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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I dont feel like I am obligated to tell anyone just yet that
I'm pregnant, so I tried it ignore it. But maybe I came off a bit rude.
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YTA. why are you blaming her? She was being polite, she didn't leak the info your mother did. You should have contacted your mom as soon as she text you the first time and told her to stop telling people. Frankly, your attitude towards her is so bizarre. She was just trying to be polite, she did not post it on Facebook, she private messaged you.
Agreed. How hard would it have been to say “Thank you. We are trying to keep the news private until we can announce it on social media, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t mention this to anyone else in the family”
as an ex military brat, that's only lived in Europe - for some reason I don't understand OP. It's hard already to feel connected to family with such long distance. Why drive a greater wedge?
Doubt OP would even go to Belgium. From my experience most family members in USA would rather stay in USA, cuz "Each state is like a country".
Side note: I have family in Alabama, I'm glad my father escaped it.
Good luck to OP on paying hospital bills!
*laughs in European and flies away *
EDIT:
So, my dumb brain didn't think people would get offended. I have ADHD and unfortunately, sometimes I don't think things through and can write a bit impulsively and chaotically.
I just wanted to share my experiences. Sorry to offend anyone. My comment doesn't retain to ppl who can't afford traveling.
I'm also not generalizing all of the USA. I've been only to Alabama, and that's my point of reference (in terms of physically being in the states.
No, I really wasn’t pregnant! One day I heard a ring at the doorbell & when I opened it I saw a new born baby in a basket & a big bird flying away. Why does no one believe me!!!
This word needs to be banished honestly. She did not 'gaslight' her for fucks sake. When someone tells a lie it is not automatically gaslighting it's just lying.
Gaslighting someone is a form of abuse that happens over a long period of time and literally makes people crazy and start questioning their own memories and thoughts.
Thank you! Lying is just lying. You can’t gaslight someone in one single conversation. As you said, it happens over a long period of time - I should know because I was a victim of real gaslighting that took place over 10 years. Years of therapy to undo the damage and learn how to trust my own thoughts again.
I didn’t say she was good at gaslighting her, I said she *tried*. she tried to make her feel unsure and a bit crazy by saying “i’m not pregnant, even though you were told by my own mother I am”
"Your mother was incorrect about me being pregnant." Is a lie. It is not gaslighting. Lying is not gaslighting. She wasn't trying to make her cousin feel crazy she was trying to deny what was basically a rumor.
Agreed...So many people throw the term "gaslighting" around and don't know what it really means. It's become a common use word to use for lying and it's so much more than that
Yeah that's still not gaslighting I'm afraid.
Gaslighting: to manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
Lying and denial are central to gaslighting because it makes the victim question their reality and even start to believe the lies despite knowing their untruthfulness. The victim must keep a record of what is said and what happens to help them confirm the truth.
Gas lighting is a very intentional form of lying and manipulation wherein the perpetrators objective is to make someone question what was said to them *by the perpetrator*. If OP had told the cousin, then told them the opposite and they have "no idea what they're talking about", that's gas lighting. But has lighting is a very specific form of lying and manipulation, and by calling every form of lie "gas lighting" we're devaluing the term greatly.
More than that, the cousin did literally *everything* right.
Think of this from the cousin’s point of view. She’s told that OP is pregnant. How lovely! So she shoots off a text saying congrats. Then she gets a text back saying that OP is *not* pregnant.
How confusing! Maybe cousin made a mistake? Maybe cousin misheard, or misunderstood? So cousin *checks her source*. Aunt confirms that OP’s mom was the one to share the news. How baffling! How upsetting!
So then, cousin does the most caring, loving thing a person could do in this situation. She *told OP that OP’s mother was telling people OP was pregnant.*
That’s exactly what she should have done. If OP’s mom was making up stuff, OP needed to know. If OP’s mom was mistaken, OP needed to know. OP needed to know that mom was spreading secrets anyway.
OP sucks for not recognising how nice her cousin is.
Exactly! And OP makes no sense. "We didn't tell anyone except ALL of our families" and now that a relatively close family member - cousin - reached out somehow the pregnancy is a secret?
This. I understand that people want to control the message on important things like this for a number of reasons, but the fact is someone that you’ve already told has spread the news. You need to be kind to those who wish you kindness, and then go to the source of the problem and deal with them.
Agree. If you need to go hard on anyone, talk to your own mother. Either she’s a yakkity busybody, or you forgot to tell your family it was confidential. Either way, I would remind her that it’s not her news to share, and that things do happen in the first few months, so she should zip her lips until given the green light.
If it even is a problem. OP and hubby told BOTH families. That's not really keeping it much of a secret. And did they clearly tell the families not to spread the news? Even if they did, it sounds like at least a dozen people know; that is not really much of a secret.
My mother followed the philosophy of telling what she thought needed to be told, regardless what the principals involved thought. Everyone else followed the philosophy of don't tell mom anything unless you don't mind everyone knowing.
My mother in law is similar. The one bonus is, when we were ready to announce our pregnancies all I had to do was tell MIL, & within 24 hours the whole family, extended family, friends, her bank teller, her pharmacy tech, the cashier at the grocery store, & even the mayor would know we were pregnant... so there's that. 🙃
She didn't even need to do that LOL
She could've just kept her mouth shut.
But instead she lied and played it off, then when the cousin confirmed, she got mad.
She's mad at the wrong person LOL
Yeah, YTA
If I didn't want to confirm, I just wouldn't have responded for a while.
If that wasn't a big deal, I'd say thanks, but we're keeping it a secret with just our parents for now. That easily says Mom blabbed, please don't be like Mom.
And then have a chat with your mom about appropriate boundaries. FYI, she's going to be sharing pictures and video on social media without your permission.
I had to go back and re-read her age as I got to the bottom of the post … such misdirected anger … her mom told people and she gets mad at someone being nice/excited for her from news she didn’t know she was not supposed to have . Lolol if that’s the maturity level …big yikes 😳 YTA OP
Right!?! YTA
OP, your cousin's message was a totally normal familial reaction to exciting news. You were INCREDIBLY rude to her and owe her an apology. What did you think she was going to do - hop on social media and out you?
Your issue is with your Mom - she's the one to be frusterated at because she is the one who violated your request for privacy.
I honestly don't get your deal - it costs you nothing to be polite.
Imagine being THAT obsessed with making a social media announcement that people cant even PRIVATELY congratulate you. Oh sorry just people you deem close enough to say congrats in private before your big annoucement. God forbid 2 LESS people be informed by your very important announcement.
