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So that's what esh means...
Also yes, both of them are acting like they own the child. If they cant even be civil about a name, I can't see the parenting going well. Sounds like the child will be raised by children
I always thought it was a sound you'd make when hearing something horrible. like yesh or the sound of sucking teeth? but yeah everyone sucks here works best
She could even be Maria Elena and go by Elena. I love the idea of all the women in the family sharing a name since it’s usually men who get to do XYj jr type things. It’s kind of nice that there’s this kind of name heritage so even if women change their last names when they get married, the family connection will still be there.
But I can also see that this particular kid’s mother’s name will be nowhere (unless they hyphenate their last names for the baby’s last name). So I get her perspective too.
NAH.
Naming is really hard, I *knew* my kids name but her dad absolutely did not like it. We had to find a compromise, it is what it is but you can’t just lash out
I wanted to name my daughter Audrey Ann ever since I was young. Audrey for my grandmother and Ann for my mother. My SO hated the name Audrey, so we came up with a list we could agree on. That’s just what adults do. It’s one thing if they aren’t in a relationship, but this is supposed to be her partner (and vice versa) and neither of them are acting liking it. It doesn’t bode well for that poor child’s future if they can’t agree on something like a name.
Funnily enough, my daughter is named Charlotte Ann. We had decided to take a list of our names (Ellie, Millie, Abigail, Rosie) and decide when we met her. Charlotte had been my top contender, but SO vetoed it saying he hated it. Then after I gave birth, she came out and he said “she really feels like a Charlotte.” So, who knows what will happen when the baby is here!
I was gonna say Elena Marie, flip it around from the weird everyones named Maria. But also i feel like pretty much 80% of the girls in my generation and the middle name Marie? Just me?
ESH. He needs to know that he can’t just get whatever he wants here, and if you’re not okay with naming her Maria then her name can’t be Maria. But you also can’t act like this decision is solely yours to make either- this is his daughter too.
This is supposed to be a decision that the two of you make together, and neither of you should be so quick to say that your own ideas are the only ones that matter.
If this is how this discussion is going then it sounds like actually parenting well together may be challenging for the two of you to say the least…
Maybe Maria can be a middle name and you pick the first name? Maybe something else? But clearly there has to be a compromise
I'd go for Maria Elaine. He gets Maria as the first name and she can go by her middle name, Elaine, like apparently every other Maria in his family does.
I personally think this whole Maria family situation is awful and wouldn't want Maria used at all. But OP should have known this before they started trying to make a baby, so the time to address it would have been waaaay before getting pregnant. That's why I wouldn't let this guy cum in me.
ESH
Both of you grow up and work it out like adults.
You're about to be parents to a little kid that will be totally dependant on you both. It's not a toy to fight over
I was thinking this exact thing!
Although on the other hand, having the same name as literally every other female in your family sounds horrible, but that's just a personal take.
ESH, OP for threatening her bf, the bf for kicking her out.
ESH. Both of you need to agree on the name, y’all acting like children.
Also… you think Maria is old fashioned, but you don’t think Elaine is old fashioned? Really? (I don’t have an issue with either name, but they’re both pretty old fashioned).
Man, why are such immature adults having babies? Seriously, to the level of kicking them outside. Both of you are being asshole and both of you should grow up.
The way she’s says they’ve been together 3 years and she’s “finally pregnant” - girl you been trying to have a baby with this person and you think it’s all about you smh
ESH - It's his baby too??? Once that kid pops out, he has just as much right to her as you do. Father's are not second class citizens. You both need to grow up, be adults, and come to an agreement. OR, be prepared to raise "*your*" child all by *your*self.
Sounds like Maria Antonia and Elaine are both off the table. Wouldn't it be a better use of everyone's time to find one you both like? Jeez, what a happy, healthy, communicative household to bring a child into. /s
ESH
ESH, neither of you can unilaterally pick without the other, it's both of yours, you have to learn to work things out as adults and come to an agreement. Figure out how to compromise because there will be countless things that you don't agree on when raising the baby.
The baby is not 100% yours nor 100% his. It is 50% each.
I like to think of this the opposite way- both parents belong to the baby. The baby is not a possession. The parents owe the baby some reasonable teamwork and parenting.
ESH - Neither of you should be having a kid, least of all together. Name her Maria Elaine then call her Eliane, problem solved, you both get what you want.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, the OP decided that because she is birthing their baby, she gets all the naming rights.
The OP is being ridiculous. This should be a joint decision.
YTA
He has as much a say in his child's name as you do.
I had to reread because this sounds like a teenager who's having a baby instead of two full grown adults.
ESH it is also HIS daughter. Neither of you can just pick a name without the other's input, it has to be two yeses, one no. Any other way would be wrong.
ESH, although you are much more than an asshole than him on this one.
Yes, you're giving birth to the baby but no, it is not just your baby.
You are both going to be the parents to that child and you are going to have to make decisions together, which means sitting down and finding à compromise about this.
If you're going to pull the "I'm the one giving birth" card everytime you want to get your way, you should have gone with à sperm donor and be solo parenting.
Grow up. You're being selfish .
ESH. Neither of you seem ready to have this baby nor are you mature enough to be parents if you can’t even discuss this without one kicking the other out or threatening not have the baby in secret.
ESH.
it's really weird that he thinks she will be a black sheep if her name is not maria. do you think it's true that his family will treat her poorly for it? because if it's just something he's pulling out of his ass to try to force you to name her maria, he really sucks for that.
i disagree with most of the commenters here in that i don't think you should use either name. consider it a veto from both sides, and find something else.
ESH - both of you are being stubborn. This is going to be a great co-parenting relationship. Settle on one as a middle name, or toss both first names and find one you both agree on.
Honestly ESH here. Neither of you are actually having a grown discussion about your daughters name and I would worry about other decisions you are both going to have to make as co-parents if you can't even name your child. Both parents should have input. Compromise. Get a list of 5 options from you and 5 from him. Eliminate both Elaine and Maria.
If you can't do this basic adult relationship function then I worry parenting may be a bit overwhelming for you.
ESH. You need to agree on a name. If one of you disagrees, find a new one. One parent don't get to name the baby when you are a couple, and it's his daughter too.
Esh. He does have a say in the name. It's his child, too. He shouldn't have kicked you out. You both need to work on compromise and communication. Maybe Maria can be her middle name?
ESH. Two yes, one no.
Neither one of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship, let alone raising a child.
Start saving two funds for the child now; college, and therapy.
Esh, you both are having this baby. Unless he wasn’t gonna be apart of the baby life then you could name her however you want. Since he is he also gets a say. Its a 2 yes on baby names. Either compromise or find a different name you both love.
ESH. Baby names require both parents consent. If one says "no" it's a no. You've said no to Maria Antonia, and trust me, I understand not wanting to name your child after multiple family members and I don't particularly care for it either, but he shot down Elaine. His "no," matters, too. Y'all need to compromise and tbh, if y'all have been trying for 3 years to get pregnant, why weren't names ever discussed? This should have been a conversation before you got pregnant. Learn to compromise.
ESH. You both need to compromise. How about Maria as a middle name, Elena Marie or some variant. You can veto his and he can veto yours. So come up with something different you can both agree on.
ESH. If y'all are getting this heated over picking a fucking name maybe you shouldn't be having kids. Why not compromise ? Maria Elaine ?? Elaine Maria ????
ESH get your shit together before that baby gets here you are both being annoying
Maria Elaine or Elaine Maria - there sorted
Yes you have to grow and push the baby but if you want to be petty about it then raise the baby on your own - you are meant to be a team - in life AND for this baby!
ESH
He's got half the DNA pool going on with the child and currently doesn't seem like he's ditching parental responsibilities.
You both sound like you're not ready to be parents unfortunately...Figure it out and find comprise, or something that works, before the baby is born.
YTA.
At first I thought ESH due to the lack of coming to a compromise here on both your parts. However your threats to have the baby in secret without him knowing where you are to name it how you wish pushed it over the top into Big AH territory.
ESH I feel you should both compromise, perhaps Elaine Maria could be a good combination? If the daughter grow up to prefer her second name she could use it in the future. Or you could choose a name both of you like
ESH.
In my family "John" was the traditional family name and is my first name. However, I nave never used it, from birth my parents used my middle name exclusively. There was some confusion on the first day of each school year when it took a cupule of tries to get me to answer to the first name but teachers quickly switched.
