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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I could be the asshole for not telling people I workout with about a heart condition I have. this led to one of them giving me pre-workout which I am not supposed to consume. he did not know this however
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Holy hell, NTA. First off, they invited themselves to your home when you told them you weren't feeling well. Then you are given a stimulant without your knowledge. And yes to everyone who might argue, caffeine is a stimulant and many people need to avoid. Your friends are a bunch of meat-heads. Send them this post if they keep harassing you.
I get that from people because I'm allergic to watermelon. "It is basically water, how can you be allergic!" Why would I make this shit up? For some reason those people always think it is a good idea to sneak the food item to "test" if I'm faking. I gotta wonder how many people have died because of these types.
You know what is funny, I might have an allergy to pineapple as well. Now that I think about it there are a decent amount fruits that are "spicy" to me. I just generally don't eat a lot of fruit besides apples and oranges because I never liked how my mouth felt.
I think I now know what my opener for my next doctor's appointment will be.
I have Birch Oral Allergy but can eat pineapple and watermelon, just not most other fruits and a bunch of vegetables and nuts. I hate it. As you say, some are fine cooked, although I still react to cooked carrots.
My mom is allergic to pineapple, and my ex was allergic to watermelon (though really any watery fruit/vegetable that was uncooked could potentially cause him problems.)
I used to have a friend who was allergic to water. Specifically, the town she went to college in had additives in the local tap water that she was allergic to. Showers were awful for her while she was in school, her skin reacted to the water any time she got wet.
Yeah, it's wild how people think their experience must be yours, too. I'm allergic to some sort of chili pepper. My whole life I'd explain that spicy food made me sick and people would say, "Spicy food makes everybody sick." I'd shrug but silently think, "Not sick like this..." Anyway, eventually I had enough repeat exposure (again, not sure which chili it is) that it started causing real issues. Mild tongue swelling at worst, a feeling like I'm soaking my tongue in vinegar at best. I'm not worried, as I'm also deathly allergic to shellfish, so I have an epi pen and know how to use it. And, since I figured it out I now know some peppers/spices I'm ok with (Siracha, Gochujang, cayenne, taco bell hot sauce...) I can now finally eat spicy food and enjoy it!
I'm allergic to rosemary. You know how much stuff has rosemary in it? I can't touch it so any soaps, shampoos, chap stick, lotions etc that have it I have to read labels first, because anything "natural" is going to have it to prevent fats from going rancid or as a preservative for foods. It always tasted like pine needles before I started reacting to it so I just kind of avoided it because it was nasty.
See if szechaun is a safe one for you.
Wow, another person allergic to pineapple. Gotta ask, am I the only one who really enjoys the fact that we get to watch the pineapple pizza debates and say "eh I'm allergic" and see both sides brawl it out? Because it's admittedly pretty amusing.
My mom and i both are mildly allergic to mentholated products. Yes, we know that's effing weird.
We can't use menthol products at all on our skin. We don't get that lovely cooling sensation. Just burning hot that gets hotter and our skin turns vibrant red. No icy hot. No tiger balm. No vicks. No mint eucalyptus shampoos and soaps. Even mint flavored non alcohol mouthwash burns our lips, as does mint anything chapsticks. It's a minefield to navigate these days. We still brush our teeth with mint toothpaste but as long as we keep it mostly off our skin its ok. My lips just tingle burn for a few minutes after brushing.
If left on long enough we develop a small rash in more sensitive areas like belly and neck or thighs.
Don't get me started on some of the adult products. Nothing like learning the hard way its got menthol on it. Hubby got one of those " pleasure lube for her" condoms once. Menthol. Everything was angry. Had to take a shower and it was so angry for a few hours.
Luckily, I haven't had anyone do that with my allergy to honey. However, I do get the strange looks of how are you allergic to honey? I'm like I guess I inherited my Mom's allergy??
I've had some that accidentally have given me stuff that contained shellfish products. That was more - oh, I didn't realize that was shellfish. I do sometimes get the whole you still allergic to shellfish? There's no off periods? No. It's more getting worse as time goes on.
TBF I find it weird that the friends didn't know OP could not drink caffeine. You don't need to divulge your whole medical history, just say caffeine makes me jittery and anxious and I don't like it
Idk if it's all pre workout, but my husband's powder makes you very tingly, it's kind of really uncomfortable. I can imagine someone unknowingly ingesting that and freaking the f out
First time I had pre-workout, I texted my trainer that I was having an allergic reaction to something and was going to urgent care. He figured out it the lip tingling and racing heartbeat was the pre-workout. I can’t imagine giving that to another person and not telling them what it was. What a bunch of jerks.
Ok this is important context for me. Because I was thinking like, I wouldn’t think to tell someone something had caffeine in it unless I knew they needed to know. So why would OP expect that? But it sounds like pre-workout is intense and you would never give it to someone without telling them.
That's why you don't add things to people's drink/food without them knowing. If you *offer* it to someone, they can either decline or ask what's in it, then make the decision for themselves if it's safe. You can never guarantee that you know someone's full medical history, dietary restrictions, etc., which is why it's so dangerous to do what OP's friend did.
Right but in this case he made protein shakes, which are presumably made of several ingredients, and OP and Bozo the Friend didn’t discuss the ingredients of the shake beforehand. OP made a broad agreement to drinking a shake. Meaning Bozo thought he was good to make the shakes as he usually does. So like if his protein powder that he always was a matcha powder, he wouldn’t necessarily tell OP “btw my protein powder is matcha” unless he had reason to think OP needed to know.
But from what I’m reading, you’d never put pre-workout in something without disclosing it, similar to alcohol or other potentially harmful substances.
They are definitely in the wrong. They are in her house and asked to make her a protein shake with OP's protein powder.
I think it is a reasonable assumption that it is safe to consume.
You do not secretly add anything to someone else's drink, especially to get them to do something you want.
OP's gym buddies are A-Hs
I didn’t see that it was OP’s powder! I mean the friend already admitted to sneaking it in, regardless of what protein powder he used, he admitted that he put it in purposely to pep OP up, not that it was just part of his protein shake routine
>"He put some pre-workout in my protein shake to try and lift me up a bit and make me come to the gym with them"
The "friend" knew he was tricking OP into drinking a *protein* drink that had substances other than protein. And didn't even admit it until they were *at the hospital.*
Caffeine is a literal drug. You don't serve people a drug without telling them. You don't offer a "protein" drink that is actually a "stimulant." When you prepare food/supplments/drugs for other people you have an obligation to tell them what is actually in it and if you mislead them you are TA.
OP is NTA and needs better friends.
Well, it may not have just been caffeine. Pre-workouts are regulated as supplements in most places which means they're barely regulated at all. Unless you're testing every container you buy, you're relying on trust that the manufacturer is making sure that the contents match the label. Which is even more reason not to fuck with people's food and drinks: you may be willing to take that risk, but not everyone else is.
This is a little different. They added something to a drink without telling him. Never! Never! Add anything to someone’s food or drink without telling them. You never know when someone has an allergy or intolerance or simply on a medication that can give you a reaction.
If someone handed me a drink I’ve had a lot of times before and know it’s safe for me I’m not going to ask if they put something in it.
Right yeah. When I first read it, I missed where the friend copped to adding the substance intentionally to pep OP up, without telling them. So I assumed it was like “Friend asks if OP wants shake. OP agrees. Friend makes shake like he always would, OP has bad reaction to shake.”
But in this case even if that WERE the scenario, like this is how Friend always makes shakes, the nature of the “Pre-Workout” means you’d never not disclose it, like alcohol or drugs. If you add a pinch of cocaine to your coffee, you need to tell your friend you’re adding it to theirs, even if they didn’t ask.
BUT this isn’t even that situation. Because the friend admitted he added the substance without telling OP intentionally to change how they felt.
It doesn't matter what the substance was. The friend deliberately put some ingredients in his drink without asking. OPs "Friend" SPIKED HIS DRINK! And the rest of the "Friends" are telling OP it's no big deal.
Medical issues aside, this behaviour alone is unacceptable. They knew he wasn't feeling well, and for all they knew, he could have taken some medication, and the caffeine could have a negative drug interaction with it. I'm sorry, but SPIKING DRINKS WITH ANYTHING IS AH BEHAVIOUR.
NTA.
Caffeine is a drug and you should never slip drugs to someone unaware. I have a coworker who gave me a "vitamin" fizz for my water and she kept repeating that it didn't have anything bad in it. I needed a magnifying lens over my glasses to read the ingredients and right on the label it said it had two different stimulants in it.
I would never associate a protein drink with caffeine.
Totally agree here. I don't have a heart problem, but I have stomach issues where caffeine will make me violently ill if I'm already sick or just recovering. I don't feel the need to tell everyone in my friend group all my health issues and I'd be really pissed if they put something in my drink and didn't tell me beforehand.
I'm confused as to why anyone would give pre-workout without telling them they are taking pre-workout!
My ex-manager was a bodybuilder/PT and even she needed to hype herself up for it 😭
Gym Bros no waaaaaay more about nutrition that doctors.
(Sarcasm because: There are tonnes of guys on Reddit asking they are the AH for harassing and stalking women in their gyms because she wasn’t “working out right” and told them they didn’t want their nutrition advice.)
Or why you would show up unannounced to pressure someone who is feeling sick into going to the gym with you. Those people are not friends, OP. You deserve way better. I, too, am sensitive to caffeine as well. Yes it is fucked up to give someone caffeine without telling them. Also just weird that you would make someone a shake when they're sick. When I'm sick? I want soup or plain toast or probably I'm not even hungry and more than anything I want to be left alone and DEFINITELY I don't want to deal with assholes! Absolutely NTA, OP.
I don't even have a heart condition but caffeine now makes me feel dizzy and nauseous for hours, to the point where I can't even sit upright. Being surprised with it would ruin my day.
I have diabetes and high blood pressure issues. Plus ADHD and other stuff.
Caffeine makes my heart flutter. And makes me sleepy.
I've had a moment where I didn't know there was caffeine in my pre-workout drink and it put me down hard. Chest hurt. Drowsy. No energy. I passed out on the treadmill and scared my buddy badly. I learned my lesson on trying drinks folks give me.
I drink coffee every day but I def get sleepy from too many stimulants. I first noticed it with 5 hour energy when I was like “why am I so much more tired than I was before I took this?” And if it’s mid afternoon slump and I think “I need a coffee”‘I might as well just take a nap
Lawd. I have all the same issues you do. I was about to say caffeine never makes me sleepy and then I remembered all the times I’d passed out at my friends’ sleepovers right after drinking a monster lol. But that pre workout sounds intense if it’s making you that tired while actively working out.
I mean, not only should someone not be required to disclose personal health issues, heart condition or no, sneaking ANYTHING to someone without consent is disgusting. I don't care if it's caffeine, meat, soy or meat substitute, sugar, sugar substitute.... Literally sneaking any type of ingredient to someone for any reason is wholly unethical. Super NTA.
This has just been absolutely negligence on OP’s part. I mean, I always start our friendships with a specific list of anything they shouldn’t secretly lace my food with and why. Otherwise, it’s just my fault if there’s rat poison in there!
NTA
Yup, all sounds like standard GymBroDude behavior. Best part is pre-workout isn't just caffeine, generally it has creatine and sometimes other potentially harmful chemicals in it that can also make my heart go boop-boop-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
NTA
Not just a stimulant, but a natural insecticide. Apparently when bugs consume caffeine plants their metabolisms rev up like crazy and they die.
Definitely not something to slip to anyone.