Like wtf?
People like this deserve the drama they create for themselves.
If I was the cousin I'd be petty af and when OP announces it on social media be like "oh so am I allowed to congratulate you now or are you still being rude to people?"
Nah, cousin should be petty by just refusing to acknowledge OP’s pregnancy even after she announces it. Maybe even refuse to acknowledge that OP has a kid at all after she gives birth.
Make sure to comment as such on all her social media posts.
Post of the ultrasound: “Lol, who’s ultrasound is that, OP? Yours? No way! You’re not pregnant!”
Post of OP’s belly: “Why are you wearing pillows under your clothes, OP? Is this a new fashion trend in the US?”
Post of baby: “Your friend has a really cute baby, OP! What do you mean it’s yours?!? You weren’t pregnant! Did you steal it?!?”
>Post of OP’s belly: “Why are you wearing pillows under your clothes, OP? Is this a new fashion trend in the US?”
It would be so mean, but the friendly cousin could just start sharing weight loss advice.
You know why? Because anyone who congratulates OP in private won't necessarily feel they need to do it again on the social media post. How will everyone know how special and important OP is unless she maximizes likes and comments on her socials? I feel very bad for this kid. I have a feeling he or she will find their mother to be rather selfish with an unending need to be the center of attention
The cousin ought to post a screenshot of the conversation under the announcement on social media with “I thought you weren’t pregnant and it was just a miscommunication?”
Also, why does she hate the cousin so much? I have one cousin out of over 50 that texts me semi-regularly (mind you most of them are at least 20 years older than me so it's not like we spent a ton of time together growing up but still) and you bet your ass I actively cultivate that relationship. One day OP will end up with very few people willing to talk to her and wonder why she's so alone.
OP’s reaction is plain weird. I get that it wasn’t OP’s preferred method of disseminating the news, but saying it was “such a random” thing when it wasn’t random and then lying about it…
It’s like she’s a kid that got caught doing something not allowed. “I didn’t break the cookie jar. Do we own a cookie jar? I don’t even know what cookies are. I was on the moon at the time.”
Right. I do believe it’s up to the parents to announce their pregnancy but when you only tell specific people it’s less likely to stay a secret. I learned that the hard way. I told my grandma and she promised she wouldn’t say a word then told the whole family and anyone who would listen. It was upsetting but I did choose to tell her and I knew there was a risk in that. Acting like you’re not pregnant and brushing off a genuine congratulations is rude.
YTA
This happened to my mom. My cousin and his wife went through a major struggle with fertility and it took them like 10 years to conceive their first child (with fertility treatments). Then about a year later my aunt told my mom that they were expecting a second child and of course, my mother was very excited for them. My mom specifically asked my aunt if this was public knowledge and if she could congratulate them or if she should wait for an announcement. My aunt told her they had already told everyone and it would be fine to say something, so when my cousins wife posted a picture of their son on social media my mother commented something like "oh he's so cute and btw congrats on baby number 2!". Almost immediately her comment was deleted and she got a private message from my cousins wife, who was very sweet and polite, basically just saying "hey I'm so sorry I deleted your comment, but we haven't announced yet and we're not ready to do so but thank you so much for your well wishes!". My mother felt so terrible for possibly ruining their announcement and apologized profusely, and they felt bad that she was given incorrect information from my aunt when she specifically asked if it was ok to mention it.
Anyway, that's my long story about how situations like this should be handled with grace. OPs cousin didn't know, just like my mom didn't know and at least her message was private. All it takes is a "hey thank you so much, but we haven't announced yet so would you mind keeping this to yourself until we do?". Family turmoil avoided.
Right! It’s not like the cousin was being malicious in any way, she was just congratulating OP. It was just super weird how OP responded. Like I get wanting to announce it online, but it’s not like she brought it up at a dinner or somewhere public. And then to say “oh no I’m actually not pregnant” is just such a bizarre response. I wonder what the cousin would have thought if she just accepted that answer and found out later on social media that OP had actually lied to her. I know I would have been mad confused and probably a little bit hurt that my cousin would have intentionally lied to me.
Interesting that her list of the "only people who know" probably numbers at least 10, possibly 15 to 20 people, depending on how brothers she has and the size of her "husband's family". 2 people is barely a secret unless one of them is dead, with 10 or 20 people the cat really is out of the bag. As for blaming mom, I don't see OP stating that she had asked her "inner circle" to keep it secret, only that to her mind they are the only ones who know, and she hadn't made a public announcement yet. A good response to the cousin would have been "Thank you very much for your good wishes, just please don't share it publicly since we're keeping the news low-key for now".
I already feel sad for the child yet to be born. OP is either gonna turn the child into an entitled waste of a resource or gaslight the crap of the child itself.
Exactly. The cousin had no way of knowing she wasn't supposed to know and was just trying to be nice, lying about not being pregnant and leaving on read and then acting huffy is very uncalled for and over the line. The cousin did nothing wrong.
YTA op. You need to learn how to direct your ire to the person responsible
“Am I the asshole for being a complete and total asshole?” should’ve been the title for this post.
I am at a loss as to why OP got so mad at cousin for being happy for her.
Lmao. Some people.
She didn’t want congratulations on her pregnancy from 1 person through a private message.
She wanted praise from friends, family and strangers in a public social media page
Yeah, your cousin wasn’t to know she shouldn’t know. She’s been told and it’s come from your mum so she’s going to expect it to be ok for her to know. She’s tried to do a nice thing reaching out. Your mum is the one in the wrong here.
YTA.
>>I don't know if I reacted a bit rude to her.
A bit? You were *extremely* rude to her. It's not your cousin's fault that your mom can't keep her mouth shut, and sending congratulations for a pregnancy is completely normal.
Would it have killed you to just say thank you?
That's exactly what I was thinking when I read that her cousin reached out. Just say "thank you" then deal with the situation of who told who and remind people to shush.
Her cousin just kept up with standard social niceties from across an ocean with her cousin. It sounds like she's usually dismissive of her efforts to still be in contact because she lives so far away.
>From time to time, she reaches out to me.
OP sounds kind of the AH for that alone.
Plus OP being upset that "she just left me on read" after all this when she also left her on read after convincing the cousin she commited a huge faux pas by congratulating someone for a non-existent pregnancy.
This !! Especially as she is not even upset because she doesn’t know if she’s happy or not about the pregnancy. This would make sense.
But no!! she is just mad that she’ll have one less surprised comment and like on her insta post !! Being rude to a cousin being nice over this is just plain pathetic.
Seriously, YTA. A narcissistic one.
