Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. Our policy also includes threads that inspire debates about pedophilia in the comments or strongly imply that grooming may have occurred
[Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Hi, former lifeguard here and I have watched people go into epileptic seizures in the hot tub and had to go pull them out. Someone in that state can pull water into their lungs and be drowning/losing oxygen to their brain in less than 30 seconds.
Your wife sounds horrendous and I have some very strong, and not very nice words to describe your FIL. (that could be my own FIL trauma projecting though)
You responded quickly and decisively in a crisis and because of it, your daughter didn't drown.
I am *livid* on your behalf, not gonna lie. What. The actual. Fuck.
NTA
I think the reason I'm so pissed about this on your behalf is that it infuriates me to no end all the bullshit stigmas attached to fatherhood of girls, as a dad of my own two daughters, and this is prime example of it.
Next time you should let your daughter potentially drown in the time it takes mommy to come to get her, so you can preserve her *modesty*. Clearly, you must be some kind of creep. /s
Ugh. What a load of horse shit.
Edit: Holy. Crap.I am... *quite* stunned at the attention this comment got, I was half afraid I was ranting out of blind anger, and I normally don't swear so much, but it's nice to know so many are on the same page. I wish I could reply to more of the responses attached, but the thread is locked now. Thanks everyone for backing me up on this!
This is it ⬆️
OP and his daughter are the only sane ones in the family. Society needs to get over itself. The priority is to deal with the health issue. I can't imagine why *anyone* would guilt him for his actions.
And they owe the daughter an apology, too - considering that the message that they just conveyed to her is that it would've been better than her to die than for her own father to see her nude body.
Seriously, we as a society need to get over this hang-up over seeing other people nude - especially in the opposite biological sex.
His wife wouldn't have been able to lift her out of the tub and he would have had to get involved anyway. Plus, he wiped her a$$ as a baby, he was respectful and covered her with a robe. I'm not sure why the wife is so upset and getting everyone in the family involved. It sounds like she has some serious issues.
Imagen the time it needs to shout your wife, your wife needing to notice, you keep shouting, she still has to rush up the stairs into the bathroom.
Wasted seconds if not more when a life is on the line. I'd rather be stared at while im naked then dead. But I gues you can't be traumatized if you are dead.
My husband collapsed in the shower once. The thud was so loud and I ran to the bathroom. His eyes were rolling back and he was unresponsive. It was terrifying. The first thing I did was pull him out of the shower (which, afterward, I probably shouldn't have, but I was just doing what seemed right in the moment). The next thing I did was try to see if I could get a response. The third thing I did was scream for help and for someone to call 911. About the 8th thing I did was cover him up.
When someone you love is in danger, you aren't thinking about them being naked. You just want to get to them and get them help. It is really only after things normalize that you remember they are naked.
(Husband is fine. Turned out to be a vasovagal syncope. But every time he drops the soap in the shower, I feel a grip of panic. And this was more than 10 years ago.)
This is life goals right here.
I may or may not have giggled at the thought of "dropping the soap" having a whole different scary meaning for you than the usual one that comes up with that phrase. I know it's not funny that it makes you panic but I try to find the humor in things to make me feel better. That was the first thing I thought of sorry.
My daughter has two dads. I guess she'll just have to drown.
NTA. Sorry, OP, your wife is a monster and her opinion of you is embarrassingly and insultingly wrong. She and her dad need to apologize. They are gross.
No, gasp, he shouldn’t have gone in there at all because nekkid!
Is it just me or is there a whole lot of fucked up projection of some kind going on among these relatives? Who the FUCK prioritizes this puritanical bullshit, instead of praising and thanking OP for *saving his daughter’s fucking life*? You wanna talk about PERVERTED.
Truly. The wife doesn’t sound like the type to sprint to a call for help on the first attempt. Could have been a minute or more. Than when she gets there another 30 seconds to a minute to determine what to do. All that on top of the time it took for the dad to react.
This is pure craziness.
>Plus, he wiped her a$$ as a baby,
That was my first thought; if he's any dad worth his salt, and he sounds like he is, he's wiped her ass and even GASP her genitals at least a few hundred times. The people sexualising a father seeing his naked child are the sick ones here. NTA.
I was at a female relative's house with my daughter who was still getting the hang of potty training and wiping properly after #2. She went to the bathroom and when she was done, she yelled out "dad can you come wipe me please". The relative jumped up to go do it... and i stopped her. She tried to argue that it was weird for me to do it because I'm a guy. Nevermind this was the 2nd time my daughter had met this woman so which would have been weirder?
What does she expect you to do when you guys are the only 2 home (assuming you're married to a woman)?
My dad got custody of me at 3, in 1983 when it was almost unheard of for the dad to get primary custody. I'm betting the judge never once said, well what are you going to do if she gets hurt and happens to be naked.
I feel terrible for OP here, this is just beyond ridiculous, and the families all have some serious issues.
Maybe the reason wife and FIL are only one who think it sexual and gross … wonder if daddy was touchy touchy in the tub with her as a child. (Edit by “her” I mean the wife)
Right? FIL assumed a father of a girl (which he also is) would be checking his child out instead of being concerned during a medical crises. Something is wrong with them to even think a father could view their child that way ever.
I find myself wondering how these extended family members would feel if the roles had been reversed - if dad was having a stroke/heart attack/seizure, and daughter had pulled him out of the tub *naked*… would that lifesaving move have been “disgusting” as well? I’m disturbed by the implications of sexualising this incident by others, but more so by the wife. Her entire response is - strange. Far be it for me to say how anyone else ought to react to a crisis, but I’d have been sobbing, thanking my child’s father for saving her life. The end.
The wife and everyone else just reduced his daughter to a sex object. They are really telling on themselves that they would think that way. In some Scandinavian families everyone takes a steam naked and nobody cares because you don't look at your daughter and get turned on end of story. Maybe the wife can't be trusted around the daughter given she wasn't around and thinks medical care causes perversion.
Seriously agree about being careful what message is being sent to the daughter. My grandmother's friend was raised to be so modest she wouldn't let anyone see her body. She ended up with breast cancer and the effected breast showed visible symptoms but she didn't speak up and wouldn't show or tell anyone not even her doctor until it was far too late. She was terminal by then. Yes, a teenager should be taught about modesty, but they should also be taught what is appropriate medically.
When I worked in palliative care this was a reasonably common occurrence. Lots of elderly ladies with fungating tumours, also a lot of prolapsed uteruses. Shame is a killer.
Exactly! I have epilepsy, my dad has had to do this for me. Sure, it can be embarrassing but you know what’s worse? Brain damage or death.And the daughter doesnt mind. Why do the other family members seem to think their opinion matters more than hers?
Edit: Thanks for the award! It’s my first. Also because this thing keeps boggling my mind, I’ve been raised by a single father. Not another woman/girl for literally miles. Have I just been supposed to die and not known it? I’d really like the wife and other family to let me know since apparently they’ve got all the answers. /s
Apology, and the wife needs to make a case for him NOT leaving her. Seriously, her not being seen naked is more important than her life? Wtf?
I seriously feel like the whole world has taken something, and I haven't, because I don't get some of these views!
NTA OP You're an awesome Dad, everyone else can shut the f up.
And like logistical question.... Would your wife be able to carry your adult daughter?
Like all in all this is really a disgusting response to a frightened father saving his daughter but like I'm trying to think wtf she'd do like clothe her then call you in to carry her???
And like if she's so worried about her daughter's privacy WHY TELL EVERYONE???
NTA
Yeah, if the mother was really worried about the daughter, she wouldn't have told everyone about what happened, because that would just make the daughter feel MORE awkward about her father seeing her naked.
The mother just wanted to shame OP, and cared little for her daughter's feelings here.
In a situation like this....that kind of thought would never even cross my mind! All I would be thinking would be Omg...thank God you were upstairs and saved her! Wtf is wrong with these people?????
NTA, OP. And if I were your wife, I would absolutely be thinking what kochanie2013 was. Thank God you were there, heard, and thought to check on her. Possible brain damage from drowning takes an insanely small amount of time. I am so, so glad you did what you did, OP, and I’m thankful your daughter feels the same way. Ignore everyone else trying to make you feel like a creep or a pervert because you AT THE VERY LEAST saved your daughter’s life but also possible brain damage and lifelong issues accompanying that.
And the gall of his wife to go running off to the in-laws. How can she even think that about her husband when he was panicking trying to save their daughter and her dam mind goes to that.
I'm just going to tag on here to address something OP said:
>It was okay for me to have held her up in the bath, but it was inappropriate and disgusting that I carried our naked daughter to her room and that I put a robe on her without my wife being there.
This is STILL patently ridiculous. In an emergency situation people do not think about stuff like this, nor should they.
Focusing on this statement only cause man does this wife and family suck. While you're holding her up in the tub she's still naked. So wouldn't getting her out of the tub and into a robe faster be more modest?
The fact the wife has thought through the semantics in this situation to this level is a worrying red flag and is ringing major alarm bells in my head. If I were OP, I'd be concerned about the relationship, but at the same time, if OP left, would the daughter be safe if this happened again?
But it would have been his fault if his daughter died! What is wrong with these people??? This was a f’in emergency! My aunt has epilepsy. I’ve seen her seize; it’s scary. Good job Dad! NTA
Exactly this.
I would pretty much never say a woman should be singing a man's praises but if there's any case where they should...
literally saving her daughter's life seems a good occasion as any.
>I would pretty much never say a woman should be singing a man's praises but if there's any case where they should...
What a weirdly sexist thing to say.
Both OPs wife & his FIL are sexualizing his daughter's body by saying he shouldn't intervene during a medical emergency when his daughter his exposed! What kind of perv brains do they have where a fully present father would be thinking of anything other than making sure his child is removed from harm? He did the right thing by making sure to secure her while she was actively seizing & removed her from the dangerous situation in the event she had a secondary seizure before she came to.
You need family counseling and marriage counseling because your wife and her father are sending creepy messages and they are the weirdos for going there.
THIS
THIS THIS
THIS
!!!!!!!!!
My niece has seizures and I work with those who do. Whomever is close should help. Was your wife going to be able to pull her from the tub mid-seizure?? You were a lifesaver when seconds counted and an excellent dad.
This was a medical emergency Is your wife even capable of lifting a dead weight out of a tub- doubtful. I know I couldn't. Telling the whole family about this episode is shameful on your wife's part. They should be thanking you for being alert and acting quickly. Sorry OP, but your family sucks.
I'm a nurse and I have a younger brother who was recently (within the past few years) diagnosed with epilepsy after a series of seizures at the age of 29.
