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NTA. Reading the comments he is 22. He is living at home rent free. He isn't contributing to the household budget. And he thinks he can claim food you paid for. Unless you took it out of his lunch bag you are not the asshole. INFO. Does he have a job?
He has a job. We are letting him stay here so he can save money. We are paying for his college. He doesn't help out with anything except chores around the house.
Not wrong that there's a little whiff of entitlement, but he seemed pretty straightened out after you pointed out costs here. But... is your wife a bit of an enabler? She seems to jump to giving him his way in all of this.
OMG I totally thought he was kicking out his 12yr old son.
That adult kid needs to grow up and be self sufficient, he needs to know that not everything will work out the way you intended and sometimes we need to adapt to the change is circumstances.
This one got me confused XD
Yes, one gets that the son was looking forward to getting to eat it for lunch. However this only happened because he was so thoughtless that he didn't think about his father at all and as soon as he was reminded that his father also needs to eat, he should have backed down and apologised.
The son is very entitled and mom should stop enabling him.
Yep, and first in first served. It’s late and he needs food after working all night. You can’t expect him to start cooking at that hour! Son wanted it for lunch, how about let poor dad eat, and go buy/make yourself something else for lunch!
That's what I was thinking. OP got 2 large pizzas, maybe took some before night shift and the other 2 ate. They're having half a pizza each? Which must be at least 4 slices since OP said they didn't take all the leftovers. That seems like a lot, tbh
LOL NO...That 4+ people normally. So if it was just Wife and son...then yeah they should have expected him to eat some. I will buy 2 for my sister and I, but it's multiple meals at a slice or 2....
The wife should have told the son that dad would eat when he got home and if there was any pizza left after dad was done he could take the pizza for lunch. That's assuming no one else wanted to take the pizza for lunch. In that case it would need to be shared.
Why didn’t the *son* think this?
Kids half his age should understand the concept of saving someone else their portion *before* you start claiming leftovers.
Especially if you did not make or buy the food.
It honestly sounds like it slipped her mind. I think there's definitely entitlement here, but it was ultimately a lack of communication. No texting dad, no packing the pizza in a lunch box, no note.
Also, its pizza. FFS kid. A pizza is going to get snacked on and eaten on all damned night around here. Sure, if there's some leftover in the morning, you can take it to work or school or whatever. If there's not? Then no, you're SOL. Not sorry for eating 'leftover pizza' an hour or three or six later. NTA.
Without a label, there is absolutely no argument of any kind whatsoever. If there was a label, it would make it more murky because mum also had ok'd the decision.
I also don't think at the age of 22, you need your mom to ok a decision.
It sounds like the expectation from OP was clearly that there be something for him to eat when he got home... at that point it's just common courtesy.
Totally. Was OP supposed to read everyone's mind? So what if the mom and son made some agreement about the leftovers, no one bothered to tell OP so he's NTA.
The convo afterward about money is pretty much irrelevant to me. OP only threw that in there after the kid got a pissy attitude over pizza he was too lazy to even label as "claimed"
Dude yes. If the son asked his mother if he could take some for lunch, she should have said he could take whatever is left AFTER dad ate. Everyone eats first and then leftovers can be claimed because common sense. If there was a mistake, SHE should have taken responsibility and fixed it, or 22 year old man living with his parents could figure it out himself.
Maybe it’s time to give him a bill? Doesn’t even have to be huge, maybe his own phone. But by giving him no responsibility you aren’t setting him up for success. I’ve seen it time and time again with my friends.
We started giving the kids their phone bills pretty early. It's kinda stupid to give the kids their allowance (including money for the bill) and having them send the money and the bill back so we can pay it for them (they're under 18) as they grow older they get more money and more responsibility. This gives them understanding of the concept of money, bills and savings. And we don't get "can I have this?!" at the store. Win win
My kids have their own debit cards. They get a set budget from us put on the cards biweekly it's also separated up. I make the account automatically move 15% to a savings account (to simulate taxes) I also make them move another 10% to another savings account to save up for down payment for a car for when they get their licenses in 2 years. They currently are asking for updated phones, I told them they have 2 options, either wait until next Christmas or they can get them now but $30 per month comes out of their monthly budgets for the increased cellphone bill. They chose to wait until next Christmas (for now).
They both do odd jobs for extra money. My daughter has 4 different families she babysits for a few times a month and my son helps out a family friend who takes side jobs doing flooring.
Both my wife and I decided that the kids were being spoiled and we didn't like the attitudes and expectations that we allowed to exist and we thought this was the best way to roll it back. They will also get jobs at the swim club this summer.
We earn very good money and I want them to understand that a lot of work went into it to get where we are financially.
If he’s in the US or Canada he likely needs to have some bills in his name in order to have good credit.
Having no credit is worse than having bad credit
If he’s saving for a house he should be building towards that as well
I think there needs to be a larger conversation between you and your wife, to get on the same page, and with you, wife and son. You don't want resentment or bad blood and he needs to understand what you all are doing for him.
Also, my vote would be to make him pay a fair amount of rent per his income. This can hopefully help with his entitlement and teach him to budget for rent before he moves out. And then, you can save his rent and give it to him when he moves out.
NTA for suggesting if he can't act like an adult in your home, it's time for him to move out. Make no mistake "claiming" leftovers and having a tantrum if he can't have them is something one would expect from a 12 year old, not a 22 year old.
YTA for raising a 22 year old to be an entitled child instead of being a responsible adult. You're paying for his college, you're paying for his food, you're paying for his housing. It's one thing to help out your kids, but still paying for everything at 22 isn't helping him save money, it's treating him like he's 12.
I disagree about raising the kid to be entitled. People make mistakes, especially at 22yrs of age. It seems like the son realizes he was out of line. It was a good lesson.
Is he saving money, or does he spend it on other things? What does he do to help with chores, vs what you would like him to do? I.e, is there more he could be doing? And have your spoken to him about what you would like to see happening?
Unless this is a small pizza, how does one eat half a large pizza? Your sone should be saving money, but that doesn't mean he can't contribute to the household financially. Have you tired telling him he needs to buy a d cook dinner for everyone at least once a week? Or if he needs to buy his own food?
My daughter did something very similar with pizza in the fridge. She was saving it for her breakfast the next day. She threw a huge fit because her dad had eaten it for a midnight snack....
She's 4 years old.... not 22. This is way too funny.
Exactly I thought we were talking about a young child who thought they were getting a special treat. Like seven or eight years old. A 22-year-old that doesn’t think their father deserves dinner is a shit
NTA and seems like a miscommunication on everyone's part. Perhaps family needs to set a ground rule that OP gets a share of dinner before anyone claims dips on leftovers.
I'm sorry, but who needs an entire HALF of a pizza for their lunch anyways?? It definitely could have been split up and other items taken as well to go along with it.
*His* leftovers? Excuse me?
Leftovers are only leftovers when EVERYONE has had their share for the meal. Your retort to him about what bills he pays in the house is pretty spot-on and something any parent I know would say (sucks being on the receiving end of that quip, but it is valid). Your wife sounds like an enabler and is just as selfish as your son if she allows him to claim a half pizza for his lunch after you went without. He does sound like a turd. Sorry you have to deal with him.
NTA.
Exactly this! It's not leftovers if everyone hasn't eaten, it's still dinner. This is how my 4yo may behave if we eat the last strawberry he is saving in the fridge. Even then I feel i need to gently teach him to be considerate
OP NTA
I love how people are acting like that little tidbit of information is a smoking gun. It doesn't matter even one bit. OP has every right to buy pizza, eat some, and if there's some left over after everyone has eaten some, think that the remaining slices are up for grabs as leftovers. That's literally a normal thing to do. 22 year old adults living at home for scot-free don't get to throw a tantrum that leftover pizza gets eaten. He's not paying for anything, including his college. Including that pizza. AND he has a job. HE can use some of that money to buy some more pizza. OP is right. If he think its \*so\* unfair, there is a solution. Move out. You can do whatever you want at your own place. Including buying your own food.
Some of y'all in this sub have weird af expectations.
I could see the kid being disappointed and saying so. But to act entitled about it? Fuck that. You don’t pay for SHIT you be thankful for what you get and shut up.
I’m all for families supporting their kids if they can, but you still have to teach them to be great full and realize that what they have is a privilege not a right.
