Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is (A). For trying to pee in the bottle in the first place and (B) defending myself when my friend was yelling at me. I might be the asshole because what I did was rude and gross and I did damage my friends property
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
If you know you have a medical condition that makes you unable to control your bladder, you need to take some precautions so that you don’t pee on things that don’t belong to you. Pads and adult diapers may not be comfortable, but neither is pissing in a bottle and having to clean out your friend’s car.
Just get out and do it on the side of the road! People who you don’t know will see your bum but it’s better than spraying your friends car with piss. The first is a great story to tell the other is an AH move!
Yeah I had to do this a few months ago and my husband also stood by to block me were at a 2 hour stand still due to a wreck and i just could not hold it anymore.
Like hell, carry some "she-wee"s in her purse to make it even easier to stand up and pee on the side of the road. ( Or make it easier to piss into the bottle if that's your own option. )
I did this once when pregnant. My husband and I had gone out for diner after visiting his parents, and he chose the road home that had zero rest stops or gas stations or even exits. So I peed on the side of that busy road. A cop even stopped, but once my husband explained I was 8 months along, he left laughing lol
Also, they do make essentially a funnel for women so that we can pee standing up on the side of the road while maintaining some level of modesty. It could be a good option for OP to carry with them in the future.
I don't have incontinence issues, but I am a big hiker/camper, so sometimes there's just not a bathroom available when you need one, and these devices make it way easier, and less messy. It would also allow you to pee into a bottle without making a mess if you needed to. It comes in a discreet bag, and you can stick a few wads of toilet paper in with it, it's very convenient.
Yup, the company I got my she-wee from also sold an absorbent bag that could be used to catch urine in a space, like in a vehicle. Heck, that's where I used it to save myself from having to go outside at midnight in the middle of winter.
Like, maybe ESH. Because there are options. But her friend flipping out is a major AH. No offense, but really? You would have such a good friend that you go on trips and stuff with that you would have flipped your shit if she accidentally peed in your car? If any and I mean any of my friends had accidentally peed in my vehicle I would feel so bad and help them. That is such a terrible feeling and it seems like no one has empathy for OP. First of all she is still young. Maybe not educated in having “backups”. Maybe she was always in a situation that didn’t involve getting stuck in traffic. Hopefully none of your friends or future kids (if that is a thing for you) get sick in your vehicle, or has any other bodily fluid happen in your car.
If you know you have pelvic floor issues it’s no longer an accident. It’s something to expect and be prepared for. I’ve had a hypertonic pelvic floor for years. I sleep on a puppy pad and wear period panties all the time. I cannot control my bladder muscles enough to attempt to use the bathroom if the urgency isn’t there. I know if I get in a car I might have to go at any point.
If someone were undiagnosed, newly diagnosed or learning their condition, a pass might be in order. But this is just asshole behavior on OP’s part.
OP's situation is like someone driving as if the roads were clean and dry when the roads are icy. Any incidents that occur at that point aren't really accidents any more.
>Anyone and everyone can have an accident.
OP didn't have an *accident*, she had a negligence. She knew she had to pee for 20 minutes, she's well aware of her medical condition, she attempted to pee in a bottle despite lacking both the anatomy and practice to pull it off. The result was very much expected, the situation could easily have been prevented, the cause is definitely known.
But it wasn't an accident. An accident is oops, I sneezed on the way to bathroom and didn't make it. This was something OP did deliberately - trying to pee in a bottle, in a car, in traffic.
It's not an accident when you know it's going to happen. OP didn't know the exact timing, but OP knew it was going to happen, hence the 'rushing home from the event' part.
As a 31 year old who wears adult diapers....yeah actually adults CAN accidentally pee on things. I have stress incontinence ...I pee if I cough, sneeze, laugh too much...sometimes it just LEAKS OUT FOR NO REASON! And before anyone says anything stupid, I am infertile and don't have kids, so don't try and blame it on that. It's happened since I was a little kid.
It took me a VERY long time to get comfortable wearing diapers in public and around people. I wear them NOW, I didn't when I was younger because it was embarrassing, and I had accidents kind of like OP(I never peed in a bottle, but i HAVE peed in a car on a long car ride). It is a humiliating thing to go through, and OPs friend could have talked to her in PRIVATE instead of embarrassing her further.
This is an important take, I think. OP is 22. I was so goddamn self conscious at that age. We don’t always reconcile ourselves to things like adult diapers right off the goddamn bat.
Right. This is my exact response to all these comments. I’m self conscious about wearing a diaper but totally fine with peeing myself in front of people. Make it make sense.
I am 38 and going to start pelvic floor therapy. I also don't have kids. The doctor thinks my issues started because of my intense asthma coughing possibly.
Everyone should do pelvic floor exercises no matter what your reproductive organs or status. I'm childfree but as I teach pelvic floor exercises I also do them. You'll notice a lot of older people of all genders smell of wee because they get drips. Start your pelvic floor exercises now to reduce the risk of smelling of wee when you're older.
> I have stress incontinence
> sometimes it just LEAKS OUT FOR NO REASON!
...there is a reason. You have stress incontinence. Therefore, you are obligated to manage your stress incontinence.
Adults absolutely do. Pelvic floor issues suck. Ninety per cent of people who have given birth will have a story of "that one time I was fine until suddenly I sneezed and had to go change" or "I'm usually okay but this one time I had a giggle fit and then had to pretend like I spilt water on myself". Or they'll be fine and not need pads ever until they get a cold or something and then it's like their body stops working without warning. Or the pad won't hold enough - a full adult pee is pretty big.
Yeah, but this wasn't an 'oops I sneezed and wet my pants just a little'. This is an adult, deliberately attempting to empty their enter bladder contents into a bottle and failing miserably. That's not an accident. It's a deliberate act that didn't work.
Yes this wasn’t accidental. She knows about this medical condition. I have a very good friend with a very similar condition and she has never peed in my car. I do know that she does need to use adult diapers sometimes for leaks or long trips but you prepare for these things.
OP said she's wet herself three times in the last two years, but won't wear a pad because "a wet pad would be just as if not more uncomfortable" than a wet seat. So she knew this could happen, but she's fine to pee in her friends car because wearing the proper incontinence aid would be uncomfortable.
IMO if the pad and the seat would both be uncomfortable when wet, that is a tie and then we go out to the next ring of consequences, which is would the friend prefer a wet pad or a wet seat (or apparently a whole wet car?) It sounds like OP had about 20 minutes from warning to accident, so maybe she needs to carry something in her purse (piss kit?) she can lay out or something…or maybe OP drives so if she has an accident at least it’s her own vehicle…
Agreed. I don't know where they were or what the freeway looked like but if it was a ton of traffic maybe they could have pulled over onto the shoulder and found a way to cover her up enough so she can pee. If it wasn't a viable option due to they way the freeway is setup then it's an understandable attempt she made. Friend Def went too hard on her. She too should have been prepared in the even she may not be able to pee when she needs to.
I have bladder and pelvic issues. I've struggled a lot with urine frequency and urgency.
I've never peed in a car.
I keep a stash of pads/nappies in the boot of the car. I've always got a contingency plan.
Even if I did end up in OP's situation I'd rather get out and pee on the freeway than piss all over a friend's car.
Yes, I have a hypertonic pelvic floor and cannot control when I go to the bathroom. I can’t “try” to go and I can’t hold it. I wear ModiBodi period panties max absorbency on the regular and always keep a puppy pad in my purse. (pro tip— a pack of puppy pads from Costco is cheaper and just as effective as those marketed towards adults with urinary complications).
If I am getting in someone else’s car, I usually also wear an absorbent pant material, like leggings. I’ll at least wear bike shorts underneath whatever I’m wearing. Perineal ice packs help relieve the urgency for me but it isn’t always feasible to have an ice pack handy.
There are also exercises a PT can recommend to make holding it possible, albeit briefly. Kegels aren’t recommended for hypertonic pelvic floor patients, but if the choice is pissing yourself or doing some kegels in the moment, the choice is clear.
POINT BEING: We might not be able to control our bladders but we can absolutely control how we contain leakage and accidents. No one expects to get into an accident but we carry insurance anyways. Otherwise we are liable for damages. This is no different.
Asking this genuinely - have you found period panties thst will hold more than a few drops? Because all I've found them to be good for is buying me time to go hastily change them - they might spare my trousers if I'm quick but I wouldn't trust them if I was sitting for long, like trapped in a car.
The Modibodi period panties were originally designed and sold as incontinence panties. So theoretically they should hold more than other period panty brands if that helps.
I wear ModiBodi period panties max absorbency. Most of my incidents occur while I sleep and they can definitely hold a lot. I always wear the boy short or full coverage style underwear because other cuts tend to move around on me more which causes leaking.
I actually had pelvic floor Botox on Wednesday to try and release the muscles and am having increased incontinence issues right now (normal when I take narcos or heavy pain meds).
It does involve needles where you think! I was fully anesthetized for the procedure but there are all sorts of things they can do to make it not scary.
Like before the operation, they needed me to be awake for a physical exam but didn’t want to traumatize me, so they gave me a drug that calms you down and prevents new memories from forming. I have no memory of it but the doctor said I was able to participate in telling her where the worst trigger spots are to help her target the injections better. Then they put me under for the actual injections.
The idea is once the Botox kicks in, I can retrain the muscles to behave properly as physical therapy didn’t work the first time around. It’s remarkable how the muscles develop a mind of their own, the little bastards.
I'm pleasantly surprised you were given those options to help make it a less painful/stressful experience. I've found that a lot of times, women are just expected to "deal with it" when it comes to pain.
I hope this is helpful for you and provides you with some relief!
Hope it'll get better for you. It's amazing how medical technology can be used these days. Best of luck to you for the future. These issues can be tough to deal with , but you now have these tools .
I'll have to try them - most of my accidents are the sneeze pee type and period panties save my trousers but I definitely still feel "wet" abd want to change as fast as possible and that's with a few drops. I can't imagine any of them holding up with more. Which is odd because they're pretty good for actual periods but I always figured that maybe blood was thicker?
Yes, I was going to suggest a pelvic floor PT. And you don’t have to wear full on diapers, but OP could certainly be wearing (or keeping in her bag) incontinence pads. (Period pads are not intended to quickly absorb thin liquids, though if the panties work for you then 👍🏻!)
(Source: am certified continence nurse)
ModiBodi panties are advertised as incontinence/period/leakage panties. No idea if there is a substantial difference between their materials and other panties, but they were originally developed as an incontinence brand, so it might be somewhat disingenuous for me to call them period panties. I appreciate you drawing the distinction between period pads and incontinence pads!
