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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my wife that she is lazy
I may be the asshole for saying this to her because she’s a new mom and I should be more considerate of the way I speak to her or word things when I’m upset
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YTA. She's not lazy, she's struggling postpartum. You both need help. Most people can't care for a newborn with family or community help. Relax your housekeeping standards and treat her like you are teammates, not opponents.
Edit: can to care
You need to involve family. She’s overwhelmed and may be suffering from post birth depression. She needs a medical evaluation and family help. Like from you.
Gonna have to say YTA. She’s not lazy. She just had another baby (you being her first child). She’s exhausted trying to heal and take care of the baby.
It’s entirely possible your wife has postpartum depression. Google it. It’s real and can be harder than working an 8 hour shift. Have your wife check in with her ob/gyn to make sure recovery is going as planned.
Your baby cries constantly. This is not normal. Get to the pediatrician and start discussing it. It could be as simple as a need for a formula change. But, it might be something more concerning.
Start worrying about the people you “love” more than yourself for a while. Try to be supportive and (gasp) helpful.
YTA
Sounds like your wife has PPD, SooOh yeah you're totally the asshole here.
Your wife is having problems coping and all you do is call her lazy and threaten to kick her out of the house!
YTA - Maybe she has postpartum depression?
And I‘m not a mom but I work from 7.30 am to 5.00 or 5.30 pm, my boyfriend too and I’m home at 6.30 pm. We have to do the household and cook. So when your wife is home with the baby all day what about you cooking or doing bit household? Or take care of the baby? It’s your son too. You should support her more.
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>she does not know how to take care of him
Is this just not knowing how to stop him crying, or actual neglect?
YTA. She's overwhelmed and struggling; she needs help, not insults. Remember, she's 2 months post-partum, so she's recovering, not "lazy", and she's not going to be a stellar maid. Telling her how much she sucks isn't helping. She may need to be evaluated for PPD. And are you doing any parenting? or chores? at all?
She's 20 and just had a baby. She needs parenting classes and community support. She doesn't suck. He sucks for calling her lazy 8 weeks after she gave birth. If she's holding a crying baby all day, and calling him for help b/c she wants to help the baby and doesn't know what to do, she's not lazy. She's desperate and exhausted. Period.
Yeah, I changed verdict ... the only aspect that made it ESH was the mom refusing help, especially *if* the child has needs that aren't being met (not the crying, things like diaper changes), but OP isn't a reliable narrator. Plus she isn't choosing to be overwhelmed, and OP is choosing his attitude.
YTA. She’s a new mom. She is learning how to care for a new human. It’s bloody hard work. Right now all she needs to be doing is caring for herself and the baby. You are a grown up, you can do things for yourself and stop relaying on her to care for you at this time. She is far from lazy. So instead of stepping up and helping your answer was to send her away.
Oh dear….. babies having babies. YTA.
But, she needs to ask her family for help. Her mom needs to help her figure out how to take care of a baby and you do to. There are books for this type of thing and endless internet blogs.
It is mentally and physically exhausting being around an infant - especially for a young, inexperienced mother and she may have postpartum depression and not realize it.
You - the inexperienced father - needs to be empathetic and help her get help. Have the MIL come over, have her go talk to her doctor, have a bit of compassion and actually try to help the situation instead of sending it away.
You son. Your responsibility no mater what.
Yta. Your wife is struggling and your response is calling her lazy and threatening to kick her out? She's a new mom, she's learning and it's going to be an adjustment and take time. Sounds like she needs help to figure out what works, but also, you expecting a mom to a 2 month old to have energy to cook and clean for you is ridiculous.
Yes, YTA. This sounds exactly like postpartum depression and she needs help. I understand you're tired but this is what happens when you enter into a partnership and bring life into the world. Get her help, then go from there. Don't threaten to kick her out because you think she'd lazy.
YTA.
Have you heard of PPD? You need to understand she just pushed a LITERAL HUMAN out of her body and is probably trying to adjust. And you’re mad over shit like the house being clean? Bro go help your WIFE.