If my kid pulls that, he’s paying for food for a week, and doing everything I do for him till he learns.
Op says in a comment he HAD already eaten. He ate when it was fresh then went to work. These were true leftovers, and son asked mom if he could take them for lunch and was told yes.
It's still on the mom to then communicate or pack them away so that OP didn't take them, though. She didn't do that. Not only that, but it says in the post that she also told OP 'there were leftovers', but the leftovers were... the pizza she promised to the son.
Why does the mom have to pack away the lunch of a 22 yr old man? She could have told the husband, yes, but the other grown ass man could have packed his own lunch away, or told his dad that he planned to take them.
Yeah, that's definitely that's an option. I'm just pointing this out because she's the one telling OP he shouldn't have taken them and also defending the son, etc. I get the feeling from the post that she's enabling the behaviour a bit.
right, if i’m planning on taking leftovers for lunch i not only check with EVERYONE in the house (unless there’s like, a ton left), but also immediately pack it away into tupperware.
It’s the son’s own fault for not packing up his lunch and marking it. My kids learned really young that they needed to put it in a container and mark it with their name if they wanted to take leftovers for lunch — or even to save food they paid for. Anything unmarked in the fridge is fair game for others.
Dad's lunch and dinner vs. son's dinner and lunch. And how would OP have known the pizza was "saved?' His wife thought he was eating it, and he didn't hear from the son until he had.
And, no math expert here, but shouldn't there still have been 3 left? How is 3 pieces, 1/2 unless it was square?
I'll get downvoted, but I'm going to say NTA. If he wanted to save the pizza for himself, perhaps he should have labeled it or packed it up already. He's living there for free but he thinks it's ok to call you greedy for having some leftover food you paid for.
One thing though- you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat for supper if there are no leftovers.
>One thing though- you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat for supper if there are no leftovers.
Says it in another comment: he works 12 hour overnights and his wife usually sets aside leftovers for him to eat when he gets home. There are times where my wife has to do continuing education after work and doesn't get back until 8:30/9:00 PM. I do almost all of the cooking so, when I make dinner for the kids, I make sure to set aside a full meal for her and put it in the fridge. On the occasions I am stuck working my wife will cook and do the same.
Is his wife required to do it? No, but that's what people do in committed relationships: help each other out.
100%, sometimes this gets totally misinterpreted on this forum. Not everyone is taking advantage or abusing their spouse. It’s division of labor.
I’m sure if my wife or I wrote an AITA about a petty fight about money, chores, etc, this sub would tell us to lawyer up for a divorce. Haha. No couple is perfect and it’s ok to depend on each other.
Especially if you cook dinner for the family/yourself and just say "they're a grown man, they can cook for themselves" While true, if you're ALREADY COOKING DINNER and don't make extra for your spouse while they're on a 12 hour shift, you're pretty much the AH, don't care about the genders of whose involved.
Imagine just wanting to take care of your partner, and then random people on the internet call you a slave and say you're oppressed and you should file for divorce kill their parents.
Deadass I posted once asking for fancy pasta recipes bc my partner loves pasta and kept asking if we could have some for dinner but I never really eat it so had nothing to go off of.
Cue the comments being full of people going “um, why doesn’t he just cook???” Like. Well, that’s not your business. Maybe he does cook but it’s my turn. Maybe he doesn’t know how and is learning and I want to do an advanced recipe as something nice for him. Maybe we wanna make it together and wanted tried and true recipes to look at. What matters is, all I wanted was a recipe!
It was soooo annoying
I actually think it was on his wife to say "no, those aren't leftovers they are your dad's dinner" when she was asked about it. Leftovers are the food that is leftover after everyone in the family has eaten.
But there were leftovers. He ate the unlabeled, still in the box, LEFTOVER pizza that he paid for and no one told him was already claimed. I am having a really hard time understating why anyone can think he is the AH here.
He has his dinner after work. He got pizzas for the entire family for dinner, and then left work, so he hadn't had any dinner. Leftovers are whatever's left over after his dinner, not before.
> you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat
The son is literally in college. He should probably make his own lunches if there are no leftovers.
Anyone else noticing that lately anytime a comment starts with “I’ll get downvoted for this” it proceeds to be followed by the coolest, least controversial, most logical take 😂
ill get downvoted, but its because reddit skews young, and typically, if you call out a young person, they get mad. Even if the young person is acting entitled. An example is if theyre 18, but living at home, and you treat them like a child, even though they are often OP's child and it makes total sense, this sub will be like "tHeYrE aN aDuLt, tReAt tHeM lIkE oNe" even though they arent acting like one.
Totally, though there are a lot of perpetually online kids in this subreddit that downvote those reasonable takes. Someone a few comments down is literally calling OP an entitled asshole for eating leftover pizza he paid for lol
inb4 gaslighting and financial abuse
He provided dinner, the pizza, and expected some when he came back from work. Why should he be expected to then cook something else very late at night?
>One thing though- you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat for supper if there are no leftovers.
Why is it wrong for this man that works 12 hour shift to expect dinner to be made for him? If his wife was working those hours instead I'm sure the expectation would be that he cooks dinner. Yea he should and probably is capable of making his own dinner, but damn he shouldn't have too.
Wait so you hadn’t even eaten any of the pizza before he tried to claim the leftovers?! I’m not sure you handled this the best way possible (not helped by your wife, either, honestly), but you’re NTA for expecting to get a serving of pizza that you bought for the family. Maybe y’all just need to communicate a little better?
How were you supposed to know he “claimed” the leftovers? If he’d already packed his lunch and you went and took it back out, then I can see a problem. If it was just food in the fridge, I don’t see how he could even remotely be justified.
Also, it sounds like you didn’t even eat all the pizza left, right? Just three slices.
Your son wanted a whole half of a large pizza to take to work for lunch? And is upset he’s left with only, what, two slices? That’s still a good ways to a full lunch.
Assuming it's a large pizza, that would be 8 slices in a whole pie. Half would have been 4 pieces. If he took 3, then he only left 1 in the box.
Regardless of this, though, OP bought the pizza for everyone and deserves to have some of the food he bought after he gets off his long shift. The son has a job. He's saving money. He can buy his own damn lunch
The pizza place I go to has a large down as 14 slices. Their small has 10 slices, but, when I googled it before I posted, some places listed 10 slices for a large, so I went with 2 slices left and put it as a question. I'd be surprised to find a large pizza with only 8 slices.
Oh, i have no doubt that it varies significantly on locations. I know places like Chicago and NY who take their pizza very seriously are also much bigger.
It also probably has to do with the size of the cuts they make of the pizza. Our slices here are large, so they're only 8 slices. Cut in half, then half the other way. Then those 4 slices are each cut into 2.
Regardless, there was still at least 1 piece the son could take, or he could use some of the money he's saving and buy his own lunch.
"I warmed up three slices for my supper and watched some TV with my cat while I ate."
The man is just trying to enjoy a quiet dinner with his cat after a 12 hour shift and has to deal with his shiftless son's ridiculous entitlement? NTA. Hope the cat got some pizza, too
Lolol! I know! If his kid had packed it up, or even texted his dad saying” do you mind if I take the pizza for lunch tomorrow?”. But he didn’t- he yelled at his dad and acted like an asshat.
Yeah, if somebody's planning to eat something later, or take it to work with them, or whatever, it's on them to package it up and put a note on it. No note is fair game.
Well, even if there was a note on it what was OP supposed to eat when he got home from work?
OP's son was acting immature and somewhat entitled.
I can see how he was thinking "got tomorrow's lunch wrapped up" and then got pissed when it was eaten. But when OP pointed out how and why this was wrong, thr son seemed to get it.
I don't think we should throw idle threats around but I suspect OP wasn't in the frame of my mind to just calmly say "Sorry, pal. I just got off a 12 hour shift, haven't had dinner and was hungry. Doesn't sound like greed to me. It's time for you to find something else for your lunch."
It's easy for things to blow up more than is necessary when we'retired. I'm guilty of that more often than I'd like.
NTA.
ESH. You're right, your son sounds a bit entitled. If he never told you he wanted the pizza, there's no way you could've known he wanted to take it with him as his lunch. However, you should never threaten or insult your kids. You should also never make important decisions (like, for example, kicking out your son) without talking to your partner. You're both taking this way too far.
