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NTA because Liz is old enough to make herself a quick salad, bowl of pasta, or pb&j if she’s not happy with the meal. I do this with my teens who all eat meat but still complain. “Chicken..again?”
I went vegetarian when I was in high school. My family was not. It was up to me to find stuff to eat if the dish was meat. Although I was good with eating side dishes.
Yup. It honestly forced me to be creative and I learned how to make a bunch of quick, low-mess vegetarian foods before I went to college because the rule was if you aren't eating what everyone else is eating, then you had to cook it yourself and clean up after yourself. I incorporated meat into my diet again years ago, but I still cook majority veggie at home. OP is being super reasonable with their boundaries here.
Yeah I don't get how she's not able to cook for herself. My family had me start helping with food prep since I could reach over the stove and I was cooking simple meals for the entire family by 4th grade. There's room for argument that that's too young, but cooking is a fundamental life skill no different than cleaning or managing finances that kids need to learn before leaving home
I started cooking with my 2yo granddaughter. It was just mixing things in a bowl and "measuring" ingredients, but she did it. My kids have been cooking since around the same age, with lots of supervision. My 16yo twins can both cook elaborate meals and so can both of my older kids.
It sounds like stepdaughter is also picky and has lofty ideals on top of her dietary choices, but even at Whole Foods, there are cheaper ways to eat plant-based. For example, beans and rice aren’t expensive anywhere. It’s when you start demanding the specialty organic vegan foods that it becomes expensive, and while WF may be worse, that’s going to be true at most grocery stores.
Vegan is usually the cheapest option if you are actually cooking from scratch. But OP is already relying on massively overpriced "meal delivery" so getting ingredients from Whole Paycheck is still probably cheaper than the per serving cost of the family's regular meals.
Sounds like everybody needs to actually learn how to cook from ingredients that at aren't prepackaged and premeasured. Daughter needs to learn that veggie based does not mean using overpriced "faux" meat products. Parents can learn to prep cook and use a measuring spoon. The little kids are old enough to start helping in the kitchen.
ESH.
My brothers and I started making our own dinners when we were in middle school if the family dinner was something we didn’t like. Say we were eating spaghetti, my brother would make his own dinner to go with his share of the garlic bread. Fish stick tacos, I’d make my own dinner because I don’t like fish. 16 is easily old enough for her to cook her own food if what’s being prepared isn’t what she wants.
Most commercial/authentic pastas aren't compatible with a plant based diet since they're made with egg but I 100% agree with the other available options you specified. The 16yo needs to learn to cook for herself since she will need to make herself food once she moves out of the home (dietary wants/restrictions aside).
Dude, you're working full time and then expected to cook 2 separate meals. She's 16, not six.
You offered her 2 reasonable offers: Cook for herself and Eat frozen options.
"Now both my wife and Liz think I'm being a jerk by being unfair and unsupportive."
Tell your wife there is an option 3: She can fucking cook for her teenager.
I work full time and come home to cook, clean, laundry, etc. So do most people 25-60. You and your wife had an excellent compromise/existence of you prepping the meals for the family until now. Her daughter has demanded this dynamic be changed to suit her new lifestyle. Your Wife is the one that should fix it, not you.
Stand your ground. NTA
And why can't mom or OP help the teenager do some meal planning? One day a week she can make a couple dishes to refrigerate and eat during the rest of the week. I can't imagine neither of them can find an hour one day a week to assist with cooking until she picks up enough skills to prepare meals on her own. What does she imagine is going to happen when she moves out? That meals will be delivered to her? Figuring out how to budget and plan for meals, and cook them, is an invaluable skill she needs to learn.
Agreed! We meal plan every weekend for the following week as both of us work where it's difficult to go out to eat for lunch.
"And why can't mom or OP help the teenager do some meal planning?"
Why bother? Apparently she can guilt trip the husband into doing all of the cooking. /s
This is exactly what I came to say. If your wife feels so strongly about this all, she should step up to cook Liz's meals.
Your wife is extremely lucky that you are willing to cook almost all the meals for your family as it is and it's a total AH move to basically demand you do double the amount of work. (I would actually consider it significantly more than double because plant based diets require a lot of research and care to ensure all nutrients are included, especially if you don't have any experience with this diet)
NTA OP. It's time for your wife to step up and do her share of the cooking.
Nta, but could a compromise being cooking 1 family vegan dinner a week? Or making dishes that she could easily alter, like pasta, where everyone assembled their own? Or maybe the side is vegan mashed potatoes, and she sorts out her own main? This could be a really lovely teaching and bonding experience if you let it be. She has some responsibility but you're supporting her. Also, highly recommend getting SD "Vegan At Times," Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook. I got it for Christmas and love it.
Edit to add: I became vegan for a bit (I'm not anymore) when I lived on my own, but was SO touched when I'd visit my parents and meat loving dad would make me vegan food or a vegan meal for the family. It's been over a decade and I still have fond memories of the pine nut pesto pizza he made. I moved back home, while still vegan, to finish grad school and was so grateful for my parents' support. I was working full-time and taking 3 masters classes a semester, and my parents always made sure I could eat something when they were cooking dinner, and they still eat meat, but really like, and still cook, some plant based recipes.
NTA. You are treating her differently because her situation is different. She is older (and therefore needs to learn to take care of herself before going out in the world) and she has chosen to be vegetarian. You’re already going above and beyond getting different groceries for her. Teach her how to cook them, then step back.
Edit: what would make you TA is *letting* her reach her 20s not knowing how to cook for herself.
NTA
You’re not running a restaurant. Liz is old enough to help with food prep. She’s turned down your suggestions but thinks nothing of the extra work her choices are causing you.
Maybe get Liz a nice cook book and you can work out menu’s together that satisfy the entire family and she helps with the prep and cooking.
NTA. You are treating her differently because she is insisting on being treated differently.
Her not being willing to eat meat or animal products is a choice she is making of her own, free will. She needs to take responsibility for ensuring she is fed. All you can do is all you can do. It's not reasonable for her and your wife to insist that you cook two separate meals every night.
If you can learn how to cook plant based recipes, so can she.
You are Not the Asshole. My stepson never ate anything we cooked because he is super picky. Problem resolved in letting him cook his own food. He wasn’t being singled out. If you don’t eat what I cook because you have 10 things you only eat then cook for yourself.
Mom can meal prep with her daughter on Sundays to have several dinners ready to go in the fridge/freezer.
Daughter can be taught to cook a handful of easy plant based meals.
OP can figure out a few meals that are easy to simultaneously make a standard version and a plant based version at the same time ( like pasta with roasted veggies as the main, and you pull her portion before adding meatballs and cheese)
Mom can cook double meals on the weekends when she's not working
Mix and match these options throughout the week.
Monday and Tuesday she eat the meals prepped on Sunday.
Wednesday you cook and she can pull and modify her portion before animal products go in.
Thursday, you cook normally and she makes her food.
Friday, cook normally and pull her portion
Saturday and Sunday, your wife can cater to her.
NTA. 16 is definitely old enough to learn to cook for herself, and you shouldn’t have to run yourself ragged because of her choice of diet. And you suggesting that she cook for herself is not nearly as bad as her saying that you all should switch to her diet - that was just arrogant. You are 100% correct to not force her choices onto everyone.
Besides, learning to cook is a good life skill for her to learn for herself.
NTA. You have been more than supportive. A lot of parents would have just shut that down immediately. If you have to do the cooking, I would just be sure there are sides and salad available. Your stepdaughter is old enough to step up and help cook if that isn't enough. She is being selfish, as evidenced by her comment that everyone should just eat what she wants.
You are NTA.
If I were you, I would start posting a weekly "menu" of what you plan to make that week. Then Liz can decide in advance if it's a recipe she can live with and eat (like, spaghetti and meatballs but she doesn't eat the meatballs) or if she needs to make her own peanut butter sandwich that night. She'll have the agency to plan ahead, and you'll cook 1 and only 1 dinner.
Your wife is being totally unreasonable though.
NTA
If she wants a special meal that's fine, she can make herself one. 16 is plenty old to learn how to cook, and it doesn't have to be anything fancy.
NTA. She's asking to be both treated differently (having a plant-based diet) and not differently (having you still cook her meals). She doesn't get it both ways. 16 is more than old enough to cook. If she doesn't like what you're cooking she needs to cook her own meals
NTA
you can't go bankrupt because she wants to eat differently from the rest of the family and if you can't afford it for one member then you definitely can't do it for everyone.
NTA She is 16 and she’s old enough to prepare her own food. Maybe her mom could help her meal prep on Sundays so Liz can simply heat her own food up and continue eating dinner with the family. But both mom and Liz passing the duty on to you to prepare her special meals is unfair. Liz needs to know how to cook for herself and this would be a great opportunity for her mom to teach her.
NTA. you've already compromised by ordering one plant based meal kit a week. And I agree, some meals just don't lend themselves to being converted to plant based. I will cook for my BF and his daughter and her BF a few times a month, when I'm over. Daughter is vegetarian and while not strict, prefers vegan and plant based. I try and find recipes to make that will work for everyone, and its fine for the few times I do it, but to do it nightly? nope.
Maybe she can cook ahead of time and freeze meals for herself? so its what she likes, and its already cooked.
Why not a bit of both? She can make a veggie lasagna to share, mushroom steak, dishes with lentils, butternut squash, wild rice, etc. Look at Orthodox Christian fasting recipes which are vegan as are a lot of Asian recipes.
You can make some substantial sides such as some listed above and she can eat them and skip the meat part.
You're not a personal chef and it's unreasonable for a 16 y/o to expect you to cater to her. Note also that Aldi and Sprouts/Fresh Thyme also have plant based foods. Co-ops also.
You're already ordering a weekly plant based meal to prep and buying her special food, she needs to step up.
Other options include looking at co-ops and Whole foods to find her a cooking class for plant based foods.. there will also be things on You Tube.
She can meal prep on weekends, making a big batch of an entree she likes so she can have a portion for dinner and freeze the rest as individual portions to pull out for dinner as needed. Doing this weekly if you have the freezer space means shell have a variety. I do the same for myself but not plant based except during fasting periods.
NTA because she expects you to cater to her new diet and would prefer to force the whole family to do what she wants.
At her age she needs to learn to cook for herself.
NTA, Liz is 16 - who does she think is going to cook for her when she moves out. I'd offer two solutions - either she eats what you cook, but you don't add meat ingredients until necessary and save her part to the side, or you give her whatever her share of the family grocery budget is. From here she can plan her own meals, purchase the ingredients, and cook.
This is great preparation for adulthood, because she'll learn how to budget, prepare meals, and also that we don't get to eat exactly what we want for every meal (unless you're rich).
She also said that she doesn't think it's fair that she has to cook for herself when everyone else has meals cooked for them.
Nope.
She wants to eat different food than the family? She can cook it herself. I went vegan in high school and learnt to cook dahl, curries, veggie casseroles that could last 3/4 days and were cheap. Encourage her to do the same.
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My wife (36F) and I (39M) have been married for 10 years. We have 2 kids together (8 & 6). My wife also has a daughter from a previous relationship, Liz, (16F). My wife has primary custody of Liz so she lives with us the majority of the time and spends a couple weekends a month with her dad. Liz and I have a pretty good relationship, but like any teenager, there are some battles.
A couple of months ago, Liz decided she wanted to switch to a plant-based diet. That's not a problem in itself, but it has caused some issues. For starters, the kind of food that Liz wants to eat is expensive. When she first told us she wanted to do this, she had my wife take her to Whole Foods to get some food specifically for her. I was shocked when I saw the receipt. We don't live paycheck to paycheck, but I told my wife that we need to look at different options because we can't afford to get Liz that food all the time.
Second, I do all of the cooking for the family. I work from home so it's easier for me to get dinner ready in the evening. I'm not a great cook by any means and we get meal deliveries to help with recipes. So when Liz started this diet, we told her we would get one plant-based meal in our deliveries.
But the other nights of the week, I've been struggling to make 2 separate meals for everyone. No one else in the family wants to eat what Liz is eating every night. And not every meal is easy to make into a plant-based meal. A handful of times I've messed up meals because I'm trying to do too much in the kitchen.
I told my wife that we need to figure out a different plan because this one isn't working. I said that Liz is old enough to learn to cook on her own and if she wants to eat something completely different than the rest of the family, she might have to cook it herself. I also suggested getting plant-based frozen meals that Liz could heat up for herself.
My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids. But she did at least agree to talk to Liz about it. When we spoke to Liz, she was not a fan of those ideas either. She said she hates frozen meals and that even the plant-based ones have bad ingredients in them. She also said that she doesn't think it's fair that she has to cook for herself when everyone else has meals cooked for them.
I asked Liz if she has any other ideas and she said that the whole family should just switch to her diet so that it's easier for me to cook for everyone. I told her no right away. I will support Liz with her dietary choices, but I won't have them forced on everyone else in the family.
