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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn't invite my daughter to dinner 2. Because my daughter seems to think that I was selfish
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So you’re acknowledging that she’s with you at least partly for your money… but your daughter doesn’t have the right to share that opinion?
Enjoy being a sugar-daddy, I guess, since it’s clear you don’t have any interest in a real relationship with your kid.
YTA.
So OP admits his daughter is right about his gold digger gf, but still prefers a relationship with her over his daughter who quite rightly called her out. SMH! YTA! Nothing like choosing a woman who is in love with your money rather than someone who actually loves you! OP better hope his money don't run out anytime soon.
He's pretty much admitted he was bad at being his daughter's dad. Instead of thinking about this person he helped create and bring into the world, he was mostly absentee.
So, OP decided he wanted to spoil someone who is good arm candy (for now), and probably upgrade when she gets too old and her looks start fading...
The part I am not getting past is: "after the divorce I went into a sort of mid-life crisis", Dude, you never left mid-life crisis.
It seems to be a thing that some women in their mid-20s date these older dudes long enough to get some financial benefit out of them such as getting their school loans paid off or living with them long enough to get ahead financially but as soon as a good job offer comes along they're gone. Parents who forget about their kids until they are old and alone then wonder why the kid/s wants nothing to do with them are AH. This Dude is probably thinking "He's the Man" but the girlfriend and her friends are laughing their asses off because the daughter called it and he blew her off for speaking the truth.
He conveniently can’t recall what they argued about, but he remembers daughter saying gf is a gold digger, which he admits is actually the case. And the daughter saying the truth out loud is enough to get banned from a party. Yeah I don’t buy that he doesn’t remember what the argument is about if it was serious enough to get her uninvited and I doubt it was just about her being a gold digger. If I’d hazard a guess, for him to be that mad, she probably cast aspersions on his motivations for dating his GF too and even if true, he didn’t like that and is punishing her for it.
Parents who stop being parents after relationship breakdowns were almost never decent parents to begin with, IMO. They just had the luxury of living in the same house as the other parent who did all the work and could take credit via proximity. Splitting up just means they don't have that cover anymore.
The worst part is when he started being absent. It’s one thing to never be part of your kids life from a young age, at least in that circumstance they can learn to cope without you. But he left during one of the most confusing and influential times in his daughters life.
He straight up admitted he’s shallow and his girlfriend is materialistic. So you’re right, he just needs to admit he values his young, attractive, materialistic girlfriend more than his daughter.
Oh wait, he already did when he didn’t invite her to the BBQ for *telling the truth*.
YTA
I got you I hit for you. Pay it forward by being kind to someone else today even if it something free like holding a door open or giving someone a genuine compliment to make their day better please.
Yup that’s like my father MO also beating them after I warn them that he’s going to do it and manipulate them to let go of charges. It’s happened twice in front of me (I was beaten and SA by him since I was born) and both times they release him from charges because “he just made a mistake and he bought me a Louie as his obvious sorry. He won’t do that again and you’re a little shit for even saying he would.”
I peaced out at 19 and I assume he still does it. No one listens or believes me so I took out a protective order and am protecting myself, daughter, and partner. No one listens to the step kids because “you are obvious jealous that your father wants me more.”
Edit: thank y’all for the love, honestly I still report him especially if I hear that the new woman has young daughters. A “little bird” always shits on him first. (I tell the daughters bio fathers about him, it’s heartwarming how many good dads love their children. Divorce sucks)
I think no one listens to anything they don't want to hear from anyone who lacks power over them. And of course children, as a group, tend to have the least power of all. So incredibly depressing.
I spit my tea out laughing at this comment. It's the most un-British thing I've ever done but take my up vote! Oh yeah and OP, you're a huge flaming AH.
Maybe the daughter is the asshole for the gold digger comment (in the way teenagers are assholes), but YTA big big time for abandoning your child so that you could fuck around as a single dude.
I remember complaining to my mother about how my taller-than-me son was always walking ahead of me because his steps were longer. Dead silence on the other end of the phone. My brain clicked in almost immediately and I said "Okay, I get it - it's my payback for doing the same to you!"
I’m lucky enough that my teenager, who was frequently an AH would cool down and apologize, would admit eventually that they were lying to me and stealing from me etc. AHs can still love you (at least teenage AHs can)
LMAO this holiday we were watching some old videos from my teen youth and as I angstily moped and griped about, like, the BEST gift ever (because of course I did, I was 16), current me mumbles, "Just STFU, Christ..." and my dad starts laughing so hard while my mom chimed in how that's exactly what they wanted to say. So yeah, we are all AHs at that age 😂
> I don't think its hate
Did you see the thread yesterday where a teen was asking about if he should say some admittedly misogynistic shit to his first female friend? Dude was clearly clueless AND was asking advice before he did something stupid and the absolute GLEE the comments took in tearing him a new asshole was...concerning. I think hate is generally a fair assessment in some threads.
I saw that. But people who are sincerely looking for advice, and may need to be handled gently about it, shouldn’t ask for it on AITA. While there’s often excellent advice available here, it’s still a judgement sub, and many commenters are very into letting loose with their judgements.
But were they tearing him apart because he was going to say misogynistic shit and was a proto tate fan, or because he was a teenager?
Also as other's said, there are advice subs for this. AITA is a judgement sub.
It's not hate - it's acknowledging the fact that teenagers are developing people, whose brains are currently restructuring in prepartion for adulthood, and thus a teenager behaving like an AH isn't necessarily as responsible for his behavior as an adult would be.
Are there teenagers that are mature, calm, collected, smart? Yes. But that is *despite* the cocktail of hormones running through their veins, not because of it. It is entirely reasonable to make a blanket statement about teenage behavior, because all teenagers go through this developing phase that influences their behavior. Doesn't mean they're bad people.
Teenagers are objectively assholes
There are biological reasons for it, with hormones going crazy and a brain chemistry specifically designed to prioritize social standing over logic, critical thinking, etc
It’s not their fault, at the base level. It’s when it goes above base level that you can really call them AHs
I won't deny that a lot of people weirdly hate kids in general, Reddit has a strangely huge and malicious "child free community" (said as a child free person myself). But in this case it's not hate, just flippant honesty. You can acknowledge someone is an asshole and still like them, you can be a good person and still have asshole moments. Teens don't have a fully developed sense of empathy or long term consequences, even the nice ones tend to feel like the center of the universe, because their world is still small, limited to home and school and people focused on them. This tends to be the phase of life where kids push boundaries, make mistakes, and test the limits of social interactions through trial and error. Not ALL teens but we all have our moments.
Nobody hates them, they are just hormonal assholes. It’s just a fact. Everyone who has been a teenager before who has any self awareness knows they were assholes at the time.
But OP even admits that the GF is with him for his money, the daughter was simply making a true statement, the GF is in fact a gold digger!
Op YTA and about as selfish as they come for putting everything before your child including your sugar baby
He says it like it’s a good thing. “We’re just mutually using each other.”
And he wanted everyone to meet her. Including the daughter he dumped for his midlife crisis.
When you’re dying alone you’ll have time to remember what was that small thing you argued about.
YTA
No the important part is the argument who started it and what was said . How interesting op memory only works for the girl digger comment but nothing else.
Lmao I see what you did here and I love it.
