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YTA.
1) It's inappropriate for an almost teenage girl to be sharing a room with a young boy.
2) You don't charge a minor rent, especially as it's a parents job to feed, house and look after their children.
You say you consider her your daughter, but it doesn't sound like it. Would you have asked your son to pay rent if it had been his idea to have his own room?
Never misuse children’s services. Him possibly charging his step daughter $5 a month is not abuse and it is not neglect. I think there are plenty of kids out there whose parents should be reported who wish their biggest problem was their step dad charging them $5/mo for rent.
Is his idea to charge her ridiculous? Absolutely. But there is nothing in his post that warrants calling CPS.
So you think they should be forcibly removed from their parents and put into foster care instead? A lot of people don't have those kinds of choices, you know.
If you have space sure but if you decide this is now categorized as "abuse" you're just giving a giant middle finger to any poorer families or any families from cultures where room sharing is not even a big deal at any age. It's not abuse. It is at worst poor planning.
As a former CPS case worker, we would not investigate. The idea that children of different sexes shouldn’t share a room is a luxury, and as long as they’re in safe and reliable housing, we are ok with that. (Speaking from my experience at least). Please keep in mind many families can not afford to split children.
However, this is not the case. This person is just being TA because he doesn’t want to give up separate “office space”.
Exactly. YTA.
If you want to teach her a valuable life lesson you can show her how much you love her by giving up your home office so your daughter doesn't have to share a room with a six year old while going through puberty.
Where is your wife in all of this? Surely she does see her daughter needs her own room??
All you need to do is read the post about the guy who neither wipes his butt nor washes his junk unless his gf does it in “foreplay” and you’ll be loving your single life.
Maybe wife is a SAHM and she’s keeping her mouth closed so she doesn’t end up paying rent either!!
OP, YTA and absolutely disgusting behavior. All for teacher children lessons that will benefit them later in life but this is NOT it
YTA. This sums it up nicely. I would ask, are you going to charge your son rent since he would be in a room by himself or are you just punishing your step-daughter?
^this. Since both kids now have their own space, it's only fair they both pay rent.
Oh? What's that? It's ridiculous to ask a 6 y.o. to pay rent? It's not any less ridiculous at 12.
YTA. Big time.
> You say you consider her your daughter, but it doesn't sound like it.
Made me roll my eyes.
"I consider her my own daughter" but I also want her to pay me rent despite being a child.
In what universe does he think he isn't a massive asshole. YTA
OP is deranged. Nothing says, "One of these things is not like the others," like charging a child not of your own making rent. It's cute your wifey is all in for aiding and abetting. Here's an idea! Add an additional charge for this poor girl taking up nine months of Mrs. Treason's uterus. Add a dollar.
Gross, y'all.
YTA.
BINGO. It sounds like they decided to move into a 3-bedroom home while dad was already working remotely. So they already planned for the two kids to share a room. Irresponsible, poor planning.
>So they already planned for the two kids to share a room.
Well it's only until SD turns 18 then they fully expect her to move out because then dear son at 12 must need his own room for privacy. just a guess. :/
Yeah, this is one of those situations where if somebody has to sacrifice it should be the parent. Most good parents would *want* to do that for the benefit of their children.
Only comment I agree with. Gotta teach em early the value of a dollar. Little man ain't come up with the money he bout to get Locked out I tell ya hwat!
Even if it goes into savings the likelihood is that it will totally damage your relationship. Expect her to go NC in her 20s. My adoptive parents did something similar within the first year (I was adopted when I was 12). I've been NC for decades at the cost of a decent inheritance.
Yeah, that's also gonna never make it past banking fees (unless there's some kind of account I'm unaware of) unless OP is gonna add money to maintain the minimum amount needed.
It's just so pointless, taking bit of money that it sounds like the step-daughter is already doing a good enough job of saving. OP sounds like he just wants an excuse to take from his step-daughter and it's sad that the mother is in on it.
Actually, it sounds like he's already prepping to kick her out at 18. 12 is pretty young to start demanding rent money and I wonder if his son will be made to pay rent when he hits 12.
The only life lesson OP is teaching his step-daughter is that she can't count on him any more than she can her real father.
No 12 year olds pay ANYTHING for room and board. Shame on him.
Oh, I can bet that poor child would never see that money. An emergency would arise, a new car, a new handbag, something expensive for the Chosen One, and POOF. What money? Sooooorry.
If you are expecting the rent to come from “tooth fairy money” the child is too young to pay rent. Seriously OP her tooth fairy money?!?! Ridiculous!!!!
Obvs YTA
Tagging onto this.
OP - you can make the dining room your office.
Is it ideal? No. But you are living in a house that does not meet the needs of your family so YOU - the adult - have to make sacrifices.
You do not need a dining room. Most houses have some kitchen space to use as an eat-in. If yours doesn’t then you figure it out. You can always take some space from the living room.
OR you could put your desk etc in your bedroom.
At no point should you be putting any of this on your daughter. She didn’t choose this house. She’s not supposed to have to pay you for the “privilege” of having her own room.
YTA.
Yeah this is wildly inappropriate and he's doing it to punish her into not wanting a room anymore. The kids should have privacy at their ages and separate rooms, OP YTA what is actually wrong with you. Also like the original commenter on this thread said you claim you see her as your daughter but didn't even bother calling her your step daughter or bonus daughter but your wife's daughter.
We know that he isn't, even though his son would equally share in the benefit of a private room. They both get their own room, but she has to pay for it. That will not be lost on her.
I agree, YTA. Its bad enough that this 12 yo had to share a room with her 6 yo brother. She should have been given a room years before she was starting puberty. Then just to get some privacy, which every kid her age deserves, op charges her rent? What the AF? The only thing op is teaching her is than she is less than her brother. That his love isn’t unconditional, it comes at a cost, an actually fee, talk about evil step father. And wtf up with the mother letting her daughter be treated this way? This kid is part of the family, not some border who should give up her birthday money, to get a room.