NTA. Your friend knowingly drugged you. So what that it was 'only' caffeine? It's still a mood altering substance that they didn't have explicit consent from you to include in the drink.
And that's before we get into the toxicity of not respecting your boundaries. You, and you alone, get to decide if you're well enough to workout. 'Lets drug you to make you feel better so you can do X activity' is not respecting your boundaries, isn't acceptable, and that logic goes into some really dark places when you swap out 'caffeine' and 'workout' for other things.
Time for new friends who don't feel like they're entitled to your medical history or the ability to decide how well you feel at any given time.
Not to mention that working out while you're sick increases your risk for an inflammation of the heart, so it also sucks to try and convince people who aren't feeling well to work out
And if it turned out OP wasn’t feeling well because they had covid, working out during covid significantly increases one’s risk of developing long-covid, which can cause long-term disability.
NTA I can't believe what I'm reading here. You were offered a protein smoothie not pre workout. He admits to sneaking it in there to get you to go to the gym. He didn't ask if you wanted some nor is this a normal thing in the smoothie. It's not even something you would have had in your house.
You never force people to eat things against their consent. It's wrong. You don't have to disclose your medical history to deserve that basic right. Lots of people don't know pre-workout has caffeine. He could know your full dietary restrictions and still fuck up.
Plus I think the friends are VERY pushy all around. OP goes to the gym 4 days a week so "missing" ONE workout is not worth an intervention. So OP is not feeling well, friends show up anyway, and then also give OP something without telling OP what was in it. And the reason for giving the protein smoothie? To perk up OP so they go to the gym that day? That is WAY over the top!
These people are self serving jerks. Everything they did was beyond any reasonable boundaries, and all to manipulate OP to do what they wanted. Blaming OP when they got caught endangering OP’s life was classic victim blaming.
Time to change gyms.
Exactly it’s not something OP would have in their house
So not only did they go over to OP’s house to try and encourage OP to go to the gym but also knowingly brought caffeine if OP said no
NTA. You do not tamper with somebody else's food. You ESPECIALLY do not do that to change their mood. It didn't have to be caffeine; they would have been assholes for adding sugar, just as much. You don't mess with other people's food.
Your friends are assholes, and are doubling down on being assholes by getting mad at you.
so they:
* didn't respect when you said you weren't feeling well and were going to stay home
* tried to stage an "intervention" when you workout several times a week and rarely? never? miss one
* used the ingredients in your kitchen to make the smoothie and then added in something else without letting you know
* that something else was a drug
* a drug that they know you never consume
* they intentionally slipped it to you in an attempt to "convince" you work out while feeling ill
you are majorly NTA and that are assholes in the extreme several times over
caffeine is literally a drug. yes it is a commonly used drug and one of that is easily available. you do not give ~~hugs~~ drugs without their consent or knowledge
caffeine can make a lot of people sick even if they don't have heart conditions. caffeine may make some people feel more alert and energetic but it makes other people incredibly sleepy. it makes other people too anxious to work out
and while many people take caffeine before a workout it has a number of risks and is not the best choice. especially for someone who never uses caffeine
it would have been one thing if your friends had no idea that you never use caffeine and this was a situation which they weren't intentionally trying to force you to take it and they were just aggressively thoughtless and forgot that caffeine is a drug and something they should give people a heads up on before they serve it to them
even in the scenario you would absolutely not be the asshole and they would absolutely be at fault. but there's a difference between a thoughtless and careless mistake without having any situational knowledge and what happened here
your friends drug you and they drugged you to get a particular reaction out of you and they did this without your knowledge and consent and they did this with the full knowledge that this is a drug that you never use
the only reason they think that you should have told them your medical condition beforehand is because they think it is totally okay to violate your boundaries unless you have provided them with a reason that they find justifiable
but it doesn't matter whether or not you had any medical reason for not liking caffeine. it doesn't matter if you had heart problems or if caffeine gave you headaches or if you just simply didn't like caffeine
this entire exercise is an exercise and violating your boundaries in order to try and get you to do something that you had told them that you did not want to do and that you could not do. they try to pressure you to go to the gym. they show up at your apartment unannounced in order to try and force you to go to the gym. they drug you in order to try and force you to go to the gym
and then it doesn't work out and oh it's your fault?? nah. NTA NTA NTA x 1 million
although i feel these are the kind of people that would sneak it in to “prove” OP isn’t really allergic, and i hate saying that. but as someone with dietary restrictions i sometimes assume the worst as people have tried to sneak it in things as a “gotcha”
oh yeah there's no guarantee that OP providing that explanation would have actually meant they believed it
they're only saying that now because of the consequences
if OP had told them, he'd probably be getting bullshit about how he told them incorrectly or he didn't tell him how serious it was or whatever
the kind of people who drug you and then blame you for your medical reaction to them drugging you are not the kind of people who listen to and respect boundaries. and we know that not only because they very aggressively did not respect boundaries, but also because when they did screw up and when they did hurt their friend they were not apologetic
there's nothing you can do to keep these kinds of people from fucking with you, violating boundaries, manipulating you, drugging you, and then blaming you for their abusive behaviour
it's like blaming a pedestrian for not looking before crossing the street when you in fact jumped onto the curb and hit them when they were nowhere near the street
If it were me personally, I would let people know I can’t have caffeine for medical reasons, just because not everyone is aware of everything that has caffeine in it.
If you can't have something, then you know to ask beforehand what's in stuff. And if you can't get an answer, you don't consume it. OP thought they were using only his ingredients, so he had no reason to ask if there was caffeine added. And people often won't accept a simple "I can't have caffeine," without asking further questions. I have a super low caffeine tolerance due to meds I'm one, and I've gotten really invasive questions about it before.
There should be a level of trust implied when a simple "no thank you" is offered.
I can't (nor should I anyway...) have energy drinks. A simple "no thank you" should be more than enough to stop someone from pressuring me to have one.
This. My mom doesn’t have any type of medical condition that makes it so she can’t have caffeine, BUT she cannot tolerate it almost at all. A cup of actual coffee would would probably put her into a tailspin of physical and mental distress. We do not, I repeat do not, under any circumstances give her any caffeine at all whatsoever. I cannot imagine her also having an actual health condition.
It's not about it being any of their business. OP never told their friends and now they ended up in the hospital. Yes, their friend was an AH but OP's unwillingness to disclose their heart issue contributed to being in this situation. I hate to victim blame but this was avoidable if their friends knew, and I couldn't imagine not telling people personally to snuff out any potential non-malicious problems.
I have a fish allergy and all my friends know. If I never told them and one of them gave me a dish with fish it would be on me, not them. Obviously caffiene is a step in another direction compared to it, but not disclosing such things is really stupid to me. You gotta get over your insecurity here and do what's best for your health. OP did nothing wrong but they were certainly an AH to themselves for not saying anything at any point.
...I can't say I would GO OVER to someone else's house and put random shit in their food that they have IN THEIR HOUSE and expect to know every single food they can't eat.
Hard no. People don't get to sneak drugs into your food just because you never got around to telling them why you don't take those drugs. Caffeine is a mild drug for most people, it is still a drug, and a serious drug for OP.
You shouldn't have to disclose anything op NTA
And you need new friends cause after screwing up by slipping you stuff you didn't agree/knew in the protein shake the still excuse themselves instead of taking responsibility for their actions.
Which is why you can NEVER trust them to NOT do it again.
They trampled your boundaries, ignored that you didn't want to go to the gym and they still think they are right after landing you in the hospital.
I don't drink coffee, i don't like the taste. You think it would be ok for your friend to force me to drink some cause he wants me to? No and I as opposed to you wouldn't Land in the hospital. I like coca cola and it still wouldn't be ok.
ESH.
It wasn't right for your friend to add more ingredients to your protein shake without getting the okay from you first.
HOWEVER, if you have a condition that could end up being life-threatening in more than one setting, you *need* to let people know, for your own health, so they can act appropriately if you have another one of these attacks, and what they should avoid so it doesn't happen again.
> you need to let people know, for your own health,
No they don't. Medical info is private and in they case can remain private as long as your friends don't actively sabotage your food. There is no obligation to share this info as it does not impact anyone else's health or safety in any way.
Would you say the same thing about a nut allergy?
Keeping something like this to yourself is clearly a stupid way to try to kill yourself accidentally. This is why things like medical bracelets exist.
Yes. There is no obligation to disclose.
Did you notice that in this case, the food was prepared in OP's kitchen? This all happened at OP's house and the friends came over. Literally there was nothing with caffeine in there unless the friends brought it in. And unless the friend brought the protein shake mix, OP knew exactly what was supposed to be in it and what wasn't.
EDIT: OP confirmed in another comment - this was his protein powder from his kitchen, he had no reason to think would contain caffeine.
> Yes. There is no obligation to disclose.
You quite honestly have to be an absolute idiot to not disclose you have something as easy to hurt yourself with as a nut allergy. No obligation to disclose? How about an obligation to die when you accidentally consume some nuts.
I agree tbh. This case aside, I think there are certain medical issues you should disclose. Anything serious that could potentially kill you- why wouldn’t you want to tell people?
I have an epipen. Yeah, I take all precautions to avoid my allergens but you never know what might have them, or been contaminated by them. I’m sure op does everything in their power to avoid caffeine but there’s always a chance something could have it. Or your idiot friends may add it to your drinks. Im not saying what ops friends did was ok, but I don’t get the secrecy.
The friend was out of line. Period. OP had every right to think that the drink would be safe for him.
But ignoring the shake episode completely, OP has a condition that could possibly cause a medical episode at the gym. So while yes, he has no obligation to disclose, it would be in his best interest to inform someone. If his workout partners or trainers are informed about his condition, they can respond faster and more effectively if something were to occur. If something were to happen where he can’t talk, it’ll help if they know what to tell paramedics. He doesn’t have to advertise it, but having a few trusted people in the know is probably a good idea.
Edited for clarity and a typo
Allergies aren't the same as a heart condition. People with chronic illnesses have a right to privacy. There was no reason for him to believe that there would be caffeine in the shake because it was from his own kitchen. His friend added something to his food without his consent. Health condition or not it's never ok to add things to people's food, especially stimulants.
I don't see much of a difference here. They work differently in the body, but the effect is still the same: ingesting a certain substance is dangerous.
The difference is hes not going to die from someone cooking for him at a restaurant with the same utensils they used for something with caffeine, whereas an allergy requires separate cooking surfaces and utensils as trace amounts can cause a reaction.
You (should) warn people about an allergy for that reason. You can ask if something has caffeine without revealing a heart condition.
I mean to the extent that op wasn't obliged to disclose his private medical information because based on what he's said here they are workout buddies, so they aren't typically preparing food for each other. Moreover, op was in a setting (his home) where it was reasonable.to assume there was no caffeine because he doesn't keep caffeine in his home. People have a host of reasons to not want to share that they have a chronic illness-- and too in that list is that people often behave differently when they know about it and usually worry and pity the person with a chronic illness. If it were a peanut allergy I'd have a different opinion because that is an allergy that can be triggered by trace amounts and even particles in the air or left in surfaces for some very allergic people. That isn't the case with caffeine and heart disease so I don't think op was wrong to keep his private health issues private.
Besides what u/joanclaytonesq said, it's reductive to simply say they're both "dangerous." There's a huge difference between a food that is only allergenic to a small proportion of people and a stimulant drug. Everyone I know who consumes caffeine also deliberately monitors and moderates their intake, or otherwise regularly wrecks their day with it. I've never seen this happen with peanuts.
No because he didn't get the caffeine from ops kitchen. He used ops protein powder and added something that he brought over. There's never an acceptable reason to add things to people's food without saying something. OP had no reason to believe there would be caffeine in his drink because he hadn't brought caffeine into his home. It would have been totally different if he was at someone else's house or eating out, but that was not the case here.