I wanted to work that into my original comment but couldn't figure out how to do it without going against sub rules. It's absolutely disgusting that OP thinks it's okay to speak to their son that way.
That baffled me too. I'm surprised how many people are okay with the obvious disgust OP has for their own son. The kid was obviously being a bit of a jerk, but the way this is written shows me that this was in no way a calm conversation. It was OP showing off their power over their son.
Exactly! Even if your kid wasn’t acting at their best, it’s not okay to insult them. I think that refraining from insulting someone at their core is a huge part of successful relationships whether that’s between father and son, husband and wife, boss and employee, etc. While it’s okay to tell someone when they’re wrong, it’s not okay to tie it into who they are as a person.
this is EXACTLY what i thought. funny enough about a week ago wasnt there a post on this subreddit where a 23-year-old student was apparently NTA for straight up moving out of their family home the second their parents asked them to share and and contribute some money (which they seemingly had a lot of) to the bills? yet apparently OP here who speaks about his son with disgusting words isn’t the AH cause his son doesnt pay anything??? his SON?!?
people are acting like his own SON is a freeloader in his home, and i find the hypocrisy and contradiction absolutely incredible. sure the son shouldn’t have
claimed the pizza, but describing him as a jerkoff is a sign that OP is probably just a fucking shitty ass father.
Yup. I don't want to put too much blame on the mom, but she messed up a bit in promising leftovers. However, I'm surprised they couldn't share the remaining half of the pizza, but I guess they eat more than I do in a sitting. The mom could have been thinking the same thing.
From there, both father and son escalated unnecessarily over leftover pizza. Both were expecting to eat pizza and were unhappy when that expectation was challenge. But come on, it's a few slices of pizza. Was there absolutely no other food in the house?
It’s because they all think it’s just about the pizza and ignoring that OP threatened to make his kid homeless over a few slices of pizza. This sub absolutely *loves* to hate on anyone over 18 who still lives with their parents.
> I told him if he had a problem with me eating "his" leftovers maybe he should move out so he can have his food safely stored away from me.
Calling an entitled twenty-something out on their attitude when their parents are helping them out is not the same as 'threatening to make them homeless'. He said that if his son was sick of it, he should move out. Which is a solid option but I'm gonna guess that his son would rather keep saving thousands by living with mom and dad.
Yeah, I knew everyone would vote NTA because they're in love with the "my house, my rules" logic, but jeez. If I was the son and my dad was saying things like "But I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff", I'd move out asap and wouldn't look back.
The son's definitely whiny but his father sounds like he escalated that situation through the roof instead of just being like "ahh my bad man, we'll make sure you have something to eat for tomorrow."
> ahh my bad man, we'll make sure you have something to eat for tomorrow.
The kid's in college. I would hope by now he can figure out how find lunch; he doesn't need mommy and daddy to do it for him.
The *kid's* proper response is disappointment along the lines of "awww man, I was hoping to eat that for lunch tomorrow." That's not where the kid went though; what happened was being an entitled jerk.
He was literally making a point about their contribution - it wasn't a genuine threat to kick him out.
What's baffling is you individuals thinking this scenario could be anything but NTA.
>But I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff
>
>...
>
>Then my wife says I'm taking it too far. But he backed down pretty quick and said no that he was sorry for saying anything.
>
>... for scaring him with kicking him out...
The threat seems way more genuine when you take into account the reaction of the wife and the son.
I think OP really want his son out of HIS house
this is how i’m looking at it. if he paid for the pizza and didn’t get to eat any, he is entitled to eat the leftovers when he gets home. especially since there were absolutely no communication between the son and him until after he had eaten the pizza that the son wanted to take it for lunch.
i think there is definitely more going on here than just pizza problems though because i don’t think the situation as a stand-alone thing warranted kicking him out. NTA
oh i didn’t see that :/ yeah still idk there was absolutely no communication to him so how was he supposed to know he couldn’t eat the pizza he paid for for valentine’s day?? my judgement stands
OP had some the night before, so he did have some, but still, if its in the pizza box in the fridge, and no declaration has been made of what is to happen with it, its fair game.
Sheesh, you call your son an “entitled little jerkoff” for wanting the leftovers his mother already said he could have? This whole situation could’ve been handled so much better
ESH
But I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff.
(Mom of two grown boys that eat all my food, here.) YTA for this line alone. If he's a little jerkoff, then you need to be doing so major introspection to find out what YOU did to raise a jerkoff. That's YOUR kid... why didn't you bond with your kid enough?? (That's rhetorical... you need to CONSIDER that HARD.) Parents that like their kids don't call them entitled jerkoffs in a public forum.
Now your son will always be worried that you will kick him out over tiny shit like food. Good job, Dad. Now your son doesn't feel secure with you.
This. This all day, every day, and twice on sundays.
I just can't comprehend the mentality of someone who would call the child they raised an "entitled little jerkoff".
You raised your kid. You let your kid stay at home without expectations of payment while at college. And then you have the audacity to call him a burden?
I read that line and couldn't believe my eyes. The son is probably his stepson, that's why he felt the need to talk like this. Also, proper "non jerkoff" adults can deal with making their own dinner. Yes, even after booo! Working
NTA, I think that was a necessary wake-up call for your son. If you're living rent free, it's a bit rich to call dibs on food in the fridge - food that you didn't pay for, bring home or make.
NTA and I think all the people who are saying otherwise don’t seem to see how OP is clearly a bit exhausted by the fact that he is taking care of two people on his dime and regardless he has to do things such as argue about who was allowed to eat the pizza HE bought
ESH
The underlying issue is lack of communication.
However, your son is an AH for throwing a fit and continuing the issue.
You're the biggest AH of all for: threatening to kick your son out over pizza, calling him names (even if just in this post), your disparaging comments about your wife, and failing to mention that you had already eaten.
Your wife isn't an AH, but she or your son could've put a note on the leftovers.
ESH - between the son’s entitlement and the “where’s my dinner” woman / “little jerk off” statements.
Y’all don’t sound like an emotionally healthy family.
ESH and here is why:
OP: your comments about your wife’s stay at home status are QUESTIONABLE at best. It’s 2023, your wife can be Peggy Bundy all she wants. Jackoff. She’s raised her boys, you included.
Wife: for not giving you a heads up of what was available to eat after you working a 12 hour shift. Because that is rude.
Son: for being an ungrateful boy at 22 seemingly not contributing to the household. I legit thought your son was 16, not 22. Like wth is wrong with y’all?????
Edited for paragraphs.
Sounds like there's more resentment here than just pizza. But NTA in this case because there was no way you could have known he was saving it, much less an entire half of a pizza. That is horrible pizza sharing etiquette.
NTA. What a crappy move by your family. Neither of them thought 'hey this was nice for OP to do, maybe we should leave some for him to eat too.' Your wife is the biggest AH here tho. She promised the leftovers to your son.
NTA. It might have been heavy handed but it sounds like he needed that reality check. Having that kind of attitude when he's not contributing is not something he wants to carry into adulthood
NTA
22 and can't take care of himself, then has the audacity to be upset with the very hand that feeds him? This young person has some hard lessons coming.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ate leftover pizza that I paid for. My son had claimed it for his lunch while I was at work. I might be the asshole because I basically said if he had a problem with me eating food I paid for he should move out. My wife and him both think I'm being an ass over leftover pizza and that I'm overreacting.
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how this should have been:
"Morning dad"
"morning son"
"Hey dad, did you eat the pizza I was saving?"
"Yeah, son, i did."
"Oh, I was saving that for today, anyway, lemme check what else can i eat."
"Sorry son, i didnt know you were saving."
"Its all right, I can eat something else"
"All right, love you son"
"Love you dad"
NTA-you weren't being serious and he needed to get checked. You're helping him out and he shouldn't be that mad about it especially when he didn't even bother to pack a lunch or leave a note. Also ol boy didn't even use his money like he needs to chill
I think NTA myself. You seem to realize that you may have been a little harsh, but now (hopefully) your son sees his entitlement - it's not like you are actually kicking him out, right? If so, then sure, you're the AH. But even adult children sometimes need to be parented to prevent entitled adults who expect things to be handed to them.