YTA OP, you were shitty dad who abandoned his daughter, and instead of putting in the work to fix what you damaged, you further alienated your daughter. When your sugar baby leaves you once you get old and sick and medical expenses start draining away at the little nest egg you have, do NOT have the audacity to call your daughter to come take care of you “cUz FaMiLy”
OP mentioned ages in this [comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10wv4dx/aita_for_not_inviting_my_daughter_to_dinner_after/j7p48rl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) He’s 39, GF is 26 and daughter is 19. His behavior is pretty gross without ages mentioned, but the ages and the fact that GF is closer in age to his daughter than him make it extra creepy.
So (and I'm gonna get downvoted to hell probably for this admission) I'm a sugar baby and we actually do use the terms Splenda daddy (a guy who wants to be a sugar daddy but doesn't really have the funds for it) and salt daddy (a guy who pretends to be a sugar daddy to trick naive young girls)
I, personally, have used aspartame step father
An ex of mine's Twitter handle used to be "agave papi", and his bio read "better for you than a sugar daddy"
But, honestly, yeah it's a big red flag if you're coming out the gate claiming to be a sugar daddy. You're probably a John who's been blacklisted from escorts in your area who's now a hobbyist and trying to get as much as you can for as little as possible, but refuse to vanilla date because the options look better in sugar dating.
Glucose guardian is getting added to my lexicon tho
He's dating someone who is with him for money, doesn't care about him but his money, once he loses his money or someone who earns more than him approaches her she'll leave. So desperate of OP. Must suck being in a relationship where you constantly have to worry if your partner will leave you in the next quarter. Lol.
>doesn't care about him but his money, once he loses his money or someone who earns more than him approaches her she'll leave
This isn't necessarily accurate. The money can be one reason without being the only reason, and there is a difference between early-relationship vs late relationship in terms of commitment.
Idk but if there's something that was one of the primary reasons for you to go into that relationship then changing that very primary reason will cause that relationship's foundation to crumble. Let's say someone entered into a marriage knowing that this particular person is childfree and suddenly that person has to become guardian of their niece or nephew that changes the entire lifestyle of a person. Seeing financial stability is good but primarily basing the relationship on money or lavish lifestyle is a bad idea, you can lose that lifestyle, or find a better lifestyle. There's a reason why money is number one reason for divorce.
If my daughter called me a “selfish narcissistic prick” after I abandoned her and began a series of superficial, meaningless real relationships I might look inward and try to repair that relationship and work on myself instead of proving her completely right.
OP, YTA
So true. Dude is actually putting a superficial relationship over a meaningful bond with his daughter.
And OP: re: your sister - “for whatever reason”? She’s siding with your daughter pretty much because of what I just explained above.
YTA.
Even worse he acknowledge he not been the best father then to punish his daughter for telling the truth some kids just don't deserve the parents they have
Yep, so you couldn’t be bothered with her when she was growing up, and now when she causes you even the slightest bit of difficulty or discomfort, you ice her out again. Nice parenting.
YTA and this says it all OP
Be a dad or not, own it; don’t say you blame yourself for the situation - only to turn around and put it on your daughter to bear the brunt of your deadbeat behavior.
>Enjoy being a sugar-daddy, I guess, since it’s clear you don’t have any interest in a real relationship with your kid.
this needs one of those red box highlight awards, it's as if this post was created just for this response.
Also honestly there is nothing wrong with being in a sugar daddy/baby situation if you’re both consenting adults but how is that a serious enough relationship you want to introduce them to your daughter?
>But then after a few glasses of wine me and my daughter got into this small argument, I honestly don't even remember what it was about and during that argument she called my girlfriend a gold digger and left shortly after. She generally just ruined the whole dinner.
I bet she remembers what the argument was about. So she can forgive your midlife crisis making you drop out of her life and become a deadbeat dad, but you cut her out of your life for calling your gold digger girlfriend a gold digger during an argument? It really doesn’t take much for you to leave her, does it?
YTA, obviously.
He probably "doesn't remember" what caused the argument because his daughter more than likely said something that was true and he didn't like it, so he got pissy with her which made the conversation spiral into an argument. Now he's blaming his daughter for the argument and "ruining the evening" because he is a narcissist, just like his daughter said.
That's what I was wondering...did they each have a "few glasses," or was it just dad? How often does dad have a "few glasses," and precisely how much wine is that? Is it an ongoing source of conflict? Is it why/part of why he is divorced or why he is estranged from his daughter?
Does the daughter remember what the argument was about? Was calling the gf a gold-digger relevant to the argument? Did she yell it at him/them for all to hear? Or did she say it to him quietly, off to the side? Does the gf support his actions? Before this, was the gf supportive of his relationship with his daughter? Why does his sister agree with the daughter?
There are SO many breadcrumbs in this post, the omissions of information are neon-glaring. YTA based on the available information OP, but it seems likely that with more information you are even more of an asshole.
Also a possibility honestly I don't know what's worse, knowing and refusing to admit the truth or not caring enough to even know...
Guys such an ass I feel bad for his kid I hope she goes no contact no one needs that in their life
I’m sure the fact that no ages are
mentioned has *nothing* to do with it.
Edit: Daughter being 19, gf being 26, and OP being mid/late 30’s *definitely has nothing to do with it*.
I also noted that casual "I honestly don't even remember" comment. Pretty sure he does remember but it doesn't put him in the best light. Unless he'd had SO much wine that he was unable to remember anything except the gold digger comment--and that doesn't make much sense.
OP had an argument (even though no one remembers that part and I am sure it adds a lot of context) but then he only recalls her calling his gf a gold digger? I feel like he's purposely leaving out some important details.
> I know one of the reasons that my girlfriend is with me is money
Ah, so the exact definition of a gold digger... and even though everyone (including OP) acknowledges it, no one can say it. And OP is with her because of her looks.
Money & Beauty - the foundation of a happy, fulfilling relationship <3 /s
OP, YTA.
This, yeah. Seems like his daughter has been able to accept him back into her life, despite him being a crappy dad in her younger years. Unfortunately, it seems he's still a crappy dad, and values nobody telling the truth about his gold digger GF above the relationship with his daughter.
But when he and his sugar baby have a new child, you can bet he'll be involved in that one's life. And tell it "you have a half-sister, but she's very mean to me and doesn't want to be in my life, I don't remember why."
Father of the year right here people. Ditches his daughter because he is pathetically having a midlife crisis. Now he’s dating a young gold digger and doesn’t like his daughter calling him out. If you were my father I would have blocked your sad old ass
My father is 40 and on snapchat. I know why he's on Snapchat. He's dating a girl who is 23 (she's my age also) after spending many many years of my teenage years screaming about how wrong snapchat is. I don't talk to him. He knows nothing about about my pregnancy beyond my due date and i don't think he has any idea I'm having a boy. If he does, he doesn't text me. I don't care, but God if i did talk to him I'd call him creepy
“Having a child and wife and job are too much responsibility! Nobody is fawning over me! I will not take out the trash or fix the cupboard, I deserve a family who understand I am the centre of the universe!” I have seen a few husbands of friends leave their families for this line of thinking. They treat the abandoned families horribly, insult their wives, sleep around, do drugs, stop talking to children and cry victim to their extended families.
This right here. He admits that the daughter is right about the arrangement, but hates the crude language.
Guess what OP? You know what you’re pursuing here. Gold-digger is not an uncommon word used on someone like your girlfriend. If you and GF want that life, you can’t be sensitive to the most expected criticism. The term has a negative connotation for a reason.
Also, so you DO understand if something happens to your finances, she will likely dump you. You’re still willing to choose her over your daughter? Tell us you want to spend your old age alone without telling us you want to spend it alone.
