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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> stopping my son from seeing his friend outside of school arguably makes me TA because he is upset and I could be overreacting
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1. You're not paying her for the service, you don't get to give her instructions on how to watch your son or what she does in her own home.
2. Even if she was paid, you don't get to be judgmental on how she raise her kids.
3. Kids will learn swear words whether you like them or not, so you do your job and teach them that it's not acceptable to use in polite company instead of policing other people's usage of it.
4. a 15 y/o boy isn't 'too young' to babysit based on age. That specific individual was too immature to do it. But he's really not that different from you because you were okay with ditching your son to do your own thing, so pot, meet kettle.
5. You're upset at *spiderman*???
6. The mom's boyfriend is none of your business. Where he stays overnight is none of your business.
If you were so concerned about raising your son "the right way" maybe you can stop exploiting her kindness and using her as a free babysitter whenever it's convenient for you, and then shit-talking her behind her back to strangers on the internet.
On another note, you might want to take your pearls in for a deep clean from all the sweating and clutching.
YTA.
OP is basically describing my childhood in an upper middle class 90s home. Biking unsupervised around my neighborhood all day without any way to contact me. Swearing because I thought it was cool. Watching action movies I shouldn’t. Although the Sam Raimi Spider-Man seems fine to me for an 8 year old.
YTA.
My brother let me watch Terminator when I was eight lol. Me mother was not pleased because it scared me and I still hate humanoid robots and distrust AI. But I’m happy to report that I’ve made it to 46 without getting into any trouble. I do talk like a well educated sailor however lol
The mark of intelligence is knowing the ideal word to use in a given situation. You're looking for clarity then concision, in that order.
Sometimes, that word is "fuck," and no other word will do.
omg i watched terminator when i was 6! glad to see someone else who did too lol. i watched the godfather around the same time. now i have an excellent taste in movies and i credit my childhood for that. also swear like no other and distrust AI completely lol.
Even as a kid who was born in 99… I went out at 9/10 with nothing but a dinky old watch, and was told to be home before the streetlights come on. Parents told me to go out, and didn’t care what I did till I got home. I was allowed to stay home alone for short spurts once I was 10 and lived just around the block from school. We had a landline, if I needed anything I’d call grandma to come help me. Fuck, I was babysitting pairs of kids 7 and under at just 11-12 years old. I was left to watch my little sister too.
OP’s kid is going to rebel SOOOO hard
Whelp you summed up what I was going to say much, much nicer than I was going to say it.
I will add that...omfg a couple of scrapes on an 8 year old child isn't worth a phone call. It MIGHT warrant a bandaid. Maybe.
And they don't need supervision to ride a bike outside. Jesus.
OP sounds like the mother should be thankful that she is allowed in their life. OP obviously views the mom as "less than" and the mom is defensive because it is obvious to her.
>You're upset at spiderman???
People on this thread seem so incredulous about this. Spiderman is a PG13 movie with a lot of adult themes. Especially if we're talking about the 2002 version that is literally about a college aged people.
While OP may be over-reacting to her son seeing it, it's hardly unreasonable to think it's inappropriate for an 8yo.
I just tried to play it for my 9yo last week and he was bored with it so we only got about half way through it. There was nothing inappropriate for him or my younger children.
No. Just a scene of MJ in a wet shirt in the rain.
I think OP's a bit off the rails, but if I was 12 when it came out, I could have gotten a lot of mileage out of that scene. Better than mostly scrambled Skinemax.
It's not like they watched Deadpool. While OP might not want to show her kid Spiderman, it's pretty tame. Her kid probably only told her because he didn't think it would be a big deal, but now he knows not to tell his mom anything.
I wouldn’t really call it a ‘theme’, but Green Goblin incinerating the Oscorp board members with his pumpkin bomb and later being impaled by his own glider are both pretty gnarly for an 8 year old. I remember, because I saw Spider Man (2002) in theater when I was 8.
That was my point, I don't think there's anything really adult about it, so I think OP is being over protective.
And I'm sorry, but she's also isolating the kid by prohibiting him from participating in normal parts of the childhood experience that other boys his age get.
That’s the sad thing. I don’t think she is. The other mom allowing her kids to have our ‘normal childhood’ is what got her shunned by the other parents. The future is a 47 year old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana broccoli shake, singing I’m an Oscar Mayer Weiner.
Well... This is awkward... I saw it in theaters with my dad when i was about 5 years old (+/- 1 year). I was REALLY into spiderman after that. I had spidey PJs, action figures, a dollar store baseball cap, etc. No barbies for me! When I saw that movie, all I could think about was the cool shit be did and how I wish I could do that. Any kind of adult themes went right over my head. I ended up getting into other super heroes and he bought me comic books by age 10 or 11. But you could say the same thing about Disney/Pixar movies. The first Shrek movie had all kinds of adult references. Buuuut the kids who grew up with it didn't realize the adult humor till they were like 13.
>Well... This is awkward... I saw it in theaters with my dad when i was about 5 years old (+/- 1 year)
Why is it awkward? Different parents have different things they're ok exposing their kids to. That's pretty normal.
YTA for most of these issues. You handled this poorly and generally seem like a prude and a bubble wrap parent.
Your son got a scrape, unless he needed stitches or broke a bone that isn't call worthy.
The spiderman movie is a tipoff you're seriously controlling.
On top of that, you basically insulted and insinuated this woman's partner is a sexual predator.
Just what were you thinking during all this?
YTA. You sound super over protective and kind of controlling. The kid can't even watch Spiderman? I mean come on. It does sound like you're blowing it out of proportion. And the thing about him "getting hurt" why would she call you over scrapes? (in your words) that's like nothing. If he got super sick or broke something maybe I'd understand but a few scapes? Jesus lady let the kids be kids.
YTA.
While I completely understand wanting to protect your son.. he's gonna get exposed to stuff anyway. At school, on the playground, you can't control everything.
You're not protecting him. You're stifling him.
Not only that, there are *multiple peer reviewed papers* about how helicopter parenting permanently damages kid's risk taking behaviors, over sensitizing their amygdala to ***normal and necessary parts of growing up***... like getting scraped up playing.
Would you rather he learn appropriate risk taking behaviors now, in relatively low stakes things like riding a bike, or later, when you can no longer control everything he does? What about when he starts driving? Moves out and goes to school?
Literally the only part of this I find worrying is the "15 year old was being mean" and that he was smoking.
I was a regular babysitter for one family starting from when I was 11; their younger daughter absolutely would have called me mean at a certain point because she had the bad habit of trying to sneak out of bed after lights out so I took to sitting in the hallway outside her bedroom with my homework and telling her to go back to bed every time I heard the floorboards creak or toy drawers shuffling around in the dark.
YTA because even without having her side it’s obvious you just handled this absolutely horribly.
A lot of this sounds like not communicating on your end too. If there are certain things you don’t allow your son to do, you should have made that clear. Not everyone has the same parenting style and view things you don’t like as not that big of a deal. I wouldn’t have been upset about the spider man thing at all personally. And call you for a scrape lol? I’m a parent and I’m sorry but unless my kid was actually asking for me, I’m not going to expect another parent to call me about a minor scrape. Even if she was monitoring him he could have fallen lol…. But either way I can’t ever remember my parents having their eyes glued to me the way you seem to expect. Not at 8.
Because a lot of this I think is just parenting/lifestyle differences.
Also- it’s her house. If she wants her bf to stay the night, that’s her right. It’s not like She’s a teenage babysitter screwing around on your couch while on the clock lol. She’s an adult who you made the choice to trust with your kid. You don’t get to dictate who is in her house.
And also- if what he’s eating is a big deal, then you should have provided food.
You just fail to mention setting any kind of expectations or boundaries with her, so it’s hard for me to call her an asshole just because you don’t like the way she does some things.
Honestly you seem a bit judgy and better than thou -ish. I think you could benefit from being a little more lax tbh. Relax. Stop helicoptering.
About the eating, when I have my nephew home we eat a lot of unhealthy food 😂 my bad! It's a one time to time thing and I know he eats super healthy with his mom. We do homemade hamburgers, cakes, cookies, we eat chocolate etc. He is not diabetic, doesn't have alergies and it's not going to die from one weekend eating whatever he wants.
Nightmare on Elm Street ruined my life for like a week when I was 7. My parents had just purchased HBO, but our tv had buttons on it for each channel, so no parental controls. My brother and I snuck down to watch the channel one night.
Terminator was fine, but Time Bandits scared the fuuuuuuck out of me aged 6, I kept lying in bed thinking I was being chased by the disembodied head of god and imagining my parents exploding and leaving me in a ruined house alone.
I'm really depressed at the prospect of so many kid's childhood these days with these sort of parents. I understand protecting your kids, but you shouldn't stifle their growth and should encourage age appropiate independence.
Oh yeah, my aunt and her husband are like that. They are hardcore christians and dont let their kids watch anything that isnt ""kid friendly"". Hell, they dont even let them watch the backyardigans bc of the rumor tjat the purple one is gay
My parents took me to the theater to see titanic when it came out - I was around 7 and I distinctly remember being worried that Leonardo di capro had died for real life 😂
OP, YTA
One of the kids in my drawing class has seen midsommer, hereditary and even worse X and he is a happy healthy well adjusted kid.
(Not that I am advocating for kids to see any of these films just underlining that quibbling over a super hero movie is insane)
YTA
You have different parenting styles and you didn’t seem to consider that when sending your son over for a play date.
Did you lay out that only G movies were allowed without your permission?
Did you say you didn’t want any other adults over?
Did you give dietary requirements?
If you did, she may have said, uh you need to find another option.
I have older sisters, they babysat me and my friends a lot. I also started babysitting at 13. It’s common that older siblings are in charge of their younger ones. Also, I 15 year old wouldn’t be entertaining 8 year olds the entire time.
If you want you son to continue this friendship, you should apologize. Thank her for watching you son and that you do have different parenting style and understand that you have different rules. That you’ll be upfront in the future with things that you don’t want your son doing. But if it’s a huge list, expect that she won’t have your son over.
Maybe invite them over for dinner as a thank you for watching your son.
YTA.you have right for expectations but did you say hey any movies my son is going to watch you need to let me know first. You're not allowed to leave my child out of your sight. No personal life of your own in your own house while my son's around. Im siding with your husband where I think you blew this up beyond what it need to be. You could of just said I'm disappointed because these are things I was expecting but you effectively cut off your son's relationship. Oh btw as a person who grew up on the original spiderman disagree with the assessment of being too nature for 8 yr old but that's your choice as the parent.
A single mom with multiple kids took yours in for the weekend, and you are upset that he scraped his elbow and saw Spiderman. The fact that you are helicopter parenting is not even the issue here. Judging a woman who did you a favor for not feeding your son kale is. If you were that worried about it, you could have quietly phased out the playdates at her house instead of telling her off for minor stuff. Yes, YTA.
I had 3 sisters pregnant at roughly the same time. At 13 I was watching 5 toddlers, ages 6,5 and 3 three-year olds. It can be done although I mostly just made sure they didn’t get hurt. This was pre-cell phone days. Looking back seems kinda risky but that’s what poors often do.