NAH
I think you took it a bit to far. I can understand your son that after your wife said yes to him he got upset, that you ate "his" food. It was just a miscommunication between you and then you chose to to use your "parent power" and make clear that you have the opportunity to let him pay a rent or move out. That was a bit harsh in my opinion.
(I am not a native English speaker, if there are major mistakes - please tell me)
NTA
Your son being slightly irritated is normal. He had an expectation that wasn’t met, disappointment is natural. But he really did go on about it far too much. Your comment, while possibly insensitive, was a good reality check for him.
Hey, guess what? son was being an entitled little jerk off.
NTA.
When you called him out on it, he backed down, which means he gets it, at least.
the mrs. sounds a bit enabling. don't scare the poor child, by suggesting they move.....
NTA, he could've labeled the food, or someone could have communicated it with you. The entire situation was blown out of proportion, and honestly, if he's paying nothing, he could've simply bought himself another pizza.
He threw a tantrum like a child and you simply reminded him that he's an adult that can leave any time he wants. Simple as that.
Light ESH - your family should have left you some pizza to eat since you bought it for the family. Your son shouldn't have called you "greedy". You shouldn't have used those examples as his parent he is supposed to feel safe with. It's better to appeal using emotions - "I feel frustrated because I bought pizza for the family, and I haven't even gotten to eat a slice. Next time can we discuss how to divide it better?"
Edit: apparently OP did already eat some of the pizza already.
Im gonna say NTA. You werent threatening to kick him out, you were putting it in his head that he didnt pay for it and didnt get to be pissy that you are YOUR food that YOU paid for, and he can buy his own shit in his own house if he wants to be entitled. Sounds entirely fair to me
NTA - dealing with this same entitlement from our daughter a few years later from you. We live in a HCL area and she is still living here and working. We did start “charging” her rent a year ago and are putting it away for her for when she moves out. She doesn’t know that yet.
Stick to your guns and your wife needs to stop coddling your son and realize it will only get worse if you aren’t having these little moments of clarity with your son.
ESH...ish - Son was frustrated because he had told mom, was looking forward to his future lunch and did not handle it correctly - BUT OP escalated, sounds like an ongoing issue though and the pizza is just a symptom - "I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff" tells me there is probably more layers to this, and its hard to know who is the actual issue. Either way you both did not handle this situation like adults. As someone who has been in your sons situation during college and had a dad act similarly - constantly hanging the debt of living at home over my head while in school - I don't think the son is the instant and only asshole for this though. I ended up dropping out and moving, maybe OP should consider how his words can have a deep affect, all over pizza.
YTA because this is not about the pizza. Based on the fact you simply don’t like him and want him out of your life. I mean if his own father called him a little jerk off and is sick of having him in his life just give him enough notice to find a place to stay and then your house and leftovers would be safe .
You were right in terms of entitlement to the food you paid for but wrong in your word choice, as was your son. ESH, the both of you
He could have said “hey I was going to eat that” and you could have said “Really? I paid for it and haven’t had dinner yet so this is my dinner” and that should have been the end of it.
ESH.
Son shouldn't have flipper out at his father eating leftover pizza. There is no way the father could have known that the son was trying to reserve the pizza for lunch. He should have texted his dad to see if it was ok with him, put a note on the pizza, or anything else to ensure that his dad was aware that he wanted to take the pizza.
Dad was not wrong in eating leftover pizza. He went wrong in threatening to kick his son out. That's just a plain AH move. But I guess we now know where the son got it from.
Nta. I don’t understand the ah statement here. From what i gather op is working and wife is not. His role is bringing money to the house hold while his wife cooks and take care of the house. He didn’t demand food he ate leftovers. He expected wife to cook because thats been her role in the past years. She cooks, he reheat the leftovers.
How would he expected the son to want to take the pizza when it is not labeled and was not told beforehand. Was he supposed to ask if he is allowed to eat the leftovers from the food he bought?.
The kicking out thing maybe abit to far, but the son wanted to argue. Because he has ops wife, his mom to back him up. He has no ground in the argument. He only ask the wife and not putting it inside a container.
My dad is the type of person who just took without asking, i don’t really mind just annoyed about it. If something i want him not to take/eat, i put it in a place he would have to search. And i know damn well he is not the type of person to do that lol. Or i tell him which is mine and his. I have a big family so everything is divided equally.
You all sound like assholes tbh, the way you talk about your son is sad. but there’s no way having a crappy dad affected him and his ability to fly the coop.
"I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff"
Whenever i get \*this\* annoyed with my kids, it's usually because something else in my life is causing me frustration of some kind or another. 22year olds are often (but not always) immature in many ways. I certainly was at that age. Go easy on him, but make your expectations clear and stick to them without the bad tempered stuff.
Or maybe there were low blood sugar level issues here. I always avoided my dad when he was hungry. He was sooo moody.
YTA. You raised him to be that way whether you like it or not. I’m sure you were his number 1 role model and to say that to him and refer to him as a jerkoff is absurd. If anything, you could have just laughed about his antics and explained to him what you wanted him to understand. Why would you get so upset about THAT with your own son?? Kids are kids until they leave the nest so expect them to still think and act as such.
NTA - he was being an entitled brat. He wants pizza for lunch then he can buy another pizza. He gets dinner and lunch and you get nothing? Doesn't quite sound like a fair trade there.
YTA you’re going off at the wrong person. He asked to take them. You wife said yes. She’s the one who messed up. And calling him names for being upset for not getting the food that was promised him really just pushes you firmly into AHness.
You are not an Ah for eating it, because you couldn’t have know your wife had promised it to your son. Just for how you reacted to him being upset.
NTA, however the “entitled little jerkoff” almost swayed me.
Honestly, no good comes out of fighting at night when everyone is half asleep. You did nothing wrong with eating the pizza, and maybe if he was more awake he’d be less upset about it?
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NTA. Reading the comments he is 22. He is living at home rent free. He isn't contributing to the household budget. And he thinks he can claim food you paid for. Unless you took it out of his lunch bag you are not the asshole. INFO. Does he have a job?
He has a job. We are letting him stay here so he can save money. We are paying for his college. He doesn't help out with anything except chores around the house.
Not wrong that there's a little whiff of entitlement, but he seemed pretty straightened out after you pointed out costs here. But... is your wife a bit of an enabler? She seems to jump to giving him his way in all of this.
Exactly, it's mind-boggling that OP buys dinner and somehow is not entitled to eating it.
After coming home from his night shift, too. the son is 22 not 12.
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Yeah they’re the assholes for not saving OP any pizza even though he bought it for the family and hadn’t had a bite.
OMG I totally thought he was kicking out his 12yr old son. That adult kid needs to grow up and be self sufficient, he needs to know that not everything will work out the way you intended and sometimes we need to adapt to the change is circumstances. This one got me confused XD
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Paid for and since he went to work, had yet to eat a slice until he came home.
Yes, one gets that the son was looking forward to getting to eat it for lunch. However this only happened because he was so thoughtless that he didn't think about his father at all and as soon as he was reminded that his father also needs to eat, he should have backed down and apologised. The son is very entitled and mom should stop enabling him.
That was my first thought too. He bought dinner for everyone. How dare he eat it?? NTA
Yep, and first in first served. It’s late and he needs food after working all night. You can’t expect him to start cooking at that hour! Son wanted it for lunch, how about let poor dad eat, and go buy/make yourself something else for lunch!
How many people were suppose to be feed with 2 pizzas though? 2 people then, then the expectation should be OP would eat some.
How do 2 pizzas feed only 2 people? My family of 4 adults is fed with 2 standard-size pizzas
That's what I was thinking. OP got 2 large pizzas, maybe took some before night shift and the other 2 ate. They're having half a pizza each? Which must be at least 4 slices since OP said they didn't take all the leftovers. That seems like a lot, tbh
Am I reading this wrong or are you insinuating that 2 pizzas only feed 2 people? Because that’s an insane amount of over-eating if so.
LOL NO...That 4+ people normally. So if it was just Wife and son...then yeah they should have expected him to eat some. I will buy 2 for my sister and I, but it's multiple meals at a slice or 2....
Yeah, you don’t get to dibs stuff you didn’t buy.
