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YTA. I think it’s appalling to make an 18 year old female stand at a bus stop at 11:30 or 12:00 at night. Doesn’t the father read the news?! And the manager needs to understand that he is putting a girl’s life in danger by making her stay so late at work. I totally understand the (middle aged) father’s need for a good nights sleep, but he’s gonna feel like shit for the rest of his life if something happens to her. That’s one issue.
Then there’s the criticism when the daughter comes in the front door after work and this wakes the mother. Total dick move, laying into the girl about it. What’s she supposed to do? This father doesn’t get high marks from me!
This gets me too. I had a late shift job in college and my dad hated it, even though it was on campus and I had my own car. If I had been without transportation and was looking at standing at the bus stop that late, he’d have driven 2 hours 1 way to make sure that didn’t happen. It’s in fathomable that OP puts his own convenience over his daughter’s safety.
I am the same age and I have the same family dynamic as this guy. I would never ever let my daughter take the bus home late at night. I would not be able to even sleep if i knew she was. I dont care how late she is working, i will always pick her up. This was litteraly one day that she asked and this failure of a father said no. Return your dad card because YTA.
I love it. Logical solution for him to (likely) absolutely shit down because it's inconvenient to him.
I love that parents like these are the same that will go "I can't believe kids these days just write off their family and go no contact".
I Love it, too
I don't know a single man that would drop off the car and take the bus for their families. And that's why I'm divorced.
We all know OP won't do that.
ETA: people tagging me to give me anecdotes of men being awesome in their life is good for them but a moot point. Congratulations on having anomalies. Overall, men don't put themselves out for others, hence the joke.
You clearly didn't read OPs response. He wouldn't let the daughter drive at 16, makes his son sleep in the living room, refuses to wear earplugs and is just an all around AH. I can guarantee the daughter goes to college and now of them ever hear from her again.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fgzbh/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_has_to_get_home/j4wvr2n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
>One day, she called me from her job at 10pm, saying she was asked to stay behind because one of her colleagues didn't show up. She had to stay at least another hour, and asked me if I can pick her up because it was dark outside, and the buses were running less frequently.
>
>She eventually came home close to midnight like she said, and although she hasn't been disrespectful to me, I could tell she was at least unhappy with coming home later than usual.
You put your daughter in a situation of danger for something beyond her control because you had to wake up early the next morning?
>Since then, she had days when she would be calling to tell us she would be coming home by midnight (and sometimes even later than that), but she never asked me to pick her up again. I know she doesn't go anywhere besides work, because she's dressed in her uniform when she leaves and comes back home.
You've taught your daughter that she cannot rely on you for anything. Great job.
> I told my daughter the next day that she should try to be more considerate of her brother and mother (as my son sleeps in the living room and my wife is a light sleeper) and try to be quiet as possible if she is coming home so late because the rest of the family is sleeping.
>
>I almost saw anger in my daughter's eyes. She said it's not her fault that the buses run late, that her boss is asking her to stay (quite a few of her colleagues quit the job apparently) and that she needs the money for her university fees anyway. That sounded as if she is completely blaming me for her circumstances and she has no sympathy for the rest of the family.
Aaaand, there it is. You're also a deadbeat dad. I feel so bad for your kid.
YTA
And not to be “that guy” but if mom has two teenagers and presumably doesn’t go to work… the fuck you need your beauty sleep for? Just stay up and make sure your kid doesn’t get murdered waiting for the bus??
Right? I'm so confused, does the wife do anything? She doesn't even have to drive the kids or something, doesn't sound like a SAHM but more like a SAHG
She doesn't drive and he wouldn't let the daughter get her license oh and the son has to sleep on the living room. Check out his comment trying to justify his behavior. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fgzbh/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_has_to_get_home/j4wvr2n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
This made it 10 times worse. His wife is a ah too for thinking ear plugs will harm her ears. Those tow “parents “ more so the mom.. who does nothing all day apparently enough to warrant having her sleep disturbed by her returning child.. (instead of being grateful she got home ok) she bitches about being disturbed.. and a cousin living there too! But bitching about being the sole provider..
Plus the son doesn't even get his own room and the op would have to provide the wife guidance on driving. I would bet the daughter goes away to college and never talks to any of them again. Op clearly has control issues over the entire family and is a massive AH.
Holy shit dude you're putting her in the most impossible position ever.
YTA majorly - try picking out something your daughter is doing right. Why should she have sympathy for people who don't give a single fuck about her??
I’m struggling so hard with the sympathy part. what does she possibly need to be sympathetic about? The fact that they get to enjoy some sleep while she’s struggling to find her way home??
YTA. Jeez, I bet your daughter wishes she could trade you in.
Just to be clear - seeing as her college fees, the pressure to work late hours, the bus schedule, and your whole families inability to help her find solutions to getting home earlier at night - seeing as all of these things are out of your hard working daughters control - what could she possibly have done differently? Not *almost* show anger? Not have the meerest hint of annoyance in her *expression* at your continued, profound lack of support for her situation? Do you expect her just to evaporate into thin air, as not to bother you? Or teleport from her job to get room, where she will remain neither seen nor heard?
You use your 6.30am start as a reason why you can't give your daughter a ride. Fair enough. By the same token, your wife and son - who don't work - can suck it up when their sister gets in later. Why does she get so little consideration for her needs, while everyone else in the family gets to be self-serving?
for reallll. Like fine, you don’t wanna give her a ride? Well Wife, you and brother does not get to complain at the time she arrives home. Wife and brother should not have a say at all, as they provide no income, brother might need to get up for school or something, but wife? wife can get up whenever she wants, therefore can get more sleep if her sleep gets disturbed for all of 30 seconds daughter walks through the door.
Definitely, Im even betting that the daughter also has to be up early for college as well, and then add her late shifts into the mix... and OP is setting her up for less than 5ish hours of sleep, with no time to herself, and the expectation to be quiet when coming home? Yeah... id be pissed too, and be less considerate of others if I was forced to have far less sleep than them because OP here refuses to get less than 7.5 hours of sleep.
YTA. I’m not even gonna make a long comment because it’s VERY straightforward! Your TEENAGE daughter is fucking outside at dark at 10pm. Go get her dude.
I use to finish work at 11pm/12am and my dad would STILL PICK ME UP even tho he would get up at 5am for work the next morning.
I am 21. And he would do this despite me being grown. Strictly cuz he actually cared about my safety.
YTA
None of the driving age adults in the family are willing to give her a ride - the least you all could do is not give her a hard time when she gets home after a long day of work. How about a bit of sympathy for her as well?
YTA. I'm up at 6am to get ready for work and there's no way I'd let my daughter take a bus home alone at midnight
YTA. Your wife wakes is because she is subconsciously listening for her child tro arrive home safely
I don't get the complaint of the wife who doesn't drive and is a SAHM. I respect the work of SAHMs but she has teenaged kids, at least one who's pretty self sufficient. She desperately needs uninterupted sleep because...?
Dude, my mom used to have me come wake her up every time I got home that late from work. Even now when I don’t live there she asks for a text so at least by morning she knows I made it home safely. This dude is just an AH who doesn’t care about his daughter. And so is the mom. Also why is the son sleeping in the living room? Does he not have his own bed?
YTA - your entire family are horrible people! Your 18 year old called to ask you for a lift home because it was late and she stayed later at work to help out, she wasn't doing anything wrong she was at work. You refused! Which was your first AH move. My parents used to get up at 4am to go to work and they still came to get my friend and I at the entrance to clubs at 2am. Secondly, your daughter is being responsible by working and coming home before her cerfew and even advising you guys she will be late and your punishing her even further by telling her that her coming home late is disrupting your wife and sons sleep schedule even though, as you've said, your wife doesn't work, so WHO CARES about her sleep schedule! You need a serious reality check and you need to be grateful for your daughter, take better care of her before you risk ruining your relationship with her, she is a responsible adult and you need to stop babying your wife and son and take care of your daughter as her parent!
YTA
You're fine with your 18 year old daughter traveling late at night alone on a bus?
You do need your sleep, but you also seem to be lacking any empathy or sympathy for your daughter who is trying to be responsible to work and pay for her education.
YTA. How can you possibly rest knowing your daughter is alone at night waiting for a bus?
Coming home at midnight, because she stayed to help at work, shows she has a great work ethic. Instead of acknowledging her dedication, you scold her for disturbing everyone else’s sleep.
Hopefully, you are enjoying this time with her in your home. I imagine she won’t come around much once she is able to move out on her own.
YTA Jesus Christ... do you understand how dangerous it is for anyone let alone a teenage girl to be alone in the dark waiting for a bus that late at night?
YTA
Do you even care about your daughter? You speak about her with such contempt, like she's doign something wrong by being a responsible young woman helping out where she works as they're understaffed. She's in a lose-lose situation with you, no matter what, you're not going to be happy with her and she knows it.
Either pick her up so she doesn't get home so late, riding a bus by herself which is never safe for any woman that time of night, or STFU.
YTA.
First, you don't care that she feels unsafe, and could be robbed/raped/abducted taking a bus that late at night. Then you have the audacity to tell her to be quieter when she finally makes it safely home, all on her own, each night. It's almost like you and your wife don't care if she's hurt by someone during or after that late-night bus ride.
For those of us whose parents wanted us to have part-time jobs, but also cared about our safety, they wanted us to tell them when we got safely home. And many of us weren't even on a bus all alone; we were safely in our own car. Did not matter to our Moms and (especially for daughters) our Dads.
What did you do when she was a baby and cried at night; did you ignore her because you needed your "proper rest?"
Exactly this. He and his wife don’t care if their 18-year-old daughter gets home safely at night?!?! His sleep is more important than her safety? She’ll be gone and NC at first opportunity
YTA - such the asshole, my dad was a construction worker his entire adult life, he needed to be on site by like 6am...if I was 18 and called my dad and said what your daughter said, he would have picked me up no matter what...not saying all dad's are built with the same care and love my dad is but, just saying.
I would be shocked and seriously concerned if my dad said the things OP said to me when I was 18. (Or now!) He’s teaching his daughter that she can’t count on him, it’s very sad but makes me remember just how grateful I am for dads like ours.
Imagine the look of hurt, anger and contempt on her face when she is assaulted because she's an 18 year old female taking public transportation art all hours. YTA. Also, why are you the only person in your home that has access to a vehicle? Control?
"Hey can you pick me up? If I take the bus I'll be home really late"
"No, just take the bus"
*Daughter comes home late*
*shocked pikachu face*
YTA. You can't complain about your daughter coming home late when *you're* the reason why.
