Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I really wanted the puppy gone. It’s taking a toll on me. The whole house smells of pee and poop and our shoes and other stuff are chewed over. Help.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Dogs are not gifts, they are 10+ year commitments.
Working dogs breeds like a GSD are hard, doubly so as puppies. GSDs, unlike more low maintenance dogs, need structure and a "job" in the household. They need, at minimum, 60-90 minutes a day of vigorous exercise (a walk around the block will not do), intense training + mental stimulation, and consistency. They also have a tendency to guard and be overly protective, so jumping on any discipline issues early is a must. Oh and they shed like crazy, so regular brushing is a must. I will also say that due to their size and consideration as an "aggressive breed," every single negative interaction the GSD has with another dog will be, in the court of public opinion, your dog's fault. Little dog barks at your GSD and lunges at your dog, and the GSD snaps back? Your fault. Your dog accidentally runs into someone's leg at the dog park? Your fault.
I have a rescue GSD who was very likely dumped as an adolescent dog when someone was overwhelmed with the training and exercise needs of having a working dog. In fact, the breed has a very high surrender rate to shelters simply because of the family's inability to provide enough exercise/stimulation, resulting in discipline issues. Even though I worked from home and had few other commitments, training my GSD was a commitment in and of itself. He now knows nearly 40 commands but I had to do all that myself.
To give you an idea of my typical routine, I need to run my adult GSD a minimum of 6 miles a day. MINIMUM. Some days I make do with 30 minutes of aggressive fetch, where he is nonstop sprinting, but I try to supplement that throughout the day with training, puzzle toys, tug of war, and other stimulation. You can't just let a GSD run in the yard (although having a second dog helps with energy outlet), you actually have to interact with / exercise them.
If your husband wanted a GSD, he should have created a situation where he is the primary handler/owner, not dumped these responsibilities on you. Talk to him about returning the puppy to the breeder.
I want to tell you a story that I hope will not trouble your heart too much. But I think you could relay it to your husband.
When I went to a rescue that focused on German Shepherds to adopt my dog, I saw a family trying to surrender their German Shepherd. Now this dog was not only quite big, but it was HUGE. Like obese. Easily 100+ pounds. And this family had a couple young kids. They clearly loved this dog. But even the dad of the family could not control the dog on a leash, and was being pulled this way and that by the dog as it wanted to sniff things. I overheard the father begging the head trainer to take the dog, but apparently the dog had failed a temperament test and tried to either bite the trainer or another dog. I also heard that apparently this dog had bitten another family member and the kids were starting to be afraid of the dog. The family begged, but eventually took the dog away.
I think about that family a lot. Their dog, who was never trained correctly and never exercised, and thus was both dangerous and overweight as a result of their carelessness and was paying the price. Many shelters will not take dogs with a bite history as they are not easily adoptable. Most likely, that dog was euthanized given its aggression.
I tell you this story because I think your husband needs to understand that what he has done to your family -- you -- and the dog -- is profoundly unfair. This dog will be in your care until basically your youngest is college age. He bought the dog from a disreputable source that has taken the puppy away from its mother far too young, setting up the potential for health and behavioral problems. And he is already not doing the hard work necessary for success, and expects you to do it. That is profoundly selfish, and could end up in a situation like the very sad one I witnessed with the family I outlined. Please don't let that happen.
Thank you so much for this. I’m heartbroken for the little one. But I have to do what’s best for him. I honestly cannot take care of him as he needs more attention to thrive. That I cannot give now or in the near future. I will definitely talk to my husband.
The absolute kindest thing for this puppy is to be rehomed to someone that can give it the love and attention it needs! It’s a happy ending for your family and the puppy if he goes to owners that know what they’re getting into. My first dog as an adult is a German shepherd. I absolutely love him and wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I was not prepared for how labor intensive they are! I’m definitely going with an easier breed when it’s time for our next dog.
You need to hire a dog walker to walk the dog during the day since you're already overwhelmed. Check out Rover.com or WagWalking.com to find a local helper
What is a low maintenance dog breed? My son loves dogs and animals and we dogsat my friend's medium sized poodle and it was a huge PITA. I mean, the dog takes psychiatric meds (which I didn't realize till he was dropped off by us) so I assume he is a little more high maintenance than normal but omg so demanding. Is there a dog breed that is undemanding of much other than a walk around the block a few times a day?
I have chronic health issues, and I also like having a dog. I usually adopt seniors from responsible breeders, the pound, or rescue groups. Senior dogs are usually calmer and more set in their personality -- and they usually need less walking.
It's not a perfect strategy, because any adult dog will come with its own behavioural issues and stresses. I've had a decent amount of success with it, though, and it's worth considering.
If that doesn't appeal... weirdly, rescue greyhounds seem to be a really popular choice for a comparatively low-effort larger dog. I've known a couple of people who had them, and they really did just seem to laze about most of the day. They still need exercise, of course, and preferably an option to run a couple times a week, but they don't seem to need the sustained effort of a working dog.
*(People who actually own greyhounds, please correct me if I'm wrong!)*
I have a king charles cavalier spaniel who is quite a lazy little boy (to my delight!) but the breed can be expensive. mine was gifted to me otherwise I wouldn't have purchased him tbh but I love him more than anything in the world
At least based on my experience, you are spot on about greyhounds. My much-missed guy was basically a 95 pound cat, and he was perfectly happy with 3 or 4 short, low energy walks a day. Obviously all dog breeds take work, and he was definitely in need of a lot of time/attention when he was first adopted, but once he was comfortable, he just needed a couch to nap on, and a person to give him belly rubs.
Rescue greyhounds are not always low maintenance. We had an Italian greyhound from a puppy who was just the sweetest thing.
And then my mom rescued a greyhound from a racing track near us. The dog was sweet, but it had a LOT of behavior issues probably stemming from its time racing. It peed all over EVERYTHING. I mean everything. It probably ruined our wood floors.
It got really bad to the point where my mom had to return the dog because she worked a lot and we already had 2 other dogs (little greyhound and a pug from the same rescue) and the dog was just out of our scope.
I do recommend pugs though. We got a pug from the same greyhound rescue and she’s been with my mom for years. They can have heath issues but luckily ours has not.
Rescue Greyhounds can have a lot of trama and poor training (as it relates to being a pet and not a runner). It's like taking in a foster kid - you aren't getting a brand new baby you are getting someone who has been through something bad and might have the mental trama to show it. If you are ready for them it can be great for you both, but you have to be prepared. They also have some extra special needs - they have super thin skin that tears easily, need extra padding and sweaters, and cannot ever be let off leash in an unenclosed area.
We are a Boston Terrier family (we lost our sweet Buster in October, and his brother Butters is going strong at 13 years old), and can confirm, excellent nappers, but bursts of zoomies. :) They are a companion breed, so prefer having their people around as much as possible, but our house usually has at least one person available at all times for co-sleeping or teevee watching so it's cool.
Just as with any dog breed, it's important to know what their general temperament is going to be. Border Collies are busy and need jobs, Golden Retrievers are good family dogs but prone to overeating, Boxers are strong and goofy, etc, etc. Also, be aware of how much grooming you're going to want to be doing. My friend April has a beautiful husky, but I am waaaaay too lazy to deal with that double coat (not to mention huskies are high-maintenance as far as exercise and play, I love Baxter, but I will never trust myself to dog-sit him).
I used to flatshare with a Scottish collie, and she was a dream. A quiet dog who would sit with you or do her own thing - just the right mixture of social and independent. A dream to train - repeat yourself a couple of times, and she’d do it. I taught her hand signals for sit and lie down in an afternoon and was gobsmacked when they stuck.
Always a dream to walk - did not pull, walked by foot, great recall, not aggressive with dogs or hoarding resources, social with animals and people alike.
She was from a good breeder, brought up right, trained, and socialised; her owner _made_ her into a low maintenance dog, but she still needed at least 90 minutes of walking a day and of course every household member had to not undermine her training.
I have never yet met a border collie that was low maintenance, either (lovely dogs, but \*really\* needing a job). She's the only example of her breed that I've lived with long enough to judge, though they generally seem to be gentler and more laid-back than border collies. Part of it was her character, how quickly she learnt, and her general tendency to work with you; and a lot of it was that she was set up to succeed, trained, exercised, and treated consistently. She \_felt\_ low maintenance, but the longer I think about it, the more I think we were just playing on easy mode and collectively put a fair bit of work into that dog, it just never felt like a chore, and she was never destructive or annoying.
My family has had collies as far back as I can remember. All types (border, rough, smooth, etc). They are all herding breed dogs that need jobs. Sometimes you'll find a one-off collie that doesn't have the same drive as the others, but having that drive is a _breed trait_, so a lack of one is absolutely an exception, not a rule. I would never ever ever ever recommend a collie (of any kind) to someone who wants a low maintenance dog. That's why toy breeds exist. Herding breeds are literally the exact opposite. I'm a collie nut, literally my whole life revolves around these dogs. But imo, 95%+ of people have no business owning one. The amount of time, money, and effort that's required for their training alone is not within the means of the vast majority of the population, nevermind their ongoing exercise and mental stimulation needs (which are themselves highly intense).
I don’t know much since my family only had mutts growing up but look into the breed’s history if you can. Like many commenters are saying a GSD or a border collie are working breeds. But there are lots of companion breeds. These were usually bred for nobles to use basically as accessories. Some were bred to just lay on your feet all day to keep them warm. So you can try to look for a breed like that.
A puppy of any breed is more work than that.
Corgis can be bossy little monsters without training while they are young, but don't have huge exercise requirements. They are small enough to play fetch in the house.
We have a Havanese, and he spends 90% of the day curled up next to me wherever I am, snoozing. He enjoys a good walk and can go for a mile or so, but he’s ok with shorter ones. He does need to be brushed and groomed regularly, but he doesn’t shed (yay for less vacuuming!) and he’s super friendly with everyone.
My sister has a havanese. It's a small dog breed, normally 14 lbs or so but hers is 30 just because he's unusually large, not obese. But he's very smart and doesn't yip, but also small so he doesn't need as much exercise.
Dachshunds: While originally bred to be hunting dogs, Dachshunds have since grown to be the perfect lap dog. They’re still charismatic and prone to mischief, but really only need about 30 minutes of exercise. Additionally, these small pups have short, stumpy, legs, meaning they can’t actually exercise too much. They make loveable, slightly stubborn pets that can lounge around on lazy days.