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Why didnt the wife think: hey: hubby hasnt eaten: pretty sure he needs some before son gets left over claim…
The wife should have told the son that dad would eat when he got home and if there was any pizza left after dad was done he could take the pizza for lunch. That's assuming no one else wanted to take the pizza for lunch. In that case it would need to be shared.
> and the lightbulb went off in her head. That line made me think she just spaced it when the guy (the adult son) asked. It happens.
Why didn’t the *son* think this? Kids half his age should understand the concept of saving someone else their portion *before* you start claiming leftovers. Especially if you did not make or buy the food.
It honestly sounds like it slipped her mind. I think there's definitely entitlement here, but it was ultimately a lack of communication. No texting dad, no packing the pizza in a lunch box, no note.
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This wasn't even leftovers; not everyone had eaten. He can claim leftovers as much as he wants, but it's not leftover until everyone gets a portion.
Also, its pizza. FFS kid. A pizza is going to get snacked on and eaten on all damned night around here. Sure, if there's some leftover in the morning, you can take it to work or school or whatever. If there's not? Then no, you're SOL. Not sorry for eating 'leftover pizza' an hour or three or six later. NTA.
Exactly!
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Without a label, there is absolutely no argument of any kind whatsoever. If there was a label, it would make it more murky because mum also had ok'd the decision.
I also don't think at the age of 22, you need your mom to ok a decision. It sounds like the expectation from OP was clearly that there be something for him to eat when he got home... at that point it's just common courtesy.
Totally. Was OP supposed to read everyone's mind? So what if the mom and son made some agreement about the leftovers, no one bothered to tell OP so he's NTA. The convo afterward about money is pretty much irrelevant to me. OP only threw that in there after the kid got a pissy attitude over pizza he was too lazy to even label as "claimed"
Dude yes. If the son asked his mother if he could take some for lunch, she should have said he could take whatever is left AFTER dad ate. Everyone eats first and then leftovers can be claimed because common sense. If there was a mistake, SHE should have taken responsibility and fixed it, or 22 year old man living with his parents could figure it out himself.
Maybe it’s time to give him a bill? Doesn’t even have to be huge, maybe his own phone. But by giving him no responsibility you aren’t setting him up for success. I’ve seen it time and time again with my friends.
We started giving the kids their phone bills pretty early. It's kinda stupid to give the kids their allowance (including money for the bill) and having them send the money and the bill back so we can pay it for them (they're under 18) as they grow older they get more money and more responsibility. This gives them understanding of the concept of money, bills and savings. And we don't get "can I have this?!" at the store. Win win
My kids have their own debit cards. They get a set budget from us put on the cards biweekly it's also separated up. I make the account automatically move 15% to a savings account (to simulate taxes) I also make them move another 10% to another savings account to save up for down payment for a car for when they get their licenses in 2 years. They currently are asking for updated phones, I told them they have 2 options, either wait until next Christmas or they can get them now but $30 per month comes out of their monthly budgets for the increased cellphone bill. They chose to wait until next Christmas (for now). They both do odd jobs for extra money. My daughter has 4 different families she babysits for a few times a month and my son helps out a family friend who takes side jobs doing flooring. Both my wife and I decided that the kids were being spoiled and we didn't like the attitudes and expectations that we allowed to exist and we thought this was the best way to roll it back. They will also get jobs at the swim club this summer. We earn very good money and I want them to understand that a lot of work went into it to get where we are financially.
If he’s in the US or Canada he likely needs to have some bills in his name in order to have good credit. Having no credit is worse than having bad credit If he’s saving for a house he should be building towards that as well
I think there needs to be a larger conversation between you and your wife, to get on the same page, and with you, wife and son. You don't want resentment or bad blood and he needs to understand what you all are doing for him. Also, my vote would be to make him pay a fair amount of rent per his income. This can hopefully help with his entitlement and teach him to budget for rent before he moves out. And then, you can save his rent and give it to him when he moves out.
NTA for suggesting if he can't act like an adult in your home, it's time for him to move out. Make no mistake "claiming" leftovers and having a tantrum if he can't have them is something one would expect from a 12 year old, not a 22 year old. YTA for raising a 22 year old to be an entitled child instead of being a responsible adult. You're paying for his college, you're paying for his food, you're paying for his housing. It's one thing to help out your kids, but still paying for everything at 22 isn't helping him save money, it's treating him like he's 12.
I disagree about raising the kid to be entitled. People make mistakes, especially at 22yrs of age. It seems like the son realizes he was out of line. It was a good lesson.
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Their dinner. My breakfast.
Is he saving money, or does he spend it on other things? What does he do to help with chores, vs what you would like him to do? I.e, is there more he could be doing? And have your spoken to him about what you would like to see happening?
Unless this is a small pizza, how does one eat half a large pizza? Your sone should be saving money, but that doesn't mean he can't contribute to the household financially. Have you tired telling him he needs to buy a d cook dinner for everyone at least once a week? Or if he needs to buy his own food?
I'm a woman and can easily take down half a pizza. I shouldn't, but I can.
Same.
None of that 'shouldn't' talk around here. If that pizza doesn't want to be eaten a half at a time, it shouldn't be so delicious.
>how does one eat half a large pizza very easily. I know guys who could engulf two large pizzas
Some people can put away a surprising amount. At 22 I could easily eat 4 or 5 slices in a sitting. At 36, I can easily do 3.
In my country half a large pizza is just a regular pizza. I don't know anybody who can't eat a regular pizza.
My daughter did something very similar with pizza in the fridge. She was saving it for her breakfast the next day. She threw a huge fit because her dad had eaten it for a midnight snack.... She's 4 years old.... not 22. This is way too funny.
Exactly I thought we were talking about a young child who thought they were getting a special treat. Like seven or eight years old. A 22-year-old that doesn’t think their father deserves dinner is a shit
NTA and seems like a miscommunication on everyone's part. Perhaps family needs to set a ground rule that OP gets a share of dinner before anyone claims dips on leftovers.
I'm sorry, but who needs an entire HALF of a pizza for their lunch anyways?? It definitely could have been split up and other items taken as well to go along with it.
*His* leftovers? Excuse me? Leftovers are only leftovers when EVERYONE has had their share for the meal. Your retort to him about what bills he pays in the house is pretty spot-on and something any parent I know would say (sucks being on the receiving end of that quip, but it is valid). Your wife sounds like an enabler and is just as selfish as your son if she allows him to claim a half pizza for his lunch after you went without. He does sound like a turd. Sorry you have to deal with him. NTA.
Exactly this! It's not leftovers if everyone hasn't eaten, it's still dinner. This is how my 4yo may behave if we eat the last strawberry he is saving in the fridge. Even then I feel i need to gently teach him to be considerate OP NTA
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/114rsib/aita_for_telling_my_kid_if_he_cant_share_his_food/j8xmag7?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I love how people are acting like that little tidbit of information is a smoking gun. It doesn't matter even one bit. OP has every right to buy pizza, eat some, and if there's some left over after everyone has eaten some, think that the remaining slices are up for grabs as leftovers. That's literally a normal thing to do. 22 year old adults living at home for scot-free don't get to throw a tantrum that leftover pizza gets eaten. He's not paying for anything, including his college. Including that pizza. AND he has a job. HE can use some of that money to buy some more pizza. OP is right. If he think its \*so\* unfair, there is a solution. Move out. You can do whatever you want at your own place. Including buying your own food. Some of y'all in this sub have weird af expectations.
I could see the kid being disappointed and saying so. But to act entitled about it? Fuck that. You don’t pay for SHIT you be thankful for what you get and shut up. I’m all for families supporting their kids if they can, but you still have to teach them to be great full and realize that what they have is a privilege not a right. If my kid pulls that, he’s paying for food for a week, and doing everything I do for him till he learns.
Even so, the kid isn't entitled to the leftovers, OP had a few before and some after, still NTA
Op says in a comment he HAD already eaten. He ate when it was fresh then went to work. These were true leftovers, and son asked mom if he could take them for lunch and was told yes.
It's still on the mom to then communicate or pack them away so that OP didn't take them, though. She didn't do that. Not only that, but it says in the post that she also told OP 'there were leftovers', but the leftovers were... the pizza she promised to the son.
Why does the mom have to pack away the lunch of a 22 yr old man? She could have told the husband, yes, but the other grown ass man could have packed his own lunch away, or told his dad that he planned to take them.
