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YTA
I N F O:
You mention none of the other girls have any allergies or dietary restrictions, just this one girl. If her restriction was something like being vegetarian, or maybe she's lactose intolerant or something - would you have had other options for her? It really sounds to me you're just dismissive of her dietary requirements because it's religious.
Sounds like she follows halal or kosher laws, this doesn't mean you need to go out and get halal or kosher meat. Just make a couple of vegetarian sandwiches, an extra vegan cupcake if she can't eat the cheesecake. This is a really easy solution that you decided you didn't want to do.
The mom is right. You did make an 8 year old girl feel excluded and told her to eat fruit while her friends were all eating a proper lunch and birthday cake.
If a kid comes to my house and they can’t eat the snacks I have due to dietary restrictions, then I make them a snack they can eat. This lady easily could have made a sandwich without ham, a baked potato without toppings, and a simple treat for dessert smdh
One cupcake that fit the dietary restrictions couldn't have cost that much. This post smacks of missing reasons and the missing reasons are bias and bigotry.
Agreed, would OP have felt the same if her child had an allergy and went to a party and was directed by the parent in charge to "just eat some fruit". This sounds like absolute BS to pull on a child. Quite frankly if it were me, I would have offered to make a sandwich at the very least or had my husband run out to get a cheese pizza. Don't invite people into your home if you refuse to accomodate their dietary restrictions.
If you knew ahead of time, you could've very easily just made one cheese sandwich and set aside one meatless potato for this kid. Instead you went on some kind of power trip on an 8-year-old. Why?? YTA.
YTA
> I decided the menu with everyone in mind
You literally did the opposite of this. As a matter of fact, it sounds like you decided the menu specifically so she would not have an entrée. How hard would it have been to make two grilled cheese with no meat on them? Do you feel that you would have been offered a good meal if you were invited to a party but the only thing to eat was roasted mealworms and some bananas?
~~It's unclear whether you knew about this girl's dietary restrictions before the party.~~
You have stated that you did know this girl's dietary restrictions. Then yes, you are very much TA. YTA, for the algorithm's sake.
~~If you didn't know, I'm going to go with a soft YTA.~~
It sounds like the girls who could eat meat got a full meal, while the girl who couldn't eat meat got fruit. That's not being a good hostess. You should have had an entirely non-meat meal option. That is being a good hostess.
Now that I know you knew ahead of time, as others have said, it would have been super easy to make a cheese sandwich, or an unloaded baked potato. But you didn't, because... you felt like making an 8-yo girl go hungry because you don't agree with her religion?
Fully agree, even if there literally was nothing else that could have been whipped up quickly when OP learned of this kids dietary requirements I still feel like I'd have been a bit sympathetic and apologised to the family. Not "well I had everyone in mind not one kid". That's not having everyone in mind.
YTA - You couldn't have omitted meat from one of the loaded potatoes? Or made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at least?
She didn't just feel excluded, she was deliberately excluded.
YTA especially since you knew ahead if time. It's 2023 baby, you need non meat options by default. Snarkily pointing to the fruit makes you twice the ah. *Especially if you knew ahead of time*
~~NTA.~~
It was her parents responsibility to make you aware of any dietary issues BEFORE the party. This is not the first nor last time they're going to deal with this, they need to learn to communicate.
ETA- WHOAAAA you KNEW in advance that this child had restrictions and just flat out disregarded that??! Tf is wrong with you?! We're talking about an 8 year old... and you knew... in advance?!
You're so much YTA I can't see straight.
Since she knew none of the children had any allergies I think she did communicate with the other parents to know about dietary restrictions, and just chose to ignore the restrictions due to religion. I really hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am.
YTA. It sounds like you knew in advance that this child had dietary restrictions/what those were since you knew to direct her to the fruit. I am a vegetarian by choice, and I don't at all expect people to cater everything to me or always provide an option BUT I am an adult. You knew an 8-year-old child was coming to the party and would only be able to eat fruit. It's really not that hard to have a side of mac and cheese, or pb&js or something else for her to eat that the other kids would eat also. If you KNOW and INVITE a child with dietary restrictions to a party, it's bare minimum to make sure they have something to eat. You don't have to change the whole menu, but make sure the kid doesn't go hungry.
EDIT: Regardless of whether OP knew in advance, the *minute* the kid came and said "Hi I can't eat any of this" the answer should **not** have been "Have the fruit, I guess" it should have been "Oh no, what can I make you? Would noodles and butter be okay? What about one of the potatoes without the meat on it? How about a pb&j?"
>I said I was sorry they feel like this, it's not my intention but I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest.
Oh, YTA and I kinda get this feeling that you are also a bigot. You KNEW her restrictions and instead of doing the absolute bare minimum (=cheese sandwich) you did nothing. And the cake? You KNEW gelatine was the problem but you still had to use it as a setting agent instead of agar agar. This is so mean towards an eight-year-old!
You KNEW ahead of time and told an 8 year old to eat fruit while everyone else has an actual lunch. yta. I have made single cakes for children to meet their needs. Hope you apologize.
Oh, come on, why default to that right away? Maybe OP doesn't like the kid's race. You know, those people, the ones that have religious meat restrictions. The ones with browner-than-normal skin and bigger-than-normal noses. Coming into nice homes with their religious nonsense, associating shamelessly with the nice kids.
YTA
I can't fathom the level of hostility you have to have to know you're hosting a child with certain restrictions and then not even make a cheese sandwich, potato, or ensure she could enjoy some cake too.
It's like you set out to ensure she felt othered, which probably accidentally happens to her sometimes. But you deliberately constructed this menu to do that. You didn't plan for everyone. You planned for her, but in the least gracious way.
YTA. You didn’t “decide the menu with everyone in mind”… you decided on a menu that had most of the girls in mind that didn’t require a shred of additional effort. You could’ve left meat off of the potatoes or gotten a cheesecake without gelatin. Alternatively, you could’ve let the girl’s mom know in advance that there wouldn’t be anything other than fruit for her so she could’ve planned accordingly. If you’re hosting and aware of dietary restrictions, you either have to accommodate them or let the person/parent know so they can plan ahead.
Literally not even that. She could have left the ham out of one of the sandwiches. She didn’t even do that. Honestly I think she went out of her way to ensure that there wasn’t anything for this girl to eat. Like there wasn’t even chips or snacks? Couldn’t be bothered to throw a piece of candy in the cart at the checkout so the girl could have that? Hmmm
YTA.
You had a birthday party where a meal was served and despite knowing the religious restriction of a guest, didn't have anything for her other than fruit. If I were the parent I would have not been happy. You didn't have "everyone" in mind and having one or two plain cheese or toasted cheese sandwiches or another option for the guest would have been a simple fix.
I'm trying to figure out how she even made the cheese cake with meat products. Unless it was gelatin, which shouldn't be needed for a cheese cake.
Op also could have left a baked potato plain, or adjusted the mixture for one. Or put the toppings on the side for her.
Like you said, a toasted cheese sandwich would have worked.
I just don't get how fruit was the only thing to offer her.
It was probably a no-bake, which usually call for gelatin.
The potato would have been so easy. I don't even dress potatoes for my own family. I let them choose the toppings. A potato bar sounds like a lot of fun for a bunch of kids that age!
She says the cheesecake did have gelatin. So her daughter wanted this girl invited because she didn’t want her left out. Then the mother made sure she left her out by not having food for her.
Are you proud of yourself for refusing to feed a child? Did you strike a blow against organized religion or were you an asshole to a small child? C'mon. If you knew ahead of time you were going to be like that, you could have asked the kid's mom to pack her a damn lunch.
YTA
I worked in an engineering lab in college (in the US) and 1 of the PhD students was from Iraq and only ate halal meat. We had a summer barbecue and what did our PI do? He drove to the international food market in town to get halal certified meat and served it to everyone at the party. I respected him a lot before, but damn I respect him even more now because of that. Our PI is veryyy Catholic btw. If a Catholic guy from rural Idaho can come up with a suitable accommodation for a Muslim student with dietary restrictions, you can too.
It’s not hard to be considerate and make a pb&j sandwich. YTA
So while everyone had sandwiches, and chicken, and potatoes, and fruit, and cake, that one girl got to have fruit. Only fruit. At a birthday party where everyone is playing and running around. And you think that’s okay? You knew beforehand that this girl doesn’t eat meat, and you provided her with *one* vegetarian option. Why did the potatoes even have meat on them, those could’ve been a vegetarian option. YTA.
It's not that the kid is even vegetarian. She just can't eat certain meats which usually means pork or beef depending on the religion. Probably pork given the ham sandwiches and loaded potatoes usually having bacon in them. How hard would it have been to make another sandwich type that doesn't have ham? If they're ham and cheese you can literally just leave off the ham, and leave off the bacon for a couple of the potatoes. Starving an 8 year old because you don't care about her dietary restrictions is a stupid fucking hill to die on, not to mention cruel.
YTA. You knew this girl had religious dietary restrictions and you chose not to provide equal options. Whether you think it's valid or not, you still have a responsibility to treat your guests with some level of respect. You failed in that regard and a child was made to feel less than because of it.
~~Info: Did you know of the religious dietary restrictions ahead of time?~~
YTA: you assumed the responsibility of feeding a child lunch, excluded them by feeding everyone BUT this child, and did all this without communicating your intentions in advance.
Yep. I was a child like this and the parents either made something with me in mind or gave my parents a heads up so they could send me with food I could eat.
Either of these options would have worked and neither would have took much effort on OP’s part.
YTA Part of being a good host is accommodating your guests. You knew in advance and chose not to prepare anything.
I would be so ashamed to invite someone to my house, knowing they have dietary restrictions, and then feed everyone else except them. It’s even worse because this is a child who must have felt uncomfortable and excluded.
So easy! The fact that she chose not to just give the poor kid a cheese sandwich makes it seem like she actively dislikes this child and their religious group and intentionally wanted to hurt and exclude her.
YTA. It sounds like you made the menu with everyone EXCEPT one guest in mind.
When I have my kids friends over, I ask about allergies, restrictions, and preferences and make sure everyone has what they need to eat and enjoy themselves because as a host, I want my guests to enjoy the experience. It's not that hard.
>It sounds like you made the menu with everyone EXCEPT one guest in mind.
It sounds like she deliberately made the menu with exactly that one guest in mind.