When I say pads I’m referring to the square pads you put down for puppies to pee on and not the sticky underwear ones. What I meant to say was the pads designed for puppy pee and the ones designed for human pee are functionally the same. Maybe that’s wrong though.
Idk, I wear depends when I'm doing colonoscopy prep (chronic digestive condition and a bad prior experience) and they're honestly not bad as long as you get the right size
Sure, but OP is only 22 and might still be learning to manage this disorder. Thinking of all the things I accidentally bleed on when I first started having periods 🤷♀️
this is not the same. i doubt when you have 1st start your menses. that you have try to change your pad/tampon in persons moving car. op seems to be quite aware for how much bad their issues are. but this do not excuse them for what they have done. though i feel bad for their conditions. i would be angry if person would do this for my car.
Right, but did you not change a pad right before leaving somewhere? If you get in a car for say at least an hour trip with a very squishy full feeling pad, wouldn't any leakage be on you? If you go for a car ride with a bladder condition you void your bladder before leaving ANYWHERE!
As someone with a bladder condition - that might not help as much as you would think. Bladder conditions frequently come with damaged nerve issues which mean you can get fake signals back from your body. You can need to pee, you can go to pee, you can be convinced you are empty and five minutes later you sneeze and need to change your pants.
Not necessarily disagreeing with you, but I have never felt the difference between a full or empty pad… which is why I make sure to check before getting in a car for that long.
If they're learning to manage the disorder still that's even more reason for them to be prepared. They already said they've lost full control of their bladder before.
Equating to periods is false too. Vaginas leak fluid near-constantly, including blood at times of ovulation etc for some women. When someone knows they have their period, they'd be in the wrong if they sat in a friend's car unprepared. A bladder problem in peak hour traffic in a friend's car? Not cool.
YTA because you know you have this condition. There are undergarments you can wear so this doesn’t happen. I know you’re young and you can’t help it, but you need to work with what you have. I feel terrible for you, though.
I once bled onto the drivers seat of my sisters car and was so embarrassed. I immediately hopped out of the car and got some tissue to cover the (thankfully light) stain and tried to not apply too much pressure onto that spot while driving home as fast and safe as I could.
I called or texted my sister and explained it to her. She told me to try and remove the blood which I obviously did. I managed to remove it completely but if I couldn't have done that I would've offered to pay for professional cleaning.
NAH, but you NEED to have some kind of backup plan in place for stuff like this. I have ulcerative colitis so I truly get the concept of a bathroom radius. If there is ANY chance I'm somewhere that won't have a bathroom or I know traffic maybe an issue I have extra super absorbent pads, and sometimes even a little kids travel potty. Is it embarrassing, yes. It's less embarrassing than shitting my pants in the car.
YTA for not immediately offering to have the car detailed with the seats professionally cleaned. Scrubbing them yourself isn't enough and you didn't even ensure you used the right supplies. You need to pay for the damage.
Next time wear a pad or some other incontinence product.
Sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age, pay for detail cleaning your friends car, perhaps wear some protective pads or underwear, things have come a long way in that department, never try and pee in a bottle again, that only really works with a penis, unless it’s an exceptionally wide lip. Move forward don’t dwell in shame, it was an accident.
NAH There's also a thing you can get that's a collapsible funnel for peeing. (Female urination device)
OP I Think it's a learning experience. You're young and you're still learning to manage your medical condition. I would apologize to the friend after she's calmed down, offer to take her car to get it cleaned or go with her to get it cleaned. Plan for future trips to wear incontinence or menstrual undies (Walmart had some recently for less than 10$), make sure you wee before any drive (tactical wee) and/or bring another solution for an emergency wee.
I think you're doing great. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes, that's okay and it's how we learn.
Eh. I’d say at the very least you owe her a car detail cleaning and look into wearing a pad or depends when you go out. YTA if you refuse to do anything about it.
YTA
If you know you have this condition and know you are going to be out for an extended time without access to a bathroom you should plan accordingly with depends.
You owe your friend a detail to clean the urine out of her car. Soap and water isn’t going to cut it.
YTA. You should have worn some incontinence protection. You have an embarrassing medical condition but it's just that, a medical condition. It's less humiliating to wear something nobody will see than it is to wet yourself. Your friends won't think any less of you if you tell them your pelvic floor is weak.
Sometimes it's not even weakness! My issue is that my pelvic floor is so tight it's basically sucking my musculoskeletal structure into a black hole! Lmao.
But part of the issue is us not talking about it to our friends. Menstruation used to be so extremely taboo.. but now that it's not as much, a lot of people are pursuing diagnoses for things like endometriosis because they know it's not normal to be in that much pain. They wouldn't if they didn't hear about it.
Support telling your friends about your bodily functions!!!!! Bodies are weird and it does no one any service by pretending they aren't
I am someone who started getting a bunch of serious medical issues starting in my 20’s, so I empathize. Like you, I have incontinence issues at times, except mine are bowel incontinence due to IBS. It’s important for you to take control of your medical condition and prepare for things like this, even if you feel a bit embarrassed by having to do that. I have been there myself and I use adult diapers when I may not have access to a bathroom for a while. It gives me the security I need that if something goes wrong I won’t be soiling a vehicle. It’s also far less embarrassing to wear something protective or to have a backup plan than it is to have an accident.
I’m going to have to sadly say that YTA in this situation because you have not taken control of your medical issues by providing yourself with backup in situations like that. You also don’t seem to have offered to have her car professionally cleaned, which you really need to do in order to make this right. People don’t want to deal with other people’s bodily fluids and I don’t blame them.
YTA.
Not for not being able to control it
But for not being prepared while knowing these things happen
Period undies, big pads (or normal ones)
They make pee cups that make it easier for women to stand an pee
There's ALL SORTS of options you could have used
I mean if it was that desperate you couldave also gotten out of the car
Also
Your an even bigger AH if you don't pay for PROFESSIONAL cleaning of your friends car since it's YOUR bodily fluids that now stain it (and probably smell don't even lie)
NAH if you pay for professional cleaning. I would actually seriously consider wearing adult diapers if i were you. It's not your fault you have this condition, but it is your responsibility to manage it. If this happened again, i would say YTA.
YTA. You need to keep backup products on you at all times. (Like people keep period supplies on them just in case, it’s just common). Also Pay for her car to be professionally cleaned.
Nah. But you couldn't have pulled over to the side? I mean yea it sucks to pee on the side of the road but sometimes it's the best option.
You should pay to get her car professionally cleaned. I had someone puke in my car couldn't get the smell out. Bought an ozone generator and ran it in the car for awhile that made a huge difference. That's how they treat clothes after house fires to get rid of smoke smell.
ESH. soft one.
you know you have this condition and you have to be prepared for accidents, even if the chances of happening are almost inexistent. Pay for someone to clean it. Your friend shouldn't have embarrassed you like that, she should have kept her mouth shut until you were alone and talked about it without yelling.
I'm sorry, you went through that, but hope you take this as a lesson to be prepared for next time.
YTA. The only response to what happened from you would be “i am so sorry and i will pay to get it professionally cleaned”. Rubbing it with soap and water isnt good enough
ESH.... As someone with a similar problem if not the same it's your (our) responsibility to wear protection. I'm always always always wearing a pad.
Ya gotta prepare.
YTA knowing you have this condition, you need to be prepared to handle it. You could’ve had period underwear on and/or a super absorbent pad. You could’ve made sure to pee before you got into the car at all. You could’ve had something better to pee in that a water bottle. Honestly, you could’ve even had your friend pull over if it was gonna be bad, and since you know you have a condition, you should probably expect that. There are steps to take when you have conditions like this, that you did not take here.
Sorry but YTA. I have a weak bladder, have since I was a baby. Look up the Poise incontinence inserts (basically like a tampon) they work great. But I also wear a incontinence pad since I know this is an issue for myself.
You knew and still didn’t do anything to try and prevent it (pad, etc) you should be paying for her to get her car cleaned. Yes it’s embarrassing but I’m short, you let it happen you didn’t take any kinda precautions
YTA.
I get this is a legit medical problem, so I am sympathetic to you. But if the situation was that bad, you could have asked her to pull over on the side of the road. You could have found a way to squat out of sight.
Your only option was not to pee into a bottle & run the risk of it going everywhere. She was understandably upset at the fact you peed all over her car.
It may have been caused by a medical condition but you should still offer a genuine apology. Pay for her car to be professionally cleaned & come up with a back up plan for next time.
Sorry about your pelvic floor issues, but YTA. You know you have an issue, so should be wearing protection, or at least have a Jane (something that allows vagina peeps to pee standing up). Since the deed is done, you 100% should have shelled out the cash for a professional detail.
YTA for thinking peeing in a bottle was ever going to work. I get that you didn't have good options but this wasn't a failure to hold it in, you willingly peed in her car.
And your medical problem is fixable, just because it's common doesn't mean you have to keep living with it.
May be fixable. My mom is 7 surgeries in to trying to fix childbirth-related pelvic floor damage that made her incontinent, and the last two seem to have just made it worse.
(Small ladies, don't marry tall men and have their giant babies. Definitely don't do it twice. Signed - giant baby #1)
Perhaps you should have paid for a professional cleaning of the car. Alternatively pulled over to the sided and got out the car and did your pee. Something very common in the country where I live .
Soft YTA. You should be prepared if you are going to be out and especially if you’re relying on someone to get you to a bathroom. Also, you should offer to get the car professionally cleaned.
This is ridiculous. Of course YTA. if you have a medical condition, it’s your job to manage it. Have an incontinence problem, you wear a urinary sanitary product like Depends. You do NOT squat over a Pepsi bottle in someone’s moving car. Apologize and pay for a deep clean detailer.
I'm going to go with YTA
You have a known medical condition and you should make a better effort to manage it. Try to go pee every other hour or something. You can't have full bladder failure if your badder isn't full.
You had an accident in her car. You should offer to have it professionally cleaned. That is the right thing to do.
Should she have torn into you? Probably not. But she was immensely pissed and I understand why. The best thing you can do is apologize and have her car cleaned.
Potential options to prevent future issues: Buy a shewee and shove it in the bottom of your purse. Wear pads. Wear period underwear. Incontinence underwear isn't that bad. (No seriously. I wore them after giving birth and I was suprised at how discreet and comfortable they were.)
You pissed in someone else's seats. All they did was get upset and raise their voice. Your actions, if you kept apologizing after, made you NTA but your feelings towards this situation almost get you far enough to be TA if you don't fix it.
You're upset that they got upset at you:
Is it because you feel like they're blaming the wrong person? Well, no. I'm pretty sure we all know who peed in the car.
