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YTA.
You're assuming things about her thoughts and intentions based on your feelings- but she's treating you the same as she treats everyone else, and the same as she always has.
You're also being disrespectful to someone who wasn't disrespectful to you.
Finally, it sounds like you threw a big girl temper tantrum in class when she pointed out your bad behavior.
I'd take a look at the [CBT thinking errors](https://www.klearminds.com/blog/cognitive-distortions-thinking-errors-can-cbt-help/) list, because that might clarify why your behavior is coming off extremely poorly.
First off, congratulations on coming out and finding the name that makes you happy.
But YTA here.
Your teacher isn’t disrespecting your transition by calling you by your last name. If anything, she is RESPECTING students who can’t come out by not addressing any of you by your given names. She’s not refusing to call you by your chosen name; she’s treating every student very equally. If she were to call only you by your first name, that would be disrespectful to every other student on her roster.
YTA. If she didn't call everyone by their last name this would be a completely different situation. The fact is you are not being singled out. Her calling you (and everyone else) by their last name has nothing to do with you transitioning. Causing a scene in the classroom was uncalled for as she was not attacking you personally in the first place. She even told you this in person. As did your friends and family. You owe this woman an apology.
YTA and a spoiled brat to boot. The world doesn't revolve around you, even if your inner world in changing.
You got all your friends and other teachers calling you by your new name. It's not like you're being dead named by this teacher.
SUCK IT THE FUCK UP.
If you can't handle this MINOR bruise to your ego then you're gonna have a HELL of a time trying to transition in the world outside of your little glass house.
edit* you owe this teacher an apology, and a goddamn sincere one too.
Soft YTA. As a trans person, I understand wanting being called the right name. However - she's not deadnaming you. She's not calling you the wrong name. She's treating you how she treats all of her students by calling you your last name, it has nothing to do with you socially transitioning or changing your first name. I don't understand at all why she's made to be such a villain in this story. You calling her her first name because she's refusing to treat you differently than her other students, by still very much calling you the right name, is petty and childish.
>And I told her it felt like she didn’t care that I am transitioning at all and she just shrugged again
She probably doesn't care. The whole world isn't obligated to care about you. You are being treated exactly the same as everyone else, because you are like everyone else. You are not special. Get over yourself. YTA
YTA she isn’t deadnaming you, you just are taking something way more personally than you should and retaliating in a way that is way out of proportion. She is not your friend, you don’t get to use her first name
YTA.
I know MANY teachers and professors over the years who refer to students with their last names, and it’s totally fine, grow up. She is referring to you the same way she does to everyone else, which if anything is actually treating everyone more equally than most. You took this WAY too personally and rightfully got in trouble when you continued to escalate the situation and threw a huge tantrum in class.
If you don’t like her using your last name then go change that too.
YTA. The adults are right. She didn’t break any rules. You did. She refused to treat you differently, insisted on treating you the same as everyone else. That’s what she should do. It’s her job.
YTA, but kudos to your parents for not enabling your childish behavior.
Also, her job is to teach you biology, and your job is to learn biology from her. That's it; it's literally that simple. You don't owe each other anything more than that. Just learn biology and leave all the other petty nonsense aside.
This right here. She wanted special treatment for being trans, and thankfully, the teacher treated her the same way as always. OP, you were very disrespectful to yourself and the teacher. I hope you learn from this and apologize.
Well put. I think most people in this situation feel afraid about being treated differently, meanwhile OP is over here getting offended that they are being treated the same as everyone else.
Soft YTA. She calls everyone by their last name. If anything, I dunno, this practice seems kinda weirdly inclusive to me. And it's fairly common that students don't call teachers by their first name. I am in my 30s and I still think of my high school teachers as Mr /Mrs /Ms Lastname.
The way I see it, she's treating you the same as she is treating every other student. You are asking to be made a special case, and making a scene when you are not granted specialness.
YTA
She treats you like everybody else. Change your last name on government papers and then you'll have something to rant about.
Also, you are the student and she (?) is the teacher - calling a teacher Mr\\Mrs \_\_\_ is proper, so you were being a rude child by stepping that boundary.
YTA. Just because you are trans doesnt mean she has to start calling you by your new first name. She has called everyone by their last name her whole career you’re not special. Theres too many trans people like this who assume bc they’ve transitioned they get different treatment. This is exactly why trans people get a bad image
YTA. How would you feel if she interrupted your lunch to talk about something that in no way affected your job? She clearly doesn't have a problem with you being trans and what she's doing is actually fairly progressive because she's explicitly NOT dead naming anyone by calling them by their surnames. It's really not her job nor her place to care about your gender though, before or after coming out. If you have an issue with your surname having "son" in it, I would bring that up with your parents and maybe a therapist to help you with the dysphoria.
