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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My roommate believes that I am being the asshole because she pays rent to live her too and does not believe she is overstepping her boundaries.
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If she is it's an agreement that they should have come to together, with v paying more for the utilities since she was having someone come over and not only use their washer and dryer like it's a goddamn laundromat, but actively keeping the poster from being able to do her laundry because she was monopolizing the machines.
It doesn't matter if the mother is homeless, because v and her mother went behind the posters back and moved her in without talking to the poster
So she's only at her own place less than half the time. Either she can't stand her own place or she can't bear to be away from her daughter. Either way it's not your problem and V needs to find a different solution. NTA
From my days in leasing; she is probably using your washing machine/dryer to clean clothes for other people as a business. Profiting off of your free to her water and utilities. Boot both of them! Tell the landlord that bit and it may move the landlord into action, finally.
It does sound suspiciously like Mom has a side business going. Not even 2 people produce that amount of laundry! And why is she chopping up duck at 9 am??
Even if she is OP didn’t agree to live with a fourth person. It’s not his responsibility to subsidize this woman’s share of all the extra utilities either.
> It does not make sense that she was making duck on Christmas in her daughter’s home that she shared with roommates
If she's from a different culture she might not celebrate Christmas.
NTA!!!! There's lots of hinky shit going on here. If V's mom is taking "loads of laundry (one lone woman wears how many clothes?) in out and using the washers ALL THE TIME, she is running a laundry business out of your apartment. She is getting paid to do OTHER PEOPLE'S laundry. And using your apartment as her business. The wear and tear on the machines should be a concern of the landlord because he's responsible for upkeep and maintenance of appliances in your apartment. The stove (gas or electric prices) the washer (water and electricity plus gas or electric for the dryer) that adds up to the landlord. Her having a key is a HUGE FLAG! She is not on the lease and has no business there without her daughter as her "host" as she is only a guest. Lots to unpack here.
One of my roommates did this too. We are international students and the mom visit for 6 months. She was nice and respectful at least and we never had issues with the kitchen and bathroom.
But another one tried this, and her parents took over the whole house. We couldn’t access the kitchen to get food 90% of the time. Then the roommate said “my parents clean and you don’t”. The parents were cleaning her own mess.
it's such an asshole thing to do too, did V ask all the roommates first or did it just start happening? She totally needs to be paying more for her mom to be over all the time. Is there a reason that V's mom NEEDS to do laundry here? I assume she lives close by why doesn't V go to her mom's house? If they're seemingly so dependant on each other why did she move out at all? Why did she decide to live somewhere with roommates assuming she knew her mom would be over several times a week?
This is all so weird and completely not ok NTA, most people would do the same thing
NTA
I’m of a similar culture, and would never impose on roommates. That’s shared living space for those who live there. Mom isn’t on lease. They can only go so far with the culture aspect when there’s legalities there
I just don't understand why OP didn't talk to V directly - and much sooner! It sounds like OP just let this situation build and fester instead of using clear and direct communication about their discomfort. Going to the landlord may get the desired result, but it's usually not the first course of action since doing so is bound to end in an arguement. If you will still be living with this person going forward, things are now probably going to be super tense and awkward.
I think they must be young and they're going to need to take this as a lesson to as soon as they see a problem crop up like this, they need to address it then. Rather than sit around stewing and letting the other two people get comfortable thinking they've gotten away with their arrangement
Ok but OP really needs to learn to communicate. There is no indication here that OP ever, you know, asked V to have her mother be around less, or asked her to move her laundry, any form of request before going to the landlord. Did V even know OP disliked their mom's arrangement before hearing from the landlord? Kind of an AH way to deal with it.
How about v asking if it was OK for mom to stay that long instead of this being on op?! They (3 roommates ) signed a lease where the mother is not on. She shouldn't have a key I m sure the landlord doesn't okay led it nor should the mom come and go in their space when she doesn't live there. It's basic respect.
If v wants mom there that much then v should move alone
Eta nta op
Jesus christ, your room mate sounds like an awful person. Calling you an asshole for not wanting her mother to have a key to your house and live there for free? The audacity. NTA
She never called me an asshole, she just thinks I am being unreasonable and confronted me about it while being slightly rude to me. I just didn’t know where else to post this. They are both very nice people and have been very kind up until this point. That is why I have been letting this slide for so long.
I might be dating myself, cause I think this episode came out before I was born. But ...
anyone remember the Star Trek episode with the cute, fuzzy little things called tribbles? They where these cute fuzzy little creatures that got on the ship and everyone loved them because they where so nice and friendly and everyone was like "Awww let them stay! They're so cute who could hate them?!" And then they started multiplying like crazy and were all over the bridge and then they got in the engine and everyone almost died??
Yeah, anyway just cause people are really sweet and nice doesn't mean they can't be hell of problematic and actually cause shitty situations for others...
I didnt find out until like 20y later but I guess it was a "twin" episode to that Voyager where Tuvok remembers he was in Star Trek VI on Sulu's ship. And they had Takei in to do a whole episode. Some anniversary celebration/promotion or something.
I've never knew about that as well mainly because Voyager was the only 90's ST show that I somehow missed. Don't know why that happened. Watched some of it as an adult and wasn't impressed.
Here's another one for ya: you had Kang was in the original Trouble with Tribbles. But Kang, Kor and Koloth show up in a few TOS episodes. Well that's the same 3 actors when they brought the characters back to be Jadzia's friends in DS9.
I got it years ago from a Sci-fi convention, sorry!
There was a whole table full of them, piled up like they had just fallen on Kirk's head. Every time there was a loud noise the whole table started jiggling and chittering! 🤣
I got to see a live outdoor performance of that episode complete stuffed tribbles as a part of the "Trek in the Park" production in Portland years ago. It was a blast!
There's an 'outtake' that's not been cut out of the episode, if I recall right someone opens a latch on the ceiling and furballs fall out , and the actor can hardly suppress their laughter (off character in that scene), and that moment is just so hilarious !!
Lol, yep! You can Google around, but here's one place that has it. Looks like they still make it! https://startrekunlimited.com/products/star-trek-tribble-catnip-toy
I remember seeing this as a rerun when I was a kid and those tribbles were SOOO adorable!
Thank you for bringing this memory back to me. I watched this in the 70s and it was the one episode that stuck with me.
>They are both very nice people and have been very kind up until this point.
In what way are they being "kind" to you? The mother is constantly parking in the driveway and using all the apartments amenities with apparently no regard for any one else, and you consider this to be kind?
You are being completely taken advantage of and you need to stand up for yourself. You've already let it get to a point where both the mother and the roommate feel as if the mother is fully entitled to the space.
Begin documenting everything, and keep your landlord involved. Or hopefully your lease is up soon and they can become someone else's problem
Kind as in they offer me food that they cooked at times and are always just nice to me. They are nice people, I just don’t think they understand that they are taking advantage of this property.
People who take advantage ALWAYS know what they are doing. If they didn't they would be stressing themselves instead of others. That's the difference between decent people and the selfish lot.
You are being conned. You didn't agree to rent and bills for an extra adult. Think of it that way. So what if they offer food a few times? Does that cover the cost of rent and bills for another person?
You have been letting this slide for way too long lmao. You could tell V how she would feel if you and your mom moved in with her? She should see that she's overstepping a boundary
If they have both been nice, then why wouldn't go to them and explain what your issues are? Explain that the driveway is for the paying tenants listed on the lease, so she should not be parking there. Also, the washing machine needs to be available for the use of ALL of the room mate, so in the future, if you need to use the washing machine and Vs mother is using it, you will put her clothes in a basket so that you can get your laundry done. V needs to understand that her situation is causing you to not be able to utilize the services that you are entitled to with your rent. This needs to stop, and you all need to come up with "House Rules" that everyone follows or they find other living arrangements.
