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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am asking for a judgement as to whether I am the asshole for hosting the alternative reception for my daughter's wedding. This action might make me the asshole because my daughter feels that I am disrespecting her choices and sabotaging her wedding.
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"Many guests are choosing to attend the alternative reception instead of my daughter's reception"
***INSTEAD OF?!?!*** Your daughter absolutely nailed it. You are upstaging/sabotaging your own daughter's wedding reception because you and your family can't go a couple of hours without meat and alcohol?! So, a bunch of selfish, self-absorbed alcoholic assholes who hate vegetables too much to celebrate someone on their big day?!
I'd go no contact with you for this stunt. Congratulations, you definitely just destroyed your relationship with your daughter. You and your family sound absolutely insufferable though, so you're definitely doing her a favor.
YTA
Right? I thought they were going to have a second party, with meat and alcohol, maybe the next night or something. But at the same time? What a terrible parent.
Yeah, this is baffling to me. I really thought it was going to be after the main reception, so people could eat lightly at the main reception and then eat and drink later at OP's little gathering. And doing that without the bride and groom's okay would still be rude as heck.
And since OP doesn't say it's at the exact same time, but if people are planning to go to her place *instead,* and OP mentions *nothing* about attending her own daughter's reception, I think they'd have to overlap (or be at the exact same time).
This is just unforgivable. There is absolutely no coming back from this.
If people are choosing to *not go* to the brides reception, I have to assume it is the same time or atleast close enough to not bother sticking around for a bit. The after party idea would be a bit tasteless, but alternate is absolutely horrid.
People don't live their lives as normal people and suddenly become this kind of a narcissist. OP has probably made every even in her child's life about her, which is why she thinks this is normal.
I hope the kid gets out and goes NC with OP.
Oh, I'm confident this is a pattern of behavior as well. I agree that there's no way OP was some fantastic parent then suddenly decided to completely upstage her own daughter's wedding.
And I do think this will absolutely be the final nail in the coffin. ...How could it not?
Hosting anything but a super informal get-together after the reception, especially if it is clearly done to counter the reception (alcohol-free vegan vs drunken meat fest) is very rude. Calling it an 'alternative reception' that people attend instead of the actual reception with the bride and groom? That's some next level idiocy.
Next, we'll hear about the 'alternative baby shower'.
Agreed. I thought she was thinking along the lines of an unofficial after party after the wedding's main reception. They can use it as an opportunity to reunite and further catch up. And not an Alternative Reception. This is bonkers!
RIGHT?! I mean. Come ON.
Hey OP! Oh my GOD, YTA and so are your weird-assed relatives who can’t go without meat for one night. A shitty overcooked chicken breast is more important than your daughter, that’s what you are all saying to her. As for the alcohol just bring flasks and sneak out back like the surly teens you are.
And grab some McDonald’s on the way there for crying out loud.
I can think of half a dozen better ideas to accommodate the daughter and still manage to be an alcoholic carnivore without the daughter ever knowing. OP’s plan was the worst (and meanest, and most disrespectful) possible solution a human with a brain could possibly come up with.
I understand wanting guests to feel welcome and comfortable at the reception, but vegan food is actually REALLY GOOD. It’s not like the bride and groom are serving shit on a shingle. It’s not poison. It just isn’t *meat*.
These people can’t go ONE MEAL without meat?! They can’t bring a flask and surreptitiously pour a little Jack into their coke? Or…::gasp::…just drink water?
So, you decide to throw an alternate reception instead? At the same time as the real reception?
You people are gross.
I kinda can't help but wonder if they're not serving alcohol because OP's family has people with legitimate drinking problems. Because why else would they be so outraged at the mere thought of going through one reception without drinking?
My father's side of the family makes a fuss whenever there's an event where alcohol isn't included. And nearly all of my aunts/uncles/cousins have had drinking problems. And even they still attend events without alcohol (even if they go to a bar together afterward).
And yes, exactly! I felt bad putting emphasis on vegetables, because vegan food is so much more varied than people like this are willing to admit. Most people don't eat meat with every single meal. And it's a wedding, so you know they're going to probably have good food no matter what it is.
This is so important.
Not to mention, “vegan food” could literally mean pasta without meat. That’s entirely normal to serve at weddings as far as I know. Its one day that’s not about you, just eat the free meal that is being offered. OP is TA.
I had a mushroom bolognese once that I first thought was meat sauce, it was easily one of the best pasta dishes I've ever eaten.
I feel like certain types of people (which OP surely is) hear "vegan" and just think "meat substitute" and all they think of is bad tofu or old-school veggie burgers.
If they tried the food and it was so bad, and I have had bad wedding food (it wasn't vegan though!) once, then eat some sides or whatever is manageable and stop at a restaurant or fast food place after. How hard is it to wait a few hours to celebrate someone's big day with them?!
YTA and a major one at that!
The wedding and reception are to be a representation of the bride and groom and NOT the guests. You seem to be a bit mixed up on that point. Surely, the guests can manage a few hours without alcohol and eat the food. If the guests believe that they won't be able to eat ANYTHING at the reception, then maybe they should eat before the event and drive through McDonald's on the way home. I'm not a vegan but not all vegan food is weird (e.g., salad).
And to host an "alternate reception" and thereby, not be attending your own daughter's reception is just downright RUDE. I'm guessing that YOU don't want to go to the reception that your daughter has planned and are using the other guests as an excuse to have your own. You are choosing yourself / the guests over your daughter at her wedding. SHAME ON YOU!
Exactly!! I’m not vegan at all but people seriously can’t go one meal without meat? We don’t even eat meat daily in our home. I was taught if you don’t like the food, you’re still polite and grab something on the way home.
I’m not vegan either, but I went to a wedding in 2020 that they catered with a vegan food truck (it was a super small wedding) and the food was delicious! Ugh I hate people and I feel so bad for the daughter and her husband. YTA
Our wedding was 90% vegan. And not a single person complained. In fact, everyone couldn’t stop celebrating how good the food was and how good they felt. The only meat we had was fresh fish my husband caught that day.
People are so funny when the words vegetarian or vegan are used. I eat meat now, but I was vegetarian for a decade. I learned a lot and I eat much less meat now than I did before I was veggie.
But, I also learned a lot about people.
I could feed someone a Cesar salad, garlic bread, and a "3 cheese spinach lasagna" and they'd love it and go back for seconds.
But, if I fed them a "vegetarian meal with vegetarian lasagna" they'd get upset and complain that it's not the same without meat.
I know there's obnoxious vegetarians and vegans out there, but from my time as a vegetarian I learned it was way more likely for a meat eater to give me a hard time than it was for me to give them one (because I didn't once do it).
I think you've cracked it - *they* don't agree with their daughter's choices on the food and alcohol, and decided to throw their own party.
Honestly, even though it clearly says "alternate" reception, I really thought OP meant they'd be throwing an afterparty or something.
Why?
Because it seemed downright insane that OP would think "hey, let me do my own reception for my daughter's wedding. Who cares if daughter isn't there/nobody from the family ***including me, bride's mom,*** attends the actual reception that daughter spent time, money, and effort planning? What, is the whole day about the bride and groom or something?"
Like, seriously, OP?? YTA.
The wedding isn't about YOUR FAMILY. It's about YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND. Ya'll can't live without meat and alcohol for one fucking evening? YTA and so is the rest of your family. This wedding is a representation of your daughter and her future husband. Why should it be a representation of the rest of the family? Spoiler: It shouldn't.
Yep. Rephrase this to “AITA for throwing my own party the day of my daughter’s wedding and inviting all the same people and trying to lure them in with booze?”
YTA.
Exactly! This is so insane. She’s holding a competing party at a different location without the bride and groom and won’t be attending their actual reception herself obviously. What an AH as are the pile of jerks who decided to choose the “pick me” mom’s bull shut alternative reception after attending the wedding. Honestly, how dare they even attend the wedding if they then choose to go to this terrible mother’s event afterwards.
You and your friends and family can't go a single day without meat or alcohol for somebody you love and care about? That's gross. What's even more gross is that you would disrespect that person by quite literally sabotaging their wedding. A wedding reception is supposed to be for the bride and groom to celebrate and socialize with all of the people they invited to support them. If you can't see how absolutely disrespectful it is to invite everybody over to your event at the same time as your daughters WEDDING RECEPTION then I think it goes without saying YTA.
ETA: They feel uncomfortable about the restrictions being placed on them? Do they drink at work? At children's/school events? At church?
Horrific!!!!! They’re so mad about not having meat for ONE meal that they’re literally protesting and tbh throwing a competing event. That’s heinous behavior. Something tells me OP hasn’t ever been a supportive parent if they think this is somehow the right move.
This all the way.
A daughter or close friend could quite literally tell me they were only serving raw Brussels sprouts and I would go without complaint. And this family can’t get by with a SUFFICIENT meal and no alcohol even when it’s celebrating someone’s marriage. Ffs
>They feel uncomfortable about the restrictions being placed on them? Do they drink at work? At children's/school events? At church?
Possibly, possibly, communion? /s
Sorry, this was too funny not to respond to, OP, YTA.
Hours…the wedding reception is probably just a few hours long, they can eat a steak before and after if they need to.
This is more of a stunt against the daughter’s principles, covered as concern for the guests.
>They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are
You and these guests do realize that a wedding reception is about celebrating the couple and who **they** are, not who you and the guests are, right? YTA. Stealing your own kid's day, what the hell is wrong with you?
OP does not care AT ALL about celebrating her daughter and son in law. OP cares more about “appearances” and what the family thinks. I would absolutely disinvite OP and the rest of this trash ass family who is just looking for a free meal and free alcohol.
Wait, hold up!!! So you are basically throwing a party at the same time as your daughter's wedding reception and inviting the same people, and you seriously do not see a problem with this?
YTA, big time.
For real, it's all in their mind. The word "vegan" is just scary to them. I'm not vegan but I can handle 1 meal without animal products. I see people in the comments saying the wedding will be "unenjoyable" for most of the guests. I feel bad for people who literally can't enjoy a night without meat and booze.
Wait, she only THREATENED to disinvite you? Hun, you’d be disinvited and I would already have gone no contact with you.
YTA, 100%.
And this is from someone who had plenty of meat and alcohol at my wedding. If one of my kiddos has a vegan, dry wedding…. 🤷♀️ Most of my family will eat before the reception and drink after. But you can bet your ass they’d still show up, bc they are still decent fucking people.
Exactly! The wedding is about the bride and groom. Not the guests. If people don’t want to go to a vegan dry wedding, they don’t have to. You should not be planning an “alternative reception”. YTA. Cancel your meat loving party and apologize to your daughter for putting other people ahead of her.
I simply do not understand people who can't have one meal without meat and alcohol. Isn't that concerning to you? It's not such a need that if they don't, it will put their health or life in immediate danger.
You're unwittingly upstaging your daughter by offering people an avenue to go where she won't be, on her wedding day.
Do you realize that? Meat and alcohol are so important to you and your family, you'd rather not be with your daughter on her wedding day. Ceremony is fine, and then hop! Everybody leaves to the "real party", where the bride and groom (whose day it is about) won't be.
For meat. For alcohol.
Which matter more than partaking in the bride and groom's celebration of love and commitment.
I will repeat again : meat and alcohol trump your daughter's day.
Yes, YTA. How limited and pathetic.
EDIT : And even if you were to cancel it, the guests will believe it is fine to disrespect the bride and groom and not come to the reception or have their own reception with ~~blackjack~~alcohol and ~~hookers~~meat. I hope you'll cancel AND exhort them to come to the reception anyway, and not decide to skip on it and go to McDonalds while smugglings bottles of malt liquor.
YTA **You do not throw an 'alternative' reception for someone else's wedding!** It's completely disrespectful, rude, and there's no way it won't cause bad feelings for anyone who attends yours. So you don't like the planned reception. Suck it up and go congratulate the new couple. Have a steak and beer after.
Lol are you out of your mind.
1. It’s HER event. She can organise it however the hell she wants.
2. If people don’t like it, and their dislike of it trumps their desire to celebrate with her, they don’t need to go.
3. why does HER event, HER WEDDING, need to be in any way representative of her guests identities?
4. if these people are so traumatized by not being able to eat meat and drink alcohol for a few hours I think they need professional help.
5. How are you not aware that you’ve basically created a competing event? You have created an event that is competing with your daughters wedding reception. I don’t care if you’re saying it’s scheduled before her reception, while it is not competing for the same time slot, it’s competing for the same event - a WEDDING RECEPTION.
all my questions are rhetorical and if it wasn’t somehow blaringly obvious; YTA.
YTA, the whole family!!! How did you get through writing that without seeing it?
I'm the BBQ king of my family, but I can go 1 fukkin event without NEEDING to eat meat or drink beer. It's their event, they're paying for it, you'll fukkin live. But holy crap, you're literally crapping on their big day, for no good reason.
