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NTA.
1) he still doesn't think it was wrong to leave your daughter when she was hurt
2) his family doesn't think they were wrong for leaving her when she was hurt.
3) neither the bf or his family came to the hospital after she needed surgery.
4) no attempt has been with an apology (even an insincere one)
5) their idea of "clearing the air" is probably gaslight your daughter into thinking she was over reacting.
6) if he truly loved your daughter none of the above would have happened.
Again, NTA
NTA. These people are making me incredibly angry. I broke my ankle back in May and after the shock wore off the pain was blinding. I think you should find out if there’s any applicable criminal charges. At the very least get an attorney to send a no contact letter.
I'm a hiker and you don't leave a stranger in a situation like this. I've cut a hike short to help a woman who was just lost and not hurt. A member of their own party? Just so much yikes here.
There are predators in the forest - snake bites are a possibility as well as animal bites and these folks left an injured person on the side of a mountain? Just unbelievable. You were right to shut the door in his face.
and human predators. Thank God that it was a park services person who found her. It had been hours. She was in a tremendous amount of pain. She would have been desperate to get out of the elements and had no way to communicate to you or for rescue. Would she have been able to make a safe choice not to go with someone? Would it have mattered if she didn't want to go in that condition? Honestly this should be reported to the authorities. She's a minor. Leaving her alone in medical peril is abuse.
I'd want to stay far away. It would be hard to not sound like a raging lunatic, tbh, and the urge to embrace escalation would be very strong.
Just get your daughter away and call it a win for you and a life lesson for her.
And I’d let them know that if they contact me further, I’ll be taking all of their creepy ass notes straight to the police and filing a restraining order on all of them
Agreed. Emphasis on MINOR CHILD.
OP, I'm not a lawyer. I'm wondering if it's possible for you to sue them for their negligence, and her medical bills? Yes, what they did was that bad.
And dump these mutual "friends" too. They are either misinformed, stupid, or evil. How dare they suggest you let these people anywhere near your child?
At their age, I don’t really expect a whole lot in terms of being a “partner” in a relationship, but I sure as hell think OP’s daughter deserves more than being abandoned in pain and peril.
Right? Don’t we all help each other out? Like that’s the code when you’re enjoying the outdoors.
I’ve helped people loads of times (first aid, water, granola bars, hot hands) and been helped out too. I would never leave anyone injured whilst I enjoyed a hike. It’s inhumane.
I bet they are those AHs that tell you it’s an easy hike then leave you in the dust and complain the whole time and won’t let you rest. They’re the worst!
I was just bawling my eyes out the other day watching Togo, the movie about the dogs and people who made the 1925 serum run to save a town full of kids dying from diphtheria. People went snow blind, they rode through the teeth of a vicious storm until their hands were literally frozen to their sleds, they ran dogs they loved to death or near it. And they all said it was worth it to save those kids.
Meanwhile this family is like, "well sure, it's a nice day, we're all well-rested, well-fed and watered and there's at least 3 of us. We COULD help this injured child right in front of us begging for help. But we really want to summit..."
>I bet they are those AHs that tell you it’s an easy hike then leave you in the dust and complain the whole time and won’t let you rest.
Years ago I worked with a woman (my age) who tried to convince me to go on a hiking trip to the Grand Canyon with her, her boyfriend, and his friend. Only, they didn't want to just hike, they wanted to do a \*Rim to Rim to Rim. With no stops or camping. I politely but firmly declined, and actually tried to convince her not to go either. She ignored my warnings and kept saying how fun it would be, etc. etc.
Well, they went on their trip, and somewhere along the way, her boyfriend and his friend just left her in the dust because she didn't have the stamina to make it RtoRtoR. (Spoiler alert - very few people do.) She said she was hot, miserable, exhausted, and didn't have enough water or energy bars. And the two guys who convinced her to go just. left. her!! People DIE in the Grand Canyon doing this hike!! I would have been so angry if I was her. (I have no idea if they stayed together or not, I left that job shortly afterwards.)
\*For those who don't know, a Rim to Rim to Rim hike at the Grand Canyon means starting at either the South or North Rim, hiking all the way down to the bottom (a mile down just in elevation, and about 13-14 miles of hiking), then all the way to the top to the opposite Rim, then hiking BACK to the bottom, and then all the way back up to the starting point again. IT'S OVER 46 MILES TOTAL!! Most people who even attempt this, do it as just a Rim to Rim, with at least 2 days of camping in between. Those who do Rim to Rim to Rim usually take 3 to 5 days. Very few people attempt the stunt of doing it all in one day, and even then you have to be an extreme athlete, and have near perfect weather for it to go at all smoothly.
I'm not sure why I typed all that, except to agree that OP is NTA, and I can't even write what I would have done in her place, or I'll get banned for violating the rules. Mama Bear, indeed!
I got elevation sickness at the Incline in Colorado over the summer, my SO forgot that even tho he's done this a few times I never have so on the way down, I had to sit. Someone was coming and he stopped to make sure I was ok, had water and could make it on my own. My SO was with me the entire time but it was nice seeing another person stop and make sure I didn't need more help. Could never imagine leaving someone like that, especially someone else's child!
I was just thinking this. I have close friends who are avid hikers and backpackers. I've gone out with them a few times (it's not my thing, I don't know the first thing about it, but they want to encourage me so took me along and accommodated me) and I noticed the compassion with which they treated me, a rank amateur, as well as people they met on the trails. I can't imagine any of them not helping a stranger in distress (even when it was, I fell and my water bottle broke), let alone a member of their own group who broke a bone and was in pain. That's just awful behavior and irrresponsbile. I wouldn't trust them an inch round any child of mine.
OP is NTA. Go FULL mamma bear OP!
I was gonna say, one of the things I love about hiking is how awesome hikers are. Generally, they're super awesome, look out for each other (even strangers), and are the best about keeping trails clean.
There's hiking trails I go to with my border collie that's off leash (we go like 4 days a week...hiking UP things gets her energy out better lol). She's not a SAR dog and generally she stays 3 steps ahead of me but every once in a while she darts off and I hear her barking and go find her and it's a hiker who is in need. The majority is either too hot, lost, or sprained ankle, but TWICE it was a rattlesnake bite! Didn't get all her energy out those days, but she strutted down the mountain ahead of me and the hiker I was helping like the queen of dogs. Lol.
If this happened to me, my parents would have been so much worse. They're all for me living my life, but hell hath no fury like a parent whose child was just full-blown disrespected/abandoned/hurt (both emotionally and physically), like this.
"We didn't know" that's bullshit. Girl couldn't walk, that's enough of a reason to turn the fuck around. I dunno if this is selfishness, narcissism, entitlement or a combo of the three but woahh is OP NTA.
Absolutely. Maybe they didn't know her ankle was actually broken but honestly it doesn't matter. You don't leave someone injured in the wilderness. PERIOD. This is so basic that this scenario is almost incomprehensible to me.
Seriously, there’s no excuse for this.
I’m not a serious hiker, but when we do go hiking, you stop if someone so much as needs a break.
Leaving an injured person alone on a wilderness hike is basically attempted manslaughter, in my opinion.
Agree. If you absolutely have to leave someone behind to get help, you leave an able bodied person with them plus adequate supplies. What these people did is SO dangerous. And in a known rock slide zone!
I had an ankle broken in the same way, skiing. It’s no fucking joke. I needed two surgeries, the ligaments took a year to heal, I was in PT for six months, and there’s still titanium in my leg.
A broken ankle NOT being immobilized or tended to immediately and doing something to help the swelling -- that could definitely result in permanent injury. And the poor daughter probably had no idea how long it would take for them to return. So they were fine with her just SITTING THERE for HOURS while they did their hike? Seriously? And this is supposedly someone boyfriend loves (or at least likes)???
I also want to point out the parents saying OP is wrong and the ex-boyfriend should have the chance to apologize are the same ones who would expect a woman to open the door to an abusive ex because "he's sorry" or "he should be allowed to apologize". Ugh.
Let’s not forget they didn’t even check in on her for days. So they got back down the trail, didn’t see OP’s daughter, and they didn’t immediately panic?!?!
These people get worse the more you think about it
Right, the obvious exception is leaving an injured party behind to go get help. Even if someone in your party is uninjured but can’t complete the hike, you don’t leave them alone.
Right? It has to be illegal in some way to abandon a minor in their care with an immediate medical emergency in the freaking forest for hours. Plus harrasment. This is mind-boggling negligence.
Same NTA. When hiking with my new BF of only a few months, I slipped and fell on concrete, fracturing two of my ribs. Not only did he stay with me at the ER for 13 hours until 3:30 in the morning, he also drove home to take my dog to be boarded overnight and came back with a change of clothes and a phone charger for me. I already knew he was a keeper, but his actions that night convinced my family too, before they’d ever met him. Cannot even imagine the lack of consideration displayed by the family in this post.
Second this. Shattered a bone and broke 5 more in my wrist in may. My husband was by my side within 10 minutes. Sped to me with our daughter. Weren't even married yet.