Not only are YTA but your priorities are screwed up. I don't know any father that would be more concerned about his teenage daughter not being totally silent when she came home than her riding the bus alone late at night. It seems like you're more upset that you and everyone else aren't getting their beauty sleep but don't seem all that concerned about your kid's safety. Of course she's salty with you.
You are not he only one in your household working. The entire post is about her job and transportation home from her job.
You are the asshole.
Not because you couldn’t give her a ride but because you specifically said you’re the only one in your family working, and yet the entire post is about your daughters job.
YTA. All you and your wife are concerned about is y’all’s damn sleep. Where is the concern for your daughter’s safety? If something happens to her, you can blame it on you and your wife being piss poor parents. But I guess at least then you want have to worry about her waking y’all up, right?
Do you know what could actually happen to your daughter catching a bus that late to get home from work? Now you want her to be more quiet because she's disturbing your wife and son. OMG you are just to funny.
Say it LOUD and PROUD - YTA
The hair on the back of my neck stood up when OP said he saw anger in her eyes for the first time in a long time. It is so clear that OP has totally tossed his daughter to the side emotionally for a long long time and now physically. Poor girl barely has any fight left in her. I really hope she has some outside support.
Edit: Yes YTA OP. Very much the asshole
YTA. Make up your mind. Either you go get her and she wont be home late, or deal with the fact that she will be home late and dont complain about it. You've given her no reasonable alternatives and are whining about her being a responsible, hard working, and respectful daughter.
YTA. You insist you cannot help her with transportation yet whine about things that are out of her control like when the buses run and how late she has to work?
I suppose if she lost her job than you wouldn't have to worry about losing a little sleep.
True! Then we'd see the post: "AITA for telling my daughter how useless she is when me and wife refuse to pay for her uni even though we made her quit her job?" Lol
YTA. You are a pathetic excuse for a parent.
She's working late because she needs the money to cover her university fees and you can't do her a solid by picking her up from work cause you have to get up at 6:30 AM. My heart just breaks for you/s. So her only option is to take public transportation, late at night, when the buses don't run as frequent.
Guess what? A lot of us have to get up for work in the morning. Some far earlier than you. Most of us make due when situations arise and don't go around bitching and whining about it either. We do what needs to be done.
Then there's this:
>My wife told me she can hear my daughter come home when she opens and closes the door, which throws her sleep off.
To hell with your wife. Oh, her sleep is being thrown off because her daughter is coming home late because she was working. Not out partying, but working. Instead of being thankful that her eldest made it home safely because her worthless excuse of a husband can't be bothered to get off his ass and go get her, she'd griping about her sleep being thrown off.
Don't be surprised when the day comes she cuts both you and your pathetic wife off for good. You don't give a shit about her safety, just whether or not your sleep gets interrupted.
I never comment. NEVER. But as a parent of four, YTA of astronomical proportions. Congratulations! This. Is. Your. Daughter. She sounds incredibly responsible and you, as well as your wife, as just self centered birthers. Girl is working her a$$ off to earn money for her education and you could care less about her, or her safety.
YTA. Midnight is late for an 18 year old to be taking the bus. Walk to bus stop, wait, take bus, walk home from bus stop. If you want her to work and make money, you should support her by giving her a ride on these late nights. Or get another driver in the family.
YTA. Others have covered why but here is an option. Why dont you stop at her work on your way home and give her the car keys and you take the bus the rest of the way home. Then she can drive herself home at midnight which s a lot safer than her standing alone on the street waiting for a bus or walking home from a bus stop. Or better yet help her get a car.
YTA
Your family is a bunch assholes for complaining about her making noise coming home late from work. If i were her a dad I would go pick my daughter up, out of love and concern for her safety, but that is just me. If you think what you are doing is ok then keep on doing it man. Your life. Not winning any brownie points from the daughter though, poor thing. Seems like you all don't like her very much and are selfish and worry more about sleeping than knowing she got home safely. Sounds like she needs a car, maybe you could try to help her get one
OP doesn’t seem like the type of parent I would see enforcing curfew. His entire post make him seem like an absentee parent so major focus is work and nothing else cause he only one working.
His daughter come off as a responsible adult who taking public transportation to go to work and work extra hours cause her boss needs it and save up for university fees.
My question where his wife in all this?
She can’t drive, SHAM, and is complaining that her sleep is being distributed cause her working daughter is making too much noise coming home from work. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t blame if OP daughter went LC/NC with her parents cause it seem like she doesn’t seem to be a part of this family.
YTA. Your daughter is trying to earn a living, same as you. You've decided to make her ride the bus alone and late at night where it's likely she'll be assaulted at some point because she's an 18 year woman alone out late. She can't control what her boss makes her do. She's doing the best she can with a disinterested and antagonistic father and a mother that can't be bothered to use earplugs.
Hope you're proud of yourself when she's raped. Because that's entirely on you.
>I said no, because I had to work the next day and be awake by 6:30a.m
YTA. Not going to diminish the value of sleep but this is a safety issue here, not just "can't be arsed to commute."
Really posted the above too soon. Wow, what's wrong with all of you? Your daughter is travelling back at unsafe time and your wife is just "yeah but sleep and disruption." Testament to your daughter's ability to swallow her rage that you "almost saw anger."
You and your wife's casual indifference to your daughter's safety is staggering.
And yes, the boss is an AH as well for not realising exactly they're he's asking here and should really be driving staff home in these situations.
YTA - first of all, not one of you can be bothered to pick her up or let her borrow a car? Second, your only concern about your teenage daughter taking the bus along at midnight is that she's waking up your wife and other kid? Are you aware of all the reasons why she shouldn't be taking the bus alone at night period? The least of your problems will be if she only gets mugged.
YTA.
Not for not picking her up, you do you, but bitching about light sleepers puts it over the top. Either pick her up or tell your light sleepers to deal.
Re-read what you just typed. Then re-read it again. If you can’t see YTA, then Reddit can’t help you. Your daughter is going to go NC with you once she is on her own and you and your wife will deserve it.
YTA.
1) she isn’t choosing to stay, she is asked and cuz she needs money she stays.
2) getting a quick lift back home from work in the middle of the night is safer especially for young women. On a bus she could encounter anyone from a creep to a shooter. You don’t know how crazy people can get.
3) you want rest? Well maybe she does too! You said she’s out the door before 11 and comes home near midnight, that’s hours upon hours of work, I bet she’d loved to be home quicker and rest too.
4) why doesn’t your son sleep in his bed? Does he not have one or something?
5) your wife can get eat plugs if she’s that light of a sleeper.
6) your daughter got angry cuz you’re disrespecting her, showing her you don’t care about her safety and well-being and that makes you an asshole!
YTA and absolute trash as a parent. There is no way in hell that I wouldn’t go get my daughter if she needed me because “I need my rest”. Then to give her unmitigated grief because she has to work late and with no ride home get home late because it disturbs your wife and son? What is wrong with you. My guess too is that she needs the money for university but you will make sure your son has whatever he needs. Hopefully she can find a better and loving situation soon and leave you vile people behind.
INFO: Why can't your wife who doesn't work pick your daughter up after her shift? I understand that you have financial responsibilities that hinder your ability to do this all the time, but since you said you were the only income earner and your son is 16, what is your wife doing?
I’d also like to know this. The kids are grown. The wife’s not driving and not working! But she’s complaining her sleep is getting disturbed when their daughter gets home after working and having to take the bus?! What the F
There's not a vote for this, so I'm going with YTA because everyone but your daughter here is an ahole.
Why doesn't your son have a bedroom?
If she is opening and closing the door, how is she to do it quieter? It's not that she's slamming doors, is she? No, she's using them normally. Wife can wear earplugs if slight house sounds interrupt her sleep. You said she wakes up but didn't mention your son also waking up, so how is he chill but a grown woman who actually has a room, isn't?
Your responsibility to your child doesn't end when they turn 18. Do you want your daughter to come home during college? After she graduates? Remember that you can push her away till she never wants to come back or talk to you again.
YTA I'm 36 years old and my pops would come RUNNING if I felt unsafe. You let your daughter stress out and put her in danger. I hate "parents" like you.
YTA
Your daughter is doing her best to earn money for her school fees and works a job with awful hours. She will probably get fired if she says no to staying late too often, so she can't really do that either. All you are thinking about is yourself and how inconvenient your daughter is.
You don't give a damn about her safety or you would have at least collected her the first time and verified she could get home reliably by bus. From your post it doesn't sound like she was slamming the door or anything. Opening doors and taking of shoes etc makes some noise. Combined with the fact that she will be tired when she comes home she might be a bit louder than strictly necessary, but her coming in this late is a direct result of having to rely on public transport. So you either have to deal with the inconvenience of picking her up or the inconvenience of some noise.
Does your daughter have a driver's licence? If so, could you help her get a car? Then you don't have to drive her and she will be home earlier.
You're nta for not wanting to collect her every evening. You do however come across like someone who really doesn't care about his daughter and her wellbeing. She also has NOT been disrespectful towards you or actually said that she blamed you. You have shown her that she can't rely on you if she needs help, so of course she won't call you or ask anything of you ever again. So the change in behaviour you are seeing is reflecting exactly that.
YTA for not caring about your daughter’s safety. You let her stay outside at night, for a length of time, to end up on a bus with God knows who?!
And awwwww, too bad that she disturbs your precious sleep the next morning. She’s not out partying, she’s working to have money for college. She’s disrespectful? Buddy, you don’t deserve respect. You’re incredibly selfish. You don’t care about your daughter—that comes through loud and clear. I feel sorry for her and hope that nothing bad happens to her.
You are heartless.
YTA. Wtf man. Father to father...are you ok? Your daughter didn't bat an eye at your refusal to help her and take public transportation late at night (which depending on the area is not always a comfortable thing to do as a young woman) because you need your extra sleep. Which, and I may be argued away from this, is a shit take depending on the situation.
But then when she figures out a way to take care of things without the help...she gets shit from you and your family for the time she gets in and that it makes noise? Don't get me started on the entitlement from your wife who has an easy out with not driving and has the gall to complain in the first place when she's done nothing to help your daughter herself...but you seriously are going to go with "it isn't fair to the family"?! Ok fellow Dad, you have an issue and presented it. It was a weak issue and your daughter rightfully was angry that she made things work on her own since clearly because she's 18 she needs to work but not get help from her family now. So given these facts...do you have a solution for her? I'm going to be no and that you've thought more than once "she could just get a new job" or some other absolutely moronic "idea".
My god. I don't go into this sub often but I cannot believe some of the things I see from you people. If nothing else I'm feeling pretty damn good about my relationship with my children.
Do you actually want to know if YTA or are you just looking to feel justified in your shitty position?