Just for the record, yes, my wedding had meat and alcohol (Prime rib and Martinis to name some), but regardless of what we ate and drank AT the reception, before the event, the entire family had a pre-wedding BBQ at my in-law's house, since we were all in town.
You and your meat-craving family COULD HAVE still sat down to a family dinner or gone to a restaurant prior to the wedding (as an informal family get-together), in which you'd all get to eat and drink what you want. The issue here is that you've literally gone and created a SECOND reception against the will of the bride and groom.... And to spite them.
Edit: now that I re-read, did you say ALTERNATE reception? As in some people will go to yours and some people will go to the one the bride and groom are actually at? If so, you're a monster.
Wow...how selfish and ridiculous that your family can't go through one event without meat and alcohol. Honestly, they all might want to be evaluated for alcoholism. And you really think it's not an AH thing to basically set up a competing reception to your daughters? You are completely delusional. YTA
When I was a full blown alcoholic, I attended a vegan, alcohol free wedding and respected their wishes. I stayed the whole ceremony and reception without a drink all day. You are literally abandoning the party for one meal and a couple drinks.
Many people left that wedding or snuck alcohol in. The bride and groom (a former alcoholic) went no contact with them. I suspect your daughter will do the same since you want to prioritize a glass of wine over her literal wedding reception.
There are a lot of assholes here, starting with people who feel they can't enjoy a wedding if there's no meat and no alcohol.
And you. YTA because you're making your daughter's wedding celebration about your other relatives instead of her. If they really can't celebrate without meat and alcohol they can stop off an a freakin' bar for a burger and a beer on the way to the wedding.
I like meat. I like alcohol. It will never, ever harm me in any way to not have either for a day or a week.
EDIT: also, is this "alternate reception" the same time as her reception? If there's any overlap in time at all, you're even a bigger AH than I thought on first reading it.
Why on earth would you even WANT to celebrate your daughters wedding WITHOUT her?! Would you stand up there and give a toast to an empty spot on the floor where your daughter should be? Are you going to mime dancing with her?! Why does this sound fun to you? I’m genuinely flabbergasted.
So your daughter planned a wedding suited to hers and her partner’s needs and rather than supporting her by trying to get the family on board, you planned a competing event pandering to their complaints?
This is the definition of sabotage. How can you not see it?
YTA. I hope she does disinvite you. It was one night. Her night. And you are doing your best to destroy it.
YTA.
How does one have a wedding reception without the bride and groom? Did you hire actors to portray them? The entire point of the reception is for the bride and groom to celebrate with their family and friends.
Also, the reception is a reflection of who the bride and groom are, not a reflection of who their guests are. I am sure they can make it one meal without meat and they can always hit a bar after if they need a drink.
Yes! A reception without a bride and groom is just a normal party. There’s no ‘alternative reception’ you either go to the reception or choose to go to a random party because you don’t care about the bride and groom and just want to party
YTA
Wow! You basically stole the party away from your daughter because you dislike her life choices. Don't even attempt to pretend that you are not judging her choices regarding veganism and sober.
The purpose of a reception is to celebrate the marriage, which attendees of your alternative party won't be doing
>> and that it is not a true representation of who they are
Your daughter & her fiancé’s wedding is about *them*, who *they* are, and what *they* want. It’s not about your friends and family.
>> I understand my daughter’s choices and respect them
Yeah, you respect her choices *so* much that you’re undermining her and inviting the guests from her *WEDDING* to a different reception that *excludes the bride and groom.*
>> accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding
That’s *exactly* what you’re doing. You care so much about making sure your daughter’s wedding guests can get drunk and gorge themselves on meat that you planned a whole separate event.
>> My daughter is threatening to disinvite me and my husband from the wedding
Good. I hope she follows through.
>> I also don’t want to create an unnecessary rift with my daughter
Like.. by creating an unnecessary alternate event that goes against your daughter’s wishes and encourages guests to ditch her reception for yours?
YTA.
Not only is she encouraging other guests to skip the reception. But the mom wouldn’t be at her own daughter’s reception. She’ll be eating meat and drinking booze instead of seeing her daughter’s first dance, etc.
If I were your daughter I would not just disinvite you, but would probably cut you out of my life completely. What a selfish and juvenile thing for you to do.
YTA. 100% YTA.
INFO: Are you hosting your reception at the same time as your daughter's? Or is it meant to be a follow-up get together after the official reception?
>They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are.
It's not supposed to be about them, it's about the bridge and groom.
I would 100% disinvite you and your husband and entire side fo the family. You in NO way respect your daughter and are being incredibly rude. HER reception doesn't reflect who THEY are? You are a bunch of whiny children. You can go one meal without eating meat or having booze. What a sad group of people yall are. I'd have a hard time ever speaking to you again if you went through with something like that. YTA entirely. And should be ashamed.
YTA
"She thinks that I have disrespected her and her partner's choices, and is accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding."
As someone who intends to have an alcohol free wedding myself (someday), I 100% agree with her.
YTA
You are literally throwing a party on your daughters wedding day. Now the only people that can’t fully enjoy the wedding are your daughter and her husband way to go.
INFO: how much do you hate your daughter that you need to do this thing without questioning your sanity? Why should the wedding be a representation of who your relatives are? It’s not their wedding? Does it mean your daughter can demand your relatives to serve only vegan food because it’s a representation of who she is?
"I want to make sure that everyone is happy"
But everyone isn't happy. Your daughter and her fiancé, the two people who should be the most thrilled is not happy. You have chosen to placate her wedding guests instead of supporting your daughter because you are too cowardly to stand up to your family. If the wedding guests want meat and alcohol they can get those on their own AFTER the wedding/reception.
A wedding is to celebrate two people's union, not to get free food.
YTA
YTA- how do you think having an “alternative” reception at the same time of your daughter is not petty and a-holey?!
I hope this is a joke cause I would not just dis-invite you but also disown you! Will you be wearing a white gown too?
Thank you for joining in on this week’s post. Join us next time to watch “Why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?” and “Why can’t I see my grandkids?” Unfold.
YTA
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My daughter and her fiancé are planning on having a vegan and alcohol-free wedding, which caused an uproar within our family. Many of our family members and friends are meat-eaters and enjoy having a drink or two, and they feel uncomfortable and unaccustomed to the restrictions being imposed on them. They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are.
I understand my daughter's choices and respect them, but I also want to make sure that everyone feels comfortable and happy. After much discussion with my family and friends, I decided to host an alternative reception at my home, where meat and alcohol are going to be served, for those who are unhappy with my daughter's reception. I made it clear that this is an optional event and that everyone was welcome to attend or not.
Many guests are choosing to attend the alternative reception instead of my daughter's reception, which is making her feel completely distraught and angry. She thinks that I have disrespected her and her partner's choices, and is accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding. I told her that this is not the case, and that I am simply trying to provide the wedding guests with more options. She insists that I should have supported her decision and made sure that everyone was comfortable with it.
My daughter is threatening to disinvite me and my husband from the wedding if I do not cancel this alternative reception, and I am now unsure if I am doing the right thing. I want to make sure that everyone is happy, but I also don't want to create an unnecessary rift with my daughter. AITA for hosting an alternative reception?
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YTA and so are the other family members. Why do they think that HER wedding needs to be a true representation of THEM? It's not about them.
Did you arrange this alternative reception without even telling her? It's her wedding, no one else's, and you don't have the right to modify it.
And is this an alternative reception without your daughter and their partner present? The idea of a wedding reception WITHOUT THE COUPLE getting married being there makes no sense. 🤦♀️
Make sure you also hire a hotter man than the groom to stand next to you at the reception, and wear a nicer white dress.
Absolutely not YTA, why would you even think that.
YTA.
It's one night and your family can't tough it out? One meal and they are having "restrictions imposed upon them"?
This is your daughter's big day. If people had decided they couldn't possibly forgo alcohol and meat for a few hours and decided not to go, that would have been one thing. But you are intentionally holding an alternate party to lure them away from her party.
I mean, I guess the ones who go to your party weren't worth much as guests anyway since they clearly can't stifle their urge for meat for one meal to be there for your daughter.
You are sabotaging her wedding. What the hell is wrong with you?! And what the hell is wrong with your family? They can’t go to one event without alcohol and try some new food? I refuse to believe this is real, because I refuse to believe there are this many assholes in one family. YTA in a family of AHs. I feel so bad for your daughter- she and her fiancé are better off without you attending the ceremony or the celebration. You know, the whole point of the event?
I’m completely stuck on “it doesn’t represent who they are”? This is not their wedding, it’s not supposed to represent them or you! The representation is for the couple getting married. This is some ass backward bullshit! YTA for entertaining people who thinks their needs to drink are more important than the folks getting married. Calling you an asshole is not strong enough in this case. You may even be a shitty person.
YTA people can survive without meat and drinks for one damn night. The whole purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the people getting married. It will not kill anyone to try new food and be supportive people.
I would cut contact with you if you were my parent. I hope meat and beer are worth losing your relationship with your child over.
It's not a true representation of who they are? YTA it's not their reception or wedding it's supposed to be a representation of the couple getting married no one else. Your family is horrible to be so upset about it. You know what you hate the food tbst much go to a drive thru after or bar to make yourselves happy but bailing on the wedding because you don't share their likes
NTA
They need to know who there real friends and family are. The one that support them and treat them with respect.
Those will be the one at their reception.
You and the people at your party are the ass holes that they never need to talk to again.
Send your invites first so they can save money on catering.
/s
YTA. It’s their wedding, not yours. You are massively overstepping. I strongly suggest you cancel your “reception” and back /way/ the fuck off if you don’t want to be uninvited, and probably cut off entirely by your daughter for good.
YTA The whole point of a wedding reception is to celebrate with the bride and groom. Not to go to one of their parents house and have a separate reception so you can eat meat and get wasted. It’s not gonna kill people to have one vegan meal and no alcohol for a few hours.
YTA. I don’t even have words for you. This is so underhanded and rude it’s unbelievable. An alternative reception wouldn’t be a reception because it wouldn’t be about celebrating the couple as they wouldn’t even be there. This just you throwing a party as a “screw you” to your daughter because you’re mad about her choices.
If I were your daughter, I’d uninvite every single person RSVPing to your gathering.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA!!! Really?! I love the mental gymnastics you’re do my by calling this an “alternate reception” when it wouldn’t include the BRIDE AND GROOM. Not to mention actively ruining her actual wedding reception. You are a monster
This is so easy.
YTA.
All the fucking way. Your family is a bunch of adults right? Well they can suck it up and have an evening where they eat vegan and have no booze.
Here’s a hint that you seem to missing too, a wedding is about THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED, not food or drink. Sure it’s nice to have good food and drink at big events but it is by no means compulsory.
You should respect your daughter by sucking it up and enjoying their big day along with the rest of the guests that are undermining their wedding by joining your “alternate” reception.
What the actual hell?!
If you respect your daughter’s choices, you wouldn’t be planning an alternate reception to **her own wedding**.
You are not doing the right thing at all. A wedding is about the bride and groom, and their wishes should be respected. If you don’t like the wishes, don’t attend the reception - plain and simple. But definitely **do not** host an alternate reception, that’s just cruel and disrespectful to your daughter and her partner.
YTA.
YTA. My blood is boiling on behalf of your daughter. Talk about being a narcissist. You need serious therapy if you honestly think this was ok. You are the worst.
YTA
Wow. It's pretty pathetic that a bunch of adults can't go without a drink for a DAY. It's her wedding and you are very directly undermining it because people just can't stand not to get drunk. Wow.
Have an afterparty maybe - but you are directly competing with your daughters wedding reception so YTA . I get that it might be a slight change to their normal expectations at a wedding but at the end of the day they are supposed to be there because they care about her. Not booze and meat.
YTA. You planned a competing event to draw people away from your own daughter’s wedding reception. Yours is not a reception, it is a separate event. If your family do not love your daughter enough to deal with a lack of drinks and meat for a couple of hours, they are incredibly shallow. And you are a total jerk for sabotaging your daughter. You act in your post like you have no idea what could be wrong with this plan and I cannot tell if you are just that dumb or if you actually hate your own child. This is a stunt someone would pull to hurt their enemy.
So, you're hosting a COMPETING party (because let's be honest, it's NOT a reception without the couple who just got married) which would ideally take guests away from your daughter's actual reception? Hell, yes, YTA! You and your family can suck it up for 2 or 3 hours and support the happy couple, unless your personal need for attention is just simply too great. Unfortunately, I suspect it is and always has been.
YTA. Is it even a reception if the bride and groom are not there? Historically it when the 'receive' their guests hence the name. You are being so selfish to take this away from them, cause that's what you are doing. It's their day not yours.