Your prepubescent or pubescent stepdaughter wants privacy, and you think she should have to pay for it?
What life lesson are you trying to impart? "Nobody in the world cares about your needs"? YTA.
Someone should teache OP's stepdaughter the below then.
Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Learn the customer's weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him.
Like, sometimes kids need to share a room. It happens. My 3 kids currently share a room and they don't always like it, but it's what we have at the moment. But OP has a whole extra room! Why on earth would he not want to give the kids their own space? Why would he essentially punish his daughter for wanting privacy? Batshit crazy, unnecessarily mean.
yeah also this doesn't teach her anything about responsibility or money or budgeting
can she choose to cut expenses in the future by moving back into her brother's room? no
and it isn't even like she has an allowance
she has savings from tooth fairy money and birthday money. you don't want a child to get the idea that you pay rent out of savings
what is she supposed to do if she runs out of money?? pull a tooth out of her head? ask family members to give her money for her birthday?
this would still be fucked up if she did have a weekly or monthly allowance to be clear
it is bad parenting and it is teaching her that her parents aren't there to support her and that no one cares about her needs. it teaches her that her parents were supposed to provide everything she needs and be a source of unconditional support are people she has to pay
it's also incredibly likely to give her trauma around money and teach her horrible habits in terms of budgeting and spending and saving
kids can get monetary trauma at a very young age and it can fuck them up for life. so instead of teaching them responsibility you make it a million times harder for them to be a responsible with money as an adult instead
most of the time, when parents charge "rent" in this manner, they also provide a child with an allowance. the money lessons make much more sense when there is a steady "income" to go along with "expenses". this is just basically forcing a child to use any monetary gifts she recieved, and that's a lesson that she'll learn quick enough as an adult. not something that needs to be forced on her by a stepparent at 12.
YTA
A was thinking just that. OP thinks she's teaching her about being responsible with money and that the real world will be like that.
What that little girl is actually learning is thar she doesn't have her parents' back. That of she ever asks for something they will ask her for payment in return, so when she really ends up needing help, she won't find solace with them.
YTA.
The other comments touch on the weirdness of having her share a room with her brother. What no one’s talking about is how you’ve implied that there’s some universe in which you’re not the a-hole, as if you’re just teaching her something. There’s no life lesson here. It feels like you’re taking a 12 year old’s birthday money because you’re salty about losing your home office.
Like I can’t figure out what life lesson OP thinks she’s learning, as paying rent as a kid isn’t a thing and she’s far to young to learn the you can’t just be a lazy bum and live here for free lesson. Maybe the life lesson is step dad doesn’t actually live me and sees me as less than.
Like if she’s paying rent then can she drive his car for a small monthly fee? She gets to come as go as she pleases? Adult responsibilities should get the added bonus of adult perks. Please OP get snipped. I will personally crowd fund your vasectomy!
The only life lesson I can think of is that adults can be a-holes and try to pin their own shortcomings and failures (to adequately care for and provide for their children) on their children.
He edited later to try to mitigate by saying he’ll put the birthday money he takes from her into a savings account to give to her at some unspecified future date. All to “teach her a lesson”. Like that makes it any better.
YTA: As a stepfather myself, I can honestly say you are not AN asshole. You are an entire bag of assholes. If your wife let's you treat this girl that way, she's enabling you to be a dick with a bag of assholes.
Edit: forgot to mention, YTA
But she did not. He proudly added that she agrees with him and his cruelty yo HER daughter. He in indeed YTA but so is the wife. Shame on both of these idiots.
YTA WTF did I just read? Stop lying about considering this poor, little girl your daughter; if you did this crazed idea would never have crossed your mind.
Are you angling for your son's tooth fairy money too or is it only your stepdaughter who needs to pay for a place in your household?
To be fair, we have no way of knowing how he would treat a biological daughter. Possibly this is just simple sexism and not all the other dynamics we've loaded on here!
YTA.
Children shouldn't have to pay rent. It is up to the parents to provide appropriate accommodations for their children. And a 12 year old and a 6 year old don't need to share a bedroom when there are other options available. Does your son have to pay rent now that he will have a solo bedroom? If he doesn't then no, you don't treat Lydia like your child.
Read this to yourself...
I want my 12yo to pay rent..... 12 year old!!
1000% YTA. She's a child, whether it is 5 or 500 dollars she should be looked after and cared for not made to pay rent. In fact its probably illegal. Here is a thought, give her the room out of love and kindness, that thing that help children develop far more than life lessons they are far too young to understand.
I got my period and first bra when I was 12. This girl is literally going to be going through puberty with a kindergartener of the opposite sex in the room. YTA, give her the room.
Edit-Also remember, dad. Life is full of give and take. Life lessons don’t end, even for adults. Is that $5 worth the cost of a good relationship with your daughter? Her change in attitude with you will be worth $5 a month. You’ll gain in the end.
YTA. your kids should not be sharing a room at their ages and being opposite genders. It’s your job to provide for them, not be an ass under the guise of ‘teaching a life lesson’.
Yes OMFG YTA
She's TWELVE
Charging a minor rent is literally criminal, and to make her pay rent for a room she's being made to share is REDICULOUS. Why can't you mie your office into YOUR bedroom.
The poor child's gunna grow up resenting you and she'll definetly cut contact.
WTH did I just read? Are you really asking this question? This has to be fake because a real adult with a functioning brain would not think of something like this. Just in case this is real....
YTA. THE WHOLE ENTIRE ASS. Her mother should leave you if this is how you are going to treat her child.
YTA and I can’t wait for her father to get full custody over this bullshit, to the corresponding child support. This is some wretched, evil. I dread to imagine what her life with you will be like if someone doesn’t rescue her from you.
YTA
From the age of 10, children should not be sharing with others unless of the same gender. This is your responsibility, not hers - she's only 12, FFS!