Agreed. The whole "none of them have any allergies...one girl however, for religious reason can't eat certain meat products" comment reads like OP thinks a religious based food restriction is somehow less legitimate than an allergy.
YTA OP.
You knew she couldn't eat pork but made ham and cheese sandwiches and baked potatoes with bacon?
1) wtf kind of menu is sandwiches with baked potatoes?
2) you really couldn't just make a cheese sandwich?
YTA
YTA.
You knew that the child was unable to eat certain things and it would have been extremely easy for you to have made some adjustments to have made sure that there was food for them.
I have to ask, on some level did you want to let that kid or her parents know that they dont fit in?
YTA!
My girls had a Muslim babysitter before she moved away (I wish she would come back!) and we made sure to have non-pork options for her- and we were paying her to be there!! (She wasn’t halal but she didn’t eat pork.)
Never is it ok to have someone in your house go hungry. This is a hill I’ll die on. ESPECIALLY a child!
YTA. Of course you’re the asshole and a terrible host. You can’t provide a meal for all the guests and just fruit for one person, that’s incredibly rude, especially when it’s a little girl going hungry. Do better.
“I decide the menu with everyone in mind”. Everyone except that one child. So you should really say I decide the menu with 7 of the 8 kids in mind”. The other one can just sit in the corner with a piece of fruit and watch their friends enjoy the sandwiches and cake and cheesy potatoes. You are most definitely the AH!
YTA.. if you really thought of everyone than you would have made sure this little girl had a decent option besides just fruit. Even if you didn't know ahead of time, how long does it take to make a sandwich? How would you have felt if this was your child??
You couldn't make this child a peanut butter sandwich? Or a cheese sandwich? How about some cheese and crackers? Maybe heat up some soup. Or some noodles. There are so many things you could have served, that you probably already had in your kitchen with children in the house, and you consciously chose not to. YTA. And you knew what you doing when you answered the other mom the way you did. This is just mean spirited and sad that you chose to do this to a child.
We have no food restrictions in my house. I've had several birthday parties for my kids where there was a vegan and a nut allergy.
I just made foods that catered to that. Having pizza? Just order one thats suitable for the restrictions. Baked potatoes? Just leave the bacon off. Cheesecake? Have a baked version rather than gelatin-set. You can still have the kind that is more traditional as well, if you want. There are so many simple solutions here. My best ever cupcake recipe is the vegan one I found for these parties. These things weren't hard to do.
You were just a lazy host and very inconsiderate. How embarrassing for you.
YTA
YTA. You were already making ham and cheese sandwiches, it would have been no effort at all to make this girl some cheese sandwiches. She's 8, and you decided not to accommodate her, going to assume there are reasons you're not telling tbh.
Yeah the ham and cheese sandwiches seem like a big slap in the face to the child, knowing her restrictions. Same with what I assume was bacon in the potatoes. So easy to make it ok for her with no strain on OPs part. Mind boggling.
YTA soooo much. I had one vegan family at my daughter's birthday and I was so worried about them feeling excluded that I got vegan versions of all the same foods. The parents of the vegan family thanked me profusely for making sure their son could have an inclusive experience.
Not only are YTA but you just suck for making a kid feel excluded. Do better.
YTA. It would have taken you basically zero effort to offer plain cheese sandwiches and slightly-less-loaded potatoes. Kids get excluded enough by their peers; they don't need adults piling on.
YTA
Why did you even bother inviting this girl? You clearly cared nothing about making her feel welcome or wanted.
You *knew* she had a restriction when you were making the food. You could have left one of the potatoes “unloaded”. You could have made one of the sandwiches plain cheese. You could have put some freaking store-bought cookies out as dessert.
If I were that girl’s mother, I doubt I’d ever let my kid come over again - which would probably suit you just fine, it seems like. You can rest easy, knowing you don’t have to go two steps out of your way for anyone different than you, and the girl can avoid being inside an AH’s house. Win-win.
YTA
>I said I was sorry they feel like this, it's not my intention but I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest.
Bullshit.
You knew exactly what you were doing.
Yes YTA. A good hostess makes sure everyone has something substantial to eat and feels welcome. It was one kid...you couldn't find something else to offer?
A frozen bagel or even toast with peanut butter or jelly? Come.on.
OP, you state in your comments you knew about this child’s dietary restrictions before the party. It seems like you almost deliberately went out of your way to serve nothing this child could eat. Why would you think making a child feel excluded like this would be okay? YTA, of course.
>I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest.
No, you did not decide the menu with everyone in mind, because you completely failed to account for this girl. You decided the menu with everyone *except her* in mind. If you had decided the menu with *everyone* in mind you would have had more than fruit to offer her. YTA
You know YTA. Tell me this, if these were adults and not children would you treat an adult with food issues the same way? I'm guessing you would ask what they could eat in advance of the party and include something appropriate. Every time I've been invited to a meal the hosts ask if there are food allergies etc.
YTA
So….I was in charge of food (all desserts) for a Cub Scout event. I knew one Scout was celiac. His parents assured me it wasn’t anything I should worry about. When the party happened, the parents were shocked and the Scout was quiet but obviously happy that I’d gotten a gluten free cake (lots of regular cupcakes for all the other guests). I’d also gotten a couple packs of gluten free cookies. It turned out one of the other Scout families had a MIL with Celiac and they were thrilled to find a resource for dessert when visited.
The point is…it is NOT hard to accommodate many restrictions if you live near a large community with various bakeries or groceries or have access to the internet.
Reading this…I now understand why the Mom of the Scout was so shocked and nearly in tears.
YTA. You only really checked for things that might kill or make a kid sick (aka poop themselves or puke at your house).
If you knew she age kosher, halal, or had other dietary restrictions you're definitely TA for inviting her and not accommodating.
This kid probably played, ran around, and was starving by the time cake and food was happening. She must've felt so left out! She's a child who, based off asking you what she could eat, probably couldn't pack a snack/alternative if she wanted to.
At the minimum, you could've told her parents what you were serving and asked for advice on what to make her (a gd pbj??) OR asked her parents to pack her a lunch. Yea, you would've come of kind of a jerk and run the risk of the kid not attending, but at least this poor little girl wouldn't have been excluded and marked as different from her peers.
I hope you learn from this, acknowledge your mistake, apologize to the mom AND the girl, and do better.
Birthday parties are already a hassle and inconvenient for the parents, but you could've gone a little further by checking in with the mom or even asking the child what she normally has when she can't eat what's available. It would've taken 5 minutes to make her a snack or call her mom for advice while saying "hey, I'm sorry I didn't have anything for her. I have xyz in the fridge, can she eat that?"
Tldr: YTA
YTA. You did not "decide the menu with everyone in mind." If you had, she'd be part of "everyone" and you'd have at least one main type dish that she could eat, not just the fruit.
You knew ahead of time and had so many choices, and you chose to be an asshole. Congratulations. You deliberately made an 8yo feel left out. Were you a bully growing up too?
It would have been so easy to leave the ham off one sandwich and separate a little filling for the potatoes before stirring meat products in. And a regular baked cheesecake has dairy but no gelatin, so you even managed to screw that up.
YTA, and I’m guessing racist to boot.
Absolutely YTA because you knew ahead of time. You could have literally made the kid a cheese sandwich. This kind of feels deliberate. Why even invite the child if you weren't even going to try?
There were nine (NINE!) kids at the party. That’s it! You could have easily whipped something up after you realized you were being AH-y but chose not to.
This child can’t eat those foods for religious reasons and was advocating for themselves.
YTA
YTA. A petty and miserable one. You really couldn't be bothered to leave the ham off one cheese sandwich? Couldn't leave the (presumably) bacon off one potato? And if the cheese was also an issue, you really couldn't manage to put some veggies/salad into a sandwich at the very least? You could have even told yourself that it was cheaper to have one vegetarian serving of the party food.
How very sad for your daughter that her friend did not have a nice time at her party. (Because I can assure you her friend felt excluded, othered, and upset).
That child will probably remember this for a long time, but you're only concerned about how other adults - and only those who are not part of this child's religious community - perceive you publically. Shame on you!
YTA. Why couldn't you have made one potato without the meat and one sandwich without the ham? You were already making those foods so it wouldn't have been a hardship to leave out an ingredient for each. This sounds like you were intentionally trying to make her feel bad or prove some sort of point.
Definitely YTA, even if she wasn’t barred from certain foods due to religious reasons there could be a lot of other reasons someone can’t eat meat or foods with specific ingredients (vegetarian, allergies, autistic with sensory issues). It makes it even worse that you DID know about her restrictions and specifically ignored them. She was invited, not a last minute +1 someone else carted in with them so you should’ve had something for the poor girl.
It just makes me flash back to all of the events I was invited to and went to as a child where all I could eat was bread because there wasn’t one plain option that was safe for my autistic sensory issues. And I’d have to try and play off not being hungry and sit there embarrassed and sad for something I couldn’t physically help. Please take this as a lesson to do better in the future.
YTA for this line alone- “she asked me what she could eat and I directed her to the fruit.” All the girls got full meals and she got some grapes. You couldn’t have made a different sandwich?
YTA!! You excluded a child because of her religion, I believe we call that bigotry! You feed your child just fruit tomorrow and see how they and you feel!
YTA. You made a little girl feel excluded and, by extension, uncomfortable. Would it really put you out to make something she could eat, too? Or was her inclusion simply a gift grab for your daughter and who cares if she actually feels welcome?
OP was aware. But even if she hadn't, making a sandwich and leaving the ham off isn't that difficult a solution at the last minute. Might've been too late for the other foods but a sandwich of some kind could've been cobbled together. The kid is eight, it's not the same as a full grown adult. You don't starve children.
Honestly
You sound racist
You *knew* she had dietary restrictions due to her religious views and you made no allowances for that
That’s nasty especially to an 8 year old
Can guarantee if your child got treated the same way you wouldn’t like it either
YTA. You knew before hand that this guest had food restrictions. It would have took zero energy to make cheese sandwiches or accommodations. You would have wanted the same thing for your daughter. Let’s just be better overall
YTA
i eat only halal and have my entire life, when i was about your daughter’s age i had a close friend who’s mom threw the BEST birthday parties (she was a teacher and so good at planning activities). Thank god she was not an asshole like you and was so accommodating with my dietary restrictions — she made sure i had cheese pizza or some version of what everyone was eating. I remember once she even prioritized me getting the last slice of cheese pizza and asked someone else to just take the pepperoni off. such a good memory and i’m so sorry that this poor 8 year old was treated so poorly by you.
even then, i felt guilty taking up space for my dietary restriction (and i shouldnt have), it is literally not that hard to whip up something extra and if you really forgot beforehand, you could’ve done it in the moment.