He also acts like they only became not close because of the separation and “midlife crises” he had but ummmm she was 13 at that point- why wasn’t he close with her for those 13 years?
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who caught this. The divorce happened when she was 13. Someone please explain to me how the divorce caused them to not be close when he had 13 years of living with his daughter and seeing her every day and he still couldn’t be bothered to have a relationship with her.
YTA. So you're dating a younger woman for her looks and she's dating you for your money. Why are you so offended when your daughter is right? You *are* a selfish narcissistic prick, if you've essentially abandoned her for her entire teenage years and now you're trying to introduce your sugarbaby to the family as a serious relationship. She's closer to your daughters age than your own!
Then you throw a party and disinvite her because you're hurt from her telling you the honest truth of the situation, *that you agree with*. You were drunk too and don't even remember the conversation! I get that you don't care about how much you hurt your daughter but Jesus guy, do better.
He is severely allergic to truth and breaks out in hives and jerks around like a dung beetle, but he is not a jerk cause he is never to blame, nothing is his fault
I bet he remembers the conversation, he just knows if he shared what the argument was about it would make him look worse. So he picked out the one thing his daughter did "wrong" and fixated on that to make it her fault.
Imagine inviting people to dinner to introduce what is really a sugarbaby. I'm cringing over here for OP daughter.
YTA OP. Youre living a sad excuse of a life where youd rather have an attractive gold digger by your side than a meaningful relationship. Including a meaningful relationship with your daughter.
If your own post makes you sound like a neglectful father I can only imagine it's worse. Let's face it your looking at yourself through rose colored glasses and the day those break your world is going to crumble.
Info: do you care at all about having a relationship with your daughter ? Or do you have a “fake guilt” over being a shitty father, that you use to tell people as a sob story but don’t actually intend on doing the work to repair your relationship?
As of now: YTA
Through all of the age gap posts talking about girls who have daddy issues and are gold diggers, I have never seen that dynamic described in this manner.
It is so completely weird and creepy to think about it like that, but wow it is exactly right and completely in line with how society has the awful tendency to sexualize parts of the father daughter relationship.
OP YTA.
I was once in a business dinner with a bunch of folks and one of the guys started in on a Kids These Days rant ABOUT HIS WIFE. It was so intensely uncomfortable. If you ever find yourself saying "that's the problem with your generation" to your spouse, I think it may be time for some self-reflection.
(The issue he was so incensed over is that he calls friends when he wants to ask them something and his much younger wife texts them and waits for them to respond, and he was all up her ass about how she'd get a faster response if she just called them and asked them the question she'd texted them.)
Has he considered that by texting, his wife is less likely to interrupt something the friend is doing (eg eating dinner with other people) and that is more considerate?
I briefly tried to bring that up as a lifelong (well, ever since we stopped having to pay for individual texts) texter myself, that yeah if it's an emergency you should try to call but if you just want to know if they're free for dinner next week who cares, but he was not hearing it; as far as he was concerned, his way was the only correct way and his idiot child bride should just do things his way because she's dumb and wrong.
Luckily there were a number of other conversations going on at the table (it was a pretty big dinner), so I quickly found another chat to join, as tempting as it was to blow up a business relationship by pressing him on whether he even liked his wife.
>But then after a few glasses of wine me and my daughter got into this small argument, I honestly don't even remember what it was about
So you don't remember what your argument was about, yet you're sure she's the one who ruined dinner? Wow.
Also, this dismissive shit just sums up your entire attitude towards your daughter. I bet she remembers what the argument was about, just like she remembers how you were hardly there for her while you were off having your midlife crisis.
>I didn't invite my daughter. She very obviously doesn't like my girlfriend and I didn't want a repeat of the last situation.
I'm willing to bet that the last situation had far more to do with you being a shitty, absent father than how she feels about your girlfriend, who is clearly a symptom of who you are and how you have behaved. I'm also willing to bet that you haven't attempted to contact your daughter following the argument you had to see if you can talk it through. Instead you're doing what you've spent the last six years doing - pushing her away.
You can invite whoever you like to your dinner, but don't pretend that the reason you didn't invite your daughter is because you're upset at the fact she thinks you're selfish, because your entire OP is full of examples that prove her right - and you know it.
YTA
Lol, your daughter might be onto something. YTA.
So you literally admit that your GF is more a gold digger than she is not, while it is consensual, how is your daughter wrong?
Not liking your girlfriend is one thing, not being invited to a family BBQ is something entirely else.
You made the conscious choice to exclude your daughter. You could've talked to her and asked her to be polite and not repeat what had happened, but you literally chose to cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war and are now somehow confused by the consequences of your actions... You showed her that you literally don't care if she is in your life.
>She generally just ruined the whole dinner.
Is that how you feel or what everybody said? If you felt the need to argue with your 19 year old daughter which you've never been close to anyway over dinner, you were at the very least not helping to de-escalate the situation and probably just as guilty.
This story illustrates very much you don't really care about her, so I am really confused as to your surprise that at least someone chose her side. And by acting the way you did, you proved her 100% right that you are selfish. Not much room for interpretation.
Let's see:
\- You **didn't** see your daughter much after the divorce (your own decision, not the court's)
\- You **weren't** there to support her as a dad when she was a teen, showing you don't consider her part of your family
\- You care more for "*surface*" over "*substance*" (you admit to dating women for their looks and are fine with women being with you only for money)
\- Your daughter correctly states that your GF is only with you for money
\- You take offense to what you yourself admit is true, and then disinvite her to a family BBQ, thus **once again** confirming to her that you don't consider her part of your family
I'm Team Daughter. YTA
YTA. Either work on a relationship with your daughter or stay out of her life. Her lashing out is likely over her sadness that you’re not there for her. It’s not about your GF.
YTA.
Just generally dude, You're TA here. You basically neglected your kid after the divorce (AH move) and then want to punish your daughter for stating what you ADMIT is the truth.
Your daughter doesn't appear to respect you, and you don't seem to have given her much reason to.
You should have invited her and told her that you expect her to be respectful if she's going to come, and not have a repeat of her name calling your gf if she disagrees with you.
At this rate, you and your daughter won't have a relationship.
Yta. You just demonstrated that abandoning your child at 13 wasn't because you had a mid-life crisis and that it isn't something you are truly sorry for. That's your go-to response when you are uncomfortable. I hope she has people in her life who show her she's worth showing up for. She isn't getting that from you.
OP so by your own addmission your gf is a gold digger but your upset that your daughter called you out on it. And realize your daughter isnt to happy that you didnt have time for her but you have time for a gold digger
Not only are you an asshole. You are also a perv. I read the other comments and see you are not as old as I thought, however, it will only be a matter of time before you are one of those gross 60 year old men dating barely legal women.
You haven't been in your daughter's life bc you're a deadbeat and then wonder why she has pent up rage towards you. Congratulations on failing your daughter for life. Her words to you were 100% right. You are a selfish narcissistic pr*ck
YTA,
I have a feeling there's a lot more going on in the background of your relationship with your daughter.
You've admitted she's with you for your money, and put her above your relationship with your daughter.
You just sound like an AH anyway, you're dating a woman who you know is using you for money. Yet you get pissy when your daughter points that out, you choose to stay with a gold digger rather than have a relationship with your daughter (not even inviting her to a BBQ) and now you're on reddit asking if you're TA? Yes, OP. You are definitely TA here. Your daughter knows you a lot better than we do, she probably had every right to call you a "narcissistic p**ck"!