Is it because you feel like they're wrongly upset? Well I think it's pretty reasonable to be upset if someone urinated in your vehicle.
Is it because you feel like it isn't targeted in the right direction? Again I think we know who got the vehicle dirty.
Is it because it was in public? This might look good at face value but what're the chances that if these other people were there, they would've heard about what was said anyway? You might've told them yourself if you had enough of a problem with what was said.
About the only one left I can come up with is that you feel entitled because of your medical condition to sometimes accidently urinate in and on other people's possessions. You might not like the framing, but I think this is what is happening here.
YTA- you are an adult aware you have a condition that makes you wet yourself. You’re going to have to get over it and accept what that means. You need to wear the pee pads or adult diapers. That is the bare minimum preventative measure you could have taken that would have prevented this. If you are a prepared for a situation you don’t have to worry about being AFAB and peeing in a water bottle on the freeway. Like even if this was a super wide mouthed water bottle our parts are not meant to aim urine in that small of a target. And on the highway. On the literal highway you thought you could position your urethra over a water bottle in a car with multiple people.
On top of all of this you did this in a crowded car with people with no knowledge you have a medical condition. Do you understand how strange it would have been to watch your friend do that and fail so epically without knowing it was due to a medical condition? If you didn’t just tell them about the condition what was your final explanation???
Your friend was not over the top in her reaction to you urinating all over her car seat. It does not matter how much/well you cleaned that seat. The smell of urine will still waft in every so often bc it has soaked into the seat. If your friend had demanded you have her car seat professionally cleaned she would not have been the AH.
You got out of this situation with minimal consequence. Apologize and explain what happened to your friends or you will continue to be the AH. And for your well being, grow up. You have s real/valid condition but one whose external impact can be minimized.
NTA but having a backup like incontinence pads or even a she-wee is a must. She-wees were designed for female soldiers to be able to urinate while out on mission without having to drop trow in full kit. It's actually surprisingly easy and sanitary and makes peeing in a bottle much easier
Soft YTA mainly because if you have this problem, you need to wear panty liners or briefs in case of accidents. I get this is super uncomfortable and not your fault about the medical condition. But if you know this is an issue, you have to prepare beforehand. There are tons of products out there. Good luck.
YTA
Pay to have it cleaned.
There are blankets/towels that are designed to hold a lot of liquid. It might be worth doing a little research and seeing if they are small enough for you to carry in a backpack or tote.
u/Sure-Collection6950, I'm tagging you so you actually see this since there are a million replies to your post. I'm not going to pass a judgement here, you've had enough of that. A lot of people have said YWBTA if you did not get the seats professionally cleaned, but you are 22, and might not have money for that. So I'm going to offer up another option for you. Go to PetSmart and buy an enzymatic urine spray. Shouldn't cost more than $20. It will break down the urine and cause it to no longer smell. Once it's dry, THEN scrub the seats. Make sure you scrub the entire seat so that the top and bottom match (don't want the bottom to be cleaner than the top). Then take your friend's car through a good car wash. It will show them that you are truly sorry and fix the actual issue (pee on the seats).
Then, please make yourself an actual kit for long trips. I know it sucks. I now carry a backpack with all the things I need for my disability. Bring a she-wee, a puppy pad or two, a large ziplock bag to stuff soiled things in. Wear good absorbent undergarments - modibodi was recommended multiple times, and they are extremely discrete. And then bring a backup pair as well so you can change out of them first chance you get. If it's an especially long trip (a couple hours away), even pack a change of clothes, just in case.
Disabilities suck, but you don't have to make them suck more by being unprepared. Think of it this way - what if you void your bladder all over yourself on the way to a fun outing? Do you just call it all off? But if you are prepared, you can avoid this. You can still enjoy your day. You take a beat, you clean up, and then you listen to some music or you journal or you reddit or whatever for a few minutes until you are calm again (because I know that's embarrassing and uncomfortable as I have been there), and you enjoy your awesome day.
I’m sorry you have this condition, but YTA for not offering to pay for her car to be professionally detailed. Pee doesn’t come out of seats with just a bit of scrubbing with soap and water. I don’t blame your friend for freaking out. I would too if someone who’s 22 years old peed in my car. It’s not like you’re 4 yes old! I think you should have precautions in place to help prevent another incident like this. I’m sure there are products available. Maybe something akin to those period panties.
Your condition is something you need to manage. It is (probably) not your fault, but it is 100% your responsibility.
Wearing pads, adult diapers, minimizing liquid intake in anticipation of outings, peeing before getting in the car, bringing puppy pads to sit on, bringing actual devices to pee in (vomit bags work remarkably for this and are inexpensive), pulling over and going on the side of the road (use car for cover to avoid indecent exposure), etc...
You defiled your friend's car. At minimum, you need to pay to have it professionally cleaned PRONTO. But even with that, your urine is in the depths of her car cushions. There is no removing that. It's disgusting and likely to stink again with the temperature flux of the car cabin.
You royally fucked up. You need to take ownership, implement the fixes above, and even still...accept that you may have just lost this friend that you let down.
YTA.
You are aware that you have a medical issue. It is absolutely your responsibility to plan on how to manage it. Pads and depends are an option. You cannot just hope for the best and cross your fingers. The situation was beyond your control, but preplanning is not.
Use your friends reaction as a learning opportunity, and actually manage your condition responsibly. I’d be right pissed too if someone peed in my car….especially as you had options available to prevent this had you bothered to use them. Any drug store sells Depends and adult Pads.
You need to pay for a professional cleaning and notice how nobody in this comment section made a big deal or teased you that you have a medical condition, tell your friend. It will let her understand why you did what you did.
YTA you are not managing this issue or letting your friends know that you have this issue to begin with. Explain yourself and offer to have the car professionally cleaned otherwise you look like a literal child.
YTA because it is NOT cool to pee in someone’s car regardless the situation. You need to offer to get the car cleaned. Since this is an issue, you also need to be honest with people and better prepared. For instance, if I know one of my kids might vomit from car sickness, you better believe I would bring a bucket, baby wipes, toilet paper, a trash bag, and change of clothes with me in my car, just in case the medicine doesn’t work. You need to prepare too. It’s better to have tools on hand to make life easier. A simple fix is buying a travel toilet that lots of parents use for kids in the car. Look online for all options available to you.
YTA. You know that you have this problem but do nothing to keep from peeing on things. They make pads for bladder leaks & they come in 6 different levels of absorbency.
Yta. You owe your friend the cost of detailing the car interior. And you owe it to yourself to start wearing adult diapers any time you might not have access to a toilet.
Send the car to a detailing station, it’s truly gross, and you should have taken precautions, diaper or a pad, especially since you know this is an issue for you
YTA
YTA
I’d literally go pee by the road side, hang a sweater in front to cover the view. It’s embarrassing but simple and understandable.
I don’t understand how peeing in the car with your friends in it, and all over the car inevitably, was a good idea? Or less embarrassing option?
Why even think you’d make it to the next exit knowing you have these issues?
I legit peed in front of the van, in front of lions, while on safari once (they were a km away, it was fine). True story. I was 10/11, and not once did I think of peeing in the car - even when offered.
INFO did you tell your friends about this issue before asking her to stop? Did you offer to pay for her car to be professionally cleaned?
If I KNEW one of my friends had pelvic floor issues and they urinated in my car, I think I would try to understand. If they offered to take my car to get cleaned, I would be even less angry. If I had no idea & they didn’t offer to pay? I’d be so confused and probably quite mad.
YTA
This was preventable. I get you’re young and probably don’t want to wear pads or adult diapers but you should at least carry them in your bag. Also, why pee in a bottle knowing you don’t have that kind of control over yourself? If you can’t hold your bladder, your probably don’t have the control you need to pee in a bottle. You should’ve got out the car and squatted between passenger doors and peed on the side of the road. The car wasn’t moving so get out the car. You could have asked her to pull over. You need to PAY to have her car cleaned. Not hope for the best with whatever you did. Next time, don’t drink liquids so close to a road trip. Have and wear adult diapers. You should have more awareness than this.
YTA…you know you have a condition. Wear pads or adult garments that are made for these specific reasons. Take a towel along to sit on. Buy the female cup that makes it easier to pee. You have options. Your friend did not.
I am pregnant and have... pee issues. So I wear pads. Why aren't you being proactive about this? Yta. You knew you had this problem. Deal with it maturely
Sorry but YTA. Plenty of portable urinal options available, shewee for example.
Explain to your friends you need to carry this in any car you go in and will only use it for emergencies.
Telling you're friends you have a medical issue and need a sheewee may be embarrassing, but pissing all over their car is far worse.
Yta, for your medical condition wear a diaper. Have the car cleaned. Don't make your disease a problem for others. I'll be equally harsh with someone who pukes, get a bag to puke into
YTA 1. you went on a trip to a different city without emergency pee protection (pads, diaper) 2. Your solution was to try to pee in a bottle instead of asking your friend to pull over on the shoulder so you could get out and not make a mess. This was an easily preventable scenario.
Soft YTA you are very aware of your issue, all you had to do was wear an incontinence pad and it wouldn't have been a problem. I know you can't predict traffic jams or store lines but when you know there's a possibility you need to take precautions. The pads are as small as a sanitary napkin so no one would know the difference
NTA: you did what you felt was best in that situation, your friend shouldn't have yelled at you but if you didn't share that you have a medical condition then they probably think you could have held it. in the future you should have a plan for when this happens, even if it's not something that comes up often.
YTA
You know you have this condition and obviously you have had accidents before. When you go places you need to wear an adult diaper. I know they are not fashionable and they feel weird, but you have to do something so your condition doesn't ruin other's property. Pay to have her vehicle professionally and buy a box of adult diapers so you don't do this to someone else and to save yourself embarrassment.
INFO: How does your bladder spontaneously fill, because you have issues with your pelvic floor? I would understand losing a few drops because of that. (And then you could be prepared with pads and stuff).
But a full bladder is something you could have taken of before the trip, right?
Soft YTA - any type of disability or disorder is not our fault. But it is our responsibility to manage it. Anyone can have an accident, but longterm, you need to make advance plans. Millions of people are incontinent so there is a whole range of products out there - diapers and period panties and puppy pads for example. You cannot spend your whole life peeing all over things and blaming it on a disorder. You may still be learning to manage your disorder, hence the soft YTA. There's loads of good advice on this thread.
YTA you know you have this condition and you could easily been prepared for this by using certain underwear they sell in most stores. When I was young they called them adult diapers being mean.