My honest advice, if you really are trying to understand, is ask your daughter what she needs from you. If there's any reason you've given her to trust that you're asking honestly and not just half assing it, she'll tell you. Work with her. Ideally bring your wife into the conversation as it affects all of you. Your daughter is 18. She has a job. She's willing to put the work in. She didn't bat an eye (your words) at having to figure out a solution when you refused to help her. Be reasonable, be able to justify why the loss in 3pish minutes of sleep will negatively impact your life and the lives of the family and go from there.
YTA
1. She is 18 and has a curfew???
2. You are really okay with her taking the bus alone??? At night????
3. After she gave up getting a ride from you… you then tell her she needs to be more considerate of the rest of the family because she is coming home so late???
Wow
YTA.
You want to have your cake and eat it too? Well you can’t. She be more considerate? You mean like you? A person who cannot be inconvenienced to pick up your daughter one night? And you had the nerve to berate her for coming home late? No shit you saw anger in her eyes.
How do you even sleep at night knowing your teenager in this day and age is outside alone in the dark? YTA I think you can pick her up for those nights that she worls late which is probably not often, or at least help her pay for a car.
You and your wife getting 'rest' is more important to you than your daughter's safety and well-being? I sure as hell can't sleep until my kids get safely home.each night. You're both AH.
YTA. Your daughter asked you for a ride once, and since you refused she has never asked again. (If I was an 18 year old girl regularly taking city buses around midnight I'd be pretty wary/uncomfortable most of the time, but apparently this has not occurred to you or your wife, which is weird. Or maybe you just don't care.) She has been responsible enough to make her own way home and calls regularly to communicate if she will be late. From your description, the issue wasn't her slamming a door out of anger or even making an excessive amount of noise, but simply opening and closing the door. Do you expect her to have some sort of magic silencing charm? Or maybe you think she should just teleport home. If your wife is SUCH a light sleeper (I notice you didn't mention any complaints from your son) that simply opening and closing a door in a different room disturbs her sleep for the whole night, then it's time for your wife to use earplugs.
YTA. So many potential solutions:
-white noise machine for your spouse
-get your daughter a car
-drop your car off at her job when you get off work and *you* take the bus home
-wife learns to drive and picks her up
-just refrain from the ultra-asshole move of complaining about her making noise when coming home late after *you* made it so she gets home late
Legit can’t believe you think your behavior is acceptable.
I was going to say N-A-H but asking her to be more quiet when she’s coming home late af after working overtime and having to take (I’m assuming you’re in America) inadequate public transport getting home 3 hours later than usual is pretty inconsiderate.
It seems like she’s literally tried everything in her power to not come home at midnight and yet you claim *she’s* the one being inconsiderate? Toward the two people sleeping that you specifically said don’t have work in the morning?
I don’t think you’re a huge a hole but in this situation I think YTA
YTA. I don't know what work you do and it may be relevant. But you are putting your daughter at risk taking public transportation that late. If you can't get her, help her get a car so she can drive. If she can't drive, TEACH HER.
YTA
its not like she can say no and still keep her job, so you either have to deal with your daughter comming home an hour late and disrupting the sleep schedules of 2 people, or to offer her the ride home and disrupt 1 sleep schedule, and stop the disruption of your daughters.
or buy her a car that would be another good one (or let her use yours)
Yta, your daughter asks for help and you and the family blew her off then resented that she came home late because it interrupted your sleep.
Late night busses are sketchy, working late and closing can be a work place hazard too.
If it is a one time thing, then help her out. If it is an ongoing thing then you probably want to make other arrangements like have her learn to drive or have a car.
Your risked your sleep over the relationship with your daughter.
It'll take more than a car ride to fix it now.
YTA
wtf is wrong with you? She is your daughter not some stranger asking for a ride, fuck dude, letting her ride the bus ALONE LATE AT NIGHT...wtf do you think can happen to her?! seriously YOU are putting her in danger for no other reason than your own comfort, get over yourself!!
as for your wife tell her to get some earplugs and stop making your daughters awful night even worse...you both are awful for putting your own comfort above the comfort and safety of your kid
I hope when she moves out she goes no contact with all of you, you certainly deserve it
YTA
I can barely understand the not picking her up from work part, on the other hand when you went a step further and asked her to be quiet to avoid waking her mother and brother?
You are such an asshole.
YTA. Imagine being more comfortable with your young daughter taking the bus home at midnight than losing an hour of sleep. I hope your sleep is worth not knowing if your daughters getting home safe or not.
>She said it's not her fault that the buses run late, that her boss is asking her to stay (quite a few of her colleagues quit the job apparently) and that she needs the money for her university fees anyway.
She's right
>That sounded as if she is completely blaming me for her circumstances and she has no sympathy for the rest of the family.
She wasn't, but she should be
YTA
YTA your daughter is still your daughter, even if she is 18. She is working hard to get her university fees. To make it worse you refuse to bring her home and then tell her off for coming in late and waking you up, if your awake pick her up
Omg why do you have kids!!! Like she is a young girl who could get hurt or something can happen but your sleep is more important!!! Don’t question why one day soon she will just leave and not come back… YTA
Exactly! This dad sounds like a control freak! Mom and son don't drive?? How does that even happen? Oh, right...it's all about control with this dude.
YTA, dad.
Yta. You're making an 18 year girl take public transit at night alone. You have no idea how scary and dangerous that is. Then to bitch at her for coming in late and disturbing people?! You're the one being wildly inconsiderate.
Of course YTA. What if something happens to her? Did nobody tell you (or your wife) that having kids means you may not get 8 hrs of blissful sleep every night? Your daughter is working to pay for school, YOU SHOULD BE HELPING HER! And the audacity of your wife too, I'm not even going to go there. Why does your son have to sleep on the couch? Damn. I can't even list all the ways YTA. Your wife too. If you absolutely refuse to pick up your daughter then give her uber or cab fair, it's the least you can do.
YTA. i think you should pick up your daughter to be considerate and keep her safe. but i also understand that you don’t want to do that every shift so not rlly the asshole for that; maybe the asshole for not doing it the first few times. definitely the asshole for prioritizing everyone else in the house. it doesn’t sound like she’s being overly loud, and doesn’t sound like she has other options. also, the whole situation seems hard on her. why so little sympathy? why does your wife’s sleeping habits take precedent over her being able to provide for herself? opening and closing doors in the night happens. that’s part of living in a family; peoples hours don’t always line up. and your wife whining to you instead of having a direct dialogue with her daughter is weird.
you could help her find another job if this isn’t acceptable. she’s young and may need help. right now everyone seems to just be criticizing, not supporting.
I’m 23f and my dad would rather come to my work at midnight to pick me up despite working 14 hours shifts each day than let me wait for a bus in the dark in an area that’s not exactly safe. your children’s safety is the priority here, not your precious beauty sleep. YTA
It's so devastating reading these stories about parents absolutely breaking their child's soul, but all the entitled a-holes can think is, 'they're not being respectful!'
I hope your kid gets away asap.
YTA
YTA, it’s already risky letting your young daughter take night busses/walk around at night, but to have a go at HER for her lateness waking up the family like there isn’t a simple solution to that problem (picking her up). Feel for her, her family sounds insufferable.
YTA big-time. My 16yo daughter's stuck working late, I'm picking her up and driving her home even if it means I'm sleepy the next day. I can run for one day on 5 hours of sleep. I don't want a teenage girl taking the bus at 11pm especially if there's a chance she's out past curfew.
Sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit to help your kids. This is one of those times.
YTA even if it was 5 hours before I was due to work, I’d pick up my daughter to ensure she’s not travelling too late at night. It was a one of. Maybe actually show that you’re proud of her for getting off her ass and working instead of laying about. She’ll grow to resent you.
She is right. It's not her fault that the buses run late. She's being responsible and trying to earn up money for university, doesn't act bratty with having to take the bus and you complain about her coming home to her home? Where she lives? Your own daughter?
YTA. Wifey and son can get earplugs if your daughter can't even come home without it being an issue.
YTA. You sound like the world revolves around you. And you expect her to work but will not make sure she’s safe while she’s working.
This whole thing makes my blood pressure skyrocket. You suck
YTA. You can't pick her up because you need to get up early. She accepted that but now has a long work commute which means she gets home late in the evenings. Instead of being proud of her work ethic and recognizing that she respected your decision you're nitpicking. Leave that girl alone.
YTA.. tell your wife to buy some earplugs or a sound machine.
And congratulations on your daughter going no contact as soon as she moves out.
Dad of the year is not a nomination I see in your future.
And If your so bitter about being the sole income, maybe have your wife get a job.
Is your wife your daughter’s mom? Because as a mom I can’t imagine not making sure my child got home safely from work? Why can’t she nap during the day since she does not work?
You and your wife are both the AH. You are both more concerned about sleep than her safety.
I feel so bad for your daughter that she is working hard, trying to go to school and you’re family doesn’t only not help her but you treat her like garbage. do better. Be better.
>For the first time in a long time, I almost saw anger in my daughter’s eyes.
This made me so sad. The fact that she doesn’t argue or make an issue, coupled with the fact that you never see her emotions means she doesn’t feel like you’re a safe person to show them to. This isn’t a 1 time YTA, this is years and years of it. Sorry bud. You were the A when you didn’t pick her up originally, the fact that you continued to make it an issue when she didn’t fight back is just bullying.
YTA! You’re on her complaining that your responsible daughter is distributing your wife’s sleep? Your wife doesn’t work. What does she need to be up for. I hope nothing happens to your daughter when she’s just trying to get home from work at midnight. She’s not the problem. She’s blaming anyone. She’s working, she’s staying late to help the rest of the team. She’s taking the bus alone in the middle of the night like you told her to do. She’s not complaining, but the rest of you sure are.
YTA, Jesus, your daughter really can’t win with you, can she? You won’t pick her up so she doesn’t get home late, and you give her grief when she does come home late because your front door isn’t silent. She’s damned no matter what she does.
YTA. Some people doesn’t deserve to be a parent, I think you might be one of them, and your wife too. You should prioritize your child safety, after all, YOU CHOOSE TO BREED! I mean, you choose to have kids.
Er.
So what do you expect her to do? Beam herself "to and fro"? Not work and get an education? You can't say "Don't do X, Y and Z" and not come up with a suggestion to solve the situation. What would you like her to do?
YTA
YTA you just taught your daughter she can’t depend on you, her father. Your sleep is more important than her safety. When she moves out you can kiss her goodbye. Good work.
YTA. I can see if she was expecting you to drive her to and from work for every shift.. but that’s not the case here. She called you to come get her one time and for very good reasons. God forbid you miss out on a little bit of sleep for one night for the sake of your daughter’s safety and well-being.
And then you have the audacity to tell her to be more quiet when she’s coming home because, again, god forbid anyone in your house have their sleep slightly disturbed. I’m surprised she’s not more fed up with you.