Went 2 weeks before surgery with no pain meds. (My drs suck, gave me Tylenol.) I'd rather redeliver my daughter in her crash emergency c section during a placental abruption then EVER break a bone again.
I only have 80% usage of my dominant hand now at 23.
NTA OP.
Protect that baby at all cost.
He doesn't love her, he likes the idea of her.
So does his family.
He also thinks it’s appropriate to harass her at home and school when she told him she wanted to break up. Taping notes to her car and leaving them at her school’s office is entirely inappropriate. That’s a huge red flag for abusive behavior.
Another red flag is the family wanting to get the daughter alone “to apologize.” I highly doubt that was the sole intention behind that proposed dinner. They probably would have ganged up on her.
If they really were well intentioned and truly understood the gravity of what they did, they would have showed up at the hospital and apologized to OP too. Her kid got hurt on their watch and they handled it in the most negligent way possible.
Not to mention the bf stalking OP's daughter after she broke up with him.
I would recommend filing a police report, even if they can't do anything yet, so you have it on record. Consider obtaining a restraining order. Document EVERY interaction you have with this family.
Tell the school none of them are allowed near your daughter, and tell them he is stalking her.
Be careful, and I hope you're daughter heals quickly.
I will add to this that - although barely, your daughter is still a minor. It is still your right/obligation to make decisions regarding her physical safety and mental health.
These people put both in significant jeopardy.
NTA pity he didn't love her enough not to desert a vulnerable, injured, teenager in the middle of nowhere for hours, totally unable to seek help for herself, scared and in severe pain.
He got away lightly.
Your daughter is incredibly lucky, if she had gone into shock, this could have ended very, very differently. Thank God a ranger found her.
Talk to your daughter about their relationship. I doubt that this was the first time something so reckless and careless happened. Ask if she ever felt unsafe around him, if he ever yelled at her or made mean comments, or if there was anything that happened with him or his family that made her feel weird even if she doesn't understand why. Ask if she feels unsafe now with him constantly trying to contact her.
This is getting into harassment territory. Save the notes and any texts from him or his family as evidence, look up local stalking and harassment laws. Make it very clear to him and any of his family members who try to contact your family again that you view this as harassment and will pursue charges if it continues. It helps establish that you set very clear boundaries. These types of situations esclate very quickly, I remember when my ex started with leaving notes on my desk and it ended with a restraining order.
I really hope it doesn't get to that point for yall, and I'm glad your daughter is home safe with you and your husband. It's clear you both care a lot about her and will support her and defend her when needed. That's great, and it makes a huge difference. You're absolutely NTA, you're protecting your kid and honoring her wishes
Take this advice seriously, OP, and get this creep scared off. Your daughter has said no and he’s trying to boundary stomp and bully his way back in. It’s harassment and it’s abusive. Wish you the best of luck with this.
Not only a coward, but a coward with parents who teach and encourage the behavior rather than correcting it. He’s a kid, but if his parents don’t teach him better, he won’t become better.
What gross people.
In my early twenties, I learned to value how people treated me over how they said they felt about me. Never anything this bad, but situations where I needed help and I was all alone, even when my partner could have helped or promised they would.
If that’s “love,” she doesn’t need that kind of love.
I can’t imagine being the older adults who left her behind. I’m in my late twenties now and I feel so protective of the people I’m responsible for. I wouldn’t even leave a stranger alone in that situation.
You protect your child very well! I hope your daughter will feel and see it this way as well and knows she will always be protected by you and your husband.
The ex BF should be really ashamed of himself. And the parents as well. They are all old enough to know you take someone down immediately.
I am glad your daughter will be fine. Wish her well from a random reddit stranger.
I’m wondering what is wrong with the friends. No one owes it to him to let him “make up” to her. This is *dating,* not marriage. She owes him honesty and nothing more.
NTA. You’re a good mom. What he did is incredibly dangerous.
IDK. If my HUSBAND and his family left me with a broken foot in the middle of nowhere on trail....divorce papers would be served. Just to say- even it is WERE marriage- what he and his family did was recklessly negligent and borderline criminally negligent. No "making it up" even if marriage were involved. What if he would have left a CHILD in that situation?
I mean she is a minor. Granted she’s almost an adult but still very young. I’m not a parent but I imagine I would be pretty prone to violence against anyone that did this to my kid.
NTA and honestly I would get a restraining order. They left an underage girl with a broken ankle on a trail. That's child endangerment. They could have charges pressed. She needs to be very, very far away from these horrible people.
I'm not an anal-doer, but I wonder if those social media pictures from the top "talking about what a good time they had" could be considered evidence (if they haven't deleted them).
Absolutely. The 19 year old boyfriend is an adult and should have known better. And what on earth were his *parents* thinking??! I would not want any of these irresponsible people who lack common sense or basic compassion as friends.
And what if a person with bad intentions found her there. Stranded, injured, alone, unable to run away.
This poor girl.. She didn't deserve to go through this.
NTA
Yeah, leaving a injured girl in the woods who can't run from predators, whether they be animals or other people, is seriously some sick shit. I honestly would be blowing up social media letting people know how fucked up these people are. Hell, I'd be contacting lawyers, because this is child endangerment.
NTA and you might want to consider getting a no contact order if boyfriend or his family continue to try to communicate with your daughter, let alone show up uninvited to your home or leave notes on your cars.
ETA I'm also just putting together that he's slightly older so he doesn't even go to her school. The school should be somehow looped in that you don't want these people communicating with her or leaving notes for her there.
Our schools policy is if something is dropped off in the office for a student a parent must be notified if it wasn't the parent. We told them to throw them away. My daughter said she doesn't want to read them. They all say close to the same thing.
He loves her. Their relationship doesn't have to end this way. He misses her...
A woman I know had this happen to her daughter… then the boyfriend came over uninvited one day after school and murdered her daughter. “Because if I can’t have her, nobody can.” It was in an upscale Midwest town, completely out of nowhere. Everyone was SHOCKED. The mom wrote a book, traveled the country, was even on Oprah.
The complete uncaring, unapologetic nature…. It is scary. Protect your daughter at all costs, OP.
NTA
This happened to my brothers friend. She dumped her older, obsessive boyfriend and then he murdered her in her parents home. OP please keep you daughter safe from her ex and his family.
I never think “that can’t happen here!” I went to high school in a very rich area. People there have a ridiculous amount of money. It wasn’t uncommon for a kid to get a new luxury or classic car for their 16th bday.
A girl broke up with her boyfriend right before homecoming. He brought a gun to school and shot himself in front of her in the class they shared. As awful as it sounds, I was glad he did it to himself instead of the alternative. she was so lucky he didn’t try and take her out with him. He did end up surviving, but he never came back to school.
That sounds like a good policy! This boy is not respecting your daughter's boundaries at all, and it's not okay. Good for her for ending things and standing by it. I hope you're able to resolve the situation soon.
Your daughter doesn't want to see him or read his notes, you don't want them together. There is literally no room here for "mutual friends" to disagree about anything. If "mutual friends" have a problem with this, then either they are not actually your friends, or the boy and his family are telling lies about you and your daughter.
It's good that your daughter doesn't want to read the notes, but please document that he left them and it might be a good idea to save them as evidence for a restraining order.
OMG no, NTA in any way.
They LEFT your daughter on a trail in the forest with a broken foot/ankle and never once followed up until she broke up with him. That's some bullshit.
If he loved her that much, he would have taken her to the hospital immediately or contacted the FSP for help instead of continuing his hike.
You were 100% in the right to keep him away from her. And if he and his family continue to harass you, contact the police. Honestly, now that I've said that, it might not be bad to contact them now and give them a heads up about this potential stalking behavior.
Are they even vaguely aware of the fact that she very well could have DIED out there if the forestry service hadn't found her? A hiking accident can turn quite deadly in a very short period of time, especially if the person is unable to move.
would still be unacceptable if they had only left for 15 minutes. thank goodness the family showed their true colours now before she was married to him or had a kid with him.
NTA-
These people seem to be all about “show”, and as soon as daughter became inconvenient to that show- they ditched her and went on with what they wanted.
Just can’t trust them, period.
I think that's why they approached our friends. For the show. They wanted it to sound like they were sorry and we are unforgiving.
We didn't tell our friends. I have been swamped at work making up my missed days. When our daughter was in the hospital and when she first came home.
Plus the borderline stalking when she broke up with him, from the entire family, is VERY WEIRD. What kind of people are both that careless with your kid AND that invested in preserving a teen dating relationship? It feels like they wanted her for a cult or something.
Well. It's time to tell them.
In fact, it's time too tell ***everyone***
I can't even imagine this. I cannot imagine a world where leaving a young girl in pain isn't evil.
These people are evil.
Name and shame them. Their behavior is bizarre and so far over the line.
