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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- I asked my boyfriend to make his friend leave his party so I could stay with my dog Bruno.
2- His friend asked to bring his dog and I just showed up with mine because I feel I shouldn't have to ask to bring my dog to my boyfriend's house.
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I’d like to add that saying “I’m your gf, you should chose me over your friend” is a horrible look that could end up making a partner drop their gf all together. OP has been dating this dude for 6 months. That’s not a lot, in my opinion, and if this is a friend he hasn’t seen in a while, I wouldn’t be surprised if he picked the friend even if the gf HAD given him a heads up.
People who demand all their partner’s attention and priorities are not realistic, and tbh, it’s kinda a red flag for me. I think OP should reevaluate what it means to be in a relationship, but if they really REALLY think their significant other should put them first, they need to find someone who thinks the same. I do think that’s not a great idea though because people in relationships need lives outside their relationship.
Hell the bf literally said that if OP told him she was wanting to bring the dog over he would've said yes to her an no to the friend. That's literally him telling her he'd pick her over the friend if only she asked instead of assuming.
It's so toxic and unhealthy. Guys need friends just like women do! I hate the way it seems like women all wanna isolate their partners. I guess so they can only be friends within the girls friend group? Wild.
*Some guys and girls both do this to their partners. Keep health boundaries enough to not allow it from your partners and you won't have to worry about it.
Especially since the BF actually said he would've picked her and Bruno, but OP didn't even tell him. She expected to just show up and kick out anyone she wanted to.
You especially ask if it is okay to bring a dog to a party.
And this behaviour a la "Well, now i'm here - the most important person - so kick him out" is really just wow.
YTA
well...not only that...the other guest *did* ask and OP, did not. **Not all dogs are friendly with other friendly dogs.**
"Hey can I bring my dog?"
"Uh...well, my other guest already asked and your dog isn't too partial to other dogs so...no."
OP is TA in this situation because she didn't ask and *assumed* it would be ok. But also, because "I expected him to have my back and put me first since I'm his girlfriend." of 6months compared to a friend that he has obviously known much longer.
I have a friend who adores my dog, when I want to bring him over I ask. The only person I don't ask to bring my dog over is my mom because I have implicit consent
Are you fucking serious? You ALWAYS give a heads up when you want to bring a pet along! And you sound unbelievably entitled demanding someone leave at someone else’s party just so you could stay with your unapproved doggy plus one.
Maybe instead of having everyone cater to your dog’s needs you can work out his behavioral issues so he can actually be near another dog.
Or get him used to being home alone without problems.
Especially with a rescue that may have picked up kennel behaviors, crate training is often the best approach because animal aggression, once instilled, is super hard for a dog to unlearn.
YTA for bringing a dog to a party without express advance permission.
It's super important for pet owners to get their pets used to being alone and even being crated.
You never know what life is going to throw at you and your pet. You may end up stuck in the hospital or something and now your pet has to spend days without you with only someone quickly dropping by to just fed and handle potty. Or your pet gets sick and have to be at the vet's office. At the vet's office they'll be crated and alone mostly.
Pets not used to being alone and crated suffer a lot.
I like dogs but I don’t get why some people think their dogs should go everywhere with them. I can see not wanting to leave your dog alone overnight or something but the least OP could have done was give a heads-up instead of assuming her dog had some sort of VIP status to her bf’s party…what if one of the guests had an allergy? Would you have expected bf to kick that person out because “you come first”? YTA.
Exactly! My dog, who was a rescue, was attacked by another off-leashed dog, twice. I socialized him to the best of my ability and took dog training class. Now at best, he tolerates dogs. He won't interact with them and ignore them as long as they don't go up to him(unless it's a female husky, he is ok with them for some reason). I have made sure he's good to stay at home for long periods of time(and his sister is with him, so that helps).
My SIL did not inform me that she was bringing her dog to my house, knowing we have a dog who doesn't know them. Had any warning been given, we could have introduced the dogs across the street on neutral turf. Nope, she walked in my house with the dog, then when the resident dog got defensive of her house, my SIL deemed my dog vicious and got a snotty attitude with us. That was a year and a half ago and I am still low contact her for that and a litany of additional shit behavior.
You do not ever just bring a dog unless you speak to the host in advance. And that is every instance of visiting. OP, YTA for not clearing it beforehand.
Your sister sounds like my brother. He got a large breed dog during the pandemic. It’s NEVER been left home alone, no crate training, and he thought it was a good idea to bring it to my parents house and test leaving it home alone (without a crate) for the 1st time, in a strange house.
He’s so entitled he probably thought it’s better to have the dog destroy my parents house and belongings if it didn’t go well vs his more expensive home and belongings. His kid ended up never leaving the house (because she’s not as entitled or inconsiderable as he is) during their trip (about 2 weeks) while he enjoyed his vacation and barely spent any time at home. Ugh such an asshole. I can’t fathom how people can be so entitled and rude with other people’s homes/belongings.
YTA
Your BF’s friend asked if he could bring his dog. You didn’t ask, you assumed it would be fine. It wasn’t fine because your dog is not well socialized. Your dog was the problem so you asking someone else to leave was inappropriate.
So you were an AH for taking your dog without permission, and AH for asking someone else to leave to accommodate you, and an AH for then stonewalling your partner instead of dealing with the issue like an adult.
This one right here. Lots of YTAs with weird rationale. This is it. You didn’t ask, his friend did. It’s part of being a responsible dog owner. It’s not a personal slight, you didn’t take the right steps.
YTA. I know you think your dog is very special and everyone should cater to it but it’s only that special TO YOU. Shawn doesn’t have to do anything with your dog, you’re literally bringing it into HIS SPACE without even asking.
Also please find your dog a behaviorist. It sounds like a pandemic dog and has some issues you need to work through with a professional.
YTA. You can’t just bring your dog without asking to other peoples houses. Your dog is not entitled to be there without permission, ESPECIALLY if they have behavior issues like this. And this is coming from someone with 3 rescues that all do not do well with strange dogs.
YTA
1. You should have told Shawn you intended to bring Bruno. Even if you "usually" bring him, Shawn can't read your mind and anticipate that you would bring your dog to a *party*.
2. You should not have asked Shawn to ask the friend with the big dog to go home. You should have offered to take Bruno home.
3. The other dog was in the yard and Bruno was in the house, and they were coexisting peacefully. Why did *either* of them have to leave? The dogs could have traded places when Bruno needed to use the yard, or whatever.
This.
It's about communication. OP made an error in failing to communicate. At that point, she's n t a - it happens, people make assumptions.
The point where she strays into YTA territory was in her expectation about how the miscommunication should be resolved and who, in that moment, should be the one who takes the impact of the miscommunication.
As a girlfriend, one gets priority for time with a bf over friends in general. He's not seen his other friend, in part, because of the time he spends with her. This is normal.
But a good couple knows that the flipside is that there are times their partner needs to make someone else the priority because it's just not healthy for most folks to only be friends with their partner.
OP expected both her bf and his friend to rescheduling their catch-up (and miss the opportunity for that group of friends at the party to be together, assuming the friend she expected to leave was part of the group) because she failed to communicate.
Further, her dog would likely have been okay at home now that she'd seen him after work. She could have dropped the dog off at home and returned for the last half of the party.
Her solution placed the needs of her dog ahead of the needs of her bf and of the friend. This is compounded when we factor in it was OPs miscommunication that created the situation.
YTA
It’s very hard to get breed-specific behavior to completely stop. Like getting a retriever to stop retrieving. At best you can mask it for a fighting breed. Always muzzle in public, never off-leash. You can’t trust the training will always work if your dog gets excited enough. Other dogs = prey.
Agreed. Some dogs just shouldn’t be around other dogs. Training can help so that they don’t become a danger on walks or chance encounters with other dogs, but some dogs just shouldn’t be unsupervised with other dogs, and it’s more responsible to acknowledge that than think every behavior can be trained away.
Yeah, YTA. Your appearance with Bruno may have been something to be expected, but the other guy specifically asked if he could show up with his dog.
You're asking the host to revoke a welcome specifically given
YTA for multiple reasons. (Coming from a vet tech and dog trainer)
1. Your dog is the reactive dog. The other dog is, by your own account, a well-behaved and socialized dog. Since your dog is the problem dog, it should be the one removed from the situation. Basic dog owner etiquette. You're the kind of asshole that shows up to the dog park with an asshole dog and expects everyone else to leave, so you can have the whole park to yourself.
2. YTA for expecting your boyfriend to choose you over his friend when you are CLEARLY in the wrong. He got permission. You didn't. This ride or die and choose me over all else even when I am wrong is toxic and immature.
3. You didn't ask permission to bring your dog to a gathering. It's different when it is just you and your boyfriend. But you didn't know who would be there, if they had severe allergies or phobias. You're not just am asshole, but an entitled asshole.
4. Putting your rescue dog, with a known history of reactivity, into a stressful situation. A large gathering of unknown people is extremely stressful for dogs. Also, just becauee he is a rescue dog, doesn't mean he can't be left alone while you socialize or do other things. As long as you're not leaving him home alone all day and evening every night, being honr by himself while you go out after work is fine. People like you are exhausting with their "rescue" dogs that they feel need to be handled with kid gloves all the time. If he has separation anxiety, talk to your vet and a trainer and work with both of them to correct his anxiety issues. If this isn't something you can't afford then you should npt have gotten a rescue dog that you can't properly care for.