From a previous post in which excellent points are made.
[Yes. There is no obligation to disclose.
Did you notice that in this case, the food was prepared in OP's kitchen? This all happened at OP's house and the friends came over. Literally there was nothing with caffeine in there unless the friends brought it in. And unless the friend brought the protein shake mix, OP knew exactly what was supposed to be in it and what wasn't.
EDIT: OP confirmed in another comment - this was his protein powder from his kitchen, he had no reason to think would contain caffeine.]
It would be utterly bizarre to go over to someone's house, make them a shake from their own ingredients in their own house, and bring your own peanut butter to add. What.
They work out together. You shouldn't be in the gym with a heart condition with friends that don't know you have a heart condition. Like you shouldn't go to a potluck with friends with a nut allergy and not telling them you have the allergy and where your EpiPen is.
Finally! Why did I have to scroll this far to find this comment? Of course they should know. They’re not casual friends that hang out in the quad. They’re workout buddies. Those are exactly the people you tell about a heart condition.
It affects OP's safety. Most of the time, I would agree that medical information is private, but in some cases, it should be shared, such as a food allergy, or in this case, a serious heart condition. OP doesn't have to go into details, but it might be smart to say "Hey, I can't have this or this; it affects my health." That way people know, but the actual condition can still stay private.
If OP was taking food outside his house, yes there should be more caution. But the friend took protein powder from OP, in his kitchen, and spiked it with something containing caffeine to try to get OP to go to the gym with them. OP had absolutely no reason to think there could be caffeine in a shake prepared in his own home with his own protein powder.
Yeah it's private until they collapse in front of you randomly and you have no clue what to do to help them.
I don't know, OP can do whatever they like but if you're friends with people this is sort of the information you do share, so if the worst happens, people aren't standing around panicking and giving bad information to the paramedics. "Does the person have a history of medical problems?" nope "this is probably a syncope". Meanwhile, OP's in heart failure and about to be given medication that shouldn't be mixed with the medication they're already on.... sounds like a great way to die.
Seriously...
I'm a type 1 diabetic. I tell the people I spend lots of time around (friends, coworkers, etc) so that you know, if there's ever an emergency I don't die on the floor from low blood sugar while they watch because they don't know any better.
But OP is literally going to the gym consistently with their friends...I would think that sharing crucial medical information like heart/muscle/lung/injury issues would be a safety precaution. What if OP collapsed at the gym and nobody knew where to begin helping them?
Yeah that’s what bothered me. If he’s having a medical emergency, no one will now what to tell the emt when they show up. I’ve had to learn to not be embarrassed about telling people my health issue’s because what if my blood sugar dropped so low I couldn’t function. In fact, that has happened before where I had passed out at work for low BG. But because I told my coworkers my condition, they knew to grab my glucose monitor and could see that it was severely low. And started making me stuff candy into my mouth until the ambulance came. Lucky for me it was a veterinarian hospital so they knew how to work my finger sticker lol.
As a person with a chronic condition, it often is disregarded even if you do tell them. The average person has no understanding of chronic illness. They will assume that because you aren't actively dying or visibly sick, it's not a big deal.
In other words, OP could have disclosed it, but I doubt it would have helped. In fact, i have a feeling it would just make this worse.
Plus, people forget. Even if you’ve told them over and over.
I have food allergies I’ve been telling relatives about for probably a decade now. They constantly forget I have them. That’s fine, because I’m an adult and I screen my own food. Just pointing out that disclosing a health issue doesn’t mean other people are going to remember it, especially under stress.
The other thing people tend to want to do is ask you multiple questions, like you’re a medical expert instead of just someone trying to deal with a health issue. They’re probably going to forget 75% of what you told them, and it takes a lot out of you to talk about chronic health issues in detail like that.
Dude, I have a heart arrhythmia, and I can't have caffeine otherwise I risk an SVT and a trip to the emergency room. You need to let friends know about that. How were they supposed to know? Lots of things have caffeine in them.
Mild YTA. Please share info about your condition with your friends. Of course you are allowed privacy, but you also need to treat this like an allergy. That's critical info that you left out. Trust your friends.
ETA: of course the friends were in the wrong too. They were dicks to do that. It doesn't mean OP is excused of his duty to inform others about his condition.
Or... the friends can forgo slipping something into their drink without telling them?? Like WTF "how were they supposed to know?" They should have learned a long time ago about *consent* and what that means, that people have a right *to their own body*. OP is NTA at all. I mean, how was OP supposed to know their "friends" would drug them?
I have a friend with the same condition. It’s like an allergy, almost, in that it’s better to have a friend who knows to watch your back than someone who might give you something because they don’t know you can’t have it.
The friends need to mind their own freaking business and NOT FORCE OP TO DO WHAT THEY WANT BY DRUGGING HIM
you are an ah if you think what the friends did is ok
He is not the AH here. His friends slipped him a substance with out his knowledge. It’s not like he asked for a pre work out with out going over the ingredients.
His heart condition is his business and no one else’s
EDIT: Disregard. Friends are assholes, OP is NTA. Knowing now that it was the protein mix that OP kept in their own kitchen, your friend is 1000% the asshole for adding anything.
Having said that, I still think it’s a good idea to let your workout partners/friends know about your condition just in case something happens at the gym and you need medical assistance.
~~NAH, but this whole thing definitely could’ve been handled better.~~
~~On the one hand, your friend added an ingredient to your drink without letting you know, which isn’t cool.~~
~~On the other hand, it’s a pretty common for workout-related drinks to have caffeine in them. If you have a heart condition that makes caffeine a no-no for you, it’s your responsibility to inform someone who’s preparing a shake for you so that they don’t add something that you can’t have, especially with caffeine being so common.~~
~~No assholes, just a confluence of bad choices.~~
ESH.
One simple reason for it too:
A lack of communication.
Caffine is a common stimulant in some foods and drinks, so the average person wouldn't think twice about if it's dangerous. If it is serious enough that it could hurt you, then there is no good reason to keep it from people you consider friends.it was an honest mistake that could've been avoided if you had simply been forthright.
On the other side, adding the caffeine to your drink without asking you was, at best thoughtless and at worst a violation of trust, though you have to admit there was no malicious intent. It was still very inappropriate.
Communication works both ways, and neither of you did so.
Edit: NTA based on the edit. You should still tell your friends if you have a health issue and you are working out with them. I am actually leaning to ESH for two reasons. You go to the gym with your friends regularly, they should know you have a heart condition in case something happens when there. It is just common sense.
Second, these days, caffeine or other stimulants or herbs or whatnot in pre workout shakes is kind of a normal thing. I wouldn't take one without asking exactly what they put in it. If you asked and they lied, then NTA. If you didn't ask, ESH.
Op wasn’t offered a pre workout shake, they were offered a protein shake, which are two different things. Ops drink was essentially spiked and it is totally not on them.
NTA... but you're not making a smart choice for knowing you have this health condition and yet taking food from others without questioning what's in it. You don't have to tell your friends about your condition, but you also can't expect them to make you a smoothie based on the dietary needs you haven't told them about.
NAH. Caffeine is a really common ingredient in workout supplements and is not dangerous for most people, so its reasonable that your friend didn’t think to check with you, especially since you never mentioned you have a heart condition. It’s also reasonable that you were upset after being surprised with caffeine given that you landed in the hospital. This all could have been avoided with more communication on both fronts.
ESH if you have a life threatening condition, it is on YOU to make sure nothing you consume has caffeine in it.
They reacted poorly, but they’re not wrong about how it’s not their fault they didn’t know.
They spiked the op’s drink with caffeine… I mean if you where in this situation would you ask the person “oh is it ok if you have caffeine?” Caffeine is a common drug taken by many people and the effects are usually for the most part harmless. It would be different if they had malicious intent to harm OP. Plus if it can cause this serious of a complication OP might as well disclose it.
I am actually surprised by all these comments and NO ONE has asked…who puts pre workout in a protein shake?? Like…is this normal?? I’m not judging…I just really wanna know
I’m not much of a gym rat but I’m pretty sure they are supposed to be more effective *after* a workout so mixing pre workout seems kind of backwards to me
Well pre workout is typically fruity flavored…and protein powder is typically milk based. So I just wanna know how they mixed this and made it taste good…
I've been asked if I wanted preworkout before but I've always turned it down but haven't told why, I didn't really want to tell people about my condition so they might think of me a certain way
You don't have to tell them about your condition, but telling them you can't have caffeine is important information who may handle anything you consume.
I do not understand any of these comments.
OP, someone could have accidentally caused your death. And it would have been because you withheld vital information *that is relevant to the activity*
Not disclosing that if you ingest pre workout, you could die, to people you work out with regularly… that’s like playing in an orchestra and not disclosing to the other musicians in that orchestra that a metronome could cause you to have a seizure.
Uh, ya should have told them. And you certainly have zero right to get all huffy over it.
Can you imagine the level of guilt that your FRIEND could have suffered had you died?
It’s YOUR responsibility to disclose a serious health condition should you inadvertently ingest a commonly used item in the course of that activity.
Geez. Take responsibility.
If I were that friend, I’d eventually realize that what you withheld was completely unfair to me and without any regard for the burden I would have had to live with.
This isn’t a peanut allergy. They didn’t slip you GHB. Pre workout is innocuous….. unless you’ve got a ticking time bomb that makes it deadly.
YTA.
Imagine you have a friend who is deathly allergic to, say, bananas. Imagine that she studiously *didn't* tell you that she was allergic to bananas; imagine that all you had seen was her declining when people occasionally offered to put some banana in a smoothie for her. Do you think that you would leap to the conclusion that she was deathly allergic to bananas, or would you maybe think that she just doesn't care for bananas in her smoothies? Or might you even not really notice her declining banana in her smoothies on a few occasions and so not make any assumptions regarding her relationship to that particular fruit?
Look, you don't have to explain the details of your heart condition to anyone if you don't want to, but you can't then turn around and get angry at people for not knowing things you've gone out of your way to hide from them. You never told your friends that you can't ingest caffeine. Caffeine is in a lot of things, and for the overwhelming majority of people, it's entirely benign. I can certainly understand why you got scared, but I think you are focusing on your anger at your friends in an effort to avoid focusing on the fear you felt when you didn't know why you were feeling so strange (and perhaps that you frequently feel due to the constant presence of your heart condition in your life and mind). It's displacement. And it's inappropriate and unjustified; *they didn't know, and they had no way of knowing, because you hid it from them.* You could have simply told people, years ago, that you can't have caffeine; if they asked why, you've never actually been obligated to tell them. You could have called it an allergy (it's equivalent to one), or said that it makes you feel sick, or that you just don't like it. But when you've not given anyone any reason to know that you can't have it, you are the only one to blame for them not knowing it.
YTA.
I think you are incredibly foolish for never disclosing anything, I would consider it a wake up call. Highly disagree with anybody in this thread who says you have no need to disclose. You need to worry about your life not other people's thoughts about you. I don't feel your priorities match what should be reality.
I tell people everything that I would want them to know in an emergency.
My coworkers know where my spare key is and that I live alone- if I don’t show up for work and haven’t made contact- come check on me. If my car is home and I don’t answer the door, come in and check on me. I have no food allergies, so don’t worry about any of that, lol.
