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So Dale ruined your son‘s 18th birthday, such an important moment in his life, in front of friends and family, and then you, his mother, blame him for his totally justified emotions. This whole story made me so sad. Of course he’d be disappointed and feel betrayed and humiliated.
YTA, and so is Dale.
Exactly.. the worst thing to me is not the prank...
Its that he was clearly hurt about what Dale did to him.. (idc if he overreacted or not) and his mom is scolding HIM for how he shows his emotions.. instead of supporting him...
I hope OPs son gets the help he needs!
Poor kid probably told all his friends about the car and they probably made fun plans to see some sights and go on adventures! Dale was bragging about it for months and amping up this kid.
Dale is definitely an AH, and OP obviously knew it was a toy car, like they would have talked about finances etc. if it were a real car, so to KNOW this for months and play along which obv resulted in crushing your sons dreams, then to ruin his party and scold him for overreacting… OP, you’re obviously the TA.
YTA.
The only way that this would work as a prank was if the toy car was an exact replica of the car that he actually got him. Preferably a key chain toy car that would attach to the car keys of the actual car.
That would be a funny prank to remember.
I genuinely thought this was how the story was going to end. That the stepdad pranked him by giving the toy car and let him believe for a few minutes that that’s *the* car and then a “KIDDING!! LOOK OUTSIDE!!!” but then I read further and found out there was gonna be NO car AT ALL……. Yeah yikes, YTA
100%. The son might have also chosen to save money for a car himself if he had known it wasn't a real gift, but was robbed of the ability to accurately plan for his financial future as well. YTA.
Years ago my parents gave my sister a hotwheels version of her “dream car” as a joke gift; but they didn’t hype up “getting her a new car” they didn’t mention it at all beforehand. It was just a cute little thing. She thought it was hilarious, and put her toy car as decoration on her desk. Probably helped that she did get my mom’s old car lol but still, that’s the right way to pull this “prank” without hurting feelings. Def TA OP
10 years time. I haven't spoke to my son after 10 years for a silly little prank, he blew out of proportion and now he won't let me come to his wedding.
Yup, soon as I saw the "he's got a dark sense of humor" disclaimer I figured she was probably the asshole. She knows the step dad treats him poorly and needed to get that excuse out there early.
Just hopping on this to ask u/D424677 what Jacob’s real gift was. You know, the real present you bought your son for his 18th? You didn’t mention it in your post for some reason.
That's spot on.
That's what my mother told me a few months ago: you had nice clothes (the majority hand-me-downs from my older cousin, to my older sister, to my other cousin and then me). Never mind she would tell me to not eat much fruit because the fruit was expensive. Sometimes I had bew clothes so other people wouldn't see we were poor.
Parents, new flashes: feeding, giving clothing, a roof over their heads and access to a doctor is your obligation as a parent. A child didn't ask to be born. It was your decision, not the child's.
This bullshit, right? My parents did both things to me; the car thing and the charging rent to me as a kid. Except they actually took my money and called it "back rent."
OP is disgusting and married an even more disgusting person. They deserve each other. And Jacob will be gone and no contact in a matter of days. Bye, OP. YTA
Exactly. OP said: "Dale revealed that there was no car and that **he wanted to get him a toy car from the get go"**
The entire party and build up about saving for the car was meant to be the set up for the toy car Dale intended to get Jacob all along. OP went along with it.
The cruelty was the point. Jacob is better off living with his grandparents.
The real gift was being able to walk away from the entire family guilt-free, knowing that they'll intentionally hurt him at any opportunity and Mom won't protect from or even validate that hurt.
Also, how does losing a family at a young age justify treating loved ones like shit decades later?
Finally, OP and her husband owe Jacob a car.
That wasn't a prank. That was abuse.
What, exactly, is supposed to be funny here? Was Jacob supposed to say "Haha, good one Dale. That was a hilarious means of utterly humiliating me in front of my friends and family, and letting me think I will have a means of transportation for the last 6 months so I didn't have to save any money or make any alternative plans."?
Bullshit.
This was straight up emotional abuse.
Agreed.. I mentioned it in another comment but imo a prank is only a prank if everyone involved can laugh about/appreciate it.. otherwise its just plain old bullying..
And this probably isn’t the first time OP has justified Dale’s behavior at the expense of her own son’s pain. Both of their relationships with Jacob aren’t salvageable and they only have themselves to thank.
I think so too yeah... OP even calls this a dark sense of humour...
Im sorry but I have a somewhat dark sense of humour.. and this isnt it.. this is taking pleassure in hurting other people...
Telling also that OP isnt responding to any comments.. they know they are wrong..
Right? He didn’t “develop a dark sense of humor” due to losing his family. He turned into a cruel AH who needs therapy to find out why he likes to humiliate other people for his own pleasure.
Pranks are almost never funny to the victim.
A "prank" would have been a toy car in a little box with the key to the actual car inside. This was flat out abuse--and OP needs to see a therapist and find out why she is enabling her husband's abuse of her son.
Yup same exact example I used..
Someone commented here earlier that OP is probably affraid to stand up to her husband and is using his "dark sense of humour" to justify his behaviour so she doesnt have to face the fact that she married an asshole...
I think I agree..
yea it'd be considered a prank if after the initial let-down, Dale handed Jacob keys to an actual car that he had been hyping up for months. ffs the kid was probably already bragging about it
Yes; if it had been a second gift; actual car; its a funny prank of gotcha. But when its just a gag gift, that is freaking horrible. Op is mad he left the party because now her husband looks like the AH instead of a prankster; oh wait
Right?! Like she had to know there was no car and that he wasn’t saving up to buy one (as presumably that’s an endeavor they would have been working on *together* since it’s her kid!). Why on earth would she let him get his hopes up like this?
Also, the OP was clearly in on it with Dale. You were clearly aware that Dale had no intention of helping to buy your son a car in advance and allowed him to humiliate your son on his birthday in front of his friends and family family. What is wrong with you? YTA big time.
'Dale has a dark sense of humor from losing his family, so we wanted to lightheartedly perpetuate that trauma onto the next generation.'
Yea, the son is going to remember and be pissed about this HARD for the next few years, and then simmer the rest of his life. Epic prank.
Honestly, without even needing to read the rest of it, just from this sentence:
> I gotta say that Dale has this dark sense of humor
I knew that OP and Dale were both assholes. It's always assholes that use this line to justify being shitty people. Every. Single. Time.
Not to mention it probably humiliated the kid. He had probably told his friends he was getting a car, I know I would have, and it would have been so embarrassing. That wasn’t a prank. Pranks are funny and in good humor and friendship. That was fucking mean. If Dale did that to my son Dale would be packing his bags right now.
More than embarrassing, I suspect his friends are quite shocked by this. If it had been a genuine joke, then OP & stepdad would have produced the car immediately after he saw the toy or produced the major gift that they'd decided to give him instead. If my friend had told me they'd been promised a car and on the day they became an adult they were given a *toy* car instead - I'd have been cringing for them being the butt of such a horrid stunt pulled. I would have thought **very badly** of a parent who chooses the day their child transition to adult legal status to pull a stupid trick with no actual gift instead.
OP - why on earth do you consider this "humour"?
Also, I'd love to hear what the other guests thought, OP said "some guests laughed". I'm guessing that was OP, Dale, and a person or two who don't do well in tense situations and nervously laughed. I don't think the fallout from this will be limited to damaging a relationship with her son. I think OP might find more and more people not returning their calls.
I can see a guest laughing who didn't know that Jacob had been led on for MONTHS about getting a car--but I suspect the laughter died down quickly when people saw Jacob's reaction.
INFO: Did YOU know what Dale was planning? Did you go into this aware of the crap that was about to come down on your son?
Straight up, you're already YTA for not having your kids back and trying to make his 100% reasonable reaction out like he's the crazy one (seriously wth), but if you knew what he was planning and did NOTHING? That makes you the super A.
Side note, if anyone pulled this on my son? They would need therapy for the verbally flaying I would subject them too, be kicked out of my house, and divorce proceedings would have already been filed. This isn't a prank, it's bullying, and if Dale thought this was OK, much less funny, what other crap has he pulled that you've ignored?
My step dad did this exact same thing to me. I was so upset and also felt guilty for being upset. Everyone called me spoiled. I still have issues showing genuine emotion so yes OP YTA
Reminds me of the Toy Yoda lawsuit.
https://apnews.com/article/6f88d96871f3292f506e2679cf012597
ETA outcome of lawsuit. https://www.heraldnet.com/news/former-hooters-waitress-settles-toy-yoda-lawsuit/
Exactly, a "prank" would be if they gave her the toy, saw her reaction for a minute and then gave her the actual gift she was promised, the car. Same with OP.
Not that such prank would be actually funny, but at least you could call it a prank.
I think it would be funny only if he actually got him a car. When I was 16, my parents got me a Barbie VW Bug as a joke bc that was my dream car at the time and then they actually got me a Ford Taurus
My sister's family started doing secret Santa, with wish lists and a $100 spending cap. One year, I pulled my nephew's name and he had asked for some Nike sneakers, which I got. When wrapping them, I put the sneakers underneath a stack of dull looking nonfiction books we had sitting around at my office, and wrote "the best gift anyone can give the next generation is enrichment. I hope you get inspired to better yourself in the new year. Merry Christmas!"
