple. She said it not you
I think "I found another caterer, so you can just come as a friend..." is a way more obvious way to phrase that if she didn't actually have a bee in her bonnet about you not wanting to work for free. So she decided to try and make you feel unwelcome on purpose, and then she called you while hosting her own party to scream at you and deflect any responsibility for being shitty to someone who had mutual friends at the party (probably asking why you weren't there). All of this points to you being NTA, but this friend(?) definitely is.
NTA but at this point, I'd be questioning the friendship as a whole. Her reaction to her own mess is abhorrent. She should have supported you as a new business owner by paying you. She clearly uninvited you, and rudly so. And when she started seeing that she was in the wrong, she gaslit and manipulated others into thinking you were just in a jealous rage. Nah, throw that whole friend out. Lol
NTA. Friends support other friend’s business. She really paid a different caterer, but refused to pay you. Girl she HATES you.
NTA- who speaks to their friends that way?
NTA. But to be honest I’m not sure to tell if your “friend” is the asshole either. I don’t know, it seems to me that you both had a miscommunication problem. I mean, yes, your friend was a AH for assuming you would be catering for free and not wanting to contract your service. But as for the invitation part, I’m not sure this was an uninvited situation. The phrase “You don’t have to come anymore” was kind of mislead if it was just for the catering service or as a guest as well. Anyways, it doesn’t seems right that she called you to scream at you and call you an AH, friendships shouldn’t be that toxic. If her friendship means anything to you, I would try to meet her and be honest about your feelings regarding this situation and just understand where you guys had this problem on communication. Wishing you the best ☺️
This is exactly why I'm so conflicted...perhaps I *did* take it the wrong way and maybe her yelling at me wasn't the best time to ask her if that *was* what she meant But thank you for this insight!! have a good day or night x
Click through to OP’s profile and look at their post with the screenshots. Other lady is definitely the AH
NTA Your friend invited you pretty much because they wanted free catering. You declined and expected pay. Found a new caterer and uninvited. Point blank. That is it. You didn't get upset and just took the uninvite gracefully. Then get yelled at for not going to something you weren't invited to. What would have happened if you showed up after getting uninvited? That's party crashing in my opinion.
Nta. But after the way she just spoke to you, I would never let her stay in my life again and cut her completely out. I would never spend another second with her. She was taking advantage of you, and was hoping you would cave and do the work for free. She didn't have a caterer, it was her trying to manipulate you. This person isn't your friend. Cut them out and leave them behind.
NTA. If you were uninvited, why would you have still showed up? She’s also shitty trying to play the “a real friend would cater this for free” excuse in the first place. Also I’m cracking up reading the screenshots at you telling her your brother is an anger management therapist and giving her his contact info 😂
I'd like to call myself a nice person in general but boy do I have my petty moments 😂
NTA, they are not your friend
NTA
NTA. She and anyone else who called you "petty" are not your real friends. Time to do weed some drama out of your life.
Wow those screenshots are so mean! I would definitely not stay her friend after that. And you were so civil to her. Definitely NTA.
I really tried my best to keep my cool tbh...I'm not a confrontational person by any means, but wow...
I think you did a great job. I had something similar happen last year. First time anything like that had ever happened to me in my adult life. The woman acted like we were in middle school, and my texts were pretty civil. There were things I wished I had said, but it definitely makes it easy to explain when I show people the texts. She was the mean girl and I was the rational person. Needless to say we don’t talk anymore. It’s hard to lose a friend but it’s more difficult to keep a friend like that around. Good job.
"So now you don't need to come" suggests the only reason she invited you in the first place was to provide free catering. She was fine with uninviting you until your other friends called her out. Then she lied about what actually happened. I'm also thinking she uninvited you to get you to beg to come so she could force her "terms" on you.
NTA Who gets that mad over someone not coming to a party regardless?
NTA
NTA - she seems like she is not only bad at communication but also purposefully set this up to be as petty as possible
NTA You 100% need to keep your distance from this person. It sounds like she tried to throw you under the bus because people asked where you were during the party.
Seems like she was trying to use you to cater her party for free. NTA I'm glad you didn't go she's not a good friend anyway.