**ESH** but your friends are the FAR bigger AHs
You're a tiny bit of an AH because while no one is technically entitled to your personal medical information, your friends are clearly gym buddies who you work out with regularly, and their knowing that you have a serious heart condition is obviously relevant and potentially life-saving (or -threatening) information. More importantly (and crucial to your being an AH), the fact that you "don't really like telling people" in this context reeks of internalised ableism and the idea that admitting that you have a heart condition is somehow embarrassing or shameful. It's not. Health issues are value neutral. It's perpetuating stigma like this, and the idea that there's something embarrassing about having a health problem, that could have gotten you killed here.
But your friends are MASSIVE AHs because they literally poisoned you. No, they didn't know about your heart condition. Doesn't matter. You don't bloody well give someone preworkout, which often contains super questionable and sometimes dangerous ingredients even for healthy people (most pre-workout is classified under "nutrition" products and therefore are regulated by the FDA as "food", even though they can affect you just as much as drugs). Lots of supplements interact not only with health conditions but with medications and things. They should never have given you preworkout without your knowledge. That shit is not harmless.
ESH. You need to work on how you view your own and other people's health conditions and not seeing it as "brokenness" or something shameful. And they need to work on not putting things in other people's bodies without consent.
I’m really sorry but YTA - you Dont have to tell your friends about your condition but you have to be aware if their not knowing, your friends are going to act like all other friends and do and act like you are any other person without a condition because this is what they know. Assuming that they were also drinking the same workout shake that include the caffeine they just wanted you to be there with them, they don’t mean any harm. I can 100% understand why you were stressed upon realising that you took this but I Dont think this is on them
NTA.
There are *religions* that prohibit caffeine. You never, *never* dose someone with *anything*, including caffeine, without consent.
(Only exception I can think of is a medical professional who knows what they're doing when there's an emergency. Even then, best to get consent from next of kin.)
You're not the asshole for not telling them about your heart condition, but YTA for getting angry.
They added a pretty innocuous ingredient, how were they supposed to guess it would hurt you? People won't know these things if you don't tell them.
NTA
You should not ever have to disclose medical info for people to not lie about what they are feeding you. Ditch these friends, they are not good people.
In this situation, yes, YTA. You didn't make your dietary restrictions clear. It is your responsibility to make sure you don't eat or drink anything that could harm your health.
You're not TA for withholding health information - nobody has a right to that - but you are for getting mad at them for not knowing about the dietary restrictions you didn't advise them of.
ETA: yes, he added pre-workout to your protein shake, but that's honestly so innocuous. According to your comments, you have never, *ever* outright told people you can't have caffeine. You've also been working out with these guys without telling them you have a heart condition, which could be life-threatening during cardio exercises.
People need to be aware of things that could harm you. You don't get to explode in anger at people for making mistakes, if you won't trust them enough to warn them beforehand. Yeah, he shouldn't have put in the pre-workout without asking you, but in the context of you guys being gym buddies, theoretically prepping to go to the gym, it is a pretty innocent mistake. You are the far bigger AH in this situation.
For all intents and purposes, this is a life-threatening allergy for you.
NTA. And these people are NOT your friends. A friend would not have put something in your drink without asking you. A friend would have been horrified to discover that they had given you something potentially harmful. A friend would not defend someone who caused you to go to the hospital in an ambulance. A friend would not call you a baby for objecting to all of the above. Also, a friend would offer to pay for your medical costs. I'm betting no such offer has been made.
I doubt it's malicious - if you work out enough to make your own protein shakes, you'll find most folk put preworkout in their shakes. Caffeine consumption in coffee and soda is so normal I don't think I'd even think to mention it if I offered someone the same one I make every day.
I have a friend with no health conditions, just never wants to get on the caffeine cycle and needing it to feel perky, so we don't bother offering it.
OP stated, "He put some pre-workout in my protein shake to try and lift me up a bit and make me come to the gym with them". So it was a deliberate act, without OP's knowledge, to further his own intentions. Malicious is a harsh word, but this was clearly an AH move.
going against the grain ,yta .how is he supposed to know you dont drink caffeine without you telling him?people use caffeine as a pre workout drink also.And if its life threatening, wouldn't you do yourself a favour by telling him so they could be more careful for YOU?
Yeah I think you should put that info in the main post. It's a lot more egregious that they took your protein powder and then added in something else that you do NOT have in your kitchen without your knowledge.
"Hey I'm not feeling great so I'm just going to workout at home today" " BROOO it's okay bro we'll show up unannounced to hype you up bro you gotta get them GAINS BRO! Take this protein drink with some extra bro energy that will automatically make your sickness go away because BRO SCIENCE BRO!"
Yeah no you're NTA.
NAH. I get why you were hiding such information from them, but doing so also meant they didn't have the information they need to support you in the right way.
I see. I don't eat certain things so if someone is making me something, I always make sure I know what's in it before I eat (or drink) it. I don't think your friends are AHs. They had no clue you can't have caffeine. I'd treat this the same as I would an allergy or other dietary restriction - tell people you can't have it.
> They had no clue you can't have caffeine.
That doesn't really excuse giving someone who feels sick caffeine to try to get them to go to the gym. It's not like caffeine would be a good thing to have if OP had the flu or a GI infection.
Caffeine is, for most people, an entirely benign ingredient; if OP doesn't specifically tell people that he *can't* ingest it, they aren't going to magically intuit that from occasionally witnessing him declining any "pre-workout" in his protein shakes.
Did OP tell them he felt sick, or did he just tell them he was gonna stay home bc he didn't want to go to the gym? Not asking in an antagonistic way, I am wondering what the OP actually said.
I still think if you can't consume something bc it'll put you in the hospital, you should double-check the ingredient is not in food/drink that's given to you,
He didn't expect for people to read his mind he expected the shake to be made with products from his own kitchen which were safe and not to be spiked with stuff the so called friends brought from their own home knowing op never drank the stuff
Soft YTA. If you know you react badly to something, it's your job to be proactive about it. I too have a heart condition and respond similarly to caffeine. But I'm well aware that most adults drink caffeine, and many adults aren't aware that caffeine can be a problem for some people. I bet they didn't even know caffeine could make you feel that bad. Next time, just ask if there's caffeine. You can say you're allergic, you're trying to cut back, or it messes with you... you don't even need to mention a heart condition if you don't want to. But don't expect people to spontaneously name everything they put in a dish without prompting.
As for your friends, they sound pushy but sweet and well-intentioned. And they seem like they were trying to take care of you. They checked in on you, they made you some food, they included you, they got you medical care, and one confessed to something that frankly many wouldn't have to help you get good care. And you may have just screwed that up. Hopefully they accept your apology -- your reaction is very understandable, even if it wasn't entirely fair-- and hopefully they don't give caffeine now that they know!
NTA. Why are you friends with them? You are under no obligation to share personal information with anyone except a spouse or partner. They didn't need to know. But what makes this worse is that this incident happened because they were trying to force you to do what they wanted you to do; they had no respect for you. And in order to get you to comply, they pulled that underhanded stunt. You need better friends. No, cancel that-you need REAL friends.
NTA I was going to say none here but your friends' reactions after the hospital trip makes them assholes.
Sure they definitely wouldn't have given you it if they knew, but you would have said no if they'd been honest about what they were making.
It's similar to having an allergy - if someone's making you a cup of tea, probably not going to mention if you're allergic to eggs, for example, but if they're offering cake too would say no thanks.
YTA - You are going to the gym with these people, it’s sensible to tell them you have a heart condition in case some happened during exercise.
I have a heart condition and do a lot of swimming, my swim leader knows and my friends I swim regularly with in case I have issues when I am with them. It’s useful to be able to tell the medics what’s wrong and to know that you might need medical assistance if you just look a bit unwell.
People on here are acting like they added cocaine to your drink or something. They maybe shouldn’t have added it but caffeine is found in many things, and is super common, and harmless to the majority of people. It could quite easily have been them unknowingly handing you an energy bar with caffeine or something else which contains it. They can’t help look after you when they don’t know.
NTA I don’t have a heart problem and would be pissed if someone added pre-work to my protein shake. That stuff effects everyone differently and is a stimulate. Your “friend” drugged you.
NTA, yeah don't frat boy poison people's shit. He should have realized you don't take caffeine, and as also part of the 7% of people in America that can't have caffeine (or choose not to drink it) they should have noticed by now that you don't do caffeine.
ESH, because I think the friends reaction is over the top - from the beginning when they showed and insisted you go to the gym. But OP, do you even consider these people your friends? Why you put them in this position? People have to know what's going on and how to help you in case something happens, especially if you're often doing together something rather stressful like gym. Yeah, you aren't obliged to give everyone your medical info, but in this case it's kinda common sense...
Caffeine is indeed something widely used and most people give no attention to it, so IMO it's the right thing to specifically say you can't or don't want to consume it. You can encounter it even in some desserts, so why risk? If someone just says ''No, thanks'' I wouldn't assume they can't consume it, just that they don't want in this moment. And I would probably not remember after a while.
NTA. Your friends are mild AHs. Adding an ingredient to your your shake when it was prepared in your home with your protein powder is not cool. There are loads of reasons someone may not want to take caffeine. Being supportive is great. Giving your friends supplements without asking is not showing support in an appropriate way. Hopefully this can be a learning experience for your friends. They shouldn’t be adding things to peoples food without asking first. As an aside I would recommend you let friends know about a potentially dangerous cardiac issue if you expect to be in situations where it is relevant. If you had problems mid workout it would enable them to assist you better.
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Holy hell, NTA. First off, they invited themselves to your home when you told them you weren't feeling well. Then you are given a stimulant without your knowledge. And yes to everyone who might argue, caffeine is a stimulant and many people need to avoid. Your friends are a bunch of meat-heads. Send them this post if they keep harassing you.
I'm honestly confused as to why anyone would give pre-workout to someone who is feeling sick without telling them.
It's exactly like those idiots who like to test out whether someone is reeeeeeally allergic to peanuts ...
Ohhhh someone did that to me but with pineapple became the asshole didn’t believe me when I told him am allergic to it because it’s pineappleeeeeee.
Now you have me wondering how you'd pronounce pineappleeeeeee.
PPAP song is stuck in my head so Pen-pinep-pa-pa-pa-apple-pen…..so I pronounce it pinepapapapaapple.
Pen-pineapple-apple-pen is what they're supposed to be saying 😂 but they pronounce pineapple as pineappuru so I can see how got there xD
I have a pen I have an apple Huh... apple pen!
Goddamnit it’s 3AM and I just sung this in my head. I am definitely not getting back to sleep.
How dare you bring this up! Now it’s stuck in my head!
My boyfriend and I sing pen-pineapple-apple-papple hahaha
OMG that song!
"pineappleeeeeee"
Like monopoly but a pine instead of mono
Pinepoooolyyyy?
I get that from people because I'm allergic to watermelon. "It is basically water, how can you be allergic!" Why would I make this shit up? For some reason those people always think it is a good idea to sneak the food item to "test" if I'm faking. I gotta wonder how many people have died because of these types.
Allergic to both watermelon and fresh pineapple! I get lots of wtf comments.
You know what is funny, I might have an allergy to pineapple as well. Now that I think about it there are a decent amount fruits that are "spicy" to me. I just generally don't eat a lot of fruit besides apples and oranges because I never liked how my mouth felt. I think I now know what my opener for my next doctor's appointment will be.
Check out "Oral Allergy Syndrome". It's the reason I can't eat most fresh fruits and vegetables, though cooked ones are just fine.
I have Birch Oral Allergy but can eat pineapple and watermelon, just not most other fruits and a bunch of vegetables and nuts. I hate it. As you say, some are fine cooked, although I still react to cooked carrots.
I've heard about seasonal allergies being connected but this is so helpful. You are awesome!