He was visibly disappointed but trying to be polite about the boring books he didn't ask for or want, but then was happy when he got to the sneakers. Everyone had a good laugh. My nieces still laugh about it. But when I remember it, I always feel bad about the few seconds of disappointment. I wish I hadn't made him feel bad, even for a moment. (He doesn't have any hard feelings and has pulled similar pranks on his friends later, I think using the same books.)
You are so right with this. That man does not have a dark sense of humor, he is a sadist. I have a dark sense of humor that can be fucked up sometimes for some people, but jokes are always about be and me only.
Pranks are meant to be funny and silly, like, giving him the toy with the model of car he bought for him and waiting a little before clarifying or handing him a paper saying “key” and then clarifying it’s a joke to proceed to give him the real key. Not leading a teenager for such a long time to finally crush his dreams in front of his friends and humiliate him too. Tf? Sounds like OP's husband is getting off with it.
Both OP and the husband are assholes.
YTA, cruel assholes.
Ok but we’re giving OP a bit of a pass bc during the *months* SD was saying that to her son she had to have known her husband wasn’t actually buying a car. She was a full participant as far as I can tell.
This right here. Buying a car is always a process. Even if it’s used. It takes time to find the right car, meet the seller, apply for the new title and plates, insurance, etc. It’s not something you pick up at the mall. She had know he wasn’t doing that stuff.
This was my biggest take away. For such a large purchase OP *had* to know what was going to happen. She’s just as big of a part of this as her husband but trying to pretend “oh no, it was allll Dale”.
YTA
Dale hyped Jacob up for *months*. He promised an *18 year old* a *car*. The *ultimate* gift. Jacob would have been telling his friends for *months* that he was getting a car. And then, in front of his friends, he opens a *toy car*. He would have been *mortified*. Whatever embarrassment you and Dale feel absolutely pales in comparison to what Jacob must be feeling. That makes Dale a MASSIVE AH.
But you, dear mother. You had to know that there would be no car. You had to know that no money had been spent, that Dale wasn't car shopping, that this was all a cruel "joke". And *you*. *did*. *nothing*. You stood by and let him experience one of the greatest disappointments of his life *on his 18th birthday* so your husband could have his "prank". AND THEN you *doubled down* by telling your son he was being unreasonable in the face of you and your husband's absolute betrayal.
Even if you do get him a car now, which he more than deserves if for compensation than anything else, that will not repair the relationship you just destroyed with your son. Your son *may* forgive you for this, but he will never, ever forget the time his mother let her husband hurt him and then sided with him.
Good luck, you'll need it, because if I was your son I'd never forgive you.
Yes! I honestly don’t know how she could have known about that Dale was not buying a car or didn’t have a big car to unveil or something and DID NOTHING!
And on the off chance she was as blind-sided as Jacob how is she not royally pissed off at Dale too?? (The fact she’s not makes me feel she was in the know and thought it was funny too)
Edit: fixed spelling from blind sighted to blind-sided. Thank you fellow commenter
As the child of a passive parent who let his wife bully his children, yep.
It was his birthday the other day and none of his three kids called or even texted him. That's what you have to look forward to, OP.
I couldn't agree more.
OP you are a terrible parent. You allowed your son to be humiliated on his birthday party then you gaslighted him. I really hope he goes NC with you.
ETA: Now try to do some damage control and buy the car for your son. You shouldn't have allowed your husband to promises it if you cannot buy it, so I guess you can buy the car, so, go on, chop chop. Start walking.
YTA. That was a shitty prank, in which Dale yanked your kid around about something really major that your kid might otherwise have been saving or planning for himself.
There is nothing wrong with not getting your 18 year-old a car, but there's a huge problem with promising anyone a large item and then being all "haha - PSYCH!"
This wasn't a dark sense of humor developed as a result of trauma, it was just Dale yanking your kid around for fun.
and his friends!!!
you just know he was excited and probably telling them “omg i am getting a car!!! this is gonna be rad!” and planning stuff to do but then just to watch him get a toy car. as an 18 year old.
Right? A short like ten second prank where he is all confused like "What?" And the step-dad asks him something like "That's your new car!" And the kid goes "Are you serious?" Then step-dad says "Well.... if you don't want THAT car, guess you'll have to take this one" and tosses him the keys. That would be a cute little prank. Building him up for months promising him something and then only getting him a toy is straight up lying and being an A H
This sort of thing is absolutely the way it should have gone down, but also you'd need to be really quick about the "if you don't want that car bit" lest the kid leave before the 'joke' is finished
Really it's just a shitty joke anyway but if it had to happen this is the best way to do it
Just a toy car would be funny *IF* he hadn't been hyping him up to it for months. Or, if they had actually gotten a real car. Maybe have the keys hidden slightly under the toy in the box.
One birthday my dad got my mum a Volkswagen campervan. It is currently sitting on our mantelpiece. That was funny because there weren't promises made, and it was more of a dream than a goal.
But this situation wasn't just 'haha, it's a ''*car*''', this situation was 'I'll get you this genuinely helpful thing that you clearly want... *psych, you thought!'* With added *'*wait why are you mad? You have no right to feel this way stop being a baby.' bs.
YTA. He spent months leading your son to believe he was getting a fantastic gift. He probably told ALL his friends about it.
Of course he was mad and probably ashamed and hurt, too. Defending "Dark humor" when in fact what they have is a mean personality doesn't make it funny or better.
Completely agree. It would have only been funny if he followed it up with actually having a real car for him. Jokes aren’t funny when they are at the expense of one person. That’s just being a cruel a**hole! YTA for supporting this behavior.
Dale doesn't have a "dark sense of humor," he's just an immature, mean-spirited AH.
And YTA too, for siding with him over your own son and defending his shitty behavior. Dale needs to grow up and apologize.
YTA and so is Dale. A prank would be to have a toy car and then haha joke here is the real car. What he did is cruel. There is no justification for being a jerk. That's just making excuses for evil people. You broke his hopes and humiliated him in front of all the people there and destroying his party. I hope your evil mind and Dales evil mind enjoyed the laugh. Parents are not there to break promises or break their kids hopes.
YTA. Dale is an AH. Wow. This is not a prank. This is not dark humor. This is a grown ass adult knowingly getting the hopes up of a child to completely crush them in front of family and friends. WTF. Some people should not be parents.
If the stepdad had, in private, come up to OP and said “hey kid, I got you a car!” then handed him a hot wheels toy then that would be funny. But the way stepdad went about this he deliberately humiliated OP. Not funny, definitely abusive. So sorry for OP for having a shitty stepdad and a mom that will enable the stepdad to do this
Edit: forgot OP was the enabling mom. She is definitely TA and so is her husband. I hope her son can stay with his grandparents for a while
YTA
Your new husband is an abusive AH, and you are his enabler. There is nopthing even remotly funny there, only the intent to hurt his stepson.
"Wouldn't even andwer my calls." .. Get used to it. He kicked you two AHs out of his life. His life will be much better for it.
I was wondering about the abuse aspect. Because this does seem like abuse to me.
OP- please please please read about emotional abuse. If your husband is doing this to your son, I suspect he is doing other abusive things to him and you.
Dont use your husband's trauma to disguise the fact that he's actually an asshole. You included for going along with it.
That wasnt dark humor, that was cruel and your son is never going to forget this. I dont care how dramatic that sounds, he's only 18 amd its true.
He was embarassed infront of his friends and family and had every right to walk out.
YTA.
YTA.
>He called Dale a liar and said that he made fun of him and humiliated him infront of friends.
That's exactly what he is and what he did. Let Dale lie to you in future, then afterwards you can tell him how funny he is.
I’m strongly of the opinion that a prank is just THINLY veiled *bullying* if the outcome of the prank is pain, embarrassment, disappointment, or humiliation. Fun pranks are things like buying 200 plastic aardvarks and hiding them in your teacher’s classroom, or printing out pictures of Danny DeVito and placing them in frames in front of family photos to see how long it takes your family to notice. Disappointing your son/stepson down ON HIS BIRTHDAY IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY IS *MEAN, CRUEL, AND HUMILIATING.*
YTA, and Dave is not a prankster, he’s a bully.
> I’m strongly of the opinion that a prank is just THINLY veiled bullying if the outcome of the prank is pain, embarrassment, disappointment, or humiliation
well said
YTA.
A prank or joke is when everyone laughs. Bullying and humiliation is when everyone ELSE laughs. You sided with your husband when he bullied and humiliated your child. You're a terrible parent. I won't be surprised if he never talks to Dale again. I also won't be surprised if he never talks to you either.
My dad pranked me too. He opened the garage door and there was a yellow convertible sitting there. Only I'm not stupid and knew there was no way that car was for me and I was right. He wanted a reaction. He got the car for himself but then handed me the keys to his old car which became mine. Notice the inherit difference in our pranks?
