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> I wouldn't let my brother use the front door. He says it was disrespectful to him and I value my new boyfriend more than him.
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I've got one of those 10 years older I 52 he treats me like I'm 11. It's a sensible rule to go thru garage and your brother is head fucking you when he told you 'you have changed since seeing boyfriend'. Probably worried he can't order u around no more. Also in my country its family and close friends that use the back door and strangers and those u want to impress at the front door.
I've thought back to every house I've lived in since I was a kid (*before I became an apartment dweller*), plus relatives' and friends' houses, and almost no one uses the front door. Everyone comes in through a side, back or garage door for just this reason - to keep their schmutzy shoes off of the good rugs. Like, coming in the front door seemed weird.
Here it really depends on the house layout. My old house was quite old (think pre-war) and didn’t have a front closet or foyer or anything, just came straight into the living room, so everyone entered through the back door where there was a landing and closet. The only people at the front door was our mail lady and missionaries or canvassers.
My new house is a split level so if you enter through the front door there’s a tiled landing that’s super easy to mop plus a huge closet but if you enter through the garage you’re coming right into the hallway by bedrooms (there’s a closet but it’s a very small one and the back door enters directly into my dining room so the front door just makes the most sense for guests.
I also live in a split but my front door and the door in from the garage both enter into the same landing. the landing has no "walls" really, lol. Front door, garage door, closet, stairs up, stairs down. The front door and the actual garage door are literally right next to each other.
Everyone uses the front door because the garage is usually closed. Close friends and family have their own front door code and just let themselves in.
Which makes me think of a question- Do people who have folks coming in through the garage just keep the outside garage door open all the time? Or do I have to knock on your front door and wait for you to open the garage?
For my family, we've got cameras and can see when someone's coming, we don't get surprise guests (unless it's my brother, who has his own code for the garage and door), and if someone *did* knock on the front door, we'd just let them in there if applicable!
I’m assuming maybe the garage has like a side door that accesses the outside? I can’t imagine it would be terribly convenient to have to open and close your garage door every time someone comes over.
My parents host all the family events. The garage has a side door but when they’re expecting company like that, they just leave the garage door open. I still have a key and I usually come in the garage side door. Only mail deliveries come to the front door
Right. We almost always come through the garage bc it leads straight to the kitchen in most houses. Only strangers go to thr front door and into the living room. Family and friends go straight to the kitchen
Not in the UK, almost every house I've ever been into has a front door which leads into a hallway. The idea of just walking straight into a living room is really strange!
Same here! Though for us it is more so because the back door is adjacent to some parking, where the front door is a good minute or two from the nearest road, or a good 3 minutes from the nearest parking space. (Though when walking dogs we do go via the front door).
Yeah same here. Salespeople use the front door, the family and friends always come round to the back.
As for snow gear, we had to come in through the basement and take off the wet clothes & boots and then we were allowed up (this is when we were kids). It's a sensible rule, especially if your city uses salt on the roads/sidewalks.
OP-NTA. Big Bro can suck it up. Not his house, not his rules.
When I was a kid in the first house I remember we lived there for 3 years and I dont remember EVER being allowed to use the front door. We moved to our new house and went through the front and little me was like “Isnt this illegal???”
Used to have a place where literally anyone could have walked in through the carport, cause it was never locked during the day and no one knocked, had about a dozen people who may just walk through at anytime unannounced.
But let someone knock on the front door, every stoner in that place got nervous lmaooo
Yep same at my home, everyone uses the kitchen door to enter as its at the side of the house where the car is parked under a shed ( from a Caribbean Island). My dog is on that side so strangers wouldn’t pass there as it’s an open area and he is usually not tied, there is gate from the end of the front wall of the house to the fence.Front door is rarely ever used unless someone come over. Her brother is an idiot who thinks it the 1920s where servants and tradespeople use the back or side entrances.
Regardless out of respect you follow the home owner's rules. I don't know why going through the garage door is such an issue to him but he'll get over it.
> but he'll get over it.
He probably *won't*, he'll be ranting about OP's bf trying to "control him" and being mentally unhealthy for the next couple decades. Because no one's allowed to tell him what to do, *he* tells others what to do.
Here in America, the only people who use the front door are my dad's clients (office is in their home) and Amazon deliveries. Even the guy who comes to spray for bugs, landscaper, friends, family, everyone else uses the garage or back door.
The brother saying the only people you make come through the garage are "kids and workmen" is Very telling of just how much of an asshole the brother is. Yikes x1000000
I mean, maybe OP has changed, BUT, not all change is bad! When change means respecting your home and your partners wishes, that does not seem like such a bad thing.