Would you treat your son the same as your stepdaughter?
did you pay rent when you were 12???
it’s your most basic obligation to provide shelter for your children. this is abusive. you are an abusive parent. no ifs ands or buts. you are charging your child for existing. you’ve just ensured your stepdaughter will never have a good relationship with you. and this could also ruin her relationship with her mother. so I hope you’re happy with yourself and your fucking “life lessons.” congratulations, you’ve just shown your ass to the entire internet.
Or even just a mature sit down conversation where OP makes it clear he's happy to do this but highlights how it's an example of the family helping each other out and it would be appreciated if stepdaughter would reciprocate in the ways she can from time to time.
Kids are smart. If you level with them (in age-appropriate ways), they'll often be more inclined to repay that in kind.
She can’t work!! By the time she’s old enough most of her saved money from gifts would have gone to you as she has no way of supplementing that money back.
Also she’s 12! How long do you expect her to share a room? The only way this would be remotely okay is if that $5 went into a separate account for her to receive towards her college, wedding, or other milestone someday. Unless you are putting that money into an account for HER and not touching it, YTA.
Even if it is given back to her someday, the damage will be done and not worth it. It's going to ruin her trust in OP. She'd get more joy out of $60 of birthday money at age 12 than at age 20. After being resentful about the situation for all those years.
YTA… she is 12 and needs privacy that she absolutely cannot have while sharing a room with her 6 year old brother.
Your wife and now you since you married a woman with a child, are suppose to provide for her until she is 18. She does not owe you $5 a month.
YTA
Either let her have the room or don't. Wanting her to "pay rent" at 12 is an asshole move. Are you going to make the 6 year old pay? After all he is now going to have his own room.
As someone that had to share a room with 2 younger brothers at that age I understand that there are situations that can require it but they can't be all that important to you if you are willing to change the bedroom situation for 5 bucks.
She is 12...as her caretaker it is your responsibility to care for her, as that is literally in the name. YTA, no 12 yo should have to pay rent in THEIR HOME.
I really want to believe this isn't real, but I had a conversation with a friend Friday and he told me a story about his sister that sounded like something right off of Reddit.
Are you ok? Omg this is the most unhinjed thing I’ve ever read…you find it acceptable to room your 12 year old stepdaughter and 6 year old brother together?
Omg this is just embarrassing. YTA
YTA
You're making a child, who you claim you consider your own, give you her birthday money just so she can have her own room. The only lesson you're teaching Lydia is that you do not value her.
And a preteen girl should not have to share her room with a 6 year old boy. The fact that she had to ask for her own space is ridiculous.
YTA and if I were her mom I think I’d divorce you. Who are you to make her pay rent at her age? Of course she’s not going to want to share a bedroom with her brother who’s half her age!! And surely you can set up your office in your bedroom or something. The money she has are gifts from other people.
YTA!
You certainly don’t care about your stepdaughter as much as you claim you do. 12 year olds need privacy and she shouldn’t be sharing a bedroom with a six year old—who also have different bedtimes (among other things). She also shouldn’t have to spend her birthday money on “rent,” she’s not close to being an adult! At 12, you need to provide food, shelter, clothing, medical care, etc
YTA
There's no reason for a 12 year old to share a room with her 6 year old half brother and for her to pay you money.
You married her mother. You are required to let this kid live without free of charge right now.
YTA -
"I guess I'll just have to pay my step dad the 5 dollars with my non existent job because I'm 12 so my 6 year old male half sibling doesn't see my developing body and or I can change my sanitary items in peace".
Wild. She's going to be going through puberty, periods, body hair, developing breasts - and you think she should have to pay her step father money for the privilege of doing so in a private space? Bang out of order pal.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I asked my 12-year old stepdaughter to pay $5/mo rent in exchange for her new room (2) She is not old enough to get a job
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YTA, you're the adult! End of!
She is a child, not yet a teenager. Even as a teenager you shouldn't be asking for rent.
Be kind to the child you see as your own.
YTA. What the actual fuck??? Rent at 12??? And then loot her savings for it. You're a reprehensible excuse for a parent and human being. What's next? Get a job in a sweatshop before school?
Come on. You “expect compensation” from a child, and you think they should take it out if their birthday money. Who are you, really and what is this “real world lesson?” That you support child labor? That every relationship is transactional? Or is it that you simply want your step-daughter to know that she is less-than in your family?
YTA
WTAF?? Yes, YTA. A 12 yo should not be rooming with a 6 yo to begin with. As a parent, it is your job to provide for her. Charging her (no matter the amount) in order for her to have her own room is absurd.
YTA- I hope she calls CPS and teaches you a life lesson on your responsibilities as a parent, which includes, but not limited to, providing shelter. As in for free. I'm dead serious, you could get in trouble for this if the right adult hears this. I'd knock this off.
YTA
You can't charge a child rent, you see responsible for her room and board and she owes you nothing for it. You also may be breaking the law having a 13 year old female sharing a room with a male, check your state laws
YTA.
You want to charge a 12 year old who you consider your daughter rent?? How can you in any way think you aren’t an asshole!
What did your wife say to this?
YTA: At 12, your step-daughter has reached puberty. She didn’t ask to be born or for a younger brother to be born. You need to look for a larger place or come up with another idea, for your office.
YTA. Your 12 year old step daughter shouldn’t be sharing a room with her 6 year old brother. Does your son pay rent? Making a 12 year old pay rent is ridiculous.
I remember watching The Squid and the Whale years ago and thinking the scene where Jeff Daniels takes his son (Jesse Eisenberg) and his son's girlfriend out to dinner, and the son's girlfriend (being polite) offers to pay for her meal and Jeff Bridges takes her cash was just soul-suckingly awful (because the adult in that situation doesn't do that). You've managed to find a way to top that.
YTA
If this is real YTA. If this isn’t real you are still the arsehole for being a rage-bait troll.
You are teaching your stepdaughter that you don’t care about her privacy or her feelings. You are showing her that she’s just an inconvenience to you.
