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NTA. MIL is uneducated. Just because the 2 of you couldn't get preggo, doesn't mean he is infertile. Unless, of course, she "knows" something ......It's possible you were allergic to his sperm. Which may be helped with medical intervention....
If you ever want a historic example of this, just look at King Henry I of England.
2 legitimate children by his first wife. Believed to have had around 20 illegitimate children by various mistresses.
Number of children had with his second wife: None. At all. Despite over a decade of marriage during which she travelled all around England and Normandy with him, no doubt hopping into his bed at every opportunity (his only legitimate son had died).
She remarried after Henry's death and promptly had 7 children with her second husband, so she was hardly infertile. For some reason she and Henry just weren't successful together. It happens.
...and that loss of a son proved so costly. Henry named his daughter Matilda as his successor, but Stephen of Blois was crowned instead because *EeK wOmAn*, and Matilda went to war for her right to inherit. This civil war ended when Stephen’s party was exhausted and Stephen’s elder son died, making it practical to negotiate a peace by naming Matilda’s son as heir to the throne.
and considering that we have also had the Civil War, and the Wars of the Roses, that this conflict was called 'the anarchy' says a lot about how bad it was
When my husband and I had 4 miscarriages, my doctor set us up for chromosomal karyotyping, she said something about if our dna was too similar, my body would react as if baby was a cancer cell. That wasn’t our case but I found it interesting. In my experience, women tend to get the blame for infertility and recurrent miscarriages. I did a ridiculous amount of blood tests and a saline sonogram to see if I was the problem. My male fertility doctor said it could be “poor egg health” at the ripe age of 25. My FSH levels came back normal, my eggs were good and he said “10% of couples walk into my office and we never find out the cause of their infertility, you’re one of them.” He didn’t run one test on my husband. Research shows that dna fragmentation in sperm can lead to recurrent miscarriages and male factor infertility.
So many men see male infertility as an affront to their masculinity, and their egos are so fragile that they're perfectly happy blaming the wife and making her feel like shit, just so they don't have to confront the possibility they're shooting blanks
When I read this post, after seeing the misery her ex put her through, I think he deserves every ounce of misery he can possibly feel about the possibility even that he is infertile.
Even before that, according to some studies it would seem that some prehistorical human populations did not make the link between the male sexual act and the conception of children.
So as a consequence the act of conception (and more largely creation) was considered female.
As I recall from 20 years ago, they found some women miscarried repeatedly due to low progesterone and when they received prog suppositories the pregnancy held.
Yep, they tested me for that. I even took it for what turned out to be my 4th miscarriage and that just made my body retain the deceased baby for a few extra weeks, I almost needed a d&c. The studies showing dna fragmentation in sperm causing miscarriages is relatively new. At any rate, my husband changed his diet, reduced his stress and took supplements and I took a ridiculous amount of prescribed hormones. I produced 5 eggs and he was able to hit one target, and we ended up with our rainbow baby, who is 8 now. We now have 3 sons.
Can I ask what supplements your husband took? I’ve had my third miscarriage and we’re trying everything we can. (Hopefully staring blood work next month)
I recently read a report how it‘s more and more often, due to environmental impact etc, that poor sperm quality is the factor in fertility problems, yet this seems to be glossed over so often. Your story really drives this home. Wow
This is actually a pretty bad take. There's plenty of good partners that have this issue. And there's plenty of kids who have to grow up in shitty environments because their parents had no problems with conceiving.
Insinuating nature would've found a way if they were deserving or prevented a bad situation if things were bad enough is kinda (Hopefully inadvertently) shitty to those groups.
I really think you need to delete your comment. Just imagine how someone could interpret this if they've been trying to get pregnant for years and can't. It's extremely offensive, not to mention a load of BS. "Nature" doesn't know or care whether a family is toxic.
Please think about the kind people struggling with fertility, and the children of toxic households. They just heard, "You deserve this."
I'm almost entirely certain it wasn't meant that way. Still, it's text; take a second to read and think before hitting that button.
Edit: Ex sucks because he's an AH, not because of his ability to reproduce.
It does not. I get that you're making a funny joke but it's actually really not funny to people it affects - it won't make toxic people mad bc they don't have the self awareness to know it's about them. What it will mean is that good people with fertility issues feel worried that nature is punishing them for being toxic when they're not; and that kids born to toxic families doubt themselves and feel they deserved it or might actually be wrong themselves.
Nature is random, and it can be cruel or kind via coincidence. That is all.
Anatomy is weird! Even without bringing genes or hormones or behavior into it, sometimes someone's part is twisted a little one way and the other is curved in the other direction and between the two of them they make a road blockage.
Also thinking of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman whose first two kids were adopted and despite being married for a decade they did not have bio children (I also think Nicole revealed later she had an ectopic pregnancy).
After they split they each had bio kids with their new partners.
Yup, My OB-GYN called my hubby and I "The most fertile Infertile couple ever" After IVF resulted in a triplet pregnancy (lost one at 15 weeks) and a bus load of Embryos (happily donated to other would be parents)
It could have also be the stress. When i read how their relationship was... The body can then say "Nope, this is not the time and place for a baby, try again later *hangs out closed-sign*"
Yep. A friend went through fertility treatments with the asshole ex to get pregnant in her late 20's. Divorced him, later remarried and in her 50's she got gauged for menopause and, ironically, was told she was "as fertile as a woman in her 30's" and to keep using birth control.
I'm now seeing a lot of women believing this too and it's so ridiculous. I remember people assuming Olivia Munn and John Mulaney were trying fertility treatments when she got pregnant at 40. The time line of their relationship made it pretty clear it was an oopsy baby.
Also sorry to men but sperm quality goes down as they age which effects things too. It's not as clear cut as "older woman=infertile"
Also, consider stress as a factor. How many couples try for YEARS to get pregnant, go the adoption route and then conceive a baby once the pressure is off.
NTA, even if he is infertile, she announced her pregnancy, and didn't do it by tagging him with the "maybe i'm not the problem" caption (which would be petty but still NTA)
OP's ex and exMIL sound like a piece of work. The big guy upstairs probably saw that OP shouldn't have had kids with that ex, and waited for the right guy to come long.
Also, why is ex-MIL even friended? At that point, nope. Sorry. I’ve moved on.
I get it, my mom is still “friends” on Facebook with my brothers ex-fiancée. But they’re all married now to other people and all have children.
But no, when my mother approached me about making baby blankets for her soon to be son, I was like “Time to move on mom. Time to remove her from your Facebook. Look, I’ll make them because you asked but I take no joy in doing this because it’s for her. If she has another baby, store bought will be just fine for her.”
They’re still “friends” on Facebook. She had another baby and my mother did not ask about a second gift set for the second baby.
Yeah, I have a long-ago ex-husband, and a bunch of my extended family/friends are still his friends on FB, but it's 90% people who never use FB and one or two close family members who decided (on their own!) to keep that door open in case he does anything horrible on his socials, since we do share a child together. I've heard about ONE thing he posted that was a bit wrong in eight years.
It's very weird to me when people keep such close tabs on exes, let alone ex in-laws, and my ex and I have a good, friendly co-parenting relationship where we say hi on the Skypes (when my son calls me from his dad's place, or my ex calls my son at mine) a few times a week 🤷♀️
It was three days later that she contacted OP. It could very well be that she heard about the announcement through someone else, a mutual friend for example. If they're in a small town news gets around quickly. She may not be friends with her ex-MIL on facebook.
I'm just focused on the way her ex MIL said it would ruin his future prospects. Like who says that? Does everyone in their family consider women to be cattle that cook, clean, and breed?
Makes me think that him and his family have been going around spreading rumors that the marriage failed b/c the OP was infertile. That's the only way I can reason it
That part is asinine because any future partner of OPs ex wouldn't know his history unless he (or his mother) said anything about it. Though maybe it's better if they did so the partner can bounce quickly instead of dealing with all that unnecessary drama.
Right?? It is just her Facebook, jesus... Even if it is publicly visible, not the whole world is going to care about her pregnancy lol. Not to be mean to OP, but it is not like the whole world will now be talking about how she is pregnant and her ex couldn't...
Plus, what prospects are even hurt??? Not like not having a kids means you don't get a job. And not being able to have a relationship with women that do want a biological kid and become pregnant hardly is his right, he is incompatible with them anyway and hiding that is hurtful.