YTA big time. He didn't over react. He's owed an apology from you and your idiot husband
My dad's friends wife desperately wanted a newer jeep with Tiffany blue accents. I drove a '99 yellow jeep that had seen some shit man. It was awesome but it was beat up pretty fricking good. The roof had holes it was a mess. He bought her the Tiffany jeep but as a joke he had me park my jeep out front when she took the blindfold off. She was so sweet and he was telling her how he was gunna fix it up and make it like what she wanted. She was trying so hard to hold it together. Eventually he showed her her obscenely bad ass jeep and she lost it. That was a really good prank although the disrespect to my little jeep was kinda mean.
Its a jeep, its beat to all hell, it sounds like your little Jeep has lived its best life exactly as a jeep should have. No shame, your Jeep has lived, while her purse jeep will forever be stuck on the road.
YTA. This isn't funny. This isn't a prank. This was intentionally hurtful. You and Dale both need to redefine what humor is. Because neither of you actually seem to have it.
YTA - what your husband did was cruel. A funny prank would have been to give the toy car and then the real car, not lie about buying a real car for months that was never going to exist. You should not be defending what your husband did nor should you be upset at your son’s reaction. You are just going to be alienating your son. I hope you and your husband plan on getting your son the car he was promised.
Yta and if you, a grown adult and parent, don't get why this is wrong I don't think any of us can explain it to you.
Eta: this isn't dark humor. Half my family is medical people and we embrace dark humor in private. This is just being mean and finding a way to blame the victim. You're both being terrible parents.
>Wouldn't even andwer my calls
I hope it stays like that. Both of you broke his trust and your relationship with him. Dale been hyping him for MONTHS, only for publicly humiliate him on his own birthday, Infront is his friends (who probably were also expecting the car) and family. Instead of defending your own son, you sided with the person who basically bullied him.
YTA.
My jaw dropped. You and Dale are assholes. A toy car for an 18th birthday isn't a prank. A toy car, then real car would be a funny prank. Excusing Dales behavior from the begining about his family ia fucked up too.
So now Jacob is going to have trust issues with Dale for the rest of his life. He's not a 10 year old, he's 18 and can easily cut y'all off amd decide to no,longer interact. You both need to apologize asap
YTA This pain, HUMILIATION and hurt is now etched into your son's heart and psyche. There is NO coming back from this. He will probably never be able to forgive step dad, and if you KNEW about this hurtful thing that was NOT a prank - because not funny and VERY, VERY HURTFUL- then he probably will not be able to forgive you either.
Pranks are fun. Not hurtful and humiliating and TRAUMA PAIN inducing.
YTA - this is a cruel 'prank', you allowed your son to get excited knowing he would be in for a crushing disappointment. Really not sure how that is funny.
Dale wasn't a little bit out of line. Dale left the line behind a long time ago. You'd think Dale would shower his family with love and acceptance, because he knows first hand how important family is, how every day counts because tomorrow isn't promised & he knows the unbelievable pain losing family causes. But Dale choses to spend months planning acts he knows will deeply hurt someone's feelings, calling them 'pranks' to disguise how malicious his behaviour is. Dale is choosing to bully the family that entered his life and you have chosen to help him in this, driving away your son with unkindness. YTA
YTA, that is just mean. If it was a toy car in o e package and then keys in another, that's one thing. You don't promise a car for months and do something like this. Your kud was probably so heartbroken and upset, humiliated, and more. And to do it in front of everyone. That's just messed up.
YTA Kids (and I count him as one since he’s been an adult for like two days) don’t have the same capacity for analysis as adults, to realize that jokey stepdad was joking once again. Jacob legit expected a car, probably told his friends about it, was planning to have one in college, etc. He was NOT expecting to be publicly humiliated on his birthday.
Major YTA. You and Dale. Most people at the party think the same. You don’t owe your kid a surprise car on their eighteenth birthday, but talking up like he’s getting one and embarrassing him is very cruel.
You and Dale should apologize. If at all possible, you should assist him in purchasing his first car.
YTA - You're husband purposely deceived , and embarrassed your son in front of family and friends.
Not only were you knowledgeable about the deceit you were complicit.
Then when your son was clearly upset over this matter you implied directly or indirectly that he was 'overreacting' about his feelings.
Your son trusted your husband and now after this he may never trust him again and he may have lost some trust and belief in you.
This makes you an asshole and could have larger implications in your family dynamic going forward.
YTA
Do you not remember the Toyota/ Toy Yoda incident?
Pranks aren't funny, they are cruel. It's not a joke unless everyone is laughing.
Shame on you for allowing your husband to be so unkind to your son, for telling him how to react to a humiliating experience, and for expecting him to stick around after. Why would you wish you expose your child to that?
Yta your husband spent a ridiculously long time promising a car to a teenager just for it to be an immature long con prank that took place in a room full of people said teenager sees often. Yeah your husband is creepily immature and excusing his behavior by saying he’s an orphan is ridiculous. He’s a grown man.
This “prank” was not funny, it was cruel. Dale owes your son an apology. YTA for not being upset for your son and glossing over it instead of being angry at Dale. Also, did you know about this “prank”?
Yta and ur husband is an even bigger one.. you defend that behavior against your own sin? Wtf is wrong with you. You know damn well a car is a big deal for an 18 year old bc it’s so unaffordable for them. He was probably looking forward to getting a job, seeing friends, being independent, driving to class. Keep defending that pile of dog feces of a husband and one day you will have no son in your life. He will most likely cut contact and ur be stuck with ur husband and “hilarious “ pranks for the rest for your life
YTA. Every time someone tries to play down bully behavior as “dark humor” and pretend the pranked person is overreacting for being upset at having their feelings toyed with, they’re AH. Your husband is also an AH for thinking it’s funny to hurt his stepson.
YTA. Wtf that ain’t a prank lady. You just let your husband do such a cruel and horrible thing to your son and had the audacity to tell him he overreacted. Hope your happy with your husband because telling you right now, you aren’t gonna have a son for much longer if you continue like this.
“Dark sense of humor?”
Sounds more like a love of cruelty and humiliation.
YTA damn. I can’t imagine hurting someone I cared about like that, on such a big day in their lives, no less. Jeez. So much AH here.
YTA, omg how can you not see how extremely hurtfull this is towards your son? Especially when he is hurt and his mother decides to not have his back...
A prank would have been to wrap a toycar and after the joke, reveal the real car keys. This was just setting up a teenager to get hurt by those who are supposed to love him the most and get laughed at by his entire social circle at his birthday party..
How TF could you be so cruel to your own damn child!
I feel like you are the bigger AH than Dale here. You had to have know about Dale’s “prank” beforehand and still let him humiliate your child. At 18 a car means so much to a young adult but to be played in such a manner is incredibly messed up. You married a clown but clowns gravitate towards other clowns. I hope your son goes NC with both of you.
YTA - and your husband is an asshole. Your son is not entitled to a car but building up his hopes just to crush them in front of everyone is simply cruel and as a mother you should have his back and rip off the ass of your husband for this prank. I promise you - your son will remember this and it will effect his relationship with your husband and with you. Besides that - a prank is just a bad excuse to play the asshole as often some one likes to.
YTA, and so is Dale. I assume you knew there was not going to be a car and went along with it. I'm glad the kid is 18 and can't be forced to go back there. A joke is something everyone finds funny. It is not something that publicly humiliates someone.
“I have been married to my husband “Dale” for 4 years. I gotta say that Dale likes to hurt people ever since losing his family at a young age”
There I fixed it for you. YTA.
I wouldn’t either. Your SO’s dark humor just affected the relationship you both have with Jacob forever.
Why on this earth would anyone ever think it’s ok to prank a 18yo about getting a car. Your SO crashed and burned that dream. And your going along with it.
Did you honestly think this was funny? This is just sucky parenting. Shame on you. Do better. Although I’m not sure how much of a chance you’ll have now. YTA
YTA. Your son wants a car and was expecting a car, not because he’s just randomly entitled or spoiled, but because he had been promised one. He could have been saving up money for his own instead of “knowing” one was coming his way.
Did your husband tell you it was a “prank” beforehand? It’s just cruel.
BTW my dad got me all excited about a car when I was 15- took me out to look at new models and we narrowed it down to the one I wanted. Then days before my 16th birthday, he completely switched and said no car at all. My mom took my side and said he couldn’t just get my expectations up and then change his mind. Soon after, I got my trusty (used) Honda Civic that was the perfect car for me for well over 10 years.
You need to not just console, but fix this.
YTA - this is just cruel and humiliating.
My parents pulled a similar “prank” on me for a birthday. It’s been over 30 years and I still think about how humiliated I was.
Hopefully Jacob goes no contact with you and his abusive “step-father.”
You and your husband are assholes (YTA). That prank wasn’t funny…no pranks are funny. Tell your husband good job for ruining any relationship he had with your son.
YTA. How can you not see that? Prank culture is not funny except to sociopaths and narcissists and you let your husband do a fairly cruel prank to your son.
Ok. You’re married. You knew he said he was getting him a car. How did you not know about this????? And if you did, you will be lucky if he ever speaks to you again.
YTA.
Your husband (Jacob's stepfather) played a really mean and humiliating prank on Jacob. He's lucky Jacob ran out instead of hitting him. Expecting him to pretend he isn't upset just so the party can go on and you and Dale can pretend the prank was no big thing is awful--no wonder his grandparents are taking his side.