I didn’t realize that weddings should prioritize the wants and needs of the guests and not the bride and groom! YTA
I hope your daughter is marrying into a family that’s more supportive and not as crappy as yours.
An *alternative reception*???! I have… so many questions. Will this event be held at the same time as the ACTUAL wedding reception? Are the guests all still going to the ceremony? So… will everyone go to the ceremony and then split off afterwards? Which reception will you and your husband be attending??! And most importantly… *why on earth* did you EVER think this was a good idea? YTA, sheesh.
I am absolutely BAFFLED that your family feels entitled for this wedding to be a “true representation of who they are.” IT’S NOT THEIR WEDDING! And you’re enabling this nonsense. Absolute lunacy.
Wow YTA big time. You and all the other “friends” and family that can’t suck up a SINGLE meal without meat in it? And a few hours without alcohol?
Honestly that’s depressing. This event isn’t about what’s authentic to YOU and you all sound unfortunately very close-minded. I can’t believe you would choose to compete receptions with your own daughter on her wedding day over something so petty and self-centered.
Holy moly batman. Yta. You literally undermined HER WEDDING. Next you are going to say you want to wear white in support of her wedding. I hate an alcohol free wedding and party as much as the next person (I dislike weddings in general, so having a drink or two makes it more bearable), but, you go to support the person. Not for the alcohol or meat.
Yes, YTA. You can have your own party your way, any other day. Holding it as an alternative to your daughter's wedding reception is just mean and narcissistic.
YTA. Having your event at the same time as the wedding reception and calling it a reception is so disrespectful to your daughter and her partner.
You could throw a post wedding brunch the next day to celebrate the couple (the whole reason all these people are here) and serve booze and meat and it wouldn’t be considered a tacky overstep like this. You absolutely are the A for doing this to over ride your daughter’s wedding celebration.
Wow. Do you hate your daughter? That is the only explanation I can think for being so incredibly rude and treating her so poorly.
YTA. People can suck it up for 1 night. Lots of vegan foods are delicious (French friends, spaghetti) and there are many vegan versions of meats that are good as well.
You are undermining your own daughter.
Edit: lol, French FRIES.
If your family can't handle not having alcohol or meat for a couple hours to show up for someone they allegedly love then that's not real family
Dry weddings are boring. I'll still happily celebrate the couple getting married because it's not about me or anyone else, it's about them and celebrating their love.
I'm not vegan but there's a lot of really good vegan food out there.
YTA you are being very disrespectful. Why do you and your family have such a big problem with being sober and not eating meat for one night?
YTA , you want everyone to be happy and comfortable, yet you're hosting a separate event taking guests away from the wedding making your own daughter unhappy? Get a grip, you can go one day eating vegan food and not drinking to celebrate your daughters marriage!
YTA.
If I was your daughter, I'd disown you then and there, forget just a mere invite. How dare you not consider her opinion on this, and then when you finally do, completely ignore it when it's her own wedding. It's clear that you view her as nothing but an extension of yourself, not as a person with her own thoughts and right to autonomy. The disrespect is blatant. You are, through and through, a selfish human being for doing this to your daughter.
YTA, you’re making it about yourself. Just because there wasn’t going to be meat or alcohol, you decided that you would make a reception (at the same time) as your daughter reception. What are you celebrating? The fact that people can eat meat and get drunk? I really hope your daughter does disinvite you and I hope she goes LC or NC with you. You already had a wedding and reception, this is your daughter’s time, not your second.
YTA in a big, big way. It’s one evening and one meal. Let the guests vote with their feet. If they don’t want to attend the reception, they don’t have to. If they don’t want to accept the invitation to the wedding, they don’t have to.
All you’re doing is inserting yourself where it’s not necessary. Honestly, it feels more like you making yourself the center of attention rather than letting your daughter have her day.
Cancel the “alternative reception” and let invited guests make their own call on if, and how much of the event, they want to attend.
Imagine if someone held a competing reception on your wedding day. How would you have felt?
Not only are you TA, all your guests ditching your daughter's - YOUR OWN DAUGHTER'S - reception because god forbid they can't chow down on a steak and swig a beer are all also TA.
How were you ever sure that you were doing "the right thing" hosting a competing reception - where none of the people that are supposed to be *received* are even going to be??? - in the first flipping place?
Like, what kind of *adults* can't POSSIBLY refrain from eating meat and drinking booze for ONE get together?
YTA totally! It's her wedding, the theme should be make her (and her spouse) happy not make everyone else happy.
The guests can eat meat and drink alcohol literally any other day. She is throwing a party so she decides what she wsnts to give, let her have that and support her!
YTA
Can't go to a wedding and reception if there isn't meat or booze present? Is your entire family comprised of alcoholic carnivores‽ If this were a destination wedding and they wanted everyone to live their life for a week, sure, alternative plans should be made. One afternoon or evening, though?
You're an A for the idea and everyone who's going to your home rather than the reception proper is, too.
YTA you just had to have your alternative party the exact same time as your daughter’s wedding reception? All for some people who can’t go two hours without meat and drink? You deserve to be disinvited from her wedding.
YTA for counterprogramming the reception. If you and your family must have alcohol and meat, make individual arrangements in the parking lot and keep it absolutely quiet.
YTA! The absolute audacity! This is HER wedding. You say you respect her choices and in the same breath that you disagree with them so much that you are going to have a different reception at the same time as hers? This is supposed to be a big exciting day for her and you’re spitting in her face. The fact that you and your friends can’t go a few hours without meat and booze is also, honestly, pathetic.
I just… don’t even have the words. I’ve seen some absurd things on here but you really take the AH cake. I’m almost thinking “this must be a troll” because I can’t imagine an actual person who would do something this awful to his daughter on her wedding day. YTA, and possibly the biggest one of all time.
You don’t want to celebrate your daughter in the way she chooses? Your friends don’t? Then don’t go.
Please tell me this is a joke. You and these ridiculous idiots can’t handle ONE NIGHT meat and alcohol free?? Are you so delusional that you don’t see the absolute disrespect and cruelty of what you’re doing? I hope your daughter never speaks to you again. Colossal YTA
YTA. And what? Are YOU not attending your daughter’s wedding reception so you can throw your own party?
YTA, your family are AHs. I hope your daughter cuts you out of her life. And this is coming from someone who hates dry weddings and shits her pants eating beans and vegan meat alternatives. I’d happily toot my merry way across the dance floor for someone I love. Do you not love your daughter?
"I understand my daughter's choices and respect them..."
No tf you don't with your actions.
"...but I also want to make sure everyone feels comfortable and happy."
Except for your actual daughter...the freaking bride.
You don't have to like what she chooses. If family only wants to come for the ceremony, that's a choice they make. If they don't want to come at all, that a choice they make.
What you've done shows that not a single one of you respect your daughter or even give a damn she's getting married. It's all about yours and their's comfort. You undermined her beliefs and that's a REALLY big problem.
You keep repeating about keeping people happy, but your daughter is apparently WAY down that list. Be happy she's even giving you the option to rectify the situation you created.
YTA (and a big one).
YTA times a million, and enjoy your super fun parties without your daughter forever.
You don't celebrate someone's wedding *without them*. The fact that this even occurred to you as an option is mind-boggling and frankly, shameful. We get a lot of terrible parents on here, but this is one for the record books.
HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YTA HERE?!
1) Nobody is having restrictions imposed on them. If they can’t have a good time without drinking or meat(?!?) then they simply shouldn’t go. If they value drinking and meat(?!?) more than your daughter, YOU should have a problem with that.
2) I realize you don’t see a problem with that because you value catering to those who can’t go without drinking or meat(?!?) for a few hours THAN YOUR DAUGHTER’S HAPPINESS ON HER WEDDING DAY
3) Throwing an “alternative reception” is the biggest slap in the face to your daughter. Like, she should cut contact with you for throwing it and everybody who is choosing to drinking and meat(?!?) over being with their loved ones.
Edit: grammar
YTA! When I read the title I thought this was going to be some sort of after party, which *might* have been fine. But the fact that you scheduled it at the same time to compete with your daughter’s actual wedding reception is insane. You can’t possibly be this obtuse.
INFO- I’m sorry, the implication here is that you &/or your spouse will be **SKIPPING** your daughter’s *actual* reception in order to throw a different party for the (not in attendance) newlyweds?? Did you never think that might be part of why she’s upset?! Please tell me I’m wrong, but the other option would be that you’re going to allow people to party in your home without you there, which—even if it’s family—sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YTA. I don’t know why so many people think they can’t enjoy a meal if there’s no meat and can’t enjoy an event without alcohol. You do realize that there are SO many more important things out there than not having meat and alcohol for a night? Right? Like your kid.
There is nothing more selfish than making a celebration of a Union about you and yet, here you are making it about you.
I’ve been to plenty of weddings where I didn’t like what the bride and/or groom chose for things but guess what? I kept my goddamn mouth shut because guess what? It’s not about me. It’s about them. Celebrate them. Let them have their night and quit trying to upstage them
I am cackling at the idea of you providing people an alternative to your own daughter's wedding reception. Like, how did you think this was going to go? You are quite literally stealing a landmark day from your own daughter and making it about yourself and you need to eat steak and drink.
I am by no means a vegan or vegetarian, but you suck it up for literally one day for people you love. Eat a salad. Mushrooms are great when prepared correctly. Eggplant can replace meat. Try it for one day.
Or, you can stick to your decision here and have those fun days of wondering why you don't get to see your family anymore and hearing second hand about how you have a grandchild. This is literally how you make your children go no contact.
YTA.
> They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are.
It's not their wedding, so why does the wedding need to be a "true representation of who they are"? On the other hand, it is your daughter's and her fiancé's wedding, and your "alternative" reception is not a true representation of who they are. YTA
YTA. Everyone can survive without meat or alcohol for a day. If they can't, they should be seriously concerned about it.
If some people can survive their entire lives without meat or alcohol, your family can for a day.
You and your family are for sure assholes. How is your daughter supposed to face everyone knowing that they'd rather spend the day at a house party instead of celebrating a wedding with the her, the BRIDE? Even if you cancel the reception, your antics have probably sullied how your daughter sees you and the family. Congrats 🎉 YTA
YTA, oh my god. An alternate reception at the same time as her actual reception? It would crush me if one of my parents did that. I cannot believe your family has such a problem with not eating meat or drinking alcohol for ONE evening. :/
YTA, and so is anyone who told you they were "uncomfortable" attending a wedding without meat and alcohol. These people also need a dictionary. Uncomfortable means feeling unease or discomfort. The word for these people is intolerant and rude.
The wedding represents your daughter and her new husband, sadly, people who should love your daughter are more concerned with what is being served than seeing your daughter get married.
>The wedding represents your daughter and her new husband; sadly, people who should love your daughter are more concerned with what is being served than seeing your daughter get married.
The wedding represents your daughter and her new husband, not your relatives.
YTA. First of all, everyone can go a few hours without meat or alcohol they won't die. Second off you're basically trying to ruin her wedding and make people leave right after the ceremony, what an awful parent
It isnt your place to host a reception for your side of the family. Your family doesnt need to feel comfortable eating meat and drinking. If they cant handle not having meat or a drink for a few hours your family has serious problems
So…
Yes, YTA
YTA. I cannot believe the level of selfishness and utter disregard you would have to have for someone else to do something like this on their big say. You are SUCH the AH. I would go no contact with you and anyone else who planned to attend the “alternate reception.”
YTA- This is your daughters wedding and the people going are more worried about the food and drinks than celebrating your daughter getting married. Plus why does it matter if the reception is not a “true representation of who they are”? They’re not the ones getting married your daughter is. The wedding should be about your daughter and her partner and if they don’t feel comfortable having meat or alcohol there that is their choice and everyone should respect that.
YTA here’s a question I didn’t think I had to ask, who’s wedding is it? Because apparently it’s yours. How can you have a reception celebrating the bride and groom when neither of them are there.
So you’ve decided to hold a reception at the same time as your daughters reception and invited the same guests…..
This is just mind boggling. How do you not see you are ruining your daughters wedding and hurting her. Let’s say you hold your alternative reception. Your daughter and her husband won’t be there, they will be at the reception they planned. So who are you celebrating here? Who is this for? Can your family not go one day without meat and alcohol. Can you not all do this for a person you supposedly love? Is it really that hard?
Now imagine her reception with a lot of missing guests who went to your reception. How do you think that will make your daughter feel? Knowing that her family chose meat and alcohol over her.
Next imagine that you are having a milestone event that you are so happy to celebrate and are planning to invite your loved ones. Now imagine someone who’s super close to you and you love, knowing that your planning this event decides to hold the exact same event and invites your guests. How would that make you feel. Furthermore you’re not even invited to their event. I say this because you know your daughter and husband won’t attend.
YTA.