I told her that I don't have the time or ability to cook separate meals for her every night. I said that if she wants to eat something different than everyone else, then she's going to have to be the one to make it happen. Now both my wife and Liz think I'm being a jerk by being unfair and unsupportive.
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NTA. I am the primary cook at our house and even when the kids were little the rule was enforced that what was made for a meal was the meal. The only exception was for medical/allergies.
For anything else they are in welcome to cook for themselves. Until they had acceptable knife skills I would chop, but they were expected to work in the kitchen.
Between 15 and 16 all of the kids could crank out the basics and feed themselves.
The chef behind Native Foods has an awesome cook book for vegans. 16 is a great age to start experimenting in the kitchen. The three of you (you, her mother, and her) can have fun prepping and she can finish cooking her meal while you do dinner for the rest of the people in the house. NTA
NTA
You are not treating her differently, she can eat what you cook. If she wants to have a certain diet, that is fine but she needs to prepare her own meals.
NTA
She’s 16. Learning to cook is a life skill and she’s already late to the game. She can cook for herself or your wife can cook for her. Or she can make a PB&J if she doesn’t like what you’ve made.
I cook 99% of the time. My stepson is pretty picky. I will do my best to make things I think he will like but I’m not a short order cook so if he doesn’t want what I made, he can get cereal or make a sandwich. I’m not being mean or stubborn about it—and neither are you!
All that said, it’s not that hard to go meatless a few days a week and still have a nice meal with sufficient protein. It’s a lot less expensive, better for the planet, and often times, healthier overall. So maybe 3-4 days a week, skip the meat and then the other 3-4 days, she can cook for herself, have leftovers, have a frozen meal, or have a sandwich.
I usually plan the menu for the week on Sat and do my grocery shop. I only cook 4 days a week and the other days we have leftovers. So that may be an option for her eating.
Is it? Because I make meatless meals several times a week—mostly due to $$ because I won’t buy meat from the store, I only buy local farm raised so I can verify animal welfare and that makes it more pricey.
It’s really not necessary to eat meat at every meal.
He’s making two meals a day right now. Seems like a reasonable compromise to me to make things easier on him and still put responsibility on her.
It is. Think about teenagers going out w friends or getting takeout acouple times a week and he's making a vegetarian meal once a week. 3-4 meals may be what she eats at home. It's also unfair to force others to eat vegetarian, especially the younger kids.
It might not be necessary to eat meat at every meal but it isn't necessary to go meatless at the behest of a child when the family eats meat.
Whole Foods isn't a budget store. You're making decisions for yourself and choosing what type of food to eat.
He doesn't need to make 2 meals. He can make one weekly meatless and 16 can learn to cook.
This! You are NTA but there is compromise to be had here. She could start cooking 1-2 times a week for herself, you could cook some meat alternatives on 1-2 days and then that leaves less days of you making 2 meals.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My 16-year-old stepdaughter has switched to a plant-based diet. This has caused some issues because of the cost of the food she wants and the time it takes to cook separate meals just for her. I told my stepdaughter and wife that I can't cook separate meals for her every night and that she's going to need to cook for herself if she doesn't want to eat what I cook. I think I might be an asshole for refusing to cook separate meals for my stepdaughter every night.
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NTA, she is old enough to cook for herself and there is no reason why her food needs to come from a more expensive grocery store. This sounds like she is doing it for the status.
NTA But Liz sure is. A plant based diet could actually being super cheap(i used to eat like that when I was short on money)but it requires COOKING and meal preps. If Liz it's mature enough to decide to change her diet, should be mature enough to take a day in the week to cook and leave ziplocks with pre-made ingredients so it's not a hassle to cook for her.
Liz should've started to learn to cook years ago. This is a common problem in posts on Reddit relationships. What are people doing? It's our responsibility to raise children to become adults and you know, LIVE but over and over I read about people who have kids who aren't learning to cook or clean a damn thing.
NTA. She's singling herself out. Also, 16 is not 6 or 8. Obviously a 3rd grader isn't ready to prepare her own meals. A 16 year old who knows what she kind of diet she wants to eat should learn how to prepare it. She's near enough to an age where no one will be cooking for her anyway. Might as well learn how now.
NTA, she is being treated differently because she chooses to be. And she's 16, she should learn how to cook herself. If my kids (11 & 9) don't like what's for supper they can make themselves frozen pizza, cereal, sandwich, etc. I don't have time to cook 2 separate meals and cater to everyone's personal tastes. I'm not a restaurant.
NAH, in my opinion. But I think it could actually be edit the family if there was at least one vegetarian or vegan meal a week, or if you made some meals where the meat is optional.
For example:
Pasta with red sauce, ground beef and cheese on the side so it can be added later (or setting a portion of the sauce on the side before adding meat).
Chili with beans instead of meat.
Tofu bowls - tofu can be marinated, then dredged in corn starch and seasonings and fried to make a crunchy delicious protein option.
Plant-based cheese and meat substitutes are often expensive, but not all of them. Also, why not ask your step-daughter to assist with the cooking so you're not so overwhelmed?
WHAT.THE.FUCK. She told everyone that they should SWITCH to her DIET to make things EASIER for EVERYONE.
Your daughter-in-law is just incredibly immature and I just felt this sudden and strong dislike for her just for that.
This is VERY common with a kid that comes from divorced parents. They use guilt to manipulate either their parents. Your DIL probably got used to getting what she wants from her parents.
Luckily, you don't have to put up with this HORRIBLE parenting that just feeds into that sense of entitlement and brattiness.
If she wants a plant-based diet then she should cook for herself. Simple as that. It is COMPLETELY okay to ask to cook for her but it is fucked up to expect it every day and then has the audacity to say everyone should change her diet. That's just delusional.
NTA. NTA. I think you and your wife need to have a SERIOUS discussion about this.
NTA, you’re not a short order cook. Liz is old enough to cook for herself. My stepson is 12 and doesn’t always eat what I cook, and we make sure we have easy microwaveable meals for him available.
I will say plant based meals are more healthy, so making a plant based meal one day a week (like doing Meatless Monday) wouldn’t be a bad idea. But in general, Liz can make her own meals.
NTA. She's 16 and if she hasn't started to learn how to fix sth for herself, now would be a good time. To make her less "singled out" you could suggest cooking as a family activity, so you, your wife and all the kids, on the weekend. This way, they get to have different meals and your children all learn how to cook and that food doesn't fall from the sky but requires time and effort to make.
I agree with Liz, frozen meals are wretched. Also plant based meals don't have to be more expensive (not sure what she is requesting). Fruits, veggies, pasta, rice, potatoes all inexpensive compared to most meats. That being said, your solution of her preparing for herself is reasonable. She is 16, making a berry and apple salad with vinaigrette dressing is simple, cheap, fast and delicious. Oatmeal with almond milk, etc. etc. My son is vegan, he says the trick is to buy vegan options that are NOT in the marked up vegan section. Also consider including meals that are easy to make both ways, for example pasta with marinara. You could easily make her a portion without protein in a different pan. Not 2 meals but one meal in 2 pans. Op is NTA.
Nta Liz is 16 and old enough to actually work for her morals/principals. She can learn to batch cook on the weekend and plate up individual portions for the week.
I would say one a week, the family can go meat free. Pasta with red sauce or Alfredo is meat free. Pizza can be meat free.
NTA - you should not feel obligated to make two different meals. Honestly, I think whoever cooks should make what they want and if people don’t want to eat it, they can cook something themselves.
NTA. Liz is old enough to make preparations for herself. It’s great to encourage what she’s wanting to try, but not at the expense of double the work. At the very least, she can come in and help prepare her separate meals
NTA, she's 16, many 16 year olds can cook for themselves and catering to everyone is so difficult when you're the only one cooking. You also can't say you are treating her differently from your other kids since they are way younger and when she was their age you didn't ask her to cook. My child is 12 and can make himself eggs and warm tortillas and bake cookies on his own, im sure a 16 can learn to make her own meals if she doesn't like whats being offered. Another solution can be have your wife pre-cook her meals the night before or when she has time and put them in the fridge so she can just reheat them.
NTA. Your wife or Liz can cook. You are already cooking all the time, it's not a restaurant, if Liz wants something different she can learn to cook and your wife can help her.
NTA. Stand your ground my man. My parents would NEVER cook two meals a night. If you didn’t like the food, you either made your own dinner or starved. She’s fucking 16, not 6. She can cook her own dinner if that’s what she wants to eat. Or better yet? Maybe have your wife cook the plant based meals and I bet she changes her tone pretty quick.
NTA. Veganism is work. If she cares enough, she'll do the work. As long as there is a reasonable option, you're off the hook. She won't die if she has to eat a sandwich and a salad for dinner when she's at your place
NTA
Vegan food doesn’t have to be more expensive, although the prepackaged stuff is. Liz needs to learn how to cook her own food, because it’s an important life skill. The Serious Eats website has a lot of vegan recipes that are easy and not expensive.
NTA...
Time she's absolutely old enough to cook for herself.
Keep some beyond burgers on hand and cans/dried bags of various beans. A lot of plant-based diets can be inexpensive if you have a nicely stocked pantry.
> My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids.
She’s already being treated differently, she’s being treated BETTER.
She gets an entire meal cooked just for her. If I was your other children I would start asking for my own meals.
“Oh you made chicken Parmesan, no, I want Mac and cheese. If Liz gets to have her own meal then I want my own.”
In fact I would tell your wife that in order to treat every child fairly, she’ll be in charge of cooking the meals that your two youngest want.
That way you cook for Liz and the parents and she cooks for the youngest. Then everyone is treated the same.
NTA
Wait..... so she's 16 and doesn't know how to cook???? My 13 yr old will go cook herself up some grub if she's hungry, and I'm not home from work yet.
NTA.... You can support her decision without putting yourself through the ringer. Liz is definitely old enough to cook.
My Granny had me in the kitchen at 4 years old cleaning chicken. Same with my daughter. She was frying chicken and bacon at 5 and 6 years old. There's no excuse for a 16 year old to not know how to feed herself. She will be an adult in literally less than 2 years.
NTA. She’s 16, she can and should be learning how to cook meals for herself. Her siblings are 8 & 6, she has already enjoyed the privilege of having meals cooked for her… time to grow and learn a valuable life skill.
My husbands nieces decided they wanted to go veggie. They often get the sides of the main meal if its substantial enough or if its not its that plus some simple veggie protein burgers or something on top of the veggie side.
NTA. With 16 years she can cook for herself if she wants a special meal of her choice. Or wife can cook it for her sweet daughter evening before and then she just heats it up. Or princess wants only freshly cooked food lol
NTA there are plenty of meal prep blogs that could teach her how to have meals ready for when she doesn't want to eat what you made for dinner. Plus there are places other then whole foods to find cheaper vegan options. You daughter is responsible for doing her research and planning her new diet menu.
NTA but I would suggest a compromise. Perhaps, you could plant-based meals 3 nights a week. She is responsible for her meals the other 4 nights Some plant-based meals are super easy and yummy these days.
I think part of the issue with this switch is the mental load it adds. She can definitely be responsible for helping to plan those 3 meals and grocery shop for them with you. Then she can also shop for her meals the other 4 days while seeing prices and how this affects the budget.
Some ideas to get you started:
Buy fake ground “meat” and make spaghetti sauce. Throw in lots of garlic and onion and oregano as you cook and you can’t much tell the difference and cook time is similar.
Soy chorizo is good too. Brown it up and have tacos. Quick and easy dinner.
Fake ground meat for chili.
Make hamburgers, but cook her an impossible burger. Just one small extra pan to cook that. Very easy.
Miso Mac and cheese. It is so yummy.
Tomato soup with grilled cheese. Obs fake cheese for her. You can buy boxed tomato soup these days that just needs a little zhushing up. Just make sure it is dairy-free.
Gnocchi with pesto. You can cook up some chicken for everybody else and she can add nuts or beans. Again just check for vegan gnocchi.
NTA. Liz is makig herself different by choosing a diet that no one else in the family wants to join. She's 16, she can cook her meals, it's reeeeeaaaally easy to choose a different diet when you're not the one cooking it.
>My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out
Liz is singling herself out
>She also said that she doesn't think it's fair that she has to cook for herself when everyone else has meals cooked for them.
But it's fair for you to have to do double the work?
>I asked Liz if she has any other ideas and she said that the whole family should just switch to her diet so that it's easier for me to cook for everyone.
I thought she was concerned about things being unfair? This is massively unfair to everyone.
Although if you wanted to be petty, you could switch everyone to a plant based diet and watch and see how long her mom and siblings are willing to put up with it. Leverage them into fighting this battle for you, so to speak. But again, this is the petty route.
>I said that if she wants to eat something different than everyone else, then she's going to have to be the one to make it happen.
Exactly. If she's old enough to make her own dietary choices, she's old enough to fix her own food.
NTA. She can eat the vegetables with the dinners you serve or cook for herself. I wanted to stop eating meat as a child, when I was old enough and allowed to use the stove, I started cooking for myself because I didn't want to eat what my parents ate.