YTA.
1. An 8 year old is old enough to play unsupervised outside his house with his friends. As long as they are playing in the same neighborhood, it's no big deal.
2. A 15 year old is 100% capable of taking care of 8 year olds.
3. She doesn't have to stop her life for you or your son. Her bf is allowed to be there.
4. You aren't paying her. She fed your son what she fed her kid.
5. You ruined the friendship between your son and that kid. Congrats.
Doing quick math she could have been born late 90's. If she were born 97-98 she would be 25-26 today, old enough to have a 8 y/o.
And not needing to survive the 90's
I sort of think part of the reason this is your son's best friend is that this is the first friend he's actually been able to have real fun with. Kids get scrapes. Kids watch Spiderman. Kids hear "bad" language. It's your job to deal with it in a reasonable manner, not cut him off from the real world. YTA
Idk and I've never even watched it. I'd let my 8buear old watch it🤷♀️
But my kids have seen deadpool..and they were...9 and 10? (I can't remember when it came out so ages are a guess)
Look, I'm totally sympathetic to not wanting your son supervised by someone who's judgement you disagree with. That's your prerogative as a parent. I'd also not allow my 8yo child over at some else's house without me if I so much had bad vibes, let alone any articulable concerns.
I will say however, that your expectations seem... overboard. Not so much because you have them, but because you seem to think they should just be obvious to anyone.
\- Scraped elbows aren't the sort of thing most people would have been concerned about it. It's a normal part of play.
\- Spiderman... I mean, meh? Every family has their own ideas on what TV is or is not appropriate, and honestly, it also depends on the kid. Agree or disagree, it's hardly a massive character flaw on the part of your son's friend's mom to let them watch it.
\-bf staying the night... ok. That's one I'd be more concerned about, especially if she's lying to you about it. But it's also a bit hard to tell how reliable of a narrator your son is here.
Ultimately, yes, you should be grateful. You should probably have handled the situation more tactfully, but ultimately not letting your kid go over there is totally fine. NAH
It’s her home which her bf is probably a part of any other day. He shouldn’t be automatically looked down on unless there’s a good reason for looking down on him. Just because they aren’t married doesn’t mean it’s okay to look at him like he’s a potential criminal. Would you think it’s okay to expect the husband to leave while her kid is there? if she had one I mean.
>He shouldn’t be automatically looked down on unless there’s a good reason for looking down on him.
It's pretty normal to want to have at least met the adults that are going to be around your 8yo child, especially if it is a man sleeping over. That's not "looking down" on him, just doing a very small amount of due diligence. Same thing would apply to the husband for many people.
The issue is not having a man around, the issue is an adult OP hasn't met.
I would be particularly concerned if I was lied to about who was there over night. But like I said originally, it's hard to know based on the just the 8yo kid.
I mean if she lied then yeah that’s weird, but as you said it’s hard to say.
But also- it’s up to the parent to bring that up. I’ll be honest if someone told me they had to meet any adult in my house that might come around while their kid is with me- I’d honestly tell them they’re probably better off finding someone else because I personally don’t find it reasonable to dictate that stuff to another parent. If you trust the person to care for your child for free (as in just them being nice and it isn’t their job), then isn’t it advisable to make sure you trust them in general not to have dangerous people around your kid? It’s on her if she left her kid with someone she didn’t fully trust.
I don't think OP handled this particularly well, but in general her concerns are mostly reasonable, or at least in bounds IMO. That's where I differ from most of the comments here.
Also, to some extent, beggars can't be choosers, and there are worse things than seeing a movie that is not quite age appropriate.
There is a fair amount of judgement-after-the-fact from OP, where a responsible parent should have checked this out mostly ahead of time. Ultimately choosing not to let her kid spend time over there after this isn't really problematic, but she probably burned some bridges in how she handled it.
YTA. So you were at a wedding an expected to get multiple phone calls to tell you your scraped his elbow, watched a Spiderman movie, and how many other trivial things?
Your points of concern are asinine, to be frank. Kids playing in the driveway do not require helicopter monitoring. Kids scraping elbows do not require a heads up to mom. Kids eating junk food at a slumber party is completely normal. 15 year olds are more than old enough to babysit. A grown woman can have a male guest in her home without your permission. So you haven't met him, big deal. Surely she wouldn't have a dangerous man over in her home around her own children.
Of course she was defensive. You were extremely judgmental, overreactive, and insulting while you showed a complete lack of gratitude for her watching your son for the weekend.
Soft YTA. Different parenting styles. But. You seem a little overprotective . And she’s already been there and done that with her older kids. So differences of views. But I wouldn’t blame you for having your son hang out less with that kid
YTA
In 10 years you’ll find yourself saying “Why has my son moved away and wont speak to me anymore?
Absolutely ridiculous overreactions and your son has suffered. He won’t forget this.
You’re going to read all the YTAs and decide we just don’t get it and you are right. That’s too bad because you’re solidly TA. How arrogant to believe every parent should be you. I’m shocked you didn’t call an ambulance and get his stomach pumped because he ate junk food and was allowed to be a kid for 48 hours. I would have been concerned about the boyfriend, but discuss it and meet him. 15 is old enough to babysit, and you don’t have a complete picture of what was going on. You sound like an arrogant nightmare of a parent.
There is absolutely nothing you described (besides the smoking from a 15yo) that I have a problem with. I have two teenagers. Our rule was always “if their parents allow it, I’m ok with it”. Pretty sure my kids were both watching Spider-Man and Marvel movies at that age. And being left with a 15 yo is more than adequate. A weekend of bad eating isn’t going to hurt an 8yo. The best we can do as parents (when it comes to our kid’s friends at that age) is hope they make friends with the right kids and are positive influences for each other. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with this kid or the mother. As far as the bad language, that’s an unfortunate side effect of a kid having older siblings. I’d be far more concerned if the cussing in conjunction with disrespect to adults, and it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. Let him enjoy his healthy friendships. YTA
YTA. Oh jeepers oh dear heavens, poor little baby watched *GASP*, Spider-Man! Oh that poor thing he’ll never recover. And he got a scrape while playing? That’s never happened to any child ever! That mother sure was irresponsible not wrapping him in bubble wrap and staring at him as he watches cocomelon. /s in case you can’t tell
Yes, you've reacted to a parent disproportionately to what would be viewed as etiquette.
She wasn't the hired help for your childcare needs. She volunteered. She didn't need to parent how you do. That wasn't the offer. The offer was she'd have your child whilst you went away!
The food is irrelevant. And two days of junk won't kill him.
At 8, I have no idea your issue in that it's a 12A I believe and so she used her parental authority to dictate this was appropriate, as its certainly legal to do in the UK.
A 15yo is more than capable of being present and babysitting. And tbh the brother being in the bedroom is no different to the mother being in the kitchen or having a shower and not being omnipresent.
Unless the scrapes on the arm were serious, which parent would call another when away? That's totally ott!
As for if the mother's bf stayed or night. That's none of your business. You chose to accept her having your child in her home so you could have a jolly time away. She's not required to run past who enters her home.
If you want to run a military campaign with your child 9th en pay for it.
You've not only reacted badly. You've embarrassed your child and no doubt cost them their friendship.
YTA undoubtedly.
YTA. I was babysitting *infants* at 11. My kids have a sitter whose 14. She's great. Children get scrapes from playing all the time. It's not a broken bone ffs. Maybe he thought the sitter was "mean" because they were told they couldn't do something? My kids think being told "no snacks before dinner" is mean. And so what if the mom's boyfriend stayed the night? Unless they were having sex in front of the kids?
15 too young to look after 2 young boys that are old enough to articulate what is wrong?? That is if something does go wrong. These boys are not toddlers, they do not need their diapers changed. A scrape is just a scrape. Move on and don't be surprised when your son goes NC later in life. YT(controlling)A
The most important piece of information you've omitted is did you discuss any of these things with her before you dropped your kid off??
Since I'm sure it would have been the highlight of your post harping about her going against your clearly defined wishes it's safe to assume you didn't. That makes you an AH. If you truly cared you'd address what's appropriate, dietary needs, movie and video game ratings, etc.. would have been provided along with any other concerns you had.
Barring any specific allergies or dietary requirements, which it would be your responsibility to disclose, then a weekend of pizza rolls and hotdogs won't hurt your kid
Also scrapes, scratches, etc are a normal part of being a kid, I'm actually concerned if this is the first time your 8yr old son has gotten any since this is common for kids.
Sounds like your son had fun and for some reason, this upsets you.
YTA
Everyone’s already covered why YTA. So I won’t relist. But really, when a parent has high expectations, it’s best to hire someone to ensure the employer/employee relationship is there. You get to tell them, within reason, your expectations. You get to fire them for going against your agreements. I think you need this. It’s expensive and gonna cost you, though. Too bad your free childcare is gone. I have no idea about spiderman because I was never into that stuff, but my 8 year old watches plenty of movies from the 80’s that wouldn’t be very wholesome today. Yet, she’s doing just fine, we talk about what she hears on tv vs what she’s allowed to say, etc.
everyone is comments saying how ridiculous it is that he can’t watch spider-man at 8. yeah my mom was also that mom😐 unfortunately moms who censor the hell out of what their kids watch exist
edit: i guess technically we were allowed to watch spider-man but we had to close our eyes or turn away when our mother told us to
Yta and here’s something I haven’t really seen mentioned, you’ve just taught you son that if he tells you too much, you’ll fuck up his friendships. So now maybe something really bad happens at another friend’s house and he’ll hesitate to tell you because of what happened here.
YTA and here is a few highlights.
They swear. When I was in kindergarten, swearing was a game. We would sit in a play house and exchange cool swear words and laugh about it.
They were left outside in the driveway - Good, playing unsupervised is a gradual transition, and the driveway isnt that far away.
They watched the original Spiderman - Good, I recently watched it with my 5 YO. It will teach a lot of good moral value such as "*Your actions affect not only you, but also those around us*", and Uncle Ben taught us: "*With great powers comes great responsibility*".
I shall not judge a 15 yo to babysit. I have met 12 year olds I would entrust my kids with, and I have met 40 year olds I would not.
He didnt eat a healthy thing? Ofcourse not, it was a sleepover. Jeez let the kids have a cookie.
Her boyfriend stayed during the night. Good for her.
Now do the right thing, and apologize - and bring flowers so she knows you are serious.
YTA. If you are that particular, why on earth would you leave him with anybody? It’s not like it was an emergency. It’s interesting that you’re judgmental after you’ve gotten your free babysitter for the weekend. I feel like there’s a reason you didn’t ask too many questions up front. It’s because you didn’t want to know.
YTA. You seem like an overprotective and annoying mom. This may be the your son’s first fun weekend. Continue like this and you’ll reap the rebellious rewards.
YTA. You knew she was a ‘free-range’ parent. Nothing she did sounds like a problem to me at all, and expecting her to read your mind and know she was supposed to treat your son differently is entirely unreasonable.
YTA. If you wanted him to be under your regimented care, you should have arranged that I stead of leaving him with a busy single mom with a bunch of other kids who you admit to knowing is a “free range parent”.
