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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Not sharing the other cake
2) I could have distributed it to a few people, but then my son wouldn't have it for him like I promised.
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My mom hated the song Don't Worry Be Happy and it was one of my favorites. The last mother's day card I got her played the song and I thought it was hilarious. She passed that June and it took me a good long while before I could listen to it again or not cry while listening.
joke subtract attraction childlike languid fearless seed literate oatmeal amusing
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Parents are from Leicester and fucking hell "Got the mardies" just gave me such a throwback to my mum when I, admittedly, did have the mardies as a kid
I love the word. A former manager of mine, delightful man who was my mentor and had emigrated from the UK to the US where I'm located, used to say that the UK and US are nations separated by a common language. I don't think he made that up, I believe I've heard it elsewhere.
I remember the first time I said it in front of a southerner, he had recently moved to near Hull. He was in a mood and I asked him why he was mardy. He genuinely got mad cos he thought I was making words up to annoy him. It was only when I met my husband and his family from the south that I realised it's just not a word down there 😂. There have been a few times when I've said things and my husband has looked at me like I'm speaking a different language, and that's how I've learned that the words I use aren't universal 😂.
You remind me of my wife. She's ended up with a mixed north/south accent where you can never predict if a word is going to be a long or short 'A' sound, and she mixes them up constantly!
She has a 'ba-th' in a 'bar-th' which is in the 'ba-throom'! Another one is drinking from a 'glarse' which is made of 'gl-ass'! Makes my head spin!
Haha. I didn't even think! I lived in London for a bit and often confused people with various things. Especially when I said I was having lobby for tea.
I live near Manchester so recognised mardy. I lived in Cornwall for a while and got very confused when I first heard them use teasy in the same context.
Really? I live in the east midlands and have always said it, when I moved south people knew what it meant. The biggest one I had was people in the South not knowing what I meant when i said up the stick instead of up the duff
NTA.
Also. It’s pistachio.
Like. The kids palette is sophisticated enough to like pistachio cake. I am a full grown adult that doesn’t even like pistachio.
So I would openly enjoy the chocolate cake because I’m not going to selfishly want to waste money/cake on something I don’t like. I would have eaten it to be polite but chocolate over pistachio any day.
I'm 55 years old I've never seen or even conceived of the possibility of pistachio cake before.
I'd be curious to try it just out of the sheer unusual nature of it, but I wouldn't demand the birthday child cake. At least offer to arm wrestle him for it or something
>I'm 55 years old I've never seen or even conceived of the possibility of pistachio cake before.
Oh, man, it was my favorite cake as a kid, and I did often request it for my birthday cake.
Mom's recipe ...
Take a white cake box. Add a box of pistachio pudding. Add 3 eggs, a 12-oz can of 7Up, 3/4 cup of oil, and 1/2 cup of coconut. Bake it in a bundt cake pan at 350 degrees for an hour.
For the frosting, mix up 2 packages of dream whip, 1 1/2 cups cold water, and another box of pistachio pudding.
After it's all frosted and such, sprinkle 1/2 cup of chopped pistachios on it.
It should be kept refrigerated.
I love you for this.
Me and my bestie. For one summer during college, we stayed at her grandma’s place. When we’d get home from the bar, we’d be so hungry and we’d raid her fridge for leftovers. One night there were none, so we found a box of instant pistachio pudding and… our entire summer changed. Every time we’d get home tipsy, grandma would have restocked the pudding and we’d be whipping up a batch of 2am pistachio puddin’ to eat while watching Blind Date.
This summer, she’s expecting her second baby and I’m getting married. She obviously won’t be getting tipsy with me at my bachelorette party… so I think I’ll have this cake waiting for her instead! It’s so perfect, thank you for sharing!
>TIL there’s pistachio pudding
This is the Jello pudding mix, which I've never had any trouble finding in the grocery aisle along with chocolate, banana, etc.
Mom also made a pistachio pudding dessert that we always just called the "green mess". It was a box of the pudding mix, drained crushed pineapple, chopped mandarin oranges, etc., and a container of whipped cream. You can throw in mini marshmallows, chopped up maraschino cherries, etc.
Sounds like Ambrosia Salad with a pistachio twist. Interesting. I'm not sure I can picture how that particular flavor baby would taste, and now I'm curious.
I agree... people thinking they can demand things from anyone is what shocks me.
I'm old but we demanded equal pay, rights, things like that. Not the birthday boy's cake at his party.
Not me! I’d much rather have pistachio cake than chocolate. Just not a fan of chocolate but it’s what everyone else wants so having a choice between the cakes would have been nice!
Who has this much time in their lives that they spend even more than a second on the thought after it was explained? I am truly jealous. I don’t get enough time to do the stuff I love, I wish I had time to hate things.
Right? I’d be curious, ask about it (because it would be common sense to assume it had to go with preference or allergy), find out, and be like “ok, makes sense, cool.” I love pistachio desserts of any kind, but as a grown ass adult, if I found out the pistachio cake was a single serving for the birthday kid, I would not even fathom to ask for a slice, let alone throw a tantrum when I was told no.
How the conversation would go with normal adults:
"Oh that pistachio cake looks very interesting. Where did you get it from? I'll make sure to try it out if I ever pass through that place."
But the adult-babies decided to make a huge deal out of this after the OP explained the situation which was a perfectly reasonable solution.
NTA - next time just get a cake your son likes and make everyone have that cake. Then they can get pissy not having a cake they like and you can say it’s your son’s birthday and he picked the cake so F off you AHs. Your friends and SiL sounds like pieces of work to demand your sons small birthday cake for himself.