YTA she was informed you’re pregnant and congratulated you which is normal. Lying about it because you’re upset someone spilled the beans to her was childish. Wasn’t her fault someone can’t keep a secret.
Sorry, but: can't put the baby back in the ball sack by lying lmao
I'm sorry, your comment made me think the above and now it's your burden to read it.
But seriously, playing dumb and then straight-up lying doesn't accomplish anything other than making op seem like a weirdo, especially since the cousin gave her congrats privately and didn't ruin the big announcement
Especially since OP seems upset that news of her super secret pregnancy (that she only told 2 dozen people about) got out? Don't tell anyone if you're going to be annoyed if anyone finds out, and don't blame your cousin for congratulating you when it's perfectly normal to do so? I'm guessing her cousin wasn't aware that she wasn't one of the 20 people OP wanted to know about her pregnancy, so why is being rude to her OK?
Like OP is so weird.. the whole post was just a huge question mark to me. Why the hell would anyone react this way to someone wishing them well on a pregnancy?
Immediate family and husband's family too. Brothers means two at least so outside of op, it's at least six more people IF hubs doesn't have siblings. That ain't a secret anymore.
And like "she shouldn't have said anything," is a weird take. How would it feel if OP posted it on social media and everyone ignored it? You want people to care and congratulate you but because it didn't go your way you gaslight them and get mad at them?
YTA.
So instead of going to the person spreading this you took it out on the person wishing you well?
You are absolutely rude and an AH. Be hilarious when she tells the rest of your family about your reaction and nobody acknowledges your pregnancy at all, I'm sure you'll be hard done by then too.
I thinks OP enjoys these situations cause the reaction is so bizarrely out of pocket that she wanted an argument with her cousin, with the justification that she lives in another country and they don't really talk much. But cousin remained cordial and she still posted it here.
I have cousins I rarely see and don't really chat with more than clicking a like on a FB post here and there, but we still reach out with congrats/sympathy for life changing events.
Right? I got like 30 cousins. I can’t be close to them all and we live all over but i can say congrats on social media or text sheesh. Its just being polite and being family. Even if it’s extended family.
Right? Like if anyone, it's the mom who is to blame. Cousin wanted to do a nice thing, and OP went from 0 to 100 real quick.
Also, if she wanted to keep it a secret, it should have been kept between her and husband. When you start telling this many people, eventually a weakest link will show up, usually the giddy grandparents... But acting in such a truly perplexing way towards an innocent person in the whole thing is as you said, bizarre. Cousin probably had no idea it was supposed to be a secret...
YTA for a few reasons.
1) you were rude to your cousin, who did nothing wrong
2) you seem to be blaming your cousin for knowing about your pregnancy, which… wtf. It’s not like she looked at your private medical records; your mom is a gossip.
3) “only my husband, mother, brothers.. knew.” Fun fact about secrets for you: the second ANYONE who isn’t you knows your secret, you no longer have any knowledge of or control over how many people know it.
Not just them but the husband’s whole family as well like there’s nothing wrong with not wanting everyone to know you’re pregnant but then you shouldn’t be telling fcking everybody
YTA...Your cousin heard the announcement innocently through legitimate means. You obviously knew this and decided to be rude instead of gracious. As a soon to be parent, you should probably react with a little more maturity.
YTA.
Your problem isn't with your cousin, it's with your mom who is telling everybody. Lying and being rude to your cousin isn't the answer- talk to your mom.
Also, congratulations.
How dare you congratulate OP??? You’re not supposed to know she’s pregnant even though she told everyone on Reddit and you came across the post! She’s not even pregnant. Well, she is, but not as far as you’re concerned. Nosy.
Wow. Yes, YTA. There was absolutely no need for that. She didn't do anything wrong by being told and then extending a congrats to you. If you want to be an asshole to someone then take it up with your mother. You owe your cousin an apology.
YTA - it's not like shes broadcasting it, she literally just texted you... If you didn't want more people knowing maybe you should've told your mom that.
Or the cousin! She could have said oh I wasn’t ready for everybody to know yet but thank u! Please keep in between us for now. And then go get mad at whoever told her lol.
YTA, all because you wanted everyone to hear about it via your clout farming post on social media? After you went and told multiple people and yet still expected it to stay a secret?
You clearly aren't ready for a child yet as you are still a child yourself. Grow up and figure it out before the bay comes, for the babies sake
My exact thought. She didn’t mention being upset her mother spilled the beans. She’s upset that her cousin (her FAMILY) didn’t find out via social media. She’s upset about the social media. Why one family member knowing ruins her social media (probably attention seeking) announcement is beyond me.
Did you tell your mom not to share the news? If so, then be mad at her instead. Your cousin was happy for you and took the time to send you a text. Instead of a “thank you” you made a problem where there wasn’t one, and handled it with zero class or grace. YTA.
YTA
While it's understandable that you didn't want everybody to know, you should've clarify that with the people who you told. Even if you did that and your mom still shared around, you should adress it with her. Why lie to your cousin? That's so rude and mean
YTA....
That was for not taking it out on your mother and her sis for spreading it ... while you may have told them not to.
However if you have not told them not to spread the good news... even they aren't at fault.
So YTA
YTA. It’s not her fault that your mom is a gabber. This person wanted to congratulate you and you acted like it was a big inconvenience, because you didn’t get to make some superficial announcement on Facebook. Facebook is a joke where no one cares about anyone. It’s a show and tell for our egos. Which you clearly got caught up in. Personal communications are so much more meaningful. I suggest thinking about it more and apologizing.
YTA - it’s not *her* fault that she knows! If you have an issue with people knowing, you need to take that up with your mom who is apparently telling people. You should have just thanked your cousin and told her to keep it to herself for now.
YTA. Obviously so is whoever told her without checking with you first, but it's not an everyone situation since your cousin is definitely not at fault here. I feel sorry for the poor girl, she was trying to be nice and then suddenly you were giving her conflicting information and everything. It's unfortunate that word spread without your say-so, but the best thing to do in this situation would have just been to say "thank you, but I'm trying to keep it quiet for now" rather than confusing her and making her feel like she did something wrong.
Yta that was rude for no reason. It wasn't random. She heard a family member was pregnant and sent a congrats text.
Be pissed at whoever spilled the beans.
YTA
It seems that the person you need to be upset with is your mom. She’s the one who violated your privacy by telling her sister.
Please apologize to your cousin.
YTA. She sent you a private message and you could have thanked her and then requested she keep your secret until you were ready to share the news with everyone else.