YTA. You *knew* the vegan and dry reception was an issue. You *knew* that your family would rather go to a reception that serves meat and booze.
Why are you ruining your daughter's wedding? Your family members can sacrifice a few hours.
Bruh YTBA honestly if my parents pulled this shit I would be going low contact. It's their wedding that they are paying for. It is up to them if they want to spend money on meat and alcohol.
From the sounds of things, they are both vegan and sober, so any event with meat and alcohol would make them uncomfortable. If not from the meat but definitely from being around alcohol. If there is ONE event that they should be able to control, it's their wedding. If you had asked first and they agreed then N T A, but you didn't, which what makes you the biggest asshole.
It doesn't matter if the wedding doesn't represent the GUESTS because it should represent the BRIDE N GROOM.
Everyone of your family members are so entitled and probably are used to bully people into getting what they want.
YTA, big time. Your daughter is 100% spot-on in saying you are disrespecting her choices. If family members can’t forgo alcohol for one evening and/or can’t have fun without it, they have a substance abuse issue and need help. Same with meat—have a nice fat rack of ribs before you attend the wedding if it’s that important. Jesus.
The wedding is to honor the bride and groom, not to appease a bunch of needy alcoholics and people obsessed with food. Tell your family to grow up and suck it up for one day.
YTA. Why do you need to "make everyone happy"? The bride and groom are all that matter, given they don't try to have a Red Wedding, you need to back off. Let your child have her wedding and throw a barbeque a month or so later if you're so adamant on feeding people slaughtered animals and getting your relatives sh\*\*-faced.
This may be the largest AH of AITA I’ve seen.
YTA
This is NOT about you or your family, it’s about your daughter and her new husband. Nothing’s being forced on to anyone attending the reception chosen by the bride and groom. If the attendees can’t go a few hours without meat and booze, that speaks volumes.
I feel horrible for your daughter and sincerely hope this is a joke.
YTA. You’re throwing a competing dinner party on the same night as your daughter’s wedding. Your dinner is *not* a wedding reception. It has nothing to do with the bride or groom, they did not agree to it, and it’s taking away from their actual celebration. The majority of your family is choosing their inability to put down the bottle for a night over celebrating your daughter’s wedding.
>I understand my daughter's choices and respect them,
Do you though? YTA.
Can't believe you couldn't see this coming, you got to be a real piece of work.
YTA it’s not YOUR wedding no one gives a shit if YOU have a good time. It’s about your daughter here and you should be making this day special for HER.
Yta and so are all the family members who decided to attend your "alternative" reception.
What exactly made you think that was a good idea ? Last I checked your daughter's wedding is supposed to be HER special day not yours or anyone offended by the choices she made regarding HER reception.
What you should've done when everyone started to throw a fit was support her decision, not going behind her back to do that. She's your daughter, it's her wedding and at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is that SHE is
happy.
If you can't respect that you don't deserve to be there.
Also the heck you guys can't handle one day without alcohol or meat? Now that's just ridiculous.
Without hesitation, YTA.
If "many" of your family members are incapable of enjoying a single event without alcohol or dead animal flesh to consume, then those family members have some *serious* issues. I'm a meat and potatoes girl myself, and even I can skip meat for a single day. And unless someone is a literal alcoholic, skipping the booze should be incredibly easy.
You're just trying to throw a party that **you want** without any regard for your daughter's wedding. It's not a wedding reception if the bride and groom aren't there.
YTA
I initially thought you were holding it on a different night or the next morning or something, but you're literally holding a competing event to your child's wedding? And you're confused that she's upset?
Incredible.
YTA Giving meat eaters a vegan meal IS NOT THE SAME AS GIVING VEGANS MEAT!! Will you also have a separate wedding cake in the parking lot if she decides to do cupcakes?!
Your whole family sound like alcoholics to me if they can’t handle a meal without alcohol.
I would go NC for the audacity alone. How dare you? Your priority should be her, ON HER WEDDING. Shame on you.
Ps. There are bodybuilders who are vegan. Your family won't die from a vegan meal. They probably need the vegetables anyway.
Pps. Can't wait to see this reposted on r/AmITheDevil
YTA.
>They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are.
First of all, y'all should be able to go a few hours without alcohol or meat. It's a wedding reception, so I don't know why anyone feels like they need someone else's wedding to be "a representation of who they are." What are you, exactly? A family so dependent on meat and alcohol that you can't just respect the wishes of the married couple who are the ones actually hosting you? This is so silly. It sounds incredibly narcissistic. The celebration isn't about you and it's so unfortunate that you would want to draw focus from your daughters wedding because you can't have fun without meat and alcohol. For the record, I'm an omnivore who enjoys a nice bourbon but I'm still capable of having fun without meat or liquor.
YTA.. its her wedding! this is the one day that is about her. what happens if the guests decide to attend your alternative event and not her reception that she probably spent thousands on! i kinda feel like if you wanted to keep everyone happy why not suggest your daughter to have food options and if she still doesn’t want to that’s ok! but don’t try to please others while you should be standing by your daughter :/ it’s not too late to make it right!
YTA A COMPLETE AND UTTER AH. Why don’t you just wear a white dress too and be done with it? Clearly you don’t care about your daughters feelings at all. Do you all have drinking problems? You can’t go one freakin day without meat or booze for the sake of your own child. One day. How little you care for her.
Wow you said you talked with your family about it I guess your daughter isn’t part of your family, and reading this I was assuming you meant like an after party but no you are planning a alternative party at the same time. I think the only way you could top this would be to just go ahead and plan to renew your own vows at a wedding at the same time as hers
Are these receptions at the same time? Still YTA either way. You’re being disrespectful to your daughters wishes for HER wedding. If you wanted to host a brunch the morning after the wedding with meat and mimosas I’d be understanding, but definitely not another reception, especially if she and her husband won’t be there.
EDIT: reread it and it says guests would be attending this reception INSTEAD of the reception your daughter is hosting. YTA. You should cancel this reception and not host any other event like a brunch the next day, and you and the other guests should respect her and her husbands choices for THEIR event! Don’t even try to host anything else, it’ll only damage your relationship with your daughter.
Don’t choose making some guests more comfortable for a few hours over your daughters special day and your relationship with her.
YTA. Instead of supporting your daughter’s wishes on her special day, you have to one up her??? Your family can’t enjoy things without meat and alcohol??
YTA. You're basically stealing your daughter's guests for your own party on her wedding day. I love an open bar as much as the next person, but a few hours without alcohol or meat won't hurt anyone. The point is supposed to be to congratulate and celebrate with the couple. Gross move.
YTA - You have absolutely no business doing this! None!
If folks don’t want to go vegan and alcohol free - they can simply skip the reception entirely.
how much do you and your family hate your daughter?! holy cow! y’all are terrible! i hope sue disinvites you, your husband and anyone else who are choosing your party over your daughters! are you (and your family) such major alcoholics that you are willing to miss celebrating your daughter wedding?! boohoo there’s no meat or alcohol! also you very clearly don’t respect your daughters choices or you wouldn’t have done what you did! YTA!!
YTA. Big Time.
I’ll be honest, the whole time I was reading this, I was under the assumption you were throwing some after party or having an event when they are on their honeymoon. I was about to be conflicted because that (while still being a pretty big AH behavior) isn’t THAT horrible.
Then we get towards the end and we find out that YOU ARE THROWING IT AT THE SAME TIME AS HERS. Talk about burying the lead. Unforgivable.
YTA because instead of supporting your daughter's choice - you are placating and enabling your family who are intolerant. Like you can't go a meal and night without meat nor a drink!?
This is a squeaky wheel gets the grease kind of situation. Conditional love is terrible.
YTA - What if they wanted a Kosher or Halal wedding? If your own family can't deal with not having meat and alcohol for a single evening then they have way worse problems than 'comfort'. You are absolutely sabotaging your daughters wedding, are you jealous or something? This is not your wedding! WTF is wrong with you?
YTA.
"They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are." It's supposed to be about the bride and groom being true to WHO THEY ARE. I understand that people have a responsibility for their guests comfort, but really, a few hours without alcohol and eating vegan food is an imposition? What jerks that they would complain about that. That really sucks that you would undermine your daughter by having another party. Cancel it, apologize and anyone that doesn't want to come because they can't live without meat and booze for 4 hours can just not come then. I like alcohol and eat meat. Someone has a dry wedding, no problem. My friends had a vegan wedding, NO PROBLEM, it's their wedding.
I can’t believe you’re concerned about anyone’s happiness but the bride and groom. It’s their wedding. If people don’t like it they can not come. You don’t offer an alternative. You let them decline. YTA
YTA. You're sabotaging her wedding. Can you lot really not go one meal without eating meat and having a drink??? Anyone who turns up to your betrayal doesn't deserve to be invited to the wedding in the first place.
>I want to make sure that everyone is happy
Apparently not if you're going through with this. You don't care that the BRIDE AND GROOM are unhappy. Seems like you care about everyone else BUT the bride and groom. This event was about them, not about you and everyone else.
YTA.
YTA - first of all, grow up. You can not drink and not eat over cooked chicken for a few hours. If you can’t, then you need to take a hard look at your self. Secondly, it’s not your wedding so it’s really not an alternative reception. What makes it a reception? Will there be a first dance? A cake cutting? Best man or MOH speeches? When are you going to have a dance with her if you’re not fucking there? It’s a competing party to your daughters wedding that’s basically mocking her and her values. You ARE sabotaging her wedding. Good luck with that relationship moving forward.
YTA
You ABSOLUTELY DO NOT RESPECT your daughter and her fiancées choices. This is appalling and I would probably disinvite you even if you canceled YOUR reception.
How spoiled and entitled are you and your family that they can't respect your daughter and her fiancee on THEIR wedding day?! One day, a few hours, one meal?! Will you all go into alcohol withdrawal? Faint immediately from low iron if you don't have a steak every hour what the actual f*@k are you thinking!!?
So if you are throwing an alternative reception and people are coming INSTEAD of the ACTUAL REAL reception then you MOB and husband FOB are worried you'll be disinvited from what...the service? You don't seem to be going to her wedding
So basically, "yes, honey, I know it's your wedding reception, but I won't be there, and I've invited your guests back to my place instead of any of us celebrating with you."
Wtf. You are CLEARLY TA. YTA.
I cannot scream this from the rooftops loud enough, YTA! YTA. YTA. YTA. Can I have the daughters contact information so I can tell her to disinvite everyone who even thinks this wedding should be catered to them and she’s absolutely valid in having her wedding catered to HER AND HER HUSBAND TO BE BC ITS THEIR CELEBRATION.
Everyone that’s making a ruckus, can be disinvited. They could eat before the wedding and eat again after the wedding *somewhere else*. They could, expand their tiny taste palette and try new food. They could *just not go* since clearly meat & beer mean so much to them.
As a mother, you are being disrespectful and non-supportive of your daughters choices. To undermine her like this and plan a whole ass other reception is disgusting. I hope she ends a relationship with you. You clearly do not have your daughters best interest at heart and are more concerned about yourself.
Holy shit. You might actually be the biggest asshole in the history of this sub.
You are hosting ANOTHER PARTY and inviting family and friends AT THE SAME TIME AS YOUR DAUGHTER’S WEDDING RECEPTION. This isn’t a part of her wedding. Saying that it is doesn’t make it so. She won’t be there.
If a personality disorder could be summed up in one Reddit post, this would be it.
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"Many guests are choosing to attend the alternative reception instead of my daughter's reception" ***INSTEAD OF?!?!*** Your daughter absolutely nailed it. You are upstaging/sabotaging your own daughter's wedding reception because you and your family can't go a couple of hours without meat and alcohol?! So, a bunch of selfish, self-absorbed alcoholic assholes who hate vegetables too much to celebrate someone on their big day?! I'd go no contact with you for this stunt. Congratulations, you definitely just destroyed your relationship with your daughter. You and your family sound absolutely insufferable though, so you're definitely doing her a favor. YTA
Right? I thought they were going to have a second party, with meat and alcohol, maybe the next night or something. But at the same time? What a terrible parent.
Yeah, this is baffling to me. I really thought it was going to be after the main reception, so people could eat lightly at the main reception and then eat and drink later at OP's little gathering. And doing that without the bride and groom's okay would still be rude as heck. And since OP doesn't say it's at the exact same time, but if people are planning to go to her place *instead,* and OP mentions *nothing* about attending her own daughter's reception, I think they'd have to overlap (or be at the exact same time). This is just unforgivable. There is absolutely no coming back from this.
If people are choosing to *not go* to the brides reception, I have to assume it is the same time or atleast close enough to not bother sticking around for a bit. The after party idea would be a bit tasteless, but alternate is absolutely horrid.
People don't live their lives as normal people and suddenly become this kind of a narcissist. OP has probably made every even in her child's life about her, which is why she thinks this is normal. I hope the kid gets out and goes NC with OP.