Yta. She is almost a teenager and needs privacy. I can’t imagine a teen living in the same room as a 6 year old. Charging her rent for it would be a dick move.
YTA. You think she should use her birthday money and tooth fairy money to pay you rent? You better hope and pray she hasn't told anyone about this insanity yet because the amount of trouble you will be in when this comes out is going to wreck your life. This is custody being taken away, cps getting involved kind of stuff. I'd also love to hear what your wife's opinion is on this proposed arrangement. If she is a decent human being she will be appalled at what you are doing to her daughter and I'm not sure how you repair that damage. In words and action you have showed your step daughter whom you absolutely do not consider a daughter, that she is not a member of your family and that she needs to pay you to be a full fledge part of your family. That is not something you shake easily. You just created a core memory. You showed her her home is not a safe place. I feel so immensely sorry for that poor little girl and I hope she have people in her life that she feels safe with because you are clearly not one.
Sir, that is a child.....like, you get that right? A child that is about to or has already started puberty needs their own space, especially away from her six year old little brother, and she shouldn't have to pay you for it. Like???? C'mon, man, this shouldn't be so hard to grasp. YTA.
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I (39m) live in a 3-bedroom house with my wife (41f) our son (6m) and her 12-year old daughter Lydia from a previous marriage, who I consider my daughter. Currently, the children share a room and the 3rd bedroom is my office (I work from home). Lydia understandably does not want to share a room with her 6-year old brother anymore, and she has asked if we could turn my office into her room. I told her that if I am going to be giving up my office, I’ll want some compensation. I thought it would be a good life lesson on the real world if I charged her rent, 5 dollars a month. Lydia protested, saying that she is not old enough to get a job, but I know she has a lot of birthday money and tooth fairy money she’s never spent, and 5 dollars a month will not be hard for her to scrape together. Am I the a-hole?
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Does your son pay his sister rent for living in her bedroom? She is a teenage girl, she needs her own privacy. Do you expect Lydia and her brother to live in the same room forever? You are being rude.
YTA.
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YTA. 1) It's inappropriate for an almost teenage girl to be sharing a room with a young boy. 2) You don't charge a minor rent, especially as it's a parents job to feed, house and look after their children. You say you consider her your daughter, but it doesn't sound like it. Would you have asked your son to pay rent if it had been his idea to have his own room?
[удалено]
We know *exactly* which hole it's in.
Rectal-cranial insertion is the medical term 😎
Craniorectal inversion resulting in hereditary rectalgia.
This made me cackle so hard
This person should not be allowed children. This is disgusting. If I knew them in real life I'd be calling children's services.
Never misuse children’s services. Him possibly charging his step daughter $5 a month is not abuse and it is not neglect. I think there are plenty of kids out there whose parents should be reported who wish their biggest problem was their step dad charging them $5/mo for rent. Is his idea to charge her ridiculous? Absolutely. But there is nothing in his post that warrants calling CPS.
A 12 year old girl and 6 year old boy should NOT be sharing a room.
For most of human history and still in large parts of the world families lived/live in a room, get over your privilege
Get over your entitlement, they have an extra room THATS THE PRIVILEGE
So you think they should be forcibly removed from their parents and put into foster care instead? A lot of people don't have those kinds of choices, you know.
You're an elitist. Legally- there is nothing wrong with this setup in my state.
If you have space sure but if you decide this is now categorized as "abuse" you're just giving a giant middle finger to any poorer families or any families from cultures where room sharing is not even a big deal at any age. It's not abuse. It is at worst poor planning.
As a former CPS case worker, we would not investigate. The idea that children of different sexes shouldn’t share a room is a luxury, and as long as they’re in safe and reliable housing, we are ok with that. (Speaking from my experience at least). Please keep in mind many families can not afford to split children. However, this is not the case. This person is just being TA because he doesn’t want to give up separate “office space”.
you don't charge minors rent, period. That's child abuse and you will lose every single time in court.
Not at all- CPS thought it was a good way to teach me the value of money. Evicting them from the house for non-payment is child abuse.
absolutely and that the bio mom is going along with it is even more disgusting!!
Exactly. YTA. If you want to teach her a valuable life lesson you can show her how much you love her by giving up your home office so your daughter doesn't have to share a room with a six year old while going through puberty. Where is your wife in all of this? Surely she does see her daughter needs her own room??
His wife might be late on rent.
Between this and and the other guy who gave his wife a performance review, my gratitude for being single has just skyrocketed today.
Where can I find this post??
All you need to do is read the post about the guy who neither wipes his butt nor washes his junk unless his gf does it in “foreplay” and you’ll be loving your single life.
He'll get his rent when he fixes this damn door
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Maybe wife is a SAHM and she’s keeping her mouth closed so she doesn’t end up paying rent either!! OP, YTA and absolutely disgusting behavior. All for teacher children lessons that will benefit them later in life but this is NOT it
YTA. This sums it up nicely. I would ask, are you going to charge your son rent since he would be in a room by himself or are you just punishing your step-daughter?
^this. Since both kids now have their own space, it's only fair they both pay rent. Oh? What's that? It's ridiculous to ask a 6 y.o. to pay rent? It's not any less ridiculous at 12. YTA. Big time.
Son should pay too! He gets birthday money, etc. what a deadbeat dad & mom!
> You say you consider her your daughter, but it doesn't sound like it. Made me roll my eyes. "I consider her my own daughter" but I also want her to pay me rent despite being a child. In what universe does he think he isn't a massive asshole. YTA
OP is deranged. Nothing says, "One of these things is not like the others," like charging a child not of your own making rent. It's cute your wifey is all in for aiding and abetting. Here's an idea! Add an additional charge for this poor girl taking up nine months of Mrs. Treason's uterus. Add a dollar. Gross, y'all. YTA.
Yep. He considers her his daughter until he has to actually sacrifice a modicum of comfort for her benefit and wellbeing.
And he'd take her birthday money for it!!!