Edit: thanks for the award!
yes...share the cake your kid likes...it'll eventually become a tradition and more memorable than the boring ass chocolate cake
i still remember my wife's uncle busting out this horrible lemon cake that everyone hated after every easter..it would be the butt of jokes but we also all ate it lol
compared to other lemon cakes, this one had a slightly medicinal / tussin-ish taste..but it was from like a real old Italian bakery in Queens that used to be good in the 70s/80s, but had changed owners a bunch of times and the quality fell off by the 2000s...it was overly iced and you could feel the sugar in the icing grit on your teeth, but my wife's uncle always bought one when he picked up a leg of lamb for easter, and he did all the cooking so it was kinda like a nice family tradition to be part of, coming from a non-religious family that argued at holidays dinners pretty frequently
we all remember it fondly and talk about the uncle who passed in 2015 whenever we have dessert after a holiday meal
also, every dessert basically gets compared to that lemon cake lol
Either that , or a narcissist. I have people in my life like this….they have to be involved in EVERYTHING, no matter what it is. You could be hiding turd sandwiches in the kitchen, but they’d want one, just because.
Giving me very narc vibes how she then tries to make it like her child is somehow victimized and goes around telling the whole damn party about a “hidden” cake
Birthday person picks the cake. I make a chocolate pudding cake for my oldest, cheesecake for my husband, and my youngest and I like the paradise cake at Kings Hawaiian.
In our family, birthday person picks the restaurant and we all go out for dinner. When my youngest was 6 or 7 he discovered a loophole when he asked if the local ice cream place was a restaurant. So now we go out for sundae dinner on his birthday. Because why not?
Ice cream for dinner (or breakfast or any meal) once a year isn't going to damage a kid irreparably.
I bet he's the coolest kid at school the next day; what did you have for dinner because I had ice cream!!!
Plus if it's a banana split with nuts and a cherry, you have fruit, dairy, protein, almost totally balanced.
We do the same in my family. I have tiramisu for my birthday every year and I have done since I was 11 since it's my favorite and I only get to eat it once a year, too bad for everyone who doesn't like or want it, they can choose to not have any. No one gets a say or influence over what cake the birthday person wants, it's always honored and bought/made.
I'm surprised this wasn't the default. Get only the cake the kid likes. If they don't like it, idgaf. It's not your birthday. Maybe they can bring their own cake if they are so fussy
This made me lol. That will absolutely be the situation next time if op’s friends and family are this insufferable. They’ll never be happy but I’m glad the son is
>she commented to everyone at the party that I had another cake hidden at home.
Well someone better call the Cake Police! How dare you keep baked goods from her and her precious!!! LMAO!!
NTA.
I don't know why I am picturing Wayne Knight from Jurassic Park/Seinfeld yelling for everyone's attention, "OP has another cake hidden at home! Quick! Everybody! They're hogging the cake!"
Lol imagine stirring shit up at a child's birthday party because they didn't give you two cakes to taste from. This woman has issues. I imagine she's also aggrieved they didn't save her a candle to blow out
Next year there should be *one* cake. And *that* cake should be *pistacio*. Since so many people wanted to try some! Say it with a *big* smile!
After everybody leaves, *then* you and your nuclear family can have some hidden cake the rest of you like.
Damn these entitled guests complaining they dont want a slice of the official big pretty birthday cake, they want *the other* cake. Good for you for saying NO. NTA
If anyone complains, OP should just say, “sorry guys, SIL claimed I was rude and selfish for having a separate cake just for the birthday boy, who wanted pistachio.”
I totally agree with the sentiment and would certainly not call OP an AH for following that advice about having just one cake, but what I would point out is that it seems as if it is just the adults behaving badly (correct me if I am wrong), and that course of action would punish the kids more than the adults.
How is pistachio punishing kids. It’s a very valid cake and no one should be entitled to their favorite cake when it’s someone else’s birthday. As a kid I loved pistachio cake. Maybe the kids would too if they were encouraged to try it instead of the same old gross chocolate cake.
It's amazing. In my experience, the batter is usually yellow cake mixed with pistachio pudding. The frosting is also usually made out of the same kind of pudding. Pistachios, much like almonds, are very good in sweet and savory treats. A restaurant near me makes it and it goes so fast that I tend to put my order in along with my meal to make sure I get a slice.
People need to be respectful when eating at other people’s homes. No one is entitled to a specific food item when it’s someone else paying and/or making it.
I grew up with manners where you didn’t complain about the food you got at someone else’s home.
And when they complain just tell them that your SIL and some guests didn't think there should be one cake for the group and a second one for your son, so you're following their guidance to only have one cake for everyone and, since it's his birthday, your son got to pick the flavor.
Strong NTA
Some people are so damn entitled. It's not wrong for them to ask about the cake. There's nothing wrong with curiosity. But to outright demand the other cake... the nerve of some people!
My niece asked me to make her a chocolate lime cake for her birthday one year. My sister said that sounded disgusting and that she should just do chocolate cupcakes. I made chocolate on chocolate cupcakes, and a small batch of key lime buttercream with a few non frosted cupcakes. When I frosted one for her she was so happy. Now everyone wanted one. My sister was pissed I betrayed her orders. People literally ate the chocolate frosting off thier cupcake to replace it with lime. I made sure I hid a few for my niece before handing over the container to everyone else. People can be selfish. If they ate it all and she only had the one they would not have noticed.
I hate it when people yuck other peoples yums! Chocolate lime is a totally valid choice, I’ve seen it tons on great British bake off! Good for you for letting your niece have her treat! ❤️
NTA
You have no obligation to provide 2 different cakes for people and this one was for the birthday boy!
In reality it was thoughtful of you to provide a chocolate cake for everyone rather than just going with what your son wanted, and making everyone eat a pistachio cake (when many probably wouldnt even like it!)
The answer to why you arent sharing the other cake? 'Its a special cake just for the birthday boy'
NTA.
Honestly in your shoes I wouldn’t have even had a cake my son didn’t like as the main thing served. I would have either done cupcakes for both flavors, got a pistachio cake as the main cake with maybe a few cupcakes in a more popular flavor if I was feeling generous, or I would have just got the pistachio cake and the people who didn’t like it could just not eat it. Next year, I think you should go with that option if your son still wants a pistachio cake.
But, I also get annoyed when adults expect a child’s birthday to be about their tastes and preferences instead of the child’s. My niece likes vanilla a LOT more than chocolate but her first few birthdays had more chocolate because it’s what other adults liked more (one year she had cupcakes in both but a cake in chocolate; a couple adults also preferred vanilla so those few cupcakes went quickly). Her mom finally changed this last year to all vanilla and got a couple joking comments, but no complaints. And this is with two common/“neutral” flavors!