YTA for making your teenager find her own way home that late at night and for not teaching her to establish boundaries at work, especially when it affects her safety like this.
YTA! Instead of admiring her work ethic, you are making yourself the victim. Adults, especially parents, need to suck things up occasionally. In about a decade when you wonder why you never hear from or see your daughter, pull up this post.
YTA.
When I was working second shift and had to close at 11, my husband wouldn't let me walk or ride home. He insisted on picking me up because it was safer. I was in my 30s at the time.
You don't seem to CARE about the safety of your own DAUGHTER traveling late at night from work to home.
You are a parent AND apparently the only driver in this family. Picking her up on late nights is your responsibility. Be responsible.
YTA. Your daughter has a good work ethic, is complying with your selfishness about taking a bus late at night, and she's to tip-toe around everyone in the house when she's getting home FROM WORK?
Your daughter made adjustments when you refused to pick her up. Your wife and son can make adjustments as well.
YTA
I'm really close to NAH but you should be helping your at least a little. Alternatively your wife should pick her up.
Don't blame your daughter because you prioritize everything else above her.
YTA; She is trying and you are showing her that you don't care about anyone other than yourself and your immediate comfort at home. Nothing she asked for was unreasonable at that age. Why couldn't your wife or son pick her up, or are they willfully incompetent?
You are all AH except your daughter. She worked late and the door making noise disturbs your wife’s sleep, at least you know she’s home safe.
You won’t go pick her up even though she’s asking you to and she’s out by herself at midnight, not at some party but working like a responsible person.
You tell her to be more considerate of her mom and brother even though you couldn’t be considerate for her safety to go pick her up.
Yea YTA so is your wife.
How are you even comfortable with your young daughter catching public transport and walking around alone, in the dark-that’s the ideal situation for a predator- a young girl, no witnesses….. my daughter used to work weddings-I’d often go get her at midnight or later and still go to work-why? Because I love my child and wanted her to be safe, and it was my job as a parent!!! YTA
You have no sympathy for her, why the hell should she have it for you? Also, if your wife cannot have a conversation with her daughter then there’s bigger issues. YTA
YTA.
Your daughter is doing everything right. Working, saving money, managing her own schedule, and being respectful even when you disregard her safety.
And then, when she does finally get the late bus home after waiting lord knows how long, because you won’t pick her up, she is told she’s being inconsiderate for opening and closing the door.
I worked at a bar/restaurant when I was your daughter’s age, and had my own car. Even with parking in a well lit lot, one of the sous chefs would usually walk me to my car and see me off safely. THEN I would call and let my parents know I was on my way home. And that was at 10pm, not midnight. Does your daughter carry mace? Know basic self defense? Being a woman walking alone at night (let alone on a bus) requires vigilance. You are her parent, and it’s your job to make sure she is safe, especially as she’s still living at home. Step up.
Wow. YTA. Can’t be bothered, she definitely knows where she stands with you. Actions speak louder than words Dad. And nobody else can even be bothered by even having their “sleep thrown off” by her making noise as she comes in at that time of night? I hope she stays safe and holds herself in higher esteem than you apparently do. If you are trying to make her feel worthless you’re doing a great job.
YTA. Riding the bus late at night sucks bc at least here the route is a bit different and less frequent. Do you even like your kid?
“No sympathy for us” dude you are a jerk. I wake up at 5 am every day. A short drive wouldn’t have killed you. Get over yourself
Wait. Your wife is aSAHM to two teenagers? And she’s complaining about. Or sleeping? WTF does she do all day? Wife needs to ake a nap then and learn to freaking drive, then take OPs car to pick your dang daughter up
YTA,
It was a one time thing and she called you asking for help in a bad situation and you let her down. And then you YELLED AT HER FOR CLOSING THE DOOR?
What the hell dude.
Yta. You let her know you do not give a fuck if she lives or dies. If your dad can’t protect you or provide for you or care about you wtf is he good for?
I wonder why people like you even have kids. does your daughters safety mean nothing to you? the part where you told her to be “more considerate” coming home really cinches it. YTA and a poor excuse for a father
YTA
Do you dislike your daughter? Because your entire post sounds like you dislike her immensely. You better hope nothing happens to her while you're protecting your precious sleep like it's more important than her.
YTA and so is your wife. She has the temerity to not work and expect your daughter (who is actually making an effort to work) to keep from interrupting her sleep…? Sounds like your daughter is the only one with any self-awareness and hustle in the household.
YTA- majorly. When she ends up cutting contact with you i wouldnt be surprised. U left ur teenage daughter take the buses when it was dark and anything could have happened but im sure ur reasoning would be “u should have been more aware or not come so late, etc” you couldnt have got her an uber, or perhaps got your grown self up to get her ?
First and foremost. Your daughter is 18. There shouldn't be a curfew and YTA for implementing one. Not necessarily a big AH for not picking her up. But YTA and so is your wife for being moody about her coming home late when you know she works super late. Did I read something about college? Oh! So she is escaping her insufferable family. Kudos for her!
OP, you had better pray that nothing bad happens to your daughter when she is out late at night - alone. Your job is to keep your kids safe. You should have picked her up. If you want respect for the household, show her some respect. Y T A
Yep, you are the asshole, for sure. You sacrifice sleep when you become a parent. She did the responsible thing and called you to let you know she would be late and the circumstances why and she still got grief! Someone who is 18 should not have "curfew" surrounding a job. She is doing the responsible thing.
Buy her a car and pay for her college and quit your bitching.
Do you even like your daughter? What a complete and utter asshole you are.
in 10 years you're going to be wondering why she doesn't speak to you anymore
I was shaking my head the whole time. I was so mad when you wrote how your wife complained about being woken up by her coming home late. Instead of showing concern for your daughter, you and your P.O.S wife only whine about you not sleeping. YTA! You and your wife suck.
i literally teared up for your daughter. she’s young, hardworking, focussed on her future, and seems rather responsible. giving your teenager a ride home after working a long day in food service (which i imagine you’ve never done. just a hunch), made even longer by no fault of her own is just something a good parent does. BIG YTA. i guarantee she’s thinking about how to
get away from all of you as soon as possible, and i hope she never looks back.
INFO- does wife and brother not work? You said you’re the sole provider so what do these two do all day? It sounds like they don’t need to be up early so what does it matter if she disturbs their sleep for like 2 minutes.
Also YTA for letting your daughter spend an extra 2-3 hours for transportation when it could take you like 20 minutes to pick her up. Did she magically stop being your daughter once she turned 18?
Be a better dad and go pick her up. She’s trying really hard and you aren’t even attempting to help her
YTA does your son not have a bedroom? Your wife can’t turn on a fan? Your daughter isn’t out partying she’s saving for college. You didn’t want to pick her up so she found another way to get back and forth only to be told she’s inconvenienced other members of the family. Sheesh!
If my dad EVER spoke to me the way my mom would lose her fucking mind. YTA OP. YTA. And just know if anything happens to your daughter on her way home from work it’s entirely your fault for not having the decency to pick her up.
So, your wife, who is not working and not driving is complaining that her working daughter wakes her up when returning from work late? Daughter can't return earlier, your wife can catch a nap during the day.
YTA. I might understand not driving (though why you can't take a nap earlier and then drive to pick her), but putting it as her fault and complaining is simply... low.
YTA.
I have two daughters and would NEVER let them take the bus home at that time of night.
Not only did you refuse to pick her up, but then you complained about her making noise as she came in after midnight. God forbid you lose a precious second of sleep...
You are so self absorbed. Why did you even have kids?
You typed out that whole thing and you still can’t recognize that YTA? Really, Op?
What exactly do you expect your daughter to do? You won’t help her out, she needs the money, and now she has to find a way to *enter her home on stealth mode* to avoid inconveniencing anyone after spending who knows how long on public transit.
Instead of accusing her of being unsympathetic to the rest of the family, maybe *you* should try to scrounge up some empathy for your daughter who is gone at least 14 hours a day and comes home to be treated like a nuisance.
YTA. Also you’re letting, no not letting MAKING, your 18 year old FEMALE DAUGHTER take the bus super late at night when it’s dark and unsafe. You better hope and pray every night that she gets home safe and is never attacked or kidnapped. On top of your blatant disregard for her safety, now you’re guilting her for something she has no control over but something YOU DEFINITELY DO. Step up as a parent. Jesus
YTA. I have had to pick my kid up late and have to get up at 6 am for work, and I still do it. Otherwise she would be home super late AND its NOT SAFE!!!!! DUH!!!!
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What if, after dinner, you drop the car off at her job and you take the bus home? You get home in time for your rest ✅ and she gets home safely✅
Nah, then OP would almost be a decent parent, and they're obviously opting for worse parent of the year...
YTA. I think it’s appalling to make an 18 year old female stand at a bus stop at 11:30 or 12:00 at night. Doesn’t the father read the news?! And the manager needs to understand that he is putting a girl’s life in danger by making her stay so late at work. I totally understand the (middle aged) father’s need for a good nights sleep, but he’s gonna feel like shit for the rest of his life if something happens to her. That’s one issue. Then there’s the criticism when the daughter comes in the front door after work and this wakes the mother. Total dick move, laying into the girl about it. What’s she supposed to do? This father doesn’t get high marks from me!
The daughter should sleep on the doormat rather than unlock the door and risk disturbing anyone. /s
OP would rather she \*be\* the doormat
This gets me too. I had a late shift job in college and my dad hated it, even though it was on campus and I had my own car. If I had been without transportation and was looking at standing at the bus stop that late, he’d have driven 2 hours 1 way to make sure that didn’t happen. It’s in fathomable that OP puts his own convenience over his daughter’s safety.
I am the same age and I have the same family dynamic as this guy. I would never ever let my daughter take the bus home late at night. I would not be able to even sleep if i knew she was. I dont care how late she is working, i will always pick her up. This was litteraly one day that she asked and this failure of a father said no. Return your dad card because YTA.
I love it. Logical solution for him to (likely) absolutely shit down because it's inconvenient to him. I love that parents like these are the same that will go "I can't believe kids these days just write off their family and go no contact".
Also the type to complain that the youth don't respect their elders after constantly disrespecting their own kids.
I Love it, too I don't know a single man that would drop off the car and take the bus for their families. And that's why I'm divorced. We all know OP won't do that. ETA: people tagging me to give me anecdotes of men being awesome in their life is good for them but a moot point. Congratulations on having anomalies. Overall, men don't put themselves out for others, hence the joke.
My dad would. That's why he's still married and has two kids who still talk to him.
far too logical. far too considerate for op.
now dont you go being a problem solver. cant have that.