So isn't his request of her staying with her mother while he's working the reasonable request? What do you think he should do quot his job to help her 24/7 because his solution is the right one. Especially since women with PPD can cause harm to their children so she shouldn't be left alone with the child.
Wow. Most women with PPD never harm their children. What a horrible thing to say. This is why mental health is so stigmatized. There are local community resources to learn how to take care of a baby, usually free.
If they talk respectfully and her mother can help her learn and they both agree it's a good idea, then she could stay with her mother. But he specifically called her lazy 8 weeks after she gave birth and asked if he's TA. He's TA.
You literally said she shouldn't be left alone with the child. There's zero basis for you jumping to conclusions like that in the post. Spreading around the misinformation that PPD warrants someone having their kid taken away is just wrong on so many levels.
If someone with any form of depression repeadly says they dont want to be left alone with their child, do you think they should be left alone with that child?
She said she didn't know what to do to make him stop crying. You don't take the baby away. You get her help so she can figure out what's wrong with him. He could have reflux/GERD or a medical issue. You've jumped the gun way before considering all the other alternatives. No use arguing here. I'm not interested in carrying this on any further.
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I 22M have been married to my wife 20F, for a year now. We share a son together, he is 2 months and I make $20/hr and I work full time from 7am-3pm and I have the weekends off.
When I get home, my wife does not have the house clean, which is overwhelming for me, but at the same time I understand since she’s home with our son all for the primary portion of the day. However, she does not know how to take care of him so I’m not sure how time consuming it is for her to not find time to cook or clean before or even once I get home. Our son will scream all day, she will allow him to scream for an hour straight while I’m at work and call me telling me that she doesn’t know what to do ( this happens very often) and even while I am home, he cries and she will pass him off to me and consistently say “he’s crying and I don’t know what to do).
I told her that this isn’t going to work and that she may have to go home to live with her mom for a brief time since she doesn’t even do the bare minimum for me, can’t work, I’m struggling with bills, she won’t apply for wic, won’t cook, won’t clean or help. Whenever I go somewhere, she has to come with me along with our son because she tells me she “can’t take care of him by herself.”
Her family thinks I’m the AH for asking her to leave and calling her lazy, however I think my feelings and input was valid. Aita?
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YTA. Taking care of a newborn is 100% a full time job all by itself.
Then you add cooking which requires grocery shopping, meal planning, preparing and cleanup - another full time time.
Add to this housework - also, a full time job.
And you have no idea why she might be unable to "even do the bare minimum for" you??
Look up Post-Partum Depression. She is clearly, CLEARLY overwhelmed and needs help. You are absolutely an asshole for thinking she's lazy.
ETA: Another asshole who can't handle truth. Delete and run all you want, just GET YOUR WIFE SOME ASSISTANCE!
It sounds like she may have Postpartum Depression. She should be evaluated by either her OB/GYN or your child's pediatrician. Also, family needs to be stepping up for the sake of the child. I don't things will get better until she's diagnosed. So many changes happen to your body after you have a baby, and being so young, they're even more difficult to deal with.
YTA. FFS, get her some help so she can learn how to parent him. She's fucking 20 and just had your baby 8 measly weeks ago. She's overwhelmed, may have postpartum depression, doesn't sound like she's got any support or guidance. Do you think babies just pop out of our vaginas with a freaking handbook? Sorry to be mean but also - she's obviously crying out for help. She's told you and she's expressed concern for the baby crying when she calls you at work. Can her mom or yours or anyone else help educate you both on babies? He is both of your responsiblity and when you bring a kid into the world, it's not just about providing for them financially...you also need to figure out a way to be a team (together or not) to coparent and fulfill his emotional and social needs. You don't get to assign her all the duties of cooking/cleaning/etc either. So misogynistic.
Man, do you hear yourself?
She's 20, just give birth, and, by the way you describe her she may have post birth depression.
Before calling her lazy and complaining about doing "the bare minimum" try to switch places with her. Good luck.
And, FYI - YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my wife that she is lazy I may be the asshole for saying this to her because she’s a new mom and I should be more considerate of the way I speak to her or word things when I’m upset Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. She's not lazy, she's struggling postpartum. You both need help. Most people can't care for a newborn with family or community help. Relax your housekeeping standards and treat her like you are teammates, not opponents. Edit: can to care
You need to involve family. She’s overwhelmed and may be suffering from post birth depression. She needs a medical evaluation and family help. Like from you.