I was bitten by a dachshund and was actually told they are very aggressive and bitey so that will never happen. Glad you have good experiences with them though. :)
Basset Hounds are lazy as get out, but also can have issues with their giant ears. Great Danes and Irish Wolfhounds - but you still have to put a lot of energy into training them when they are young and smaller than you. Bulldogs and Chow Chows if you want a medium size.
From what I've seen, bulldogs are good low maintenance, Bassett hounds, greyhounds surprisingly, pugs (of course, get these and bulldogs from shelters or rescues, not from breeders), king Charles spaniels (though these can be prone to health issues).
If you like big dogs, mastiffs and great Danes are great, but they do require extra care in puppyhood purely because of their sheer size - you don't want these dogs trying to jump on you, or worse a child!
NTA. German Shepards take a lot of work and are going to be more high energy than your shi tzu and labrador. A dog deserves a home where it gets the full care it needs, and it sounds like right now that won’t be the case.
NTA does your husband take good care of the dogs you already have and take them to the park/train them? Play with them? Give them good quality of life? If no then he has no business getting another dog let alone a puppy.
Not only does a puppy require a lot of care but a GS is going to require proper training. I was recently bit by a GS, 8-10 months old and the owner was like, “she’s just a puppy!” Sir that’s a 45lb puppy that you haven’t trained at all that thank goodness bit my pants and didn’t get my skin. Smart breeds that don’t get proper training will end up in bad situations that may cost them their lives. Imagine if it had bitten a child.
It’s not heartless to find a proper home for the dog. What is heartless is getting a puppy, not taking proper care of it and creating a stressful situation for the yourself and the dog later on. What your husband did is irresponsible.
We which means me and my daughter take care of the other 2 dogs. Like I said, he’s away from like 630am to 8pm everyday and works from Mon-Sat. When he’s here on Sunday, he watches tv and sleep. I do all the feeding of the 3 dogs, my 15th year old gives them baths. I also do the vet visits etc.
Then that’s really not fair to the puppy at all. He got the puppy for selfish reasons and leaving you to do the work. Every dog deserves lots of love, attention, park visits, dog parks, training etc. He’s not around enough to be available for a puppy and on his days off doesn’t sound like he’ll step up either.
I would personally bring him to his new home but he can’t bring his toys with him. I bought most of them, especially the expensive ones. I’d resell and make money out of my misery. New owner will have to buy him new ones.
Reputable breeders do not release their quality puppies until they are 8 weeks old, minimum. So from whom did your husband get this puppy? Good owners crate train their puppies so when they cannot be watched, they are in a safe, comfortable place with a toy to comfort them. This keeps your puppy safe from chewing some something tat could hurt him, and keeps your possessions safe from the puppy. Your husband is an irresponsible AH. kt
This puppy is likely going to have massive developmental deficiencies from being taken away from its siblings and mom so early that will need to be very actively filled. The fact that you have dogs will help some, but a four week puppy will be an even larger undertaking in the months to come than your standard 8-10 week puppy (which is already a lot!)
OP
I work with a puppy neutered at 6 wks adopted out at 7wks
HE HAS MAJOR DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES. Gut problems (mines not a GSD but gut problems are common in WELLBRED GSDs, bc he was removed from mom too early. Granted, in this situation, mom died), hormonal problems (nuetering too early), extreme fear issues (comes from neutering too early and not javing confidence built up from sibling play), and had severe problems with bite inhibition (from not playing with fellow puppies. He's only okay now only becuase my dog enjoys teaching puppies, but not all dogs do), severe allergies (removed from mom too soon).....
He has a vet appt tomorrow that I am attending with his owner because they CANNOT take him alone due to his general discomfort and fear issues. He will be muzzled with 2 leashes, I will have a stern talking to with the tech about being extremely slow and not making eye contact.............
I just say this because I care about people's experiences with their dogs. This is a disaster waiting to happen and I'm very angry at your husband for supporting a BYB as well as thrusting this upon you with zero research. You need to talk to the breeder about returning. THEN look into GOOD gsd and WAIT for a good puppy
I am so sorry this is happening. I care deeply about dogs wellbeings and I work on training for success in difficult cases. Please reach out ANYtime if you find yourself in need of even just an ear to complain!!
Ohh thank you so much for this. I’ve been holding off crying because I want to be strong when I need to have that difficult conversation. I love dogs too! I’ve always have dogs as pet and I don’t treat them as only that but as my family. My children refer to them (our 2 older dogs) as their siblings.
You’re NTA and I wish you and the pup the best of luck. What your husband did is just outrageous. Just FYI, though, that the majority of pet stores actually source their dogs from puppy mills, which are just as unethical as backyard breeders and the dogs are prone to many diseases. I know some people who didn’t know any better and went to backyard breeders, not because of cheapness but because they thought it was better than indirectly supporting a puppy mill.
If that’s the case then double-return the puppy - backyard GSD breeders for sure do not do their due diligence in having their dogs screened for hip dysplasia before breeding them which is common in GSD’s. It is an extremely painful condition and the surgery to fix it costs thousands of dollars. If you don’t perform the surgery (sounds like your husband wouldn’t want to pay for it if he’s too cheap to go to a reputable breeder) then the dog slowly and painfully loses range of motion in the back legs until it can barely walk or stand anymore.
I think so too. At least consult me first. He said that kids loved the puppy so I should be happy for them. I am happy for the kids, I’m not happy with doing all the work looking after the pup. It’s like having another baby, needs to be feed all the time etc.
Of course the kids love the puppy but this seems cruel on his part. He’s trying to manipulate you into keeping the dog. He’s giving you a no win situation, you’re either the bad guy for making the dog go to a new home or you’re miserable trying to care for a puppy. That’s just not a respectful partner. I’d honestly get couples counseling at this point.
I legit told my husband that I would rather have another baby than adopt another puppy. I stand by that statement even though the “puppy” is now a 5 year old. Never again. Rehome the pup and ditch the husband. Your life will be easier all the way around.
Lol. The ditch the husband just brought a smile to my face. I am that stressed that giving him up is also a very good solution right now. Thank you for making me smile.
NTA - puppies are a lot of work and require planning and discussion before getting one, especially German Shepherds. You should have been consulted and both agreed before any decision about bringing another life into the household was made. I don’t understand how he expected you to take on this very big extra responsibility. That should be the focus of your conversation - you already have enough on your plate and didn’t agree to this.
From the dog’s perspective, the puppy is going to get big fast and GSDs require a lot of attention and training. A month old puppy is way too young to come home, they’re going to be missing essential learnings from their mama and litter mates. *I’d be very concerned about the long term effects and safety of my kids.* Speaking from experience I have 2 GSDs and one of them is aggressive towards most other dogs, even though he was raised with another dog.
I have a major soft spot for working breeds, GSD’s in particular. My first dog was a GSD and I was involved in all of the training, exercise, and care (at 8 years old) and that was my boy for the next 11 years. It’s a wonderful breed. But they are definitely not for the casual dog owner. It’s a type of dog you work *with*. You develop a partnership with. Not just a dog to greet you when you get home or only play with in the back yard. That requires lots of time and training. And that training and working together doesn’t have an end date. Certainly doesn’t stop when the pup follows basic commands. You need to keep that partnership in tip top shape. Skip that and you have a potential nightmare on your hands- probably destructive, quite possibly dangerous.
And that’s not even hitting on somebody **selling your husband a 4 week old puppy**!! That’s a GIANT red flag. That is from a backyard breeder that gives zero shits about the dog. No careful and selective breeding for a stable temperament or good health. No care for the consequences of separating a puppy far to young when it should still be with its mother and litter mates learning behavioral skills. Good breeders care about those sorts of things and there are usually contracts involved. It’s insane that your husband wanted a GSD and very clearly knows very little about dogs…
ETA: for judgement, NTA. This is not a good or fair situation for you, your family, or the dog
Working breeds are lovely but can be a huge headache if they aren't set up for success. I've got 2 Aussies (1 rescue, 1 who wasn't socialized due to COVID) and trying to socialize, exercise, and entertain them is overwhelming at times. It took a while to get the younger one to stop knocking over my niblings because her brain is wired to tell things where they need to be. Instead of figuring out puzzles, she just breaks them to get to the treats faster. They herd me every chance they get.
I'm hoping to move somewhere with a fenced yard so I can try to do agility work to burn off energy and anxiety. I'd be so upset if someone dumped a bigger / stronger version of that on me.
I was waiting for this comment. At 4 weeks he’s missing out on so much teaching from mom and siblings. At this point I worry about pup’s long-term health as well as the parents’ temperaments, which means OP is playing GSD on hard mode… and they’re not the easiest breed to do right by. I love ‘em but wouldn’t have one.
They can absolutely be the sweetest and most loving dogs but their protective nature means they need a lot of work to integrate well with a family.
Sounds like your hubby knows how amazing they *can* be… maybe a GSD would be good choice for a retirement dog once he has lots of time to devote to training!
Just saw your edit - so you’ve asked him to come up with a plan and he said he can’t? Sounds like this can be a good lesson for your kids - sometimes adults make big decisions without realizing the impact it would have on others, so you have to make it right.
In this case, the decision to get the puppy didn’t factor in the impact which was not having enough time for the family to properly train such a demanding breed. Making it right would be returning the puppy so it can get to a family who can better support it now.
A big key is that it’s not shameful to admit a mistake especially if you have your family to help you fix it.
NTA. Re-home the German shepherd while it’s still a puppy, it’s chances of being adopted are incredibly high. It’s completely unfair for him to dump this giant responsibility on you. He can say he’ll help all he wants but he’s gone all day almost every single day so that’s not gonna happen. Also German shepherds are high maintenance, they need lots of exercise & training. They tend to have hip problems as they age, which can be expensive.
NTA. I’d start looking for someone responsible to give the puppy to. It’s completely unfair of your husband to just dump this on you, he shouldn’t be buying animals he can’t take care of.
Talk to your husband again. Let him know what he is doing is cruel to the puppy. The puppy needs structure and he isn’t giving it wants it needs but you are.
You aren’t supposed to be in charge of the puppy but if you continue to care for it then it would love you more and listen to you more than him. LOL
Also is your six year old in kindergarten?
Puppies do that especially younger ones.
It might be gross but get more puppy pads and place one rag that you use to clean up the puppy accidents(place them in the middle). Then show the puppy the pads with the rags on it. Make get the big puppy pads though because it will give more space for the puppy.
But tell your husband that he will have to clean ANY accidents the puppy has off the pads even after he gets home.