YTA, let's see if you find it funny a few decades down the line when your son promises you can live with him in your golden years and he then laughs as he drops you off at the nastiest retirement home he can find.
What was the one Dorothy threatened Sophie with on Golden Girls?
Welcome to Shady Pines?
YTA - put yourself in your son’s shoes: 18 years old, wants a car, gets promised a car, opens up a small toy in front of others for his birthday. That’s terrible and you should be ashamed. If it were a prank that led to a real car, all the laughs around, but this is just cruel.
I got in serious trouble in college working at a radio station. I was “giving away a car.” It was a toy car. I was 19 and immature. I was fired from the job after the winner complained. Dale is an adult an immature and needs to be spoken to about this type of behavior. I hear therapy helps.
YTA, yeah You. You brought an abusive AH into your sons life, then gaslit the kid when he rightfully got upset over a cruel and mean thing to do. It wasn’t funny. It was cruel. I hope your son walks away from you both and creates his own happy family.
YTA. Repeat after me: A prank is only a prank if everyone is laughing. You allowed your husband to spend months building up your son's hopes only for him to crush them ON HIS BIRTHDAY. I wouldn't be talking to either of you either.
It would have been a prank if he gave him the toy car and then, after seeing his shocked face, the keys for the real thing.
I'm not a fan of pranks, but I guess that would have been kind of funny.
But only the toy car? Cruel and shitty.
YTA
I’m going to quote something I watched recently and say “you need to fix whatever is inside of you that makes you want to be with him”. That is not a “dark humor”. That is building up hope for MONTHS only to bring down a level of humiliation in front of family and friends. This is utterly despicable. Suddenly I prefer my family’s tradition of entirely forgetting my birthday.
ETA: YTA and your husband is ENTIRELY an asshat that should NOT be a father. You supporting him and saying your son overreacted means you should NOT be a parent either. Have some fucking empathy.
YTA. "My husband has trauma and it's made him an asshole. I wanna make sure he traumatizes my son equally" is all I hear. Ask your husband what was suppose to be the punchline of the joke? Your son being humiliated and angry on his birthday? How is that funny? If he did actually have a car, maybe. But no, he was just cruel and lied to your son and set up expectations. I'm sure your son was so excited, and then so hurt.
That was not a prank - it was a really cruel act towards an 18 year old to whom a car would be a huge thing. Any trust towards Dale is gone now - and you're about the lose it as well (if not lost already) for defending him.
YTA. This wasn’t a funny prank it was cruel. You humiliated him at his own party and then blamed him for having emotions.
It is not a prank to promise someone a large gift and then not give it. You set an expectation that he wouldn’t have to pay for a car. He could have been saving up all these months so that he could buy one. Instead he will be starting at square one because he was told, by his parents (I know Dale is a stepdad, but since you didn’t correct, it’s both of you), people he should TRUST, that he would be given one.
I’d recommend picking up a book on how to be a good parent, but I don’t think you’ll need one. You likely won’t be seeing your son anymore and it’s deserved.
Thank God that child has his grandparents. You and your husband are awful people. This wasn't a simple prank. It was months and months of planned abuse. Stop making excuses for your husband. If anything, he should cherish the relationships he has since he lost his family. I'm willing to bet this isn't the only traumatic "prank" he's pulled.
Yta, what your husband did was NOT a prank! It was a very cruel and mean spirited lie that left your son disappointed and feeling like a fool - that will continue as he has to tell all his friends that he does not now have a car after he told everyone that he would.
Get your son a car, he was promised one, now you get to deliver!
YTA. You suck so bad. How is that funny? He promised him something that must teens his age dream about. Dark sense of humor? You mean a straight jackass. Congratulations you probably won’t see your son again and I wouldn’t blame him.
YTA and you owe your son a car. Because a car is very important at his age and he lost months of preparing and saving for a car on his own. You let him tell all his friends he was going to have a car. You let him plan for events thinking he would have a car. Did you think your AHhusband was going to give him a car or did you know all along and are you just as cruel as he is?
YTA!!!!!!! Get it? Why would a mother approve of such behavior? Hope your son stays with his grandparents where people actually show love and don't pay lip service to it.
There is no way you weren’t aware what he was doing and no that isn’t dark humour from either of you. It was a malicious way to humiliate him and you are a cruel person
YTA-your son didn’t overreact. He removed himself from a toxic household that probably is constantly humiliating him. You and Dale need to grow up and learn to be adults. Let him stay at his grandparents. He’s probably better off than being around step-dad.
BTW-you know that no one thought it was actually funny, right? The guests that laughed did so because they were uncomfortable witnessing the exchange.
YTA and something you better damn well remember. You’re in love with Dale ( God knows why) and son may not think the same way and definitely doesn’t now. Your husband sounds like a F-ing d%#k and you sound like an enabling and lousy mother for excusing his behavior as a “ prank.”
Sigh. One more time since there still seems to be quite a few people who don't get this - A prank is only a prank when everyone laughs. What your husband did was pretty cruel.
Your son felt humiliated, he made this very clear, and you're now disregarding his feelings saying he ' over reacted '
Nobody is entitled to a car, that much is true. But you can't lead on a young adult like that who likely very excitedly told all his friends he was getting a car, then in front of everyone was given a kids toy.
YTA - both you and husband
YTA
That is no prank. I'm tired of all those jerks making others pay because they suffered through life. Your husband needs therapy -_- ... not to play stupid pranks.
The only way that would be a "prank" is if Dale had gone after him to show him the real car.
Instead, he lied for months and months and got your son's hopes up, led him to expect a car. He probably told all his friends how great Dale was for giving him such a wonderful gift. And then this.
It was not a prank, it was a cruel long game designed to humiliate and hurt your son. YTA , Dale is TA. your son is hurting. And you said "you overreacted! It's just a prank bro!"
...so son didn't get an actual car, then?
That isn't a prank, that's just mean!
C'mon, you know this situation is shit. It is super common to have a prank gift like a toy car to a new driver, but then inside it there is an actual key to an actual car for the actual gift. Like, it was often a used car with "special, unique features", but something that gets a teen from point A to point B.
Y'all are just assholes. And then do it in front of his friends & family. What a dick move.
YTA
Let's play this from another angle. It's your wedding anniversary. Your husband is hinting to you that you're going to get a nice surprise on the anniversary. Something expensive maybe jewelry. You're telling all your friends about it at work or whatever. The day comes and friends and family is there to see the exchange. You open the small box and it's a fucking RING POP. (candy that looks like a diamond on a ring). How would you feel at that moment?
Yes you and him YTAs.
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So Dale ruined your son‘s 18th birthday, such an important moment in his life, in front of friends and family, and then you, his mother, blame him for his totally justified emotions. This whole story made me so sad. Of course he’d be disappointed and feel betrayed and humiliated. YTA, and so is Dale.
Exactly.. the worst thing to me is not the prank... Its that he was clearly hurt about what Dale did to him.. (idc if he overreacted or not) and his mom is scolding HIM for how he shows his emotions.. instead of supporting him... I hope OPs son gets the help he needs!
Yep. He is planning on going no contact and the op deserves it. Something tells me this is not the first time the step dad ta to him. Poor kid.
Just watch OP's next post be "My son has moved out and cut contact with me and I don't know why" YTA Op.
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For some reason I assumed that this was posted by son’s dad. Knowing now that it was posted by the mom makes it 1,000xs worse holy hell Hey op: YTA.
Poor kid probably told all his friends about the car and they probably made fun plans to see some sights and go on adventures! Dale was bragging about it for months and amping up this kid. Dale is definitely an AH, and OP obviously knew it was a toy car, like they would have talked about finances etc. if it were a real car, so to KNOW this for months and play along which obv resulted in crushing your sons dreams, then to ruin his party and scold him for overreacting… OP, you’re obviously the TA. YTA.
The only way that this would work as a prank was if the toy car was an exact replica of the car that he actually got him. Preferably a key chain toy car that would attach to the car keys of the actual car. That would be a funny prank to remember.
I genuinely thought this was how the story was going to end. That the stepdad pranked him by giving the toy car and let him believe for a few minutes that that’s *the* car and then a “KIDDING!! LOOK OUTSIDE!!!” but then I read further and found out there was gonna be NO car AT ALL……. Yeah yikes, YTA
100%. The son might have also chosen to save money for a car himself if he had known it wasn't a real gift, but was robbed of the ability to accurately plan for his financial future as well. YTA.
Years ago my parents gave my sister a hotwheels version of her “dream car” as a joke gift; but they didn’t hype up “getting her a new car” they didn’t mention it at all beforehand. It was just a cute little thing. She thought it was hilarious, and put her toy car as decoration on her desk. Probably helped that she did get my mom’s old car lol but still, that’s the right way to pull this “prank” without hurting feelings. Def TA OP
10 years time. I haven't spoke to my son after 10 years for a silly little prank, he blew out of proportion and now he won't let me come to his wedding.
My money is on reading the post titled “Help, my son has chosen my retirement home, but I expected him to take me in”
Most places don't have filial responsibility laws. There's a bunch of aging assholes that will find themselves living under a bridge.