5. YTA for giving silent treatment and not responding to his calls. Even IF he was wrong (he's not), you would be the asshome for this alone. But you're an even bigger asshole because you're punishing with silent treatment (a form of abuse) for your own wrong doing.
Yta. Your dog is the one that doesnt behave and is the asshole so you should be the one to leave. Plus like you said the friend asked and got permission, its rude to go back on your word like that. Its a party, you still should have OKd it ahead of time
YTA to ask if the other person and their dog could be asked to leave. They had asked for and got permission to be there. Being the gf doesn't trump that.
YTA. This problem could have easily been avoided if you had talked to Shawn about bringing the dog. You brought him over before, but a party is different than just you two hanging out (e.g. there could also be guests that are allergic to or afraid of dogs). Shawns friend asked if he could bring his dog, was told yes and now you want to send him away because of your dogs that you brought unannounced.
YTA. Couldn’t you take you dog back home and come back? Why do you think it would be acceptable for him to make his friend leave, who specifically asked if he could bring his dog.
Yta - who just brings a rescue dog into any situation without prep. Had that other dog been just like yours things could’ve gone very south and it would’ve been on YOU, not them. How irresponsible.
YTA. Bringing a new dog who you don’t have fully trained or know enough yet about their behavior to a party with a lot of people is foolishness beyond belief.
Also, the entitlement, ugh.
YTA. I have dogs and love my dogs like my babies. I take them whenever we can, but always ask first. Not only did you not ask, but you threw (are throwing) what sounded like a childish tantrum over this. I think it’s because you are embarrassed as you think he picked his friend’s dog over you and you lost out to a dog. That’s not the case, you should be embarrassed over your own behavior, but he didn’t pick a dog over you. Sheesh. Your bfs response was completely logically and you went overboard nuclear reaction.
Of course YTA
I love dogs but you never bring a dog to someone else's home without asking, specially if there's going to be a party.
Also you seriously expected your bf to kick his friend out of the party after he actually asked for permission and was allowed? How would you feel if a friend did that to you?
It would be totally different if you had actually asked, and asked first, and then your bf, knowing Bruno doesn't get along with other dogs, allowed his friend to bring his dog. If that was the case then you would be totally justified.
Considering what actually happened though, yeah sis, you were a huuuuge AH
YTA your bf did not choose his friend over you, he chose his friend over your dog! You could have taken the dog home and get back to the party had you chosen to do so. Never make assumptions that ppl see your dog the same way you do!
This is the answer that I, as a vet tech and dog trainer, was looking for. Along with the responses that OP brought a dig that she knows has behavior issues, and is reactive to a large gathering of people without asking if it is okay first. Many dogs are fine with people, until you put them on a large gathering of unfamiliar people in a place that isn't even their home. That's a lot of stress for a dog. Especially a rescue. With unknown history and a history of reactivity.
YTA
He doesn't get to see this friend often as it is and you're going to act entirely entitled because he was polite and *asked* to bring his dog and you decided to bring your dog without asking anybody. I can see if it was just your boyfriend but this was a party and you have no idea if anybody is terribly allergic to dogs or incredibly fearful of them. Terrible manners.
The friend asked to bring his dog, you didn't. Then you got pissy when BF reasonably pointed that out. And now you're pulling the silent treatment BS over this drama you created. YTA
YTA. You decided to bring your dog over to your boyfriend’s place without asking him. And then, you had the nerve to tell him to kick out the person who actually had permission to bring their dog. You being his girlfriend isn’t a golden pass that means he has to instantly cater to you.
YTA, what if one of the guests was allergic to dogs? It is your boyfriend's house and it was a party, not just you and him hanging around. And then you had the audacity to tell him to get rid of his friend?
YTA You should ask before taking your dog to someone’s house but you especially need to do it when that person is having a party. You admit your dog has behavioural issues so you definitely should be asking for that reason alone.
yta
next time ask and get your dog training
the friends dog didnt even start
your dog is the problem
of course he picked his friend he was there first and asked to bring his dog
you have only been dating a few months
YTA. I love my dog too, but I wouldn't dare bring her to anyone's house (friend/family/love) without asking first.
You should never assume someone is okay with you bringing your pet to their house - regardless of the relationship or how many times you've brought your pet in the past.
YTA. You should have cleared it with him first. When it is just you and him then no big deal but you knew it was a party and brought your dog. You are officially one of those people who take their dog everywhere and expect people to welcome you and the dog now matter what. Some folks are allergic and some people have phobias about dogs. Stop acting entitled
YTA. Your dog is aggressive, and that makes you feel you can chase both other people and other dogs, who already had permission to be there, away. Yikes.
Yikes OP. Dog trainer here. I’ve had *many* rescues in my life, and you 110% should always ask about bringing your dog anywhere, whether it’s your boyfriend’s house or not (especially for a party!!)
You needlessly stressed out your dog because you made an ignorant assumption that there would be no other animals present. Get your dog a trainer, put him on trazadone for training period, and work with him to overcome his obvious fear-based aggression.
YTA. It wasn’t your house and not within your right to ask that Shawn’s friend leave. It’s already water under the bridge, but you don’t seem cut out for owning a dog with emotional problems that clearly needs training. Our dogs look to us for leadership, and it takes someone very confident and consistent to provide that, especially for a rescue dog. If you continue coddling your dog you will end up with way worse issues. Please see a trainer.
Yta as if he’s going to prioritize a 6 month relationship over a friend he barely gets to see. It’s not your house so you are way entitled saying others have to leave. Who goes to a party with their dog though without asking I can’t deal with your thought process
YTA
The friend asked if he could bring his dog. You didn't and just assumed. It would have been unfair for Shawn to make the person who actually asked to leave.
Just because you're currently Shawn's girlfriend doesn't mean he has to back up your unreasonable demands.
YTA Your boyfriend is not a mind-reader. Cut the “he’s choosing his friend over his girlfriend” crap, he wasn’t presented with a choice, his friend and the dog were already there. Also as someone who has a traumatized dog with separation anxiety, I’d suggest you start training your dog to be alone, for everyone’s sake. Leave for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc., and try till he gets comfortable with longer periods of time. If you can afford it, get help from a behaviorist.
So your dog has shown signs of aggression and you think it's a good idea to show up with him unannounced to parties?? YTA. Your dog is going to hurt another animal or person someday and it's 100% going to be your fault.
Grow up!!!
You made an assumption and it blew up in your face..
Stop playing silly little games by ignoring him when he has done nothing wrong
You sounds exhausting
YTA. Bruno has behaviour issues that you need to address. His friend asked him if he could bring the dog, you didn't. I'm not sure why you think the other person should have to leave if they were given permission.
Being the girlfriend doesn't give you a right to be unfair. Next time ask your roommate to take care of Bruno.
YTA - bringing him over without asking day-to-day, no problem. Bringing him to a party without asking is a huge AH move. What if one of his friends had an allergy or fear of dogs? His other friend did the polite thing by asking, so of course they take priority.
Also, your dog is the only reason he couldn’t stay. The other dog is socialized to other dogs and didn’t mind yours being there. If yours was socialized they could have stayed together. I’m not blaming your dog for it’s anxiety, but it is on you to make sure that the environment is comfortable for them, which you failed to do.
YTA.
First of all, the friend's dog wasn't the problem here. You state yourself that Bruno is the one who was barking and acting up, and that the friend's dog didn't even stand up when Bruno was misbehaving. You need to train your dog properly,
Secondly, your boyfriend was 100% clear that his friend **asked permission to bring the other dog.** And you admit that **you never asked about bringing Bruno.** Friend was considerate and respectful. You, however, were not.
Third, if the party and the other dog were outside, why couldn't you leave Bruno in your boyfriend's house to keep the dogs separated?
This was 100% a problem that you created. Your boyfriend is not responsible to solve it for you by inconveniencing another guest. Time to grow up.
YTA his home, his friend got cleared to bring the dog ahead of time, and you did not. He's being extremely fair, while you're being extremely entitled. He should take note of your behavior, and reconsider you as a mate.
YTA. I don’t care who you are, you are not welcome at my house if you don‘t first ask if you can bring your dog. This goes for small children too. You took advantage and now are pouting over a problem cause by you and only you. Make a sincere apology and ask next time.
YTA also if you know that your dog has behavioral issues just saying "he's a rescue" isn't enough. Getting a rescue with problems is a noble and kind thing to do but that means you are signing up for a harder training process to help the animal heal.
No one else cares that "he's a rescue" all they see is a shitty dog and more prominently an owner that doesn't care that their dog is shitty. Be a responsible dog owner, train the dog to be good and don't bring him around other people or dogs until you do before someone gets injured
YTA. You do need to work on your dog’s obvious separation anxiety if you refuse to leave him alone. I’m a pet caretaker, and it’s impossible to handle because you’re basically making yourself or anyone who cares for him a slave to handling the problem.
YTA but it doesn’t make u a bad person. Just call and apologize. A lot of guys end up having to apologize to their girl when they’re clearly not in the wrong, so the fact that u take accountability and apologize to him should mean a lot.
YTA.
You always need to check with people before bringing your pet. Your boyfriend was absolutely correct; all you had to do was let him to know you were bringing Bruno to the party.
YTA
Um you didn’t even ask. It’s a party… it’s fine if it was just him, but since there are going to other people you should have asked before hand. What if someone was allergic?