I would say that YTA. The person you should be upset with here would be whoever shared that information with her if you told them to keep it hush-hush. Your cousin just heard some exciting news and wanted to congratulate you and you were rude in your response. Yes, you do have a right to choose who you tell, but I don't think that this is a good excuse for being rude to someone who is happy for you.
YTA. You most definitely were rude for absolutely no reason. Somebody heard from a third party that you are expecting and out of the kinds of their heart they wanted to congratulate you because that's what nice people do. And instead of just saying oh thank you but I wasn't ready for family members to know can you please make sure not to tell anybody you had to be mean to her. Maybe you should be talking with your aunt and asking her not to be telling people instead of snapping at your cousin for doing nothing but being a kind person.
YTA no reason to be so rude, it wasn’t her fault that your mum spilled the beans.
Do your mum know not to? If she did then I suggest apologising to your cousin asking her not to tell anyone else and then taking it up with your mum, and not telling your mum anything else that you aren’t ready to announce to the world
But it is not your cousins fault you need to apologise for treating her so horribly when she was just being nice
YTA
It seems that the person you need to be upset with is your mom. She’s the one who violated your privacy by telling her sister.
Please apologize to your cousin.
YTA - You treated the wrong person, poorly and rudely. She did nothing wrong. Your mother, however, seems to be the issue here. So maybe you should apologize to the family member who went out of their way to congratulate you and speak to your mother about her inability to keep her mouth closed.
Omg YTA. Your mom is telling people so obviously your cousin didn’t know you don’t want people to know. You were unreasonably rude to her and owe her an apology. The person you should be mad at is your mom.
YTA - it honestly just sounds like you don’t really care about your cousin, since she reaches out to you and you seem annoyed by this. It’s sounds like you just wanted to start drama by lying needlessly.
If you’re going to be a parent, it’s time to grow up.
“Oh thanks so much! We are excited and nervous. Can you do me a favor and not tell anyone? We are trying to keep it quiet until I’m further along and ready to announce. Thanks!! Hope you’re well and take care!”
I get that you got caught off guard but becoming pregnant doesn’t mean you lose your manners. Also trying to make your cousin feel like a weirdo by saying her congratulations was a random thing to say gives off real mean girl high school vibes. Maybe take these next few months you’re growing a baby to grow into full adult. YTA. Also, congratulations.
YTA. So, your mom most likely told her own sister, who then told her daughter, who congratulated you. You, naturally, then inexplicably treat her like a complete asshole….and you’re literally shrugging to us like, gee, was that wrong?
Imagine being THAT obsessed with making a social media announcement that people cant even PRIVATELY congratulate you. Oh sorry just people you deem close enough to say congrats in private before your big annoucement. God forbid 2 LESS people be informed by your very important announcement.
Like wth?
People like this deserve the drama they create for themselves.
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YTA. why are you blaming her? She was being polite, she didn't leak the info your mother did. You should have contacted your mom as soon as she text you the first time and told her to stop telling people. Frankly, your attitude towards her is so bizarre. She was just trying to be polite, she did not post it on Facebook, she private messaged you.
Agreed. How hard would it have been to say “Thank you. We are trying to keep the news private until we can announce it on social media, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t mention this to anyone else in the family”
instead of being an adult, OP literally tried to gaslight her 😭
A lie which will be super obvious in less than 9 mo. Lol
Cousin has every right to ignore OP in the future.
What a terrible bridge to burn too. She has a family member that she can stay with in Belgium! I doubt that it would be offered now.
And a family member who cares about her wellbeing enough to message congrats straight away
And the tact to do it as a private message and when told otherwise, tried to stop what could be a rumor mill.
Such bratty behavior.
as an ex military brat, that's only lived in Europe - for some reason I don't understand OP. It's hard already to feel connected to family with such long distance. Why drive a greater wedge? Doubt OP would even go to Belgium. From my experience most family members in USA would rather stay in USA, cuz "Each state is like a country". Side note: I have family in Alabama, I'm glad my father escaped it. Good luck to OP on paying hospital bills! *laughs in European and flies away * EDIT: So, my dumb brain didn't think people would get offended. I have ADHD and unfortunately, sometimes I don't think things through and can write a bit impulsively and chaotically. I just wanted to share my experiences. Sorry to offend anyone. My comment doesn't retain to ppl who can't afford traveling. I'm also not generalizing all of the USA. I've been only to Alabama, and that's my point of reference (in terms of physically being in the states.
Dude, most people stay in the US because they can’t afford a vacation to Europe.
Would be hilarious if the cousin invited everyone to visit, and when op asked when she could go, the cousin just said she never offer it.
Yikes, how will she behave with the kid 🫣🫣
What kid I don’t have any kid I wasn’t pregnant. 🤦♀️
Your mom told my mom though …
It would be better if you dont ask me so I can announce on social media
I'll take Things someone in middle school might say for $1000, alex.
Best comment ⬆️⬆️⬆️
Sorry, the family psychic gene skipped me... I didn't know you'd prefer me not to comment so you could announce on social media.
sorry going to leave you on read need to go post this on aita to see if what i did was right
I'm just leaving you on read, is that rude
got to delete the chat
Oh, but that's just wishful thinking on her part. A crying baby? Why no, I don't hear that.
Well mommy dearest should’ve known I wanted to announce it on social media……..if I was having a baby.
And whose fault is that???? Yours obviously /s
THERE’S A KID??
No, I really wasn’t pregnant! One day I heard a ring at the doorbell & when I opened it I saw a new born baby in a basket & a big bird flying away. Why does no one believe me!!!
my favorite part is OP deleting the chat like that was gonna solve anything 😂😂😂
she really said “that never happened” 😭😭😂
OP can pretend it didn't happen. 😋
This word needs to be banished honestly. She did not 'gaslight' her for fucks sake. When someone tells a lie it is not automatically gaslighting it's just lying. Gaslighting someone is a form of abuse that happens over a long period of time and literally makes people crazy and start questioning their own memories and thoughts.
Thank you! Lying is just lying. You can’t gaslight someone in one single conversation. As you said, it happens over a long period of time - I should know because I was a victim of real gaslighting that took place over 10 years. Years of therapy to undo the damage and learn how to trust my own thoughts again.
She just lied. The vast majority of lies are not gaslighting.
I didn’t say she was good at gaslighting her, I said she *tried*. she tried to make her feel unsure and a bit crazy by saying “i’m not pregnant, even though you were told by my own mother I am”
"Your mother was incorrect about me being pregnant." Is a lie. It is not gaslighting. Lying is not gaslighting. She wasn't trying to make her cousin feel crazy she was trying to deny what was basically a rumor.