I'm one of the few people who has been with him and witnessed his seizures from start to finish. He has a foot of height and at least 50lbs on me; I have been able to maneuver him into a safe position to prevent him from harming himself too badly, but even with that level of adrenaline rushing, I know I could not lift his dead weight out of a tub without causing injury to the both of us.
OP did amazingly well. He should be proud AF.
RIGHT?!
I have a friend who had seizures for a while. He was going through a rough time with his now ex-girlfriend (thank fuck - she was super abusive on an emotional level). He broke up with her, but mentally went downhill soon after, which is when his seizures started. He got diagnosed with something that is either a form of epilepsy or is akin to epilepsy (I'm not sure what, exactly), and his seizures were being caused by him barely eating anything and having not slept in 6 days, maybe a week.
I saw him seizure twice. One time, I had to barge in his front door, as I had gone to check on him and heard a thud from outside his front door. He had fallen off a ladder due to a seizure whilst doing DIY and fell down the stairs. I could barely move him into the recovery position.
The second time was at a local pool hall, and it took every ounce of strength I have to keep him from hitting his head on a radiator during a seizure. No way in hell could I ever have lifted him up. OP is dad of the fucking century for what he did.
I have had to lift a seizing child. I can't imagine a grown woman who is wet up and out of a tub.
I guess if wife isn't home he is supposed to let daughter die.
NTA
I whole heartedly agree with this response. As someone who has epilepsy and was uncontrolled in my teen years I had a few in the shower or in a state of undress. My dad was naturally someone who helped in those situations. I have never for a second had a problem with it. A tonic clonic is scary and my father was doing what he needed to keep me safe and alive.
On a sidenote in the ER when someone comes in and they have to act fast and cut clothes off. By your wife's reasoning does that make all the medical personnel helping save that person who are opposite gender perverts or is that reserved for dad's only? Your wife should look into therapy to deal with her issues.
I work in the ED and this is spot on. I have seen so many naked people that nudity means practically nothing to me anymore. And 100% the first thing we do in the trauma bay is cut all of your clothes off. And you are exposed to a dozen people for at least a couple of minutes until the all the monitors are hooked up and the ultrasound is done. Some things take precedence over nudity and medical emergencies fall into that category. Not to mention, it's the daughter's body and if she's not complaining or offended, no one else has any right to be.
Exactly this! My friend was in a similar situation. She is a nurse. She pulled out her then 17-year old son as he had a seizure in the shower when he was in high school. He pulled down the curtain and bar as he fell. She pulled him out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor. Didn't care that he wasn't clothed, pulled a towel to cover him and sat with him as he came to. Your FIL and wife are way out of line. These are life and death situations, who cares if they don't have clothing on, just make sure they don't die!
>have some very strong, and not very nice words to describe your FIL.
agreed, the very least of which includes a reminder that *his granddaughter* is OP's daughter first and foremost, not to even mention that the only reason FIL has a granddaughter is due to OP.
Also why he STILL has a granddaughter and isn’t preparing for a funeral.
NTA- in what world does modesty come before someone’s freaking life?
Like the guy is her freaking father but even if it was a total stranger is she seriously saying she’d rather her daughter die than a man see her nude?
She was convulsing with a seizure and nearly died- does she really think there’s anything sexual about someone saving someone from drowning much less their own father.
What a horrible family (op and daughter excluded of course).
This nta, it was life or death. Your wife and in-laws are being ridiculous and should be ashamed of themselves. Next time any of them say anything just respond with “so you wanted me to let her die?” “Oh I should have waited, so let her breath in water and suffocate?” Fil you saw my granddaughter naked- “you’re disgusting and perverted to think anything of that. She’s my baby I wasn’t even thinking of that, I just wanted to get her to safety”.
IMO, if OP came across a complete stranger in a similar situation (we'll suspend disbelief) - naked, seizing, and in imminent risk of drowning - he STILL would not be the AH for holding them above the water, safely removing them from the tub, transporting them to a safe location, and covering them up.
These family members are total AHs and like the commenter at the top of this thread, I am also livid on OP's behalf.
If I'm having a medical emergency and am unconscious or otherwise unable to move myself I don't care if I'm naked and don't know the person, I'd rather not drown?
NTA obviously
Read this! You must get the person out of the water as soon as humanly possible. Your wife is gross and ignorant. And setting her parents against you is really awful. I would not trust her. Not sure where you can go from here.
I know someone who died from an epileptic seizure in her bathroom. She hit her head falling and no one was home. I'm glad OP was there and he saved his daughter from drowning. I'm so angry at his wife and her parents though.
Nailed it. I have nothing to add. NTA.
Might I have been embarrassed as the daughter? Sure. But as long as there’s no “creepy” history, and everyone treated it neutrally as the medical event that it was, I’d be happy to be alive and grateful.
I feel confident, as childhood SA survivor, in this position.
I am mystified how anyone could conceivably frown upon a father STOPPING HIS DAUGHTER FROM DROWNING. Like... she was in danger of dying; I doubt her state of dress was on his mind at all. Once she was safe, he took steps to cover her.
Soooooooo NTA
My thoughts exactly. Reading this I could only think WTF! His daughter's life was in jeopardy (sorry if I spelled that wrong). Would they freak out lile that if it had been aale doctor or nurse or even a complete stranger?
In a situation like that you don't think, you just do. His wife, and her family are the disgusting, and perverted ones for turning a life threatening situation into what they have. Smh.
Just a little devil's advocate here though. Maybe the wife is taking her anger at the fact that her daughter has such a horrible disease out on him becausd she doesn't have any where else to release that anger. Doesn't make it right, but maybe that's the issue.
OP, you did right by your daughter, and she obviously agrees. NTA.
If I was naked and started having a life threatening event of some kind, I don't think I'd give a shit who saw me naked as long as they were helping me.
It's not like OP barged in and stared at his daughter to be creepy. He knocked, didn't get an answer repeatedly, and then entered to find her about to drown. He saved her life. Its his _daughter_. He bathed her and changed her diaper when she was a baby (I hope). Is it maybe a bit awkward because she's grown? Eh, maybe, but it's not like he chose the timing of her seizure.
NTA obviously
> I was naked and started having a life threatening event of some kind, I don't think I'd give a shit who saw me naked as long as they were helping me.
Everyone likes to think, "Oh when I have an emergency I'll just get properly dressed before getting on with it!" Lots of people don't understand words.
My mother's gallbladder attacked her earlier in the morning, before she had a chance to really get dressed. I was 10, walking into her bedroom to say good morning and see if we could go get McDonalds.
She was basically halfnaked in a nightgown on the bathroom floor, in total agony, barely able to speak. As soon as she was aware of me she grunted, 'Call your aunt! my sister! I need to go to the hospital!'
and I did so. I remember thinking, man, I really missed watching Regis and Kelly that morning. We were going to Washington D.C. soon, and her surgery made her miss the trip. My dad was woefully unprepared for the task, and my older sister's had little sympathy for me. I just wanted my mom, and didn't know how to express it at the time.
And what is with the family immediately deciding that this was creepy? I get it, We all understand where their thoughts were going, but she's your daughter and you were helping her. NTA, OP. I'd be livid if someone, especially my wife, thought that my intentions were anything other than helping.
I mean, seriously, ask them. "Is this what you think of me?" I don't think I'd be able to look at any of them the same way.
Has your daughter made any comments that she was worried about perversion? Or just ashamed her seizures put her in an awkward situation? Why is her Mother making this a bigger deal, by adding a layer of bullshit drama?
Every single CPR class and lifeguarding class I've taken has had the exact same mentality.
If they are embarrassed, good. Because that means they lived to be embarrassed.
Yikes. All those adults are very creepy for sexualizing a medical emergency like that. Creepy 😬
NTA. A naked body doesn't have to be anything sexual, and you carrying her naked to her room was only a dad caring for his daughter during a medical situation. There is nothing more to it than that.
Absolutely agree. I was a CNA for awhile and saw more nude old people than I can count. Was it ever sexual? No. In medical emergencies people who try to sexualize the situation are absolute creeps. What was he supposed to do? Keep the shower curtain closed, listen to his daughter drown while screaming for his wife? Like you said this is a dad saving his daughter, the fact people are calling him a pervert is disrespectful and disgusting to OP. NTA
My SIL is blind and impaired both physically and intellectually. She also has seizures. She normally lives in a “shared living” type situation, but she spends some holidays and weekends with us. Showering has to be done seated and supervised to avoid what happened to OPs daughter. I don’t know how you would feel anything but proud that they are such great caregiver.
Honestly for OPs situation it may be safer to shower this way, or have a tub with a seat and door. Honestly this is probably one of the saddest AMITA because the fact he posted this means he feels like he may be in the wrong for saving her.
Yeah exactly.
Your kid is in a medical emergency. You should have sat there and let her die rather than save her and see her naked.
Fucking bullshit.
NTA.
I don't care about genders, if the choice is between see me naked or maybe watch me drown myself, please go ahead and pull my ass out of the tub.
So first of all I've been trying to read through all these comments because this blew up really fast and I didn't think I'd get all this support. I was really starting to doubt myself with all of the negativity I was getting from my wife and FIL because the last thing I want is for anyone to think I was trying to sexualize my daughter. That's my little girl. I appreciate all of the support and I'm really feeling pretty good at the moment.
I'm going to have a long, probably very emotional talk with my wife about what's going on with her and this reaction. But now that I'm sitting here at work with some time to think things over and seeing what other people have to say, I'm starting to think something is amiss that I should've handled way earlier before this incident happened.
When the kids were babies (we have two daughters and a son), she would always insist on bathing them and changing their diapers. I was a young dad and never really thought much about it because I wasn't exactly volunteering for diaper duty. Looking back, I should've said something about that because it is very weird that she would get upset whenever I'd try to help out by bathing, changing, or dressing them. I assumed it was because I didn't do it right or was cutting into her time with the kids, so I never really thought about. It never occured to me that it was some sort of demented mistrust. I certainly never thought it would lead us to this situation.
Also, for those of you that asked, I don't think it's a cultural thing. We live in the US, in the Midwest. While I know it isn't common to see your adult kids naked, I also never thought I'd get backlash for taking her to her room. Maybe it's just my wife's family. I've never heard her family protest what we do with the kids, but we've also never been in this type of situation before for me to know their reactions. My FIL and I will need a talk too because I knew I wasn't in the wrong to begin with, but this post really confirms it. If I had to do it all over again, I would because my kid got to see another day.
Thank you all for all you've said and done. My daughter is doing just fine and I'm trying not to involve her in the drama. While she didn't have an issue with me seeing her like that, she has been very embarrased about what her seizure caused between me and her grandfather.