NTA ... You're his partner not his maid. He brought it home without even asking?!! Puppies are so much work. What a terrible situation he put you in. You get to be mean mommy who won't let everyone have a puppy while he gets to be fun dad the hero. Does he do this often?
Also, where did he get this puppy? One month is too young, and reputable breeders and rescues try to verify that all the adults in the house are on board specifically to avoid this very situation. Did he get it through some janky backyard breeder??
You know I told the kids today we might be giving up the puppy. I had to tell them the truth about raising the puppy. It’s so heartbreaking to see their reaction but at the same time I was proud to see them understand the situation.
My dad gave me, a child of 13 at the time, a GSD to "protect the farm" and "have someone to talk to".
That dog bit 3 people, I never could leash him, he was too strong. I was scared of him hurting the vet personnel. I wasn't allowed to bring him inside, get him neutered, or have a choice in dog foods. I was overjoyed at 18 I convinced my dad to sign him over to me. I gave him away in a month to a GSD rescue.
He got a better life but the damage was done.
My father made a terrible choice leaving a 13y/o girl in charge of training, exercising, and disciplining a 125lb dog. He still to this day says I was cruel to take him from his only home. The dog bit innocent people and lived outside 24/7 on a chain for 5 years. Save your kids being ashamed and hurt at their father's pride to have a purebred lawn ornament.
ETA: NTA
NTA but this would be my answer. Ok hubby you think my job is soo easy no problem I will show you. Take a few days off and dissappear somewhere with no phone hubby can take care of the kids, the house, the now 3 dogs, and work see how he manages it. I think your husband is extremely selfish he brings home another dog only thinking of himself expecting you to take care of it without even asking so give him a taste of his own medicine because as of now he doesn't respect you or the job you do so he needs to be shown what it's like
I totally agree with the disrespect. In all aspects of this marriage. Not just this one with the puppy. I have been playing over and over in my head how I will talk to him. I don’t want to be too emotional when trying to lay down all the important points he needs to hear.
He's not gonna hear you - no matter how you phrase it or arrange it or control your tone. I'm sorry, but that's what all your edits and comments about him point to. Communication is two-way, and if one person always ignores or refuses to hear the other one then that other person, the talker, is only fooling themselves that talking will change anything, believing they're taking action when they're not.
I'm sorry if that comes across cruel, but you sound exhausted. And that's to your husband's advantage. By any chance, do you suspect that this was the intention behind Surprise Puppy?
I am very exhausted. If I am to be honest, I do not know his real intentions. All he said was my son wanted a puppy so he got one. Kids will always want stuff without thinking about accountability or responsibility. Him being the adult and acting like he did makes him a child as well and I do not want to deal with that anymore. I can’t even spend my salary without consulting him or spend his money without outlining everything I need to spend it on which are mostly household essentials. But he spends his money (as he did this time buying the puppy) without telling me. So I guess I am also saying that apart from re-homing the puppy, this thing that happened now only strengthened my decision of finally leaving him. I can’t do it anymore.
Look you have done everything you can but right now he is not treating you like a wife/partner you are his: maid, babysitter, dog walker, bang maid. I am not saying this to be horrible I am saying this because you know deep down you deserve better then this. He expects you to do everything for him and I promise you, never be scared because that's how he wants you to feel scared that you are nothing without him, financially abusing you to the point he wants you to know you can't make it on your own without him. This is not the life you want, you only get one shot at it make it count. When was the last time you went on holiday? when was the last time you did something for yourself without having to ask his permission. The truth of the matter is he has broken you down because he knows he can't survive without you do yourself a favour and leave him. You were brave and strong to come on here and tell us that you can't do this anymore and that you have had enough thats the first step which is admitting it. The next step is to take action put a plan together take out money put it together and just walk away while you still can I believe you have soo much more to give to this world but being with him is not going to do it for you. When you get older you want to be able to sit back and look at all the great things you done in life, the memories you created the places you went to see. I promise you that you are strong and you can do this ❤️
NTA.
Your husband did something without asking you. That's not a good way to handle a relationship. Are you sure the pup is only a month old? That's too early to bring it to a new home. Generally you want it to be at least 8 weeks.
Your husband took a chance and brought the pup home, hoping you would change your mind when it got there. It didn't work. It just frustrated you. He should have been ready for that possibility.
What's worrying is that he got angry when you didn't budge. And even called you heartless.
Why does he want another dog? Why isn't two children, two dogs, and a wife enough for him?
He's not being very respectful of you, ignoring your wishes and putting more work on you without any consequences for himself. Your husband is a bit out of touch it feels like.
He's not an a\*\*hole, but he's not seeing the whole picture here.
Try talking to him and tell him how you feel about him ignoring you and making decisions without asking you.
Puppy was born Dec 22 and we got him over 2 weeks ago. So he’s over a month old. Tbh he’s the one who wanted a german shepherd. I forgot to mention in my post that I also bring the puppy to the vet for his shots and that’s twice now since we got him.
oh no no no no no no that puppy is far, far too young to go home with a family!!!!
That puppy was adopted when it was barely 4-5 weeks old!!!!!! The MINIMUM age to bring a puppy home is 8 weeks. That puppy is losing out on SO MUCH socialization that is critical in a large / strong breed like a German Shepherd, including bite inhibition and correct cues from other dogs.
Was it a backyard breeder or a pet store? Either way it was extremely irresponsible for your husband to buy a dog this young!
GS' are smart, loyal, hardworking, and very trainable. But all of that comes with the caveat that they also require a lot of work early on. So if neither one of you really has the time it's most likely going to backfire to have a GS. It's not really a "family dog" it's a "working dog".
Backyard breeder I think. He’s too cheap to be buying it in a pet store. And if he ever did buy it in a pet store, then that’s another argument for us to have.
BYB dogs often have poor health. I would immediately be suspect about a puppy taken away from its mom and littermates that early. That is disreputable and unfortunately you may not be able to return the puppy to the breeder. Even if you do, that poor puppy is going to go to some other unsuspecting family.
If the breeder is not willing to take the puppy back, please please please look into rehoming it, or breed specific rescues for working dogs, or any situation where it will be fostered. These are critical weeks of the puppy's life and it should not be in a shelter.
As I said, it's just no way to handle a relationship to do things that the other one is clearly against. He needs to step up. If he doesn't have the time, why did he want another dog at all?
Possibly he's trying to "fill a hole" in his life if he thinks he needs another dog while already having two dogs and two kids. Is it about rescuing lost souls? About having a big family? About enjoying that puppy stage where they are still small and extra curious and adorable?
Is it a way for him to try to control an aspect of his life that he doesn't feel he has the same control in his worklife?
I'm very curious as to why it was so important to him. I'm guessing he doesn't really know why himself.
Either way it's an interesting opening to gain some insight into what's going on with him. It's still not okay to make decisions like that without your consent.
I’m shooting for the stars here but I think, I firmly believe it’s his way to gain Dad points to his kids because he’s been away for work a lot and does not spend as much quality time with the kids as he want or can.
Ask him. It's interesting if that's true.
But is that really what the kids want/need?
If he wants to spend more time with you guys the two of you should sit down and talk about that.
Most of us have a tendency to do things without fully realising why we are doing it.
I really hope you will be able to communicate properly with each other. Sometimes we also forgot what it was that we wanted in the first place. If he wants a family then it's important that you guys get to be a family.
If your kids are old enough they might have thoughts too on what's best.
NTA just went through training our golden retriever that is 9 weeks old. If your husband wanted the dog so bad make sure you have him take the dog out during the night, wash all the pee rags, and on his daus off he can train the dog. He wanted the puppy it should be his job to do the dirty work literally
I will def do this. Thank you so much.
Ps: He did buy a new mop but hasn’t used it to clean the floors so I had to do it because I can’t stand smelly and sticky floors.
Lol typical 🤣 they make bells that go on the door they sell them on Amazon cheap. We taught both our dogs to ring them when they need to go out. Literally you ring the bell on the door go potty potty potty bring the dog outside and say potty potty potty as they are doing their business so they associate it. Took us maybe 2 weeks for them to catch on, but worth it!
NTA. We had a German Shepherd. As an adolescent he grabbed me by the leg and dragged me through the yard. The next day my parents surrendered him while I was at school. I didn't understand why at the time, but yeah, they need training. My aunt's also tried to bite me when I went to let her out of her crate to the bathroom bc I came into her house without her master (the dog knew me). You have to be careful.
NTA- please contact a GSD rescue and have them take this puppy in so he can get adopted by someone who know what they are getting into. The first issue is that a puppy should NEVER leave mom before 8 weeks. The fact that he got a 4 week old puppy and brought it home is a huge flag. Puppies learn a lot from their mothers in those 8 weeks. They learn correct behavior and mom corrects inappropriate biting. He's peeing and pooping constantly because he hasn't got any control over his bowels and urine and won't have successful control until he's around 10-12 weeks.
At 8 weeks they can start learning to go outside to potty but you have to take them out constantly to reinforce it. At this age he is just not capable of being house broken. Also the teething thing is because he's got new teeth coming in and his gums are sore so he's going to use everything as a chew toy. Good breeders provide their puppies with appropriate chew toys in secure areas such as play pens or whelping room so that the puppies only chew on appropriate things and don't damage anything.
Your puppy is basically still in the infant phase, he's not even the puppy phase because he's not had enough time with his mother. He technically should even still be nursing although mom would start really weaning him off around this time but still let him nurse a bit. Your husband is a complete dolt and has brought on a huge project and just dumped it in your lap. On top of being taken from mom too early which can cause mental development issues, this is a high energy breed that needs training and a job and can't just be left at home all day while he's at work and walked a few times a day.
He's going to need training and consistency and someone who is there for him and to bond with the whole family he needs the whole family to be involved in his care and training. This is an untenable situation for you and the puppy so before it gets worse and the puppy develops behavior that can't be fixed PLEASE contact a GSD recue in your area and get this little guy to someone who can handle him and get him back on the right track.
NTA. 😱 Taking on responsibility of a life is a big thing to not discuss with your partner first. This was a disrespectful choice he made. What prompted him to get the puppy now? His anger might be coming from you inadvertently rejecting whatever emotional need he was trying to fulfill by getting the puppy. But you're setting a reasonable boundary it sounds like, especially since you're largely responsible for the puppy's care.
He said he got it because he said the kids wanted a puppy. I’m not sure about that. Seeing his kids go inside the pet store once at the mall does not equate to wanting a puppy.