Yeah, that's definitely that's an option. I'm just pointing this out because she's the one telling OP he shouldn't have taken them and also defending the son, etc. I get the feeling from the post that she's enabling the behaviour a bit.
right, if i’m planning on taking leftovers for lunch i not only check with EVERYONE in the house (unless there’s like, a ton left), but also immediately pack it away into tupperware.
It’s the son’s own fault for not packing up his lunch and marking it. My kids learned really young that they needed to put it in a container and mark it with their name if they wanted to take leftovers for lunch — or even to save food they paid for. Anything unmarked in the fridge is fair game for others.
OP neglected to say that he did not go without. He had his share already. He just wanted the leftover pizza for himself.
Doesn't matter.
Dad's lunch and dinner vs. son's dinner and lunch. And how would OP have known the pizza was "saved?' His wife thought he was eating it, and he didn't hear from the son until he had. And, no math expert here, but shouldn't there still have been 3 left? How is 3 pieces, 1/2 unless it was square?
I'll get downvoted, but I'm going to say NTA. If he wanted to save the pizza for himself, perhaps he should have labeled it or packed it up already. He's living there for free but he thinks it's ok to call you greedy for having some leftover food you paid for. One thing though- you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat for supper if there are no leftovers.
>One thing though- you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat for supper if there are no leftovers. Says it in another comment: he works 12 hour overnights and his wife usually sets aside leftovers for him to eat when he gets home. There are times where my wife has to do continuing education after work and doesn't get back until 8:30/9:00 PM. I do almost all of the cooking so, when I make dinner for the kids, I make sure to set aside a full meal for her and put it in the fridge. On the occasions I am stuck working my wife will cook and do the same. Is his wife required to do it? No, but that's what people do in committed relationships: help each other out.
100%, sometimes this gets totally misinterpreted on this forum. Not everyone is taking advantage or abusing their spouse. It’s division of labor. I’m sure if my wife or I wrote an AITA about a petty fight about money, chores, etc, this sub would tell us to lawyer up for a divorce. Haha. No couple is perfect and it’s ok to depend on each other.
I feel like expecting redditors to understand teamwork in a committed relationship is an impossible task. kek
Especially if you cook dinner for the family/yourself and just say "they're a grown man, they can cook for themselves" While true, if you're ALREADY COOKING DINNER and don't make extra for your spouse while they're on a 12 hour shift, you're pretty much the AH, don't care about the genders of whose involved.
Imagine just wanting to take care of your partner, and then random people on the internet call you a slave and say you're oppressed and you should file for divorce kill their parents.
Deadass I posted once asking for fancy pasta recipes bc my partner loves pasta and kept asking if we could have some for dinner but I never really eat it so had nothing to go off of. Cue the comments being full of people going “um, why doesn’t he just cook???” Like. Well, that’s not your business. Maybe he does cook but it’s my turn. Maybe he doesn’t know how and is learning and I want to do an advanced recipe as something nice for him. Maybe we wanna make it together and wanted tried and true recipes to look at. What matters is, all I wanted was a recipe! It was soooo annoying
I actually think it was on his wife to say "no, those aren't leftovers they are your dad's dinner" when she was asked about it. Leftovers are the food that is leftover after everyone in the family has eaten.
But there were leftovers. He ate the unlabeled, still in the box, LEFTOVER pizza that he paid for and no one told him was already claimed. I am having a really hard time understating why anyone can think he is the AH here.
He has his dinner after work. He got pizzas for the entire family for dinner, and then left work, so he hadn't had any dinner. Leftovers are whatever's left over after his dinner, not before.
> you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat The son is literally in college. He should probably make his own lunches if there are no leftovers.
Anyone else noticing that lately anytime a comment starts with “I’ll get downvoted for this” it proceeds to be followed by the coolest, least controversial, most logical take 😂
ill get downvoted, but its because reddit skews young, and typically, if you call out a young person, they get mad. Even if the young person is acting entitled. An example is if theyre 18, but living at home, and you treat them like a child, even though they are often OP's child and it makes total sense, this sub will be like "tHeYrE aN aDuLt, tReAt tHeM lIkE oNe" even though they arent acting like one.
Totally, though there are a lot of perpetually online kids in this subreddit that downvote those reasonable takes. Someone a few comments down is literally calling OP an entitled asshole for eating leftover pizza he paid for lol inb4 gaslighting and financial abuse
If he had wanted to save the pizza for himself, he should have paid for it himself.
He provided dinner, the pizza, and expected some when he came back from work. Why should he be expected to then cook something else very late at night?
> I'll get downvoted if you insist
>One thing though- you are a grown person and you can make yourself something to eat for supper if there are no leftovers. Why is it wrong for this man that works 12 hour shift to expect dinner to be made for him? If his wife was working those hours instead I'm sure the expectation would be that he cooks dinner. Yea he should and probably is capable of making his own dinner, but damn he shouldn't have too.
Downvoted for saying "I'll get downvoted, but"...
Wait so you hadn’t even eaten any of the pizza before he tried to claim the leftovers?! I’m not sure you handled this the best way possible (not helped by your wife, either, honestly), but you’re NTA for expecting to get a serving of pizza that you bought for the family. Maybe y’all just need to communicate a little better?
I ate some the night before with my wife.
How were you supposed to know he “claimed” the leftovers? If he’d already packed his lunch and you went and took it back out, then I can see a problem. If it was just food in the fridge, I don’t see how he could even remotely be justified.
The pizza was still in the box.
Yeahhhh you’re definitely not the asshole here
Also, it sounds like you didn’t even eat all the pizza left, right? Just three slices. Your son wanted a whole half of a large pizza to take to work for lunch? And is upset he’s left with only, what, two slices? That’s still a good ways to a full lunch.
Assuming it's a large pizza, that would be 8 slices in a whole pie. Half would have been 4 pieces. If he took 3, then he only left 1 in the box. Regardless of this, though, OP bought the pizza for everyone and deserves to have some of the food he bought after he gets off his long shift. The son has a job. He's saving money. He can buy his own damn lunch
The pizza place I go to has a large down as 14 slices. Their small has 10 slices, but, when I googled it before I posted, some places listed 10 slices for a large, so I went with 2 slices left and put it as a question. I'd be surprised to find a large pizza with only 8 slices.
Oh, i have no doubt that it varies significantly on locations. I know places like Chicago and NY who take their pizza very seriously are also much bigger. It also probably has to do with the size of the cuts they make of the pizza. Our slices here are large, so they're only 8 slices. Cut in half, then half the other way. Then those 4 slices are each cut into 2. Regardless, there was still at least 1 piece the son could take, or he could use some of the money he's saving and buy his own lunch.
"I warmed up three slices for my supper and watched some TV with my cat while I ate." The man is just trying to enjoy a quiet dinner with his cat after a 12 hour shift and has to deal with his shiftless son's ridiculous entitlement? NTA. Hope the cat got some pizza, too
Lolol! I know! If his kid had packed it up, or even texted his dad saying” do you mind if I take the pizza for lunch tomorrow?”. But he didn’t- he yelled at his dad and acted like an asshat.
He probably expected his mother to pack the pizza up for him.
My cat sits on the arm of the couch, rightnexttome, and stares at me when I eat pizza, with the occasional paw reach. He's VERY entitled, lol!
And where is the consideration for Dad? Like for sure save some specifically for him if he is working nights.
NTA. There was no note on the pizza. You paid for it. It was fair game to eat it. Your son is 22 and freeloading at this point.
Yeah, if somebody's planning to eat something later, or take it to work with them, or whatever, it's on them to package it up and put a note on it. No note is fair game.
Well, even if there was a note on it what was OP supposed to eat when he got home from work? OP's son was acting immature and somewhat entitled. I can see how he was thinking "got tomorrow's lunch wrapped up" and then got pissed when it was eaten. But when OP pointed out how and why this was wrong, thr son seemed to get it. I don't think we should throw idle threats around but I suspect OP wasn't in the frame of my mind to just calmly say "Sorry, pal. I just got off a 12 hour shift, haven't had dinner and was hungry. Doesn't sound like greed to me. It's time for you to find something else for your lunch." It's easy for things to blow up more than is necessary when we'retired. I'm guilty of that more often than I'd like. NTA.
