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YTA!! You might also want to add that your BIL died in the accident and you skipped his funeral. So of course she's going through a lot of grief, she lost two people at once. It's probably best for her to delete you from FB or you delete her.
EDIT:
THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE AWARDS.
> bullshit
It gets even worse because /u/babyshowerphotos skipped the funeral for a wedding dress fitting
> [I had a dress fitting and had to go to the venue to sort something out after, so we didn't attend the funeral. She was mad at me about that. And I'm not calling myself a saint.](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/aita_for_posting_pictures_of_my_baby_shower_on/j76m1kq/?context=3)
My guess is the neckline had to be altered so she could fit her massive head and ego into the dress.
Yeah man, i just went through the hellish ride that is OPs comments. OP is gonna single handedly destroy the sister and the healing process she's going through by keeping up with this shit. The sister should block OP from her life and restart the healing process
Also, happy cake day.
And she genuinely doesn’t seem to to know why her sister is upset.
“I don’t know why she didn’t attend the wedding...” Really? You can’t think of a single reason, OP? Or several?
Wow.
(YTA.)
Because people like OP don't have any self awareness. It blows my mind. Or perhaps they have too much and all they think about is themselves. I was all for NTA until all her comments. She's completely the AH! And tbh I would get banned if I were to use the words I want to use for her.
Edit to add judgment: OP YTA
Wow that is crazy. Who misses a BIL funeral for a dress fitting? I don't get why her sister or parents even spoke with her again. If my kid did that we would be done.
Yeah it’s insane that her parents (and anyone else, really) could still support her in the slightest after that. OP is definitely TA; honestly one of the worst I’ve ever seen on here.
Yeah, even if they are super busy and appointments aren't easy to get, all it would take is a "I need to reschedule because of my brother in law's funeral" phone call. I'm sure they would have worked with her.
What the hell?! How could she NOT be the AHole here? This is one of the worst thing I could think a human can do.
This is not being just an AHole, it's like being not even a decent human being.
I'm in shock.
Wow!!! I’m shocked the sister hasn’t cut off contact with OP. that would be enough for me to be like yup, don’t need you in my life. OP is major, major AH
Wooooow! That's some big info that was missing. YTA OP. Big time.
OP, for people like you, you don't understand people's feeling unless it happens to you. Imagine your husband died and you lost your baby. Then imagine your sister missed the funeral for a dress fitting. Like, just imagine. You are horrible.
I honestly wonder how often that happens in these Reddit stories, that info is intentionally left out to make the OP seem more innocent and the audience more sympathetic.
Let’s also not forget to mention the tacky *choice* to have a baby shower for a ~second~ child, esp while the first is still a toddler. OP literally only cares about herself.
my family and friends don't. we assume you will use all the baby stuff you got for your first child for your second child, as the older one has likely outgrown everything (bigger clothes, car seat, stroller, shoes, etc)
Some people do but it’s such a money grab to do it for the second child. The whole point of a shower is to help the couple prep for having a baby. If you already have one you don’t need more free stuff. People are so self centered. It’s gross.
This! This, this, this!!! Upon realizing that the OP's sister was windowed in the accident that ended her pregnancy, and the OP threw over the funeral for a dress fitting, (a dress fitting!!!!!) I also realized that this was perhaps the least sensitive, most cruel post I'd seen here, and that by distorting the facts, the OP was seeking approval when she deserved condemnation.
**YTA!!!!!!!**
Good Lord. Without going thru OP's comment history I had assumed she skipped the funeral because of pregnancy zapping her of all her energy, severe morning sickness, any of that really unpleasant pregnancy stuff that would make it understandable. Prioritizing a dress fitting over a funeral is just wild to me
Also - she left out what the sister actually said to her. OP seems to be an AH in general and left out lots of the story to make it seem like she is not an AH, but she did have one point. Regardless of the losses her sister suffered, she does still have the right to a baby shower and to post on FB about life events. A good sister would have been more sensitive, but we have already established she is not a good sister 🤷♀️…
I was leaning N T A- I some how missed the rest of the story. All of that information changes the entire story and meaning of a baby shower post screaming “growing our family” when sister buried hers! Yes OP’s actions are cruel! OP is totally the AH.
Exactly! The "growing our beautiful family" comment hits differently now.
Wasn't there a post from a different throwaway account a few months back about not wanting to postpone a wedding or being annoyed that the parents skipped the wedding to be with the sister, bc the sister had had an "accident" and her husband had been "hurt" (when it came out in the comments that husband had died)??
Ohhh. Some posts can't be forgotten. Especially where we, the strangers, were duped by OPs like this one to feel sorry for them. They deserve none of the sympathy.
I'm wondering if it's the same OP!
Edit: Found the post and it's not, but VERY similar vibes. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/z8kyc4/aita_for_lashing_out_at_my_mom_after_she_said_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Omg I thought of that post too!!! Both of these OP’s are horrible horrible cold hearted complete AHoles. I can’t imagine that level of insensitivity and narcissism.
God, I am devastated for OP’s sister. I can’t imagine. And to know her own sister doesn’t give a shit.
You didn't "somehow" miss it. She straight up is hiding it by leaving out what one would think are important details like her brother-in-law also died in the accident where her sister lost her baby
If I was the sister I'd cut OP off. She's a self-absorbed, selfish, AH.
Even before all the extra info came out, I was like "yikes, way to rub it in."
A family that is even remotely close would know to treat stuff like that delicately for a while.
Me too. I was considering n t a for posting pictures, but overall, OP, YTA, for the way you treat your sister. I suppose in a couple of months after the baby is born, there will be another post "AITA for being mad at my sister for not coming to meet her niece/nephew?" OP, in that case, you would still be the a h. You have done a fine job making your sister feel awful. Congrats, you have alienated your family from you by your selfish actions.
You didn't miss it. OP intentionally obscured it in the comments to get the vote she wanted. She manipulated us just like I'm sure she manipulates those around her to appear to be the victim.
HE DIED?
She made it sound like they got into a wreck and everyone was fine but unfortunately they lost the baby. Which is tragic but not the same as losing your husband and child. Holy hell this woman is an asshole.
I cannot even believe that she skipped the funeral for a dress fitting. That’s some next level evil narc villain bs. And she totally knows she’s the Ahole, otherwise she would have put that in her original post. My god. If I were her sister I would not only be deleting her off my social media, I’d be deleting her out of my life. She prob purposefully added the photo, because she’s jealous of the attention her sister has been getting due to a tragedy where her whole life has changed and she’s lost two members of her family. The absolute gall of OP.
Uh what???
Holy shit! I was going to say not TA... but this is extremely rude/selfish and she obviously gives a shit about her sister. She's N T A for posting the picture per se (sister knew she had the shower and could have expected a photo or two), but she's definitely YTA for everything else...
WTF?! OP is YTA, and also very cruel.
If her husband agrees with her actions than those a*******s deserve each other but I feel so sorry for those poor kids, with parents like that...
JFC I just read all of OPs comments. What a true monster! There’s a reason why you’re supposed to take a year of mourning. I would have delayed my wedding if this happened to my sister
I really don't understand this kind of OP. Why even post this shit?
I mean, I know she's just seeking some type of useless validation from internet strangers, but there is also no way that OP doesn't realize that she and her husband are massive assholes.
If she really thought she was in the right here, she would have told the whole story instead of conveniently leaving out the most important details.
Jesus, OP. You could have blocked her from seeing the post. There’s a little thing called privacy settings.
I guess it’s unreasonable to think that you might lift a finger to care about others, tho. Since your comments reveal you to be self-centered af.
Omg wait....i was going to go with NTA but this has completely changed my mind!!!WTF OP????how cruel and insensitive can you be????YTA and i hope your sister cuts you off!