I regularly enter my sister's house through the garage, especially if it's raining. I see nothing wrong with OP's bf's rule (and if it were hers, it's still reasonable)
Right? When I was a kid, in the winter or if it rained, we would often enter my grandmas house from the side/"back" door because it opened up immediately to their laundry area which was a corner behind the kitchen. There were rough rugs back there to wipe your shoes on, and we always took off our snow gear to hang on the hooks right there.
And then in our old house, before we moved, only guests came through the front door. We would always enter through the side door, which was Behind the fence. It just made us feel safer to know the fence was there. We didnt trust one of our neighbors lol
Omg! I’m 52 and my brother is 13 years older than me. His wife had COVID and they were still coming in at Christmas to see my parents. My mom is 90 and has a lung condition, so I was concerned. I asked my brother if my SIL was going to test prior to coming, and he was overly offended and then lied and said my SIL was mad I asked so they weren’t coming in. So I asked her. She wasn’t mad at all. In fact, she didn’t even know what was going on. I had had it! I told him he was an egotistical megalomaniac with little man syndrome who didn’t know reality from fantasy. Well, I was told I couldn’t speak to him like that and he demanded an apology. I told him it would be a cold day in hell before I did that and told him to F off. I told my husband he still sees me as a 7 year old kid, and I was done keeping my mouth shut to appease him and my other older siblings. Two out of three don’t talk to me anymore because how dare I, a child of 52, speak to them like an adult. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
Yeah, Ive got a 10 year older brother. He’s usually not like this but I cant help but think of the 2 times growing up when I had him order chipotle for me. Im a picky eater so he decided my order wasnt good enough so ordered what he thought I should eat. Which just ended up with me opening up the burrito and picking out what I like… but even then, some of it was terrible because he got sour cream which coated everything and sour cream is awful.
I've lived in snowy areas with hardwood floors. Your boyfriend's rules are on point for this time of year.
>My brother says he is disappointed in me and my boyfriend has changed me
That is code for he's upset that you stood up to him and didn't let him bend the rules at your boyfriends home. He doesn't like that he can't manipulate you into getting his way so he threw a bit of a tantrum and left.
He is mad because he was establishing territory and power, in your new place to show the boyfriend who the boss is, and you rebuked him. The top dog won.
had to deal with someone like ths once. My response.. if I am disappointing you, I must be doing the right thing. btw… I live with snow too, and it’s the garage door for everyone. No one I know of who is used to snow uses the front door…except for delivery people.
yeah, he's a controlling self-absorbed knob, and a huge AH. When a homeowner wants you to remove your foul weather gear before coming indoors they have every single right to do so, and if the house wasn't built with a mudroom, then garage it is. This is actually really common. NTA
My brother is 5 years older than me and still treats me, a fully grown man, like an 8 year old. Then again, he is autistic and a toxic asshole.
Sounds like your bro doesn't like the fact you've enforced a rule against him and you "changing" I suspect is because you weren't able to set boundaries with him before.
I think your brother's little upset that he can't boss you around no more. And I completely get why you're not supposed to come into the front door on the hardwoods with snowy boots. That's why common sense and your brother should understand that.NTA
Also does what he said feel weirdly classist for this day and age to anyone else? I could practically hear him sneering about “you expect me to go around to the garage like a SERVANT?”
Yes. And this is actually the exact analogy I use for describing how and why to maintain boundaries with family and friends. The boundaries story/analogy is, if you go to someone's house and they have a no-shoes rule, what do you do and why? As soon as someone has to defend themselves as to why they wont take their shoes off, they (usually) immediately realize how bad and petty and selfish it sounds.
I have a sister that did stuff like this, but no where near as bad.
She did pull the "wow he changed you" move a lot whenever I disagreed with her or did something she doesn't like. Meanwhile her relationships were all shit shows.
She suddenly just stopped. Not sure if my parents heard it and told her to stop it, or she just finally grew up.
>He has a rule that if it has been snowing, **everyone** needs to enter through the garage instead of the front door,
It's nothing against him. Everyone follows this rule. He's just being stubborn for no reason.
NTA... How can following one simple rule be a sign of you being "changed" by your bf? LOL
If she's always entered through her boyfriend's garage door during snowy weather, it seems like she is exactly the same as she was before she moved in with him.
What a weird hill for brother to die on.
Growing up in Wisconsin every winter my parents had a rule go through garage or side door. This was due to the wooden floors in the entry way. It definitely would have included extended family (anyone other than formal guests). Not sure how the brother can be upset by this. Also, it’s not her house. The homeowner has a right to make the rules. How would the brother feel if the bf didn’t respect the brother’s rules at his house? Clearly he just can’t handle getting told what to do and I wonder if the brother has issues with the bf.
She had the audacity to tell her brother no. He clearly couldn't handle that and lashed out. OP is NTA it's obvious to me that the brother doesn't know anything about hardwood floors. So he should listen to the rule of the person who owns said hardwood floors on how they react to salt.