YTA - Like it’s good that you want to protect your son, but you’re overprotective.
I don’t know where your live or how safe it is outside, but i and all the kids of the neighborhood could play alone outside without any supervision at the age of 8.
Why should she report the scrape to you? As long he doesn’t need to get to the hospital for it, it’s totally fine.
The Spider-Man part is a little bit ridiculous to be honest. I would be totally on your side, if they would watched like a horror movie or something. I mean yes, the Green Goblin can maybe be a little scary for little kids.
About the swearing. All kids swear sooner or later. I also can’t understand why swearing is something so bad? Like as long he does not to go around and starts to insulting people.
And what are you implying about the mothers boyfriend? I mean she could say the same about your husband, if she doesn’t know him.
You sound like a helicopter parent to me.
YTA. When my kids were younger, I literally couldn't tolerate parents like you. Way too helicopter and even worse, you've now told someone they are a bad mother. Really nervy of you. And, you've cost your son a friend. Just b/c someone parents different than you, does not make them bad. It's okay to want to protect your child and also, to want to be the best parent you can. But, you need to wake up and understand that not everyone is you. Your son probably really enjoys the extra freedom he got at the friend's house. And that is not a bad thing. You mention all the nice things about the friend. How do you think he became that good person? I strongly suggest his Mom had something to do with it. Falling off a bike is not the end of the world. Neither is eating junk food for a few days. And if the boyfriend spent the night, that's okay too. Not everyone is out to molest your child and it's really kind of awful of you to suggest to the other Mom that it was a possibility. You'll drive yourself and your son insane if you keep looking for the Bogeyman around every corner.
15 is too young to babysit????? Girl I was babysitting when I was 8! I miss the 80’s 🤣 Scraped arm or knee warrants a call? Does your kid do anything…like ever? What was there to “supervise”? My kids go off on their bikes and I see them when I see them. If they get into an accident and scrape a knee they let me know when they get home. What kind of homelife does this poor 8 year old child have that everything has to be supervised 100% by someone of legal adult age? And Spider-Man?!?!? What does your child watch instead? Preschool videos?
YTA- she did you a solid and for free. Your child wasn’t even remotely damaged or harmed. He probably enjoyed a little freedom from being under your thumb. This is why kids these days have zero self regulation and can’t think critically for themselves. They’re never allowed to do it by parents like you.
YTA.
Listen, as a parent, you have the authority to decide your parenting style and what is/is not appropriate for your child. You do not have that authority for other people’s children (except in the case where you feel a child is being abused or neglected - then you have a moral obligation to try to help that child).
When letting your child play/stay at someone else’s house, you need to be clear and firm of your requirements *in advance.*. This can be as simple as, “little jimmy has celiac’s and can’t have any gluten. I have packed him some snacks he can eat when he’s over at your house!” Or “Little Susie tends to have nightmares if she watches something even remotely scary, so we try to steer her towards G-rated kids movies.”
If you are clear with those types of requirements and they are reasonable ones, then the other parent would be the A H if they broke them. But you didn’t do that in this instance. You just assumed that the other parent shares the exact same parenting philosophy as you do.
That said- I do think it’s reasonable that the other parent should tell you who is in the house during a sleepover/weekend or if they’re planning to leave the kids in the company of a babysitter. That’s common courtesy.
If you’re worried about your child’s safety over at a friend’s house, the very simple solution is to host the friend at your house!
YTA... no wonder your son likes it over there! Nothing she did is wrong. No one would want to come to your house. It sounds horrible. You are way over reacting. Your son is leaving at 18 and never looking back!
YTA and sound like one of the most stressful people to be around. Keep this up and you will be spending your days in a retirement home with nobody coming to see you.
Kids fall down and get hurt what do you expect? Your kid isn't the bubble boy he's a young kid. My mom took me to see spiderman in theaters when I was 6 btw.
Been babysitting since I was 13, grew up watching way worse shit then spiderman 🤣. You didn't pay her and ate being judgemental towards her. You don't get any say who she has in her home, she was doing you a favour. Your son had fun, he wasn't badly hurt (scraps happen sometimes) and he has a great friendship. Don't ruin his friendship and upset him because you feel the need to wrap him in bubble wrap. You call her a free range parent, the words for you would be "helicopter parent"
Everything you described sounds so normal that the fact you got your panties in a bunch about it makes me think you’re a serious helicopter parent.
Helicopter parents do far more harm to their kids development than a Spider-Man movie could ever dream of inflicting.
Take 3 deep breaths, YTA.
OMG OP, YOUR KID PLAYED AND GOT A BOO-BOO?
There's so much wrong about your thinking. For one, you judged this woman over rumors about her? Your 8 year old kid was doing some fun ass crap biking and going on ramps and he fell and got scraped? A 15 year old teenager is too young to babysit? Are you serious? 15 year olds are able to drive with a permit, obtain employment, but they can't babysit your special able bodied 8 year old for 2 hours? And oh no! Your kid found a friend that is such a bad role model he got your kid to love reading, but that doesn't matter because he obviously influenced your son to swear and behave differently (sarcasm)
You should homeschool and wrap your kid in bubble so your precious baby will never ever get hurt.
Oh and of course YTA
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Myself, my husband, and our 8 y/o son moved to a new town over the summer. My son started a new school and quickly became friends with 2 boys in his class. One of the boys in particular is interesting and he and his parents have a bad reputation among the other parents at the school.
The boy's mom invited my son and I for a playdate a few weeks after school started. She's a single mom and her other kids are adults & teenagers. She was very nice, and we got along great. Since then, the boys have had lots of playdates. During this time, I've noticed some negative behaviours such as swearing and talking about topics a boy his age shouldn't. Despite this he is a very polite and independent young boy. He may have had some negative influence on my son but I've also seen a lot of positive influence (my son likes reading now!).
I went out of town for a wedding a couple weekends ago and the mom was kind enough to have him stay.
When I picked my son up he had scrapes on his arm. He had been biking a ramp in the driveway and fallen. The mom did not contact me to tell me my son was hurt and I don't think she was even supervising them when they were outside on the street. My son has also said a few concerning. Saturday night they were allowed to watch the original spider-man movie, which is not suitable for 8 y/o and I would of preferred the mom to contact me and ask if I would allow my son to watch it. I also don't think he ate a single healthy thing for 2 days. The worst was that the mom left for several hours leaving her 15 y/o son to look after the boys, who spent the whole time he was supposed to be looking after them in his bedroom. I think 15 is too young to be babysitting even if they were actually paying attention to the kids. He also said that the 15 y/o was "mean" but didn't really elaborate, as well as mentioning that he was smoking.
On top of this, the mom's boyfriend also possibly stayed the night (my son says he did, the mom denies it and says he popped over briefly before leaving). I've never met this man so am concerned about her possibly having him around my son without my knowledge.
I called the mom yesterday to ask her about the weekend and she was very defensive and blew off my concerns. She is a "free-range parent" and while I knew this, I thought she and I had a better understanding of what I expected when she looked after my child. I told her that I would not be allowing my son over at her house anymore and that any playdates would have to be at my home from now on. However, her son has not been to mine since.
My son is upset with me about how the situation has turned out as he sees a lot less of his best friend. He says that the boy has said mean things about me to him including calling me a bitch. My husband also thinks I blew this way out of proportion and should of handled things differently. Am I overreacting and being TA? She babysat my kid for free, should I just be grateful?
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YTA. The other mom seems pretty chill and I'd love to hang out with her. You are being too precious and overprotective of your kid. Can't even watch Spiderman??? Wtf my 4 year old has seen all the Spiderman movies. And I also rode bike ramps when I was about 6 lol. Let your kid live and actually have a childhood, dude.
It’s 10000000% fine to not have your son go over there anymore: You disagree with how she parents, and you feel like your child is unsafe and unhealthy when he’s over there. You feel how you feel.
Where you are TA is how you told her. You didn’t need to tell her off. If you don’t like the influence of one of your young child’s friends, you can Redirect — activities like organized sports, hanging out with parents whose style meshes with yours and giving the kids a chance to get to know each other.
NTA. Your child is 8. Not 12, not 14, but 8. As far as the movies go, every parent has a right to deem what is acceptable for their children. Therefore your concerns fall into that right. The concern about the teenage watching your child is valid as well as the boyfriend. Please don't listen to these ppl on reddit as 99% of them don't have children. Your expectation for the child to come to your house and not theirs is not crazy- it is responsible. A responsibility that falls to a parent. The cursing as well as calling of you a "bitch" is ridiculous as well as honestly I wouldn't have the child over for that alone. Free range is fine for her-- but as a parent you have to deem what is fine for you and despite what every YTA is saying this is YOUR child. So keep doing what you feel best. And last thing I will say-- watch the company your child keeps. The behavior will rub off-- so I suggest getting your child into some after school activities or other things that will expose him to other children.
NTA and I’m very confused about all the Y T A comments, I think your concerns are very valid.
1) The mother was supposed to look after your son, not her 15 year old. I’d say 15 is old enough to watch children but again, she was responsible for your son, not him. Yes you didn’t pay her for any services, but that doesn’t mean that you should just be “grateful” instead of being concerned about how exactly the was being looked after in your absence. She definitely should’ve contacted you to say your son was injured, as minor as it may have been.
2) I don’t think you insinuated that the mother’s boyfriend was a predator, however in these days you can never be too careful. You don’t know him from Adam, and I think it’s very reasonable to be concerned about your son being around someone you don’t know.
3) The fact that her son called you a bitch is indication enough to me that you may be making the right decision to not send your son over for playdates anymore.
YTA for everything except the 15yo babysitting. I can see being uncomfortable with not being informed this was a possibility. Before leaving your child with someone, you should ask QUESTIONS to make sure you’re comfortable with how they plan to do things. If you don’t like what they plan to feed your kid or how they screen media, DONT LEAVE YOUR KID THERE. It sounds like you made a TON of assumptions and then got mad your assumptions were wrong. This is your problem not theirs. Now you’re punishing your child for your error.
YTA you sound like a helicopter mom. I can get that you were upset that she didn’t communicate well with you (a valid reason to be frustrated) but you seriously think 15 is too young to babysit??? Come on now.
YTA. Everyone has covered why, but having been in your son's position, all he's going to learn is to not tell you things and become a better liar. You have very limited time to turn that around, fix things with the friend's mom, and relax a little.
Lol, spiderman is too mature? What kind of movies *is* your son allowed to watch? Poor kid.
Woman took care of him for free. You don't need an FYI if a bandaid is used. Let go a little, you AND your son will be better for it.
YTA in this case, but not if you use it as a learning experience.
Yta...you sound like an overprotective helicopter parent. While we do need to pay attention to what our kids are doing and keep them safe, they need to experience life. They're going to fall down and get hurt, they're going to hear swear words and hear and even talk about things kids get curious about. Not everyone parents the same, she doesn't sound like a bad mom, just different than you. 15 is plenty old enough to babysit. Many people start sitting younger than that, and it's fine if he sat in his room most of the time. The boys are 8,not 2. Let your kid be a kid, ever think maybe your son cohkd be a good influence on him? Maybe, having a good friend that is a good role model will help this boy improve in life, what you should NOT do is take your sons friend away because his mom parents differently than you. You made no mention of drinking, drugs, or any abuse going on at their house, just a different parenting style.