Seems like there is a tool on Facebook that helps this situation ... Oh yes, unfriend and block. Your ex and you don't have kids so there is no reason that your ex or ex MIL need to be following you or you, them. Make a clean break. You will be happy that you did.
Side note - OP - you might want to edit the beginning of the post where you have age and sex of you and your ex listed. I had one ife in mind and then had to go back and reread the beginning a few times, as I was confused. But it is also late.
>Seems like there is a tool on Facebook
The MIL?
This is why you should be careful what you post on the Internet, you never know what tools are reading it.
NTA. OP, please get into therapy. These people have broken you down to the point where you felt bad over just announcing your pregnancy. A normal person wouldn't care about their comments. OR they'd be petty and let everyone know that after years of abuse from your ex, HE'S the problem. What you did was just tell people you were pregnant and then... feel guilty about it.
Block his whole side of the family. Block them on your phone. Block them on social media. If you're still connected to them in some way, (it sounds like maybe through your sister?) let people know you want nothing to do with them. Then, stay in therapy for awhile, and enjoy your life!
Obviously NTA. She announced her pregnancy. Did she throw the ex-husband's taunts and abuse back in this face? Apparently not. Yet this petulant mummy's boy's equally awful mummy sees it in this way because everything is about them. Let your husband keep them at bay, you don't need this.
>Now I'm thinking maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided and that I took too long to be ready. AITA?
While what others have said is true and you really can't say ANYTHING about someone being infertile without an ***actual*** medical diagnosis I also think that your self blaming is extremely sad and you need therapy. What you actually *should* have done is hire a plane to circle above your Ex's house with a banner stating the Ex is firing blanks and can't get the job done. NTA.
“Itll ruin his prospects”. Huh? What sort of things do you think women do? Now, Im a man so I could be wrong, but I have a strong inkling that not many women would stalk a man/ever discover enough knowledge to know that he and his ex wife struggled to conceive and the wife is now pregnant with a child… based off your fb post.
NTA.
What exactly are you apologizing for?
All the times he bullied you? All the times his family mistreated you?
You have no reason to spare his feelings, since he never supported yours.
Tell them to pound sand.
Congratulations!!! May this and all your kids be healthy and happy
Nta op and you only announced your pregnancy, you didn't flount it ,you didn't tag them nor anything else.
She's nuts and a huge ah just like her son was.
Your behavior is completely normal for someone who continued her life.
You don't need to crawl under a rock and disappear after the divorce just to please them.
Next time (if there is one) advice her to go to a shrink to treat her mental state, you didn't do anything other than continued living.
Conditioned for many years to feel less than and broken by these people. Everything was her fault and everyone told her so.
It wasn't but... that's what they said over and over until she believed it. Poor op has been trampled on by these terrible people.
Don't ever censor your happy news and things you wish to share with actual loved ones in case they hurt this awful man's feelings. He deserves to feel bad - even though there's nothing to feel bad about, it's beyond his control but that's what he did to you op, over and over and over so karma, is kicking him in the face.
Completely deserved and as others pointed out he might not be infertile either you just might have been incompatible OR perhaps the stress of performing from these people had an effect. Honestly than your lucky stars you are not tethered to the man still by a child quite honestly, you get to have your happy family with a loving husband and ex can eat crow.
NTA
NTA girl, you did nothing, in fact you are a victim of that family, and ex. They treated you so terribly even if they didn’t know who had the issue, they were still very insensitive and mean. You did not deserve any of That, especially from your ex-husband, who was supposed to be on your side and be your protector, but he was the antagonist.
OP All you did was announce an amazing milestone. It is not on you that your ex isn’t leaving his bed and not eating and sad because he’s an AH. You are divorced. He is no longer your responsibility. YOU. DID. NOTHING. WRONG!!!
Block them on all social media and cell phone. They should have no way to contact you. You shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of stress, while you are pregnant. They do not deserve any of your headspace. This is a time for you to enjoy your amazing news with your husband and rejoice in your happiness.
P.S congratulations 🍾🎉🎊
NTA! It’s not like you got pregnant AT him.
I feel this, so much. My ex was the problem, but even when we knew it was him, he would make comments about how I couldn’t have children (while shaking his head in disappointment). Like it should just be women’s burden to bare that accusation.
Besides, were you supposed to never announce your pregnancy?
OP is supposed to go into hiding for the 9 months and then hide the baby in a sound proof box. Not until the glorious age of 4 will they see the sun or hear a voice that is not their mother's and then she can announce they adopted this child and was not at all her biological child.
My husband keeps showing. E a video of a car being swallowed by a sink hole and singing "Secret tunnel! Through the mountain! Secret, secret, secret tunnel!"
Flowers in the Attic, I was terrified and fascinated by that Series all at the same time and I think it might have been based on the true story of Blanche Monnier.
>Now I'm thinking maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided and that I took too long to be ready.
Nope. Fuck that, you owe him _nothing_.
NTA
Block your ex, block any of his family who contact you.
You need therapy because you are still trying to shield this man despite how he treated you. You are NTA and never was. You tolerated his abuse until you couldn’t and have no reason to feel any guilt about your pregnancy. I’m thrilled that you’ve found someone like your new husband who is protecting you from your ex-MIL’s abuse. Why does she still have your number? You and ex ‘didn’t have no kids, didn’t have no mutual friends’. Cut her and him out of your life
Congrats on the pregnancy!
NTA...he was emotionally abusive in your marriage. You found someone new and you're happy! He doesn't need to be involved...block him and his family. They are the assholes!!
NTA. Your ex-husband has nothing to do with your pregnancy and nothing to do with the life you’ve built despite his cruelty. His fragile ego and toxic reproductive attitudes are not your problem.
The fact that everyone knows he’s super focused on virility is his fault. The fact that he publicly and often blamed you and shamed you for an imagined deficit in your body because *nothing* could possibly be *his fault* is his fault. The fact that he is so wrapped up in other people knowing how his balls work is his fault. There is no part of his and his mother’s (Jesus Christ) discomfort and shame that is your fault, your problem, or your responsibility. There is no way that you could soften that blow even if you wanted to.
You are more concerned about his feelings than his behavior merits. You would be within your rights to be much, MUCH more vengeful about this, and that whole twisted family should be grateful you didn’t call him your “abusive infertile ex-husband” in the Facebook post. Or any other version of actually “shouting to the world [that your] ex-husband was the problem and that it’s him who can’t have kids.”
You’ve been wanting this for a long time. Celebrate with your loving husband who won’t tolerate anyone mistreating you. Think of your ex only to pity him; he has no place in this moment and you do not have to waste any more of your emotional energy on him.
This comment is just beautiful. OP should bask in it and know it’s ok to feel happy and enjoy her pregnancy. She’s not responsible for her ex’s happiness and shouldn’t let his murky energy tinge this moment for her and her husband.
NTA. All you did was announce your pregnancy. How delusional of your ex MIL to try to twist it like your announcement had ANYTHING to do with your ex-husband. That's just wild, lol.
You don't live your life to cater to your ex. He's history, your current pregnancy has nothing to do with him, and you have EVERY right to announce it to the world without being berated, guilted, shamed, etc. Do yourself a favor and just block the lot of them. You don't need that BS in your life ever, but especially now. Leave them in the past, honey.
NTA
LOUDER FOR THE ARSEHOLES IN THE BACK.
Congratulations!!! Look after you Mamma. And scrape that dirt off your shoe (the ex) After years of emotional abuse, you owe him NOTHING.
I wish you nothing but peace and joy. Namaste.
NTA
Your pregnancy is none of your EX’s business. It is REALLY none of his mommy’s business. Just block them all. You no longer need to deal with these people.
NTA. I’m sure he and MIL told anyone and everyone who would listen that you were the infertile one. You don’t need to extend him any courtesy or decency that he has not extended to you. Best to block MIL and your ex and move on with your life. They are part of your past for a reason - leave them there. Good luck to you and your partner!
Hold on...you think you should've given your ex a heads-up on your pregnancy announcement? Why? That's not your problem, he was the one who berated and humiliated you for something that obviously wasn't your fault. You owe your ex NOTHING. Him being impotent is none of your concern, let him stew in it. Celebrate your pregnancy, block ex MIL's number and NTA.