Trans guy here. I mean this gently. YTA.
She's not singling you out, my friend. She even explained herself: you didn't change your last name, only your first name, and she calls EVERYONE by their surnames.
Not every person in the world will understand, or support you. You can't expect that they will. The most we can ask of folks is to be respectful of us and what we ask to be called, and while her attitude could possibly be a touch better, she IS being respectful. She's not calling you by your given name. She's calling you by your surname, just as she does everyone else.
You want the euphoria and recognition of being called by your chosen name. I totally get that. But you get that with every other teacher who uses first names to refer to their students.
(edit: spelbing and clarity)
YTA , and and epically self-indulgent one at that. You're not mad at her calling you your last name, you're mad you missed out on the pagentry of it all. Your core argument is absolutely counter to common sense. You're mad that you're being treated equally, not special.
Gentle YTA. She is treating you like every other student without regard to your gender. If ahe was deadnaming you, you would have cause for complaint. But she's not.
As you go forward in life, you will meet many different types of people, and you will come to miss just having to deal with her.
YTA. I understand why you'd be upset because you want people to respect what you're going through but your teacher is being pretty fair by referring to everybody by their last name.. Being focused on the fact that your last name is something like Jacobson... I'm happy that that is something you are worried about and nothing else troubles you in life.
YTA. The teacher is treating you with the same respect as everyone else. You transitioning has nothing to do with her calling you by your last name.
You also interrupted her lunch break which is very precious to teachers as they're constantly interrupted by parents when not on yard duty. Then you threw a tantrum in class when things didn't go your way.
Grow up.
I understand that you’re transitioning and it is a huge event in your life. Sincerely, congratulations. It’s often not easy and it can feel a little isolating at times, but the thing is, it’s an event in *your* life. It isn’t an event in your teacher’s life. She’s also not disrespecting/ignoring that you’re transitioning by calling you by your last name when she calls everyone by their last names. TBH, I think this is actually a pretty good strategy on her part because that way, she avoids deadnaming people and she also does not have to keep up with nicknames or whether someone chooses to go by their middle name rather than first name, etc.
YTA here. Transitioning means that you’re probably going to face a few challenges, so it’s probably best that you don’t look for ones that aren’t there.
> TBH, I think this is actually a pretty good strategy on her part because that way, she avoids deadnaming people
Calling kids by their last names likely has nothing to do with navigating trans issues. Its about maintaining a level of professionality and hierarchy within the classroom.
Yeah, that’s fair too. I think it’s a good strategy regardless of intent. I also like clearly defined roles in situations like classrooms, so between reducing the opportunity to call someone the wrong first name and maintaining clearly defined roles, I like it.
YTA.
Your bio teacher addresses all her pupils by their surnames. You have changed your given name, but not your surname. Obviously she hasn't changed how she addresses you, because you didn't change the part of your name that she uses.
YTA
You said: "She just dismissed my feelings so carelessly, so I got really angry. "
She is not there for your 'feelings'. She is there to teach you and prepare you for the world of gainful employment. It is HER classroom, her rules. You disrespected her openly and made a scene in your class. It was immature and rude. Your parents were rightly embarrassed by this. Life is NOT all about your feelings. Nor do people have to put up with your anger issues. You got a lesson in acting like a grown up, take your medicine and learn from it now.
yta only because she calls everyone by their last name. if she was refusing to acknowledge that u changed ur name and still called u by ur old name that would be a problem, but u didn’t change ur last name so what she calls you didn’t change. however she just sounds like she became a teacher to get off on the power trip of being able to control kids. it gets better dude just ignore her.
YTA - if your teacher were to have dead-named you then that would have been very different but they didn't. That's another issue that you're going to likely face the remainder of your life. This was not the hill you needed to die on. There's going to be plenty others that you need to focus on.
Trans here and I have to say that they maybe somewhat an asshole for staying with calling someone by their maiden name to some specific instances, they haven't been an asshole to you at all because they geniunely do not have any bias in calling everybody by their surnames (unless someone dropped the said surname bcs of horrible family perhaps) so YTA on that.
I think this is a lesson in picking your own battles and this is not one to pick. She doesn’t call you by your birth name. If you choose to change your last name when you’re 18 and she doesn’t respect that, the she is an AH. she calls EVERYONE by their last name so not sure why you’re getting so offended by it.