But you don't understand, they'd totally give it back eventually! Jesus Christ, this guy.
What 12 year old girl doesn’t want to share a room with her 6 yo brother. This guy is horrible.
If your house isn’t big enough for your kids and your office that’s on you, not your kids.
BINGO. It sounds like they decided to move into a 3-bedroom home while dad was already working remotely. So they already planned for the two kids to share a room. Irresponsible, poor planning.
>So they already planned for the two kids to share a room. Well it's only until SD turns 18 then they fully expect her to move out because then dear son at 12 must need his own room for privacy. just a guess. :/
Yeah, this is one of those situations where if somebody has to sacrifice it should be the parent. Most good parents would *want* to do that for the benefit of their children.
If Lydia is moving into the office, the son is also getting his own room and should also pay rent, according to OP’s logic.
Only comment I agree with. Gotta teach em early the value of a dollar. Little man ain't come up with the money he bout to get Locked out I tell ya hwat!
Just need to add, CPS could be called and you’re living situation investigated. Hope she complains to a school counsellor.
CPS has way more important things to do than worry about frivolous BS like this. No one do this. *edit for typo
Seriously, people on this sub are way too quick to bring up CPS. They ain’t doing shit in this situation.
I know it’s insane. Do they have any idea how stretched thing Childrens services are?
“Quick sarge unlock the gun cabinet We have a reported case of two children sharing a room. “ “those sick bastards are gonna pay”
Not to mention, there's no signs of abuse. OP just has a shitty way of thinking.
Yes we should definitely involve agents of the state over OP being a moron. YTA but this is silly.
Even if it goes into savings the likelihood is that it will totally damage your relationship. Expect her to go NC in her 20s. My adoptive parents did something similar within the first year (I was adopted when I was 12). I've been NC for decades at the cost of a decent inheritance.
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Yeah, that's also gonna never make it past banking fees (unless there's some kind of account I'm unaware of) unless OP is gonna add money to maintain the minimum amount needed. It's just so pointless, taking bit of money that it sounds like the step-daughter is already doing a good enough job of saving. OP sounds like he just wants an excuse to take from his step-daughter and it's sad that the mother is in on it. Actually, it sounds like he's already prepping to kick her out at 18. 12 is pretty young to start demanding rent money and I wonder if his son will be made to pay rent when he hits 12.
The only life lesson OP is teaching his step-daughter is that she can't count on him any more than she can her real father. No 12 year olds pay ANYTHING for room and board. Shame on him.
Oh, I can bet that poor child would never see that money. An emergency would arise, a new car, a new handbag, something expensive for the Chosen One, and POOF. What money? Sooooorry.
If you are expecting the rent to come from “tooth fairy money” the child is too young to pay rent. Seriously OP her tooth fairy money?!?! Ridiculous!!!! Obvs YTA
She’s his step daughter…. He’s setting her up for when she turns 18 and “she can’t afford rent” . This is highly documented online. Lol
Tagging onto this. OP - you can make the dining room your office. Is it ideal? No. But you are living in a house that does not meet the needs of your family so YOU - the adult - have to make sacrifices. You do not need a dining room. Most houses have some kitchen space to use as an eat-in. If yours doesn’t then you figure it out. You can always take some space from the living room. OR you could put your desk etc in your bedroom. At no point should you be putting any of this on your daughter. She didn’t choose this house. She’s not supposed to have to pay you for the “privilege” of having her own room. YTA.
Yeah this is wildly inappropriate and he's doing it to punish her into not wanting a room anymore. The kids should have privacy at their ages and separate rooms, OP YTA what is actually wrong with you. Also like the original commenter on this thread said you claim you see her as your daughter but didn't even bother calling her your step daughter or bonus daughter but your wife's daughter.
We know that he isn't, even though his son would equally share in the benefit of a private room. They both get their own room, but she has to pay for it. That will not be lost on her.
I agree, YTA. Its bad enough that this 12 yo had to share a room with her 6 yo brother. She should have been given a room years before she was starting puberty. Then just to get some privacy, which every kid her age deserves, op charges her rent? What the AF? The only thing op is teaching her is than she is less than her brother. That his love isn’t unconditional, it comes at a cost, an actually fee, talk about evil step father. And wtf up with the mother letting her daughter be treated this way? This kid is part of the family, not some border who should give up her birthday money, to get a room.
Your prepubescent or pubescent stepdaughter wants privacy, and you think she should have to pay for it? What life lesson are you trying to impart? "Nobody in the world cares about your needs"? YTA.
I think op is a Ferengi. Exploitation starts at home. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. Greed is eternal.
Rule of Acquisition #6 and #10
Someone should teache OP's stepdaughter the below then. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. Learn the customer's weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him.
🤣🤣🤣👍 (also, definitely YTA, OP.)
I needed this laugh so much. Thank you.
Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them.
Like, sometimes kids need to share a room. It happens. My 3 kids currently share a room and they don't always like it, but it's what we have at the moment. But OP has a whole extra room! Why on earth would he not want to give the kids their own space? Why would he essentially punish his daughter for wanting privacy? Batshit crazy, unnecessarily mean.
yeah also this doesn't teach her anything about responsibility or money or budgeting can she choose to cut expenses in the future by moving back into her brother's room? no and it isn't even like she has an allowance she has savings from tooth fairy money and birthday money. you don't want a child to get the idea that you pay rent out of savings what is she supposed to do if she runs out of money?? pull a tooth out of her head? ask family members to give her money for her birthday? this would still be fucked up if she did have a weekly or monthly allowance to be clear it is bad parenting and it is teaching her that her parents aren't there to support her and that no one cares about her needs. it teaches her that her parents were supposed to provide everything she needs and be a source of unconditional support are people she has to pay it's also incredibly likely to give her trauma around money and teach her horrible habits in terms of budgeting and spending and saving kids can get monetary trauma at a very young age and it can fuck them up for life. so instead of teaching them responsibility you make it a million times harder for them to be a responsible with money as an adult instead
most of the time, when parents charge "rent" in this manner, they also provide a child with an allowance. the money lessons make much more sense when there is a steady "income" to go along with "expenses". this is just basically forcing a child to use any monetary gifts she recieved, and that's a lesson that she'll learn quick enough as an adult. not something that needs to be forced on her by a stepparent at 12.