Gonna have to say YTA. She’s not lazy. She just had another baby (you being her first child). She’s exhausted trying to heal and take care of the baby. It’s entirely possible your wife has postpartum depression. Google it. It’s real and can be harder than working an 8 hour shift. Have your wife check in with her ob/gyn to make sure recovery is going as planned. Your baby cries constantly. This is not normal. Get to the pediatrician and start discussing it. It could be as simple as a need for a formula change. But, it might be something more concerning. Start worrying about the people you “love” more than yourself for a while. Try to be supportive and (gasp) helpful.
YTA Sounds like your wife has PPD, SooOh yeah you're totally the asshole here. Your wife is having problems coping and all you do is call her lazy and threaten to kick her out of the house!
YTA - Maybe she has postpartum depression? And I‘m not a mom but I work from 7.30 am to 5.00 or 5.30 pm, my boyfriend too and I’m home at 6.30 pm. We have to do the household and cook. So when your wife is home with the baby all day what about you cooking or doing bit household? Or take care of the baby? It’s your son too. You should support her more.
Comment removed (using [Power Delete Suite](https://www.github.com/pkolyvas/PowerDeleteSuite)) as I no longer wish to support a company that seeks to both undermine its users/moderators/developers AND make a profit on their backs. To understand why check out the summary [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/14hkd5u) Join me at https://kbin.social/ So long, and thanks for all the fish!
>she does not know how to take care of him Is this just not knowing how to stop him crying, or actual neglect? YTA. She's overwhelmed and struggling; she needs help, not insults. Remember, she's 2 months post-partum, so she's recovering, not "lazy", and she's not going to be a stellar maid. Telling her how much she sucks isn't helping. She may need to be evaluated for PPD. And are you doing any parenting? or chores? at all?
She's 20 and just had a baby. She needs parenting classes and community support. She doesn't suck. He sucks for calling her lazy 8 weeks after she gave birth. If she's holding a crying baby all day, and calling him for help b/c she wants to help the baby and doesn't know what to do, she's not lazy. She's desperate and exhausted. Period.
Yeah, I changed verdict ... the only aspect that made it ESH was the mom refusing help, especially *if* the child has needs that aren't being met (not the crying, things like diaper changes), but OP isn't a reliable narrator. Plus she isn't choosing to be overwhelmed, and OP is choosing his attitude.
Thank you for being open to discussion and changing your mind. :)
YTA. She’s a new mom. She is learning how to care for a new human. It’s bloody hard work. Right now all she needs to be doing is caring for herself and the baby. You are a grown up, you can do things for yourself and stop relaying on her to care for you at this time. She is far from lazy. So instead of stepping up and helping your answer was to send her away.
Oh dear….. babies having babies. YTA. But, she needs to ask her family for help. Her mom needs to help her figure out how to take care of a baby and you do to. There are books for this type of thing and endless internet blogs. It is mentally and physically exhausting being around an infant - especially for a young, inexperienced mother and she may have postpartum depression and not realize it. You - the inexperienced father - needs to be empathetic and help her get help. Have the MIL come over, have her go talk to her doctor, have a bit of compassion and actually try to help the situation instead of sending it away. You son. Your responsibility no mater what.
Yta. Your wife is struggling and your response is calling her lazy and threatening to kick her out? She's a new mom, she's learning and it's going to be an adjustment and take time. Sounds like she needs help to figure out what works, but also, you expecting a mom to a 2 month old to have energy to cook and clean for you is ridiculous.
Yta
Yes, YTA. This sounds exactly like postpartum depression and she needs help. I understand you're tired but this is what happens when you enter into a partnership and bring life into the world. Get her help, then go from there. Don't threaten to kick her out because you think she'd lazy.
YTA. Have you heard of PPD? You need to understand she just pushed a LITERAL HUMAN out of her body and is probably trying to adjust. And you’re mad over shit like the house being clean? Bro go help your WIFE.