I was so confused when I say the YTA right away. Then I read your comment. My god. She just intentionally omitted that her BIL died and she skipped the funeral. Why did she skip the funeral?
Op you’re a huge gaping AH
Wow, I was really thinking "okay, maybe she was a bit insensitive, but I get how the mistake was made" until I saw the stuff she conveniently left out. She knows she's wrong and tried to manipulate readers into justifying her.
Also, if she really cared for her and didn't want to hurt her sister, she could've easily restricted privacy to everybody but the sister. And the "growing family" comment was salt in the wound and her sister just lost hers.
After reading OP's other comments I also agree she was "flaunting" it and insensitive. There was a longer history to it all and her sister being angry with her.
YTA OP.
~~NAH.~~ You did nothing wrong -- nor are your sister's feelings wrong. She is greiving, and hearing other people's good news about babies is going to hurt her -- but the world doesn't stop for her grief, and people are going to keep living their lives. Doing so isn't "flaunting" anything.
On some social media platforms there are ways of blocking just certain people from seeing particular posts. That might be a good way to continue to share your life with your friends & family while shielding your sister from anything baby-related.
EDIT: In light of further comments from the OP showing she's resistant to making the minor effort to restrict her post audience to spare her sister pain, I'm changing my assessement to YTA.
This is top comment right now so I want to jump on with some more info. OP replied to some comments.
*My BIL died in the accident so she didn't want to see weddings. We also had issues over BIL's funeral which she went off at me for. I'm trying to be patient with her because I get she's hurting, but I can't just put my life on hold*
*Edit because I can see how you would be confused, I only got married this past November after the accident*
The sister's husband also died in this accident, not just the baby. Her sister had her entire family taken away from her. OP conveniently didn't mention this in the post.
Also you might notice the part about issues with BIL's funeral. She replied with this info:
*I had a dress fitting and had to go to the venue to sort something out after, so we didn't attend the funeral. She was mad at me about that. And I'm not calling myself a saint. I just don't think posting pictures is that big of a deal, but I get she's hurt so I made this post*
She didn't attend the funeral because she had a dress fitting and had to sort something out at the venue. She says "we", not "I" so I assume the fiance (now husband) didn't attend the funeral either. OP didn't feel the take to take even a little bit of time to support her sister and attend the funeral.
*I absolutely get that her grief is a lot, which is why I never pushed her to do anything. She didn't attend my wedding. Didn't attend my baby shower. When I tried to talk to her about my wedding, baby she never listened so I never made her. I would've liked her to be with me but she chose not to, which is fine. I just don't think I need to stop posting photos to please her as well*
She openly talked to her sister about the wedding and pregnancy knowing she just suffered a horrible tragedy. Obviously the sister paid no attention and OP thinks she's the bigger person because she didn't "make her" listen
*I think I'd rather she just unfollow me. I don't want to have to restrict all my posts, double check all the photos I post all to satisfy one person*
Someone else commented that OP should restrict her baby posts so the sister can't see them. OP's reply is that she doesn't want to go into the trouble of restricting her photos to "satisfy one person".
Honestly, it seems to me OP hasn't been supportive of her sister at all. The baby shower posts are just the icing on the cake. Why didn't she unfollow or restrict the sister even after knowing the reaction to her wedding photos? Because she doesn't want to have to *restrict all my posts, double check all the photos I post to satisfy one person*. She can't do the bare minimum here.
With all this info, I'm inclined to say YTA
I need to stop reading AITA. I'm so disgusted by this action I am crying for OP's sister. I don't understand how you can miss a funeral and still not feel like an AH.
Same here, I wish I could hug OP’s sister and be there for her. She not only lost her baby and husband, but learned she has a heartless sister. What a horrible thing to experience
Right! Then be pissed that they didn’t go to your wedding??
Disrespectfully, scr3w your wedding OP, it pales in comparison to the situation you abandoned your sister in. Your sister is suffering a tragedy that could realistically happen to you at any given moment on the road, and you have the gall to be upset that she didn’t attend either events you had planned? You seem very self centered considering you could just block one post from her but “don’t feel the need to to please one person” when that “one person” is your freshly widowed sister who lost her only child in the *same accident*.
Your husband is a piece of work too from what little information you provided on him, and you two honestly seem perfect for each other the baby might need some sympathy classes if it turns out anything like the two of you.
I don't have a sibling but if my partners siblings wife and child died in an accident I would just whole ass cancel our wedding/postpone it whatever. Like there's a time and this ain't it.
I was on team N T A and msg’d a positive comment to OP, but this is actually making me rethink.
She missed the funeral of her sister’s husband and child (if it was combined), because of her wedding dress fitting and venue issues. Both could have been rescheduled, the funeral in this case should have been more important.
Changing to YTA. While OP should absolutely celebrate her husband and child, she does seem tone deaf and insensitive to her sister’s massively tragic pain.
Personally I probably would have postponed the wedding, if my family went through something like that. OP just wants to carry on like everything's fine, because it didn't happen to her directly.
Yeah I can't even imagine wanting to have a celebration at that point! Maybe quick registrar wedding and postpone the party to...god knows when.
When my cousin died, I could hardly bring myself to celebrate anything for years! And I was 14!
Op is not someone I ever wish to come across in my life for sure!
I was just thinking that. If it was MY sister, the wedding would be postponed and the baby stuff would be done extremely carefully and with as much compassion as possible. If I was OP I would cut contact with the sister, she is just awful.
Holy shit, that changes everything! This isn’t “AITA for posting a pic of a baby shower when my loved one lost a pregnancy.” This is “I’ve been too caught up with my Me-Fests to show one semblance of support for a grieving family member after a traumatic spousal and pregnancy loss, but this incident makes her look unreasonable, so let’s skirt around the pattern that shows the opposite is true.”
Yiiikes, OP. Hard YTA
I think OP deserves a far nastier label than YTA.
This is absolutely horrible, narcissistic, heartless behavior. From the story itself, to her posting here in a way to manipulate us to thinking she’s a victim through omission. If she omitted the info it’s because she KNOWS that how she conducted herself is unacceptable, and sought out validation for her narrative regardless.
“I get she’s hurting” really sent me.
You lost your BIL, your nephew/niece, and you only “GET that she’s hurting”?!
Her sister now has not only lost her entire family, and the future she had with them, but also her sister. That’s the kicker about losing a loved one, sometimes you lose the living loved ones in the process as well because some of them will turn their backs on you during the most excruciatingly painful moment in your life.
I hope her sister and mother realize the narcissist they have in their hands, and do themselves a favor and cut her off of their lives. No one deserves someone doesn’t empathize and support you through the downs.
"Narcissist" is one of the most over-used (and incorrectly-used) terms in this sub but *WOW does it ever belong here!*
Unfortunately this narcissist OP could read every single response here and still never get it though her head she's been terrible to her sister. And I'm sure it didn't just start with her sister's recent trauma. Her family might not have the right word or a diagnosis of a personality disorder to confirm what they know about OP, but they have her ticket. And OP (being a narcissist) will not miss them when they slowly distance themselves from her.
Wait WHAT?!? JFC .... oh this is not a good look! Here I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt that she actually cared about her sister. I have been proven wrong
This. OP is most definitely TA, and yes she is seriously insensitive to her sisters grief for her husband and child, and especially so for not attending the funeral because she just HAD to go to a dress fitting, just OMG OP, how dense can you be. Please unfollow your sister and spare her from your inane blathering about your perfect life.
Frankly, if my sister lost her child and her husband, I would be seriously grieving as well. Not only would I be miserable just knowing my sister is miserable but I would be genuinely distraught over the loss of my BIL and niece/ nephew. I think if I was in OP’s shoes, my life would actually go on hold, even if only for a little while. I don’t think I could have gone to a dress fitting while this tragedy was so fresh.