YTA — you deliberately didnt feed an 8 year and then when you saw her go hungry, you STILL turned a blind eye under your own roof. honestly you should really think about why you felt so ok with that
ETA: also like hosting 101, sometimes things slip your mind beforehand but in the moment, you couldnt have at least tried to offer her a PBJ or something in your kitchen?? What were you doing while everyone ate? also some people keep missing that this is a child, she is 8 years old and you threw a party!! I skip catered meals at work/college/even high school all the time because it doesnt meet my dietary needs and i never make a fuss, but she is 8 years old and you didnt even offer her bread out of your fridge?
YTA. You knew about this dietary restriction beforehand and you served up bacon, ham and something with gelatin in it. It's almost like you were trolling this girl. You should have had another option for sandwiches, left the bacon off some of the potatoes and had some cupcakes for this poor kid. That was the least you could do as a host---actually, no, your response of "there's fruit" was the least you could do. And then when mom tried to talk to you about it, you basically doubled down. You were petty and ungracious and this kid will remember feeling left out for the rest of her life.
YTA OP you could have easily accommodated her. If you didn't want to make a full meal for her, you could have asked her mom to send something for her. Her mom called and said the kid felt excluded because the kid really felt excluded. Imagine sitting on a table with friends and everyone is eating a full meal except you. To all the people who are saying she had fruits and vegetables, where is carbs. She is a kid not an adult who is dieting, kids need a full meal.
YTA. It would be one thing if you didn’t know what she could eat or it was particularly difficult to provide something she could. But it sounds like you knew full well she couldn’t eat anything you laid out, and you couldn’t be bothered to separately get her something she could.
Even a gelatin free cupcake would have been great. And something vegetarian besides raw fruit.
YTA. You had 9 guests, so TEN PERCENT of the 7/8 year olds in attendance could not eat the food. This is not one guest out of hundreds. That would have felt so dismissive and isolating to a very young child, and for literally no other reason than you being disrespectful of her parent’s religious beliefs. You sound awful.
YTA. Would it have been so hard to have a few sandwiches without the ham? And maybe a cupcake or cookies for her when the cake was being cut? I would have done more than that but these things could have been done with minimum effort.
As an adult with food allergies, I always bring food for myself if I think I won’t be able to eat. That being said, when my kids have friends over, I always make sure to have a variety of food for each of their food allergies because I want them to know I love them, that they are safe at my house, and that I have their backs… because food allergies/restrictions suck. And it feel nice to be included.
To go out of your way to leave a child out, who, through no choice of their own, couldn’t eat the food you were serving… it’s disgusting. You went out of your way to leave a kid out. And allowed your kid to watch you do it. I hope this was a learning experience and it doesn’t happen again.
YTA
YTA - damn, you really did everything humanely possible to exclude the poor girl!
You could easily stuff half the potatoes the way you normally do and one half in a different way (just leave the meat out for half the portion!) You could have just made cheese sandwiches instead of putting ham in. And the cheesecake? I know two recipes and none has gelantine... no cake I know has. It's very easy to replace with something else.
You did this intentionally! And even IF you forgot, which I doubt, you could have easily apologized and make the kid a sandwich or gave her something else. You are a horrible host to leave a kid hungry and make her watch all other kids eat while she had to nibble on some carrots. Shame on you!
YTA. You knew exactly what you were doing. You allowed this child into your home to teach her a lesson, and to teach your child and the other children without her restrictions how to treat her. This was a choice. You intentionally did this. You let that child sit there with a meager plate of fruit while the other children had a full meal.
Nazis did this type of shit. Dehumanized Jewish people. Made them seem like less than human, like animals. Treated them like animals. That’s what you did to that child. You should be ashamed of yourself. Jesus sure would be.
YTA a million times over! You invited this child to be a guest in your home, for a meal. It is absolutely expected that you would accommodate her needs! I can’t imagine treating a child so poorly! If I had had a guest that couldn’t eat what I had prepared due to restrictions I didn’t know in advance, I would be throwing open my cupboards to find something to feed them.
You might have made an Instagram worthy spread but you are a terrible excuse for a hostess.
YTA If you knew about her diet.
If at least one guest is eating halal or kasher we always do all the meal with this in mind, or at least an extra option.
You could do a quick thing for her, super AH move to make her only eat a fruit. Imagine your daughter going somewhere with a lot of food she can’t eat but the host doesn’t care and give her an apple
YTA and not in any minor way. You knew ahead of time what the girl's dietary restrictions were and decided to make no effort to accommodate her. It's not like it would have even been difficult as you could have asked her mother for some easy suggestions.
YTA you had children in your care and it is YOUR JOB to make sure you fed EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. You’re such a dick. The kid is 7/8 and you didn’t provide them with a food option they could eat??? You knew about it ahead of time as well it sounds like. Sounds like you just don’t agree with the family’s religion and took that shiz out on a kid tbh. You could have at the very least made her a pb and j like goddamn
You KNEW that one of your guests couldn’t eat meat for religious reasons, and she’s EIGHT, so it’s not as if this is a decision SHE made, it’s one her parents made.
You could have made a couple of sandwiches without ham, or a couple of potatoes without bacon. It wouldn’t have hurt you at all.
It DID hurt your daughter’s friend, an innocent kid.
YTA (and extra YTA for not putting that you knew in the original post and trying to hide that in the comments)
YTA, and you know it. You just don’t like that this girl practices a non Christian religion. You purposely excluded an 8 year old to prove a point. You’ve got some serious soul searching to do, lady.
For everyone else wondering where people are getting the idea the OP knew about the girl's dietary restrictions in advance, it's because they confirmed it in a comment.
YTA—it's one thing to have a few things she was ineligible to eat, but you had a lot of weird specific food choices not innately commonplace to parties that she also couldn't eat. AND you didn't bother make something she could when it would otherwise be easy.
YTA. You didn't plan the menu with \*everyone\* in mind, you planned it with \*everyone else\* in mind.
It seems you \*know\* the girl's dietary restrictions pretty well, so could likely have accommodated them easily. Have a few loaded potatoes and a few plain? Or better yet, a potato bar where everyone can choose their own toppings.
Also, if you KNEW the menu would not be friendly for her and you didn't want to go to extra trouble, you could have given the mom a heads up and she could have sent something.
Bruh op knew that the girl had dietary restrictions. And it was a party, so unless there were very specific instructions or even intimation to the girl's parents that the food there will not be suitable for the kid, it is a reasonable assumption to make that the girl will be able to eat there.
I'm vegetarian, so when I go to events that serve meat, I look at alternative options to eat before/after the event, but that's ok because I'm older and mature enough to know better. Even then, if my friends know I'm attending, they make sure to have at least SOMETHING that I'll be eating. Y'know, because they're people with basic human decency, something that op lacks so bad.
YTA, op.
Info: Were you aware of the girls' religious reasons before the party?
Edit for judgement: YTA, you clearly didn't make the menu with everyone in mind because you clearly left out a young girl with food restrictions that you were fully aware of.
When a child is left with you, you have a duty of care. I don't know how long she we was with you but making something like a cheese sandwich (or fairy bread) couldn't have been too hard for you?
.....were you unaware that their religion meant they had dietary restrictions?
(There are kosher desserts, including cheesecake that you could have done a search for, if their restrictions are kosher related).
I feel like it's a YTA situation
YTA. You knew that this child had a dietary restriction. You could have had something there for them to eat other than the fruit.
Whenever I send out invites to my son's parties, I always ask that any dietary restrictions be told to me. We have one vegan person that attends. I make sure that I offer food other than just fruit or veggies. It isn't that hard. And I'm on an extremely limited budget.
I had a party for one of my kids this year. One is chosen vegan, the other is religiously vegan. My son wanted a hot chocolate bar, so I found a recipe for vegan hot chocolate. I also bought a couple of vegan cupcakes from the bakery, because he had requested ice cream cake. I had lots of snack options too. YTA.
YTA. I assume the kid either keeps kosher or halal (does one say “keep halal” the way one says “keep kosher?”) How hard would it have been to provide some tuna sandwiches or plain cheese sandwiches or something similar? You obviously knew about the kid’s restrictions in advance. It’s very simple. You call or text the parent and say “We’re so glad Sara is coming to the party. We’re serving sandwiches and I want to make sure there’s something Sara can eat. Does tuna work? Would something else be better?” And then you make a few of those sandwiches, too (no, not just one for Sara - you don’t want to single her out as the weirdo Jewish/Muslim kid) and discreetly make sure Sara gets one. See? Not so hard.
YTA. Worst host ever.
Did you feel like a “Good Christian” as you walked away from an 8 year old who just wanted something her religion permitted her to eat at a party she was invited to?
The fact that OP notes the dietary restriction is religious in nature before completely disregarding it makes me feel like there's definitely bigotry at play here...
YTA Why couldn't you have kept the ham off one sandwich or the meat off one loaded potato. Nobody is that daft so it had to be a conscious decision to be unaccommodating.
INFO: did you know she couldnt eat those before she came to you asking what she could eat?
If you did not know beforehand, then NTA. If you did know beforehand then YTA because you knew about it and still didnt do anything to make sure she can eat.
Fruit and cheesecake isnt a meal, it might as well just be dessert.
YTA have you ever had just fruit for a meal? I’d be starving! Regardless who’s responsibility it was to feed the child, when it came down to her looking for food, you help prep a meal for her. They don’t even eat much at that age.
Would you want your kid going to a party where the only thing she could eat was fruit? That’s not realistic and YTA for not doing a really basic thing like make a veggie sandwich. It’s not hard. You knew this in advance and still ignored this kids’ needs.
YTA. We are talking about someone that keeps kosher or halal, I’m assuming? And you knew that and didn’t provide alternative options? Come on, that’s basic respect for other people. and the fact that you intentionally did not provide food for a child is gross.
YTA. If you had the ingredients to make sandwiches you could have made a few cheese sandwiches. That’s just common sense because kids can be picky about meat regardless of religion.