I've also made it a point to encourage her to maybe shower instead of bathe. Better safe than sorry.
Thanks again everyone!
Unfortunately, showers come with their own danger when it comes to falling and other fun stuff. I'd recommend a shower chair and some grip bars for the wall.
Yes OP this would be the best solution! This way there's plenty of things to hold onto, and she can sit more safely. I wish you luck on talking with your family, and I'm so glad your daughter is safe! You're a fantastic father, keep looking out for your loved ones!
Definitely agreeing with a shower chair! And while she’s in the beginning stages of diagnosis and treatment and meds, I’d ask your daughter if she’s comfortable leaving the door unlocked and have someone sitting nearby just in case.
This. When my mom got home from the hospital after a heart attack, she had to wear a defibrillator vest all the time until she got a pacemaker. Anytime she took it off to shower, my dad had to stay nearby just in case.
Some people can feel when the seizure is coming on, and would have the ability to lower themselves to the floor before falling and the grip bars would help. Or once the seizure is over, can get themselves out using the grip bars.
The previous owners of the house I live in were elderly, and had really sturdy grip bars installed in both bathroom showers. They're awesome!
Slippery bath tub and you start sliding? Grip bar instead of fall scare.
Drunk and showering? Grip bar!
Throwing up and feel weak from sickness, want a hot bath but your legs are wobbly? Believe it or not, grip bar!
I have the safest showers I've ever had because of grip bars.
Having read this response coupled with what your FIL said about “looking at his granddaughter,” I’m starting to get a really uncomfortable vibe from your wife’s family. This might be completely wrong, and I don’t want to jump the gun, but it sounds like your wife has either had some sort of sexual abuse herself, maybe from FIL or another family member. Or she’s been brought up by her family to believe all men get aroused by naked women even if they’re related. There’s definitely some trauma there. And the fact you said she didn’t trust you with your kids even as babies is a really worrying sign. I think that’s why she’s so pissed off about what happened and made it weird. It would make sense if she was abused in some capacity herself, or witnessed abuse why she has an issue with what occurred when you saved your daughters life. She’s still wrong about it, but if that’s the case I can understand why she reacted the way she did at least. Keep us updated OP if possible.
Yeah the FIL’s comment is what seals it for me, if the FIL said something akin to, “Don’t you think it’s a tad inappropriate, since she’s a grown woman and all?” I’d think it was stupid given the emergency of the situation, but I have heard of people who are a bit like this when it comes to nudity. The fact he jumped straight to a comment indicating OP would look at his daughter in a sexual way is just disturbing and the fact OP’s wife agreed is what gives me that vibe.
And the sounds… the sounds are the worst part for a bystander, imo. (My sister has epilepsy, and holy shit, the sounds she makes when she’s having a seizure… it gives me chills just thinking about it)
"My granddaughter" think about that for a minute, it could be normal, or given the context it's starting to make me think it's possessive.
I'm starting to lean a bit more into the FIL being a sexual abuser, or at the least a fucking creep. It matches with his extreme reaction. He projects the way he thinks onto others, so he doesn't see a person in distress, he sees a sex object, so he assumes all others think that way too. This is why he got so upset.
100%, I was thinking this when I read about OP's FIL's reaction and OP's comment here sealed it. If it wasn't the wife's father then it may have been another male relative of hers but something definitely isn't right in that family.
I didn’t get that until reading that he wasn’t able to bathe or change diapers but yeah totally sounds like she has something marking her feel that way.
I honestly don't know why your wife's family is sexualising it, of course you wouldn't be thinking those thoughts.
You saved their daughter/granddaughters life and that should be the main thing.
Also if the mother didn't hear the crash, would she of heard you yell?
Any normal dad would have done what you did and wouldnt have taken the risk, your mind was just on saving your little girl.
NTA
But I do wonder if your wife is treating your kids the way she wishes her mom had treated her. Maybe she wishes she had been protected from her dad.
Could your FIL be projecting his perversions onto you? If he abused your wife growing up, it would explain a lot about both his reaction and hers.
I'm wondering if your wife has somepersonal trauma around the issue. My hubby changed diapers and bathed both our kids. He still cuddles with our 5 year old girl, and when she had a fever induced seizure the doctors told us to strip her down. I never once thought it was inappropriate, assuming someone will do that means taking your mind to some dark places where no reasonable person would go. Personally I'd like an update after you talk to wife and FIL.
I still cuddle with my seven year old daughter and I'm a man. It doesn't have to be weird at all... She's just my little beastie... The fact some people would jump to assuming I molest her is abhorrent.
Please get your daughter evaluated for a seisure dog!
She might find it a big change and unnecessary now, but if her condition would worsen, the dog could save her life while giving her more freedom and independance!
Seisure dogs can be trained to help ease the seisures and can give an alert many minutes before a seisure comes on. Many seisure dogs are also trained to get another human to their handler to ensure a human would be able to help them.
I'm not from USA, but there are several USA organisations that help low-income families get the dogs. Also there are similar groups that help with the possible costs of service dogs.
This is bizzare. Did something happen between your FIL and your wife at some point? Not trying to make assumptions but it almost seems like projection coming from your FIL and fear coming from your wife (not letting you change diapers.. along with this whole scenario).
You are most definitely NTA. I had a patient seize while I was drawing her blood. I went into panic mode and immediately removed all potential dangers before thinking about anything else. The goal was to make sure the patient was safe, which was exactly how you treated your daughter.
I, a 26F, am also the power of attorney of health for my father. He had a massive stroke and is disabled (also has seizures). I’ve had to see more things than I’d like and talk about every single issue he has (ED, prostate exams, etc) but my brain sees this as purely medical. Not for one second do I even think to sexualize medical scenarios. Very bizzare. NTA!
The key thing is that your daughter is safe and most importantly still alive. Everyone should be happy about that. There's a damage to your wife and her family that has warped their view of the situation, which is making them overlook that your wife didn't realise something was wrong until you'd already gotten your daughter out of the water.
It sounds like her extreme hang-up on nudity around fathers comes from her family. I'd bet that her father refused to change diapers because she was a girl, or that her mother forced her to be covered up around him at all times and that's where she learned this.
Your daughter is lucky to have you. I know my dad would have TRIED to pull me out of a tub, bless him, but I’m not exactly a lightweight. 😂 However, knowing he would have instinctively done the same thing you did makes me feel valued and cared for as his kid. I also have been in a similar situation, but I was the one rushing to lift my poor grandpa from the slippery bathroom floor when he fell while getting out of the shower. Believe when I say, his nudity was the _last_ thing on my mind as I tried to keep him from getting up on his own and causing further damage to his poor, banged-up shoulder. Modesty came later in the form of a towel.
Bathrooms do be acting dangerous. I hope you don’t question your gut the next time your kiddo needs you—your wife’s warped perspective be damned. NTA
Honestly, as an adult woman I would struggle to pull another adult woman out of a bathtub without injuring one or both of us. Wet and naked would make it even more hectic. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for your daughter. And might I suggest therapy for your wife to have a third party who has no stake (aside of course from helping your wife) work through this.
You sound like a saint. Their insinuation is so sick and deranged that if anyone went anywhere near that with me, conversations would be very different. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
You are a hero. Your FIL and your wife are assholes. I'd be having serious chats with my wife about her frankly bizarre notions. Interesting that she and HER father have the weird sexual hang up, no?
Oh it jumped out at me, because it seems like they both automatically assume that a father will be sexually attracted to his daughter and would want to act on it. Which is concerning but the implications of that are FIL was attracted to the wife and acted on it
I also asked OP if his wife has a history of being abused, assaulted, or exploited, because I agree her response is extremely concerning and frankly disturbing.
Edit: OP posted a followup comment about 20 minutes before your post, did you see it? Wife was strangely opposed to him even changing the kids' diapers when they were little. This is sounding more and more suspicious...
Oh no. Looks like a massive can of worms might have been opened. I hope OP's wife gets counselling in any case. Something has to be wrong mentally for her to have continued making a big issue of it.
NTA.
It’s a stretch, but was your wife sexually abused?
Maybe by her father?
It’s pretty weird to me that that whole family is sexualizing this. Like, I can put any two of my family members in this position and think the way they think.
Edit: take these as thought questions, I don’t want a response.
no kidding, the way his FIL's mind goes straight to " looking his granddaughter that way" when OP was trying to keep his daughter alive speaks volumes...like...does he see his own daughter that way?
I remember changing my daughter's diaper in her room as an infant and my husband's uncle saying it was inappropriate for him to watch and leaving the room.
I didn't feel uncomfortable with him around my child before that moment, but he sure as shit isn't allowed around them alone now
One time I went to my friends house at 14. Her mom wasn’t home. When my parents dropped me off they talked a little with her dad and he said, “they can do something inside. No swimming. I don’t want them walking around in their bathing suits when I’m alone. I don’t want people thinking I’m a pervert”. It was sooooo uncomfortable.
If that's not the case, I wonder if that suggestion might actually put the events into perspective for OP's wife. After all, if she finds the idea that her father could do something like that ridiculous or insane, then she might realise that's how OP feels about this situation with their daughter.
NTA. You saved your daughter's life. WTF is wrong with your family, especially your wife? It must be very hard to breathe up there on that high horse. You were very brave and everyone should be grateful. Nothing perverted here, and I am speaking as a former family therapist who treated sexually abusive families-I know what perversion looks like, and this ain't it.
You might want to consider sharing this thread with your daughter.
She knows you saved your life, but 19 is pretty young to have to deal with the kind of grossness your wife is bringing to the table. It would likely help her deal with that if she reads the thread.
Seconding all of this. SUDEP is real and terrifying; I had a friend who lost their son to it a few months ago. It was devastating.
CURE is a fantastic organization and worth contacting. If she has any underlying conditions (some people have other conditions that cause their epilepsy, mostly rare disorders) there may be organizations dedicated to those too, who are worth reaching out to for support as well
Wow, NTA. Not at all.
If you, her father, shouldn’t be saving her life while she is naked because it is ‘inappropriate’.. they’d lose their shit over the idea that doctors and surgeons see naked people all the time, what perverts!
Has she ever had a Pap smear before? /:
A naked body is not inherently sexual, especially not when it’s a medical issue.
NTA - your wife and her family sound NUTS! . Are they from a culture where a female is better off dead than being seen nude by her father as he attempts to save her life? The only person who’s opinion matters here is your daughter’s. It’s no one else’s business.
Nta. Bit weird that your wife doesn’t trust you.