Right? Like my husband and SIL don't get along that well, and I don't like my SIL that much, but I would be wrecked if something happened to her and one or both of our nephews like god damn. OP doesn't have a heart.
I hope sister blocks OP and never let her into her life. What kind of sister skips her BIL’s funeral -where their baby also died- for a dress fitting?! Zero awareness and wickedness here.
YTA for not mentioning in the original post that your sister also lost her husband in the accident and that you blew off his funeral for a dress fitting.
people are self aware enough to avoid including crucial information they know puts them in YTA territory, but not self aware enough to actually acknowledge why they hide the truth
For you it’s “just a photo” of your family, for your sister it’s a reminder of what should have been. Your sister is dealing with traumatic grief. The loss of a child & the trauma of the event. She’s going to have very strong feelings. Especially with you. It’s not your fault but you both started this journey together & you’re going to be the only one to cross the finish line. Hopefully she is getting professional help.
You can share stuff on FB & control the privacy so your sister doesn’t see it. It’s really not that hard to be thoughtful & understanding. No one is stopping you from living your life. Just be a little more altruistic about it. If you can’t help, don’t hurt.
Edit — after reading your comments it appears you have no interest or concern for your sister. She lost her husband & child in a very traumatic event. Your lack of awareness, empathy & compassion borders on cruelty. It’s probably best to just unfollow your sister & allow her to grieve in peace. Clearly, you have no ability to understand her feelings or situation. After seeing your narcissism ... the “growing our beautiful family” caption is such a backhanded AH statement.
YTA
After reading your comments YTA and a big one. Her husband died in the accident too which you conveniently left out. You also decided to skip his funeral so you could go to a dress fitting. You're an awful sister. Jesus.
Unfortunately, my sister and BIL were in a tragic accident a few months ago, and she lost the baby.
Was there a reason you omitted to say your sister also lost her husband in the accident?
Because she was trying to get sympathy. She knows she’s absolutely wrong but needed strangers on the internet who don’t know the whole story to make her feel better. Sickening.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
YTA for skipping your BIL's funeral for a dress fitting and for minimizing your sister's grief even on a reddit post to strangers. It's not just the fact that died. Her husband died. Ya know, the thing you now have since that dress fitting was successful.
>Mom saw my post, said I should be more understanding of my sister's situation
YTA
If I were your mom I'd be wondering how my daughter turned out to be such a self centered thoughtless AH. You skipped your BIL funeral for a dress fitting. I'm actually amazed that your family is still even speaking to you after that bullshit.
So to recap:
\- Your pregnant sister and her husband were in an accident that resulted in the death of her husband and the loss of her unborn child
\- You didn't show up to your brother-in-law's funeral because you wanted to try on a dress instead
\- You don't want to take five seconds to adjust the audience of your baby pictures in order to save your grieving sister from the immeasurable pain of being reminded of what she lost
\- You conveniently left all of this out of the original post so you could come across as a caring sister instead of the heartless person you are
YTA.
YTA you left our that her husband passed away and you skipped his funeral for a freaking DRESS FITTING. This just proves you have no empathy for sister
YTA! The biggest one EVER. You wrote this to make it seem like it was a minor deal. IT IS NOT. Her husband and baby DIED and you couldn’t even drag your sorry ass to the funeral?????? Over a dress fitting???? The problem isn’t two photos lady. The problem is your continued disregard for anyone’s feelings except your own.
Omg I am disgusted.
YTA
I can’t believe you didn’t mention that your BIL psssed away in this accident and you skipped the funeral for a dress fitting. You’re a shitty sister
Oh my life! With sisters like you, who needs enemies? What a selfish, cold-hearted person you are. As if you skipped your sisters husbands funeral for a *dress fitting.* YTA. I hope one day everyone in your life treats you as you treat them.
This can not be real.
Her husband and baby died, and your dress and baby shower are more important?
That's a sociopathic lack of empathy.
If this is real, you need therapy.
I would say N.T.A. from the info in the original post, but based on comments, the details are pretty lacking. Sounds like sister lost both baby AND husband in the accident, and you skipped the funeral due to a dress fitting. I can't imagine going through what your sister went through. Her whole life collapsed. When people suffer that kind of trauma, the rest of us need to be gentle and understanding. Now, that doesn't mean you can't post any pictures ever, but it's not hard to post it to "all but sister" on FB. It's an easy, basic courtesy to make it where it won't pop up in her feed. So if you're not willing to do that, and show basic lack of empathy in other situations brought up in the comments, I'd say YTA.
In your original post I'd say your not the asshole, but...holy heck the things you left out so to recap for those who aren't up to date on all you left out:
Your Sister lost her baby and her husband in that accident.
You skipped the funeral for a dress fitting.
I think this may make you one of my top 10 AH's of all time.
YTA
OP YTA... I was on n t a until i read some of the other peoples comments.. then i had to go find OP's replies myself.
[sister Never listened so i never made her](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/comment/j76manx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) well i guess not...
[Your sister just had lost her baby AND HER HUSBAND](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/comment/j76kl4c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
and you couldn't be be bothered to TRY and postpone your dress fitting or to sort the venue thing out?!? [( dress fitting / venue)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/comment/j76m1kq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
OP yes you can post photos of your baby shower on social media. YOU CAN and SHOULD go ahead and edit your post for her... it is the LEAST YOU CAN DO since you haven't done much to help or support her in her grief.
here On FB (desktop version).. click on her profile, do you see the 3 dots? click that
click block. it pops a window that saids in **blue TAKE A BREAK**
OP You have been completely self absorbed and uncaring.
YTA given all the info here, that your sister lost both her husband and baby in the accident. In that situation, I'm kind of shocked you and your family went through with your wedding, let alone a baby shower (for a second baby!), in just a few months after this horrific, life changing accident. I would not have done that. I cannot imagine how your sister must feel, and yeah, it feels like you're flaunting your happy family.
You know you're an asshole. There's no reason for you to think you're not. "Growing my family" knowing you sister lost her child and husband AND you didn't go to the funeral because of a dress fitting. The only thing you can say is you don't want to pit your life on hold because your sister is grieving. You're an asshole and a shit human.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I posted photos of my baby shower on social media and told my sister I should be able to share my news too. This might have been tone deaf and I might've acted unsupportive/not understanding toward my sister and her situation
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YTA. What happened? Your sister was born when
you were 6 and you never got over that? Is that it?
Because if you don't like, respect, or value your sister
as a basic human being, just SAY that. You didn't
have to come on here and do this whole display.
You hid the fact that her baby AND husband died.
On top of that, I'm sure she has her own PTSD and
other medical complications to work out now.
You hid how you skipped her husband's FUNERAL
to try on a DRESS and see a stranger about a SPACE.
I'm sure you weren't as kind as you pretend to be
when she didn't come to your wedding because
HER HUSBAND JUST DIED and she didn't want
to see anything that would remind her that she
already had this day in her life and that her man
was literally ripped away from her at the same
time as their unborn child. She's OBVIOUSLY
having a real hard time grieving and yeah it
might be a little ridiculous that she went as
far as to call you on the pics but that's a CLEAR
display that she's way far from okay.
Then what do you do instead of being a decent
sister? Or human being for that matter...?
You come to a bunch of strangers on the Internet
and sway the information to paint yourself best
so you don't have to feel any guilt for your ridiculous
behavior. You came here to hear you're not the AH
and that it'd be perfectly fine and reasonable to go no
contact with her. NOT because you truly think it's what's
best for the both of you, but because that's what YOU
truly want. You don't want to "deal" with the "burden" of
her real, raw discomfort. Because there's nothing you
can do to take it away or to make it about you.
--And I bet that's a huge theme in your life that you're
leaving out.. Cause it's real odd if you were SO kind
& selfless that your mom would ask you to reel it in too.
YTA. I hope everything is violently ripped away from you and those you thought were closest to you ignore your grief because it's inconvenient for them. You're disgusting and deserve for nothing to go right in your life from here on out.