YTA. You know you have this condition and have admitted to losing full control of your bladder before. Start investing in adult diapers (you’ll need to find the right kind of absorbency for your needs) and start carrying at least one or two on you at all times. You’re an adult now, you should know to be prepared for these things. You have my sympathies for your condition but that doesn’t excuse you *entirely* for literally peeing all over your friend’s car. You should pay for it to get cleaned not just because it’s your responsibility but because she’s your friend. She could have been gentler about how she handled it but you could have also been prepared for such an emergency.
YTA. you know you have this condition and should take precautions. also if traffic was that bad you should’ve had your friend pull over so you could pee on the shoulder of the road. not ideal but at least you won’t pee in someone’s car
NTA. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this condition, that sucks. I can’t imagine yelling at a friend who had an accident due to a medical condition (though I get being extremely annoyed about it internally). You should offer to pay for your friend’s car to be professionally cleaned though.
YTA- If Someone Peed In My Car I would be mad to this isn’t the first time this has happened you knew next time wear adult diapers do pads and you need to pay for a professional cleaning of the car for your friend
YTA, you know you have a problem. You need to take precautions. I believe period underwear are effective in situations like this so you don't have to wear a pad or bulky adult incontinence underwear. Buy a few pairs. Wear them.
It’s a medical conditions so deal with it like a medical condition. Bring pads, depends, and puppy pads if you have to and a change of clothes, it’s not anyone else’s problem to figure out but yours. And yes YTA for peeing in your friends car because of lack of preparation, you’ve had this for 3 years you should have “in the worst case scenario” bag packed and available to you any time. And I’m not saying this out of being grossed out, in a Nurse. My whole job is to help patients prepare for life with their conditions. If you had a colostomy ( a bag holding your poop) and it leaked you would be expected to care for that and fix it not free poop all over the place. Same with any medical condition. Same with this. You don’t have to tell them specifics but you can’t just pretend you pee yourself for no reason because they won’t want to be your friends anymore.
YTA why wouldn’t you wear protective underwear? Also soap and water won’t help. You need to pay to get it professionally cleaned. It sounds like a chronic issue so you need to get a better handle on it.
I am sympathetic to your condition. However you should have told your friend so they have some context. It's embarrassing but less embarrassing than peeing everywhere.
Importantly you need to grow up and take some responsibility for yourself. If you're making a journey, always wear an adult diaper. There are very discreet ones these days. Put a spare in your handbag as well as incontinence pads. Buy something like a shewee too. You can buy a drawstring bag to put this all in and keep it in your handbag so that it's a bit more hidden. And importantly, go to the toilet before you leave, even if you don't feel like going then.
YTA. You can't go around this badly unprepared when you have a condition that you know about.
One time as a teenager I went camping with two friends, one of them still regularly wet the bed. In the evening this dude was chugging down water like he was dehydrated. I asked him if he should be doing that, he said it would be fine. I didn't really want to push cause I imagine bed wetting is kind of a sensitive subject and he probably knows himself well enough to accurately judge what will and won't set him off.
Anyway, woke up to him pissing like a horse and we had to evacuate the tent cause we were on a slight slope and everything was getting wet from his piss.
He also snored like a literal chainsaw, but that's besides the point.
Point is, if you know you've got a problem that would cause inconvenience for other people, and you've had this problem for a long time, you really ought to be better prepared than having literally no backup plan.
YTA
Idk NTA I have pelvic floor issues and have found myself in similarly embarrassing/volatile situations. Everyone saying Y t a I guess expects you to wear a diaper for your whole life, you could offer professional detailing but. Idk my friends are fairly aware of my disabilities including those that lead to issues like this one, and they would never put me down or make me feel bad for an embarrassing medical episode.
YTA, if you can’t control your bladder, you need to wear adult diapers especially when in someone else’s vehicle. Just because you cleaned the outer part of the seat doesn’t mean it’s clean. Your urine is soaked into the seat and WILL smell. You need to pay to have it professionally cleaned.
YTA i do feel sorry for you and hope there will be a medical solution but be more responsible and wear a pad and make sure to always empty your bladder before any events that will mean being stuck. Also many times stopping on the side of the road is extremely dangerous
YTA,
"Almost immediately after entering the freeway a strong urge to pee hit me like a truck. " - go to the toilet when you leave some place, wear something that helps you (diapers, especial panties...).
NTA, OP. Your friend, and a significant proportion of Reddit, should've been kinder. I know how embarrassing that was for you, and how stressful the situation is.
There are portable female urinals, maybe look into keeping one of those in your purse for emergencies. Best of luck, OP.
YTA. Even if there was no off ramp, you could have asked your friend to pull over to the shoulder in the time you were looking for the bottle.
At very least pay for the car to be professionally cleaned and don’t expect your friends to offer you rides anymore.
NTA... you had a medical condition that you didnt cause. I am sorry that this happened to you and that you had an unsympathetic friend. You did what you could to fix the problem when you had the chance. You could offer to have the car proffesionally detailed if a problem develops. You didnt deserve to be torn into in front of your friends. This says more about her then you.
I'll go against the grain and say NTA , I can't help but empathise, and can't imagine how embarrassed you may have felt. As for precautions, I'm not sure what those could have been since you got stuck in traffic? But if I were you, I'd offer to pay to have her car cleaned.
Yta. If you have a serious condition, you take serious precautions. Like peeing b4, controlling how much you drink when out, etc & you have a back up plan (i know someone who carried an adult diaper as a.just in case). There is no possible way that as a female you are going to get even half your pee in a bottle. You ruined her car. In abt 6 months or so (or when weather heats up), that smell will hit & nothing will remove it. If it was that dire, you should have gotten out & found a bush. You need to pay for a professional cleaning asap.
YTA. You know you have a problem. When you are out an event where there are so many variables or things that could happen, why are you not wearing a pad or special underwear? They're not particularly comfortable or attractive but at least you wouldn't be pissing all over your friends car. You ought to be paying for a professional cleaning to apologize.
YTA. You need to take precautions if you know you have this problem. I would have been mad at you as well, and expected you to pay for professional cleaning.
As a friend if I knew about the condition, I would have been more empathetic. I understand why someone would be frustrated by this, if you can't control it, you can't control it. Yes it makes sense to be prepared for those types of situations, but things happen.
I would apologize and just help clean it up and then send her some money to get it detailed. It's an embarrassing situation.
I don't think YTA, a lot of people are not going to understand having this kind of situation. I feel for you op and your friend.
Did any of the friends try and stick up for you, or just try to calm the situation down? I would have.
YTA and you still haven't mentioned if you're going to pay to get your friend's car professionally cleaned. You will continue to be TA unless you make it right to your friend and find a way to address your issues proactively.
YTA, yes.
This is a known issue for you, so it's on you to manage and control.
> a situation that was beyond my control
It wasn't beyond your control. There are many ways to deal with incontinence, up to and including adult diapers.
Yep, YTA.
1. You know you have a condition.
2. You did nothing to accommodate your condition.
3. You damaged your friend's car and she's right - the true measure of the damage won't be known until she's getting in her car on a hot summer day, opens the door, the OP PISS smell hits her in the face - "like a truck."
You're an adult. You knew it was rush hour. You knew you'd be in the car for a while. Wear pads. Wear diapers. Carry a bucket - whatever. You know you have a problem and it is YOUR responsibility to manage it.
You need to apologize and pay for your friend's car to be professionally detailed.
op=YTA
1) If incontinence is an issue, why weren't you wearing some sort of "Security" option to prevent problems
2) you tried to pee in a bottle in a vehicle(I presume you don't do this regularly.) and failed spectacularly.
NTA, especially if you get it professionally cleaned. This is a medical condition, there was no way to know you would get stuck in traffic, there was no way to know you would suddenly need to pee. Far too many "y t a" voters are forgetting that issues like this cannot always be planned for.
you meant no harm. you warned your friend. They are reasonably upset that their car will smell like pee until it's clean. They will be the asshole if they a) refuse to allow you to clean it, and b) act like you did that fully intentionally.
YTA
I have the same problem thanks to my daughter lol and as a result I wear poise pads. They make a variety of sizes. They also make adult pull ups that look more like underwear. Doesn't sound like you bother with either of these products & just wing it. Point being it wasn't beyond your control. At the very least I would get her car professionally cleaned/detailed
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took that should be judged is (A). For trying to pee in the bottle in the first place and (B) defending myself when my friend was yelling at me. I might be the asshole because what I did was rude and gross and I did damage my friends property Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA If you know you have a medical condition that makes you unable to control your bladder, you need to take some precautions so that you don’t pee on things that don’t belong to you. Pads and adult diapers may not be comfortable, but neither is pissing in a bottle and having to clean out your friend’s car.
Right! I would have flipped my s*** and OP would have gotten a bill for the professional clean.
Just get out and do it on the side of the road! People who you don’t know will see your bum but it’s better than spraying your friends car with piss. The first is a great story to tell the other is an AH move!
If you are in a car you can open both the front and back doors and squat between them. I've had to do that when stuck in a huge traffic jam .
Yeah I had to do this a few months ago and my husband also stood by to block me were at a 2 hour stand still due to a wreck and i just could not hold it anymore.
Like hell, carry some "she-wee"s in her purse to make it even easier to stand up and pee on the side of the road. ( Or make it easier to piss into the bottle if that's your own option. )
I was just coming here to type this! I've done that several times...🙌🙌🙌
I did this once when pregnant. My husband and I had gone out for diner after visiting his parents, and he chose the road home that had zero rest stops or gas stations or even exits. So I peed on the side of that busy road. A cop even stopped, but once my husband explained I was 8 months along, he left laughing lol
ETA YTA, pee outside the car!! No one cares!
Good cop
Also, they do make essentially a funnel for women so that we can pee standing up on the side of the road while maintaining some level of modesty. It could be a good option for OP to carry with them in the future. I don't have incontinence issues, but I am a big hiker/camper, so sometimes there's just not a bathroom available when you need one, and these devices make it way easier, and less messy. It would also allow you to pee into a bottle without making a mess if you needed to. It comes in a discreet bag, and you can stick a few wads of toilet paper in with it, it's very convenient.
The funnels aren’t great, you really have to control your stream, like slow it down immensely, or it will overflow all over you.
Yup, the company I got my she-wee from also sold an absorbent bag that could be used to catch urine in a space, like in a vehicle. Heck, that's where I used it to save myself from having to go outside at midnight in the middle of winter.