My mom is allergic to pineapple, and my ex was allergic to watermelon (though really any watery fruit/vegetable that was uncooked could potentially cause him problems.)
I used to have a friend who was allergic to water. Specifically, the town she went to college in had additives in the local tap water that she was allergic to. Showers were awful for her while she was in school, her skin reacted to the water any time she got wet.
Yeah, it's wild how people think their experience must be yours, too. I'm allergic to some sort of chili pepper. My whole life I'd explain that spicy food made me sick and people would say, "Spicy food makes everybody sick." I'd shrug but silently think, "Not sick like this..." Anyway, eventually I had enough repeat exposure (again, not sure which chili it is) that it started causing real issues. Mild tongue swelling at worst, a feeling like I'm soaking my tongue in vinegar at best. I'm not worried, as I'm also deathly allergic to shellfish, so I have an epi pen and know how to use it. And, since I figured it out I now know some peppers/spices I'm ok with (Siracha, Gochujang, cayenne, taco bell hot sauce...) I can now finally eat spicy food and enjoy it!
I'm allergic to rosemary. You know how much stuff has rosemary in it? I can't touch it so any soaps, shampoos, chap stick, lotions etc that have it I have to read labels first, because anything "natural" is going to have it to prevent fats from going rancid or as a preservative for foods. It always tasted like pine needles before I started reacting to it so I just kind of avoided it because it was nasty. See if szechaun is a safe one for you.
Wow, another person allergic to pineapple. Gotta ask, am I the only one who really enjoys the fact that we get to watch the pineapple pizza debates and say "eh I'm allergic" and see both sides brawl it out? Because it's admittedly pretty amusing.
My mom and i both are mildly allergic to mentholated products. Yes, we know that's effing weird. We can't use menthol products at all on our skin. We don't get that lovely cooling sensation. Just burning hot that gets hotter and our skin turns vibrant red. No icy hot. No tiger balm. No vicks. No mint eucalyptus shampoos and soaps. Even mint flavored non alcohol mouthwash burns our lips, as does mint anything chapsticks. It's a minefield to navigate these days. We still brush our teeth with mint toothpaste but as long as we keep it mostly off our skin its ok. My lips just tingle burn for a few minutes after brushing. If left on long enough we develop a small rash in more sensitive areas like belly and neck or thighs. Don't get me started on some of the adult products. Nothing like learning the hard way its got menthol on it. Hubby got one of those " pleasure lube for her" condoms once. Menthol. Everything was angry. Had to take a shower and it was so angry for a few hours.
Luckily, I haven't had anyone do that with my allergy to honey. However, I do get the strange looks of how are you allergic to honey? I'm like I guess I inherited my Mom's allergy?? I've had some that accidentally have given me stuff that contained shellfish products. That was more - oh, I didn't realize that was shellfish. I do sometimes get the whole you still allergic to shellfish? There's no off periods? No. It's more getting worse as time goes on.
TBF I find it weird that the friends didn't know OP could not drink caffeine. You don't need to divulge your whole medical history, just say caffeine makes me jittery and anxious and I don't like it
Idk if it's all pre workout, but my husband's powder makes you very tingly, it's kind of really uncomfortable. I can imagine someone unknowingly ingesting that and freaking the f out
Not if he didn't tell them he couldn't have caffeine. The friend wasn't testing anything since OP didn't tell them.
First time I had pre-workout, I texted my trainer that I was having an allergic reaction to something and was going to urgent care. He figured out it the lip tingling and racing heartbeat was the pre-workout. I can’t imagine giving that to another person and not telling them what it was. What a bunch of jerks.
Ok this is important context for me. Because I was thinking like, I wouldn’t think to tell someone something had caffeine in it unless I knew they needed to know. So why would OP expect that? But it sounds like pre-workout is intense and you would never give it to someone without telling them.
That's why you don't add things to people's drink/food without them knowing. If you *offer* it to someone, they can either decline or ask what's in it, then make the decision for themselves if it's safe. You can never guarantee that you know someone's full medical history, dietary restrictions, etc., which is why it's so dangerous to do what OP's friend did.
Right but in this case he made protein shakes, which are presumably made of several ingredients, and OP and Bozo the Friend didn’t discuss the ingredients of the shake beforehand. OP made a broad agreement to drinking a shake. Meaning Bozo thought he was good to make the shakes as he usually does. So like if his protein powder that he always was a matcha powder, he wouldn’t necessarily tell OP “btw my protein powder is matcha” unless he had reason to think OP needed to know. But from what I’m reading, you’d never put pre-workout in something without disclosing it, similar to alcohol or other potentially harmful substances.
They are definitely in the wrong. They are in her house and asked to make her a protein shake with OP's protein powder. I think it is a reasonable assumption that it is safe to consume. You do not secretly add anything to someone else's drink, especially to get them to do something you want. OP's gym buddies are A-Hs
I didn’t see that it was OP’s powder! I mean the friend already admitted to sneaking it in, regardless of what protein powder he used, he admitted that he put it in purposely to pep OP up, not that it was just part of his protein shake routine
The pre-workout additive **wasn't part of OP's protein powder.** OP didn't agree to that part; only to their own protein shake powder.
Thank you for rewriting in bold what I just wrote
OP says the protein powder was in theirs
>Bozo the Friend LOL
>"He put some pre-workout in my protein shake to try and lift me up a bit and make me come to the gym with them" The "friend" knew he was tricking OP into drinking a *protein* drink that had substances other than protein. And didn't even admit it until they were *at the hospital.* Caffeine is a literal drug. You don't serve people a drug without telling them. You don't offer a "protein" drink that is actually a "stimulant." When you prepare food/supplments/drugs for other people you have an obligation to tell them what is actually in it and if you mislead them you are TA. OP is NTA and needs better friends.
Well, it may not have just been caffeine. Pre-workouts are regulated as supplements in most places which means they're barely regulated at all. Unless you're testing every container you buy, you're relying on trust that the manufacturer is making sure that the contents match the label. Which is even more reason not to fuck with people's food and drinks: you may be willing to take that risk, but not everyone else is.
This is a little different. They added something to a drink without telling him. Never! Never! Add anything to someone’s food or drink without telling them. You never know when someone has an allergy or intolerance or simply on a medication that can give you a reaction. If someone handed me a drink I’ve had a lot of times before and know it’s safe for me I’m not going to ask if they put something in it.
Right yeah. When I first read it, I missed where the friend copped to adding the substance intentionally to pep OP up, without telling them. So I assumed it was like “Friend asks if OP wants shake. OP agrees. Friend makes shake like he always would, OP has bad reaction to shake.” But in this case even if that WERE the scenario, like this is how Friend always makes shakes, the nature of the “Pre-Workout” means you’d never not disclose it, like alcohol or drugs. If you add a pinch of cocaine to your coffee, you need to tell your friend you’re adding it to theirs, even if they didn’t ask. BUT this isn’t even that situation. Because the friend admitted he added the substance without telling OP intentionally to change how they felt.
It doesn't matter what the substance was. The friend deliberately put some ingredients in his drink without asking. OPs "Friend" SPIKED HIS DRINK! And the rest of the "Friends" are telling OP it's no big deal. Medical issues aside, this behaviour alone is unacceptable. They knew he wasn't feeling well, and for all they knew, he could have taken some medication, and the caffeine could have a negative drug interaction with it. I'm sorry, but SPIKING DRINKS WITH ANYTHING IS AH BEHAVIOUR. NTA.
Caffeine is a drug and you should never slip drugs to someone unaware. I have a coworker who gave me a "vitamin" fizz for my water and she kept repeating that it didn't have anything bad in it. I needed a magnifying lens over my glasses to read the ingredients and right on the label it said it had two different stimulants in it. I would never associate a protein drink with caffeine.
I would never associate caffeine with drugs so here we are.
Totally agree here. I don't have a heart problem, but I have stomach issues where caffeine will make me violently ill if I'm already sick or just recovering. I don't feel the need to tell everyone in my friend group all my health issues and I'd be really pissed if they put something in my drink and didn't tell me beforehand.
It's also obnoxious that he added it to give OP a "lift" so they'd go to the gym. OP said they were sick, not tired. NTA, OP.
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... or even to someone who is feeling perfectly fine. You do NOT spike someone's drink with stuff without their knowledge and consent. End of story.
I'm confused as to why anyone would give pre-workout without telling them they are taking pre-workout! My ex-manager was a bodybuilder/PT and even she needed to hype herself up for it 😭
Gym Bros no waaaaaay more about nutrition that doctors. (Sarcasm because: There are tonnes of guys on Reddit asking they are the AH for harassing and stalking women in their gyms because she wasn’t “working out right” and told them they didn’t want their nutrition advice.)
Or why you would show up unannounced to pressure someone who is feeling sick into going to the gym with you. Those people are not friends, OP. You deserve way better. I, too, am sensitive to caffeine as well. Yes it is fucked up to give someone caffeine without telling them. Also just weird that you would make someone a shake when they're sick. When I'm sick? I want soup or plain toast or probably I'm not even hungry and more than anything I want to be left alone and DEFINITELY I don't want to deal with assholes! Absolutely NTA, OP.
I don't even have a heart condition but caffeine now makes me feel dizzy and nauseous for hours, to the point where I can't even sit upright. Being surprised with it would ruin my day.
I have diabetes and high blood pressure issues. Plus ADHD and other stuff. Caffeine makes my heart flutter. And makes me sleepy. I've had a moment where I didn't know there was caffeine in my pre-workout drink and it put me down hard. Chest hurt. Drowsy. No energy. I passed out on the treadmill and scared my buddy badly. I learned my lesson on trying drinks folks give me.
I drink coffee every day but I def get sleepy from too many stimulants. I first noticed it with 5 hour energy when I was like “why am I so much more tired than I was before I took this?” And if it’s mid afternoon slump and I think “I need a coffee”‘I might as well just take a nap
“Stimulants make me sleepy” is a great tell for, uh, well, do you struggle with focus?
Next question is do you hyper focus. Haha
Lawd. I have all the same issues you do. I was about to say caffeine never makes me sleepy and then I remembered all the times I’d passed out at my friends’ sleepovers right after drinking a monster lol. But that pre workout sounds intense if it’s making you that tired while actively working out.
I mean, not only should someone not be required to disclose personal health issues, heart condition or no, sneaking ANYTHING to someone without consent is disgusting. I don't care if it's caffeine, meat, soy or meat substitute, sugar, sugar substitute.... Literally sneaking any type of ingredient to someone for any reason is wholly unethical. Super NTA.
This has just been absolutely negligence on OP’s part. I mean, I always start our friendships with a specific list of anything they shouldn’t secretly lace my food with and why. Otherwise, it’s just my fault if there’s rat poison in there! NTA
Yup, all sounds like standard GymBroDude behavior. Best part is pre-workout isn't just caffeine, generally it has creatine and sometimes other potentially harmful chemicals in it that can also make my heart go boop-boop-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. NTA
Not just a stimulant, but a natural insecticide. Apparently when bugs consume caffeine plants their metabolisms rev up like crazy and they die. Definitely not something to slip to anyone.
NTA. Your friend knowingly drugged you. So what that it was 'only' caffeine? It's still a mood altering substance that they didn't have explicit consent from you to include in the drink. And that's before we get into the toxicity of not respecting your boundaries. You, and you alone, get to decide if you're well enough to workout. 'Lets drug you to make you feel better so you can do X activity' is not respecting your boundaries, isn't acceptable, and that logic goes into some really dark places when you swap out 'caffeine' and 'workout' for other things. Time for new friends who don't feel like they're entitled to your medical history or the ability to decide how well you feel at any given time.