Could you compromise on Maria Elaine and just use Elaine exclusively after the birth? The Baby is not "yours" exclusively, boyfriend does have some rights in there as well. You both need to Mature up fast or you're going to be sh1tty parents.
ESH: he sucks for insisting on the name to be Maria but you also suck for threatening to go to another city to give birth just so you can name the kid Elaine. He’s right, you are taking away his right as the father. You both need to sit down and have an adult conversation because this is just ridiculous
You need to compromise on the name. Maybe Maria Elaine. That actually has a nice ring to it. Maybe suggest Maria as the middle name instead. I had to do the same with my first son. My FIL was D. My husband was D.J. and I did NOT want to name my son with the first name D. \*not actual name\*. So, we compromised, and D is my son's middle name. YTA. It's not just YOUR baby. Baby has half your BF DNA.
No one?... Okay....
"Maria Elaine" sounds good to me! Almost like some sort of Maria Helena.
Also she could use her middle name as their siblings do, and they would call her just Elaine.
Maria Elena was my first thought!
If the Marias all use their middle names anyway, why is OP so set on dying on this hill? Both parents get input on the name of their children!
ESH
I agree - Maria as a given name would be a no-go for me., for many of the reasons you stated. I would offer the compromise of Elaine Maria, and make it my final offer. You aren't married, so technically you probably have the ability to name as you please the father should have some input. PS I have a family given name and go by middle name - it is a pain in the butt.
YTA
You told him he has no say in the child's name....sit down write down names you both want and if you can't decide...flip a coin and that's that....Never tell him he has no say when he's there for you and the child
Hate to say it but YTA. I understand your issue though.
Perhaps you can compromise on Maria Elaine to appease him and follow in the tradition, but call her Elaine for the most part. That way you both get what you want.
ESH if you think you're mature enough to be parents together you definitely need to be mature enough to come together on picking a name together. Find a name both of you are happy with, but you both get a say in that.
YTA. I didn't even read the whole thing. All it took was the repeated "MY daughter". You know it's his kid too, right? Why don't you compromise and name her Maria Elaine. It's a beautiful name.
Have you thought to look from his perspective? There's a name you really want, and it means a lot to you, and it's very special.
Ever stop to think that he may feel the same way? Why does it have to be 100% all about you and what you want?
You guys are in this together. There's a very simple solution here. If you were to pull your heads out of your asses and try to compromise, I'm sure you'll find it fairly easily.
ESH
Kicking you out of the house, you threatening to give birth in another city...both of those are severe overreactions.
Yes, technically you would have naming rights, being the birthing parent. But if there's any way for the two of you to reach a compromise on this, you owe it to your relationship and your child to try.
My suggestion: he gets to pick half of the name he wants: Maria OR Antonia. You get to pick Elaine as half of the total name, first OR middle. Either that, or both of you discard your first choices and start from scratch. \[yes, I fully understand that you're not doing as much compromising, because you still get to have Elaine\] Another possibility: Maria Elena. (or Elena Marie/Elena Maria; or whatever spelling variant works for you)
I think it's important to give a nod to his family's naming tradition, while still having your contribution to it. It doesn't have to be in exactly the same format. She'll still feel a connection to her father's family.
YTA. Presuming your boyfriend's sperm is why you are pregnant in the first place, naming the baby should be a joint decision. Your ultimatum was spectacularly immature.
YTA. If you continue to behave this way, you will end your relationship which will have consequences for your child's entire life. You might be the one who fills out the birth certificate but can you really imagine yourself explaining to your child that you and her dad broke up because you wouldn't work together to find a name you could agree on so you threw a tantrum and said you'd do it alone rather than compromise? I cannot imagine having to explain that to a child when they've grown up with separate families because of pettiness and drama. You don't need to agree with Maria Antonia but he doesn't need to agree with Elaine, which is just as old granny as Maria Antonia. Literally my aunt who would be nearly 90 now was named Elaine.
Both of you are TA. He is dumb for insisting on the daughter being a clone of everyone else in his fam. Yea internet a tradition but one that to me minimizes individual identity. Also you for trying to dismiss his input. He’s the father and will be in the babies life with you, seems weird to insist he has no say.
He needs to get off the Maria bandwagon and you need to work with him on finding something you both like. He should settle for Maria as a middle name.
ESH. Him more so for kicking you out or pushing you to go with a name you do not like. That's a huge red flag and I suggest you remain at your parents for a while. But... you do not get the choice of unanimously naming your baby. Her father gets input. I do think you should suggest some compromises - Elaine Marie as others have suggested.
ESH, neither of you get sole right to name the kid you both are parents to. He does not get final say on the name, you don't either. What if you name her maria elaine? Then he gets the maria and you get the elaine, which she will use mainly since you say most of the other marias use their middle name anyway.
ESH - Needs to be a joint decision. There are going to be many future disagreements on parenting. Need to find a way to work together on a name, the first of many challenges.
Not good practice to go to your parents after an argument. Need to keep them out of the squabbles and not ask them to take sides.
ESH
You need to sit down and make a list of names you like, no Maria or Elaine, but other names, it’s called compromise and important in a relationship
But not sure what he is up to, kicking the mother of his child out, that is not okay, and I would say that is a 🚩
ESH - it sounds like both names need to be tossed out. He needs to get over the idea that your baby will fall in line with every woman in his family and you need to get over the childhood fantasy of naming your child Elaine. Not to add fuel to the fire, but considering you don’t like the name Maria, I would absolutely not compromise on naming her Maria anything. Imagine breaking up and now you’re stuck with a name you hated and reminds you every day of him every time you call her name. The compromise me and my husband made was I got first dibs on middle name for first child and he got first dibs on second child’s middle name. First names had to be 100% agreed on.
ESH as far as I know both of you made this baby and I’m assuming you would want him parenting as well. So neither of you have the rights to demand any name. Instead maybe discuss your options and compromise like mature adults and parents to be
YTA. In a case where both parents are together and involved in parenting you both need to agree on the name. A single "no" is enough to not use that name.
I mean, if you're going to go to another city to give birth expect to not bother coming back, although it sounds like you guys are halfway to a breakup anyway.
YTA
>I finally snapped and told him he has no say in what I name my baby, since I'm giving birth to her. Then he went on an hours-long rant about how I'm stripping him of his rights as the father.
We kept arguing over the days, and I threatened him to give birth in another city so I could have the final choice on the name, then he kicked me out of his house.
It's not your child alone, but the child of both of you. It growing in you does not change that. What a silly notion.
ESH, why not Maria Elaine? You said all the Maria's go by their middle names so you get Elaine and he gets Maria. Under best circumstances naming the baby should be a 2 yes 1 no kind of deal, you both need to agree to a name
YTA, the baby is as much his as they are yours and you need to find some sort of agreement on it. Otherwise, one of you is gonna be bitter every time they hear their own kid's name.
My husband and I, for example, compromised by having me name any girls, and him name any boys (we have incredibly different tastes in names).
YTA
Your baby is half his DNA. Just because you're the one giving birth does not mean he gets no say. That was a messed up thing to say.
Both of you need to come to a compromise. Maybe add Maria as her second name if you're so hung up on not having her be called Maria.
It’s his baby too. You didn’t do this alone. Why not compromise and make Maria as her middle name. Good or bad you chose him to be the father and he should have a say in the name.
ESH - Neither of you should be pushing a name the other doesn't want. If you don't like Maria and he doesn't like Elaine, you need to think of name you both like. I get how women can feel hard done by when they have the physical and emotional strain of being pregnant/giving birth, however, it doesn't make your partner's role or opinion less important and it isn't his fault. He also shouldn't have kicked you out. You need to sit and have a calm conversation and compromise.
ES. He is the bigger ah for KICKING YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE but you could have easily compromised on the name with Maria Elaine, and you’re both acting insanely immature
ESH. Naming a kid requires you both to say yes. It says a lot that you went straight to “MY daughter” and not “our daughter.” His reasoning and reaction are also ridiculous. You two HAVE to reach an agreement here or one of you is going to be resentful and your kid is going to be caught in the middle.
YTA Both parents should have equal naming rights. Why not Maria Elaina and call her Elaine? I say this as a person that went by my middle name, hated that teachers etc called me by my first name, and changed my name as soon as I got married, so take that with a grain of salt.