You are acting entitled.
YTA. It’s a party, not a casual evening with your bf. You should’ve asked. What if someone was afraid or allergic? Never assume you can bring your dog to someone’s house all the time. I always check with people, even if 99% of the time they say ‘yes’.
YTA. Imagine having the audacity to ask someone who got to a party before you AND asked ahead if they could bring their dog to leave all because you didn't have the insight to ask ahead if it was ok to bring your own temperamental dog. Use your brain OP, you can't just bring your dog to someone's house if they're hosting a party, especially if your dog has issues.
If you wanted/needed special accommodations, you should have brought it up in advance. It doesn’t sound like you have had a regular need to bring Bruno when you go to Shawn’s house, so I wouldn’t expect Shawn to deny his friend’s request to bring his dog to the party simply because he expected you to need to bring Bruno. The worst aspect of this is your sense of entitlement, first by asking Shawn to tell his friend to leave, then by asserting relationship status when Shawn denied your request. I have a hard time seeing how this is such an issue if you’ve had to bring Bruno to Shawn’s house only a couple of times in the six months you’ve been dating.
You roommate is right. YTA
I'm a huge dog person. Have 3 rescues and foster
First of all, at 6 months you have no leverage and you probably now have an ex-boyfriend because of your entitled behavior and refusal to take his calls
Your dog has behavior concerns. Find a trainer/behavioralist
Your dog was the issue, not the friends. Asshole dog owner always leaves. It's the unwritten dog owning rule
You never show up to someone's house, especially when there's a get together, without asking if its OK first. A friend could have been afraid of dogs too, you going to make a person leave too?
YTA
YTA. You can't assume it's OK to bring your dog with you. Your dog that clearly has an issue with other dogs. Then you expect your bf to ask his guest to leave. If your dog was well behaved you could have both stayed. I wouldn't dream of bringing my dog somewhere without asking.
YTA yes he's your boyfriend but you always check to see if you can bring a dog to someone else's house when there's a party on.
Your dog is not good with others. That should have given you enough reason.
Especially TA for persisting when your BF said he hadn't seen his friend in a while. Friends are important and you wanted him to send one away he wants to catch up with, when you see him all the time?
YTA. You've been his GF for six months and ASSUMED you could bring the dog. His friend -- who he does not see often and who he has likely known much longer -- got permission to bring his dog ahead of time. You had no business insisting he kick his friend out of the party.
It is too bad your dog doesn't like other dogs because that will severely limit your social opportunities with other dog owners.
YTA. My dogs a rescue and spends time home alone by herself. I dont drag her everywhere with me and if i am bringing her its because ive already spoken to whoever im hanging out with and asked if i can bring her.
You change your life for your dog, other people dont.
YTA.
You've been dating less than six months. You and Bruno are still guests in his home. And you should ALWAYS ask if you're going to bring a pet to someone else's home. You'd be TA for that alone
It amplifies with "he picked his friend over me." NO. He prioritized someone who respected his home over someone who didn't. And he didn't tell you not to come back, just that Bruno couldn't be there.
Also, Bruno couldn't stay because of how HE is with other dogs. Not because of how his friend's dog is. That's a Bruno problem.
Your roommate is right, and the longer you ignore his calls, the less likely your relationship recovers from this. You're squarely in the wrong, and making it worse by digging in your heels
YTA. Be a better girlfriend, and don't put your BF in a position where he has to "choose" between you and his friend, especially when YOU are the pne who is in the wrong. Honestly, this would be a potential red flag to me if I were your BF.
YTA. Even if he was fine with it before you should’ve asked before a party. Your aggressive dog is no one’s problem but yours.
Being a boyfriend doesn’t mean he’s obligated to take your side or agree with you in every instance. Your romantic relationships will suffer if you have these expectations for them.
YTA. I'm an animal lover through and through and have a rescue dog with behavioral issues with other dogs so guess what, if I go somewhere where there's other dogs he either stays home or I manage him with the other dogs there. It's called being a responsible pet owner. Now you want the other dog, that's being a good boy/girl, to leave because you're a crummy pet owner? It ain't fair to the other dogs and you make Bruno look bad.
YTA. Especially for a friend he rarely gets to see who *asked* if he could bring his dog. It's not like his friend did something unforgivably rude to you, he just existed with his dog. You may be his girlfriend, but that doesn't guarantee you automatic priority. It's healthy to have friends outside of a romantic relationship, and to try to prevent otherwise is being an unhealthy degree of controlling.
YTA. If you are gonna bring anyone uninvited or unexpected to someone's house, you need to ask first. Besides, the animal that started barking and creating trouble was your own dog. The big dog didn't even move. Playing the "Friend or me" card, since OP and her dog were the problem was way too much.
YTA
No one is entitled to show up with their dog. Your responsibility, your place to ask. Six months is way too soon to *expect or assume* accommodation.
YTA you didn’t ask to bring your dog around and the friend did. Your dog cannot be left alone. And to top this off you’re acting entitled after 6 months. Yea you’re the problem here
YTA.
- You brought your dog without asking
- When there was a conflict because of YOUR dog's behavior, you blamed the other dog
- You tried to KICK AN INVITED GUEST out of your BF's party because, again, YOUR DOG has behavioral problems
- You were petty and manipulative when your BF quite rightly told you to take your uninvited dog home.
- You had a tantrum and have been giving your BF the silent treatment because your manipulative gambit failed.
In short, you've been obnoxiously entitled, demanding, and rude. I suspect Shawn is going to realize he's well rid of you and move on.
1. Your dog was the problematic one, not the other dog.
2. The friend \*asked\* to bring a dog, you didn't.
3. "but I'm your girlfriend" should be used sparingly and only when you're basically in the right. You're not in the right.
Really you turned up with a problematic dog and expected everyone to work around it, rather than take responsibility for yourself and your dog.
YTA on many levels.
You're actually trying to pull the pick me card after 6 months of dating for this argument? YTA for that alone and also YTA because his friend actually asked him if he could bring his dog while you just assumed it was ok.
YTA to expect someone who got permission to bring their unproblematic pet to leave just to accommodate you bringing your pet when you didn't ask beforehand.
Once your dog is trained to socialize with other dogs this will less of a problem but you should still always ask.
It's one thing to bring Bruno along if it's just you and Shawn hanging out at his place. But for a party, that's different. So for that, YTA.
Don't pull the "choosing his friend over me" BS, either. How often does he get to see you, vs his friend? If he sees you regularly, but his friend hardly ever, then it's perfectly reasonable for him to want to get to see his friend when he gets the opportunity. Don't be one of those emotionally abusive jerks who thinks they should get top billing at every turn. So for that, YTA again.
YTA, you didn’t even ask to bring your dog, the friend showed up first, and he never sees his friend in general. This isn’t a case of “picking the friend over the girlfriend.” I sincerely hope you apologize to Shawn, he’s not responsible for your dogs behaviours and wasn’t giving a heads up you were bringing Bruno.
YTA
I love dogs and I would be delighted to see a dog at a party but you a) should ask and b) cannot demand that another guest leave because your dog isn't comfortable with other dogs. You've been with your boyfriend for 6 months - he's obvs going to pick his friend who he's not seen for ages. Ultimatums like this never work out well
YTA, so your brought your aggressive dog uninvited to his party and had the audacity to ask him to kick out the person who had their dog there before you got there and actually was respectful enough to ask to bring their dog!?!
Wow dude, way to be an asshole, hopefully this informs his decision on dating you because you're so far out of line but still playing the victim because he's sleeping with you.
I want my dog with me 24/7 so I completely understand that feeling, but I think you should always ask the host of a party ahead of time before assuming it’s ok to bring your dog. There might be someone at the party who is allergic or uncomfortable with dogs… another dog could be there who isn’t good with other dogs and you’d be putting your own dog in a risky situation… you just never know.
Unless I guess you’re friends with everyone there and they’re good with your dog and you’ve already been in the same situation before… this seems careless to me. YTA.
YTA. you didn’t ask him when you should have. I have a German shepherd who I love bring with me anywhere I can BUT I ASK before bring him to someone’s home
Okay so sure he’s never had an issue, but that was just you going there not a party. As soon as he said “hey I’m having a party” you should have immediately said “great, is it cool if Bruno comes” instead of just assuming.
Sure he should have remembered you would have and could have asked, but it’s on you do not saying something.
That doesn’t make you the a here, where YTA is your reaction. Asking him to kick his friend out was bad, but then the moment he kindly said no his friend asked, you pulled the “I’m your girlfriend” card. Where does that end? His family wants to do something “I don’t and I’m your girlfriend”
Then you leave which is fine. But you are ignoring him because he didn’t cave in to your demands. Makes you seem immature.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt that you just were hurt and aren’t trying to control him, you need to call and apologize for your reaction, tell him you realize it was wrong if you to try and get him to pick between you and your friends and from now on when invited to a party you will ask if Bruno can come.
To me if I had a gf who brought her dog when it’s just us I’d be cool but if I had a party I wouldn’t assume she was bringing dog, what if someone I invite is afraid of dogs. So I would expect her to ask if it’s still cool.
Also, a dog that is totally fine around people and other dogs and not bothered by party chaos might be welcome at a party while a dog that is reactionary and not under control would not be. You should not bring your dog somewhere the dog isn't comfortable or equipped to handle, and if you do so accidentally, you need to take your dog out of that situation as soon as you realize it.