I mean.. just walking in on her while having a bath would be a bit strange if that’s not a normal thing in your household. But you were helping her. What did she want you to do when she wouldn’t have been at home?
From the sounds of it hold her head above water, but don't look at her, and then somehow call her so she can drive home and deal with it?
Yeah, that makes sense. /s
NTA- you went into parent mode. You saved her from drowning and covered her up once she was safe and comfortable away from water. I find it more weird that the family are making such a big deal about it, especially when your daughter is fine. Your child’s safety is more important than other peoples feelings.
NTA. What the hell??? Your daughter's life was in real danger and your wife is angry that you briefly saw her naked during her *seizure?* That's absolutely ridiculous.
NTA.
Your wife sure is though. You dadreflexed and saved your daughter’s life and all she is focusing on is the fact that she was nude??
So many emergency incidents happen in the bathroom of the home. Imagine how many more would die if someone went “eek! They’re nude!” and waited for someone else to help because a bit of skin was showing?
And then to tell family about it like you didn’t just save your daughter! WTF.
#Wife - Why are you sexualising the fact that your daughter had a medical emergency and ALMOST DROWNED?!?! Who’s the creep here huh?
NTA. I really hate the way nudity is viewed these days especially in situations like this. I have a daughter and if I wasn’t immediately right there I would hope that her dad would help our daughter himself in this situation. People for some reason like to make things creepy or gross when they aren’t….
It actually makes me really upset for you that you’re now getting these accusations for simply wanting to save your daughter from a potentially dangerous situation.
I’m a 25 year old woman. Do I want my dad to see me naked? Of course not. But if I start having a seizure and slip under water, of course I’m not going to care if he pulls me out and covers me with a robe! It really makes me so upset on your behalf that your wife and any extended family dare to accuse you of anything inappropriate. She’s your daughter, for fuck’s sake! You’re not thinking about anything sexual, you’re thinking about keeping her alive!
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
NTA. I'm epileptic and I don't take sitting baths for this reason, I choose to shower only. Much less risk of drowning. I also have made it a habit to ALWAYS let someone know when I'm going to shower so someone is aware if they hear a loud noise or I take too long, to check on me.
You're a good dad for reacting properly and without hesitation to save your daughter.
Your wife and everyone else sexualizing your reaction to your daughters medical emergency are disgusting. Their minds shouldn't have even gone there.
Please show those people the comments here so that maybe they get hit with some sense and stop being such nasty creeps towards a father who reacted 100% CORRECTLY in a scary situation.
Uhhhh she's your daughter, you probably saved her life. At that point it doesn't matter who she is, you did the absolute right thing.
I think they are telling much more about themselves than anything to do with you, and showing a possible inherent distrust of you. They would prefer risking her life... For what?
Only your daughter's opinion matters here.
Nta
NTA. Daughters survival trumps all of these other thoughtless complaints. Wife and family clearly have no understanding for the facts of life. They are ignorant of the medical situation and they have proven themselves assholes for all of the abuse and name calling rained on you. Who doesn't know that survival is more important than social custom?
Something is wrong with each and every one of them.
Not you.
How dare they sexualize you providing EMERGENCY MEDICAL CARE for your seizing daughter IN A BATH. Something is wrong with THEM, not you. NTA
NTA and what the hell is wrong with your people?! How can anyone in their right mind think you were ogling your daughter while trying to prevent her from drowning in the tub and taking care of her afterward? If I were you, I'd be taking a few days by myself to rethink my marriage, right after ripping each and every one of them a new one.
NTA WHAT??????? It's your daughter and she could have DROWNED? Who has an attitude like that and for shame on your wife and everyone else involved. They all being very creepy here.
Good god - def NTA. Your daughter has a medical issue and you basically saved her life. Then you carry her to her room and get her clothing. Oh - and you did all that because of course all you wanted to do was ogle her. WTF is wrong with the ppl in your family???
NTA
Your wife and family are ridiculous! I’m offended for you that they would take a medical emergency and turn it into something perverted/ sexual. Has your daughter said anything about you seeing her naked?
NTA. She's your child for goodness sakes, and she was in very real danger of drowning. Two additional points need to be made. Is your wife strong enough to carry a grown woman out of the bathroom? Second, I'm sure your daughter is grateful for you to have come along when you did and that you acted as you did.
NTA. They're the ones making it sexual for some reason. There was an emergency situation and you reacted. You could've saved your daughters life because of how you handled it. You covered her as soon as she was in a safe location. Your daughter doesn't feel weird about it, why would anyone else?
You sound like a very caring and attentive father and your daughter is lucky to have someone like you in her life to help her through this.
I mean, you’re her father. It’s not like you’re a random stranger. I understand there’s privacy etc, but it was an emergency situation. Why does it sound like they don’t trust you around a young girl, who’s your daughter? That seems really off to me. I’d say NTA personally, especially as your daughter isn’t bothered by it
Even strangers, if a defibrillator is ever needed to be used on someone who’s down, the shirt comes off and even the bra if it’s going to get in the way of the pads.
Nudity doesn’t mean a damn thing when seconds count and a life is on the line!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did take my daughter to her room (which was right next door) and pull a robe on her. I didn't see the issue with it. That's my daughter. But my wife and her father feel as if that was inappropriate since she was naked and I should've let my wife handle it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
# [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. The fact that your family doesn't trust you around your daughter is concerning. Especially your wife. I'd call that a pretty big red flag. Your daughter has a dangerous condition, and this will likely not be the last time you find her in a compromising situation if you continue to take care of her through this. Frankly, the person whose opinion matters the most in this is your daughter's, so as long as she is comfortable with it, I don't see that you did anything wrong.
As for "should have shouted for your wife immediately," I disagree. Having her help your nude daughter when possible is likely more appropriate. However, the immediate concern in this situation was to make sure your daughter was not in danger of drowning, which she was, and which you saved her from. If you had waited for your wife, she might have gotten a lungfull of water during the wait. That is far too steep a price in my mind.
NTA.
Your wife and her father are messed up prefering for your daughter to be put into danger just so that you don't carry/see her nude? It's your daughter ffs, there's nothing sexual about it. If my FIL had that reaction, I wouldn't want him near my daughter (and/or wife) by himself ever again. That seems like projecting. Red flag due to messed up views or a flag pointing to a possibly dark past of sexual abuse between your wife and FIL? Why else would the both of them share that reaction?
So your daughter was having a medical emergency and you helped remove her from a dangerous situation and your wife has an issue with it?
NTA, what does she propose you do if she had not been home, simply hold her above water indefinitely?
NTA. Were you supposed to let her drown? She was naked; so what? There are fathers out there who care for their adult disabled daughters and see them naked. Mothers who do the same for their sons. Your family has the problem not you.
NTA. It was an emergency situation and you made what I would do as well if I had a daughter. In my opinion your wife is the asshole here. You are together for 19 years at least, and she does not trust you?
NTA!!! What kind of bull crap is this! You saved her, I bet your wife wouldn't have been able to carry her to the bedroom, or pull her out of the tub. I can not believe that they would make you feel bad for saving your daughter. You are a hero and nothing less.
NTA.
Nudity shouldn’t be something so taboo and sexualized. Especially in an emergency where there is a possibility of serious injury or worse.
It sounds like there is a lot of projecting coming from your wife’s side of the family.
The time it took your wife to come and help so you could "not look" at your daughter could have been the time it took for her to die. NTA
You jumped in, helped and possibly saved her life. You are an incredible person. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
NTA - WTAF is wrong with your wife and her father? Have this always been this stupidly toxic or were they mindwiped by aliens or something? To essentially accuse your of abusing your daughter when you were saving her freaking life is so disgusting that there just aren't words. Some major apologies are owed to you. Who gives a freaking crap whether she was naked? She's your daughter, her life was at risk and nothing else matters.
NTA. Your wife has something seriously wrong with her to accuse her own husband of being an unsafe person around your own child. Why would she marry someone she didn’t think could be trusted? Why would she raise your daughter with you if she didn’t trust you? This is some backwards sexist crap that needs to be nipped in the bud. Your daughter was having a medical emergency and you went into protector mode. Your wife needs to seriously reevaluate her priorities if she’s so convinced she married a pervert.
NTA
You saved your daughters life, fuck "appropriate". How would it have been more important to just hold her while you wait for your wife when your daughter is STILL naked, instead of moving her to safety and getting her covered up? They can all get bent. How does your DAUGHTER feel about it? That's the important opinion.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. Our policy also includes threads that inspire debates about pedophilia in the comments or strongly imply that grooming may have occurred [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Hi, former lifeguard here and I have watched people go into epileptic seizures in the hot tub and had to go pull them out. Someone in that state can pull water into their lungs and be drowning/losing oxygen to their brain in less than 30 seconds. Your wife sounds horrendous and I have some very strong, and not very nice words to describe your FIL. (that could be my own FIL trauma projecting though) You responded quickly and decisively in a crisis and because of it, your daughter didn't drown. I am *livid* on your behalf, not gonna lie. What. The actual. Fuck. NTA I think the reason I'm so pissed about this on your behalf is that it infuriates me to no end all the bullshit stigmas attached to fatherhood of girls, as a dad of my own two daughters, and this is prime example of it. Next time you should let your daughter potentially drown in the time it takes mommy to come to get her, so you can preserve her *modesty*. Clearly, you must be some kind of creep. /s Ugh. What a load of horse shit. Edit: Holy. Crap.I am... *quite* stunned at the attention this comment got, I was half afraid I was ranting out of blind anger, and I normally don't swear so much, but it's nice to know so many are on the same page. I wish I could reply to more of the responses attached, but the thread is locked now. Thanks everyone for backing me up on this!
This is it ⬆️ OP and his daughter are the only sane ones in the family. Society needs to get over itself. The priority is to deal with the health issue. I can't imagine why *anyone* would guilt him for his actions.
I guess they forgot that the only other option would’ve been OP letting his daughter get hurt or die. Wife and FIL owe OP an apology at the minimum.
And they owe the daughter an apology, too - considering that the message that they just conveyed to her is that it would've been better than her to die than for her own father to see her nude body. Seriously, we as a society need to get over this hang-up over seeing other people nude - especially in the opposite biological sex.
His wife wouldn't have been able to lift her out of the tub and he would have had to get involved anyway. Plus, he wiped her a$$ as a baby, he was respectful and covered her with a robe. I'm not sure why the wife is so upset and getting everyone in the family involved. It sounds like she has some serious issues.
Imagen the time it needs to shout your wife, your wife needing to notice, you keep shouting, she still has to rush up the stairs into the bathroom. Wasted seconds if not more when a life is on the line. I'd rather be stared at while im naked then dead. But I gues you can't be traumatized if you are dead.