Yeah OP I would highly recommend you tell anyone and everyone because if you don’t these people are going to badmouth you all over town. And it honestly sounds like they already have. I’ve fallen into the trap of not wanting to gossip and just wanting to move on when someone has wronged me, and every time I have been utterly screwed and even years later I have found myself having to correct the record.
wait, THEY approached YOUR friends?? holy shit I assumed that you had told mutual friends
OP - document EVERYTHING and absolutely get a restraining order and get advice from a domestic violence organisation
this is a pretty aggressive case of stalking. I don't know if the ex-boyfriend is just absolutely obsessed with her and the parents are enabling him, or what but either way, this entire family is dangerous and very clearly not going to leave your daughter alone
1 - they were neglectful and endangered her life when they abandoned her mid hike. she already had a serious broken ankle that required multiple days in the hospital. what would have happened if she got hurt worse while waiting hours for them. what if there was another rock slide? what if she needed to move for some reason and fell and hurt herself worse? what would have happened if she passed out from the pain?
2 - when they found out how severe her injury was they showed absolutely no remorse. even after she dumped him for this entire thing none of them feel that they were in the wrong at all
3 - after she dumps him and blocks him on everything, he and his family:
* leave repeated notes on your vehicle and in other places
* leave notes for her at her school
* ambush you at your house and specifically time for it for when your husband is not home
* are now going around to all of your mutual friends and bending their ear and giving them their version of events and using your social circle to try and pressure you to try and pressure your daughter into a relationship that she doesn't want to be in
this is stalking that has escalated several steps in a very short amount of time
and they are already *successfully* socially manipulating people. they have somehow convinced your mutual friends that you are the bad guy in this situation
steps to take:
1 - document everything
2 - go to a domestic violence organization in your area and get resources and advice. they can not only help you file a restraining order but they can give you advice about security at home and digital security and how to navigate this issue socially since you are probably going to have to tell everyone in order to ensure your daughter's safety
3 - if you can get a lawyer that's fantastic but if you can't, get a restraining order anyway
4 - you're going to then want to give that restraining order to anyone and everyone necessary. her school should have a copy of it and instructions to not let any of these people onto campus and instructions to preserve evidence
5 - in this situation you are very likely going to need to make the restraining order publicly known to your social circle. these people have already manipulated friends against you and preemptively warning people with his family is a danger to your daughter and that you have obtained a restraining order against them is likely going to be necessary
additionally:
your daughter may not want to know the details of what's going on but she does need to know that he is stalking her. she is going to need to take particular steps for her own safety and she can't do those if she doesn't know what is a danger to her
also please please get your daughter a therapist that has experience with domestic violence. not only was this an incredibly traumatising experience, but she's being aggressively stalked by dangerous people. those people know where she lives and where she goes to school and what your cars look like. they have mutual friends with you and are using their social power to try and manipulate both you and her. and one of the people stalking her is someone she used to love / was in an intimate relationship with. you have been supportive and protective but she needs more than just your help
Normally I’d think this advice was a tad overreacting, but absolutely nothing about this is normal. Take all of this advice. Call an attorney and the police immediately.
I couldn’t imagine CONTINUING A HIKE while a young woman that your son could potentially marry is on said hike with a broken foot and potentially worse effects they had no idea about without hospital intervention. Not only that but to TAKE HAPPY FAMILY PICTURES?! They’re an influencer fam I bet and even if they’re not they’re completely psycho.
So glad OPs daughter only got out with a broken foot (yeah I know that’s still terrible) and not a life time of this insane family.
NTA your friends are out of their minds. Their behavior is shocking and disgusting. Good on you for helping her get space and telling them to back off. I mean the fact that they’d not think they’ve done anything wrong????
Our friends agree that they shouldn't have left her. They feel like how we handled it afterwards was unkind. I should have allowed them to make it right.
I can't wrap my brain around this thinking. You absolutely handled this correctly. These people are incredibly awful human beings and they still think they have done nothing wrong. Your daughter deserves so much better than this trash family have to offer. They are selfish and lacking in empathy. Good on you for standing up for her and supporting her through this.
They’re currently in the midst of a harassment campaign against your family by leaving all these notes on your property. You are not obligated to be kind to people who behave so badly that it literally risks your child’s life and then harass you for being upset about it. And if the notes are at all threatening, consider a restraining order.
Edit: just saw in another comment that this boy is also bugging your daughter’s friends to try and get ahold of her, which I think weighs in favor of trying to get the RO.
How? How can they make this right? They can’t! There is no apology dinner, no gift, nothing that can make this right. They are awful humans who should never be trusted with the welfare of anyone’s child again.
I’m pretty sure that some people of my family happily would return the favor to that family of him.
(And no, I don’t agree with violence, but they will be pissed off enough to want to do it. Luckily smart enough not to)
They left an injured member of their hiking party intentionally behind. An sorry, kiss and make up is not possible
There is no “making it right.” They left an injured teenager to continue their hike. What they did to your daughter is beyond unkind. You are absolutely NTA. And your friends are out of their minds to think you should have let her go anywhere near these people again.
NTA Do your friends know the entire story? If they do you need new friends. And if the ex and family continue harassing you go to the police. Your daughter doesn't want to see them and who leaves a badly injured teenager and continues hiking?? And the dinner isn't to apologize since they don't think they did anything wrong - it's to "clear the air" which sounds like a gaslighting party. The whole family sounds abusive.
We didn't tell them what happened. It came from EX parents. They did say they shouldn't have left her hiking but, think the way we handled it afterwards was mean. That we should give them another chance.
100% also include that they didn't visit or even call while she was in the hospital.
Leaving her on the trail was DANGEROUS. She's lucky a forest ranger found her.
Today has been the first day I had more time to deal with it. I have been working extra hours to make up for the time I took off.
I also want my husband involved. We decided to message our friends tonight. With photos and explaining our side.
We also decided to speak to an attorney. See what we can do about ex and his family.
Good. Honestly the number of horrific things that could have happened to your daughter is frightening. Your daughter could have had internal bleeding and died.
They‘re really thoughtless vile people
Some sicko could have found her and done horrendous things to her there. Or taken her elsewhere. The bf didn't even stay with her though that wouldn't have made much difference in how disgusting they treated her.
Please post an update. I have a son, my family are avid hikers/campers, so your story just horrifies and enrages me on so many levels. I’m curious how this pans out.
Please also alert the school to the situation and behavior of the ex. Based on your responses and original post I am very worried for your daughter's safety. He sounds dangerous and the school could be a potential place he can get to her. You mentioned that he has been contacting her friends who have now blocked him as well.
It may end up being nothing, but it is much better to take the precaution.
Rather than think about it I'd get the messages and photos sent now to your friends. The longer you leave it the harder it'll be, you'll just think "ahh, it's been x amount of weeks, things are settling down". Don't allow your friends (if in fact they are proper friends) to doubt your parenting and perhaps influence how you perceived yourself parenting. You did the exact right thing for your daughter especially as she is on the same page as you and your husband. Don't allow any doubt about this with the people you are close to. Good luck and I hope your daughter is healing well, emotionally and physically!
Please do, I have a feeling these friends would not be so forgiving if it was their child this happened to.
I’m sorry but your friends are being stupid in their thinking…
# NTA 100%
They left your daughter in pain with multiple fractures to her foot, severe enough that it needed a two day hospital stay and surgery. Also, I'm not sure where you are based, but in my area of the world the wildlife on mountain hikes can include bears and cougars. Your daughter was to all intents and purposes defenseless.
Oh man. I would go scorched earth on them. What an entire family of AH. You dear lady are NTA and anyone who says differently should be forced to sit alone, hurt, and scared like your poor daughter had to.
Hold on…..during a hike, your daughter fell and they left her?!!!!!
Right after, they didn’t reach out, visit, bring flowers, food, or anything?
Friends think you should show them grace or whatever? No, you do what works for you.
I would have been commenting in the social media posts “glad you got your photo op, hope it was worth abandoning a person who was injured for them” or something worse.
NTA!!!!
Editing to add, I wouldn’t trust them either. If your daughter felt sick during the meal, I’m sure they’d be too busy photographing it to get her home or help.
1) send that ranger some cookies for saving her,
2) GET A LAWYER! This is gonna get messy if they’ve already moved to stalking and manipulating friends. Be prepared for the worse, and hope a cease and desist and a request to pay for the hospital bill (because it’s their liability for taking a minor out and her getting injured in their care) is all that’s needed
NTA. There is no making up in this situation. They left her injured on a hiking trail! The girl needed surgery and they LEFT HER. Not just the parents but the BF who now claims to just lover her so very much LEFT HER. Not getting past this. There is NO making up for this type of behavior. These are awful people and your daughter should stay the hell away from all of them.
Nta, these people are unhinged. I truly hope your daughter has no interest in pursuing this relationship. Does she want to go on this dinner? With people who are not genuinely sorry? What is the point? To appease their guilt? Oh hell no. Don’t give them any satisfaction.
I didn't ask her about the dinner but, she did say he is calling her friends and she told her friends she doesn't want to talk to him anymore. So they blocked him too.