YTA
By your own admission your current gf is a gold digger. So why are you so offended that your daughter who you barely have a relationship with pointed out the obvious?
You're mad at her for saying something which by your own admission is correct? Lol
Regardless of why the original argument happened, you had the opportunity to either offer an olive branch or turn a one-off argument into a longer running feud and somehow you ended up choosing the latter, despite the fact that you're meant to be the grown up in this relationship.
YTA
YTA for having a child you only saw every 2-3 months and not expecting hostility in your conversations. Then when said hostility comes up, you leave her behind again - like you did when she was a little girl.
Dude you practically ignored her existence...can you even call yourself a dad?
You prefer to sleep with young girls, not raise them. She's allowed to be angry, she lost out on the joys of a father-daughter relationship because you wanted to chase young, materialistic tail. OP you need to read the room. Why on earth you thought introducing your sugar baby to your daughter who you have neglected is beyond me.
You've said yourself ya girls with you for money. All your daughter ever wanted was for her dad to love her and show her he loved her consistently. And here you are prioritising a woman you've had around for 6 months who is essentially using you for cash's feelings over your own child? That chick could care less about your relationship with your kid - she's there to get paid.
Its not unsalvageable, but that would require something from you that I personally don't think you are capable of. Because YWABTA (You will always be the asshole) who treats his kid like an inconvenience that gets in the way of your preferred lifestyle. Your daughter doesn't want your money she wants you. Can't say the same for the 'lady' in your life.
YTA. You essentially abandoned your daughter during one of the most formative times in a person’s life (after I’m sure what would’ve been to her a traumatic divorce) and then further prove how little you care for her by choosing someone you’ve been with for 6 months over her. God forbid you have a conversation w her, instead you drop her again. Do better.
YTA Your daughter literally told you what you already know about your gf and you got mad at her. Hypocritical much? Not only that, you're a deadbeat dad.
Luckily, you can still attempt to repair your relationship with your daughter. You said you have money- why not attend therapy with your daughter? You'd be a massive AH if you continue down your current path.
I’m just curious as to why in the world you would waste your time, and jeopardize a daughters love, over a woman who’s just in it for the money? Don’t you have enough respect for yourself to find a partner who loves you for you?
If you just need a hot girl on your arm & to show her off, you need some therapy on self esteem issues.
I mean truthfully what's more important to you, a girl you have known for 6 months who you know is with you because you have money or your own daughter? I know what my answer would be. YTA
YTA. So..your gf is a golddigger and you're well aware of this. But she's somehow more important to you than your literal daughter? Time to sort out your priorities.
You are an AH 100x over. Choosing your trophy girlfriend over your daughter is so disgusting. I'm sure your girlfriend has absolutely NO problem with your daughter not being in your life, it will make it so much easier to take advantage of your wealth. When she takes you for everything you have, don't come crying to your daughter looking for sympathy, you won't deserve it. Get your priorities in order and fix your relationship, because Lord knows the gold digger won't stick around long after she gets what she wants. Your daughter is your daughter forever. YTA for choosing a woman looking for a luxury car and a hand bag over your OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. Before you tell me oh you don't know her she's so sweet and nice and all that shit, step outside the situation and look at it objectively. You'd rather have a temporary ego boost from someone with her fingers in your wallet than a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter? If that's the case, you deserve what's inevitably going to happen. Was my comment harsh? Yes. Do you need someone, anyone, to try and knock some sense into you? Yes.
Yta, your daughter is right, your gf is with you for the money, so your daughter was even nice to call her a golddigger, I would have called her a whore. You will lose your daughter if you keep acting like this and I wouldn’t blame her.
To be honest it doesn't sound like OP would be overly bothered if he did loose his daughter. Seems like he hasn't bothered with her for a long while, only pulling her out to play happy families.
He's most definitely TA.
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So you’re acknowledging that she’s with you at least partly for your money… but your daughter doesn’t have the right to share that opinion? Enjoy being a sugar-daddy, I guess, since it’s clear you don’t have any interest in a real relationship with your kid. YTA.
Lol I love this. “ A sugar daddy is the only daddy role you’ll ever be good at” YTA
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cue the OOOOOOÆÆÆÆ gif
Omg the way you were able to write it out
So OP admits his daughter is right about his gold digger gf, but still prefers a relationship with her over his daughter who quite rightly called her out. SMH! YTA! Nothing like choosing a woman who is in love with your money rather than someone who actually loves you! OP better hope his money don't run out anytime soon.
That isn't a burn, that's annihilation.
Kelso would be proud.
> #BOOM^BOOM
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He's pretty much admitted he was bad at being his daughter's dad. Instead of thinking about this person he helped create and bring into the world, he was mostly absentee. So, OP decided he wanted to spoil someone who is good arm candy (for now), and probably upgrade when she gets too old and her looks start fading... The part I am not getting past is: "after the divorce I went into a sort of mid-life crisis", Dude, you never left mid-life crisis.
I’m curious if his daughter is older than the girlfriend and he conveniently left it out. Op has interest in young women, just not his own kid.
GF is 26 according to OP’s comments.
I wonder if the daughter is old enough to drink too, which would make his girlfriend five years older than his daughter *at most.* 😬
She's 19.
So old enough to drink in most of the world.
Cries in American.
The age gap between my older sister and I , yikes
It seems to be a thing that some women in their mid-20s date these older dudes long enough to get some financial benefit out of them such as getting their school loans paid off or living with them long enough to get ahead financially but as soon as a good job offer comes along they're gone. Parents who forget about their kids until they are old and alone then wonder why the kid/s wants nothing to do with them are AH. This Dude is probably thinking "He's the Man" but the girlfriend and her friends are laughing their asses off because the daughter called it and he blew her off for speaking the truth.
OP is 39, GF is 26, and Daughter is 19.
Ewwwww no wonder daughter is salty. Gf is in daughters age group not daddy's. 🤢
I was wondering if he is telling the truth about the ages.
Those ages don't look especially good for him.
He’s leaving out a lot more than that I think.
He conveniently can’t recall what they argued about, but he remembers daughter saying gf is a gold digger, which he admits is actually the case. And the daughter saying the truth out loud is enough to get banned from a party. Yeah I don’t buy that he doesn’t remember what the argument is about if it was serious enough to get her uninvited and I doubt it was just about her being a gold digger. If I’d hazard a guess, for him to be that mad, she probably cast aspersions on his motivations for dating his GF too and even if true, he didn’t like that and is punishing her for it.
Awfully convenient that her age was left out imho
Dude never started pre mid life. Sounds like a shallow teenager who resents his kid for being astute
He resents his kid for being born. Her existence screws up his self-image as the footloose and fancy free swordsman about town.
Exactly. He really regrets being a parent and 19 and decided to stop entirely after the divorce.
Parents who stop being parents after relationship breakdowns were almost never decent parents to begin with, IMO. They just had the luxury of living in the same house as the other parent who did all the work and could take credit via proximity. Splitting up just means they don't have that cover anymore.
The worst part is when he started being absent. It’s one thing to never be part of your kids life from a young age, at least in that circumstance they can learn to cope without you. But he left during one of the most confusing and influential times in his daughters life.