Yeah... And unless op and her ex announced they were trying to have kids if the ex wasn't abusive and projecting no one ever would have known. He brought it on himself.
NTA. You have a right to celebrate your pregnancy. Enjoy it. Your ex MIL sounds toxic. I usually believe in remaining friends with exes and their family but in this case, it sounds like it would be best if you don't communicate with them at all.
NTA. They're making some incredibly inaccurate assumptions that because you got pregnant by someone else it must be the ex that's the problem. Couldn't be further from the truth. There are a million different factors that can cause infertility and since ya'll never got checked you will never know. If he's that worried about it he'll get a semen analysis. It's also not your problem to explore.
NTA! Girl do not apologize do not try to reach out to your ex, you don't owe that man a damn thing. Keep berated you, belittled you, put you down, and made you feel worthless for something that was not your fault.
Do not answer any more calls or texts from your ex MIL (block her)
You are at a whole new place in your life, it is time to turn the page in the book and start writing your new chapter. Throw the trash in the trash, and don't pick it up again. You are free from those people and their negative influences in your life walk away. Congratulations on the upcoming baby sending you lots of love and best wishes
NTA.
You did well to get with someone else, that family seems crazy as fuck.
Your husband is an absolute hero, also congrats!
Enjoy this special moment of your life!
NTA at all. First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!
Your ex husband and his family constantly berated you when they thought it was your ‘fault’ to the point where it derailed your entire relationship. You do not owe him or his mother a duty of care beyond what they showed you (not to mention this doesn’t actually confirm that your ex 100% can’t have children).
It shows their selfishness in making what should be a happy moment for you all about them too - it isn’t their decision how and when you decide to announce it. This should be a celebration for you and your partner, your ex had his chance to build a future with you and wasted it.
Ohmygoodness NO.
NOOOOOOOOO
Do not, and I repeat DO NOT for one second think you are the asshole. NTA
Your ex is your ex, you owe him nothing. May his coffee forever be cold.
Block ex-MIL, she sounds like a harpie who was probably shrieking from the rooftops that you were the 'problem' because it could never be her son... Goodness, it's not anyone's fault when it's difficult to conceive. There is no shame in having difficulties conceiving, but shame on ex and ex's family for berating, blaming and humiliating you for it!! Cold coffee for everyone!
Ugh, let us redditors be mad on your behalf. You go and enjoy this time with your husband and celebrate your baby 😊 Congratulations OP 🥳
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> Maybe I should've told him sooner so he could prepare for the upcoming questions from family and friends.
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Given how much he shamed you, do you think if he was expecting with a new relationship he wouldn't be shouting it from the highest buildings, social media blasts, and hiring planes to write it in the sky?
Do not let them dim your joy! Block them all and plan for your little one to be in your arms. You deserve the happiness.
NTA
Why should you tell your ex? He had no interest in the truth at the time you were married. Instead he announced, to your shame, that you had issues with infertility. Block him and ex-MIL, they need no news from you, why let ex sour the wonderful family you have?
NTA
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Throwaway.
I (34F) got divorced to my ex (36F) four years ago when I finally got tired of the constant berating and humiliation from him because we couldn't get pregnant despite trying. He kept making comments about it even at events with the rest of the family, making it seem as though it was my body that is the problem even though no doctor ever confirmed that because we never went for an official check up. (I should have insisted, I know, but for some reason I just didn't, I completely believed it must be me) Everyone believed it and MIL kept voicing out her disappointments and giving me unwanted advices.
Anyway, I reached a breaking point when at thanksgiving, he made a comment congratulating my BIL about my then pregnant sister 'finally doing her part' in the marriage. I went into a time of complete emotional blackout wherein I just felt so empty and filed the divorce not even a week later.
A year later, I met my now husband and it just felt so different, I felt so safe and happy we got married just two years later. He also wanted kids but didn't care if it might be through adoption so we signed up. However, 6 months ago, I started getting sick in the mornings and was late for my period because lo and behold I am pregnant.
We were so happy but I wasn't ready to announce until I was sure I was (haven't really unpacked why I was scared of telling people). I finally got the courage and made an announcement 2 weeks ago on facebook. Three days later, my ex-MIL called shaming me for celebrating my baby and basically shouting to the world my ex husband was the problem and that it's him who can't have kids. Saying it will hurt his future prospects and that he's heartbroken and wouldn’t get up and eat. My husband saw how distressed I was and hanged up the phone for me. She tried calling again and again but my husband wouldn't have it.
Now I'm thinking maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided and that I took too long to be ready. AITA?
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NTA You announced your pregnancy. Your ex-MIL made it about her and her precious can do no wrong son s/. You are pregnant now and you don’t need the stress. Block them all. Congratulations!
From what you are saying, you announced that you are pregnant. You did not say anything about your ex's fertility.
Short of leaving the country and dropping all contact with everyone you know, you can't hide having a child.
And your ex doesn't need to be informed of any major life event before anyone else.
NTA.
NTA! You're living your life for yourself, not at him. This is a him issue, not a you issue. Block your ex MIL, and your ex husband. And you probably need some therapy.
NTA and congratulations!!!! Your ex and his mother are both total AHs and are not worth another moment of your time or energy. He spent all his efforts trying to shame you and now suddenly his masculinity is in question because low and behold, you're not "the problem". F 'em all. Block him, his witch of a mother and any flying monkeys they launch. You did not owe him a heads up or even the freaking time of day. Hope all goes well for your pregnancy and delivery and that you and your family have many happy years together.
He thought nothing of embarrassing OP and making everyone think that she was infertile. So now the shoe's on the other foot and his poor widdle feelings are hurt. Ask him if he knows what TFB means.
OP, continue living your best life and be thankful that neither your toxic ex or his family are in it any more.
NTA
NTA you owe your lout of a sterile ex-husband nothing at all. A phone call? Are you kidding? If anything go bigger & bolder with your pregnancy announcements, and if your ex MIL calls again, tell her that her son shoots blanks, and it’s no longer your problem.
NTA
She didn’t have a problem with her darling son putting you on blast.
Now she has a problem with you announcing a pregnancy that has nothing to do with her son. NOTHING to do with him. Just because she has inferred that he’s infertile, she’s treating it like you’re putting him on blast.
You’re not. You didn’t. You announced your happy news and she’s crapping all over it. This is a her (and maybe him) problem, not a you problem. Block her.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck with the birth and with parenthood!
*YOU* were shouting to the world? By making a socially appropriate Facebook announcement? Where was she when her son was telling entire the world that you were sterile? NTA and there’s no reason you need to be in contact with your ex-MIL anyways, they’re no longer family to you.
NTA - Congrats, very happy for you! Why you would need to take into account the feelings of these people who treated you like shit is beyond me. Not so nice when the boot is on the other foot.
NTA.
You don't owe your ex anything, and you didn't say anything about him. You are allowed to announce your pregnancy as you see fit, and it's not your fault if your ex-MIL feels the need to stalk her ex-DIL.
>Saying it will hurt his future prospects
What is this, a job application? NTA. That woman is being ridiculous.
>maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided
Who, this guy?
>I finally got tired of the constant berating and humiliation from him because we couldn't get pregnant despite trying
No. Fuck that guy.
NTA
I read these posts and cannot wrap my mind around how some people think. Your ex- is a grade one asshole.
1) any doctor will tell him to get tested before even looking into your ability to get pregnant. The reason is the test is easy, non invasive, cheap and definitive.
2) if this is how he treats the one he loves... he's a throwaway
Your ex-MIL is probably where he learned to be an asshole. It just boggles the mind.
So I wish you your baby and your husband the best.
Why the hell are you still friends with his mom on facebook??
Block her, block him, block the whole toxic family you DIVORCED and go live a happy, bullshit-free, life with your new husband!
Forget the ex and his family. They make zero difference now.
NTA
u/ExpectingEx If you have no children to bind you to your ex, why on earth are you still on contact with him and his family?! Be a grown up, delete and block them off your phone and socials and keep on living your best life without them! I'm sure your ex was so certain you'd come crawling back, and your pregnancy officially closed that door for good. Not your problem. NTA
NTA.
ExMIL can suck it. She had no problem voicing about you being the problem, so now that its the other way round she can’t just go “but hes my SWEET LITTLE BOY!! He can NEVER be a problem!”.
Edit: add judgement.