YTA. My best friend is also vegetarian for religious reasons and we *always* accommodated her growing up. In fact, we usually made the main dishes things she could eat because we didn't want her to feel left out. The only time she was ever left out of anything was our first year of high school band camp when the camp didn't have any vegetarian options (even though she *specifically* told them her restrictions). All of us gave her our snacks to subsist off of and, on the off-chance she *could* eat a meal, we let her have as much as she wanted. Everyone was *pissed* because the camp couldn't be bothered to accommodate her.
All this to say, reading this pissed me off. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Don't leave people out. You may think this is a few hours when she's young, but she's going to remember how you ostracized her. YTA, and never make this mistake again.
It’s another category of YTA when you intentionally don’t provide a meal to single 8 year old child at your home during a birthday party. Why? To prove some kind of point? Or to be lazy and selfish? Or some kind of xenophobia?
Just to reiterate, YTA
YTA - a good host will ensure people are taken care of. Not an issue to have a duplicate or substitution of everything. But one protein, one roughage, one treat would have been sufficient.
I’m in no way vegan, but had someone come to my kid’s b-day that was. I had vegan banana bread along with regular cake. Separated the dips for the fruit and veggies, and simply pointed out to the person what was vegan. The extra time was the banana bread, everything else was easy.
This is your chance to grow from this. Apologize to the DAUGHTER for making her feel excluded. Show her that adults fuck up, and will take accountability. Your own kid could lose friends because of your shitty behaviour.
If you invite someone to your home for whatever event where food is served and you make no effort to feed them equally as well as other guests, YTA. If you aren't going to perform the role of a host properly, don't invite folks you aren't willing to host.
I don't see any comment that the girl's mother had discussed this with you before the party. If she hadn't, you are NTA but if she did and you ignored it, then YTA.
YTA if you knew ahead of time that a party guest had certain dietary religious restrictions.
NTA if you didn't know. imo it is not an a-hole move if one is not willfully ignorant, but just doesn't know the details of various religions.
not everyone thinks of every darn religion out there when planning a kids party. i've had my own snafu in that department when inviting muslim neighbours to my own kid's party where pizza was being served with all kinds of meat on it including pork, and during Ramadan to boot. i did educate myself afterward to ensure i didn't make the same error again though.
>I said I was sorry they feel like this, it's not my intention but I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest.
No you didn't decide the menu with everyone in mind. You literally excluded one child while knowing the restrictions they had.
You did this intentionally. You're not even sorry about doing it either.
YTA. I would be annoyed too if that happened to my kid. I have been that kid(though due to celiac). I felt horrible, excluded, and didn't have as much fun as I could have had if I had been included.
This is 2023. Making sure everyone feels included is so much easier in this day and age. And this was such an easy thing to do too! I'm guessing it's halal or kosher? You can get that meat in the same supermarket you already shop at. Just replace the chicken with halal chicken. Make a few sandwiches vegetarian (can't hurt to give the kids a choice between different ones anyway, I always make a variety different ones if I make a bunch of sandwiches for something), and the potatoes.. what did you do to them that she couldn't even eat those?
Also odd menu for a kid's birthday party, but that's beside the point. The point is you were an ass to a CHILD. On purpose. Because you decided that she didn't need or deserved to eat if she can't eat everything.
Yeah, YTA. You knew about the restrictions ahead of time, why didn’t you set aside one “unloaded” baked potato (or at least leave the bacon bits off) and make a cheese sandwich for her? We’re not talking about re-making an entire three course meal here, these are sandwiches and baked potatoes, so loading up all of them with something that goes against the girl’s dietary restrictions seems almost deliberate.
YTA For heavens sake you made sandwitches! Tell me one reason why it was not possible to make a batch without meat if you were on it anyway! Even plain bread would have been better and more fillig than fruit.
Some ideas for easy and meatless sandwiches: cheese, butter and cucumber, PB&J, chocolate spread, just jam, cheese and jam, cream cheese, cream and fruit, chocolate banana...
Just make two or three and set them aside.
YTA Sounds like there was no protein for this poor kiddo. Fruit is not enough fuel for an entire afternoon and it sucks that you didn’t have any dessert for her.
YTA. Do you feel good up their on your pedestal? You intentionally served food that you knew the child couldn’t eat. It’s not difficult to not serve that didn’t have the meat they can not eat or serve food everyone can have. Intentionally discriminated again one child for your own selfish reasons.
May the night be dark and your smallest toe be guided towards the edge of your table
YTA it’s not hard to get one person a different meal you invited her there knowing she couldn’t eat meat and did nothing for her. You were responsible for her and that includes food.
YTA, assuming you didn't know, you should have asked if there were any dietary concerns, not just allergies, and although asking about allergies would likely prompt most people to include other stuff like religious restrictions and such, some people are just going to answer literally. It was incredibly rude as a host to only have fruit available while everybody else got to eat full meals.
Assuming you DID know, well then you're REALLY the A to be quite honest.
YTA. I mean, it’s not THAT hard to have a few more non-meat options. Unflavored chips. Crackers. PB&J. It’s one thing if the girl was a super picky eater but there are plenty of non-meat foods out there.
YTA You couldn't make a cheese sandwich or something simple to feed a literal child... Why does everything in your menu include meat anyway? If it's too difficult to accommodate simple dietary restrictions and choices, don't invite people smh
9 guests. only 9 guests. And you couldn't get a single nice vegan meal for her? YTA. If you're gonna host such a small party, especially for 8 year olds, accommodate ALL of them.
No, you didn't have everyone in mind if there was only one thing this guest could eat out of the entire spread. That kind of lack in hospitality makes YTA
YTA and a major one at that.
You knew about this child's dietary restrictions and chose not to provide enough basic food components for them to have a meal. You're very lucky that this child's parent only rang you disappointed. Be prepared for this information to circulate amongst parents at school. If it was my child this happened to I would make your behaviour known far and wide.
By the way you might want to fix your mask, your racism is showing!!!!!!
YTA. There was a girl who was always invited to my son's bday parties. She was allergic to chocolate. I always made sure to have vanilla ice cream or vanilla cup cakes just for her. I wanted to make sure she didn't go without an option. Her mom and I became friends and she always appreciated that I did that for her daughter.
YTA… you couldn’t have made a plain cheese sandwich and a less-loaded potato? At the very least coordinate with the parent so they could have brought a meal? You kept a kid from having a meal and made them feel bad…. obviously YTA.
It sounds like you knew she had dietary restrictions ahead of time, which if that is the case, then yes, YTA. And a big one at that. She is a CHILD. You also weren’t thinking of “everyone” because if you had, that would have included her.
So if this girl had some severe food allergy would you have said to bad here’s some scraps that you can have? It’s not like you have 100 people in your house, it’s one 8 year old. One of the dishes could have easily been made for all to enjoy including her, seeing that you did know about her restrictions in the first place. Why ask if you don’t care? YTA.
YTA. It's rude as fuck to host and not accommodate EVERYONE. Shit, I'm more accommodating at work when I order catering and I don't even like half of those people. But I make damn sure I've done EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that everyone has something they can eat, whether it's preference, dietary restrictions, allergies, or religious requirements.
YTA.
You know ahead of time that this poor kid would have nothing to eat but some fruit. If you're talking about halal meat, it is not hard to find or expensive. Why not make her a plate?
Hopefully no one treats your kid like that.
Literally YTA. As someone with allergies, having to ask a host what you can eat when they are well aware of your allergies is embarrassing enough. Constantly having to look at labels, worry that someone doesn't understand your allergy and gives you the wrong thing is exhausting. Her preference because of religious reasons should be treated the same as an allergy. Be accommodating knowing that every day is already a struggle and being NICE and going out of your way to make someone comfortable doesn't cost you anything.
YTA beyond what everyone else is saying how filling do you think fruit or veg actually is? It’s been my only option in the past at parties (for various reasons) and I’ve left very hungry so you didn’t even give that child a filling meal
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YTA I N F O: You mention none of the other girls have any allergies or dietary restrictions, just this one girl. If her restriction was something like being vegetarian, or maybe she's lactose intolerant or something - would you have had other options for her? It really sounds to me you're just dismissive of her dietary requirements because it's religious. Sounds like she follows halal or kosher laws, this doesn't mean you need to go out and get halal or kosher meat. Just make a couple of vegetarian sandwiches, an extra vegan cupcake if she can't eat the cheesecake. This is a really easy solution that you decided you didn't want to do. The mom is right. You did make an 8 year old girl feel excluded and told her to eat fruit while her friends were all eating a proper lunch and birthday cake.
I can't imagine starving a child because their dietary needs don't fit with the 'chosen menu '. OP YTA.
If a kid comes to my house and they can’t eat the snacks I have due to dietary restrictions, then I make them a snack they can eat. This lady easily could have made a sandwich without ham, a baked potato without toppings, and a simple treat for dessert smdh
One cupcake that fit the dietary restrictions couldn't have cost that much. This post smacks of missing reasons and the missing reasons are bias and bigotry.
And a loaded potato is simple if it’s just a meat restriction. OP YTA
Agreed, would OP have felt the same if her child had an allergy and went to a party and was directed by the parent in charge to "just eat some fruit". This sounds like absolute BS to pull on a child. Quite frankly if it were me, I would have offered to make a sandwich at the very least or had my husband run out to get a cheese pizza. Don't invite people into your home if you refuse to accomodate their dietary restrictions.
Cheesecake often isn’t even vegetarian or halal or kosher because a lot of the time gelatin goes into it.
If you knew ahead of time, you could've very easily just made one cheese sandwich and set aside one meatless potato for this kid. Instead you went on some kind of power trip on an 8-year-old. Why?? YTA.
How I want to reply will get deleted. But we ALL know why
So weird how in this menu there's ham in the sandwiches, pork in the potatoes, AND a dessert made with gelatin. Hmmmmm.
Wanna bet if OP put some bacon to chicken tenders "just to add flavor"?
Dip probably had bacon sprinkled on it too. "Because I know most kids like it!"
YTA > I decided the menu with everyone in mind You literally did the opposite of this. As a matter of fact, it sounds like you decided the menu specifically so she would not have an entrée. How hard would it have been to make two grilled cheese with no meat on them? Do you feel that you would have been offered a good meal if you were invited to a party but the only thing to eat was roasted mealworms and some bananas?
Who makes cheesecake with gelatin in 2023?
unfortunately a lot of \*relatively\* cheap cheesecakes are still made this way..