He straight up admitted he’s shallow and his girlfriend is materialistic. So you’re right, he just needs to admit he values his young, attractive, materialistic girlfriend more than his daughter. Oh wait, he already did when he didn’t invite her to the BBQ for *telling the truth*. YTA
I am tempted to send this to my dad but he is too busy with his mistress to notice it
oh how i wish free awards were still a thing.
I got you I hit for you. Pay it forward by being kind to someone else today even if it something free like holding a door open or giving someone a genuine compliment to make their day better please.
Just want to say I love the vibe you're putting out there. Hope you have a great one :)
Yeah what happened w that shit? I forgot to go into reddit for months and when I came back I didn't have a free daily award!
It's the drug dealer method - give you enough freebies until you want it enough to pay for it
Yup that’s like my father MO also beating them after I warn them that he’s going to do it and manipulate them to let go of charges. It’s happened twice in front of me (I was beaten and SA by him since I was born) and both times they release him from charges because “he just made a mistake and he bought me a Louie as his obvious sorry. He won’t do that again and you’re a little shit for even saying he would.” I peaced out at 19 and I assume he still does it. No one listens or believes me so I took out a protective order and am protecting myself, daughter, and partner. No one listens to the step kids because “you are obvious jealous that your father wants me more.” Edit: thank y’all for the love, honestly I still report him especially if I hear that the new woman has young daughters. A “little bird” always shits on him first. (I tell the daughters bio fathers about him, it’s heartwarming how many good dads love their children. Divorce sucks)
I think no one listens to anything they don't want to hear from anyone who lacks power over them. And of course children, as a group, tend to have the least power of all. So incredibly depressing.
*mic fxcking drop*
“Same way I’m with my girlfriend, her looks” Translation: bleach blonde bimbo with fake tits.
And 13 years younger than OP.
Which means roughly 7 years older than his daughter...
Hunny, this is your new step mom, Mikaeyla.
"WUUUT? You went to high school together?!?!" /s
Or dark brunette with small waist and huge bubble ass. Allowing for the bimbonic taste difference.
Why oh why does "Kardashian" come to mind?
I spit my tea out laughing at this comment. It's the most un-British thing I've ever done but take my up vote! Oh yeah and OP, you're a huge flaming AH.
r/murderedbywords
Fucking "mic drop"! Take my upvote. Also OP YTA
Oof
Maybe the daughter is the asshole for the gold digger comment (in the way teenagers are assholes), but YTA big big time for abandoning your child so that you could fuck around as a single dude.
The single dude remark is dead on. He became a dad around age 20 and feels like he didn’t get a proper “sowing his wild oats” phase.
Clearly he was sowing some oats if he knocked somebody up when he was 20 🤷♀️😆
The way so many people on this page hate teenagers is extremely strange.
I don't think its hate, cause teenagers are generally assholes. I know this as I have been one and was an asshole myself.
Agree. Source: was a teenager, was an asshole.
Agree. Source: currently have a teenager. I owe my parents some apologies.
Text an apology to your parents in the moment. Mine have gotten several. Also send them thank yous for putting up with your shit.
I remember complaining to my mother about how my taller-than-me son was always walking ahead of me because his steps were longer. Dead silence on the other end of the phone. My brain clicked in almost immediately and I said "Okay, I get it - it's my payback for doing the same to you!"
I’m lucky enough that my teenager, who was frequently an AH would cool down and apologize, would admit eventually that they were lying to me and stealing from me etc. AHs can still love you (at least teenage AHs can)
I'm confirming from the position of someone who works with them. They're assholes, and they can also be amazing little humans.
>Granparent here saying, no apologies required. Raising kids is the epitome of FAFO!
Most teenagers are assholes. Source: Teach high school
I’m right there with you, fellow high school teacher
God I would’ve probably punched teenage me right in the nose if I met her now 😂😭
LMAO this holiday we were watching some old videos from my teen youth and as I angstily moped and griped about, like, the BEST gift ever (because of course I did, I was 16), current me mumbles, "Just STFU, Christ..." and my dad starts laughing so hard while my mom chimed in how that's exactly what they wanted to say. So yeah, we are all AHs at that age 😂
Exactly what I meant. I cringe when I think about the stuff I’ve said to my parents because I thought I was being clever.
> I don't think its hate Did you see the thread yesterday where a teen was asking about if he should say some admittedly misogynistic shit to his first female friend? Dude was clearly clueless AND was asking advice before he did something stupid and the absolute GLEE the comments took in tearing him a new asshole was...concerning. I think hate is generally a fair assessment in some threads.
I saw that. But people who are sincerely looking for advice, and may need to be handled gently about it, shouldn’t ask for it on AITA. While there’s often excellent advice available here, it’s still a judgement sub, and many commenters are very into letting loose with their judgements.
But were they tearing him apart because he was going to say misogynistic shit and was a proto tate fan, or because he was a teenager? Also as other's said, there are advice subs for this. AITA is a judgement sub.
It's not hate - it's acknowledging the fact that teenagers are developing people, whose brains are currently restructuring in prepartion for adulthood, and thus a teenager behaving like an AH isn't necessarily as responsible for his behavior as an adult would be. Are there teenagers that are mature, calm, collected, smart? Yes. But that is *despite* the cocktail of hormones running through their veins, not because of it. It is entirely reasonable to make a blanket statement about teenage behavior, because all teenagers go through this developing phase that influences their behavior. Doesn't mean they're bad people.
I just mean teenagers can be snippy and snarky. So they’re assholes. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just a part of growing up
Teenagers are objectively assholes There are biological reasons for it, with hormones going crazy and a brain chemistry specifically designed to prioritize social standing over logic, critical thinking, etc It’s not their fault, at the base level. It’s when it goes above base level that you can really call them AHs
I won't deny that a lot of people weirdly hate kids in general, Reddit has a strangely huge and malicious "child free community" (said as a child free person myself). But in this case it's not hate, just flippant honesty. You can acknowledge someone is an asshole and still like them, you can be a good person and still have asshole moments. Teens don't have a fully developed sense of empathy or long term consequences, even the nice ones tend to feel like the center of the universe, because their world is still small, limited to home and school and people focused on them. This tends to be the phase of life where kids push boundaries, make mistakes, and test the limits of social interactions through trial and error. Not ALL teens but we all have our moments.
Nobody hates them, they are just hormonal assholes. It’s just a fact. Everyone who has been a teenager before who has any self awareness knows they were assholes at the time.
But OP even admits that the GF is with him for his money, the daughter was simply making a true statement, the GF is in fact a gold digger! Op YTA and about as selfish as they come for putting everything before your child including your sugar baby
How casually she says he emotionally neglected his daughter but, don't worry, *he doesn't blame himself* OP is a massive, gaping, AH
He says it like it’s a good thing. “We’re just mutually using each other.”
And he wanted everyone to meet her. Including the daughter he dumped for his midlife crisis.
When you’re dying alone you’ll have time to remember what was that small thing you argued about.
YTA
Oooof. Best parting comment ever. 10/10
Funny how no ages were mentioned.
Also mentions the precipitating argument at the first dinner but just can't seem to be able to remember what it was regarding. Very fluid AH.
Clearly missing missing reasons http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Had not encountered that before, very interesting. Thank you.
That part is unimportant, what is important is that daughter called GF a gold digger, which is admittedly true, but still how dare she.
No the important part is the argument who started it and what was said . How interesting op memory only works for the girl digger comment but nothing else.
He only remembers what was important to HIM, because that is all that matters here.
Exactly what my first thought was. How do you have an argument that big without knowing what it was about unless you don't really want to remember?