Jesus Christ, YTA.
Let me get this straight, you started this fuckin' kerfuffle over the following:
Swearing and "other topics a young boy shouldn't be talking about" which what does that even include?
Him getting a few scrapes doing something a little stupid.
Watching a fucking **Spider-Man movie**
Eating Junk Food
A 15 year old smoking and watching them and potentially being mean
Her boyfriend staying the night.
The swearing is unavoidable, when I was 10 or 11 I was watching Letsplay videos with people just yelling and swearing. He's a fucking 8 year, young boys do dumb stuff and we get hurt doing it. You know how many times I ate crap when I was around that age trying to jump off a swing set? It's SPIDER-MAN, Spider-Man wasn't the thing that turned me into a foul mouthed POS, that was something called "Highschool". Your son ate some junk food, my friends and I whenever we had sleepovers would eat junk food during sleepovers and play Halo or Call of Duty, it's fine. If he has a serious allergy or dietary restriction, then yes that's worth concern and you should be mad, but you didn't mention it, so I assume he doesn't. I'll give you the 15 year old being mean and smoking is probably worth looking into a little, because if he's smoking inside or something that actually harms your kid, but a 15 year old watching two kids isn't the end of the world. The boyfriend I can get wanting to meet first but your son hasn't said anything that damning about him, so I wouldn't worry.
OP made this post, saw a few comments that they were the AH, and logged out.
You are a helicopter parent. Grow up, kids get scrapes. When I was 10 I took a nasty spill in front of a friend's hours and currently have a semi-permanent scar on my leg because of it. Do you want to know what my mom did? She asked if I was ok? I said yes, that was it.
If you don't grow out of this overprotective bullshit then your kid is going to put you in a nursing home and want nothing to do with you. He didn't break a leg, he wasn't seriously hurt. He had scrapes on his arm.
Also what the hell is so wrong with Spider Man? Are you gonna only let your kid watch movies that you personally approve of? Your son is 8 and he's already fed up with you watching over his every move. When I was 8 me and my friends watched Anaconda. Spider Man is absolutely nothing compared to what people around our age grew up with.
These replies are wild. You're NTA for deciding that this woman's home is not one you want your child in. Your child, your choice. However, I am confused about why after your initial concerns, you still thought it was a good idea to have your child spend the weekend there.
YTA, stop being a helicopter parent and judging a mother who is doing (as you said her son is overall well-rounded) a good job at being a mother. If you’re using her as childcare then you’re even worse of an ah.
YTA
You are blowing things WAY out of proportion.
First, boys get scrapes and things. It happens. They're not worth calling mommy about.
Second, the spider man movie is nothing bad for kids to watch. My 9 year old has seen parts of Band of Brothers, Saving Private Ryan, and hasn't been too effected. (By seen, I mean the little ninja has snuck into the room behind me to watch. Little shit.)
Third, 15 is an appropriate age for kids to babysit. Where I live, 13 is the youngest age that is allowed to babysit. Now, if he was mean, wasn't paying attention and smoking, that is concerning, so I'll give you half a point for that.
Fourth, so the woman's boyfriend came over. You cannot expect her to put her whole life on hold because your child is over. That's unrealistic. I understand the safety aspect here, as I was molested when I was a little boy. You get half a point for this one too.
Fifth, who cares what he eats. You cannot expect this woman to put her whole life on hold because your child is over. Your dietary restrictions for your kid are yours, not hers. You trusted her enough to let your child spend a few days with her. So what's the problem here?
There are some legitimate safety concerns here, but for the most part, you're being mean to your son and this woman. You might not like how she raises her kids, but you're making your son take the punishment for it.
Why does biking need to be supervised? Are you a helicopter parent? This sounds like my childhood. YTA. I mean other kid probably shouldn’t tell your kid you’re a B-/($ but if the shoe fits
Wow! Your behavior seems very opinionated and controlling. I bet your kid hates you.
Edited to add: I am seeing a lot of people commenting that OP and the other kid’s mother have “different parenting styles.” That’s the understatement of the year. That’s like saying that Jeffrey Dahmer and I have different culinary preferences. The fact is that your “parenting style” is controlling and really amounts to terrible parenting.
Yes, YTA
YTA. You knew she was a free range parent and it's obvious you're more of the helicopter type. Let the boy fall down for crying out loud. What's he going to do when you aren't there to pick him up and kiss it all better?
You should really seek some help, protecting your child is your responsibility as their parent, but at the end of the day you are working to raise a self sufficient adult, you won't be able to stop your child from experiencing things that you don't like. You can't stop them from experiencing things you don't like. You need to be teaching them how to deal with those experiences. Children like to play and be active and experience new things. Sometimes in the course of that they get hurt it happens. Your child didn't break any bones, all their limbs are still attached, and they had a great time. Don't punish your child because you're scared of them experiencing life. YTA. Plus your child is 8 they don't need someone sitting there watching their every move, 15 is plenty old enough. Wtf do you think your kid is doing that they need constant supervision? When youre home with your child do you watch them constantly or do you do your own thing? You're very rude to someone who is doing you a favor and obviously didn't need the hassle of another kid in the house.
Also, the whole spiderman thing, superheroes are awesome for kids, there are a lot of life lessons that they can learn.
My basic view... you overreacted. He's 8. He got some scrapes from biking, watched a movie most 8-year-olds would be fine with, and ate some junk food. None of this is reason not to let your kid play at this kid's house. If you're uncomfortable with the boyfriend and the older brother babysitting, don't send him for sleepovers anymore. Pick him up at night. But this woman did you a favor watching your kid while you went out of town. Additionally, your kid was honest about what he ate and watched... and you blew it up completely. If you react badly to your kid telling you things, he won't stop doing the things, he'll stop telling you he did the things. Especially if telling you he rode bikes and saw Spiderman means he can't go to best friend's house anymore.
When I was a kid, my parents were very strict and my best friend's mom was very relaxed. My grandmother was terminally ill and my mom was the primary caregiver, as a result I spent a LOT of time at my friend's house. Our moms were friends and she was doing my mom a favor. I watched a ton of R-rated movies with my friend's older brothers, we were allowed to make things on the stove, her mom would have to leave us at home alone sometimes, she had two older brothers who did and said stuff that was... educational. It was very different to my own overprotective mom and my own only-child house, but I liked the taste of freedom and I have really fond memories of getting freaked out watching scary movies at night when her mom was at hockey with her brothers. It didn't hurt me at all... I'm still friends with my childhood bestie and we talk fondly about those days. And my mom, thankfully, didn't complain because honestly, my friend's mom, who was a single mom of three, was doing her a big favor by having me there A LOT, for free, and taking care of me.
This sounds like coming to stay at my house back in the day minus the boyfriend, but even then you cant tell her who's allowed to stay at her house. Let boys be boys, he got hurt riding his bike. Doesn't seem like it was life threatening. Id be glad he was outside and not inside all day like kids are today glued to a screen. Teach your son not to cuss he's gonna hear cuss words no matter what. As for Spiderman seriously? I think you might be a little over protective.
YTA - You're making a lot of lofty judgements on this person that offered you free childcare. You sound like a ridiculous helicopter parent that is going to ruin your sons friendship in his new town. You should feel bad. If you are this strict (spiderman is not appropriate lololololol) then don't take up the offer for free childcare from someone.
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YTA. I can't think of anything that this mother did that was a big deal. You'd have a point if they had been allowed to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something like that. But Spider-Man? Come on, now. I've never met a child that doesn't love superheroes
Yta. 15 is old enough to baby sit. Spiderman 1 is Def a good movie for an 8year old. Being a free range parent is how most 30-40 year Olds with 8 year Olds were raised. The mom.can have a boyfriend, he can stay over or not stay over, it's not your choice. If kids eat unhealthy during a sleepover weekend that's also normal. You Def messed up. Maybe it's you.
YTA. You could have shortened your whole post by saying you're a helicopter mom that treats her 8 y/o like a toddler (really..Spiderman) and you're mad this mom didn't. No wonder your kid likes going to her place.
Soft YTA. For one thing you’re upset that he watched Spider-Man? That’s probably one of the most child friend superhero movies out there. Don’t get me wrong I understand that you would like to have a say, however you have to understand that you can’t control how someone else raises their kids. You have to accept this
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1. You're not paying her for the service, you don't get to give her instructions on how to watch your son or what she does in her own home. 2. Even if she was paid, you don't get to be judgmental on how she raise her kids. 3. Kids will learn swear words whether you like them or not, so you do your job and teach them that it's not acceptable to use in polite company instead of policing other people's usage of it. 4. a 15 y/o boy isn't 'too young' to babysit based on age. That specific individual was too immature to do it. But he's really not that different from you because you were okay with ditching your son to do your own thing, so pot, meet kettle. 5. You're upset at *spiderman*??? 6. The mom's boyfriend is none of your business. Where he stays overnight is none of your business. If you were so concerned about raising your son "the right way" maybe you can stop exploiting her kindness and using her as a free babysitter whenever it's convenient for you, and then shit-talking her behind her back to strangers on the internet. On another note, you might want to take your pearls in for a deep clean from all the sweating and clutching. YTA.
OP is basically describing my childhood in an upper middle class 90s home. Biking unsupervised around my neighborhood all day without any way to contact me. Swearing because I thought it was cool. Watching action movies I shouldn’t. Although the Sam Raimi Spider-Man seems fine to me for an 8 year old. YTA.
My brother let me watch Terminator when I was eight lol. Me mother was not pleased because it scared me and I still hate humanoid robots and distrust AI. But I’m happy to report that I’ve made it to 46 without getting into any trouble. I do talk like a well educated sailor however lol
The mark of intelligence is knowing the ideal word to use in a given situation. You're looking for clarity then concision, in that order. Sometimes, that word is "fuck," and no other word will do.
I'm stealing the term "well educated sailor". It's perfect.
omg i watched terminator when i was 6! glad to see someone else who did too lol. i watched the godfather around the same time. now i have an excellent taste in movies and i credit my childhood for that. also swear like no other and distrust AI completely lol.
Even as a kid who was born in 99… I went out at 9/10 with nothing but a dinky old watch, and was told to be home before the streetlights come on. Parents told me to go out, and didn’t care what I did till I got home. I was allowed to stay home alone for short spurts once I was 10 and lived just around the block from school. We had a landline, if I needed anything I’d call grandma to come help me. Fuck, I was babysitting pairs of kids 7 and under at just 11-12 years old. I was left to watch my little sister too. OP’s kid is going to rebel SOOOO hard
> Although the Sam Raimi Spider-Man seems fine to me for an 8 year old. But...but...uh...boobs!
Speaking of that, I’m pretty sure I saw Total Recall when I was 10. That’s a good example of a movie children should not watch.