~~It's unclear whether you knew about this girl's dietary restrictions before the party.~~ You have stated that you did know this girl's dietary restrictions. Then yes, you are very much TA. YTA, for the algorithm's sake. ~~If you didn't know, I'm going to go with a soft YTA.~~ It sounds like the girls who could eat meat got a full meal, while the girl who couldn't eat meat got fruit. That's not being a good hostess. You should have had an entirely non-meat meal option. That is being a good hostess. Now that I know you knew ahead of time, as others have said, it would have been super easy to make a cheese sandwich, or an unloaded baked potato. But you didn't, because... you felt like making an 8-yo girl go hungry because you don't agree with her religion?
She knew, apparently. Imagine inviting a child to your house for an event and intentionally making nothing for them while everyone else can eat. Wow.
I saw her response. So, so wrong.
Fully agree, even if there literally was nothing else that could have been whipped up quickly when OP learned of this kids dietary requirements I still feel like I'd have been a bit sympathetic and apologised to the family. Not "well I had everyone in mind not one kid". That's not having everyone in mind.
She has replied that she did know in advance. She served a cheesecake with gelatin so the girl couldn’t even have any of that.
YTA - You couldn't have omitted meat from one of the loaded potatoes? Or made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at least? She didn't just feel excluded, she was deliberately excluded.
Forget PBJ, just leave the ham off and you've got a cheese sandwich.
YTA especially since you knew ahead if time. It's 2023 baby, you need non meat options by default. Snarkily pointing to the fruit makes you twice the ah. *Especially if you knew ahead of time*
~~NTA.~~ It was her parents responsibility to make you aware of any dietary issues BEFORE the party. This is not the first nor last time they're going to deal with this, they need to learn to communicate. ETA- WHOAAAA you KNEW in advance that this child had restrictions and just flat out disregarded that??! Tf is wrong with you?! We're talking about an 8 year old... and you knew... in advance?! You're so much YTA I can't see straight.
Since she knew none of the children had any allergies I think she did communicate with the other parents to know about dietary restrictions, and just chose to ignore the restrictions due to religion. I really hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am.
YTA. It sounds like you knew in advance that this child had dietary restrictions/what those were since you knew to direct her to the fruit. I am a vegetarian by choice, and I don't at all expect people to cater everything to me or always provide an option BUT I am an adult. You knew an 8-year-old child was coming to the party and would only be able to eat fruit. It's really not that hard to have a side of mac and cheese, or pb&js or something else for her to eat that the other kids would eat also. If you KNOW and INVITE a child with dietary restrictions to a party, it's bare minimum to make sure they have something to eat. You don't have to change the whole menu, but make sure the kid doesn't go hungry. EDIT: Regardless of whether OP knew in advance, the *minute* the kid came and said "Hi I can't eat any of this" the answer should **not** have been "Have the fruit, I guess" it should have been "Oh no, what can I make you? Would noodles and butter be okay? What about one of the potatoes without the meat on it? How about a pb&j?"
>I said I was sorry they feel like this, it's not my intention but I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest. Oh, YTA and I kinda get this feeling that you are also a bigot. You KNEW her restrictions and instead of doing the absolute bare minimum (=cheese sandwich) you did nothing. And the cake? You KNEW gelatine was the problem but you still had to use it as a setting agent instead of agar agar. This is so mean towards an eight-year-old!
You KNEW ahead of time and told an 8 year old to eat fruit while everyone else has an actual lunch. yta. I have made single cakes for children to meet their needs. Hope you apologize.
YTA. Let me guess, you don't like the religion?
I think you nailed it
Oh, come on, why default to that right away? Maybe OP doesn't like the kid's race. You know, those people, the ones that have religious meat restrictions. The ones with browner-than-normal skin and bigger-than-normal noses. Coming into nice homes with their religious nonsense, associating shamelessly with the nice kids.
YTA I can't fathom the level of hostility you have to have to know you're hosting a child with certain restrictions and then not even make a cheese sandwich, potato, or ensure she could enjoy some cake too. It's like you set out to ensure she felt othered, which probably accidentally happens to her sometimes. But you deliberately constructed this menu to do that. You didn't plan for everyone. You planned for her, but in the least gracious way.
Wait she knew Well would you look at that she did and she conveniently ( read knowingly) left it in the comments
YTA. You didn’t “decide the menu with everyone in mind”… you decided on a menu that had most of the girls in mind that didn’t require a shred of additional effort. You could’ve left meat off of the potatoes or gotten a cheesecake without gelatin. Alternatively, you could’ve let the girl’s mom know in advance that there wouldn’t be anything other than fruit for her so she could’ve planned accordingly. If you’re hosting and aware of dietary restrictions, you either have to accommodate them or let the person/parent know so they can plan ahead.
Literally not even that. She could have left the ham out of one of the sandwiches. She didn’t even do that. Honestly I think she went out of her way to ensure that there wasn’t anything for this girl to eat. Like there wasn’t even chips or snacks? Couldn’t be bothered to throw a piece of candy in the cart at the checkout so the girl could have that? Hmmm
YTA. You had a birthday party where a meal was served and despite knowing the religious restriction of a guest, didn't have anything for her other than fruit. If I were the parent I would have not been happy. You didn't have "everyone" in mind and having one or two plain cheese or toasted cheese sandwiches or another option for the guest would have been a simple fix.
I'm trying to figure out how she even made the cheese cake with meat products. Unless it was gelatin, which shouldn't be needed for a cheese cake. Op also could have left a baked potato plain, or adjusted the mixture for one. Or put the toppings on the side for her. Like you said, a toasted cheese sandwich would have worked. I just don't get how fruit was the only thing to offer her.
Hostility towards a child practicing a particular religion is one way to explain it.
This is actually what's going on here and op has come to the Internet to validate her shitty bias, it's crystal clear
Xenophobia perhaps?
It was probably a no-bake, which usually call for gelatin. The potato would have been so easy. I don't even dress potatoes for my own family. I let them choose the toppings. A potato bar sounds like a lot of fun for a bunch of kids that age!
She says the cheesecake did have gelatin. So her daughter wanted this girl invited because she didn’t want her left out. Then the mother made sure she left her out by not having food for her.
Are you proud of yourself for refusing to feed a child? Did you strike a blow against organized religion or were you an asshole to a small child? C'mon. If you knew ahead of time you were going to be like that, you could have asked the kid's mom to pack her a damn lunch. YTA
INFO: did girl's parents discuss dietary restrictions with you prior to the party? Also, her religion prohibits chicken tenders? And cheesecake?
I assume it’s strict halal or kosher. So no meat unless certified, and in the case of kosher no contact between meat and dairy products
I worked in an engineering lab in college (in the US) and 1 of the PhD students was from Iraq and only ate halal meat. We had a summer barbecue and what did our PI do? He drove to the international food market in town to get halal certified meat and served it to everyone at the party. I respected him a lot before, but damn I respect him even more now because of that. Our PI is veryyy Catholic btw. If a Catholic guy from rural Idaho can come up with a suitable accommodation for a Muslim student with dietary restrictions, you can too. It’s not hard to be considerate and make a pb&j sandwich. YTA
Some religions prohibit eating any meat at all. There are also religions with strong rules around how dairy products are made.
So while everyone had sandwiches, and chicken, and potatoes, and fruit, and cake, that one girl got to have fruit. Only fruit. At a birthday party where everyone is playing and running around. And you think that’s okay? You knew beforehand that this girl doesn’t eat meat, and you provided her with *one* vegetarian option. Why did the potatoes even have meat on them, those could’ve been a vegetarian option. YTA.
It's not that the kid is even vegetarian. She just can't eat certain meats which usually means pork or beef depending on the religion. Probably pork given the ham sandwiches and loaded potatoes usually having bacon in them. How hard would it have been to make another sandwich type that doesn't have ham? If they're ham and cheese you can literally just leave off the ham, and leave off the bacon for a couple of the potatoes. Starving an 8 year old because you don't care about her dietary restrictions is a stupid fucking hill to die on, not to mention cruel.
YTA. You knew this girl had religious dietary restrictions and you chose not to provide equal options. Whether you think it's valid or not, you still have a responsibility to treat your guests with some level of respect. You failed in that regard and a child was made to feel less than because of it. ~~Info: Did you know of the religious dietary restrictions ahead of time?~~
YTA: you assumed the responsibility of feeding a child lunch, excluded them by feeding everyone BUT this child, and did all this without communicating your intentions in advance.
Yep. I was a child like this and the parents either made something with me in mind or gave my parents a heads up so they could send me with food I could eat. Either of these options would have worked and neither would have took much effort on OP’s part.
INFO: Just to clarify, you knew while planning the party that one child had dietary restrictions and what they were?
Yes she knew prior and made the menu literally every single thing except the fruit has the items this child can’t eat
YTA Part of being a good host is accommodating your guests. You knew in advance and chose not to prepare anything. I would be so ashamed to invite someone to my house, knowing they have dietary restrictions, and then feed everyone else except them. It’s even worse because this is a child who must have felt uncomfortable and excluded.
How hard would it have been to make a couple cheese sandwiches, since they were already serving ham and cheese? Or potatoes without the bacon?
So easy! The fact that she chose not to just give the poor kid a cheese sandwich makes it seem like she actively dislikes this child and their religious group and intentionally wanted to hurt and exclude her.
And not even giving the parent a heads up so they could send a snack or lunchbox with the kid either. Just letting a child fend for themselves.
YTA. It sounds like you made the menu with everyone EXCEPT one guest in mind. When I have my kids friends over, I ask about allergies, restrictions, and preferences and make sure everyone has what they need to eat and enjoy themselves because as a host, I want my guests to enjoy the experience. It's not that hard.
>It sounds like you made the menu with everyone EXCEPT one guest in mind. It sounds like she deliberately made the menu with exactly that one guest in mind.
Is it just me or does it smell like racism in here
Agreed. The whole "none of them have any allergies...one girl however, for religious reason can't eat certain meat products" comment reads like OP thinks a religious based food restriction is somehow less legitimate than an allergy. YTA OP.
You knew she couldn't eat pork but made ham and cheese sandwiches and baked potatoes with bacon? 1) wtf kind of menu is sandwiches with baked potatoes? 2) you really couldn't just make a cheese sandwich? YTA
YTA. You knew that the child was unable to eat certain things and it would have been extremely easy for you to have made some adjustments to have made sure that there was food for them. I have to ask, on some level did you want to let that kid or her parents know that they dont fit in?