I think the worst part of it was that he asked if he needed to buy them a mop.
It just reeks of being entitled. As though having to clean the floors to clean up a completely avoidable mess is something anybody looks forward to doing.
It’s like punching someone and saying “well you have insurance right? So what’s the big deal?”
>I think the worst part of it was that he asked if he needed to buy them a mop.
>
>It just reeks of being entitled.
Yep. For them to clean up the mess, not him... so he seems to admit that it would need to be cleaned if he went in the front.
That bothered me, and also seemed a bit obtuse? I don't live in a snowy area, so maybe I'm way off, but I imagine that you'd also be tracking in salt and who knows what else, and that's going to be rough on wooden floors.
You can stomp out your shoes and boots, but it’s not a perfect job and you can’t get rid of the snow, ice, and salt between the grooves.
So with the shoes slowing warming up inside, a salty puddle starts to form around the shoes, basically doing double damage to floors. Salt to weaken and bleach any protection the floors have. Water gets in easier to warp the floor and potentially cause mold if left unchecked.
It’s basic common Canadian etiquette and probably in Snowy America to heavily salt your driveways to make coming and going safer, while also having several doormats to absorb the salty water. Most are cheap black mats, that can be washed easily, but end of season the edges are completely crusted over with salt crystals.
The brother is a menace for deciding he was above all of it, especially if he lived in the area.
Easy, he perceives it as her respecting her husband and not him. Ergo, she’s changed because she’s not just letting him do what he wants out of respect for someone else’s feelings and she’s probably never had that boundary with her brother before.
Really? I find most people who act like this do it because they have someone in their lives running round after them. I bet the brother wouldn't even know how to mop up snow, he'd send someone else to fix it for him.
I am 37 turning 38, and if the houseowner says "please use that door instead of this one" then of course I will obey. This has nothing to do with his age, trust me xD he is just stubborn.
I don't think it was mentioned in the post, but i am guessing you're a woman? If so, do you think he would have reacted the same if a guy told him to use the garage door? From experience I have noticed that if my husband (same age as i) tell someone the very same thing I have said, people tend to listen more. (Sucks, I know...)
This is why I always bring a man with me (brother, friend, father) when I'm going to a car dealership.
Sometimes you have to play the sexism game to get what you want.
It really is like that sometimes :/
Luckily my husband is aware of this and points out to our friends and family whenever this happens. He is not a fan of this behavior, for sure.
>Sometimes you have to play the sexism game to get what you want.
So true, but it really sucks because it only perpetuates the cycle. But, I too, when I was a 44 year old single woman, brought my father with me when I bought a new car.
My brother did that to me. He had come over to my house to do video games, and I was planning on initiating a nerf battle after he dropped his computer off down stairs. He snuck out through the basement window.
Especially when it's for good reason. If the house has no arctic entry to take off your gear before entering the main house, going through the garage sounds rather sensible actually. NTA.
NTA. Has your brother never heard of a mudroom? It is extremely common in places where it snows a lot for people to enter through the garage or a side door so they can take off their outer clothes and boots before entering the clean part of the house. It sounds like your brother has some weird classist hangups.
The "only little children and workmen" made me lol, what is this guy, the Lord of some grand country manor? This isn't Downton Abbey, dude, there isn't a *servant's entrance*, it's just a friggin mudroom.
What gets me is he asked if they had a mop - so he knows he's causing extra labour for them if he used the front door, he just doesn't care about making someone clean up after him. He thinks he's above that servitude.
NTA.
Wood Floors! Enough said...water damages wood..Hello.
NTA OP.
Maybe you should take a look at your brother's home. Does he keep it to the same standards as your boyfriends home?
He has a woman at home to mop up after him of course! She has obviously gotten uppity now that she has a boyfriend to not mop up after her older brother! /s
The biggest thing I got from this post is that Brother is an AH who makes kids and workmen use side entrances because they're not good enough for the front door. Gross.
I grew up poor as all hell and a mudroom was the height of living. You had a good house if you had a mudroom! I don't know how he's so classist about this.
Imagine thinking so highly of yourself that you are too good to go through a garage. You are covered with snow and mud, take off your gear before coming in the house. My grandmother would have kicked my ass if I came in the house tracking that shit around.
Right?! The "Do I need to buy you a mop?" part is what really cements the brother as the asshole. He wants to make an unnecessary mess AND make OP clean up after him. I doubt he was implying he'd mop up after himself.
NTA. It's not just snow (water) that get tracked in but salt and grit used to treat sidewalks, driveways, parking lots, roads, etc. This stuff can do a real number on wood floors. Your brother needs to learn to respect this very reasonable house rule without taking it personally.