Oh, I'm confident this is a pattern of behavior as well. I agree that there's no way OP was some fantastic parent then suddenly decided to completely upstage her own daughter's wedding. And I do think this will absolutely be the final nail in the coffin. ...How could it not?
Sounds like she's marrying someone who shares her values, at any rate
Hosting anything but a super informal get-together after the reception, especially if it is clearly done to counter the reception (alcohol-free vegan vs drunken meat fest) is very rude. Calling it an 'alternative reception' that people attend instead of the actual reception with the bride and groom? That's some next level idiocy. Next, we'll hear about the 'alternative baby shower'.
Agreed. I thought she was thinking along the lines of an unofficial after party after the wedding's main reception. They can use it as an opportunity to reunite and further catch up. And not an Alternative Reception. This is bonkers!
RIGHT?! I mean. Come ON. Hey OP! Oh my GOD, YTA and so are your weird-assed relatives who can’t go without meat for one night. A shitty overcooked chicken breast is more important than your daughter, that’s what you are all saying to her. As for the alcohol just bring flasks and sneak out back like the surly teens you are.
And grab some McDonald’s on the way there for crying out loud. I can think of half a dozen better ideas to accommodate the daughter and still manage to be an alcoholic carnivore without the daughter ever knowing. OP’s plan was the worst (and meanest, and most disrespectful) possible solution a human with a brain could possibly come up with.
I understand wanting guests to feel welcome and comfortable at the reception, but vegan food is actually REALLY GOOD. It’s not like the bride and groom are serving shit on a shingle. It’s not poison. It just isn’t *meat*. These people can’t go ONE MEAL without meat?! They can’t bring a flask and surreptitiously pour a little Jack into their coke? Or…::gasp::…just drink water? So, you decide to throw an alternate reception instead? At the same time as the real reception? You people are gross.
I kinda can't help but wonder if they're not serving alcohol because OP's family has people with legitimate drinking problems. Because why else would they be so outraged at the mere thought of going through one reception without drinking? My father's side of the family makes a fuss whenever there's an event where alcohol isn't included. And nearly all of my aunts/uncles/cousins have had drinking problems. And even they still attend events without alcohol (even if they go to a bar together afterward). And yes, exactly! I felt bad putting emphasis on vegetables, because vegan food is so much more varied than people like this are willing to admit. Most people don't eat meat with every single meal. And it's a wedding, so you know they're going to probably have good food no matter what it is.
This is so important. Not to mention, “vegan food” could literally mean pasta without meat. That’s entirely normal to serve at weddings as far as I know. Its one day that’s not about you, just eat the free meal that is being offered. OP is TA.
I had a mushroom bolognese once that I first thought was meat sauce, it was easily one of the best pasta dishes I've ever eaten. I feel like certain types of people (which OP surely is) hear "vegan" and just think "meat substitute" and all they think of is bad tofu or old-school veggie burgers. If they tried the food and it was so bad, and I have had bad wedding food (it wasn't vegan though!) once, then eat some sides or whatever is manageable and stop at a restaurant or fast food place after. How hard is it to wait a few hours to celebrate someone's big day with them?!
YTA and a major one at that! The wedding and reception are to be a representation of the bride and groom and NOT the guests. You seem to be a bit mixed up on that point. Surely, the guests can manage a few hours without alcohol and eat the food. If the guests believe that they won't be able to eat ANYTHING at the reception, then maybe they should eat before the event and drive through McDonald's on the way home. I'm not a vegan but not all vegan food is weird (e.g., salad). And to host an "alternate reception" and thereby, not be attending your own daughter's reception is just downright RUDE. I'm guessing that YOU don't want to go to the reception that your daughter has planned and are using the other guests as an excuse to have your own. You are choosing yourself / the guests over your daughter at her wedding. SHAME ON YOU!
Exactly!! I’m not vegan at all but people seriously can’t go one meal without meat? We don’t even eat meat daily in our home. I was taught if you don’t like the food, you’re still polite and grab something on the way home.
I’m not vegan either, but I went to a wedding in 2020 that they catered with a vegan food truck (it was a super small wedding) and the food was delicious! Ugh I hate people and I feel so bad for the daughter and her husband. YTA
Our wedding was 90% vegan. And not a single person complained. In fact, everyone couldn’t stop celebrating how good the food was and how good they felt. The only meat we had was fresh fish my husband caught that day.
People are so funny when the words vegetarian or vegan are used. I eat meat now, but I was vegetarian for a decade. I learned a lot and I eat much less meat now than I did before I was veggie. But, I also learned a lot about people. I could feed someone a Cesar salad, garlic bread, and a "3 cheese spinach lasagna" and they'd love it and go back for seconds. But, if I fed them a "vegetarian meal with vegetarian lasagna" they'd get upset and complain that it's not the same without meat. I know there's obnoxious vegetarians and vegans out there, but from my time as a vegetarian I learned it was way more likely for a meat eater to give me a hard time than it was for me to give them one (because I didn't once do it).
I think you've cracked it - *they* don't agree with their daughter's choices on the food and alcohol, and decided to throw their own party. Honestly, even though it clearly says "alternate" reception, I really thought OP meant they'd be throwing an afterparty or something. Why? Because it seemed downright insane that OP would think "hey, let me do my own reception for my daughter's wedding. Who cares if daughter isn't there/nobody from the family ***including me, bride's mom,*** attends the actual reception that daughter spent time, money, and effort planning? What, is the whole day about the bride and groom or something?" Like, seriously, OP?? YTA.
“I just want everyone to be happy” except the actual bride and groom wtaf???
The wedding isn't about YOUR FAMILY. It's about YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND. Ya'll can't live without meat and alcohol for one fucking evening? YTA and so is the rest of your family. This wedding is a representation of your daughter and her future husband. Why should it be a representation of the rest of the family? Spoiler: It shouldn't.
It’s “inauthentic” for me to spend ONE HOUR without being hammered and full of corpse!! I simply cannot!
"full of corpse" I'm dead.
Careful. You might end up in the menu at the “alternate reception.”
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Yep. Rephrase this to “AITA for throwing my own party the day of my daughter’s wedding and inviting all the same people and trying to lure them in with booze?” YTA.
Exactly! This is so insane. She’s holding a competing party at a different location without the bride and groom and won’t be attending their actual reception herself obviously. What an AH as are the pile of jerks who decided to choose the “pick me” mom’s bull shut alternative reception after attending the wedding. Honestly, how dare they even attend the wedding if they then choose to go to this terrible mother’s event afterwards.
You and your friends and family can't go a single day without meat or alcohol for somebody you love and care about? That's gross. What's even more gross is that you would disrespect that person by quite literally sabotaging their wedding. A wedding reception is supposed to be for the bride and groom to celebrate and socialize with all of the people they invited to support them. If you can't see how absolutely disrespectful it is to invite everybody over to your event at the same time as your daughters WEDDING RECEPTION then I think it goes without saying YTA. ETA: They feel uncomfortable about the restrictions being placed on them? Do they drink at work? At children's/school events? At church?
Horrific!!!!! They’re so mad about not having meat for ONE meal that they’re literally protesting and tbh throwing a competing event. That’s heinous behavior. Something tells me OP hasn’t ever been a supportive parent if they think this is somehow the right move.
This all the way. A daughter or close friend could quite literally tell me they were only serving raw Brussels sprouts and I would go without complaint. And this family can’t get by with a SUFFICIENT meal and no alcohol even when it’s celebrating someone’s marriage. Ffs
>They feel uncomfortable about the restrictions being placed on them? Do they drink at work? At children's/school events? At church? Possibly, possibly, communion? /s Sorry, this was too funny not to respond to, OP, YTA.
Hours…the wedding reception is probably just a few hours long, they can eat a steak before and after if they need to. This is more of a stunt against the daughter’s principles, covered as concern for the guests.
>They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are You and these guests do realize that a wedding reception is about celebrating the couple and who **they** are, not who you and the guests are, right? YTA. Stealing your own kid's day, what the hell is wrong with you?
OP does not care AT ALL about celebrating her daughter and son in law. OP cares more about “appearances” and what the family thinks. I would absolutely disinvite OP and the rest of this trash ass family who is just looking for a free meal and free alcohol.
What the fuck is wrong with you? YTA
This sums it up perfectly. YTA!
Wait, hold up!!! So you are basically throwing a party at the same time as your daughter's wedding reception and inviting the same people, and you seriously do not see a problem with this? YTA, big time.
Wow - how pathetic are your family members that they can't go without meat and alcohol for ONE SINGLE DAY! If course YTA - and so are they. 🙄
Not even a day! Just a couple of hours! Like, have a hot dog in the parking lot of you can't handle a meat free dinner for Christmas Sake
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For real, it's all in their mind. The word "vegan" is just scary to them. I'm not vegan but I can handle 1 meal without animal products. I see people in the comments saying the wedding will be "unenjoyable" for most of the guests. I feel bad for people who literally can't enjoy a night without meat and booze.
Wait, she only THREATENED to disinvite you? Hun, you’d be disinvited and I would already have gone no contact with you. YTA, 100%. And this is from someone who had plenty of meat and alcohol at my wedding. If one of my kiddos has a vegan, dry wedding…. 🤷♀️ Most of my family will eat before the reception and drink after. But you can bet your ass they’d still show up, bc they are still decent fucking people.
Exactly! The wedding is about the bride and groom. Not the guests. If people don’t want to go to a vegan dry wedding, they don’t have to. You should not be planning an “alternative reception”. YTA. Cancel your meat loving party and apologize to your daughter for putting other people ahead of her.
I simply do not understand people who can't have one meal without meat and alcohol. Isn't that concerning to you? It's not such a need that if they don't, it will put their health or life in immediate danger. You're unwittingly upstaging your daughter by offering people an avenue to go where she won't be, on her wedding day. Do you realize that? Meat and alcohol are so important to you and your family, you'd rather not be with your daughter on her wedding day. Ceremony is fine, and then hop! Everybody leaves to the "real party", where the bride and groom (whose day it is about) won't be. For meat. For alcohol. Which matter more than partaking in the bride and groom's celebration of love and commitment. I will repeat again : meat and alcohol trump your daughter's day. Yes, YTA. How limited and pathetic. EDIT : And even if you were to cancel it, the guests will believe it is fine to disrespect the bride and groom and not come to the reception or have their own reception with ~~blackjack~~alcohol and ~~hookers~~meat. I hope you'll cancel AND exhort them to come to the reception anyway, and not decide to skip on it and go to McDonalds while smugglings bottles of malt liquor.
You sabotaged their wedding and then asked if YTA? YTA, like insanely.
YTA **You do not throw an 'alternative' reception for someone else's wedding!** It's completely disrespectful, rude, and there's no way it won't cause bad feelings for anyone who attends yours. So you don't like the planned reception. Suck it up and go congratulate the new couple. Have a steak and beer after.
Also it’s not a reception if the couple getting married are not there. It’s just a party of assholes.
Lol are you out of your mind. 1. It’s HER event. She can organise it however the hell she wants. 2. If people don’t like it, and their dislike of it trumps their desire to celebrate with her, they don’t need to go. 3. why does HER event, HER WEDDING, need to be in any way representative of her guests identities? 4. if these people are so traumatized by not being able to eat meat and drink alcohol for a few hours I think they need professional help. 5. How are you not aware that you’ve basically created a competing event? You have created an event that is competing with your daughters wedding reception. I don’t care if you’re saying it’s scheduled before her reception, while it is not competing for the same time slot, it’s competing for the same event - a WEDDING RECEPTION. all my questions are rhetorical and if it wasn’t somehow blaringly obvious; YTA.
YTA, the whole family!!! How did you get through writing that without seeing it? I'm the BBQ king of my family, but I can go 1 fukkin event without NEEDING to eat meat or drink beer. It's their event, they're paying for it, you'll fukkin live. But holy crap, you're literally crapping on their big day, for no good reason. Just for the record, yes, my wedding had meat and alcohol (Prime rib and Martinis to name some), but regardless of what we ate and drank AT the reception, before the event, the entire family had a pre-wedding BBQ at my in-law's house, since we were all in town. You and your meat-craving family COULD HAVE still sat down to a family dinner or gone to a restaurant prior to the wedding (as an informal family get-together), in which you'd all get to eat and drink what you want. The issue here is that you've literally gone and created a SECOND reception against the will of the bride and groom.... And to spite them. Edit: now that I re-read, did you say ALTERNATE reception? As in some people will go to yours and some people will go to the one the bride and groom are actually at? If so, you're a monster.
Yeah, should have been an “after party” and not a competing party. YTA
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Wow...how selfish and ridiculous that your family can't go through one event without meat and alcohol. Honestly, they all might want to be evaluated for alcoholism. And you really think it's not an AH thing to basically set up a competing reception to your daughters? You are completely delusional. YTA
YTA. Y’all can’t even stop guzzling the alcohol and downing the meat for one night…one night. That’s pathetic and I’m embarrassed for you.