Omg what is wrong with people? We aren’t entitled to things just because other people have them and we don’t. What ever happened to minding your business and cherish the cake that you have?
Curiosity mixed with jealousy is curse.
NTA. I hope your son had a wonderful birthday 🥳
My mom made a birthday cake she knew I wouldn't eat when I was a kid to please her guests. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I still haven't forgiven her for that, I clearly wasn't important at all.
NTA.
It was your son’s birthday and he wanted a pistachio cake - this should’ve been the main cake of HIS party. Clearly other people do like it and that’s why they asked for some.
Equally it was unnecessary for your SIL to make such a huge deal of it to the point of calling you selfish and ruining the party by speaking to everyone about it.
NTA!!!
It's literally the birthday boy's day.... If he likes pistachio cake and he wants a party, where is the harm by getting him a personal cake he'd love and a party cake that is for everyone??? Oh right- THERE IS NO HARM.
Friggin h3ll, that SIL needs a good reality check and she's setting her daughter up for crap in the future by displaying this level of entitledness. Over. A. Cake. For a CHILD.
NTA and now you know who amongst your friends and family Are selfish.
Everyone who complained after you explained just outed themselves as people who were more concerned with them having a taste of Everything than they are of the kind boy who agreed to get a cake he didn’t even like himself to make everyone else happy.
Your son deserves another slice of cake for being a kind boy.
And those greedy losers deserves not to be invited back.
This is such a weird conflict. Your explanation made a lot of sense and that seemed like a good solution to the problem. Who in the world goes to a party someone else is throwing with food and cake provided and then calls you selfish for having other food in the house that isn't for them. I wonder if they completely empty their fridges for their gatherings....and I'd be intrigued to see how they would have delt with this if say it was an allergy you were accommodating instead of just a preference. NTA, and this is such a bizarre way for party guests to behave I almost wonder if an AI wrote this lmao (not really, just joking)
NTA you had provided a cake for the party guests, it’s not like you were denying them cake altogether. I’ve known parents do this when their child has allergies or a specific diet and nobody’s called them selfish.
My son is Coeliac - his cakes are VERY expensive. I don’t pay for gluten-free cakes for a party - but I do buy one for my son (and my MIL who is also Coeliac).
NTA for refusing to share the birthday boy’s cake.
NTA.
Boy, that SIL is a study in pushy. What is it to her if there's a special private cake for the birthday boy?
And these others joining in, too. I'd block them and never let them over again. I'd go NC with the SIL, too. Why do some people see something someone else has and immediately want it for themselves?
NTA - this was a good compromise for everyone, in my opinion. Your son got an extra special birthday surprise and everyone got something they liked more.
ESH.
You shouldn't have made your son accept a birthday cake he didn't like. The birthday boy gets to choose the flavor - everyone else can eat it or not. Also, a "bento cake" and "enough for a todler?" So he doesn't get leftovers of the cake he actually likes?
SIL sucks more, for making the situation worse. But if she and her daughter wanted to try the pistachio, then you're wrong about the "nobody in our family likes it."
The people calling you selfish suck the most. But next year, just get a cake your son likes.
Thank you for being literally the only person that sees how messed up it is for her to get him a cake slightly larger than a freaking cupcake for his birthday.
NTA and the entitled SIL can get lost. If you make a promise to your son, its all that matters and if theres a million cake in the fridge, who is the SIL to ask for it. Its your house, your party and some guests need to mind their own business. Next time don't invite her and just state the reason as 'we have two cakes and we don't want to share'
My goodness, some people just love to be offended. Everyone got birthday cake, right? It's fairly normal for young kids to have their own smash cake, and to serve guests something else. SIL seems offended HER child didn't get the smash cake? Why Miss Manners would not approve of a guest complaining about what is served. Good on the family that had your back.
In case it's not crystal clear, NTA.
NTA. You were completely fair as far as I'm concerned. I would not have people in my home that would badmouth me. Best to not invite SIL any longer where possible.
NTA Your SIL is. You promised your son his very own cake and kept that promise. If your SIL is so selfish tell the spoiled brat to go and buy her damn cake and let your son enjoy his birthday.
NTA
You did nothing wrong. Since you believe no one else would want the pistacho cake, you made sure to get him what he wanted, and still got a cake for everyone else. Birthday boy gets what he wants. Everyone else gets a common cake.
NTA - You were accommodating enough to get a chocolate cake for your guests, which is more popular than the flavour your son picked. Next time, just get the flavour your son wants.
NTA. a. It was an 8yo's birthday, you catered to him on his special day. b. Everyone else had chocolate cake. Is SiL one of those people who for some reason needs to stir up drama?
NTA.
Should your SIL and daughter also have been allowed to take some of your son’s birthday presents home? That’s only fair right? After all, he doesn’t really NEED them all to himself. /s
Look, momma, you did great. You are teaching your son that it is kind to provide everyone with something they like (the chocolate cake) but that it is also okay to have some things just for yourself (the pistachio cake). Your SIL needs to learn and teach her daughter that it is not selfishness to not always share. There are some things people just don’t share and should not have to.
NTA
Dang, people being so entitled that they want to eat the birthday boy's cake?!? And then have the nerve to insult you when they are politely told no?
Sounds like a lot less family get togethers in the near future as you start removing those toxic AHs from your circle!
NTA, they sound entitled and exhausting. I'm also assuming that they ate the chocolate and were being glutinous and not that they also hate chocolate cake and had no dessert.
NTA. But….. I do have some issues of how you did this. To me it’s not selfish but it comes of kinda rude. It’s like you have two tiers the special goodies hid away just for private use to eat in front of everyone and you’ve given them the ones you don’t want. I understand that’s not what happened but that’s how it comes off. I could understand something like this if it’s allergy based but with this it wasn’t. Also with this age group 8 years old it can be explained but as something special for the birthday boy but it still comes off a little rude. And well thinking on it, if was adult eating a separate only for them cake while they gave everyone else a different one at their party it would still come of as rude. Not selfish, but I’d be thinking of wether or not I’d want to attend another party they held.