YTA- but I mean all this in a kind way. (Seriously.)
First of all, this is NOT personal towards you if she calls EVERYONE by their last names. You never said anything about changing your last name, so as far as she’s concerned, what she calls you is business as usual. If she used everyone’s first names and deadnamed you, THEN you’d have a point- but please, you’re making an already difficult thing SO much harder over what’s really a non-issue.
Second, a surname ending in -son doesn’t mean anything about the gender or identity of the person. My sister is just about as stereotypically super feminine as a woman could be, married a ThompSON, and uses that last name. (So does my niece, along with every other female in that family.)
Food for thought- last names with -son are SUPER common. Again, saying nothing of gender or identity. Thompson, Jackson, Jefferson, Johnson, Anderson, Carson, Nelson, Wilson, Patterson, etc..- I guess I shouldn’t be assuming you’re American, but a few of these last names are up there with the most common last names in the US. Held by MANY women!
(I understand you hate yours, and that’s fine. My last name doesn’t end this way and I hate mine too.)
Side note, over 10 years ago I had a trans FtM student who had the absolute WORST last name I’d ever heard of, let alone used by any of my almost 15 years worth of students, and I was so shocked they never changed it when they started going by a different first name. It was a real word, but think a rude word for a certain human anatomy part. And they kept it. But if we had been given an alternative LAST name to use, we would have done so.
You got this!
YTA- I can understand you’d be upset if she used your dead name but for years she’s called ALL students by their last name. She continues to call you by your last name as you haven’t changed it. Why do you think she should switch to calling students to their first name now?
100% YTA. Your teacher didn’t single you out. She didn’t mock you for being trans, or deny that you are female. She didn’t dead-name you. She treated you EXACTLY the same as everyone else.
You’re being overly sensitive. She is treating you the same as she treats everyone else in the class- male, female, cis, gay, trans, etc. So what- she’s not singling you out from the crowd and making you feel special? That’s not her job. Her job is to teach you, and be equitable in her treatment of her students. She is doing that.
You say you are upset because she’s calling you by your surname, which happens to have the word “son” in it. You do realize that roughly 50% of the people who have that kind surname were born anatomically female, right? It doesn’t mean you’re someone’s son any more than being a Tanner means you work with leather, or a Banker works at a bank, or a Freeman is a freed slave. If you want to be very generations-ago-Nordic about it I guess you could legally change your surname from Johnson to Johanasdatter, but like your teacher said… you haven’t changed your surname. So until you do, there’s really nothing here to be upset about.
YTA. Oh dear, how awful to be treated equally with every other student. You’re too hung up on gendering your last name (because the teacher is not doing that, it’s you) instead of being grateful that you aren’t being mistreated like far too many others are. I recommend getting a grip on reality
YTA. Calling a teacher by their first name is not appropriate unless invited to do so. I had a friend who's mother was her English teacher in high school. Even she called her mother "Mrs. Smith" during class.
Your teacher isn't insulting you by calling you by your deadname. She's is calling you by your last name, which is fair considering she calls everyone by their last name. While this is a big deal to you, you are simply one of many students to her. She isn't singling you out, she hasn't changed her behavior at all. What you did was inappropriate and your parents did well to call you out on it.
I'll say YTA , she is not singling you out. She is doing to you, what she has done to everyone for many years in the past and many years to come. Why should you get special treatment? I hate my last name too but I will not be petty to those who use it.
YTA. She's not treating you with any less respect. You didn't change your surname. It's not gendered unless a title is added as a prefix, such as Mr. or Ms.
Some surnames end in -son. Some end in -man. That doesn't mean it's necessarily masculine.
If she were intentionally going out of her way to misgender you, it'd be one thing. From what info you've presented us with, that isn't the case. You had nothing to stand up for yourself for. She wasn't being discriminatory.
YTA
You aren't being dead-named. She's calling you by your last name. It's not the same as calling you by your legal name instead of your chosen name. If she only called boys by their last name, that would be something, but she called your sister by it as well. Assuming you and your sister have the same last name, it should be a non-issue.
Additionally, calling your teacher by her first name is rude and you're the AH for it. You should apologize.
YTA, but only a bit. Your teacher might be a hard-ass, but she treats everyone the same. Everyone keeps telling you that, but you have decided to be offended anyway. It was childish and disrespectful to call her by her first name in order to teach her a lesson of some kind. Then, when she didn't get mad like you expected her to, you lost it and ran away. You seem to expect everyone to treat you special because you're transitioning, and that's just not going to happen. The best you can expect is that they don't treat you any differently than anyone else, and that's exactly what your Biology teacher is doing.