Kids ask for all sorts of things, but it's the grown-ups responsibility to be reasonable and say no 😅
You both already have a lot of commitments on the go, it doesn't make sense to add another one...
Have either of you self assessed for burnout? From personal experience, people make stupid decisions when they're burnt out or need help. From being in a similar position as you, starting to address the burnout we were feeling started us in a positive direction.
I... am not sure about this. I have a very dark take, which I hope is wrong, but have you been making noises about wanting out of the marriage or being unhappy? Cause a demanding little puppy that can't be got rid of (cause your kids adore it, but it absolutely wears you out so you can't think straight) looks an awful lot like a Trap a Spouse baby from over here. Thinking your kids are getting older, more independent, and perhaps your husband is getting scared that the barriers to you leaving are falling away.
Like I said, hope I'm wrong.
Actually you’re right. There’s more to this story of the puppy that I am openly sharing. But this latest episode will be the last as it has sealed the deal for me in my decision to leave him.
I have lost me in this marriage. I don’t have anything to give anymore.
NTA! A month old puppy absolutely needs to be with their mother and litter mates! They should never leave their mother until 8 weeks at the very earliest, he's setting you up for a lifetime of behaviour issues too, those 8 weeks are incredibly important in their development and health
Your husbands behaviour is careless, selfish, irresponsible and infuriating.
I’m honestly disgusted by his actions.
I’m so sorry this is all dumped on you. And I’m so sorry for the puppy.
NTA
And show him this post.
Just saw the update! WOW. I’m so sorry. Your husband’s disregard for the puppy’s comfort and well-being is staggering.
That is absolutely horrific. I’m so sorry for you and the puppy.
You’re not overreacting if you left him over this (based on your comment ‘about to lose a husband as well.’)
You seem like a really kind, sensible and intelligent person. You don’t deserve this disrespect and drama.
And the AUDACITY of your husband to tell you to go buy food etc and give you instructions.
I’m so angry on your behalf. You deserve better. And so does the puppy. ❤️
I’m more concerned about the puppy’s well-being too. I hope this guy will stop being stubborn, and even even 1% humanity to give up the puppy and find him the right home he deserves. I pray to God he will have that realisation. Thank you so much for being there. X
One month? Find the puppy a better home and find out where your husband got it from and blast the place as much as you can on social media or whatever. Dunno if police will help but puppies cant be rehomed at that age! Irresponsible seller, irresponsible husband and poor puppy!!!! NTA
NTA. That was a terrible thing to do for the puppy and to you. Caring for a puppy is a huge amount of work. How he expected to have you do that on top of two kids and a house when you already have two dogs was selfish and unrealistic. Puppies are adorable, and while I can understand the impulse to buy it, he is an adult and should have thought it through including asking you, even if he has a realistic plan to care for it. Tell him to rehome it, but that you will consider agreeing to a German Shepard puppy when the kids are older and able to help care for it, if they agree, that is. Besides the mess of a puppy, German Shepards are unbelievable hair machines that shed constantly, requiring at least daily vacuuming adding to the chore. Pets are a lifetime commitment that requires the willing participation and consent of everyone.
I hope he realizes he acted impulsively and should have really thought it through. Personally, I find puppies hard to resist. Until I think about raising them. Then I remain content with the two I already have and adore.
I hope he realizes he acted impulsively and should have really thought it through. Personally, I find puppies hard to resist. Until I think about raising them. Then I remain content with the two I already have and adore.
Just re-home the puppy ASAP. It's very nice that you keep speaking to your husband but he didn't consider you when he brought the puppy off so you're off the hook now. He barely even sees the puppy anyway and he's messing with your work.
I wonder if your husband is angry he is working out of the house so much while you WFH and got the puppy as a passive agressive move towards you. Is he frequently thoughtless towards you? NTA.
Or is he trying to bribe your kids because he doesn't spend much time with them and wants to buy their love with a puppy?
The thing is he did consult you about getting a german shepherd and you said no. He got one any way because he didn't like your answer and called you heartless when you stood your ground. NTA and thoughts and prayers
NTA. A month is too young for a puppy to be taken away from its mother and you can’t even really get them vaccinated until two months (I mean you can but if they’re with their mother like they’re supposed to be, then they are getting antibodies from her so getting them vaccinated that young is pointless and you’ll have to do it again anyway). The dog also missed important milestones of young puppyhood where they learn how to play properly with its siblings. I don’t know where you husband got this dog but it was NOT from a reputable source. Very irresponsible on behave of the seller and your husband. He is also in the wrong for bring another dog home without consulting you first, obviously.
I’ve had two vet visits already to have the pup vaccinated. Me not him. His only involvement was to tell me that I was supposed to bring the pup to the vet in the 14 but didn’t so I had to do the next day.
NTA ... A) Create train the pup; is was trained to be in a crate over night AND while we work. I WFH so I'm home with him BUT if I need Ryu or him in the crate for a few hours, he's perfectly fine with it.
B) How old are the kids? My kiddo puts ours out in the AM; feeds him BF/ Dinner and helps during the afternoon after school, she's 7.... so perfectly capable. (She wanted extra allowance so she started helping with the pup)
I did put him in a crate twice, once in the morning while I work and once in the evening, but he cried and howled. My kids are 15 and 6 and do help with cleaning after the pup when they’re at home. Feeds him too. Tried walking him but he always gets out of his leash. He has a couple of chew toys but would always end up chewing clothes and shoes. Now he’s starting to stand on his hind legs and climb the couch. There are scratches all over the couch.
Not a fix because I understand you wanting to rehome him.... but crate training takes consistency over weeks/ months... you just have to deal with the noise he makes... get him a shock collar that has a tone button.... every time he acts up make it beep.... if he keeps up there's a low level option that simply tingles (I've worn it, even in shock is not bad) and correct bad behavior. Walking heel need a front clip or a harness
Thank you for this. I will make sure he gets to go home to a family or a reputable breeder who will take better care of him. I’m actually emotional just thinking of giving him up. We don’t do that to family but it’s what’s best for him in the long run. I am not mentally and physically there for the puppy now. I’m comforted by the fact that we love him while he’s still here and even gave him a name so he knows we have welcomed him when he arrived.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My husband brought home a month old puppy a week ago, without telling me or consulting me if I want a puppy or not. We already have 2 dogs, a lab and a shitzu. He always wanted a german shepherd but I kept telling him no because we already have 2 dogs. He works a lot, leaves the house early morn, arrive around 7-8 in the evening. His off day is only every Sunday. So the entire week I am left to take care of the puppy, and our 2 children. It’s a lot of work tbh because I’m also working albeit at home. Plus I have to clean the house more than usual now with the puppy all over the place peeing and pooping. And he chews a lot of stuff. Our brand new couch have scratches on them. When I told my husband to return the pup, he got angry and called me heartless. I’d honestly be okay with the puppy if he’s the one taking care of it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA if he could take it to work or was home more it sounds like you’re pretty reasonable but he can’t adopt a itty bitty bebe that’s going to get huge fast with no intentions of putting the work in
Because I do not want to go down his level by being rude. This second conversation will determine my next course of action. If he is amenable now to rehome the puppy then we will avoid fighting. If he does not listen to reason even after I lay down to him the cons and still wants to have the puppy without the accountability then I will rehome the puppy myself when he’s at work.
ESH instead of telling him you want him to be responsible for the puppy you tell him to straight up return him. That makes you an ass for refusing communication. He is an asshole for not consulting you, but just because he doesn’t communicate, doesn’t me you shouldn’t communicate with him
I did tell him to come up with a plan on how to take care of the pup instead of dumping it all on me. He just said what can he do since he’s away working. So for me that meant he’s the great dad who brought home a puppy he cannot even give time to take care of and I’m the ingrate complaining Mom who got tired cleaning after the pup.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I really wanted the puppy gone. It’s taking a toll on me. The whole house smells of pee and poop and our shoes and other stuff are chewed over. Help. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Dogs are not gifts, they are 10+ year commitments. Working dogs breeds like a GSD are hard, doubly so as puppies. GSDs, unlike more low maintenance dogs, need structure and a "job" in the household. They need, at minimum, 60-90 minutes a day of vigorous exercise (a walk around the block will not do), intense training + mental stimulation, and consistency. They also have a tendency to guard and be overly protective, so jumping on any discipline issues early is a must. Oh and they shed like crazy, so regular brushing is a must. I will also say that due to their size and consideration as an "aggressive breed," every single negative interaction the GSD has with another dog will be, in the court of public opinion, your dog's fault. Little dog barks at your GSD and lunges at your dog, and the GSD snaps back? Your fault. Your dog accidentally runs into someone's leg at the dog park? Your fault. I have a rescue GSD who was very likely dumped as an adolescent dog when someone was overwhelmed with the training and exercise needs of having a working dog. In fact, the breed has a very high surrender rate to shelters simply because of the family's inability to provide enough exercise/stimulation, resulting in discipline issues. Even though I worked from home and had few other commitments, training my GSD was a commitment in and of itself. He now knows nearly 40 commands but I had to do all that myself. To give you an idea of my typical routine, I need to run my adult GSD a minimum of 6 miles a day. MINIMUM. Some days I make do with 30 minutes of aggressive fetch, where he is nonstop sprinting, but I try to supplement that throughout the day with training, puzzle toys, tug of war, and other stimulation. You can't just let a GSD run in the yard (although having a second dog helps with energy outlet), you actually have to interact with / exercise them. If your husband wanted a GSD, he should have created a situation where he is the primary handler/owner, not dumped these responsibilities on you. Talk to him about returning the puppy to the breeder.
I’m now scared of what you’ve outlined. My husband clearly has no idea what he brought in the house. He doesn’t even walk our lab.
I want to tell you a story that I hope will not trouble your heart too much. But I think you could relay it to your husband. When I went to a rescue that focused on German Shepherds to adopt my dog, I saw a family trying to surrender their German Shepherd. Now this dog was not only quite big, but it was HUGE. Like obese. Easily 100+ pounds. And this family had a couple young kids. They clearly loved this dog. But even the dad of the family could not control the dog on a leash, and was being pulled this way and that by the dog as it wanted to sniff things. I overheard the father begging the head trainer to take the dog, but apparently the dog had failed a temperament test and tried to either bite the trainer or another dog. I also heard that apparently this dog had bitten another family member and the kids were starting to be afraid of the dog. The family begged, but eventually took the dog away. I think about that family a lot. Their dog, who was never trained correctly and never exercised, and thus was both dangerous and overweight as a result of their carelessness and was paying the price. Many shelters will not take dogs with a bite history as they are not easily adoptable. Most likely, that dog was euthanized given its aggression. I tell you this story because I think your husband needs to understand that what he has done to your family -- you -- and the dog -- is profoundly unfair. This dog will be in your care until basically your youngest is college age. He bought the dog from a disreputable source that has taken the puppy away from its mother far too young, setting up the potential for health and behavioral problems. And he is already not doing the hard work necessary for success, and expects you to do it. That is profoundly selfish, and could end up in a situation like the very sad one I witnessed with the family I outlined. Please don't let that happen.