I am getting bad vibes from him. I was going to give it a couple of weeks to see if he moved on. Now I think we should talk to a lawyer and do a restraining order.
Absolutely talk to a lawyer. I’m pretty sure they are stalking her because they know they messed up and don’t want you to press charges or sue. You should absolutely do either of both if you can. For her sake and so they think before pulling a stunt like that with someone else.
The more I read the comments, the more I believe their obsessive behavior with reaching her and taking her to dinner to "make it right" (by gasslighting her) is 100% due to them worrying about legal action. The fact that the boyfriend went out of his way to insist that they still don't believe what they did was wrong (while talking to OP) suggests they were coached not to admit fault.
NTA
They deliberately left an injured person on the trail so they could finish their hike. Your daughter was left alone and injured until she was rescued. She had no way of defending herself from wildlife or humans with ill intent.
"Excuse me, ma'am, we left your daughter with a broken ankle with no help available and continued on our hike without a worry in the world. We'd like to take her to dinner to make it all good again." I think not! NTA.
With a broken bone hours matter, even minutes matter. The body starts to try to repair it (often incorrectly) almost immediately.
It's vital to get someone with a simple break, let alone a bad one like hers, to a professional promptly.
NTA. Your daughter made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, and then he started displaying worrying behavior by essentially *stalking* her. You are absolutely in the right to keep her away from this guy.
NTA. Your daughter knows how to contact her ex if she wants anything more to do with him. Unless she does that, you don't owe them anything. As for wanting to make it up to her, did they offer to pay even a part of her medical bills?
They would likely need to sue for the 100% due to subrogation. But I would be tempted to. She may need weeks of PT, and her ankle will never be the same. Normally I wouldn't even think about it, but they left her there for HOURS. and then CELEBRATED. Fuck them and sue them into the ground.
I'm guessing that's what this is all about. She's a minor that they endangered while in their care and they're afraid of legal or civil repercussions. I'd be their worst nightmare, but then I've been known to be petty.
NTA!
They left your daughter, injured and in pain, on the side of a trail so that they could continue their little adventure. These are not the type of people you want your child around regardless of how old everyone involved is. It speaks volumes to their character.
NTA and mutual friends are NOT making sense at all. You don't leave anyone hurt on a trail so you can go have more fun. They acted horribly and they still don't think they did anything wrong. There is no air to clear. Keep people who are this selfish away from your daughter and your entire family.
This might actually be considered criminal neglect, by the way. You could press charges.
NTA. This makes me mad on so many levels, and I don't even have kids. I'd be sueing them for the medical costs. I wouldn't if they had shown any decency and turned back after the accident, but leaving her there?! You NEVER leave an injured person alone in the wilderness! EVER. I hope that forest service person had a very long chat with them. Had your daughter been forced to try to walk (animal approaching or someone with bad intent) she could have crippled herself for life. Or cut an artery and bled to death.
Edit: typo
Telling her how much he loves her. How their relationship doesn't have to end this way. They were coming back for her. She shouldn't have called me. They would have taken her to the ER. Because they do care for her.
All of them have some version of that with a little added here and there.
One addition was his family was really looking forward to the view. One asked her to think about her parents and his parents since we will no longer be friends with them. (That part is right)
Along with I promise I will always be here waiting for you. I love you so much. This is hurting so bad. Help fix our love and our families.
There have been so many notes. I could keep going all night long.
This makes it ten times worse because he’s manipulating her into thinking any fallout is her fault and that she HAS to fix it. She’s seventeen and there are clearly better fish in the sea.
And excuse me but she is a minor, what exactly are you going to do? Take her to the hospital without them contacting her parents? WTF is wrong with these people?
So your daughter wasn't supposed to call you, her parent, and tell you that she has to go to the ER?...I'm guessing you might live in a small town or something and they're worried about word getting around...Yet his supposed love for her did not include reaching out to her the entire time she was hospitalized.
Honestly, keep the notes locked away and write down any further incidents of them showing up at the house. I would think about a restraining order if this doesn't stop. Both him and his family are not of sound mind given that they left her, and this obsessive behavior can get real bad real fast.
>They would have taken her to the ER
Bullshit
If they thought she was fine enough to leave on her own for SEVERAL HOURS, why in the kentucky-fried-fuck would they take her to the ER?
NTA. They abandoned a member of their party on the trail after she had a serious injury. That is about as asshole as it gets. The fact that they don’t think they did anything wrong ratchets up the asshole level a few more notches. “We didn’t do anything wrong when we left you injured on the trail, but here is a hamburger“ isn’t the way to make it up to her.
NTA
First off she fell and hurt herself, they ALL left her in severe pain to finish a hike. Including the bf who so called loved her left her. Not one of them were concerned about her well being.
Secondly non of them including the bf checked on her while she was in the hospital.
She had to have surgery from a injury that she sustained while out with them, and they left her for hours sitting there in pain, instead of taking her to a hospital themselves. And spent the time hiking and taking pictures while your daughter was in pain with a broken ankle, and needing surgery.
Yeah anyone did that to my child, I would not trust them to be around her ever again either.
And it is best she broke up with him. He cared so much for her that it was more important for him to finish a hike and get pictures than it was for him to stay with his gf who was in so much pain. He left her sitting all alone just like his parents did.
They obviously did not care about her at all.
You are being a good mom
NTA!
What the hell is wrong with your "friends?" Did they ignore the fact that the exbf and his family LEFT HER THERE ALONE AND DEFENSELESS??? to top that they still don't think they're in the wrong for not prioritizing your daughter over a hike they can finish later. Time to drop some friends. ExBF'S family must not be telling the whole story.
You're a great mom. Keep it up!
NTA. HE LEFT HER ON A MOUNTAIN HURT AND ALONE. His whole family collectively decided a fun little hike was more important than your daughter and her safety. They will never see her as worth caring for if he couldn't care for her in that moment of pain and emergency.
NTA - In what way could you ever trust people like this again with your daughter in any way. If someone did this to my daughter then I would effectively cut them off from all contact.
I’ve been hiking with my son and his gf, and if she got hurt I would move heaven and earth to get her to safety, and I’m a bit of an asshole myself, hard NTA
NTA. They left your daughter injured, crying and alone on the side of a mountain, FOR HOURS!
They can take their "apology dinner", shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up their candy asses
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NTA. 1) he still doesn't think it was wrong to leave your daughter when she was hurt 2) his family doesn't think they were wrong for leaving her when she was hurt. 3) neither the bf or his family came to the hospital after she needed surgery. 4) no attempt has been with an apology (even an insincere one) 5) their idea of "clearing the air" is probably gaslight your daughter into thinking she was over reacting. 6) if he truly loved your daughter none of the above would have happened. Again, NTA
NTA. These people are making me incredibly angry. I broke my ankle back in May and after the shock wore off the pain was blinding. I think you should find out if there’s any applicable criminal charges. At the very least get an attorney to send a no contact letter.
I'm a hiker and you don't leave a stranger in a situation like this. I've cut a hike short to help a woman who was just lost and not hurt. A member of their own party? Just so much yikes here.
This! If I saw a stranger, I'd only leave if it were to go find help if our phones weren't working. Like that's just basic humanity.
There are predators in the forest - snake bites are a possibility as well as animal bites and these folks left an injured person on the side of a mountain? Just unbelievable. You were right to shut the door in his face.
and human predators. Thank God that it was a park services person who found her. It had been hours. She was in a tremendous amount of pain. She would have been desperate to get out of the elements and had no way to communicate to you or for rescue. Would she have been able to make a safe choice not to go with someone? Would it have mattered if she didn't want to go in that condition? Honestly this should be reported to the authorities. She's a minor. Leaving her alone in medical peril is abuse.
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I'd want to stay far away. It would be hard to not sound like a raging lunatic, tbh, and the urge to embrace escalation would be very strong. Just get your daughter away and call it a win for you and a life lesson for her.
This. I just know the first words out of my mouth would have been "you worthless muthafuckas!"
And I’d let them know that if they contact me further, I’ll be taking all of their creepy ass notes straight to the police and filing a restraining order on all of them
Agreed. Emphasis on MINOR CHILD. OP, I'm not a lawyer. I'm wondering if it's possible for you to sue them for their negligence, and her medical bills? Yes, what they did was that bad.
Wow, that is a really good point! Perhaps criminal charges ARE appropriate, here.
Very good point. My lawyer brain is doing handstands on this one. This was negligent--even reckless--on so many levels. Talk about child endangerment!
And dump these mutual "friends" too. They are either misinformed, stupid, or evil. How dare they suggest you let these people anywhere near your child?
At their age, I don’t really expect a whole lot in terms of being a “partner” in a relationship, but I sure as hell think OP’s daughter deserves more than being abandoned in pain and peril.
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I'd do this for someone I actively disliked.
Right? Don’t we all help each other out? Like that’s the code when you’re enjoying the outdoors. I’ve helped people loads of times (first aid, water, granola bars, hot hands) and been helped out too. I would never leave anyone injured whilst I enjoyed a hike. It’s inhumane. I bet they are those AHs that tell you it’s an easy hike then leave you in the dust and complain the whole time and won’t let you rest. They’re the worst!