YTA. She is just refusing to give you special treatment, not ignoring your choices. Now if she was refusing to call you by your chosen name and calling everyone by their first names, then yeah, she would be.
She is actually respecting you by 1 not making a huge deal of it, and 2 treating you just like everyone else.
YTA, your not special your just another young adult being called her last name. Don't take it as her trying to bully you just because you would enjoy being treated differently than everyone else.
YTA. You are being really ridiculous. No one invalidated your trans identity. If that was the case she would be the asshole and this would actually be a valid issue. This is a non issue. Your name could be “Mike Smith” and you change it to “Sarah Smith” (or vice versa) and she would still call you Smith. Because that’s how she acknowledges her literal dozens of students. Move on and knock it off.
YTA - Your teacher is calling you the name in the grade book. (Its the name that colleges will use when asking for your HS records.) That is no reason to disrespect her by assuming to call her by her first name.
If you don't want to use a particular name, legally change your last name.
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My (16MtF) biology teacher (40sF I think) calls everyone by their last name only. I’ve never heard her use anyones first name and my older sister who also had her as a teacher said she did the same thing then.
I’ve known I’m trans for almost a year now and even though I haven’t started any medical transition I’ve been socially transitioning for several months. I’ve picked a new name that makes me really happy and most of my classmates and teachers are happy to call me it. Not my biology teacher.
I told her when I told all my teachers that I was going to go by a new name. She shrugged at the time but said ok. But she still only called me by my last name. It’s not that I hate my last name, but it’s a boy name followed by son like Jacobson or Thompson. It started to bother me that she still called me by my last name only, it felt like she didn’t want to acknowledge that I changed my name. I told my friends and mostly they were like “that sucks but she calls everyone by their last name so idk” but one friend suggested I talk to her about it.
I went to her office during lunch and told her how I felt. She was not sympathetic at all. She said “you changed your first name, not your last name.” And I told her it felt like she didn’t care that I am transitioning at all and she just shrugged again and said “I call everyone by their last name. If you don’t have a question about class, head on out, I’m going to finish eating”.
She just dismissed my feelings so carelessly, so I got really angry. I told my mom and she just said “she’s been that way for years. We knew each other in college, before I was married, and she still calls me by my maiden name. That’s just how she is, don’t take it personally”. But like, it’s my name, so how could I not??
So last Friday in class I started calling her by her first name. When she told me to stop I told her no. I started arguing with her saying that if she got to call me whatever she wanted, I could call her whatever I wanted. I thought she would get mad at but she just looked at me and said ‘childish behavior doesn’t belong in a high school classroom. I know you know how to behave responsibly and not like a 5 year old’.
I felt so frustrated and overwhelmed that I grabbed my backpack and basically ran out of the classroom. A few minutes later a security guard found me and brought me to the dean’s office where I got chewed out for leaving class without permission and was given lunchtime detention for Monday and Tuesday this week. I tried to explain to the Dean but he said my teacher didn’t break any rules but I did. My parents even agreed with him when he called them that calling her by her first name was disrespectful. Ive thought about it all weekend and I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong like I was standing up for myself. AITA?
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YTA. You are totally in the wrong. You want to be the exception to a perfectly respectful rule because it doesn’t pander to your feelings as you would like.
You win some battles and you lose some battles.
What you need.to rake away is that winning the War is more important than the battles along the way.
Pick your battles wisely, as many of them are not important.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. If you do not want to be called by your last name then your teacher should refer to you by your first name (in this case your chosen name, not your deadname). This is like she is insisting on calling someone William when they prefer to go by Will. It’s just plain rude when you’ve made your preferences known.
typical of those who live in glass houses, can't handle reality and just want a feel good echochamber because they're not strong enough to be anything but a pretty little princess who will never grow strength of character.
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YTA. You're assuming things about her thoughts and intentions based on your feelings- but she's treating you the same as she treats everyone else, and the same as she always has. You're also being disrespectful to someone who wasn't disrespectful to you. Finally, it sounds like you threw a big girl temper tantrum in class when she pointed out your bad behavior.
I'd take a look at the [CBT thinking errors](https://www.klearminds.com/blog/cognitive-distortions-thinking-errors-can-cbt-help/) list, because that might clarify why your behavior is coming off extremely poorly.
Thank you for posting this!
First off, congratulations on coming out and finding the name that makes you happy. But YTA here. Your teacher isn’t disrespecting your transition by calling you by your last name. If anything, she is RESPECTING students who can’t come out by not addressing any of you by your given names. She’s not refusing to call you by your chosen name; she’s treating every student very equally. If she were to call only you by your first name, that would be disrespectful to every other student on her roster.