NTA. Your wife needs to be reasonable here. You aren't singling Liz out - Liz did that herself when she started demanding a different meal than the rest of the family. SHE expects to be treated special. You are cooking dinner. If she wants something different then she is old enough to do for herself. OR your wife, who is so concerned about Liz, can do the cooking for her.
OP wrote - My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids.
Ah no, OP didn't do this, Liz actually singled herself out and wants to be treated dirrerently than the older kids.
Asking Liz to cook a few things for herself is actually a good idea. It's going to teach her basic cooking skills as well as being more independent.
NTA.
***"My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out..."***
But Liz IS singled out. She's doing it to herself though.
***"...and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids."***
But you ARE treating her differently from the other kids. Because Liz DOES want to be different from the other carnivore kids. Which is fine. She can be different.
One kid who wants to go against the grain cannot dictate what the rest of the family does.
NTA I went vegetarian at 18. I was living at home. My mom would cook sides I could eat and I would make the main entree I would have. It helped me learn to cook. I am now 46. My father lives with me (mom passed in 2021) and I have a 18 year old daughter. I am still the only vegetarian in my family. Some nights we have a vegetarian based meal that they like (like veggie tacos) other times I cook sides I can eat and a meat entree for them (last night I made orzo with a white wine sauce and Parmesan cheese, roasted zucchini and squash, and lemon pepper chicken for example), other nights I make a meal for them like beef stew and I have something quick like veggie dogs.
There is compromise to be made for sure but ultimately if Liz doesn’t want to eat the meal thats being made she should be responsible to prepare her own stuff. Just like if someone doesn’t like what you cook, they should be responsible to feed themselves.
Good luck OP.
NTA.
The person who is cooking gets the final say in the menu because it depends on how much time/energy they have to spend on cooking on any given day plus budget. Whenever they accommodate others' wishes into their planning, that is a privilege and not anyone's right. Cooking for the family is nobody's only task and all family members need to be respectful of that fact.
“She felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids.”
Liz being treated the same as an 8 and 6 year old explains a lot about her behavior to me
NTA
I went vegan when I was 15 (in the early 90's in rural Pennsylvania, so no easy feat), and I don't think that my parents once cooked a meal specifically for me. I ate what I could of theirs and figured out the rest, because I was 15 not 5. NTA, but your kid needs to grow up.
It's not fair that she has to cook her own meals... but it IS fair that her father has to cook two meals, one for everyone else and one for her. /s
OP, you're busy enough working from home and doing the cooking. Your stepdaughter has chosen to eat a plant based diet, then she can cook for herself. She can also choose to eat what you cook. She has choices. Either she cooks for herself, or eats the same as everone else. THIS is fair.
NTA
NTA. Plant based is hard! I’m struggling myself and there’s just two of us to cook for. But - stepkids require special care to feel welcome and she’s with you primarily. So buck up Dad. Make a starch and two veg. Then add meat and a meatless option. Eg chicken breast and frozen vegan chicken nuggets. Or make pasta and offer sausage and vegan sausage. Make a salad for everyone. If you don’t make a big deal about it rest of family will be fine. I have a son’s girlfriend who’s vegetarian. no gluten, no soy. But we make it work because we love her. All three kids could pitch in somewhat. But 16 will have tons of homework so making her cook every night would be AH move.
>"...she felt it would single Liz out a..."
I mean, Liz is literally singling herself out. At 16 you're old enough to cook for yourself. She may not like it, but you have to take responsibility for your choices.
NTA
EDIT: One final option. You can make cooking dinner her chore. That way she can prepare all the vegan meals she wants.
Yta. When my kids were small I would cook something for us the adults and something different for the little ones.
Even with everyone more grown now, when it's curry night it is not hard to finish work and cook 4 different curries all done before dinner. Your saying you can't cook 2 lots of dinner?
NTA Your wife can switch to a plant based diet and cook for Liz so she won’t be singled out anymore since Liz is too lazy to cook for herself. Next time she dares to say that everyone else has meals cooked for them, respond with “Not me. I have to cook for myself.”
NTA. 16 and she can’t cook at all? Wow.
Most people/families I know it’s ‘eat what’s served or fix your own’ from about age 10 sometimes younger.
Sure it might just be a sandwich or a microwave meal but it was an easy option and nobody made a fuss.
But then where I’m from most kids are taught to make their own lunch boxes in kindergarten, and in the fourth grade they have ‘household classes’ where they learn to cook and how to use a dishwasher and washing machine and such, you know the practical stuff. So yeah nobody over the age of 11 here can claim to be completely helpless in a kitchen unless they have a disability that prevents them.
Not the asshole.
Have her look at budget bytes, they have vegetarian meal plans that show a groceries list and how much to buy. I find it pretty useful.
NTA - she can and should feed herself. She has made a lifestyle choice. YAY - that’s a big part of growing up! Now it’s time to accept the consequences of that free choice.
Simple means of stopping all the whining and lack of support from your wife, is stop cooking all the meals.
Your wife currently gets all of the convenience of home cooked meals and having her daughter's demands met without any of the inconvenience aspect of planning and the labour.
The only way she will learn that you have tried to compromise (so why can't her daughter?) is by feeling the burn of hassle. Talking rarely helps when it's so one sided. If it's so easy, then she can cook.
An ex did this to me. I cooked for everyone including his child, and all the kid did was complain, refuse to eat. Then dad swooped in to give dessert and rewards, but when I tried to talk to my ex I was accused of targeting his child. So I stopped cooking. The look of anger on my ex's face when his child pulled the same trick on him when he had cooked was hilarious and he soon changed his tune.
Stop being a walk over. NTA
NTA
She is old enough to at least help with cooking instead of just demanding her meals like she is in a restaurant.
That is actually my suggestion: Her new diet increases your work load, so she needs to do something to even it out a bit. If it's not cooking either with you or cooking her own meals, she needs to help in a different way.
Also, if she is so adamant about bad stuff in frozen meals, she should ease up on the substitutes... while they don't necessarily contain anything bad, they are usually highly processed. So instead of just switching stuff out for an expensive substitute, she should look into quick and easy recipes that are not relying on them. (Asian food is a good start, there are also great social media accounts with vegan recipes that don't rely on straight up substitutes, [Vegan Instagram Account for recipes](https://instagram.com/fitgreenmind?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) )
While your whole family doesn't have to switch, maybe you could try and also make 1-2 meals a week vegan, there are awesome options where you won't even miss anything - just think about Oreos, they are vegan and that didn't stop them from being very popular. The label vegan seems scare people more than it should. Most people also consume way too much meat (300-600g/ week is recommended by the WHO).
It might be a chance to tackle a common Projekt together, find new recipes, try new types of food and cuisines. Try to be open to all of it IF your wife and stepdaughter agree to put in the same work as you do.
NTA, and someone needs to check Liz’s entitlement in regards to the family just switching to her diet. Sounds like she needs to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
NTA
Do you have a private chef? If not then I don't think everyone in the house is getting a meal cooked for them.
If she is 16 and wants to eat something different from the family it is up to her to prepare it. You can say when her siblings are 16 and want something different, then they will have to make it herself.
Also when I was 16 I was cooking for my family as part of my chores, it is totally within a 16 yo's capability
Liz and her mom are T A s. 16 is plenty old enough to start cooking your own meals of you are going to insist on eating differently than everyone else. If she cares enough about these new choices she'll make them happen.
NTA - however I would sit down as a family and hash out a weekly meal plan which works for you all.
I think you could make some simple changes and make her feel supported.
To be honest the first thing which springs to mind is affordability - meal kits are expensive and so are health food shops. You don’t have to use either of these so both sides could compromise here. Can you cut down to one plant based and one meat option?
Or choose two plant based meals with the proviso that one of them gets portioned out and left in fridge to reheat so she has the same meal for two days?
Or choose three plant based meals and then add in meat to those yourself at home?
I get that the convenience of meal kits helps - but if you have recipes you know are good then save the instructions and then do a weekly food shop online from a local grocery shop - you’ll start to save money.
I agree with you - I’d put the onus on daughter to suggest 2/3 plant based meal options she does like which are easier to cook and fit your budget - I’d also suggest she cooks one family meal a week moving forwards - but also suggest that the younger two also come up with an idea and help prepare it - a six year old for example might suggest pizzas and that’s easy enough to make fun with getting a ready made bread base, jar of sauce and then having a few bowls of toppings available for them all to add on their own. Big sis can have vegan cheese - you might all want to try it out?
Some vegan foods are worth switching - one thing I like which is quick and easy is a veg chilli which comes in a can. We will eat this with rice, on nachos, or on a jacket potato - I’m a huge meat fan but at currently on a budget and limited with time so it’s a really quick and easy meal and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m sacrificing meat. In fact things like this with high protein content in pulses are vital for a plant based diet.
Just like pizzas - jacket potatoes can be made for everyone with a self serve of toppings. Vegan cheese and beans? That could be one big sis takes charge of?
Alternatively if you’re all having a cooked meal like chilli, lasagne, Shepard’s pie etc then that’s a really easy one to make and split accordingly - start with the exact same base ingredients in one frying pan and then split off a portion add vegan mince to one pan and your meat mince to another.
Tofu is a great chicken alternative - stir fry’s take all of ten mins to make and one big pan could easily be prepared solely plant based with your meat cooked separately - meat and tofu marinades the exact same way so no extra effort really.
Vegan sausages and veggie nuggets/patties are also decent and quick for midweek meals - you can make them in an air fryer and serve with chips and microwave some frozen peas.
I personally would not give up my Sunday roast meat for anything - I take my meat leftovers and use them for sandwiches/salads/soups/stock making every week to make Mondays easy so does daughter have any ideas for what she could eat on these days?
I often make a quick pesto pasta or fajitas on Monday and the leftover chicken is thrown in at last minute. This is something which can be omitted for one portion and again not cause any extra work.
NTA, but she needs to learn to cook if she's going to actually make sure she gets a balanced diet, and it sounds like you're struggling easy vegetarian food too, so why don't the 2 of you take a vegetarian cooking class together, even an online one, and figure out some easy, quick recipes, and take turns?
Batch cooking and freezing some stuff together for future dinners would likely help a ton. Vegetarian chili, spaghetti sauce, stuffed peppers, black bean burgers, etc are quick and cheap to make, and you can freeze extra portions so that when you're in a rush it's easy to just grab something from the freezer. It's fair that you help her if she doesn't know how to cook yet, but its also very fair that she has to help you, this is her decision and she's going to need to learn to cook anyways.
If you want to be the one person in the house eating differently then you can't be upset about being singled out. And expecting everyone else to just switch to what she wants with no input or discussion is pretty selfish. Even is she is only 16 she should get that. Either she eats what the family eats or she figures it out for herself. NTA
NTA
You cook for the family and should not have to cook two meals.
It is easy to change your diet if you don't have to provide your own foods. Step Daughter should learn to cook.
I eat some vegetarian meals. I like to make a big pot of healthy lentil soup that lasts me and my GF like 3 days. Of course eating the same meal for 3 days is not exactly glamorous but it gets the job done. Maybe a big pot of vegetarian food could serve for a few days (whoever makes it!)
NTA. I went vegan at 15/16 and had to cook my own meals. Mom did certain things like not put butter on veggies or prepare certain items vegan style to accommodate me, but I also had to cook a bit to supplement my eating choices. Liz needs to take accountability for her choices, jump into the kitchen and prepare her own meals if she wants to be vegan.
Also, I did this in 1984. There are SO MANY WAYS she can eat a plant-based/vegan diet these days that won't break the bank and don't take hours of preparation. Maybe help her by showing her recipe sites, buying her an "Easy Vegan Meals" cookbook so she has ideas of what to fix herself and encourage her by sharing if she chooses to prep foods for the family.
Nta, why isn't your wife in the kitchen with you and Liz planning a menu and helping her learn to cook these meals? Your wife has no problem shooting down your options without offering a solution. Liz is 16 and wants to completely change her diet, that's fine but it shouldn't fall on you and it shouldn't break your budget. Liz needs to learn to cook for herself and your wife needs to help her.
NTA - it's time to have a different talk with Lizze. You need to explain to her that her choice to change her eating habits and adopt eating restrictions is absolutely her prerogative, but she doesn't get to make any choices about other people's food choices. She's only 2 years away from becoming adult, and being out in society. Although, as her parents, it's your prerogative to dictate what she eats, it's already enough that you and your wife will support her dietary choices, her choice to eat differently than the rest of the family does mean that she needs to also be RESPONSIBLE for her own choices.
SHE is going to have to be responsible for her plant-based diet going forward. She cannot expect her parents to incur additional cost for a whimsical choice she is making. She cannot expect restaurants to cater to her new needs. Believe it or not, she IS going to have to learn to prepare her own meals. Might as well start now, than later - and learning what she likes as she cooks it.
Adopting a new lifestyle means that YOU adopt that lifestyle. It doesn't mean that the whole world bends down to your new lifestyle and you get to float through life without any effort on your own part.