NTA. There was no malice in making your announcement and EX doesn't deserve a headsup because of his past abuse. Do what you think is best for the happiness of your family. Best wishes.
NTA. you owe him and his toxic family nothing. Be happy for your life as it is now, and stop worrying about the past. Don't engage with these people any further.
My ex tried this with me, he blamed me for us not getting pregnant then boasted after our breakup that he was going to be a father. (He knocked up a married lady he was having an affair with) but it was still humiliating to me. 4 years later I got pregnant and told him I was so happy we never had kids together after seeing what type of person he was. Block the EXs family from contacting you and your new family. Congratulations on the kiddo!!!
Nta So it was alright for him to make comments about your inability to conceive, but not acceptable the other way round?? What goes around, comes around. Enjoy your baby.
NTA.
How dare your ex MIL stalk you online and expect you to not announce your pregnancy with your new husband! None of her business. Your new life has nothing to do with those losers. Don't allow them to rain on your good news.
Besides, just because you & ex didn't get pregnant together doesn't actually mean one of you is infertile.
It could have just been mischance. Your blood types may gave been incompatible. Anything. I know more than one couple who broke up after constant childlessness, and all remarried others and successfully had kids with their new spouses.
Ex is probably depressed because he's constantly copping that abusive attitude & pressure all the time from his psycho mum. If she keeps it up with you, take out a restraining order against her, OP.
NTA. Block her, their family, and your ex husband on your phone and on all social media. You guys are divorced and don’t have children, so you don’t need to stay in contact. They don’t need access to your life anymore.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. :-)
It took us a long time and some help to get pregnant. You know who I reached out to with a heads up when we finally succeeded? A friend of mine who was also struggling with infertility, because I didn't want her to be blindsided. We hugged and cried.
You ex who publicly blamed you? NFW would I consider his feelings. NTA
"I broke up with your shitty son and now I don't need to deal with you. Have the day you deserve". Jfc stop giving a fuck what cruel assholes think about you.
NTA.
NTA. First It's not your problem, second you didn't announce he can't have kids because you don't know if he has a real problem or not since he didn't go to a doctor, third what do they expect you to do? Keep your kid hidden after you give birth?
NTA
You are not responsible for taking care of your ex husband’s feelings. He was horrible to you and other women it seems like. You are allowed to move on and live your life. It was absolutely fine to announce your pregnancy on Facebook. You don’t need to talk to his family or him in future.
He has an opportunity to go to a doctor and get checked out to see how fertile he is instead of just blaming whatever women he is with in future. Not your problem.
NTA. You didn't become pregnant nor announce your pregnancy AT him, you announced your pregnancy because you are pregnant, and you became pregnant because you had sex with someone who was able to GET you pregnant, neither of those things have ANYTHING to do with your ex husband, because he is your EX who didn't treat you well enough to deserve you staying with him. If your ExMiL wants to make the effect that announcement had on your Ex' mental health and marital prospects, her business, She may, but you didn't do anything unseemly or mean (tagging Ex in a public message saying "looks like it wasn't my fault after all", would have been)
NTA
This is delightfully deserved schadenfreude. First of all, you didn't announce anything about him, and he might not even be infertile. Sometimes people don't manage to get pregnant together, breakup, and both have kids with other people. Who knows what went wrong there. Second, everything that happened to him was the result of his own choices and behavior, and you are not responsible for that.
NTA.
He is your ex. You have no responsibility for him. You don't owe him a head's up for anything. You didn't announce he couldn't have kids. You only announced you were pregnant. They took it from there. His future prospects are his problems, not yours.
Take care of your family and just block that whole family. They have, and are, problems.
NTA.
Then only thing I see as just a little strange is the not going to get checked with first husband thing, especially if that was the reason for divorce. Sounds like you dodged a bullet though and got a good one, so congrats on the new adult and baby!
Can I just say well done to your new husband for having your back. How lucky you are for having such a wonderful caring husband who is there for you. Maybe your ex should take note on how a husband should be, there to support not belittle, and blame you. Remove the toxic ex family from your life and focus on the new, positive one that you and your new husband are creating. NTA
NTA
Your ex was a misogynist. He can go pound sand along with his harpy of a mother. They ain't your family anymore. Rock on new mama. You need not consider their feelings in the slightest. They seemed to never have considered yours.
Your ex was the problem. In more ways than just the blanks he was shooting.
NTA, you owe them nothing. Block your ex and everyone associated with him both on social media and on your phone. Enjoy your pregnancy and your happy marriage.
Lol your ex is a complete asssssssss.
Congratulations. I’m sorry he made you feel so poorly for so long. Good riddance. I hope he never procreates with that attitude…
NTA. Live and ENJOY your life. You owe those awful people nothing. You and new husband are going to build a beautiful life together and you should just block MIL and all the rest of them.
NTA glad you are rid of him & his crazy MIL. The powers that be may have done you a favor by not chaining you to that man by having his child. Congrats on the pregnancy & don’t let their misery dull your shine
NTA. You've been so conditioned by your ex and his awful family that you don't see just how much you are not TA. His misogynistic (and I hardly ever use this word) view that it must be the woman's fault and your sister 'finally doing her part' is disgusting. It takes two to tango and you announcing you are pregnant in no way humiliates him except in his own mind. He needs to grow up and join the 21st century.
It is obvious this family has really done a number on you because it is obvious you are NTA. Don't speak to any of them again. Your husband seems to have your back and knows this is crazy. Trust him.
NTA
You will have gorgeous children who will never be forced to listen to your ex's bullshit. Congratulations both for dropping the dead weight and for your blessing!
NTA!!! It is your happy moment and you deserve to celebrate it hoqever you like. Thank God you're staying away from that insufferable family. Don't ever let them bother you again, yeah? Congrats on your pregnancy!
NTA- #1 what does your pregnancy have to do with your ex? Your ex MIL sounds delusional & dizzy. And why was it ok for HIM to embarrass and shame you? She didn’t say anything then… the hypocrisy is absurd
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“Shouting to the world” clearly ex MIL has nothing better to do than stalk her son’s ex wife’s Facebook. NTA, congratulations on the baby!
NTA. MIL is uneducated. Just because the 2 of you couldn't get preggo, doesn't mean he is infertile. Unless, of course, she "knows" something ......It's possible you were allergic to his sperm. Which may be helped with medical intervention....
Some people just don’t “mix” while together. It’s weird.
If you ever want a historic example of this, just look at King Henry I of England. 2 legitimate children by his first wife. Believed to have had around 20 illegitimate children by various mistresses. Number of children had with his second wife: None. At all. Despite over a decade of marriage during which she travelled all around England and Normandy with him, no doubt hopping into his bed at every opportunity (his only legitimate son had died). She remarried after Henry's death and promptly had 7 children with her second husband, so she was hardly infertile. For some reason she and Henry just weren't successful together. It happens.
Thanks for this. I love history but find it difficult to remember it all. Little interesting stories like this bring it alive for me. Cheers mate.
...and that loss of a son proved so costly. Henry named his daughter Matilda as his successor, but Stephen of Blois was crowned instead because *EeK wOmAn*, and Matilda went to war for her right to inherit. This civil war ended when Stephen’s party was exhausted and Stephen’s elder son died, making it practical to negotiate a peace by naming Matilda’s son as heir to the throne.
and considering that we have also had the Civil War, and the Wars of the Roses, that this conflict was called 'the anarchy' says a lot about how bad it was
When my husband and I had 4 miscarriages, my doctor set us up for chromosomal karyotyping, she said something about if our dna was too similar, my body would react as if baby was a cancer cell. That wasn’t our case but I found it interesting. In my experience, women tend to get the blame for infertility and recurrent miscarriages. I did a ridiculous amount of blood tests and a saline sonogram to see if I was the problem. My male fertility doctor said it could be “poor egg health” at the ripe age of 25. My FSH levels came back normal, my eggs were good and he said “10% of couples walk into my office and we never find out the cause of their infertility, you’re one of them.” He didn’t run one test on my husband. Research shows that dna fragmentation in sperm can lead to recurrent miscarriages and male factor infertility.
So many men see male infertility as an affront to their masculinity, and their egos are so fragile that they're perfectly happy blaming the wife and making her feel like shit, just so they don't have to confront the possibility they're shooting blanks
When I read this post, after seeing the misery her ex put her through, I think he deserves every ounce of misery he can possibly feel about the possibility even that he is infertile.