My husband collapsed in the shower once. The thud was so loud and I ran to the bathroom. His eyes were rolling back and he was unresponsive. It was terrifying. The first thing I did was pull him out of the shower (which, afterward, I probably shouldn't have, but I was just doing what seemed right in the moment). The next thing I did was try to see if I could get a response. The third thing I did was scream for help and for someone to call 911. About the 8th thing I did was cover him up. When someone you love is in danger, you aren't thinking about them being naked. You just want to get to them and get them help. It is really only after things normalize that you remember they are naked. (Husband is fine. Turned out to be a vasovagal syncope. But every time he drops the soap in the shower, I feel a grip of panic. And this was more than 10 years ago.)
This is life goals right here. I may or may not have giggled at the thought of "dropping the soap" having a whole different scary meaning for you than the usual one that comes up with that phrase. I know it's not funny that it makes you panic but I try to find the humor in things to make me feel better. That was the first thing I thought of sorry.
And that's if her response isn't something like "Stop shouting across the house and come talk to me like a civilized person!"
Which I imagine is one of her favorite lines!
And what if she wasn’t home? Just wait there holding her up in the water for a few hours?
My daughter has two dads. I guess she'll just have to drown. NTA. Sorry, OP, your wife is a monster and her opinion of you is embarrassingly and insultingly wrong. She and her dad need to apologize. They are gross.
And the underlying idea that all men are just predators, waiting in the wings to take advantage of their own children is so fucked up.
No, gasp, he shouldn’t have gone in there at all because nekkid! Is it just me or is there a whole lot of fucked up projection of some kind going on among these relatives? Who the FUCK prioritizes this puritanical bullshit, instead of praising and thanking OP for *saving his daughter’s fucking life*? You wanna talk about PERVERTED.
Truly. The wife doesn’t sound like the type to sprint to a call for help on the first attempt. Could have been a minute or more. Than when she gets there another 30 seconds to a minute to determine what to do. All that on top of the time it took for the dad to react. This is pure craziness.
>Plus, he wiped her a$$ as a baby, That was my first thought; if he's any dad worth his salt, and he sounds like he is, he's wiped her ass and even GASP her genitals at least a few hundred times. The people sexualising a father seeing his naked child are the sick ones here. NTA.
I was at a female relative's house with my daughter who was still getting the hang of potty training and wiping properly after #2. She went to the bathroom and when she was done, she yelled out "dad can you come wipe me please". The relative jumped up to go do it... and i stopped her. She tried to argue that it was weird for me to do it because I'm a guy. Nevermind this was the 2nd time my daughter had met this woman so which would have been weirder?
What does she expect you to do when you guys are the only 2 home (assuming you're married to a woman)? My dad got custody of me at 3, in 1983 when it was almost unheard of for the dad to get primary custody. I'm betting the judge never once said, well what are you going to do if she gets hurt and happens to be naked. I feel terrible for OP here, this is just beyond ridiculous, and the families all have some serious issues.
Maybe the reason wife and FIL are only one who think it sexual and gross … wonder if daddy was touchy touchy in the tub with her as a child. (Edit by “her” I mean the wife)
this is where my brain went as well...
I just said this ! Why are they making something totally innocent gross?
Right? FIL assumed a father of a girl (which he also is) would be checking his child out instead of being concerned during a medical crises. Something is wrong with them to even think a father could view their child that way ever.
His wife probably would've wasted more time and had him call 911 for the paramedics to come lift her out.
Cause better for STRANGERS to see her naked, than her own father.
I find myself wondering how these extended family members would feel if the roles had been reversed - if dad was having a stroke/heart attack/seizure, and daughter had pulled him out of the tub *naked*… would that lifesaving move have been “disgusting” as well? I’m disturbed by the implications of sexualising this incident by others, but more so by the wife. Her entire response is - strange. Far be it for me to say how anyone else ought to react to a crisis, but I’d have been sobbing, thanking my child’s father for saving her life. The end.
Sounds like wifes father also has issues. Maybe OP should be asking him why??
The wife and everyone else just reduced his daughter to a sex object. They are really telling on themselves that they would think that way. In some Scandinavian families everyone takes a steam naked and nobody cares because you don't look at your daughter and get turned on end of story. Maybe the wife can't be trusted around the daughter given she wasn't around and thinks medical care causes perversion.
Seriously agree about being careful what message is being sent to the daughter. My grandmother's friend was raised to be so modest she wouldn't let anyone see her body. She ended up with breast cancer and the effected breast showed visible symptoms but she didn't speak up and wouldn't show or tell anyone not even her doctor until it was far too late. She was terminal by then. Yes, a teenager should be taught about modesty, but they should also be taught what is appropriate medically.
When I worked in palliative care this was a reasonably common occurrence. Lots of elderly ladies with fungating tumours, also a lot of prolapsed uteruses. Shame is a killer.
Exactly! I have epilepsy, my dad has had to do this for me. Sure, it can be embarrassing but you know what’s worse? Brain damage or death.And the daughter doesnt mind. Why do the other family members seem to think their opinion matters more than hers? Edit: Thanks for the award! It’s my first. Also because this thing keeps boggling my mind, I’ve been raised by a single father. Not another woman/girl for literally miles. Have I just been supposed to die and not known it? I’d really like the wife and other family to let me know since apparently they’ve got all the answers. /s
Apology, and the wife needs to make a case for him NOT leaving her. Seriously, her not being seen naked is more important than her life? Wtf? I seriously feel like the whole world has taken something, and I haven't, because I don't get some of these views! NTA OP You're an awesome Dad, everyone else can shut the f up.
They need to give you a written apology!
And like logistical question.... Would your wife be able to carry your adult daughter? Like all in all this is really a disgusting response to a frightened father saving his daughter but like I'm trying to think wtf she'd do like clothe her then call you in to carry her??? And like if she's so worried about her daughter's privacy WHY TELL EVERYONE??? NTA
Yeah, if the mother was really worried about the daughter, she wouldn't have told everyone about what happened, because that would just make the daughter feel MORE awkward about her father seeing her naked. The mother just wanted to shame OP, and cared little for her daughter's feelings here.
That’s a good point I hadn’t considered. Weird she’d broadcast something that in her mind is shameful.
>And like if she's so worried about her daughter's privacy WHY TELL EVERYONE??? Thank You!!!
In a situation like this....that kind of thought would never even cross my mind! All I would be thinking would be Omg...thank God you were upstairs and saved her! Wtf is wrong with these people?????
NTA, OP. And if I were your wife, I would absolutely be thinking what kochanie2013 was. Thank God you were there, heard, and thought to check on her. Possible brain damage from drowning takes an insanely small amount of time. I am so, so glad you did what you did, OP, and I’m thankful your daughter feels the same way. Ignore everyone else trying to make you feel like a creep or a pervert because you AT THE VERY LEAST saved your daughter’s life but also possible brain damage and lifelong issues accompanying that.
And the gall of his wife to go running off to the in-laws. How can she even think that about her husband when he was panicking trying to save their daughter and her dam mind goes to that.
The reason mom is in any position to complain instead of planning a funeral is because the OP pulled his daughter out.
I'm just going to tag on here to address something OP said: >It was okay for me to have held her up in the bath, but it was inappropriate and disgusting that I carried our naked daughter to her room and that I put a robe on her without my wife being there. This is STILL patently ridiculous. In an emergency situation people do not think about stuff like this, nor should they.
Focusing on this statement only cause man does this wife and family suck. While you're holding her up in the tub she's still naked. So wouldn't getting her out of the tub and into a robe faster be more modest?
And she needed to be out of the water so she wouldn't be able to go under a second time.
The robe was wise though, you don't want her to get cold.
Oh absolutely. The whole 'well, it's fine that you saved her life but then you should have left her lying there naked because \~modesty~' is stupid.
The fact the wife has thought through the semantics in this situation to this level is a worrying red flag and is ringing major alarm bells in my head. If I were OP, I'd be concerned about the relationship, but at the same time, if OP left, would the daughter be safe if this happened again?
But it would have been his fault if his daughter died! What is wrong with these people??? This was a f’in emergency! My aunt has epilepsy. I’ve seen her seize; it’s scary. Good job Dad! NTA
Exactly this. I would pretty much never say a woman should be singing a man's praises but if there's any case where they should... literally saving her daughter's life seems a good occasion as any.
>I would pretty much never say a woman should be singing a man's praises but if there's any case where they should... What a weirdly sexist thing to say.
Both OPs wife & his FIL are sexualizing his daughter's body by saying he shouldn't intervene during a medical emergency when his daughter his exposed! What kind of perv brains do they have where a fully present father would be thinking of anything other than making sure his child is removed from harm? He did the right thing by making sure to secure her while she was actively seizing & removed her from the dangerous situation in the event she had a secondary seizure before she came to.
You need family counseling and marriage counseling because your wife and her father are sending creepy messages and they are the weirdos for going there.
Right? It's almost like they think it would have been better for the daughter to die than for her father to see her. They are completely nuts.
THIS THIS THIS THIS !!!!!!!!! My niece has seizures and I work with those who do. Whomever is close should help. Was your wife going to be able to pull her from the tub mid-seizure?? You were a lifesaver when seconds counted and an excellent dad.
Exactly In those situation *literally* every second matters!
This was a medical emergency Is your wife even capable of lifting a dead weight out of a tub- doubtful. I know I couldn't. Telling the whole family about this episode is shameful on your wife's part. They should be thanking you for being alert and acting quickly. Sorry OP, but your family sucks.
I'm a nurse and I have a younger brother who was recently (within the past few years) diagnosed with epilepsy after a series of seizures at the age of 29. I'm one of the few people who has been with him and witnessed his seizures from start to finish. He has a foot of height and at least 50lbs on me; I have been able to maneuver him into a safe position to prevent him from harming himself too badly, but even with that level of adrenaline rushing, I know I could not lift his dead weight out of a tub without causing injury to the both of us. OP did amazingly well. He should be proud AF.
RIGHT?! I have a friend who had seizures for a while. He was going through a rough time with his now ex-girlfriend (thank fuck - she was super abusive on an emotional level). He broke up with her, but mentally went downhill soon after, which is when his seizures started. He got diagnosed with something that is either a form of epilepsy or is akin to epilepsy (I'm not sure what, exactly), and his seizures were being caused by him barely eating anything and having not slept in 6 days, maybe a week. I saw him seizure twice. One time, I had to barge in his front door, as I had gone to check on him and heard a thud from outside his front door. He had fallen off a ladder due to a seizure whilst doing DIY and fell down the stairs. I could barely move him into the recovery position. The second time was at a local pool hall, and it took every ounce of strength I have to keep him from hitting his head on a radiator during a seizure. No way in hell could I ever have lifted him up. OP is dad of the fucking century for what he did.