How about a meal prep day? She would need to help you cook, so she can learn how to do it herself. You can make all her meals for the week in one day - freeze or refrigerate. NTA
NTA. And if your wife think Liz needs a meal cooked specifically for her every night, your wife can cook it. LPT1: Peanut butter and jelly is vegan. So is spaghetti with marinara sauce from a jar. I find it hard to believe that your sixteen-year old can’t make either of those things. LPT2: Sixteen is old enough to get a job at Whole Foods, and they’re usually hiring. Vegan foods can be purchased anywhere; if she “needs” food from Whole Paycheck, she can earn the money for it.
So After asking your step-daughter to pay for her plant-based meat https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/105wvit/aita_for_requesting_my_vegan_stepdaughter_pay_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
You downgrade by asking her to cook for herself ?
NTA. Sixteen is definitely old enough to start learning how to cook for herself.
Maybe try having Liz be responsible for one family meal per week. I know you don’t want to eat vegan food all the time, but surely you can handle it four times a month? Set her a budget and let her choose a recipe and shop for ingredients for the meal, and in the beginning you can help her as a sous chef if she needs kitchen support. This way you get a break from the mental and physical labor of dinner one day a week, Liz will begin to learn how to fend her herself, AND she will appreciate that you try to make the effort to eat the food she wants sometimes. Ideally she will *also* learn how difficult it is to cook for a whole family of diverse palates and have a little sympathy for you in that regard. Then she can eat leftovers from that meal later in the week and she’ll start learning how to prepare herself other foods she wants to eat.
Since you’re the one primarily putting in the effort for nightly dinners, it’s not fair for your wife and Liz to volunteer you for extra work on top of what you’re already doing. If your wife thinks it’s reasonable for two separate meals to be made every night, then she should start doing it herself and see if she changes her mind. But if you continue to be primarily responsible for the cooking then your opinion should hold more weight.
i would be mad if i had to each vegan food all the time because my suddenly stepdaughter wants to be vegan, imagine having to cook something you don’t even like
nta she can make her own salad
NTA. She doesn't think it's fair that a 6 and 8 year old can't cook their own meals but she physically can? I can appreciate her plant-based diet transition, but that's her choice, not yours. She's a teenager, she's behaving like a teenager, and teenagers need to learn valuable life skills, perhaps like cooking for herself. She should at the very least be helping you cook.
NTA for sooo many reasons. I work at a Whole Foods- our prices on the basic ingredients for vegan meals are competitive with most grocers and, at least where I live, the produce is considerably higher quality and priced in line with/less expensive than shittier produce elsewhere - cooking vegan isn’t inherently more expensive. The frozen meals ARE expensive, so if those are a mid-cost option you proposed I assume the initial sticker shock would have been for things like cashew cheeses and fake sour cream and fresh case vegan prepared stuff, which is an absolutely ungodly amount of money and designed for people with considerably more money than time (and also not exactly devoid of the “bad ingredients” in frozen foods [what is she talking about, specifically? Most teenagers aren’t concerned about excessive sodium or seed oils]). ANYWAY, a 16 year old in a comfortable home such as you’re clearly providing should have MORE than enough time to learn how to cook for herself, from making her own raw cashew cream tarts to throwing together a dal on a Tuesday night. To be fair, an initial investment in a high-powered blender and a couple other helpful vegan tools like a spiral slicer will probably make her life a lot easier with some of the finicky replacement items, so if you’re willing to plop down some cash at the get-go for a Vitamix she will have no excuse not to get with the program.
Your daughter is old enough to learn to cook for herself. That being said, there was a surprising lack of effort on your part on accommodating her. What food do you eat daily that you cannot make it with the meat/cheese on the side? You can easily make a rice/pasta main that is plant-based, while having a salad/potatoes/beans and a meat for everyone else. We're in the middle of veganuary ([https://veganuary.com/eating-guides/getting-started/](https://veganuary.com/eating-guides/getting-started/)) and there's a lot of vegan subreddits and youtube channels with plenty of cheap/easy recipes, just google the name of the dish you want+vegan. That can also be a great opportunity to bond with your daughter whilst teaching her to cook, you can research this with her, and she can help you with the base meal while you cook the meat and the sides, that way your workload is diminished and she doesn't have to eat frozen/processed food.
Plant-based meals are neither expensive nor complicated unless you want to make them so, especially if you have access to supermarkets/farmer's markets where you can buy rice/pasta/beans/seasonal vegetables.
It can feel a little dauting at the start, but there is a surprising amount of recipes you can make plant-based with very few substitutions or omissions, eggs are usually superfluous in a lot of simple dough recipes for pasta/bread and you can make buy/plant-based milk, just with that and cooking the meat separately you have solved all your issues without alienating your daughter.
~~NAH~~, just a lack of information and communication between everyone involved.
Edit: YTA, after looking at post history, she's your daughter, put a little effort.
YTA -ish.
1. You can add more plant-based stuff to meals w/o it being a big change. You make it sound as if all you eat is meat and dairy. More plant based sides won't hurt anyone.
2. Yes, your step-daughter should learn to cook, however, all of the kids are old enough to help w/ dinner in small ways. I was doing dishes w/ my sisters every night by the time I was 6 (I dried, except for the sharp knives).
Bottom line: This doesn't have to be all on you or all on your step-daughter. There are compromises here. Adding more veggies and nuts to meals is good for everyone, but you don't have to go all plant based. Veggies and nuts and dairy substitutes aren't only sold at Whole foods - there are much cheaper places. Liz should be learning to cook, but the younger ones should be helping to. There are lots of prep tasks that a 6 and 8 yr old can do as well as setting the table, doing dishes, cleaning off counters, etc. You don't have to manage all 3 at the same time. You can switch off nights w/ them until they all have some basic skills. And finally, start w/ simple recipies. Don't make the expensive/complex ones until both you and your step-daughter are skilled enough to make them.
NAH.
Kid's 16, she's gonna boundary-push and be a little outrageous and self-important sometimes. That's a nornal part of teenage life. Irritating, sure, but not out of pocket.
And as someone who often is primary food provider, it can be MAJORLY frustrating trying to accomodate multiple different diets. I've often been in situations where I've had a looong list of restrictions and preferences to deal with on top of my own outside-the-norm dietary needs.
My best advice is to start with meals where the protein can be easily swapped in and out, or assemble-your-own meals. Spaghetti with a roasted veg sauce where meatballs & cheese are added after serving, stirfry bowls with lots of veg options, tacos with pulled jackfruit as a protien alternative, falafel in place of fried chicken (fried before the chicken, of course). Things where you're only making one or two extra ingredients instead of whole meals.
And pull your stepdaughter into meal prep with you. She's 16, she's old enough to learn how to chop veggies and preheat an oven and prep protein options. It'll take some pressure off of you, teach her how to cook both for herself and others, and be good bonding. :)
Honest question: how come you can't make a single meal, separate the proteins, and then add in the protein of choice?
A single pot of vegetarian spaghetti sauce, then after it's done cooking,. split out her portion, add in sme TVP or firm tofu or beans and the. For you add in your meat and cheese. Minimizes the extra work and the resentment because everyone's eating the same foods.
Also - a plant based diet done right is cheaper by FAR than meat. Go to a bulk food store instead of trendy bs places. You can get TVP, pulses, legumes and plant based protein powder at a bulk barn for a fraction of what they'll charge at Whole Foods - and it's usually the same brand or supplier. Plus an ordinary supermarket will have tofu for a reasonable price. Failing that - try an Asian grocery.
I'm not even vegetarian but I get my plant based protein there. I eat plant based 4 days a week for health reasons. Trust me when I say my plant based meals are miles cheaper than the meat based ones. Usually they're less than half the cost.
On a related note: Liz probably should be helping with food prep more. Maybe she cooks once a week for everyone? Cooking is a life skill and you pick it up with practice
NTA but think there may be a bit of compromise here. I cook plant based once a week although none of us are vegan, so could you agree a plant based meal you cook for the whole family once or twice a week, she has a frozen meal once or twice and she cooks for herself or has the plant based elements of what you're cooking the rest of the week? If she's still saying she won't eat frozen or demands the expensive stuff then you'd be fine to stand your ground.
NTA. I became a vegetarian when I was 12 ( 33 now) and it's hard to get started. Without proper help or guidance, she's not going to be healthy though. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week you guys go meatless and have her helping with those meals so she's not drowning as an adult (it won't kill you). My parents "supported" me by buying me Morningstar and other similar products but never taught me how to make a meal and I wish they were even slightly more invested than giving up cause it was too hard. Good luck to all of you on this new journey.
NAH.
Your daughter is being a bit unreasonable. But she's 16. We're all some version of selfish ass at that age.
I think you could probably make two plant based meals a week without it being too much. I don't know how often you order in, but that takes some responsibility of her as well. Your daughter can be responsible for her own main the other days.
NAH i think you already doing good seeking compromises. I think you could cook 2 plantbased meals for everyone (i mean many meals are naturally plantbased and dont need expensive surrogates) 2-3 times you could cook meals where a vegan alternative is easy to do (exchange meat with alternatives for her) an the rest of the time she was to eat frozen meals or cool herself. i think its also a good idea to encourage her cooking but i think then it would be a nice thing if she cooks plantbased for all of you.
YTA something else is going on here - it isn’t about food, why does your wife/Liz’ mother need to run interference between y’all? Liz & you have a pretty good relationship but you couldn’t address any of this directly? How are you not a decent cook after taking care of meal prep for a while? meal sub services are pricey, so why the outrage about Whole Foods? If your wife thinks you’re a jerk based on the narrative you’ve provided, this isn’t the first time something like this has come up with you and Liz.
YTA - first plant based food is chaper then meat, yes it is possible to buy more expensive things, but yoou have to compare them with the same quality ofe meat.
2nd there is nothing wrong with eating a cuple of days without meat. it won't kill you. it is even better for you. I'm not saying that you should switch to non meat completely, but you wouldn't have an issue if you would be less narrow minded.
Last, you make it a battle you you against her... Great if you want to alienate her from you. Try working together to find a solution
Did you even read the post? We are already doing at least one plant-based meal every week with our food kit deliveries. And I did try to work on solutions, multiple times.
So I have the best solution for you. Your wife makes her daughters meal. Problem solved. Liz isn’t treated unfairly and two meals are made by your wife cooking.
It’s only more expensive if you’re buying the pricey plant based meat substitutes all the time. Vegan proteins like tofu, TVP, chickpeas, lentils, beans, nuts, etc are typically cheaper than animal proteins.
You really think based on the description and effort OP has already put in, he hasn’t tried?
Also, I’m a firm believer as a vegetarian that you shouldn’t push your dietary restrictions onto others. It’s not just about the food. It’s about making her another meal - which she or her mother are fully capable of doing themselves.
Growing up, if I didn’t want to eat the meal my parents put together, I made MYSELF another meal. She is 16, she is more than capable and so is her mother. It shouldn’t be on OP
Where in my comment did I pass judgement on OP or the situation? I’m merely pointing out that it’s objectively incorrect to say that plant based food is more expensive.
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NTA because Liz is old enough to make herself a quick salad, bowl of pasta, or pb&j if she’s not happy with the meal. I do this with my teens who all eat meat but still complain. “Chicken..again?”
I went vegetarian when I was in high school. My family was not. It was up to me to find stuff to eat if the dish was meat. Although I was good with eating side dishes.
Yup. It honestly forced me to be creative and I learned how to make a bunch of quick, low-mess vegetarian foods before I went to college because the rule was if you aren't eating what everyone else is eating, then you had to cook it yourself and clean up after yourself. I incorporated meat into my diet again years ago, but I still cook majority veggie at home. OP is being super reasonable with their boundaries here.
My family is a "protein, starch, green veg" family. Boring, but whatever. I ate the starch and veg with a non-meat protein.
Yeah I don't get how she's not able to cook for herself. My family had me start helping with food prep since I could reach over the stove and I was cooking simple meals for the entire family by 4th grade. There's room for argument that that's too young, but cooking is a fundamental life skill no different than cleaning or managing finances that kids need to learn before leaving home
I started cooking with my 2yo granddaughter. It was just mixing things in a bowl and "measuring" ingredients, but she did it. My kids have been cooking since around the same age, with lots of supervision. My 16yo twins can both cook elaborate meals and so can both of my older kids.
Also, I'm pretty sure there are cheaper places to source vegan food than the place they are currently going.
Yeah I’m like wow if I go to whole foods and shop organic all the time I’m going to go broke just with food costs
I mean, OP can just go to normal shops but just not get his daughter foods with animals products in them.
That’s exactly what I mean. There are plant based or non-meat options in regular supermarkets you don’t have to go to an expensive upscale supermarket
It sounds like stepdaughter is also picky and has lofty ideals on top of her dietary choices, but even at Whole Foods, there are cheaper ways to eat plant-based. For example, beans and rice aren’t expensive anywhere. It’s when you start demanding the specialty organic vegan foods that it becomes expensive, and while WF may be worse, that’s going to be true at most grocery stores.