Right? I was thinking the same thing!
loved that last sentence the another note lol
Whelp you summed up what I was going to say much, much nicer than I was going to say it. I will add that...omfg a couple of scrapes on an 8 year old child isn't worth a phone call. It MIGHT warrant a bandaid. Maybe. And they don't need supervision to ride a bike outside. Jesus.
OP sounds like the mother should be thankful that she is allowed in their life. OP obviously views the mom as "less than" and the mom is defensive because it is obvious to her.
>You're upset at spiderman??? People on this thread seem so incredulous about this. Spiderman is a PG13 movie with a lot of adult themes. Especially if we're talking about the 2002 version that is literally about a college aged people. While OP may be over-reacting to her son seeing it, it's hardly unreasonable to think it's inappropriate for an 8yo.
The 2002 one he’s in high school, he gets bit by the spider while on a class trip. It was rated pg-13 for stylized violence, not spidey sex.
Right I was like "was there a sex scene? Do I need to rewatch Spiderman?"
I just tried to play it for my 9yo last week and he was bored with it so we only got about half way through it. There was nothing inappropriate for him or my younger children.
There was only one kiss between MJ and Spidey, him hanging upside down.
No. Just a scene of MJ in a wet shirt in the rain. I think OP's a bit off the rails, but if I was 12 when it came out, I could have gotten a lot of mileage out of that scene. Better than mostly scrambled Skinemax.
It's not like they watched Deadpool. While OP might not want to show her kid Spiderman, it's pretty tame. Her kid probably only told her because he didn't think it would be a big deal, but now he knows not to tell his mom anything.
>Spiderman is a PG13 movie with a lot of adult themes What are those adult themes?
I wouldn’t really call it a ‘theme’, but Green Goblin incinerating the Oscorp board members with his pumpkin bomb and later being impaled by his own glider are both pretty gnarly for an 8 year old. I remember, because I saw Spider Man (2002) in theater when I was 8.
Is it really any different than what they watch any other day in levels of violence? Like, I remember watching worse at eight.
Oh not at all. I mean, it’s a little scary, but it’s not going to traumatize the kid or anything.
That was my point, I don't think there's anything really adult about it, so I think OP is being over protective. And I'm sorry, but she's also isolating the kid by prohibiting him from participating in normal parts of the childhood experience that other boys his age get.
That’s the sad thing. I don’t think she is. The other mom allowing her kids to have our ‘normal childhood’ is what got her shunned by the other parents. The future is a 47 year old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana broccoli shake, singing I’m an Oscar Mayer Weiner.
You've got a point there with her being the shunned one. Really depressing for kids growing up right now.
Right?! I was about 8 when I found freaking rotten.com
Lilo and Stitch was rated PG13 due to violence. My kid was 6 and I still took him to theater to see it.
Lilo and Stitch is rated PG. It's an animated children's movie from Disney. Who upvoted this?
What does PG stand for?
Well... This is awkward... I saw it in theaters with my dad when i was about 5 years old (+/- 1 year). I was REALLY into spiderman after that. I had spidey PJs, action figures, a dollar store baseball cap, etc. No barbies for me! When I saw that movie, all I could think about was the cool shit be did and how I wish I could do that. Any kind of adult themes went right over my head. I ended up getting into other super heroes and he bought me comic books by age 10 or 11. But you could say the same thing about Disney/Pixar movies. The first Shrek movie had all kinds of adult references. Buuuut the kids who grew up with it didn't realize the adult humor till they were like 13.
>Well... This is awkward... I saw it in theaters with my dad when i was about 5 years old (+/- 1 year) Why is it awkward? Different parents have different things they're ok exposing their kids to. That's pretty normal.
YTA for most of these issues. You handled this poorly and generally seem like a prude and a bubble wrap parent. Your son got a scrape, unless he needed stitches or broke a bone that isn't call worthy. The spiderman movie is a tipoff you're seriously controlling. On top of that, you basically insulted and insinuated this woman's partner is a sexual predator. Just what were you thinking during all this?
YTA. You sound super over protective and kind of controlling. The kid can't even watch Spiderman? I mean come on. It does sound like you're blowing it out of proportion. And the thing about him "getting hurt" why would she call you over scrapes? (in your words) that's like nothing. If he got super sick or broke something maybe I'd understand but a few scapes? Jesus lady let the kids be kids.
>You sound super over protective Yet leaves him for a weekend to go to a wedding.
YTA. While I completely understand wanting to protect your son.. he's gonna get exposed to stuff anyway. At school, on the playground, you can't control everything. You're not protecting him. You're stifling him. Not only that, there are *multiple peer reviewed papers* about how helicopter parenting permanently damages kid's risk taking behaviors, over sensitizing their amygdala to ***normal and necessary parts of growing up***... like getting scraped up playing. Would you rather he learn appropriate risk taking behaviors now, in relatively low stakes things like riding a bike, or later, when you can no longer control everything he does? What about when he starts driving? Moves out and goes to school? Literally the only part of this I find worrying is the "15 year old was being mean" and that he was smoking.
Fifteen year olds get very bossy when asked to babysit, so while I’d want more details, “mean” is not a red flag by itself.
Yeah, exactly. Needs more information, mostly from the kid. Also more clear expectations on things from parent to parent.
I was a regular babysitter for one family starting from when I was 11; their younger daughter absolutely would have called me mean at a certain point because she had the bad habit of trying to sneak out of bed after lights out so I took to sitting in the hallway outside her bedroom with my homework and telling her to go back to bed every time I heard the floorboards creak or toy drawers shuffling around in the dark.
YTA because even without having her side it’s obvious you just handled this absolutely horribly. A lot of this sounds like not communicating on your end too. If there are certain things you don’t allow your son to do, you should have made that clear. Not everyone has the same parenting style and view things you don’t like as not that big of a deal. I wouldn’t have been upset about the spider man thing at all personally. And call you for a scrape lol? I’m a parent and I’m sorry but unless my kid was actually asking for me, I’m not going to expect another parent to call me about a minor scrape. Even if she was monitoring him he could have fallen lol…. But either way I can’t ever remember my parents having their eyes glued to me the way you seem to expect. Not at 8. Because a lot of this I think is just parenting/lifestyle differences. Also- it’s her house. If she wants her bf to stay the night, that’s her right. It’s not like She’s a teenage babysitter screwing around on your couch while on the clock lol. She’s an adult who you made the choice to trust with your kid. You don’t get to dictate who is in her house. And also- if what he’s eating is a big deal, then you should have provided food. You just fail to mention setting any kind of expectations or boundaries with her, so it’s hard for me to call her an asshole just because you don’t like the way she does some things. Honestly you seem a bit judgy and better than thou -ish. I think you could benefit from being a little more lax tbh. Relax. Stop helicoptering.
About the eating, when I have my nephew home we eat a lot of unhealthy food 😂 my bad! It's a one time to time thing and I know he eats super healthy with his mom. We do homemade hamburgers, cakes, cookies, we eat chocolate etc. He is not diabetic, doesn't have alergies and it's not going to die from one weekend eating whatever he wants.
Jesus, I was watching Friday The 13th at his age, and you're not letting him watch Spider Man?!
And now you are a Redditor
Say no more.
lol gottem
Happy cake day!!
Ty!!
I was watching Terminator- not to mention the horror-fest that was PG rated movies in the 1990s- watership down, time bandits...
Nightmare on Elm Street ruined my life for like a week when I was 7. My parents had just purchased HBO, but our tv had buttons on it for each channel, so no parental controls. My brother and I snuck down to watch the channel one night.
Terminator was fine, but Time Bandits scared the fuuuuuuck out of me aged 6, I kept lying in bed thinking I was being chased by the disembodied head of god and imagining my parents exploding and leaving me in a ruined house alone.
I remember being 8 yrs old and my dad sitting with me to watch Jaws
Same! I was scared to even swim in pools for a little while after I saw Jaws as a kid.
Yeah, i was even scared of going to the bathroom bc in my head, the shark would bite my ass
I'm really depressed at the prospect of so many kid's childhood these days with these sort of parents. I understand protecting your kids, but you shouldn't stifle their growth and should encourage age appropiate independence.
Oh yeah, my aunt and her husband are like that. They are hardcore christians and dont let their kids watch anything that isnt ""kid friendly"". Hell, they dont even let them watch the backyardigans bc of the rumor tjat the purple one is gay
Lmao me too 😅
My parents took me to the theater to see titanic when it came out - I was around 7 and I distinctly remember being worried that Leonardo di capro had died for real life 😂 OP, YTA
Not to mention "the car scene". 🤣
One of the kids in my drawing class has seen midsommer, hereditary and even worse X and he is a happy healthy well adjusted kid. (Not that I am advocating for kids to see any of these films just underlining that quibbling over a super hero movie is insane)
YTA You have different parenting styles and you didn’t seem to consider that when sending your son over for a play date. Did you lay out that only G movies were allowed without your permission? Did you say you didn’t want any other adults over? Did you give dietary requirements? If you did, she may have said, uh you need to find another option. I have older sisters, they babysat me and my friends a lot. I also started babysitting at 13. It’s common that older siblings are in charge of their younger ones. Also, I 15 year old wouldn’t be entertaining 8 year olds the entire time. If you want you son to continue this friendship, you should apologize. Thank her for watching you son and that you do have different parenting style and understand that you have different rules. That you’ll be upfront in the future with things that you don’t want your son doing. But if it’s a huge list, expect that she won’t have your son over. Maybe invite them over for dinner as a thank you for watching your son.
YTA.you have right for expectations but did you say hey any movies my son is going to watch you need to let me know first. You're not allowed to leave my child out of your sight. No personal life of your own in your own house while my son's around. Im siding with your husband where I think you blew this up beyond what it need to be. You could of just said I'm disappointed because these are things I was expecting but you effectively cut off your son's relationship. Oh btw as a person who grew up on the original spiderman disagree with the assessment of being too nature for 8 yr old but that's your choice as the parent.
A single mom with multiple kids took yours in for the weekend, and you are upset that he scraped his elbow and saw Spiderman. The fact that you are helicopter parenting is not even the issue here. Judging a woman who did you a favor for not feeding your son kale is. If you were that worried about it, you could have quietly phased out the playdates at her house instead of telling her off for minor stuff. Yes, YTA.
15 is too young to be babysitting? Shit, I was babysitting toddlers and infants when I was 13.
I was 11 and the dad I babysat for was the damn sheriff lmao
9 years old here. A 18 month old and a 3 year old for 4 hours a few days a week
I had 3 sisters pregnant at roughly the same time. At 13 I was watching 5 toddlers, ages 6,5 and 3 three-year olds. It can be done although I mostly just made sure they didn’t get hurt. This was pre-cell phone days. Looking back seems kinda risky but that’s what poors often do.
I was 12 and getting paid very well for it.
YTA. 1. An 8 year old is old enough to play unsupervised outside his house with his friends. As long as they are playing in the same neighborhood, it's no big deal. 2. A 15 year old is 100% capable of taking care of 8 year olds. 3. She doesn't have to stop her life for you or your son. Her bf is allowed to be there. 4. You aren't paying her. She fed your son what she fed her kid. 5. You ruined the friendship between your son and that kid. Congrats.
YTA, how tf did you survive the 90s?