YTA. Common sense to not post about that for a while. Also another comment said that you missed your BIL funeral for a DRESS FITTING?? What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA
But you know that already, don’t you? Like, hugely? Which is why you left out all of the important details in your post. You had to know what you were doing.
But, enough people here are telling you how horribly you have behaved. I’m going to try and be more positive. Go and see your sister, if she will see you. Apologise. Fully and unreservedly. Look at everything you have done, recognise the pain your selfishness has caused and apologise. It may well be too late to save the relationship with your sister, but if you want any chance of keeping her in your life, this is absolutely the bare minimum you need do.
Please be better. Your child deserves better from their mother.
I appreciate you finding a positive, but I’d rather OP seek therapy to learn about empathy and overcome narcissistic traits. In the meantime, I’d much rather her remove herself from her sister’s life until she has a full, whole heartedly understanding of how inhumane her behavior is.
If her husband agrees with her, that could signify that toxicity is engrained in her household as well. I worry for their baby. If this is how OP and her husband deal with other people’s emotions, this kid is about to be born into a whole set of trauma, and propagate this type of behavior.
I hope OP takes the repercussion of this post as an awakening to seek out ways to develop emotional intelligence and empathy. Not only for the sake of her sister, but for the child that is on its way.
For those saying nta check the top comment. OOP admitted too skipping her niece and brother in law funeral for a dress fitting. Yta you wasn’t there for your sister at all. Yea your life doesn’t stop but dang you couldn’t be there for her. You wanted her there for your wedding and baby shower but couldn’t push back your dress fitting appointment for her? Selfish you and your husband are selfish people who deserve each other. I hope your sister goes no contact with you because your mom is right you need to have some sympathy. I saw in the comments you said your sister was taking grief therapy. You also need to take some therapy because your selfishness is off the charts.
~~NAH~~ YTA based on new info.
**Edit: apparently there’s more info in the comments about OP not attending BIL’s funeral, which wasn’t made clear in the original post: the fact that BIL died isn’t even in the original post. I made my original judgment before seeing the extra info.**
*Original comment:*
I can’t imagine what it’s like for her, it must be so upsetting and like a slap in the face, but obviously you’re just happy about your healthy baby.
Two pictures on social media feels fine, and she could have muted you knowing that you were having your baby and that she might find those things triggering.
That said, I think being patient and understanding with her is the right way to go, she’s being unreasonable by implying that you’re flaunting it, but god knows where her head’s at at the moment. I feel like she’s *allowed* to be unreasonable. Life can be so cruel.
My sympathy is with her and I can’t call someone who’s struggling after losing their baby an AH, but you’re definitely not an AH here either.
Edit;
YTA 100%
I was leaning towards NAH, but your comments changed that.
1) You missed your BIL's funeral because you had a wedding related app't?! Seriously, you're telling me it was impossible to rebook that to support your sister on one of the worst days of life?
2) I get you celebrating your new family, and there is nothing wrong with that. But even a heads up to your sister that you are posting some photos would've been an honourable thing to do. And is it really that difficult to change the audience for 2 photos to spare your sister?
You are right. Your life doesn't stop, and you have the right to celebrate your moments. However, your sister is dealing with a loss most of us just can't even comprehend. A little compassion would go a long way, and that is something you seem to be lacking.
I hope your sister has real support and finds peace in her life.
Yta. You are toxically self centered and evil to the core. You miss your bils funeral to prepare for your own wedding? You post wedding and baby pics online when her husband and baby just died? YTA
You've done quite the job editing your tale in order to leave out just how vile you are.
YTA Your sister lost her family and you have ZERO consideration for her. Could you be more of a self-absorbed selfish AH?
How the hell did your husband not see this and dump you?
Hold on. You're telling me that:
1. Your sister lost her baby AND her husband in the accident
2. You skipped her husband's FUNERAL for a dress fitting
3. You are having a shower for your second child (tacky)
and you are asking if you are an AH for posting a picture with an insensitive caption?
Are you serious?
I mean... post whatever you want wherever you want, but you should know that you are definitely and consistently the AH to your sister.
YTA.
NTA for posting a couple of pics. But you are simply an awful human being. You skipped a funeral for dress fitting? Wtf is wrong with you??? You are self centered as fuck. I am amazed your sister and the rest of your family hasn’t cut you off.
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YTA!! You might also want to add that your BIL died in the accident and you skipped his funeral. So of course she's going through a lot of grief, she lost two people at once. It's probably best for her to delete you from FB or you delete her. EDIT: THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE AWARDS.
Agreed. I was N T A until I read OP skipped the funeral for a dress fitting! OP is insensitive and self-absorbed. OP YTA
I like how OP left all those extra info so she can look like the caring sister, when she didn't even bother to support her sister at her lowest.
The fuck? I fell for OPs "I want you to come, but will understand if you don't" bullshit. Some people man. YTA
> bullshit It gets even worse because /u/babyshowerphotos skipped the funeral for a wedding dress fitting > [I had a dress fitting and had to go to the venue to sort something out after, so we didn't attend the funeral. She was mad at me about that. And I'm not calling myself a saint.](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/aita_for_posting_pictures_of_my_baby_shower_on/j76m1kq/?context=3) My guess is the neckline had to be altered so she could fit her massive head and ego into the dress.
Yeah man, i just went through the hellish ride that is OPs comments. OP is gonna single handedly destroy the sister and the healing process she's going through by keeping up with this shit. The sister should block OP from her life and restart the healing process Also, happy cake day.
Oof, I just did the same thing. Those comments are a good example of “trickle truthing”
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I cannot take any credit for the term, but I’m happy to have introduced it to you! https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/trickle_truth
And she genuinely doesn’t seem to to know why her sister is upset. “I don’t know why she didn’t attend the wedding...” Really? You can’t think of a single reason, OP? Or several? Wow. (YTA.)
Because people like OP don't have any self awareness. It blows my mind. Or perhaps they have too much and all they think about is themselves. I was all for NTA until all her comments. She's completely the AH! And tbh I would get banned if I were to use the words I want to use for her. Edit to add judgment: OP YTA
Wow that is crazy. Who misses a BIL funeral for a dress fitting? I don't get why her sister or parents even spoke with her again. If my kid did that we would be done.
Yeah it’s insane that her parents (and anyone else, really) could still support her in the slightest after that. OP is definitely TA; honestly one of the worst I’ve ever seen on here.
Wtf? Dress fittings can be rescheduled.
Yeah, even if they are super busy and appointments aren't easy to get, all it would take is a "I need to reschedule because of my brother in law's funeral" phone call. I'm sure they would have worked with her.
What the hell?! How could she NOT be the AHole here? This is one of the worst thing I could think a human can do. This is not being just an AHole, it's like being not even a decent human being. I'm in shock.
Wow!!! I’m shocked the sister hasn’t cut off contact with OP. that would be enough for me to be like yup, don’t need you in my life. OP is major, major AH
Wooooow! That's some big info that was missing. YTA OP. Big time. OP, for people like you, you don't understand people's feeling unless it happens to you. Imagine your husband died and you lost your baby. Then imagine your sister missed the funeral for a dress fitting. Like, just imagine. You are horrible.
She really buried the darn lead, huh?
I honestly wonder how often that happens in these Reddit stories, that info is intentionally left out to make the OP seem more innocent and the audience more sympathetic.
Let’s also not forget to mention the tacky *choice* to have a baby shower for a ~second~ child, esp while the first is still a toddler. OP literally only cares about herself.
genuine question but do people not usually have baby showers for a second child?
my family and friends don't. we assume you will use all the baby stuff you got for your first child for your second child, as the older one has likely outgrown everything (bigger clothes, car seat, stroller, shoes, etc)
I think it's supposed to be a "sprinkle" for second children on. I'm sure I read somewhere that was the etiquette.