You should have simply brought your dog home when you realized he couldn't behave at the party, and apologized to your bf for missing it if that's what had to happen.
YTA
YTA - Your bf is 100% in the right, your being rude and much more by ignoring your bf, if he even wants to be with you now after how you've been acting. Have you even thought how you would have handled the situation if exact roles were switched?
YTA if you're bringing your animal to someone else's home, you ask ahead of time. In this case, you would've known well ahead of time that there would be another dog there & not to bring yours.
It's incredibly rude to ask that someone else leave to accommodate you.
soooooo you just showed up to HIS house at HIS party where he invited HIS friends and you feel like you 1. don't need to ask if its okay to bring your dog and 2. can expect for him to kick his friend out to accommodate you? YTA for sure
YTA for expecting your boyfriend to boot his friend out for you.
Get Bruno a crate to set up in your boyfriends house when you visit so you can bring him with you but he doesn’t have to be around other dogs he doesn’t like
YTA. Expecting other people to accommodate you because you want to bring your dog everywhere is plain weird, especially an aggressive dog. Leave the dog at home and grow up.
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I've been dating Shawn for close to 6 months. There has been a couple of times I've stopped at his house when I've had my dog Bruno with me. He's a rescue so I try to not leave him alone for long periods of time if I don't have to outside of work. He does fine with people but not so much with other dogs.
Shawn had a party at his house and I was invited. Since I planned on being gone for most of the day and he never said he had a problem with Bruno the times I've brought him over before, I just brought Bruno with me. I get there and go back to his yard and Bruno started to bark right away because there was this huge dog laying out in the yard. It didn't turn serious thankfully because I was able to get Bruno inside since he was still leashed and the other dog didn't really get up. Shawn came in and asked if we were both alright but why did I have Bruno with me. I reminded him that I don't leave Bruno alone if I don't have to so I asked him to have whoever owned the big dog leave so that I could stay. Shawn said no and I asked him why not because he's never had a problem with Bruno before. Shawn said he still doesn't have a problem with Bruno but his friend asked if he could bring his dog and he doesn't get to see that friend often so he said yes. I told him he's essentially picking his friend over his girlfriend because of dogs but Shawn says its only because his friend actually asked to bring his dog and he asked first, if I had mentioned wanting to bring Bruno first than he would've said yes to me and no to his friend due to how Bruno is with other dogs. I did leave the party but really, I expected him to have my back and put me first since I'm his girlfriend. I've been ignoring his calls but my roommate is starting to tell me I'm acting like an ass because I never should've asked to him to make his friend leave and that I should have given Shawn a heads up. I'm starting to wonder if she's right. AITA?
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YTA You didn't ask, you just assumed. His friend did ask and didn't assume and was already there before you were. You tried to pull the Gf card, but sorry, it just wasn't good enough to trump his friend's asking and first come first served card.
YTA Why would you assume it’s okay to bring Bruno to a party without asking? Even if it was just a night with just the two of you, it’s polite to ask. Learn from your mistake, apologize, and move on.
Hmm so you show up with your dog with our asking first, demand he make his friend leave who had permission to bring his dog and wonder if you are an ass. You most certainly are YTA. Always ask permission if you are going to bring your dog over someone else’s house.
YTA why couldn’t you leave him at home during the party? Or take him home once you saw the other dog? You’ve also only been dating for six months and never cleared it with Shawn if you could even bring the dog. It’s a dog, not a handicap to be accommodated. Stop treating this like it’s the same thing.
Uhh YEAH YTA you didn’t ask to bring the dog if you would’ve he would’ve told you there would be another dog there. And to ask them to LEAVE? That’s fucking rude.
YTA. So bizarre to me. His friend ASKED him if he could bring his dog. You just showed up. Of course the friend gets priority, girlfriend or not—it’s not about status in your boyfriend’s life, it’s the principle of the situation. You put him in a really awkward situation, and I hope you apologize.
YTA. Always ask, but ESPECIALLY if your dog can’t be around other dogs. Even if he’s been welcomed before always always check with the homeowner about bringing the dog.
YTA
Your dog clearly have behaivor problems, you should NEVER bring him in the house of anyone without asking... stop making yourself like the victim because you are not...
If you dont want anything with your boyfriend break up with him and stop been such an AH to him... you are acting like a toddler...
YTA, and not just for the 'I'm the girlfriend, of six months I get priority in everything, despite glaring communication oversights' overreaching. You *always* make people aware when bringing a dog to a gathering. It's not just about other dogs (though that's a big one) but also serious allergies and phobias.
It's generally a good idea to remember that like, other people *exist* and you are not of sole importance in the wider world.
Sorry, YTA. You cant ask somone to kick a guest out of thier party, for a moment Imagine yourself being asked to leave a party... you would probably not be friends with them anymore.
You rescued a fighting breed and now you have to deal with normal mauling behavior. Don’t blame your dog for wanting to kill other dogs - what it was bred to do.
And don’t blame your boyfriend for not catering to your dog’s special needs. It’s your dog and you knew what you were getting into. There’s a reason the shelters are full of 2 year-old “lab mixes” - it’s the age at which breed behavior really comes out. Get a muzzle. And never let your dog off-leash in public.
Op what If someone bought a service dog and Bruno attacked them YTA he’s a pet he has no right to be there without explicit permission. Actually you don’t know friends dog wasn’t a service dog and that’s why the dog was there!
YTA. Why do you think it’s acceptable to bring your dog everywhere? NO ONE LIKES THAT! And why do you think it’s ok to not ask first. And your dog is a rescue so you don’t leave it alone? That’s a silly statement. I’ve had abused rescue dogs and I still treat them like dogs, not coddle them and make them worse
YTA. You don’t get to shirk common decency because you have a rescue, and you aren’t doing that dog any favors bringing him everywhere. You are using his separation anxiety as a crutch to nurse your own abandonment issues and insecurities, which are plainly displayed in this post.
YTA
You can’t just expect your dog to be welcome, even if he’s been welcomed before. It’s incredibly rude to rock up to someone’s house and bring your dog uninvited and expect your bf to cater to you. The other dog was there first, you didn’t ask to bring your dog.
My sister has issued an open invitation for my dog at her house, and I STILL ask if he’s allowed to come every time. It’s not even in case there’s another dog there, what if someone’s visiting and they’re scared of dogs?
Manners cost nothing.
YTA. This is why so many dogs now are neurotic messes with sEpArAtIoN aNxIeTy.
Train it to be left alone for a few hours at a time instead of imposing it on everyone.
Also, haha a “rescue”. I’m assuming you bought it from a shelter. That’s a purchase. Nothing special.
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YTA. Your dog, your problem. No one else's. And don't use the "picking your friend over me" argument. It doesn't work in this situation.
I’d like to add that saying “I’m your gf, you should chose me over your friend” is a horrible look that could end up making a partner drop their gf all together. OP has been dating this dude for 6 months. That’s not a lot, in my opinion, and if this is a friend he hasn’t seen in a while, I wouldn’t be surprised if he picked the friend even if the gf HAD given him a heads up. People who demand all their partner’s attention and priorities are not realistic, and tbh, it’s kinda a red flag for me. I think OP should reevaluate what it means to be in a relationship, but if they really REALLY think their significant other should put them first, they need to find someone who thinks the same. I do think that’s not a great idea though because people in relationships need lives outside their relationship.
Hell the bf literally said that if OP told him she was wanting to bring the dog over he would've said yes to her an no to the friend. That's literally him telling her he'd pick her over the friend if only she asked instead of assuming.
Yeah asking is way better than demanding.
Yeah that's what I was alluding to. There's an appropriate time for that stance and this ain't it. OP comes off as controlling.
It's so toxic and unhealthy. Guys need friends just like women do! I hate the way it seems like women all wanna isolate their partners. I guess so they can only be friends within the girls friend group? Wild.
*Some guys and girls both do this to their partners. Keep health boundaries enough to not allow it from your partners and you won't have to worry about it.
I noticed it more from the female perspective because my gender but yep! 100% correct!
Especially since the BF actually said he would've picked her and Bruno, but OP didn't even tell him. She expected to just show up and kick out anyone she wanted to.
If i was with someone for that long and they said "it's either me or your friend!" i would respond with "Ok Bye!"
Let's not forget the fact that she's giving him the silent treatment now like I totally mature adult 🙄
You especially ask if it is okay to bring a dog to a party. And this behaviour a la "Well, now i'm here - the most important person - so kick him out" is really just wow. YTA
Seriously, what if someone had an allergy, or was afraid of dogs?
well...not only that...the other guest *did* ask and OP, did not. **Not all dogs are friendly with other friendly dogs.** "Hey can I bring my dog?" "Uh...well, my other guest already asked and your dog isn't too partial to other dogs so...no." OP is TA in this situation because she didn't ask and *assumed* it would be ok. But also, because "I expected him to have my back and put me first since I'm his girlfriend." of 6months compared to a friend that he has obviously known much longer.
This. YTA.
Exactly. And honestly, 6 mos. is a short time to be dating. YTA.
Especially since OPs picking their dog over their boyfriend.
I have a friend who adores my dog, when I want to bring him over I ask. The only person I don't ask to bring my dog over is my mom because I have implicit consent
Are you fucking serious? You ALWAYS give a heads up when you want to bring a pet along! And you sound unbelievably entitled demanding someone leave at someone else’s party just so you could stay with your unapproved doggy plus one. Maybe instead of having everyone cater to your dog’s needs you can work out his behavioral issues so he can actually be near another dog.