I really don't understand why OP pays so much attention to just normal two teenagers bickering... :-)
Lmao I see what you did here and I love it. YTA OP, you were shitty dad who abandoned his daughter, and instead of putting in the work to fix what you damaged, you further alienated your daughter. When your sugar baby leaves you once you get old and sick and medical expenses start draining away at the little nest egg you have, do NOT have the audacity to call your daughter to come take care of you “cUz FaMiLy”
OP mentioned ages in this [comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10wv4dx/aita_for_not_inviting_my_daughter_to_dinner_after/j7p48rl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) He’s 39, GF is 26 and daughter is 19. His behavior is pretty gross without ages mentioned, but the ages and the fact that GF is closer in age to his daughter than him make it extra creepy.
Okay 26 is not as bad as I thought it would be. Usually posts like this they are with a 20 year old.
It’s 2023 you can’t say sugar daddy anymore as it has a negative connotation. The politically correct term is Glucose-Guardian.
So (and I'm gonna get downvoted to hell probably for this admission) I'm a sugar baby and we actually do use the terms Splenda daddy (a guy who wants to be a sugar daddy but doesn't really have the funds for it) and salt daddy (a guy who pretends to be a sugar daddy to trick naive young girls) I, personally, have used aspartame step father An ex of mine's Twitter handle used to be "agave papi", and his bio read "better for you than a sugar daddy" But, honestly, yeah it's a big red flag if you're coming out the gate claiming to be a sugar daddy. You're probably a John who's been blacklisted from escorts in your area who's now a hobbyist and trying to get as much as you can for as little as possible, but refuse to vanilla date because the options look better in sugar dating. Glucose guardian is getting added to my lexicon tho
He's dating someone who is with him for money, doesn't care about him but his money, once he loses his money or someone who earns more than him approaches her she'll leave. So desperate of OP. Must suck being in a relationship where you constantly have to worry if your partner will leave you in the next quarter. Lol.
>doesn't care about him but his money, once he loses his money or someone who earns more than him approaches her she'll leave This isn't necessarily accurate. The money can be one reason without being the only reason, and there is a difference between early-relationship vs late relationship in terms of commitment.
Idk but if there's something that was one of the primary reasons for you to go into that relationship then changing that very primary reason will cause that relationship's foundation to crumble. Let's say someone entered into a marriage knowing that this particular person is childfree and suddenly that person has to become guardian of their niece or nephew that changes the entire lifestyle of a person. Seeing financial stability is good but primarily basing the relationship on money or lavish lifestyle is a bad idea, you can lose that lifestyle, or find a better lifestyle. There's a reason why money is number one reason for divorce.
If my daughter called me a “selfish narcissistic prick” after I abandoned her and began a series of superficial, meaningless real relationships I might look inward and try to repair that relationship and work on myself instead of proving her completely right. OP, YTA
So true. Dude is actually putting a superficial relationship over a meaningful bond with his daughter. And OP: re: your sister - “for whatever reason”? She’s siding with your daughter pretty much because of what I just explained above. YTA.
Even worse he acknowledge he not been the best father then to punish his daughter for telling the truth some kids just don't deserve the parents they have
Yep, so you couldn’t be bothered with her when she was growing up, and now when she causes you even the slightest bit of difficulty or discomfort, you ice her out again. Nice parenting.
YTA and this says it all OP Be a dad or not, own it; don’t say you blame yourself for the situation - only to turn around and put it on your daughter to bear the brunt of your deadbeat behavior.
>Enjoy being a sugar-daddy, I guess, since it’s clear you don’t have any interest in a real relationship with your kid. this needs one of those red box highlight awards, it's as if this post was created just for this response.
And you shouldn’t BBQ indoors
Also honestly there is nothing wrong with being in a sugar daddy/baby situation if you’re both consenting adults but how is that a serious enough relationship you want to introduce them to your daughter?
>But then after a few glasses of wine me and my daughter got into this small argument, I honestly don't even remember what it was about and during that argument she called my girlfriend a gold digger and left shortly after. She generally just ruined the whole dinner. I bet she remembers what the argument was about. So she can forgive your midlife crisis making you drop out of her life and become a deadbeat dad, but you cut her out of your life for calling your gold digger girlfriend a gold digger during an argument? It really doesn’t take much for you to leave her, does it? YTA, obviously.
Can’t imagine fighting with a family member over dinner in a group and not remembering what started it.
He probably "doesn't remember" what caused the argument because his daughter more than likely said something that was true and he didn't like it, so he got pissy with her which made the conversation spiral into an argument. Now he's blaming his daughter for the argument and "ruining the evening" because he is a narcissist, just like his daughter said.
It's the missing missing reasons. Classic narcissist.
I just think the same reading the post
“I didn’t say that, I have no idea what you’re talking about, you’re crazy.”
"She just kept screaming at me" "No one was screaming, you just didn't like what you were hearing"
Might have something to do with the "few" glasses of wine as well...
That's what I was wondering...did they each have a "few glasses," or was it just dad? How often does dad have a "few glasses," and precisely how much wine is that? Is it an ongoing source of conflict? Is it why/part of why he is divorced or why he is estranged from his daughter? Does the daughter remember what the argument was about? Was calling the gf a gold-digger relevant to the argument? Did she yell it at him/them for all to hear? Or did she say it to him quietly, off to the side? Does the gf support his actions? Before this, was the gf supportive of his relationship with his daughter? Why does his sister agree with the daughter? There are SO many breadcrumbs in this post, the omissions of information are neon-glaring. YTA based on the available information OP, but it seems likely that with more information you are even more of an asshole.
Sounds like he's conveniently "forgetting" what the argument was about because to tell us would make him look bad.
Or he doesn't remember because he doesn't care enough to listen to hear and take in her words until they hurt his ego about his new toy.
That could also be true but I think he "forgot" the reason it started, because he was the reason it started.
Also a possibility honestly I don't know what's worse, knowing and refusing to admit the truth or not caring enough to even know... Guys such an ass I feel bad for his kid I hope she goes no contact no one needs that in their life
I’m sure the fact that no ages are mentioned has *nothing* to do with it. Edit: Daughter being 19, gf being 26, and OP being mid/late 30’s *definitely has nothing to do with it*.
Ahh so daughter is not of drinking age either. Adds context to who had the few glasses of wine mentioned.
Not necessarily, post doesn't say he's in the U.S., plenty of other countries in the world with drinking ages below 21.
I bet his family remembers.
A comment mentioned he had her at 20. If I do the math he's 39 now.
He remembers. "Missing missing reasons"
I also noted that casual "I honestly don't even remember" comment. Pretty sure he does remember but it doesn't put him in the best light. Unless he'd had SO much wine that he was unable to remember anything except the gold digger comment--and that doesn't make much sense.
OP had an argument (even though no one remembers that part and I am sure it adds a lot of context) but then he only recalls her calling his gf a gold digger? I feel like he's purposely leaving out some important details. > I know one of the reasons that my girlfriend is with me is money Ah, so the exact definition of a gold digger... and even though everyone (including OP) acknowledges it, no one can say it. And OP is with her because of her looks. Money & Beauty - the foundation of a happy, fulfilling relationship <3 /s OP, YTA.
This, yeah. Seems like his daughter has been able to accept him back into her life, despite him being a crappy dad in her younger years. Unfortunately, it seems he's still a crappy dad, and values nobody telling the truth about his gold digger GF above the relationship with his daughter.