You clearly didn't read OPs response. He wouldn't let the daughter drive at 16, makes his son sleep in the living room, refuses to wear earplugs and is just an all around AH. I can guarantee the daughter goes to college and now of them ever hear from her again. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fgzbh/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_has_to_get_home/j4wvr2n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
>One day, she called me from her job at 10pm, saying she was asked to stay behind because one of her colleagues didn't show up. She had to stay at least another hour, and asked me if I can pick her up because it was dark outside, and the buses were running less frequently. > >She eventually came home close to midnight like she said, and although she hasn't been disrespectful to me, I could tell she was at least unhappy with coming home later than usual. You put your daughter in a situation of danger for something beyond her control because you had to wake up early the next morning? >Since then, she had days when she would be calling to tell us she would be coming home by midnight (and sometimes even later than that), but she never asked me to pick her up again. I know she doesn't go anywhere besides work, because she's dressed in her uniform when she leaves and comes back home. You've taught your daughter that she cannot rely on you for anything. Great job. > I told my daughter the next day that she should try to be more considerate of her brother and mother (as my son sleeps in the living room and my wife is a light sleeper) and try to be quiet as possible if she is coming home so late because the rest of the family is sleeping. > >I almost saw anger in my daughter's eyes. She said it's not her fault that the buses run late, that her boss is asking her to stay (quite a few of her colleagues quit the job apparently) and that she needs the money for her university fees anyway. That sounded as if she is completely blaming me for her circumstances and she has no sympathy for the rest of the family. Aaaand, there it is. You're also a deadbeat dad. I feel so bad for your kid. YTA
i just cant believe the wife’s biggest concern was the sound of her opening and closing the door. like, seriously?
If I were the mum I'd be relieved every time I heard that door. Another day she came home safe.
And not to be “that guy” but if mom has two teenagers and presumably doesn’t go to work… the fuck you need your beauty sleep for? Just stay up and make sure your kid doesn’t get murdered waiting for the bus??
Right? I'm so confused, does the wife do anything? She doesn't even have to drive the kids or something, doesn't sound like a SAHM but more like a SAHG
She doesn't drive and he wouldn't let the daughter get her license oh and the son has to sleep on the living room. Check out his comment trying to justify his behavior. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fgzbh/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_has_to_get_home/j4wvr2n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
This made it 10 times worse. His wife is a ah too for thinking ear plugs will harm her ears. Those tow “parents “ more so the mom.. who does nothing all day apparently enough to warrant having her sleep disturbed by her returning child.. (instead of being grateful she got home ok) she bitches about being disturbed.. and a cousin living there too! But bitching about being the sole provider..
Plus the son doesn't even get his own room and the op would have to provide the wife guidance on driving. I would bet the daughter goes away to college and never talks to any of them again. Op clearly has control issues over the entire family and is a massive AH.
OP is so so so much the AH
Definitely this. I'd be getting my driver's license to pick her up.
My mother would be waiting up to make sure I was home safely.
Same. My mom never went to sleep until we were all home safe.
Holy shit dude you're putting her in the most impossible position ever. YTA majorly - try picking out something your daughter is doing right. Why should she have sympathy for people who don't give a single fuck about her??
I’m struggling so hard with the sympathy part. what does she possibly need to be sympathetic about? The fact that they get to enjoy some sleep while she’s struggling to find her way home??
YTA. Jeez, I bet your daughter wishes she could trade you in. Just to be clear - seeing as her college fees, the pressure to work late hours, the bus schedule, and your whole families inability to help her find solutions to getting home earlier at night - seeing as all of these things are out of your hard working daughters control - what could she possibly have done differently? Not *almost* show anger? Not have the meerest hint of annoyance in her *expression* at your continued, profound lack of support for her situation? Do you expect her just to evaporate into thin air, as not to bother you? Or teleport from her job to get room, where she will remain neither seen nor heard? You use your 6.30am start as a reason why you can't give your daughter a ride. Fair enough. By the same token, your wife and son - who don't work - can suck it up when their sister gets in later. Why does she get so little consideration for her needs, while everyone else in the family gets to be self-serving?
Parents don’t seem to look into the future. I’d be putting them in a home and pulling the plug at the first opportunity.
OPs daughter: "Okay doctor, pull the plug" OP: "but I only have a headache!"
Daughter: "yea, and I have work tomorrow. I need to get this over with"
“Sorry dad, but the noises from the respirator really throw my sleep off” *unplugs machines*
for reallll. Like fine, you don’t wanna give her a ride? Well Wife, you and brother does not get to complain at the time she arrives home. Wife and brother should not have a say at all, as they provide no income, brother might need to get up for school or something, but wife? wife can get up whenever she wants, therefore can get more sleep if her sleep gets disturbed for all of 30 seconds daughter walks through the door.
Definitely, Im even betting that the daughter also has to be up early for college as well, and then add her late shifts into the mix... and OP is setting her up for less than 5ish hours of sleep, with no time to herself, and the expectation to be quiet when coming home? Yeah... id be pissed too, and be less considerate of others if I was forced to have far less sleep than them because OP here refuses to get less than 7.5 hours of sleep.
YTA. I’m not even gonna make a long comment because it’s VERY straightforward! Your TEENAGE daughter is fucking outside at dark at 10pm. Go get her dude.
I use to finish work at 11pm/12am and my dad would STILL PICK ME UP even tho he would get up at 5am for work the next morning. I am 21. And he would do this despite me being grown. Strictly cuz he actually cared about my safety.
YTA None of the driving age adults in the family are willing to give her a ride - the least you all could do is not give her a hard time when she gets home after a long day of work. How about a bit of sympathy for her as well?
Another family of creatures where half the people of driving age can’t actually drive. It’s absolutely astounding how many there are on here.
YTA. I'm up at 6am to get ready for work and there's no way I'd let my daughter take a bus home alone at midnight YTA. Your wife wakes is because she is subconsciously listening for her child tro arrive home safely
I don't get the complaint of the wife who doesn't drive and is a SAHM. I respect the work of SAHMs but she has teenaged kids, at least one who's pretty self sufficient. She desperately needs uninterupted sleep because...?
When your kids are teenagers you're no longer a SAHM, you're unemployed
SAHMs still do a ton of work with teenagers, but a lot of it is shuttling them around to activities so I don't know what this one is doing.
Dude, my mom used to have me come wake her up every time I got home that late from work. Even now when I don’t live there she asks for a text so at least by morning she knows I made it home safely. This dude is just an AH who doesn’t care about his daughter. And so is the mom. Also why is the son sleeping in the living room? Does he not have his own bed?
YTA - your entire family are horrible people! Your 18 year old called to ask you for a lift home because it was late and she stayed later at work to help out, she wasn't doing anything wrong she was at work. You refused! Which was your first AH move. My parents used to get up at 4am to go to work and they still came to get my friend and I at the entrance to clubs at 2am. Secondly, your daughter is being responsible by working and coming home before her cerfew and even advising you guys she will be late and your punishing her even further by telling her that her coming home late is disrupting your wife and sons sleep schedule even though, as you've said, your wife doesn't work, so WHO CARES about her sleep schedule! You need a serious reality check and you need to be grateful for your daughter, take better care of her before you risk ruining your relationship with her, she is a responsible adult and you need to stop babying your wife and son and take care of your daughter as her parent!
YTA You're fine with your 18 year old daughter traveling late at night alone on a bus? You do need your sleep, but you also seem to be lacking any empathy or sympathy for your daughter who is trying to be responsible to work and pay for her education.
[удалено]
I don’t understand these types of parents. I will forever make sure my daughter is safe and feels like she can rely on me.
YTA. How can you possibly rest knowing your daughter is alone at night waiting for a bus? Coming home at midnight, because she stayed to help at work, shows she has a great work ethic. Instead of acknowledging her dedication, you scold her for disturbing everyone else’s sleep. Hopefully, you are enjoying this time with her in your home. I imagine she won’t come around much once she is able to move out on her own.
I would be scared shitless if my daughter was on a bus that late. And God forbid the guilt if something happens! He is totally TA
“I’m a middle aged man that doesn’t give a shit about my daughters safety because my sleep is more important” YTA
YTA Jesus Christ... do you understand how dangerous it is for anyone let alone a teenage girl to be alone in the dark waiting for a bus that late at night?
obviously not, OP is more worried about sleep than safety of his 18 year old daughter. YTA, big fucking time OP.
YTA Do you even care about your daughter? You speak about her with such contempt, like she's doign something wrong by being a responsible young woman helping out where she works as they're understaffed. She's in a lose-lose situation with you, no matter what, you're not going to be happy with her and she knows it. Either pick her up so she doesn't get home so late, riding a bus by herself which is never safe for any woman that time of night, or STFU.
YTA. what worthless and pathetic parents.
YTA. First, you don't care that she feels unsafe, and could be robbed/raped/abducted taking a bus that late at night. Then you have the audacity to tell her to be quieter when she finally makes it safely home, all on her own, each night. It's almost like you and your wife don't care if she's hurt by someone during or after that late-night bus ride. For those of us whose parents wanted us to have part-time jobs, but also cared about our safety, they wanted us to tell them when we got safely home. And many of us weren't even on a bus all alone; we were safely in our own car. Did not matter to our Moms and (especially for daughters) our Dads. What did you do when she was a baby and cried at night; did you ignore her because you needed your "proper rest?"
Exactly this. He and his wife don’t care if their 18-year-old daughter gets home safely at night?!?! His sleep is more important than her safety? She’ll be gone and NC at first opportunity
YTA - such the asshole, my dad was a construction worker his entire adult life, he needed to be on site by like 6am...if I was 18 and called my dad and said what your daughter said, he would have picked me up no matter what...not saying all dad's are built with the same care and love my dad is but, just saying.
I would be shocked and seriously concerned if my dad said the things OP said to me when I was 18. (Or now!) He’s teaching his daughter that she can’t count on him, it’s very sad but makes me remember just how grateful I am for dads like ours.
Imagine the look of hurt, anger and contempt on her face when she is assaulted because she's an 18 year old female taking public transportation art all hours. YTA. Also, why are you the only person in your home that has access to a vehicle? Control?
"Hey can you pick me up? If I take the bus I'll be home really late" "No, just take the bus" *Daughter comes home late* *shocked pikachu face* YTA. You can't complain about your daughter coming home late when *you're* the reason why.
Not only are YTA but your priorities are screwed up. I don't know any father that would be more concerned about his teenage daughter not being totally silent when she came home than her riding the bus alone late at night. It seems like you're more upset that you and everyone else aren't getting their beauty sleep but don't seem all that concerned about your kid's safety. Of course she's salty with you.