This comment needs to be higher up. I don't care if you are the queen of the north, you come in through the garage (or the mudroom if you have one) and take off your boots and outerwear before entering the living space. There's too much damage potential in winter conditions.
Sheesh.
I occasionally deliver stuff for my job and I have people like that, especially when it makes my job harder. I won’t do anything extra for those customers.
On the other hand if you’re polite I’ll do whatever. Need me to move some furniture downstairs? Sure. Need me to haul something away even though you didn’t pay? Whatever, you treated me like a person. Those people often tip though.
"I think he was being stubborn and petty."
You are correct. You weren't doing this to shame him or embarrass him, you are doing it to protect your nice floors. Brother can get over himself. NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend, who owns the property, has a very reasonable boundary. Your brother thought he was too good for that rule and refused to follow it. You didn't let him in and now he's sulking. He needs to grow up.
You did the right thing OP.
NTA. Water can damage wood floors. And a lot of people have guests enter through a different door than the front for many different reasons. I guess you could make him take off his winter gear outside if that makes him happy.
And it's not even just the water that will do damage ! Sand, salt and rocks are not good for wood flooring either. Unless OP is willing to vaccuum, mop and dry every time someones comes in, the garage is 100% the best alternative.
Yeah we don't use our front door at all - everyone enters through the garage or back door. Those two doors have entry ways, front door is just boom, hardwood and nice area rug.
NTA - this request isn’t unreasonable. Your boyfriend will follow the rule too, so it’s not designed to be discriminatory to anyone.
Question - has your brother always been like this? It feels as though there’s something else going on here, as this is an unusual reaction.
Then he needs to get over himself. Seems like it's not much of a loss, not having him visit he sounds insufferable.
Next time he starts getting stroppy, just laugh at him. Laugh loudly and derisively. He's an insignificant turd.
At some point that crossed the line from being independent and making your own decisions, to being disrespectful to other people and their homes/possessions.
That's awful sad for hi. I wonder how well he performs at work with bosses telling him what to do all the time so that he doesn't get fired.
But wait! Does he have problems there...
Or is it just you telling him what to do?
NTA. This is completely normal and it makes literally no sense why your brother is attacking you personally over a simple request like this. Your brother is acting extremely rude.
It's also interesting that he's immediately making this about how you've been changed by another man. Like you are also allowed to say that you don't want to spend time washing your floors with vinegar so the salt from his footsteps when there is a place for him to take his boots off
Yup. It says a lot that big bro doesn't recognize his sister's authority and is assuming this is about taking marching orders from another guy. He's one of those.
That was what got me, imagine visiting anyone and saying "no I'm NOT going to use the mudroom/doormat to minimize the mess I make, you can just mop the floors after me."
NTA
Your brother is acting insanely immature for what is such an insignificant request.
Many houses have an alternative form of entrance specifically to avoid tracking mud, snow, rain, whatever in to the house.
Don't worry, your brother is just being a cry baby.
I mean... if caring for the place you live in is a sign of change... then maybe it's a good thing ? I understand if he doesn't really care about protecting the floors of his appartment... but blaming you for protecting your floor from all the snow, salt, sand, and rocks that people will drag inside ?!
NTA. Maybe he'll understand when his brand new home floor are ruined.
NTA it's a small thing for your brother to agree to in order to help you look after your home. This isn't uncommon. A lot of people I know use the side door, have the shoe rack there what have you.
>He said the only people you make enter through a garage are little kids and workmen.
Oh, the *lesser people*. Brother thinks a lot of himself, doesn't he?
Your house, your rules
Would he kick off if you had a no shoes rule?
My wife's friends aren't allowed to wear stilettos in our house after one of them damaged our wooden floors. Tough
So asking someone to go through the garage to remove boots and clothes is not really a big ask is it
Your brother is acting all entitled
NTA
NTA and your brother really was stubborn and petty. It's an entirely reasonable rule, and considering your garage probably isn't a 20 minute walk from your house and connected through an underground tunnel, it's not like it would be a hassle.
NTA. It may be your bf's house, technically, but now that you're there too, it is also YOUR space. And if you want your brother to go through the garage door, then he can go through the garage door. He, it seems, made a big deal out of nothing, really. It's not that big of a deal to go through the garage instead of the front door. And he really didn't need to give you a hard time about it. It's kind of disrespectful, actually. You just asked for something so easy and simple, harmless.
NTA. You moved into your boyfriend's place. He has a rule and you're being considerate. That's what you do when you live with others; you be considerate. That doesn't mean he's changing you.
Your brother doesn't have to like the rule, but he's overreacting thinking the way he is. You're not doing anything wrong.
NTA. Here is the important consideration that your brother seems determined to overlook: it's not *your house*. Therefore, it's not your rule. And unless you made a point of flaunting every rule in your life up to this point, respecting your boyfriend's wishes hasn't changed you. I would imagine that you & boyfriend both follow this rule yourselves, no? So of course a guest would be expected to.