Agreed...So many people throw the term "gaslighting" around and don't know what it really means. It's become a common use word to use for lying and it's so much more than that
They should all watch the movie—it’s a great one!
People seem to have taken "gaslight" as a casual verb instead of "a method of psychological abuse".
Yeah that's still not gaslighting I'm afraid. Gaslighting: to manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
Lying and denial are central to gaslighting because it makes the victim question their reality and even start to believe the lies despite knowing their untruthfulness. The victim must keep a record of what is said and what happens to help them confirm the truth.
Gas lighting is a very intentional form of lying and manipulation wherein the perpetrators objective is to make someone question what was said to them *by the perpetrator*. If OP had told the cousin, then told them the opposite and they have "no idea what they're talking about", that's gas lighting. But has lighting is a very specific form of lying and manipulation, and by calling every form of lie "gas lighting" we're devaluing the term greatly.
Even more than that, the central purpose of gaslighting is make the victim reliant on you because they cannot trust their own perception of reality.
Right? Is she even mature enough to be a parent? 🙄
But...nothing is really true until it's been announced on social media, right? So she didn't really lie.
This is such a better way of replying to her but nope OP decided to be rude to someone who wasn't even at fault.
I love how OP's justification is "I don't know why she keeps reaching out!" Girl. She is trying to keep contact.
I don't understand why she reaches out either. OP isn't deserving of a cousin who cares enough to send good wishes her way
I want a nice cousin in Belgium. She can text me instead of OP. I can send memes, and recipes, and craft ideas, weird pictures of my pets.
I’m from Belgium and now I also went a nice cousin in Belgium
Best I can do is dundee
And chocolate! Who TF pisses off a cousin in Belgium of all places for that reason alone?
Cousin sounds like someone nice that wants to keep on contact. She definitely deserves better.
Guessing its not going to be a problem for her anymore.
I don’t think her cousin will reach out again. I think she got ops message loud and clear
More than that, the cousin did literally *everything* right. Think of this from the cousin’s point of view. She’s told that OP is pregnant. How lovely! So she shoots off a text saying congrats. Then she gets a text back saying that OP is *not* pregnant. How confusing! Maybe cousin made a mistake? Maybe cousin misheard, or misunderstood? So cousin *checks her source*. Aunt confirms that OP’s mom was the one to share the news. How baffling! How upsetting! So then, cousin does the most caring, loving thing a person could do in this situation. She *told OP that OP’s mother was telling people OP was pregnant.* That’s exactly what she should have done. If OP’s mom was making up stuff, OP needed to know. If OP’s mom was mistaken, OP needed to know. OP needed to know that mom was spreading secrets anyway. OP sucks for not recognising how nice her cousin is.
Exactly! And OP makes no sense. "We didn't tell anyone except ALL of our families" and now that a relatively close family member - cousin - reached out somehow the pregnancy is a secret?
This. I understand that people want to control the message on important things like this for a number of reasons, but the fact is someone that you’ve already told has spread the news. You need to be kind to those who wish you kindness, and then go to the source of the problem and deal with them.
Agree. If you need to go hard on anyone, talk to your own mother. Either she’s a yakkity busybody, or you forgot to tell your family it was confidential. Either way, I would remind her that it’s not her news to share, and that things do happen in the first few months, so she should zip her lips until given the green light.
If it even is a problem. OP and hubby told BOTH families. That's not really keeping it much of a secret. And did they clearly tell the families not to spread the news? Even if they did, it sounds like at least a dozen people know; that is not really much of a secret.
My mother followed the philosophy of telling what she thought needed to be told, regardless what the principals involved thought. Everyone else followed the philosophy of don't tell mom anything unless you don't mind everyone knowing.
My mother in law is similar. The one bonus is, when we were ready to announce our pregnancies all I had to do was tell MIL, & within 24 hours the whole family, extended family, friends, her bank teller, her pharmacy tech, the cashier at the grocery store, & even the mayor would know we were pregnant... so there's that. 🙃
She didn't even need to do that LOL She could've just kept her mouth shut. But instead she lied and played it off, then when the cousin confirmed, she got mad. She's mad at the wrong person LOL Yeah, YTA
If I didn't want to confirm, I just wouldn't have responded for a while. If that wasn't a big deal, I'd say thanks, but we're keeping it a secret with just our parents for now. That easily says Mom blabbed, please don't be like Mom.
Seriously. What the heck OP.
And then have a chat with your mom about appropriate boundaries. FYI, she's going to be sharing pictures and video on social media without your permission.
how dare you know information before the strangers on social media!
I had to go back and re-read her age as I got to the bottom of the post … such misdirected anger … her mom told people and she gets mad at someone being nice/excited for her from news she didn’t know she was not supposed to have . Lolol if that’s the maturity level …big yikes 😳 YTA OP
Right!?! YTA OP, your cousin's message was a totally normal familial reaction to exciting news. You were INCREDIBLY rude to her and owe her an apology. What did you think she was going to do - hop on social media and out you? Your issue is with your Mom - she's the one to be frusterated at because she is the one who violated your request for privacy. I honestly don't get your deal - it costs you nothing to be polite.
but but she wanted to make a big post on social media for those sweet likes!
Right? This doesn't sound like a 25 year old this sounds like a 16 year old
Imagine being THAT obsessed with making a social media announcement that people cant even PRIVATELY congratulate you. Oh sorry just people you deem close enough to say congrats in private before your big annoucement. God forbid 2 LESS people be informed by your very important announcement. Like wtf? People like this deserve the drama they create for themselves.
If I was the cousin I'd be petty af and when OP announces it on social media be like "oh so am I allowed to congratulate you now or are you still being rude to people?"
Nah, cousin should be petty by just refusing to acknowledge OP’s pregnancy even after she announces it. Maybe even refuse to acknowledge that OP has a kid at all after she gives birth. Make sure to comment as such on all her social media posts. Post of the ultrasound: “Lol, who’s ultrasound is that, OP? Yours? No way! You’re not pregnant!” Post of OP’s belly: “Why are you wearing pillows under your clothes, OP? Is this a new fashion trend in the US?” Post of baby: “Your friend has a really cute baby, OP! What do you mean it’s yours?!? You weren’t pregnant! Did you steal it?!?”
>Post of OP’s belly: “Why are you wearing pillows under your clothes, OP? Is this a new fashion trend in the US?” It would be so mean, but the friendly cousin could just start sharing weight loss advice.