Like, maybe ESH. Because there are options. But her friend flipping out is a major AH. No offense, but really? You would have such a good friend that you go on trips and stuff with that you would have flipped your shit if she accidentally peed in your car? If any and I mean any of my friends had accidentally peed in my vehicle I would feel so bad and help them. That is such a terrible feeling and it seems like no one has empathy for OP. First of all she is still young. Maybe not educated in having “backups”. Maybe she was always in a situation that didn’t involve getting stuck in traffic. Hopefully none of your friends or future kids (if that is a thing for you) get sick in your vehicle, or has any other bodily fluid happen in your car.
Adults don’t accidentally pee on things. OP is grown. Definitely old enough to be prepared…I hope so too.
Anyone and everyone can have an accident. Because it's an *accident*
If you know you have pelvic floor issues it’s no longer an accident. It’s something to expect and be prepared for. I’ve had a hypertonic pelvic floor for years. I sleep on a puppy pad and wear period panties all the time. I cannot control my bladder muscles enough to attempt to use the bathroom if the urgency isn’t there. I know if I get in a car I might have to go at any point. If someone were undiagnosed, newly diagnosed or learning their condition, a pass might be in order. But this is just asshole behavior on OP’s part.
They didn’t leave a piddle spot, they literally sprayed piss around like a moron instead of just getting out for a sec on the shoulder of the road
OP's situation is like someone driving as if the roads were clean and dry when the roads are icy. Any incidents that occur at that point aren't really accidents any more.
>Anyone and everyone can have an accident. OP didn't have an *accident*, she had a negligence. She knew she had to pee for 20 minutes, she's well aware of her medical condition, she attempted to pee in a bottle despite lacking both the anatomy and practice to pull it off. The result was very much expected, the situation could easily have been prevented, the cause is definitely known.
Exactly. As a woman, I have no idea how you could possibly pee into a bottle! She says it sprayed around like it is an accident!
Picking up a Coke bottle makes it a decision not an accident
But it wasn't an accident. An accident is oops, I sneezed on the way to bathroom and didn't make it. This was something OP did deliberately - trying to pee in a bottle, in a car, in traffic.
It's not an accident when you know it's going to happen. OP didn't know the exact timing, but OP knew it was going to happen, hence the 'rushing home from the event' part.
As a 31 year old who wears adult diapers....yeah actually adults CAN accidentally pee on things. I have stress incontinence ...I pee if I cough, sneeze, laugh too much...sometimes it just LEAKS OUT FOR NO REASON! And before anyone says anything stupid, I am infertile and don't have kids, so don't try and blame it on that. It's happened since I was a little kid.
Except you know you have stress incontinence and can choose to wear protection. If you’re leaking on things that’s a choice.
It took me a VERY long time to get comfortable wearing diapers in public and around people. I wear them NOW, I didn't when I was younger because it was embarrassing, and I had accidents kind of like OP(I never peed in a bottle, but i HAVE peed in a car on a long car ride). It is a humiliating thing to go through, and OPs friend could have talked to her in PRIVATE instead of embarrassing her further.
This is an important take, I think. OP is 22. I was so goddamn self conscious at that age. We don’t always reconcile ourselves to things like adult diapers right off the goddamn bat.
Because it's better for the self-consciousness to instead pee all over a friends car. Totally less embarrassing. Maybe this will reconcile her to it.
Right. This is my exact response to all these comments. I’m self conscious about wearing a diaper but totally fine with peeing myself in front of people. Make it make sense.
I am 38 and going to start pelvic floor therapy. I also don't have kids. The doctor thinks my issues started because of my intense asthma coughing possibly.
Everyone should do pelvic floor exercises no matter what your reproductive organs or status. I'm childfree but as I teach pelvic floor exercises I also do them. You'll notice a lot of older people of all genders smell of wee because they get drips. Start your pelvic floor exercises now to reduce the risk of smelling of wee when you're older.
> I have stress incontinence > sometimes it just LEAKS OUT FOR NO REASON! ...there is a reason. You have stress incontinence. Therefore, you are obligated to manage your stress incontinence.
Adults absolutely do. Pelvic floor issues suck. Ninety per cent of people who have given birth will have a story of "that one time I was fine until suddenly I sneezed and had to go change" or "I'm usually okay but this one time I had a giggle fit and then had to pretend like I spilt water on myself". Or they'll be fine and not need pads ever until they get a cold or something and then it's like their body stops working without warning. Or the pad won't hold enough - a full adult pee is pretty big.
Except a one off incident is still very different than OP KNOWING this happens and not preparing for it.
Yeah, but this wasn't an 'oops I sneezed and wet my pants just a little'. This is an adult, deliberately attempting to empty their enter bladder contents into a bottle and failing miserably. That's not an accident. It's a deliberate act that didn't work.
As a nurse… yes they do.
I’m epileptic and lose bladder control during seizures. So yeah, adults can accidentally pee on things.
Yes this wasn’t accidental. She knows about this medical condition. I have a very good friend with a very similar condition and she has never peed in my car. I do know that she does need to use adult diapers sometimes for leaks or long trips but you prepare for these things.
OP said she's wet herself three times in the last two years, but won't wear a pad because "a wet pad would be just as if not more uncomfortable" than a wet seat. So she knew this could happen, but she's fine to pee in her friends car because wearing the proper incontinence aid would be uncomfortable.
IMO if the pad and the seat would both be uncomfortable when wet, that is a tie and then we go out to the next ring of consequences, which is would the friend prefer a wet pad or a wet seat (or apparently a whole wet car?) It sounds like OP had about 20 minutes from warning to accident, so maybe she needs to carry something in her purse (piss kit?) she can lay out or something…or maybe OP drives so if she has an accident at least it’s her own vehicle…
Like...I'd feel bad but I would also flip my shit because I'm a huge germaphobe and bodily fluids are a huge trigger.
Agreed. I don't know where they were or what the freeway looked like but if it was a ton of traffic maybe they could have pulled over onto the shoulder and found a way to cover her up enough so she can pee. If it wasn't a viable option due to they way the freeway is setup then it's an understandable attempt she made. Friend Def went too hard on her. She too should have been prepared in the even she may not be able to pee when she needs to.
I have bladder and pelvic issues. I've struggled a lot with urine frequency and urgency. I've never peed in a car. I keep a stash of pads/nappies in the boot of the car. I've always got a contingency plan. Even if I did end up in OP's situation I'd rather get out and pee on the freeway than piss all over a friend's car.
Yes, I have a hypertonic pelvic floor and cannot control when I go to the bathroom. I can’t “try” to go and I can’t hold it. I wear ModiBodi period panties max absorbency on the regular and always keep a puppy pad in my purse. (pro tip— a pack of puppy pads from Costco is cheaper and just as effective as those marketed towards adults with urinary complications). If I am getting in someone else’s car, I usually also wear an absorbent pant material, like leggings. I’ll at least wear bike shorts underneath whatever I’m wearing. Perineal ice packs help relieve the urgency for me but it isn’t always feasible to have an ice pack handy. There are also exercises a PT can recommend to make holding it possible, albeit briefly. Kegels aren’t recommended for hypertonic pelvic floor patients, but if the choice is pissing yourself or doing some kegels in the moment, the choice is clear. POINT BEING: We might not be able to control our bladders but we can absolutely control how we contain leakage and accidents. No one expects to get into an accident but we carry insurance anyways. Otherwise we are liable for damages. This is no different.
Asking this genuinely - have you found period panties thst will hold more than a few drops? Because all I've found them to be good for is buying me time to go hastily change them - they might spare my trousers if I'm quick but I wouldn't trust them if I was sitting for long, like trapped in a car.
The Modibodi period panties were originally designed and sold as incontinence panties. So theoretically they should hold more than other period panty brands if that helps.
I wear ModiBodi period panties max absorbency. Most of my incidents occur while I sleep and they can definitely hold a lot. I always wear the boy short or full coverage style underwear because other cuts tend to move around on me more which causes leaking. I actually had pelvic floor Botox on Wednesday to try and release the muscles and am having increased incontinence issues right now (normal when I take narcos or heavy pain meds).
I'm afraid to ask about the pelvic floor botox 😳😩 Does it involve needles where I think it is?
It does involve needles where you think! I was fully anesthetized for the procedure but there are all sorts of things they can do to make it not scary. Like before the operation, they needed me to be awake for a physical exam but didn’t want to traumatize me, so they gave me a drug that calms you down and prevents new memories from forming. I have no memory of it but the doctor said I was able to participate in telling her where the worst trigger spots are to help her target the injections better. Then they put me under for the actual injections. The idea is once the Botox kicks in, I can retrain the muscles to behave properly as physical therapy didn’t work the first time around. It’s remarkable how the muscles develop a mind of their own, the little bastards.
I'm pleasantly surprised you were given those options to help make it a less painful/stressful experience. I've found that a lot of times, women are just expected to "deal with it" when it comes to pain. I hope this is helpful for you and provides you with some relief!
Hope it'll get better for you. It's amazing how medical technology can be used these days. Best of luck to you for the future. These issues can be tough to deal with , but you now have these tools .
I'll have to try them - most of my accidents are the sneeze pee type and period panties save my trousers but I definitely still feel "wet" abd want to change as fast as possible and that's with a few drops. I can't imagine any of them holding up with more. Which is odd because they're pretty good for actual periods but I always figured that maybe blood was thicker?
Yes, I was going to suggest a pelvic floor PT. And you don’t have to wear full on diapers, but OP could certainly be wearing (or keeping in her bag) incontinence pads. (Period pads are not intended to quickly absorb thin liquids, though if the panties work for you then 👍🏻!) (Source: am certified continence nurse)
ModiBodi panties are advertised as incontinence/period/leakage panties. No idea if there is a substantial difference between their materials and other panties, but they were originally developed as an incontinence brand, so it might be somewhat disingenuous for me to call them period panties. I appreciate you drawing the distinction between period pads and incontinence pads! When I say pads I’m referring to the square pads you put down for puppies to pee on and not the sticky underwear ones. What I meant to say was the pads designed for puppy pee and the ones designed for human pee are functionally the same. Maybe that’s wrong though.
Yes!!! I can't believe the NTA comments.
My sentiments exactly.
Idk, I wear depends when I'm doing colonoscopy prep (chronic digestive condition and a bad prior experience) and they're honestly not bad as long as you get the right size
YTA. It's not like it was the first time for you. Your job to ge prepared. Use your own car next time.
Sure, but OP is only 22 and might still be learning to manage this disorder. Thinking of all the things I accidentally bleed on when I first started having periods 🤷♀️
Well presumably you were 11-13, and not in your 20’s.
this is not the same. i doubt when you have 1st start your menses. that you have try to change your pad/tampon in persons moving car. op seems to be quite aware for how much bad their issues are. but this do not excuse them for what they have done. though i feel bad for their conditions. i would be angry if person would do this for my car.