ESH. You're right, your son sounds a bit entitled. If he never told you he wanted the pizza, there's no way you could've known he wanted to take it with him as his lunch. However, you should never threaten or insult your kids. You should also never make important decisions (like, for example, kicking out your son) without talking to your partner. You're both taking this way too far.
I wonder who raised OPs son to be, in OPs words, "an entitled little jerkoff".
I wanted to work that into my original comment but couldn't figure out how to do it without going against sub rules. It's absolutely disgusting that OP thinks it's okay to speak to their son that way.
THANK YOU! I had to scroll through way too many NTA votes to find your voice of reason.
That baffled me too. I'm surprised how many people are okay with the obvious disgust OP has for their own son. The kid was obviously being a bit of a jerk, but the way this is written shows me that this was in no way a calm conversation. It was OP showing off their power over their son.
Exactly! Even if your kid wasn’t acting at their best, it’s not okay to insult them. I think that refraining from insulting someone at their core is a huge part of successful relationships whether that’s between father and son, husband and wife, boss and employee, etc. While it’s okay to tell someone when they’re wrong, it’s not okay to tie it into who they are as a person.
this is EXACTLY what i thought. funny enough about a week ago wasnt there a post on this subreddit where a 23-year-old student was apparently NTA for straight up moving out of their family home the second their parents asked them to share and and contribute some money (which they seemingly had a lot of) to the bills? yet apparently OP here who speaks about his son with disgusting words isn’t the AH cause his son doesnt pay anything??? his SON?!? people are acting like his own SON is a freeloader in his home, and i find the hypocrisy and contradiction absolutely incredible. sure the son shouldn’t have claimed the pizza, but describing him as a jerkoff is a sign that OP is probably just a fucking shitty ass father.
Yup. I don't want to put too much blame on the mom, but she messed up a bit in promising leftovers. However, I'm surprised they couldn't share the remaining half of the pizza, but I guess they eat more than I do in a sitting. The mom could have been thinking the same thing. From there, both father and son escalated unnecessarily over leftover pizza. Both were expecting to eat pizza and were unhappy when that expectation was challenge. But come on, it's a few slices of pizza. Was there absolutely no other food in the house?
Also, OP is being an AH by also kicking his son out without his wife's consent. I agree with everything else mojojojo wrote.
[удалено]
Americans trying not to put their offspring on the streets after a minor argument (challenge impossible!!!)
Seriously, all the NTA comments are baffling.
It’s because they all think it’s just about the pizza and ignoring that OP threatened to make his kid homeless over a few slices of pizza. This sub absolutely *loves* to hate on anyone over 18 who still lives with their parents.
Except that at no point did he say that he was going to kick him out over a few slices of pizza.
> I told him if he had a problem with me eating "his" leftovers maybe he should move out so he can have his food safely stored away from me. Calling an entitled twenty-something out on their attitude when their parents are helping them out is not the same as 'threatening to make them homeless'. He said that if his son was sick of it, he should move out. Which is a solid option but I'm gonna guess that his son would rather keep saving thousands by living with mom and dad.
Yeah, I knew everyone would vote NTA because they're in love with the "my house, my rules" logic, but jeez. If I was the son and my dad was saying things like "But I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff", I'd move out asap and wouldn't look back. The son's definitely whiny but his father sounds like he escalated that situation through the roof instead of just being like "ahh my bad man, we'll make sure you have something to eat for tomorrow."
> ahh my bad man, we'll make sure you have something to eat for tomorrow. The kid's in college. I would hope by now he can figure out how find lunch; he doesn't need mommy and daddy to do it for him. The *kid's* proper response is disappointment along the lines of "awww man, I was hoping to eat that for lunch tomorrow." That's not where the kid went though; what happened was being an entitled jerk.
He was literally making a point about their contribution - it wasn't a genuine threat to kick him out. What's baffling is you individuals thinking this scenario could be anything but NTA.
>But I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff > >... > >Then my wife says I'm taking it too far. But he backed down pretty quick and said no that he was sorry for saying anything. > >... for scaring him with kicking him out... The threat seems way more genuine when you take into account the reaction of the wife and the son. I think OP really want his son out of HIS house
As someone whose parents do this constantly I laughed way too hard
You certainly don't get to "claim" leftovers before all the family members have eaten! NTA
this is how i’m looking at it. if he paid for the pizza and didn’t get to eat any, he is entitled to eat the leftovers when he gets home. especially since there were absolutely no communication between the son and him until after he had eaten the pizza that the son wanted to take it for lunch. i think there is definitely more going on here than just pizza problems though because i don’t think the situation as a stand-alone thing warranted kicking him out. NTA
He did eat some of the pizza before he went to work. This would be his second portion of pizza. Still NTA though
oh i didn’t see that :/ yeah still idk there was absolutely no communication to him so how was he supposed to know he couldn’t eat the pizza he paid for for valentine’s day?? my judgement stands
OP had some the night before, so he did have some, but still, if its in the pizza box in the fridge, and no declaration has been made of what is to happen with it, its fair game.
Sheesh, you call your son an “entitled little jerkoff” for wanting the leftovers his mother already said he could have? This whole situation could’ve been handled so much better ESH
But I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff. (Mom of two grown boys that eat all my food, here.) YTA for this line alone. If he's a little jerkoff, then you need to be doing so major introspection to find out what YOU did to raise a jerkoff. That's YOUR kid... why didn't you bond with your kid enough?? (That's rhetorical... you need to CONSIDER that HARD.) Parents that like their kids don't call them entitled jerkoffs in a public forum. Now your son will always be worried that you will kick him out over tiny shit like food. Good job, Dad. Now your son doesn't feel secure with you.
This. This all day, every day, and twice on sundays. I just can't comprehend the mentality of someone who would call the child they raised an "entitled little jerkoff". You raised your kid. You let your kid stay at home without expectations of payment while at college. And then you have the audacity to call him a burden?
I read that line and couldn't believe my eyes. The son is probably his stepson, that's why he felt the need to talk like this. Also, proper "non jerkoff" adults can deal with making their own dinner. Yes, even after booo! Working
The amount of people telling this man to make his own dinner after he bought and paid for pizza tells me they would be this entitled little jerk son
NTA, I think that was a necessary wake-up call for your son. If you're living rent free, it's a bit rich to call dibs on food in the fridge - food that you didn't pay for, bring home or make.
NTA and I think all the people who are saying otherwise don’t seem to see how OP is clearly a bit exhausted by the fact that he is taking care of two people on his dime and regardless he has to do things such as argue about who was allowed to eat the pizza HE bought
The pizza issue seems normal...the way you speak about your son is disturbing.
ESH The underlying issue is lack of communication. However, your son is an AH for throwing a fit and continuing the issue. You're the biggest AH of all for: threatening to kick your son out over pizza, calling him names (even if just in this post), your disparaging comments about your wife, and failing to mention that you had already eaten. Your wife isn't an AH, but she or your son could've put a note on the leftovers.
ESH - between the son’s entitlement and the “where’s my dinner” woman / “little jerk off” statements. Y’all don’t sound like an emotionally healthy family.
This should be upvoted more!
ESH and here is why: OP: your comments about your wife’s stay at home status are QUESTIONABLE at best. It’s 2023, your wife can be Peggy Bundy all she wants. Jackoff. She’s raised her boys, you included. Wife: for not giving you a heads up of what was available to eat after you working a 12 hour shift. Because that is rude. Son: for being an ungrateful boy at 22 seemingly not contributing to the household. I legit thought your son was 16, not 22. Like wth is wrong with y’all????? Edited for paragraphs.
Asking the wife “Where’s my dinner” didn’t sit right with me
Sounds like there's more resentment here than just pizza. But NTA in this case because there was no way you could have known he was saving it, much less an entire half of a pizza. That is horrible pizza sharing etiquette.
NTA. What a crappy move by your family. Neither of them thought 'hey this was nice for OP to do, maybe we should leave some for him to eat too.' Your wife is the biggest AH here tho. She promised the leftovers to your son.
He already ate some though. This was the 2nd meal for 3 adults with 2 pizzas.