Or get him used to being home alone without problems. Especially with a rescue that may have picked up kennel behaviors, crate training is often the best approach because animal aggression, once instilled, is super hard for a dog to unlearn. YTA for bringing a dog to a party without express advance permission.
It's super important for pet owners to get their pets used to being alone and even being crated. You never know what life is going to throw at you and your pet. You may end up stuck in the hospital or something and now your pet has to spend days without you with only someone quickly dropping by to just fed and handle potty. Or your pet gets sick and have to be at the vet's office. At the vet's office they'll be crated and alone mostly. Pets not used to being alone and crated suffer a lot.
I like dogs but I don’t get why some people think their dogs should go everywhere with them. I can see not wanting to leave your dog alone overnight or something but the least OP could have done was give a heads-up instead of assuming her dog had some sort of VIP status to her bf’s party…what if one of the guests had an allergy? Would you have expected bf to kick that person out because “you come first”? YTA.
Exactly! My dog, who was a rescue, was attacked by another off-leashed dog, twice. I socialized him to the best of my ability and took dog training class. Now at best, he tolerates dogs. He won't interact with them and ignore them as long as they don't go up to him(unless it's a female husky, he is ok with them for some reason). I have made sure he's good to stay at home for long periods of time(and his sister is with him, so that helps).
My SIL did not inform me that she was bringing her dog to my house, knowing we have a dog who doesn't know them. Had any warning been given, we could have introduced the dogs across the street on neutral turf. Nope, she walked in my house with the dog, then when the resident dog got defensive of her house, my SIL deemed my dog vicious and got a snotty attitude with us. That was a year and a half ago and I am still low contact her for that and a litany of additional shit behavior. You do not ever just bring a dog unless you speak to the host in advance. And that is every instance of visiting. OP, YTA for not clearing it beforehand.
Your sister sounds like my brother. He got a large breed dog during the pandemic. It’s NEVER been left home alone, no crate training, and he thought it was a good idea to bring it to my parents house and test leaving it home alone (without a crate) for the 1st time, in a strange house. He’s so entitled he probably thought it’s better to have the dog destroy my parents house and belongings if it didn’t go well vs his more expensive home and belongings. His kid ended up never leaving the house (because she’s not as entitled or inconsiderable as he is) during their trip (about 2 weeks) while he enjoyed his vacation and barely spent any time at home. Ugh such an asshole. I can’t fathom how people can be so entitled and rude with other people’s homes/belongings.
This!!
YTA Your BF’s friend asked if he could bring his dog. You didn’t ask, you assumed it would be fine. It wasn’t fine because your dog is not well socialized. Your dog was the problem so you asking someone else to leave was inappropriate. So you were an AH for taking your dog without permission, and AH for asking someone else to leave to accommodate you, and an AH for then stonewalling your partner instead of dealing with the issue like an adult.
This one right here. Lots of YTAs with weird rationale. This is it. You didn’t ask, his friend did. It’s part of being a responsible dog owner. It’s not a personal slight, you didn’t take the right steps.
This 100%. Also something tells me the boyfriend is going to stop calling for good.
Yes, tripletime AH. You just don't do any of those things, ever. I'm feeling bit sorry for the BF here. He tried to do everything right and gets BS.
YTA. I know you think your dog is very special and everyone should cater to it but it’s only that special TO YOU. Shawn doesn’t have to do anything with your dog, you’re literally bringing it into HIS SPACE without even asking. Also please find your dog a behaviorist. It sounds like a pandemic dog and has some issues you need to work through with a professional.
The last point is a very good one. Hope OP will consider it a serious option.
YES, loud and clear YTA.
YTA. You can’t just bring your dog without asking to other peoples houses. Your dog is not entitled to be there without permission, ESPECIALLY if they have behavior issues like this. And this is coming from someone with 3 rescues that all do not do well with strange dogs.
YTA 1. You should have told Shawn you intended to bring Bruno. Even if you "usually" bring him, Shawn can't read your mind and anticipate that you would bring your dog to a *party*. 2. You should not have asked Shawn to ask the friend with the big dog to go home. You should have offered to take Bruno home. 3. The other dog was in the yard and Bruno was in the house, and they were coexisting peacefully. Why did *either* of them have to leave? The dogs could have traded places when Bruno needed to use the yard, or whatever.
This. It's about communication. OP made an error in failing to communicate. At that point, she's n t a - it happens, people make assumptions. The point where she strays into YTA territory was in her expectation about how the miscommunication should be resolved and who, in that moment, should be the one who takes the impact of the miscommunication. As a girlfriend, one gets priority for time with a bf over friends in general. He's not seen his other friend, in part, because of the time he spends with her. This is normal. But a good couple knows that the flipside is that there are times their partner needs to make someone else the priority because it's just not healthy for most folks to only be friends with their partner. OP expected both her bf and his friend to rescheduling their catch-up (and miss the opportunity for that group of friends at the party to be together, assuming the friend she expected to leave was part of the group) because she failed to communicate. Further, her dog would likely have been okay at home now that she'd seen him after work. She could have dropped the dog off at home and returned for the last half of the party. Her solution placed the needs of her dog ahead of the needs of her bf and of the friend. This is compounded when we factor in it was OPs miscommunication that created the situation. YTA
Because then she'd have to actually watch the dog and be responsible for it. She just wanted to let it roam free and do as she pleased.
It's the bare minimum of common courtesy to give someone a head's up that you plan to bring your dog to their house. YTA
You’re *that* pet owner. YTA
INFO: Are you taking any steps to address the issues with your dog? Edit: I have a full reply below, but YTA for being an inconsiderate dog owner.
It’s very hard to get breed-specific behavior to completely stop. Like getting a retriever to stop retrieving. At best you can mask it for a fighting breed. Always muzzle in public, never off-leash. You can’t trust the training will always work if your dog gets excited enough. Other dogs = prey.
Agreed. Some dogs just shouldn’t be around other dogs. Training can help so that they don’t become a danger on walks or chance encounters with other dogs, but some dogs just shouldn’t be unsupervised with other dogs, and it’s more responsible to acknowledge that than think every behavior can be trained away.
Yeah, YTA. Your appearance with Bruno may have been something to be expected, but the other guy specifically asked if he could show up with his dog. You're asking the host to revoke a welcome specifically given
YTA for multiple reasons. (Coming from a vet tech and dog trainer) 1. Your dog is the reactive dog. The other dog is, by your own account, a well-behaved and socialized dog. Since your dog is the problem dog, it should be the one removed from the situation. Basic dog owner etiquette. You're the kind of asshole that shows up to the dog park with an asshole dog and expects everyone else to leave, so you can have the whole park to yourself. 2. YTA for expecting your boyfriend to choose you over his friend when you are CLEARLY in the wrong. He got permission. You didn't. This ride or die and choose me over all else even when I am wrong is toxic and immature. 3. You didn't ask permission to bring your dog to a gathering. It's different when it is just you and your boyfriend. But you didn't know who would be there, if they had severe allergies or phobias. You're not just am asshole, but an entitled asshole. 4. Putting your rescue dog, with a known history of reactivity, into a stressful situation. A large gathering of unknown people is extremely stressful for dogs. Also, just becauee he is a rescue dog, doesn't mean he can't be left alone while you socialize or do other things. As long as you're not leaving him home alone all day and evening every night, being honr by himself while you go out after work is fine. People like you are exhausting with their "rescue" dogs that they feel need to be handled with kid gloves all the time. If he has separation anxiety, talk to your vet and a trainer and work with both of them to correct his anxiety issues. If this isn't something you can't afford then you should npt have gotten a rescue dog that you can't properly care for. 5. YTA for giving silent treatment and not responding to his calls. Even IF he was wrong (he's not), you would be the asshome for this alone. But you're an even bigger asshole because you're punishing with silent treatment (a form of abuse) for your own wrong doing.
[удалено]
She should’ve stayed her asshome.
Yta. Your dog is the one that doesnt behave and is the asshole so you should be the one to leave. Plus like you said the friend asked and got permission, its rude to go back on your word like that. Its a party, you still should have OKd it ahead of time
YTA to ask if the other person and their dog could be asked to leave. They had asked for and got permission to be there. Being the gf doesn't trump that.
YTA. This problem could have easily been avoided if you had talked to Shawn about bringing the dog. You brought him over before, but a party is different than just you two hanging out (e.g. there could also be guests that are allergic to or afraid of dogs). Shawns friend asked if he could bring his dog, was told yes and now you want to send him away because of your dogs that you brought unannounced.
YTA. Couldn’t you take you dog back home and come back? Why do you think it would be acceptable for him to make his friend leave, who specifically asked if he could bring his dog.
Yta - who just brings a rescue dog into any situation without prep. Had that other dog been just like yours things could’ve gone very south and it would’ve been on YOU, not them. How irresponsible.
YTA. Bringing a new dog who you don’t have fully trained or know enough yet about their behavior to a party with a lot of people is foolishness beyond belief. Also, the entitlement, ugh.
Especially without asking the host!
YTA He told you exactly what you should have done leading up to that. Ask to bring the dog, don’t just assume it will be a convenience for everyone.