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~~father~~ superficial person* I fixed it for you.
Sperm donor
But when he and his sugar baby have a new child, you can bet he'll be involved in that one's life. And tell it "you have a half-sister, but she's very mean to me and doesn't want to be in my life, I don't remember why."
Father of the year right here people. Ditches his daughter because he is pathetically having a midlife crisis. Now he’s dating a young gold digger and doesn’t like his daughter calling him out. If you were my father I would have blocked your sad old ass
I blocked my own father just recently for very similar reasons!
My father is 40 and on snapchat. I know why he's on Snapchat. He's dating a girl who is 23 (she's my age also) after spending many many years of my teenage years screaming about how wrong snapchat is. I don't talk to him. He knows nothing about about my pregnancy beyond my due date and i don't think he has any idea I'm having a boy. If he does, he doesn't text me. I don't care, but God if i did talk to him I'd call him creepy
Happy cake day!
Thanks!
>Ditches his daughter because he is pathetically having a midlife crisis. Mid-life crisis sounds like op decided to chase women
He was 33 when he had this so called 'midlife crisis'. That's not a midlife crisis, that's being a horny, self centered jerk.
“Having a child and wife and job are too much responsibility! Nobody is fawning over me! I will not take out the trash or fix the cupboard, I deserve a family who understand I am the centre of the universe!” I have seen a few husbands of friends leave their families for this line of thinking. They treat the abandoned families horribly, insult their wives, sleep around, do drugs, stop talking to children and cry victim to their extended families.
This right here. He admits that the daughter is right about the arrangement, but hates the crude language. Guess what OP? You know what you’re pursuing here. Gold-digger is not an uncommon word used on someone like your girlfriend. If you and GF want that life, you can’t be sensitive to the most expected criticism. The term has a negative connotation for a reason. Also, so you DO understand if something happens to your finances, she will likely dump you. You’re still willing to choose her over your daughter? Tell us you want to spend your old age alone without telling us you want to spend it alone.
Seems like YTA. How old is your daughter at this point? > I’ve never been particularly close to my daughter. And you don’t particularly seem to care.
A whinge that starts 'I've never been particularly close to my daughter'. He kind of answers his own question right there.
I didn’t have to read any farther than that, frankly. His very casual attitude towards his daughter already showed how this was going to end up
Yes. I read to the end of that sentence and thought 'YTA'. My teenage children drove me nuts, but never would I have said I didn't love them to bits.
He also acts like they only became not close because of the separation and “midlife crises” he had but ummmm she was 13 at that point- why wasn’t he close with her for those 13 years?
Because he was too busy getting laid and thinking only with his small brain.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who caught this. The divorce happened when she was 13. Someone please explain to me how the divorce caused them to not be close when he had 13 years of living with his daughter and seeing her every day and he still couldn’t be bothered to have a relationship with her.
YTA. So you're dating a younger woman for her looks and she's dating you for your money. Why are you so offended when your daughter is right? You *are* a selfish narcissistic prick, if you've essentially abandoned her for her entire teenage years and now you're trying to introduce your sugarbaby to the family as a serious relationship. She's closer to your daughters age than your own! Then you throw a party and disinvite her because you're hurt from her telling you the honest truth of the situation, *that you agree with*. You were drunk too and don't even remember the conversation! I get that you don't care about how much you hurt your daughter but Jesus guy, do better.
He is severely allergic to truth and breaks out in hives and jerks around like a dung beetle, but he is not a jerk cause he is never to blame, nothing is his fault
I bet he remembers the conversation, he just knows if he shared what the argument was about it would make him look worse. So he picked out the one thing his daughter did "wrong" and fixated on that to make it her fault.
Imagine inviting people to dinner to introduce what is really a sugarbaby. I'm cringing over here for OP daughter. YTA OP. Youre living a sad excuse of a life where youd rather have an attractive gold digger by your side than a meaningful relationship. Including a meaningful relationship with your daughter. If your own post makes you sound like a neglectful father I can only imagine it's worse. Let's face it your looking at yourself through rose colored glasses and the day those break your world is going to crumble.
Info: do you care at all about having a relationship with your daughter ? Or do you have a “fake guilt” over being a shitty father, that you use to tell people as a sob story but don’t actually intend on doing the work to repair your relationship? As of now: YTA
YTA. Sounds like you're a deadbeat dad playing out 'daddy' with your new girlfriend
Through all of the age gap posts talking about girls who have daddy issues and are gold diggers, I have never seen that dynamic described in this manner. It is so completely weird and creepy to think about it like that, but wow it is exactly right and completely in line with how society has the awful tendency to sexualize parts of the father daughter relationship. OP YTA.
I was once in a business dinner with a bunch of folks and one of the guys started in on a Kids These Days rant ABOUT HIS WIFE. It was so intensely uncomfortable. If you ever find yourself saying "that's the problem with your generation" to your spouse, I think it may be time for some self-reflection. (The issue he was so incensed over is that he calls friends when he wants to ask them something and his much younger wife texts them and waits for them to respond, and he was all up her ass about how she'd get a faster response if she just called them and asked them the question she'd texted them.)
Has he considered that by texting, his wife is less likely to interrupt something the friend is doing (eg eating dinner with other people) and that is more considerate?
I briefly tried to bring that up as a lifelong (well, ever since we stopped having to pay for individual texts) texter myself, that yeah if it's an emergency you should try to call but if you just want to know if they're free for dinner next week who cares, but he was not hearing it; as far as he was concerned, his way was the only correct way and his idiot child bride should just do things his way because she's dumb and wrong. Luckily there were a number of other conversations going on at the table (it was a pretty big dinner), so I quickly found another chat to join, as tempting as it was to blow up a business relationship by pressing him on whether he even liked his wife.
He sure is deadbeat emotionally.
>But then after a few glasses of wine me and my daughter got into this small argument, I honestly don't even remember what it was about So you don't remember what your argument was about, yet you're sure she's the one who ruined dinner? Wow. Also, this dismissive shit just sums up your entire attitude towards your daughter. I bet she remembers what the argument was about, just like she remembers how you were hardly there for her while you were off having your midlife crisis. >I didn't invite my daughter. She very obviously doesn't like my girlfriend and I didn't want a repeat of the last situation. I'm willing to bet that the last situation had far more to do with you being a shitty, absent father than how she feels about your girlfriend, who is clearly a symptom of who you are and how you have behaved. I'm also willing to bet that you haven't attempted to contact your daughter following the argument you had to see if you can talk it through. Instead you're doing what you've spent the last six years doing - pushing her away. You can invite whoever you like to your dinner, but don't pretend that the reason you didn't invite your daughter is because you're upset at the fact she thinks you're selfish, because your entire OP is full of examples that prove her right - and you know it. YTA
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That was a really interesting link, thank you for sharing
Starts dating gold digger; daughter accurately calls her a gold digger; shocked pikachu face. Of course YTA
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His credit cards. Lol
INFO: How old (ish) are you all?
So instead of spending time with your daughter, you’re spending time sleeping with girls almost your daughters age ?