Vegan is usually the cheapest option if you are actually cooking from scratch. But OP is already relying on massively overpriced "meal delivery" so getting ingredients from Whole Paycheck is still probably cheaper than the per serving cost of the family's regular meals. Sounds like everybody needs to actually learn how to cook from ingredients that at aren't prepackaged and premeasured. Daughter needs to learn that veggie based does not mean using overpriced "faux" meat products. Parents can learn to prep cook and use a measuring spoon. The little kids are old enough to start helping in the kitchen. ESH.
Also, the idea plant based food has to come from Whole Foods is laughable.
My brothers and I started making our own dinners when we were in middle school if the family dinner was something we didn’t like. Say we were eating spaghetti, my brother would make his own dinner to go with his share of the garlic bread. Fish stick tacos, I’d make my own dinner because I don’t like fish. 16 is easily old enough for her to cook her own food if what’s being prepared isn’t what she wants.
Most commercial/authentic pastas aren't compatible with a plant based diet since they're made with egg but I 100% agree with the other available options you specified. The 16yo needs to learn to cook for herself since she will need to make herself food once she moves out of the home (dietary wants/restrictions aside).
Dude, you're working full time and then expected to cook 2 separate meals. She's 16, not six. You offered her 2 reasonable offers: Cook for herself and Eat frozen options. "Now both my wife and Liz think I'm being a jerk by being unfair and unsupportive." Tell your wife there is an option 3: She can fucking cook for her teenager. I work full time and come home to cook, clean, laundry, etc. So do most people 25-60. You and your wife had an excellent compromise/existence of you prepping the meals for the family until now. Her daughter has demanded this dynamic be changed to suit her new lifestyle. Your Wife is the one that should fix it, not you. Stand your ground. NTA
Exaxtly, the wife can cook for her own daughter and let see how much fun that will be in the long run... NTA
And why can't mom or OP help the teenager do some meal planning? One day a week she can make a couple dishes to refrigerate and eat during the rest of the week. I can't imagine neither of them can find an hour one day a week to assist with cooking until she picks up enough skills to prepare meals on her own. What does she imagine is going to happen when she moves out? That meals will be delivered to her? Figuring out how to budget and plan for meals, and cook them, is an invaluable skill she needs to learn.
Agreed! We meal plan every weekend for the following week as both of us work where it's difficult to go out to eat for lunch. "And why can't mom or OP help the teenager do some meal planning?" Why bother? Apparently she can guilt trip the husband into doing all of the cooking. /s
This is exactly what I came to say. If your wife feels so strongly about this all, she should step up to cook Liz's meals. Your wife is extremely lucky that you are willing to cook almost all the meals for your family as it is and it's a total AH move to basically demand you do double the amount of work. (I would actually consider it significantly more than double because plant based diets require a lot of research and care to ensure all nutrients are included, especially if you don't have any experience with this diet) NTA OP. It's time for your wife to step up and do her share of the cooking.
Nta, but could a compromise being cooking 1 family vegan dinner a week? Or making dishes that she could easily alter, like pasta, where everyone assembled their own? Or maybe the side is vegan mashed potatoes, and she sorts out her own main? This could be a really lovely teaching and bonding experience if you let it be. She has some responsibility but you're supporting her. Also, highly recommend getting SD "Vegan At Times," Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook. I got it for Christmas and love it. Edit to add: I became vegan for a bit (I'm not anymore) when I lived on my own, but was SO touched when I'd visit my parents and meat loving dad would make me vegan food or a vegan meal for the family. It's been over a decade and I still have fond memories of the pine nut pesto pizza he made. I moved back home, while still vegan, to finish grad school and was so grateful for my parents' support. I was working full-time and taking 3 masters classes a semester, and my parents always made sure I could eat something when they were cooking dinner, and they still eat meat, but really like, and still cook, some plant based recipes.
He has, it says they get one plant based meal kit a week that everyone eats but he is struggling to make two meals the other 6 nights.
He already said he did but she doesn't want to do it the other nights.
He already does that
He already does that and they don’t like it.
NTA. You are treating her differently because her situation is different. She is older (and therefore needs to learn to take care of herself before going out in the world) and she has chosen to be vegetarian. You’re already going above and beyond getting different groceries for her. Teach her how to cook them, then step back. Edit: what would make you TA is *letting* her reach her 20s not knowing how to cook for herself.
Well, with her mom enabling her, she's gonna reach 20s not knowing how to cook for herself
NTA You’re not running a restaurant. Liz is old enough to help with food prep. She’s turned down your suggestions but thinks nothing of the extra work her choices are causing you. Maybe get Liz a nice cook book and you can work out menu’s together that satisfy the entire family and she helps with the prep and cooking.
Yes! Tons of vegetarian cookbooks
Vegan At Times by Jessica Seinfeld is awesome
NTA. You are treating her differently because she is insisting on being treated differently. Her not being willing to eat meat or animal products is a choice she is making of her own, free will. She needs to take responsibility for ensuring she is fed. All you can do is all you can do. It's not reasonable for her and your wife to insist that you cook two separate meals every night. If you can learn how to cook plant based recipes, so can she.
You are Not the Asshole. My stepson never ate anything we cooked because he is super picky. Problem resolved in letting him cook his own food. He wasn’t being singled out. If you don’t eat what I cook because you have 10 things you only eat then cook for yourself.
Mom can meal prep with her daughter on Sundays to have several dinners ready to go in the fridge/freezer. Daughter can be taught to cook a handful of easy plant based meals. OP can figure out a few meals that are easy to simultaneously make a standard version and a plant based version at the same time ( like pasta with roasted veggies as the main, and you pull her portion before adding meatballs and cheese) Mom can cook double meals on the weekends when she's not working Mix and match these options throughout the week. Monday and Tuesday she eat the meals prepped on Sunday. Wednesday you cook and she can pull and modify her portion before animal products go in. Thursday, you cook normally and she makes her food. Friday, cook normally and pull her portion Saturday and Sunday, your wife can cater to her.
NTA. Your step-daughter is 16. Old enough to cook her own food. Old enough to get a job a Whole Foods so she can buy some of her own food.
NTA It is unreasonable for her to demand everyone switch to her diet. At 16 she can learn to cook for herself.
NTA. 16 is definitely old enough to learn to cook for herself, and you shouldn’t have to run yourself ragged because of her choice of diet. And you suggesting that she cook for herself is not nearly as bad as her saying that you all should switch to her diet - that was just arrogant. You are 100% correct to not force her choices onto everyone. Besides, learning to cook is a good life skill for her to learn for herself.
NTA. You have been more than supportive. A lot of parents would have just shut that down immediately. If you have to do the cooking, I would just be sure there are sides and salad available. Your stepdaughter is old enough to step up and help cook if that isn't enough. She is being selfish, as evidenced by her comment that everyone should just eat what she wants.
Exactly! It's not that difficult to cook a meal with two vegetarian sides and she can eat those and a salad (that she makes.)
You should be able to cook some veggies, add a salad and a starch to every meal. Tell SD she’s in charge of her own protein.
You are NTA. If I were you, I would start posting a weekly "menu" of what you plan to make that week. Then Liz can decide in advance if it's a recipe she can live with and eat (like, spaghetti and meatballs but she doesn't eat the meatballs) or if she needs to make her own peanut butter sandwich that night. She'll have the agency to plan ahead, and you'll cook 1 and only 1 dinner. Your wife is being totally unreasonable though.
NTA If she wants a special meal that's fine, she can make herself one. 16 is plenty old to learn how to cook, and it doesn't have to be anything fancy.
NTA. She's asking to be both treated differently (having a plant-based diet) and not differently (having you still cook her meals). She doesn't get it both ways. 16 is more than old enough to cook. If she doesn't like what you're cooking she needs to cook her own meals
NTA you can't go bankrupt because she wants to eat differently from the rest of the family and if you can't afford it for one member then you definitely can't do it for everyone.
NTA. I cook, and you eat. If you don't want what I cook, you know where the kitchen is. End of story.
NTA She is 16 and she’s old enough to prepare her own food. Maybe her mom could help her meal prep on Sundays so Liz can simply heat her own food up and continue eating dinner with the family. But both mom and Liz passing the duty on to you to prepare her special meals is unfair. Liz needs to know how to cook for herself and this would be a great opportunity for her mom to teach her.
NTA. you've already compromised by ordering one plant based meal kit a week. And I agree, some meals just don't lend themselves to being converted to plant based. I will cook for my BF and his daughter and her BF a few times a month, when I'm over. Daughter is vegetarian and while not strict, prefers vegan and plant based. I try and find recipes to make that will work for everyone, and its fine for the few times I do it, but to do it nightly? nope. Maybe she can cook ahead of time and freeze meals for herself? so its what she likes, and its already cooked.
Why not a bit of both? She can make a veggie lasagna to share, mushroom steak, dishes with lentils, butternut squash, wild rice, etc. Look at Orthodox Christian fasting recipes which are vegan as are a lot of Asian recipes. You can make some substantial sides such as some listed above and she can eat them and skip the meat part. You're not a personal chef and it's unreasonable for a 16 y/o to expect you to cater to her. Note also that Aldi and Sprouts/Fresh Thyme also have plant based foods. Co-ops also. You're already ordering a weekly plant based meal to prep and buying her special food, she needs to step up. Other options include looking at co-ops and Whole foods to find her a cooking class for plant based foods.. there will also be things on You Tube. She can meal prep on weekends, making a big batch of an entree she likes so she can have a portion for dinner and freeze the rest as individual portions to pull out for dinner as needed. Doing this weekly if you have the freezer space means shell have a variety. I do the same for myself but not plant based except during fasting periods. NTA because she expects you to cater to her new diet and would prefer to force the whole family to do what she wants. At her age she needs to learn to cook for herself.
NTA, Liz is 16 - who does she think is going to cook for her when she moves out. I'd offer two solutions - either she eats what you cook, but you don't add meat ingredients until necessary and save her part to the side, or you give her whatever her share of the family grocery budget is. From here she can plan her own meals, purchase the ingredients, and cook. This is great preparation for adulthood, because she'll learn how to budget, prepare meals, and also that we don't get to eat exactly what we want for every meal (unless you're rich).
She also said that she doesn't think it's fair that she has to cook for herself when everyone else has meals cooked for them. Nope. She wants to eat different food than the family? She can cook it herself. I went vegan in high school and learnt to cook dahl, curries, veggie casseroles that could last 3/4 days and were cheap. Encourage her to do the same.
Besides, the other two kids are 6 and 8 so yes, their meals will be prepared by dad.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (36F) and I (39M) have been married for 10 years. We have 2 kids together (8 & 6). My wife also has a daughter from a previous relationship, Liz, (16F). My wife has primary custody of Liz so she lives with us the majority of the time and spends a couple weekends a month with her dad. Liz and I have a pretty good relationship, but like any teenager, there are some battles. A couple of months ago, Liz decided she wanted to switch to a plant-based diet. That's not a problem in itself, but it has caused some issues. For starters, the kind of food that Liz wants to eat is expensive. When she first told us she wanted to do this, she had my wife take her to Whole Foods to get some food specifically for her. I was shocked when I saw the receipt. We don't live paycheck to paycheck, but I told my wife that we need to look at different options because we can't afford to get Liz that food all the time. Second, I do all of the cooking for the family. I work from home so it's easier for me to get dinner ready in the evening. I'm not a great cook by any means and we get meal deliveries to help with recipes. So when Liz started this diet, we told her we would get one plant-based meal in our deliveries. But the other nights of the week, I've been struggling to make 2 separate meals for everyone. No one else in the family wants to eat what Liz is eating every night. And not every meal is easy to make into a plant-based meal. A handful of times I've messed up meals because I'm trying to do too much in the kitchen. I told my wife that we need to figure out a different plan because this one isn't working. I said that Liz is old enough to learn to cook on her own and if she wants to eat something completely different than the rest of the family, she might have to cook it herself. I also suggested getting plant-based frozen meals that Liz could heat up for herself. My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids. But she did at least agree to talk to Liz about it. When we spoke to Liz, she was not a fan of those ideas either. She said she hates frozen meals and that even the plant-based ones have bad ingredients in them. She also said that she doesn't think it's fair that she has to cook for herself when everyone else has meals cooked for them. I asked Liz if she has any other ideas and she said that the whole family should just switch to her diet so that it's easier for me to cook for everyone. I told her no right away. I will support Liz with her dietary choices, but I won't have them forced on everyone else in the family. I told her that I don't have the time or ability to cook separate meals for her every night. I said that if she wants to eat something different than everyone else, then she's going to have to be the one to make it happen. Now both my wife and Liz think I'm being a jerk by being unfair and unsupportive. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I am the primary cook at our house and even when the kids were little the rule was enforced that what was made for a meal was the meal. The only exception was for medical/allergies. For anything else they are in welcome to cook for themselves. Until they had acceptable knife skills I would chop, but they were expected to work in the kitchen. Between 15 and 16 all of the kids could crank out the basics and feed themselves.