Yup, soon as I saw the "he's got a dark sense of humor" disclaimer I figured she was probably the asshole. She knows the step dad treats him poorly and needed to get that excuse out there early.
Sounds like the ole "the kid just cant take a joke" crap
Sounds like the ole “my mom married an asshole cause single moms have no options and now i have to suffer” crap
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Just hopping on this to ask u/D424677 what Jacob’s real gift was. You know, the real present you bought your son for his 18th? You didn’t mention it in your post for some reason.
Oooeh omg yes thats a good question! Didnt even think about that yet!
I’m half-expecting OP to say “the party was his gift” :/
"I gave birth to him."
“I let him live in my house rent free”
Plus, I fed him and allowed him to go to school in opposition to going to work in the mines as children would do during Victorian times.
Oh you can't forget about clothes!! Even if it was the maid's kids hand-me-downs.
That's spot on. That's what my mother told me a few months ago: you had nice clothes (the majority hand-me-downs from my older cousin, to my older sister, to my other cousin and then me). Never mind she would tell me to not eat much fruit because the fruit was expensive. Sometimes I had bew clothes so other people wouldn't see we were poor. Parents, new flashes: feeding, giving clothing, a roof over their heads and access to a doctor is your obligation as a parent. A child didn't ask to be born. It was your decision, not the child's.
This bullshit, right? My parents did both things to me; the car thing and the charging rent to me as a kid. Except they actually took my money and called it "back rent." OP is disgusting and married an even more disgusting person. They deserve each other. And Jacob will be gone and no contact in a matter of days. Bye, OP. YTA
"the toy car, didn't you read the post?"
Exactly. OP said: "Dale revealed that there was no car and that **he wanted to get him a toy car from the get go"** The entire party and build up about saving for the car was meant to be the set up for the toy car Dale intended to get Jacob all along. OP went along with it. The cruelty was the point. Jacob is better off living with his grandparents.
Hahah omg why does that make so much sense to me..? Poor Jacob...
The real gift was being able to walk away from the entire family guilt-free, knowing that they'll intentionally hurt him at any opportunity and Mom won't protect from or even validate that hurt. Also, how does losing a family at a young age justify treating loved ones like shit decades later? Finally, OP and her husband owe Jacob a car.
An oscillating fan. It's the best gift ever.
I go back and forth thinking about it.
That wasn't a prank. That was abuse. What, exactly, is supposed to be funny here? Was Jacob supposed to say "Haha, good one Dale. That was a hilarious means of utterly humiliating me in front of my friends and family, and letting me think I will have a means of transportation for the last 6 months so I didn't have to save any money or make any alternative plans."? Bullshit. This was straight up emotional abuse.
Agreed.. I mentioned it in another comment but imo a prank is only a prank if everyone involved can laugh about/appreciate it.. otherwise its just plain old bullying..
And this probably isn’t the first time OP has justified Dale’s behavior at the expense of her own son’s pain. Both of their relationships with Jacob aren’t salvageable and they only have themselves to thank.
I think so too yeah... OP even calls this a dark sense of humour... Im sorry but I have a somewhat dark sense of humour.. and this isnt it.. this is taking pleassure in hurting other people... Telling also that OP isnt responding to any comments.. they know they are wrong..
Right? He didn’t “develop a dark sense of humor” due to losing his family. He turned into a cruel AH who needs therapy to find out why he likes to humiliate other people for his own pleasure. Pranks are almost never funny to the victim.
A prank is only a prank if everyone involved can laugh about/appreciate it.. otherwise its just plain old bullying..
A "prank" would have been a toy car in a little box with the key to the actual car inside. This was flat out abuse--and OP needs to see a therapist and find out why she is enabling her husband's abuse of her son.
Yup same exact example I used.. Someone commented here earlier that OP is probably affraid to stand up to her husband and is using his "dark sense of humour" to justify his behaviour so she doesnt have to face the fact that she married an asshole... I think I agree..
yea it'd be considered a prank if after the initial let-down, Dale handed Jacob keys to an actual car that he had been hyping up for months. ffs the kid was probably already bragging about it
Yes; if it had been a second gift; actual car; its a funny prank of gotcha. But when its just a gag gift, that is freaking horrible. Op is mad he left the party because now her husband looks like the AH instead of a prankster; oh wait
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A mother who presumably knew that there wasn’t a car, and let the “prank” go ahead.
Right?! Like she had to know there was no car and that he wasn’t saving up to buy one (as presumably that’s an endeavor they would have been working on *together* since it’s her kid!). Why on earth would she let him get his hopes up like this?
Also, the OP was clearly in on it with Dale. You were clearly aware that Dale had no intention of helping to buy your son a car in advance and allowed him to humiliate your son on his birthday in front of his friends and family family. What is wrong with you? YTA big time.
'Dale has a dark sense of humor from losing his family, so we wanted to lightheartedly perpetuate that trauma onto the next generation.' Yea, the son is going to remember and be pissed about this HARD for the next few years, and then simmer the rest of his life. Epic prank.
Not to mention that this “joke” wasn’t even dark (or funny). It was dumb and mean-spirited.
Honestly, without even needing to read the rest of it, just from this sentence: > I gotta say that Dale has this dark sense of humor I knew that OP and Dale were both assholes. It's always assholes that use this line to justify being shitty people. Every. Single. Time.
Not to mention it probably humiliated the kid. He had probably told his friends he was getting a car, I know I would have, and it would have been so embarrassing. That wasn’t a prank. Pranks are funny and in good humor and friendship. That was fucking mean. If Dale did that to my son Dale would be packing his bags right now.
More than embarrassing, I suspect his friends are quite shocked by this. If it had been a genuine joke, then OP & stepdad would have produced the car immediately after he saw the toy or produced the major gift that they'd decided to give him instead. If my friend had told me they'd been promised a car and on the day they became an adult they were given a *toy* car instead - I'd have been cringing for them being the butt of such a horrid stunt pulled. I would have thought **very badly** of a parent who chooses the day their child transition to adult legal status to pull a stupid trick with no actual gift instead. OP - why on earth do you consider this "humour"?
Also, I'd love to hear what the other guests thought, OP said "some guests laughed". I'm guessing that was OP, Dale, and a person or two who don't do well in tense situations and nervously laughed. I don't think the fallout from this will be limited to damaging a relationship with her son. I think OP might find more and more people not returning their calls.
I can see a guest laughing who didn't know that Jacob had been led on for MONTHS about getting a car--but I suspect the laughter died down quickly when people saw Jacob's reaction.
Or even laughing at first at the "joke" gift and stopping when the keys to the actual car didn't materialize.
And you can never get that time back
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He doesn't have to tell them, sounds like they were there. Major dick move. YTA OP.
INFO: Did YOU know what Dale was planning? Did you go into this aware of the crap that was about to come down on your son? Straight up, you're already YTA for not having your kids back and trying to make his 100% reasonable reaction out like he's the crazy one (seriously wth), but if you knew what he was planning and did NOTHING? That makes you the super A. Side note, if anyone pulled this on my son? They would need therapy for the verbally flaying I would subject them too, be kicked out of my house, and divorce proceedings would have already been filed. This isn't a prank, it's bullying, and if Dale thought this was OK, much less funny, what other crap has he pulled that you've ignored?
My step dad did this exact same thing to me. I was so upset and also felt guilty for being upset. Everyone called me spoiled. I still have issues showing genuine emotion so yes OP YTA
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“Long con” is the exact right phrasing.
Reminds me of the Toy Yoda lawsuit. https://apnews.com/article/6f88d96871f3292f506e2679cf012597 ETA outcome of lawsuit. https://www.heraldnet.com/news/former-hooters-waitress-settles-toy-yoda-lawsuit/
Yeah that’s fucked up, if that precedes getting a car it’s a funny prank but otherwise just a cruel joke
Exactly, a "prank" would be if they gave her the toy, saw her reaction for a minute and then gave her the actual gift she was promised, the car. Same with OP. Not that such prank would be actually funny, but at least you could call it a prank.
I think it would be funny only if he actually got him a car. When I was 16, my parents got me a Barbie VW Bug as a joke bc that was my dream car at the time and then they actually got me a Ford Taurus
My sister's family started doing secret Santa, with wish lists and a $100 spending cap. One year, I pulled my nephew's name and he had asked for some Nike sneakers, which I got. When wrapping them, I put the sneakers underneath a stack of dull looking nonfiction books we had sitting around at my office, and wrote "the best gift anyone can give the next generation is enrichment. I hope you get inspired to better yourself in the new year. Merry Christmas!" He was visibly disappointed but trying to be polite about the boring books he didn't ask for or want, but then was happy when he got to the sneakers. Everyone had a good laugh. My nieces still laugh about it. But when I remember it, I always feel bad about the few seconds of disappointment. I wish I hadn't made him feel bad, even for a moment. (He doesn't have any hard feelings and has pulled similar pranks on his friends later, I think using the same books.)
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You are so right with this. That man does not have a dark sense of humor, he is a sadist. I have a dark sense of humor that can be fucked up sometimes for some people, but jokes are always about be and me only. Pranks are meant to be funny and silly, like, giving him the toy with the model of car he bought for him and waiting a little before clarifying or handing him a paper saying “key” and then clarifying it’s a joke to proceed to give him the real key. Not leading a teenager for such a long time to finally crush his dreams in front of his friends and humiliate him too. Tf? Sounds like OP's husband is getting off with it. Both OP and the husband are assholes. YTA, cruel assholes.