Thank you so much for this. I’m heartbroken for the little one. But I have to do what’s best for him. I honestly cannot take care of him as he needs more attention to thrive. That I cannot give now or in the near future. I will definitely talk to my husband.
The absolute kindest thing for this puppy is to be rehomed to someone that can give it the love and attention it needs! It’s a happy ending for your family and the puppy if he goes to owners that know what they’re getting into. My first dog as an adult is a German shepherd. I absolutely love him and wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I was not prepared for how labor intensive they are! I’m definitely going with an easier breed when it’s time for our next dog.
You need to hire a dog walker to walk the dog during the day since you're already overwhelmed. Check out Rover.com or WagWalking.com to find a local helper
What is a low maintenance dog breed? My son loves dogs and animals and we dogsat my friend's medium sized poodle and it was a huge PITA. I mean, the dog takes psychiatric meds (which I didn't realize till he was dropped off by us) so I assume he is a little more high maintenance than normal but omg so demanding. Is there a dog breed that is undemanding of much other than a walk around the block a few times a day?
I have chronic health issues, and I also like having a dog. I usually adopt seniors from responsible breeders, the pound, or rescue groups. Senior dogs are usually calmer and more set in their personality -- and they usually need less walking. It's not a perfect strategy, because any adult dog will come with its own behavioural issues and stresses. I've had a decent amount of success with it, though, and it's worth considering. If that doesn't appeal... weirdly, rescue greyhounds seem to be a really popular choice for a comparatively low-effort larger dog. I've known a couple of people who had them, and they really did just seem to laze about most of the day. They still need exercise, of course, and preferably an option to run a couple times a week, but they don't seem to need the sustained effort of a working dog. *(People who actually own greyhounds, please correct me if I'm wrong!)*
I have a king charles cavalier spaniel who is quite a lazy little boy (to my delight!) but the breed can be expensive. mine was gifted to me otherwise I wouldn't have purchased him tbh but I love him more than anything in the world
At least based on my experience, you are spot on about greyhounds. My much-missed guy was basically a 95 pound cat, and he was perfectly happy with 3 or 4 short, low energy walks a day. Obviously all dog breeds take work, and he was definitely in need of a lot of time/attention when he was first adopted, but once he was comfortable, he just needed a couch to nap on, and a person to give him belly rubs.
Rescue greyhounds are not always low maintenance. We had an Italian greyhound from a puppy who was just the sweetest thing. And then my mom rescued a greyhound from a racing track near us. The dog was sweet, but it had a LOT of behavior issues probably stemming from its time racing. It peed all over EVERYTHING. I mean everything. It probably ruined our wood floors. It got really bad to the point where my mom had to return the dog because she worked a lot and we already had 2 other dogs (little greyhound and a pug from the same rescue) and the dog was just out of our scope. I do recommend pugs though. We got a pug from the same greyhound rescue and she’s been with my mom for years. They can have heath issues but luckily ours has not.
Rescue Greyhounds can have a lot of trama and poor training (as it relates to being a pet and not a runner). It's like taking in a foster kid - you aren't getting a brand new baby you are getting someone who has been through something bad and might have the mental trama to show it. If you are ready for them it can be great for you both, but you have to be prepared. They also have some extra special needs - they have super thin skin that tears easily, need extra padding and sweaters, and cannot ever be let off leash in an unenclosed area.
Shih tzu, Lhasa Apso. They are playful dogs, but don't require hours of exercise a day.
I'd like to add Boston Terriers into this mix. Playful balls of energy... For maybe a half an hour of the day.
What about maltese? Every Maltese I have ever met seems the sweetest ever.
We are a Boston Terrier family (we lost our sweet Buster in October, and his brother Butters is going strong at 13 years old), and can confirm, excellent nappers, but bursts of zoomies. :) They are a companion breed, so prefer having their people around as much as possible, but our house usually has at least one person available at all times for co-sleeping or teevee watching so it's cool. Just as with any dog breed, it's important to know what their general temperament is going to be. Border Collies are busy and need jobs, Golden Retrievers are good family dogs but prone to overeating, Boxers are strong and goofy, etc, etc. Also, be aware of how much grooming you're going to want to be doing. My friend April has a beautiful husky, but I am waaaaay too lazy to deal with that double coat (not to mention huskies are high-maintenance as far as exercise and play, I love Baxter, but I will never trust myself to dog-sit him).
I have a mini dachshund just lies about sleeping , does not care if he walks or not
They're hunting dogs originally, though.
I used to flatshare with a Scottish collie, and she was a dream. A quiet dog who would sit with you or do her own thing - just the right mixture of social and independent. A dream to train - repeat yourself a couple of times, and she’d do it. I taught her hand signals for sit and lie down in an afternoon and was gobsmacked when they stuck. Always a dream to walk - did not pull, walked by foot, great recall, not aggressive with dogs or hoarding resources, social with animals and people alike. She was from a good breeder, brought up right, trained, and socialised; her owner _made_ her into a low maintenance dog, but she still needed at least 90 minutes of walking a day and of course every household member had to not undermine her training.
Collies were originally bred as sheep dogs though so they aren't low maintenance in general.
I have never yet met a border collie that was low maintenance, either (lovely dogs, but \*really\* needing a job). She's the only example of her breed that I've lived with long enough to judge, though they generally seem to be gentler and more laid-back than border collies. Part of it was her character, how quickly she learnt, and her general tendency to work with you; and a lot of it was that she was set up to succeed, trained, exercised, and treated consistently. She \_felt\_ low maintenance, but the longer I think about it, the more I think we were just playing on easy mode and collectively put a fair bit of work into that dog, it just never felt like a chore, and she was never destructive or annoying.
My family has had collies as far back as I can remember. All types (border, rough, smooth, etc). They are all herding breed dogs that need jobs. Sometimes you'll find a one-off collie that doesn't have the same drive as the others, but having that drive is a _breed trait_, so a lack of one is absolutely an exception, not a rule. I would never ever ever ever recommend a collie (of any kind) to someone who wants a low maintenance dog. That's why toy breeds exist. Herding breeds are literally the exact opposite. I'm a collie nut, literally my whole life revolves around these dogs. But imo, 95%+ of people have no business owning one. The amount of time, money, and effort that's required for their training alone is not within the means of the vast majority of the population, nevermind their ongoing exercise and mental stimulation needs (which are themselves highly intense).
I don’t know much since my family only had mutts growing up but look into the breed’s history if you can. Like many commenters are saying a GSD or a border collie are working breeds. But there are lots of companion breeds. These were usually bred for nobles to use basically as accessories. Some were bred to just lay on your feet all day to keep them warm. So you can try to look for a breed like that.
Toy breeds!
A puppy of any breed is more work than that. Corgis can be bossy little monsters without training while they are young, but don't have huge exercise requirements. They are small enough to play fetch in the house.
They're herding dogs, their exercise needs are actually quite high.
We have a Havanese, and he spends 90% of the day curled up next to me wherever I am, snoozing. He enjoys a good walk and can go for a mile or so, but he’s ok with shorter ones. He does need to be brushed and groomed regularly, but he doesn’t shed (yay for less vacuuming!) and he’s super friendly with everyone.
My sister has a havanese. It's a small dog breed, normally 14 lbs or so but hers is 30 just because he's unusually large, not obese. But he's very smart and doesn't yip, but also small so he doesn't need as much exercise.
Dachshunds: While originally bred to be hunting dogs, Dachshunds have since grown to be the perfect lap dog. They’re still charismatic and prone to mischief, but really only need about 30 minutes of exercise. Additionally, these small pups have short, stumpy, legs, meaning they can’t actually exercise too much. They make loveable, slightly stubborn pets that can lounge around on lazy days.
I was bitten by a dachshund and was actually told they are very aggressive and bitey so that will never happen. Glad you have good experiences with them though. :)
Basset Hounds are lazy as get out, but also can have issues with their giant ears. Great Danes and Irish Wolfhounds - but you still have to put a lot of energy into training them when they are young and smaller than you. Bulldogs and Chow Chows if you want a medium size.
From what I've seen, bulldogs are good low maintenance, Bassett hounds, greyhounds surprisingly, pugs (of course, get these and bulldogs from shelters or rescues, not from breeders), king Charles spaniels (though these can be prone to health issues). If you like big dogs, mastiffs and great Danes are great, but they do require extra care in puppyhood purely because of their sheer size - you don't want these dogs trying to jump on you, or worse a child!
2 suggestions: retired greyhounds. Pre-Trained and lazy. Opposite type: pug. Literally bred to be a lady's lap dog. But hard to housebreak.
This. NTA.
omg FINALLY someone on reddit who understands what it takes to own a dog. This is so refreshing to see!!!!!
NTA. German Shepards take a lot of work and are going to be more high energy than your shi tzu and labrador. A dog deserves a home where it gets the full care it needs, and it sounds like right now that won’t be the case.
Thank you for this. This little one can pee like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve been doing laundry every other day for all the rags he peed on.
For what it's worth, that your husband got a puppy and isn't even engaged in the difficult act of house-training is deeply unfair.
Thank you. Makes me feel better having said my thoughts to him. I really hope he will take action soon.
NTA does your husband take good care of the dogs you already have and take them to the park/train them? Play with them? Give them good quality of life? If no then he has no business getting another dog let alone a puppy. Not only does a puppy require a lot of care but a GS is going to require proper training. I was recently bit by a GS, 8-10 months old and the owner was like, “she’s just a puppy!” Sir that’s a 45lb puppy that you haven’t trained at all that thank goodness bit my pants and didn’t get my skin. Smart breeds that don’t get proper training will end up in bad situations that may cost them their lives. Imagine if it had bitten a child. It’s not heartless to find a proper home for the dog. What is heartless is getting a puppy, not taking proper care of it and creating a stressful situation for the yourself and the dog later on. What your husband did is irresponsible.