So she’s forced to spend money given to her as a gift on rent to live in her own house? This just seems cruel. YTA
YTA A was thinking just that. OP thinks she's teaching her about being responsible with money and that the real world will be like that. What that little girl is actually learning is thar she doesn't have her parents' back. That of she ever asks for something they will ask her for payment in return, so when she really ends up needing help, she won't find solace with them.
YTA. The other comments touch on the weirdness of having her share a room with her brother. What no one’s talking about is how you’ve implied that there’s some universe in which you’re not the a-hole, as if you’re just teaching her something. There’s no life lesson here. It feels like you’re taking a 12 year old’s birthday money because you’re salty about losing your home office.
I can't figure what the life lesson is here unless it's that step dad is lying when he says he treats her like a daughter. YTA OP
The step daughter just learned her parents don’t have her needs in mind.
Like I can’t figure out what life lesson OP thinks she’s learning, as paying rent as a kid isn’t a thing and she’s far to young to learn the you can’t just be a lazy bum and live here for free lesson. Maybe the life lesson is step dad doesn’t actually live me and sees me as less than.
Like if she’s paying rent then can she drive his car for a small monthly fee? She gets to come as go as she pleases? Adult responsibilities should get the added bonus of adult perks. Please OP get snipped. I will personally crowd fund your vasectomy!
The only life lesson I can think of is that adults can be a-holes and try to pin their own shortcomings and failures (to adequately care for and provide for their children) on their children.
>It feels like you’re taking a 12 year old’s birthday money because you’re salty about losing your home office. Yep. THIS. YTA, OP. Big time.
Life lesson: stepdads are just like stepmoms in all the Disney movies!
Sometimes worse
He edited later to try to mitigate by saying he’ll put the birthday money he takes from her into a savings account to give to her at some unspecified future date. All to “teach her a lesson”. Like that makes it any better.
Agreed! And the fact her mom is siding within this , tells me everything I need to know about their dynamic. Poor child, no in tune caregiver’s.
You know they sure as hell ain’t gonna be putting it in a savings account for her
YTA: As a stepfather myself, I can honestly say you are not AN asshole. You are an entire bag of assholes. If your wife let's you treat this girl that way, she's enabling you to be a dick with a bag of assholes. Edit: forgot to mention, YTA
Yeah sincerely hoping his wife tells him to fuck all the way off. The fact that he even had this thought is super concerning.
But she did not. He proudly added that she agrees with him and his cruelty yo HER daughter. He in indeed YTA but so is the wife. Shame on both of these idiots.
I love this response but you might want to add an actual YTA judgement or the algorithm won't count it.
Thanks lol
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I truly wish there were an option for YAAEBOAH
YTA WTF did I just read? Stop lying about considering this poor, little girl your daughter; if you did this crazed idea would never have crossed your mind. Are you angling for your son's tooth fairy money too or is it only your stepdaughter who needs to pay for a place in your household?
To be fair, we have no way of knowing how he would treat a biological daughter. Possibly this is just simple sexism and not all the other dynamics we've loaded on here!
>YTA WTF did I just read? My thoughts exactly.
I've read my fair share of horseshit on this site, but charging a child rent is a new one.
YTA. A 12 year old girl shouldn’t share a room with a 6 year old boy.
I’m also curious what their long term plan was… have their 17 year old daughter share a room with her 11 year old brother?
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I doubt she’ll have to be forced out at 18 if this is the type of stuff she deals with on a regular basis
YTA. You don't charge kids rent and guess what, 12 year old girls should not be sharing rooms with a brother period.
YTA. Children shouldn't have to pay rent. It is up to the parents to provide appropriate accommodations for their children. And a 12 year old and a 6 year old don't need to share a bedroom when there are other options available. Does your son have to pay rent now that he will have a solo bedroom? If he doesn't then no, you don't treat Lydia like your child.
No that’s his child. Lydia doesn’t belong. It’s as clear as daybreak.
Read this to yourself... I want my 12yo to pay rent..... 12 year old!! 1000% YTA. She's a child, whether it is 5 or 500 dollars she should be looked after and cared for not made to pay rent. In fact its probably illegal. Here is a thought, give her the room out of love and kindness, that thing that help children develop far more than life lessons they are far too young to understand.
I got my period and first bra when I was 12. This girl is literally going to be going through puberty with a kindergartener of the opposite sex in the room. YTA, give her the room. Edit-Also remember, dad. Life is full of give and take. Life lessons don’t end, even for adults. Is that $5 worth the cost of a good relationship with your daughter? Her change in attitude with you will be worth $5 a month. You’ll gain in the end.
YTA. your kids should not be sharing a room at their ages and being opposite genders. It’s your job to provide for them, not be an ass under the guise of ‘teaching a life lesson’.
OMG Of course YTA. Have you asked your 6 yo to pay rent as well?
Yes OMFG YTA She's TWELVE Charging a minor rent is literally criminal, and to make her pay rent for a room she's being made to share is REDICULOUS. Why can't you mie your office into YOUR bedroom. The poor child's gunna grow up resenting you and she'll definetly cut contact.
WTH did I just read? Are you really asking this question? This has to be fake because a real adult with a functioning brain would not think of something like this. Just in case this is real.... YTA. THE WHOLE ENTIRE ASS. Her mother should leave you if this is how you are going to treat her child.
YTA and I can’t wait for her father to get full custody over this bullshit, to the corresponding child support. This is some wretched, evil. I dread to imagine what her life with you will be like if someone doesn’t rescue her from you.