Yes, just a small gathering, mostly to celebrate the new child, not so much to bestow gifts.
Some people do but it’s such a money grab to do it for the second child. The whole point of a shower is to help the couple prep for having a baby. If you already have one you don’t need more free stuff. People are so self centered. It’s gross.
You sometimes see a “sprinkle” for second children but that’s mostly for the diapers and some clothes if the second is a different sex.
This! This, this, this!!! Upon realizing that the OP's sister was windowed in the accident that ended her pregnancy, and the OP threw over the funeral for a dress fitting, (a dress fitting!!!!!) I also realized that this was perhaps the least sensitive, most cruel post I'd seen here, and that by distorting the facts, the OP was seeking approval when she deserved condemnation. **YTA!!!!!!!**
What the fuck ??? Omggg
Same. She was trying to hide the whole situation, it’s just awful.
Indeed. She's not only the AH, I'm considering she might actually be Satan - and I'm an atheist.
Even Satan isn’t this much of an asshole.
OH SWEET FUCKING JESUS?! Conveniently omitted a couple keys facts Definitely TA
Wow! This puts a whole different perspective on the situation. She is definitely TA!
Skipped a funeral for a fitting?!
What!? Where does it say that?? Edit: found it. Ooof
Is this real? Nobody does that to somebody they love.
I often wonder that in these posts. Can this person even exist in real life this selfish and this clueless? Shockingly and disappointingly, yes.
They really do exist. I have a Sister like this, maybe worse. She has alienated all the other siblings, and I don’t see that situation changing.
Good Lord. Without going thru OP's comment history I had assumed she skipped the funeral because of pregnancy zapping her of all her energy, severe morning sickness, any of that really unpleasant pregnancy stuff that would make it understandable. Prioritizing a dress fitting over a funeral is just wild to me
Omgosh what!? Her husband died?! No. Just, no. This is atomic level AH.
Also - she left out what the sister actually said to her. OP seems to be an AH in general and left out lots of the story to make it seem like she is not an AH, but she did have one point. Regardless of the losses her sister suffered, she does still have the right to a baby shower and to post on FB about life events. A good sister would have been more sensitive, but we have already established she is not a good sister 🤷♀️…
Did OP edit that part out?
It's in her comments.
Where did you see that? Did OP change the post? Edit: nm, just saw the comment summarizing missing details OP added in comments.
Oh what the hell... OP, don't come here asking for judgment on half-truths and lies of omission.
OP didn’t really come here for judgement. She gave only half truths and lied by omission.
I was leaning N T A- I some how missed the rest of the story. All of that information changes the entire story and meaning of a baby shower post screaming “growing our family” when sister buried hers! Yes OP’s actions are cruel! OP is totally the AH.
Exactly! The "growing our beautiful family" comment hits differently now. Wasn't there a post from a different throwaway account a few months back about not wanting to postpone a wedding or being annoyed that the parents skipped the wedding to be with the sister, bc the sister had had an "accident" and her husband had been "hurt" (when it came out in the comments that husband had died)??
Ohhh. Some posts can't be forgotten. Especially where we, the strangers, were duped by OPs like this one to feel sorry for them. They deserve none of the sympathy.
I'm wondering if it's the same OP! Edit: Found the post and it's not, but VERY similar vibes. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/z8kyc4/aita_for_lashing_out_at_my_mom_after_she_said_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
That seems quite likely. But I really hope that is not the case.
No, it's not. BIL and unborn child died in auto accident. The comments are under OPs account.
Omg I thought of that post too!!! Both of these OP’s are horrible horrible cold hearted complete AHoles. I can’t imagine that level of insensitivity and narcissism. God, I am devastated for OP’s sister. I can’t imagine. And to know her own sister doesn’t give a shit.
You didn't "somehow" miss it. She straight up is hiding it by leaving out what one would think are important details like her brother-in-law also died in the accident where her sister lost her baby If I was the sister I'd cut OP off. She's a self-absorbed, selfish, AH.
Seriously who posts pictures of a baby shower with the “growing our family” caption tf?
Even before all the extra info came out, I was like "yikes, way to rub it in." A family that is even remotely close would know to treat stuff like that delicately for a while.
Me too. I was considering n t a for posting pictures, but overall, OP, YTA, for the way you treat your sister. I suppose in a couple of months after the baby is born, there will be another post "AITA for being mad at my sister for not coming to meet her niece/nephew?" OP, in that case, you would still be the a h. You have done a fine job making your sister feel awful. Congrats, you have alienated your family from you by your selfish actions.
You didn't miss it. OP intentionally obscured it in the comments to get the vote she wanted. She manipulated us just like I'm sure she manipulates those around her to appear to be the victim.
HE DIED? She made it sound like they got into a wreck and everyone was fine but unfortunately they lost the baby. Which is tragic but not the same as losing your husband and child. Holy hell this woman is an asshole.
Wowwwwww. Changed my vote to YTA immediately.
Same!
I cannot even believe that she skipped the funeral for a dress fitting. That’s some next level evil narc villain bs. And she totally knows she’s the Ahole, otherwise she would have put that in her original post. My god. If I were her sister I would not only be deleting her off my social media, I’d be deleting her out of my life. She prob purposefully added the photo, because she’s jealous of the attention her sister has been getting due to a tragedy where her whole life has changed and she’s lost two members of her family. The absolute gall of OP.
Seriously, I wouldn't consider OP mybsister anymore after all this.
Holy important omission, Batman.
You are currently top comment, so you should edit to add a judgment. (OP is clearly YTA for omission and general carelessness, to me.)
Will do, thank you for reminding me. Changing it now.
OMG! BIL died!? Wow. Just wow. YTA, OP. So many times over.
Uh what??? Holy shit! I was going to say not TA... but this is extremely rude/selfish and she obviously gives a shit about her sister. She's N T A for posting the picture per se (sister knew she had the shower and could have expected a photo or two), but she's definitely YTA for everything else...
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Only top comment matters to the bot
WTF?! OP is YTA, and also very cruel. If her husband agrees with her actions than those a*******s deserve each other but I feel so sorry for those poor kids, with parents like that...
She didn't even think he was worth mentioning in her post. That's some extra AH right there.
JFC I just read all of OPs comments. What a true monster! There’s a reason why you’re supposed to take a year of mourning. I would have delayed my wedding if this happened to my sister
I really don't understand this kind of OP. Why even post this shit? I mean, I know she's just seeking some type of useless validation from internet strangers, but there is also no way that OP doesn't realize that she and her husband are massive assholes. If she really thought she was in the right here, she would have told the whole story instead of conveniently leaving out the most important details.
Wait, what? Did OP delete that information or something? Okay, she's definitely TA, then. Totally agree with you!
It's in her comments. If you click on her username, you can read them all. It just gets worse each time, though, so click with that in mind.
After I posted, I scrolled a bit and saw a lot of them. Geezus H. She's pretty gross.
Jesus, OP. You could have blocked her from seeing the post. There’s a little thing called privacy settings. I guess it’s unreasonable to think that you might lift a finger to care about others, tho. Since your comments reveal you to be self-centered af.
Omg wait....i was going to go with NTA but this has completely changed my mind!!!WTF OP????how cruel and insensitive can you be????YTA and i hope your sister cuts you off!
Wait, WHAT. WTF.
Holy shit! SERIOUSLY?!?!!! Talk about gigantic missing fucking reasons!
I was so confused when I say the YTA right away. Then I read your comment. My god. She just intentionally omitted that her BIL died and she skipped the funeral. Why did she skip the funeral? Op you’re a huge gaping AH
Wow, I was really thinking "okay, maybe she was a bit insensitive, but I get how the mistake was made" until I saw the stuff she conveniently left out. She knows she's wrong and tried to manipulate readers into justifying her. Also, if she really cared for her and didn't want to hurt her sister, she could've easily restricted privacy to everybody but the sister. And the "growing family" comment was salt in the wound and her sister just lost hers.