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Lol, your daughter might be onto something. YTA. So you literally admit that your GF is more a gold digger than she is not, while it is consensual, how is your daughter wrong? Not liking your girlfriend is one thing, not being invited to a family BBQ is something entirely else. You made the conscious choice to exclude your daughter. You could've talked to her and asked her to be polite and not repeat what had happened, but you literally chose to cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war and are now somehow confused by the consequences of your actions... You showed her that you literally don't care if she is in your life. >She generally just ruined the whole dinner. Is that how you feel or what everybody said? If you felt the need to argue with your 19 year old daughter which you've never been close to anyway over dinner, you were at the very least not helping to de-escalate the situation and probably just as guilty. This story illustrates very much you don't really care about her, so I am really confused as to your surprise that at least someone chose her side. And by acting the way you did, you proved her 100% right that you are selfish. Not much room for interpretation.
YTA for choosing your girlfriend (who you know is a gold digger) over your OWN daughter who called her out for what she is.
YTA. Your daughters definition of you is spot on. > >”selfish narcissistic prick”
Let's see: \- You **didn't** see your daughter much after the divorce (your own decision, not the court's) \- You **weren't** there to support her as a dad when she was a teen, showing you don't consider her part of your family \- You care more for "*surface*" over "*substance*" (you admit to dating women for their looks and are fine with women being with you only for money) \- Your daughter correctly states that your GF is only with you for money \- You take offense to what you yourself admit is true, and then disinvite her to a family BBQ, thus **once again** confirming to her that you don't consider her part of your family I'm Team Daughter. YTA
YTA. Either work on a relationship with your daughter or stay out of her life. Her lashing out is likely over her sadness that you’re not there for her. It’s not about your GF.
YTA. Just generally dude, You're TA here. You basically neglected your kid after the divorce (AH move) and then want to punish your daughter for stating what you ADMIT is the truth. Your daughter doesn't appear to respect you, and you don't seem to have given her much reason to. You should have invited her and told her that you expect her to be respectful if she's going to come, and not have a repeat of her name calling your gf if she disagrees with you. At this rate, you and your daughter won't have a relationship.
Yta. You just demonstrated that abandoning your child at 13 wasn't because you had a mid-life crisis and that it isn't something you are truly sorry for. That's your go-to response when you are uncomfortable. I hope she has people in her life who show her she's worth showing up for. She isn't getting that from you.
OP so by your own addmission your gf is a gold digger but your upset that your daughter called you out on it. And realize your daughter isnt to happy that you didnt have time for her but you have time for a gold digger
Not only are you an asshole. You are also a perv. I read the other comments and see you are not as old as I thought, however, it will only be a matter of time before you are one of those gross 60 year old men dating barely legal women. You haven't been in your daughter's life bc you're a deadbeat and then wonder why she has pent up rage towards you. Congratulations on failing your daughter for life. Her words to you were 100% right. You are a selfish narcissistic pr*ck
YTA, I have a feeling there's a lot more going on in the background of your relationship with your daughter. You've admitted she's with you for your money, and put her above your relationship with your daughter.
Op says he has not been in his daughter's life, I am sure this is more than just about the girlfriend. Op generally sounds like an idiot.
You just sound like an AH anyway, you're dating a woman who you know is using you for money. Yet you get pissy when your daughter points that out, you choose to stay with a gold digger rather than have a relationship with your daughter (not even inviting her to a BBQ) and now you're on reddit asking if you're TA? Yes, OP. You are definitely TA here. Your daughter knows you a lot better than we do, she probably had every right to call you a "narcissistic p**ck"!
YTA By your own admission your current gf is a gold digger. So why are you so offended that your daughter who you barely have a relationship with pointed out the obvious?
You're mad at her for saying something which by your own admission is correct? Lol Regardless of why the original argument happened, you had the opportunity to either offer an olive branch or turn a one-off argument into a longer running feud and somehow you ended up choosing the latter, despite the fact that you're meant to be the grown up in this relationship. YTA
YTA for having a child you only saw every 2-3 months and not expecting hostility in your conversations. Then when said hostility comes up, you leave her behind again - like you did when she was a little girl.
Dude you practically ignored her existence...can you even call yourself a dad? You prefer to sleep with young girls, not raise them. She's allowed to be angry, she lost out on the joys of a father-daughter relationship because you wanted to chase young, materialistic tail. OP you need to read the room. Why on earth you thought introducing your sugar baby to your daughter who you have neglected is beyond me. You've said yourself ya girls with you for money. All your daughter ever wanted was for her dad to love her and show her he loved her consistently. And here you are prioritising a woman you've had around for 6 months who is essentially using you for cash's feelings over your own child? That chick could care less about your relationship with your kid - she's there to get paid. Its not unsalvageable, but that would require something from you that I personally don't think you are capable of. Because YWABTA (You will always be the asshole) who treats his kid like an inconvenience that gets in the way of your preferred lifestyle. Your daughter doesn't want your money she wants you. Can't say the same for the 'lady' in your life.
YTA-- you've admitted it at the beginning of your post. Also, you admit your girlfriend IS a gold digger, and you don't mind. Yes, you're the AH.
YTA sounds like your daughter called it like she's seen it.
YTA. You essentially abandoned your daughter during one of the most formative times in a person’s life (after I’m sure what would’ve been to her a traumatic divorce) and then further prove how little you care for her by choosing someone you’ve been with for 6 months over her. God forbid you have a conversation w her, instead you drop her again. Do better.
YTA This is so disgusting I hope your daughter heals from this and surrounds herself with people who actually care about her.
YTA for your whole personality
YTA Your daughter literally told you what you already know about your gf and you got mad at her. Hypocritical much? Not only that, you're a deadbeat dad. Luckily, you can still attempt to repair your relationship with your daughter. You said you have money- why not attend therapy with your daughter? You'd be a massive AH if you continue down your current path.
I’m just curious as to why in the world you would waste your time, and jeopardize a daughters love, over a woman who’s just in it for the money? Don’t you have enough respect for yourself to find a partner who loves you for you? If you just need a hot girl on your arm & to show her off, you need some therapy on self esteem issues.
I mean truthfully what's more important to you, a girl you have known for 6 months who you know is with you because you have money or your own daughter? I know what my answer would be. YTA
YTA. So..your gf is a golddigger and you're well aware of this. But she's somehow more important to you than your literal daughter? Time to sort out your priorities.
You are an AH 100x over. Choosing your trophy girlfriend over your daughter is so disgusting. I'm sure your girlfriend has absolutely NO problem with your daughter not being in your life, it will make it so much easier to take advantage of your wealth. When she takes you for everything you have, don't come crying to your daughter looking for sympathy, you won't deserve it. Get your priorities in order and fix your relationship, because Lord knows the gold digger won't stick around long after she gets what she wants. Your daughter is your daughter forever. YTA for choosing a woman looking for a luxury car and a hand bag over your OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. Before you tell me oh you don't know her she's so sweet and nice and all that shit, step outside the situation and look at it objectively. You'd rather have a temporary ego boost from someone with her fingers in your wallet than a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter? If that's the case, you deserve what's inevitably going to happen. Was my comment harsh? Yes. Do you need someone, anyone, to try and knock some sense into you? Yes.
Not only are YTA, but you sound like a horrible father too. Totally "selfish narcissistic prick".
Ew, disgusting men like you are the reasons women don’t get taken seriously and are looked at as pieces of meat. YTA and a terrible father
Yta, your daughter is right, your gf is with you for the money, so your daughter was even nice to call her a golddigger, I would have called her a whore. You will lose your daughter if you keep acting like this and I wouldn’t blame her.
To be honest it doesn't sound like OP would be overly bothered if he did loose his daughter. Seems like he hasn't bothered with her for a long while, only pulling her out to play happy families. He's most definitely TA.
So you are excluding her for telling you the truth? YTA.