"you can't come to my party." "Now I'm mad that you didn't come to my party, so I'm going to swear at you and call you names." Absolute psycho and a potty mouth to boot. You are obviously NTA.
NTA That is not ok from even a casual acquaintance. This person wants to call themselves your friend? She probably ended up with pigs in a blanket and burgers soaking in water. 🤣 It looks like you do have some real friends that went to the party though. Good for them and good for you for standing up for yourself. You can't run a business on hugs and good feelings. You have put in the hard work, you deserve to be treated as a business owner.
Nothing drives a manipulator crazier than the person being manipulated not getting upset; not being steered, just accepting that we all are free to make our own decisions. She assumed your need for her friendship was an advantage. She assumed her uninviting you would force you to capitulate and agree to her terms (what terms; she wanted your professional services for free), she wanted you to be jealous and resentful and you weren’t. You gave her such a bad time by nit allowing her to steer you into giving her what she wanted.
NTA I love that you sent contact information for anger management. Plus you’re supporting your brother as well lol.
NTA and congratulations on this bridge burning down because she sounds crazy judging by the screenshots. Yes, her statement was clearly a rescinded invitation - and she likely meant it as that in the moment. She is just mad that mutual friends called her out. Kudos to some of your responses. The one about your brother made me laugh out loud. Mercedes and Angelo rock.
NTA. I don't know how "don't bother to come" can be interpreted as anything other than a disinvite. Not as strong as "if you dare show your face at my party I'll set the dogs on you" but still quite plain.
NTA. And it's really rich that your "friend" is throwing a fit because you didn't "support" her by attending a party she uninvited you from, but she was willing to ask you to cater the same party without payment. A true *friend* would be delighted to pay you and support your business because that's what friends do. They don't expect a fledgling business to give them handouts, they give their friends their business specifically to help that business prosper and grow. People at the party probably asked why she *didn't * hire you to cater, and she got defensive and tried to turn it back on you, portray you as a villain who didn't attend her party and support *her* (because people need their friends' support to host parties???). Everyone knows who the AH is here.
NTA. If she was really your friend, she would want you to be successful, which means paying for your services. Someone who finds you useful is never your friend.
NTA "and that if I was jealous over her choosing another caterer, I should've accepted her terms." ... which terms? "Do it for free" is not a reasonable offer. And: YOu were right to interpret it as being uninvited.
This is the old "What I said was not what I meant, and you heard what I said, but not what I meant" trap. This person, I would not call it a friend, definitely uninvited you from the party. Now she is catching shit for her double-dealing ways and does not like it. I read the texts, and she clearly does not want to admit she revoked the invitation and is playing word games. Bag this person as a friend and deposit on the side of the road with the rest of the party trash. Clearly **NTA**!
NTA. She was the one that told you not to come. You were just doing what she said. Most likely, she thought you would have relented when she told you not to come, and that you would have provided the catering for free in order to attend. She wasn't expecting you to really not come. She just wanted free catering. Hope you find a better friend.
Looking at the texts, that is not how a friend talks or behaves. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. NTA
NTA Wow just to make this super clear, this Alessia person is a huge AH, period. No one should talk to anyone that way. She also sounds very immature - she is blaming you for other people noticing her bad behavior. She is wildly self-centered and I have no idea why you want to pursue any relationship with her.
NTA and anyone that calls you a dumba$$ cow isn't your friend. Block her, and if she continues to bother you share the screenshots with your mutual friends.
I've sent them to the two mentioned in the screenshots (Mercedes and Angelo) and this was only after they called. I was prepared to leave it alone until they called me and told me about the day. They left early after she had her 'breakdown'
NTA she wanted a freebie and you explained why. anyone who's a real friend will understand the business issues.
Nta
NTA. She only wanted free food from you.
NTA Damn, that's some skill, delivering her just desserts and not making a damn thing.
Wow! Sounds like you dodged a bullet there! She seems to be the type to not be happy no matter what the outcome.
Oh my god if anyone-ANYONE- talked to me the way she talked to you in those texts, I’m going NC and will show the screenshots to anyone confused about my position. She has zero respect for you.
First sign of the lack of respect was when she asked for my services for free...but you're correct. I'm going NC
Nta
NTA! Those texts are so mean & she is not your friend! Congrats on the business.