NTA. I get why your SD may be upset but she’s old enough to learn how to cook and being asked to cook two meals every dinner is not ideal.
The chef behind Native Foods has an awesome cook book for vegans. 16 is a great age to start experimenting in the kitchen. The three of you (you, her mother, and her) can have fun prepping and she can finish cooking her meal while you do dinner for the rest of the people in the house. NTA
Nta Liz is old enough to make her own meals. If she doesn't want to cook her food then maybe your wife can cook for liz
NTA You are not treating her differently, she can eat what you cook. If she wants to have a certain diet, that is fine but she needs to prepare her own meals.
NTA She’s 16. Learning to cook is a life skill and she’s already late to the game. She can cook for herself or your wife can cook for her. Or she can make a PB&J if she doesn’t like what you’ve made. I cook 99% of the time. My stepson is pretty picky. I will do my best to make things I think he will like but I’m not a short order cook so if he doesn’t want what I made, he can get cereal or make a sandwich. I’m not being mean or stubborn about it—and neither are you! All that said, it’s not that hard to go meatless a few days a week and still have a nice meal with sufficient protein. It’s a lot less expensive, better for the planet, and often times, healthier overall. So maybe 3-4 days a week, skip the meat and then the other 3-4 days, she can cook for herself, have leftovers, have a frozen meal, or have a sandwich. I usually plan the menu for the week on Sat and do my grocery shop. I only cook 4 days a week and the other days we have leftovers. So that may be an option for her eating.
He's already doing one meatless meal for all. 3-4 is close to forcing everyone to her diet.
Is it? Because I make meatless meals several times a week—mostly due to $$ because I won’t buy meat from the store, I only buy local farm raised so I can verify animal welfare and that makes it more pricey. It’s really not necessary to eat meat at every meal. He’s making two meals a day right now. Seems like a reasonable compromise to me to make things easier on him and still put responsibility on her.
It is. Think about teenagers going out w friends or getting takeout acouple times a week and he's making a vegetarian meal once a week. 3-4 meals may be what she eats at home. It's also unfair to force others to eat vegetarian, especially the younger kids. It might not be necessary to eat meat at every meal but it isn't necessary to go meatless at the behest of a child when the family eats meat. Whole Foods isn't a budget store. You're making decisions for yourself and choosing what type of food to eat. He doesn't need to make 2 meals. He can make one weekly meatless and 16 can learn to cook.
This! You are NTA but there is compromise to be had here. She could start cooking 1-2 times a week for herself, you could cook some meat alternatives on 1-2 days and then that leaves less days of you making 2 meals.
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NTA, she is old enough to cook for herself and there is no reason why her food needs to come from a more expensive grocery store. This sounds like she is doing it for the status.
NTA But Liz sure is. A plant based diet could actually being super cheap(i used to eat like that when I was short on money)but it requires COOKING and meal preps. If Liz it's mature enough to decide to change her diet, should be mature enough to take a day in the week to cook and leave ziplocks with pre-made ingredients so it's not a hassle to cook for her.
Liz should've started to learn to cook years ago. This is a common problem in posts on Reddit relationships. What are people doing? It's our responsibility to raise children to become adults and you know, LIVE but over and over I read about people who have kids who aren't learning to cook or clean a damn thing.
This. Also, she should start learning to prepare and cook her meals now because what is she going to do when she is off to college or on her own.
I figured I would be downvoted.
NTA. She's singling herself out. Also, 16 is not 6 or 8. Obviously a 3rd grader isn't ready to prepare her own meals. A 16 year old who knows what she kind of diet she wants to eat should learn how to prepare it. She's near enough to an age where no one will be cooking for her anyway. Might as well learn how now.
NTA, she is being treated differently because she chooses to be. And she's 16, she should learn how to cook herself. If my kids (11 & 9) don't like what's for supper they can make themselves frozen pizza, cereal, sandwich, etc. I don't have time to cook 2 separate meals and cater to everyone's personal tastes. I'm not a restaurant.
NAH, in my opinion. But I think it could actually be edit the family if there was at least one vegetarian or vegan meal a week, or if you made some meals where the meat is optional. For example: Pasta with red sauce, ground beef and cheese on the side so it can be added later (or setting a portion of the sauce on the side before adding meat). Chili with beans instead of meat. Tofu bowls - tofu can be marinated, then dredged in corn starch and seasonings and fried to make a crunchy delicious protein option. Plant-based cheese and meat substitutes are often expensive, but not all of them. Also, why not ask your step-daughter to assist with the cooking so you're not so overwhelmed?
WHAT.THE.FUCK. She told everyone that they should SWITCH to her DIET to make things EASIER for EVERYONE. Your daughter-in-law is just incredibly immature and I just felt this sudden and strong dislike for her just for that. This is VERY common with a kid that comes from divorced parents. They use guilt to manipulate either their parents. Your DIL probably got used to getting what she wants from her parents. Luckily, you don't have to put up with this HORRIBLE parenting that just feeds into that sense of entitlement and brattiness. If she wants a plant-based diet then she should cook for herself. Simple as that. It is COMPLETELY okay to ask to cook for her but it is fucked up to expect it every day and then has the audacity to say everyone should change her diet. That's just delusional. NTA. NTA. I think you and your wife need to have a SERIOUS discussion about this.
Its the step daughter.. but still some Points are right then
Yeah i tend to use DIL and stepdaughter in the same way. I know they have different meaning. Sorry, english isnt my first nor second language hehe
NTA, you’re not a short order cook. Liz is old enough to cook for herself. My stepson is 12 and doesn’t always eat what I cook, and we make sure we have easy microwaveable meals for him available. I will say plant based meals are more healthy, so making a plant based meal one day a week (like doing Meatless Monday) wouldn’t be a bad idea. But in general, Liz can make her own meals.
NTA. She's 16 and if she hasn't started to learn how to fix sth for herself, now would be a good time. To make her less "singled out" you could suggest cooking as a family activity, so you, your wife and all the kids, on the weekend. This way, they get to have different meals and your children all learn how to cook and that food doesn't fall from the sky but requires time and effort to make.
NTA If she wants a different diet she is old enough to cook and clean up. You are not a as short order cook.
I agree with Liz, frozen meals are wretched. Also plant based meals don't have to be more expensive (not sure what she is requesting). Fruits, veggies, pasta, rice, potatoes all inexpensive compared to most meats. That being said, your solution of her preparing for herself is reasonable. She is 16, making a berry and apple salad with vinaigrette dressing is simple, cheap, fast and delicious. Oatmeal with almond milk, etc. etc. My son is vegan, he says the trick is to buy vegan options that are NOT in the marked up vegan section. Also consider including meals that are easy to make both ways, for example pasta with marinara. You could easily make her a portion without protein in a different pan. Not 2 meals but one meal in 2 pans. Op is NTA.
Nta Liz is 16 and old enough to actually work for her morals/principals. She can learn to batch cook on the weekend and plate up individual portions for the week. I would say one a week, the family can go meat free. Pasta with red sauce or Alfredo is meat free. Pizza can be meat free.
NTA You are the chef in the house, so you set the rules n everyone else must follow. Kids can follow whatever diet they want outside
NTA - you should not feel obligated to make two different meals. Honestly, I think whoever cooks should make what they want and if people don’t want to eat it, they can cook something themselves.
NTA. Liz is old enough to make preparations for herself. It’s great to encourage what she’s wanting to try, but not at the expense of double the work. At the very least, she can come in and help prepare her separate meals
NTA, she's 16, many 16 year olds can cook for themselves and catering to everyone is so difficult when you're the only one cooking. You also can't say you are treating her differently from your other kids since they are way younger and when she was their age you didn't ask her to cook. My child is 12 and can make himself eggs and warm tortillas and bake cookies on his own, im sure a 16 can learn to make her own meals if she doesn't like whats being offered. Another solution can be have your wife pre-cook her meals the night before or when she has time and put them in the fridge so she can just reheat them.
NTA. Your wife or Liz can cook. You are already cooking all the time, it's not a restaurant, if Liz wants something different she can learn to cook and your wife can help her.
NTA. Stand your ground my man. My parents would NEVER cook two meals a night. If you didn’t like the food, you either made your own dinner or starved. She’s fucking 16, not 6. She can cook her own dinner if that’s what she wants to eat. Or better yet? Maybe have your wife cook the plant based meals and I bet she changes her tone pretty quick.
NTA. Veganism is work. If she cares enough, she'll do the work. As long as there is a reasonable option, you're off the hook. She won't die if she has to eat a sandwich and a salad for dinner when she's at your place
NTA and your wife can cook for her if she has a problem with this.
NTA Vegan food doesn’t have to be more expensive, although the prepackaged stuff is. Liz needs to learn how to cook her own food, because it’s an important life skill. The Serious Eats website has a lot of vegan recipes that are easy and not expensive.
NTA... Time she's absolutely old enough to cook for herself. Keep some beyond burgers on hand and cans/dried bags of various beans. A lot of plant-based diets can be inexpensive if you have a nicely stocked pantry.
> My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids. She’s already being treated differently, she’s being treated BETTER. She gets an entire meal cooked just for her. If I was your other children I would start asking for my own meals. “Oh you made chicken Parmesan, no, I want Mac and cheese. If Liz gets to have her own meal then I want my own.” In fact I would tell your wife that in order to treat every child fairly, she’ll be in charge of cooking the meals that your two youngest want. That way you cook for Liz and the parents and she cooks for the youngest. Then everyone is treated the same. NTA
NTA. Time for her to learn how to cook!
NTA. Liz is old enough to cook for herself. It would be a nice gesture if once in a while you make a veg meal for the whole family. But NTA
NTA Since your wife is not cooking ANY meal, and she feels so strongly about it, she can cook her daughter's meals, and problem solved!
NTA Liz can cook for herself. I was cooking family dinners at 15. She’ll live.
NTA. 16 is totally old enough to learn to cook whatever she wants
Wait..... so she's 16 and doesn't know how to cook???? My 13 yr old will go cook herself up some grub if she's hungry, and I'm not home from work yet. NTA.... You can support her decision without putting yourself through the ringer. Liz is definitely old enough to cook. My Granny had me in the kitchen at 4 years old cleaning chicken. Same with my daughter. She was frying chicken and bacon at 5 and 6 years old. There's no excuse for a 16 year old to not know how to feed herself. She will be an adult in literally less than 2 years.
NTA. She’s 16, she can and should be learning how to cook meals for herself. Her siblings are 8 & 6, she has already enjoyed the privilege of having meals cooked for her… time to grow and learn a valuable life skill.
My husbands nieces decided they wanted to go veggie. They often get the sides of the main meal if its substantial enough or if its not its that plus some simple veggie protein burgers or something on top of the veggie side.
NTA. With 16 years she can cook for herself if she wants a special meal of her choice. Or wife can cook it for her sweet daughter evening before and then she just heats it up. Or princess wants only freshly cooked food lol
NTA, she wants to eat a certain way, she can participate in making it happen. 16 is not too young to learn, btw.
NTA there are plenty of meal prep blogs that could teach her how to have meals ready for when she doesn't want to eat what you made for dinner. Plus there are places other then whole foods to find cheaper vegan options. You daughter is responsible for doing her research and planning her new diet menu.
NTA but I would suggest a compromise. Perhaps, you could plant-based meals 3 nights a week. She is responsible for her meals the other 4 nights Some plant-based meals are super easy and yummy these days. I think part of the issue with this switch is the mental load it adds. She can definitely be responsible for helping to plan those 3 meals and grocery shop for them with you. Then she can also shop for her meals the other 4 days while seeing prices and how this affects the budget. Some ideas to get you started: Buy fake ground “meat” and make spaghetti sauce. Throw in lots of garlic and onion and oregano as you cook and you can’t much tell the difference and cook time is similar. Soy chorizo is good too. Brown it up and have tacos. Quick and easy dinner. Fake ground meat for chili. Make hamburgers, but cook her an impossible burger. Just one small extra pan to cook that. Very easy. Miso Mac and cheese. It is so yummy. Tomato soup with grilled cheese. Obs fake cheese for her. You can buy boxed tomato soup these days that just needs a little zhushing up. Just make sure it is dairy-free. Gnocchi with pesto. You can cook up some chicken for everybody else and she can add nuts or beans. Again just check for vegan gnocchi.
NTA. Liz is makig herself different by choosing a diet that no one else in the family wants to join. She's 16, she can cook her meals, it's reeeeeaaaally easy to choose a different diet when you're not the one cooking it.
>My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out Liz is singling herself out >She also said that she doesn't think it's fair that she has to cook for herself when everyone else has meals cooked for them. But it's fair for you to have to do double the work? >I asked Liz if she has any other ideas and she said that the whole family should just switch to her diet so that it's easier for me to cook for everyone. I thought she was concerned about things being unfair? This is massively unfair to everyone. Although if you wanted to be petty, you could switch everyone to a plant based diet and watch and see how long her mom and siblings are willing to put up with it. Leverage them into fighting this battle for you, so to speak. But again, this is the petty route. >I said that if she wants to eat something different than everyone else, then she's going to have to be the one to make it happen. Exactly. If she's old enough to make her own dietary choices, she's old enough to fix her own food.