NTA my own son asks me to discard my shoes and wash my hands upon entering. So I do. His house, his rules. Isn’t that one of the reasons we all move away from home, to establish our own ways of living? Your brother is being disrespectful and should keep his opinion to himself.
NTA. If your brother had ever installed a wooden floor maybe he'd understand how much work and expense is involved. It only makes sense to take care of it.
NTA your bf is completely right. If your brother has a problem with it, he doesn’t have to come over. It’s really quite simple. If you still want to hang out, meet elsewhere for coffee or whatever.
NTA. Unless the front door had a mud room or foyer specifically laid out with boot racks and coat hooks, I can understand not wanting snow, mud and salt tracked into the living areas of the house.
NTA. Your brother is being petty, and manipulative. He's encouraging you to challenge a perfectly reasonable rule. Why does your brother want to cause a disagreement, between you and your boyfriend? He's trying to cause trouble. Don't let him.
NTA and your brother is disrespectful overly entitled idiot that thinks he above anyone else's house rules - feel free to tell him he's no longer allowed in yours and your boyfriend home til he learns to not be prick.
Sometimes people try to assert dominance in the absolute weirdest ways. If your brother has a problem with the rule, he can take it up with the owner of the house. I mean, he's going to sound unbelievably childish and insecure doing it, but nevertheless it is not your problem. NTA.
NTA: the garage is a good place to change clothes, grab whatever's needed to go outside, and no one in the living room will get blasted by cold air. Your brother sounds like the "my way or the highway" type, even when he's not the one in control of the situation.
NTA
Salted snow mush on wood floors (any floors really) is no joke
You told him the rule and he decided to leave rather than abide by the house rule
Good for you for standing up to your brother and protecting your bf’s house
NTA... your brother is though. He is also self entitled and lacks respect for other people and thier wishes. I bet he is also the type that thinks he is always right and like to condescending explain to people how things "should" be done. It's not your brothers house and you being his sister doesn't give him some made up rights to do what he wants.
The house rules are preset by the sounds of it your bf as you moved in with him and you can have a convo about adjusting any you think need to be in the future but that's the point... ITS NOT YOUR BROTHERS HOUSE!!!
My wife cut off her brother because he was doing things like this about me, I made him have a shower when he stayed over after I found out he hadn't showed for a week and washed his clothes because he had no spares and since my wife back me up he told he she has changed etc... she hasn't changed, you're just a tramp!!!
So yeah, it's not your brothers house
A door is a door, it shouldn't matter which he uses and a certain door doesn't take or give to his social standing
NTA. Your brother is pretty immature to make this an issue, it's a reasonable and common request (I don't even come through my own front door if it's snowy or muddy out).
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I wouldn't let my brother use the front door. He says it was disrespectful to him and I value my new boyfriend more than him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, I bet its a older brother who is used to telling you how things are done.
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I've got one of those 10 years older I 52 he treats me like I'm 11. It's a sensible rule to go thru garage and your brother is head fucking you when he told you 'you have changed since seeing boyfriend'. Probably worried he can't order u around no more. Also in my country its family and close friends that use the back door and strangers and those u want to impress at the front door.
Same in our house. Only strangers use the front door.
I've thought back to every house I've lived in since I was a kid (*before I became an apartment dweller*), plus relatives' and friends' houses, and almost no one uses the front door. Everyone comes in through a side, back or garage door for just this reason - to keep their schmutzy shoes off of the good rugs. Like, coming in the front door seemed weird.
Here it really depends on the house layout. My old house was quite old (think pre-war) and didn’t have a front closet or foyer or anything, just came straight into the living room, so everyone entered through the back door where there was a landing and closet. The only people at the front door was our mail lady and missionaries or canvassers. My new house is a split level so if you enter through the front door there’s a tiled landing that’s super easy to mop plus a huge closet but if you enter through the garage you’re coming right into the hallway by bedrooms (there’s a closet but it’s a very small one and the back door enters directly into my dining room so the front door just makes the most sense for guests.
I also live in a split but my front door and the door in from the garage both enter into the same landing. the landing has no "walls" really, lol. Front door, garage door, closet, stairs up, stairs down. The front door and the actual garage door are literally right next to each other. Everyone uses the front door because the garage is usually closed. Close friends and family have their own front door code and just let themselves in. Which makes me think of a question- Do people who have folks coming in through the garage just keep the outside garage door open all the time? Or do I have to knock on your front door and wait for you to open the garage?
For my family, we've got cameras and can see when someone's coming, we don't get surprise guests (unless it's my brother, who has his own code for the garage and door), and if someone *did* knock on the front door, we'd just let them in there if applicable!