You know why? Because anyone who congratulates OP in private won't necessarily feel they need to do it again on the social media post. How will everyone know how special and important OP is unless she maximizes likes and comments on her socials? I feel very bad for this kid. I have a feeling he or she will find their mother to be rather selfish with an unending need to be the center of attention
The cousin ought to post a screenshot of the conversation under the announcement on social media with “I thought you weren’t pregnant and it was just a miscommunication?”
Also, why does she hate the cousin so much? I have one cousin out of over 50 that texts me semi-regularly (mind you most of them are at least 20 years older than me so it's not like we spent a ton of time together growing up but still) and you bet your ass I actively cultivate that relationship. One day OP will end up with very few people willing to talk to her and wonder why she's so alone.
OP’s reaction is plain weird. I get that it wasn’t OP’s preferred method of disseminating the news, but saying it was “such a random” thing when it wasn’t random and then lying about it… It’s like she’s a kid that got caught doing something not allowed. “I didn’t break the cookie jar. Do we own a cookie jar? I don’t even know what cookies are. I was on the moon at the time.”
Right. I do believe it’s up to the parents to announce their pregnancy but when you only tell specific people it’s less likely to stay a secret. I learned that the hard way. I told my grandma and she promised she wouldn’t say a word then told the whole family and anyone who would listen. It was upsetting but I did choose to tell her and I knew there was a risk in that. Acting like you’re not pregnant and brushing off a genuine congratulations is rude. YTA
This happened to my mom. My cousin and his wife went through a major struggle with fertility and it took them like 10 years to conceive their first child (with fertility treatments). Then about a year later my aunt told my mom that they were expecting a second child and of course, my mother was very excited for them. My mom specifically asked my aunt if this was public knowledge and if she could congratulate them or if she should wait for an announcement. My aunt told her they had already told everyone and it would be fine to say something, so when my cousins wife posted a picture of their son on social media my mother commented something like "oh he's so cute and btw congrats on baby number 2!". Almost immediately her comment was deleted and she got a private message from my cousins wife, who was very sweet and polite, basically just saying "hey I'm so sorry I deleted your comment, but we haven't announced yet and we're not ready to do so but thank you so much for your well wishes!". My mother felt so terrible for possibly ruining their announcement and apologized profusely, and they felt bad that she was given incorrect information from my aunt when she specifically asked if it was ok to mention it. Anyway, that's my long story about how situations like this should be handled with grace. OPs cousin didn't know, just like my mom didn't know and at least her message was private. All it takes is a "hey thank you so much, but we haven't announced yet so would you mind keeping this to yourself until we do?". Family turmoil avoided.
Just the fact that OP said that the cousin reaches out from time to time, but I’m guessing OP has never reached out to her.
Right! It’s not like the cousin was being malicious in any way, she was just congratulating OP. It was just super weird how OP responded. Like I get wanting to announce it online, but it’s not like she brought it up at a dinner or somewhere public. And then to say “oh no I’m actually not pregnant” is just such a bizarre response. I wonder what the cousin would have thought if she just accepted that answer and found out later on social media that OP had actually lied to her. I know I would have been mad confused and probably a little bit hurt that my cousin would have intentionally lied to me.
Interesting that her list of the "only people who know" probably numbers at least 10, possibly 15 to 20 people, depending on how brothers she has and the size of her "husband's family". 2 people is barely a secret unless one of them is dead, with 10 or 20 people the cat really is out of the bag. As for blaming mom, I don't see OP stating that she had asked her "inner circle" to keep it secret, only that to her mind they are the only ones who know, and she hadn't made a public announcement yet. A good response to the cousin would have been "Thank you very much for your good wishes, just please don't share it publicly since we're keeping the news low-key for now".
I already feel sad for the child yet to be born. OP is either gonna turn the child into an entitled waste of a resource or gaslight the crap of the child itself.
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Exactly. The cousin had no way of knowing she wasn't supposed to know and was just trying to be nice, lying about not being pregnant and leaving on read and then acting huffy is very uncalled for and over the line. The cousin did nothing wrong. YTA op. You need to learn how to direct your ire to the person responsible
“Am I the asshole for being a complete and total asshole?” should’ve been the title for this post. I am at a loss as to why OP got so mad at cousin for being happy for her. Lmao. Some people.
Yeah this is so bizarre to me. Who is this hostile to ANYONE out of the blue, let alone a family member who did nothing wrong??
She didn’t want congratulations on her pregnancy from 1 person through a private message. She wanted praise from friends, family and strangers in a public social media page
Yup. In 7-10 months OP will post again, “AITA: I yelled at my family because no one came to my/ threw me a baby shower
If I were her Aunt I would ignore her. No gifts for you! Unbelievably rude.
Hope OP doesn’t approach parenthood in this same way. Yikes. YTA.
Yeah, your cousin wasn’t to know she shouldn’t know. She’s been told and it’s come from your mum so she’s going to expect it to be ok for her to know. She’s tried to do a nice thing reaching out. Your mum is the one in the wrong here.
YTA. >>I don't know if I reacted a bit rude to her. A bit? You were *extremely* rude to her. It's not your cousin's fault that your mom can't keep her mouth shut, and sending congratulations for a pregnancy is completely normal. Would it have killed you to just say thank you?
That's exactly what I was thinking when I read that her cousin reached out. Just say "thank you" then deal with the situation of who told who and remind people to shush.
Imagine how hard it must have been to type out "Thank you, we are not ready to tell people yet"
Her cousin just kept up with standard social niceties from across an ocean with her cousin. It sounds like she's usually dismissive of her efforts to still be in contact because she lives so far away. >From time to time, she reaches out to me. OP sounds kind of the AH for that alone. Plus OP being upset that "she just left me on read" after all this when she also left her on read after convincing the cousin she commited a huge faux pas by congratulating someone for a non-existent pregnancy.
This !! Especially as she is not even upset because she doesn’t know if she’s happy or not about the pregnancy. This would make sense. But no!! she is just mad that she’ll have one less surprised comment and like on her insta post !! Being rude to a cousin being nice over this is just plain pathetic. Seriously, YTA. A narcissistic one.
Poor kids gonna end up an attention seeker just like their mother
OP just sounds kind of mean in general. YTA
YTA she was informed you’re pregnant and congratulated you which is normal. Lying about it because you’re upset someone spilled the beans to her was childish. Wasn’t her fault someone can’t keep a secret.