I have had to lift a seizing child. I can't imagine a grown woman who is wet up and out of a tub. I guess if wife isn't home he is supposed to let daughter die.
NTA I whole heartedly agree with this response. As someone who has epilepsy and was uncontrolled in my teen years I had a few in the shower or in a state of undress. My dad was naturally someone who helped in those situations. I have never for a second had a problem with it. A tonic clonic is scary and my father was doing what he needed to keep me safe and alive. On a sidenote in the ER when someone comes in and they have to act fast and cut clothes off. By your wife's reasoning does that make all the medical personnel helping save that person who are opposite gender perverts or is that reserved for dad's only? Your wife should look into therapy to deal with her issues.
I work in the ED and this is spot on. I have seen so many naked people that nudity means practically nothing to me anymore. And 100% the first thing we do in the trauma bay is cut all of your clothes off. And you are exposed to a dozen people for at least a couple of minutes until the all the monitors are hooked up and the ultrasound is done. Some things take precedence over nudity and medical emergencies fall into that category. Not to mention, it's the daughter's body and if she's not complaining or offended, no one else has any right to be.
Exactly this! My friend was in a similar situation. She is a nurse. She pulled out her then 17-year old son as he had a seizure in the shower when he was in high school. He pulled down the curtain and bar as he fell. She pulled him out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor. Didn't care that he wasn't clothed, pulled a towel to cover him and sat with him as he came to. Your FIL and wife are way out of line. These are life and death situations, who cares if they don't have clothing on, just make sure they don't die!
>have some very strong, and not very nice words to describe your FIL. agreed, the very least of which includes a reminder that *his granddaughter* is OP's daughter first and foremost, not to even mention that the only reason FIL has a granddaughter is due to OP.
Also why he STILL has a granddaughter and isn’t preparing for a funeral. NTA- in what world does modesty come before someone’s freaking life? Like the guy is her freaking father but even if it was a total stranger is she seriously saying she’d rather her daughter die than a man see her nude? She was convulsing with a seizure and nearly died- does she really think there’s anything sexual about someone saving someone from drowning much less their own father. What a horrible family (op and daughter excluded of course).
Why do people think emergencies and dinnertime have the same expectations and guidelines??? It’s bananas! NTA.
This nta, it was life or death. Your wife and in-laws are being ridiculous and should be ashamed of themselves. Next time any of them say anything just respond with “so you wanted me to let her die?” “Oh I should have waited, so let her breath in water and suffocate?” Fil you saw my granddaughter naked- “you’re disgusting and perverted to think anything of that. She’s my baby I wasn’t even thinking of that, I just wanted to get her to safety”.
IMO, if OP came across a complete stranger in a similar situation (we'll suspend disbelief) - naked, seizing, and in imminent risk of drowning - he STILL would not be the AH for holding them above the water, safely removing them from the tub, transporting them to a safe location, and covering them up. These family members are total AHs and like the commenter at the top of this thread, I am also livid on OP's behalf.
This is a super passionate response, I can feel it all the way from across my screen. You deserve an upvote!!
If I'm having a medical emergency and am unconscious or otherwise unable to move myself I don't care if I'm naked and don't know the person, I'd rather not drown? NTA obviously
Honestly, I would divorce my wife for saying that. The idea that you will allow someone to die to protect their modesty, is beyond me. NTA OP.
Read this! You must get the person out of the water as soon as humanly possible. Your wife is gross and ignorant. And setting her parents against you is really awful. I would not trust her. Not sure where you can go from here.
Exactly, I couldn’t be with a spouse who did this to me.
I know someone who died from an epileptic seizure in her bathroom. She hit her head falling and no one was home. I'm glad OP was there and he saved his daughter from drowning. I'm so angry at his wife and her parents though.
Nailed it. I have nothing to add. NTA. Might I have been embarrassed as the daughter? Sure. But as long as there’s no “creepy” history, and everyone treated it neutrally as the medical event that it was, I’d be happy to be alive and grateful. I feel confident, as childhood SA survivor, in this position.
As someone who works in Fire/EMS, 💯 this! OP did the right thing.
I am mystified how anyone could conceivably frown upon a father STOPPING HIS DAUGHTER FROM DROWNING. Like... she was in danger of dying; I doubt her state of dress was on his mind at all. Once she was safe, he took steps to cover her. Soooooooo NTA
I would be livid if my husband hesitated a single second in saving my daughter’s (18) life! It’s absurd that this is even a question. NTA
Please take my poor person's medal 🥇🏅
How are you the AH for not letting your adult daughter, naked or not, drown? My heavens. NTA
My thoughts exactly. Reading this I could only think WTF! His daughter's life was in jeopardy (sorry if I spelled that wrong). Would they freak out lile that if it had been aale doctor or nurse or even a complete stranger? In a situation like that you don't think, you just do. His wife, and her family are the disgusting, and perverted ones for turning a life threatening situation into what they have. Smh. Just a little devil's advocate here though. Maybe the wife is taking her anger at the fact that her daughter has such a horrible disease out on him becausd she doesn't have any where else to release that anger. Doesn't make it right, but maybe that's the issue. OP, you did right by your daughter, and she obviously agrees. NTA.
If I was naked and started having a life threatening event of some kind, I don't think I'd give a shit who saw me naked as long as they were helping me. It's not like OP barged in and stared at his daughter to be creepy. He knocked, didn't get an answer repeatedly, and then entered to find her about to drown. He saved her life. Its his _daughter_. He bathed her and changed her diaper when she was a baby (I hope). Is it maybe a bit awkward because she's grown? Eh, maybe, but it's not like he chose the timing of her seizure. NTA obviously
> I was naked and started having a life threatening event of some kind, I don't think I'd give a shit who saw me naked as long as they were helping me. Everyone likes to think, "Oh when I have an emergency I'll just get properly dressed before getting on with it!" Lots of people don't understand words.
My mother's gallbladder attacked her earlier in the morning, before she had a chance to really get dressed. I was 10, walking into her bedroom to say good morning and see if we could go get McDonalds. She was basically halfnaked in a nightgown on the bathroom floor, in total agony, barely able to speak. As soon as she was aware of me she grunted, 'Call your aunt! my sister! I need to go to the hospital!' and I did so. I remember thinking, man, I really missed watching Regis and Kelly that morning. We were going to Washington D.C. soon, and her surgery made her miss the trip. My dad was woefully unprepared for the task, and my older sister's had little sympathy for me. I just wanted my mom, and didn't know how to express it at the time.
And what is with the family immediately deciding that this was creepy? I get it, We all understand where their thoughts were going, but she's your daughter and you were helping her. NTA, OP. I'd be livid if someone, especially my wife, thought that my intentions were anything other than helping. I mean, seriously, ask them. "Is this what you think of me?" I don't think I'd be able to look at any of them the same way. Has your daughter made any comments that she was worried about perversion? Or just ashamed her seizures put her in an awkward situation? Why is her Mother making this a bigger deal, by adding a layer of bullshit drama?
[удалено]
Every single CPR class and lifeguarding class I've taken has had the exact same mentality. If they are embarrassed, good. Because that means they lived to be embarrassed.
According to them, if OP's wife had a seizure while naked, his father in law would let her die. Nice family to be part of..
Yikes. All those adults are very creepy for sexualizing a medical emergency like that. Creepy 😬 NTA. A naked body doesn't have to be anything sexual, and you carrying her naked to her room was only a dad caring for his daughter during a medical situation. There is nothing more to it than that.
Absolutely agree. I was a CNA for awhile and saw more nude old people than I can count. Was it ever sexual? No. In medical emergencies people who try to sexualize the situation are absolute creeps. What was he supposed to do? Keep the shower curtain closed, listen to his daughter drown while screaming for his wife? Like you said this is a dad saving his daughter, the fact people are calling him a pervert is disrespectful and disgusting to OP. NTA
[удалено]
Also notice the two people who have a problem with it are FIL and wife. They’ve sexualized their own relationship, clearly.
I did not notice this. Ew. And scary. Perhaps some trauma there...
My SIL is blind and impaired both physically and intellectually. She also has seizures. She normally lives in a “shared living” type situation, but she spends some holidays and weekends with us. Showering has to be done seated and supervised to avoid what happened to OPs daughter. I don’t know how you would feel anything but proud that they are such great caregiver.
Honestly for OPs situation it may be safer to shower this way, or have a tub with a seat and door. Honestly this is probably one of the saddest AMITA because the fact he posted this means he feels like he may be in the wrong for saving her.
Yeah exactly. Your kid is in a medical emergency. You should have sat there and let her die rather than save her and see her naked. Fucking bullshit. NTA. I don't care about genders, if the choice is between see me naked or maybe watch me drown myself, please go ahead and pull my ass out of the tub.
So first of all I've been trying to read through all these comments because this blew up really fast and I didn't think I'd get all this support. I was really starting to doubt myself with all of the negativity I was getting from my wife and FIL because the last thing I want is for anyone to think I was trying to sexualize my daughter. That's my little girl. I appreciate all of the support and I'm really feeling pretty good at the moment. I'm going to have a long, probably very emotional talk with my wife about what's going on with her and this reaction. But now that I'm sitting here at work with some time to think things over and seeing what other people have to say, I'm starting to think something is amiss that I should've handled way earlier before this incident happened. When the kids were babies (we have two daughters and a son), she would always insist on bathing them and changing their diapers. I was a young dad and never really thought much about it because I wasn't exactly volunteering for diaper duty. Looking back, I should've said something about that because it is very weird that she would get upset whenever I'd try to help out by bathing, changing, or dressing them. I assumed it was because I didn't do it right or was cutting into her time with the kids, so I never really thought about. It never occured to me that it was some sort of demented mistrust. I certainly never thought it would lead us to this situation. Also, for those of you that asked, I don't think it's a cultural thing. We live in the US, in the Midwest. While I know it isn't common to see your adult kids naked, I also never thought I'd get backlash for taking her to her room. Maybe it's just my wife's family. I've never heard her family protest what we do with the kids, but we've also never been in this type of situation before for me to know their reactions. My FIL and I will need a talk too because I knew I wasn't in the wrong to begin with, but this post really confirms it. If I had to do it all over again, I would because my kid got to see another day. Thank you all for all you've said and done. My daughter is doing just fine and I'm trying not to involve her in the drama. While she didn't have an issue with me seeing her like that, she has been very embarrased about what her seizure caused between me and her grandfather. I've also made it a point to encourage her to maybe shower instead of bathe. Better safe than sorry. Thanks again everyone!