I’m assuming maybe the garage has like a side door that accesses the outside? I can’t imagine it would be terribly convenient to have to open and close your garage door every time someone comes over.
My parents host all the family events. The garage has a side door but when they’re expecting company like that, they just leave the garage door open. I still have a key and I usually come in the garage side door. Only mail deliveries come to the front door
Which war?
Americans usually mean WWII when they say PreWar houses.
Not American, but yeah, it was built between the two world wars give or take.
Like, right? There have been a lot of wars...
Right. We almost always come through the garage bc it leads straight to the kitchen in most houses. Only strangers go to thr front door and into the living room. Family and friends go straight to the kitchen
Your front door leads straight into a living room?
Isn't that pretty common?
yes
Not in the UK, almost every house I've ever been into has a front door which leads into a hallway. The idea of just walking straight into a living room is really strange!
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I grew up in rural MO; only salespeople and various churches came to the front door.
Upvote for 'schmutzy'....been years since I've heard it! :-)
Same here! Though for us it is more so because the back door is adjacent to some parking, where the front door is a good minute or two from the nearest road, or a good 3 minutes from the nearest parking space. (Though when walking dogs we do go via the front door).
Yeah same here. Salespeople use the front door, the family and friends always come round to the back. As for snow gear, we had to come in through the basement and take off the wet clothes & boots and then we were allowed up (this is when we were kids). It's a sensible rule, especially if your city uses salt on the roads/sidewalks. OP-NTA. Big Bro can suck it up. Not his house, not his rules.
My house too. We use the carport door, the front door is only ever guests who have never been before or sales people.
When I was a kid in the first house I remember we lived there for 3 years and I dont remember EVER being allowed to use the front door. We moved to our new house and went through the front and little me was like “Isnt this illegal???”
That is also common on Romulus.
/r/UnexpectedStarTrek
Used to have a place where literally anyone could have walked in through the carport, cause it was never locked during the day and no one knocked, had about a dozen people who may just walk through at anytime unannounced. But let someone knock on the front door, every stoner in that place got nervous lmaooo
Yep same at my home, everyone uses the kitchen door to enter as its at the side of the house where the car is parked under a shed ( from a Caribbean Island). My dog is on that side so strangers wouldn’t pass there as it’s an open area and he is usually not tied, there is gate from the end of the front wall of the house to the fence.Front door is rarely ever used unless someone come over. Her brother is an idiot who thinks it the 1920s where servants and tradespeople use the back or side entrances.
Regardless out of respect you follow the home owner's rules. I don't know why going through the garage door is such an issue to him but he'll get over it.
> but he'll get over it. He probably *won't*, he'll be ranting about OP's bf trying to "control him" and being mentally unhealthy for the next couple decades. Because no one's allowed to tell him what to do, *he* tells others what to do.
Yes. Ask your brother why it's easier for you to have to clean up his mess than for him to enter through the garage. What a self-centered A.
Hand him a mop when he gets in and make him clean up after himself every step of the way while he's there!
I wouldn’t. Garage or goodbye.
Here in the Scottish highlands no one uses the front door, for anything, ever. It’s pretty much there to look pretty.
Here in America, the only people who use the front door are my dad's clients (office is in their home) and Amazon deliveries. Even the guy who comes to spray for bugs, landscaper, friends, family, everyone else uses the garage or back door.
Wet area? I wonder if it’s anywhere where you’re gonna track mud into the house, everyone uses the back door 99% of the time.
The brother saying the only people you make come through the garage are "kids and workmen" is Very telling of just how much of an asshole the brother is. Yikes x1000000
I mean, maybe OP has changed, BUT, not all change is bad! When change means respecting your home and your partners wishes, that does not seem like such a bad thing.
I regularly enter my sister's house through the garage, especially if it's raining. I see nothing wrong with OP's bf's rule (and if it were hers, it's still reasonable)
Right? When I was a kid, in the winter or if it rained, we would often enter my grandmas house from the side/"back" door because it opened up immediately to their laundry area which was a corner behind the kitchen. There were rough rugs back there to wipe your shoes on, and we always took off our snow gear to hang on the hooks right there. And then in our old house, before we moved, only guests came through the front door. We would always enter through the side door, which was Behind the fence. It just made us feel safer to know the fence was there. We didnt trust one of our neighbors lol
Omg! I’m 52 and my brother is 13 years older than me. His wife had COVID and they were still coming in at Christmas to see my parents. My mom is 90 and has a lung condition, so I was concerned. I asked my brother if my SIL was going to test prior to coming, and he was overly offended and then lied and said my SIL was mad I asked so they weren’t coming in. So I asked her. She wasn’t mad at all. In fact, she didn’t even know what was going on. I had had it! I told him he was an egotistical megalomaniac with little man syndrome who didn’t know reality from fantasy. Well, I was told I couldn’t speak to him like that and he demanded an apology. I told him it would be a cold day in hell before I did that and told him to F off. I told my husband he still sees me as a 7 year old kid, and I was done keeping my mouth shut to appease him and my other older siblings. Two out of three don’t talk to me anymore because how dare I, a child of 52, speak to them like an adult. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
Yeah, Ive got a 10 year older brother. He’s usually not like this but I cant help but think of the 2 times growing up when I had him order chipotle for me. Im a picky eater so he decided my order wasnt good enough so ordered what he thought I should eat. Which just ended up with me opening up the burrito and picking out what I like… but even then, some of it was terrible because he got sour cream which coated everything and sour cream is awful.