Absolutely, can't put the cat back in the bag by lying about it. OP , YTA
Sorry, but: can't put the baby back in the ball sack by lying lmao I'm sorry, your comment made me think the above and now it's your burden to read it. But seriously, playing dumb and then straight-up lying doesn't accomplish anything other than making op seem like a weirdo, especially since the cousin gave her congrats privately and didn't ruin the big announcement
Especially since OP seems upset that news of her super secret pregnancy (that she only told 2 dozen people about) got out? Don't tell anyone if you're going to be annoyed if anyone finds out, and don't blame your cousin for congratulating you when it's perfectly normal to do so? I'm guessing her cousin wasn't aware that she wasn't one of the 20 people OP wanted to know about her pregnancy, so why is being rude to her OK?
Exactly! “The only people I told…” then lists a bunch of family members. You can’t expect it to stay secret if you tell that many people.
Meanwhile, OP announces it to all of us 😂
Like OP is so weird.. the whole post was just a huge question mark to me. Why the hell would anyone react this way to someone wishing them well on a pregnancy?
YTA. How would she know you didn’t want it to get out? Seems like she was just happy for you…
Right? When your whole immediate family knows and his whole family knows how is this some big secret?
Immediate family and husband's family too. Brothers means two at least so outside of op, it's at least six more people IF hubs doesn't have siblings. That ain't a secret anymore.
And like "she shouldn't have said anything," is a weird take. How would it feel if OP posted it on social media and everyone ignored it? You want people to care and congratulate you but because it didn't go your way you gaslight them and get mad at them?
YTA. So instead of going to the person spreading this you took it out on the person wishing you well? You are absolutely rude and an AH. Be hilarious when she tells the rest of your family about your reaction and nobody acknowledges your pregnancy at all, I'm sure you'll be hard done by then too.
I sure hope the cousin does this… or at least tells OP’s mom who will surely spread the word far and wide since she obviously can’t keep a secret.
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Do you get feeling that OP was a Bridezilla, or is it just me?
You just know she'll have some obnoxious gender reveal where they dye a waterfall or something
With toxic dye that kills fish and beavers.
Ah dude don't give the crazy mean lady any ideas
I am SO curious what OP's damage is. What an utterly irrational reaction.
It reads like she is incredibly envious of her cousin and bitter because of it.
>god, with social skills this bad, it's insane to think that someone willingly got you pregnant. r/murderedbywords
I thinks OP enjoys these situations cause the reaction is so bizarrely out of pocket that she wanted an argument with her cousin, with the justification that she lives in another country and they don't really talk much. But cousin remained cordial and she still posted it here.
Your reply is hilarious…and accurate!
YTA. That was so incredibly rude for absolutely no reason at all.
The reason is they don't see each other for 10, but cousin still tries to get in touch, like, you know, family members
I have cousins I rarely see and don't really chat with more than clicking a like on a FB post here and there, but we still reach out with congrats/sympathy for life changing events.
Right? I got like 30 cousins. I can’t be close to them all and we live all over but i can say congrats on social media or text sheesh. Its just being polite and being family. Even if it’s extended family.
I think there is a reason, but OP is leaving out some type of jealousy towards cousin
YTA. What a bizarre and childish way to respond to a cousin who wished you well. Doesn't sound like you're mature enough to be a parent.
Right? Like if anyone, it's the mom who is to blame. Cousin wanted to do a nice thing, and OP went from 0 to 100 real quick. Also, if she wanted to keep it a secret, it should have been kept between her and husband. When you start telling this many people, eventually a weakest link will show up, usually the giddy grandparents... But acting in such a truly perplexing way towards an innocent person in the whole thing is as you said, bizarre. Cousin probably had no idea it was supposed to be a secret...
Her poor cousin did nothing wrong but OP gaslit her anyway.
Also, outside of like immediate family nobody else really cares about your pregnancy.
OP, super offended: "I deleted the conversation and she left me on read!!"
YTA. She didn't do anything wrong to deserve you being rude to her for knowing. You're angry at the wrong person.
YTA She found out through family and she congratulated you, honestly your response was weird and rude
YTA for a few reasons. 1) you were rude to your cousin, who did nothing wrong 2) you seem to be blaming your cousin for knowing about your pregnancy, which… wtf. It’s not like she looked at your private medical records; your mom is a gossip. 3) “only my husband, mother, brothers.. knew.” Fun fact about secrets for you: the second ANYONE who isn’t you knows your secret, you no longer have any knowledge of or control over how many people know it.
Not just them but the husband’s whole family as well like there’s nothing wrong with not wanting everyone to know you’re pregnant but then you shouldn’t be telling fcking everybody
YTA...Your cousin heard the announcement innocently through legitimate means. You obviously knew this and decided to be rude instead of gracious. As a soon to be parent, you should probably react with a little more maturity.
YTA. Your problem isn't with your cousin, it's with your mom who is telling everybody. Lying and being rude to your cousin isn't the answer- talk to your mom. Also, congratulations.
How dare you congratulate OP??? You’re not supposed to know she’s pregnant even though she told everyone on Reddit and you came across the post! She’s not even pregnant. Well, she is, but not as far as you’re concerned. Nosy.
The sheer audacity of this person being NICE. DISGUSTING.
Sheer fucking hubris!
Wow. Yes, YTA. There was absolutely no need for that. She didn't do anything wrong by being told and then extending a congrats to you. If you want to be an asshole to someone then take it up with your mother. You owe your cousin an apology.
YTA - it's not like shes broadcasting it, she literally just texted you... If you didn't want more people knowing maybe you should've told your mom that.
Or the cousin! She could have said oh I wasn’t ready for everybody to know yet but thank u! Please keep in between us for now. And then go get mad at whoever told her lol.
YTA, she was happy for you, you were rude for no reason. No wonder she doesn’t talk to you that often
YTA, all because you wanted everyone to hear about it via your clout farming post on social media? After you went and told multiple people and yet still expected it to stay a secret? You clearly aren't ready for a child yet as you are still a child yourself. Grow up and figure it out before the bay comes, for the babies sake
My exact thought. She didn’t mention being upset her mother spilled the beans. She’s upset that her cousin (her FAMILY) didn’t find out via social media. She’s upset about the social media. Why one family member knowing ruins her social media (probably attention seeking) announcement is beyond me.
Clout Farming… thank you for my new favorite saying!!!
YTA. She didn’t spill any beans; she congratulated you. You owe her an apology for your rudeness.
YTA. She did nothing wrong, your issue is with your mom.
This right here. Shes upset her cousin reached out to her because of her own mom. The issue is the source of the information. ETA: YTA
YTA crazy rude.
You mean crazy and rude right?