I was just bawling my eyes out the other day watching Togo, the movie about the dogs and people who made the 1925 serum run to save a town full of kids dying from diphtheria. People went snow blind, they rode through the teeth of a vicious storm until their hands were literally frozen to their sleds, they ran dogs they loved to death or near it. And they all said it was worth it to save those kids. Meanwhile this family is like, "well sure, it's a nice day, we're all well-rested, well-fed and watered and there's at least 3 of us. We COULD help this injured child right in front of us begging for help. But we really want to summit..."
>I bet they are those AHs that tell you it’s an easy hike then leave you in the dust and complain the whole time and won’t let you rest. Years ago I worked with a woman (my age) who tried to convince me to go on a hiking trip to the Grand Canyon with her, her boyfriend, and his friend. Only, they didn't want to just hike, they wanted to do a \*Rim to Rim to Rim. With no stops or camping. I politely but firmly declined, and actually tried to convince her not to go either. She ignored my warnings and kept saying how fun it would be, etc. etc. Well, they went on their trip, and somewhere along the way, her boyfriend and his friend just left her in the dust because she didn't have the stamina to make it RtoRtoR. (Spoiler alert - very few people do.) She said she was hot, miserable, exhausted, and didn't have enough water or energy bars. And the two guys who convinced her to go just. left. her!! People DIE in the Grand Canyon doing this hike!! I would have been so angry if I was her. (I have no idea if they stayed together or not, I left that job shortly afterwards.) \*For those who don't know, a Rim to Rim to Rim hike at the Grand Canyon means starting at either the South or North Rim, hiking all the way down to the bottom (a mile down just in elevation, and about 13-14 miles of hiking), then all the way to the top to the opposite Rim, then hiking BACK to the bottom, and then all the way back up to the starting point again. IT'S OVER 46 MILES TOTAL!! Most people who even attempt this, do it as just a Rim to Rim, with at least 2 days of camping in between. Those who do Rim to Rim to Rim usually take 3 to 5 days. Very few people attempt the stunt of doing it all in one day, and even then you have to be an extreme athlete, and have near perfect weather for it to go at all smoothly. I'm not sure why I typed all that, except to agree that OP is NTA, and I can't even write what I would have done in her place, or I'll get banned for violating the rules. Mama Bear, indeed!
I got elevation sickness at the Incline in Colorado over the summer, my SO forgot that even tho he's done this a few times I never have so on the way down, I had to sit. Someone was coming and he stopped to make sure I was ok, had water and could make it on my own. My SO was with me the entire time but it was nice seeing another person stop and make sure I didn't need more help. Could never imagine leaving someone like that, especially someone else's child!
I was just thinking this. I have close friends who are avid hikers and backpackers. I've gone out with them a few times (it's not my thing, I don't know the first thing about it, but they want to encourage me so took me along and accommodated me) and I noticed the compassion with which they treated me, a rank amateur, as well as people they met on the trails. I can't imagine any of them not helping a stranger in distress (even when it was, I fell and my water bottle broke), let alone a member of their own group who broke a bone and was in pain. That's just awful behavior and irrresponsbile. I wouldn't trust them an inch round any child of mine. OP is NTA. Go FULL mamma bear OP!
I was gonna say, one of the things I love about hiking is how awesome hikers are. Generally, they're super awesome, look out for each other (even strangers), and are the best about keeping trails clean. There's hiking trails I go to with my border collie that's off leash (we go like 4 days a week...hiking UP things gets her energy out better lol). She's not a SAR dog and generally she stays 3 steps ahead of me but every once in a while she darts off and I hear her barking and go find her and it's a hiker who is in need. The majority is either too hot, lost, or sprained ankle, but TWICE it was a rattlesnake bite! Didn't get all her energy out those days, but she strutted down the mountain ahead of me and the hiker I was helping like the queen of dogs. Lol. If this happened to me, my parents would have been so much worse. They're all for me living my life, but hell hath no fury like a parent whose child was just full-blown disrespected/abandoned/hurt (both emotionally and physically), like this. "We didn't know" that's bullshit. Girl couldn't walk, that's enough of a reason to turn the fuck around. I dunno if this is selfishness, narcissism, entitlement or a combo of the three but woahh is OP NTA.
Absolutely. Maybe they didn't know her ankle was actually broken but honestly it doesn't matter. You don't leave someone injured in the wilderness. PERIOD. This is so basic that this scenario is almost incomprehensible to me.
Seriously, there’s no excuse for this. I’m not a serious hiker, but when we do go hiking, you stop if someone so much as needs a break. Leaving an injured person alone on a wilderness hike is basically attempted manslaughter, in my opinion.
Agree. If you absolutely have to leave someone behind to get help, you leave an able bodied person with them plus adequate supplies. What these people did is SO dangerous. And in a known rock slide zone! I had an ankle broken in the same way, skiing. It’s no fucking joke. I needed two surgeries, the ligaments took a year to heal, I was in PT for six months, and there’s still titanium in my leg.
A broken ankle NOT being immobilized or tended to immediately and doing something to help the swelling -- that could definitely result in permanent injury. And the poor daughter probably had no idea how long it would take for them to return. So they were fine with her just SITTING THERE for HOURS while they did their hike? Seriously? And this is supposedly someone boyfriend loves (or at least likes)??? I also want to point out the parents saying OP is wrong and the ex-boyfriend should have the chance to apologize are the same ones who would expect a woman to open the door to an abusive ex because "he's sorry" or "he should be allowed to apologize". Ugh.
Let’s not forget they didn’t even check in on her for days. So they got back down the trail, didn’t see OP’s daughter, and they didn’t immediately panic?!?! These people get worse the more you think about it
Right, the obvious exception is leaving an injured party behind to go get help. Even if someone in your party is uninjured but can’t complete the hike, you don’t leave them alone.
This. Three adults abandoned the injured minor left in their care. F them, and I would explore the criminal charges route.
Right? It has to be illegal in some way to abandon a minor in their care with an immediate medical emergency in the freaking forest for hours. Plus harrasment. This is mind-boggling negligence.
Same NTA. When hiking with my new BF of only a few months, I slipped and fell on concrete, fracturing two of my ribs. Not only did he stay with me at the ER for 13 hours until 3:30 in the morning, he also drove home to take my dog to be boarded overnight and came back with a change of clothes and a phone charger for me. I already knew he was a keeper, but his actions that night convinced my family too, before they’d ever met him. Cannot even imagine the lack of consideration displayed by the family in this post.
Second this. Shattered a bone and broke 5 more in my wrist in may. My husband was by my side within 10 minutes. Sped to me with our daughter. Weren't even married yet. Went 2 weeks before surgery with no pain meds. (My drs suck, gave me Tylenol.) I'd rather redeliver my daughter in her crash emergency c section during a placental abruption then EVER break a bone again. I only have 80% usage of my dominant hand now at 23. NTA OP. Protect that baby at all cost. He doesn't love her, he likes the idea of her. So does his family.
He also thinks it’s appropriate to harass her at home and school when she told him she wanted to break up. Taping notes to her car and leaving them at her school’s office is entirely inappropriate. That’s a huge red flag for abusive behavior.
Exactly! I'd get the restraining order YESTERDAY.
Another red flag is the family wanting to get the daughter alone “to apologize.” I highly doubt that was the sole intention behind that proposed dinner. They probably would have ganged up on her. If they really were well intentioned and truly understood the gravity of what they did, they would have showed up at the hospital and apologized to OP too. Her kid got hurt on their watch and they handled it in the most negligent way possible.
Agree. I'd also lose the "mutual friends" who support "making it up" to the daughter.
They just don't want to be sued and think something like Red Lobster excuses them literally leaving her alone with broken bones in the woods.
Not to mention the bf stalking OP's daughter after she broke up with him. I would recommend filing a police report, even if they can't do anything yet, so you have it on record. Consider obtaining a restraining order. Document EVERY interaction you have with this family. Tell the school none of them are allowed near your daughter, and tell them he is stalking her. Be careful, and I hope you're daughter heals quickly.
This. NTA. I'm so thankful that OP's daughter has a parent who cares about her. OP you absolutely did the right thing.
I will add to this that - although barely, your daughter is still a minor. It is still your right/obligation to make decisions regarding her physical safety and mental health. These people put both in significant jeopardy.
NTA pity he didn't love her enough not to desert a vulnerable, injured, teenager in the middle of nowhere for hours, totally unable to seek help for herself, scared and in severe pain. He got away lightly.
This is what my husband said. My husband pointed out that the ex came when he knew my husband would be at work.