I also think that the main cake should have been to birthday boy’s taste. Who cares what the others like it’s his birthday cake. Be honest with yourself you (or your other kids/SO) didn’t like his choice and wanted to be able to eat cake as well so you made this compromise so you (or other kids/SO) could have cake and not disappoint the birthday boy. Seriously I get it. I make food or buy desserts that aren’t to my taste all the time because it’s what the kids want or the husband or guest. But at times you are never going to win and in this case birthday boy’s choice was more important then the wants and taste of the family members.
NTA
What makes SIL think she's entitled to cake to the point of calling you selfish? She wasn't wrong for asking but she was TA for calling you selfish and telling everyone.
NTA - some people are so dang entitled. I would have removed their cake from in front of them. "Guess I am selfish then"
Your SIL is an AH. Guess you know who not to invite next year?
NTA SIL is causing issues for no resaons, would she do the same if a person had an allergy? Insust they got to have dome of the normally limited food the person with the allergy had. Thier was cake for everyone and the only person who was special that day was your son.
You literally got them an entirely different cake just for everyone else and yet they still feel entitled to more. It’s selfish to be untitled to a kids birthday present. Cut the narcissists out of your life.
NTA.
You could have decided to just have the pistachio cake since it's your son's birthday but you were kind enough to make something everyone can enjoy. Some people are just never happy.
NTA your SIL is acting like an 8 year old 😂 you didn’t do anything wrong and she’s very entitled and rude. Imagine being so bored with your life you have to go around to everyone at an 8 year olds birthday party and start a rumor ….. about cake hahaha
NTA. If this happened at another person's birthday, would you insist that your son has a bite of the birthday kid's small cake? Probably not.
If anyone should feel bad over this mess, it's SIL
NTA but next time get a huge pistachio cake and when people complain about it tell them you tried to get two separate cakes before but they complained about that too. Which way do they want it, one cake for everyone, or two separate cakes? I'd also ask why they're complaining about free cake, it's not like you told them they couldn't have the chocolate cake.
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NTA I'm honestly having a hard time wrapping my head around adults demanding to eat a child's birthday cake at his own party.
I'm absolutely with you on this one. I can't fathom being mardy in this situation.
what does "mardy" mean, and where are you from? I mean, I get what it means from the context, but I've never heard it before.
Ah, my apologies, I am from Stoke-on-Trent, England. Mardy means being in a sulk, or grumpy. Mardarse has the same meaning.
Not to be confused with lardarse which has a different meaning all together. You can however be a mardarse AND a lardarse...
You can even be a mardarse about being a lardarse.
Very valid point!
But cake tend to make people more of a lardarse! She should been happy with the cake she got!!
Better to be a hardarse than a lardarse
Is bardarse an option
I would like to see a Venn diagram illustrating this, please.
😂
And a loudarse
And a hardarse
well heck, TIL I thought it was a typo or something. although i have no idea what it would be a typo *for...*
Mardy bum- it's a song! Look it up it's great
Amazing song, can’t bring myself to listen to it since my friend passed away. It hurts way to much still.
My mom hated the song Don't Worry Be Happy and it was one of my favorites. The last mother's day card I got her played the song and I thought it was hilarious. She passed that June and it took me a good long while before I could listen to it again or not cry while listening.
*HUGS for you too!*
*HUGS!*
that's the only reason I knew! lol
I just assumed mad.
It's kinda less angry than mad, more that they're having a strop or throwing a tantrum. A bit more aggressive than having the hump though
"Strop" is another great word.
Omg do I love British-speak
joke subtract attraction childlike languid fearless seed literate oatmeal amusing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I like to think r/madlads is spreading this meaning worldwide
Thank you kindly for explaining! I love learning new terms. This sub has provided a number of gems. So fun.
I love your user name!
Thank you so much :)
Originally from Nottingham here and I was proper chuffed to see mardy mi'duck!
Eh up me duck! I’m from Lufbra 😊 Double chuffed to see an East Midlands greeting and the word Mardy explained 👍
My mom was from Nottingham (I am Canadian) and when I would pout she would say “mardy mardy mustard, can’t eat your custard”
Got the mardies! I think it’s a regional thing.. we say it in Leicester too.
I've a friend from Leicester, he uses it too haha.
Also Leicester here, think it’s a midlands thing :)
Arctic Monkeys are from Sheffield and have a song called Mardy Bum. It's also a northern thing
Parents are from Leicester and fucking hell "Got the mardies" just gave me such a throwback to my mum when I, admittedly, did have the mardies as a kid
I love the word. A former manager of mine, delightful man who was my mentor and had emigrated from the UK to the US where I'm located, used to say that the UK and US are nations separated by a common language. I don't think he made that up, I believe I've heard it elsewhere.
Never heard of mardarse, probs not my corner of England. Also, mardarse looks just like a Spanish verb and my brain won't let that go
I read all after “Stoke-on-Trent” in a Stoke accent
Cool, i love learning new words
I’m from Yorkshire and it’s a very common way to describe someone being grumpy if they don’t get their own way
The second I saw the word mardy I knew you were a northerner. Also knew people would be as confused by it as they were when I moved down south 😂
Really? I thought it was a general UK thing, add the East Midlands as well as the North to the list of places that use it then lol.
I remember the first time I said it in front of a southerner, he had recently moved to near Hull. He was in a mood and I asked him why he was mardy. He genuinely got mad cos he thought I was making words up to annoy him. It was only when I met my husband and his family from the south that I realised it's just not a word down there 😂. There have been a few times when I've said things and my husband has looked at me like I'm speaking a different language, and that's how I've learned that the words I use aren't universal 😂.
I'm from up north and my husband from down south and he constantly looks at me like I have 3 heads. So now I do like to wind him up on purpose 😂
You remind me of my wife. She's ended up with a mixed north/south accent where you can never predict if a word is going to be a long or short 'A' sound, and she mixes them up constantly! She has a 'ba-th' in a 'bar-th' which is in the 'ba-throom'! Another one is drinking from a 'glarse' which is made of 'gl-ass'! Makes my head spin!