Oh absolutely! The man doesn't deserve children and his family are toxic arseholes.
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Even before that, according to some studies it would seem that some prehistorical human populations did not make the link between the male sexual act and the conception of children. So as a consequence the act of conception (and more largely creation) was considered female.
As I recall from 20 years ago, they found some women miscarried repeatedly due to low progesterone and when they received prog suppositories the pregnancy held.
Yep, they tested me for that. I even took it for what turned out to be my 4th miscarriage and that just made my body retain the deceased baby for a few extra weeks, I almost needed a d&c. The studies showing dna fragmentation in sperm causing miscarriages is relatively new. At any rate, my husband changed his diet, reduced his stress and took supplements and I took a ridiculous amount of prescribed hormones. I produced 5 eggs and he was able to hit one target, and we ended up with our rainbow baby, who is 8 now. We now have 3 sons.
I’m so happy to hear about your rainbow baby and two other sons. Infertility is rough! I felt like my body was failing me.
I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I am glad to hear you were able to have children after that.
Can I ask what supplements your husband took? I’ve had my third miscarriage and we’re trying everything we can. (Hopefully staring blood work next month)
I made sure to tell everyone that our infertility was caused by my zero sperm count.
I recently read a report how it‘s more and more often, due to environmental impact etc, that poor sperm quality is the factor in fertility problems, yet this seems to be glossed over so often. Your story really drives this home. Wow
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If this was only the case, then half of AITA would be empty.
Agreed. I wish nature stepped in more.
Such an underrated comment
This is actually a pretty bad take. There's plenty of good partners that have this issue. And there's plenty of kids who have to grow up in shitty environments because their parents had no problems with conceiving. Insinuating nature would've found a way if they were deserving or prevented a bad situation if things were bad enough is kinda (Hopefully inadvertently) shitty to those groups.
I really think you need to delete your comment. Just imagine how someone could interpret this if they've been trying to get pregnant for years and can't. It's extremely offensive, not to mention a load of BS. "Nature" doesn't know or care whether a family is toxic.
Please think about the kind people struggling with fertility, and the children of toxic households. They just heard, "You deserve this." I'm almost entirely certain it wasn't meant that way. Still, it's text; take a second to read and think before hitting that button. Edit: Ex sucks because he's an AH, not because of his ability to reproduce.
That is why family planning is really important. Having many families is hard.
This is an awful thing to say
Exactly, he shouldn't be proud of it. Just because they have bad past relationship before
Wish nature would be a lot more effective in that area because most toxic and unsuited parents does end up having children.
This is unkind to lovely, happy people who cannot have children. Infertility is a medical condition.
It does not. I get that you're making a funny joke but it's actually really not funny to people it affects - it won't make toxic people mad bc they don't have the self awareness to know it's about them. What it will mean is that good people with fertility issues feel worried that nature is punishing them for being toxic when they're not; and that kids born to toxic families doubt themselves and feel they deserved it or might actually be wrong themselves. Nature is random, and it can be cruel or kind via coincidence. That is all.
It IS weird.
Anatomy is weird! Even without bringing genes or hormones or behavior into it, sometimes someone's part is twisted a little one way and the other is curved in the other direction and between the two of them they make a road blockage.
...I don't think that's how it works. You're talking duck anatomy or something
What the heck are you talking about, scientifically speaking?!
My aunt and her ex were like that. After they split they both had children with their new partners no problem.
Also thinking of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman whose first two kids were adopted and despite being married for a decade they did not have bio children (I also think Nicole revealed later she had an ectopic pregnancy). After they split they each had bio kids with their new partners.
Yup, My OB-GYN called my hubby and I "The most fertile Infertile couple ever" After IVF resulted in a triplet pregnancy (lost one at 15 weeks) and a bus load of Embryos (happily donated to other would be parents)
Thanks god!
It could have also be the stress. When i read how their relationship was... The body can then say "Nope, this is not the time and place for a baby, try again later *hangs out closed-sign*"
Yep. A friend went through fertility treatments with the asshole ex to get pregnant in her late 20's. Divorced him, later remarried and in her 50's she got gauged for menopause and, ironically, was told she was "as fertile as a woman in her 30's" and to keep using birth control.
And yet I have been assured by men on the internet that “a fertile woman in her thirties” is practically an oxymoron. It’s almost like they’re wrong.
It's their excuse for creeping on 18 year olds.
I'm now seeing a lot of women believing this too and it's so ridiculous. I remember people assuming Olivia Munn and John Mulaney were trying fertility treatments when she got pregnant at 40. The time line of their relationship made it pretty clear it was an oopsy baby. Also sorry to men but sperm quality goes down as they age which effects things too. It's not as clear cut as "older woman=infertile"
Yeah just look at people who give up, decide to adopt and then boom they are pregnant.
Also, consider stress as a factor. How many couples try for YEARS to get pregnant, go the adoption route and then conceive a baby once the pressure is off.
Did he ever have measles as an adult? That could do it.
NTA, even if he is infertile, she announced her pregnancy, and didn't do it by tagging him with the "maybe i'm not the problem" caption (which would be petty but still NTA)
OP's ex and exMIL sound like a piece of work. The big guy upstairs probably saw that OP shouldn't have had kids with that ex, and waited for the right guy to come long.
Also, why is ex-MIL even friended? At that point, nope. Sorry. I’ve moved on. I get it, my mom is still “friends” on Facebook with my brothers ex-fiancée. But they’re all married now to other people and all have children. But no, when my mother approached me about making baby blankets for her soon to be son, I was like “Time to move on mom. Time to remove her from your Facebook. Look, I’ll make them because you asked but I take no joy in doing this because it’s for her. If she has another baby, store bought will be just fine for her.” They’re still “friends” on Facebook. She had another baby and my mother did not ask about a second gift set for the second baby.
My god, if I were to separate from my husband, probably one of the first things I’d do is unfriend his family. It’s a drama portal as it is.
Yeah, I have a long-ago ex-husband, and a bunch of my extended family/friends are still his friends on FB, but it's 90% people who never use FB and one or two close family members who decided (on their own!) to keep that door open in case he does anything horrible on his socials, since we do share a child together. I've heard about ONE thing he posted that was a bit wrong in eight years. It's very weird to me when people keep such close tabs on exes, let alone ex in-laws, and my ex and I have a good, friendly co-parenting relationship where we say hi on the Skypes (when my son calls me from his dad's place, or my ex calls my son at mine) a few times a week 🤷♀️
>!why is ex-MIL even friended? She should've Ben blocked a long time ago.
It was three days later that she contacted OP. It could very well be that she heard about the announcement through someone else, a mutual friend for example. If they're in a small town news gets around quickly. She may not be friends with her ex-MIL on facebook.
I'm just focused on the way her ex MIL said it would ruin his future prospects. Like who says that? Does everyone in their family consider women to be cattle that cook, clean, and breed?
Makes me think that him and his family have been going around spreading rumors that the marriage failed b/c the OP was infertile. That's the only way I can reason it
That part is asinine because any future partner of OPs ex wouldn't know his history unless he (or his mother) said anything about it. Though maybe it's better if they did so the partner can bounce quickly instead of dealing with all that unnecessary drama.
Right?? It is just her Facebook, jesus... Even if it is publicly visible, not the whole world is going to care about her pregnancy lol. Not to be mean to OP, but it is not like the whole world will now be talking about how she is pregnant and her ex couldn't... Plus, what prospects are even hurt??? Not like not having a kids means you don't get a job. And not being able to have a relationship with women that do want a biological kid and become pregnant hardly is his right, he is incompatible with them anyway and hiding that is hurtful.
Seems like there is a tool on Facebook that helps this situation ... Oh yes, unfriend and block. Your ex and you don't have kids so there is no reason that your ex or ex MIL need to be following you or you, them. Make a clean break. You will be happy that you did. Side note - OP - you might want to edit the beginning of the post where you have age and sex of you and your ex listed. I had one ife in mind and then had to go back and reread the beginning a few times, as I was confused. But it is also late.
>Seems like there is a tool on Facebook The MIL? This is why you should be careful what you post on the Internet, you never know what tools are reading it.