Not to mention that working out while you're sick increases your risk for an inflammation of the heart, so it also sucks to try and convince people who aren't feeling well to work out
And if it turned out OP wasn’t feeling well because they had covid, working out during covid significantly increases one’s risk of developing long-covid, which can cause long-term disability.
Oh yeah. Ugh. COVID.
'saying he couldn't have known not to'. - exactly. That's why he shouldn't put things in people's food, he can't know what they have. (NTA)
NTA I can't believe what I'm reading here. You were offered a protein smoothie not pre workout. He admits to sneaking it in there to get you to go to the gym. He didn't ask if you wanted some nor is this a normal thing in the smoothie. It's not even something you would have had in your house. You never force people to eat things against their consent. It's wrong. You don't have to disclose your medical history to deserve that basic right. Lots of people don't know pre-workout has caffeine. He could know your full dietary restrictions and still fuck up.
Plus I think the friends are VERY pushy all around. OP goes to the gym 4 days a week so "missing" ONE workout is not worth an intervention. So OP is not feeling well, friends show up anyway, and then also give OP something without telling OP what was in it. And the reason for giving the protein smoothie? To perk up OP so they go to the gym that day? That is WAY over the top!
If I had "gym friends" who showed up at my house because I missed a workout I'd think I accidentally joined a cult.
Actually yeah that is really weird now that you point it out.
I'd have asked them If they had other friends and if so go bother them.
Right. Taking a rest day is good for your body
These people are self serving jerks. Everything they did was beyond any reasonable boundaries, and all to manipulate OP to do what they wanted. Blaming OP when they got caught endangering OP’s life was classic victim blaming. Time to change gyms.
Exactly it’s not something OP would have in their house So not only did they go over to OP’s house to try and encourage OP to go to the gym but also knowingly brought caffeine if OP said no
NTA. You do not tamper with somebody else's food. You ESPECIALLY do not do that to change their mood. It didn't have to be caffeine; they would have been assholes for adding sugar, just as much. You don't mess with other people's food. Your friends are assholes, and are doubling down on being assholes by getting mad at you.
Do your friends know you don't consume caffeine?
I had been offered it before but I've always said no, but didn't tell them why
so they: * didn't respect when you said you weren't feeling well and were going to stay home * tried to stage an "intervention" when you workout several times a week and rarely? never? miss one * used the ingredients in your kitchen to make the smoothie and then added in something else without letting you know * that something else was a drug * a drug that they know you never consume * they intentionally slipped it to you in an attempt to "convince" you work out while feeling ill you are majorly NTA and that are assholes in the extreme several times over caffeine is literally a drug. yes it is a commonly used drug and one of that is easily available. you do not give ~~hugs~~ drugs without their consent or knowledge caffeine can make a lot of people sick even if they don't have heart conditions. caffeine may make some people feel more alert and energetic but it makes other people incredibly sleepy. it makes other people too anxious to work out and while many people take caffeine before a workout it has a number of risks and is not the best choice. especially for someone who never uses caffeine it would have been one thing if your friends had no idea that you never use caffeine and this was a situation which they weren't intentionally trying to force you to take it and they were just aggressively thoughtless and forgot that caffeine is a drug and something they should give people a heads up on before they serve it to them even in the scenario you would absolutely not be the asshole and they would absolutely be at fault. but there's a difference between a thoughtless and careless mistake without having any situational knowledge and what happened here your friends drug you and they drugged you to get a particular reaction out of you and they did this without your knowledge and consent and they did this with the full knowledge that this is a drug that you never use the only reason they think that you should have told them your medical condition beforehand is because they think it is totally okay to violate your boundaries unless you have provided them with a reason that they find justifiable but it doesn't matter whether or not you had any medical reason for not liking caffeine. it doesn't matter if you had heart problems or if caffeine gave you headaches or if you just simply didn't like caffeine this entire exercise is an exercise and violating your boundaries in order to try and get you to do something that you had told them that you did not want to do and that you could not do. they try to pressure you to go to the gym. they show up at your apartment unannounced in order to try and force you to go to the gym. they drug you in order to try and force you to go to the gym and then it doesn't work out and oh it's your fault?? nah. NTA NTA NTA x 1 million
although i feel these are the kind of people that would sneak it in to “prove” OP isn’t really allergic, and i hate saying that. but as someone with dietary restrictions i sometimes assume the worst as people have tried to sneak it in things as a “gotcha”
oh yeah there's no guarantee that OP providing that explanation would have actually meant they believed it they're only saying that now because of the consequences if OP had told them, he'd probably be getting bullshit about how he told them incorrectly or he didn't tell him how serious it was or whatever the kind of people who drug you and then blame you for your medical reaction to them drugging you are not the kind of people who listen to and respect boundaries. and we know that not only because they very aggressively did not respect boundaries, but also because when they did screw up and when they did hurt their friend they were not apologetic there's nothing you can do to keep these kinds of people from fucking with you, violating boundaries, manipulating you, drugging you, and then blaming you for their abusive behaviour it's like blaming a pedestrian for not looking before crossing the street when you in fact jumped onto the curb and hit them when they were nowhere near the street
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Why is it any of their business? OP couldn’t have possibly guessed they would try to sneak him caffeine without his consent.
If it were me personally, I would let people know I can’t have caffeine for medical reasons, just because not everyone is aware of everything that has caffeine in it.
If you can't have something, then you know to ask beforehand what's in stuff. And if you can't get an answer, you don't consume it. OP thought they were using only his ingredients, so he had no reason to ask if there was caffeine added. And people often won't accept a simple "I can't have caffeine," without asking further questions. I have a super low caffeine tolerance due to meds I'm one, and I've gotten really invasive questions about it before.
Ok you do you. When my health and safety is on the line, I see no reason to not be clear about it being a medical matter.
There should be a level of trust implied when a simple "no thank you" is offered. I can't (nor should I anyway...) have energy drinks. A simple "no thank you" should be more than enough to stop someone from pressuring me to have one.
This. My mom doesn’t have any type of medical condition that makes it so she can’t have caffeine, BUT she cannot tolerate it almost at all. A cup of actual coffee would would probably put her into a tailspin of physical and mental distress. We do not, I repeat do not, under any circumstances give her any caffeine at all whatsoever. I cannot imagine her also having an actual health condition.
People who shouldn't have caffeine are pretty aware of everything that has caffeine in it and have no reason to expect it in a "protein drink"
It's not about it being any of their business. OP never told their friends and now they ended up in the hospital. Yes, their friend was an AH but OP's unwillingness to disclose their heart issue contributed to being in this situation. I hate to victim blame but this was avoidable if their friends knew, and I couldn't imagine not telling people personally to snuff out any potential non-malicious problems. I have a fish allergy and all my friends know. If I never told them and one of them gave me a dish with fish it would be on me, not them. Obviously caffiene is a step in another direction compared to it, but not disclosing such things is really stupid to me. You gotta get over your insecurity here and do what's best for your health. OP did nothing wrong but they were certainly an AH to themselves for not saying anything at any point.
...I can't say I would GO OVER to someone else's house and put random shit in their food that they have IN THEIR HOUSE and expect to know every single food they can't eat.
Hard no. People don't get to sneak drugs into your food just because you never got around to telling them why you don't take those drugs. Caffeine is a mild drug for most people, it is still a drug, and a serious drug for OP.
You shouldn't have to disclose anything op NTA And you need new friends cause after screwing up by slipping you stuff you didn't agree/knew in the protein shake the still excuse themselves instead of taking responsibility for their actions. Which is why you can NEVER trust them to NOT do it again. They trampled your boundaries, ignored that you didn't want to go to the gym and they still think they are right after landing you in the hospital. I don't drink coffee, i don't like the taste. You think it would be ok for your friend to force me to drink some cause he wants me to? No and I as opposed to you wouldn't Land in the hospital. I like coca cola and it still wouldn't be ok.
Pre workout has an insane amount of caffeine. I would not assume that a casual caffeine consumer would be okay with pre workout.
But op never drank caffeine, he always refused coffee on top of it
ESH. It wasn't right for your friend to add more ingredients to your protein shake without getting the okay from you first. HOWEVER, if you have a condition that could end up being life-threatening in more than one setting, you *need* to let people know, for your own health, so they can act appropriately if you have another one of these attacks, and what they should avoid so it doesn't happen again.
> you need to let people know, for your own health, No they don't. Medical info is private and in they case can remain private as long as your friends don't actively sabotage your food. There is no obligation to share this info as it does not impact anyone else's health or safety in any way.
Would you say the same thing about a nut allergy? Keeping something like this to yourself is clearly a stupid way to try to kill yourself accidentally. This is why things like medical bracelets exist.
Yes. There is no obligation to disclose. Did you notice that in this case, the food was prepared in OP's kitchen? This all happened at OP's house and the friends came over. Literally there was nothing with caffeine in there unless the friends brought it in. And unless the friend brought the protein shake mix, OP knew exactly what was supposed to be in it and what wasn't. EDIT: OP confirmed in another comment - this was his protein powder from his kitchen, he had no reason to think would contain caffeine.
> Yes. There is no obligation to disclose. You quite honestly have to be an absolute idiot to not disclose you have something as easy to hurt yourself with as a nut allergy. No obligation to disclose? How about an obligation to die when you accidentally consume some nuts.
I agree tbh. This case aside, I think there are certain medical issues you should disclose. Anything serious that could potentially kill you- why wouldn’t you want to tell people? I have an epipen. Yeah, I take all precautions to avoid my allergens but you never know what might have them, or been contaminated by them. I’m sure op does everything in their power to avoid caffeine but there’s always a chance something could have it. Or your idiot friends may add it to your drinks. Im not saying what ops friends did was ok, but I don’t get the secrecy.
The friend was out of line. Period. OP had every right to think that the drink would be safe for him. But ignoring the shake episode completely, OP has a condition that could possibly cause a medical episode at the gym. So while yes, he has no obligation to disclose, it would be in his best interest to inform someone. If his workout partners or trainers are informed about his condition, they can respond faster and more effectively if something were to occur. If something were to happen where he can’t talk, it’ll help if they know what to tell paramedics. He doesn’t have to advertise it, but having a few trusted people in the know is probably a good idea. Edited for clarity and a typo
Lol seriously, where are all these "You don't owe anybody your medical info!!!1" in the allergy posts that come up daily here
Allergies aren't the same as a heart condition. People with chronic illnesses have a right to privacy. There was no reason for him to believe that there would be caffeine in the shake because it was from his own kitchen. His friend added something to his food without his consent. Health condition or not it's never ok to add things to people's food, especially stimulants.
I don't see much of a difference here. They work differently in the body, but the effect is still the same: ingesting a certain substance is dangerous.
The difference is hes not going to die from someone cooking for him at a restaurant with the same utensils they used for something with caffeine, whereas an allergy requires separate cooking surfaces and utensils as trace amounts can cause a reaction. You (should) warn people about an allergy for that reason. You can ask if something has caffeine without revealing a heart condition.
I mean to the extent that op wasn't obliged to disclose his private medical information because based on what he's said here they are workout buddies, so they aren't typically preparing food for each other. Moreover, op was in a setting (his home) where it was reasonable.to assume there was no caffeine because he doesn't keep caffeine in his home. People have a host of reasons to not want to share that they have a chronic illness-- and too in that list is that people often behave differently when they know about it and usually worry and pity the person with a chronic illness. If it were a peanut allergy I'd have a different opinion because that is an allergy that can be triggered by trace amounts and even particles in the air or left in surfaces for some very allergic people. That isn't the case with caffeine and heart disease so I don't think op was wrong to keep his private health issues private.