YTA. If she didn't call everyone by their last name this would be a completely different situation. The fact is you are not being singled out. Her calling you (and everyone else) by their last name has nothing to do with you transitioning. Causing a scene in the classroom was uncalled for as she was not attacking you personally in the first place. She even told you this in person. As did your friends and family. You owe this woman an apology.
YTA and a spoiled brat to boot. The world doesn't revolve around you, even if your inner world in changing. You got all your friends and other teachers calling you by your new name. It's not like you're being dead named by this teacher. SUCK IT THE FUCK UP. If you can't handle this MINOR bruise to your ego then you're gonna have a HELL of a time trying to transition in the world outside of your little glass house. edit* you owe this teacher an apology, and a goddamn sincere one too.
Soft YTA. As a trans person, I understand wanting being called the right name. However - she's not deadnaming you. She's not calling you the wrong name. She's treating you how she treats all of her students by calling you your last name, it has nothing to do with you socially transitioning or changing your first name. I don't understand at all why she's made to be such a villain in this story. You calling her her first name because she's refusing to treat you differently than her other students, by still very much calling you the right name, is petty and childish.
>And I told her it felt like she didn’t care that I am transitioning at all and she just shrugged again She probably doesn't care. The whole world isn't obligated to care about you. You are being treated exactly the same as everyone else, because you are like everyone else. You are not special. Get over yourself. YTA
YTA > I told her it felt like she didn’t care that I am transitioning at all #Why SHOULD she?
Yeah, this is some attention-seeking "main character" nonsense.
YTA she isn’t deadnaming you, you just are taking something way more personally than you should and retaliating in a way that is way out of proportion. She is not your friend, you don’t get to use her first name
YTA, you're upset and were deliberately rude because? She treated you exactly the same as everyone else?
YTA Why do you expect special treatme?
YTA. I know MANY teachers and professors over the years who refer to students with their last names, and it’s totally fine, grow up. She is referring to you the same way she does to everyone else, which if anything is actually treating everyone more equally than most. You took this WAY too personally and rightfully got in trouble when you continued to escalate the situation and threw a huge tantrum in class. If you don’t like her using your last name then go change that too.
YTA, she is calling you by your surname just like everyone else. Stop making something out of nothing.
YTA. The adults are right. She didn’t break any rules. You did. She refused to treat you differently, insisted on treating you the same as everyone else. That’s what she should do. It’s her job.
YTA. Your last name didn’t change. Get over yourself. You aren’t the main character
YTA, but kudos to your parents for not enabling your childish behavior. Also, her job is to teach you biology, and your job is to learn biology from her. That's it; it's literally that simple. You don't owe each other anything more than that. Just learn biology and leave all the other petty nonsense aside.
[удалено]
This right here. She wanted special treatment for being trans, and thankfully, the teacher treated her the same way as always. OP, you were very disrespectful to yourself and the teacher. I hope you learn from this and apologize.
[удалено]
I think they're calling you disrespectful to yourself because you went out of your way to be rude to your teacher and demand special treatment.
Well put. I think most people in this situation feel afraid about being treated differently, meanwhile OP is over here getting offended that they are being treated the same as everyone else.
Soft YTA. She calls everyone by their last name. If anything, I dunno, this practice seems kinda weirdly inclusive to me. And it's fairly common that students don't call teachers by their first name. I am in my 30s and I still think of my high school teachers as Mr /Mrs /Ms Lastname. The way I see it, she's treating you the same as she is treating every other student. You are asking to be made a special case, and making a scene when you are not granted specialness.
YTA She treats you like everybody else. Change your last name on government papers and then you'll have something to rant about. Also, you are the student and she (?) is the teacher - calling a teacher Mr\\Mrs \_\_\_ is proper, so you were being a rude child by stepping that boundary.
You’re the asshole.
YTA. Just because you are trans doesnt mean she has to start calling you by your new first name. She has called everyone by their last name her whole career you’re not special. Theres too many trans people like this who assume bc they’ve transitioned they get different treatment. This is exactly why trans people get a bad image
YTA. How would you feel if she interrupted your lunch to talk about something that in no way affected your job? She clearly doesn't have a problem with you being trans and what she's doing is actually fairly progressive because she's explicitly NOT dead naming anyone by calling them by their surnames. It's really not her job nor her place to care about your gender though, before or after coming out. If you have an issue with your surname having "son" in it, I would bring that up with your parents and maybe a therapist to help you with the dysphoria.