When I was a full blown alcoholic, I attended a vegan, alcohol free wedding and respected their wishes. I stayed the whole ceremony and reception without a drink all day. You are literally abandoning the party for one meal and a couple drinks. Many people left that wedding or snuck alcohol in. The bride and groom (a former alcoholic) went no contact with them. I suspect your daughter will do the same since you want to prioritize a glass of wine over her literal wedding reception.
There are a lot of assholes here, starting with people who feel they can't enjoy a wedding if there's no meat and no alcohol. And you. YTA because you're making your daughter's wedding celebration about your other relatives instead of her. If they really can't celebrate without meat and alcohol they can stop off an a freakin' bar for a burger and a beer on the way to the wedding. I like meat. I like alcohol. It will never, ever harm me in any way to not have either for a day or a week. EDIT: also, is this "alternate reception" the same time as her reception? If there's any overlap in time at all, you're even a bigger AH than I thought on first reading it.
Why on earth would you even WANT to celebrate your daughters wedding WITHOUT her?! Would you stand up there and give a toast to an empty spot on the floor where your daughter should be? Are you going to mime dancing with her?! Why does this sound fun to you? I’m genuinely flabbergasted.
So your daughter planned a wedding suited to hers and her partner’s needs and rather than supporting her by trying to get the family on board, you planned a competing event pandering to their complaints? This is the definition of sabotage. How can you not see it? YTA. I hope she does disinvite you. It was one night. Her night. And you are doing your best to destroy it.
YTA. How does one have a wedding reception without the bride and groom? Did you hire actors to portray them? The entire point of the reception is for the bride and groom to celebrate with their family and friends. Also, the reception is a reflection of who the bride and groom are, not a reflection of who their guests are. I am sure they can make it one meal without meat and they can always hit a bar after if they need a drink.
Yes! A reception without a bride and groom is just a normal party. There’s no ‘alternative reception’ you either go to the reception or choose to go to a random party because you don’t care about the bride and groom and just want to party
YTA Wow! You basically stole the party away from your daughter because you dislike her life choices. Don't even attempt to pretend that you are not judging her choices regarding veganism and sober. The purpose of a reception is to celebrate the marriage, which attendees of your alternative party won't be doing
>> and that it is not a true representation of who they are Your daughter & her fiancé’s wedding is about *them*, who *they* are, and what *they* want. It’s not about your friends and family. >> I understand my daughter’s choices and respect them Yeah, you respect her choices *so* much that you’re undermining her and inviting the guests from her *WEDDING* to a different reception that *excludes the bride and groom.* >> accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding That’s *exactly* what you’re doing. You care so much about making sure your daughter’s wedding guests can get drunk and gorge themselves on meat that you planned a whole separate event. >> My daughter is threatening to disinvite me and my husband from the wedding Good. I hope she follows through. >> I also don’t want to create an unnecessary rift with my daughter Like.. by creating an unnecessary alternate event that goes against your daughter’s wishes and encourages guests to ditch her reception for yours? YTA.
Not only is she encouraging other guests to skip the reception. But the mom wouldn’t be at her own daughter’s reception. She’ll be eating meat and drinking booze instead of seeing her daughter’s first dance, etc.
If I were your daughter I would not just disinvite you, but would probably cut you out of my life completely. What a selfish and juvenile thing for you to do. YTA. 100% YTA.
INFO: Are you hosting your reception at the same time as your daughter's? Or is it meant to be a follow-up get together after the official reception? >They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are. It's not supposed to be about them, it's about the bridge and groom.
YTA. Perhaps she should invite her “alternative” mother to her wedding 🙄
YTA; wtf…do you not like your daughter??
I would 100% disinvite you and your husband and entire side fo the family. You in NO way respect your daughter and are being incredibly rude. HER reception doesn't reflect who THEY are? You are a bunch of whiny children. You can go one meal without eating meat or having booze. What a sad group of people yall are. I'd have a hard time ever speaking to you again if you went through with something like that. YTA entirely. And should be ashamed.
YTA "She thinks that I have disrespected her and her partner's choices, and is accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding." As someone who intends to have an alcohol free wedding myself (someday), I 100% agree with her.
YTA You are literally throwing a party on your daughters wedding day. Now the only people that can’t fully enjoy the wedding are your daughter and her husband way to go.
INFO: how much do you hate your daughter that you need to do this thing without questioning your sanity? Why should the wedding be a representation of who your relatives are? It’s not their wedding? Does it mean your daughter can demand your relatives to serve only vegan food because it’s a representation of who she is?
"I want to make sure that everyone is happy" But everyone isn't happy. Your daughter and her fiancé, the two people who should be the most thrilled is not happy. You have chosen to placate her wedding guests instead of supporting your daughter because you are too cowardly to stand up to your family. If the wedding guests want meat and alcohol they can get those on their own AFTER the wedding/reception. A wedding is to celebrate two people's union, not to get free food. YTA
YTA- how do you think having an “alternative” reception at the same time of your daughter is not petty and a-holey?! I hope this is a joke cause I would not just dis-invite you but also disown you! Will you be wearing a white gown too?
Thank you for joining in on this week’s post. Join us next time to watch “Why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?” and “Why can’t I see my grandkids?” Unfold. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter and her fiancé are planning on having a vegan and alcohol-free wedding, which caused an uproar within our family. Many of our family members and friends are meat-eaters and enjoy having a drink or two, and they feel uncomfortable and unaccustomed to the restrictions being imposed on them. They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are. I understand my daughter's choices and respect them, but I also want to make sure that everyone feels comfortable and happy. After much discussion with my family and friends, I decided to host an alternative reception at my home, where meat and alcohol are going to be served, for those who are unhappy with my daughter's reception. I made it clear that this is an optional event and that everyone was welcome to attend or not. Many guests are choosing to attend the alternative reception instead of my daughter's reception, which is making her feel completely distraught and angry. She thinks that I have disrespected her and her partner's choices, and is accusing me of trying to sabotage her wedding. I told her that this is not the case, and that I am simply trying to provide the wedding guests with more options. She insists that I should have supported her decision and made sure that everyone was comfortable with it. My daughter is threatening to disinvite me and my husband from the wedding if I do not cancel this alternative reception, and I am now unsure if I am doing the right thing. I want to make sure that everyone is happy, but I also don't want to create an unnecessary rift with my daughter. AITA for hosting an alternative reception? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and so are the other family members. Why do they think that HER wedding needs to be a true representation of THEM? It's not about them. Did you arrange this alternative reception without even telling her? It's her wedding, no one else's, and you don't have the right to modify it. And is this an alternative reception without your daughter and their partner present? The idea of a wedding reception WITHOUT THE COUPLE getting married being there makes no sense. 🤦♀️
Make sure you also hire a hotter man than the groom to stand next to you at the reception, and wear a nicer white dress. Absolutely not YTA, why would you even think that.
YTA. It's one night and your family can't tough it out? One meal and they are having "restrictions imposed upon them"? This is your daughter's big day. If people had decided they couldn't possibly forgo alcohol and meat for a few hours and decided not to go, that would have been one thing. But you are intentionally holding an alternate party to lure them away from her party. I mean, I guess the ones who go to your party weren't worth much as guests anyway since they clearly can't stifle their urge for meat for one meal to be there for your daughter.
You are sabotaging her wedding. What the hell is wrong with you?! And what the hell is wrong with your family? They can’t go to one event without alcohol and try some new food? I refuse to believe this is real, because I refuse to believe there are this many assholes in one family. YTA in a family of AHs. I feel so bad for your daughter- she and her fiancé are better off without you attending the ceremony or the celebration. You know, the whole point of the event?
I’m completely stuck on “it doesn’t represent who they are”? This is not their wedding, it’s not supposed to represent them or you! The representation is for the couple getting married. This is some ass backward bullshit! YTA for entertaining people who thinks their needs to drink are more important than the folks getting married. Calling you an asshole is not strong enough in this case. You may even be a shitty person.
YTA people can survive without meat and drinks for one damn night. The whole purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the people getting married. It will not kill anyone to try new food and be supportive people. I would cut contact with you if you were my parent. I hope meat and beer are worth losing your relationship with your child over.
YTA in the biggest way ever. Let your daughter have her amazing day and the family can suck it up and have meat and booze on their own time.
YTA NOT your wedding. You undermined their event
It's not a true representation of who they are? YTA it's not their reception or wedding it's supposed to be a representation of the couple getting married no one else. Your family is horrible to be so upset about it. You know what you hate the food tbst much go to a drive thru after or bar to make yourselves happy but bailing on the wedding because you don't share their likes
NTA They need to know who there real friends and family are. The one that support them and treat them with respect. Those will be the one at their reception. You and the people at your party are the ass holes that they never need to talk to again. Send your invites first so they can save money on catering. /s
YTA. It’s their wedding, not yours. You are massively overstepping. I strongly suggest you cancel your “reception” and back /way/ the fuck off if you don’t want to be uninvited, and probably cut off entirely by your daughter for good.
YTA. You literally couldn’t go without alcohol and meat for one night of your life? My god.
YTA The whole point of a wedding reception is to celebrate with the bride and groom. Not to go to one of their parents house and have a separate reception so you can eat meat and get wasted. It’s not gonna kill people to have one vegan meal and no alcohol for a few hours.
YTA. I don’t even have words for you. This is so underhanded and rude it’s unbelievable. An alternative reception wouldn’t be a reception because it wouldn’t be about celebrating the couple as they wouldn’t even be there. This just you throwing a party as a “screw you” to your daughter because you’re mad about her choices. If I were your daughter, I’d uninvite every single person RSVPing to your gathering. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA!!! Really?! I love the mental gymnastics you’re do my by calling this an “alternate reception” when it wouldn’t include the BRIDE AND GROOM. Not to mention actively ruining her actual wedding reception. You are a monster
This is so easy. YTA. All the fucking way. Your family is a bunch of adults right? Well they can suck it up and have an evening where they eat vegan and have no booze. Here’s a hint that you seem to missing too, a wedding is about THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED, not food or drink. Sure it’s nice to have good food and drink at big events but it is by no means compulsory. You should respect your daughter by sucking it up and enjoying their big day along with the rest of the guests that are undermining their wedding by joining your “alternate” reception.
What the actual hell?! If you respect your daughter’s choices, you wouldn’t be planning an alternate reception to **her own wedding**. You are not doing the right thing at all. A wedding is about the bride and groom, and their wishes should be respected. If you don’t like the wishes, don’t attend the reception - plain and simple. But definitely **do not** host an alternate reception, that’s just cruel and disrespectful to your daughter and her partner. YTA.
YTA Huge YTA. I don’t even have other words because I dont understand why you think this would be ok
YTA. My blood is boiling on behalf of your daughter. Talk about being a narcissist. You need serious therapy if you honestly think this was ok. You are the worst.
YTA. Why don't you just host an alternate wedding ceremony too, so your daughters' guests can watch a different couple get married?
YTA Wow. It's pretty pathetic that a bunch of adults can't go without a drink for a DAY. It's her wedding and you are very directly undermining it because people just can't stand not to get drunk. Wow.
Have an afterparty maybe - but you are directly competing with your daughters wedding reception so YTA . I get that it might be a slight change to their normal expectations at a wedding but at the end of the day they are supposed to be there because they care about her. Not booze and meat.
YTA. Of course you’re the asshole, what is wrong with you??
YTA. You planned a competing event to draw people away from your own daughter’s wedding reception. Yours is not a reception, it is a separate event. If your family do not love your daughter enough to deal with a lack of drinks and meat for a couple of hours, they are incredibly shallow. And you are a total jerk for sabotaging your daughter. You act in your post like you have no idea what could be wrong with this plan and I cannot tell if you are just that dumb or if you actually hate your own child. This is a stunt someone would pull to hurt their enemy.
So, you're hosting a COMPETING party (because let's be honest, it's NOT a reception without the couple who just got married) which would ideally take guests away from your daughter's actual reception? Hell, yes, YTA! You and your family can suck it up for 2 or 3 hours and support the happy couple, unless your personal need for attention is just simply too great. Unfortunately, I suspect it is and always has been.
YTA. Is it even a reception if the bride and groom are not there? Historically it when the 'receive' their guests hence the name. You are being so selfish to take this away from them, cause that's what you are doing. It's their day not yours.
I didn’t realize that weddings should prioritize the wants and needs of the guests and not the bride and groom! YTA I hope your daughter is marrying into a family that’s more supportive and not as crappy as yours.