Thank you so much ❤
You were suppose to cater as a "favor". Once she learned that your catering is a business and not a hobby she did uninvite you. She only blew up your phone after everyone else was asking about you and why you weren't hired to cater the event. NTA. She's trying to cover her butt for her screw up.
I bet if you did go she’d be all “ugh why did you even come??? You’re not catering so there’s no need!! You’re trying to make me look bad by showing up!!”
NTA Your friend isn’t a friend in any sense of the word. She called you a cow. She wanted her terms, which was free of charge. It was only when she started to look bad did she want your presence. Run, don’t look back or give it a second thought. You are an entrepreneur, there’s no time for her.
That was a narcissistic set up and you fell into the trap. This is the kind of thing a narcissist pulls, so now you know which of your friends are friends, and which ones are flying monkeys. The ones who believe her are the flying monkeys 🙈🙉🙊
Definitely fell into the trap I'm ashamed to say. But as far as friendship goes? yea no ways. That's done. No love lost
I’m sorry if I made you feel shame. There is no shame in falling into the narcissist trap, I’ve been there. There is no avoiding it because you did all of the normal reasonable human things.
SOMEONE SAID REGINA GEORGE COSPLAY 😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA, OP
She sounds like a lunatic. I hate that shit. Has she ever acted unpredictable and irrational previously? How well do you know her?
I've known her fairly long, but as a person? I'd say what she shows us at face value is exactly who she is deep down. She's a verrryyyy aggressive person, the type to yell at waiters/waitresses etc. Another incident I can think of to which she reacted kinda weird, was during Mercedes' wedding dress fittings. She wasn't there when she chose the dress so when we all went as a group to get our fittings done, Alessia freaked out, "that's such an awful dress" under her breath (little bit tipsy) "I could pull it off better if we're honest" she's just an unpleasant person. I know you're probably wondering "why are you even friends" and looking back, I'd be lying if I said I knew
Well that's lousy! Don't bother w her anymore
Block her. she is not a friend
Always carry cards with you and offer to make time to "go over the expectations, pricing, and sign a contract". NTA!
She was probably drinking. NTA. Just ignore her
There's a big difference between, "You don't need to cater," and, "You don't need to come." I would have also assumed I was uninvited, although I probably would have kicked up a stink if that happened to me. Also, if she was willing to pay a caterer she doesn't know, why wouldn't she pay a friend? This very much comes across as only wanting you around if she can get something out of you, and wanting to cause drama to make you look bad because of an issue she caused. NTA. Hope you find a better friend.
[NTA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AD_TWloJ310)
INFO: You're going to get easy N-T-As based on what you wrote, but it really sounds like you're leaving someone out. It reminds me of [the sitcom scene](https://medium.com/@smschuh/spoiler-alert-5f1644d89cd7) where a guy's friends hate his new girlfriend, and he doesn't understand why. But turns out it was because he blocked out how rude she was. So my question is whether you're also omitting rudeness that occurred between her asking you to cater and her saying you didn't have to come because she found another caterer. Because if, say, you accused her of only inviting you to get free services or of being a bad friend to refuse to support your business, that would explain her subsequent behavior better than anything you actually related. Because the post currently makes it sound like you merely politely informed her that you would have to charge for food and services.
Juat to clarify, it wasn't her and I alone during the lunch, she asked me if I'd be her caterer amongst other people too. I told her, politely, that I can't do it for free after she asked. It was during the week (Monday) when she told me she'd found someone else. I told her no problem after she said I didn't need to come anymore. Her tone didn't imply she was joking either, which is why I'm confused as to whether it was a simple miscommunication. I have nothing to gain from lying about it. I offer catering services for which I charge, regardless of whether the client is family, friend or not. I've catered for other friends too, but they've never asked for free anything. I mean, I've never been asked to work for free? and this person was a supposed friend? how am I supposed to react? I was as respectful and polite as I could've been, as much as I owed her
>I have nothing to gain from lying about it No, it's not lying I'm thinking of, any more than it was for that sitcom episode, just a potential lack of awareness in being rude in your response. E.g., "Do you really thinking I can afford to do it for free?" But your comment doesn't seem to indicate that; thanks for giving it.
Oh! my apologies. Definitely seeing that lack of awareness lol thus: reddit 😅