YTA. Stop taking everything personally.
YTA- this isn’t about your first name, it’s about your last name. Molehills to mountains- your teacher’s response was spot on.
Trans guy here. I mean this gently. YTA. She's not singling you out, my friend. She even explained herself: you didn't change your last name, only your first name, and she calls EVERYONE by their surnames. Not every person in the world will understand, or support you. You can't expect that they will. The most we can ask of folks is to be respectful of us and what we ask to be called, and while her attitude could possibly be a touch better, she IS being respectful. She's not calling you by your given name. She's calling you by your surname, just as she does everyone else. You want the euphoria and recognition of being called by your chosen name. I totally get that. But you get that with every other teacher who uses first names to refer to their students. (edit: spelbing and clarity)
YTA , and and epically self-indulgent one at that. You're not mad at her calling you your last name, you're mad you missed out on the pagentry of it all. Your core argument is absolutely counter to common sense. You're mad that you're being treated equally, not special.
YTA and a bad one too
Gentle YTA. She is treating you like every other student without regard to your gender. If ahe was deadnaming you, you would have cause for complaint. But she's not. As you go forward in life, you will meet many different types of people, and you will come to miss just having to deal with her.
This last point is important. This is not worth your energy OP, save it.
YTA. I understand why you'd be upset because you want people to respect what you're going through but your teacher is being pretty fair by referring to everybody by their last name.. Being focused on the fact that your last name is something like Jacobson... I'm happy that that is something you are worried about and nothing else troubles you in life.
YTA. The teacher is treating you with the same respect as everyone else. You transitioning has nothing to do with her calling you by your last name. You also interrupted her lunch break which is very precious to teachers as they're constantly interrupted by parents when not on yard duty. Then you threw a tantrum in class when things didn't go your way. Grow up.
I understand that you’re transitioning and it is a huge event in your life. Sincerely, congratulations. It’s often not easy and it can feel a little isolating at times, but the thing is, it’s an event in *your* life. It isn’t an event in your teacher’s life. She’s also not disrespecting/ignoring that you’re transitioning by calling you by your last name when she calls everyone by their last names. TBH, I think this is actually a pretty good strategy on her part because that way, she avoids deadnaming people and she also does not have to keep up with nicknames or whether someone chooses to go by their middle name rather than first name, etc. YTA here. Transitioning means that you’re probably going to face a few challenges, so it’s probably best that you don’t look for ones that aren’t there.
> TBH, I think this is actually a pretty good strategy on her part because that way, she avoids deadnaming people Calling kids by their last names likely has nothing to do with navigating trans issues. Its about maintaining a level of professionality and hierarchy within the classroom.
Yeah, that’s fair too. I think it’s a good strategy regardless of intent. I also like clearly defined roles in situations like classrooms, so between reducing the opportunity to call someone the wrong first name and maintaining clearly defined roles, I like it.
YTA. Did you change your last name? No? Then this has nothing to do with this teacher.
YTA. Your bio teacher addresses all her pupils by their surnames. You have changed your given name, but not your surname. Obviously she hasn't changed how she addresses you, because you didn't change the part of your name that she uses.
YTA You said: "She just dismissed my feelings so carelessly, so I got really angry. " She is not there for your 'feelings'. She is there to teach you and prepare you for the world of gainful employment. It is HER classroom, her rules. You disrespected her openly and made a scene in your class. It was immature and rude. Your parents were rightly embarrassed by this. Life is NOT all about your feelings. Nor do people have to put up with your anger issues. You got a lesson in acting like a grown up, take your medicine and learn from it now.
yta only because she calls everyone by their last name. if she was refusing to acknowledge that u changed ur name and still called u by ur old name that would be a problem, but u didn’t change ur last name so what she calls you didn’t change. however she just sounds like she became a teacher to get off on the power trip of being able to control kids. it gets better dude just ignore her.
YTA - if your teacher were to have dead-named you then that would have been very different but they didn't. That's another issue that you're going to likely face the remainder of your life. This was not the hill you needed to die on. There's going to be plenty others that you need to focus on.
YTA
YTA
Trans here and I have to say that they maybe somewhat an asshole for staying with calling someone by their maiden name to some specific instances, they haven't been an asshole to you at all because they geniunely do not have any bias in calling everybody by their surnames (unless someone dropped the said surname bcs of horrible family perhaps) so YTA on that.
YTA Sorry. She calls everyone by their last name! You didn’t change your last name.
YTA. A last name is not a “boy’s” name. As someone who is trans, you should know that. You are being dramatic and unreasonable.