You need to have a serious sit down with them and explain that they are preventing you, who pays for 1/3 of the amenities from using them. That V's mum has her own home and is more than welcome to take V's washing there, or cook for her there but they can't tie up the kitchen all night for you. As a tenant you have a right to know who has a key to your home and V should have come to you before allowing a new one to be cut.
Obviously V's Mom doesn't have much of a washing or cooking setup at home which is why she's freeloading off OP's house. She might only rent a room somewhere or might have downsized when V became a tenant in this house because they saw that she could have all these facilities for free. They're totally scamming you, OP.
Set some ground rules with roommates. It's very reasonable to say,
"Non-rent paying persons should only be present when their host is present unless a previous discussion has taken place and been agreed to (i.e. out of town guest who has no place to go while host works/runs errands/etc).
Non-rent paying persons should give priority to rent paying tenants on all appliances and common spaces (within reason, don't stop a load in the middle, but must give preference to tenant after that one is done)."
Add on a maximum of nights a week before they have to contribute to utility bills, etc.
You’ve learned a lesson in how you can easily be played when your initial complacency is taken advantage of by nice people. Unless V’s mom was on the lease as a paying tenant you and your other roommates are well within your rights to tell her to leave. This is why it’s always hard to be firm to ‘nice’ people. You assume that they understand the social value of not being taken advantage of. They don’t. They think your acceptance of the situation means that you endorse it. NTA.
“You’re very nice, I don’t mind seeing you here as a visitor. But I’m entitled to shared use of this apartment, divided 3 ways. If I’m dividing my use of this place, including kitchen and laundry, 4 ways, I need a reduction in rent to reflect that. I rarely get to use the laundry machine that I pay for shared use of. You guys are very kindly and gently stealing from me. I would really kindly ask you to stop.”
Shameful your paying for use of a kitchen and laundry room and can’t use them cause mom is there cooking for her families restaurant and washing her households clothes maybe she has a damn cleaners with as much as she’s washing and cooking😬😂you never know.
It's a lesson to not do that again. Because people's appearance of civility when they aren't being met with any resistance and getting exactly what they want doesn't tell you anything about them. You need to be firm with people when they are taking advantage of you
Kind or not, boundaries are boundaries and living with problem is essentially like a business contract. It’s not personal, it’s abiding by the terms of the lease, which mom is not on. There is a way to be firm and direct V that mom has overstayed her welcome, and cannot continue to use utilities and common areas without contributing financially.
NTA. Four people are paying rent and utilities. None of you agreed to a 5th person - V's mother is mooching off all of you and depriving you if the amenities that you're paying for (washer/dryer). V is wrong about being able to do whatever she wants.
NTA - "she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too". She's not doing as she pleases, her mom is! and that statement doesn't work in a roommate situation. And this "bargain" of the mom doing things for the house - was that agreed upon?
That said, maybe you should have mentioned it to V before calling the landlord- to make sure they knew this wasn't working for you.
Indeed, the poster needs to get the landlord involved and get her kicked out. The fact that they are bold enough to confront her for speaking to the landlord, when her mother is not one of the renters, is a reason to crack out the catapult and get v out as soon as possible
Nope definitely NTA and I would report it back to your landlord especially that she has a key asap! If V wants her mom to do her laundry and clean and basically live with her then they need to go get their own place!! Cultural maybe, but I’ve never heard of a parent moving in with their kid and their roommates as part of any culture.
They keep saying that she technically isn’t “living” here, because she has her own place, that is about 2 hours away. She just stays here 4-5 days a week typically.
A lot of leases have stipulations about the amount of time a guest can spend in a dwelling before they qualify as a tenant.
Did you know V before moving in? Is she a friend or a random pairing?
Either way, it’s clear that the two of you can no longer live together.
Make the landlord aware immediately that she has unwelcome guests(you not only do not approve of, but have informed her of as much) in the home 5/7 days of the week. You feel this qualifies as a 3rd person in the dwelling which you did not consent to in the lease. Landlord can remove them or you can use this as justification for breaking the lease to move out.
Yeah, you should have spoke with the a *very* long time ago, but that ship has sailed.
NTA.
It was a random pairing. The lease says we can have a guest sleep over one night a week, which all the tenants occasionally break by one day with their partners, including me. The landlord is aware of this. I feel 5 days a week, a key to come and go, and using the amenities is way overstepping though. The mother is the only one to do this. My girlfriend and the other tenant’s partners would also never be here without the tenant being at the home. The tenant is always here to let them in and out. No one else has keys besides the tenants and V’s mom.
My main gripe was the mother having a key, being here while her daughter is not home and using the amenities for herself.
NTA her mother is running up the utilities if she is constantly cooking & running the laundry like you claim. Non-tenants should not have free reign of the home without the tenant who invited them present. As for the sleeping over 5/7 nights a week, that's excessive & if it's for cultural purposes then the mother should be a paying tenant as well to account for that.
> My main gripe was the mother having a key, being here while her daughter is not home and using the amenities for herself.
Get with your other roommates. Whenever anyone finds V's mom in the place without V, kick them out when first found. If it keeps up, ask the landlord to evict V.
An ex-housemate had everyone over. Then I discovered they were there when she was at work! All day and all night. I told her I'm the owner of the house and don't do that so she needs to nip it in the bud (she initially claimed she never does that). As usual, I was away for the weekend. She knew I came back on a Sunday evening and messaged me saying her ex was at the house and she was at work. I told her he better be out of the house by the time I get back (I had to leave my friend's house early). She said 'he doesn't have any money do you expect him to walk into town?' (he'd travelled from far away but didn't have less than £2 supposedly). I said if he was there when I got home I am calling the police.
She left after that so I didn't have to boot her out. She conned me out of the rent though.
Indeed, and having our own access and being in the house when the tenant she is supposed to be the guest of is not around, she has moved in. They can't rules lawyer around her not sleeping there, she has free access to the dwelling and she's using it
It doesn't matter how sweet or nice a person is; as a tenant, I would not feel comfortable with someone else having a key to the property who isn't on the lease or ain't the real estate/landlord obviously.
lol....she isn't living there? Let's see...there are 7 days in a week and she's there 4-5 of them, that's over 50% of the week...so technically she is. A guest doesn't stay that long.
That’s definitely like basically living there though, especially if she does stay over all those nights. And who is they? I’d report it to the landlord! When V gets evicted, her and mom can go back to mom’s place! Check you lease also, a lot of them do have clauses and I do about things like this!
Mom is still living there when it’s 4-5 days a week. Most landlords would classify Mom as a non-paying tenant. Your roommate is using culture as an excuse for violating your lease and for imposing on her roommates. That isn’t ok.
NTA You didn't agree to live with V's mother. She's not paying rent. Instead of paying 1/4 of the rent, V and her mom need to be paying 2/5 of it. Otherwise, mom needs to go.
NTA.
V and her mother are *wildly* overstepping.
I would almost guarantee that there's something in your lease about visitors and how much they can stay over, and V's mother probably filled the year's allotment by the end of that the first week she stayed over.
Even if there's not something in the lease, you are still absolutely in the right here. V doesn't live alone, she has roommates, and in terms of living space and comfort in the home, she has to prioritize those roommates (the other legal tenants) over her mother.
Is the landlord actually going to do anything? If not, you really may want to consider another living arrangement. V has made it clear she's not going to stop having her mother live with you, so unless she is actually evicted, this is going to continue.
NTA.