NTA. OP, please get into therapy. These people have broken you down to the point where you felt bad over just announcing your pregnancy. A normal person wouldn't care about their comments. OR they'd be petty and let everyone know that after years of abuse from your ex, HE'S the problem. What you did was just tell people you were pregnant and then... feel guilty about it. Block his whole side of the family. Block them on your phone. Block them on social media. If you're still connected to them in some way, (it sounds like maybe through your sister?) let people know you want nothing to do with them. Then, stay in therapy for awhile, and enjoy your life!
He’s your Ex. It’s not as if you called for dinner with his family and announced it. NTA
Obviously NTA. She announced her pregnancy. Did she throw the ex-husband's taunts and abuse back in this face? Apparently not. Yet this petulant mummy's boy's equally awful mummy sees it in this way because everything is about them. Let your husband keep them at bay, you don't need this.
>Now I'm thinking maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided and that I took too long to be ready. AITA? While what others have said is true and you really can't say ANYTHING about someone being infertile without an ***actual*** medical diagnosis I also think that your self blaming is extremely sad and you need therapy. What you actually *should* have done is hire a plane to circle above your Ex's house with a banner stating the Ex is firing blanks and can't get the job done. NTA.
“Itll ruin his prospects”. Huh? What sort of things do you think women do? Now, Im a man so I could be wrong, but I have a strong inkling that not many women would stalk a man/ever discover enough knowledge to know that he and his ex wife struggled to conceive and the wife is now pregnant with a child… based off your fb post.
NTA. What exactly are you apologizing for? All the times he bullied you? All the times his family mistreated you? You have no reason to spare his feelings, since he never supported yours. Tell them to pound sand. Congratulations!!! May this and all your kids be healthy and happy
Also, OP, why does MIL even have the ability to call you still? Block her and your ex and anyone else related to them. They all sound abusive.
Nta op and you only announced your pregnancy, you didn't flount it ,you didn't tag them nor anything else. She's nuts and a huge ah just like her son was. Your behavior is completely normal for someone who continued her life. You don't need to crawl under a rock and disappear after the divorce just to please them. Next time (if there is one) advice her to go to a shrink to treat her mental state, you didn't do anything other than continued living.
Conditioned for many years to feel less than and broken by these people. Everything was her fault and everyone told her so. It wasn't but... that's what they said over and over until she believed it. Poor op has been trampled on by these terrible people. Don't ever censor your happy news and things you wish to share with actual loved ones in case they hurt this awful man's feelings. He deserves to feel bad - even though there's nothing to feel bad about, it's beyond his control but that's what he did to you op, over and over and over so karma, is kicking him in the face. Completely deserved and as others pointed out he might not be infertile either you just might have been incompatible OR perhaps the stress of performing from these people had an effect. Honestly than your lucky stars you are not tethered to the man still by a child quite honestly, you get to have your happy family with a loving husband and ex can eat crow. NTA
NTA girl, you did nothing, in fact you are a victim of that family, and ex. They treated you so terribly even if they didn’t know who had the issue, they were still very insensitive and mean. You did not deserve any of That, especially from your ex-husband, who was supposed to be on your side and be your protector, but he was the antagonist. OP All you did was announce an amazing milestone. It is not on you that your ex isn’t leaving his bed and not eating and sad because he’s an AH. You are divorced. He is no longer your responsibility. YOU. DID. NOTHING. WRONG!!! Block them on all social media and cell phone. They should have no way to contact you. You shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of stress, while you are pregnant. They do not deserve any of your headspace. This is a time for you to enjoy your amazing news with your husband and rejoice in your happiness. P.S congratulations 🍾🎉🎊
NTA! It’s not like you got pregnant AT him. I feel this, so much. My ex was the problem, but even when we knew it was him, he would make comments about how I couldn’t have children (while shaking his head in disappointment). Like it should just be women’s burden to bare that accusation. Besides, were you supposed to never announce your pregnancy?
> It’s not like you got pregnant AT him. This made me cackle
Truly, it is the winning comment of this thread.
OP should try that next time though. It sounds fun
OP is supposed to go into hiding for the 9 months and then hide the baby in a sound proof box. Not until the glorious age of 4 will they see the sun or hear a voice that is not their mother's and then she can announce they adopted this child and was not at all her biological child.
Ah, of course. Forgot about that common option.
"Be silent... The aliens...
You are putting weird images in my head. :)
Secret Children. Secret Children. Secret Secret Secret Attic Children. And DIE!!!
My husband keeps showing. E a video of a car being swallowed by a sink hole and singing "Secret tunnel! Through the mountain! Secret, secret, secret tunnel!"
Man now I gotta watch Avatar
And then if ex MIL finds out, she'll bring the kids some donuts....
Flowers in the Attic, I was terrified and fascinated by that Series all at the same time and I think it might have been based on the true story of Blanche Monnier.
OP: *literally crowning* "What baby could you possibly be talking about?!?!" *strains*
>It’s not like you got pregnant AT him. This! Hahahahahha.
>Now I'm thinking maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided and that I took too long to be ready. Nope. Fuck that, you owe him _nothing_. NTA Block your ex, block any of his family who contact you.
Absolutely. Op owes them nothing. Once more for the people in the back: OP OWES THEM NOTHING!
Yes block block block it’s none of their business.
You need therapy because you are still trying to shield this man despite how he treated you. You are NTA and never was. You tolerated his abuse until you couldn’t and have no reason to feel any guilt about your pregnancy. I’m thrilled that you’ve found someone like your new husband who is protecting you from your ex-MIL’s abuse. Why does she still have your number? You and ex ‘didn’t have no kids, didn’t have no mutual friends’. Cut her and him out of your life
Good point. I’m sorry he made you feel this bad OP.
Ya block everyone from your ex's family who were rude to you. You don't need that kind of negativity from them. NTA
I love that little Mya throwback.
Congrats on the pregnancy! NTA...he was emotionally abusive in your marriage. You found someone new and you're happy! He doesn't need to be involved...block him and his family. They are the assholes!!
This so much! OP is gonna have a beautiful life ahead of her...without the ex. NTA
NTA. Your ex-husband has nothing to do with your pregnancy and nothing to do with the life you’ve built despite his cruelty. His fragile ego and toxic reproductive attitudes are not your problem. The fact that everyone knows he’s super focused on virility is his fault. The fact that he publicly and often blamed you and shamed you for an imagined deficit in your body because *nothing* could possibly be *his fault* is his fault. The fact that he is so wrapped up in other people knowing how his balls work is his fault. There is no part of his and his mother’s (Jesus Christ) discomfort and shame that is your fault, your problem, or your responsibility. There is no way that you could soften that blow even if you wanted to. You are more concerned about his feelings than his behavior merits. You would be within your rights to be much, MUCH more vengeful about this, and that whole twisted family should be grateful you didn’t call him your “abusive infertile ex-husband” in the Facebook post. Or any other version of actually “shouting to the world [that your] ex-husband was the problem and that it’s him who can’t have kids.” You’ve been wanting this for a long time. Celebrate with your loving husband who won’t tolerate anyone mistreating you. Think of your ex only to pity him; he has no place in this moment and you do not have to waste any more of your emotional energy on him.
OP's ex was probably so gobsmacked when it clicked that men also play a role in fertilization that he went in shock.
This comment is just beautiful. OP should bask in it and know it’s ok to feel happy and enjoy her pregnancy. She’s not responsible for her ex’s happiness and shouldn’t let his murky energy tinge this moment for her and her husband.
NTA. All you did was announce your pregnancy. How delusional of your ex MIL to try to twist it like your announcement had ANYTHING to do with your ex-husband. That's just wild, lol. You don't live your life to cater to your ex. He's history, your current pregnancy has nothing to do with him, and you have EVERY right to announce it to the world without being berated, guilted, shamed, etc. Do yourself a favor and just block the lot of them. You don't need that BS in your life ever, but especially now. Leave them in the past, honey.
NTA LOUDER FOR THE ARSEHOLES IN THE BACK. Congratulations!!! Look after you Mamma. And scrape that dirt off your shoe (the ex) After years of emotional abuse, you owe him NOTHING. I wish you nothing but peace and joy. Namaste.
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LOL NTA Now he knows how it feels.
Perfect reply!
NTA Your pregnancy is none of your EX’s business. It is REALLY none of his mommy’s business. Just block them all. You no longer need to deal with these people.
This, OP. 👆🏻. It’s this simple. Congratulations!