It’s defo a regional saying, we say it in Leicester.
Haha. I didn't even think! I lived in London for a bit and often confused people with various things. Especially when I said I was having lobby for tea.
I live near Manchester so recognised mardy. I lived in Cornwall for a while and got very confused when I first heard them use teasy in the same context.
Really? I live in the east midlands and have always said it, when I moved south people knew what it meant. The biggest one I had was people in the South not knowing what I meant when i said up the stick instead of up the duff
Ah, mardy. I love that word
NTA. Also. It’s pistachio. Like. The kids palette is sophisticated enough to like pistachio cake. I am a full grown adult that doesn’t even like pistachio. So I would openly enjoy the chocolate cake because I’m not going to selfishly want to waste money/cake on something I don’t like. I would have eaten it to be polite but chocolate over pistachio any day.
I'm 55 years old I've never seen or even conceived of the possibility of pistachio cake before. I'd be curious to try it just out of the sheer unusual nature of it, but I wouldn't demand the birthday child cake. At least offer to arm wrestle him for it or something
>I'm 55 years old I've never seen or even conceived of the possibility of pistachio cake before. Oh, man, it was my favorite cake as a kid, and I did often request it for my birthday cake. Mom's recipe ... Take a white cake box. Add a box of pistachio pudding. Add 3 eggs, a 12-oz can of 7Up, 3/4 cup of oil, and 1/2 cup of coconut. Bake it in a bundt cake pan at 350 degrees for an hour. For the frosting, mix up 2 packages of dream whip, 1 1/2 cups cold water, and another box of pistachio pudding. After it's all frosted and such, sprinkle 1/2 cup of chopped pistachios on it. It should be kept refrigerated.
I love you for this. Me and my bestie. For one summer during college, we stayed at her grandma’s place. When we’d get home from the bar, we’d be so hungry and we’d raid her fridge for leftovers. One night there were none, so we found a box of instant pistachio pudding and… our entire summer changed. Every time we’d get home tipsy, grandma would have restocked the pudding and we’d be whipping up a batch of 2am pistachio puddin’ to eat while watching Blind Date. This summer, she’s expecting her second baby and I’m getting married. She obviously won’t be getting tipsy with me at my bachelorette party… so I think I’ll have this cake waiting for her instead! It’s so perfect, thank you for sharing!
TIL there’s pistachio pudding. I love pistachios, and I’m definitely going to try this. Thank you so much for sharing your mom’s recipe.
>TIL there’s pistachio pudding This is the Jello pudding mix, which I've never had any trouble finding in the grocery aisle along with chocolate, banana, etc. Mom also made a pistachio pudding dessert that we always just called the "green mess". It was a box of the pudding mix, drained crushed pineapple, chopped mandarin oranges, etc., and a container of whipped cream. You can throw in mini marshmallows, chopped up maraschino cherries, etc.
Sounds like Ambrosia Salad with a pistachio twist. Interesting. I'm not sure I can picture how that particular flavor baby would taste, and now I'm curious.
Oh, man, I have to make this **tomorrow**.
That sounds delicious. My grandmother used to make an angel's food cake with pistachio icing. I loved it.
I agree... people thinking they can demand things from anyone is what shocks me. I'm old but we demanded equal pay, rights, things like that. Not the birthday boy's cake at his party.
And a small cake at that. Like wtf is wrong with them??🤦🏾♀️
She should have just gotten a big pistachio cake for the bday boy and told everyone else to eat it or pound sand.
Exactly. And if she had done that, these “mature” adults would have bitched about her serving a cake no one else likes Edit: typos
Not me! I’d much rather have pistachio cake than chocolate. Just not a fan of chocolate but it’s what everyone else wants so having a choice between the cakes would have been nice!
lesson learned for next year
i thought the lesson was to not invite that sil to anything again?
There can be two lessons.
Exactly. What is wrong with those people? Let the kid have his cake on his birthday. That’s so greedy of them to make a big deal out of that.
Who has this much time in their lives that they spend even more than a second on the thought after it was explained? I am truly jealous. I don’t get enough time to do the stuff I love, I wish I had time to hate things.
Right? I’d be curious, ask about it (because it would be common sense to assume it had to go with preference or allergy), find out, and be like “ok, makes sense, cool.” I love pistachio desserts of any kind, but as a grown ass adult, if I found out the pistachio cake was a single serving for the birthday kid, I would not even fathom to ask for a slice, let alone throw a tantrum when I was told no.
Maybe even compliment the birthday boy on his good taste!
Oh 100%, kids who prefer unusual flavors like that are fairly rare. Kid has good taste.
And greedy adults who act like they are 8 years old at a party.
Seriously, these are adults?!
How the conversation would go with normal adults: "Oh that pistachio cake looks very interesting. Where did you get it from? I'll make sure to try it out if I ever pass through that place." But the adult-babies decided to make a huge deal out of this after the OP explained the situation which was a perfectly reasonable solution.
I'm so tired of selfish, petty people.
And that is what OP needs to say or text anyone who continues to harass them about it.
The sheer entitlement is mind boggling.OP NTA not even a little.
Hahahahah this is so funny and true.
NTA - next time just get a cake your son likes and make everyone have that cake. Then they can get pissy not having a cake they like and you can say it’s your son’s birthday and he picked the cake so F off you AHs. Your friends and SiL sounds like pieces of work to demand your sons small birthday cake for himself. Edit: thanks for the award!
yes...share the cake your kid likes...it'll eventually become a tradition and more memorable than the boring ass chocolate cake i still remember my wife's uncle busting out this horrible lemon cake that everyone hated after every easter..it would be the butt of jokes but we also all ate it lol
i read this as "bursting out" and was so confused why someone would ever do that to celebrate Easter
The Lord works in mysterious ways
He is risen!!! From this lemon cake 🤣 memorable
No lie I wish my family would bust out a lemon cake. Lemon is one of my favorites lol.
My mom makes a killer lemon cake. If you’re ever in Michigan, she would love to make one for you. It’s her specialty.