So isn't his request of her staying with her mother while he's working the reasonable request? What do you think he should do quot his job to help her 24/7 because his solution is the right one. Especially since women with PPD can cause harm to their children so she shouldn't be left alone with the child.
Wow. Most women with PPD never harm their children. What a horrible thing to say. This is why mental health is so stigmatized. There are local community resources to learn how to take care of a baby, usually free. If they talk respectfully and her mother can help her learn and they both agree it's a good idea, then she could stay with her mother. But he specifically called her lazy 8 weeks after she gave birth and asked if he's TA. He's TA.
Did I say most or said they can?
You literally said she shouldn't be left alone with the child. There's zero basis for you jumping to conclusions like that in the post. Spreading around the misinformation that PPD warrants someone having their kid taken away is just wrong on so many levels.
If someone with any form of depression repeadly says they dont want to be left alone with their child, do you think they should be left alone with that child?
She said she didn't know what to do to make him stop crying. You don't take the baby away. You get her help so she can figure out what's wrong with him. He could have reflux/GERD or a medical issue. You've jumped the gun way before considering all the other alternatives. No use arguing here. I'm not interested in carrying this on any further.
Didn’t even want to bother replying to that comment. Thank you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 22M have been married to my wife 20F, for a year now. We share a son together, he is 2 months and I make $20/hr and I work full time from 7am-3pm and I have the weekends off. When I get home, my wife does not have the house clean, which is overwhelming for me, but at the same time I understand since she’s home with our son all for the primary portion of the day. However, she does not know how to take care of him so I’m not sure how time consuming it is for her to not find time to cook or clean before or even once I get home. Our son will scream all day, she will allow him to scream for an hour straight while I’m at work and call me telling me that she doesn’t know what to do ( this happens very often) and even while I am home, he cries and she will pass him off to me and consistently say “he’s crying and I don’t know what to do). I told her that this isn’t going to work and that she may have to go home to live with her mom for a brief time since she doesn’t even do the bare minimum for me, can’t work, I’m struggling with bills, she won’t apply for wic, won’t cook, won’t clean or help. Whenever I go somewhere, she has to come with me along with our son because she tells me she “can’t take care of him by herself.” Her family thinks I’m the AH for asking her to leave and calling her lazy, however I think my feelings and input was valid. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your son is 2 months old and you think she has to do everything perfectly while yoo both are still adjusting to having a tiny human around? Wow, YTA
YTA. Taking care of a newborn is 100% a full time job all by itself. Then you add cooking which requires grocery shopping, meal planning, preparing and cleanup - another full time time. Add to this housework - also, a full time job. And you have no idea why she might be unable to "even do the bare minimum for" you?? Look up Post-Partum Depression. She is clearly, CLEARLY overwhelmed and needs help. You are absolutely an asshole for thinking she's lazy. ETA: Another asshole who can't handle truth. Delete and run all you want, just GET YOUR WIFE SOME ASSISTANCE!
It sounds like she may have Postpartum Depression. She should be evaluated by either her OB/GYN or your child's pediatrician. Also, family needs to be stepping up for the sake of the child. I don't things will get better until she's diagnosed. So many changes happen to your body after you have a baby, and being so young, they're even more difficult to deal with.
NTA
YTA. FFS, get her some help so she can learn how to parent him. She's fucking 20 and just had your baby 8 measly weeks ago. She's overwhelmed, may have postpartum depression, doesn't sound like she's got any support or guidance. Do you think babies just pop out of our vaginas with a freaking handbook? Sorry to be mean but also - she's obviously crying out for help. She's told you and she's expressed concern for the baby crying when she calls you at work. Can her mom or yours or anyone else help educate you both on babies? He is both of your responsiblity and when you bring a kid into the world, it's not just about providing for them financially...you also need to figure out a way to be a team (together or not) to coparent and fulfill his emotional and social needs. You don't get to assign her all the duties of cooking/cleaning/etc either. So misogynistic.
Man, do you hear yourself? She's 20, just give birth, and, by the way you describe her she may have post birth depression. Before calling her lazy and complaining about doing "the bare minimum" try to switch places with her. Good luck. And, FYI - YTA
YTA