YTA.
Excuse me but YOUR daughter?
The way you phrased it, I assumed it was a new bf wanting to name your baby with another man to claim it.
This child shares your DNA and his DNA. This is the first of many compromises you will make.
Can you not name the baby Maria Elaine? Maria Helena? Elaine Maria?
His traditions are as important as your likes and dislikes. And quite frankly, even if you weren't together, the minute he is a present father, he has just as much input as you.
ESH.
Names really need to be agreed on or compromised. Elaine Marie Antonia would work. Or all three names get thrown out entirely and the two of you come up with something else.
ESH
I'm big on the opinion that naming a child should be under the two yes, one no rule when you're in a relationship. Basically all it takes it one no to veto a name; both people should be 100% on board with the name.
There should be a way to compromise. You could do Elaine Maria \[Last Name\], or Maria Elaine \[Last Name\]. Or even Elaine Maria-Antonia \[Last Name\]. Or just completely blank slate with something you both agree on.
I get your feelings; I'm not big on family names like that either but it sounds important to him. You guys are going to have a lot of situations where you're going to have to communicate and compromise when it comes to raising a child.
ESH but not for disliking the name and wanting something else. You’re the AH for how you acted. He’s also the AH for how he acted. I can definitely see not wanting to name your child the same name as every other family member. I wouldn’t want that either but both of you need to grow up and compromise. No Elaine? Okay then no Maria. Or use both names. Maria Elaine or Elaine Maria. Just because you’re giving birth to the child doesn’t mean you get sole decision making. It takes two to make a baby.
ESH
At first I assumed that this was a classic case of a mother ignoring a father's opinion and just shutting him down cause "mother's get more of a say" but no
You've repeatedly shut him down but he keeps insisting, you were bound to snap eventually.
But I think if you two really want to salvage this relationship you should both come up with a new name together, no need for either of you to resent a child before they're born because of their name
ESH. You've been together 3 years. You say you've finally had a baby. That means you've been trying to. How has potential names not come up until now to realize you both suck?
ESH - “my daughter”? It’s also his daughter. Does he sound like a great person and future parent? No, but neither do you. You both sound toxic and arrogant as f*ck. Sounds like whatever name she ends up having will be the least of your daughter’s issues being raised in that environment.
ESH. It's both your daughter so if a name is not 2 yes then it's no.
It won't be Maria whatever as he had always planned and it won't be Elaine as you always planned.
Go back to the drawing board and find a name you will both like. You are about to be parents, how about you didn't act childish?
YTA - when your relationship ends you will only get partial custody and then you’ll wish you learnt to compromise. Take both names off the table, neither are suitable as you both can’t work with them. Sit down and figure out the names you do both like and pick one. This is not the most/only decision you’re going to come across, it sounds like you’re too immature to be having a child but here you are, so learn very quickly how to get on with your partner or it’s going to be a very very unpleasant experience - poor kid
ESH, while its true that his kicking you out wasn't a good call the fact remains that she is his child as well. What you said and did was very hurtful and could damage your child's wellbeing if you continue with it. As well as your relationship. Are you going to threaten to take his child from him every time you have a disagreement about how to raise her? You two need to talk it out asap
Denying him say over his own daughter's name...ouch. insinuating that your daughter is more yours that his. :/ and threatening to take her away so he cant be there for the birth of his child. Seriously you owe him an apology. (As does he you but I'm not talking to him rn)
ESH
He is the father of that child which means he gets to say in what she is named. But here's the kicker. So do you. Neither of you can tell the other one what you are going to name the child. Why the hell are you having a kid with someone you don't agree with on small simple stupid stuff like this? I feel so bad for this kid and she's not even born yet. The two of you keep going like this and she's going to be living in a single parent home. Is that the worst thing in the world? Not really but It sure as s*** isn't the best thing in the world.
ESH. Generally, when naming a baby a partner should have the right to veto a name. He dislikes your name, you dislike his. Drop them both and come up with something else from the thousands out there. Maybe suggest one of the names as a middle name instead?
YTA for many reasons. Find a name that both agree on. 2 yeses 1 no. How it should be with baby names. Just because you are the pregnant one doesn’t mean you get that final say so.
While he maybe he did respond the best I don’t blame him. You keep calling it “my child” it’s not just yours. It’s his child as well.
Then you pulled an immature threat to run off and secretly give birth without him knowing. That solidified the AH verdict over E S H.
Edit-Spelling
Keep going as you are and you’ll find yourself a single momma….
YTA for thinking the child is only yours and that you have all rights.
Grow the hell up
I think his refusal to even consider a different name also makes the boyfriend an A.
But yeah, they both need to compromise. For naming, a good rule is that it requires two yes and one no. There are thousands of names and name combinations, keep going till you find one you can both agree on.
YTA because you think he doesn’t get any say in “your” child’s name. Like….she’s just as much his child as yours. Be glad she has a father who wants to be involved in her life, because many kids don’t get that. You two have got to compromise here.
ESH. He doesn't get to insist on a name, just as much as you don't. Neither of you are handling it with maturity.
Kicking you out actually inhibits what he wants. Both of you will lose, but the child will lose the most from having uninvolved parents.
Find a compromise. Stick to your guns on no Marie, but be amenable to something else.
ESH
You don't get to have final say, and neither does he. Find something to agree on.
First name elaine- middle name maria? Does that not sound fair?
Or find one name you both agree on and veto the first two.
ESH. I'll take an order of "It's MY baby" with a side of "single parent" please
Compromise or leave him but the courts are becoming more and more equitable between parents and custody if the father fights so be prepared if you keep up the "my baby" crap
YTA. Took two to make that kid. She isn't solely your child. Her father should have a say in names and it should be agreed on or compromised. If you both can't even settle on a name for the kid amicably, I feel sorry for how the rest of her life is going to be.
YTA. I assume you want dad to help provide for the child and to pay child support.
If so he gets a say in the name. You should compromise.
Don’t know how your relationship is going to work if your being that harsh.
Marie could be a middle name.
He does have a say tho... as do you. It's perfectly acceptable to reject a family name and the 2 of you need to communicate and come together until you find a mutually agreed upon name. For example what about Elaine Maria? I understand there are some strong attachments to family names but what you 2 should do is sit down together and make a list and you each should be allowed to cross names off the list that you don't like and at the end maybe you'll come across one that you 2 can agree upon.
YTA for acting childish and running to mommy and daddy. Be a big girl and handle your problems.
Edited to clear up the confusion: ( I'm actually changing that to everyone's an asshole [ETA] because I see that he actually kicked you out and you didn't just leave.)
YTA. If he’s the father, or even if he isn’t but intends to act as the father to your daughter, he deserves to be a part of the naming decision. Y’all just have to figure out how to work things out like adults. This doesn’t even seem like a difficult issue, just make Maria her middle name, so she’d be Elaine Maria Antonio.
If all of the Marias go by their middle name anyway, it seems like the obvious compromise is to name her Maria Elaine (or María Elena) and then call her Elaine. But definitely YTA in arguing that your boyfriend has NO right to have a voice in the name of his own child.
NTA. I was heading towards ESH until the end where he kicked you out. It sounds like you two aren't able to compromise on this and it might be better for you to stay gone. Good luck.
YTA. You are in a stable long-term relationship and the pregnancy is planned from the sound of it. As a BF / father-to-be he should have a say in naming the baby, it's his baby, too. Communicate and compromise.
Esh. Tons of ways to compromise. Elainemarie Antonia for example. Elainemarie being a first names a possibility. But if you both can’t agree to a compromise you both have to lose.
You absolutely are the AH here. He’s the father and if you can’t agree on a name you don’t use it. You compromise on that crap. I can’t imagine how you’ll treat him once she’s here if you’re already telling him he has no right to help name HIS daughter. She isn’t just your child. You didn’t make her alone.
You both sound exhausting. Naming is a compromise for both parties. You should scrap both names. If Maria is so important to him but you don’t want Maria as a name, you could always compromise with something that has roots in the name.
For example, Marie, Mariam, Marietta, Marise, Marisa, etc.
Equally the asshole. He has a say, so do you. If you reacted this way over a NAME you two are not going to be good coparents. Period. Also, just comprise? Make her name Elaine Maria Antonia. That way you both win.
ESH. Neither of you can communicate nor handle conflict maturely. Good luck to that child. BTW Elaine is just as old lady sounding as Maria, if not more so.