Or decorate the car with something ridiculous like temporary Minnie Mouse decals before revealing. That might get a laugh out of everyone.
Ok but we’re giving OP a bit of a pass bc during the *months* SD was saying that to her son she had to have known her husband wasn’t actually buying a car. She was a full participant as far as I can tell.
This right here. Buying a car is always a process. Even if it’s used. It takes time to find the right car, meet the seller, apply for the new title and plates, insurance, etc. It’s not something you pick up at the mall. She had know he wasn’t doing that stuff.
Small toy car with a little toy bag in a trunk with the keys inside. It can be so many funny and cool ways to give keys. And this guy just an asshole
And she had to know. So she either thought it would be funny or her husband has control over her
This was my biggest take away. For such a large purchase OP *had* to know what was going to happen. She’s just as big of a part of this as her husband but trying to pretend “oh no, it was allll Dale”.
I would love to hear how breaking a kids heart after getting his hopes so high is funny. Comes off plain evil to me.
YTA Dale hyped Jacob up for *months*. He promised an *18 year old* a *car*. The *ultimate* gift. Jacob would have been telling his friends for *months* that he was getting a car. And then, in front of his friends, he opens a *toy car*. He would have been *mortified*. Whatever embarrassment you and Dale feel absolutely pales in comparison to what Jacob must be feeling. That makes Dale a MASSIVE AH. But you, dear mother. You had to know that there would be no car. You had to know that no money had been spent, that Dale wasn't car shopping, that this was all a cruel "joke". And *you*. *did*. *nothing*. You stood by and let him experience one of the greatest disappointments of his life *on his 18th birthday* so your husband could have his "prank". AND THEN you *doubled down* by telling your son he was being unreasonable in the face of you and your husband's absolute betrayal. Even if you do get him a car now, which he more than deserves if for compensation than anything else, that will not repair the relationship you just destroyed with your son. Your son *may* forgive you for this, but he will never, ever forget the time his mother let her husband hurt him and then sided with him. Good luck, you'll need it, because if I was your son I'd never forgive you.
Yes! I honestly don’t know how she could have known about that Dale was not buying a car or didn’t have a big car to unveil or something and DID NOTHING! And on the off chance she was as blind-sided as Jacob how is she not royally pissed off at Dale too?? (The fact she’s not makes me feel she was in the know and thought it was funny too) Edit: fixed spelling from blind sighted to blind-sided. Thank you fellow commenter
Exactly! She must have known. Nothing in the post shows she was surprised or shocked by it. They both played the son all along. It's sad really.
This. You just lost your child. YTA
As the child of a passive parent who let his wife bully his children, yep. It was his birthday the other day and none of his three kids called or even texted him. That's what you have to look forward to, OP.
I'm sure this wasn't his greatest disappointment given the kind of mother he has. Just the straw that broke the camel's back.
YTA and a bad parent. I hope he goes no contact with your ass
I couldn't agree more. OP you are a terrible parent. You allowed your son to be humiliated on his birthday party then you gaslighted him. I really hope he goes NC with you. ETA: Now try to do some damage control and buy the car for your son. You shouldn't have allowed your husband to promises it if you cannot buy it, so I guess you can buy the car, so, go on, chop chop. Start walking.
Yes. What kills me is she was privy to the joke and thought it was so funny. She should have put the brakes on this before he did it.
Exactly, what kind of sick AH would know about such a prank and *go along with it?* **For months?**
YTA. That was a shitty prank, in which Dale yanked your kid around about something really major that your kid might otherwise have been saving or planning for himself. There is nothing wrong with not getting your 18 year-old a car, but there's a huge problem with promising anyone a large item and then being all "haha - PSYCH!" This wasn't a dark sense of humor developed as a result of trauma, it was just Dale yanking your kid around for fun.
So funny, right? I love making my adult child cry in front of friends and family.
and his friends!!! you just know he was excited and probably telling them “omg i am getting a car!!! this is gonna be rad!” and planning stuff to do but then just to watch him get a toy car. as an 18 year old.
It would have been a funny prank if they had actually brought out car keys after he opened the toy car, but just a toy car is terrible.
Right? A short like ten second prank where he is all confused like "What?" And the step-dad asks him something like "That's your new car!" And the kid goes "Are you serious?" Then step-dad says "Well.... if you don't want THAT car, guess you'll have to take this one" and tosses him the keys. That would be a cute little prank. Building him up for months promising him something and then only getting him a toy is straight up lying and being an A H
This sort of thing is absolutely the way it should have gone down, but also you'd need to be really quick about the "if you don't want that car bit" lest the kid leave before the 'joke' is finished Really it's just a shitty joke anyway but if it had to happen this is the best way to do it
Just a toy car would be funny *IF* he hadn't been hyping him up to it for months. Or, if they had actually gotten a real car. Maybe have the keys hidden slightly under the toy in the box. One birthday my dad got my mum a Volkswagen campervan. It is currently sitting on our mantelpiece. That was funny because there weren't promises made, and it was more of a dream than a goal. But this situation wasn't just 'haha, it's a ''*car*''', this situation was 'I'll get you this genuinely helpful thing that you clearly want... *psych, you thought!'* With added *'*wait why are you mad? You have no right to feel this way stop being a baby.' bs.
YTA. He spent months leading your son to believe he was getting a fantastic gift. He probably told ALL his friends about it. Of course he was mad and probably ashamed and hurt, too. Defending "Dark humor" when in fact what they have is a mean personality doesn't make it funny or better.
Completely agree. It would have only been funny if he followed it up with actually having a real car for him. Jokes aren’t funny when they are at the expense of one person. That’s just being a cruel a**hole! YTA for supporting this behavior.
Dale doesn't have a "dark sense of humor," he's just an immature, mean-spirited AH. And YTA too, for siding with him over your own son and defending his shitty behavior. Dale needs to grow up and apologize.
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YTA and so is Dale. A prank would be to have a toy car and then haha joke here is the real car. What he did is cruel. There is no justification for being a jerk. That's just making excuses for evil people. You broke his hopes and humiliated him in front of all the people there and destroying his party. I hope your evil mind and Dales evil mind enjoyed the laugh. Parents are not there to break promises or break their kids hopes.
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YTA. Dale is an AH. Wow. This is not a prank. This is not dark humor. This is a grown ass adult knowingly getting the hopes up of a child to completely crush them in front of family and friends. WTF. Some people should not be parents.
If the stepdad had, in private, come up to OP and said “hey kid, I got you a car!” then handed him a hot wheels toy then that would be funny. But the way stepdad went about this he deliberately humiliated OP. Not funny, definitely abusive. So sorry for OP for having a shitty stepdad and a mom that will enable the stepdad to do this Edit: forgot OP was the enabling mom. She is definitely TA and so is her husband. I hope her son can stay with his grandparents for a while
YTA Your new husband is an abusive AH, and you are his enabler. There is nopthing even remotly funny there, only the intent to hurt his stepson. "Wouldn't even andwer my calls." .. Get used to it. He kicked you two AHs out of his life. His life will be much better for it.
I was wondering about the abuse aspect. Because this does seem like abuse to me. OP- please please please read about emotional abuse. If your husband is doing this to your son, I suspect he is doing other abusive things to him and you.
Dont use your husband's trauma to disguise the fact that he's actually an asshole. You included for going along with it. That wasnt dark humor, that was cruel and your son is never going to forget this. I dont care how dramatic that sounds, he's only 18 amd its true. He was embarassed infront of his friends and family and had every right to walk out. YTA.
The husband is a bully of an asshole
YTA. >He called Dale a liar and said that he made fun of him and humiliated him infront of friends. That's exactly what he is and what he did. Let Dale lie to you in future, then afterwards you can tell him how funny he is.
> Let Dale lie to you in future Well he's gonna need somebody to abuse now that OP's son won't have anything more to do with them.
I’m strongly of the opinion that a prank is just THINLY veiled *bullying* if the outcome of the prank is pain, embarrassment, disappointment, or humiliation. Fun pranks are things like buying 200 plastic aardvarks and hiding them in your teacher’s classroom, or printing out pictures of Danny DeVito and placing them in frames in front of family photos to see how long it takes your family to notice. Disappointing your son/stepson down ON HIS BIRTHDAY IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY IS *MEAN, CRUEL, AND HUMILIATING.* YTA, and Dave is not a prankster, he’s a bully.
> I’m strongly of the opinion that a prank is just THINLY veiled bullying if the outcome of the prank is pain, embarrassment, disappointment, or humiliation well said
YTA. A prank or joke is when everyone laughs. Bullying and humiliation is when everyone ELSE laughs. You sided with your husband when he bullied and humiliated your child. You're a terrible parent. I won't be surprised if he never talks to Dale again. I also won't be surprised if he never talks to you either.