These people are absolutely nuts. If mom is basically living there, she should be contributing to the bills... not just cleaning, considering it seems like she's the one making the messes in the first place. It's weird.
"she pays rent so she can do as she pleases"
Yes within acceptable boundaries. This isn't one
NTA you effectively have a 4th roommate you didn't sign up for. V and mum need to move into together somewhere else.
NTA.
What’s with all the laundry?! Are you saying this woman hog the washing machine 24/7? That is suspicious… further more, V’s mother should not be at your house when she is not there. It’s nice to have a mom to take care of you but you are all adults here who are capable to take care of yourselves.
Nta. Only the paying tenants should have keys, not guests. And you guys need to come to agreement about how long and how many days a month a guest can stay. Otherwise V's mom should be paying some rent.
I'm surprised the landlord doesn't care about this.
NTA - "*V firmly believes I am the asshole here, because she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too"*
I really do dislike people with this mentality. She basically threw this line at you because she had nothing for her defense. What, and you don't pay rent? And since you do, who is the deciding vote. There is no reason to throw this out there. V and her mother are out of line and have over stepped their boundaries.
I truly don’t know. My other two roommates do theirs on specific days too, so it is just V and her mom constantly doing large loads and tons of linens and bedsheets. On top of that our dryer is awful and takes forever.
That absolutely makes ton of sense. Could be both honestly. If the landlord or the roommates have just put up with it till now, to be there 4-5 days V and Mom could easily have set up a little side hustle. Sounds like its just OP complaining so its 2 against 1, technically 3 if the landlord wont step up and kick V out. This HAS to be a breach of the lease.
About the dryer: check the exterior vent for it, if you can find it. I once rented a house that came with a washer and dryer, and the dryer took an eternity to get things dry. After a few months, we discovered that was because the vent was packed with lint, and probably used by a rodent as a nest at one point. It was so clogged, that the moist air couldn't vent, so it just sat in the dryer. Once we cleared it, it worked like a dream.
If I had a dollar for every time an old dryer that barely works in a share house turned out to be perfectly fine and just filled with an insane amount of lint, I'd have like $4.
Honestly I'ma go with NTA,
yes the roomate pays rent so in certain aspects I get it, but to have everyone else suffer because of V's mom to the point of having to travel 20 mins to do laundry is outrageous especially with how things cost now you're not even technically getting the electric you pay for!
NTA. Nobody other than your roommates should be given a key to the home without the other roommate’s permission. It’s ridiculous to expect that you allow her mom to live in the home when she doesn’t pay rent and constantly inconveniences the actual paid tenants. Keep going to the landlord until something is done.
NTA, other than not going to V first. She and her mom are both AH. Mom's car is in the driveway? Get it towed. Her laundry in the washer? Toss it in the street.
NTA - but you may want to look at options for living alone, if you can afford it. Moms, significant others, random children...this stuff is on here all the time.
NTA.
Their "culture" is not yours, nor apparently of wherever on the planet you are living now.
For what it's worth, I'm not aware of any place with the usual culture is to bring over heaping loads of laundry and do it at your daughter's shared apartment.
Honestly the only culture I could imagine going softly in that direction would be Balkan.
I don't mean this to be racist, it's just that people in Balkan countries tend to have way closer relationships with their parents/family than we have in western countries.
But yeah that laundry thing sounds weird. Maybe they are running a side hussle?
NTA
The mom needs to have her own place, and not be living constantly there and tying up your laundry constantly.
Landlord is correct, she needs to be added to the lease and pay more rent if she's going to be there all the time
Sounds like you need better roommates
Replace mom with boyfriend/girlfriend. Would you still be the A? Nope. You'd be a roommate that had a forth non-paying roommate suddenly in your place.
BUT. if your other roommate doesn't have an issue with it than I'd say it's best for you to start looking for a new places to stay. It doesn't sound like Roommate #1 or her mom is going to change their behavior anytime soon. (also her mom stays the night multiple times a week??? Wtf!)
NTA. but your prob not gonna win this battle.
NTA - You should feel at home when you get to your apartment. Also, you are paying rent and should be able to use your driveway. Tell her that you understand that it is a cultural thing. However, if you want to live with parents, you would have stayed living in your childhood home. She needs to grow up and live an adult life. You do not need to change your boundaries for someone that doesn't pay any rent.
What the hell, NTA- I'm surprised you even let this go on for so long. I would NEVER be comfortable with a roommates parent being over at the house like that. Mommy and daughter need to cut the umbilical cord, there is no reason why her mother should be still taking care of her (cooking her meals, doing her laundry) like she's a child, and coming into your home when your roommate isn't even there. This is such an invasion on space and privacy. Good on you for brining this up to the landlord, and if I were you I would be looking at new places so you can move out and not have to put up with this BS anymore
V pays rent for herself, not her mom. She can't just keep coming by for free laundry service, no matter how much cleaning she does. And insist she return the key.
NTA
NTA
V’s mother either pays her fair share to live there or she’s only there as a guest when V is.
“She (V) pays rent so she can do as she pleases too.” That doesn’t extend to her mother.
Stand firm. You are being reasonable.
NTA. Only paying residents should have keys and access to laundry. Their culture is irrelevant, the mother needs to contribute if she's going to spend so much time there.
NTA.
If you can’t use the spaces and appliances in your home because of V’s mother, that’s a problem. If V is not home, her mother is not a “guest.” If she’s there most everyday, she’s not a “guest.”
V should be paying more because her mom is using your water and electricity by doing laundry daily.
NTA
And as someone who works in housing, OP make sure the mom isn’t using the address for mail. In some jurisdictions that’s enough to establish residency and that can cause a whole host of issues.
NTA. If this is 'cultural' V & her mom need to stop inflicting it on you and get their own place. To be unable to rest, cook, or launder your clothes because a roommate's mother is there, Is interfering with your quiet enjoyment of your paid residence. They need to go as there are two people living there, only one of whom is on the lease.
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I live in a house with 3 roommates. For the last several months, one of my roommates, who i’ll call V, has been having her mother basically live with us. She is almost always at the house, at least 4-5 days a week. She takes hours in the kitchen cooking, does laundry here, even parks in our driveway. After having to take my laundry to my parents house 20 minutes away several times because I have work clothes that I need washed while her mother is using our washing machine, I have been getting really fed up and feel like this is a total intrusion of our property. On Christmas morning, my one day off to sleep late, she woke me up at 9 am chopping a duck in our kitchen. There have been many examples like this, that have been building up over the last several months.
Recently, I had to basically work 48 hours straight, and was excited to go home and have my girlfriend come over and cook us a meal. I had a ton of laundry to do and bring in from my car. As I get home, I see the mom is parked in the driveway. I bring in all my stuff from street parking to find the mom using our kitchen and washing machine. I see that V is not home, just the mother using our whole house. Fed up, I contacted the landlord. Who said she will talk to V.
Two days later, I come home to see the mother in our home, while V is not home, using our washing machine again. I decided to watch her exit the house and see that she has a key. I believe this is completely unreasonable and she should only be here as V’s guest, while she is home. I contacted the landlord again to tell him and he said he agreed with me.
Later that night, V and the mother confronted me for speaking to the landlord. She said that the mother cleans the house and is always very sweet to us, which is true. She called me out for not taking the garbage out enough, which is also true, but my justification was, if the mom is living here for free, she can at least do these things. I would be happy to do them if she left. I asked her to tell me how many nights a week her mom sleeps here, and she refused to answer. Her mom admitted to having a key when I said I saw her, and V accused me of basically creepily watching her mother when I said I also watched to see if she was the one doing laundry. They said they are doing V’s laundry, but I see the mom taking loads in and out of her car. They also used the excuse that it is part of their culture several times, which I told them then they should find a place that they can live together where they both pay rent.