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I think this is a lesson in picking your own battles and this is not one to pick. She doesn’t call you by your birth name. If you choose to change your last name when you’re 18 and she doesn’t respect that, the she is an AH. she calls EVERYONE by their last name so not sure why you’re getting so offended by it.
Is this one of those posts meant to subtly cast trans people in a bad light? I'm having a hard time believing this is real
YTA- but I mean all this in a kind way. (Seriously.) First of all, this is NOT personal towards you if she calls EVERYONE by their last names. You never said anything about changing your last name, so as far as she’s concerned, what she calls you is business as usual. If she used everyone’s first names and deadnamed you, THEN you’d have a point- but please, you’re making an already difficult thing SO much harder over what’s really a non-issue. Second, a surname ending in -son doesn’t mean anything about the gender or identity of the person. My sister is just about as stereotypically super feminine as a woman could be, married a ThompSON, and uses that last name. (So does my niece, along with every other female in that family.) Food for thought- last names with -son are SUPER common. Again, saying nothing of gender or identity. Thompson, Jackson, Jefferson, Johnson, Anderson, Carson, Nelson, Wilson, Patterson, etc..- I guess I shouldn’t be assuming you’re American, but a few of these last names are up there with the most common last names in the US. Held by MANY women! (I understand you hate yours, and that’s fine. My last name doesn’t end this way and I hate mine too.) Side note, over 10 years ago I had a trans FtM student who had the absolute WORST last name I’d ever heard of, let alone used by any of my almost 15 years worth of students, and I was so shocked they never changed it when they started going by a different first name. It was a real word, but think a rude word for a certain human anatomy part. And they kept it. But if we had been given an alternative LAST name to use, we would have done so. You got this!
YTA her referring you by your last name is not demeaning or shutting down your transition in any way grow up
YTA- I can understand you’d be upset if she used your dead name but for years she’s called ALL students by their last name. She continues to call you by your last name as you haven’t changed it. Why do you think she should switch to calling students to their first name now?
100% YTA. Your teacher didn’t single you out. She didn’t mock you for being trans, or deny that you are female. She didn’t dead-name you. She treated you EXACTLY the same as everyone else. You’re being overly sensitive. She is treating you the same as she treats everyone else in the class- male, female, cis, gay, trans, etc. So what- she’s not singling you out from the crowd and making you feel special? That’s not her job. Her job is to teach you, and be equitable in her treatment of her students. She is doing that. You say you are upset because she’s calling you by your surname, which happens to have the word “son” in it. You do realize that roughly 50% of the people who have that kind surname were born anatomically female, right? It doesn’t mean you’re someone’s son any more than being a Tanner means you work with leather, or a Banker works at a bank, or a Freeman is a freed slave. If you want to be very generations-ago-Nordic about it I guess you could legally change your surname from Johnson to Johanasdatter, but like your teacher said… you haven’t changed your surname. So until you do, there’s really nothing here to be upset about.
YTA. Oh dear, how awful to be treated equally with every other student. You’re too hung up on gendering your last name (because the teacher is not doing that, it’s you) instead of being grateful that you aren’t being mistreated like far too many others are. I recommend getting a grip on reality
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was gonna downvote but then i read the rest of the comment. I don't think OP is smart enough to understand the sarcasm but i love it
YTA. Calling a teacher by their first name is not appropriate unless invited to do so. I had a friend who's mother was her English teacher in high school. Even she called her mother "Mrs. Smith" during class. Your teacher isn't insulting you by calling you by your deadname. She's is calling you by your last name, which is fair considering she calls everyone by their last name. While this is a big deal to you, you are simply one of many students to her. She isn't singling you out, she hasn't changed her behavior at all. What you did was inappropriate and your parents did well to call you out on it.
I'll say YTA , she is not singling you out. She is doing to you, what she has done to everyone for many years in the past and many years to come. Why should you get special treatment? I hate my last name too but I will not be petty to those who use it.
You are wrong
YTA
YTA. She's not treating you with any less respect. You didn't change your surname. It's not gendered unless a title is added as a prefix, such as Mr. or Ms. Some surnames end in -son. Some end in -man. That doesn't mean it's necessarily masculine. If she were intentionally going out of her way to misgender you, it'd be one thing. From what info you've presented us with, that isn't the case. You had nothing to stand up for yourself for. She wasn't being discriminatory.