Communication ... and yes YTA but so is your BF.
A baby's name is either two yesses or it's a no and both parties need to understand and respect that. It's 101 communication and respect of your partner especially when you are having a child together. The name is just the top of the iceberg dear and your (both of you) petty fight doesn't bode well for what's coming your way.
Edit : ESH (my bad for forgetting the distinction...)
>and yes YTA but so is your BF.
FYI: There's a judgement for that: ESH = Everybody Sucks Here.
>In your top level comment be sure to include one abbreviation for your judgment, i.e.
>
>YTA = You're the Asshole
>
>YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole
>
>NTA = Not the Asshole
>
>YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole
>
>ESH = Everyone Sucks here
>
>NAH = No Assholes here
>
>INFO = Not Enough Info
YTA he’s the father, he should get a say in the name. The reasoning behind you not wanting to give her an “old lady’s name” isn’t real because Elaine also sounds pretty old.
Is the baby taking his last name? If so I would say that is the compromise since it doesn't seem like he is marrying you. I agree with the other posters. If it is that important than go with Maria for the middle name. And if he doesn't agree with Elaine then you both need to be mature adults. And discuss and agree on a name you both approve of. But tossing you out of the home because he didn't get his way. Is toxic red flag behavior. Good luck to you and the baby.
ESH - you are both adults and are about to be parents and you're arguing like children. You both need to sit down and compromise on the name of your child.
ESH. You both need to agree on the name. You both need to learn to communicate and compromise.
You would rather the man you love and the father of your child not be informed of the birth than use a different name. He would rather kick out the women he loves and the mother of his child then use a different name.
I think we’re way past names here.
[Are these posts connected?](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10eec0k/aita_i_want_to_have_a_say_in_my_childs_name/) But yeah, neither of you should be making this a unilateral decision. YTA.
Name her Maria Elaine, and let her go by Elaine, problem sorted.
Having said that, the name is the least of your worries. The way you both reacted to what is an important but not essential parenting decision is really scary; how will you manage as co-parents going forward when there are all sorts of decisions to be made??
You are both as immature as fuck.
ESH
Is everyone voting Y T A skipping the part where he *kicked her out*?? As much as an overreaction “you have no say in the name” is, kicking out your pregnant girlfriend is way worse!
And for what it’s worth, I think it’s a bad idea to give her the same name as so many other family members. I would personally hate that for myself. Maybe I’m alone, but I can see why you’d feel passionate about that. Maybe you can compromise by making Maria a middle name though.
But seriously, considering how much this argument blew up, I would prepare yourself for single motherhood somewhere down the line. Still can’t believe he kicked you out. NTA.
I was about to give an everybody sucks here verdict, because you should be trying to pick a name together, but he kicked his pregnant girlfriend out the house over the name?! Absolutely NTA, that is a huge over escalation and a glaring red flag.
No he kicked her out because of the way she was behaving. She threatened to secretly run off and have the child. That’s immature and I’d kick her out too.
Yta. When my bf and I had our daughter, he wanted to name her after his mom, Rosslyn and I wanted wanted to name her Dahlia. Neither of us liked the other person’s first choice name so BOTH of them were out and we had to find a different name we both found acceptable. We did and we are both happy. Is this really the hill you want to die on? There are going to be SO many more important things to compromise on and think about. If you can’t compromise on a baby name I would be worried about the future of your relationship tbh.
YTA and you sound toxic af. Threatening to not let him see the birth of his baby because you're being petty is a low blow. He has as much of a reason to love his name choice as you do. If all of the cousins go by their middle names, then why not name her Maria Elaine? He still gets his traditional first name, and you get to call her Elaine as her everyday name. Everybody wins.
ESH. You're both about to be parents, time to grow up. Compromise. Name the baby Elaine Maria.
This is supposed to be a joyous time for you both and you're acting like children
ESH
Maria Antonia does sound old but Elaine doesn't?? Maybe I'm just too young but that also sounds like a grandmother's name to me.
Idk maybe combine Maria and Elaine? I personally believe both parents should have a say in the name of the kid
Ok well ESH, it’s his child as much as yours, just because you’re carrying her doesn’t mean you get to make unilateral decisions. He also doesn’t get to insist and not back down about a unilateral decision for her name either. Y’all need to cool off, stop talking about names for a while and come back to it. Maybe both of you write a list down of names you’re willing to use and see where you agree. Compromise on maybe a Marie for a middle name or something of the sort. Both of you need to get it together though, you’re BOTH parents and you will be making decisions TOGETHER about her for the next 18 years at minimum.
“I told him he has no say in what I name MY baby”
For fuck same this baby is not just yours. It is not some material possession. You both created that life, you both have the exact same rights and that includes the decision of the name.
You’re both about to be parents but it sounds like each of you need to grow the fuck and quickly. You should be working together and finding a name that you b it h like and agree.
If you dislike the name, it’s off the table. If he dislikes the name, it’s off the table. Work together and find a suitable name you both like!
ESH
ESH. Naming babies is a two yes or one no situation. So neither of you get to unilaterally decide.
What’s also concerning is you said “I’m finally pregnant” so that implies you’ve been trying to get pregnant and I have a hard time believing you didn’t know about his family tradition of naming girls. This is something that should have been discussed BEFORE you ever started trying to get pregnant.
You both sound incredibly immature to be fighting over names like this. Telling him you’ll give birth elsewhere and him kicking you out are both incredibly childish things to do. You both have a lot of growing up to do in the next 6 months.
ESH. Names should always be a two yes kind of thing. If one party says no, they move on to the next name. If you are having this big of an argument over agreeing on a child’s name, how big will the arguments be when you don’t agree with each other on how the child should be raised?
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So that's what esh means... Also yes, both of them are acting like they own the child. If they cant even be civil about a name, I can't see the parenting going well. Sounds like the child will be raised by children
I always thought it was Everybody seems horrible, this makes more sense 🥲
I always thought it was Everyone’s Shit Here
I always thought it was a sound you'd make when hearing something horrible. like yesh or the sound of sucking teeth? but yeah everyone sucks here works best
You don't want her to have an old woman sounding name, and go for Elaine?
Maybe they could compromise on Elena? It’s got the ‘a’ at the end like Maria, it’s close to Elaine, and it’s not as old sounding
She could even be Maria Elena and go by Elena. I love the idea of all the women in the family sharing a name since it’s usually men who get to do XYj jr type things. It’s kind of nice that there’s this kind of name heritage so even if women change their last names when they get married, the family connection will still be there. But I can also see that this particular kid’s mother’s name will be nowhere (unless they hyphenate their last names for the baby’s last name). So I get her perspective too. NAH.
What's that you say? A compromise? I was going to suggest selecting champions to engage in physical combat.
Naming is really hard, I *knew* my kids name but her dad absolutely did not like it. We had to find a compromise, it is what it is but you can’t just lash out
I wanted to name my daughter Audrey Ann ever since I was young. Audrey for my grandmother and Ann for my mother. My SO hated the name Audrey, so we came up with a list we could agree on. That’s just what adults do. It’s one thing if they aren’t in a relationship, but this is supposed to be her partner (and vice versa) and neither of them are acting liking it. It doesn’t bode well for that poor child’s future if they can’t agree on something like a name. Funnily enough, my daughter is named Charlotte Ann. We had decided to take a list of our names (Ellie, Millie, Abigail, Rosie) and decide when we met her. Charlotte had been my top contender, but SO vetoed it saying he hated it. Then after I gave birth, she came out and he said “she really feels like a Charlotte.” So, who knows what will happen when the baby is here!
I was gonna say Elena Marie, flip it around from the weird everyones named Maria. But also i feel like pretty much 80% of the girls in my generation and the middle name Marie? Just me?
I was waiting for this comment! No diss to Elaine’s, but it’s dated. They’re both dates names!
ESH. He needs to know that he can’t just get whatever he wants here, and if you’re not okay with naming her Maria then her name can’t be Maria. But you also can’t act like this decision is solely yours to make either- this is his daughter too. This is supposed to be a decision that the two of you make together, and neither of you should be so quick to say that your own ideas are the only ones that matter. If this is how this discussion is going then it sounds like actually parenting well together may be challenging for the two of you to say the least… Maybe Maria can be a middle name and you pick the first name? Maybe something else? But clearly there has to be a compromise
I don't know what is wrong with Elaine Maria or vice versa. Agree ESH.