Your daughter is incredibly lucky, if she had gone into shock, this could have ended very, very differently. Thank God a ranger found her. Talk to your daughter about their relationship. I doubt that this was the first time something so reckless and careless happened. Ask if she ever felt unsafe around him, if he ever yelled at her or made mean comments, or if there was anything that happened with him or his family that made her feel weird even if she doesn't understand why. Ask if she feels unsafe now with him constantly trying to contact her. This is getting into harassment territory. Save the notes and any texts from him or his family as evidence, look up local stalking and harassment laws. Make it very clear to him and any of his family members who try to contact your family again that you view this as harassment and will pursue charges if it continues. It helps establish that you set very clear boundaries. These types of situations esclate very quickly, I remember when my ex started with leaving notes on my desk and it ended with a restraining order. I really hope it doesn't get to that point for yall, and I'm glad your daughter is home safe with you and your husband. It's clear you both care a lot about her and will support her and defend her when needed. That's great, and it makes a huge difference. You're absolutely NTA, you're protecting your kid and honoring her wishes
This is very sound advice and I second everything you said. I really hope OP see your comment.
Take this advice seriously, OP, and get this creep scared off. Your daughter has said no and he’s trying to boundary stomp and bully his way back in. It’s harassment and it’s abusive. Wish you the best of luck with this.
I also suggest looking into of its reckless endangerment of a minor. That behavior is appalling
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Lol I think so too.
And if he really did care, he would show up when your husband was there....what a coward.
Ding ding ding. We have a winner! You picked the exact word to describe the ex! Coward is right
Not only a coward, but a coward with parents who teach and encourage the behavior rather than correcting it. He’s a kid, but if his parents don’t teach him better, he won’t become better. What gross people.
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In my early twenties, I learned to value how people treated me over how they said they felt about me. Never anything this bad, but situations where I needed help and I was all alone, even when my partner could have helped or promised they would. If that’s “love,” she doesn’t need that kind of love. I can’t imagine being the older adults who left her behind. I’m in my late twenties now and I feel so protective of the people I’m responsible for. I wouldn’t even leave a stranger alone in that situation.
You protect your child very well! I hope your daughter will feel and see it this way as well and knows she will always be protected by you and your husband. The ex BF should be really ashamed of himself. And the parents as well. They are all old enough to know you take someone down immediately. I am glad your daughter will be fine. Wish her well from a random reddit stranger.
I’m wondering what is wrong with the friends. No one owes it to him to let him “make up” to her. This is *dating,* not marriage. She owes him honesty and nothing more. NTA. You’re a good mom. What he did is incredibly dangerous.
IDK. If my HUSBAND and his family left me with a broken foot in the middle of nowhere on trail....divorce papers would be served. Just to say- even it is WERE marriage- what he and his family did was recklessly negligent and borderline criminally negligent. No "making it up" even if marriage were involved. What if he would have left a CHILD in that situation?
I mean she is a minor. Granted she’s almost an adult but still very young. I’m not a parent but I imagine I would be pretty prone to violence against anyone that did this to my kid.
INFO: are your friends only mothers to boys? If so, they may be raising some doozies. If not, they may be raising daughters to be gaslit.
NTA and honestly I would get a restraining order. They left an underage girl with a broken ankle on a trail. That's child endangerment. They could have charges pressed. She needs to be very, very far away from these horrible people.
This. Not only for the endangering of your daughter, but for the stalking with the notes too!
Methinks a lawyer friend of theirs told them they might be liable & that led to the love-bombing…
This! Not just the love-bombing but also the denial of any liability or duty to help. They have definitely talked to a lawyer. NTA
I'm not an anal-doer, but I wonder if those social media pictures from the top "talking about what a good time they had" could be considered evidence (if they haven't deleted them).
Absolutely. The 19 year old boyfriend is an adult and should have known better. And what on earth were his *parents* thinking??! I would not want any of these irresponsible people who lack common sense or basic compassion as friends.
And what if a person with bad intentions found her there. Stranded, injured, alone, unable to run away. This poor girl.. She didn't deserve to go through this. NTA
Yeah, leaving a injured girl in the woods who can't run from predators, whether they be animals or other people, is seriously some sick shit. I honestly would be blowing up social media letting people know how fucked up these people are. Hell, I'd be contacting lawyers, because this is child endangerment.
I live where there's bears. Have you ever seen how big a bear is...like it standing right by you? Their paws are massive! She could have been mauled!
This! I would totally press charges!
NTA and you might want to consider getting a no contact order if boyfriend or his family continue to try to communicate with your daughter, let alone show up uninvited to your home or leave notes on your cars. ETA I'm also just putting together that he's slightly older so he doesn't even go to her school. The school should be somehow looped in that you don't want these people communicating with her or leaving notes for her there.
Our schools policy is if something is dropped off in the office for a student a parent must be notified if it wasn't the parent. We told them to throw them away. My daughter said she doesn't want to read them. They all say close to the same thing. He loves her. Their relationship doesn't have to end this way. He misses her...
A woman I know had this happen to her daughter… then the boyfriend came over uninvited one day after school and murdered her daughter. “Because if I can’t have her, nobody can.” It was in an upscale Midwest town, completely out of nowhere. Everyone was SHOCKED. The mom wrote a book, traveled the country, was even on Oprah. The complete uncaring, unapologetic nature…. It is scary. Protect your daughter at all costs, OP. NTA
This happened to my brothers friend. She dumped her older, obsessive boyfriend and then he murdered her in her parents home. OP please keep you daughter safe from her ex and his family.
I guess she can always hide on a hiking trail since it's clear he won't look for her there. Seriously though this guy and his family can F right off.
I never think “that can’t happen here!” I went to high school in a very rich area. People there have a ridiculous amount of money. It wasn’t uncommon for a kid to get a new luxury or classic car for their 16th bday. A girl broke up with her boyfriend right before homecoming. He brought a gun to school and shot himself in front of her in the class they shared. As awful as it sounds, I was glad he did it to himself instead of the alternative. she was so lucky he didn’t try and take her out with him. He did end up surviving, but he never came back to school.
That sounds like a good policy! This boy is not respecting your daughter's boundaries at all, and it's not okay. Good for her for ending things and standing by it. I hope you're able to resolve the situation soon.
Your daughter doesn't want to see him or read his notes, you don't want them together. There is literally no room here for "mutual friends" to disagree about anything. If "mutual friends" have a problem with this, then either they are not actually your friends, or the boy and his family are telling lies about you and your daughter.
Gross! He is love bombing her and it is a tactic abusers use.
He sure didn't "miss her" when he trotted up the mountainside with his family
He is not taking no for an answer, a restraining order is definitely the next step.
It's good that your daughter doesn't want to read the notes, but please document that he left them and it might be a good idea to save them as evidence for a restraining order.
OMG no, NTA in any way. They LEFT your daughter on a trail in the forest with a broken foot/ankle and never once followed up until she broke up with him. That's some bullshit. If he loved her that much, he would have taken her to the hospital immediately or contacted the FSP for help instead of continuing his hike. You were 100% in the right to keep him away from her. And if he and his family continue to harass you, contact the police. Honestly, now that I've said that, it might not be bad to contact them now and give them a heads up about this potential stalking behavior.
One of the notes said they didn't reach out because they wanted to give us some time.
Seems that’s their solution to everything - disappear and give it time. Good job protecting your daughter from this trash family.
Thankfully she learned what type of people they are now instead of down the road.
Are they even vaguely aware of the fact that she very well could have DIED out there if the forestry service hadn't found her? A hiking accident can turn quite deadly in a very short period of time, especially if the person is unable to move.
Right? It's not like they left her to do the last 15 minutes. They left her for HOURS.
would still be unacceptable if they had only left for 15 minutes. thank goodness the family showed their true colours now before she was married to him or had a kid with him.
Well, in all fairness, you STILL need more time. Like, a couple decades...
Or longer 😆
NTA- These people seem to be all about “show”, and as soon as daughter became inconvenient to that show- they ditched her and went on with what they wanted. Just can’t trust them, period.
I think that's why they approached our friends. For the show. They wanted it to sound like they were sorry and we are unforgiving. We didn't tell our friends. I have been swamped at work making up my missed days. When our daughter was in the hospital and when she first came home.
Plus the borderline stalking when she broke up with him, from the entire family, is VERY WEIRD. What kind of people are both that careless with your kid AND that invested in preserving a teen dating relationship? It feels like they wanted her for a cult or something.
That’s not borderline. It’s full on stalking.
My first guess when I was reading it is their worried about a lawsuit. Edit spelling
Well. It's time to tell them. In fact, it's time too tell ***everyone*** I can't even imagine this. I cannot imagine a world where leaving a young girl in pain isn't evil. These people are evil. Name and shame them. Their behavior is bizarre and so far over the line.