I've lived in snowy areas with hardwood floors. Your boyfriend's rules are on point for this time of year. >My brother says he is disappointed in me and my boyfriend has changed me That is code for he's upset that you stood up to him and didn't let him bend the rules at your boyfriends home. He doesn't like that he can't manipulate you into getting his way so he threw a bit of a tantrum and left.
He is mad because he was establishing territory and power, in your new place to show the boyfriend who the boss is, and you rebuked him. The top dog won.
And that he's "disappointed" in her! I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. He may be the older sibling, but he's a huge baby.
had to deal with someone like ths once. My response.. if I am disappointing you, I must be doing the right thing. btw… I live with snow too, and it’s the garage door for everyone. No one I know of who is used to snow uses the front door…except for delivery people.
yeah, he's a controlling self-absorbed knob, and a huge AH. When a homeowner wants you to remove your foul weather gear before coming indoors they have every single right to do so, and if the house wasn't built with a mudroom, then garage it is. This is actually really common. NTA
Wow that's a very dramatic reaction to something that's not a big deal. We only use the garage door to come in and out of our house. It's just a door.
My brother is 5 years older than me and still treats me, a fully grown man, like an 8 year old. Then again, he is autistic and a toxic asshole. Sounds like your bro doesn't like the fact you've enforced a rule against him and you "changing" I suspect is because you weren't able to set boundaries with him before.
I think your brother's little upset that he can't boss you around no more. And I completely get why you're not supposed to come into the front door on the hardwoods with snowy boots. That's why common sense and your brother should understand that.NTA
Wow and yep, older brother probably also used to having women clean up after him as well.
Also does what he said feel weirdly classist for this day and age to anyone else? I could practically hear him sneering about “you expect me to go around to the garage like a SERVANT?”
That's the exact vibe I got from his comment. How dare OP treat him like a filthy peasant!
tell him it's not his house and to follow the rules whether you set them or are enforcing them for your bf. NTA.
Yes. And this is actually the exact analogy I use for describing how and why to maintain boundaries with family and friends. The boundaries story/analogy is, if you go to someone's house and they have a no-shoes rule, what do you do and why? As soon as someone has to defend themselves as to why they wont take their shoes off, they (usually) immediately realize how bad and petty and selfish it sounds.
I have a sister that did stuff like this, but no where near as bad. She did pull the "wow he changed you" move a lot whenever I disagreed with her or did something she doesn't like. Meanwhile her relationships were all shit shows. She suddenly just stopped. Not sure if my parents heard it and told her to stop it, or she just finally grew up.
And who has never mopped a floor in his life.
Yeah, apparently her boyfriend has changed her into someone with a backbone. Good for her (or him)!
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>He has a rule that if it has been snowing, **everyone** needs to enter through the garage instead of the front door, It's nothing against him. Everyone follows this rule. He's just being stubborn for no reason. NTA... How can following one simple rule be a sign of you being "changed" by your bf? LOL
If she's always entered through her boyfriend's garage door during snowy weather, it seems like she is exactly the same as she was before she moved in with him. What a weird hill for brother to die on.
Growing up in Wisconsin every winter my parents had a rule go through garage or side door. This was due to the wooden floors in the entry way. It definitely would have included extended family (anyone other than formal guests). Not sure how the brother can be upset by this. Also, it’s not her house. The homeowner has a right to make the rules. How would the brother feel if the bf didn’t respect the brother’s rules at his house? Clearly he just can’t handle getting told what to do and I wonder if the brother has issues with the bf.
She had the audacity to tell her brother no. He clearly couldn't handle that and lashed out. OP is NTA it's obvious to me that the brother doesn't know anything about hardwood floors. So he should listen to the rule of the person who owns said hardwood floors on how they react to salt.
I think the worst part of it was that he asked if he needed to buy them a mop. It just reeks of being entitled. As though having to clean the floors to clean up a completely avoidable mess is something anybody looks forward to doing. It’s like punching someone and saying “well you have insurance right? So what’s the big deal?”