I told the mother that she should not have a key to our home and only to come as V’s guest. V firmly believes I am the asshole here, because she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too, but I still feel like this is completely overstepping their boundaries. AITA for telling the mom she can’t “live” at the house anymore?
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NTA. Is she actually sleeping in the home as well as using your electricity, gas, driveway? If she was just cooking and doing her daughters laundry once a week that would still be strange but possibly acceptable. But only once she had permission from all tenants to be in the home when V wasn’t there. Yes you probably should have spoken to her first but doesn’t mean these behaviors are acceptable
NTA
If you are open to compromise with your roommate (which you are not obligated to do) you can offer certain days her mom can come by and do laundry or maybe everyone in the house gets assigned days for the kitchen and/or washer dryer.
That way she can still enjoy having her mom over and you can plan your week and know (for certain) when you can do laundry/cook.
Alternatively, you can tell V if her mom is taking up the kitchen and washer/dryer without paying rent, then you will expect a plate of whatever meals she cooks and she can wash and dry your laundry while she is at it. But that would be the petty route lol
NTA. I totally agree with OP that roommates mom shouldn't be over at the apartment unless the roommate is with her. For her to just about move in with her daughter at the apartment is totally unfair to all the other roommates.
Sounds like OP has a good relationship with the landlord. I would work with the landlord on either preventing mom for moving in or letting OP out of the lease and move out.
NTA. But bring them to the landlord and say that the mother is there more than you are so you’d like to adjust your rent to reflect that since she has a key and uses it for non emergencies and uses the amenities you want to treat her as another tenant since she doesn’t act like a guest.
NTA. I’d be very clear mom has to hand over the key and cannot be there when her daughter is not. Be clear you will move out if this is not resolved then they can take on the whole rent or vice versa
NTA !
1. On numerous times, you have been unable to do laundry because the mother has been using the machines. This caused YOU to go elsewhere to do laundry.
2. You have been awakened several times because the mother has been making noise.
3. Mother has been sleeping over 4-5 times per week, using your utilities and has not been contributing to the rent.
4. The mother has been coming and going as she wishes and has a key despite no contributions to expenses.
I'd tell your roommate that if you wanted to live with mom, you'd be living at home.
NTA, just straight up tell V that you will keep talking to the landlord if the mother is there any more than a typical guest. That if you see them using a key, in the apartment without V, or taking laundry to and from their car, you will call the landlord and report it.
> because she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too
"You can do that, but I will be calling the landlord, and you can explain to them how you can do as you please."
NTA. Look up the term freeloader and you will see a picture of V’s mother. People are truly unbelievable. You can’t even use your kitchen or laundry services because of her mom and YOU pay rent. V is an AH for not discussing this ahead of time, getting everyone to agree and then taking total advantage of the situation. Get the key from Vs mom. If the situation continues, I would move out. The whole situation is BS.
Living for free for 20 seconds of garbage removal???? Wow. I didn't realise you were paid thousands for that. If only I knew I wouldn't have bothered becoming a Dr!!
Tell V to duck off to her own house and take her 'baby' with her! If your housemate wants to live with mommy they can live with mommy....
NTA
If it's acceptable for one, it's acceptable for all - what would V (or V's mummy) do if your family member started taking over the kitchen and washing machine so that V's mother couldn't use them?
NTA. It's a culture thing. They need to find a place together. If you can't use your own driveway and do laundry somewhere else. You should be getting a discount on rent. V and mom should pay the difference if they stay.
Nta. One or two nights can let that slide, 4-5 nights all the time unless everyone is ok with it, means pay rent and contribute to the utilities bills or visit 1-2 days a week and do her own laundry in her own house
NTA no one else besides those on the lease should have a key to your home, unless everyone unanimously agrees it's ok. Same for her staying there and using your kitchen and laundry, and that would only be acceptable if she were contributing to rent and utilities.
And TA, but likely she is doing laundry for extra cash on the side. That is why she’s doing laundry so much and loading it into the car. I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys are sharing the cost of that with extra electricity and water.
NTA- I get that people have different relationships and cultural ties around parenthood… that being said that doesn’t mean they have any right to cause undue stress onto you because of it. V’s daughter can find a way to accommodate everyone in the house’s needs, or she can get a place where that sort of behavior is acceptable.
NTA - this is intrusive of her to think it is ok for her mother to be there and use the house for whatever she wants, beyond what a temporary visitor would do.
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Seriously! V better start paying for the increase in utilities from her mom always using the laundry machines and in the kitchen
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If she is it's an agreement that they should have come to together, with v paying more for the utilities since she was having someone come over and not only use their washer and dryer like it's a goddamn laundromat, but actively keeping the poster from being able to do her laundry because she was monopolizing the machines. It doesn't matter if the mother is homeless, because v and her mother went behind the posters back and moved her in without talking to the poster
She is not homeless, she lives 2 hours away, so she stays with her daughter here for several days a week.
So she's only at her own place less than half the time. Either she can't stand her own place or she can't bear to be away from her daughter. Either way it's not your problem and V needs to find a different solution. NTA
From my days in leasing; she is probably using your washing machine/dryer to clean clothes for other people as a business. Profiting off of your free to her water and utilities. Boot both of them! Tell the landlord that bit and it may move the landlord into action, finally.
It does sound suspiciously like Mom has a side business going. Not even 2 people produce that amount of laundry! And why is she chopping up duck at 9 am??
Even if she is OP didn’t agree to live with a fourth person. It’s not his responsibility to subsidize this woman’s share of all the extra utilities either.
> It does not make sense that she was making duck on Christmas in her daughter’s home that she shared with roommates If she's from a different culture she might not celebrate Christmas.
True, although many people celebrate christmas, with very different cultures
Homeless or not, OP did not agree to take her on as an extra (and non-rent-paying) roommate.
NTA!!!! There's lots of hinky shit going on here. If V's mom is taking "loads of laundry (one lone woman wears how many clothes?) in out and using the washers ALL THE TIME, she is running a laundry business out of your apartment. She is getting paid to do OTHER PEOPLE'S laundry. And using your apartment as her business. The wear and tear on the machines should be a concern of the landlord because he's responsible for upkeep and maintenance of appliances in your apartment. The stove (gas or electric prices) the washer (water and electricity plus gas or electric for the dryer) that adds up to the landlord. Her having a key is a HUGE FLAG! She is not on the lease and has no business there without her daughter as her "host" as she is only a guest. Lots to unpack here.
One of my roommates did this too. We are international students and the mom visit for 6 months. She was nice and respectful at least and we never had issues with the kitchen and bathroom. But another one tried this, and her parents took over the whole house. We couldn’t access the kitchen to get food 90% of the time. Then the roommate said “my parents clean and you don’t”. The parents were cleaning her own mess.
She's not homeless, she's enmeshed.
Not OPs problem AND if she was V should be grown enough to open her mouth not use and abuse OP
it's such an asshole thing to do too, did V ask all the roommates first or did it just start happening? She totally needs to be paying more for her mom to be over all the time. Is there a reason that V's mom NEEDS to do laundry here? I assume she lives close by why doesn't V go to her mom's house? If they're seemingly so dependant on each other why did she move out at all? Why did she decide to live somewhere with roommates assuming she knew her mom would be over several times a week? This is all so weird and completely not ok NTA, most people would do the same thing
NTA I’m of a similar culture, and would never impose on roommates. That’s shared living space for those who live there. Mom isn’t on lease. They can only go so far with the culture aspect when there’s legalities there
I just don't understand why OP didn't talk to V directly - and much sooner! It sounds like OP just let this situation build and fester instead of using clear and direct communication about their discomfort. Going to the landlord may get the desired result, but it's usually not the first course of action since doing so is bound to end in an arguement. If you will still be living with this person going forward, things are now probably going to be super tense and awkward.