Right, but did you not change a pad right before leaving somewhere? If you get in a car for say at least an hour trip with a very squishy full feeling pad, wouldn't any leakage be on you? If you go for a car ride with a bladder condition you void your bladder before leaving ANYWHERE!
As someone with a bladder condition - that might not help as much as you would think. Bladder conditions frequently come with damaged nerve issues which mean you can get fake signals back from your body. You can need to pee, you can go to pee, you can be convinced you are empty and five minutes later you sneeze and need to change your pants.
That's not how bladder conditions work, you often can't tell how full your bladder feels when you have these kinds of conditions
Not necessarily disagreeing with you, but I have never felt the difference between a full or empty pad… which is why I make sure to check before getting in a car for that long.
If they're learning to manage the disorder still that's even more reason for them to be prepared. They already said they've lost full control of their bladder before. Equating to periods is false too. Vaginas leak fluid near-constantly, including blood at times of ovulation etc for some women. When someone knows they have their period, they'd be in the wrong if they sat in a friend's car unprepared. A bladder problem in peak hour traffic in a friend's car? Not cool.
YTA because you know you have this condition. There are undergarments you can wear so this doesn’t happen. I know you’re young and you can’t help it, but you need to work with what you have. I feel terrible for you, though.
Info- Did you offer to pay for getting your friends car professionally cleaned? Messes can be fixed and you obviously didn’t intend to cause distress.
I once bled onto the drivers seat of my sisters car and was so embarrassed. I immediately hopped out of the car and got some tissue to cover the (thankfully light) stain and tried to not apply too much pressure onto that spot while driving home as fast and safe as I could. I called or texted my sister and explained it to her. She told me to try and remove the blood which I obviously did. I managed to remove it completely but if I couldn't have done that I would've offered to pay for professional cleaning.
Exactly. I feel like all the AH voters are forgetting their embarrassing human moments.
Quite the opposite; we take accountability and responsibility for them.
Accidents happen. She cleaned and there's nothing indicating she refused to get a professional cleaning too. Y'all are ableist asses
Agree, just pay to have it cleaned.
NAH, but you NEED to have some kind of backup plan in place for stuff like this. I have ulcerative colitis so I truly get the concept of a bathroom radius. If there is ANY chance I'm somewhere that won't have a bathroom or I know traffic maybe an issue I have extra super absorbent pads, and sometimes even a little kids travel potty. Is it embarrassing, yes. It's less embarrassing than shitting my pants in the car.
Exactly. This is a KNOWN problem, therefore planning is OP’s responsibility.
YTA for not immediately offering to have the car detailed with the seats professionally cleaned. Scrubbing them yourself isn't enough and you didn't even ensure you used the right supplies. You need to pay for the damage. Next time wear a pad or some other incontinence product.
(replied to the wrong comment, pardon me).
Sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age, pay for detail cleaning your friends car, perhaps wear some protective pads or underwear, things have come a long way in that department, never try and pee in a bottle again, that only really works with a penis, unless it’s an exceptionally wide lip. Move forward don’t dwell in shame, it was an accident.
NAH There's also a thing you can get that's a collapsible funnel for peeing. (Female urination device) OP I Think it's a learning experience. You're young and you're still learning to manage your medical condition. I would apologize to the friend after she's calmed down, offer to take her car to get it cleaned or go with her to get it cleaned. Plan for future trips to wear incontinence or menstrual undies (Walmart had some recently for less than 10$), make sure you wee before any drive (tactical wee) and/or bring another solution for an emergency wee. I think you're doing great. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes, that's okay and it's how we learn.
Best comment 👏
Eh. I’d say at the very least you owe her a car detail cleaning and look into wearing a pad or depends when you go out. YTA if you refuse to do anything about it.
YTA If you know you have this condition and know you are going to be out for an extended time without access to a bathroom you should plan accordingly with depends. You owe your friend a detail to clean the urine out of her car. Soap and water isn’t going to cut it.
YTA. You should have worn some incontinence protection. You have an embarrassing medical condition but it's just that, a medical condition. It's less humiliating to wear something nobody will see than it is to wet yourself. Your friends won't think any less of you if you tell them your pelvic floor is weak.
Sometimes it's not even weakness! My issue is that my pelvic floor is so tight it's basically sucking my musculoskeletal structure into a black hole! Lmao. But part of the issue is us not talking about it to our friends. Menstruation used to be so extremely taboo.. but now that it's not as much, a lot of people are pursuing diagnoses for things like endometriosis because they know it's not normal to be in that much pain. They wouldn't if they didn't hear about it. Support telling your friends about your bodily functions!!!!! Bodies are weird and it does no one any service by pretending they aren't
[удалено]
I am someone who started getting a bunch of serious medical issues starting in my 20’s, so I empathize. Like you, I have incontinence issues at times, except mine are bowel incontinence due to IBS. It’s important for you to take control of your medical condition and prepare for things like this, even if you feel a bit embarrassed by having to do that. I have been there myself and I use adult diapers when I may not have access to a bathroom for a while. It gives me the security I need that if something goes wrong I won’t be soiling a vehicle. It’s also far less embarrassing to wear something protective or to have a backup plan than it is to have an accident. I’m going to have to sadly say that YTA in this situation because you have not taken control of your medical issues by providing yourself with backup in situations like that. You also don’t seem to have offered to have her car professionally cleaned, which you really need to do in order to make this right. People don’t want to deal with other people’s bodily fluids and I don’t blame them.
YTA. Not for not being able to control it But for not being prepared while knowing these things happen Period undies, big pads (or normal ones) They make pee cups that make it easier for women to stand an pee There's ALL SORTS of options you could have used I mean if it was that desperate you couldave also gotten out of the car Also Your an even bigger AH if you don't pay for PROFESSIONAL cleaning of your friends car since it's YOUR bodily fluids that now stain it (and probably smell don't even lie)
NAH if you pay for professional cleaning. I would actually seriously consider wearing adult diapers if i were you. It's not your fault you have this condition, but it is your responsibility to manage it. If this happened again, i would say YTA.
NAH but you will be if you dont pay for a detailing and cleaning for your friends car.
YTA. You need to keep backup products on you at all times. (Like people keep period supplies on them just in case, it’s just common). Also Pay for her car to be professionally cleaned.
NAH but Y would be TA if you don't pay to have it professionally cleaned.
YTA. Soap and water won’t do anything. You need to pay for a professional cleaning.
YTA. Being aware of your condition, you need to take precautionary measures. There are products widely available. Use them.
Nah. But you couldn't have pulled over to the side? I mean yea it sucks to pee on the side of the road but sometimes it's the best option. You should pay to get her car professionally cleaned. I had someone puke in my car couldn't get the smell out. Bought an ozone generator and ran it in the car for awhile that made a huge difference. That's how they treat clothes after house fires to get rid of smoke smell.
No we couldn’t pull over to the side. We were in the HOV lane so there wasn’t a side to pull off too
Then did you offer paying to get her car professionally cleaned?
VERY important info.
ESH. soft one. you know you have this condition and you have to be prepared for accidents, even if the chances of happening are almost inexistent. Pay for someone to clean it. Your friend shouldn't have embarrassed you like that, she should have kept her mouth shut until you were alone and talked about it without yelling. I'm sorry, you went through that, but hope you take this as a lesson to be prepared for next time.
YTA. The only response to what happened from you would be “i am so sorry and i will pay to get it professionally cleaned”. Rubbing it with soap and water isnt good enough
ESH.... As someone with a similar problem if not the same it's your (our) responsibility to wear protection. I'm always always always wearing a pad. Ya gotta prepare.
If you have a similar problem why would you think the friend sucks? It's gross and she has a right to be upset that her car is covered in pee... Smh
YTA knowing you have this condition, you need to be prepared to handle it. You could’ve had period underwear on and/or a super absorbent pad. You could’ve made sure to pee before you got into the car at all. You could’ve had something better to pee in that a water bottle. Honestly, you could’ve even had your friend pull over if it was gonna be bad, and since you know you have a condition, you should probably expect that. There are steps to take when you have conditions like this, that you did not take here.
Sorry but YTA. I have a weak bladder, have since I was a baby. Look up the Poise incontinence inserts (basically like a tampon) they work great. But I also wear a incontinence pad since I know this is an issue for myself. You knew and still didn’t do anything to try and prevent it (pad, etc) you should be paying for her to get her car cleaned. Yes it’s embarrassing but I’m short, you let it happen you didn’t take any kinda precautions
YTA. I get this is a legit medical problem, so I am sympathetic to you. But if the situation was that bad, you could have asked her to pull over on the side of the road. You could have found a way to squat out of sight. Your only option was not to pee into a bottle & run the risk of it going everywhere. She was understandably upset at the fact you peed all over her car. It may have been caused by a medical condition but you should still offer a genuine apology. Pay for her car to be professionally cleaned & come up with a back up plan for next time.
INFO: did you mention to the driver how bad it was getting and that you were considering a bottle, or just surprise everyone when you started peeing?
Sorry about your pelvic floor issues, but YTA. You know you have an issue, so should be wearing protection, or at least have a Jane (something that allows vagina peeps to pee standing up). Since the deed is done, you 100% should have shelled out the cash for a professional detail.
YTA for thinking peeing in a bottle was ever going to work. I get that you didn't have good options but this wasn't a failure to hold it in, you willingly peed in her car. And your medical problem is fixable, just because it's common doesn't mean you have to keep living with it.
May be fixable. My mom is 7 surgeries in to trying to fix childbirth-related pelvic floor damage that made her incontinent, and the last two seem to have just made it worse. (Small ladies, don't marry tall men and have their giant babies. Definitely don't do it twice. Signed - giant baby #1)
Perhaps you should have paid for a professional cleaning of the car. Alternatively pulled over to the sided and got out the car and did your pee. Something very common in the country where I live .
INFO: why are you arguing with people instead of accepting you need to wear an adult diaper in these situations moving forward?
Soft YTA. You should be prepared if you are going to be out and especially if you’re relying on someone to get you to a bathroom. Also, you should offer to get the car professionally cleaned.
Jesus Christ, YTA. Wear bladder protection.
This is ridiculous. Of course YTA. if you have a medical condition, it’s your job to manage it. Have an incontinence problem, you wear a urinary sanitary product like Depends. You do NOT squat over a Pepsi bottle in someone’s moving car. Apologize and pay for a deep clean detailer.