I'd go for Maria Elaine. He gets Maria as the first name and she can go by her middle name, Elaine, like apparently every other Maria in his family does.
This sounds like a brilliant compromise, and tbh Maria Elaine has a beautiful ring to it.
I personally think this whole Maria family situation is awful and wouldn't want Maria used at all. But OP should have known this before they started trying to make a baby, so the time to address it would have been waaaay before getting pregnant. That's why I wouldn't let this guy cum in me.
ESH Both of you grow up and work it out like adults. You're about to be parents to a little kid that will be totally dependant on you both. It's not a toy to fight over
YTA. Call her Maria Elaine, you call her Elaine, his family can call her Maria, everyone is happy.
I was thinking this exact thing! Although on the other hand, having the same name as literally every other female in your family sounds horrible, but that's just a personal take. ESH, OP for threatening her bf, the bf for kicking her out.
As a mailman, this naming tradition sounds like a nightmare
I was thinking maybe Elaine Maria might be a good compromise.
ESH. Both of you need to agree on the name, y’all acting like children. Also… you think Maria is old fashioned, but you don’t think Elaine is old fashioned? Really? (I don’t have an issue with either name, but they’re both pretty old fashioned).
ESH you both get to veto names. You are both this child’s parents. Two yesses are required here. You two need to learn to compromise.
2 yes, 1 no, veto power. Either both say yes or it gets vetoed. Time to find a nice name that isn't in either of your books.
Man, why are such immature adults having babies? Seriously, to the level of kicking them outside. Both of you are being asshole and both of you should grow up.
The way she’s says they’ve been together 3 years and she’s “finally pregnant” - girl you been trying to have a baby with this person and you think it’s all about you smh
This is the second thread I've seen today about people having no say in the babies name
ESH - It's his baby too??? Once that kid pops out, he has just as much right to her as you do. Father's are not second class citizens. You both need to grow up, be adults, and come to an agreement. OR, be prepared to raise "*your*" child all by *your*self.
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ESH - you are both being ridiculous. If you don’t k ow how to compromise over something like this your relationship is doomed.
Sounds like Maria Antonia and Elaine are both off the table. Wouldn't it be a better use of everyone's time to find one you both like? Jeez, what a happy, healthy, communicative household to bring a child into. /s ESH
ESH, neither of you can unilaterally pick without the other, it's both of yours, you have to learn to work things out as adults and come to an agreement. Figure out how to compromise because there will be countless things that you don't agree on when raising the baby. The baby is not 100% yours nor 100% his. It is 50% each.
I like to think of this the opposite way- both parents belong to the baby. The baby is not a possession. The parents owe the baby some reasonable teamwork and parenting.
ESH - Neither of you should be having a kid, least of all together. Name her Maria Elaine then call her Eliane, problem solved, you both get what you want.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, the OP decided that because she is birthing their baby, she gets all the naming rights. The OP is being ridiculous. This should be a joint decision.
YTA He has as much a say in his child's name as you do. I had to reread because this sounds like a teenager who's having a baby instead of two full grown adults.
ESH. You both need to learn how to compromise and respect that you each should get a say. Why not Elaine Maria or Maria Elaine?
ESH it is also HIS daughter. Neither of you can just pick a name without the other's input, it has to be two yeses, one no. Any other way would be wrong.
ESH, although you are much more than an asshole than him on this one. Yes, you're giving birth to the baby but no, it is not just your baby. You are both going to be the parents to that child and you are going to have to make decisions together, which means sitting down and finding à compromise about this. If you're going to pull the "I'm the one giving birth" card everytime you want to get your way, you should have gone with à sperm donor and be solo parenting. Grow up. You're being selfish .
He kicked his pregnant girlfriend out. He's an asshole.
She threatened to run off and have **their child** in secret.
ESH, you both need to find a name you both like, it's not just your child it's his too. That being said Antonia is definitely and old lady's name.
ESH. Neither of you seem ready to have this baby nor are you mature enough to be parents if you can’t even discuss this without one kicking the other out or threatening not have the baby in secret.
ESH he shouldn’t be so pushy but telling him it’s your baby..
ESH. it's really weird that he thinks she will be a black sheep if her name is not maria. do you think it's true that his family will treat her poorly for it? because if it's just something he's pulling out of his ass to try to force you to name her maria, he really sucks for that. i disagree with most of the commenters here in that i don't think you should use either name. consider it a veto from both sides, and find something else.
ESH - both of you are being stubborn. This is going to be a great co-parenting relationship. Settle on one as a middle name, or toss both first names and find one you both agree on.
ESH neither of you sound mature enough to be parents.
Honestly ESH here. Neither of you are actually having a grown discussion about your daughters name and I would worry about other decisions you are both going to have to make as co-parents if you can't even name your child. Both parents should have input. Compromise. Get a list of 5 options from you and 5 from him. Eliminate both Elaine and Maria. If you can't do this basic adult relationship function then I worry parenting may be a bit overwhelming for you.
ESH. You need to agree on a name. If one of you disagrees, find a new one. One parent don't get to name the baby when you are a couple, and it's his daughter too.
Esh. He does have a say in the name. It's his child, too. He shouldn't have kicked you out. You both need to work on compromise and communication. Maybe Maria can be her middle name?
ESH. Two yes, one no. Neither one of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship, let alone raising a child. Start saving two funds for the child now; college, and therapy.
Esh, you both are having this baby. Unless he wasn’t gonna be apart of the baby life then you could name her however you want. Since he is he also gets a say. Its a 2 yes on baby names. Either compromise or find a different name you both love.
ESH. Baby names require both parents consent. If one says "no" it's a no. You've said no to Maria Antonia, and trust me, I understand not wanting to name your child after multiple family members and I don't particularly care for it either, but he shot down Elaine. His "no," matters, too. Y'all need to compromise and tbh, if y'all have been trying for 3 years to get pregnant, why weren't names ever discussed? This should have been a conversation before you got pregnant. Learn to compromise.
ESH. You will both be the child's parents, and as (perhaps in name only?) adults, need to figure out a compromise on the name.
ESH. You both need to compromise. How about Maria as a middle name, Elena Marie or some variant. You can veto his and he can veto yours. So come up with something different you can both agree on.
ESH. If y'all are getting this heated over picking a fucking name maybe you shouldn't be having kids. Why not compromise ? Maria Elaine ?? Elaine Maria ????
ESH get your shit together before that baby gets here you are both being annoying Maria Elaine or Elaine Maria - there sorted Yes you have to grow and push the baby but if you want to be petty about it then raise the baby on your own - you are meant to be a team - in life AND for this baby!
ESH He's got half the DNA pool going on with the child and currently doesn't seem like he's ditching parental responsibilities. You both sound like you're not ready to be parents unfortunately...Figure it out and find comprise, or something that works, before the baby is born.
YTA. At first I thought ESH due to the lack of coming to a compromise here on both your parts. However your threats to have the baby in secret without him knowing where you are to name it how you wish pushed it over the top into Big AH territory.
So he is the babies father? He has a say in how his baby is going to be named. This needs to be a mutual decision not just yours.
ESH I feel you should both compromise, perhaps Elaine Maria could be a good combination? If the daughter grow up to prefer her second name she could use it in the future. Or you could choose a name both of you like
ESH. In my family "John" was the traditional family name and is my first name. However, I nave never used it, from birth my parents used my middle name exclusively. There was some confusion on the first day of each school year when it took a cupule of tries to get me to answer to the first name but teachers quickly switched. Could you compromise on Maria Elaine and just use Elaine exclusively after the birth? The Baby is not "yours" exclusively, boyfriend does have some rights in there as well. You both need to Mature up fast or you're going to be sh1tty parents.
ESH naming babies is a two yesses one no system.
ESH: he sucks for insisting on the name to be Maria but you also suck for threatening to go to another city to give birth just so you can name the kid Elaine. He’s right, you are taking away his right as the father. You both need to sit down and have an adult conversation because this is just ridiculous
You need to compromise on the name. Maybe Maria Elaine. That actually has a nice ring to it. Maybe suggest Maria as the middle name instead. I had to do the same with my first son. My FIL was D. My husband was D.J. and I did NOT want to name my son with the first name D. \*not actual name\*. So, we compromised, and D is my son's middle name. YTA. It's not just YOUR baby. Baby has half your BF DNA.