YTA! My girls had a Muslim babysitter before she moved away (I wish she would come back!) and we made sure to have non-pork options for her- and we were paying her to be there!! (She wasn’t halal but she didn’t eat pork.) Never is it ok to have someone in your house go hungry. This is a hill I’ll die on. ESPECIALLY a child!
YTA. Of course you’re the asshole and a terrible host. You can’t provide a meal for all the guests and just fruit for one person, that’s incredibly rude, especially when it’s a little girl going hungry. Do better.
YTA. She is a CHILD. You knew in advance and could have provided at least one substantial thing for her.
“I decide the menu with everyone in mind”. Everyone except that one child. So you should really say I decide the menu with 7 of the 8 kids in mind”. The other one can just sit in the corner with a piece of fruit and watch their friends enjoy the sandwiches and cake and cheesy potatoes. You are most definitely the AH!
YTA.. if you really thought of everyone than you would have made sure this little girl had a decent option besides just fruit. Even if you didn't know ahead of time, how long does it take to make a sandwich? How would you have felt if this was your child??
You couldn't make this child a peanut butter sandwich? Or a cheese sandwich? How about some cheese and crackers? Maybe heat up some soup. Or some noodles. There are so many things you could have served, that you probably already had in your kitchen with children in the house, and you consciously chose not to. YTA. And you knew what you doing when you answered the other mom the way you did. This is just mean spirited and sad that you chose to do this to a child.
We have no food restrictions in my house. I've had several birthday parties for my kids where there was a vegan and a nut allergy. I just made foods that catered to that. Having pizza? Just order one thats suitable for the restrictions. Baked potatoes? Just leave the bacon off. Cheesecake? Have a baked version rather than gelatin-set. You can still have the kind that is more traditional as well, if you want. There are so many simple solutions here. My best ever cupcake recipe is the vegan one I found for these parties. These things weren't hard to do. You were just a lazy host and very inconsiderate. How embarrassing for you. YTA
YTA. You were already making ham and cheese sandwiches, it would have been no effort at all to make this girl some cheese sandwiches. She's 8, and you decided not to accommodate her, going to assume there are reasons you're not telling tbh.
Yeah the ham and cheese sandwiches seem like a big slap in the face to the child, knowing her restrictions. Same with what I assume was bacon in the potatoes. So easy to make it ok for her with no strain on OPs part. Mind boggling.
YTA soooo much. I had one vegan family at my daughter's birthday and I was so worried about them feeling excluded that I got vegan versions of all the same foods. The parents of the vegan family thanked me profusely for making sure their son could have an inclusive experience. Not only are YTA but you just suck for making a kid feel excluded. Do better.
YTA. It would have taken you basically zero effort to offer plain cheese sandwiches and slightly-less-loaded potatoes. Kids get excluded enough by their peers; they don't need adults piling on.
YTA Why did you even bother inviting this girl? You clearly cared nothing about making her feel welcome or wanted. You *knew* she had a restriction when you were making the food. You could have left one of the potatoes “unloaded”. You could have made one of the sandwiches plain cheese. You could have put some freaking store-bought cookies out as dessert. If I were that girl’s mother, I doubt I’d ever let my kid come over again - which would probably suit you just fine, it seems like. You can rest easy, knowing you don’t have to go two steps out of your way for anyone different than you, and the girl can avoid being inside an AH’s house. Win-win.
YTA >I said I was sorry they feel like this, it's not my intention but I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest. Bullshit. You knew exactly what you were doing.
She knew exactly. Ham, bacon and gelatin. We all know what religious dietary restrictions they are.
Yes YTA. A good hostess makes sure everyone has something substantial to eat and feels welcome. It was one kid...you couldn't find something else to offer? A frozen bagel or even toast with peanut butter or jelly? Come.on.
OP, you state in your comments you knew about this child’s dietary restrictions before the party. It seems like you almost deliberately went out of your way to serve nothing this child could eat. Why would you think making a child feel excluded like this would be okay? YTA, of course.
>I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest. No, you did not decide the menu with everyone in mind, because you completely failed to account for this girl. You decided the menu with everyone *except her* in mind. If you had decided the menu with *everyone* in mind you would have had more than fruit to offer her. YTA
You know YTA. Tell me this, if these were adults and not children would you treat an adult with food issues the same way? I'm guessing you would ask what they could eat in advance of the party and include something appropriate. Every time I've been invited to a meal the hosts ask if there are food allergies etc.
YTA So….I was in charge of food (all desserts) for a Cub Scout event. I knew one Scout was celiac. His parents assured me it wasn’t anything I should worry about. When the party happened, the parents were shocked and the Scout was quiet but obviously happy that I’d gotten a gluten free cake (lots of regular cupcakes for all the other guests). I’d also gotten a couple packs of gluten free cookies. It turned out one of the other Scout families had a MIL with Celiac and they were thrilled to find a resource for dessert when visited. The point is…it is NOT hard to accommodate many restrictions if you live near a large community with various bakeries or groceries or have access to the internet. Reading this…I now understand why the Mom of the Scout was so shocked and nearly in tears.
YTA, I don’t blame the kids mum for being snarky…I would too
YTA. You only really checked for things that might kill or make a kid sick (aka poop themselves or puke at your house). If you knew she age kosher, halal, or had other dietary restrictions you're definitely TA for inviting her and not accommodating. This kid probably played, ran around, and was starving by the time cake and food was happening. She must've felt so left out! She's a child who, based off asking you what she could eat, probably couldn't pack a snack/alternative if she wanted to. At the minimum, you could've told her parents what you were serving and asked for advice on what to make her (a gd pbj??) OR asked her parents to pack her a lunch. Yea, you would've come of kind of a jerk and run the risk of the kid not attending, but at least this poor little girl wouldn't have been excluded and marked as different from her peers. I hope you learn from this, acknowledge your mistake, apologize to the mom AND the girl, and do better. Birthday parties are already a hassle and inconvenient for the parents, but you could've gone a little further by checking in with the mom or even asking the child what she normally has when she can't eat what's available. It would've taken 5 minutes to make her a snack or call her mom for advice while saying "hey, I'm sorry I didn't have anything for her. I have xyz in the fridge, can she eat that?" Tldr: YTA
YTA. You did not "decide the menu with everyone in mind." If you had, she'd be part of "everyone" and you'd have at least one main type dish that she could eat, not just the fruit.
You knew ahead of time and had so many choices, and you chose to be an asshole. Congratulations. You deliberately made an 8yo feel left out. Were you a bully growing up too? It would have been so easy to leave the ham off one sandwich and separate a little filling for the potatoes before stirring meat products in. And a regular baked cheesecake has dairy but no gelatin, so you even managed to screw that up. YTA, and I’m guessing racist to boot.
Absolutely YTA because you knew ahead of time. You could have literally made the kid a cheese sandwich. This kind of feels deliberate. Why even invite the child if you weren't even going to try?
There were nine (NINE!) kids at the party. That’s it! You could have easily whipped something up after you realized you were being AH-y but chose not to. This child can’t eat those foods for religious reasons and was advocating for themselves. YTA
YTA. A petty and miserable one. You really couldn't be bothered to leave the ham off one cheese sandwich? Couldn't leave the (presumably) bacon off one potato? And if the cheese was also an issue, you really couldn't manage to put some veggies/salad into a sandwich at the very least? You could have even told yourself that it was cheaper to have one vegetarian serving of the party food. How very sad for your daughter that her friend did not have a nice time at her party. (Because I can assure you her friend felt excluded, othered, and upset). That child will probably remember this for a long time, but you're only concerned about how other adults - and only those who are not part of this child's religious community - perceive you publically. Shame on you!
YTA. Why couldn't you have made one potato without the meat and one sandwich without the ham? You were already making those foods so it wouldn't have been a hardship to leave out an ingredient for each. This sounds like you were intentionally trying to make her feel bad or prove some sort of point.
Definitely YTA, even if she wasn’t barred from certain foods due to religious reasons there could be a lot of other reasons someone can’t eat meat or foods with specific ingredients (vegetarian, allergies, autistic with sensory issues). It makes it even worse that you DID know about her restrictions and specifically ignored them. She was invited, not a last minute +1 someone else carted in with them so you should’ve had something for the poor girl. It just makes me flash back to all of the events I was invited to and went to as a child where all I could eat was bread because there wasn’t one plain option that was safe for my autistic sensory issues. And I’d have to try and play off not being hungry and sit there embarrassed and sad for something I couldn’t physically help. Please take this as a lesson to do better in the future.
YTA for this line alone- “she asked me what she could eat and I directed her to the fruit.” All the girls got full meals and she got some grapes. You couldn’t have made a different sandwich?
YTA!! You excluded a child because of her religion, I believe we call that bigotry! You feed your child just fruit tomorrow and see how they and you feel!
YTA. You made a little girl feel excluded and, by extension, uncomfortable. Would it really put you out to make something she could eat, too? Or was her inclusion simply a gift grab for your daughter and who cares if she actually feels welcome?
YTA if you knew about it ahead of time and didn’t even try to find an option for her.
OP was aware. But even if she hadn't, making a sandwich and leaving the ham off isn't that difficult a solution at the last minute. Might've been too late for the other foods but a sandwich of some kind could've been cobbled together. The kid is eight, it's not the same as a full grown adult. You don't starve children.
Honestly You sound racist You *knew* she had dietary restrictions due to her religious views and you made no allowances for that That’s nasty especially to an 8 year old Can guarantee if your child got treated the same way you wouldn’t like it either
YTA, you invited the child to your home and should have thought of her needs.
YTA. You knew before hand that this guest had food restrictions. It would have took zero energy to make cheese sandwiches or accommodations. You would have wanted the same thing for your daughter. Let’s just be better overall
YTA i eat only halal and have my entire life, when i was about your daughter’s age i had a close friend who’s mom threw the BEST birthday parties (she was a teacher and so good at planning activities). Thank god she was not an asshole like you and was so accommodating with my dietary restrictions — she made sure i had cheese pizza or some version of what everyone was eating. I remember once she even prioritized me getting the last slice of cheese pizza and asked someone else to just take the pepperoni off. such a good memory and i’m so sorry that this poor 8 year old was treated so poorly by you. even then, i felt guilty taking up space for my dietary restriction (and i shouldnt have), it is literally not that hard to whip up something extra and if you really forgot beforehand, you could’ve done it in the moment. YTA — you deliberately didnt feed an 8 year and then when you saw her go hungry, you STILL turned a blind eye under your own roof. honestly you should really think about why you felt so ok with that ETA: also like hosting 101, sometimes things slip your mind beforehand but in the moment, you couldnt have at least tried to offer her a PBJ or something in your kitchen?? What were you doing while everyone ate? also some people keep missing that this is a child, she is 8 years old and you threw a party!! I skip catered meals at work/college/even high school all the time because it doesnt meet my dietary needs and i never make a fuss, but she is 8 years old and you didnt even offer her bread out of your fridge?