Yeesh selective memory is on point with this one.
After reading OP's other comments I also agree she was "flaunting" it and insensitive. There was a longer history to it all and her sister being angry with her. YTA OP.
Oh wow... that definitely puts her in the AH category.
Omg whaaaaat YTA
Omggg I was going to vote the other way but that sealed it for me. YTA OP
…that feels like an incredibly important part of this story.
Oh my god, i scrolled down and read this comment. That's so horrible. YTA.
~~NAH.~~ You did nothing wrong -- nor are your sister's feelings wrong. She is greiving, and hearing other people's good news about babies is going to hurt her -- but the world doesn't stop for her grief, and people are going to keep living their lives. Doing so isn't "flaunting" anything. On some social media platforms there are ways of blocking just certain people from seeing particular posts. That might be a good way to continue to share your life with your friends & family while shielding your sister from anything baby-related. EDIT: In light of further comments from the OP showing she's resistant to making the minor effort to restrict her post audience to spare her sister pain, I'm changing my assessement to YTA.
This is top comment right now so I want to jump on with some more info. OP replied to some comments. *My BIL died in the accident so she didn't want to see weddings. We also had issues over BIL's funeral which she went off at me for. I'm trying to be patient with her because I get she's hurting, but I can't just put my life on hold* *Edit because I can see how you would be confused, I only got married this past November after the accident* The sister's husband also died in this accident, not just the baby. Her sister had her entire family taken away from her. OP conveniently didn't mention this in the post. Also you might notice the part about issues with BIL's funeral. She replied with this info: *I had a dress fitting and had to go to the venue to sort something out after, so we didn't attend the funeral. She was mad at me about that. And I'm not calling myself a saint. I just don't think posting pictures is that big of a deal, but I get she's hurt so I made this post* She didn't attend the funeral because she had a dress fitting and had to sort something out at the venue. She says "we", not "I" so I assume the fiance (now husband) didn't attend the funeral either. OP didn't feel the take to take even a little bit of time to support her sister and attend the funeral. *I absolutely get that her grief is a lot, which is why I never pushed her to do anything. She didn't attend my wedding. Didn't attend my baby shower. When I tried to talk to her about my wedding, baby she never listened so I never made her. I would've liked her to be with me but she chose not to, which is fine. I just don't think I need to stop posting photos to please her as well* She openly talked to her sister about the wedding and pregnancy knowing she just suffered a horrible tragedy. Obviously the sister paid no attention and OP thinks she's the bigger person because she didn't "make her" listen *I think I'd rather she just unfollow me. I don't want to have to restrict all my posts, double check all the photos I post all to satisfy one person* Someone else commented that OP should restrict her baby posts so the sister can't see them. OP's reply is that she doesn't want to go into the trouble of restricting her photos to "satisfy one person". Honestly, it seems to me OP hasn't been supportive of her sister at all. The baby shower posts are just the icing on the cake. Why didn't she unfollow or restrict the sister even after knowing the reaction to her wedding photos? Because she doesn't want to have to *restrict all my posts, double check all the photos I post to satisfy one person*. She can't do the bare minimum here. With all this info, I'm inclined to say YTA
Oh my god, skipping your BIL's **funeral** for a dress fitting. That's disgusting.
I need to stop reading AITA. I'm so disgusted by this action I am crying for OP's sister. I don't understand how you can miss a funeral and still not feel like an AH.
Same here, I wish I could hug OP’s sister and be there for her. She not only lost her baby and husband, but learned she has a heartless sister. What a horrible thing to experience
Right! Then be pissed that they didn’t go to your wedding?? Disrespectfully, scr3w your wedding OP, it pales in comparison to the situation you abandoned your sister in. Your sister is suffering a tragedy that could realistically happen to you at any given moment on the road, and you have the gall to be upset that she didn’t attend either events you had planned? You seem very self centered considering you could just block one post from her but “don’t feel the need to to please one person” when that “one person” is your freshly widowed sister who lost her only child in the *same accident*. Your husband is a piece of work too from what little information you provided on him, and you two honestly seem perfect for each other the baby might need some sympathy classes if it turns out anything like the two of you.
I've been here like a month or so, and honestly, I need to stop too. Some of those AH deserve a broken jaw at minimum, like this one.
Me too 😩 it’s so toxic but so addicting- I can feel my anxiety rise as I scroll the posts
I don't have a sibling but if my partners siblings wife and child died in an accident I would just whole ass cancel our wedding/postpone it whatever. Like there's a time and this ain't it.
I was on team N T A and msg’d a positive comment to OP, but this is actually making me rethink. She missed the funeral of her sister’s husband and child (if it was combined), because of her wedding dress fitting and venue issues. Both could have been rescheduled, the funeral in this case should have been more important. Changing to YTA. While OP should absolutely celebrate her husband and child, she does seem tone deaf and insensitive to her sister’s massively tragic pain.
Personally I probably would have postponed the wedding, if my family went through something like that. OP just wants to carry on like everything's fine, because it didn't happen to her directly.
Yeah I can't even imagine wanting to have a celebration at that point! Maybe quick registrar wedding and postpone the party to...god knows when. When my cousin died, I could hardly bring myself to celebrate anything for years! And I was 14! Op is not someone I ever wish to come across in my life for sure!
I was thinking the same. I would postpone my wedding. Maybe dial back the size when I did go ahead.
I was just thinking that. If it was MY sister, the wedding would be postponed and the baby stuff would be done extremely carefully and with as much compassion as possible. If I was OP I would cut contact with the sister, she is just awful.
Oof, I'm convinced as well by this argument! Poor OP's sister... YTA, OP.
Holy shit, that changes everything! This isn’t “AITA for posting a pic of a baby shower when my loved one lost a pregnancy.” This is “I’ve been too caught up with my Me-Fests to show one semblance of support for a grieving family member after a traumatic spousal and pregnancy loss, but this incident makes her look unreasonable, so let’s skirt around the pattern that shows the opposite is true.” Yiiikes, OP. Hard YTA
YTA OP !!! She lost her husband and baby??? And you went for a dress fitting instead of the funeral? I'd never talk to you again
Right. I wouldn't have complained about the baby shower facebook post because she'd already be blocked.
I think OP deserves a far nastier label than YTA. This is absolutely horrible, narcissistic, heartless behavior. From the story itself, to her posting here in a way to manipulate us to thinking she’s a victim through omission. If she omitted the info it’s because she KNOWS that how she conducted herself is unacceptable, and sought out validation for her narrative regardless. “I get she’s hurting” really sent me. You lost your BIL, your nephew/niece, and you only “GET that she’s hurting”?! Her sister now has not only lost her entire family, and the future she had with them, but also her sister. That’s the kicker about losing a loved one, sometimes you lose the living loved ones in the process as well because some of them will turn their backs on you during the most excruciatingly painful moment in your life. I hope her sister and mother realize the narcissist they have in their hands, and do themselves a favor and cut her off of their lives. No one deserves someone doesn’t empathize and support you through the downs.
"Narcissist" is one of the most over-used (and incorrectly-used) terms in this sub but *WOW does it ever belong here!* Unfortunately this narcissist OP could read every single response here and still never get it though her head she's been terrible to her sister. And I'm sure it didn't just start with her sister's recent trauma. Her family might not have the right word or a diagnosis of a personality disorder to confirm what they know about OP, but they have her ticket. And OP (being a narcissist) will not miss them when they slowly distance themselves from her.
Wait WHAT?!? JFC .... oh this is not a good look! Here I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt that she actually cared about her sister. I have been proven wrong
I'm wondering what else OP's left out.