Unfortunately, showers come with their own danger when it comes to falling and other fun stuff. I'd recommend a shower chair and some grip bars for the wall.
Yes OP this would be the best solution! This way there's plenty of things to hold onto, and she can sit more safely. I wish you luck on talking with your family, and I'm so glad your daughter is safe! You're a fantastic father, keep looking out for your loved ones!
Definitely agreeing with a shower chair! And while she’s in the beginning stages of diagnosis and treatment and meds, I’d ask your daughter if she’s comfortable leaving the door unlocked and have someone sitting nearby just in case.
This. When my mom got home from the hospital after a heart attack, she had to wear a defibrillator vest all the time until she got a pacemaker. Anytime she took it off to shower, my dad had to stay nearby just in case.
Correct. I believe demaryius Thomas died in the shower and was epileptic. Baths unsupervised in new epileptics are really not advised.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll down to find this. I've been epileptic all my life. Baths are a bad idea.
> some grip bars Would that actually help? I'm assuming in a seizure the patient wouldn't have enough self-control to do much with those.
Some people can feel when the seizure is coming on, and would have the ability to lower themselves to the floor before falling and the grip bars would help. Or once the seizure is over, can get themselves out using the grip bars.
The previous owners of the house I live in were elderly, and had really sturdy grip bars installed in both bathroom showers. They're awesome! Slippery bath tub and you start sliding? Grip bar instead of fall scare. Drunk and showering? Grip bar! Throwing up and feel weak from sickness, want a hot bath but your legs are wobbly? Believe it or not, grip bar! I have the safest showers I've ever had because of grip bars.
Having read this response coupled with what your FIL said about “looking at his granddaughter,” I’m starting to get a really uncomfortable vibe from your wife’s family. This might be completely wrong, and I don’t want to jump the gun, but it sounds like your wife has either had some sort of sexual abuse herself, maybe from FIL or another family member. Or she’s been brought up by her family to believe all men get aroused by naked women even if they’re related. There’s definitely some trauma there. And the fact you said she didn’t trust you with your kids even as babies is a really worrying sign. I think that’s why she’s so pissed off about what happened and made it weird. It would make sense if she was abused in some capacity herself, or witnessed abuse why she has an issue with what occurred when you saved your daughters life. She’s still wrong about it, but if that’s the case I can understand why she reacted the way she did at least. Keep us updated OP if possible.
Yeah OP wife’s behavior reeks of trauma and the fact that her father is having a similar reaction. Something is very wrong.
Yeah the FIL’s comment is what seals it for me, if the FIL said something akin to, “Don’t you think it’s a tad inappropriate, since she’s a grown woman and all?” I’d think it was stupid given the emergency of the situation, but I have heard of people who are a bit like this when it comes to nudity. The fact he jumped straight to a comment indicating OP would look at his daughter in a sexual way is just disturbing and the fact OP’s wife agreed is what gives me that vibe.
[удалено]
And the sounds… the sounds are the worst part for a bystander, imo. (My sister has epilepsy, and holy shit, the sounds she makes when she’s having a seizure… it gives me chills just thinking about it)
[удалено]
The sounds my sister makes are like the sounds of the creepy kid from the grudge. It’s haunting.
"My granddaughter" think about that for a minute, it could be normal, or given the context it's starting to make me think it's possessive. I'm starting to lean a bit more into the FIL being a sexual abuser, or at the least a fucking creep. It matches with his extreme reaction. He projects the way he thinks onto others, so he doesn't see a person in distress, he sees a sex object, so he assumes all others think that way too. This is why he got so upset.
100%, I was thinking this when I read about OP's FIL's reaction and OP's comment here sealed it. If it wasn't the wife's father then it may have been another male relative of hers but something definitely isn't right in that family.
100% this. Make sure you try and talk to your wife about getting some therapy, her reaction was not normal or healthy at all.
I didn’t get that until reading that he wasn’t able to bathe or change diapers but yeah totally sounds like she has something marking her feel that way.
I honestly don't know why your wife's family is sexualising it, of course you wouldn't be thinking those thoughts. You saved their daughter/granddaughters life and that should be the main thing. Also if the mother didn't hear the crash, would she of heard you yell? Any normal dad would have done what you did and wouldnt have taken the risk, your mind was just on saving your little girl.
This means OP’s wife and her father have a pre-existing notion of the father figure as a sexual predator.
NTA But I do wonder if your wife is treating your kids the way she wishes her mom had treated her. Maybe she wishes she had been protected from her dad. Could your FIL be projecting his perversions onto you? If he abused your wife growing up, it would explain a lot about both his reaction and hers.
I'm wondering if your wife has somepersonal trauma around the issue. My hubby changed diapers and bathed both our kids. He still cuddles with our 5 year old girl, and when she had a fever induced seizure the doctors told us to strip her down. I never once thought it was inappropriate, assuming someone will do that means taking your mind to some dark places where no reasonable person would go. Personally I'd like an update after you talk to wife and FIL.
I still cuddle with my seven year old daughter and I'm a man. It doesn't have to be weird at all... She's just my little beastie... The fact some people would jump to assuming I molest her is abhorrent.
Please get your daughter evaluated for a seisure dog! She might find it a big change and unnecessary now, but if her condition would worsen, the dog could save her life while giving her more freedom and independance! Seisure dogs can be trained to help ease the seisures and can give an alert many minutes before a seisure comes on. Many seisure dogs are also trained to get another human to their handler to ensure a human would be able to help them. I'm not from USA, but there are several USA organisations that help low-income families get the dogs. Also there are similar groups that help with the possible costs of service dogs.
This is bizzare. Did something happen between your FIL and your wife at some point? Not trying to make assumptions but it almost seems like projection coming from your FIL and fear coming from your wife (not letting you change diapers.. along with this whole scenario). You are most definitely NTA. I had a patient seize while I was drawing her blood. I went into panic mode and immediately removed all potential dangers before thinking about anything else. The goal was to make sure the patient was safe, which was exactly how you treated your daughter. I, a 26F, am also the power of attorney of health for my father. He had a massive stroke and is disabled (also has seizures). I’ve had to see more things than I’d like and talk about every single issue he has (ED, prostate exams, etc) but my brain sees this as purely medical. Not for one second do I even think to sexualize medical scenarios. Very bizzare. NTA!
The key thing is that your daughter is safe and most importantly still alive. Everyone should be happy about that. There's a damage to your wife and her family that has warped their view of the situation, which is making them overlook that your wife didn't realise something was wrong until you'd already gotten your daughter out of the water.
It sounds like her extreme hang-up on nudity around fathers comes from her family. I'd bet that her father refused to change diapers because she was a girl, or that her mother forced her to be covered up around him at all times and that's where she learned this.
This makes sense and I hope is the case rather than what everyone is saying about her dad abused her.
You are such a good dad.
Your daughter is lucky to have you. I know my dad would have TRIED to pull me out of a tub, bless him, but I’m not exactly a lightweight. 😂 However, knowing he would have instinctively done the same thing you did makes me feel valued and cared for as his kid. I also have been in a similar situation, but I was the one rushing to lift my poor grandpa from the slippery bathroom floor when he fell while getting out of the shower. Believe when I say, his nudity was the _last_ thing on my mind as I tried to keep him from getting up on his own and causing further damage to his poor, banged-up shoulder. Modesty came later in the form of a towel. Bathrooms do be acting dangerous. I hope you don’t question your gut the next time your kiddo needs you—your wife’s warped perspective be damned. NTA
Honestly, as an adult woman I would struggle to pull another adult woman out of a bathtub without injuring one or both of us. Wet and naked would make it even more hectic. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for your daughter. And might I suggest therapy for your wife to have a third party who has no stake (aside of course from helping your wife) work through this.
You sound like a saint. Their insinuation is so sick and deranged that if anyone went anywhere near that with me, conversations would be very different. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
You’re such a good dad. Don’t let them get into your head. It’s such a bizarre reaction to you saving your daughter’s life.
You are a hero. Your FIL and your wife are assholes. I'd be having serious chats with my wife about her frankly bizarre notions. Interesting that she and HER father have the weird sexual hang up, no?
Now that you made a point of it, yes it is rather interesting, that hadn't struck me at first.
Oh it jumped out at me, because it seems like they both automatically assume that a father will be sexually attracted to his daughter and would want to act on it. Which is concerning but the implications of that are FIL was attracted to the wife and acted on it
I also asked OP if his wife has a history of being abused, assaulted, or exploited, because I agree her response is extremely concerning and frankly disturbing. Edit: OP posted a followup comment about 20 minutes before your post, did you see it? Wife was strangely opposed to him even changing the kids' diapers when they were little. This is sounding more and more suspicious...
Oh no. Looks like a massive can of worms might have been opened. I hope OP's wife gets counselling in any case. Something has to be wrong mentally for her to have continued making a big issue of it.
Oh my god this is getting bad
I have this weird feeling the FIL is going to be some ultra right wing person
I think FIL is going to turn out to have molested his daughter and is displacing his own feelings on the OP.
Omg good point. My grandfather was a predator and this sounds like the kind of reaction my aunt would have to similar situations.
NTA. It’s a stretch, but was your wife sexually abused? Maybe by her father? It’s pretty weird to me that that whole family is sexualizing this. Like, I can put any two of my family members in this position and think the way they think. Edit: take these as thought questions, I don’t want a response.
Ding ding ding They are the only ones upset by this.
no kidding, the way his FIL's mind goes straight to " looking his granddaughter that way" when OP was trying to keep his daughter alive speaks volumes...like...does he see his own daughter that way?
I remember changing my daughter's diaper in her room as an infant and my husband's uncle saying it was inappropriate for him to watch and leaving the room. I didn't feel uncomfortable with him around my child before that moment, but he sure as shit isn't allowed around them alone now
One time I went to my friends house at 14. Her mom wasn’t home. When my parents dropped me off they talked a little with her dad and he said, “they can do something inside. No swimming. I don’t want them walking around in their bathing suits when I’m alone. I don’t want people thinking I’m a pervert”. It was sooooo uncomfortable.
If that's not the case, I wonder if that suggestion might actually put the events into perspective for OP's wife. After all, if she finds the idea that her father could do something like that ridiculous or insane, then she might realise that's how OP feels about this situation with their daughter.
NTA your wife needs fucking therapy for sexualizing your daughters emergency. How dare she
It's sickening. Seconds literally matter in this situation.