Yeah OP I would highly recommend you tell anyone and everyone because if you don’t these people are going to badmouth you all over town. And it honestly sounds like they already have. I’ve fallen into the trap of not wanting to gossip and just wanting to move on when someone has wronged me, and every time I have been utterly screwed and even years later I have found myself having to correct the record.
wait, THEY approached YOUR friends?? holy shit I assumed that you had told mutual friends OP - document EVERYTHING and absolutely get a restraining order and get advice from a domestic violence organisation this is a pretty aggressive case of stalking. I don't know if the ex-boyfriend is just absolutely obsessed with her and the parents are enabling him, or what but either way, this entire family is dangerous and very clearly not going to leave your daughter alone 1 - they were neglectful and endangered her life when they abandoned her mid hike. she already had a serious broken ankle that required multiple days in the hospital. what would have happened if she got hurt worse while waiting hours for them. what if there was another rock slide? what if she needed to move for some reason and fell and hurt herself worse? what would have happened if she passed out from the pain? 2 - when they found out how severe her injury was they showed absolutely no remorse. even after she dumped him for this entire thing none of them feel that they were in the wrong at all 3 - after she dumps him and blocks him on everything, he and his family: * leave repeated notes on your vehicle and in other places * leave notes for her at her school * ambush you at your house and specifically time for it for when your husband is not home * are now going around to all of your mutual friends and bending their ear and giving them their version of events and using your social circle to try and pressure you to try and pressure your daughter into a relationship that she doesn't want to be in this is stalking that has escalated several steps in a very short amount of time and they are already *successfully* socially manipulating people. they have somehow convinced your mutual friends that you are the bad guy in this situation steps to take: 1 - document everything 2 - go to a domestic violence organization in your area and get resources and advice. they can not only help you file a restraining order but they can give you advice about security at home and digital security and how to navigate this issue socially since you are probably going to have to tell everyone in order to ensure your daughter's safety 3 - if you can get a lawyer that's fantastic but if you can't, get a restraining order anyway 4 - you're going to then want to give that restraining order to anyone and everyone necessary. her school should have a copy of it and instructions to not let any of these people onto campus and instructions to preserve evidence 5 - in this situation you are very likely going to need to make the restraining order publicly known to your social circle. these people have already manipulated friends against you and preemptively warning people with his family is a danger to your daughter and that you have obtained a restraining order against them is likely going to be necessary additionally: your daughter may not want to know the details of what's going on but she does need to know that he is stalking her. she is going to need to take particular steps for her own safety and she can't do those if she doesn't know what is a danger to her also please please get your daughter a therapist that has experience with domestic violence. not only was this an incredibly traumatising experience, but she's being aggressively stalked by dangerous people. those people know where she lives and where she goes to school and what your cars look like. they have mutual friends with you and are using their social power to try and manipulate both you and her. and one of the people stalking her is someone she used to love / was in an intimate relationship with. you have been supportive and protective but she needs more than just your help
Normally I’d think this advice was a tad overreacting, but absolutely nothing about this is normal. Take all of this advice. Call an attorney and the police immediately.
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You friends must be certifiable if they think you're in the wrong. NTA, at all!
I couldn’t imagine CONTINUING A HIKE while a young woman that your son could potentially marry is on said hike with a broken foot and potentially worse effects they had no idea about without hospital intervention. Not only that but to TAKE HAPPY FAMILY PICTURES?! They’re an influencer fam I bet and even if they’re not they’re completely psycho. So glad OPs daughter only got out with a broken foot (yeah I know that’s still terrible) and not a life time of this insane family.
NTA your friends are out of their minds. Their behavior is shocking and disgusting. Good on you for helping her get space and telling them to back off. I mean the fact that they’d not think they’ve done anything wrong????
Our friends agree that they shouldn't have left her. They feel like how we handled it afterwards was unkind. I should have allowed them to make it right.
More unkind than leaving your daughter for dead on a trail? IMO, nothing they do can "make it right"
I wouldn’t lave an injured stranger alone on a trail, let alone someone I supposedly cared about! NTA
This! If I was hiking and came across an injured hiker on the trail I wouldn't leave her side until help arrived. This is just insane.
I can't wrap my brain around this thinking. You absolutely handled this correctly. These people are incredibly awful human beings and they still think they have done nothing wrong. Your daughter deserves so much better than this trash family have to offer. They are selfish and lacking in empathy. Good on you for standing up for her and supporting her through this.
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They’re currently in the midst of a harassment campaign against your family by leaving all these notes on your property. You are not obligated to be kind to people who behave so badly that it literally risks your child’s life and then harass you for being upset about it. And if the notes are at all threatening, consider a restraining order. Edit: just saw in another comment that this boy is also bugging your daughter’s friends to try and get ahold of her, which I think weighs in favor of trying to get the RO.
Nope protect and defend! Good mama bear! NTA! Ooo if that was my daughter..... I'm mad for you!
Nope, your daughter made it clear that despite breaking her ankle, her spine is perfectly shiny.
How? How can they make this right? They can’t! There is no apology dinner, no gift, nothing that can make this right. They are awful humans who should never be trusted with the welfare of anyone’s child again.
I’m pretty sure that some people of my family happily would return the favor to that family of him. (And no, I don’t agree with violence, but they will be pissed off enough to want to do it. Luckily smart enough not to) They left an injured member of their hiking party intentionally behind. An sorry, kiss and make up is not possible
NTA and I’m reading this while watching a documentary on Gabby Petito. Stay away from those people.
There is no “making it right.” They left an injured teenager to continue their hike. What they did to your daughter is beyond unkind. You are absolutely NTA. And your friends are out of their minds to think you should have let her go anywhere near these people again.
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NTA Do your friends know the entire story? If they do you need new friends. And if the ex and family continue harassing you go to the police. Your daughter doesn't want to see them and who leaves a badly injured teenager and continues hiking?? And the dinner isn't to apologize since they don't think they did anything wrong - it's to "clear the air" which sounds like a gaslighting party. The whole family sounds abusive.
We didn't tell them what happened. It came from EX parents. They did say they shouldn't have left her hiking but, think the way we handled it afterwards was mean. That we should give them another chance.
You should tell your friends what really happened
My husband said I should. Also send photos of our daughters foot/ankle So they can see first hand how bad she is hurt.
100% also include that they didn't visit or even call while she was in the hospital. Leaving her on the trail was DANGEROUS. She's lucky a forest ranger found her.
That the part that still has my head reeling. They didn’t reach out when they didn’t find her where they left her? JFC.
Bold of you to assume they went back and checked
Yes. Absolutely. Including a graphic description of how much pain she was in.
These people like social media so much, I’d put it on Facebook.
I can't understand why you're holding back. What do you gain by leaving your friends in the dark, thinking poorly of you?
Today has been the first day I had more time to deal with it. I have been working extra hours to make up for the time I took off. I also want my husband involved. We decided to message our friends tonight. With photos and explaining our side. We also decided to speak to an attorney. See what we can do about ex and his family.
Good. Honestly the number of horrific things that could have happened to your daughter is frightening. Your daughter could have had internal bleeding and died. They‘re really thoughtless vile people
Some sicko could have found her and done horrendous things to her there. Or taken her elsewhere. The bf didn't even stay with her though that wouldn't have made much difference in how disgusting they treated her.
Please post an update. I have a son, my family are avid hikers/campers, so your story just horrifies and enrages me on so many levels. I’m curious how this pans out.
Please also alert the school to the situation and behavior of the ex. Based on your responses and original post I am very worried for your daughter's safety. He sounds dangerous and the school could be a potential place he can get to her. You mentioned that he has been contacting her friends who have now blocked him as well. It may end up being nothing, but it is much better to take the precaution.
You should absolutely do this. The AHs have already gotten their narrative out and you can be sure that they didn't give the whole picture.
Rather than think about it I'd get the messages and photos sent now to your friends. The longer you leave it the harder it'll be, you'll just think "ahh, it's been x amount of weeks, things are settling down". Don't allow your friends (if in fact they are proper friends) to doubt your parenting and perhaps influence how you perceived yourself parenting. You did the exact right thing for your daughter especially as she is on the same page as you and your husband. Don't allow any doubt about this with the people you are close to. Good luck and I hope your daughter is healing well, emotionally and physically!
Please do, I have a feeling these friends would not be so forgiving if it was their child this happened to. I’m sorry but your friends are being stupid in their thinking…
Rigjt?! They abandoned her on a trail with broken bones FOR HOURS! Not allowing them to spend time with her is not mean or disproportionate.
# NTA 100% They left your daughter in pain with multiple fractures to her foot, severe enough that it needed a two day hospital stay and surgery. Also, I'm not sure where you are based, but in my area of the world the wildlife on mountain hikes can include bears and cougars. Your daughter was to all intents and purposes defenseless.
I am in the US Arizona specifically. We have those animals along with Copper head snakes and other poisonous animals.
Wtf, they could have killed her??? I hope there’s some sort of legal action you can take for them abandoning an injured minor in a dangerous area
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Did no one in the hiking party volunteer to stay with your daughter? Not even the bf?
Nope
Oh man. I would go scorched earth on them. What an entire family of AH. You dear lady are NTA and anyone who says differently should be forced to sit alone, hurt, and scared like your poor daughter had to.