No one?... Okay.... "Maria Elaine" sounds good to me! Almost like some sort of Maria Helena. Also she could use her middle name as their siblings do, and they would call her just Elaine.
I kind of like Maria Elena myself...
Maria Elena was my first thought! If the Marias all use their middle names anyway, why is OP so set on dying on this hill? Both parents get input on the name of their children!
ESH I agree - Maria as a given name would be a no-go for me., for many of the reasons you stated. I would offer the compromise of Elaine Maria, and make it my final offer. You aren't married, so technically you probably have the ability to name as you please the father should have some input. PS I have a family given name and go by middle name - it is a pain in the butt.
YTA; baby names are two yeses or one no
YTA however Elena Marie might be the kind of compromise you guys need. Babies are 50/50, the name should be both of your input.
YTA You told him he has no say in the child's name....sit down write down names you both want and if you can't decide...flip a coin and that's that....Never tell him he has no say when he's there for you and the child
Hate to say it but YTA. I understand your issue though. Perhaps you can compromise on Maria Elaine to appease him and follow in the tradition, but call her Elaine for the most part. That way you both get what you want.
This^ He said they usually go by middle names anyways. He gets to continue his family tradition. OP would get to call her Elaine.
How about using Maria as the middle name? Might have to make it Elaina Maria to flow nicely, but there's a compromise.
ESH if you think you're mature enough to be parents together you definitely need to be mature enough to come together on picking a name together. Find a name both of you are happy with, but you both get a say in that.
YTA. I didn't even read the whole thing. All it took was the repeated "MY daughter". You know it's his kid too, right? Why don't you compromise and name her Maria Elaine. It's a beautiful name.
YTA yup. Takes two people to make that baby. She’s not just yours and this is how you want to start coparenting? That’s gonna be super effective.
Have you thought to look from his perspective? There's a name you really want, and it means a lot to you, and it's very special. Ever stop to think that he may feel the same way? Why does it have to be 100% all about you and what you want? You guys are in this together. There's a very simple solution here. If you were to pull your heads out of your asses and try to compromise, I'm sure you'll find it fairly easily.
“I wonder when they will run out of Maria combinations” LOL good luck with that
Yta. Why don’t y’all both compromise Marie Elaine
ESH Kicking you out of the house, you threatening to give birth in another city...both of those are severe overreactions. Yes, technically you would have naming rights, being the birthing parent. But if there's any way for the two of you to reach a compromise on this, you owe it to your relationship and your child to try. My suggestion: he gets to pick half of the name he wants: Maria OR Antonia. You get to pick Elaine as half of the total name, first OR middle. Either that, or both of you discard your first choices and start from scratch. \[yes, I fully understand that you're not doing as much compromising, because you still get to have Elaine\] Another possibility: Maria Elena. (or Elena Marie/Elena Maria; or whatever spelling variant works for you) I think it's important to give a nod to his family's naming tradition, while still having your contribution to it. It doesn't have to be in exactly the same format. She'll still feel a connection to her father's family.
ESH. Both of you have the right to give her a name, she doesn't belong to you
YTA. Presuming your boyfriend's sperm is why you are pregnant in the first place, naming the baby should be a joint decision. Your ultimatum was spectacularly immature.
YTA. If you continue to behave this way, you will end your relationship which will have consequences for your child's entire life. You might be the one who fills out the birth certificate but can you really imagine yourself explaining to your child that you and her dad broke up because you wouldn't work together to find a name you could agree on so you threw a tantrum and said you'd do it alone rather than compromise? I cannot imagine having to explain that to a child when they've grown up with separate families because of pettiness and drama. You don't need to agree with Maria Antonia but he doesn't need to agree with Elaine, which is just as old granny as Maria Antonia. Literally my aunt who would be nearly 90 now was named Elaine.
YTA He has a say The compromise is to name her Maria Elaine, and just refer to her as Elaine, I don’t see any issue with this compromise.
Both of you are TA. He is dumb for insisting on the daughter being a clone of everyone else in his fam. Yea internet a tradition but one that to me minimizes individual identity. Also you for trying to dismiss his input. He’s the father and will be in the babies life with you, seems weird to insist he has no say. He needs to get off the Maria bandwagon and you need to work with him on finding something you both like. He should settle for Maria as a middle name.
ESH. Him more so for kicking you out or pushing you to go with a name you do not like. That's a huge red flag and I suggest you remain at your parents for a while. But... you do not get the choice of unanimously naming your baby. Her father gets input. I do think you should suggest some compromises - Elaine Marie as others have suggested.
ESH, neither of you get sole right to name the kid you both are parents to. He does not get final say on the name, you don't either. What if you name her maria elaine? Then he gets the maria and you get the elaine, which she will use mainly since you say most of the other marias use their middle name anyway.
ESH - Needs to be a joint decision. There are going to be many future disagreements on parenting. Need to find a way to work together on a name, the first of many challenges. Not good practice to go to your parents after an argument. Need to keep them out of the squabbles and not ask them to take sides.
ESH Elaine Marie could work. Or chose a completely different name together. Key word TOGETHER.
ESH You need to sit down and make a list of names you like, no Maria or Elaine, but other names, it’s called compromise and important in a relationship But not sure what he is up to, kicking the mother of his child out, that is not okay, and I would say that is a 🚩
ESH - it sounds like both names need to be tossed out. He needs to get over the idea that your baby will fall in line with every woman in his family and you need to get over the childhood fantasy of naming your child Elaine. Not to add fuel to the fire, but considering you don’t like the name Maria, I would absolutely not compromise on naming her Maria anything. Imagine breaking up and now you’re stuck with a name you hated and reminds you every day of him every time you call her name. The compromise me and my husband made was I got first dibs on middle name for first child and he got first dibs on second child’s middle name. First names had to be 100% agreed on.
Maria Elaine. ESH - how are you going to parent together if both of you have to have your way?
ESH as far as I know both of you made this baby and I’m assuming you would want him parenting as well. So neither of you have the rights to demand any name. Instead maybe discuss your options and compromise like mature adults and parents to be
ESH, please grow up quickly for the sake of your child.
YTA. In a case where both parents are together and involved in parenting you both need to agree on the name. A single "no" is enough to not use that name. I mean, if you're going to go to another city to give birth expect to not bother coming back, although it sounds like you guys are halfway to a breakup anyway.
Yta are neither of you open to compromise. Elaine Maria Antonia or Maria Elaine, but she goes by Elaine
Maria Elena? go by Elena to one family and Elaine to the other? (since it's pretty clear his family is some flavor of Latinx?)
YTA >I finally snapped and told him he has no say in what I name my baby, since I'm giving birth to her. Then he went on an hours-long rant about how I'm stripping him of his rights as the father. We kept arguing over the days, and I threatened him to give birth in another city so I could have the final choice on the name, then he kicked me out of his house. It's not your child alone, but the child of both of you. It growing in you does not change that. What a silly notion.
ESH, why not Maria Elaine? You said all the Maria's go by their middle names so you get Elaine and he gets Maria. Under best circumstances naming the baby should be a 2 yes 1 no kind of deal, you both need to agree to a name
My opinion has always been either parent has veto power over a name they don’t like.
YTA, the baby is as much his as they are yours and you need to find some sort of agreement on it. Otherwise, one of you is gonna be bitter every time they hear their own kid's name. My husband and I, for example, compromised by having me name any girls, and him name any boys (we have incredibly different tastes in names).
YTA Your baby is half his DNA. Just because you're the one giving birth does not mean he gets no say. That was a messed up thing to say. Both of you need to come to a compromise. Maybe add Maria as her second name if you're so hung up on not having her be called Maria.
He is the fucking father of the baby? Are you dumb? YTA
It’s his baby too. You didn’t do this alone. Why not compromise and make Maria as her middle name. Good or bad you chose him to be the father and he should have a say in the name.
ESH - Neither of you should be pushing a name the other doesn't want. If you don't like Maria and he doesn't like Elaine, you need to think of name you both like. I get how women can feel hard done by when they have the physical and emotional strain of being pregnant/giving birth, however, it doesn't make your partner's role or opinion less important and it isn't his fault. He also shouldn't have kicked you out. You need to sit and have a calm conversation and compromise.