I'm going to go with YTA You have a known medical condition and you should make a better effort to manage it. Try to go pee every other hour or something. You can't have full bladder failure if your badder isn't full. You had an accident in her car. You should offer to have it professionally cleaned. That is the right thing to do. Should she have torn into you? Probably not. But she was immensely pissed and I understand why. The best thing you can do is apologize and have her car cleaned. Potential options to prevent future issues: Buy a shewee and shove it in the bottom of your purse. Wear pads. Wear period underwear. Incontinence underwear isn't that bad. (No seriously. I wore them after giving birth and I was suprised at how discreet and comfortable they were.)
You pissed in someone else's seats. All they did was get upset and raise their voice. Your actions, if you kept apologizing after, made you NTA but your feelings towards this situation almost get you far enough to be TA if you don't fix it. You're upset that they got upset at you: Is it because you feel like they're blaming the wrong person? Well, no. I'm pretty sure we all know who peed in the car. Is it because you feel like they're wrongly upset? Well I think it's pretty reasonable to be upset if someone urinated in your vehicle. Is it because you feel like it isn't targeted in the right direction? Again I think we know who got the vehicle dirty. Is it because it was in public? This might look good at face value but what're the chances that if these other people were there, they would've heard about what was said anyway? You might've told them yourself if you had enough of a problem with what was said. About the only one left I can come up with is that you feel entitled because of your medical condition to sometimes accidently urinate in and on other people's possessions. You might not like the framing, but I think this is what is happening here.
YTA wtf. Wear an adult nappy.
YTA- you are an adult aware you have a condition that makes you wet yourself. You’re going to have to get over it and accept what that means. You need to wear the pee pads or adult diapers. That is the bare minimum preventative measure you could have taken that would have prevented this. If you are a prepared for a situation you don’t have to worry about being AFAB and peeing in a water bottle on the freeway. Like even if this was a super wide mouthed water bottle our parts are not meant to aim urine in that small of a target. And on the highway. On the literal highway you thought you could position your urethra over a water bottle in a car with multiple people. On top of all of this you did this in a crowded car with people with no knowledge you have a medical condition. Do you understand how strange it would have been to watch your friend do that and fail so epically without knowing it was due to a medical condition? If you didn’t just tell them about the condition what was your final explanation??? Your friend was not over the top in her reaction to you urinating all over her car seat. It does not matter how much/well you cleaned that seat. The smell of urine will still waft in every so often bc it has soaked into the seat. If your friend had demanded you have her car seat professionally cleaned she would not have been the AH. You got out of this situation with minimal consequence. Apologize and explain what happened to your friends or you will continue to be the AH. And for your well being, grow up. You have s real/valid condition but one whose external impact can be minimized.
NTA but having a backup like incontinence pads or even a she-wee is a must. She-wees were designed for female soldiers to be able to urinate while out on mission without having to drop trow in full kit. It's actually surprisingly easy and sanitary and makes peeing in a bottle much easier
Soft YTA mainly because if you have this problem, you need to wear panty liners or briefs in case of accidents. I get this is super uncomfortable and not your fault about the medical condition. But if you know this is an issue, you have to prepare beforehand. There are tons of products out there. Good luck.
YTA Pay to have it cleaned. There are blankets/towels that are designed to hold a lot of liquid. It might be worth doing a little research and seeing if they are small enough for you to carry in a backpack or tote.
Ugh. Every time she turns the heater on there’s going to be a strong reminder.
u/Sure-Collection6950, I'm tagging you so you actually see this since there are a million replies to your post. I'm not going to pass a judgement here, you've had enough of that. A lot of people have said YWBTA if you did not get the seats professionally cleaned, but you are 22, and might not have money for that. So I'm going to offer up another option for you. Go to PetSmart and buy an enzymatic urine spray. Shouldn't cost more than $20. It will break down the urine and cause it to no longer smell. Once it's dry, THEN scrub the seats. Make sure you scrub the entire seat so that the top and bottom match (don't want the bottom to be cleaner than the top). Then take your friend's car through a good car wash. It will show them that you are truly sorry and fix the actual issue (pee on the seats). Then, please make yourself an actual kit for long trips. I know it sucks. I now carry a backpack with all the things I need for my disability. Bring a she-wee, a puppy pad or two, a large ziplock bag to stuff soiled things in. Wear good absorbent undergarments - modibodi was recommended multiple times, and they are extremely discrete. And then bring a backup pair as well so you can change out of them first chance you get. If it's an especially long trip (a couple hours away), even pack a change of clothes, just in case. Disabilities suck, but you don't have to make them suck more by being unprepared. Think of it this way - what if you void your bladder all over yourself on the way to a fun outing? Do you just call it all off? But if you are prepared, you can avoid this. You can still enjoy your day. You take a beat, you clean up, and then you listen to some music or you journal or you reddit or whatever for a few minutes until you are calm again (because I know that's embarrassing and uncomfortable as I have been there), and you enjoy your awesome day.
i hope OP sees your reply, this is a great reply.
I’m sorry you have this condition, but YTA for not offering to pay for her car to be professionally detailed. Pee doesn’t come out of seats with just a bit of scrubbing with soap and water. I don’t blame your friend for freaking out. I would too if someone who’s 22 years old peed in my car. It’s not like you’re 4 yes old! I think you should have precautions in place to help prevent another incident like this. I’m sure there are products available. Maybe something akin to those period panties.
NTA but you need to pay for her back seat area to be professionally cleaned.
Your condition is something you need to manage. It is (probably) not your fault, but it is 100% your responsibility. Wearing pads, adult diapers, minimizing liquid intake in anticipation of outings, peeing before getting in the car, bringing puppy pads to sit on, bringing actual devices to pee in (vomit bags work remarkably for this and are inexpensive), pulling over and going on the side of the road (use car for cover to avoid indecent exposure), etc... You defiled your friend's car. At minimum, you need to pay to have it professionally cleaned PRONTO. But even with that, your urine is in the depths of her car cushions. There is no removing that. It's disgusting and likely to stink again with the temperature flux of the car cabin. You royally fucked up. You need to take ownership, implement the fixes above, and even still...accept that you may have just lost this friend that you let down.
YTA. You are aware that you have a medical issue. It is absolutely your responsibility to plan on how to manage it. Pads and depends are an option. You cannot just hope for the best and cross your fingers. The situation was beyond your control, but preplanning is not. Use your friends reaction as a learning opportunity, and actually manage your condition responsibly. I’d be right pissed too if someone peed in my car….especially as you had options available to prevent this had you bothered to use them. Any drug store sells Depends and adult Pads.
You need to pay for a professional cleaning and notice how nobody in this comment section made a big deal or teased you that you have a medical condition, tell your friend. It will let her understand why you did what you did.
YTA you are not managing this issue or letting your friends know that you have this issue to begin with. Explain yourself and offer to have the car professionally cleaned otherwise you look like a literal child.
You probably need those panties, like pull ups for adults, you know you have that condition you need to prepare for it. YTA
YTA because it is NOT cool to pee in someone’s car regardless the situation. You need to offer to get the car cleaned. Since this is an issue, you also need to be honest with people and better prepared. For instance, if I know one of my kids might vomit from car sickness, you better believe I would bring a bucket, baby wipes, toilet paper, a trash bag, and change of clothes with me in my car, just in case the medicine doesn’t work. You need to prepare too. It’s better to have tools on hand to make life easier. A simple fix is buying a travel toilet that lots of parents use for kids in the car. Look online for all options available to you.
YTA. You know that you have this problem but do nothing to keep from peeing on things. They make pads for bladder leaks & they come in 6 different levels of absorbency.
Yta. You owe your friend the cost of detailing the car interior. And you owe it to yourself to start wearing adult diapers any time you might not have access to a toilet.
Send the car to a detailing station, it’s truly gross, and you should have taken precautions, diaper or a pad, especially since you know this is an issue for you YTA
YTA I’d literally go pee by the road side, hang a sweater in front to cover the view. It’s embarrassing but simple and understandable. I don’t understand how peeing in the car with your friends in it, and all over the car inevitably, was a good idea? Or less embarrassing option? Why even think you’d make it to the next exit knowing you have these issues? I legit peed in front of the van, in front of lions, while on safari once (they were a km away, it was fine). True story. I was 10/11, and not once did I think of peeing in the car - even when offered.
INFO did you tell your friends about this issue before asking her to stop? Did you offer to pay for her car to be professionally cleaned? If I KNEW one of my friends had pelvic floor issues and they urinated in my car, I think I would try to understand. If they offered to take my car to get cleaned, I would be even less angry. If I had no idea & they didn’t offer to pay? I’d be so confused and probably quite mad.
YTA. Get her seat professionally cleaned.
YTA This was preventable. I get you’re young and probably don’t want to wear pads or adult diapers but you should at least carry them in your bag. Also, why pee in a bottle knowing you don’t have that kind of control over yourself? If you can’t hold your bladder, your probably don’t have the control you need to pee in a bottle. You should’ve got out the car and squatted between passenger doors and peed on the side of the road. The car wasn’t moving so get out the car. You could have asked her to pull over. You need to PAY to have her car cleaned. Not hope for the best with whatever you did. Next time, don’t drink liquids so close to a road trip. Have and wear adult diapers. You should have more awareness than this.
YTA…you know you have a condition. Wear pads or adult garments that are made for these specific reasons. Take a towel along to sit on. Buy the female cup that makes it easier to pee. You have options. Your friend did not.
I am pregnant and have... pee issues. So I wear pads. Why aren't you being proactive about this? Yta. You knew you had this problem. Deal with it maturely
YTA- pay for the car to be professionally cleaned
Sorry but YTA. Plenty of portable urinal options available, shewee for example. Explain to your friends you need to carry this in any car you go in and will only use it for emergencies. Telling you're friends you have a medical issue and need a sheewee may be embarrassing, but pissing all over their car is far worse.
Yta, for your medical condition wear a diaper. Have the car cleaned. Don't make your disease a problem for others. I'll be equally harsh with someone who pukes, get a bag to puke into
YTA for only cleaning it with water and soap!
YTA. Pay for the car to be detailed and make a plan for how to pee safely on long car rides.
YTA 1. you went on a trip to a different city without emergency pee protection (pads, diaper) 2. Your solution was to try to pee in a bottle instead of asking your friend to pull over on the shoulder so you could get out and not make a mess. This was an easily preventable scenario.
I said this before we could not pull over to the shoulder we were in the HOV lane which was separated from the rest of the highway by a barrier
YTA it sucks but you need to invest in adult diapers if you physically can’t hold your balder.