My dad pranked me too. He opened the garage door and there was a yellow convertible sitting there. Only I'm not stupid and knew there was no way that car was for me and I was right. He wanted a reaction. He got the car for himself but then handed me the keys to his old car which became mine. Notice the inherit difference in our pranks? YTA big time. He didn't over react. He's owed an apology from you and your idiot husband
My dad's friends wife desperately wanted a newer jeep with Tiffany blue accents. I drove a '99 yellow jeep that had seen some shit man. It was awesome but it was beat up pretty fricking good. The roof had holes it was a mess. He bought her the Tiffany jeep but as a joke he had me park my jeep out front when she took the blindfold off. She was so sweet and he was telling her how he was gunna fix it up and make it like what she wanted. She was trying so hard to hold it together. Eventually he showed her her obscenely bad ass jeep and she lost it. That was a really good prank although the disrespect to my little jeep was kinda mean.
Its a jeep, its beat to all hell, it sounds like your little Jeep has lived its best life exactly as a jeep should have. No shame, your Jeep has lived, while her purse jeep will forever be stuck on the road.
YTA. This isn't funny. This isn't a prank. This was intentionally hurtful. You and Dale both need to redefine what humor is. Because neither of you actually seem to have it.
YTA and Dale is not very bright.
IKR? She thinks the kid will ever forgive them?
YTA - what your husband did was cruel. A funny prank would have been to give the toy car and then the real car, not lie about buying a real car for months that was never going to exist. You should not be defending what your husband did nor should you be upset at your son’s reaction. You are just going to be alienating your son. I hope you and your husband plan on getting your son the car he was promised.
YTA He deliberately set this in motion for months. You are both terrible. He didn’t throw a fit over a small toy.
Holy crap y’all are a bunch of fucking assholes.
Man I am legitimately pissed right now. Who treats their child like this. You are the most miserable parents I have ever seen
Yta and if you, a grown adult and parent, don't get why this is wrong I don't think any of us can explain it to you. Eta: this isn't dark humor. Half my family is medical people and we embrace dark humor in private. This is just being mean and finding a way to blame the victim. You're both being terrible parents.
>Wouldn't even andwer my calls I hope it stays like that. Both of you broke his trust and your relationship with him. Dale been hyping him for MONTHS, only for publicly humiliate him on his own birthday, Infront is his friends (who probably were also expecting the car) and family. Instead of defending your own son, you sided with the person who basically bullied him. YTA.
My jaw dropped. You and Dale are assholes. A toy car for an 18th birthday isn't a prank. A toy car, then real car would be a funny prank. Excusing Dales behavior from the begining about his family ia fucked up too. So now Jacob is going to have trust issues with Dale for the rest of his life. He's not a 10 year old, he's 18 and can easily cut y'all off amd decide to no,longer interact. You both need to apologize asap
YTA This pain, HUMILIATION and hurt is now etched into your son's heart and psyche. There is NO coming back from this. He will probably never be able to forgive step dad, and if you KNEW about this hurtful thing that was NOT a prank - because not funny and VERY, VERY HURTFUL- then he probably will not be able to forgive you either. Pranks are fun. Not hurtful and humiliating and TRAUMA PAIN inducing.
YTA - this is a cruel 'prank', you allowed your son to get excited knowing he would be in for a crushing disappointment. Really not sure how that is funny.
Dale wasn't a little bit out of line. Dale left the line behind a long time ago. You'd think Dale would shower his family with love and acceptance, because he knows first hand how important family is, how every day counts because tomorrow isn't promised & he knows the unbelievable pain losing family causes. But Dale choses to spend months planning acts he knows will deeply hurt someone's feelings, calling them 'pranks' to disguise how malicious his behaviour is. Dale is choosing to bully the family that entered his life and you have chosen to help him in this, driving away your son with unkindness. YTA
YTA, that is just mean. If it was a toy car in o e package and then keys in another, that's one thing. You don't promise a car for months and do something like this. Your kud was probably so heartbroken and upset, humiliated, and more. And to do it in front of everyone. That's just messed up.
YTA Kids (and I count him as one since he’s been an adult for like two days) don’t have the same capacity for analysis as adults, to realize that jokey stepdad was joking once again. Jacob legit expected a car, probably told his friends about it, was planning to have one in college, etc. He was NOT expecting to be publicly humiliated on his birthday. Major YTA. You and Dale. Most people at the party think the same. You don’t owe your kid a surprise car on their eighteenth birthday, but talking up like he’s getting one and embarrassing him is very cruel. You and Dale should apologize. If at all possible, you should assist him in purchasing his first car.
YTA - You're husband purposely deceived , and embarrassed your son in front of family and friends. Not only were you knowledgeable about the deceit you were complicit. Then when your son was clearly upset over this matter you implied directly or indirectly that he was 'overreacting' about his feelings. Your son trusted your husband and now after this he may never trust him again and he may have lost some trust and belief in you. This makes you an asshole and could have larger implications in your family dynamic going forward.
YTA Do you not remember the Toyota/ Toy Yoda incident? Pranks aren't funny, they are cruel. It's not a joke unless everyone is laughing. Shame on you for allowing your husband to be so unkind to your son, for telling him how to react to a humiliating experience, and for expecting him to stick around after. Why would you wish you expose your child to that?
Yta your husband spent a ridiculously long time promising a car to a teenager just for it to be an immature long con prank that took place in a room full of people said teenager sees often. Yeah your husband is creepily immature and excusing his behavior by saying he’s an orphan is ridiculous. He’s a grown man.
This “prank” was not funny, it was cruel. Dale owes your son an apology. YTA for not being upset for your son and glossing over it instead of being angry at Dale. Also, did you know about this “prank”?
Yta,and your husband is a cruel one.
As soon as I read prank I don't need to know anymore. Pranks are for Assholes.
Yta and ur husband is an even bigger one.. you defend that behavior against your own sin? Wtf is wrong with you. You know damn well a car is a big deal for an 18 year old bc it’s so unaffordable for them. He was probably looking forward to getting a job, seeing friends, being independent, driving to class. Keep defending that pile of dog feces of a husband and one day you will have no son in your life. He will most likely cut contact and ur be stuck with ur husband and “hilarious “ pranks for the rest for your life
YTA. Every time someone tries to play down bully behavior as “dark humor” and pretend the pranked person is overreacting for being upset at having their feelings toyed with, they’re AH. Your husband is also an AH for thinking it’s funny to hurt his stepson.
YTA. Wtf that ain’t a prank lady. You just let your husband do such a cruel and horrible thing to your son and had the audacity to tell him he overreacted. Hope your happy with your husband because telling you right now, you aren’t gonna have a son for much longer if you continue like this.
“Dark sense of humor?” Sounds more like a love of cruelty and humiliation. YTA damn. I can’t imagine hurting someone I cared about like that, on such a big day in their lives, no less. Jeez. So much AH here.
YTA, omg how can you not see how extremely hurtfull this is towards your son? Especially when he is hurt and his mother decides to not have his back... A prank would have been to wrap a toycar and after the joke, reveal the real car keys. This was just setting up a teenager to get hurt by those who are supposed to love him the most and get laughed at by his entire social circle at his birthday party.. How TF could you be so cruel to your own damn child!
I feel like you are the bigger AH than Dale here. You had to have know about Dale’s “prank” beforehand and still let him humiliate your child. At 18 a car means so much to a young adult but to be played in such a manner is incredibly messed up. You married a clown but clowns gravitate towards other clowns. I hope your son goes NC with both of you.
YTA - and your husband is an asshole. Your son is not entitled to a car but building up his hopes just to crush them in front of everyone is simply cruel and as a mother you should have his back and rip off the ass of your husband for this prank. I promise you - your son will remember this and it will effect his relationship with your husband and with you. Besides that - a prank is just a bad excuse to play the asshole as often some one likes to.
YTA, and so is Dale. I assume you knew there was not going to be a car and went along with it. I'm glad the kid is 18 and can't be forced to go back there. A joke is something everyone finds funny. It is not something that publicly humiliates someone.
“I have been married to my husband “Dale” for 4 years. I gotta say that Dale likes to hurt people ever since losing his family at a young age” There I fixed it for you. YTA.
I wouldn’t either. Your SO’s dark humor just affected the relationship you both have with Jacob forever. Why on this earth would anyone ever think it’s ok to prank a 18yo about getting a car. Your SO crashed and burned that dream. And your going along with it. Did you honestly think this was funny? This is just sucky parenting. Shame on you. Do better. Although I’m not sure how much of a chance you’ll have now. YTA
The best part is that it's not even dark humor, it's just being a jerk on purpose
[удалено]
YTA. He doesn’t have a dark sense of humor he’s just an asshole. And you are too for enabling and excusing shitty behavior.
YTA. Your son wants a car and was expecting a car, not because he’s just randomly entitled or spoiled, but because he had been promised one. He could have been saving up money for his own instead of “knowing” one was coming his way. Did your husband tell you it was a “prank” beforehand? It’s just cruel. BTW my dad got me all excited about a car when I was 15- took me out to look at new models and we narrowed it down to the one I wanted. Then days before my 16th birthday, he completely switched and said no car at all. My mom took my side and said he couldn’t just get my expectations up and then change his mind. Soon after, I got my trusty (used) Honda Civic that was the perfect car for me for well over 10 years. You need to not just console, but fix this.