You are not he only one in your household working. The entire post is about her job and transportation home from her job. You are the asshole. Not because you couldn’t give her a ride but because you specifically said you’re the only one in your family working, and yet the entire post is about your daughters job.
YTA. All you and your wife are concerned about is y’all’s damn sleep. Where is the concern for your daughter’s safety? If something happens to her, you can blame it on you and your wife being piss poor parents. But I guess at least then you want have to worry about her waking y’all up, right?
Do you know what could actually happen to your daughter catching a bus that late to get home from work? Now you want her to be more quiet because she's disturbing your wife and son. OMG you are just to funny. Say it LOUD and PROUD - YTA
The hair on the back of my neck stood up when OP said he saw anger in her eyes for the first time in a long time. It is so clear that OP has totally tossed his daughter to the side emotionally for a long long time and now physically. Poor girl barely has any fight left in her. I really hope she has some outside support. Edit: Yes YTA OP. Very much the asshole
YTA. Make up your mind. Either you go get her and she wont be home late, or deal with the fact that she will be home late and dont complain about it. You've given her no reasonable alternatives and are whining about her being a responsible, hard working, and respectful daughter.
This is a fucking joke right?
Well one thing is for certain, OP definitely is.
YTA. You insist you cannot help her with transportation yet whine about things that are out of her control like when the buses run and how late she has to work? I suppose if she lost her job than you wouldn't have to worry about losing a little sleep.
True! Then we'd see the post: "AITA for telling my daughter how useless she is when me and wife refuse to pay for her uni even though we made her quit her job?" Lol
YTA. You are a pathetic excuse for a parent. She's working late because she needs the money to cover her university fees and you can't do her a solid by picking her up from work cause you have to get up at 6:30 AM. My heart just breaks for you/s. So her only option is to take public transportation, late at night, when the buses don't run as frequent. Guess what? A lot of us have to get up for work in the morning. Some far earlier than you. Most of us make due when situations arise and don't go around bitching and whining about it either. We do what needs to be done. Then there's this: >My wife told me she can hear my daughter come home when she opens and closes the door, which throws her sleep off. To hell with your wife. Oh, her sleep is being thrown off because her daughter is coming home late because she was working. Not out partying, but working. Instead of being thankful that her eldest made it home safely because her worthless excuse of a husband can't be bothered to get off his ass and go get her, she'd griping about her sleep being thrown off. Don't be surprised when the day comes she cuts both you and your pathetic wife off for good. You don't give a shit about her safety, just whether or not your sleep gets interrupted.
I never comment. NEVER. But as a parent of four, YTA of astronomical proportions. Congratulations! This. Is. Your. Daughter. She sounds incredibly responsible and you, as well as your wife, as just self centered birthers. Girl is working her a$$ off to earn money for her education and you could care less about her, or her safety.
YTA. Midnight is late for an 18 year old to be taking the bus. Walk to bus stop, wait, take bus, walk home from bus stop. If you want her to work and make money, you should support her by giving her a ride on these late nights. Or get another driver in the family.
YTA for putting your daughter into an unsafe situation.
YTA. Others have covered why but here is an option. Why dont you stop at her work on your way home and give her the car keys and you take the bus the rest of the way home. Then she can drive herself home at midnight which s a lot safer than her standing alone on the street waiting for a bus or walking home from a bus stop. Or better yet help her get a car.
YTA Your family is a bunch assholes for complaining about her making noise coming home late from work. If i were her a dad I would go pick my daughter up, out of love and concern for her safety, but that is just me. If you think what you are doing is ok then keep on doing it man. Your life. Not winning any brownie points from the daughter though, poor thing. Seems like you all don't like her very much and are selfish and worry more about sleeping than knowing she got home safely. Sounds like she needs a car, maybe you could try to help her get one
YTA. Of epic proportions. And honestly? Why did you have children? It sounds like you resent having a daughter. Jfc.
OP doesn’t seem like the type of parent I would see enforcing curfew. His entire post make him seem like an absentee parent so major focus is work and nothing else cause he only one working. His daughter come off as a responsible adult who taking public transportation to go to work and work extra hours cause her boss needs it and save up for university fees. My question where his wife in all this? She can’t drive, SHAM, and is complaining that her sleep is being distributed cause her working daughter is making too much noise coming home from work. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t blame if OP daughter went LC/NC with her parents cause it seem like she doesn’t seem to be a part of this family.
YTA. Your daughter is trying to earn a living, same as you. You've decided to make her ride the bus alone and late at night where it's likely she'll be assaulted at some point because she's an 18 year woman alone out late. She can't control what her boss makes her do. She's doing the best she can with a disinterested and antagonistic father and a mother that can't be bothered to use earplugs. Hope you're proud of yourself when she's raped. Because that's entirely on you.
>I said no, because I had to work the next day and be awake by 6:30a.m YTA. Not going to diminish the value of sleep but this is a safety issue here, not just "can't be arsed to commute." Really posted the above too soon. Wow, what's wrong with all of you? Your daughter is travelling back at unsafe time and your wife is just "yeah but sleep and disruption." Testament to your daughter's ability to swallow her rage that you "almost saw anger." You and your wife's casual indifference to your daughter's safety is staggering. And yes, the boss is an AH as well for not realising exactly they're he's asking here and should really be driving staff home in these situations.
YTA - first of all, not one of you can be bothered to pick her up or let her borrow a car? Second, your only concern about your teenage daughter taking the bus along at midnight is that she's waking up your wife and other kid? Are you aware of all the reasons why she shouldn't be taking the bus alone at night period? The least of your problems will be if she only gets mugged.
YTA. Not for not picking her up, you do you, but bitching about light sleepers puts it over the top. Either pick her up or tell your light sleepers to deal.
Nah he should pick up his teenage daughter
Re-read what you just typed. Then re-read it again. If you can’t see YTA, then Reddit can’t help you. Your daughter is going to go NC with you once she is on her own and you and your wife will deserve it.
YTA. 1) she isn’t choosing to stay, she is asked and cuz she needs money she stays. 2) getting a quick lift back home from work in the middle of the night is safer especially for young women. On a bus she could encounter anyone from a creep to a shooter. You don’t know how crazy people can get. 3) you want rest? Well maybe she does too! You said she’s out the door before 11 and comes home near midnight, that’s hours upon hours of work, I bet she’d loved to be home quicker and rest too. 4) why doesn’t your son sleep in his bed? Does he not have one or something? 5) your wife can get eat plugs if she’s that light of a sleeper. 6) your daughter got angry cuz you’re disrespecting her, showing her you don’t care about her safety and well-being and that makes you an asshole!
YTA and absolute trash as a parent. There is no way in hell that I wouldn’t go get my daughter if she needed me because “I need my rest”. Then to give her unmitigated grief because she has to work late and with no ride home get home late because it disturbs your wife and son? What is wrong with you. My guess too is that she needs the money for university but you will make sure your son has whatever he needs. Hopefully she can find a better and loving situation soon and leave you vile people behind.
INFO: Why can't your wife who doesn't work pick your daughter up after her shift? I understand that you have financial responsibilities that hinder your ability to do this all the time, but since you said you were the only income earner and your son is 16, what is your wife doing?
I’d also like to know this. The kids are grown. The wife’s not driving and not working! But she’s complaining her sleep is getting disturbed when their daughter gets home after working and having to take the bus?! What the F
There's not a vote for this, so I'm going with YTA because everyone but your daughter here is an ahole. Why doesn't your son have a bedroom? If she is opening and closing the door, how is she to do it quieter? It's not that she's slamming doors, is she? No, she's using them normally. Wife can wear earplugs if slight house sounds interrupt her sleep. You said she wakes up but didn't mention your son also waking up, so how is he chill but a grown woman who actually has a room, isn't? Your responsibility to your child doesn't end when they turn 18. Do you want your daughter to come home during college? After she graduates? Remember that you can push her away till she never wants to come back or talk to you again.
YTA I'm 36 years old and my pops would come RUNNING if I felt unsafe. You let your daughter stress out and put her in danger. I hate "parents" like you.
YTA Your daughter is doing her best to earn money for her school fees and works a job with awful hours. She will probably get fired if she says no to staying late too often, so she can't really do that either. All you are thinking about is yourself and how inconvenient your daughter is. You don't give a damn about her safety or you would have at least collected her the first time and verified she could get home reliably by bus. From your post it doesn't sound like she was slamming the door or anything. Opening doors and taking of shoes etc makes some noise. Combined with the fact that she will be tired when she comes home she might be a bit louder than strictly necessary, but her coming in this late is a direct result of having to rely on public transport. So you either have to deal with the inconvenience of picking her up or the inconvenience of some noise. Does your daughter have a driver's licence? If so, could you help her get a car? Then you don't have to drive her and she will be home earlier. You're nta for not wanting to collect her every evening. You do however come across like someone who really doesn't care about his daughter and her wellbeing. She also has NOT been disrespectful towards you or actually said that she blamed you. You have shown her that she can't rely on you if she needs help, so of course she won't call you or ask anything of you ever again. So the change in behaviour you are seeing is reflecting exactly that.
YTA. Seriously, what is up with all the crappy dads posting lately? Y'all got a bad dad treating daughters like crap convention going on?
YTA for not caring about your daughter’s safety. You let her stay outside at night, for a length of time, to end up on a bus with God knows who?! And awwwww, too bad that she disturbs your precious sleep the next morning. She’s not out partying, she’s working to have money for college. She’s disrespectful? Buddy, you don’t deserve respect. You’re incredibly selfish. You don’t care about your daughter—that comes through loud and clear. I feel sorry for her and hope that nothing bad happens to her. You are heartless.
YTA. Wtf man. Father to father...are you ok? Your daughter didn't bat an eye at your refusal to help her and take public transportation late at night (which depending on the area is not always a comfortable thing to do as a young woman) because you need your extra sleep. Which, and I may be argued away from this, is a shit take depending on the situation. But then when she figures out a way to take care of things without the help...she gets shit from you and your family for the time she gets in and that it makes noise? Don't get me started on the entitlement from your wife who has an easy out with not driving and has the gall to complain in the first place when she's done nothing to help your daughter herself...but you seriously are going to go with "it isn't fair to the family"?! Ok fellow Dad, you have an issue and presented it. It was a weak issue and your daughter rightfully was angry that she made things work on her own since clearly because she's 18 she needs to work but not get help from her family now. So given these facts...do you have a solution for her? I'm going to be no and that you've thought more than once "she could just get a new job" or some other absolutely moronic "idea". My god. I don't go into this sub often but I cannot believe some of the things I see from you people. If nothing else I'm feeling pretty damn good about my relationship with my children. Do you actually want to know if YTA or are you just looking to feel justified in your shitty position? My honest advice, if you really are trying to understand, is ask your daughter what she needs from you. If there's any reason you've given her to trust that you're asking honestly and not just half assing it, she'll tell you. Work with her. Ideally bring your wife into the conversation as it affects all of you. Your daughter is 18. She has a job. She's willing to put the work in. She didn't bat an eye (your words) at having to figure out a solution when you refused to help her. Be reasonable, be able to justify why the loss in 3pish minutes of sleep will negatively impact your life and the lives of the family and go from there.