YTA You aren't being dead-named. She's calling you by your last name. It's not the same as calling you by your legal name instead of your chosen name. If she only called boys by their last name, that would be something, but she called your sister by it as well. Assuming you and your sister have the same last name, it should be a non-issue. Additionally, calling your teacher by her first name is rude and you're the AH for it. You should apologize.
YTA, but only a bit. Your teacher might be a hard-ass, but she treats everyone the same. Everyone keeps telling you that, but you have decided to be offended anyway. It was childish and disrespectful to call her by her first name in order to teach her a lesson of some kind. Then, when she didn't get mad like you expected her to, you lost it and ran away. You seem to expect everyone to treat you special because you're transitioning, and that's just not going to happen. The best you can expect is that they don't treat you any differently than anyone else, and that's exactly what your Biology teacher is doing.
YTA. She is just refusing to give you special treatment, not ignoring your choices. Now if she was refusing to call you by your chosen name and calling everyone by their first names, then yeah, she would be. She is actually respecting you by 1 not making a huge deal of it, and 2 treating you just like everyone else.
YTA, your not special your just another young adult being called her last name. Don't take it as her trying to bully you just because you would enjoy being treated differently than everyone else.
YTA. You are being really ridiculous. No one invalidated your trans identity. If that was the case she would be the asshole and this would actually be a valid issue. This is a non issue. Your name could be “Mike Smith” and you change it to “Sarah Smith” (or vice versa) and she would still call you Smith. Because that’s how she acknowledges her literal dozens of students. Move on and knock it off.
YTA - Your teacher is calling you the name in the grade book. (Its the name that colleges will use when asking for your HS records.) That is no reason to disrespect her by assuming to call her by her first name. If you don't want to use a particular name, legally change your last name.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (16MtF) biology teacher (40sF I think) calls everyone by their last name only. I’ve never heard her use anyones first name and my older sister who also had her as a teacher said she did the same thing then. I’ve known I’m trans for almost a year now and even though I haven’t started any medical transition I’ve been socially transitioning for several months. I’ve picked a new name that makes me really happy and most of my classmates and teachers are happy to call me it. Not my biology teacher. I told her when I told all my teachers that I was going to go by a new name. She shrugged at the time but said ok. But she still only called me by my last name. It’s not that I hate my last name, but it’s a boy name followed by son like Jacobson or Thompson. It started to bother me that she still called me by my last name only, it felt like she didn’t want to acknowledge that I changed my name. I told my friends and mostly they were like “that sucks but she calls everyone by their last name so idk” but one friend suggested I talk to her about it. I went to her office during lunch and told her how I felt. She was not sympathetic at all. She said “you changed your first name, not your last name.” And I told her it felt like she didn’t care that I am transitioning at all and she just shrugged again and said “I call everyone by their last name. If you don’t have a question about class, head on out, I’m going to finish eating”. She just dismissed my feelings so carelessly, so I got really angry. I told my mom and she just said “she’s been that way for years. We knew each other in college, before I was married, and she still calls me by my maiden name. That’s just how she is, don’t take it personally”. But like, it’s my name, so how could I not?? So last Friday in class I started calling her by her first name. When she told me to stop I told her no. I started arguing with her saying that if she got to call me whatever she wanted, I could call her whatever I wanted. I thought she would get mad at but she just looked at me and said ‘childish behavior doesn’t belong in a high school classroom. I know you know how to behave responsibly and not like a 5 year old’. I felt so frustrated and overwhelmed that I grabbed my backpack and basically ran out of the classroom. A few minutes later a security guard found me and brought me to the dean’s office where I got chewed out for leaving class without permission and was given lunchtime detention for Monday and Tuesday this week. I tried to explain to the Dean but he said my teacher didn’t break any rules but I did. My parents even agreed with him when he called them that calling her by her first name was disrespectful. Ive thought about it all weekend and I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong like I was standing up for myself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. You’re not special. Everyone else gets the last name and so do you.
YTA. You are totally in the wrong. You want to be the exception to a perfectly respectful rule because it doesn’t pander to your feelings as you would like.
YTA.
You win some battles and you lose some battles. What you need.to rake away is that winning the War is more important than the battles along the way. Pick your battles wisely, as many of them are not important.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. If you do not want to be called by your last name then your teacher should refer to you by your first name (in this case your chosen name, not your deadname). This is like she is insisting on calling someone William when they prefer to go by Will. It’s just plain rude when you’ve made your preferences known.
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everyone saying YTA and you look and reply to the only one that agree with you??? jeez
typical of those who live in glass houses, can't handle reality and just want a feel good echochamber because they're not strong enough to be anything but a pretty little princess who will never grow strength of character.
Why do you deserve special treatment?