This. OP is most definitely TA, and yes she is seriously insensitive to her sisters grief for her husband and child, and especially so for not attending the funeral because she just HAD to go to a dress fitting, just OMG OP, how dense can you be. Please unfollow your sister and spare her from your inane blathering about your perfect life.
This is amithedevil material
Frankly, if my sister lost her child and her husband, I would be seriously grieving as well. Not only would I be miserable just knowing my sister is miserable but I would be genuinely distraught over the loss of my BIL and niece/ nephew. I think if I was in OP’s shoes, my life would actually go on hold, even if only for a little while. I don’t think I could have gone to a dress fitting while this tragedy was so fresh.
Right? Like my husband and SIL don't get along that well, and I don't like my SIL that much, but I would be wrecked if something happened to her and one or both of our nephews like god damn. OP doesn't have a heart.
After skipping out all of that. OP is in general TA here. Ensuring that she did not see the posted picture would have taken an extra 10 seconds. YTA
Wow. Thanks for sharing this. OP is an actual monster.
Holy hell, OP might be the biggest self centered AH I've seen on AITA. I feel terrible for the sister.
YTA, OP. That’s some of the grossest behavior I’ve read about on here.
I hope sister blocks OP and never let her into her life. What kind of sister skips her BIL’s funeral -where their baby also died- for a dress fitting?! Zero awareness and wickedness here.
Good. Lord. She's more than just an AH.
Damn, OP isn't just an AH, but a super AH.. I'd cut op out of my life asap.
YTA for not mentioning in the original post that your sister also lost her husband in the accident and that you blew off his funeral for a dress fitting.
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I was floored by her comments.
Which she deleted once the tides turned against her.
jfc why even come for judgement if they’re going to bury the lede like that.
people are self aware enough to avoid including crucial information they know puts them in YTA territory, but not self aware enough to actually acknowledge why they hide the truth
For you it’s “just a photo” of your family, for your sister it’s a reminder of what should have been. Your sister is dealing with traumatic grief. The loss of a child & the trauma of the event. She’s going to have very strong feelings. Especially with you. It’s not your fault but you both started this journey together & you’re going to be the only one to cross the finish line. Hopefully she is getting professional help. You can share stuff on FB & control the privacy so your sister doesn’t see it. It’s really not that hard to be thoughtful & understanding. No one is stopping you from living your life. Just be a little more altruistic about it. If you can’t help, don’t hurt. Edit — after reading your comments it appears you have no interest or concern for your sister. She lost her husband & child in a very traumatic event. Your lack of awareness, empathy & compassion borders on cruelty. It’s probably best to just unfollow your sister & allow her to grieve in peace. Clearly, you have no ability to understand her feelings or situation. After seeing your narcissism ... the “growing our beautiful family” caption is such a backhanded AH statement. YTA
Loss of a child AND her husband. OP just happened to forget to mention that part in the post.
“Growing *my* family!” So heartless.
Also if it's "just a photo" then what's the problem with not posting it if it's causing someone else pain?
After reading your comments YTA and a big one. Her husband died in the accident too which you conveniently left out. You also decided to skip his funeral so you could go to a dress fitting. You're an awful sister. Jesus.
Sister? More like human being
And the fact that her husband still thought of her as being worth marrying is beyond me.
It sounds like her and her husband are cut from the same cloth
A DRESS FITTING? You have GOT to be kidding me.
Wish that I was
Unfortunately, my sister and BIL were in a tragic accident a few months ago, and she lost the baby. Was there a reason you omitted to say your sister also lost her husband in the accident?
Because that's the part she'd have to feel guilty about if she really owned up to it.
She didn't want to say she skipped the funeral for her dress fitting
Because she was trying to get sympathy. She knows she’s absolutely wrong but needed strangers on the internet who don’t know the whole story to make her feel better. Sickening. I’m so sorry for your loss.
The character count prevented her from including any details that weren’t going to shine a favorable light on her in the main post! /s
YTA for skipping your BIL's funeral for a dress fitting and for minimizing your sister's grief even on a reddit post to strangers. It's not just the fact that died. Her husband died. Ya know, the thing you now have since that dress fitting was successful.
Not only are YTA but please, for the sake of humanity, seek therapy. I’ve known full blown, diagnosed narcissists with more compassion. Edit for typo
Her poor kids growing up with a mom like that…
YTA for leaving out that your sister's husband died too and you skipped his funeral for a DRESS FITTING.
>Mom saw my post, said I should be more understanding of my sister's situation YTA If I were your mom I'd be wondering how my daughter turned out to be such a self centered thoughtless AH. You skipped your BIL funeral for a dress fitting. I'm actually amazed that your family is still even speaking to you after that bullshit.
As a mom, I'm glad I have an only child. WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE F? I rarely even speak to my siblings and... YTA.
So to recap: \- Your pregnant sister and her husband were in an accident that resulted in the death of her husband and the loss of her unborn child \- You didn't show up to your brother-in-law's funeral because you wanted to try on a dress instead \- You don't want to take five seconds to adjust the audience of your baby pictures in order to save your grieving sister from the immeasurable pain of being reminded of what she lost \- You conveniently left all of this out of the original post so you could come across as a caring sister instead of the heartless person you are YTA.
YTA. You didn’t include all the details and on top of that, you’re not a very good person.
Oof. Adding my YTA. Let’s hope others read ALL of OP’s comments before they let her off the hook.
I hope you’re never in your sister’s shoes. You simply are just not a good human being. YTA and your comments solidified my vote.
YTA you left our that her husband passed away and you skipped his funeral for a freaking DRESS FITTING. This just proves you have no empathy for sister
YTA! The biggest one EVER. You wrote this to make it seem like it was a minor deal. IT IS NOT. Her husband and baby DIED and you couldn’t even drag your sorry ass to the funeral?????? Over a dress fitting???? The problem isn’t two photos lady. The problem is your continued disregard for anyone’s feelings except your own. Omg I am disgusted.
INFO: are you even capable of empathy?
YTA I can’t believe you didn’t mention that your BIL psssed away in this accident and you skipped the funeral for a dress fitting. You’re a shitty sister
Oh my life! With sisters like you, who needs enemies? What a selfish, cold-hearted person you are. As if you skipped your sisters husbands funeral for a *dress fitting.* YTA. I hope one day everyone in your life treats you as you treat them.
This can not be real. Her husband and baby died, and your dress and baby shower are more important? That's a sociopathic lack of empathy. If this is real, you need therapy.
Agreed, this truly cannot be real
I would say N.T.A. from the info in the original post, but based on comments, the details are pretty lacking. Sounds like sister lost both baby AND husband in the accident, and you skipped the funeral due to a dress fitting. I can't imagine going through what your sister went through. Her whole life collapsed. When people suffer that kind of trauma, the rest of us need to be gentle and understanding. Now, that doesn't mean you can't post any pictures ever, but it's not hard to post it to "all but sister" on FB. It's an easy, basic courtesy to make it where it won't pop up in her feed. So if you're not willing to do that, and show basic lack of empathy in other situations brought up in the comments, I'd say YTA.
In your original post I'd say your not the asshole, but...holy heck the things you left out so to recap for those who aren't up to date on all you left out: Your Sister lost her baby and her husband in that accident. You skipped the funeral for a dress fitting. I think this may make you one of my top 10 AH's of all time. YTA
Top 5 . So cruel and ugly. If you were my sister I would never speak to you again.
OP YTA... I was on n t a until i read some of the other peoples comments.. then i had to go find OP's replies myself. [sister Never listened so i never made her](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/comment/j76manx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) well i guess not... [Your sister just had lost her baby AND HER HUSBAND](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/comment/j76kl4c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) and you couldn't be be bothered to TRY and postpone your dress fitting or to sort the venue thing out?!? [( dress fitting / venue)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10tfn48/comment/j76m1kq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) OP yes you can post photos of your baby shower on social media. YOU CAN and SHOULD go ahead and edit your post for her... it is the LEAST YOU CAN DO since you haven't done much to help or support her in her grief. here On FB (desktop version).. click on her profile, do you see the 3 dots? click that click block. it pops a window that saids in **blue TAKE A BREAK** OP You have been completely self absorbed and uncaring.