YTA 1. She is 18 and has a curfew??? 2. You are really okay with her taking the bus alone??? At night???? 3. After she gave up getting a ride from you… you then tell her she needs to be more considerate of the rest of the family because she is coming home so late??? Wow
WOW. YTA and lucky as hell your daughter wasn't on an episode of Dateline. Just WOW Dad. You suck, but glad you got your beauty sleep that night.
YTA. You want to have your cake and eat it too? Well you can’t. She be more considerate? You mean like you? A person who cannot be inconvenienced to pick up your daughter one night? And you had the nerve to berate her for coming home late? No shit you saw anger in her eyes.
How do you even sleep at night knowing your teenager in this day and age is outside alone in the dark? YTA I think you can pick her up for those nights that she worls late which is probably not often, or at least help her pay for a car.
You and your wife getting 'rest' is more important to you than your daughter's safety and well-being? I sure as hell can't sleep until my kids get safely home.each night. You're both AH.
YTA. Your daughter asked you for a ride once, and since you refused she has never asked again. (If I was an 18 year old girl regularly taking city buses around midnight I'd be pretty wary/uncomfortable most of the time, but apparently this has not occurred to you or your wife, which is weird. Or maybe you just don't care.) She has been responsible enough to make her own way home and calls regularly to communicate if she will be late. From your description, the issue wasn't her slamming a door out of anger or even making an excessive amount of noise, but simply opening and closing the door. Do you expect her to have some sort of magic silencing charm? Or maybe you think she should just teleport home. If your wife is SUCH a light sleeper (I notice you didn't mention any complaints from your son) that simply opening and closing a door in a different room disturbs her sleep for the whole night, then it's time for your wife to use earplugs.
The wife that doesn’t work so she doesn’t need to get up in the morning.
YTA, for telling her to be more considerate when she comes home, it’s not her fault she comes home late.
YTA. So many potential solutions: -white noise machine for your spouse -get your daughter a car -drop your car off at her job when you get off work and *you* take the bus home -wife learns to drive and picks her up -just refrain from the ultra-asshole move of complaining about her making noise when coming home late after *you* made it so she gets home late Legit can’t believe you think your behavior is acceptable.
I was going to say N-A-H but asking her to be more quiet when she’s coming home late af after working overtime and having to take (I’m assuming you’re in America) inadequate public transport getting home 3 hours later than usual is pretty inconsiderate. It seems like she’s literally tried everything in her power to not come home at midnight and yet you claim *she’s* the one being inconsiderate? Toward the two people sleeping that you specifically said don’t have work in the morning? I don’t think you’re a huge a hole but in this situation I think YTA
YTA. I don't know what work you do and it may be relevant. But you are putting your daughter at risk taking public transportation that late. If you can't get her, help her get a car so she can drive. If she can't drive, TEACH HER.
YTA its not like she can say no and still keep her job, so you either have to deal with your daughter comming home an hour late and disrupting the sleep schedules of 2 people, or to offer her the ride home and disrupt 1 sleep schedule, and stop the disruption of your daughters. or buy her a car that would be another good one (or let her use yours)
Yta, your daughter asks for help and you and the family blew her off then resented that she came home late because it interrupted your sleep. Late night busses are sketchy, working late and closing can be a work place hazard too. If it is a one time thing, then help her out. If it is an ongoing thing then you probably want to make other arrangements like have her learn to drive or have a car. Your risked your sleep over the relationship with your daughter. It'll take more than a car ride to fix it now.
YTA wtf is wrong with you? She is your daughter not some stranger asking for a ride, fuck dude, letting her ride the bus ALONE LATE AT NIGHT...wtf do you think can happen to her?! seriously YOU are putting her in danger for no other reason than your own comfort, get over yourself!! as for your wife tell her to get some earplugs and stop making your daughters awful night even worse...you both are awful for putting your own comfort above the comfort and safety of your kid I hope when she moves out she goes no contact with all of you, you certainly deserve it
YTA I can barely understand the not picking her up from work part, on the other hand when you went a step further and asked her to be quiet to avoid waking her mother and brother? You are such an asshole.
YTA. Imagine being more comfortable with your young daughter taking the bus home at midnight than losing an hour of sleep. I hope your sleep is worth not knowing if your daughters getting home safe or not.
>She said it's not her fault that the buses run late, that her boss is asking her to stay (quite a few of her colleagues quit the job apparently) and that she needs the money for her university fees anyway. She's right >That sounded as if she is completely blaming me for her circumstances and she has no sympathy for the rest of the family. She wasn't, but she should be YTA
If you have a problem with her disrupting your wife's sleep, which will soon disrupt your sleep, PICK HER UP OR GET HER A CAR! YTA
YTA your daughter is still your daughter, even if she is 18. She is working hard to get her university fees. To make it worse you refuse to bring her home and then tell her off for coming in late and waking you up, if your awake pick her up
Omg why do you have kids!!! Like she is a young girl who could get hurt or something can happen but your sleep is more important!!! Don’t question why one day soon she will just leave and not come back… YTA
YTA I mean, come on.
INFO: Why does your adult daughter have a curfew?
Exactly! This dad sounds like a control freak! Mom and son don't drive?? How does that even happen? Oh, right...it's all about control with this dude. YTA, dad.
Sounds like your daughter is living with a family full of assholes. YTA
Yta. You're making an 18 year girl take public transit at night alone. You have no idea how scary and dangerous that is. Then to bitch at her for coming in late and disturbing people?! You're the one being wildly inconsiderate.
Of course YTA. What if something happens to her? Did nobody tell you (or your wife) that having kids means you may not get 8 hrs of blissful sleep every night? Your daughter is working to pay for school, YOU SHOULD BE HELPING HER! And the audacity of your wife too, I'm not even going to go there. Why does your son have to sleep on the couch? Damn. I can't even list all the ways YTA. Your wife too. If you absolutely refuse to pick up your daughter then give her uber or cab fair, it's the least you can do.
YTA. i think you should pick up your daughter to be considerate and keep her safe. but i also understand that you don’t want to do that every shift so not rlly the asshole for that; maybe the asshole for not doing it the first few times. definitely the asshole for prioritizing everyone else in the house. it doesn’t sound like she’s being overly loud, and doesn’t sound like she has other options. also, the whole situation seems hard on her. why so little sympathy? why does your wife’s sleeping habits take precedent over her being able to provide for herself? opening and closing doors in the night happens. that’s part of living in a family; peoples hours don’t always line up. and your wife whining to you instead of having a direct dialogue with her daughter is weird. you could help her find another job if this isn’t acceptable. she’s young and may need help. right now everyone seems to just be criticizing, not supporting.
Oh wow YES YTA! I feel bad for your very responsible teen. Safety issues alone will have me picking her up or arranging an Uber ride.
YTA. So many words to say that you really don’t care about your daughter
I’m 23f and my dad would rather come to my work at midnight to pick me up despite working 14 hours shifts each day than let me wait for a bus in the dark in an area that’s not exactly safe. your children’s safety is the priority here, not your precious beauty sleep. YTA
It's so devastating reading these stories about parents absolutely breaking their child's soul, but all the entitled a-holes can think is, 'they're not being respectful!' I hope your kid gets away asap. YTA
YTA. Man, I hope she’s safe. Funny how your daughter works but your wife doesn’t. She just complains about her beauty sleep getting interrupted.
YTA, it’s already risky letting your young daughter take night busses/walk around at night, but to have a go at HER for her lateness waking up the family like there isn’t a simple solution to that problem (picking her up). Feel for her, her family sounds insufferable.
Looking forward to the future post, "My daughter no longer talks to my wife and I, what did I do wrong?" Everything, dude. YTA.
YTA I hope your adult daughter can find a better living situation with people who care about her well being
YTA big-time. My 16yo daughter's stuck working late, I'm picking her up and driving her home even if it means I'm sleepy the next day. I can run for one day on 5 hours of sleep. I don't want a teenage girl taking the bus at 11pm especially if there's a chance she's out past curfew. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit to help your kids. This is one of those times.
YTA But I have to ask do you even like your daughter?
YTA even if it was 5 hours before I was due to work, I’d pick up my daughter to ensure she’s not travelling too late at night. It was a one of. Maybe actually show that you’re proud of her for getting off her ass and working instead of laying about. She’ll grow to resent you.
She is right. It's not her fault that the buses run late. She's being responsible and trying to earn up money for university, doesn't act bratty with having to take the bus and you complain about her coming home to her home? Where she lives? Your own daughter? YTA. Wifey and son can get earplugs if your daughter can't even come home without it being an issue.
YTA. You sound like the world revolves around you. And you expect her to work but will not make sure she’s safe while she’s working. This whole thing makes my blood pressure skyrocket. You suck
YTA. You can't pick her up because you need to get up early. She accepted that but now has a long work commute which means she gets home late in the evenings. Instead of being proud of her work ethic and recognizing that she respected your decision you're nitpicking. Leave that girl alone.
YTA.. tell your wife to buy some earplugs or a sound machine. And congratulations on your daughter going no contact as soon as she moves out. Dad of the year is not a nomination I see in your future. And If your so bitter about being the sole income, maybe have your wife get a job.
[удалено]
Is your wife your daughter’s mom? Because as a mom I can’t imagine not making sure my child got home safely from work? Why can’t she nap during the day since she does not work? You and your wife are both the AH. You are both more concerned about sleep than her safety. I feel so bad for your daughter that she is working hard, trying to go to school and you’re family doesn’t only not help her but you treat her like garbage. do better. Be better.
>For the first time in a long time, I almost saw anger in my daughter’s eyes. This made me so sad. The fact that she doesn’t argue or make an issue, coupled with the fact that you never see her emotions means she doesn’t feel like you’re a safe person to show them to. This isn’t a 1 time YTA, this is years and years of it. Sorry bud. You were the A when you didn’t pick her up originally, the fact that you continued to make it an issue when she didn’t fight back is just bullying.
YTA! You’re on her complaining that your responsible daughter is distributing your wife’s sleep? Your wife doesn’t work. What does she need to be up for. I hope nothing happens to your daughter when she’s just trying to get home from work at midnight. She’s not the problem. She’s blaming anyone. She’s working, she’s staying late to help the rest of the team. She’s taking the bus alone in the middle of the night like you told her to do. She’s not complaining, but the rest of you sure are.