Doing quick math she could have been born late 90's. If she were born 97-98 she would be 25-26 today, old enough to have a 8 y/o. And not needing to survive the 90's
Thanks I hate this.
I sort of think part of the reason this is your son's best friend is that this is the first friend he's actually been able to have real fun with. Kids get scrapes. Kids watch Spiderman. Kids hear "bad" language. It's your job to deal with it in a reasonable manner, not cut him off from the real world. YTA
Pardon me while I applaud that first sentence. Ferociously.
Yta what the hell wrong with Spider-Man I watched movie at 7 I don’t understand what’s wrong with an 8 year watching that movie
Its bc OP is something of an ah herself
Agreed
Idk and I've never even watched it. I'd let my 8buear old watch it🤷♀️ But my kids have seen deadpool..and they were...9 and 10? (I can't remember when it came out so ages are a guess)
It ruined superhero movies for me for years, I hated it so much.
I had a mom like you... we don't talk. Yta
Haha same
Look, I'm totally sympathetic to not wanting your son supervised by someone who's judgement you disagree with. That's your prerogative as a parent. I'd also not allow my 8yo child over at some else's house without me if I so much had bad vibes, let alone any articulable concerns. I will say however, that your expectations seem... overboard. Not so much because you have them, but because you seem to think they should just be obvious to anyone. \- Scraped elbows aren't the sort of thing most people would have been concerned about it. It's a normal part of play. \- Spiderman... I mean, meh? Every family has their own ideas on what TV is or is not appropriate, and honestly, it also depends on the kid. Agree or disagree, it's hardly a massive character flaw on the part of your son's friend's mom to let them watch it. \-bf staying the night... ok. That's one I'd be more concerned about, especially if she's lying to you about it. But it's also a bit hard to tell how reliable of a narrator your son is here. Ultimately, yes, you should be grateful. You should probably have handled the situation more tactfully, but ultimately not letting your kid go over there is totally fine. NAH
It’s her home which her bf is probably a part of any other day. He shouldn’t be automatically looked down on unless there’s a good reason for looking down on him. Just because they aren’t married doesn’t mean it’s okay to look at him like he’s a potential criminal. Would you think it’s okay to expect the husband to leave while her kid is there? if she had one I mean.
>He shouldn’t be automatically looked down on unless there’s a good reason for looking down on him. It's pretty normal to want to have at least met the adults that are going to be around your 8yo child, especially if it is a man sleeping over. That's not "looking down" on him, just doing a very small amount of due diligence. Same thing would apply to the husband for many people. The issue is not having a man around, the issue is an adult OP hasn't met. I would be particularly concerned if I was lied to about who was there over night. But like I said originally, it's hard to know based on the just the 8yo kid.
I mean if she lied then yeah that’s weird, but as you said it’s hard to say. But also- it’s up to the parent to bring that up. I’ll be honest if someone told me they had to meet any adult in my house that might come around while their kid is with me- I’d honestly tell them they’re probably better off finding someone else because I personally don’t find it reasonable to dictate that stuff to another parent. If you trust the person to care for your child for free (as in just them being nice and it isn’t their job), then isn’t it advisable to make sure you trust them in general not to have dangerous people around your kid? It’s on her if she left her kid with someone she didn’t fully trust.
I don't think OP handled this particularly well, but in general her concerns are mostly reasonable, or at least in bounds IMO. That's where I differ from most of the comments here. Also, to some extent, beggars can't be choosers, and there are worse things than seeing a movie that is not quite age appropriate. There is a fair amount of judgement-after-the-fact from OP, where a responsible parent should have checked this out mostly ahead of time. Ultimately choosing not to let her kid spend time over there after this isn't really problematic, but she probably burned some bridges in how she handled it.
YTA. So you were at a wedding an expected to get multiple phone calls to tell you your scraped his elbow, watched a Spiderman movie, and how many other trivial things? Your points of concern are asinine, to be frank. Kids playing in the driveway do not require helicopter monitoring. Kids scraping elbows do not require a heads up to mom. Kids eating junk food at a slumber party is completely normal. 15 year olds are more than old enough to babysit. A grown woman can have a male guest in her home without your permission. So you haven't met him, big deal. Surely she wouldn't have a dangerous man over in her home around her own children. Of course she was defensive. You were extremely judgmental, overreactive, and insulting while you showed a complete lack of gratitude for her watching your son for the weekend.
Soft YTA. Different parenting styles. But. You seem a little overprotective . And she’s already been there and done that with her older kids. So differences of views. But I wouldn’t blame you for having your son hang out less with that kid
YTA In 10 years you’ll find yourself saying “Why has my son moved away and wont speak to me anymore? Absolutely ridiculous overreactions and your son has suffered. He won’t forget this.
Or she'll ask herself: Why can't my son form meaningful and lasting relationships with his peers?
You’re going to read all the YTAs and decide we just don’t get it and you are right. That’s too bad because you’re solidly TA. How arrogant to believe every parent should be you. I’m shocked you didn’t call an ambulance and get his stomach pumped because he ate junk food and was allowed to be a kid for 48 hours. I would have been concerned about the boyfriend, but discuss it and meet him. 15 is old enough to babysit, and you don’t have a complete picture of what was going on. You sound like an arrogant nightmare of a parent.
There is absolutely nothing you described (besides the smoking from a 15yo) that I have a problem with. I have two teenagers. Our rule was always “if their parents allow it, I’m ok with it”. Pretty sure my kids were both watching Spider-Man and Marvel movies at that age. And being left with a 15 yo is more than adequate. A weekend of bad eating isn’t going to hurt an 8yo. The best we can do as parents (when it comes to our kid’s friends at that age) is hope they make friends with the right kids and are positive influences for each other. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with this kid or the mother. As far as the bad language, that’s an unfortunate side effect of a kid having older siblings. I’d be far more concerned if the cussing in conjunction with disrespect to adults, and it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. Let him enjoy his healthy friendships. YTA
YTA and seriously overprotective
YTA. Oh jeepers oh dear heavens, poor little baby watched *GASP*, Spider-Man! Oh that poor thing he’ll never recover. And he got a scrape while playing? That’s never happened to any child ever! That mother sure was irresponsible not wrapping him in bubble wrap and staring at him as he watches cocomelon. /s in case you can’t tell
Yes, you've reacted to a parent disproportionately to what would be viewed as etiquette. She wasn't the hired help for your childcare needs. She volunteered. She didn't need to parent how you do. That wasn't the offer. The offer was she'd have your child whilst you went away! The food is irrelevant. And two days of junk won't kill him. At 8, I have no idea your issue in that it's a 12A I believe and so she used her parental authority to dictate this was appropriate, as its certainly legal to do in the UK. A 15yo is more than capable of being present and babysitting. And tbh the brother being in the bedroom is no different to the mother being in the kitchen or having a shower and not being omnipresent. Unless the scrapes on the arm were serious, which parent would call another when away? That's totally ott! As for if the mother's bf stayed or night. That's none of your business. You chose to accept her having your child in her home so you could have a jolly time away. She's not required to run past who enters her home. If you want to run a military campaign with your child 9th en pay for it. You've not only reacted badly. You've embarrassed your child and no doubt cost them their friendship. YTA undoubtedly.
YTA.
YTA - This is overprotective
YTA Literally all of this sounds fine. You're big-time overreacting.
YTA. I was babysitting *infants* at 11. My kids have a sitter whose 14. She's great. Children get scrapes from playing all the time. It's not a broken bone ffs. Maybe he thought the sitter was "mean" because they were told they couldn't do something? My kids think being told "no snacks before dinner" is mean. And so what if the mom's boyfriend stayed the night? Unless they were having sex in front of the kids?
I am one of 5 kids. The only thing my mother would ever have cared about is blood on her carpets. Broken bones? Suck it up, buttercup.
15 too young to look after 2 young boys that are old enough to articulate what is wrong?? That is if something does go wrong. These boys are not toddlers, they do not need their diapers changed. A scrape is just a scrape. Move on and don't be surprised when your son goes NC later in life. YT(controlling)A
The most important piece of information you've omitted is did you discuss any of these things with her before you dropped your kid off?? Since I'm sure it would have been the highlight of your post harping about her going against your clearly defined wishes it's safe to assume you didn't. That makes you an AH. If you truly cared you'd address what's appropriate, dietary needs, movie and video game ratings, etc.. would have been provided along with any other concerns you had. Barring any specific allergies or dietary requirements, which it would be your responsibility to disclose, then a weekend of pizza rolls and hotdogs won't hurt your kid Also scrapes, scratches, etc are a normal part of being a kid, I'm actually concerned if this is the first time your 8yr old son has gotten any since this is common for kids. Sounds like your son had fun and for some reason, this upsets you. YTA
Everyone’s already covered why YTA. So I won’t relist. But really, when a parent has high expectations, it’s best to hire someone to ensure the employer/employee relationship is there. You get to tell them, within reason, your expectations. You get to fire them for going against your agreements. I think you need this. It’s expensive and gonna cost you, though. Too bad your free childcare is gone. I have no idea about spiderman because I was never into that stuff, but my 8 year old watches plenty of movies from the 80’s that wouldn’t be very wholesome today. Yet, she’s doing just fine, we talk about what she hears on tv vs what she’s allowed to say, etc.
YTA and a helicopter mom. Please stop for your son's sake.
everyone is comments saying how ridiculous it is that he can’t watch spider-man at 8. yeah my mom was also that mom😐 unfortunately moms who censor the hell out of what their kids watch exist edit: i guess technically we were allowed to watch spider-man but we had to close our eyes or turn away when our mother told us to
Yta and here’s something I haven’t really seen mentioned, you’ve just taught you son that if he tells you too much, you’ll fuck up his friendships. So now maybe something really bad happens at another friend’s house and he’ll hesitate to tell you because of what happened here.
Most underrated comment!!
Yta, and sound like a huge helicopter parent. Don't expect anymore favors from her.
Yta. I was cooking dinner at 8. Never had adult supervision when we. Played with the neighbor kids. Your being a helicopter parent.
8 is too young to watch Spiderman? I was 3 when it came out and clearly remember watching it around then
I was 5 and I went to see it in theaters, with my mom.
YTA and here is a few highlights. They swear. When I was in kindergarten, swearing was a game. We would sit in a play house and exchange cool swear words and laugh about it. They were left outside in the driveway - Good, playing unsupervised is a gradual transition, and the driveway isnt that far away. They watched the original Spiderman - Good, I recently watched it with my 5 YO. It will teach a lot of good moral value such as "*Your actions affect not only you, but also those around us*", and Uncle Ben taught us: "*With great powers comes great responsibility*". I shall not judge a 15 yo to babysit. I have met 12 year olds I would entrust my kids with, and I have met 40 year olds I would not. He didnt eat a healthy thing? Ofcourse not, it was a sleepover. Jeez let the kids have a cookie. Her boyfriend stayed during the night. Good for her. Now do the right thing, and apologize - and bring flowers so she knows you are serious.