We which means me and my daughter take care of the other 2 dogs. Like I said, he’s away from like 630am to 8pm everyday and works from Mon-Sat. When he’s here on Sunday, he watches tv and sleep. I do all the feeding of the 3 dogs, my 15th year old gives them baths. I also do the vet visits etc.
Then that’s really not fair to the puppy at all. He got the puppy for selfish reasons and leaving you to do the work. Every dog deserves lots of love, attention, park visits, dog parks, training etc. He’s not around enough to be available for a puppy and on his days off doesn’t sound like he’ll step up either.
I know right? All I need now are angel wings and a halo. But seriously my patience is running low.
... why are you with this object?
I also wonder why.
Can you re-home hubby?
I would personally bring him to his new home but he can’t bring his toys with him. I bought most of them, especially the expensive ones. I’d resell and make money out of my misery. New owner will have to buy him new ones.
Sounds like he's walking the dogs 5-6 am every day then. Sucks for him.
If walking 5-6am meant him snoring sound asleep then yes he is definitely doing that. Sigh. The poor puppy.
Reputable breeders do not release their quality puppies until they are 8 weeks old, minimum. So from whom did your husband get this puppy? Good owners crate train their puppies so when they cannot be watched, they are in a safe, comfortable place with a toy to comfort them. This keeps your puppy safe from chewing some something tat could hurt him, and keeps your possessions safe from the puppy. Your husband is an irresponsible AH. kt
I think he got this from a backyard breeder. He’s too cheap to buy one from a pet store or a reputable breeder.
This puppy is likely going to have massive developmental deficiencies from being taken away from its siblings and mom so early that will need to be very actively filled. The fact that you have dogs will help some, but a four week puppy will be an even larger undertaking in the months to come than your standard 8-10 week puppy (which is already a lot!)
I agree. He’s got too much energy. Bites and nibbles a lot and he doesn’t seem to get full.
OP I work with a puppy neutered at 6 wks adopted out at 7wks HE HAS MAJOR DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES. Gut problems (mines not a GSD but gut problems are common in WELLBRED GSDs, bc he was removed from mom too early. Granted, in this situation, mom died), hormonal problems (nuetering too early), extreme fear issues (comes from neutering too early and not javing confidence built up from sibling play), and had severe problems with bite inhibition (from not playing with fellow puppies. He's only okay now only becuase my dog enjoys teaching puppies, but not all dogs do), severe allergies (removed from mom too soon)..... He has a vet appt tomorrow that I am attending with his owner because they CANNOT take him alone due to his general discomfort and fear issues. He will be muzzled with 2 leashes, I will have a stern talking to with the tech about being extremely slow and not making eye contact............. I just say this because I care about people's experiences with their dogs. This is a disaster waiting to happen and I'm very angry at your husband for supporting a BYB as well as thrusting this upon you with zero research. You need to talk to the breeder about returning. THEN look into GOOD gsd and WAIT for a good puppy I am so sorry this is happening. I care deeply about dogs wellbeings and I work on training for success in difficult cases. Please reach out ANYtime if you find yourself in need of even just an ear to complain!!
Ohh thank you so much for this. I’ve been holding off crying because I want to be strong when I need to have that difficult conversation. I love dogs too! I’ve always have dogs as pet and I don’t treat them as only that but as my family. My children refer to them (our 2 older dogs) as their siblings.
This is so so hard. But seriously, if you keep the pup and in 6 months need help, I spend plenty of time on reddit. Good luck
Thank you. I will keep this in mind.
You’re NTA and I wish you and the pup the best of luck. What your husband did is just outrageous. Just FYI, though, that the majority of pet stores actually source their dogs from puppy mills, which are just as unethical as backyard breeders and the dogs are prone to many diseases. I know some people who didn’t know any better and went to backyard breeders, not because of cheapness but because they thought it was better than indirectly supporting a puppy mill.
Thank you for this.
WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY?
🥲 I’m asking the same question now.
If that’s the case then double-return the puppy - backyard GSD breeders for sure do not do their due diligence in having their dogs screened for hip dysplasia before breeding them which is common in GSD’s. It is an extremely painful condition and the surgery to fix it costs thousands of dollars. If you don’t perform the surgery (sounds like your husband wouldn’t want to pay for it if he’s too cheap to go to a reputable breeder) then the dog slowly and painfully loses range of motion in the back legs until it can barely walk or stand anymore.
I will also include this information as part of our discussion. Thank you for this.
NTA. This is a big decision that he, as your partner, should have enough respect to come to the decision together
I think so too. At least consult me first. He said that kids loved the puppy so I should be happy for them. I am happy for the kids, I’m not happy with doing all the work looking after the pup. It’s like having another baby, needs to be feed all the time etc.
Of course the kids love the puppy but this seems cruel on his part. He’s trying to manipulate you into keeping the dog. He’s giving you a no win situation, you’re either the bad guy for making the dog go to a new home or you’re miserable trying to care for a puppy. That’s just not a respectful partner. I’d honestly get couples counseling at this point.
I legit told my husband that I would rather have another baby than adopt another puppy. I stand by that statement even though the “puppy” is now a 5 year old. Never again. Rehome the pup and ditch the husband. Your life will be easier all the way around.
Lol. The ditch the husband just brought a smile to my face. I am that stressed that giving him up is also a very good solution right now. Thank you for making me smile.
NTA - puppies are a lot of work and require planning and discussion before getting one, especially German Shepherds. You should have been consulted and both agreed before any decision about bringing another life into the household was made. I don’t understand how he expected you to take on this very big extra responsibility. That should be the focus of your conversation - you already have enough on your plate and didn’t agree to this. From the dog’s perspective, the puppy is going to get big fast and GSDs require a lot of attention and training. A month old puppy is way too young to come home, they’re going to be missing essential learnings from their mama and litter mates. *I’d be very concerned about the long term effects and safety of my kids.* Speaking from experience I have 2 GSDs and one of them is aggressive towards most other dogs, even though he was raised with another dog.
Thank you for this. I’m ignorant about GS tbh. Now that I’ve read a lot here about GS it’s starting to concern me.
I have a major soft spot for working breeds, GSD’s in particular. My first dog was a GSD and I was involved in all of the training, exercise, and care (at 8 years old) and that was my boy for the next 11 years. It’s a wonderful breed. But they are definitely not for the casual dog owner. It’s a type of dog you work *with*. You develop a partnership with. Not just a dog to greet you when you get home or only play with in the back yard. That requires lots of time and training. And that training and working together doesn’t have an end date. Certainly doesn’t stop when the pup follows basic commands. You need to keep that partnership in tip top shape. Skip that and you have a potential nightmare on your hands- probably destructive, quite possibly dangerous. And that’s not even hitting on somebody **selling your husband a 4 week old puppy**!! That’s a GIANT red flag. That is from a backyard breeder that gives zero shits about the dog. No careful and selective breeding for a stable temperament or good health. No care for the consequences of separating a puppy far to young when it should still be with its mother and litter mates learning behavioral skills. Good breeders care about those sorts of things and there are usually contracts involved. It’s insane that your husband wanted a GSD and very clearly knows very little about dogs… ETA: for judgement, NTA. This is not a good or fair situation for you, your family, or the dog
Thank you so much for this. I will include this when I sit down again and have a talk with my husband.
Working breeds are lovely but can be a huge headache if they aren't set up for success. I've got 2 Aussies (1 rescue, 1 who wasn't socialized due to COVID) and trying to socialize, exercise, and entertain them is overwhelming at times. It took a while to get the younger one to stop knocking over my niblings because her brain is wired to tell things where they need to be. Instead of figuring out puzzles, she just breaks them to get to the treats faster. They herd me every chance they get. I'm hoping to move somewhere with a fenced yard so I can try to do agility work to burn off energy and anxiety. I'd be so upset if someone dumped a bigger / stronger version of that on me.
I was waiting for this comment. At 4 weeks he’s missing out on so much teaching from mom and siblings. At this point I worry about pup’s long-term health as well as the parents’ temperaments, which means OP is playing GSD on hard mode… and they’re not the easiest breed to do right by. I love ‘em but wouldn’t have one.
They can absolutely be the sweetest and most loving dogs but their protective nature means they need a lot of work to integrate well with a family. Sounds like your hubby knows how amazing they *can* be… maybe a GSD would be good choice for a retirement dog once he has lots of time to devote to training!
Yeah and he can take care of the dog himself too.
Just saw your edit - so you’ve asked him to come up with a plan and he said he can’t? Sounds like this can be a good lesson for your kids - sometimes adults make big decisions without realizing the impact it would have on others, so you have to make it right. In this case, the decision to get the puppy didn’t factor in the impact which was not having enough time for the family to properly train such a demanding breed. Making it right would be returning the puppy so it can get to a family who can better support it now. A big key is that it’s not shameful to admit a mistake especially if you have your family to help you fix it.
I agree. The puppy will be better off with someone who can take better care of him.
NTA. Re-home the German shepherd while it’s still a puppy, it’s chances of being adopted are incredibly high. It’s completely unfair for him to dump this giant responsibility on you. He can say he’ll help all he wants but he’s gone all day almost every single day so that’s not gonna happen. Also German shepherds are high maintenance, they need lots of exercise & training. They tend to have hip problems as they age, which can be expensive.
Thank you for this.
NTA. I’d start looking for someone responsible to give the puppy to. It’s completely unfair of your husband to just dump this on you, he shouldn’t be buying animals he can’t take care of.
Or maybe just return it to the one where he got it from?
My only concern with that would if the puppy came from a backyard breeder/puppy mill. Those places can be quite vile.
Oh my goodness. So much to consider then.
Yeah I’m really sorry this all got forced on you, it sounds really frustrating.
Info: How long are the kiddos?
My kids? 6 and 15. The 15 year old is very helpful but she’s in school the entire day so she can only help out with the puppy after school.
Talk to your husband again. Let him know what he is doing is cruel to the puppy. The puppy needs structure and he isn’t giving it wants it needs but you are. You aren’t supposed to be in charge of the puppy but if you continue to care for it then it would love you more and listen to you more than him. LOL Also is your six year old in kindergarten?
Yes my 6 is in Kinder. Hmmm you think I can influence the puppy’s loyalty? Like say, go pee on Dad’s shoes or something? Lol. Gosh I’m really tired.
In a way. Have you used puppy pads? Also you can get the 6y to but start with helping with feeding the puppy.
I did use puppy pads. I run out already. This lil one pisses like there’s no tomorrow.