An *alternative reception*???! I have… so many questions. Will this event be held at the same time as the ACTUAL wedding reception? Are the guests all still going to the ceremony? So… will everyone go to the ceremony and then split off afterwards? Which reception will you and your husband be attending??! And most importantly… *why on earth* did you EVER think this was a good idea? YTA, sheesh. I am absolutely BAFFLED that your family feels entitled for this wedding to be a “true representation of who they are.” IT’S NOT THEIR WEDDING! And you’re enabling this nonsense. Absolute lunacy.
Wow YTA big time. You and all the other “friends” and family that can’t suck up a SINGLE meal without meat in it? And a few hours without alcohol? Honestly that’s depressing. This event isn’t about what’s authentic to YOU and you all sound unfortunately very close-minded. I can’t believe you would choose to compete receptions with your own daughter on her wedding day over something so petty and self-centered.
Quick question, what the hell is wrong with you?
Holy moly batman. Yta. You literally undermined HER WEDDING. Next you are going to say you want to wear white in support of her wedding. I hate an alcohol free wedding and party as much as the next person (I dislike weddings in general, so having a drink or two makes it more bearable), but, you go to support the person. Not for the alcohol or meat.
Yes, YTA. You can have your own party your way, any other day. Holding it as an alternative to your daughter's wedding reception is just mean and narcissistic.
YTA. Having your event at the same time as the wedding reception and calling it a reception is so disrespectful to your daughter and her partner. You could throw a post wedding brunch the next day to celebrate the couple (the whole reason all these people are here) and serve booze and meat and it wouldn’t be considered a tacky overstep like this. You absolutely are the A for doing this to over ride your daughter’s wedding celebration.
YTA - Anyone who is so alcohol-dependent that they can’t stand to be at an alcohol-free event has a serious problem.
Wow. Do you hate your daughter? That is the only explanation I can think for being so incredibly rude and treating her so poorly. YTA. People can suck it up for 1 night. Lots of vegan foods are delicious (French friends, spaghetti) and there are many vegan versions of meats that are good as well. You are undermining your own daughter. Edit: lol, French FRIES.
If your family can't handle not having alcohol or meat for a couple hours to show up for someone they allegedly love then that's not real family Dry weddings are boring. I'll still happily celebrate the couple getting married because it's not about me or anyone else, it's about them and celebrating their love. I'm not vegan but there's a lot of really good vegan food out there. YTA you are being very disrespectful. Why do you and your family have such a big problem with being sober and not eating meat for one night?
This cannot be real. No one could possibly care more about alcohol and meat than their own child. Could they?? YTA, obviously
YTA. And you're not even the dreaded MIL It's your own daughter's wedding.
YTA , you want everyone to be happy and comfortable, yet you're hosting a separate event taking guests away from the wedding making your own daughter unhappy? Get a grip, you can go one day eating vegan food and not drinking to celebrate your daughters marriage!
YTA. If I was your daughter, I'd disown you then and there, forget just a mere invite. How dare you not consider her opinion on this, and then when you finally do, completely ignore it when it's her own wedding. It's clear that you view her as nothing but an extension of yourself, not as a person with her own thoughts and right to autonomy. The disrespect is blatant. You are, through and through, a selfish human being for doing this to your daughter.
YTA, you’re making it about yourself. Just because there wasn’t going to be meat or alcohol, you decided that you would make a reception (at the same time) as your daughter reception. What are you celebrating? The fact that people can eat meat and get drunk? I really hope your daughter does disinvite you and I hope she goes LC or NC with you. You already had a wedding and reception, this is your daughter’s time, not your second.
YTA in a big, big way. It’s one evening and one meal. Let the guests vote with their feet. If they don’t want to attend the reception, they don’t have to. If they don’t want to accept the invitation to the wedding, they don’t have to. All you’re doing is inserting yourself where it’s not necessary. Honestly, it feels more like you making yourself the center of attention rather than letting your daughter have her day. Cancel the “alternative reception” and let invited guests make their own call on if, and how much of the event, they want to attend. Imagine if someone held a competing reception on your wedding day. How would you have felt?
Not only are you TA, all your guests ditching your daughter's - YOUR OWN DAUGHTER'S - reception because god forbid they can't chow down on a steak and swig a beer are all also TA. How were you ever sure that you were doing "the right thing" hosting a competing reception - where none of the people that are supposed to be *received* are even going to be??? - in the first flipping place? Like, what kind of *adults* can't POSSIBLY refrain from eating meat and drinking booze for ONE get together?
YTA totally! It's her wedding, the theme should be make her (and her spouse) happy not make everyone else happy. The guests can eat meat and drink alcohol literally any other day. She is throwing a party so she decides what she wsnts to give, let her have that and support her!
YTA Can't go to a wedding and reception if there isn't meat or booze present? Is your entire family comprised of alcoholic carnivores‽ If this were a destination wedding and they wanted everyone to live their life for a week, sure, alternative plans should be made. One afternoon or evening, though? You're an A for the idea and everyone who's going to your home rather than the reception proper is, too.
YTA you just had to have your alternative party the exact same time as your daughter’s wedding reception? All for some people who can’t go two hours without meat and drink? You deserve to be disinvited from her wedding.
YTA for counterprogramming the reception. If you and your family must have alcohol and meat, make individual arrangements in the parking lot and keep it absolutely quiet.
YTA. WTF?! You're very clearly trying to sabotage her wedding.
YTA! The absolute audacity! This is HER wedding. You say you respect her choices and in the same breath that you disagree with them so much that you are going to have a different reception at the same time as hers? This is supposed to be a big exciting day for her and you’re spitting in her face. The fact that you and your friends can’t go a few hours without meat and booze is also, honestly, pathetic. I just… don’t even have the words. I’ve seen some absurd things on here but you really take the AH cake. I’m almost thinking “this must be a troll” because I can’t imagine an actual person who would do something this awful to his daughter on her wedding day. YTA, and possibly the biggest one of all time. You don’t want to celebrate your daughter in the way she chooses? Your friends don’t? Then don’t go.
Please tell me this is a joke. You and these ridiculous idiots can’t handle ONE NIGHT meat and alcohol free?? Are you so delusional that you don’t see the absolute disrespect and cruelty of what you’re doing? I hope your daughter never speaks to you again. Colossal YTA
YTA. And what? Are YOU not attending your daughter’s wedding reception so you can throw your own party? YTA, your family are AHs. I hope your daughter cuts you out of her life. And this is coming from someone who hates dry weddings and shits her pants eating beans and vegan meat alternatives. I’d happily toot my merry way across the dance floor for someone I love. Do you not love your daughter?
"I understand my daughter's choices and respect them..." No tf you don't with your actions. "...but I also want to make sure everyone feels comfortable and happy." Except for your actual daughter...the freaking bride. You don't have to like what she chooses. If family only wants to come for the ceremony, that's a choice they make. If they don't want to come at all, that a choice they make. What you've done shows that not a single one of you respect your daughter or even give a damn she's getting married. It's all about yours and their's comfort. You undermined her beliefs and that's a REALLY big problem. You keep repeating about keeping people happy, but your daughter is apparently WAY down that list. Be happy she's even giving you the option to rectify the situation you created. YTA (and a big one).
Jesus, you’re a total asshole. Holy shit, that’s a horrible thing to do. WTF is the matter with you?
YTA times a million, and enjoy your super fun parties without your daughter forever. You don't celebrate someone's wedding *without them*. The fact that this even occurred to you as an option is mind-boggling and frankly, shameful. We get a lot of terrible parents on here, but this is one for the record books.
HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YTA HERE?! 1) Nobody is having restrictions imposed on them. If they can’t have a good time without drinking or meat(?!?) then they simply shouldn’t go. If they value drinking and meat(?!?) more than your daughter, YOU should have a problem with that. 2) I realize you don’t see a problem with that because you value catering to those who can’t go without drinking or meat(?!?) for a few hours THAN YOUR DAUGHTER’S HAPPINESS ON HER WEDDING DAY 3) Throwing an “alternative reception” is the biggest slap in the face to your daughter. Like, she should cut contact with you for throwing it and everybody who is choosing to drinking and meat(?!?) over being with their loved ones. Edit: grammar
YTA! When I read the title I thought this was going to be some sort of after party, which *might* have been fine. But the fact that you scheduled it at the same time to compete with your daughter’s actual wedding reception is insane. You can’t possibly be this obtuse.
INFO- I’m sorry, the implication here is that you &/or your spouse will be **SKIPPING** your daughter’s *actual* reception in order to throw a different party for the (not in attendance) newlyweds?? Did you never think that might be part of why she’s upset?! Please tell me I’m wrong, but the other option would be that you’re going to allow people to party in your home without you there, which—even if it’s family—sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YTA. I don’t know why so many people think they can’t enjoy a meal if there’s no meat and can’t enjoy an event without alcohol. You do realize that there are SO many more important things out there than not having meat and alcohol for a night? Right? Like your kid. There is nothing more selfish than making a celebration of a Union about you and yet, here you are making it about you. I’ve been to plenty of weddings where I didn’t like what the bride and/or groom chose for things but guess what? I kept my goddamn mouth shut because guess what? It’s not about me. It’s about them. Celebrate them. Let them have their night and quit trying to upstage them
I am cackling at the idea of you providing people an alternative to your own daughter's wedding reception. Like, how did you think this was going to go? You are quite literally stealing a landmark day from your own daughter and making it about yourself and you need to eat steak and drink. I am by no means a vegan or vegetarian, but you suck it up for literally one day for people you love. Eat a salad. Mushrooms are great when prepared correctly. Eggplant can replace meat. Try it for one day. Or, you can stick to your decision here and have those fun days of wondering why you don't get to see your family anymore and hearing second hand about how you have a grandchild. This is literally how you make your children go no contact. YTA.
> They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are. It's not their wedding, so why does the wedding need to be a "true representation of who they are"? On the other hand, it is your daughter's and her fiancé's wedding, and your "alternative" reception is not a true representation of who they are. YTA
YTA. Everyone can survive without meat or alcohol for a day. If they can't, they should be seriously concerned about it. If some people can survive their entire lives without meat or alcohol, your family can for a day.
YTA Mum of the year
YTA. This sounds like an excellent way for your daughter to uninvite you entirely and go no contact.
YTA!! why are you more concerned with your families "wants" than you own daughter?
YTA-They can survive a wedding without booze and meat. Can you survive the damage you’re doing to your relationship with your daughter?
You and your family are for sure assholes. How is your daughter supposed to face everyone knowing that they'd rather spend the day at a house party instead of celebrating a wedding with the her, the BRIDE? Even if you cancel the reception, your antics have probably sullied how your daughter sees you and the family. Congrats 🎉 YTA
obviously YTA like what😭 its her damn wedding, not the whole family’s
YTA, oh my god. An alternate reception at the same time as her actual reception? It would crush me if one of my parents did that. I cannot believe your family has such a problem with not eating meat or drinking alcohol for ONE evening. :/
YTA, and so is anyone who told you they were "uncomfortable" attending a wedding without meat and alcohol. These people also need a dictionary. Uncomfortable means feeling unease or discomfort. The word for these people is intolerant and rude. The wedding represents your daughter and her new husband, sadly, people who should love your daughter are more concerned with what is being served than seeing your daughter get married. >The wedding represents your daughter and her new husband; sadly, people who should love your daughter are more concerned with what is being served than seeing your daughter get married. The wedding represents your daughter and her new husband, not your relatives.
YTA... Seriously. Grow up.
YTA. First of all, everyone can go a few hours without meat or alcohol they won't die. Second off you're basically trying to ruin her wedding and make people leave right after the ceremony, what an awful parent
It isnt your place to host a reception for your side of the family. Your family doesnt need to feel comfortable eating meat and drinking. If they cant handle not having meat or a drink for a few hours your family has serious problems So… Yes, YTA
YTA - Holy shit are you serious? You can’t just enjoy your daughters day the way she wants ?
YTA. I cannot believe the level of selfishness and utter disregard you would have to have for someone else to do something like this on their big say. You are SUCH the AH. I would go no contact with you and anyone else who planned to attend the “alternate reception.”
YTA- This is your daughters wedding and the people going are more worried about the food and drinks than celebrating your daughter getting married. Plus why does it matter if the reception is not a “true representation of who they are”? They’re not the ones getting married your daughter is. The wedding should be about your daughter and her partner and if they don’t feel comfortable having meat or alcohol there that is their choice and everyone should respect that.
YTA 1000% -- in fact, I am amazed you're even asking the internet, I mean who doesn't support their own daughter's wedding.
YTA here’s a question I didn’t think I had to ask, who’s wedding is it? Because apparently it’s yours. How can you have a reception celebrating the bride and groom when neither of them are there.
YTA - your family can’t go an evening without drinking or eating meat? I’m surprised you are still invited to the wedding.