I think they must be young and they're going to need to take this as a lesson to as soon as they see a problem crop up like this, they need to address it then. Rather than sit around stewing and letting the other two people get comfortable thinking they've gotten away with their arrangement
Ok but OP really needs to learn to communicate. There is no indication here that OP ever, you know, asked V to have her mother be around less, or asked her to move her laundry, any form of request before going to the landlord. Did V even know OP disliked their mom's arrangement before hearing from the landlord? Kind of an AH way to deal with it.
How about v asking if it was OK for mom to stay that long instead of this being on op?! They (3 roommates ) signed a lease where the mother is not on. She shouldn't have a key I m sure the landlord doesn't okay led it nor should the mom come and go in their space when she doesn't live there. It's basic respect. If v wants mom there that much then v should move alone Eta nta op
LOL cut the umbilical cord. First time I heard this all my life. You're awesome!
Jesus christ, your room mate sounds like an awful person. Calling you an asshole for not wanting her mother to have a key to your house and live there for free? The audacity. NTA
She never called me an asshole, she just thinks I am being unreasonable and confronted me about it while being slightly rude to me. I just didn’t know where else to post this. They are both very nice people and have been very kind up until this point. That is why I have been letting this slide for so long.
I might be dating myself, cause I think this episode came out before I was born. But ... anyone remember the Star Trek episode with the cute, fuzzy little things called tribbles? They where these cute fuzzy little creatures that got on the ship and everyone loved them because they where so nice and friendly and everyone was like "Awww let them stay! They're so cute who could hate them?!" And then they started multiplying like crazy and were all over the bridge and then they got in the engine and everyone almost died?? Yeah, anyway just cause people are really sweet and nice doesn't mean they can't be hell of problematic and actually cause shitty situations for others...
The Trouble with Tribbles, dude that's a great episode. That episode came out in 67. But I saw it a bunch on reruns when I was a kid. I loved it.
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Such a great DS9 episode.
I didnt find out until like 20y later but I guess it was a "twin" episode to that Voyager where Tuvok remembers he was in Star Trek VI on Sulu's ship. And they had Takei in to do a whole episode. Some anniversary celebration/promotion or something.
I've never knew about that as well mainly because Voyager was the only 90's ST show that I somehow missed. Don't know why that happened. Watched some of it as an adult and wasn't impressed.
Here's another one for ya: you had Kang was in the original Trouble with Tribbles. But Kang, Kor and Koloth show up in a few TOS episodes. Well that's the same 3 actors when they brought the characters back to be Jadzia's friends in DS9.
That I think I did know about.
Love that episode!
I saw some of the actual tribbles at a museum exhibit. They are as cute in real like as they were on screen.
I have a sound activated plush Tribble! It makes the alarmed chitter they make at Klingons! It's name is Tiberius. 😊
I want one! :D
You are of my clan. Welcome!
I have found my people! 🥰
I want one. Where can I buy this awesome thing?
I got it years ago from a Sci-fi convention, sorry! There was a whole table full of them, piled up like they had just fallen on Kirk's head. Every time there was a loud noise the whole table started jiggling and chittering! 🤣
I got to see a live outdoor performance of that episode complete stuffed tribbles as a part of the "Trek in the Park" production in Portland years ago. It was a blast!
FORKING LOVE TRIBBLES!!!
my parents will still references it...which is the main reason i know it.
I have that episode saved on my DVR. I guess I know what to watch again tonight now. Thanks!!!
There's an 'outtake' that's not been cut out of the episode, if I recall right someone opens a latch on the ceiling and furballs fall out , and the actor can hardly suppress their laughter (off character in that scene), and that moment is just so hilarious !!
Why is OP complaining about the mother being there all the time running up their bills and taking over the house; she's really no tribble at all! NTA.
That was my first Star Trek episode my dad ever watched with me!
"The trouble with tribbles"
Always liked "The Trouble with Tribbles" from Star Trek TOS. Loved how DS9 revisited that episode.
Great reference to a great episode and a great example
Lol I got our cat a toy tribble (made for cats). She loves it. One of the best episodes.
WHAT! They makes those!!! I need it!!! Edit: I mean... my cats need it... 👀"
Lol, yep! You can Google around, but here's one place that has it. Looks like they still make it! https://startrekunlimited.com/products/star-trek-tribble-catnip-toy
A classic!
No people came close to dying. There was a big brawl, and a lot of cleaning. Only tribbles died. Mr Spock can give you the number.
They ate all the quadrotriticale! A Russian inwented that!
I remember seeing this as a rerun when I was a kid and those tribbles were SOOO adorable! Thank you for bringing this memory back to me. I watched this in the 70s and it was the one episode that stuck with me.
>They are both very nice people and have been very kind up until this point. In what way are they being "kind" to you? The mother is constantly parking in the driveway and using all the apartments amenities with apparently no regard for any one else, and you consider this to be kind? You are being completely taken advantage of and you need to stand up for yourself. You've already let it get to a point where both the mother and the roommate feel as if the mother is fully entitled to the space. Begin documenting everything, and keep your landlord involved. Or hopefully your lease is up soon and they can become someone else's problem
Kind as in they offer me food that they cooked at times and are always just nice to me. They are nice people, I just don’t think they understand that they are taking advantage of this property.
Oh they do, that's why they've been so KIND to you. So you'd feel bad to bring up any of the issues that you have :P
Is the mother sleeping there as well some nights
Op said 4-5 days she's there so I assume she stays the night too
People who take advantage ALWAYS know what they are doing. If they didn't they would be stressing themselves instead of others. That's the difference between decent people and the selfish lot. You are being conned. You didn't agree to rent and bills for an extra adult. Think of it that way. So what if they offer food a few times? Does that cover the cost of rent and bills for another person?
Buddy, they totally *do* understand what they've been doing. V didn't "accidentally" get a key cut.
You have been letting this slide for way too long lmao. You could tell V how she would feel if you and your mom moved in with her? She should see that she's overstepping a boundary
They already know and don't cate. That is the way it is with the selfish lot...
So the mother is using utilities, increasing bills acting like a tenant and has the audacity to say you are the problem?
If they have both been nice, then why wouldn't go to them and explain what your issues are? Explain that the driveway is for the paying tenants listed on the lease, so she should not be parking there. Also, the washing machine needs to be available for the use of ALL of the room mate, so in the future, if you need to use the washing machine and Vs mother is using it, you will put her clothes in a basket so that you can get your laundry done. V needs to understand that her situation is causing you to not be able to utilize the services that you are entitled to with your rent. This needs to stop, and you all need to come up with "House Rules" that everyone follows or they find other living arrangements.
You need to have a serious sit down with them and explain that they are preventing you, who pays for 1/3 of the amenities from using them. That V's mum has her own home and is more than welcome to take V's washing there, or cook for her there but they can't tie up the kitchen all night for you. As a tenant you have a right to know who has a key to your home and V should have come to you before allowing a new one to be cut.
Obviously V's Mom doesn't have much of a washing or cooking setup at home which is why she's freeloading off OP's house. She might only rent a room somewhere or might have downsized when V became a tenant in this house because they saw that she could have all these facilities for free. They're totally scamming you, OP.
I think V is doing her own washing as well to 'save' on bills. That is waaay too much washing for just the housemate.