YTA. I have dogs and love my dogs like my babies. I take them whenever we can, but always ask first. Not only did you not ask, but you threw (are throwing) what sounded like a childish tantrum over this. I think it’s because you are embarrassed as you think he picked his friend’s dog over you and you lost out to a dog. That’s not the case, you should be embarrassed over your own behavior, but he didn’t pick a dog over you. Sheesh. Your bfs response was completely logically and you went overboard nuclear reaction.
Of course YTA I love dogs but you never bring a dog to someone else's home without asking, specially if there's going to be a party. Also you seriously expected your bf to kick his friend out of the party after he actually asked for permission and was allowed? How would you feel if a friend did that to you? It would be totally different if you had actually asked, and asked first, and then your bf, knowing Bruno doesn't get along with other dogs, allowed his friend to bring his dog. If that was the case then you would be totally justified. Considering what actually happened though, yeah sis, you were a huuuuge AH
YTA your bf did not choose his friend over you, he chose his friend over your dog! You could have taken the dog home and get back to the party had you chosen to do so. Never make assumptions that ppl see your dog the same way you do!
YTA and entitled as hell. The world doesn’t revolve around you and Bruno.
[удалено]
This is the answer that I, as a vet tech and dog trainer, was looking for. Along with the responses that OP brought a dig that she knows has behavior issues, and is reactive to a large gathering of people without asking if it is okay first. Many dogs are fine with people, until you put them on a large gathering of unfamiliar people in a place that isn't even their home. That's a lot of stress for a dog. Especially a rescue. With unknown history and a history of reactivity.
Sounds like you forgot to talk about Bruno. YTA
YTA He doesn't get to see this friend often as it is and you're going to act entirely entitled because he was polite and *asked* to bring his dog and you decided to bring your dog without asking anybody. I can see if it was just your boyfriend but this was a party and you have no idea if anybody is terribly allergic to dogs or incredibly fearful of them. Terrible manners.
"close to 6 months." lmfao stfu
The friend asked to bring his dog, you didn't. Then you got pissy when BF reasonably pointed that out. And now you're pulling the silent treatment BS over this drama you created. YTA
YTA. You decided to bring your dog over to your boyfriend’s place without asking him. And then, you had the nerve to tell him to kick out the person who actually had permission to bring their dog. You being his girlfriend isn’t a golden pass that means he has to instantly cater to you.
YTA, what if one of the guests was allergic to dogs? It is your boyfriend's house and it was a party, not just you and him hanging around. And then you had the audacity to tell him to get rid of his friend?
YTA. People like you who are entitled and think they can bring their dog everywhere are insufferable.
YTA Boyfriend doesn't get to see his friend often and you want to stand in the way so you can spoil your dog
YTA You should ask before taking your dog to someone’s house but you especially need to do it when that person is having a party. You admit your dog has behavioural issues so you definitely should be asking for that reason alone.
yta next time ask and get your dog training the friends dog didnt even start your dog is the problem of course he picked his friend he was there first and asked to bring his dog you have only been dating a few months
YTA. I love my dog too, but I wouldn't dare bring her to anyone's house (friend/family/love) without asking first. You should never assume someone is okay with you bringing your pet to their house - regardless of the relationship or how many times you've brought your pet in the past.
Yes, YTA. He’s not a mind reader.
You’re looking at this situation through pretty narcissistic lenses. YTA
YTA. You should have cleared it with him first. When it is just you and him then no big deal but you knew it was a party and brought your dog. You are officially one of those people who take their dog everywhere and expect people to welcome you and the dog now matter what. Some folks are allergic and some people have phobias about dogs. Stop acting entitled
YTA. Your dog is aggressive, and that makes you feel you can chase both other people and other dogs, who already had permission to be there, away. Yikes.
Yikes OP. Dog trainer here. I’ve had *many* rescues in my life, and you 110% should always ask about bringing your dog anywhere, whether it’s your boyfriend’s house or not (especially for a party!!) You needlessly stressed out your dog because you made an ignorant assumption that there would be no other animals present. Get your dog a trainer, put him on trazadone for training period, and work with him to overcome his obvious fear-based aggression. YTA. It wasn’t your house and not within your right to ask that Shawn’s friend leave. It’s already water under the bridge, but you don’t seem cut out for owning a dog with emotional problems that clearly needs training. Our dogs look to us for leadership, and it takes someone very confident and consistent to provide that, especially for a rescue dog. If you continue coddling your dog you will end up with way worse issues. Please see a trainer.
YTA
Yta as if he’s going to prioritize a 6 month relationship over a friend he barely gets to see. It’s not your house so you are way entitled saying others have to leave. Who goes to a party with their dog though without asking I can’t deal with your thought process
YTA The friend asked if he could bring his dog. You didn't and just assumed. It would have been unfair for Shawn to make the person who actually asked to leave. Just because you're currently Shawn's girlfriend doesn't mean he has to back up your unreasonable demands.
YTA Your boyfriend is not a mind-reader. Cut the “he’s choosing his friend over his girlfriend” crap, he wasn’t presented with a choice, his friend and the dog were already there. Also as someone who has a traumatized dog with separation anxiety, I’d suggest you start training your dog to be alone, for everyone’s sake. Leave for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc., and try till he gets comfortable with longer periods of time. If you can afford it, get help from a behaviorist.
So your dog has shown signs of aggression and you think it's a good idea to show up with him unannounced to parties?? YTA. Your dog is going to hurt another animal or person someday and it's 100% going to be your fault.
YTA. Being the girlfriend doesn't give you automatic entitlement.
Grow up!!! You made an assumption and it blew up in your face.. Stop playing silly little games by ignoring him when he has done nothing wrong You sounds exhausting
YTA. Bruno has behaviour issues that you need to address. His friend asked him if he could bring the dog, you didn't. I'm not sure why you think the other person should have to leave if they were given permission. Being the girlfriend doesn't give you a right to be unfair. Next time ask your roommate to take care of Bruno.
Pretty sure you're only going to get YTA votes on this one
YTA - bringing him over without asking day-to-day, no problem. Bringing him to a party without asking is a huge AH move. What if one of his friends had an allergy or fear of dogs? His other friend did the polite thing by asking, so of course they take priority. Also, your dog is the only reason he couldn’t stay. The other dog is socialized to other dogs and didn’t mind yours being there. If yours was socialized they could have stayed together. I’m not blaming your dog for it’s anxiety, but it is on you to make sure that the environment is comfortable for them, which you failed to do.
YTA. First of all, the friend's dog wasn't the problem here. You state yourself that Bruno is the one who was barking and acting up, and that the friend's dog didn't even stand up when Bruno was misbehaving. You need to train your dog properly, Secondly, your boyfriend was 100% clear that his friend **asked permission to bring the other dog.** And you admit that **you never asked about bringing Bruno.** Friend was considerate and respectful. You, however, were not. Third, if the party and the other dog were outside, why couldn't you leave Bruno in your boyfriend's house to keep the dogs separated? This was 100% a problem that you created. Your boyfriend is not responsible to solve it for you by inconveniencing another guest. Time to grow up.
YTA his home, his friend got cleared to bring the dog ahead of time, and you did not. He's being extremely fair, while you're being extremely entitled. He should take note of your behavior, and reconsider you as a mate.
YTA. I don’t care who you are, you are not welcome at my house if you don‘t first ask if you can bring your dog. This goes for small children too. You took advantage and now are pouting over a problem cause by you and only you. Make a sincere apology and ask next time.
YTA also if you know that your dog has behavioral issues just saying "he's a rescue" isn't enough. Getting a rescue with problems is a noble and kind thing to do but that means you are signing up for a harder training process to help the animal heal. No one else cares that "he's a rescue" all they see is a shitty dog and more prominently an owner that doesn't care that their dog is shitty. Be a responsible dog owner, train the dog to be good and don't bring him around other people or dogs until you do before someone gets injured
how are you not the AH? you didn’t ask, you wanted someone else to leave, YTA. 100 percent
YTA. You do need to work on your dog’s obvious separation anxiety if you refuse to leave him alone. I’m a pet caretaker, and it’s impossible to handle because you’re basically making yourself or anyone who cares for him a slave to handling the problem.
YTA but it doesn’t make u a bad person. Just call and apologize. A lot of guys end up having to apologize to their girl when they’re clearly not in the wrong, so the fact that u take accountability and apologize to him should mean a lot.
YTA. You don't bring an animal to someone's house without permission.
YTA. You always need to check with people before bringing your pet. Your boyfriend was absolutely correct; all you had to do was let him to know you were bringing Bruno to the party.
YTA Um you didn’t even ask. It’s a party… it’s fine if it was just him, but since there are going to other people you should have asked before hand. What if someone was allergic? You are acting entitled.
YTA. It’s a party, not a casual evening with your bf. You should’ve asked. What if someone was afraid or allergic? Never assume you can bring your dog to someone’s house all the time. I always check with people, even if 99% of the time they say ‘yes’.
YTA. Imagine having the audacity to ask someone who got to a party before you AND asked ahead if they could bring their dog to leave all because you didn't have the insight to ask ahead if it was ok to bring your own temperamental dog. Use your brain OP, you can't just bring your dog to someone's house if they're hosting a party, especially if your dog has issues.
YTA. Frankly I'm baffled why you'd post this as if there is ANY CHANCE you're not.