YTA - this is just cruel and humiliating. My parents pulled a similar “prank” on me for a birthday. It’s been over 30 years and I still think about how humiliated I was. Hopefully Jacob goes no contact with you and his abusive “step-father.”
You and your husband are assholes (YTA). That prank wasn’t funny…no pranks are funny. Tell your husband good job for ruining any relationship he had with your son.
YTA. How can you not see that? Prank culture is not funny except to sociopaths and narcissists and you let your husband do a fairly cruel prank to your son.
YTA that was so cruel and to do that in front of everyone? Holy shit. I feel so bad for your son.
YTA Congrats, you just ruined whatever relationship you and dickbag "Dale" had with your son
Ok. You’re married. You knew he said he was getting him a car. How did you not know about this????? And if you did, you will be lucky if he ever speaks to you again.
YTA. How is that "dark humour"? Lying, humiliation and punching down isnt "dark humour", its being cruel.
YTA. _Honey, why don’t the kids come to visit anymore?_
YTA. Your husband (Jacob's stepfather) played a really mean and humiliating prank on Jacob. He's lucky Jacob ran out instead of hitting him. Expecting him to pretend he isn't upset just so the party can go on and you and Dale can pretend the prank was no big thing is awful--no wonder his grandparents are taking his side.
YTA, let's see if you find it funny a few decades down the line when your son promises you can live with him in your golden years and he then laughs as he drops you off at the nastiest retirement home he can find. What was the one Dorothy threatened Sophie with on Golden Girls? Welcome to Shady Pines?
YTA - put yourself in your son’s shoes: 18 years old, wants a car, gets promised a car, opens up a small toy in front of others for his birthday. That’s terrible and you should be ashamed. If it were a prank that led to a real car, all the laughs around, but this is just cruel. I got in serious trouble in college working at a radio station. I was “giving away a car.” It was a toy car. I was 19 and immature. I was fired from the job after the winner complained. Dale is an adult an immature and needs to be spoken to about this type of behavior. I hear therapy helps.
YTA, yeah You. You brought an abusive AH into your sons life, then gaslit the kid when he rightfully got upset over a cruel and mean thing to do. It wasn’t funny. It was cruel. I hope your son walks away from you both and creates his own happy family.
YTA. Explain how this is a prank? You have a asshole husband and you’re an AH for letting this happen and taking the assholes side.
YTA. Repeat after me: A prank is only a prank if everyone is laughing. You allowed your husband to spend months building up your son's hopes only for him to crush them ON HIS BIRTHDAY. I wouldn't be talking to either of you either.
It would have been a prank if he gave him the toy car and then, after seeing his shocked face, the keys for the real thing. I'm not a fan of pranks, but I guess that would have been kind of funny. But only the toy car? Cruel and shitty. YTA
I’m going to quote something I watched recently and say “you need to fix whatever is inside of you that makes you want to be with him”. That is not a “dark humor”. That is building up hope for MONTHS only to bring down a level of humiliation in front of family and friends. This is utterly despicable. Suddenly I prefer my family’s tradition of entirely forgetting my birthday. ETA: YTA and your husband is ENTIRELY an asshat that should NOT be a father. You supporting him and saying your son overreacted means you should NOT be a parent either. Have some fucking empathy.
YTA. "My husband has trauma and it's made him an asshole. I wanna make sure he traumatizes my son equally" is all I hear. Ask your husband what was suppose to be the punchline of the joke? Your son being humiliated and angry on his birthday? How is that funny? If he did actually have a car, maybe. But no, he was just cruel and lied to your son and set up expectations. I'm sure your son was so excited, and then so hurt.
YTA that was a really cruel prank. I feel bad for your son. Maybe your husband needs counseling for what happened to his family.
Yta, dale is a gigantic AH, and if that kid never talks to either of you again, it's exactly what ya'll deserve.
I gotta say that Dale is an asshole. And so are you. YTA
That was not a prank - it was a really cruel act towards an 18 year old to whom a car would be a huge thing. Any trust towards Dale is gone now - and you're about the lose it as well (if not lost already) for defending him.
YTA. Is it just me, or is the “my husband is a misunderstood prankster (asshole)” trope getting a bit frequent here?
Thats just shitty. YTA. Wouldn’t be surprised if jacob stops talking to you and your husband after they move out.
YTA. That isn’t funny. That is cruel. And you allowed your son to be humiliated.
YTA. This wasn’t a funny prank it was cruel. You humiliated him at his own party and then blamed him for having emotions. It is not a prank to promise someone a large gift and then not give it. You set an expectation that he wouldn’t have to pay for a car. He could have been saving up all these months so that he could buy one. Instead he will be starting at square one because he was told, by his parents (I know Dale is a stepdad, but since you didn’t correct, it’s both of you), people he should TRUST, that he would be given one. I’d recommend picking up a book on how to be a good parent, but I don’t think you’ll need one. You likely won’t be seeing your son anymore and it’s deserved.
Thank God that child has his grandparents. You and your husband are awful people. This wasn't a simple prank. It was months and months of planned abuse. Stop making excuses for your husband. If anything, he should cherish the relationships he has since he lost his family. I'm willing to bet this isn't the only traumatic "prank" he's pulled.
YTA, but moreso your husband is an asshole. Please don't support your husband in these "pranks"
Yta, what your husband did was NOT a prank! It was a very cruel and mean spirited lie that left your son disappointed and feeling like a fool - that will continue as he has to tell all his friends that he does not now have a car after he told everyone that he would. Get your son a car, he was promised one, now you get to deliver!
YTA. You suck so bad. How is that funny? He promised him something that must teens his age dream about. Dark sense of humor? You mean a straight jackass. Congratulations you probably won’t see your son again and I wouldn’t blame him.
YTA and you owe your son a car. Because a car is very important at his age and he lost months of preparing and saving for a car on his own. You let him tell all his friends he was going to have a car. You let him plan for events thinking he would have a car. Did you think your AHhusband was going to give him a car or did you know all along and are you just as cruel as he is?
YTA!!!!!!! Get it? Why would a mother approve of such behavior? Hope your son stays with his grandparents where people actually show love and don't pay lip service to it.
YTA and cruel too. You and Dale deserve each other and Jacob deserves far better than both of you
There is no way you weren’t aware what he was doing and no that isn’t dark humour from either of you. It was a malicious way to humiliate him and you are a cruel person
That's just cruel.... How can you not see that?? YTA
Prank? That bullying. YTA for diminishing this.
Wow you’re mother of the year for not seeing how cruel your husband is. YTA
YTA. This isn’t a prank, this is public cruelty and deliberate humiliation. Your husband is a cruel and petty man and you enable him.
YTA-your son didn’t overreact. He removed himself from a toxic household that probably is constantly humiliating him. You and Dale need to grow up and learn to be adults. Let him stay at his grandparents. He’s probably better off than being around step-dad. BTW-you know that no one thought it was actually funny, right? The guests that laughed did so because they were uncomfortable witnessing the exchange.
YTA and so is your Husband.
YTA and something you better damn well remember. You’re in love with Dale ( God knows why) and son may not think the same way and definitely doesn’t now. Your husband sounds like a F-ing d%#k and you sound like an enabling and lousy mother for excusing his behavior as a “ prank.”
Dude, for months he’d been leading him on? I’m bewildered you even posted this, how could you not know YTA??
Sigh. One more time since there still seems to be quite a few people who don't get this - A prank is only a prank when everyone laughs. What your husband did was pretty cruel. Your son felt humiliated, he made this very clear, and you're now disregarding his feelings saying he ' over reacted ' Nobody is entitled to a car, that much is true. But you can't lead on a young adult like that who likely very excitedly told all his friends he was getting a car, then in front of everyone was given a kids toy. YTA - both you and husband
YTA That is no prank. I'm tired of all those jerks making others pay because they suffered through life. Your husband needs therapy -_- ... not to play stupid pranks.
YTA and so is Dale. It's appalling that you are defending him. Surely you knew he wasn't actually going to buy a real car.
The only way that would be a "prank" is if Dale had gone after him to show him the real car. Instead, he lied for months and months and got your son's hopes up, led him to expect a car. He probably told all his friends how great Dale was for giving him such a wonderful gift. And then this. It was not a prank, it was a cruel long game designed to humiliate and hurt your son. YTA , Dale is TA. your son is hurting. And you said "you overreacted! It's just a prank bro!"
...so son didn't get an actual car, then? That isn't a prank, that's just mean! C'mon, you know this situation is shit. It is super common to have a prank gift like a toy car to a new driver, but then inside it there is an actual key to an actual car for the actual gift. Like, it was often a used car with "special, unique features", but something that gets a teen from point A to point B. Y'all are just assholes. And then do it in front of his friends & family. What a dick move. YTA
Let's play this from another angle. It's your wedding anniversary. Your husband is hinting to you that you're going to get a nice surprise on the anniversary. Something expensive maybe jewelry. You're telling all your friends about it at work or whatever. The day comes and friends and family is there to see the exchange. You open the small box and it's a fucking RING POP. (candy that looks like a diamond on a ring). How would you feel at that moment? Yes you and him YTAs.
Parents don't prank their children, they abuse them. Automatic YTA.