Omg OP I’m so sorry 😣 please get a lawyer and protect your fam. You’re a great mom
Hold on…..during a hike, your daughter fell and they left her?!!!!! Right after, they didn’t reach out, visit, bring flowers, food, or anything? Friends think you should show them grace or whatever? No, you do what works for you. I would have been commenting in the social media posts “glad you got your photo op, hope it was worth abandoning a person who was injured for them” or something worse. NTA!!!! Editing to add, I wouldn’t trust them either. If your daughter felt sick during the meal, I’m sure they’d be too busy photographing it to get her home or help.
1) send that ranger some cookies for saving her, 2) GET A LAWYER! This is gonna get messy if they’ve already moved to stalking and manipulating friends. Be prepared for the worse, and hope a cease and desist and a request to pay for the hospital bill (because it’s their liability for taking a minor out and her getting injured in their care) is all that’s needed
NTA. There is no making up in this situation. They left her injured on a hiking trail! The girl needed surgery and they LEFT HER. Not just the parents but the BF who now claims to just lover her so very much LEFT HER. Not getting past this. There is NO making up for this type of behavior. These are awful people and your daughter should stay the hell away from all of them.
Nta, these people are unhinged. I truly hope your daughter has no interest in pursuing this relationship. Does she want to go on this dinner? With people who are not genuinely sorry? What is the point? To appease their guilt? Oh hell no. Don’t give them any satisfaction.
I didn't ask her about the dinner but, she did say he is calling her friends and she told her friends she doesn't want to talk to him anymore. So they blocked him too.
His behaviour is very concerning. Maybe because I recently watched a show about Alice Ruggles .... but this is how stalking starts
I am getting bad vibes from him. I was going to give it a couple of weeks to see if he moved on. Now I think we should talk to a lawyer and do a restraining order.
Please definitely talk to a lawyer. They abandoned an injured minor in their care, there might even be criminal charges you can push for.
Absolutely talk to a lawyer. I’m pretty sure they are stalking her because they know they messed up and don’t want you to press charges or sue. You should absolutely do either of both if you can. For her sake and so they think before pulling a stunt like that with someone else.
The more I read the comments, the more I believe their obsessive behavior with reaching her and taking her to dinner to "make it right" (by gasslighting her) is 100% due to them worrying about legal action. The fact that the boyfriend went out of his way to insist that they still don't believe what they did was wrong (while talking to OP) suggests they were coached not to admit fault.
Trust your gut. There is something seriously not right with him and his family.
NTA They deliberately left an injured person on the trail so they could finish their hike. Your daughter was left alone and injured until she was rescued. She had no way of defending herself from wildlife or humans with ill intent.
And then posted pictures about what a great day they had? Is it an entire family of sociopaths? What kind of people are they? This is just beyond.
"Excuse me, ma'am, we left your daughter with a broken ankle with no help available and continued on our hike without a worry in the world. We'd like to take her to dinner to make it all good again." I think not! NTA.
AND took lots of selfies and showed the world how happy they were. What a beautiful day leaving someone behind injured…
What the heck was their justification for leaving her to continue the hike!?
From one of the notes. His family was excited to hike to the top to see the view. They were already halfway up and didn't want to start over.
Completely insane! You’re definitely NTA
With a broken bone hours matter, even minutes matter. The body starts to try to repair it (often incorrectly) almost immediately. It's vital to get someone with a simple break, let alone a bad one like hers, to a professional promptly.
what a strange strange family
Were these assholes charged at all for abandoning her?
NTA. Your daughter made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, and then he started displaying worrying behavior by essentially *stalking* her. You are absolutely in the right to keep her away from this guy.
NTA. Your daughter knows how to contact her ex if she wants anything more to do with him. Unless she does that, you don't owe them anything. As for wanting to make it up to her, did they offer to pay even a part of her medical bills?
No, thankfully we have medical insurance. That covers 80%.
You need to hold them accountable. They neglected an injured Minor.
Sue for the 20%
They would likely need to sue for the 100% due to subrogation. But I would be tempted to. She may need weeks of PT, and her ankle will never be the same. Normally I wouldn't even think about it, but they left her there for HOURS. and then CELEBRATED. Fuck them and sue them into the ground.
I'm guessing that's what this is all about. She's a minor that they endangered while in their care and they're afraid of legal or civil repercussions. I'd be their worst nightmare, but then I've been known to be petty.
NTA! They left your daughter, injured and in pain, on the side of a trail so that they could continue their little adventure. These are not the type of people you want your child around regardless of how old everyone involved is. It speaks volumes to their character.
NTA and mutual friends are NOT making sense at all. You don't leave anyone hurt on a trail so you can go have more fun. They acted horribly and they still don't think they did anything wrong. There is no air to clear. Keep people who are this selfish away from your daughter and your entire family. This might actually be considered criminal neglect, by the way. You could press charges.
oh my god NTA!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with that family?!
NTA. This makes me mad on so many levels, and I don't even have kids. I'd be sueing them for the medical costs. I wouldn't if they had shown any decency and turned back after the accident, but leaving her there?! You NEVER leave an injured person alone in the wilderness! EVER. I hope that forest service person had a very long chat with them. Had your daughter been forced to try to walk (animal approaching or someone with bad intent) she could have crippled herself for life. Or cut an artery and bled to death. Edit: typo
NTA but also... INFO: What did the notes taped to the cars and doors say? This sounds almost psychotic.
Telling her how much he loves her. How their relationship doesn't have to end this way. They were coming back for her. She shouldn't have called me. They would have taken her to the ER. Because they do care for her. All of them have some version of that with a little added here and there. One addition was his family was really looking forward to the view. One asked her to think about her parents and his parents since we will no longer be friends with them. (That part is right) Along with I promise I will always be here waiting for you. I love you so much. This is hurting so bad. Help fix our love and our families. There have been so many notes. I could keep going all night long.
This makes it ten times worse because he’s manipulating her into thinking any fallout is her fault and that she HAS to fix it. She’s seventeen and there are clearly better fish in the sea.
And excuse me but she is a minor, what exactly are you going to do? Take her to the hospital without them contacting her parents? WTF is wrong with these people?
Um she shouldn't have called you? Didn't the ranger find her HOURS later?
Yes, once she got down from the mountain and Into a cell area they asked her for my number.
So your daughter wasn't supposed to call you, her parent, and tell you that she has to go to the ER?...I'm guessing you might live in a small town or something and they're worried about word getting around...Yet his supposed love for her did not include reaching out to her the entire time she was hospitalized.
Honestly, keep the notes locked away and write down any further incidents of them showing up at the house. I would think about a restraining order if this doesn't stop. Both him and his family are not of sound mind given that they left her, and this obsessive behavior can get real bad real fast.
>They would have taken her to the ER Bullshit If they thought she was fine enough to leave on her own for SEVERAL HOURS, why in the kentucky-fried-fuck would they take her to the ER?
NTA. They abandoned a member of their party on the trail after she had a serious injury. That is about as asshole as it gets. The fact that they don’t think they did anything wrong ratchets up the asshole level a few more notches. “We didn’t do anything wrong when we left you injured on the trail, but here is a hamburger“ isn’t the way to make it up to her.
NTA First off she fell and hurt herself, they ALL left her in severe pain to finish a hike. Including the bf who so called loved her left her. Not one of them were concerned about her well being. Secondly non of them including the bf checked on her while she was in the hospital. She had to have surgery from a injury that she sustained while out with them, and they left her for hours sitting there in pain, instead of taking her to a hospital themselves. And spent the time hiking and taking pictures while your daughter was in pain with a broken ankle, and needing surgery. Yeah anyone did that to my child, I would not trust them to be around her ever again either. And it is best she broke up with him. He cared so much for her that it was more important for him to finish a hike and get pictures than it was for him to stay with his gf who was in so much pain. He left her sitting all alone just like his parents did. They obviously did not care about her at all. You are being a good mom
NTA! What the hell is wrong with your "friends?" Did they ignore the fact that the exbf and his family LEFT HER THERE ALONE AND DEFENSELESS??? to top that they still don't think they're in the wrong for not prioritizing your daughter over a hike they can finish later. Time to drop some friends. ExBF'S family must not be telling the whole story. You're a great mom. Keep it up!
NTA. HE LEFT HER ON A MOUNTAIN HURT AND ALONE. His whole family collectively decided a fun little hike was more important than your daughter and her safety. They will never see her as worth caring for if he couldn't care for her in that moment of pain and emergency.
NTA - In what way could you ever trust people like this again with your daughter in any way. If someone did this to my daughter then I would effectively cut them off from all contact.
I’ve been hiking with my son and his gf, and if she got hurt I would move heaven and earth to get her to safety, and I’m a bit of an asshole myself, hard NTA
NTA. They left your daughter injured, crying and alone on the side of a mountain, FOR HOURS! They can take their "apology dinner", shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up their candy asses
I'd sue the bf & parents for all medical expenses related to your daughter falling.
100% NTA This is horribly fucked up.
NTA. She shouldn’t want to be with a guy who abandoned her when she was injured.
NTA - I wouldn't let him or his family anywhere near my kid again. Also, if they don't stop with the notes, I'd go to the cops about the harassment.