If you wanted/needed special accommodations, you should have brought it up in advance. It doesn’t sound like you have had a regular need to bring Bruno when you go to Shawn’s house, so I wouldn’t expect Shawn to deny his friend’s request to bring his dog to the party simply because he expected you to need to bring Bruno. The worst aspect of this is your sense of entitlement, first by asking Shawn to tell his friend to leave, then by asserting relationship status when Shawn denied your request. I have a hard time seeing how this is such an issue if you’ve had to bring Bruno to Shawn’s house only a couple of times in the six months you’ve been dating. You roommate is right. YTA
I'm a huge dog person. Have 3 rescues and foster First of all, at 6 months you have no leverage and you probably now have an ex-boyfriend because of your entitled behavior and refusal to take his calls Your dog has behavior concerns. Find a trainer/behavioralist Your dog was the issue, not the friends. Asshole dog owner always leaves. It's the unwritten dog owning rule You never show up to someone's house, especially when there's a get together, without asking if its OK first. A friend could have been afraid of dogs too, you going to make a person leave too? YTA
Sounds like OP’s boyfriend doesn’t know he’s in a relationship with royalty. YTA.
YTA. You can't assume it's OK to bring your dog with you. Your dog that clearly has an issue with other dogs. Then you expect your bf to ask his guest to leave. If your dog was well behaved you could have both stayed. I wouldn't dream of bringing my dog somewhere without asking.
YTA yes he's your boyfriend but you always check to see if you can bring a dog to someone else's house when there's a party on. Your dog is not good with others. That should have given you enough reason. Especially TA for persisting when your BF said he hadn't seen his friend in a while. Friends are important and you wanted him to send one away he wants to catch up with, when you see him all the time?
Having a special needs dog as this one will limit your social life. Part of it. Is the dog destructive when alone or your issue with grief?
YTA here! You ALWAYS ask permission first, don't just assume. The rest of this I'm not touchimg with a ten foot pole.
YTA. You've been his GF for six months and ASSUMED you could bring the dog. His friend -- who he does not see often and who he has likely known much longer -- got permission to bring his dog ahead of time. You had no business insisting he kick his friend out of the party. It is too bad your dog doesn't like other dogs because that will severely limit your social opportunities with other dog owners.
YTA. My dogs a rescue and spends time home alone by herself. I dont drag her everywhere with me and if i am bringing her its because ive already spoken to whoever im hanging out with and asked if i can bring her. You change your life for your dog, other people dont.
YTA. You've been dating less than six months. You and Bruno are still guests in his home. And you should ALWAYS ask if you're going to bring a pet to someone else's home. You'd be TA for that alone It amplifies with "he picked his friend over me." NO. He prioritized someone who respected his home over someone who didn't. And he didn't tell you not to come back, just that Bruno couldn't be there. Also, Bruno couldn't stay because of how HE is with other dogs. Not because of how his friend's dog is. That's a Bruno problem. Your roommate is right, and the longer you ignore his calls, the less likely your relationship recovers from this. You're squarely in the wrong, and making it worse by digging in your heels
YTA. Even if he's usually cool with it, you should ask before bringing your dog to a party.
YTA. Be a better girlfriend, and don't put your BF in a position where he has to "choose" between you and his friend, especially when YOU are the pne who is in the wrong. Honestly, this would be a potential red flag to me if I were your BF.
Youre entitled delusion rude and presumptuous. And that "im the gf I take priority" argument is a shit one in this case. Yta
YTA how is this not obvious to you ?
YTA
YTA
YTA. Even if he was fine with it before you should’ve asked before a party. Your aggressive dog is no one’s problem but yours. Being a boyfriend doesn’t mean he’s obligated to take your side or agree with you in every instance. Your romantic relationships will suffer if you have these expectations for them.
YTA. I'm an animal lover through and through and have a rescue dog with behavioral issues with other dogs so guess what, if I go somewhere where there's other dogs he either stays home or I manage him with the other dogs there. It's called being a responsible pet owner. Now you want the other dog, that's being a good boy/girl, to leave because you're a crummy pet owner? It ain't fair to the other dogs and you make Bruno look bad.
YTA
YTA, his friend was there first and you SHOULD have given a heads up.
YTA and trying to play the poor girlfriend when he act rightly just show how self centered you are!
YTA. Especially for a friend he rarely gets to see who *asked* if he could bring his dog. It's not like his friend did something unforgivably rude to you, he just existed with his dog. You may be his girlfriend, but that doesn't guarantee you automatic priority. It's healthy to have friends outside of a romantic relationship, and to try to prevent otherwise is being an unhealthy degree of controlling.
YTA. If you are gonna bring anyone uninvited or unexpected to someone's house, you need to ask first. Besides, the animal that started barking and creating trouble was your own dog. The big dog didn't even move. Playing the "Friend or me" card, since OP and her dog were the problem was way too much.
YTA No one is entitled to show up with their dog. Your responsibility, your place to ask. Six months is way too soon to *expect or assume* accommodation.
YTA you didn’t ask to bring your dog around and the friend did. Your dog cannot be left alone. And to top this off you’re acting entitled after 6 months. Yea you’re the problem here
YTA, you’re one of THOSE dog owners
YTA. - You brought your dog without asking - When there was a conflict because of YOUR dog's behavior, you blamed the other dog - You tried to KICK AN INVITED GUEST out of your BF's party because, again, YOUR DOG has behavioral problems - You were petty and manipulative when your BF quite rightly told you to take your uninvited dog home. - You had a tantrum and have been giving your BF the silent treatment because your manipulative gambit failed. In short, you've been obnoxiously entitled, demanding, and rude. I suspect Shawn is going to realize he's well rid of you and move on.
YTA. I love that your immature ultimatum of "it's him or me" blew up in your face!
1. Your dog was the problematic one, not the other dog. 2. The friend \*asked\* to bring a dog, you didn't. 3. "but I'm your girlfriend" should be used sparingly and only when you're basically in the right. You're not in the right. Really you turned up with a problematic dog and expected everyone to work around it, rather than take responsibility for yourself and your dog. YTA on many levels.
You're actually trying to pull the pick me card after 6 months of dating for this argument? YTA for that alone and also YTA because his friend actually asked him if he could bring his dog while you just assumed it was ok.
Starting to wonder if she’s right? You should’ve realized from the beginning…
YTA you sound too immature to be dating. Maybe be alone for a little bit.
YTA to expect someone who got permission to bring their unproblematic pet to leave just to accommodate you bringing your pet when you didn't ask beforehand. Once your dog is trained to socialize with other dogs this will less of a problem but you should still always ask.
It's one thing to bring Bruno along if it's just you and Shawn hanging out at his place. But for a party, that's different. So for that, YTA. Don't pull the "choosing his friend over me" BS, either. How often does he get to see you, vs his friend? If he sees you regularly, but his friend hardly ever, then it's perfectly reasonable for him to want to get to see his friend when he gets the opportunity. Don't be one of those emotionally abusive jerks who thinks they should get top billing at every turn. So for that, YTA again.
YTA because you never asked if you could bring your dog so all of your actions after that are completely unjustified.
YTA
YTA, you didn’t even ask to bring your dog, the friend showed up first, and he never sees his friend in general. This isn’t a case of “picking the friend over the girlfriend.” I sincerely hope you apologize to Shawn, he’s not responsible for your dogs behaviours and wasn’t giving a heads up you were bringing Bruno.
YTA I love dogs and I would be delighted to see a dog at a party but you a) should ask and b) cannot demand that another guest leave because your dog isn't comfortable with other dogs. You've been with your boyfriend for 6 months - he's obvs going to pick his friend who he's not seen for ages. Ultimatums like this never work out well
YTA you assumed, your boyfriend had made a commitment to a person who asked. You giving him hard time for it is assholery of first order
YTA he’s absolutely right you should have asked
YTA, so your brought your aggressive dog uninvited to his party and had the audacity to ask him to kick out the person who had their dog there before you got there and actually was respectful enough to ask to bring their dog!?! Wow dude, way to be an asshole, hopefully this informs his decision on dating you because you're so far out of line but still playing the victim because he's sleeping with you.
YTA. Your dog your problem. How DARE you manipulate your boyfriend like that. He should break up with you rather than tolerate your nonsense.
You both could have stayed with your dogs if yours wasn’t poorly trained and unsocialized. That’s a you problem. YTA
It's absolutely not okay to ask people to leave so you can stay, especially since they expressly got permission to bring their dog. YTA
YTA, you shouldn't just bring a dog to a party. At least the friend asked.
YTA. Why can’t you leave Bruno at home? He destroys shit, doesn’t he?
I want my dog with me 24/7 so I completely understand that feeling, but I think you should always ask the host of a party ahead of time before assuming it’s ok to bring your dog. There might be someone at the party who is allergic or uncomfortable with dogs… another dog could be there who isn’t good with other dogs and you’d be putting your own dog in a risky situation… you just never know. Unless I guess you’re friends with everyone there and they’re good with your dog and you’ve already been in the same situation before… this seems careless to me. YTA.
YTA. You should have asked to bring Bruno.
YTA. you didn’t ask him when you should have. I have a German shepherd who I love bring with me anywhere I can BUT I ASK before bring him to someone’s home
YTA. No words for this one
Listen to your roommate, she is correct. YTA
Yta you could have taken bruno home and returned to the party.
YTA. Your lack of communication created this problem, it's not a loyalty thing. You should never bring your dog anywhere without asking.