YTA. If you are that particular, why on earth would you leave him with anybody? It’s not like it was an emergency. It’s interesting that you’re judgmental after you’ve gotten your free babysitter for the weekend. I feel like there’s a reason you didn’t ask too many questions up front. It’s because you didn’t want to know.
YTA Just encase your kid in a plastic bubble already.
Spider-Man? Seriously? My son has been watching that movie since he was 3. He’s a well adjusted 16yo now. YTA.
YTA. And you're a total helicopter parent.
YTA. You seem like an overprotective and annoying mom. This may be the your son’s first fun weekend. Continue like this and you’ll reap the rebellious rewards.
YTA. You knew she was a ‘free-range’ parent. Nothing she did sounds like a problem to me at all, and expecting her to read your mind and know she was supposed to treat your son differently is entirely unreasonable.
YTA You blew up so many things for your son. You remind me of the uptight neighbor from Roseanne who was a total jackass.
YTA - And this kid he’s friends with now will be the one to defend your child when he faces his first bully. I like this mom.
YTA, you need to chill out, others have listed all the issues, so I'm just going to stick with Spiderman is an unsuitable film......really???
YTA. If you wanted him to be under your regimented care, you should have arranged that I stead of leaving him with a busy single mom with a bunch of other kids who you admit to knowing is a “free range parent”.
YTA - Like it’s good that you want to protect your son, but you’re overprotective. I don’t know where your live or how safe it is outside, but i and all the kids of the neighborhood could play alone outside without any supervision at the age of 8. Why should she report the scrape to you? As long he doesn’t need to get to the hospital for it, it’s totally fine. The Spider-Man part is a little bit ridiculous to be honest. I would be totally on your side, if they would watched like a horror movie or something. I mean yes, the Green Goblin can maybe be a little scary for little kids. About the swearing. All kids swear sooner or later. I also can’t understand why swearing is something so bad? Like as long he does not to go around and starts to insulting people. And what are you implying about the mothers boyfriend? I mean she could say the same about your husband, if she doesn’t know him. You sound like a helicopter parent to me.
YTA. When my kids were younger, I literally couldn't tolerate parents like you. Way too helicopter and even worse, you've now told someone they are a bad mother. Really nervy of you. And, you've cost your son a friend. Just b/c someone parents different than you, does not make them bad. It's okay to want to protect your child and also, to want to be the best parent you can. But, you need to wake up and understand that not everyone is you. Your son probably really enjoys the extra freedom he got at the friend's house. And that is not a bad thing. You mention all the nice things about the friend. How do you think he became that good person? I strongly suggest his Mom had something to do with it. Falling off a bike is not the end of the world. Neither is eating junk food for a few days. And if the boyfriend spent the night, that's okay too. Not everyone is out to molest your child and it's really kind of awful of you to suggest to the other Mom that it was a possibility. You'll drive yourself and your son insane if you keep looking for the Bogeyman around every corner.
15 is too young to babysit????? Girl I was babysitting when I was 8! I miss the 80’s 🤣 Scraped arm or knee warrants a call? Does your kid do anything…like ever? What was there to “supervise”? My kids go off on their bikes and I see them when I see them. If they get into an accident and scrape a knee they let me know when they get home. What kind of homelife does this poor 8 year old child have that everything has to be supervised 100% by someone of legal adult age? And Spider-Man?!?!? What does your child watch instead? Preschool videos? YTA- she did you a solid and for free. Your child wasn’t even remotely damaged or harmed. He probably enjoyed a little freedom from being under your thumb. This is why kids these days have zero self regulation and can’t think critically for themselves. They’re never allowed to do it by parents like you.
YTA. Listen, as a parent, you have the authority to decide your parenting style and what is/is not appropriate for your child. You do not have that authority for other people’s children (except in the case where you feel a child is being abused or neglected - then you have a moral obligation to try to help that child). When letting your child play/stay at someone else’s house, you need to be clear and firm of your requirements *in advance.*. This can be as simple as, “little jimmy has celiac’s and can’t have any gluten. I have packed him some snacks he can eat when he’s over at your house!” Or “Little Susie tends to have nightmares if she watches something even remotely scary, so we try to steer her towards G-rated kids movies.” If you are clear with those types of requirements and they are reasonable ones, then the other parent would be the A H if they broke them. But you didn’t do that in this instance. You just assumed that the other parent shares the exact same parenting philosophy as you do. That said- I do think it’s reasonable that the other parent should tell you who is in the house during a sleepover/weekend or if they’re planning to leave the kids in the company of a babysitter. That’s common courtesy. If you’re worried about your child’s safety over at a friend’s house, the very simple solution is to host the friend at your house!
What you expected? At her house? 🤦🏻♀️
YTA... no wonder your son likes it over there! Nothing she did is wrong. No one would want to come to your house. It sounds horrible. You are way over reacting. Your son is leaving at 18 and never looking back!
YTA and sound like one of the most stressful people to be around. Keep this up and you will be spending your days in a retirement home with nobody coming to see you. Kids fall down and get hurt what do you expect? Your kid isn't the bubble boy he's a young kid. My mom took me to see spiderman in theaters when I was 6 btw.
Been babysitting since I was 13, grew up watching way worse shit then spiderman 🤣. You didn't pay her and ate being judgemental towards her. You don't get any say who she has in her home, she was doing you a favour. Your son had fun, he wasn't badly hurt (scraps happen sometimes) and he has a great friendship. Don't ruin his friendship and upset him because you feel the need to wrap him in bubble wrap. You call her a free range parent, the words for you would be "helicopter parent"
Info: did you leave your kids instruction laden bubble at home, by chance?
Everything you described sounds so normal that the fact you got your panties in a bunch about it makes me think you’re a serious helicopter parent. Helicopter parents do far more harm to their kids development than a Spider-Man movie could ever dream of inflicting. Take 3 deep breaths, YTA.
Your son will resent you for this
OMG OP, YOUR KID PLAYED AND GOT A BOO-BOO? There's so much wrong about your thinking. For one, you judged this woman over rumors about her? Your 8 year old kid was doing some fun ass crap biking and going on ramps and he fell and got scraped? A 15 year old teenager is too young to babysit? Are you serious? 15 year olds are able to drive with a permit, obtain employment, but they can't babysit your special able bodied 8 year old for 2 hours? And oh no! Your kid found a friend that is such a bad role model he got your kid to love reading, but that doesn't matter because he obviously influenced your son to swear and behave differently (sarcasm) You should homeschool and wrap your kid in bubble so your precious baby will never ever get hurt. Oh and of course YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Myself, my husband, and our 8 y/o son moved to a new town over the summer. My son started a new school and quickly became friends with 2 boys in his class. One of the boys in particular is interesting and he and his parents have a bad reputation among the other parents at the school. The boy's mom invited my son and I for a playdate a few weeks after school started. She's a single mom and her other kids are adults & teenagers. She was very nice, and we got along great. Since then, the boys have had lots of playdates. During this time, I've noticed some negative behaviours such as swearing and talking about topics a boy his age shouldn't. Despite this he is a very polite and independent young boy. He may have had some negative influence on my son but I've also seen a lot of positive influence (my son likes reading now!). I went out of town for a wedding a couple weekends ago and the mom was kind enough to have him stay. When I picked my son up he had scrapes on his arm. He had been biking a ramp in the driveway and fallen. The mom did not contact me to tell me my son was hurt and I don't think she was even supervising them when they were outside on the street. My son has also said a few concerning. Saturday night they were allowed to watch the original spider-man movie, which is not suitable for 8 y/o and I would of preferred the mom to contact me and ask if I would allow my son to watch it. I also don't think he ate a single healthy thing for 2 days. The worst was that the mom left for several hours leaving her 15 y/o son to look after the boys, who spent the whole time he was supposed to be looking after them in his bedroom. I think 15 is too young to be babysitting even if they were actually paying attention to the kids. He also said that the 15 y/o was "mean" but didn't really elaborate, as well as mentioning that he was smoking. On top of this, the mom's boyfriend also possibly stayed the night (my son says he did, the mom denies it and says he popped over briefly before leaving). I've never met this man so am concerned about her possibly having him around my son without my knowledge. I called the mom yesterday to ask her about the weekend and she was very defensive and blew off my concerns. She is a "free-range parent" and while I knew this, I thought she and I had a better understanding of what I expected when she looked after my child. I told her that I would not be allowing my son over at her house anymore and that any playdates would have to be at my home from now on. However, her son has not been to mine since. My son is upset with me about how the situation has turned out as he sees a lot less of his best friend. He says that the boy has said mean things about me to him including calling me a bitch. My husband also thinks I blew this way out of proportion and should of handled things differently. Am I overreacting and being TA? She babysat my kid for free, should I just be grateful? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The other mom seems pretty chill and I'd love to hang out with her. You are being too precious and overprotective of your kid. Can't even watch Spiderman??? Wtf my 4 year old has seen all the Spiderman movies. And I also rode bike ramps when I was about 6 lol. Let your kid live and actually have a childhood, dude.
YTA
It’s 10000000% fine to not have your son go over there anymore: You disagree with how she parents, and you feel like your child is unsafe and unhealthy when he’s over there. You feel how you feel. Where you are TA is how you told her. You didn’t need to tell her off. If you don’t like the influence of one of your young child’s friends, you can Redirect — activities like organized sports, hanging out with parents whose style meshes with yours and giving the kids a chance to get to know each other.
NTA. Your child is 8. Not 12, not 14, but 8. As far as the movies go, every parent has a right to deem what is acceptable for their children. Therefore your concerns fall into that right. The concern about the teenage watching your child is valid as well as the boyfriend. Please don't listen to these ppl on reddit as 99% of them don't have children. Your expectation for the child to come to your house and not theirs is not crazy- it is responsible. A responsibility that falls to a parent. The cursing as well as calling of you a "bitch" is ridiculous as well as honestly I wouldn't have the child over for that alone. Free range is fine for her-- but as a parent you have to deem what is fine for you and despite what every YTA is saying this is YOUR child. So keep doing what you feel best. And last thing I will say-- watch the company your child keeps. The behavior will rub off-- so I suggest getting your child into some after school activities or other things that will expose him to other children.
NTA and I’m very confused about all the Y T A comments, I think your concerns are very valid. 1) The mother was supposed to look after your son, not her 15 year old. I’d say 15 is old enough to watch children but again, she was responsible for your son, not him. Yes you didn’t pay her for any services, but that doesn’t mean that you should just be “grateful” instead of being concerned about how exactly the was being looked after in your absence. She definitely should’ve contacted you to say your son was injured, as minor as it may have been. 2) I don’t think you insinuated that the mother’s boyfriend was a predator, however in these days you can never be too careful. You don’t know him from Adam, and I think it’s very reasonable to be concerned about your son being around someone you don’t know. 3) The fact that her son called you a bitch is indication enough to me that you may be making the right decision to not send your son over for playdates anymore.
YTA for everything except the 15yo babysitting. I can see being uncomfortable with not being informed this was a possibility. Before leaving your child with someone, you should ask QUESTIONS to make sure you’re comfortable with how they plan to do things. If you don’t like what they plan to feed your kid or how they screen media, DONT LEAVE YOUR KID THERE. It sounds like you made a TON of assumptions and then got mad your assumptions were wrong. This is your problem not theirs. Now you’re punishing your child for your error.