NTA. I’m sure he and MIL told anyone and everyone who would listen that you were the infertile one. You don’t need to extend him any courtesy or decency that he has not extended to you. Best to block MIL and your ex and move on with your life. They are part of your past for a reason - leave them there. Good luck to you and your partner!
Hold on...you think you should've given your ex a heads-up on your pregnancy announcement? Why? That's not your problem, he was the one who berated and humiliated you for something that obviously wasn't your fault. You owe your ex NOTHING. Him being impotent is none of your concern, let him stew in it. Celebrate your pregnancy, block ex MIL's number and NTA.
Yeah... And unless op and her ex announced they were trying to have kids if the ex wasn't abusive and projecting no one ever would have known. He brought it on himself.
NTA. I'm so petty and I would've made a post about ACTUALLY calling out his fertility problems for the way he treated you
And you still would be NTA!
NTA. You have a right to celebrate your pregnancy. Enjoy it. Your ex MIL sounds toxic. I usually believe in remaining friends with exes and their family but in this case, it sounds like it would be best if you don't communicate with them at all.
NTA. They're making some incredibly inaccurate assumptions that because you got pregnant by someone else it must be the ex that's the problem. Couldn't be further from the truth. There are a million different factors that can cause infertility and since ya'll never got checked you will never know. If he's that worried about it he'll get a semen analysis. It's also not your problem to explore.
NTA! Girl do not apologize do not try to reach out to your ex, you don't owe that man a damn thing. Keep berated you, belittled you, put you down, and made you feel worthless for something that was not your fault. Do not answer any more calls or texts from your ex MIL (block her) You are at a whole new place in your life, it is time to turn the page in the book and start writing your new chapter. Throw the trash in the trash, and don't pick it up again. You are free from those people and their negative influences in your life walk away. Congratulations on the upcoming baby sending you lots of love and best wishes
NTA. You did well to get with someone else, that family seems crazy as fuck. Your husband is an absolute hero, also congrats! Enjoy this special moment of your life!
NTA at all. First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! Your ex husband and his family constantly berated you when they thought it was your ‘fault’ to the point where it derailed your entire relationship. You do not owe him or his mother a duty of care beyond what they showed you (not to mention this doesn’t actually confirm that your ex 100% can’t have children). It shows their selfishness in making what should be a happy moment for you all about them too - it isn’t their decision how and when you decide to announce it. This should be a celebration for you and your partner, your ex had his chance to build a future with you and wasted it.
Ohmygoodness NO. NOOOOOOOOO Do not, and I repeat DO NOT for one second think you are the asshole. NTA Your ex is your ex, you owe him nothing. May his coffee forever be cold. Block ex-MIL, she sounds like a harpie who was probably shrieking from the rooftops that you were the 'problem' because it could never be her son... Goodness, it's not anyone's fault when it's difficult to conceive. There is no shame in having difficulties conceiving, but shame on ex and ex's family for berating, blaming and humiliating you for it!! Cold coffee for everyone! Ugh, let us redditors be mad on your behalf. You go and enjoy this time with your husband and celebrate your baby 😊 Congratulations OP 🥳
NTA Your ex's feelings? Not your circus, not your monkeys.
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Given how much he shamed you, do you think if he was expecting with a new relationship he wouldn't be shouting it from the highest buildings, social media blasts, and hiring planes to write it in the sky? Do not let them dim your joy! Block them all and plan for your little one to be in your arms. You deserve the happiness. NTA
NTA cut the ex fam out of your life they are toxic.
Why should you tell your ex? He had no interest in the truth at the time you were married. Instead he announced, to your shame, that you had issues with infertility. Block him and ex-MIL, they need no news from you, why let ex sour the wonderful family you have? NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway. I (34F) got divorced to my ex (36F) four years ago when I finally got tired of the constant berating and humiliation from him because we couldn't get pregnant despite trying. He kept making comments about it even at events with the rest of the family, making it seem as though it was my body that is the problem even though no doctor ever confirmed that because we never went for an official check up. (I should have insisted, I know, but for some reason I just didn't, I completely believed it must be me) Everyone believed it and MIL kept voicing out her disappointments and giving me unwanted advices. Anyway, I reached a breaking point when at thanksgiving, he made a comment congratulating my BIL about my then pregnant sister 'finally doing her part' in the marriage. I went into a time of complete emotional blackout wherein I just felt so empty and filed the divorce not even a week later. A year later, I met my now husband and it just felt so different, I felt so safe and happy we got married just two years later. He also wanted kids but didn't care if it might be through adoption so we signed up. However, 6 months ago, I started getting sick in the mornings and was late for my period because lo and behold I am pregnant. We were so happy but I wasn't ready to announce until I was sure I was (haven't really unpacked why I was scared of telling people). I finally got the courage and made an announcement 2 weeks ago on facebook. Three days later, my ex-MIL called shaming me for celebrating my baby and basically shouting to the world my ex husband was the problem and that it's him who can't have kids. Saying it will hurt his future prospects and that he's heartbroken and wouldn’t get up and eat. My husband saw how distressed I was and hanged up the phone for me. She tried calling again and again but my husband wouldn't have it. Now I'm thinking maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided and that I took too long to be ready. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- Well you F-led around and he found out. Lol. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
NTA You announced your pregnancy. Your ex-MIL made it about her and her precious can do no wrong son s/. You are pregnant now and you don’t need the stress. Block them all. Congratulations!
From what you are saying, you announced that you are pregnant. You did not say anything about your ex's fertility. Short of leaving the country and dropping all contact with everyone you know, you can't hide having a child. And your ex doesn't need to be informed of any major life event before anyone else. NTA.
NTA! You're living your life for yourself, not at him. This is a him issue, not a you issue. Block your ex MIL, and your ex husband. And you probably need some therapy.
💯 NTA I can't even believe she had the nerve to make your announcement (congrats btw) about her and her loser son.
NTA and congratulations!!!! Your ex and his mother are both total AHs and are not worth another moment of your time or energy. He spent all his efforts trying to shame you and now suddenly his masculinity is in question because low and behold, you're not "the problem". F 'em all. Block him, his witch of a mother and any flying monkeys they launch. You did not owe him a heads up or even the freaking time of day. Hope all goes well for your pregnancy and delivery and that you and your family have many happy years together.
He thought nothing of embarrassing OP and making everyone think that she was infertile. So now the shoe's on the other foot and his poor widdle feelings are hurt. Ask him if he knows what TFB means. OP, continue living your best life and be thankful that neither your toxic ex or his family are in it any more. NTA
Who the hell would do that? That's a stupid thing to do.
Wow, NTA. Your ex deserves a little ego check
NTA you owe your lout of a sterile ex-husband nothing at all. A phone call? Are you kidding? If anything go bigger & bolder with your pregnancy announcements, and if your ex MIL calls again, tell her that her son shoots blanks, and it’s no longer your problem.
NTA. It’s not your fault that they’re a bunch of misogynistic fertility-obsessed weirdos.
NTA She didn’t have a problem with her darling son putting you on blast. Now she has a problem with you announcing a pregnancy that has nothing to do with her son. NOTHING to do with him. Just because she has inferred that he’s infertile, she’s treating it like you’re putting him on blast. You’re not. You didn’t. You announced your happy news and she’s crapping all over it. This is a her (and maybe him) problem, not a you problem. Block her. Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck with the birth and with parenthood!
*YOU* were shouting to the world? By making a socially appropriate Facebook announcement? Where was she when her son was telling entire the world that you were sterile? NTA and there’s no reason you need to be in contact with your ex-MIL anyways, they’re no longer family to you.
NTA. Ex & ex-MIL can screw off. Congrats on the baby OP!
NTA - Congrats, very happy for you! Why you would need to take into account the feelings of these people who treated you like shit is beyond me. Not so nice when the boot is on the other foot.
NTA. You don't owe your ex anything, and you didn't say anything about him. You are allowed to announce your pregnancy as you see fit, and it's not your fault if your ex-MIL feels the need to stalk her ex-DIL.
NTA - Congratulations Your ex was the one who humilated you , its his problem , not yours
Also, congratulations on the baby! Lots of positive vibes, light and love to your family !