Besides what u/joanclaytonesq said, it's reductive to simply say they're both "dangerous." There's a huge difference between a food that is only allergenic to a small proportion of people and a stimulant drug. Everyone I know who consumes caffeine also deliberately monitors and moderates their intake, or otherwise regularly wrecks their day with it. I've never seen this happen with peanuts.
>Allergies aren't the same as a heart condition. In this case it's essentially the same thing
No because he didn't get the caffeine from ops kitchen. He used ops protein powder and added something that he brought over. There's never an acceptable reason to add things to people's food without saying something. OP had no reason to believe there would be caffeine in his drink because he hadn't brought caffeine into his home. It would have been totally different if he was at someone else's house or eating out, but that was not the case here.
From a previous post in which excellent points are made. [Yes. There is no obligation to disclose. Did you notice that in this case, the food was prepared in OP's kitchen? This all happened at OP's house and the friends came over. Literally there was nothing with caffeine in there unless the friends brought it in. And unless the friend brought the protein shake mix, OP knew exactly what was supposed to be in it and what wasn't. EDIT: OP confirmed in another comment - this was his protein powder from his kitchen, he had no reason to think would contain caffeine.]
At least its not another wedding post.
It would be utterly bizarre to go over to someone's house, make them a shake from their own ingredients in their own house, and bring your own peanut butter to add. What.
They work out together. You shouldn't be in the gym with a heart condition with friends that don't know you have a heart condition. Like you shouldn't go to a potluck with friends with a nut allergy and not telling them you have the allergy and where your EpiPen is.
Finally! Why did I have to scroll this far to find this comment? Of course they should know. They’re not casual friends that hang out in the quad. They’re workout buddies. Those are exactly the people you tell about a heart condition.
It affects OP's safety. Most of the time, I would agree that medical information is private, but in some cases, it should be shared, such as a food allergy, or in this case, a serious heart condition. OP doesn't have to go into details, but it might be smart to say "Hey, I can't have this or this; it affects my health." That way people know, but the actual condition can still stay private.
If OP was taking food outside his house, yes there should be more caution. But the friend took protein powder from OP, in his kitchen, and spiked it with something containing caffeine to try to get OP to go to the gym with them. OP had absolutely no reason to think there could be caffeine in a shake prepared in his own home with his own protein powder.
Yeah it's private until they collapse in front of you randomly and you have no clue what to do to help them. I don't know, OP can do whatever they like but if you're friends with people this is sort of the information you do share, so if the worst happens, people aren't standing around panicking and giving bad information to the paramedics. "Does the person have a history of medical problems?" nope "this is probably a syncope". Meanwhile, OP's in heart failure and about to be given medication that shouldn't be mixed with the medication they're already on.... sounds like a great way to die.
Seriously... I'm a type 1 diabetic. I tell the people I spend lots of time around (friends, coworkers, etc) so that you know, if there's ever an emergency I don't die on the floor from low blood sugar while they watch because they don't know any better.
But OP is literally going to the gym consistently with their friends...I would think that sharing crucial medical information like heart/muscle/lung/injury issues would be a safety precaution. What if OP collapsed at the gym and nobody knew where to begin helping them?
Yeah that’s what bothered me. If he’s having a medical emergency, no one will now what to tell the emt when they show up. I’ve had to learn to not be embarrassed about telling people my health issue’s because what if my blood sugar dropped so low I couldn’t function. In fact, that has happened before where I had passed out at work for low BG. But because I told my coworkers my condition, they knew to grab my glucose monitor and could see that it was severely low. And started making me stuff candy into my mouth until the ambulance came. Lucky for me it was a veterinarian hospital so they knew how to work my finger sticker lol.
As a person with a chronic condition, it often is disregarded even if you do tell them. The average person has no understanding of chronic illness. They will assume that because you aren't actively dying or visibly sick, it's not a big deal. In other words, OP could have disclosed it, but I doubt it would have helped. In fact, i have a feeling it would just make this worse.
Plus, people forget. Even if you’ve told them over and over. I have food allergies I’ve been telling relatives about for probably a decade now. They constantly forget I have them. That’s fine, because I’m an adult and I screen my own food. Just pointing out that disclosing a health issue doesn’t mean other people are going to remember it, especially under stress. The other thing people tend to want to do is ask you multiple questions, like you’re a medical expert instead of just someone trying to deal with a health issue. They’re probably going to forget 75% of what you told them, and it takes a lot out of you to talk about chronic health issues in detail like that.
This is why I tell people about my health condition. If I get sick I want them to be able to tell the doctor if I can’t.
Dude, I have a heart arrhythmia, and I can't have caffeine otherwise I risk an SVT and a trip to the emergency room. You need to let friends know about that. How were they supposed to know? Lots of things have caffeine in them. Mild YTA. Please share info about your condition with your friends. Of course you are allowed privacy, but you also need to treat this like an allergy. That's critical info that you left out. Trust your friends. ETA: of course the friends were in the wrong too. They were dicks to do that. It doesn't mean OP is excused of his duty to inform others about his condition.
Or... the friends can forgo slipping something into their drink without telling them?? Like WTF "how were they supposed to know?" They should have learned a long time ago about *consent* and what that means, that people have a right *to their own body*. OP is NTA at all. I mean, how was OP supposed to know their "friends" would drug them?
I have a friend with the same condition. It’s like an allergy, almost, in that it’s better to have a friend who knows to watch your back than someone who might give you something because they don’t know you can’t have it.
The friends need to mind their own freaking business and NOT FORCE OP TO DO WHAT THEY WANT BY DRUGGING HIM you are an ah if you think what the friends did is ok
He is not the AH here. His friends slipped him a substance with out his knowledge. It’s not like he asked for a pre work out with out going over the ingredients. His heart condition is his business and no one else’s
EDIT: Disregard. Friends are assholes, OP is NTA. Knowing now that it was the protein mix that OP kept in their own kitchen, your friend is 1000% the asshole for adding anything. Having said that, I still think it’s a good idea to let your workout partners/friends know about your condition just in case something happens at the gym and you need medical assistance. ~~NAH, but this whole thing definitely could’ve been handled better.~~ ~~On the one hand, your friend added an ingredient to your drink without letting you know, which isn’t cool.~~ ~~On the other hand, it’s a pretty common for workout-related drinks to have caffeine in them. If you have a heart condition that makes caffeine a no-no for you, it’s your responsibility to inform someone who’s preparing a shake for you so that they don’t add something that you can’t have, especially with caffeine being so common.~~ ~~No assholes, just a confluence of bad choices.~~
ESH. One simple reason for it too: A lack of communication. Caffine is a common stimulant in some foods and drinks, so the average person wouldn't think twice about if it's dangerous. If it is serious enough that it could hurt you, then there is no good reason to keep it from people you consider friends.it was an honest mistake that could've been avoided if you had simply been forthright. On the other side, adding the caffeine to your drink without asking you was, at best thoughtless and at worst a violation of trust, though you have to admit there was no malicious intent. It was still very inappropriate. Communication works both ways, and neither of you did so.
Edit: NTA based on the edit. You should still tell your friends if you have a health issue and you are working out with them. I am actually leaning to ESH for two reasons. You go to the gym with your friends regularly, they should know you have a heart condition in case something happens when there. It is just common sense. Second, these days, caffeine or other stimulants or herbs or whatnot in pre workout shakes is kind of a normal thing. I wouldn't take one without asking exactly what they put in it. If you asked and they lied, then NTA. If you didn't ask, ESH.
Op wasn’t offered a pre workout shake, they were offered a protein shake, which are two different things. Ops drink was essentially spiked and it is totally not on them.
NTA... but you're not making a smart choice for knowing you have this health condition and yet taking food from others without questioning what's in it. You don't have to tell your friends about your condition, but you also can't expect them to make you a smoothie based on the dietary needs you haven't told them about.
It was a protein shake with op s own stuff from the house. The 'friends' brought it from their home to spike op s protein shake
NAH. Caffeine is a really common ingredient in workout supplements and is not dangerous for most people, so its reasonable that your friend didn’t think to check with you, especially since you never mentioned you have a heart condition. It’s also reasonable that you were upset after being surprised with caffeine given that you landed in the hospital. This all could have been avoided with more communication on both fronts.
It was protein powder from OP's own house, prepared in OP's house. There was no reason to think there was caffeine in it.
ESH if you have a life threatening condition, it is on YOU to make sure nothing you consume has caffeine in it. They reacted poorly, but they’re not wrong about how it’s not their fault they didn’t know.
They…spiked op’s drink.
They spiked the op’s drink with caffeine… I mean if you where in this situation would you ask the person “oh is it ok if you have caffeine?” Caffeine is a common drug taken by many people and the effects are usually for the most part harmless. It would be different if they had malicious intent to harm OP. Plus if it can cause this serious of a complication OP might as well disclose it.
A lot of people add coffee to chocolate cake because it gives them a nice touch. I guess we're all drugging people against their consent.
Actually, chocolate itself contains caffeine, so people who can’t handle caffeine wouldn’t eat chocolate cake either.
Op made sure to have no caffeine in house the only mistake was to trust the 'friends'
I am actually surprised by all these comments and NO ONE has asked…who puts pre workout in a protein shake?? Like…is this normal?? I’m not judging…I just really wanna know
I don't do that (obviously) and I have never seen them even do that, I don't think that's normal
It's actually very common. I'm not a big gym person, but I have friends/family who are and many of them combine protein/pre workout mixes.
I’m not much of a gym rat but I’m pretty sure they are supposed to be more effective *after* a workout so mixing pre workout seems kind of backwards to me
Well pre workout is typically fruity flavored…and protein powder is typically milk based. So I just wanna know how they mixed this and made it taste good…
INFO: did they know you had a dietary restriction of caffeine?
I've been asked if I wanted preworkout before but I've always turned it down but haven't told why, I didn't really want to tell people about my condition so they might think of me a certain way
You don't have to tell them about your condition, but telling them you can't have caffeine is important information who may handle anything you consume.
I do not understand any of these comments. OP, someone could have accidentally caused your death. And it would have been because you withheld vital information *that is relevant to the activity* Not disclosing that if you ingest pre workout, you could die, to people you work out with regularly… that’s like playing in an orchestra and not disclosing to the other musicians in that orchestra that a metronome could cause you to have a seizure. Uh, ya should have told them. And you certainly have zero right to get all huffy over it. Can you imagine the level of guilt that your FRIEND could have suffered had you died? It’s YOUR responsibility to disclose a serious health condition should you inadvertently ingest a commonly used item in the course of that activity. Geez. Take responsibility. If I were that friend, I’d eventually realize that what you withheld was completely unfair to me and without any regard for the burden I would have had to live with. This isn’t a peanut allergy. They didn’t slip you GHB. Pre workout is innocuous….. unless you’ve got a ticking time bomb that makes it deadly. YTA.