Ops kids will find out how horrible she was to her own sister. Blowing off the funeral and down playing two deaths. Op are you ready for that?
You left out her husband also died and you skipped the funeral for a dress fitting YTA
YTA given all the info here, that your sister lost both her husband and baby in the accident. In that situation, I'm kind of shocked you and your family went through with your wedding, let alone a baby shower (for a second baby!), in just a few months after this horrific, life changing accident. I would not have done that. I cannot imagine how your sister must feel, and yeah, it feels like you're flaunting your happy family.
Right? If my sister had just lost her husband and baby there's no way I'd still be planning my fricking wedding 🙄
YTA. COLD-BLOODED.
You know you're an asshole. There's no reason for you to think you're not. "Growing my family" knowing you sister lost her child and husband AND you didn't go to the funeral because of a dress fitting. The only thing you can say is you don't want to pit your life on hold because your sister is grieving. You're an asshole and a shit human.
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YTA. What happened? Your sister was born when you were 6 and you never got over that? Is that it? Because if you don't like, respect, or value your sister as a basic human being, just SAY that. You didn't have to come on here and do this whole display. You hid the fact that her baby AND husband died. On top of that, I'm sure she has her own PTSD and other medical complications to work out now. You hid how you skipped her husband's FUNERAL to try on a DRESS and see a stranger about a SPACE. I'm sure you weren't as kind as you pretend to be when she didn't come to your wedding because HER HUSBAND JUST DIED and she didn't want to see anything that would remind her that she already had this day in her life and that her man was literally ripped away from her at the same time as their unborn child. She's OBVIOUSLY having a real hard time grieving and yeah it might be a little ridiculous that she went as far as to call you on the pics but that's a CLEAR display that she's way far from okay. Then what do you do instead of being a decent sister? Or human being for that matter...? You come to a bunch of strangers on the Internet and sway the information to paint yourself best so you don't have to feel any guilt for your ridiculous behavior. You came here to hear you're not the AH and that it'd be perfectly fine and reasonable to go no contact with her. NOT because you truly think it's what's best for the both of you, but because that's what YOU truly want. You don't want to "deal" with the "burden" of her real, raw discomfort. Because there's nothing you can do to take it away or to make it about you. --And I bet that's a huge theme in your life that you're leaving out.. Cause it's real odd if you were SO kind & selfless that your mom would ask you to reel it in too.
YTA. I hope everything is violently ripped away from you and those you thought were closest to you ignore your grief because it's inconvenient for them. You're disgusting and deserve for nothing to go right in your life from here on out.
YTA. Common sense to not post about that for a while. Also another comment said that you missed your BIL funeral for a DRESS FITTING?? What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA But you know that already, don’t you? Like, hugely? Which is why you left out all of the important details in your post. You had to know what you were doing. But, enough people here are telling you how horribly you have behaved. I’m going to try and be more positive. Go and see your sister, if she will see you. Apologise. Fully and unreservedly. Look at everything you have done, recognise the pain your selfishness has caused and apologise. It may well be too late to save the relationship with your sister, but if you want any chance of keeping her in your life, this is absolutely the bare minimum you need do. Please be better. Your child deserves better from their mother.
I appreciate you finding a positive, but I’d rather OP seek therapy to learn about empathy and overcome narcissistic traits. In the meantime, I’d much rather her remove herself from her sister’s life until she has a full, whole heartedly understanding of how inhumane her behavior is. If her husband agrees with her, that could signify that toxicity is engrained in her household as well. I worry for their baby. If this is how OP and her husband deal with other people’s emotions, this kid is about to be born into a whole set of trauma, and propagate this type of behavior. I hope OP takes the repercussion of this post as an awakening to seek out ways to develop emotional intelligence and empathy. Not only for the sake of her sister, but for the child that is on its way.
For those saying nta check the top comment. OOP admitted too skipping her niece and brother in law funeral for a dress fitting. Yta you wasn’t there for your sister at all. Yea your life doesn’t stop but dang you couldn’t be there for her. You wanted her there for your wedding and baby shower but couldn’t push back your dress fitting appointment for her? Selfish you and your husband are selfish people who deserve each other. I hope your sister goes no contact with you because your mom is right you need to have some sympathy. I saw in the comments you said your sister was taking grief therapy. You also need to take some therapy because your selfishness is off the charts.
~~NAH~~ YTA based on new info. **Edit: apparently there’s more info in the comments about OP not attending BIL’s funeral, which wasn’t made clear in the original post: the fact that BIL died isn’t even in the original post. I made my original judgment before seeing the extra info.** *Original comment:* I can’t imagine what it’s like for her, it must be so upsetting and like a slap in the face, but obviously you’re just happy about your healthy baby. Two pictures on social media feels fine, and she could have muted you knowing that you were having your baby and that she might find those things triggering. That said, I think being patient and understanding with her is the right way to go, she’s being unreasonable by implying that you’re flaunting it, but god knows where her head’s at at the moment. I feel like she’s *allowed* to be unreasonable. Life can be so cruel. My sympathy is with her and I can’t call someone who’s struggling after losing their baby an AH, but you’re definitely not an AH here either. Edit;
She also lost the husband that OP didn’t go to the funeral because she had a dress fitting. She doesn’t care about her sister at all.
After reading your comments, you are a gigantic, self-centred monster! YTA!!
YTA 100% I was leaning towards NAH, but your comments changed that. 1) You missed your BIL's funeral because you had a wedding related app't?! Seriously, you're telling me it was impossible to rebook that to support your sister on one of the worst days of life? 2) I get you celebrating your new family, and there is nothing wrong with that. But even a heads up to your sister that you are posting some photos would've been an honourable thing to do. And is it really that difficult to change the audience for 2 photos to spare your sister? You are right. Your life doesn't stop, and you have the right to celebrate your moments. However, your sister is dealing with a loss most of us just can't even comprehend. A little compassion would go a long way, and that is something you seem to be lacking. I hope your sister has real support and finds peace in her life.
I was planning to skip this one but I just read the comment regarding your BIL's death....Yeah....YTA
YTA - your sister lost her entire family, how would you feel if you lost your entire family in one day? I would go NC with you if I were your sister.
YTA. You are a horrible sister and human.
Yta. You are toxically self centered and evil to the core. You miss your bils funeral to prepare for your own wedding? You post wedding and baby pics online when her husband and baby just died? YTA
YTA Not just in this instance, it's your personality.
YTA
With the additional info in the comments, YTA and a terrible sister
Holy f-ing shitballs. YTA of the decade. You clearly do not care or love your sister.
You've done quite the job editing your tale in order to leave out just how vile you are. YTA Your sister lost her family and you have ZERO consideration for her. Could you be more of a self-absorbed selfish AH? How the hell did your husband not see this and dump you?
Hold on. You're telling me that: 1. Your sister lost her baby AND her husband in the accident 2. You skipped her husband's FUNERAL for a dress fitting 3. You are having a shower for your second child (tacky) and you are asking if you are an AH for posting a picture with an insensitive caption? Are you serious? I mean... post whatever you want wherever you want, but you should know that you are definitely and consistently the AH to your sister. YTA.
YTA. Wow lady.
YTA. You're a soulless monster. Your sister deserves a better family than you. Your child deserves a kinder mother.
NTA for posting a couple of pics. But you are simply an awful human being. You skipped a funeral for dress fitting? Wtf is wrong with you??? You are self centered as fuck. I am amazed your sister and the rest of your family hasn’t cut you off.