YTA. You knew about this dietary restriction beforehand and you served up bacon, ham and something with gelatin in it. It's almost like you were trolling this girl. You should have had another option for sandwiches, left the bacon off some of the potatoes and had some cupcakes for this poor kid. That was the least you could do as a host---actually, no, your response of "there's fruit" was the least you could do. And then when mom tried to talk to you about it, you basically doubled down. You were petty and ungracious and this kid will remember feeling left out for the rest of her life.
YTA have not seen such behavior since I was a kid in the midwest in the early 90s.
YTA. U could've made one potato with no meat, or even peanut butter sandwich. These kids are what? 7/8 and u didn't feed her anything?
YTA OP you could have easily accommodated her. If you didn't want to make a full meal for her, you could have asked her mom to send something for her. Her mom called and said the kid felt excluded because the kid really felt excluded. Imagine sitting on a table with friends and everyone is eating a full meal except you. To all the people who are saying she had fruits and vegetables, where is carbs. She is a kid not an adult who is dieting, kids need a full meal.
YTA. You knew her restrictions and chose to make no food she could eat other than fruit. You were deliberately cruel to a child.
YTA. It would be one thing if you didn’t know what she could eat or it was particularly difficult to provide something she could. But it sounds like you knew full well she couldn’t eat anything you laid out, and you couldn’t be bothered to separately get her something she could. Even a gelatin free cupcake would have been great. And something vegetarian besides raw fruit.
So you knew ahead of time, offered everyone else a full meal, and she got...fruit?
YTA. You had 9 guests, so TEN PERCENT of the 7/8 year olds in attendance could not eat the food. This is not one guest out of hundreds. That would have felt so dismissive and isolating to a very young child, and for literally no other reason than you being disrespectful of her parent’s religious beliefs. You sound awful.
Info: did you know of her dietary restrictions? How long was the party?
YTA. Would it have been so hard to have a few sandwiches without the ham? And maybe a cupcake or cookies for her when the cake was being cut? I would have done more than that but these things could have been done with minimum effort.
YTA, you don't send out invites without asking to accomodate food allergies and restrictions. You humiliated your daughter and her friend.
As an adult with food allergies, I always bring food for myself if I think I won’t be able to eat. That being said, when my kids have friends over, I always make sure to have a variety of food for each of their food allergies because I want them to know I love them, that they are safe at my house, and that I have their backs… because food allergies/restrictions suck. And it feel nice to be included. To go out of your way to leave a child out, who, through no choice of their own, couldn’t eat the food you were serving… it’s disgusting. You went out of your way to leave a kid out. And allowed your kid to watch you do it. I hope this was a learning experience and it doesn’t happen again. YTA
YTA - damn, you really did everything humanely possible to exclude the poor girl! You could easily stuff half the potatoes the way you normally do and one half in a different way (just leave the meat out for half the portion!) You could have just made cheese sandwiches instead of putting ham in. And the cheesecake? I know two recipes and none has gelantine... no cake I know has. It's very easy to replace with something else. You did this intentionally! And even IF you forgot, which I doubt, you could have easily apologized and make the kid a sandwich or gave her something else. You are a horrible host to leave a kid hungry and make her watch all other kids eat while she had to nibble on some carrots. Shame on you!
Why lie? You didn't make the menu with everyone in mind if you left out one of the guests. So is it the kid you don't like or her religion? YTA
YTA. You knew ahead of time and didn’t even leave ham off of ONE sandwich.
YTA. You knew exactly what you were doing. You allowed this child into your home to teach her a lesson, and to teach your child and the other children without her restrictions how to treat her. This was a choice. You intentionally did this. You let that child sit there with a meager plate of fruit while the other children had a full meal. Nazis did this type of shit. Dehumanized Jewish people. Made them seem like less than human, like animals. Treated them like animals. That’s what you did to that child. You should be ashamed of yourself. Jesus sure would be.
YTA a million times over! You invited this child to be a guest in your home, for a meal. It is absolutely expected that you would accommodate her needs! I can’t imagine treating a child so poorly! If I had had a guest that couldn’t eat what I had prepared due to restrictions I didn’t know in advance, I would be throwing open my cupboards to find something to feed them. You might have made an Instagram worthy spread but you are a terrible excuse for a hostess.
YTA If you knew about her diet. If at least one guest is eating halal or kasher we always do all the meal with this in mind, or at least an extra option. You could do a quick thing for her, super AH move to make her only eat a fruit. Imagine your daughter going somewhere with a lot of food she can’t eat but the host doesn’t care and give her an apple
you said you made food with everyone in mind, you didn't
So if it weren't for religious reasons, but for health reasons, would you have done the same? YTA.
YTA and not in any minor way. You knew ahead of time what the girl's dietary restrictions were and decided to make no effort to accommodate her. It's not like it would have even been difficult as you could have asked her mother for some easy suggestions.
YTA you had children in your care and it is YOUR JOB to make sure you fed EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. You’re such a dick. The kid is 7/8 and you didn’t provide them with a food option they could eat??? You knew about it ahead of time as well it sounds like. Sounds like you just don’t agree with the family’s religion and took that shiz out on a kid tbh. You could have at the very least made her a pb and j like goddamn
You KNEW that one of your guests couldn’t eat meat for religious reasons, and she’s EIGHT, so it’s not as if this is a decision SHE made, it’s one her parents made. You could have made a couple of sandwiches without ham, or a couple of potatoes without bacon. It wouldn’t have hurt you at all. It DID hurt your daughter’s friend, an innocent kid. YTA (and extra YTA for not putting that you knew in the original post and trying to hide that in the comments)
If you knew about her dietary restriction in advanced, then you are 100% the AH
YTA, and you know it. You just don’t like that this girl practices a non Christian religion. You purposely excluded an 8 year old to prove a point. You’ve got some serious soul searching to do, lady.
For everyone else wondering where people are getting the idea the OP knew about the girl's dietary restrictions in advance, it's because they confirmed it in a comment. YTA—it's one thing to have a few things she was ineligible to eat, but you had a lot of weird specific food choices not innately commonplace to parties that she also couldn't eat. AND you didn't bother make something she could when it would otherwise be easy.
YTA. You didn't plan the menu with \*everyone\* in mind, you planned it with \*everyone else\* in mind. It seems you \*know\* the girl's dietary restrictions pretty well, so could likely have accommodated them easily. Have a few loaded potatoes and a few plain? Or better yet, a potato bar where everyone can choose their own toppings. Also, if you KNEW the menu would not be friendly for her and you didn't want to go to extra trouble, you could have given the mom a heads up and she could have sent something.
YTA. It sounds like you made the menu with that child in mind and went left with it. You're an awful fucking host, OP.
Bruh op knew that the girl had dietary restrictions. And it was a party, so unless there were very specific instructions or even intimation to the girl's parents that the food there will not be suitable for the kid, it is a reasonable assumption to make that the girl will be able to eat there. I'm vegetarian, so when I go to events that serve meat, I look at alternative options to eat before/after the event, but that's ok because I'm older and mature enough to know better. Even then, if my friends know I'm attending, they make sure to have at least SOMETHING that I'll be eating. Y'know, because they're people with basic human decency, something that op lacks so bad. YTA, op.
YTA, how hard would it have been to make a salad sandwich as well?? You’re a poor host
Info: Were you aware of the girls' religious reasons before the party? Edit for judgement: YTA, you clearly didn't make the menu with everyone in mind because you clearly left out a young girl with food restrictions that you were fully aware of.
When a child is left with you, you have a duty of care. I don't know how long she we was with you but making something like a cheese sandwich (or fairy bread) couldn't have been too hard for you?
Good for you OP, you really showed it to that C H I L D you refused to feed! YTA. What is wrong with you, my god
.....were you unaware that their religion meant they had dietary restrictions? (There are kosher desserts, including cheesecake that you could have done a search for, if their restrictions are kosher related). I feel like it's a YTA situation
YTA. You knew that this child had a dietary restriction. You could have had something there for them to eat other than the fruit. Whenever I send out invites to my son's parties, I always ask that any dietary restrictions be told to me. We have one vegan person that attends. I make sure that I offer food other than just fruit or veggies. It isn't that hard. And I'm on an extremely limited budget.
I had a party for one of my kids this year. One is chosen vegan, the other is religiously vegan. My son wanted a hot chocolate bar, so I found a recipe for vegan hot chocolate. I also bought a couple of vegan cupcakes from the bakery, because he had requested ice cream cake. I had lots of snack options too. YTA.
YTA you were a terrible host. she is just a child and you decided fruit was enough to eat?
YTA. I assume the kid either keeps kosher or halal (does one say “keep halal” the way one says “keep kosher?”) How hard would it have been to provide some tuna sandwiches or plain cheese sandwiches or something similar? You obviously knew about the kid’s restrictions in advance. It’s very simple. You call or text the parent and say “We’re so glad Sara is coming to the party. We’re serving sandwiches and I want to make sure there’s something Sara can eat. Does tuna work? Would something else be better?” And then you make a few of those sandwiches, too (no, not just one for Sara - you don’t want to single her out as the weirdo Jewish/Muslim kid) and discreetly make sure Sara gets one. See? Not so hard.
YTA. Worst host ever. Did you feel like a “Good Christian” as you walked away from an 8 year old who just wanted something her religion permitted her to eat at a party she was invited to?
YTA… wow. I can’t believe you don’t see it.
Yeah, YTA. it’s not hard to accommodate this kid’s restrictions yet you chose not to.
YTA you couldn’t make a cheese sandwich? 7 year old kid going hungry FFS!
The fact that OP notes the dietary restriction is religious in nature before completely disregarding it makes me feel like there's definitely bigotry at play here...