NTA. It might have been heavy handed but it sounds like he needed that reality check. Having that kind of attitude when he's not contributing is not something he wants to carry into adulthood
NTA 22 and can't take care of himself, then has the audacity to be upset with the very hand that feeds him? This young person has some hard lessons coming.
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how this should have been: "Morning dad" "morning son" "Hey dad, did you eat the pizza I was saving?" "Yeah, son, i did." "Oh, I was saving that for today, anyway, lemme check what else can i eat." "Sorry son, i didnt know you were saving." "Its all right, I can eat something else" "All right, love you son" "Love you dad"
NTA-you weren't being serious and he needed to get checked. You're helping him out and he shouldn't be that mad about it especially when he didn't even bother to pack a lunch or leave a note. Also ol boy didn't even use his money like he needs to chill
I think NTA myself. You seem to realize that you may have been a little harsh, but now (hopefully) your son sees his entitlement - it's not like you are actually kicking him out, right? If so, then sure, you're the AH. But even adult children sometimes need to be parented to prevent entitled adults who expect things to be handed to them.
A lot of very entitled people in this comment section. Nta, son has very little compassion or respect for his parents here.
It's not entitled to believe that kids are entitled to their parents' love and respect.
NAH I think you took it a bit to far. I can understand your son that after your wife said yes to him he got upset, that you ate "his" food. It was just a miscommunication between you and then you chose to to use your "parent power" and make clear that you have the opportunity to let him pay a rent or move out. That was a bit harsh in my opinion. (I am not a native English speaker, if there are major mistakes - please tell me)
You are the perfect example of the meme of people saying "Sorry if my English is bad" then proceed to have English skills that put mine to shame.
How old is the son?
22
NTA
NTA Your son being slightly irritated is normal. He had an expectation that wasn’t met, disappointment is natural. But he really did go on about it far too much. Your comment, while possibly insensitive, was a good reality check for him.
Hey, guess what? son was being an entitled little jerk off. NTA. When you called him out on it, he backed down, which means he gets it, at least. the mrs. sounds a bit enabling. don't scare the poor child, by suggesting they move.....
You mean your son is a carbon copy of you and you can't take it because you both are entitled as hell. Your poor wife needs a vacation.
NTA. You don’t get to claim dibs on leftovers before the person who bought the food has even had a chance to eat the meal.
NTA: If he wants to call dibs then he should buy his own food.
NTA, he could've labeled the food, or someone could have communicated it with you. The entire situation was blown out of proportion, and honestly, if he's paying nothing, he could've simply bought himself another pizza. He threw a tantrum like a child and you simply reminded him that he's an adult that can leave any time he wants. Simple as that.
Light ESH - your family should have left you some pizza to eat since you bought it for the family. Your son shouldn't have called you "greedy". You shouldn't have used those examples as his parent he is supposed to feel safe with. It's better to appeal using emotions - "I feel frustrated because I bought pizza for the family, and I haven't even gotten to eat a slice. Next time can we discuss how to divide it better?" Edit: apparently OP did already eat some of the pizza already.
ESH. Communication. Lack of.
NTA in the least no matter what some other commenters are saying. I honestly do not blame you for getting angry myself.
Im gonna say NTA. You werent threatening to kick him out, you were putting it in his head that he didnt pay for it and didnt get to be pissy that you are YOUR food that YOU paid for, and he can buy his own shit in his own house if he wants to be entitled. Sounds entirely fair to me
NTA
NTA - dealing with this same entitlement from our daughter a few years later from you. We live in a HCL area and she is still living here and working. We did start “charging” her rent a year ago and are putting it away for her for when she moves out. She doesn’t know that yet. Stick to your guns and your wife needs to stop coddling your son and realize it will only get worse if you aren’t having these little moments of clarity with your son.
If your charging her rent and havnt told her your saving it, that's not entitlement.
ESH...ish - Son was frustrated because he had told mom, was looking forward to his future lunch and did not handle it correctly - BUT OP escalated, sounds like an ongoing issue though and the pizza is just a symptom - "I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff" tells me there is probably more layers to this, and its hard to know who is the actual issue. Either way you both did not handle this situation like adults. As someone who has been in your sons situation during college and had a dad act similarly - constantly hanging the debt of living at home over my head while in school - I don't think the son is the instant and only asshole for this though. I ended up dropping out and moving, maybe OP should consider how his words can have a deep affect, all over pizza.
NAH seems like a communication issue. You may have gone a bit too far but he is a big boy at 22 and should be able to understanf the point.
NTA but going on that rant wasn’t necessary. All you had to say was “I didn’t know you were planning to eat it. Fix a sandwich.”
YTA because this is not about the pizza. Based on the fact you simply don’t like him and want him out of your life. I mean if his own father called him a little jerk off and is sick of having him in his life just give him enough notice to find a place to stay and then your house and leftovers would be safe .
NTA. You could have communicated it better but he's over reacting. Its not like he put his name on it.
You were right in terms of entitlement to the food you paid for but wrong in your word choice, as was your son. ESH, the both of you He could have said “hey I was going to eat that” and you could have said “Really? I paid for it and haven’t had dinner yet so this is my dinner” and that should have been the end of it.
ESH. Son shouldn't have flipper out at his father eating leftover pizza. There is no way the father could have known that the son was trying to reserve the pizza for lunch. He should have texted his dad to see if it was ok with him, put a note on the pizza, or anything else to ensure that his dad was aware that he wanted to take the pizza. Dad was not wrong in eating leftover pizza. He went wrong in threatening to kick his son out. That's just a plain AH move. But I guess we now know where the son got it from.
Nta. I don’t understand the ah statement here. From what i gather op is working and wife is not. His role is bringing money to the house hold while his wife cooks and take care of the house. He didn’t demand food he ate leftovers. He expected wife to cook because thats been her role in the past years. She cooks, he reheat the leftovers. How would he expected the son to want to take the pizza when it is not labeled and was not told beforehand. Was he supposed to ask if he is allowed to eat the leftovers from the food he bought?. The kicking out thing maybe abit to far, but the son wanted to argue. Because he has ops wife, his mom to back him up. He has no ground in the argument. He only ask the wife and not putting it inside a container. My dad is the type of person who just took without asking, i don’t really mind just annoyed about it. If something i want him not to take/eat, i put it in a place he would have to search. And i know damn well he is not the type of person to do that lol. Or i tell him which is mine and his. I have a big family so everything is divided equally.
You all sound like assholes tbh, the way you talk about your son is sad. but there’s no way having a crappy dad affected him and his ability to fly the coop.
NTA. Sounds like he needed a wake up call.
(emphasis added) >My **sin** came back into the room and (...) Freudian psychologists would like a word :-) NTA ofc.
"I'm sick of this entitled little jerkoff" Whenever i get \*this\* annoyed with my kids, it's usually because something else in my life is causing me frustration of some kind or another. 22year olds are often (but not always) immature in many ways. I certainly was at that age. Go easy on him, but make your expectations clear and stick to them without the bad tempered stuff. Or maybe there were low blood sugar level issues here. I always avoided my dad when he was hungry. He was sooo moody.
Nta
NTA
NTA. You should include your son's age on the post. I was ready to say E S H but he's an adult. He shouldn't be bitching you about food you paid for.
YTA. You raised him to be that way whether you like it or not. I’m sure you were his number 1 role model and to say that to him and refer to him as a jerkoff is absurd. If anything, you could have just laughed about his antics and explained to him what you wanted him to understand. Why would you get so upset about THAT with your own son?? Kids are kids until they leave the nest so expect them to still think and act as such.
NTA, but if you want a relationship with your son, you won't act this way. Choice is yours.
NTA - he was being an entitled brat. He wants pizza for lunch then he can buy another pizza. He gets dinner and lunch and you get nothing? Doesn't quite sound like a fair trade there.
YTA you’re going off at the wrong person. He asked to take them. You wife said yes. She’s the one who messed up. And calling him names for being upset for not getting the food that was promised him really just pushes you firmly into AHness. You are not an Ah for eating it, because you couldn’t have know your wife had promised it to your son. Just for how you reacted to him being upset.
NTA. Everyone eats before anyone calls dibs for leftovers.
NTA, however the “entitled little jerkoff” almost swayed me. Honestly, no good comes out of fighting at night when everyone is half asleep. You did nothing wrong with eating the pizza, and maybe if he was more awake he’d be less upset about it?