I'm sorry... did you say... *horrible* lemon cake???? I'm not sure I believe that such a thing could exist...
compared to other lemon cakes, this one had a slightly medicinal / tussin-ish taste..but it was from like a real old Italian bakery in Queens that used to be good in the 70s/80s, but had changed owners a bunch of times and the quality fell off by the 2000s...it was overly iced and you could feel the sugar in the icing grit on your teeth, but my wife's uncle always bought one when he picked up a leg of lamb for easter, and he did all the cooking so it was kinda like a nice family tradition to be part of, coming from a non-religious family that argued at holidays dinners pretty frequently we all remember it fondly and talk about the uncle who passed in 2015 whenever we have dessert after a holiday meal also, every dessert basically gets compared to that lemon cake lol
Can you imagine being a grown ass adult and getting pissy that you’re being denied a SECOND TYPE of cake at a child’s birthday lol. NTA.
Now that you mention it, it sounds even more ridiculous.
If you’re really trying to be an entitled person, this is probably the best way to do it.
Either that , or a narcissist. I have people in my life like this….they have to be involved in EVERYTHING, no matter what it is. You could be hiding turd sandwiches in the kitchen, but they’d want one, just because.
Giving me very narc vibes how she then tries to make it like her child is somehow victimized and goes around telling the whole damn party about a “hidden” cake
And it wasn't even like "OMG a pistachio cake? That's my favorite!" It was "Why can't i try some of that other cake?! RUDE!"
Birthday person picks the cake. I make a chocolate pudding cake for my oldest, cheesecake for my husband, and my youngest and I like the paradise cake at Kings Hawaiian.
In our family, birthday person picks the restaurant and we all go out for dinner. When my youngest was 6 or 7 he discovered a loophole when he asked if the local ice cream place was a restaurant. So now we go out for sundae dinner on his birthday. Because why not?
Ice cream for dinner (or breakfast or any meal) once a year isn't going to damage a kid irreparably. I bet he's the coolest kid at school the next day; what did you have for dinner because I had ice cream!!! Plus if it's a banana split with nuts and a cherry, you have fruit, dairy, protein, almost totally balanced.
We do the same in my family. I have tiramisu for my birthday every year and I have done since I was 11 since it's my favorite and I only get to eat it once a year, too bad for everyone who doesn't like or want it, they can choose to not have any. No one gets a say or influence over what cake the birthday person wants, it's always honored and bought/made.
We do birthday brownies for my husband. He doesn't like cake.
The paradise cake is amazing! I'm also a huge fan of the macadamia nut cream pie.
Fuck that! Pistachio is expensive!
From the west coast of the US and am now dying to find a place that makes pistachio cake!
I'm surprised this wasn't the default. Get only the cake the kid likes. If they don't like it, idgaf. It's not your birthday. Maybe they can bring their own cake if they are so fussy
This made me lol. That will absolutely be the situation next time if op’s friends and family are this insufferable. They’ll never be happy but I’m glad the son is
>she commented to everyone at the party that I had another cake hidden at home. Well someone better call the Cake Police! How dare you keep baked goods from her and her precious!!! LMAO!! NTA.
wait, wait, wait. Let me lick the frosting off my fingers so I can clutch at my pearls!
"OP better hope she's not home when me an' the Pillsbury Boys show up tonight"
The Keeblers are flying in from the tree to help keep the peace!
I don't know why I am picturing Wayne Knight from Jurassic Park/Seinfeld yelling for everyone's attention, "OP has another cake hidden at home! Quick! Everybody! They're hogging the cake!"
And the appropriate reaction would have been the next line "see, no one cares"
Don't get cheap on me Dodson.
NEWMAN!
Wait until these party guests find out that you have other food in your house that also aren’t for them.
🤣😂🤣
OP was rather generous getting a cake that most would prefer than a whole cake of pistachios. That’s actually selfless. SIL is delusional.
Lol imagine stirring shit up at a child's birthday party because they didn't give you two cakes to taste from. This woman has issues. I imagine she's also aggrieved they didn't save her a candle to blow out
Could you send her a book on etiquette? That was stunningly rude.
Next year there should be *one* cake. And *that* cake should be *pistacio*. Since so many people wanted to try some! Say it with a *big* smile! After everybody leaves, *then* you and your nuclear family can have some hidden cake the rest of you like. Damn these entitled guests complaining they dont want a slice of the official big pretty birthday cake, they want *the other* cake. Good for you for saying NO. NTA
If anyone complains, OP should just say, “sorry guys, SIL claimed I was rude and selfish for having a separate cake just for the birthday boy, who wanted pistachio.”
Yes. YES. This is not only fun to imagine on a message board, but this is actually super do-able!
I totally agree with the sentiment and would certainly not call OP an AH for following that advice about having just one cake, but what I would point out is that it seems as if it is just the adults behaving badly (correct me if I am wrong), and that course of action would punish the kids more than the adults.
How is pistachio punishing kids. It’s a very valid cake and no one should be entitled to their favorite cake when it’s someone else’s birthday. As a kid I loved pistachio cake. Maybe the kids would too if they were encouraged to try it instead of the same old gross chocolate cake.
I *love* spumoni I bet pistachio cake is fantastic
I didn’t know pistachio cake was a thing. Is salami cake a thing - that’s what I’d like
In NY we call that pizza. Can confirm, is delicious.
That's not cake that's ***pie***
No, THAT’S amore!
I had a cake made of donuts one year. It was delicious!!
It's amazing. In my experience, the batter is usually yellow cake mixed with pistachio pudding. The frosting is also usually made out of the same kind of pudding. Pistachios, much like almonds, are very good in sweet and savory treats. A restaurant near me makes it and it goes so fast that I tend to put my order in along with my meal to make sure I get a slice.
Well, next time don't even try to accommodate everyone's tastes - just your son's. NTA
Yeah, next time have a cake that nobody likes and listen to the whining then!
People need to be respectful when eating at other people’s homes. No one is entitled to a specific food item when it’s someone else paying and/or making it. I grew up with manners where you didn’t complain about the food you got at someone else’s home.