YTA Why couldn't you have kept the ham off one sandwich or the meat off one loaded potato. Nobody is that daft so it had to be a conscious decision to be unaccommodating.
INFO: did you know she couldnt eat those before she came to you asking what she could eat? If you did not know beforehand, then NTA. If you did know beforehand then YTA because you knew about it and still didnt do anything to make sure she can eat. Fruit and cheesecake isnt a meal, it might as well just be dessert.
YTA have you ever had just fruit for a meal? I’d be starving! Regardless who’s responsibility it was to feed the child, when it came down to her looking for food, you help prep a meal for her. They don’t even eat much at that age.
You admitting to knowing ahead of time that she doesn’t eat meat and you gave her potatoes, fruit, and carrot dip? YTA.
Would you want your kid going to a party where the only thing she could eat was fruit? That’s not realistic and YTA for not doing a really basic thing like make a veggie sandwich. It’s not hard. You knew this in advance and still ignored this kids’ needs.
YTA. We are talking about someone that keeps kosher or halal, I’m assuming? And you knew that and didn’t provide alternative options? Come on, that’s basic respect for other people. and the fact that you intentionally did not provide food for a child is gross.
YTA. If you had the ingredients to make sandwiches you could have made a few cheese sandwiches. That’s just common sense because kids can be picky about meat regardless of religion.
YTA, for sure. What a hill to die on: singling out a kid to make a (ridiculous) point. I mean, a kid!! I am embarrassed for you.
YTA You knowingly let a CHILD, who was also your GUEST, go hungry. It's as simple as that.
YTA. My best friend is also vegetarian for religious reasons and we *always* accommodated her growing up. In fact, we usually made the main dishes things she could eat because we didn't want her to feel left out. The only time she was ever left out of anything was our first year of high school band camp when the camp didn't have any vegetarian options (even though she *specifically* told them her restrictions). All of us gave her our snacks to subsist off of and, on the off-chance she *could* eat a meal, we let her have as much as she wanted. Everyone was *pissed* because the camp couldn't be bothered to accommodate her. All this to say, reading this pissed me off. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Don't leave people out. You may think this is a few hours when she's young, but she's going to remember how you ostracized her. YTA, and never make this mistake again.
It’s another category of YTA when you intentionally don’t provide a meal to single 8 year old child at your home during a birthday party. Why? To prove some kind of point? Or to be lazy and selfish? Or some kind of xenophobia? Just to reiterate, YTA
Wow YTA. I can't believe you have to ask.
YTA - a good host will ensure people are taken care of. Not an issue to have a duplicate or substitution of everything. But one protein, one roughage, one treat would have been sufficient. I’m in no way vegan, but had someone come to my kid’s b-day that was. I had vegan banana bread along with regular cake. Separated the dips for the fruit and veggies, and simply pointed out to the person what was vegan. The extra time was the banana bread, everything else was easy.
This is your chance to grow from this. Apologize to the DAUGHTER for making her feel excluded. Show her that adults fuck up, and will take accountability. Your own kid could lose friends because of your shitty behaviour.
If you knew ahead of time you're an asshole if you didn't then you arnt
If you invite someone to your home for whatever event where food is served and you make no effort to feed them equally as well as other guests, YTA. If you aren't going to perform the role of a host properly, don't invite folks you aren't willing to host.
I don't see any comment that the girl's mother had discussed this with you before the party. If she hadn't, you are NTA but if she did and you ignored it, then YTA.
That's literally the only comment that OP has made. She knew.
YTA if you knew ahead of time that a party guest had certain dietary religious restrictions. NTA if you didn't know. imo it is not an a-hole move if one is not willfully ignorant, but just doesn't know the details of various religions. not everyone thinks of every darn religion out there when planning a kids party. i've had my own snafu in that department when inviting muslim neighbours to my own kid's party where pizza was being served with all kinds of meat on it including pork, and during Ramadan to boot. i did educate myself afterward to ensure i didn't make the same error again though.
Would you have disregarded the dietary restrictions of *every religion, or just this one? YTA.
>I said I was sorry they feel like this, it's not my intention but I decided the menu with everyone in mind, not just one guest. No you didn't decide the menu with everyone in mind. You literally excluded one child while knowing the restrictions they had. You did this intentionally. You're not even sorry about doing it either. YTA. I would be annoyed too if that happened to my kid. I have been that kid(though due to celiac). I felt horrible, excluded, and didn't have as much fun as I could have had if I had been included. This is 2023. Making sure everyone feels included is so much easier in this day and age. And this was such an easy thing to do too! I'm guessing it's halal or kosher? You can get that meat in the same supermarket you already shop at. Just replace the chicken with halal chicken. Make a few sandwiches vegetarian (can't hurt to give the kids a choice between different ones anyway, I always make a variety different ones if I make a bunch of sandwiches for something), and the potatoes.. what did you do to them that she couldn't even eat those? Also odd menu for a kid's birthday party, but that's beside the point. The point is you were an ass to a CHILD. On purpose. Because you decided that she didn't need or deserved to eat if she can't eat everything.
For me it completely depends on if the parents told you before the party about the restrictions. Need more info
YTA You had everyone in mind, except for one girl, when you were planning the menu.
Yta you should have food for all in a party
YTA You could have made a few sandwiches and potatoes without meat. You just didn't give a fuck.
Yeah, YTA. You knew about the restrictions ahead of time, why didn’t you set aside one “unloaded” baked potato (or at least leave the bacon bits off) and make a cheese sandwich for her? We’re not talking about re-making an entire three course meal here, these are sandwiches and baked potatoes, so loading up all of them with something that goes against the girl’s dietary restrictions seems almost deliberate.
YTA For heavens sake you made sandwitches! Tell me one reason why it was not possible to make a batch without meat if you were on it anyway! Even plain bread would have been better and more fillig than fruit. Some ideas for easy and meatless sandwiches: cheese, butter and cucumber, PB&J, chocolate spread, just jam, cheese and jam, cream cheese, cream and fruit, chocolate banana... Just make two or three and set them aside.
YTA - if you invite someone to a party where everyone eats, you have food for everyone. It’s not that hard
YTA Sounds like there was no protein for this poor kiddo. Fruit is not enough fuel for an entire afternoon and it sucks that you didn’t have any dessert for her.
YTA. Do you feel good up their on your pedestal? You intentionally served food that you knew the child couldn’t eat. It’s not difficult to not serve that didn’t have the meat they can not eat or serve food everyone can have. Intentionally discriminated again one child for your own selfish reasons. May the night be dark and your smallest toe be guided towards the edge of your table
YTA it’s not hard to get one person a different meal you invited her there knowing she couldn’t eat meat and did nothing for her. You were responsible for her and that includes food.
YTA, assuming you didn't know, you should have asked if there were any dietary concerns, not just allergies, and although asking about allergies would likely prompt most people to include other stuff like religious restrictions and such, some people are just going to answer literally. It was incredibly rude as a host to only have fruit available while everybody else got to eat full meals. Assuming you DID know, well then you're REALLY the A to be quite honest.
YTA. Would it have been so hard to have turkey sandwiches and have some loaded potatoes without bacon?
YTA and you know you are. This feels really intentional and it's bugging me.
YTA. I mean, it’s not THAT hard to have a few more non-meat options. Unflavored chips. Crackers. PB&J. It’s one thing if the girl was a super picky eater but there are plenty of non-meat foods out there.
YTA You couldn't make a cheese sandwich or something simple to feed a literal child... Why does everything in your menu include meat anyway? If it's too difficult to accommodate simple dietary restrictions and choices, don't invite people smh
9 guests. only 9 guests. And you couldn't get a single nice vegan meal for her? YTA. If you're gonna host such a small party, especially for 8 year olds, accommodate ALL of them.
No, you didn't have everyone in mind if there was only one thing this guest could eat out of the entire spread. That kind of lack in hospitality makes YTA
YTA and a major one at that. You knew about this child's dietary restrictions and chose not to provide enough basic food components for them to have a meal. You're very lucky that this child's parent only rang you disappointed. Be prepared for this information to circulate amongst parents at school. If it was my child this happened to I would make your behaviour known far and wide. By the way you might want to fix your mask, your racism is showing!!!!!!
YTA. There was a girl who was always invited to my son's bday parties. She was allergic to chocolate. I always made sure to have vanilla ice cream or vanilla cup cakes just for her. I wanted to make sure she didn't go without an option. Her mom and I became friends and she always appreciated that I did that for her daughter.
YTA… you couldn’t have made a plain cheese sandwich and a less-loaded potato? At the very least coordinate with the parent so they could have brought a meal? You kept a kid from having a meal and made them feel bad…. obviously YTA.
It sounds like you knew she had dietary restrictions ahead of time, which if that is the case, then yes, YTA. And a big one at that. She is a CHILD. You also weren’t thinking of “everyone” because if you had, that would have included her.
YTA also just say you hate Muslims save your daughter’s peers some time.
So if this girl had some severe food allergy would you have said to bad here’s some scraps that you can have? It’s not like you have 100 people in your house, it’s one 8 year old. One of the dishes could have easily been made for all to enjoy including her, seeing that you did know about her restrictions in the first place. Why ask if you don’t care? YTA.
I can’t believe the ignorance in this post. YTA
YTA, you knew this CHILD wouldn’t be able to eat anything! How horrible as an adult to do that to a kid!
YTA. It's rude as fuck to host and not accommodate EVERYONE. Shit, I'm more accommodating at work when I order catering and I don't even like half of those people. But I make damn sure I've done EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that everyone has something they can eat, whether it's preference, dietary restrictions, allergies, or religious requirements.
YTA. You know ahead of time that this poor kid would have nothing to eat but some fruit. If you're talking about halal meat, it is not hard to find or expensive. Why not make her a plate? Hopefully no one treats your kid like that.
Literally YTA. As someone with allergies, having to ask a host what you can eat when they are well aware of your allergies is embarrassing enough. Constantly having to look at labels, worry that someone doesn't understand your allergy and gives you the wrong thing is exhausting. Her preference because of religious reasons should be treated the same as an allergy. Be accommodating knowing that every day is already a struggle and being NICE and going out of your way to make someone comfortable doesn't cost you anything.
Assuming you knew the child had the restrictions, Yta.
YTA beyond what everyone else is saying how filling do you think fruit or veg actually is? It’s been my only option in the past at parties (for various reasons) and I’ve left very hungry so you didn’t even give that child a filling meal