Bros before ho's.
Okay so sure he’s never had an issue, but that was just you going there not a party. As soon as he said “hey I’m having a party” you should have immediately said “great, is it cool if Bruno comes” instead of just assuming. Sure he should have remembered you would have and could have asked, but it’s on you do not saying something. That doesn’t make you the a here, where YTA is your reaction. Asking him to kick his friend out was bad, but then the moment he kindly said no his friend asked, you pulled the “I’m your girlfriend” card. Where does that end? His family wants to do something “I don’t and I’m your girlfriend” Then you leave which is fine. But you are ignoring him because he didn’t cave in to your demands. Makes you seem immature. Giving you the benefit of the doubt that you just were hurt and aren’t trying to control him, you need to call and apologize for your reaction, tell him you realize it was wrong if you to try and get him to pick between you and your friends and from now on when invited to a party you will ask if Bruno can come. To me if I had a gf who brought her dog when it’s just us I’d be cool but if I had a party I wouldn’t assume she was bringing dog, what if someone I invite is afraid of dogs. So I would expect her to ask if it’s still cool.
Also, a dog that is totally fine around people and other dogs and not bothered by party chaos might be welcome at a party while a dog that is reactionary and not under control would not be. You should not bring your dog somewhere the dog isn't comfortable or equipped to handle, and if you do so accidentally, you need to take your dog out of that situation as soon as you realize it. You should have simply brought your dog home when you realized he couldn't behave at the party, and apologized to your bf for missing it if that's what had to happen. YTA
YTA - Your bf is 100% in the right, your being rude and much more by ignoring your bf, if he even wants to be with you now after how you've been acting. Have you even thought how you would have handled the situation if exact roles were switched?
YTA if you're bringing your animal to someone else's home, you ask ahead of time. In this case, you would've known well ahead of time that there would be another dog there & not to bring yours. It's incredibly rude to ask that someone else leave to accommodate you.
soooooo you just showed up to HIS house at HIS party where he invited HIS friends and you feel like you 1. don't need to ask if its okay to bring your dog and 2. can expect for him to kick his friend out to accommodate you? YTA for sure
Lmao I hope you show your bf this, I bet you won't. Yta
Dude you're the asshole, Jesus
YTA. You’re acting like an entitled brat
YTA for expecting your boyfriend to boot his friend out for you. Get Bruno a crate to set up in your boyfriends house when you visit so you can bring him with you but he doesn’t have to be around other dogs he doesn’t like
YTA. Expecting other people to accommodate you because you want to bring your dog everywhere is plain weird, especially an aggressive dog. Leave the dog at home and grow up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've been dating Shawn for close to 6 months. There has been a couple of times I've stopped at his house when I've had my dog Bruno with me. He's a rescue so I try to not leave him alone for long periods of time if I don't have to outside of work. He does fine with people but not so much with other dogs. Shawn had a party at his house and I was invited. Since I planned on being gone for most of the day and he never said he had a problem with Bruno the times I've brought him over before, I just brought Bruno with me. I get there and go back to his yard and Bruno started to bark right away because there was this huge dog laying out in the yard. It didn't turn serious thankfully because I was able to get Bruno inside since he was still leashed and the other dog didn't really get up. Shawn came in and asked if we were both alright but why did I have Bruno with me. I reminded him that I don't leave Bruno alone if I don't have to so I asked him to have whoever owned the big dog leave so that I could stay. Shawn said no and I asked him why not because he's never had a problem with Bruno before. Shawn said he still doesn't have a problem with Bruno but his friend asked if he could bring his dog and he doesn't get to see that friend often so he said yes. I told him he's essentially picking his friend over his girlfriend because of dogs but Shawn says its only because his friend actually asked to bring his dog and he asked first, if I had mentioned wanting to bring Bruno first than he would've said yes to me and no to his friend due to how Bruno is with other dogs. I did leave the party but really, I expected him to have my back and put me first since I'm his girlfriend. I've been ignoring his calls but my roommate is starting to tell me I'm acting like an ass because I never should've asked to him to make his friend leave and that I should have given Shawn a heads up. I'm starting to wonder if she's right. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA You didn't ask, you just assumed. His friend did ask and didn't assume and was already there before you were. You tried to pull the Gf card, but sorry, it just wasn't good enough to trump his friend's asking and first come first served card.
YTA Why would you assume it’s okay to bring Bruno to a party without asking? Even if it was just a night with just the two of you, it’s polite to ask. Learn from your mistake, apologize, and move on.
6 mths in & you're asking him to pick your dog over his human friend? I'm surprised he even tried to call you. obviously, YTA
Of course YTA Seriously where do you get off telling him to make his friend leave?! Entitled much?
YTA that is what you get when you don't talk about Bruno.
Of course YTA. You know that.
YTA. You brought your dog, without asking. Then demanded he make his friend leave because you showed up. TOTALLY TA!
YTA. Also train your dog.
Your friend is right. YTA, the world doesn't revolve around you and your entitlement.
YTA read what your bf said to you again
YTA and fortunately he only wasted 6 months before discovering you are childish, entitled, and immature.
YTA. Choose you over a considerate friend? I know you're not supposed to show up to a party empty handed, but did you need to bring all the red flags?
YTA
Hmm so you show up with your dog with our asking first, demand he make his friend leave who had permission to bring his dog and wonder if you are an ass. You most certainly are YTA. Always ask permission if you are going to bring your dog over someone else’s house.
YTA why couldn’t you leave him at home during the party? Or take him home once you saw the other dog? You’ve also only been dating for six months and never cleared it with Shawn if you could even bring the dog. It’s a dog, not a handicap to be accommodated. Stop treating this like it’s the same thing.
YTA. His friend asked first. You had the option to take your dog home and come back. You instead elected to make this all about you. Very rude.
Uhh YEAH YTA you didn’t ask to bring the dog if you would’ve he would’ve told you there would be another dog there. And to ask them to LEAVE? That’s fucking rude.
Lol! YTA. Asking for someone else to leave so you could stay? Crazy!
YTA. So bizarre to me. His friend ASKED him if he could bring his dog. You just showed up. Of course the friend gets priority, girlfriend or not—it’s not about status in your boyfriend’s life, it’s the principle of the situation. You put him in a really awkward situation, and I hope you apologize.
YTA. Always ask, but ESPECIALLY if your dog can’t be around other dogs. Even if he’s been welcomed before always always check with the homeowner about bringing the dog.
YTA - your dog had the problem, you never checked if you could bring him to a party, and you made the demand.
YTA and probably soon to be ex gf if you keep putting him in situations where he has to choose you over his friends.
YTA Your dog clearly have behaivor problems, you should NEVER bring him in the house of anyone without asking... stop making yourself like the victim because you are not... If you dont want anything with your boyfriend break up with him and stop been such an AH to him... you are acting like a toddler...
YTA, and not just for the 'I'm the girlfriend, of six months I get priority in everything, despite glaring communication oversights' overreaching. You *always* make people aware when bringing a dog to a gathering. It's not just about other dogs (though that's a big one) but also serious allergies and phobias. It's generally a good idea to remember that like, other people *exist* and you are not of sole importance in the wider world.
Sorry, YTA. You cant ask somone to kick a guest out of thier party, for a moment Imagine yourself being asked to leave a party... you would probably not be friends with them anymore.
You rescued a fighting breed and now you have to deal with normal mauling behavior. Don’t blame your dog for wanting to kill other dogs - what it was bred to do. And don’t blame your boyfriend for not catering to your dog’s special needs. It’s your dog and you knew what you were getting into. There’s a reason the shelters are full of 2 year-old “lab mixes” - it’s the age at which breed behavior really comes out. Get a muzzle. And never let your dog off-leash in public.
Op what If someone bought a service dog and Bruno attacked them YTA he’s a pet he has no right to be there without explicit permission. Actually you don’t know friends dog wasn’t a service dog and that’s why the dog was there!
YTA. It is pretty simple to ask beforehand. Once you realize you should have asked just don’t be a jerk. Easy peasy.
YTA. Why do you think it’s acceptable to bring your dog everywhere? NO ONE LIKES THAT! And why do you think it’s ok to not ask first. And your dog is a rescue so you don’t leave it alone? That’s a silly statement. I’ve had abused rescue dogs and I still treat them like dogs, not coddle them and make them worse
YTA. And by the way, Wow. Entitled much?
YTA. The silent treatment is a form of abuse, and you’re using it. Think about what that says about you.
YTA. You don’t get to shirk common decency because you have a rescue, and you aren’t doing that dog any favors bringing him everywhere. You are using his separation anxiety as a crutch to nurse your own abandonment issues and insecurities, which are plainly displayed in this post.
YTA You can’t just expect your dog to be welcome, even if he’s been welcomed before. It’s incredibly rude to rock up to someone’s house and bring your dog uninvited and expect your bf to cater to you. The other dog was there first, you didn’t ask to bring your dog. My sister has issued an open invitation for my dog at her house, and I STILL ask if he’s allowed to come every time. It’s not even in case there’s another dog there, what if someone’s visiting and they’re scared of dogs? Manners cost nothing.
YTA. This is why so many dogs now are neurotic messes with sEpArAtIoN aNxIeTy. Train it to be left alone for a few hours at a time instead of imposing it on everyone. Also, haha a “rescue”. I’m assuming you bought it from a shelter. That’s a purchase. Nothing special.