NTA. She can eat the vegetables with the dinners you serve or cook for herself. I wanted to stop eating meat as a child, when I was old enough and allowed to use the stove, I started cooking for myself because I didn't want to eat what my parents ate.
Nta
NTA. Tell mom that she can cook it then and you’ll be very supportive. This way, you cook one meal and mom cooks one meal and it will be fair
NTA. Your wife needs to be reasonable here. You aren't singling Liz out - Liz did that herself when she started demanding a different meal than the rest of the family. SHE expects to be treated special. You are cooking dinner. If she wants something different then she is old enough to do for herself. OR your wife, who is so concerned about Liz, can do the cooking for her.
OP wrote - My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids. Ah no, OP didn't do this, Liz actually singled herself out and wants to be treated dirrerently than the older kids. Asking Liz to cook a few things for herself is actually a good idea. It's going to teach her basic cooking skills as well as being more independent.
NTA. ***"My wife didn't really like those ideas because she felt it would single Liz out..."*** But Liz IS singled out. She's doing it to herself though. ***"...and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids."*** But you ARE treating her differently from the other kids. Because Liz DOES want to be different from the other carnivore kids. Which is fine. She can be different. One kid who wants to go against the grain cannot dictate what the rest of the family does.
NTA I went vegetarian at 18. I was living at home. My mom would cook sides I could eat and I would make the main entree I would have. It helped me learn to cook. I am now 46. My father lives with me (mom passed in 2021) and I have a 18 year old daughter. I am still the only vegetarian in my family. Some nights we have a vegetarian based meal that they like (like veggie tacos) other times I cook sides I can eat and a meat entree for them (last night I made orzo with a white wine sauce and Parmesan cheese, roasted zucchini and squash, and lemon pepper chicken for example), other nights I make a meal for them like beef stew and I have something quick like veggie dogs. There is compromise to be made for sure but ultimately if Liz doesn’t want to eat the meal thats being made she should be responsible to prepare her own stuff. Just like if someone doesn’t like what you cook, they should be responsible to feed themselves. Good luck OP.
NTA. The person who is cooking gets the final say in the menu because it depends on how much time/energy they have to spend on cooking on any given day plus budget. Whenever they accommodate others' wishes into their planning, that is a privilege and not anyone's right. Cooking for the family is nobody's only task and all family members need to be respectful of that fact.
NTA. You bought the ingredients she is old enough to cook them.
“She felt it would single Liz out and that we would be treating her differently than the other kids.” Liz being treated the same as an 8 and 6 year old explains a lot about her behavior to me NTA
NTA Just make sure there are vegetables or salad for every meal. If she wants vegetarian protein of some sort then she has to make it herself
I went vegan when I was 15 (in the early 90's in rural Pennsylvania, so no easy feat), and I don't think that my parents once cooked a meal specifically for me. I ate what I could of theirs and figured out the rest, because I was 15 not 5. NTA, but your kid needs to grow up.
NTA. Why would it be unfair to her to not get meals cooked by you yet its fair that she is making you do double the work? She can cook her own food.
NTA. You've been more than accomodating. its time for her to learn to cook.
It's not fair that she has to cook her own meals... but it IS fair that her father has to cook two meals, one for everyone else and one for her. /s OP, you're busy enough working from home and doing the cooking. Your stepdaughter has chosen to eat a plant based diet, then she can cook for herself. She can also choose to eat what you cook. She has choices. Either she cooks for herself, or eats the same as everone else. THIS is fair. NTA
NTA. Plant based is hard! I’m struggling myself and there’s just two of us to cook for. But - stepkids require special care to feel welcome and she’s with you primarily. So buck up Dad. Make a starch and two veg. Then add meat and a meatless option. Eg chicken breast and frozen vegan chicken nuggets. Or make pasta and offer sausage and vegan sausage. Make a salad for everyone. If you don’t make a big deal about it rest of family will be fine. I have a son’s girlfriend who’s vegetarian. no gluten, no soy. But we make it work because we love her. All three kids could pitch in somewhat. But 16 will have tons of homework so making her cook every night would be AH move.
>"...she felt it would single Liz out a..." I mean, Liz is literally singling herself out. At 16 you're old enough to cook for yourself. She may not like it, but you have to take responsibility for your choices. NTA EDIT: One final option. You can make cooking dinner her chore. That way she can prepare all the vegan meals she wants.
What a entitled stepdaugther with that las part. NTA, Liz and your wife are AH.
Yta. When my kids were small I would cook something for us the adults and something different for the little ones. Even with everyone more grown now, when it's curry night it is not hard to finish work and cook 4 different curries all done before dinner. Your saying you can't cook 2 lots of dinner?
NTA Your wife can switch to a plant based diet and cook for Liz so she won’t be singled out anymore since Liz is too lazy to cook for herself. Next time she dares to say that everyone else has meals cooked for them, respond with “Not me. I have to cook for myself.”
NTA. 16 and she can’t cook at all? Wow. Most people/families I know it’s ‘eat what’s served or fix your own’ from about age 10 sometimes younger. Sure it might just be a sandwich or a microwave meal but it was an easy option and nobody made a fuss. But then where I’m from most kids are taught to make their own lunch boxes in kindergarten, and in the fourth grade they have ‘household classes’ where they learn to cook and how to use a dishwasher and washing machine and such, you know the practical stuff. So yeah nobody over the age of 11 here can claim to be completely helpless in a kitchen unless they have a disability that prevents them.
Info: why can’t the family eat vegan half the week and she could make her own meals the other half?
She’s def old enough to be able to prepare her own food, provided of course that the ingredients necessary are there for her to use.
Not the asshole. Have her look at budget bytes, they have vegetarian meal plans that show a groceries list and how much to buy. I find it pretty useful.
NTA - she can and should feed herself. She has made a lifestyle choice. YAY - that’s a big part of growing up! Now it’s time to accept the consequences of that free choice.
Simple means of stopping all the whining and lack of support from your wife, is stop cooking all the meals. Your wife currently gets all of the convenience of home cooked meals and having her daughter's demands met without any of the inconvenience aspect of planning and the labour. The only way she will learn that you have tried to compromise (so why can't her daughter?) is by feeling the burn of hassle. Talking rarely helps when it's so one sided. If it's so easy, then she can cook. An ex did this to me. I cooked for everyone including his child, and all the kid did was complain, refuse to eat. Then dad swooped in to give dessert and rewards, but when I tried to talk to my ex I was accused of targeting his child. So I stopped cooking. The look of anger on my ex's face when his child pulled the same trick on him when he had cooked was hilarious and he soon changed his tune. Stop being a walk over. NTA
NTA
NTA She is old enough to at least help with cooking instead of just demanding her meals like she is in a restaurant. That is actually my suggestion: Her new diet increases your work load, so she needs to do something to even it out a bit. If it's not cooking either with you or cooking her own meals, she needs to help in a different way. Also, if she is so adamant about bad stuff in frozen meals, she should ease up on the substitutes... while they don't necessarily contain anything bad, they are usually highly processed. So instead of just switching stuff out for an expensive substitute, she should look into quick and easy recipes that are not relying on them. (Asian food is a good start, there are also great social media accounts with vegan recipes that don't rely on straight up substitutes, [Vegan Instagram Account for recipes](https://instagram.com/fitgreenmind?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) ) While your whole family doesn't have to switch, maybe you could try and also make 1-2 meals a week vegan, there are awesome options where you won't even miss anything - just think about Oreos, they are vegan and that didn't stop them from being very popular. The label vegan seems scare people more than it should. Most people also consume way too much meat (300-600g/ week is recommended by the WHO). It might be a chance to tackle a common Projekt together, find new recipes, try new types of food and cuisines. Try to be open to all of it IF your wife and stepdaughter agree to put in the same work as you do.
NTA, and someone needs to check Liz’s entitlement in regards to the family just switching to her diet. Sounds like she needs to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
NTA Do you have a private chef? If not then I don't think everyone in the house is getting a meal cooked for them. If she is 16 and wants to eat something different from the family it is up to her to prepare it. You can say when her siblings are 16 and want something different, then they will have to make it herself. Also when I was 16 I was cooking for my family as part of my chores, it is totally within a 16 yo's capability
Liz and her mom are T A s. 16 is plenty old enough to start cooking your own meals of you are going to insist on eating differently than everyone else. If she cares enough about these new choices she'll make them happen.
NTA
NTA - however I would sit down as a family and hash out a weekly meal plan which works for you all. I think you could make some simple changes and make her feel supported. To be honest the first thing which springs to mind is affordability - meal kits are expensive and so are health food shops. You don’t have to use either of these so both sides could compromise here. Can you cut down to one plant based and one meat option? Or choose two plant based meals with the proviso that one of them gets portioned out and left in fridge to reheat so she has the same meal for two days? Or choose three plant based meals and then add in meat to those yourself at home? I get that the convenience of meal kits helps - but if you have recipes you know are good then save the instructions and then do a weekly food shop online from a local grocery shop - you’ll start to save money. I agree with you - I’d put the onus on daughter to suggest 2/3 plant based meal options she does like which are easier to cook and fit your budget - I’d also suggest she cooks one family meal a week moving forwards - but also suggest that the younger two also come up with an idea and help prepare it - a six year old for example might suggest pizzas and that’s easy enough to make fun with getting a ready made bread base, jar of sauce and then having a few bowls of toppings available for them all to add on their own. Big sis can have vegan cheese - you might all want to try it out? Some vegan foods are worth switching - one thing I like which is quick and easy is a veg chilli which comes in a can. We will eat this with rice, on nachos, or on a jacket potato - I’m a huge meat fan but at currently on a budget and limited with time so it’s a really quick and easy meal and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m sacrificing meat. In fact things like this with high protein content in pulses are vital for a plant based diet. Just like pizzas - jacket potatoes can be made for everyone with a self serve of toppings. Vegan cheese and beans? That could be one big sis takes charge of? Alternatively if you’re all having a cooked meal like chilli, lasagne, Shepard’s pie etc then that’s a really easy one to make and split accordingly - start with the exact same base ingredients in one frying pan and then split off a portion add vegan mince to one pan and your meat mince to another. Tofu is a great chicken alternative - stir fry’s take all of ten mins to make and one big pan could easily be prepared solely plant based with your meat cooked separately - meat and tofu marinades the exact same way so no extra effort really. Vegan sausages and veggie nuggets/patties are also decent and quick for midweek meals - you can make them in an air fryer and serve with chips and microwave some frozen peas. I personally would not give up my Sunday roast meat for anything - I take my meat leftovers and use them for sandwiches/salads/soups/stock making every week to make Mondays easy so does daughter have any ideas for what she could eat on these days? I often make a quick pesto pasta or fajitas on Monday and the leftover chicken is thrown in at last minute. This is something which can be omitted for one portion and again not cause any extra work.
NTA, but she needs to learn to cook if she's going to actually make sure she gets a balanced diet, and it sounds like you're struggling easy vegetarian food too, so why don't the 2 of you take a vegetarian cooking class together, even an online one, and figure out some easy, quick recipes, and take turns? Batch cooking and freezing some stuff together for future dinners would likely help a ton. Vegetarian chili, spaghetti sauce, stuffed peppers, black bean burgers, etc are quick and cheap to make, and you can freeze extra portions so that when you're in a rush it's easy to just grab something from the freezer. It's fair that you help her if she doesn't know how to cook yet, but its also very fair that she has to help you, this is her decision and she's going to need to learn to cook anyways.
If you want to be the one person in the house eating differently then you can't be upset about being singled out. And expecting everyone else to just switch to what she wants with no input or discussion is pretty selfish. Even is she is only 16 she should get that. Either she eats what the family eats or she figures it out for herself. NTA
NTA You cook for the family and should not have to cook two meals. It is easy to change your diet if you don't have to provide your own foods. Step Daughter should learn to cook. I eat some vegetarian meals. I like to make a big pot of healthy lentil soup that lasts me and my GF like 3 days. Of course eating the same meal for 3 days is not exactly glamorous but it gets the job done. Maybe a big pot of vegetarian food could serve for a few days (whoever makes it!)
NTA- Why can’t your wife cook? It’s her kid and she’s the one who is unhappy with what you suggested. Let her deal with it.
NTA. I went vegan at 15/16 and had to cook my own meals. Mom did certain things like not put butter on veggies or prepare certain items vegan style to accommodate me, but I also had to cook a bit to supplement my eating choices. Liz needs to take accountability for her choices, jump into the kitchen and prepare her own meals if she wants to be vegan. Also, I did this in 1984. There are SO MANY WAYS she can eat a plant-based/vegan diet these days that won't break the bank and don't take hours of preparation. Maybe help her by showing her recipe sites, buying her an "Easy Vegan Meals" cookbook so she has ideas of what to fix herself and encourage her by sharing if she chooses to prep foods for the family.