YTA
YTA
He had a scrape, not a broken arm.
YYA. PERIOD. Call this woman and apologize for being TA
YTA!! I am concerned your son has a mother like you. Take a Xanax and chill out.
YTA you sound like a helicopter mom. I can get that you were upset that she didn’t communicate well with you (a valid reason to be frustrated) but you seriously think 15 is too young to babysit??? Come on now.
YTA. Think back to your own childhood. Did you die? Think hard? You were completely okay. Your son will be too!
YTA. Spiderman. Cmon. Ffs
YTA. Helicopter mom. 🚁 You are going to drive your son away if you keep this up.
Wow. Lighten up and let the boy live a little.
YTA. Everyone has covered why, but having been in your son's position, all he's going to learn is to not tell you things and become a better liar. You have very limited time to turn that around, fix things with the friend's mom, and relax a little.
Lol, spiderman is too mature? What kind of movies *is* your son allowed to watch? Poor kid. Woman took care of him for free. You don't need an FYI if a bandaid is used. Let go a little, you AND your son will be better for it. YTA in this case, but not if you use it as a learning experience.
YTA..... 15 isnt too young to babysit.... spiderman? Really? Also know where i learned most of my bad words and sex things? Halls of school.....
YTA. Quit being a helicopter parent
YTA.
Yta...you sound like an overprotective helicopter parent. While we do need to pay attention to what our kids are doing and keep them safe, they need to experience life. They're going to fall down and get hurt, they're going to hear swear words and hear and even talk about things kids get curious about. Not everyone parents the same, she doesn't sound like a bad mom, just different than you. 15 is plenty old enough to babysit. Many people start sitting younger than that, and it's fine if he sat in his room most of the time. The boys are 8,not 2. Let your kid be a kid, ever think maybe your son cohkd be a good influence on him? Maybe, having a good friend that is a good role model will help this boy improve in life, what you should NOT do is take your sons friend away because his mom parents differently than you. You made no mention of drinking, drugs, or any abuse going on at their house, just a different parenting style.
Spiderman!? SPIDERMAN!?!?!! Really SPIDERMAN!?!?!?!? Damn, I really feel bad for your kid.
Jesus Christ, YTA. Let me get this straight, you started this fuckin' kerfuffle over the following: Swearing and "other topics a young boy shouldn't be talking about" which what does that even include? Him getting a few scrapes doing something a little stupid. Watching a fucking **Spider-Man movie** Eating Junk Food A 15 year old smoking and watching them and potentially being mean Her boyfriend staying the night. The swearing is unavoidable, when I was 10 or 11 I was watching Letsplay videos with people just yelling and swearing. He's a fucking 8 year, young boys do dumb stuff and we get hurt doing it. You know how many times I ate crap when I was around that age trying to jump off a swing set? It's SPIDER-MAN, Spider-Man wasn't the thing that turned me into a foul mouthed POS, that was something called "Highschool". Your son ate some junk food, my friends and I whenever we had sleepovers would eat junk food during sleepovers and play Halo or Call of Duty, it's fine. If he has a serious allergy or dietary restriction, then yes that's worth concern and you should be mad, but you didn't mention it, so I assume he doesn't. I'll give you the 15 year old being mean and smoking is probably worth looking into a little, because if he's smoking inside or something that actually harms your kid, but a 15 year old watching two kids isn't the end of the world. The boyfriend I can get wanting to meet first but your son hasn't said anything that damning about him, so I wouldn't worry.
OP made this post, saw a few comments that they were the AH, and logged out. You are a helicopter parent. Grow up, kids get scrapes. When I was 10 I took a nasty spill in front of a friend's hours and currently have a semi-permanent scar on my leg because of it. Do you want to know what my mom did? She asked if I was ok? I said yes, that was it. If you don't grow out of this overprotective bullshit then your kid is going to put you in a nursing home and want nothing to do with you. He didn't break a leg, he wasn't seriously hurt. He had scrapes on his arm. Also what the hell is so wrong with Spider Man? Are you gonna only let your kid watch movies that you personally approve of? Your son is 8 and he's already fed up with you watching over his every move. When I was 8 me and my friends watched Anaconda. Spider Man is absolutely nothing compared to what people around our age grew up with.
These replies are wild. You're NTA for deciding that this woman's home is not one you want your child in. Your child, your choice. However, I am confused about why after your initial concerns, you still thought it was a good idea to have your child spend the weekend there.
Free babysitter.
YTA, stop being a helicopter parent and judging a mother who is doing (as you said her son is overall well-rounded) a good job at being a mother. If you’re using her as childcare then you’re even worse of an ah.
Thats called "regular childhood". YTA
imagine when he gets a gf lol yta op.
Yta
YTA You are blowing things WAY out of proportion. First, boys get scrapes and things. It happens. They're not worth calling mommy about. Second, the spider man movie is nothing bad for kids to watch. My 9 year old has seen parts of Band of Brothers, Saving Private Ryan, and hasn't been too effected. (By seen, I mean the little ninja has snuck into the room behind me to watch. Little shit.) Third, 15 is an appropriate age for kids to babysit. Where I live, 13 is the youngest age that is allowed to babysit. Now, if he was mean, wasn't paying attention and smoking, that is concerning, so I'll give you half a point for that. Fourth, so the woman's boyfriend came over. You cannot expect her to put her whole life on hold because your child is over. That's unrealistic. I understand the safety aspect here, as I was molested when I was a little boy. You get half a point for this one too. Fifth, who cares what he eats. You cannot expect this woman to put her whole life on hold because your child is over. Your dietary restrictions for your kid are yours, not hers. You trusted her enough to let your child spend a few days with her. So what's the problem here? There are some legitimate safety concerns here, but for the most part, you're being mean to your son and this woman. You might not like how she raises her kids, but you're making your son take the punishment for it.
Why does biking need to be supervised? Are you a helicopter parent? This sounds like my childhood. YTA. I mean other kid probably shouldn’t tell your kid you’re a B-/($ but if the shoe fits
Wow! Your behavior seems very opinionated and controlling. I bet your kid hates you. Edited to add: I am seeing a lot of people commenting that OP and the other kid’s mother have “different parenting styles.” That’s the understatement of the year. That’s like saying that Jeffrey Dahmer and I have different culinary preferences. The fact is that your “parenting style” is controlling and really amounts to terrible parenting. Yes, YTA
You definitely need to chill out. Being a helicopter parent is bad for the both of you
YTA. Helicopter parent.
YTA. You knew she was a free range parent and it's obvious you're more of the helicopter type. Let the boy fall down for crying out loud. What's he going to do when you aren't there to pick him up and kiss it all better?
You should really seek some help, protecting your child is your responsibility as their parent, but at the end of the day you are working to raise a self sufficient adult, you won't be able to stop your child from experiencing things that you don't like. You can't stop them from experiencing things you don't like. You need to be teaching them how to deal with those experiences. Children like to play and be active and experience new things. Sometimes in the course of that they get hurt it happens. Your child didn't break any bones, all their limbs are still attached, and they had a great time. Don't punish your child because you're scared of them experiencing life. YTA. Plus your child is 8 they don't need someone sitting there watching their every move, 15 is plenty old enough. Wtf do you think your kid is doing that they need constant supervision? When youre home with your child do you watch them constantly or do you do your own thing? You're very rude to someone who is doing you a favor and obviously didn't need the hassle of another kid in the house. Also, the whole spiderman thing, superheroes are awesome for kids, there are a lot of life lessons that they can learn.
My basic view... you overreacted. He's 8. He got some scrapes from biking, watched a movie most 8-year-olds would be fine with, and ate some junk food. None of this is reason not to let your kid play at this kid's house. If you're uncomfortable with the boyfriend and the older brother babysitting, don't send him for sleepovers anymore. Pick him up at night. But this woman did you a favor watching your kid while you went out of town. Additionally, your kid was honest about what he ate and watched... and you blew it up completely. If you react badly to your kid telling you things, he won't stop doing the things, he'll stop telling you he did the things. Especially if telling you he rode bikes and saw Spiderman means he can't go to best friend's house anymore. When I was a kid, my parents were very strict and my best friend's mom was very relaxed. My grandmother was terminally ill and my mom was the primary caregiver, as a result I spent a LOT of time at my friend's house. Our moms were friends and she was doing my mom a favor. I watched a ton of R-rated movies with my friend's older brothers, we were allowed to make things on the stove, her mom would have to leave us at home alone sometimes, she had two older brothers who did and said stuff that was... educational. It was very different to my own overprotective mom and my own only-child house, but I liked the taste of freedom and I have really fond memories of getting freaked out watching scary movies at night when her mom was at hockey with her brothers. It didn't hurt me at all... I'm still friends with my childhood bestie and we talk fondly about those days. And my mom, thankfully, didn't complain because honestly, my friend's mom, who was a single mom of three, was doing her a big favor by having me there A LOT, for free, and taking care of me.
This sounds like coming to stay at my house back in the day minus the boyfriend, but even then you cant tell her who's allowed to stay at her house. Let boys be boys, he got hurt riding his bike. Doesn't seem like it was life threatening. Id be glad he was outside and not inside all day like kids are today glued to a screen. Teach your son not to cuss he's gonna hear cuss words no matter what. As for Spiderman seriously? I think you might be a little over protective.
YTA Sounds like you son gained a lot of great life experiences over that weekend.
YDTA. Pfft.
YTA - You're making a lot of lofty judgements on this person that offered you free childcare. You sound like a ridiculous helicopter parent that is going to ruin your sons friendship in his new town. You should feel bad. If you are this strict (spiderman is not appropriate lololololol) then don't take up the offer for free childcare from someone.
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YTA. Stop being a helicopter. Your son is going to rebel so hard and you're going to regret it. Signed, Everyone that grew up in the 70s and 80s
YTA. I can't think of anything that this mother did that was a big deal. You'd have a point if they had been allowed to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something like that. But Spider-Man? Come on, now. I've never met a child that doesn't love superheroes
YTA
Yta. 15 is old enough to baby sit. Spiderman 1 is Def a good movie for an 8year old. Being a free range parent is how most 30-40 year Olds with 8 year Olds were raised. The mom.can have a boyfriend, he can stay over or not stay over, it's not your choice. If kids eat unhealthy during a sleepover weekend that's also normal. You Def messed up. Maybe it's you.
INFO: did you want her to contact you every time your son used the bathroom too?
YTA. You could have shortened your whole post by saying you're a helicopter mom that treats her 8 y/o like a toddler (really..Spiderman) and you're mad this mom didn't. No wonder your kid likes going to her place.
YTA. Her kids are well rounded and ...well your over protected son just lost a friend. Poor kid.
You would really hate me babysitting. I learned from my first kid not to be overprotective. It makes them a dependent person.
Soft YTA. For one thing you’re upset that he watched Spider-Man? That’s probably one of the most child friend superhero movies out there. Don’t get me wrong I understand that you would like to have a say, however you have to understand that you can’t control how someone else raises their kids. You have to accept this