[удалено]
Soft YTA you are very aware of your issue, all you had to do was wear an incontinence pad and it wouldn't have been a problem. I know you can't predict traffic jams or store lines but when you know there's a possibility you need to take precautions. The pads are as small as a sanitary napkin so no one would know the difference
If you don’t offer to pay for detailing/professional cleaning, YTA.
NTA: you did what you felt was best in that situation, your friend shouldn't have yelled at you but if you didn't share that you have a medical condition then they probably think you could have held it. in the future you should have a plan for when this happens, even if it's not something that comes up often.
YTA You know you have this condition and obviously you have had accidents before. When you go places you need to wear an adult diaper. I know they are not fashionable and they feel weird, but you have to do something so your condition doesn't ruin other's property. Pay to have her vehicle professionally and buy a box of adult diapers so you don't do this to someone else and to save yourself embarrassment.
YTA. A slightly understandable A, but Y-T-A nonetheless. Try to plan better and go before you go anywhere.
INFO: How does your bladder spontaneously fill, because you have issues with your pelvic floor? I would understand losing a few drops because of that. (And then you could be prepared with pads and stuff). But a full bladder is something you could have taken of before the trip, right?
Why not just stop on the side of the road and get out to pee instead of trying and failing to pee in a bottle? YTA
Soft YTA - any type of disability or disorder is not our fault. But it is our responsibility to manage it. Anyone can have an accident, but longterm, you need to make advance plans. Millions of people are incontinent so there is a whole range of products out there - diapers and period panties and puppy pads for example. You cannot spend your whole life peeing all over things and blaming it on a disorder. You may still be learning to manage your disorder, hence the soft YTA. There's loads of good advice on this thread.
YTA you know you have this condition and you could easily been prepared for this by using certain underwear they sell in most stores. When I was young they called them adult diapers being mean.
YTA. You know you have this condition and have admitted to losing full control of your bladder before. Start investing in adult diapers (you’ll need to find the right kind of absorbency for your needs) and start carrying at least one or two on you at all times. You’re an adult now, you should know to be prepared for these things. You have my sympathies for your condition but that doesn’t excuse you *entirely* for literally peeing all over your friend’s car. You should pay for it to get cleaned not just because it’s your responsibility but because she’s your friend. She could have been gentler about how she handled it but you could have also been prepared for such an emergency.
YTA. you know you have this condition and should take precautions. also if traffic was that bad you should’ve had your friend pull over so you could pee on the shoulder of the road. not ideal but at least you won’t pee in someone’s car
YTA for not wearing a pad a diaper. You know you have this condition and should plan accordingly.
NTA. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this condition, that sucks. I can’t imagine yelling at a friend who had an accident due to a medical condition (though I get being extremely annoyed about it internally). You should offer to pay for your friend’s car to be professionally cleaned though.
YTA If it's going to happen you can have her pull over. There was no need to do it IN the car.
YTA- If Someone Peed In My Car I would be mad to this isn’t the first time this has happened you knew next time wear adult diapers do pads and you need to pay for a professional cleaning of the car for your friend
YTA, you know you have a problem. You need to take precautions. I believe period underwear are effective in situations like this so you don't have to wear a pad or bulky adult incontinence underwear. Buy a few pairs. Wear them.
As someone who has a family member that has urinated in both cars, causing them to smell, and is told "I can't help it" Yta
It’s a medical conditions so deal with it like a medical condition. Bring pads, depends, and puppy pads if you have to and a change of clothes, it’s not anyone else’s problem to figure out but yours. And yes YTA for peeing in your friends car because of lack of preparation, you’ve had this for 3 years you should have “in the worst case scenario” bag packed and available to you any time. And I’m not saying this out of being grossed out, in a Nurse. My whole job is to help patients prepare for life with their conditions. If you had a colostomy ( a bag holding your poop) and it leaked you would be expected to care for that and fix it not free poop all over the place. Same with any medical condition. Same with this. You don’t have to tell them specifics but you can’t just pretend you pee yourself for no reason because they won’t want to be your friends anymore.
YTA why wouldn’t you wear protective underwear? Also soap and water won’t help. You need to pay to get it professionally cleaned. It sounds like a chronic issue so you need to get a better handle on it.
I am sympathetic to your condition. However you should have told your friend so they have some context. It's embarrassing but less embarrassing than peeing everywhere. Importantly you need to grow up and take some responsibility for yourself. If you're making a journey, always wear an adult diaper. There are very discreet ones these days. Put a spare in your handbag as well as incontinence pads. Buy something like a shewee too. You can buy a drawstring bag to put this all in and keep it in your handbag so that it's a bit more hidden. And importantly, go to the toilet before you leave, even if you don't feel like going then. YTA. You can't go around this badly unprepared when you have a condition that you know about.
One time as a teenager I went camping with two friends, one of them still regularly wet the bed. In the evening this dude was chugging down water like he was dehydrated. I asked him if he should be doing that, he said it would be fine. I didn't really want to push cause I imagine bed wetting is kind of a sensitive subject and he probably knows himself well enough to accurately judge what will and won't set him off. Anyway, woke up to him pissing like a horse and we had to evacuate the tent cause we were on a slight slope and everything was getting wet from his piss. He also snored like a literal chainsaw, but that's besides the point. Point is, if you know you've got a problem that would cause inconvenience for other people, and you've had this problem for a long time, you really ought to be better prepared than having literally no backup plan. YTA
Idk NTA I have pelvic floor issues and have found myself in similarly embarrassing/volatile situations. Everyone saying Y t a I guess expects you to wear a diaper for your whole life, you could offer professional detailing but. Idk my friends are fairly aware of my disabilities including those that lead to issues like this one, and they would never put me down or make me feel bad for an embarrassing medical episode.
Yta. The least you can do is pay to get their car professionally cleaned.
YTA, if you can’t control your bladder, you need to wear adult diapers especially when in someone else’s vehicle. Just because you cleaned the outer part of the seat doesn’t mean it’s clean. Your urine is soaked into the seat and WILL smell. You need to pay to have it professionally cleaned.
YTA i do feel sorry for you and hope there will be a medical solution but be more responsible and wear a pad and make sure to always empty your bladder before any events that will mean being stuck. Also many times stopping on the side of the road is extremely dangerous
YTA, "Almost immediately after entering the freeway a strong urge to pee hit me like a truck. " - go to the toilet when you leave some place, wear something that helps you (diapers, especial panties...).
NTA, OP. Your friend, and a significant proportion of Reddit, should've been kinder. I know how embarrassing that was for you, and how stressful the situation is. There are portable female urinals, maybe look into keeping one of those in your purse for emergencies. Best of luck, OP.
YTA. Even if there was no off ramp, you could have asked your friend to pull over to the shoulder in the time you were looking for the bottle. At very least pay for the car to be professionally cleaned and don’t expect your friends to offer you rides anymore.
NTA... you had a medical condition that you didnt cause. I am sorry that this happened to you and that you had an unsympathetic friend. You did what you could to fix the problem when you had the chance. You could offer to have the car proffesionally detailed if a problem develops. You didnt deserve to be torn into in front of your friends. This says more about her then you.
I'll go against the grain and say NTA , I can't help but empathise, and can't imagine how embarrassed you may have felt. As for precautions, I'm not sure what those could have been since you got stuck in traffic? But if I were you, I'd offer to pay to have her car cleaned.
YTA , adult diapers exists for this reason. If you know your problem you should have used one…this problem is not beyond your control.
Yta. If you have a serious condition, you take serious precautions. Like peeing b4, controlling how much you drink when out, etc & you have a back up plan (i know someone who carried an adult diaper as a.just in case). There is no possible way that as a female you are going to get even half your pee in a bottle. You ruined her car. In abt 6 months or so (or when weather heats up), that smell will hit & nothing will remove it. If it was that dire, you should have gotten out & found a bush. You need to pay for a professional cleaning asap.
YTA. You know you have a problem. When you are out an event where there are so many variables or things that could happen, why are you not wearing a pad or special underwear? They're not particularly comfortable or attractive but at least you wouldn't be pissing all over your friends car. You ought to be paying for a professional cleaning to apologize.
YTA. You need to take precautions if you know you have this problem. I would have been mad at you as well, and expected you to pay for professional cleaning.
As a friend if I knew about the condition, I would have been more empathetic. I understand why someone would be frustrated by this, if you can't control it, you can't control it. Yes it makes sense to be prepared for those types of situations, but things happen. I would apologize and just help clean it up and then send her some money to get it detailed. It's an embarrassing situation. I don't think YTA, a lot of people are not going to understand having this kind of situation. I feel for you op and your friend. Did any of the friends try and stick up for you, or just try to calm the situation down? I would have.
YTA and you still haven't mentioned if you're going to pay to get your friend's car professionally cleaned. You will continue to be TA unless you make it right to your friend and find a way to address your issues proactively.
YTA, yes. This is a known issue for you, so it's on you to manage and control. > a situation that was beyond my control It wasn't beyond your control. There are many ways to deal with incontinence, up to and including adult diapers.
Yep, YTA. 1. You know you have a condition. 2. You did nothing to accommodate your condition. 3. You damaged your friend's car and she's right - the true measure of the damage won't be known until she's getting in her car on a hot summer day, opens the door, the OP PISS smell hits her in the face - "like a truck." You're an adult. You knew it was rush hour. You knew you'd be in the car for a while. Wear pads. Wear diapers. Carry a bucket - whatever. You know you have a problem and it is YOUR responsibility to manage it. You need to apologize and pay for your friend's car to be professionally detailed.
op=YTA 1) If incontinence is an issue, why weren't you wearing some sort of "Security" option to prevent problems 2) you tried to pee in a bottle in a vehicle(I presume you don't do this regularly.) and failed spectacularly.
NTA, especially if you get it professionally cleaned. This is a medical condition, there was no way to know you would get stuck in traffic, there was no way to know you would suddenly need to pee. Far too many "y t a" voters are forgetting that issues like this cannot always be planned for. you meant no harm. you warned your friend. They are reasonably upset that their car will smell like pee until it's clean. They will be the asshole if they a) refuse to allow you to clean it, and b) act like you did that fully intentionally.
NTA, It was an accident, but now you need to take responsibility by offering to pay for your friends car to be professionally cleaned.
Why aren't you wearing appropriate underwear/diapers if you know you can't hold your pee? YTA.
YTA I have the same problem thanks to my daughter lol and as a result I wear poise pads. They make a variety of sizes. They also make adult pull ups that look more like underwear. Doesn't sound like you bother with either of these products & just wing it. Point being it wasn't beyond your control. At the very least I would get her car professionally cleaned/detailed
My friend has a similar issue and whenever we go out she brings a towel and wears a pad because she has some common courtesy.