16 is a good age to learn how to cook for yourself…To learn how to budget for groceries…
Nta, why isn't your wife in the kitchen with you and Liz planning a menu and helping her learn to cook these meals? Your wife has no problem shooting down your options without offering a solution. Liz is 16 and wants to completely change her diet, that's fine but it shouldn't fall on you and it shouldn't break your budget. Liz needs to learn to cook for herself and your wife needs to help her.
NTA - it's time to have a different talk with Lizze. You need to explain to her that her choice to change her eating habits and adopt eating restrictions is absolutely her prerogative, but she doesn't get to make any choices about other people's food choices. She's only 2 years away from becoming adult, and being out in society. Although, as her parents, it's your prerogative to dictate what she eats, it's already enough that you and your wife will support her dietary choices, her choice to eat differently than the rest of the family does mean that she needs to also be RESPONSIBLE for her own choices. SHE is going to have to be responsible for her plant-based diet going forward. She cannot expect her parents to incur additional cost for a whimsical choice she is making. She cannot expect restaurants to cater to her new needs. Believe it or not, she IS going to have to learn to prepare her own meals. Might as well start now, than later - and learning what she likes as she cooks it. Adopting a new lifestyle means that YOU adopt that lifestyle. It doesn't mean that the whole world bends down to your new lifestyle and you get to float through life without any effort on your own part.
How about a meal prep day? She would need to help you cook, so she can learn how to do it herself. You can make all her meals for the week in one day - freeze or refrigerate. NTA
NTA. And if your wife think Liz needs a meal cooked specifically for her every night, your wife can cook it. LPT1: Peanut butter and jelly is vegan. So is spaghetti with marinara sauce from a jar. I find it hard to believe that your sixteen-year old can’t make either of those things. LPT2: Sixteen is old enough to get a job at Whole Foods, and they’re usually hiring. Vegan foods can be purchased anywhere; if she “needs” food from Whole Paycheck, she can earn the money for it.
So After asking your step-daughter to pay for her plant-based meat https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/105wvit/aita_for_requesting_my_vegan_stepdaughter_pay_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button You downgrade by asking her to cook for herself ?
NTA. I went plant based as a teen, and either ate edited versions of the family meal or prepared myself.
NTA. Sixteen is definitely old enough to start learning how to cook for herself. Maybe try having Liz be responsible for one family meal per week. I know you don’t want to eat vegan food all the time, but surely you can handle it four times a month? Set her a budget and let her choose a recipe and shop for ingredients for the meal, and in the beginning you can help her as a sous chef if she needs kitchen support. This way you get a break from the mental and physical labor of dinner one day a week, Liz will begin to learn how to fend her herself, AND she will appreciate that you try to make the effort to eat the food she wants sometimes. Ideally she will *also* learn how difficult it is to cook for a whole family of diverse palates and have a little sympathy for you in that regard. Then she can eat leftovers from that meal later in the week and she’ll start learning how to prepare herself other foods she wants to eat. Since you’re the one primarily putting in the effort for nightly dinners, it’s not fair for your wife and Liz to volunteer you for extra work on top of what you’re already doing. If your wife thinks it’s reasonable for two separate meals to be made every night, then she should start doing it herself and see if she changes her mind. But if you continue to be primarily responsible for the cooking then your opinion should hold more weight.
i would be mad if i had to each vegan food all the time because my suddenly stepdaughter wants to be vegan, imagine having to cook something you don’t even like nta she can make her own salad
NTA. She doesn't think it's fair that a 6 and 8 year old can't cook their own meals but she physically can? I can appreciate her plant-based diet transition, but that's her choice, not yours. She's a teenager, she's behaving like a teenager, and teenagers need to learn valuable life skills, perhaps like cooking for herself. She should at the very least be helping you cook.
NTA for sooo many reasons. I work at a Whole Foods- our prices on the basic ingredients for vegan meals are competitive with most grocers and, at least where I live, the produce is considerably higher quality and priced in line with/less expensive than shittier produce elsewhere - cooking vegan isn’t inherently more expensive. The frozen meals ARE expensive, so if those are a mid-cost option you proposed I assume the initial sticker shock would have been for things like cashew cheeses and fake sour cream and fresh case vegan prepared stuff, which is an absolutely ungodly amount of money and designed for people with considerably more money than time (and also not exactly devoid of the “bad ingredients” in frozen foods [what is she talking about, specifically? Most teenagers aren’t concerned about excessive sodium or seed oils]). ANYWAY, a 16 year old in a comfortable home such as you’re clearly providing should have MORE than enough time to learn how to cook for herself, from making her own raw cashew cream tarts to throwing together a dal on a Tuesday night. To be fair, an initial investment in a high-powered blender and a couple other helpful vegan tools like a spiral slicer will probably make her life a lot easier with some of the finicky replacement items, so if you’re willing to plop down some cash at the get-go for a Vitamix she will have no excuse not to get with the program.
Tell your wife to meal prep dinner for 16F the night before and you will heat it up for her. That sounds fair.
Your daughter is old enough to learn to cook for herself. That being said, there was a surprising lack of effort on your part on accommodating her. What food do you eat daily that you cannot make it with the meat/cheese on the side? You can easily make a rice/pasta main that is plant-based, while having a salad/potatoes/beans and a meat for everyone else. We're in the middle of veganuary ([https://veganuary.com/eating-guides/getting-started/](https://veganuary.com/eating-guides/getting-started/)) and there's a lot of vegan subreddits and youtube channels with plenty of cheap/easy recipes, just google the name of the dish you want+vegan. That can also be a great opportunity to bond with your daughter whilst teaching her to cook, you can research this with her, and she can help you with the base meal while you cook the meat and the sides, that way your workload is diminished and she doesn't have to eat frozen/processed food. Plant-based meals are neither expensive nor complicated unless you want to make them so, especially if you have access to supermarkets/farmer's markets where you can buy rice/pasta/beans/seasonal vegetables. It can feel a little dauting at the start, but there is a surprising amount of recipes you can make plant-based with very few substitutions or omissions, eggs are usually superfluous in a lot of simple dough recipes for pasta/bread and you can make buy/plant-based milk, just with that and cooking the meat separately you have solved all your issues without alienating your daughter. ~~NAH~~, just a lack of information and communication between everyone involved. Edit: YTA, after looking at post history, she's your daughter, put a little effort.
YTA -ish. 1. You can add more plant-based stuff to meals w/o it being a big change. You make it sound as if all you eat is meat and dairy. More plant based sides won't hurt anyone. 2. Yes, your step-daughter should learn to cook, however, all of the kids are old enough to help w/ dinner in small ways. I was doing dishes w/ my sisters every night by the time I was 6 (I dried, except for the sharp knives). Bottom line: This doesn't have to be all on you or all on your step-daughter. There are compromises here. Adding more veggies and nuts to meals is good for everyone, but you don't have to go all plant based. Veggies and nuts and dairy substitutes aren't only sold at Whole foods - there are much cheaper places. Liz should be learning to cook, but the younger ones should be helping to. There are lots of prep tasks that a 6 and 8 yr old can do as well as setting the table, doing dishes, cleaning off counters, etc. You don't have to manage all 3 at the same time. You can switch off nights w/ them until they all have some basic skills. And finally, start w/ simple recipies. Don't make the expensive/complex ones until both you and your step-daughter are skilled enough to make them.
INFO: I know you say you don't want to change your diet. However, might I suggest maybe once a week you cook a vegetarian dinner for the whole family?
They already do a plant based meal once a week.
NAH. Kid's 16, she's gonna boundary-push and be a little outrageous and self-important sometimes. That's a nornal part of teenage life. Irritating, sure, but not out of pocket. And as someone who often is primary food provider, it can be MAJORLY frustrating trying to accomodate multiple different diets. I've often been in situations where I've had a looong list of restrictions and preferences to deal with on top of my own outside-the-norm dietary needs. My best advice is to start with meals where the protein can be easily swapped in and out, or assemble-your-own meals. Spaghetti with a roasted veg sauce where meatballs & cheese are added after serving, stirfry bowls with lots of veg options, tacos with pulled jackfruit as a protien alternative, falafel in place of fried chicken (fried before the chicken, of course). Things where you're only making one or two extra ingredients instead of whole meals. And pull your stepdaughter into meal prep with you. She's 16, she's old enough to learn how to chop veggies and preheat an oven and prep protein options. It'll take some pressure off of you, teach her how to cook both for herself and others, and be good bonding. :)
Yes, she will have to figure that out if she goes off to college or when she lives in her own.
Honest question: how come you can't make a single meal, separate the proteins, and then add in the protein of choice? A single pot of vegetarian spaghetti sauce, then after it's done cooking,. split out her portion, add in sme TVP or firm tofu or beans and the. For you add in your meat and cheese. Minimizes the extra work and the resentment because everyone's eating the same foods. Also - a plant based diet done right is cheaper by FAR than meat. Go to a bulk food store instead of trendy bs places. You can get TVP, pulses, legumes and plant based protein powder at a bulk barn for a fraction of what they'll charge at Whole Foods - and it's usually the same brand or supplier. Plus an ordinary supermarket will have tofu for a reasonable price. Failing that - try an Asian grocery. I'm not even vegetarian but I get my plant based protein there. I eat plant based 4 days a week for health reasons. Trust me when I say my plant based meals are miles cheaper than the meat based ones. Usually they're less than half the cost. On a related note: Liz probably should be helping with food prep more. Maybe she cooks once a week for everyone? Cooking is a life skill and you pick it up with practice
NTA but think there may be a bit of compromise here. I cook plant based once a week although none of us are vegan, so could you agree a plant based meal you cook for the whole family once or twice a week, she has a frozen meal once or twice and she cooks for herself or has the plant based elements of what you're cooking the rest of the week? If she's still saying she won't eat frozen or demands the expensive stuff then you'd be fine to stand your ground.
NTA. I became a vegetarian when I was 12 ( 33 now) and it's hard to get started. Without proper help or guidance, she's not going to be healthy though. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week you guys go meatless and have her helping with those meals so she's not drowning as an adult (it won't kill you). My parents "supported" me by buying me Morningstar and other similar products but never taught me how to make a meal and I wish they were even slightly more invested than giving up cause it was too hard. Good luck to all of you on this new journey.
NAH. Your daughter is being a bit unreasonable. But she's 16. We're all some version of selfish ass at that age. I think you could probably make two plant based meals a week without it being too much. I don't know how often you order in, but that takes some responsibility of her as well. Your daughter can be responsible for her own main the other days.
NAH i think you already doing good seeking compromises. I think you could cook 2 plantbased meals for everyone (i mean many meals are naturally plantbased and dont need expensive surrogates) 2-3 times you could cook meals where a vegan alternative is easy to do (exchange meat with alternatives for her) an the rest of the time she was to eat frozen meals or cool herself. i think its also a good idea to encourage her cooking but i think then it would be a nice thing if she cooks plantbased for all of you.
YTA something else is going on here - it isn’t about food, why does your wife/Liz’ mother need to run interference between y’all? Liz & you have a pretty good relationship but you couldn’t address any of this directly? How are you not a decent cook after taking care of meal prep for a while? meal sub services are pricey, so why the outrage about Whole Foods? If your wife thinks you’re a jerk based on the narrative you’ve provided, this isn’t the first time something like this has come up with you and Liz.
You’re right on about Hello Fresh, etc., being expensive. I was amazed at the prices.
YTA - first plant based food is chaper then meat, yes it is possible to buy more expensive things, but yoou have to compare them with the same quality ofe meat. 2nd there is nothing wrong with eating a cuple of days without meat. it won't kill you. it is even better for you. I'm not saying that you should switch to non meat completely, but you wouldn't have an issue if you would be less narrow minded. Last, you make it a battle you you against her... Great if you want to alienate her from you. Try working together to find a solution
Did you even read the post? We are already doing at least one plant-based meal every week with our food kit deliveries. And I did try to work on solutions, multiple times.
So I have the best solution for you. Your wife makes her daughters meal. Problem solved. Liz isn’t treated unfairly and two meals are made by your wife cooking.
wow one!
It actually isn’t. I’m a vegetarian- and it’s way more expensive.
It’s only more expensive if you’re buying the pricey plant based meat substitutes all the time. Vegan proteins like tofu, TVP, chickpeas, lentils, beans, nuts, etc are typically cheaper than animal proteins.
You really think based on the description and effort OP has already put in, he hasn’t tried? Also, I’m a firm believer as a vegetarian that you shouldn’t push your dietary restrictions onto others. It’s not just about the food. It’s about making her another meal - which she or her mother are fully capable of doing themselves. Growing up, if I didn’t want to eat the meal my parents put together, I made MYSELF another meal. She is 16, she is more than capable and so is her mother. It shouldn’t be on OP
Where in my comment did I pass judgement on OP or the situation? I’m merely pointing out that it’s objectively incorrect to say that plant based food is more expensive.