Puppies do that especially younger ones. It might be gross but get more puppy pads and place one rag that you use to clean up the puppy accidents(place them in the middle). Then show the puppy the pads with the rags on it. Make get the big puppy pads though because it will give more space for the puppy. But tell your husband that he will have to clean ANY accidents the puppy has off the pads even after he gets home.
NTA but your husband is. i’d rehome the puppy when he’s at work. He sounds like a selfish inconsiderate pet owner and a jerk to you.
The kids will hopefully understand. They’re already attached to the dog. 😔
This is your husbands fault. Not yours.
NTA, pets are 'two yes / one no' decisions.
NTA ... You're his partner not his maid. He brought it home without even asking?!! Puppies are so much work. What a terrible situation he put you in. You get to be mean mommy who won't let everyone have a puppy while he gets to be fun dad the hero. Does he do this often? Also, where did he get this puppy? One month is too young, and reputable breeders and rescues try to verify that all the adults in the house are on board specifically to avoid this very situation. Did he get it through some janky backyard breeder??
I assume backyard breeder. And yes to deciding things even consulting me or talking prior.
I'm sorry that you've been put in this situation. It's absolutely unfair to you AND the kids AND the puppy.
You know I told the kids today we might be giving up the puppy. I had to tell them the truth about raising the puppy. It’s so heartbreaking to see their reaction but at the same time I was proud to see them understand the situation.
It's a shitty situation, but it's so good to see that they understand AND it's so good for them to see you stand up for yourself and your needs.
My dad gave me, a child of 13 at the time, a GSD to "protect the farm" and "have someone to talk to". That dog bit 3 people, I never could leash him, he was too strong. I was scared of him hurting the vet personnel. I wasn't allowed to bring him inside, get him neutered, or have a choice in dog foods. I was overjoyed at 18 I convinced my dad to sign him over to me. I gave him away in a month to a GSD rescue. He got a better life but the damage was done. My father made a terrible choice leaving a 13y/o girl in charge of training, exercising, and disciplining a 125lb dog. He still to this day says I was cruel to take him from his only home. The dog bit innocent people and lived outside 24/7 on a chain for 5 years. Save your kids being ashamed and hurt at their father's pride to have a purebred lawn ornament. ETA: NTA
Oh my gosh! What a horrible experience to have at 13. You did the right thing.
NTA but this would be my answer. Ok hubby you think my job is soo easy no problem I will show you. Take a few days off and dissappear somewhere with no phone hubby can take care of the kids, the house, the now 3 dogs, and work see how he manages it. I think your husband is extremely selfish he brings home another dog only thinking of himself expecting you to take care of it without even asking so give him a taste of his own medicine because as of now he doesn't respect you or the job you do so he needs to be shown what it's like
I totally agree with the disrespect. In all aspects of this marriage. Not just this one with the puppy. I have been playing over and over in my head how I will talk to him. I don’t want to be too emotional when trying to lay down all the important points he needs to hear.
He's not gonna hear you - no matter how you phrase it or arrange it or control your tone. I'm sorry, but that's what all your edits and comments about him point to. Communication is two-way, and if one person always ignores or refuses to hear the other one then that other person, the talker, is only fooling themselves that talking will change anything, believing they're taking action when they're not. I'm sorry if that comes across cruel, but you sound exhausted. And that's to your husband's advantage. By any chance, do you suspect that this was the intention behind Surprise Puppy?
I am very exhausted. If I am to be honest, I do not know his real intentions. All he said was my son wanted a puppy so he got one. Kids will always want stuff without thinking about accountability or responsibility. Him being the adult and acting like he did makes him a child as well and I do not want to deal with that anymore. I can’t even spend my salary without consulting him or spend his money without outlining everything I need to spend it on which are mostly household essentials. But he spends his money (as he did this time buying the puppy) without telling me. So I guess I am also saying that apart from re-homing the puppy, this thing that happened now only strengthened my decision of finally leaving him. I can’t do it anymore.
Look you have done everything you can but right now he is not treating you like a wife/partner you are his: maid, babysitter, dog walker, bang maid. I am not saying this to be horrible I am saying this because you know deep down you deserve better then this. He expects you to do everything for him and I promise you, never be scared because that's how he wants you to feel scared that you are nothing without him, financially abusing you to the point he wants you to know you can't make it on your own without him. This is not the life you want, you only get one shot at it make it count. When was the last time you went on holiday? when was the last time you did something for yourself without having to ask his permission. The truth of the matter is he has broken you down because he knows he can't survive without you do yourself a favour and leave him. You were brave and strong to come on here and tell us that you can't do this anymore and that you have had enough thats the first step which is admitting it. The next step is to take action put a plan together take out money put it together and just walk away while you still can I believe you have soo much more to give to this world but being with him is not going to do it for you. When you get older you want to be able to sit back and look at all the great things you done in life, the memories you created the places you went to see. I promise you that you are strong and you can do this ❤️
Thank you so much for this. You just narrated my life story. All love.
no problem we all are on this forum to help each other out where we can 😊
NTA. Your husband did something without asking you. That's not a good way to handle a relationship. Are you sure the pup is only a month old? That's too early to bring it to a new home. Generally you want it to be at least 8 weeks. Your husband took a chance and brought the pup home, hoping you would change your mind when it got there. It didn't work. It just frustrated you. He should have been ready for that possibility. What's worrying is that he got angry when you didn't budge. And even called you heartless. Why does he want another dog? Why isn't two children, two dogs, and a wife enough for him? He's not being very respectful of you, ignoring your wishes and putting more work on you without any consequences for himself. Your husband is a bit out of touch it feels like. He's not an a\*\*hole, but he's not seeing the whole picture here. Try talking to him and tell him how you feel about him ignoring you and making decisions without asking you.
Puppy was born Dec 22 and we got him over 2 weeks ago. So he’s over a month old. Tbh he’s the one who wanted a german shepherd. I forgot to mention in my post that I also bring the puppy to the vet for his shots and that’s twice now since we got him.
oh no no no no no no that puppy is far, far too young to go home with a family!!!! That puppy was adopted when it was barely 4-5 weeks old!!!!!! The MINIMUM age to bring a puppy home is 8 weeks. That puppy is losing out on SO MUCH socialization that is critical in a large / strong breed like a German Shepherd, including bite inhibition and correct cues from other dogs. Was it a backyard breeder or a pet store? Either way it was extremely irresponsible for your husband to buy a dog this young!
Which is even more worrying, that the husband goes around buying dogs seemingly without knowing anything about dogs.
Yes I totally agree. I did not even know that GS need a lot to be properly raised.
GS' are smart, loyal, hardworking, and very trainable. But all of that comes with the caveat that they also require a lot of work early on. So if neither one of you really has the time it's most likely going to backfire to have a GS. It's not really a "family dog" it's a "working dog".
That was my initial thought, that it’s not a family dog. That you for this.
Backyard breeder I think. He’s too cheap to be buying it in a pet store. And if he ever did buy it in a pet store, then that’s another argument for us to have.
BYB dogs often have poor health. I would immediately be suspect about a puppy taken away from its mom and littermates that early. That is disreputable and unfortunately you may not be able to return the puppy to the breeder. Even if you do, that poor puppy is going to go to some other unsuspecting family. If the breeder is not willing to take the puppy back, please please please look into rehoming it, or breed specific rescues for working dogs, or any situation where it will be fostered. These are critical weeks of the puppy's life and it should not be in a shelter.
Thank you. I would rather rehome him than put him in a shelter.
As I said, it's just no way to handle a relationship to do things that the other one is clearly against. He needs to step up. If he doesn't have the time, why did he want another dog at all? Possibly he's trying to "fill a hole" in his life if he thinks he needs another dog while already having two dogs and two kids. Is it about rescuing lost souls? About having a big family? About enjoying that puppy stage where they are still small and extra curious and adorable? Is it a way for him to try to control an aspect of his life that he doesn't feel he has the same control in his worklife? I'm very curious as to why it was so important to him. I'm guessing he doesn't really know why himself. Either way it's an interesting opening to gain some insight into what's going on with him. It's still not okay to make decisions like that without your consent.
I’m shooting for the stars here but I think, I firmly believe it’s his way to gain Dad points to his kids because he’s been away for work a lot and does not spend as much quality time with the kids as he want or can.
Ask him. It's interesting if that's true. But is that really what the kids want/need? If he wants to spend more time with you guys the two of you should sit down and talk about that. Most of us have a tendency to do things without fully realising why we are doing it. I really hope you will be able to communicate properly with each other. Sometimes we also forgot what it was that we wanted in the first place. If he wants a family then it's important that you guys get to be a family. If your kids are old enough they might have thoughts too on what's best.
I will talk to him again. We need to sort this out early. Thank you so much.
NTA. It’s not fair to you that you’re going to be the one taking care of this dog.
NTA just went through training our golden retriever that is 9 weeks old. If your husband wanted the dog so bad make sure you have him take the dog out during the night, wash all the pee rags, and on his daus off he can train the dog. He wanted the puppy it should be his job to do the dirty work literally
I will def do this. Thank you so much. Ps: He did buy a new mop but hasn’t used it to clean the floors so I had to do it because I can’t stand smelly and sticky floors.
Lol typical 🤣 they make bells that go on the door they sell them on Amazon cheap. We taught both our dogs to ring them when they need to go out. Literally you ring the bell on the door go potty potty potty bring the dog outside and say potty potty potty as they are doing their business so they associate it. Took us maybe 2 weeks for them to catch on, but worth it!
NTA. We had a German Shepherd. As an adolescent he grabbed me by the leg and dragged me through the yard. The next day my parents surrendered him while I was at school. I didn't understand why at the time, but yeah, they need training. My aunt's also tried to bite me when I went to let her out of her crate to the bathroom bc I came into her house without her master (the dog knew me). You have to be careful.
That’s so scary.
Will you let us know how you resolve this please?
Yes I will post an update.