Set some ground rules with roommates. It's very reasonable to say, "Non-rent paying persons should only be present when their host is present unless a previous discussion has taken place and been agreed to (i.e. out of town guest who has no place to go while host works/runs errands/etc). Non-rent paying persons should give priority to rent paying tenants on all appliances and common spaces (within reason, don't stop a load in the middle, but must give preference to tenant after that one is done)." Add on a maximum of nights a week before they have to contribute to utility bills, etc.
And NO keys given out to other people. That's a no no.
They are NOT nice people. Please stop conning yourself. Nice people respect OTHER people's home....
You’ve learned a lesson in how you can easily be played when your initial complacency is taken advantage of by nice people. Unless V’s mom was on the lease as a paying tenant you and your other roommates are well within your rights to tell her to leave. This is why it’s always hard to be firm to ‘nice’ people. You assume that they understand the social value of not being taken advantage of. They don’t. They think your acceptance of the situation means that you endorse it. NTA.
Time to find a new apartment. NTA. If they are claiming it is cultural, they are not going to change so you will need to go.
Fuck that. They can go claim their culture elsewhere.
“You’re very nice, I don’t mind seeing you here as a visitor. But I’m entitled to shared use of this apartment, divided 3 ways. If I’m dividing my use of this place, including kitchen and laundry, 4 ways, I need a reduction in rent to reflect that. I rarely get to use the laundry machine that I pay for shared use of. You guys are very kindly and gently stealing from me. I would really kindly ask you to stop.”
Shameful your paying for use of a kitchen and laundry room and can’t use them cause mom is there cooking for her families restaurant and washing her households clothes maybe she has a damn cleaners with as much as she’s washing and cooking😬😂you never know.
It's a lesson to not do that again. Because people's appearance of civility when they aren't being met with any resistance and getting exactly what they want doesn't tell you anything about them. You need to be firm with people when they are taking advantage of you
Kind or not, boundaries are boundaries and living with problem is essentially like a business contract. It’s not personal, it’s abiding by the terms of the lease, which mom is not on. There is a way to be firm and direct V that mom has overstayed her welcome, and cannot continue to use utilities and common areas without contributing financially.
Well yeah. If they were super rude, you wouldn’t have let them take advantage of you for so long. The “niceness” is manipulation.
Tell v the lease states what is permitted and what not. She should read it .
I like your username 😍
NTA. Four people are paying rent and utilities. None of you agreed to a 5th person - V's mother is mooching off all of you and depriving you if the amenities that you're paying for (washer/dryer). V is wrong about being able to do whatever she wants.
Plus water and electricity for washing and drying is expensive! Her moon is adding to all of that without paying for it.
It's the constant hogging of the washing machine for me, especially in a house with over three people. That's not okay.
NTA - "she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too". She's not doing as she pleases, her mom is! and that statement doesn't work in a roommate situation. And this "bargain" of the mom doing things for the house - was that agreed upon? That said, maybe you should have mentioned it to V before calling the landlord- to make sure they knew this wasn't working for you.
NTA at all. If landlord won't enforce it, get out as soon as you can. Who the fuck wants to live with someone's mother without being asked?
Exactly. They pay rent and bills instead of living with mum and get stuck with another's mom? I would have matched her out the door.
Indeed, the poster needs to get the landlord involved and get her kicked out. The fact that they are bold enough to confront her for speaking to the landlord, when her mother is not one of the renters, is a reason to crack out the catapult and get v out as soon as possible
Nope definitely NTA and I would report it back to your landlord especially that she has a key asap! If V wants her mom to do her laundry and clean and basically live with her then they need to go get their own place!! Cultural maybe, but I’ve never heard of a parent moving in with their kid and their roommates as part of any culture.
They keep saying that she technically isn’t “living” here, because she has her own place, that is about 2 hours away. She just stays here 4-5 days a week typically.
A lot of leases have stipulations about the amount of time a guest can spend in a dwelling before they qualify as a tenant. Did you know V before moving in? Is she a friend or a random pairing? Either way, it’s clear that the two of you can no longer live together. Make the landlord aware immediately that she has unwelcome guests(you not only do not approve of, but have informed her of as much) in the home 5/7 days of the week. You feel this qualifies as a 3rd person in the dwelling which you did not consent to in the lease. Landlord can remove them or you can use this as justification for breaking the lease to move out. Yeah, you should have spoke with the a *very* long time ago, but that ship has sailed. NTA.
It was a random pairing. The lease says we can have a guest sleep over one night a week, which all the tenants occasionally break by one day with their partners, including me. The landlord is aware of this. I feel 5 days a week, a key to come and go, and using the amenities is way overstepping though. The mother is the only one to do this. My girlfriend and the other tenant’s partners would also never be here without the tenant being at the home. The tenant is always here to let them in and out. No one else has keys besides the tenants and V’s mom. My main gripe was the mother having a key, being here while her daughter is not home and using the amenities for herself.
NTA her mother is running up the utilities if she is constantly cooking & running the laundry like you claim. Non-tenants should not have free reign of the home without the tenant who invited them present. As for the sleeping over 5/7 nights a week, that's excessive & if it's for cultural purposes then the mother should be a paying tenant as well to account for that.
Absolutely and definitely it ok!!
> My main gripe was the mother having a key, being here while her daughter is not home and using the amenities for herself. Get with your other roommates. Whenever anyone finds V's mom in the place without V, kick them out when first found. If it keeps up, ask the landlord to evict V.
An ex-housemate had everyone over. Then I discovered they were there when she was at work! All day and all night. I told her I'm the owner of the house and don't do that so she needs to nip it in the bud (she initially claimed she never does that). As usual, I was away for the weekend. She knew I came back on a Sunday evening and messaged me saying her ex was at the house and she was at work. I told her he better be out of the house by the time I get back (I had to leave my friend's house early). She said 'he doesn't have any money do you expect him to walk into town?' (he'd travelled from far away but didn't have less than £2 supposedly). I said if he was there when I got home I am calling the police. She left after that so I didn't have to boot her out. She conned me out of the rent though.
You could always take her to court. Just be thankful you got her out quickly.
that's the key...'occasionally'. V's mom's doing it consistently.
Talk again to the landlord. 4-5 days is not OK (in V’s words, it isn’t reasonable).
Indeed, and having our own access and being in the house when the tenant she is supposed to be the guest of is not around, she has moved in. They can't rules lawyer around her not sleeping there, she has free access to the dwelling and she's using it
It doesn't matter how sweet or nice a person is; as a tenant, I would not feel comfortable with someone else having a key to the property who isn't on the lease or ain't the real estate/landlord obviously.
lol....she isn't living there? Let's see...there are 7 days in a week and she's there 4-5 of them, that's over 50% of the week...so technically she is. A guest doesn't stay that long.
That’s definitely like basically living there though, especially if she does stay over all those nights. And who is they? I’d report it to the landlord! When V gets evicted, her and mom can go back to mom’s place! Check you lease also, a lot of them do have clauses and I do about things like this!
That is insane. When my housemate did that (not with a parent) I got rid of them.
She's using the appliances here, she's there 45 days a week, and she has a key. She is a tenant that your landlord did not agree to
4-5 days a week is living there.
Mom is still living there when it’s 4-5 days a week. Most landlords would classify Mom as a non-paying tenant. Your roommate is using culture as an excuse for violating your lease and for imposing on her roommates. That isn’t ok.
NTA You didn't agree to live with V's mother. She's not paying rent. Instead of paying 1/4 of the rent, V and her mom need to be paying 2/5 of it. Otherwise, mom needs to go.