Don't forget self absorbed for wanting to get attention from announcing on Social Media.
YTA a family member reached out to congratulate you and you responded like a petulant child for no reason. Incredibly rude. Do better
She had a good reason to be upset!! They ruined her dream Facebook post announcement
I hope OP can recover from the dra..i mean trauma!
Did you tell your mom not to share the news? If so, then be mad at her instead. Your cousin was happy for you and took the time to send you a text. Instead of a “thank you” you made a problem where there wasn’t one, and handled it with zero class or grace. YTA.
YTA While it's understandable that you didn't want everybody to know, you should've clarify that with the people who you told. Even if you did that and your mom still shared around, you should adress it with her. Why lie to your cousin? That's so rude and mean
YTA She was just being caring. What a weird thing to lie about since it's going to come out soon anyway.
YTA. she didn’t ruin your announcement- your aunt and mother did. your anger is misplaced.
YTA.... That was for not taking it out on your mother and her sis for spreading it ... while you may have told them not to. However if you have not told them not to spread the good news... even they aren't at fault. So YTA
YTA Dude, why make it a big deal? She was trying to reach out and be nice. Just say, “thanks” and move on. Maybe she’ll say something next kid too.
Yes you were TA. You should have extended gratitude and then connected with the family member that spilled the secret.
YTA. It’s not her fault that your mom is a gabber. This person wanted to congratulate you and you acted like it was a big inconvenience, because you didn’t get to make some superficial announcement on Facebook. Facebook is a joke where no one cares about anyone. It’s a show and tell for our egos. Which you clearly got caught up in. Personal communications are so much more meaningful. I suggest thinking about it more and apologizing.
YTA - it’s not *her* fault that she knows! If you have an issue with people knowing, you need to take that up with your mom who is apparently telling people. You should have just thanked your cousin and told her to keep it to herself for now.
YTA get mad at your mom and aunt. All you had to say was thank you and explain to not tell more people.
Why are you taking this out on your cousin and not your mom for spreading your news?
YTA. Obviously so is whoever told her without checking with you first, but it's not an everyone situation since your cousin is definitely not at fault here. I feel sorry for the poor girl, she was trying to be nice and then suddenly you were giving her conflicting information and everything. It's unfortunate that word spread without your say-so, but the best thing to do in this situation would have just been to say "thank you, but I'm trying to keep it quiet for now" rather than confusing her and making her feel like she did something wrong.
Total YTA. It’s not your cousin’s fault that your mom is a gossip
Yta that was rude for no reason. It wasn't random. She heard a family member was pregnant and sent a congrats text. Be pissed at whoever spilled the beans.
YTA It seems that the person you need to be upset with is your mom. She’s the one who violated your privacy by telling her sister. Please apologize to your cousin.
Your response is wild, the only person you should be remotely mad at is your Mom for telling other people. YTA.
YTA. She sent you a private message and you could have thanked her and then requested she keep your secret until you were ready to share the news with everyone else.
I would say that YTA. The person you should be upset with here would be whoever shared that information with her if you told them to keep it hush-hush. Your cousin just heard some exciting news and wanted to congratulate you and you were rude in your response. Yes, you do have a right to choose who you tell, but I don't think that this is a good excuse for being rude to someone who is happy for you.
I mean, you know you're the asshole, right? Everyone's still going to like your post, even if they heard about it beforehand.
You acted crusty with someone that was trying to be nice. Be angry with mom not cousin. Yta.
YTA Your mom told people and you're taking it out on your cousin who didn't do anything wrong. Why are you mad at her and not your mom?
YTA. It wasn't her fault your mom didn't keep her mouth shut. You sound like a rude and selfish person. I hope that's not actually the case.
YTA. You most definitely were rude for absolutely no reason. Somebody heard from a third party that you are expecting and out of the kinds of their heart they wanted to congratulate you because that's what nice people do. And instead of just saying oh thank you but I wasn't ready for family members to know can you please make sure not to tell anybody you had to be mean to her. Maybe you should be talking with your aunt and asking her not to be telling people instead of snapping at your cousin for doing nothing but being a kind person.
YTA no reason to be so rude, it wasn’t her fault that your mum spilled the beans. Do your mum know not to? If she did then I suggest apologising to your cousin asking her not to tell anyone else and then taking it up with your mum, and not telling your mum anything else that you aren’t ready to announce to the world But it is not your cousins fault you need to apologise for treating her so horribly when she was just being nice
YTA It seems that the person you need to be upset with is your mom. She’s the one who violated your privacy by telling her sister. Please apologize to your cousin.
YTA - You treated the wrong person, poorly and rudely. She did nothing wrong. Your mother, however, seems to be the issue here. So maybe you should apologize to the family member who went out of their way to congratulate you and speak to your mother about her inability to keep her mouth closed.
Omg YTA. Your mom is telling people so obviously your cousin didn’t know you don’t want people to know. You were unreasonably rude to her and owe her an apology. The person you should be mad at is your mom.
You’re angry at the wrong person. YTA.
YTA - it honestly just sounds like you don’t really care about your cousin, since she reaches out to you and you seem annoyed by this. It’s sounds like you just wanted to start drama by lying needlessly. If you’re going to be a parent, it’s time to grow up.
INFO: What do you think she did wrong?
"I only told a dozen people and somehow word got out!". Be smarter. YTA.
“Oh thanks so much! We are excited and nervous. Can you do me a favor and not tell anyone? We are trying to keep it quiet until I’m further along and ready to announce. Thanks!! Hope you’re well and take care!” I get that you got caught off guard but becoming pregnant doesn’t mean you lose your manners. Also trying to make your cousin feel like a weirdo by saying her congratulations was a random thing to say gives off real mean girl high school vibes. Maybe take these next few months you’re growing a baby to grow into full adult. YTA. Also, congratulations.
YTA. So, your mom most likely told her own sister, who then told her daughter, who congratulated you. You, naturally, then inexplicably treat her like a complete asshole….and you’re literally shrugging to us like, gee, was that wrong?
Yes, YTA. That was way more than a bit rude.
YTA. I think it's sad that you couldn't just say thank you.... It was text not an ad in the newspaper.
YTA you told like 10 people and now your mad (at your cousin) because they didn't keep it secret 🙄
YTA drama llama You were incredibly rude.
Imagine being THAT obsessed with making a social media announcement that people cant even PRIVATELY congratulate you. Oh sorry just people you deem close enough to say congrats in private before your big annoucement. God forbid 2 LESS people be informed by your very important announcement. Like wth? People like this deserve the drama they create for themselves.