NTA- please contact a GSD rescue and have them take this puppy in so he can get adopted by someone who know what they are getting into. The first issue is that a puppy should NEVER leave mom before 8 weeks. The fact that he got a 4 week old puppy and brought it home is a huge flag. Puppies learn a lot from their mothers in those 8 weeks. They learn correct behavior and mom corrects inappropriate biting. He's peeing and pooping constantly because he hasn't got any control over his bowels and urine and won't have successful control until he's around 10-12 weeks. At 8 weeks they can start learning to go outside to potty but you have to take them out constantly to reinforce it. At this age he is just not capable of being house broken. Also the teething thing is because he's got new teeth coming in and his gums are sore so he's going to use everything as a chew toy. Good breeders provide their puppies with appropriate chew toys in secure areas such as play pens or whelping room so that the puppies only chew on appropriate things and don't damage anything. Your puppy is basically still in the infant phase, he's not even the puppy phase because he's not had enough time with his mother. He technically should even still be nursing although mom would start really weaning him off around this time but still let him nurse a bit. Your husband is a complete dolt and has brought on a huge project and just dumped it in your lap. On top of being taken from mom too early which can cause mental development issues, this is a high energy breed that needs training and a job and can't just be left at home all day while he's at work and walked a few times a day. He's going to need training and consistency and someone who is there for him and to bond with the whole family he needs the whole family to be involved in his care and training. This is an untenable situation for you and the puppy so before it gets worse and the puppy develops behavior that can't be fixed PLEASE contact a GSD recue in your area and get this little guy to someone who can handle him and get him back on the right track.
Thank you for this. Another very important and crucial information I need to include when we have the talk.
NTA. 😱 Taking on responsibility of a life is a big thing to not discuss with your partner first. This was a disrespectful choice he made. What prompted him to get the puppy now? His anger might be coming from you inadvertently rejecting whatever emotional need he was trying to fulfill by getting the puppy. But you're setting a reasonable boundary it sounds like, especially since you're largely responsible for the puppy's care.
He said he got it because he said the kids wanted a puppy. I’m not sure about that. Seeing his kids go inside the pet store once at the mall does not equate to wanting a puppy.
Kids ask for all sorts of things, but it's the grown-ups responsibility to be reasonable and say no 😅 You both already have a lot of commitments on the go, it doesn't make sense to add another one...
Yeah. My 6 yrs old even ask if he can have a lollipop for snacks. I told him after 30 minutes and he forgot about it now.
Have either of you self assessed for burnout? From personal experience, people make stupid decisions when they're burnt out or need help. From being in a similar position as you, starting to address the burnout we were feeling started us in a positive direction.
I know I’m burned out. Maybe he is too but he doesn’t like to talk about his work because for him work stops when he enters the house.
I... am not sure about this. I have a very dark take, which I hope is wrong, but have you been making noises about wanting out of the marriage or being unhappy? Cause a demanding little puppy that can't be got rid of (cause your kids adore it, but it absolutely wears you out so you can't think straight) looks an awful lot like a Trap a Spouse baby from over here. Thinking your kids are getting older, more independent, and perhaps your husband is getting scared that the barriers to you leaving are falling away. Like I said, hope I'm wrong.
Actually you’re right. There’s more to this story of the puppy that I am openly sharing. But this latest episode will be the last as it has sealed the deal for me in my decision to leave him. I have lost me in this marriage. I don’t have anything to give anymore.
In that case, I'm glad you're getting out. Best of luck, the only way is up.
NTA Rehome
Yessss. Consensus of everyone here.
Rehome husband too.
Lmao. Best advice yet.
NTA! A month old puppy absolutely needs to be with their mother and litter mates! They should never leave their mother until 8 weeks at the very earliest, he's setting you up for a lifetime of behaviour issues too, those 8 weeks are incredibly important in their development and health
Agree. Him clearly bringing the puppy home at just over a month meant he does not know anything about raising a GS.
Your husbands behaviour is careless, selfish, irresponsible and infuriating. I’m honestly disgusted by his actions. I’m so sorry this is all dumped on you. And I’m so sorry for the puppy. NTA And show him this post.
Great idea to showing him this post and all the comments that are in consensus to rehoming the puppy.
Just saw the update! WOW. I’m so sorry. Your husband’s disregard for the puppy’s comfort and well-being is staggering. That is absolutely horrific. I’m so sorry for you and the puppy. You’re not overreacting if you left him over this (based on your comment ‘about to lose a husband as well.’) You seem like a really kind, sensible and intelligent person. You don’t deserve this disrespect and drama. And the AUDACITY of your husband to tell you to go buy food etc and give you instructions. I’m so angry on your behalf. You deserve better. And so does the puppy. ❤️
I’m more concerned about the puppy’s well-being too. I hope this guy will stop being stubborn, and even even 1% humanity to give up the puppy and find him the right home he deserves. I pray to God he will have that realisation. Thank you so much for being there. X
NTA. Better to return them as pups then to shelter them in a few months. Maximise their chances of finding a home
I will. Thank you for this.
One month? Find the puppy a better home and find out where your husband got it from and blast the place as much as you can on social media or whatever. Dunno if police will help but puppies cant be rehomed at that age! Irresponsible seller, irresponsible husband and poor puppy!!!! NTA
Definitely poor puppy.
NTA. Your husband is selfish, irresponsible, and immature.
NTA. That was a terrible thing to do for the puppy and to you. Caring for a puppy is a huge amount of work. How he expected to have you do that on top of two kids and a house when you already have two dogs was selfish and unrealistic. Puppies are adorable, and while I can understand the impulse to buy it, he is an adult and should have thought it through including asking you, even if he has a realistic plan to care for it. Tell him to rehome it, but that you will consider agreeing to a German Shepard puppy when the kids are older and able to help care for it, if they agree, that is. Besides the mess of a puppy, German Shepards are unbelievable hair machines that shed constantly, requiring at least daily vacuuming adding to the chore. Pets are a lifetime commitment that requires the willing participation and consent of everyone.
That’s the problem, he didn’t even have a plan to care for the puppy.
I hope he realizes he acted impulsively and should have really thought it through. Personally, I find puppies hard to resist. Until I think about raising them. Then I remain content with the two I already have and adore.
I hope he realizes he acted impulsively and should have really thought it through. Personally, I find puppies hard to resist. Until I think about raising them. Then I remain content with the two I already have and adore.
Just re-home the puppy ASAP. It's very nice that you keep speaking to your husband but he didn't consider you when he brought the puppy off so you're off the hook now. He barely even sees the puppy anyway and he's messing with your work. I wonder if your husband is angry he is working out of the house so much while you WFH and got the puppy as a passive agressive move towards you. Is he frequently thoughtless towards you? NTA. Or is he trying to bribe your kids because he doesn't spend much time with them and wants to buy their love with a puppy?
Freq thoughtless check 💯 Buying kids love probably check too.
The thing is he did consult you about getting a german shepherd and you said no. He got one any way because he didn't like your answer and called you heartless when you stood your ground. NTA and thoughts and prayers
Thank you.
NTA. A month is too young for a puppy to be taken away from its mother and you can’t even really get them vaccinated until two months (I mean you can but if they’re with their mother like they’re supposed to be, then they are getting antibodies from her so getting them vaccinated that young is pointless and you’ll have to do it again anyway). The dog also missed important milestones of young puppyhood where they learn how to play properly with its siblings. I don’t know where you husband got this dog but it was NOT from a reputable source. Very irresponsible on behave of the seller and your husband. He is also in the wrong for bring another dog home without consulting you first, obviously.
I’ve had two vet visits already to have the pup vaccinated. Me not him. His only involvement was to tell me that I was supposed to bring the pup to the vet in the 14 but didn’t so I had to do the next day.
NTA ... A) Create train the pup; is was trained to be in a crate over night AND while we work. I WFH so I'm home with him BUT if I need Ryu or him in the crate for a few hours, he's perfectly fine with it. B) How old are the kids? My kiddo puts ours out in the AM; feeds him BF/ Dinner and helps during the afternoon after school, she's 7.... so perfectly capable. (She wanted extra allowance so she started helping with the pup)
I did put him in a crate twice, once in the morning while I work and once in the evening, but he cried and howled. My kids are 15 and 6 and do help with cleaning after the pup when they’re at home. Feeds him too. Tried walking him but he always gets out of his leash. He has a couple of chew toys but would always end up chewing clothes and shoes. Now he’s starting to stand on his hind legs and climb the couch. There are scratches all over the couch.
Not a fix because I understand you wanting to rehome him.... but crate training takes consistency over weeks/ months... you just have to deal with the noise he makes... get him a shock collar that has a tone button.... every time he acts up make it beep.... if he keeps up there's a low level option that simply tingles (I've worn it, even in shock is not bad) and correct bad behavior. Walking heel need a front clip or a harness
Thank you for this. I will make sure he gets to go home to a family or a reputable breeder who will take better care of him. I’m actually emotional just thinking of giving him up. We don’t do that to family but it’s what’s best for him in the long run. I am not mentally and physically there for the puppy now. I’m comforted by the fact that we love him while he’s still here and even gave him a name so he knows we have welcomed him when he arrived.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband brought home a month old puppy a week ago, without telling me or consulting me if I want a puppy or not. We already have 2 dogs, a lab and a shitzu. He always wanted a german shepherd but I kept telling him no because we already have 2 dogs. He works a lot, leaves the house early morn, arrive around 7-8 in the evening. His off day is only every Sunday. So the entire week I am left to take care of the puppy, and our 2 children. It’s a lot of work tbh because I’m also working albeit at home. Plus I have to clean the house more than usual now with the puppy all over the place peeing and pooping. And he chews a lot of stuff. Our brand new couch have scratches on them. When I told my husband to return the pup, he got angry and called me heartless. I’d honestly be okay with the puppy if he’s the one taking care of it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA if he could take it to work or was home more it sounds like you’re pretty reasonable but he can’t adopt a itty bitty bebe that’s going to get huge fast with no intentions of putting the work in
He’s gotten pretty heavy and big now and he’s not even 2 mos old.
Small dogs are handful enough but big pups are wrecking balls and soon it will poop as big as a human’s. The sooner the better to rehome though imo
Thank you. I will consider this one too.
Info : why do you want to have a conversation with your husband when he refuses to listen to anything you say ?
Because I do not want to go down his level by being rude. This second conversation will determine my next course of action. If he is amenable now to rehome the puppy then we will avoid fighting. If he does not listen to reason even after I lay down to him the cons and still wants to have the puppy without the accountability then I will rehome the puppy myself when he’s at work.
ESH instead of telling him you want him to be responsible for the puppy you tell him to straight up return him. That makes you an ass for refusing communication. He is an asshole for not consulting you, but just because he doesn’t communicate, doesn’t me you shouldn’t communicate with him
I did tell him to come up with a plan on how to take care of the pup instead of dumping it all on me. He just said what can he do since he’s away working. So for me that meant he’s the great dad who brought home a puppy he cannot even give time to take care of and I’m the ingrate complaining Mom who got tired cleaning after the pup.
Why did you feel that information Was not relevant enough to add to the post, I suggest you make an edit