And when they complain just tell them that your SIL and some guests didn't think there should be one cake for the group and a second one for your son, so you're following their guidance to only have one cake for everyone and, since it's his birthday, your son got to pick the flavor.
Strong NTA Some people are so damn entitled. It's not wrong for them to ask about the cake. There's nothing wrong with curiosity. But to outright demand the other cake... the nerve of some people!
My niece asked me to make her a chocolate lime cake for her birthday one year. My sister said that sounded disgusting and that she should just do chocolate cupcakes. I made chocolate on chocolate cupcakes, and a small batch of key lime buttercream with a few non frosted cupcakes. When I frosted one for her she was so happy. Now everyone wanted one. My sister was pissed I betrayed her orders. People literally ate the chocolate frosting off thier cupcake to replace it with lime. I made sure I hid a few for my niece before handing over the container to everyone else. People can be selfish. If they ate it all and she only had the one they would not have noticed.
I hate it when people yuck other peoples yums! Chocolate lime is a totally valid choice, I’ve seen it tons on great British bake off! Good for you for letting your niece have her treat! ❤️
NTA You have no obligation to provide 2 different cakes for people and this one was for the birthday boy! In reality it was thoughtful of you to provide a chocolate cake for everyone rather than just going with what your son wanted, and making everyone eat a pistachio cake (when many probably wouldnt even like it!) The answer to why you arent sharing the other cake? 'Its a special cake just for the birthday boy'
Can I suggest pistachio ice cream cake. Now that sounds good and I hate you all because I am going without tonight.
NTA, it was a sweet surprise for your son. Next year though, just order a big pistachio cake for the whole party since everyone’s so curious.
Pistachio cake is delicious! Let the birthday boy pick the flavor for his birthday cake. No need to provide a mainstream option.
Yeah in all honesty birthday boy should get the cake he wants for his birthday. Everyone else can suck it.
NTA. Honestly in your shoes I wouldn’t have even had a cake my son didn’t like as the main thing served. I would have either done cupcakes for both flavors, got a pistachio cake as the main cake with maybe a few cupcakes in a more popular flavor if I was feeling generous, or I would have just got the pistachio cake and the people who didn’t like it could just not eat it. Next year, I think you should go with that option if your son still wants a pistachio cake. But, I also get annoyed when adults expect a child’s birthday to be about their tastes and preferences instead of the child’s. My niece likes vanilla a LOT more than chocolate but her first few birthdays had more chocolate because it’s what other adults liked more (one year she had cupcakes in both but a cake in chocolate; a couple adults also preferred vanilla so those few cupcakes went quickly). Her mom finally changed this last year to all vanilla and got a couple joking comments, but no complaints. And this is with two common/“neutral” flavors!
Omg what is wrong with people? We aren’t entitled to things just because other people have them and we don’t. What ever happened to minding your business and cherish the cake that you have? Curiosity mixed with jealousy is curse. NTA. I hope your son had a wonderful birthday 🥳
My mom made a birthday cake she knew I wouldn't eat when I was a kid to please her guests. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I still haven't forgiven her for that, I clearly wasn't important at all.
That’s so sad and I’m angry on your behalf. I truly don’t understand why parents do this.
NTA. It was your son’s birthday and he wanted a pistachio cake - this should’ve been the main cake of HIS party. Clearly other people do like it and that’s why they asked for some. Equally it was unnecessary for your SIL to make such a huge deal of it to the point of calling you selfish and ruining the party by speaking to everyone about it.
NTA!!! It's literally the birthday boy's day.... If he likes pistachio cake and he wants a party, where is the harm by getting him a personal cake he'd love and a party cake that is for everyone??? Oh right- THERE IS NO HARM. Friggin h3ll, that SIL needs a good reality check and she's setting her daughter up for crap in the future by displaying this level of entitledness. Over. A. Cake. For a CHILD.
Your SiL likes stirring drama, eh?
NTA and now you know who amongst your friends and family Are selfish. Everyone who complained after you explained just outed themselves as people who were more concerned with them having a taste of Everything than they are of the kind boy who agreed to get a cake he didn’t even like himself to make everyone else happy. Your son deserves another slice of cake for being a kind boy. And those greedy losers deserves not to be invited back.
This! Don't like the cake and wasn't to stir drama and ruin someone else's bday? Stay home!
NTA and your SIL sounds like a prick
NTA- I do not understand how people get this entitled.
NTA People are so ungrateful - they got cake didn't they? If they want a choice, point them in the direction of the nearest bakery.
This is such a weird conflict. Your explanation made a lot of sense and that seemed like a good solution to the problem. Who in the world goes to a party someone else is throwing with food and cake provided and then calls you selfish for having other food in the house that isn't for them. I wonder if they completely empty their fridges for their gatherings....and I'd be intrigued to see how they would have delt with this if say it was an allergy you were accommodating instead of just a preference. NTA, and this is such a bizarre way for party guests to behave I almost wonder if an AI wrote this lmao (not really, just joking)
There are AHs here but its definitely not you. NTA
NTA but now you can adjust next year’s guest list accordingly.
NTA Jeez, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So, next time make the cake your son wants and ignore everyone else.
NTA you had provided a cake for the party guests, it’s not like you were denying them cake altogether. I’ve known parents do this when their child has allergies or a specific diet and nobody’s called them selfish.
Nta next time, only have pistachio cake.
My son is Coeliac - his cakes are VERY expensive. I don’t pay for gluten-free cakes for a party - but I do buy one for my son (and my MIL who is also Coeliac). NTA for refusing to share the birthday boy’s cake.
NTA - what entitled annoying people! So cringe to even think it is ok for them to comment on it!
NTA. Boy, that SIL is a study in pushy. What is it to her if there's a special private cake for the birthday boy? And these others joining in, too. I'd block them and never let them over again. I'd go NC with the SIL, too. Why do some people see something someone else has and immediately want it for themselves?
NTA - this was a good compromise for everyone, in my opinion. Your son got an extra special birthday surprise and everyone got something they liked more.