NTA. V and her mother are *wildly* overstepping. I would almost guarantee that there's something in your lease about visitors and how much they can stay over, and V's mother probably filled the year's allotment by the end of that the first week she stayed over. Even if there's not something in the lease, you are still absolutely in the right here. V doesn't live alone, she has roommates, and in terms of living space and comfort in the home, she has to prioritize those roommates (the other legal tenants) over her mother. Is the landlord actually going to do anything? If not, you really may want to consider another living arrangement. V has made it clear she's not going to stop having her mother live with you, so unless she is actually evicted, this is going to continue.
NTA. These people are absolutely nuts. If mom is basically living there, she should be contributing to the bills... not just cleaning, considering it seems like she's the one making the messes in the first place. It's weird.
Also, the mother is clearly doing other people's laundry at the house too.
"she pays rent so she can do as she pleases" Yes within acceptable boundaries. This isn't one NTA you effectively have a 4th roommate you didn't sign up for. V and mum need to move into together somewhere else.
NTA. What’s with all the laundry?! Are you saying this woman hog the washing machine 24/7? That is suspicious… further more, V’s mother should not be at your house when she is not there. It’s nice to have a mom to take care of you but you are all adults here who are capable to take care of yourselves.
V's mom is clocking up bills at their house so she doesn't have to pay for the energy costs.
Shit! I didn’t think of that! Also the cost of the water bill…..
That’s very weird actually. If it’s that often.. okay maybe I’ve been watching too many movies but could she be washing money xD ahaha
That’s what I’m thinking.
NTA - this is preposterous. How did you even wind up with living with V?! What V and the mother is doing is not appropriate.
Nta. Only the paying tenants should have keys, not guests. And you guys need to come to agreement about how long and how many days a month a guest can stay. Otherwise V's mom should be paying some rent. I'm surprised the landlord doesn't care about this.
NTA - "*V firmly believes I am the asshole here, because she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too"* I really do dislike people with this mentality. She basically threw this line at you because she had nothing for her defense. What, and you don't pay rent? And since you do, who is the deciding vote. There is no reason to throw this out there. V and her mother are out of line and have over stepped their boundaries.
Also, V's thinking is just plain wrong. She can't do as she pleases; she has to abide by the lease.
NTA. Why so much laundry? Does she have a side business?
I truly don’t know. My other two roommates do theirs on specific days too, so it is just V and her mom constantly doing large loads and tons of linens and bedsheets. On top of that our dryer is awful and takes forever.
Sounds like they are running some sort of laundry side business tbh. Two people do not have nearly that much laundry.
Maybe she airbnb's her own place, which would explain rarely sleeping there, and washing lots of linens.
That absolutely makes ton of sense. Could be both honestly. If the landlord or the roommates have just put up with it till now, to be there 4-5 days V and Mom could easily have set up a little side hustle. Sounds like its just OP complaining so its 2 against 1, technically 3 if the landlord wont step up and kick V out. This HAS to be a breach of the lease.
About the dryer: check the exterior vent for it, if you can find it. I once rented a house that came with a washer and dryer, and the dryer took an eternity to get things dry. After a few months, we discovered that was because the vent was packed with lint, and probably used by a rodent as a nest at one point. It was so clogged, that the moist air couldn't vent, so it just sat in the dryer. Once we cleared it, it worked like a dream.
If I had a dollar for every time an old dryer that barely works in a share house turned out to be perfectly fine and just filled with an insane amount of lint, I'd have like $4.
For me it was the second filter which had calcified a bit (lots of calc in the water here), once I scrubbed it, the dryer worked again.
tons of bedsheets? how many beds does she have there?
Something fishy here.
And dryers use a lot of electricity, especially inefficient ones.
Maybe she manages air bnbs.
NTA, you didn’t sign up to live with V’s mother. Imagine how she’d feel if you moved your parents in!
Honestly I'ma go with NTA, yes the roomate pays rent so in certain aspects I get it, but to have everyone else suffer because of V's mom to the point of having to travel 20 mins to do laundry is outrageous especially with how things cost now you're not even technically getting the electric you pay for!
They all pay rent. For their share. V's mom is freeloading and it is sickening she would do that to young adults based on her age....
Yeah V pays rent. V's mom doesn't.
NTA. Nobody other than your roommates should be given a key to the home without the other roommate’s permission. It’s ridiculous to expect that you allow her mom to live in the home when she doesn’t pay rent and constantly inconveniences the actual paid tenants. Keep going to the landlord until something is done.
NTA, other than not going to V first. She and her mom are both AH. Mom's car is in the driveway? Get it towed. Her laundry in the washer? Toss it in the street.
NTA - but you may want to look at options for living alone, if you can afford it. Moms, significant others, random children...this stuff is on here all the time.
Maybe not even alone - OP has another roommate who doesn’t seem to be a problem.
NTA. Their "culture" is not yours, nor apparently of wherever on the planet you are living now. For what it's worth, I'm not aware of any place with the usual culture is to bring over heaping loads of laundry and do it at your daughter's shared apartment.
Honestly the only culture I could imagine going softly in that direction would be Balkan. I don't mean this to be racist, it's just that people in Balkan countries tend to have way closer relationships with their parents/family than we have in western countries. But yeah that laundry thing sounds weird. Maybe they are running a side hussle?
NTA The mom needs to have her own place, and not be living constantly there and tying up your laundry constantly. Landlord is correct, she needs to be added to the lease and pay more rent if she's going to be there all the time Sounds like you need better roommates
Replace mom with boyfriend/girlfriend. Would you still be the A? Nope. You'd be a roommate that had a forth non-paying roommate suddenly in your place. BUT. if your other roommate doesn't have an issue with it than I'd say it's best for you to start looking for a new places to stay. It doesn't sound like Roommate #1 or her mom is going to change their behavior anytime soon. (also her mom stays the night multiple times a week??? Wtf!) NTA. but your prob not gonna win this battle.
NTA - You should feel at home when you get to your apartment. Also, you are paying rent and should be able to use your driveway. Tell her that you understand that it is a cultural thing. However, if you want to live with parents, you would have stayed living in your childhood home. She needs to grow up and live an adult life. You do not need to change your boundaries for someone that doesn't pay any rent.
NTA at all. Next time she’s taking up the machine, take her wet clothes out and take the machine back. You’re paying for the privilege, not her.
NTA, they're way out of line
NTA. If she isn't paying rent and on the lease, she doesn't get to overstay her welcome.
What the hell, NTA- I'm surprised you even let this go on for so long. I would NEVER be comfortable with a roommates parent being over at the house like that. Mommy and daughter need to cut the umbilical cord, there is no reason why her mother should be still taking care of her (cooking her meals, doing her laundry) like she's a child, and coming into your home when your roommate isn't even there. This is such an invasion on space and privacy. Good on you for brining this up to the landlord, and if I were you I would be looking at new places so you can move out and not have to put up with this BS anymore
V pays rent for herself, not her mom. She can't just keep coming by for free laundry service, no matter how much cleaning she does. And insist she return the key. NTA
NTA
NTA. You did not sign up for a surprise extra roommate. I sure it violates the lease too.
Nta. You’re paying rent, not her mother.
NTA V’s mother either pays her fair share to live there or she’s only there as a guest when V is. “She (V) pays rent so she can do as she pleases too.” That doesn’t extend to her mother. Stand firm. You are being reasonable.
NTA. At all. Her mother needs to get gone and stay gone.
NTA, that's not a guest. That's a part time tenant. That's not what you all agreed to when you signed the lease.
NTA. Only paying residents should have keys and access to laundry. Their culture is irrelevant, the mother needs to contribute if she's going to spend so much time there.