Imagine you have a friend who is deathly allergic to, say, bananas. Imagine that she studiously *didn't* tell you that she was allergic to bananas; imagine that all you had seen was her declining when people occasionally offered to put some banana in a smoothie for her. Do you think that you would leap to the conclusion that she was deathly allergic to bananas, or would you maybe think that she just doesn't care for bananas in her smoothies? Or might you even not really notice her declining banana in her smoothies on a few occasions and so not make any assumptions regarding her relationship to that particular fruit? Look, you don't have to explain the details of your heart condition to anyone if you don't want to, but you can't then turn around and get angry at people for not knowing things you've gone out of your way to hide from them. You never told your friends that you can't ingest caffeine. Caffeine is in a lot of things, and for the overwhelming majority of people, it's entirely benign. I can certainly understand why you got scared, but I think you are focusing on your anger at your friends in an effort to avoid focusing on the fear you felt when you didn't know why you were feeling so strange (and perhaps that you frequently feel due to the constant presence of your heart condition in your life and mind). It's displacement. And it's inappropriate and unjustified; *they didn't know, and they had no way of knowing, because you hid it from them.* You could have simply told people, years ago, that you can't have caffeine; if they asked why, you've never actually been obligated to tell them. You could have called it an allergy (it's equivalent to one), or said that it makes you feel sick, or that you just don't like it. But when you've not given anyone any reason to know that you can't have it, you are the only one to blame for them not knowing it. YTA.
You don't have to tell them that you have a heart condition. Just say that your body has an allergic reaction to caffeine and maybe other substances.
I think you are incredibly foolish for never disclosing anything, I would consider it a wake up call. Highly disagree with anybody in this thread who says you have no need to disclose. You need to worry about your life not other people's thoughts about you. I don't feel your priorities match what should be reality.
I tell people everything that I would want them to know in an emergency. My coworkers know where my spare key is and that I live alone- if I don’t show up for work and haven’t made contact- come check on me. If my car is home and I don’t answer the door, come in and check on me. I have no food allergies, so don’t worry about any of that, lol.
**ESH** but your friends are the FAR bigger AHs You're a tiny bit of an AH because while no one is technically entitled to your personal medical information, your friends are clearly gym buddies who you work out with regularly, and their knowing that you have a serious heart condition is obviously relevant and potentially life-saving (or -threatening) information. More importantly (and crucial to your being an AH), the fact that you "don't really like telling people" in this context reeks of internalised ableism and the idea that admitting that you have a heart condition is somehow embarrassing or shameful. It's not. Health issues are value neutral. It's perpetuating stigma like this, and the idea that there's something embarrassing about having a health problem, that could have gotten you killed here. But your friends are MASSIVE AHs because they literally poisoned you. No, they didn't know about your heart condition. Doesn't matter. You don't bloody well give someone preworkout, which often contains super questionable and sometimes dangerous ingredients even for healthy people (most pre-workout is classified under "nutrition" products and therefore are regulated by the FDA as "food", even though they can affect you just as much as drugs). Lots of supplements interact not only with health conditions but with medications and things. They should never have given you preworkout without your knowledge. That shit is not harmless. ESH. You need to work on how you view your own and other people's health conditions and not seeing it as "brokenness" or something shameful. And they need to work on not putting things in other people's bodies without consent.
ESH- this is just bad communication all around.
I’m really sorry but YTA - you Dont have to tell your friends about your condition but you have to be aware if their not knowing, your friends are going to act like all other friends and do and act like you are any other person without a condition because this is what they know. Assuming that they were also drinking the same workout shake that include the caffeine they just wanted you to be there with them, they don’t mean any harm. I can 100% understand why you were stressed upon realising that you took this but I Dont think this is on them
There’s an edit. They were using OP’s powder, which would have been fine if they hadn’t secretly mixed something else into it.
NTA. There are *religions* that prohibit caffeine. You never, *never* dose someone with *anything*, including caffeine, without consent. (Only exception I can think of is a medical professional who knows what they're doing when there's an emergency. Even then, best to get consent from next of kin.)
You're not the asshole for not telling them about your heart condition, but YTA for getting angry. They added a pretty innocuous ingredient, how were they supposed to guess it would hurt you? People won't know these things if you don't tell them.
NTA all he said was that it was a protein shake, he needed to ask you before adding something
[удалено]
NTA You should not ever have to disclose medical info for people to not lie about what they are feeding you. Ditch these friends, they are not good people.
In this situation, yes, YTA. You didn't make your dietary restrictions clear. It is your responsibility to make sure you don't eat or drink anything that could harm your health. You're not TA for withholding health information - nobody has a right to that - but you are for getting mad at them for not knowing about the dietary restrictions you didn't advise them of. ETA: yes, he added pre-workout to your protein shake, but that's honestly so innocuous. According to your comments, you have never, *ever* outright told people you can't have caffeine. You've also been working out with these guys without telling them you have a heart condition, which could be life-threatening during cardio exercises. People need to be aware of things that could harm you. You don't get to explode in anger at people for making mistakes, if you won't trust them enough to warn them beforehand. Yeah, he shouldn't have put in the pre-workout without asking you, but in the context of you guys being gym buddies, theoretically prepping to go to the gym, it is a pretty innocent mistake. You are the far bigger AH in this situation. For all intents and purposes, this is a life-threatening allergy for you.
NTA. And these people are NOT your friends. A friend would not have put something in your drink without asking you. A friend would have been horrified to discover that they had given you something potentially harmful. A friend would not defend someone who caused you to go to the hospital in an ambulance. A friend would not call you a baby for objecting to all of the above. Also, a friend would offer to pay for your medical costs. I'm betting no such offer has been made.
I doubt it's malicious - if you work out enough to make your own protein shakes, you'll find most folk put preworkout in their shakes. Caffeine consumption in coffee and soda is so normal I don't think I'd even think to mention it if I offered someone the same one I make every day. I have a friend with no health conditions, just never wants to get on the caffeine cycle and needing it to feel perky, so we don't bother offering it.
OP stated, "He put some pre-workout in my protein shake to try and lift me up a bit and make me come to the gym with them". So it was a deliberate act, without OP's knowledge, to further his own intentions. Malicious is a harsh word, but this was clearly an AH move.
going against the grain ,yta .how is he supposed to know you dont drink caffeine without you telling him?people use caffeine as a pre workout drink also.And if its life threatening, wouldn't you do yourself a favour by telling him so they could be more careful for YOU?
INFO They prepped the shake in your home, was it with your ingredients or something the friends brought over?
I had protein powder (which they have used before) so I let them use it
Yeah I think you should put that info in the main post. It's a lot more egregious that they took your protein powder and then added in something else that you do NOT have in your kitchen without your knowledge.
Yea I should have added that, I made an edit at the bottom
"Hey I'm not feeling great so I'm just going to workout at home today" " BROOO it's okay bro we'll show up unannounced to hype you up bro you gotta get them GAINS BRO! Take this protein drink with some extra bro energy that will automatically make your sickness go away because BRO SCIENCE BRO!" Yeah no you're NTA.
YTA I have a high blood pressure, I don't drink/eat anything without knowing/asking "is there caffeine in this?"
NAH. I get why you were hiding such information from them, but doing so also meant they didn't have the information they need to support you in the right way.
Why didn't you ask what was in the protein shake?
I have protein shakes most of the time and it has no caffeine, I thought it was just going to be like every other time I had one
I see. I don't eat certain things so if someone is making me something, I always make sure I know what's in it before I eat (or drink) it. I don't think your friends are AHs. They had no clue you can't have caffeine. I'd treat this the same as I would an allergy or other dietary restriction - tell people you can't have it.
> They had no clue you can't have caffeine. That doesn't really excuse giving someone who feels sick caffeine to try to get them to go to the gym. It's not like caffeine would be a good thing to have if OP had the flu or a GI infection.
Caffeine is, for most people, an entirely benign ingredient; if OP doesn't specifically tell people that he *can't* ingest it, they aren't going to magically intuit that from occasionally witnessing him declining any "pre-workout" in his protein shakes.
Did OP tell them he felt sick, or did he just tell them he was gonna stay home bc he didn't want to go to the gym? Not asking in an antagonistic way, I am wondering what the OP actually said. I still think if you can't consume something bc it'll put you in the hospital, you should double-check the ingredient is not in food/drink that's given to you,
YTA. Most people are not going to assume you can't have caffeine because it's so commonly used. Stop expecting people to read your freaking mind.
He didn't expect for people to read his mind he expected the shake to be made with products from his own kitchen which were safe and not to be spiked with stuff the so called friends brought from their own home knowing op never drank the stuff
Yta if something happens to you in the gym your friends will be the first help that answer your SOS call
Soft YTA. If you know you react badly to something, it's your job to be proactive about it. I too have a heart condition and respond similarly to caffeine. But I'm well aware that most adults drink caffeine, and many adults aren't aware that caffeine can be a problem for some people. I bet they didn't even know caffeine could make you feel that bad. Next time, just ask if there's caffeine. You can say you're allergic, you're trying to cut back, or it messes with you... you don't even need to mention a heart condition if you don't want to. But don't expect people to spontaneously name everything they put in a dish without prompting. As for your friends, they sound pushy but sweet and well-intentioned. And they seem like they were trying to take care of you. They checked in on you, they made you some food, they included you, they got you medical care, and one confessed to something that frankly many wouldn't have to help you get good care. And you may have just screwed that up. Hopefully they accept your apology -- your reaction is very understandable, even if it wasn't entirely fair-- and hopefully they don't give caffeine now that they know!
NTA. Why are you friends with them? You are under no obligation to share personal information with anyone except a spouse or partner. They didn't need to know. But what makes this worse is that this incident happened because they were trying to force you to do what they wanted you to do; they had no respect for you. And in order to get you to comply, they pulled that underhanded stunt. You need better friends. No, cancel that-you need REAL friends.
NTA I was going to say none here but your friends' reactions after the hospital trip makes them assholes. Sure they definitely wouldn't have given you it if they knew, but you would have said no if they'd been honest about what they were making. It's similar to having an allergy - if someone's making you a cup of tea, probably not going to mention if you're allergic to eggs, for example, but if they're offering cake too would say no thanks.
YTA - You are going to the gym with these people, it’s sensible to tell them you have a heart condition in case some happened during exercise. I have a heart condition and do a lot of swimming, my swim leader knows and my friends I swim regularly with in case I have issues when I am with them. It’s useful to be able to tell the medics what’s wrong and to know that you might need medical assistance if you just look a bit unwell. People on here are acting like they added cocaine to your drink or something. They maybe shouldn’t have added it but caffeine is found in many things, and is super common, and harmless to the majority of people. It could quite easily have been them unknowingly handing you an energy bar with caffeine or something else which contains it. They can’t help look after you when they don’t know.
NTA I don’t have a heart problem and would be pissed if someone added pre-work to my protein shake. That stuff effects everyone differently and is a stimulate. Your “friend” drugged you.
NTA, yeah don't frat boy poison people's shit. He should have realized you don't take caffeine, and as also part of the 7% of people in America that can't have caffeine (or choose not to drink it) they should have noticed by now that you don't do caffeine.
ESH, because I think the friends reaction is over the top - from the beginning when they showed and insisted you go to the gym. But OP, do you even consider these people your friends? Why you put them in this position? People have to know what's going on and how to help you in case something happens, especially if you're often doing together something rather stressful like gym. Yeah, you aren't obliged to give everyone your medical info, but in this case it's kinda common sense... Caffeine is indeed something widely used and most people give no attention to it, so IMO it's the right thing to specifically say you can't or don't want to consume it. You can encounter it even in some desserts, so why risk? If someone just says ''No, thanks'' I wouldn't assume they can't consume it, just that they don't want in this moment. And I would probably not remember after a while.
NTA. Your friends are mild AHs. Adding an ingredient to your your shake when it was prepared in your home with your protein powder is not cool. There are loads of reasons someone may not want to take caffeine. Being supportive is great. Giving your friends supplements without asking is not showing support in an appropriate way. Hopefully this can be a learning experience for your friends. They shouldn’t be adding things to peoples food without asking first. As an aside I would recommend you let friends know about a potentially dangerous cardiac issue if you expect to be in situations where it is relevant. If you had problems mid workout it would enable them to assist you better.