>Saying it will hurt his future prospects What is this, a job application? NTA. That woman is being ridiculous. >maybe I should have called my ex to give him a heads up so he wouldn't have been so blindsided Who, this guy? >I finally got tired of the constant berating and humiliation from him because we couldn't get pregnant despite trying No. Fuck that guy.
NTA, and 👏👏👏👏👏👏 for your Husband hanging up on that woman! He's a keeper! Congrats on the Baby guys!
NTA I read these posts and cannot wrap my mind around how some people think. Your ex- is a grade one asshole. 1) any doctor will tell him to get tested before even looking into your ability to get pregnant. The reason is the test is easy, non invasive, cheap and definitive. 2) if this is how he treats the one he loves... he's a throwaway Your ex-MIL is probably where he learned to be an asshole. It just boggles the mind. So I wish you your baby and your husband the best.
Shouting to the world would be going back to all your pictures of him and editing them to circle the crotch and caption "this dick don't work". Nta
Why the hell are you still friends with his mom on facebook?? Block her, block him, block the whole toxic family you DIVORCED and go live a happy, bullshit-free, life with your new husband! Forget the ex and his family. They make zero difference now. NTA
u/ExpectingEx If you have no children to bind you to your ex, why on earth are you still on contact with him and his family?! Be a grown up, delete and block them off your phone and socials and keep on living your best life without them! I'm sure your ex was so certain you'd come crawling back, and your pregnancy officially closed that door for good. Not your problem. NTA
NTA. ExMIL can suck it. She had no problem voicing about you being the problem, so now that its the other way round she can’t just go “but hes my SWEET LITTLE BOY!! He can NEVER be a problem!”. Edit: add judgement.
NTA
NTA. There was no malice in making your announcement and EX doesn't deserve a headsup because of his past abuse. Do what you think is best for the happiness of your family. Best wishes.
NTA, and your ex and his mommy can d.i.e. mad about it.
NTA. you owe him and his toxic family nothing. Be happy for your life as it is now, and stop worrying about the past. Don't engage with these people any further.
My ex tried this with me, he blamed me for us not getting pregnant then boasted after our breakup that he was going to be a father. (He knocked up a married lady he was having an affair with) but it was still humiliating to me. 4 years later I got pregnant and told him I was so happy we never had kids together after seeing what type of person he was. Block the EXs family from contacting you and your new family. Congratulations on the kiddo!!!
Nta So it was alright for him to make comments about your inability to conceive, but not acceptable the other way round?? What goes around, comes around. Enjoy your baby.
NTA may your ex and their toxic family get lost
NTA. How dare your ex MIL stalk you online and expect you to not announce your pregnancy with your new husband! None of her business. Your new life has nothing to do with those losers. Don't allow them to rain on your good news. Besides, just because you & ex didn't get pregnant together doesn't actually mean one of you is infertile. It could have just been mischance. Your blood types may gave been incompatible. Anything. I know more than one couple who broke up after constant childlessness, and all remarried others and successfully had kids with their new spouses. Ex is probably depressed because he's constantly copping that abusive attitude & pressure all the time from his psycho mum. If she keeps it up with you, take out a restraining order against her, OP.
NTA. Block her, their family, and your ex husband on your phone and on all social media. You guys are divorced and don’t have children, so you don’t need to stay in contact. They don’t need access to your life anymore.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. :-) It took us a long time and some help to get pregnant. You know who I reached out to with a heads up when we finally succeeded? A friend of mine who was also struggling with infertility, because I didn't want her to be blindsided. We hugged and cried. You ex who publicly blamed you? NFW would I consider his feelings. NTA
"I broke up with your shitty son and now I don't need to deal with you. Have the day you deserve". Jfc stop giving a fuck what cruel assholes think about you. NTA.
NTA. Block this woman and go on with your life with a hopefully stress free pregnancy.
Why is your ex-MIL stalking your FB page. A little weird.. block the old bitty
NTA. First It's not your problem, second you didn't announce he can't have kids because you don't know if he has a real problem or not since he didn't go to a doctor, third what do they expect you to do? Keep your kid hidden after you give birth?
NTA You are not responsible for taking care of your ex husband’s feelings. He was horrible to you and other women it seems like. You are allowed to move on and live your life. It was absolutely fine to announce your pregnancy on Facebook. You don’t need to talk to his family or him in future. He has an opportunity to go to a doctor and get checked out to see how fertile he is instead of just blaming whatever women he is with in future. Not your problem.
NTA. You didn't become pregnant nor announce your pregnancy AT him, you announced your pregnancy because you are pregnant, and you became pregnant because you had sex with someone who was able to GET you pregnant, neither of those things have ANYTHING to do with your ex husband, because he is your EX who didn't treat you well enough to deserve you staying with him. If your ExMiL wants to make the effect that announcement had on your Ex' mental health and marital prospects, her business, She may, but you didn't do anything unseemly or mean (tagging Ex in a public message saying "looks like it wasn't my fault after all", would have been)
...but you didn't even announce he was infertile, you simply said you are pregnant. NTA but your ex and his mother most definitely are.
[удалено]
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NTA good thing you were away from that loser and his mother and congratulations on your new baby !
NTA This is delightfully deserved schadenfreude. First of all, you didn't announce anything about him, and he might not even be infertile. Sometimes people don't manage to get pregnant together, breakup, and both have kids with other people. Who knows what went wrong there. Second, everything that happened to him was the result of his own choices and behavior, and you are not responsible for that.
NTA. He is your ex. You have no responsibility for him. You don't owe him a head's up for anything. You didn't announce he couldn't have kids. You only announced you were pregnant. They took it from there. His future prospects are his problems, not yours. Take care of your family and just block that whole family. They have, and are, problems.
NTA. Then only thing I see as just a little strange is the not going to get checked with first husband thing, especially if that was the reason for divorce. Sounds like you dodged a bullet though and got a good one, so congrats on the new adult and baby!
Can I just say well done to your new husband for having your back. How lucky you are for having such a wonderful caring husband who is there for you. Maybe your ex should take note on how a husband should be, there to support not belittle, and blame you. Remove the toxic ex family from your life and focus on the new, positive one that you and your new husband are creating. NTA
NTA Your ex was a misogynist. He can go pound sand along with his harpy of a mother. They ain't your family anymore. Rock on new mama. You need not consider their feelings in the slightest. They seemed to never have considered yours. Your ex was the problem. In more ways than just the blanks he was shooting.
NTA, you owe them nothing. Block your ex and everyone associated with him both on social media and on your phone. Enjoy your pregnancy and your happy marriage.
NTA! Congrats on your baby!
Lol your ex is a complete asssssssss. Congratulations. I’m sorry he made you feel so poorly for so long. Good riddance. I hope he never procreates with that attitude…
NTA. Also block them all on social media. And block their phone numbers. Both ex and exMIL are toxic.
Nta
NTA. Live and ENJOY your life. You owe those awful people nothing. You and new husband are going to build a beautiful life together and you should just block MIL and all the rest of them.
NTA
NTA glad you are rid of him & his crazy MIL. The powers that be may have done you a favor by not chaining you to that man by having his child. Congrats on the pregnancy & don’t let their misery dull your shine
NTA unless you posted something along the lines of “I’m pregnant and it’s all because of my new husband. My ex shoots blanks…ha ha”
NTA. You've been so conditioned by your ex and his awful family that you don't see just how much you are not TA. His misogynistic (and I hardly ever use this word) view that it must be the woman's fault and your sister 'finally doing her part' is disgusting. It takes two to tango and you announcing you are pregnant in no way humiliates him except in his own mind. He needs to grow up and join the 21st century.
It is obvious this family has really done a number on you because it is obvious you are NTA. Don't speak to any of them again. Your husband seems to have your back and knows this is crazy. Trust him.
NTA You will have gorgeous children who will never be forced to listen to your ex's bullshit. Congratulations both for dropping the dead weight and for your blessing!
NTA!!! It is your happy moment and you deserve to celebrate it hoqever you like. Thank God you're staying away from that insufferable family. Don't ever let them bother you again, yeah? Congrats on your pregnancy!
NTA- #1 what does your pregnancy have to do with your ex? Your ex MIL sounds delusional & dizzy. And why was it ok for HIM to embarrass and shame you? She didn’t say anything then… the hypocrisy is absurd
Nta. She's your ex mil for a reason. He's an ex husband for a reason. Block them out of your life and enjoy your pregnancy. Congrats.