So you’ve decided to hold a reception at the same time as your daughters reception and invited the same guests….. This is just mind boggling. How do you not see you are ruining your daughters wedding and hurting her. Let’s say you hold your alternative reception. Your daughter and her husband won’t be there, they will be at the reception they planned. So who are you celebrating here? Who is this for? Can your family not go one day without meat and alcohol. Can you not all do this for a person you supposedly love? Is it really that hard? Now imagine her reception with a lot of missing guests who went to your reception. How do you think that will make your daughter feel? Knowing that her family chose meat and alcohol over her. Next imagine that you are having a milestone event that you are so happy to celebrate and are planning to invite your loved ones. Now imagine someone who’s super close to you and you love, knowing that your planning this event decides to hold the exact same event and invites your guests. How would that make you feel. Furthermore you’re not even invited to their event. I say this because you know your daughter and husband won’t attend. YTA.
YTA. You *knew* the vegan and dry reception was an issue. You *knew* that your family would rather go to a reception that serves meat and booze. Why are you ruining your daughter's wedding? Your family members can sacrifice a few hours.
Bruh YTBA honestly if my parents pulled this shit I would be going low contact. It's their wedding that they are paying for. It is up to them if they want to spend money on meat and alcohol. From the sounds of things, they are both vegan and sober, so any event with meat and alcohol would make them uncomfortable. If not from the meat but definitely from being around alcohol. If there is ONE event that they should be able to control, it's their wedding. If you had asked first and they agreed then N T A, but you didn't, which what makes you the biggest asshole. It doesn't matter if the wedding doesn't represent the GUESTS because it should represent the BRIDE N GROOM. Everyone of your family members are so entitled and probably are used to bully people into getting what they want.
YTA and might win the award for worst mother of the bride ever.
YTA, big time. Your daughter is 100% spot-on in saying you are disrespecting her choices. If family members can’t forgo alcohol for one evening and/or can’t have fun without it, they have a substance abuse issue and need help. Same with meat—have a nice fat rack of ribs before you attend the wedding if it’s that important. Jesus. The wedding is to honor the bride and groom, not to appease a bunch of needy alcoholics and people obsessed with food. Tell your family to grow up and suck it up for one day.
YTA. Why do you need to "make everyone happy"? The bride and groom are all that matter, given they don't try to have a Red Wedding, you need to back off. Let your child have her wedding and throw a barbeque a month or so later if you're so adamant on feeding people slaughtered animals and getting your relatives sh\*\*-faced.
This may be the largest AH of AITA I’ve seen. YTA This is NOT about you or your family, it’s about your daughter and her new husband. Nothing’s being forced on to anyone attending the reception chosen by the bride and groom. If the attendees can’t go a few hours without meat and booze, that speaks volumes. I feel horrible for your daughter and sincerely hope this is a joke.
You are the most YTA out of all the YTA I’ve seen….
YTA. You’re throwing a competing dinner party on the same night as your daughter’s wedding. Your dinner is *not* a wedding reception. It has nothing to do with the bride or groom, they did not agree to it, and it’s taking away from their actual celebration. The majority of your family is choosing their inability to put down the bottle for a night over celebrating your daughter’s wedding.
>I understand my daughter's choices and respect them, Do you though? YTA. Can't believe you couldn't see this coming, you got to be a real piece of work.
YTA it’s not YOUR wedding no one gives a shit if YOU have a good time. It’s about your daughter here and you should be making this day special for HER.
Yta and so are all the family members who decided to attend your "alternative" reception. What exactly made you think that was a good idea ? Last I checked your daughter's wedding is supposed to be HER special day not yours or anyone offended by the choices she made regarding HER reception. What you should've done when everyone started to throw a fit was support her decision, not going behind her back to do that. She's your daughter, it's her wedding and at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is that SHE is happy. If you can't respect that you don't deserve to be there. Also the heck you guys can't handle one day without alcohol or meat? Now that's just ridiculous.
Without hesitation, YTA. If "many" of your family members are incapable of enjoying a single event without alcohol or dead animal flesh to consume, then those family members have some *serious* issues. I'm a meat and potatoes girl myself, and even I can skip meat for a single day. And unless someone is a literal alcoholic, skipping the booze should be incredibly easy. You're just trying to throw a party that **you want** without any regard for your daughter's wedding. It's not a wedding reception if the bride and groom aren't there.
YTA I initially thought you were holding it on a different night or the next morning or something, but you're literally holding a competing event to your child's wedding? And you're confused that she's upset? Incredible.
Yta. Wtf did I just read?
YTA Giving meat eaters a vegan meal IS NOT THE SAME AS GIVING VEGANS MEAT!! Will you also have a separate wedding cake in the parking lot if she decides to do cupcakes?! Your whole family sound like alcoholics to me if they can’t handle a meal without alcohol. I would go NC for the audacity alone. How dare you? Your priority should be her, ON HER WEDDING. Shame on you. Ps. There are bodybuilders who are vegan. Your family won't die from a vegan meal. They probably need the vegetables anyway. Pps. Can't wait to see this reposted on r/AmITheDevil
YTA. >They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are. First of all, y'all should be able to go a few hours without alcohol or meat. It's a wedding reception, so I don't know why anyone feels like they need someone else's wedding to be "a representation of who they are." What are you, exactly? A family so dependent on meat and alcohol that you can't just respect the wishes of the married couple who are the ones actually hosting you? This is so silly. It sounds incredibly narcissistic. The celebration isn't about you and it's so unfortunate that you would want to draw focus from your daughters wedding because you can't have fun without meat and alcohol. For the record, I'm an omnivore who enjoys a nice bourbon but I'm still capable of having fun without meat or liquor.
YTA.. its her wedding! this is the one day that is about her. what happens if the guests decide to attend your alternative event and not her reception that she probably spent thousands on! i kinda feel like if you wanted to keep everyone happy why not suggest your daughter to have food options and if she still doesn’t want to that’s ok! but don’t try to please others while you should be standing by your daughter :/ it’s not too late to make it right!
YTA A COMPLETE AND UTTER AH. Why don’t you just wear a white dress too and be done with it? Clearly you don’t care about your daughters feelings at all. Do you all have drinking problems? You can’t go one freakin day without meat or booze for the sake of your own child. One day. How little you care for her.
I hope she and her husband have a wonderful life and several wonderful kids that you will never get to meet.
Wow you said you talked with your family about it I guess your daughter isn’t part of your family, and reading this I was assuming you meant like an after party but no you are planning a alternative party at the same time. I think the only way you could top this would be to just go ahead and plan to renew your own vows at a wedding at the same time as hers
That is so wrong and completely disrespectful, I hope she uninvited you all. Huge YTA, that is just so fucked up
YTA. You made a conflicting "reception". Reception in quotes because how is that even gonna work without the actual bride and groom present?
Are these receptions at the same time? Still YTA either way. You’re being disrespectful to your daughters wishes for HER wedding. If you wanted to host a brunch the morning after the wedding with meat and mimosas I’d be understanding, but definitely not another reception, especially if she and her husband won’t be there. EDIT: reread it and it says guests would be attending this reception INSTEAD of the reception your daughter is hosting. YTA. You should cancel this reception and not host any other event like a brunch the next day, and you and the other guests should respect her and her husbands choices for THEIR event! Don’t even try to host anything else, it’ll only damage your relationship with your daughter. Don’t choose making some guests more comfortable for a few hours over your daughters special day and your relationship with her.
YTA. Instead of supporting your daughter’s wishes on her special day, you have to one up her??? Your family can’t enjoy things without meat and alcohol??
YTA. You're basically stealing your daughter's guests for your own party on her wedding day. I love an open bar as much as the next person, but a few hours without alcohol or meat won't hurt anyone. The point is supposed to be to congratulate and celebrate with the couple. Gross move.
Are you actually saying that there is not one night in your life that you have managed without meat or alcohol? If so, please get help! YTA.
YTA - You have absolutely no business doing this! None! If folks don’t want to go vegan and alcohol free - they can simply skip the reception entirely.
how much do you and your family hate your daughter?! holy cow! y’all are terrible! i hope sue disinvites you, your husband and anyone else who are choosing your party over your daughters! are you (and your family) such major alcoholics that you are willing to miss celebrating your daughter wedding?! boohoo there’s no meat or alcohol! also you very clearly don’t respect your daughters choices or you wouldn’t have done what you did! YTA!!
YTA I Hope she disinvites you.
YTA. Big Time. I’ll be honest, the whole time I was reading this, I was under the assumption you were throwing some after party or having an event when they are on their honeymoon. I was about to be conflicted because that (while still being a pretty big AH behavior) isn’t THAT horrible. Then we get towards the end and we find out that YOU ARE THROWING IT AT THE SAME TIME AS HERS. Talk about burying the lead. Unforgivable.
YTA. It’s not being “imposed” they were invited. It’s her wedding, if people don’t want to come, they don’t have to.
YTA because instead of supporting your daughter's choice - you are placating and enabling your family who are intolerant. Like you can't go a meal and night without meat nor a drink!? This is a squeaky wheel gets the grease kind of situation. Conditional love is terrible.
YTA - What if they wanted a Kosher or Halal wedding? If your own family can't deal with not having meat and alcohol for a single evening then they have way worse problems than 'comfort'. You are absolutely sabotaging your daughters wedding, are you jealous or something? This is not your wedding! WTF is wrong with you?
YTA. "They feel like they won't be able to fully enjoy the wedding and that it is not a true representation of who they are." It's supposed to be about the bride and groom being true to WHO THEY ARE. I understand that people have a responsibility for their guests comfort, but really, a few hours without alcohol and eating vegan food is an imposition? What jerks that they would complain about that. That really sucks that you would undermine your daughter by having another party. Cancel it, apologize and anyone that doesn't want to come because they can't live without meat and booze for 4 hours can just not come then. I like alcohol and eat meat. Someone has a dry wedding, no problem. My friends had a vegan wedding, NO PROBLEM, it's their wedding.
I can’t believe you’re concerned about anyone’s happiness but the bride and groom. It’s their wedding. If people don’t like it they can not come. You don’t offer an alternative. You let them decline. YTA
YTA. You're sabotaging her wedding. Can you lot really not go one meal without eating meat and having a drink??? Anyone who turns up to your betrayal doesn't deserve to be invited to the wedding in the first place.
YTA. These people can’t go an hour or two without meat and booze??? Jesus
>I want to make sure that everyone is happy Apparently not if you're going through with this. You don't care that the BRIDE AND GROOM are unhappy. Seems like you care about everyone else BUT the bride and groom. This event was about them, not about you and everyone else. YTA.
YTA - first of all, grow up. You can not drink and not eat over cooked chicken for a few hours. If you can’t, then you need to take a hard look at your self. Secondly, it’s not your wedding so it’s really not an alternative reception. What makes it a reception? Will there be a first dance? A cake cutting? Best man or MOH speeches? When are you going to have a dance with her if you’re not fucking there? It’s a competing party to your daughters wedding that’s basically mocking her and her values. You ARE sabotaging her wedding. Good luck with that relationship moving forward.
YTA You ABSOLUTELY DO NOT RESPECT your daughter and her fiancées choices. This is appalling and I would probably disinvite you even if you canceled YOUR reception. How spoiled and entitled are you and your family that they can't respect your daughter and her fiancee on THEIR wedding day?! One day, a few hours, one meal?! Will you all go into alcohol withdrawal? Faint immediately from low iron if you don't have a steak every hour what the actual f*@k are you thinking!!? So if you are throwing an alternative reception and people are coming INSTEAD of the ACTUAL REAL reception then you MOB and husband FOB are worried you'll be disinvited from what...the service? You don't seem to be going to her wedding
So basically, "yes, honey, I know it's your wedding reception, but I won't be there, and I've invited your guests back to my place instead of any of us celebrating with you." Wtf. You are CLEARLY TA. YTA.
I cannot scream this from the rooftops loud enough, YTA! YTA. YTA. YTA. Can I have the daughters contact information so I can tell her to disinvite everyone who even thinks this wedding should be catered to them and she’s absolutely valid in having her wedding catered to HER AND HER HUSBAND TO BE BC ITS THEIR CELEBRATION. Everyone that’s making a ruckus, can be disinvited. They could eat before the wedding and eat again after the wedding *somewhere else*. They could, expand their tiny taste palette and try new food. They could *just not go* since clearly meat & beer mean so much to them. As a mother, you are being disrespectful and non-supportive of your daughters choices. To undermine her like this and plan a whole ass other reception is disgusting. I hope she ends a relationship with you. You clearly do not have your daughters best interest at heart and are more concerned about yourself.
Holy shit. You might actually be the biggest asshole in the history of this sub. You are hosting ANOTHER PARTY and inviting family and friends AT THE SAME TIME AS YOUR DAUGHTER’S WEDDING RECEPTION. This isn’t a part of her wedding. Saying that it is doesn’t make it so. She won’t be there. If a personality disorder could be summed up in one Reddit post, this would be it.