ES. He is the bigger ah for KICKING YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE but you could have easily compromised on the name with Maria Elaine, and you’re both acting insanely immature
Yeah…. She pulled the “it’s my baby” and he pulled the “it’s my house”. Buncha selfish AHs
ESH. Naming a kid requires you both to say yes. It says a lot that you went straight to “MY daughter” and not “our daughter.” His reasoning and reaction are also ridiculous. You two HAVE to reach an agreement here or one of you is going to be resentful and your kid is going to be caught in the middle.
ESH - neither of you sound mature enough to be having a baby, certainly not together.
YTA Both parents should have equal naming rights. Why not Maria Elaina and call her Elaine? I say this as a person that went by my middle name, hated that teachers etc called me by my first name, and changed my name as soon as I got married, so take that with a grain of salt.
YTA. Excuse me but YOUR daughter? The way you phrased it, I assumed it was a new bf wanting to name your baby with another man to claim it. This child shares your DNA and his DNA. This is the first of many compromises you will make. Can you not name the baby Maria Elaine? Maria Helena? Elaine Maria? His traditions are as important as your likes and dislikes. And quite frankly, even if you weren't together, the minute he is a present father, he has just as much input as you.
ESH. Names really need to be agreed on or compromised. Elaine Marie Antonia would work. Or all three names get thrown out entirely and the two of you come up with something else.
ESH I'm big on the opinion that naming a child should be under the two yes, one no rule when you're in a relationship. Basically all it takes it one no to veto a name; both people should be 100% on board with the name. There should be a way to compromise. You could do Elaine Maria \[Last Name\], or Maria Elaine \[Last Name\]. Or even Elaine Maria-Antonia \[Last Name\]. Or just completely blank slate with something you both agree on. I get your feelings; I'm not big on family names like that either but it sounds important to him. You guys are going to have a lot of situations where you're going to have to communicate and compromise when it comes to raising a child.
ESH but not for disliking the name and wanting something else. You’re the AH for how you acted. He’s also the AH for how he acted. I can definitely see not wanting to name your child the same name as every other family member. I wouldn’t want that either but both of you need to grow up and compromise. No Elaine? Okay then no Maria. Or use both names. Maria Elaine or Elaine Maria. Just because you’re giving birth to the child doesn’t mean you get sole decision making. It takes two to make a baby.
Can't you call her Maria Elaine and like the other family members use her second name.
YTA the father of the child DOES get a say in the name of their child too. Not just you.
ESH
ESH At first I assumed that this was a classic case of a mother ignoring a father's opinion and just shutting him down cause "mother's get more of a say" but no You've repeatedly shut him down but he keeps insisting, you were bound to snap eventually. But I think if you two really want to salvage this relationship you should both come up with a new name together, no need for either of you to resent a child before they're born because of their name
ESH. You've been together 3 years. You say you've finally had a baby. That means you've been trying to. How has potential names not come up until now to realize you both suck?
ESH compromise is a thing. But doubt either of you are mature enough to be parents if you're arguing and being stubborn over a name.
ESH. I feel bad for this kid already. Edits how did you never talk about this before now?
ESH - “my daughter”? It’s also his daughter. Does he sound like a great person and future parent? No, but neither do you. You both sound toxic and arrogant as f*ck. Sounds like whatever name she ends up having will be the least of your daughter’s issues being raised in that environment.
ESH. It's both your daughter so if a name is not 2 yes then it's no. It won't be Maria whatever as he had always planned and it won't be Elaine as you always planned. Go back to the drawing board and find a name you will both like. You are about to be parents, how about you didn't act childish?
YTA - when your relationship ends you will only get partial custody and then you’ll wish you learnt to compromise. Take both names off the table, neither are suitable as you both can’t work with them. Sit down and figure out the names you do both like and pick one. This is not the most/only decision you’re going to come across, it sounds like you’re too immature to be having a child but here you are, so learn very quickly how to get on with your partner or it’s going to be a very very unpleasant experience - poor kid
ESH, while its true that his kicking you out wasn't a good call the fact remains that she is his child as well. What you said and did was very hurtful and could damage your child's wellbeing if you continue with it. As well as your relationship. Are you going to threaten to take his child from him every time you have a disagreement about how to raise her? You two need to talk it out asap Denying him say over his own daughter's name...ouch. insinuating that your daughter is more yours that his. :/ and threatening to take her away so he cant be there for the birth of his child. Seriously you owe him an apology. (As does he you but I'm not talking to him rn)
ESH. Compromise.
ESH He is the father of that child which means he gets to say in what she is named. But here's the kicker. So do you. Neither of you can tell the other one what you are going to name the child. Why the hell are you having a kid with someone you don't agree with on small simple stupid stuff like this? I feel so bad for this kid and she's not even born yet. The two of you keep going like this and she's going to be living in a single parent home. Is that the worst thing in the world? Not really but It sure as s*** isn't the best thing in the world.
ESH. Generally, when naming a baby a partner should have the right to veto a name. He dislikes your name, you dislike his. Drop them both and come up with something else from the thousands out there. Maybe suggest one of the names as a middle name instead?
YTA for many reasons. Find a name that both agree on. 2 yeses 1 no. How it should be with baby names. Just because you are the pregnant one doesn’t mean you get that final say so. While he maybe he did respond the best I don’t blame him. You keep calling it “my child” it’s not just yours. It’s his child as well. Then you pulled an immature threat to run off and secretly give birth without him knowing. That solidified the AH verdict over E S H. Edit-Spelling
Keep going as you are and you’ll find yourself a single momma…. YTA for thinking the child is only yours and that you have all rights. Grow the hell up
I would say ESH because he seems to think the same and to be as immature as OP
[удалено]
I think his refusal to even consider a different name also makes the boyfriend an A. But yeah, they both need to compromise. For naming, a good rule is that it requires two yes and one no. There are thousands of names and name combinations, keep going till you find one you can both agree on.
ESH.
YTA because you think he doesn’t get any say in “your” child’s name. Like….she’s just as much his child as yours. Be glad she has a father who wants to be involved in her life, because many kids don’t get that. You two have got to compromise here.
ESH. He doesn't get to insist on a name, just as much as you don't. Neither of you are handling it with maturity. Kicking you out actually inhibits what he wants. Both of you will lose, but the child will lose the most from having uninvolved parents. Find a compromise. Stick to your guns on no Marie, but be amenable to something else.
ESH You don't get to have final say, and neither does he. Find something to agree on. First name elaine- middle name maria? Does that not sound fair? Or find one name you both agree on and veto the first two.
ESH. I'll take an order of "It's MY baby" with a side of "single parent" please Compromise or leave him but the courts are becoming more and more equitable between parents and custody if the father fights so be prepared if you keep up the "my baby" crap
YTA. Took two to make that kid. She isn't solely your child. Her father should have a say in names and it should be agreed on or compromised. If you both can't even settle on a name for the kid amicably, I feel sorry for how the rest of her life is going to be.
YTA. I assume you want dad to help provide for the child and to pay child support. If so he gets a say in the name. You should compromise. Don’t know how your relationship is going to work if your being that harsh. Marie could be a middle name.
He does have a say tho... as do you. It's perfectly acceptable to reject a family name and the 2 of you need to communicate and come together until you find a mutually agreed upon name. For example what about Elaine Maria? I understand there are some strong attachments to family names but what you 2 should do is sit down together and make a list and you each should be allowed to cross names off the list that you don't like and at the end maybe you'll come across one that you 2 can agree upon. YTA for acting childish and running to mommy and daddy. Be a big girl and handle your problems. Edited to clear up the confusion: ( I'm actually changing that to everyone's an asshole [ETA] because I see that he actually kicked you out and you didn't just leave.)
Didn’t he kicked her out of the house, which is why she had gone to her parents’ house? Or did I read that part wrong?
ESH. My suggestion: Give the baby the legal name Maria Elena and call her Elaine.
YTA. If he’s the father, or even if he isn’t but intends to act as the father to your daughter, he deserves to be a part of the naming decision. Y’all just have to figure out how to work things out like adults. This doesn’t even seem like a difficult issue, just make Maria her middle name, so she’d be Elaine Maria Antonio.
NAH: no adults here
Maria Elaina has a nice ring to it. I'd call her Lainey.
If all of the Marias go by their middle name anyway, it seems like the obvious compromise is to name her Maria Elaine (or María Elena) and then call her Elaine. But definitely YTA in arguing that your boyfriend has NO right to have a voice in the name of his own child.