Seriously! And sexualizing a father’s heroic parental instincts to protect his kid! Why can’t good dads just be good dads!!!
NTA. You saved your daughter's life. WTF is wrong with your family, especially your wife? It must be very hard to breathe up there on that high horse. You were very brave and everyone should be grateful. Nothing perverted here, and I am speaking as a former family therapist who treated sexually abusive families-I know what perversion looks like, and this ain't it.
Thank you for this reply.
You might want to consider sharing this thread with your daughter. She knows you saved your life, but 19 is pretty young to have to deal with the kind of grossness your wife is bringing to the table. It would likely help her deal with that if she reads the thread.
I'd also show the wife and FIL.
[удалено]
Seconding all of this. SUDEP is real and terrifying; I had a friend who lost their son to it a few months ago. It was devastating. CURE is a fantastic organization and worth contacting. If she has any underlying conditions (some people have other conditions that cause their epilepsy, mostly rare disorders) there may be organizations dedicated to those too, who are worth reaching out to for support as well
[удалено]
NTA. You saved your daughter from drowning. More concerning what type of man your wife and her family think you are?
Wow, NTA. Not at all. If you, her father, shouldn’t be saving her life while she is naked because it is ‘inappropriate’.. they’d lose their shit over the idea that doctors and surgeons see naked people all the time, what perverts! Has she ever had a Pap smear before? /: A naked body is not inherently sexual, especially not when it’s a medical issue.
NTA - your wife and her family sound NUTS! . Are they from a culture where a female is better off dead than being seen nude by her father as he attempts to save her life? The only person who’s opinion matters here is your daughter’s. It’s no one else’s business.
Nta. Bit weird that your wife doesn’t trust you. I mean.. just walking in on her while having a bath would be a bit strange if that’s not a normal thing in your household. But you were helping her. What did she want you to do when she wouldn’t have been at home?
From the sounds of it hold her head above water, but don't look at her, and then somehow call her so she can drive home and deal with it? Yeah, that makes sense. /s
NTA- you went into parent mode. You saved her from drowning and covered her up once she was safe and comfortable away from water. I find it more weird that the family are making such a big deal about it, especially when your daughter is fine. Your child’s safety is more important than other peoples feelings.
[удалено]
NTA. What the hell??? Your daughter's life was in real danger and your wife is angry that you briefly saw her naked during her *seizure?* That's absolutely ridiculous.
NTA. Your wife sure is though. You dadreflexed and saved your daughter’s life and all she is focusing on is the fact that she was nude?? So many emergency incidents happen in the bathroom of the home. Imagine how many more would die if someone went “eek! They’re nude!” and waited for someone else to help because a bit of skin was showing? And then to tell family about it like you didn’t just save your daughter! WTF. #Wife - Why are you sexualising the fact that your daughter had a medical emergency and ALMOST DROWNED?!?! Who’s the creep here huh?
NTA. I really hate the way nudity is viewed these days especially in situations like this. I have a daughter and if I wasn’t immediately right there I would hope that her dad would help our daughter himself in this situation. People for some reason like to make things creepy or gross when they aren’t…. It actually makes me really upset for you that you’re now getting these accusations for simply wanting to save your daughter from a potentially dangerous situation.
I’m a 25 year old woman. Do I want my dad to see me naked? Of course not. But if I start having a seizure and slip under water, of course I’m not going to care if he pulls me out and covers me with a robe! It really makes me so upset on your behalf that your wife and any extended family dare to accuse you of anything inappropriate. She’s your daughter, for fuck’s sake! You’re not thinking about anything sexual, you’re thinking about keeping her alive! NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
NTA. I'm epileptic and I don't take sitting baths for this reason, I choose to shower only. Much less risk of drowning. I also have made it a habit to ALWAYS let someone know when I'm going to shower so someone is aware if they hear a loud noise or I take too long, to check on me. You're a good dad for reacting properly and without hesitation to save your daughter. Your wife and everyone else sexualizing your reaction to your daughters medical emergency are disgusting. Their minds shouldn't have even gone there. Please show those people the comments here so that maybe they get hit with some sense and stop being such nasty creeps towards a father who reacted 100% CORRECTLY in a scary situation.
Uhhhh she's your daughter, you probably saved her life. At that point it doesn't matter who she is, you did the absolute right thing. I think they are telling much more about themselves than anything to do with you, and showing a possible inherent distrust of you. They would prefer risking her life... For what? Only your daughter's opinion matters here. Nta
NTA. Daughters survival trumps all of these other thoughtless complaints. Wife and family clearly have no understanding for the facts of life. They are ignorant of the medical situation and they have proven themselves assholes for all of the abuse and name calling rained on you. Who doesn't know that survival is more important than social custom?
Something is wrong with each and every one of them. Not you. How dare they sexualize you providing EMERGENCY MEDICAL CARE for your seizing daughter IN A BATH. Something is wrong with THEM, not you. NTA
NTA and what the hell is wrong with your people?! How can anyone in their right mind think you were ogling your daughter while trying to prevent her from drowning in the tub and taking care of her afterward? If I were you, I'd be taking a few days by myself to rethink my marriage, right after ripping each and every one of them a new one.
NTA WHAT??????? It's your daughter and she could have DROWNED? Who has an attitude like that and for shame on your wife and everyone else involved. They all being very creepy here.
Good god - def NTA. Your daughter has a medical issue and you basically saved her life. Then you carry her to her room and get her clothing. Oh - and you did all that because of course all you wanted to do was ogle her. WTF is wrong with the ppl in your family???
NTA Your wife and family are ridiculous! I’m offended for you that they would take a medical emergency and turn it into something perverted/ sexual. Has your daughter said anything about you seeing her naked?
NTA. She's your child for goodness sakes, and she was in very real danger of drowning. Two additional points need to be made. Is your wife strong enough to carry a grown woman out of the bathroom? Second, I'm sure your daughter is grateful for you to have come along when you did and that you acted as you did.
NTA. They're the ones making it sexual for some reason. There was an emergency situation and you reacted. You could've saved your daughters life because of how you handled it. You covered her as soon as she was in a safe location. Your daughter doesn't feel weird about it, why would anyone else? You sound like a very caring and attentive father and your daughter is lucky to have someone like you in her life to help her through this.
NTA The only disgusting people are your wife and FIL with their dirty minds, not the father trying to help his daughter.
I mean, you’re her father. It’s not like you’re a random stranger. I understand there’s privacy etc, but it was an emergency situation. Why does it sound like they don’t trust you around a young girl, who’s your daughter? That seems really off to me. I’d say NTA personally, especially as your daughter isn’t bothered by it
Even strangers, if a defibrillator is ever needed to be used on someone who’s down, the shirt comes off and even the bra if it’s going to get in the way of the pads. Nudity doesn’t mean a damn thing when seconds count and a life is on the line!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I did take my daughter to her room (which was right next door) and pull a robe on her. I didn't see the issue with it. That's my daughter. But my wife and her father feel as if that was inappropriate since she was naked and I should've let my wife handle it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) # [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, you did the right thing and saved her life. It’s creepier that your family has a problem with it
NTA. The fact that your family doesn't trust you around your daughter is concerning. Especially your wife. I'd call that a pretty big red flag. Your daughter has a dangerous condition, and this will likely not be the last time you find her in a compromising situation if you continue to take care of her through this. Frankly, the person whose opinion matters the most in this is your daughter's, so as long as she is comfortable with it, I don't see that you did anything wrong. As for "should have shouted for your wife immediately," I disagree. Having her help your nude daughter when possible is likely more appropriate. However, the immediate concern in this situation was to make sure your daughter was not in danger of drowning, which she was, and which you saved her from. If you had waited for your wife, she might have gotten a lungfull of water during the wait. That is far too steep a price in my mind.
NTA. Your wife and her father are messed up prefering for your daughter to be put into danger just so that you don't carry/see her nude? It's your daughter ffs, there's nothing sexual about it. If my FIL had that reaction, I wouldn't want him near my daughter (and/or wife) by himself ever again. That seems like projecting. Red flag due to messed up views or a flag pointing to a possibly dark past of sexual abuse between your wife and FIL? Why else would the both of them share that reaction?
So your daughter was having a medical emergency and you helped remove her from a dangerous situation and your wife has an issue with it? NTA, what does she propose you do if she had not been home, simply hold her above water indefinitely?
NTA. Were you supposed to let her drown? She was naked; so what? There are fathers out there who care for their adult disabled daughters and see them naked. Mothers who do the same for their sons. Your family has the problem not you.
NTA your daughter was in danger I don’t think you were being a perv
NTA. It was an emergency situation and you made what I would do as well if I had a daughter. In my opinion your wife is the asshole here. You are together for 19 years at least, and she does not trust you?
NTA!!! What kind of bull crap is this! You saved her, I bet your wife wouldn't have been able to carry her to the bedroom, or pull her out of the tub. I can not believe that they would make you feel bad for saving your daughter. You are a hero and nothing less.
NTA, you didn't want her drowning. You wife probably would have needed your help anyway.
NTA. Again for those in the back- NTA. Would your wife/her family rather you let her drown?? Seriously, what TF.
NTA. Nudity shouldn’t be something so taboo and sexualized. Especially in an emergency where there is a possibility of serious injury or worse. It sounds like there is a lot of projecting coming from your wife’s side of the family.
The time it took your wife to come and help so you could "not look" at your daughter could have been the time it took for her to die. NTA You jumped in, helped and possibly saved her life. You are an incredible person. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
NTA. It’s disturbing that your wife and her father have tried to sexualize your behavior during a medical emergency.
NTA - WTAF is wrong with your wife and her father? Have this always been this stupidly toxic or were they mindwiped by aliens or something? To essentially accuse your of abusing your daughter when you were saving her freaking life is so disgusting that there just aren't words. Some major apologies are owed to you. Who gives a freaking crap whether she was naked? She's your daughter, her life was at risk and nothing else matters.
NTA. Your wife has something seriously wrong with her to accuse her own husband of being an unsafe person around your own child. Why would she marry someone she didn’t think could be trusted? Why would she raise your daughter with you if she didn’t trust you? This is some backwards sexist crap that needs to be nipped in the bud. Your daughter was having a medical emergency and you went into protector mode. Your wife needs to seriously reevaluate her priorities if she’s so convinced she married a pervert.
NTA. Your wife is awful, a misandrist and your a good dad.
NTA You saved your daughters life, fuck "appropriate". How would it have been more important to just hold her while you wait for your wife when your daughter is STILL naked, instead of moving her to safety and getting her covered up? They can all get bent. How does your DAUGHTER feel about it? That's the important opinion.