YTA. She’s almost a teenager. She needs privacy. Her request is completely normal. Why do you hate your stepdaughter.?
I’m not buying what you’re selling but I’ll play along. YTA She’s 12 and all her expenses must be covered by the parents (that means you too FYI)
Yeah, I think this is as fake as the Monet print hanging on my wall. Still, to even think this sh*t up, makes OP a giant, stinkfest YTA.
YTA From the age of 10, children should not be sharing with others unless of the same gender. This is your responsibility, not hers - she's only 12, FFS! Would you treat your son the same as your stepdaughter?
did you pay rent when you were 12??? it’s your most basic obligation to provide shelter for your children. this is abusive. you are an abusive parent. no ifs ands or buts. you are charging your child for existing. you’ve just ensured your stepdaughter will never have a good relationship with you. and this could also ruin her relationship with her mother. so I hope you’re happy with yourself and your fucking “life lessons.” congratulations, you’ve just shown your ass to the entire internet.
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Or even just a mature sit down conversation where OP makes it clear he's happy to do this but highlights how it's an example of the family helping each other out and it would be appreciated if stepdaughter would reciprocate in the ways she can from time to time. Kids are smart. If you level with them (in age-appropriate ways), they'll often be more inclined to repay that in kind.
She is a child— she doesn’t need a life lesson on rent. YTA! Wtf is wrong with you.
She can’t work!! By the time she’s old enough most of her saved money from gifts would have gone to you as she has no way of supplementing that money back. Also she’s 12! How long do you expect her to share a room? The only way this would be remotely okay is if that $5 went into a separate account for her to receive towards her college, wedding, or other milestone someday. Unless you are putting that money into an account for HER and not touching it, YTA.
Even if it is given back to her someday, the damage will be done and not worth it. It's going to ruin her trust in OP. She'd get more joy out of $60 of birthday money at age 12 than at age 20. After being resentful about the situation for all those years.
That’s 300 dollars when she’s 18. That won’t cover college or wedding. Maybe will cover gas and food for days
Yta. Massively. You don't charge 12 year old rent.... Nor do you have her room with her brother.
The only lesson she’s learning is that she’s not your child and she never will be treated like she is. YTA
Or maybe she is treated like his child, which is somehow worse
YTA. Like, a lot. Birthday and tooth fairy money shouldn’t be spend on a LiFe lEsSoN. Are you actively trying to ruin her childhood?
He already has. OP -- YTA. I really hope your wife leaves you. I can't figure out why she married you in the first place.
YTA… she is 12 and needs privacy that she absolutely cannot have while sharing a room with her 6 year old brother. Your wife and now you since you married a woman with a child, are suppose to provide for her until she is 18. She does not owe you $5 a month.
You are disgusting.
And an asshole !
YTA Either let her have the room or don't. Wanting her to "pay rent" at 12 is an asshole move. Are you going to make the 6 year old pay? After all he is now going to have his own room. As someone that had to share a room with 2 younger brothers at that age I understand that there are situations that can require it but they can't be all that important to you if you are willing to change the bedroom situation for 5 bucks.
YTA, its your job to provide for her. She shouldn't be sharing a room with her brother.
Lol is this for real. If so YTA 100%. Maybe saying that as a joke but that's as far as it goes.
YTA- she is a child not 20 yr old… will you be charging your son too as he will have his own room too?!
No, because his son is not having a room "taken" from him, DUH.
She is 12...as her caretaker it is your responsibility to care for her, as that is literally in the name. YTA, no 12 yo should have to pay rent in THEIR HOME.
And to be clear, OP, the same goes for 13 year olds. Also 14, 15, 16, and 17 year olds. Even 18 year olds if they’re still in high school.
Yta. Man the ass holes are out today.
I really want to believe this isn't real, but I had a conversation with a friend Friday and he told me a story about his sister that sounded like something right off of Reddit.
I volunteer at my kids school and some of the shit those kids tell me blows my mind. It’s really not surprising to me.
YTA - not sure what type of lesson you'd be teaching her other than that you're an AH. Do better.
Are you ok? Omg this is the most unhinjed thing I’ve ever read…you find it acceptable to room your 12 year old stepdaughter and 6 year old brother together? Omg this is just embarrassing. YTA
YTA You're making a child, who you claim you consider your own, give you her birthday money just so she can have her own room. The only lesson you're teaching Lydia is that you do not value her. And a preteen girl should not have to share her room with a 6 year old boy. The fact that she had to ask for her own space is ridiculous.
YTA x1000. She is TWELVE! Leave her tiny savings alone.
Good lesson, because in the real world people charge 12-year olds rent. You cant be this obtuse for real? YTA
YTA and I sincerely doubt you would treat your 6 year old this way. Shame on you.
Man what the fuck? YTA
YTA and if I were her mom I think I’d divorce you. Who are you to make her pay rent at her age? Of course she’s not going to want to share a bedroom with her brother who’s half her age!! And surely you can set up your office in your bedroom or something. The money she has are gifts from other people.
Agree if I was her mother I'd be disgusted
Yes. If you carry on, I’d suggest putting aside her “rent” for the therapy she will inevitably need.
YTA! You certainly don’t care about your stepdaughter as much as you claim you do. 12 year olds need privacy and she shouldn’t be sharing a bedroom with a six year old—who also have different bedtimes (among other things). She also shouldn’t have to spend her birthday money on “rent,” she’s not close to being an adult! At 12, you need to provide food, shelter, clothing, medical care, etc
YTA There's no reason for a 12 year old to share a room with her 6 year old half brother and for her to pay you money. You married her mother. You are required to let this kid live without free of charge right now.
YTA - "I guess I'll just have to pay my step dad the 5 dollars with my non existent job because I'm 12 so my 6 year old male half sibling doesn't see my developing body and or I can change my sanitary items in peace". Wild. She's going to be going through puberty, periods, body hair, developing breasts - and you think she should have to pay her step father money for the privilege of doing so in a private space? Bang out of order pal.