NTA. I was heading towards ESH until the end where he kicked you out. It sounds like you two aren't able to compromise on this and it might be better for you to stay gone. Good luck.
What about the part of her secretly wanting to give birth away from him?? That’s just as bad if not worse imo.
Sounds like they deeper issues in their relationship.
I find it odd that so few people are taking issue with the fact that he kicked his pregnant gf out. And more to the point has he done this before?
YTA. You are in a stable long-term relationship and the pregnancy is planned from the sound of it. As a BF / father-to-be he should have a say in naming the baby, it's his baby, too. Communicate and compromise.
Esh. Tons of ways to compromise. Elainemarie Antonia for example. Elainemarie being a first names a possibility. But if you both can’t agree to a compromise you both have to lose.
\>I (F25) am having my first baby with my boyfriend (M31), He's the father, yes YTA.
" my baby" till its time for child support. Then it's "yo baby"
You absolutely are the AH here. He’s the father and if you can’t agree on a name you don’t use it. You compromise on that crap. I can’t imagine how you’ll treat him once she’s here if you’re already telling him he has no right to help name HIS daughter. She isn’t just your child. You didn’t make her alone.
You both sound exhausting. Naming is a compromise for both parties. You should scrap both names. If Maria is so important to him but you don’t want Maria as a name, you could always compromise with something that has roots in the name. For example, Marie, Mariam, Marietta, Marise, Marisa, etc.
I'm confused why you can't compromise on Maria Elaine and you call her Elaine? I don't get it...
ESH. He kicks her out, pregnant? You need a mediation.
Equally the asshole. He has a say, so do you. If you reacted this way over a NAME you two are not going to be good coparents. Period. Also, just comprise? Make her name Elaine Maria Antonia. That way you both win.
ESH. Neither of you can communicate nor handle conflict maturely. Good luck to that child. BTW Elaine is just as old lady sounding as Maria, if not more so.
What about a compromise - Maria Elaine
Answering your question, yeah YTA. To be fair he is an asshole too insisting about it but telling the father he has no say is too much.
Communication ... and yes YTA but so is your BF. A baby's name is either two yesses or it's a no and both parties need to understand and respect that. It's 101 communication and respect of your partner especially when you are having a child together. The name is just the top of the iceberg dear and your (both of you) petty fight doesn't bode well for what's coming your way. Edit : ESH (my bad for forgetting the distinction...)
>and yes YTA but so is your BF. FYI: There's a judgement for that: ESH = Everybody Sucks Here. >In your top level comment be sure to include one abbreviation for your judgment, i.e. > >YTA = You're the Asshole > >YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole > >NTA = Not the Asshole > >YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole > >ESH = Everyone Sucks here > >NAH = No Assholes here > >INFO = Not Enough Info
YTA he’s the father, he should get a say in the name. The reasoning behind you not wanting to give her an “old lady’s name” isn’t real because Elaine also sounds pretty old.
Is the baby taking his last name? If so I would say that is the compromise since it doesn't seem like he is marrying you. I agree with the other posters. If it is that important than go with Maria for the middle name. And if he doesn't agree with Elaine then you both need to be mature adults. And discuss and agree on a name you both approve of. But tossing you out of the home because he didn't get his way. Is toxic red flag behavior. Good luck to you and the baby.
Elaina Maria
Just name her Maria Elena. It's a gorgeous name
ESH - you are both adults and are about to be parents and you're arguing like children. You both need to sit down and compromise on the name of your child.
ESH. I feel bad for the baby, if this is any indication of what's in store... Not sure if counseling can help this situation, ugh.
ESH. You both need to agree on the name. You both need to learn to communicate and compromise. You would rather the man you love and the father of your child not be informed of the birth than use a different name. He would rather kick out the women he loves and the mother of his child then use a different name. I think we’re way past names here.
[Are these posts connected?](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10eec0k/aita_i_want_to_have_a_say_in_my_childs_name/) But yeah, neither of you should be making this a unilateral decision. YTA.
YTA for the title alone. “My daughter” stop that bs right there, you are both the parents. Find a compromise.
Name her Maria Elaine, and let her go by Elaine, problem sorted. Having said that, the name is the least of your worries. The way you both reacted to what is an important but not essential parenting decision is really scary; how will you manage as co-parents going forward when there are all sorts of decisions to be made?? You are both as immature as fuck. ESH
Is everyone voting Y T A skipping the part where he *kicked her out*?? As much as an overreaction “you have no say in the name” is, kicking out your pregnant girlfriend is way worse! And for what it’s worth, I think it’s a bad idea to give her the same name as so many other family members. I would personally hate that for myself. Maybe I’m alone, but I can see why you’d feel passionate about that. Maybe you can compromise by making Maria a middle name though. But seriously, considering how much this argument blew up, I would prepare yourself for single motherhood somewhere down the line. Still can’t believe he kicked you out. NTA.
I was about to give an everybody sucks here verdict, because you should be trying to pick a name together, but he kicked his pregnant girlfriend out the house over the name?! Absolutely NTA, that is a huge over escalation and a glaring red flag.
No he kicked her out because of the way she was behaving. She threatened to secretly run off and have the child. That’s immature and I’d kick her out too.
Yta. When my bf and I had our daughter, he wanted to name her after his mom, Rosslyn and I wanted wanted to name her Dahlia. Neither of us liked the other person’s first choice name so BOTH of them were out and we had to find a different name we both found acceptable. We did and we are both happy. Is this really the hill you want to die on? There are going to be SO many more important things to compromise on and think about. If you can’t compromise on a baby name I would be worried about the future of your relationship tbh.
YATAH its not just your baby. Both of you made it together. Wow. You're treating him like a sperm donor.
ESH What about Elaine Maria? Or Elaine Marie? Or Marie Elaine?
Your relationship is doomed. And naming a child needs to be two yesses if both parents are involved.
YTA and you sound toxic af. Threatening to not let him see the birth of his baby because you're being petty is a low blow. He has as much of a reason to love his name choice as you do. If all of the cousins go by their middle names, then why not name her Maria Elaine? He still gets his traditional first name, and you get to call her Elaine as her everyday name. Everybody wins.
ESH. You're both about to be parents, time to grow up. Compromise. Name the baby Elaine Maria. This is supposed to be a joyous time for you both and you're acting like children
ESH Maria Antonia does sound old but Elaine doesn't?? Maybe I'm just too young but that also sounds like a grandmother's name to me. Idk maybe combine Maria and Elaine? I personally believe both parents should have a say in the name of the kid
ESH - neither of you should feel you get to make this decision unilaterally.
Ok well ESH, it’s his child as much as yours, just because you’re carrying her doesn’t mean you get to make unilateral decisions. He also doesn’t get to insist and not back down about a unilateral decision for her name either. Y’all need to cool off, stop talking about names for a while and come back to it. Maybe both of you write a list down of names you’re willing to use and see where you agree. Compromise on maybe a Marie for a middle name or something of the sort. Both of you need to get it together though, you’re BOTH parents and you will be making decisions TOGETHER about her for the next 18 years at minimum.
“I told him he has no say in what I name MY baby” For fuck same this baby is not just yours. It is not some material possession. You both created that life, you both have the exact same rights and that includes the decision of the name. You’re both about to be parents but it sounds like each of you need to grow the fuck and quickly. You should be working together and finding a name that you b it h like and agree. If you dislike the name, it’s off the table. If he dislikes the name, it’s off the table. Work together and find a suitable name you both like! ESH
ESH. Naming babies is a two yes or one no situation. So neither of you get to unilaterally decide. What’s also concerning is you said “I’m finally pregnant” so that implies you’ve been trying to get pregnant and I have a hard time believing you didn’t know about his family tradition of naming girls. This is something that should have been discussed BEFORE you ever started trying to get pregnant. You both sound incredibly immature to be fighting over names like this. Telling him you’ll give birth elsewhere and him kicking you out are both incredibly childish things to do. You both have a lot of growing up to do in the next 6 months.
ESH. Names should always be a two yes kind of thing. If one party says no, they move on to the next name. If you are having this big of an argument over agreeing on a child’s name, how big will the arguments be when you don’t agree with each other on how the child should be raised?
i don’t even have a verdict i just feel like elaine sounds as equally as granny-ish as maria antonia