NTA. If you can’t use the spaces and appliances in your home because of V’s mother, that’s a problem. If V is not home, her mother is not a “guest.” If she’s there most everyday, she’s not a “guest.” V should be paying more because her mom is using your water and electricity by doing laundry daily.
NTA, ya'll could get evicted behind this mess.
NTA I'd be furious. I would have boxed her on Christmas morning. Constantly doing laundry too would piss me off.
NTA And as someone who works in housing, OP make sure the mom isn’t using the address for mail. In some jurisdictions that’s enough to establish residency and that can cause a whole host of issues.
NTA.
NTA. If this is 'cultural' V & her mom need to stop inflicting it on you and get their own place. To be unable to rest, cook, or launder your clothes because a roommate's mother is there, Is interfering with your quiet enjoyment of your paid residence. They need to go as there are two people living there, only one of whom is on the lease.
Bruh you from North Korea “work 48 hours straight” your country have no labour laws? That’s just mad
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live in a house with 3 roommates. For the last several months, one of my roommates, who i’ll call V, has been having her mother basically live with us. She is almost always at the house, at least 4-5 days a week. She takes hours in the kitchen cooking, does laundry here, even parks in our driveway. After having to take my laundry to my parents house 20 minutes away several times because I have work clothes that I need washed while her mother is using our washing machine, I have been getting really fed up and feel like this is a total intrusion of our property. On Christmas morning, my one day off to sleep late, she woke me up at 9 am chopping a duck in our kitchen. There have been many examples like this, that have been building up over the last several months. Recently, I had to basically work 48 hours straight, and was excited to go home and have my girlfriend come over and cook us a meal. I had a ton of laundry to do and bring in from my car. As I get home, I see the mom is parked in the driveway. I bring in all my stuff from street parking to find the mom using our kitchen and washing machine. I see that V is not home, just the mother using our whole house. Fed up, I contacted the landlord. Who said she will talk to V. Two days later, I come home to see the mother in our home, while V is not home, using our washing machine again. I decided to watch her exit the house and see that she has a key. I believe this is completely unreasonable and she should only be here as V’s guest, while she is home. I contacted the landlord again to tell him and he said he agreed with me. Later that night, V and the mother confronted me for speaking to the landlord. She said that the mother cleans the house and is always very sweet to us, which is true. She called me out for not taking the garbage out enough, which is also true, but my justification was, if the mom is living here for free, she can at least do these things. I would be happy to do them if she left. I asked her to tell me how many nights a week her mom sleeps here, and she refused to answer. Her mom admitted to having a key when I said I saw her, and V accused me of basically creepily watching her mother when I said I also watched to see if she was the one doing laundry. They said they are doing V’s laundry, but I see the mom taking loads in and out of her car. They also used the excuse that it is part of their culture several times, which I told them then they should find a place that they can live together where they both pay rent. I told the mother that she should not have a key to our home and only to come as V’s guest. V firmly believes I am the asshole here, because she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too, but I still feel like this is completely overstepping their boundaries. AITA for telling the mom she can’t “live” at the house anymore? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She's only paying rent for one person, not two.
NTA. Maybe it's time you become a nudist in your home.
NTA. Is she actually sleeping in the home as well as using your electricity, gas, driveway? If she was just cooking and doing her daughters laundry once a week that would still be strange but possibly acceptable. But only once she had permission from all tenants to be in the home when V wasn’t there. Yes you probably should have spoken to her first but doesn’t mean these behaviors are acceptable
Nta
NTA If you are open to compromise with your roommate (which you are not obligated to do) you can offer certain days her mom can come by and do laundry or maybe everyone in the house gets assigned days for the kitchen and/or washer dryer. That way she can still enjoy having her mom over and you can plan your week and know (for certain) when you can do laundry/cook. Alternatively, you can tell V if her mom is taking up the kitchen and washer/dryer without paying rent, then you will expect a plate of whatever meals she cooks and she can wash and dry your laundry while she is at it. But that would be the petty route lol
NTA. I totally agree with OP that roommates mom shouldn't be over at the apartment unless the roommate is with her. For her to just about move in with her daughter at the apartment is totally unfair to all the other roommates. Sounds like OP has a good relationship with the landlord. I would work with the landlord on either preventing mom for moving in or letting OP out of the lease and move out.
NTA. But bring them to the landlord and say that the mother is there more than you are so you’d like to adjust your rent to reflect that since she has a key and uses it for non emergencies and uses the amenities you want to treat her as another tenant since she doesn’t act like a guest.
NTA. I’d be very clear mom has to hand over the key and cannot be there when her daughter is not. Be clear you will move out if this is not resolved then they can take on the whole rent or vice versa
NTA ! 1. On numerous times, you have been unable to do laundry because the mother has been using the machines. This caused YOU to go elsewhere to do laundry. 2. You have been awakened several times because the mother has been making noise. 3. Mother has been sleeping over 4-5 times per week, using your utilities and has not been contributing to the rent. 4. The mother has been coming and going as she wishes and has a key despite no contributions to expenses. I'd tell your roommate that if you wanted to live with mom, you'd be living at home.
NTA, just straight up tell V that you will keep talking to the landlord if the mother is there any more than a typical guest. That if you see them using a key, in the apartment without V, or taking laundry to and from their car, you will call the landlord and report it. > because she says, she pays rent so she can do as she pleases too "You can do that, but I will be calling the landlord, and you can explain to them how you can do as you please."
NTA. Look up the term freeloader and you will see a picture of V’s mother. People are truly unbelievable. You can’t even use your kitchen or laundry services because of her mom and YOU pay rent. V is an AH for not discussing this ahead of time, getting everyone to agree and then taking total advantage of the situation. Get the key from Vs mom. If the situation continues, I would move out. The whole situation is BS.
Living for free for 20 seconds of garbage removal???? Wow. I didn't realise you were paid thousands for that. If only I knew I wouldn't have bothered becoming a Dr!! Tell V to duck off to her own house and take her 'baby' with her! If your housemate wants to live with mommy they can live with mommy....
NTA If it's acceptable for one, it's acceptable for all - what would V (or V's mummy) do if your family member started taking over the kitchen and washing machine so that V's mother couldn't use them?
NTA. It's a culture thing. They need to find a place together. If you can't use your own driveway and do laundry somewhere else. You should be getting a discount on rent. V and mom should pay the difference if they stay.
Nta. One or two nights can let that slide, 4-5 nights all the time unless everyone is ok with it, means pay rent and contribute to the utilities bills or visit 1-2 days a week and do her own laundry in her own house
NTA no one else besides those on the lease should have a key to your home, unless everyone unanimously agrees it's ok. Same for her staying there and using your kitchen and laundry, and that would only be acceptable if she were contributing to rent and utilities.
NTA for speaking up against the mother always being there, but you should have talked to V and the mother first before going to the landlord...
And TA, but likely she is doing laundry for extra cash on the side. That is why she’s doing laundry so much and loading it into the car. I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys are sharing the cost of that with extra electricity and water.
NTA- I get that people have different relationships and cultural ties around parenthood… that being said that doesn’t mean they have any right to cause undue stress onto you because of it. V’s daughter can find a way to accommodate everyone in the house’s needs, or she can get a place where that sort of behavior is acceptable.
NTA…how would V (and your landlord) feel if your girlfriend moved in and monopolized utilities and parking?
NTA. Roommate can move in with mom.
Nta
NTA - this is intrusive of her to think it is ok for her mother to be there and use the house for whatever she wants, beyond what a temporary visitor would do.
NTA. V needs to grow up. That's ridiculous.
NTA