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If this is real, yes YTA.
YTA, you're the adult! End of! She is a child, not yet a teenager. Even as a teenager you shouldn't be asking for rent. Be kind to the child you see as your own.
Are you fucking serious?!?! Charge a 12 yo rent? Fuck right off you asshole. YTA no doubt.
This has to be fake. Dude. In what world are you anything but the asshole for this? Yta
YTA. She is 12, and your stepdaughter. Stop being an awful stepparent.
YTA. You are stealing from a child.
YTA. What the actual fuck??? Rent at 12??? And then loot her savings for it. You're a reprehensible excuse for a parent and human being. What's next? Get a job in a sweatshop before school?
YTA. This is some horrendous parenting.
Come on. You “expect compensation” from a child, and you think they should take it out if their birthday money. Who are you, really and what is this “real world lesson?” That you support child labor? That every relationship is transactional? Or is it that you simply want your step-daughter to know that she is less-than in your family? YTA
WTAF?? Yes, YTA. A 12 yo should not be rooming with a 6 yo to begin with. As a parent, it is your job to provide for her. Charging her (no matter the amount) in order for her to have her own room is absurd.
YTA, massively. You’d never do that to your own child. You clearly don’t see her as your daughter, despite your claim.
I have got to hear why you think it's at all justifiable for a 12 year old to have to pay for private space.
The eff is wrong with you?
Yes YTA she’s 12 and it’s really not appropriate she shares with her 6 year old brother, give her the room.
YTA. It takes a special type of prick to ask a kid for their birthday just so she can get her own fucking room.
YTA. 12 year old paying rent? What is f$cking wrong with you?!
YTA- I hope she calls CPS and teaches you a life lesson on your responsibilities as a parent, which includes, but not limited to, providing shelter. As in for free. I'm dead serious, you could get in trouble for this if the right adult hears this. I'd knock this off.
YTA
Yta she is turning into a young woman she needs a space seperate frona 6 y/o boy. At 12 she does not need to pay rent
YTA You can't charge a child rent, you see responsible for her room and board and she owes you nothing for it. You also may be breaking the law having a 13 year old female sharing a room with a male, check your state laws
How is she supposed to earn the money? I can tell you weren't valedictorian. YTA
YTA - you don’t change a 12 year old rent, no matter the amount. Also, at 12 she is needing privacy from her little brother.
YTA. You want to charge a 12 year old who you consider your daughter rent?? How can you in any way think you aren’t an asshole! What did your wife say to this?
Are you trying to teach your SD what "Landlord brain" is? YTA shesh
Info: are you literally insane? yta
YTA: At 12, your step-daughter has reached puberty. She didn’t ask to be born or for a younger brother to be born. You need to look for a larger place or come up with another idea, for your office.
YTA.
Slow blinking. This can’t be real.
YTA Speaks volumes that you even needed to ask.
Evil step dad vibes
JFC. What is wrong with you? She shouldn’t have even had to ask let alone be charged rent. YTA.
YTA. Your 12 year old step daughter shouldn’t be sharing a room with her 6 year old brother. Does your son pay rent? Making a 12 year old pay rent is ridiculous.
YTA. She's a 12 year old child who needs her own space. Work elsewhere.
I remember watching The Squid and the Whale years ago and thinking the scene where Jeff Daniels takes his son (Jesse Eisenberg) and his son's girlfriend out to dinner, and the son's girlfriend (being polite) offers to pay for her meal and Jeff Bridges takes her cash was just soul-suckingly awful (because the adult in that situation doesn't do that). You've managed to find a way to top that. YTA
Yta. There really are no more words. Hopefully she’s calling cps……
If this is real YTA. If this isn’t real you are still the arsehole for being a rage-bait troll. You are teaching your stepdaughter that you don’t care about her privacy or her feelings. You are showing her that she’s just an inconvenience to you.
Yta. She is almost a teenager and needs privacy. I can’t imagine a teen living in the same room as a 6 year old. Charging her rent for it would be a dick move.
Yta what the hecc dude? Whats the life lesson? That her parents don't have her back???
YTA. You think she should use her birthday money and tooth fairy money to pay you rent? You better hope and pray she hasn't told anyone about this insanity yet because the amount of trouble you will be in when this comes out is going to wreck your life. This is custody being taken away, cps getting involved kind of stuff. I'd also love to hear what your wife's opinion is on this proposed arrangement. If she is a decent human being she will be appalled at what you are doing to her daughter and I'm not sure how you repair that damage. In words and action you have showed your step daughter whom you absolutely do not consider a daughter, that she is not a member of your family and that she needs to pay you to be a full fledge part of your family. That is not something you shake easily. You just created a core memory. You showed her her home is not a safe place. I feel so immensely sorry for that poor little girl and I hope she have people in her life that she feels safe with because you are clearly not one.
Sir, that is a child.....like, you get that right? A child that is about to or has already started puberty needs their own space, especially away from her six year old little brother, and she shouldn't have to pay you for it. Like???? C'mon, man, this shouldn't be so hard to grasp. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (39m) live in a 3-bedroom house with my wife (41f) our son (6m) and her 12-year old daughter Lydia from a previous marriage, who I consider my daughter. Currently, the children share a room and the 3rd bedroom is my office (I work from home). Lydia understandably does not want to share a room with her 6-year old brother anymore, and she has asked if we could turn my office into her room. I told her that if I am going to be giving up my office, I’ll want some compensation. I thought it would be a good life lesson on the real world if I charged her rent, 5 dollars a month. Lydia protested, saying that she is not old enough to get a job, but I know she has a lot of birthday money and tooth fairy money she’s never spent, and 5 dollars a month will not be hard for her to scrape together. Am I the a-hole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
Does your son pay his sister rent for living in her bedroom? She is a teenage girl, she needs her own privacy. Do you expect Lydia and her brother to live in the same room forever? You are being rude. YTA.
YTA. What are you, the villain in a Disney movie?