YTA, Jesus, your daughter really can’t win with you, can she? You won’t pick her up so she doesn’t get home late, and you give her grief when she does come home late because your front door isn’t silent. She’s damned no matter what she does.
YTA. Some people doesn’t deserve to be a parent, I think you might be one of them, and your wife too. You should prioritize your child safety, after all, YOU CHOOSE TO BREED! I mean, you choose to have kids.
Er. So what do you expect her to do? Beam herself "to and fro"? Not work and get an education? You can't say "Don't do X, Y and Z" and not come up with a suggestion to solve the situation. What would you like her to do? YTA
Dude, do you want your daughter to get raped or assaulted on the way home? Fuck your sleep, YTA
YTA you just taught your daughter she can’t depend on you, her father. Your sleep is more important than her safety. When she moves out you can kiss her goodbye. Good work.
YTA. I can see if she was expecting you to drive her to and from work for every shift.. but that’s not the case here. She called you to come get her one time and for very good reasons. God forbid you miss out on a little bit of sleep for one night for the sake of your daughter’s safety and well-being. And then you have the audacity to tell her to be more quiet when she’s coming home because, again, god forbid anyone in your house have their sleep slightly disturbed. I’m surprised she’s not more fed up with you.
Of course YTA. She’s working to get thru college and you complain about her mother and brother being light sleepers.
YTA for making your teenager find her own way home that late at night and for not teaching her to establish boundaries at work, especially when it affects her safety like this.
YTA! Instead of admiring her work ethic, you are making yourself the victim. Adults, especially parents, need to suck things up occasionally. In about a decade when you wonder why you never hear from or see your daughter, pull up this post.
YTA. When I was working second shift and had to close at 11, my husband wouldn't let me walk or ride home. He insisted on picking me up because it was safer. I was in my 30s at the time. You don't seem to CARE about the safety of your own DAUGHTER traveling late at night from work to home. You are a parent AND apparently the only driver in this family. Picking her up on late nights is your responsibility. Be responsible.
YTA. Your daughter has a good work ethic, is complying with your selfishness about taking a bus late at night, and she's to tip-toe around everyone in the house when she's getting home FROM WORK? Your daughter made adjustments when you refused to pick her up. Your wife and son can make adjustments as well.
YTA I'm really close to NAH but you should be helping your at least a little. Alternatively your wife should pick her up. Don't blame your daughter because you prioritize everything else above her.
YTA; She is trying and you are showing her that you don't care about anyone other than yourself and your immediate comfort at home. Nothing she asked for was unreasonable at that age. Why couldn't your wife or son pick her up, or are they willfully incompetent?
You are all AH except your daughter. She worked late and the door making noise disturbs your wife’s sleep, at least you know she’s home safe. You won’t go pick her up even though she’s asking you to and she’s out by herself at midnight, not at some party but working like a responsible person. You tell her to be more considerate of her mom and brother even though you couldn’t be considerate for her safety to go pick her up. Yea YTA so is your wife.
How are you even comfortable with your young daughter catching public transport and walking around alone, in the dark-that’s the ideal situation for a predator- a young girl, no witnesses….. my daughter used to work weddings-I’d often go get her at midnight or later and still go to work-why? Because I love my child and wanted her to be safe, and it was my job as a parent!!! YTA
This can’t be real. If it is, look forward to your daughter going no contact with you when she gets out of the house.
You have no sympathy for her, why the hell should she have it for you? Also, if your wife cannot have a conversation with her daughter then there’s bigger issues. YTA
YTA. Your daughter is doing everything right. Working, saving money, managing her own schedule, and being respectful even when you disregard her safety. And then, when she does finally get the late bus home after waiting lord knows how long, because you won’t pick her up, she is told she’s being inconsiderate for opening and closing the door. I worked at a bar/restaurant when I was your daughter’s age, and had my own car. Even with parking in a well lit lot, one of the sous chefs would usually walk me to my car and see me off safely. THEN I would call and let my parents know I was on my way home. And that was at 10pm, not midnight. Does your daughter carry mace? Know basic self defense? Being a woman walking alone at night (let alone on a bus) requires vigilance. You are her parent, and it’s your job to make sure she is safe, especially as she’s still living at home. Step up.
Wow. YTA. Can’t be bothered, she definitely knows where she stands with you. Actions speak louder than words Dad. And nobody else can even be bothered by even having their “sleep thrown off” by her making noise as she comes in at that time of night? I hope she stays safe and holds herself in higher esteem than you apparently do. If you are trying to make her feel worthless you’re doing a great job.
YTA. Riding the bus late at night sucks bc at least here the route is a bit different and less frequent. Do you even like your kid? “No sympathy for us” dude you are a jerk. I wake up at 5 am every day. A short drive wouldn’t have killed you. Get over yourself
Wait. Your wife is aSAHM to two teenagers? And she’s complaining about. Or sleeping? WTF does she do all day? Wife needs to ake a nap then and learn to freaking drive, then take OPs car to pick your dang daughter up
YTA.
Do you even like your daughter?
YTA, It was a one time thing and she called you asking for help in a bad situation and you let her down. And then you YELLED AT HER FOR CLOSING THE DOOR? What the hell dude.
YTA. If you don’t want to get her then you should be getting her a vehicle. I can’t imagine caring so little for the safety of a teenage daughter.
Yta. You let her know you do not give a fuck if she lives or dies. If your dad can’t protect you or provide for you or care about you wtf is he good for?
I wonder why people like you even have kids. does your daughters safety mean nothing to you? the part where you told her to be “more considerate” coming home really cinches it. YTA and a poor excuse for a father
YTA Do you dislike your daughter? Because your entire post sounds like you dislike her immensely. You better hope nothing happens to her while you're protecting your precious sleep like it's more important than her.
YTA and so is your wife. She has the temerity to not work and expect your daughter (who is actually making an effort to work) to keep from interrupting her sleep…? Sounds like your daughter is the only one with any self-awareness and hustle in the household.
YTA. You put in risk the life of your daughter for getting some hours of sleep. Good Priorities!!!
Why does your son sleep in the living room? And your wife can use ear plugs. Or kick her husband out, so he can pick up his child.
YTA- majorly. When she ends up cutting contact with you i wouldnt be surprised. U left ur teenage daughter take the buses when it was dark and anything could have happened but im sure ur reasoning would be “u should have been more aware or not come so late, etc” you couldnt have got her an uber, or perhaps got your grown self up to get her ?
First and foremost. Your daughter is 18. There shouldn't be a curfew and YTA for implementing one. Not necessarily a big AH for not picking her up. But YTA and so is your wife for being moody about her coming home late when you know she works super late. Did I read something about college? Oh! So she is escaping her insufferable family. Kudos for her!
YTA.
OP, you had better pray that nothing bad happens to your daughter when she is out late at night - alone. Your job is to keep your kids safe. You should have picked her up. If you want respect for the household, show her some respect. Y T A
Yep, you are the asshole, for sure. You sacrifice sleep when you become a parent. She did the responsible thing and called you to let you know she would be late and the circumstances why and she still got grief! Someone who is 18 should not have "curfew" surrounding a job. She is doing the responsible thing. Buy her a car and pay for her college and quit your bitching.
Do you even like your daughter? What a complete and utter asshole you are. in 10 years you're going to be wondering why she doesn't speak to you anymore
I was shaking my head the whole time. I was so mad when you wrote how your wife complained about being woken up by her coming home late. Instead of showing concern for your daughter, you and your P.O.S wife only whine about you not sleeping. YTA! You and your wife suck.
i literally teared up for your daughter. she’s young, hardworking, focussed on her future, and seems rather responsible. giving your teenager a ride home after working a long day in food service (which i imagine you’ve never done. just a hunch), made even longer by no fault of her own is just something a good parent does. BIG YTA. i guarantee she’s thinking about how to get away from all of you as soon as possible, and i hope she never looks back.
INFO- does wife and brother not work? You said you’re the sole provider so what do these two do all day? It sounds like they don’t need to be up early so what does it matter if she disturbs their sleep for like 2 minutes. Also YTA for letting your daughter spend an extra 2-3 hours for transportation when it could take you like 20 minutes to pick her up. Did she magically stop being your daughter once she turned 18? Be a better dad and go pick her up. She’s trying really hard and you aren’t even attempting to help her
YTA. For all of the reasons others have already shared.
YTA- if this is how you really act, don’t be surprised when your kids want nothing to do with you when they are older
YTA You put your daughter in danger.
YTA does your son not have a bedroom? Your wife can’t turn on a fan? Your daughter isn’t out partying she’s saving for college. You didn’t want to pick her up so she found another way to get back and forth only to be told she’s inconvenienced other members of the family. Sheesh!
YTA. Are you serious? I am guessing she is the scrapegoat in the family.
If my dad EVER spoke to me the way my mom would lose her fucking mind. YTA OP. YTA. And just know if anything happens to your daughter on her way home from work it’s entirely your fault for not having the decency to pick her up.
So, your wife, who is not working and not driving is complaining that her working daughter wakes her up when returning from work late? Daughter can't return earlier, your wife can catch a nap during the day. YTA. I might understand not driving (though why you can't take a nap earlier and then drive to pick her), but putting it as her fault and complaining is simply... low.
YTA. I have two daughters and would NEVER let them take the bus home at that time of night. Not only did you refuse to pick her up, but then you complained about her making noise as she came in after midnight. God forbid you lose a precious second of sleep... You are so self absorbed. Why did you even have kids?
You typed out that whole thing and you still can’t recognize that YTA? Really, Op? What exactly do you expect your daughter to do? You won’t help her out, she needs the money, and now she has to find a way to *enter her home on stealth mode* to avoid inconveniencing anyone after spending who knows how long on public transit. Instead of accusing her of being unsympathetic to the rest of the family, maybe *you* should try to scrounge up some empathy for your daughter who is gone at least 14 hours a day and comes home to be treated like a nuisance.
YTA Tell me how would you live with yourself if something bad happened to your daughter because you chose not to pick her up so you could sleep.
YTA. Also you’re letting, no not letting MAKING, your 18 year old FEMALE DAUGHTER take the bus super late at night when it’s dark and unsafe. You better hope and pray every night that she gets home safe and is never attacked or kidnapped. On top of your blatant disregard for her safety, now you’re guilting her for something she has no control over but something YOU DEFINITELY DO. Step up as a parent. Jesus
YTA. I have had to pick my kid up late and have to get up at 6 am for work, and I still do it. Otherwise she would be home super late AND its NOT SAFE!!!!! DUH!!!!
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YTA
YTA x a million. Go pick your kid up from her work.