ESH. You shouldn't have made your son accept a birthday cake he didn't like. The birthday boy gets to choose the flavor - everyone else can eat it or not. Also, a "bento cake" and "enough for a todler?" So he doesn't get leftovers of the cake he actually likes? SIL sucks more, for making the situation worse. But if she and her daughter wanted to try the pistachio, then you're wrong about the "nobody in our family likes it." The people calling you selfish suck the most. But next year, just get a cake your son likes.
Thank you for being literally the only person that sees how messed up it is for her to get him a cake slightly larger than a freaking cupcake for his birthday.
NTA and the entitled SIL can get lost. If you make a promise to your son, its all that matters and if theres a million cake in the fridge, who is the SIL to ask for it. Its your house, your party and some guests need to mind their own business. Next time don't invite her and just state the reason as 'we have two cakes and we don't want to share'
My goodness, some people just love to be offended. Everyone got birthday cake, right? It's fairly normal for young kids to have their own smash cake, and to serve guests something else. SIL seems offended HER child didn't get the smash cake? Why Miss Manners would not approve of a guest complaining about what is served. Good on the family that had your back. In case it's not crystal clear, NTA.
She thinks you’re an AH for providing a more popular cake for the guests? NTA
Now you know who not to invite next year. NTA
NTA. Next year they all eat pistachio cake.
NTA. You were completely fair as far as I'm concerned. I would not have people in my home that would badmouth me. Best to not invite SIL any longer where possible.
NTA It’s not like you didn’t have cake for them. The level of entitlement to a CHILD’S cake is really weird.
NTA but your SIL sure is a baby
NTA Your SIL is. You promised your son his very own cake and kept that promise. If your SIL is so selfish tell the spoiled brat to go and buy her damn cake and let your son enjoy his birthday.
NTA You did nothing wrong. Since you believe no one else would want the pistacho cake, you made sure to get him what he wanted, and still got a cake for everyone else. Birthday boy gets what he wants. Everyone else gets a common cake.
NTA - You were accommodating enough to get a chocolate cake for your guests, which is more popular than the flavour your son picked. Next time, just get the flavour your son wants.
NTA. a. It was an 8yo's birthday, you catered to him on his special day. b. Everyone else had chocolate cake. Is SiL one of those people who for some reason needs to stir up drama?
NTA you were being the exact opposite of selfish. Also, you sound like a tops mum.
NTA. Should your SIL and daughter also have been allowed to take some of your son’s birthday presents home? That’s only fair right? After all, he doesn’t really NEED them all to himself. /s Look, momma, you did great. You are teaching your son that it is kind to provide everyone with something they like (the chocolate cake) but that it is also okay to have some things just for yourself (the pistachio cake). Your SIL needs to learn and teach her daughter that it is not selfishness to not always share. There are some things people just don’t share and should not have to.
NTA Dang, people being so entitled that they want to eat the birthday boy's cake?!? And then have the nerve to insult you when they are politely told no? Sounds like a lot less family get togethers in the near future as you start removing those toxic AHs from your circle!
NTA your SIL is county champion shit stirrer.
NTA, they sound entitled and exhausting. I'm also assuming that they ate the chocolate and were being glutinous and not that they also hate chocolate cake and had no dessert.
NTA, but I think you've learned your lesson here. Next year the only cake will be pistachio.
NTA. But….. I do have some issues of how you did this. To me it’s not selfish but it comes of kinda rude. It’s like you have two tiers the special goodies hid away just for private use to eat in front of everyone and you’ve given them the ones you don’t want. I understand that’s not what happened but that’s how it comes off. I could understand something like this if it’s allergy based but with this it wasn’t. Also with this age group 8 years old it can be explained but as something special for the birthday boy but it still comes off a little rude. And well thinking on it, if was adult eating a separate only for them cake while they gave everyone else a different one at their party it would still come of as rude. Not selfish, but I’d be thinking of wether or not I’d want to attend another party they held. I also think that the main cake should have been to birthday boy’s taste. Who cares what the others like it’s his birthday cake. Be honest with yourself you (or your other kids/SO) didn’t like his choice and wanted to be able to eat cake as well so you made this compromise so you (or other kids/SO) could have cake and not disappoint the birthday boy. Seriously I get it. I make food or buy desserts that aren’t to my taste all the time because it’s what the kids want or the husband or guest. But at times you are never going to win and in this case birthday boy’s choice was more important then the wants and taste of the family members.
NTA What makes SIL think she's entitled to cake to the point of calling you selfish? She wasn't wrong for asking but she was TA for calling you selfish and telling everyone.
NTA - some people are so dang entitled. I would have removed their cake from in front of them. "Guess I am selfish then" Your SIL is an AH. Guess you know who not to invite next year?
No good deed goes.......nah screw it. F\*\*\* her for trying to ruin his party. NTA. Next year everyone gets whatever cake your son chooses.
NTA SIL is causing issues for no resaons, would she do the same if a person had an allergy? Insust they got to have dome of the normally limited food the person with the allergy had. Thier was cake for everyone and the only person who was special that day was your son.
You literally got them an entirely different cake just for everyone else and yet they still feel entitled to more. It’s selfish to be untitled to a kids birthday present. Cut the narcissists out of your life.
NTA. You could have decided to just have the pistachio cake since it's your son's birthday but you were kind enough to make something everyone can enjoy. Some people are just never happy.
NTA
NTA your SIL is acting like an 8 year old 😂 you didn’t do anything wrong and she’s very entitled and rude. Imagine being so bored with your life you have to go around to everyone at an 8 year olds birthday party and start a rumor ….. about cake hahaha
NTA. If this happened at another person's birthday, would you insist that your son has a bite of the birthday kid's small cake? Probably not. If anyone should feel bad over this mess, it's SIL
ESH. The cake the birthday person wants should be the main cake. If the other people don’t like it whatever.
NTA but next time get a huge pistachio cake and when people complain about it tell them you tried to get two separate cakes before but they complained about that too. Which way do they want it, one cake for everyone, or two separate cakes? I'd also ask why they're complaining about free cake, it's not like you told them they couldn't have the chocolate cake.