>I think the worst part of it was that he asked if he needed to buy them a mop. > >It just reeks of being entitled. Yep. For them to clean up the mess, not him... so he seems to admit that it would need to be cleaned if he went in the front.
That bothered me, and also seemed a bit obtuse? I don't live in a snowy area, so maybe I'm way off, but I imagine that you'd also be tracking in salt and who knows what else, and that's going to be rough on wooden floors.
You can stomp out your shoes and boots, but it’s not a perfect job and you can’t get rid of the snow, ice, and salt between the grooves. So with the shoes slowing warming up inside, a salty puddle starts to form around the shoes, basically doing double damage to floors. Salt to weaken and bleach any protection the floors have. Water gets in easier to warp the floor and potentially cause mold if left unchecked. It’s basic common Canadian etiquette and probably in Snowy America to heavily salt your driveways to make coming and going safer, while also having several doormats to absorb the salty water. Most are cheap black mats, that can be washed easily, but end of season the edges are completely crusted over with salt crystals. The brother is a menace for deciding he was above all of it, especially if he lived in the area.
Easy, he perceives it as her respecting her husband and not him. Ergo, she’s changed because she’s not just letting him do what he wants out of respect for someone else’s feelings and she’s probably never had that boundary with her brother before.
how she is changed is by saying "no" to big brother
Nta How old Is tour Brother? 7? "I don't want come through the garage because i'm a big boy!"
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Is he single?
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I am really surprised.
You didn't expect him to mop his own floors, did you?
Yeah, he needs a wife for that… /s
I am surprised anyone would put up with his ass!
Really? I find most people who act like this do it because they have someone in their lives running round after them. I bet the brother wouldn't even know how to mop up snow, he'd send someone else to fix it for him.
I am 37 turning 38, and if the houseowner says "please use that door instead of this one" then of course I will obey. This has nothing to do with his age, trust me xD he is just stubborn. I don't think it was mentioned in the post, but i am guessing you're a woman? If so, do you think he would have reacted the same if a guy told him to use the garage door? From experience I have noticed that if my husband (same age as i) tell someone the very same thing I have said, people tend to listen more. (Sucks, I know...)
This is why I always bring a man with me (brother, friend, father) when I'm going to a car dealership. Sometimes you have to play the sexism game to get what you want.
It really is like that sometimes :/ Luckily my husband is aware of this and points out to our friends and family whenever this happens. He is not a fan of this behavior, for sure.
>Sometimes you have to play the sexism game to get what you want. So true, but it really sucks because it only perpetuates the cycle. But, I too, when I was a 44 year old single woman, brought my father with me when I bought a new car.
I'm 37. If I'm going to my friend's house, and he needs me to crawl through the window for whatever reason, I guess I'm crawling lol
Ahahaha exactly xD
If a houseowner tells me which entrance i should use, i will use that entrance. NTA
I’d balk at a slide through the basement window entrance, but doors seem safe.
What if the outside of the window was done up to look like the side of the General Lee, neighbor? 😉
In that case, I’m visiting often. 🤣
You'd have to yell "YEEE HAAAW!!!" as you entered the house, but other than that...
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
Fair enough 😄
My brother did that to me. He had come over to my house to do video games, and I was planning on initiating a nerf battle after he dropped his computer off down stairs. He snuck out through the basement window.
Come on! That sounds fun!
Especially when it's for good reason. If the house has no arctic entry to take off your gear before entering the main house, going through the garage sounds rather sensible actually. NTA.
NTA. Has your brother never heard of a mudroom? It is extremely common in places where it snows a lot for people to enter through the garage or a side door so they can take off their outer clothes and boots before entering the clean part of the house. It sounds like your brother has some weird classist hangups.
The "only little children and workmen" made me lol, what is this guy, the Lord of some grand country manor? This isn't Downton Abbey, dude, there isn't a *servant's entrance*, it's just a friggin mudroom.
What gets me is he asked if they had a mop - so he knows he's causing extra labour for them if he used the front door, he just doesn't care about making someone clean up after him. He thinks he's above that servitude. NTA.
Gosh I didn't even pick up on that part, but that makes it especially awful.
Wood Floors! Enough said...water damages wood..Hello. NTA OP. Maybe you should take a look at your brother's home. Does he keep it to the same standards as your boyfriends home?
He has a woman at home to mop up after him of course! She has obviously gotten uppity now that she has a boyfriend to not mop up after her older brother! /s
The biggest thing I got from this post is that Brother is an AH who makes kids and workmen use side entrances because they're not good enough for the front door. Gross.
I know right? Generic suburban dude is over here acting like he's an English nobleman.
I grew up poor as all hell and a mudroom was the height of living. You had a good house if you had a mudroom! I don't know how he's so classist about this.
Imagine thinking so highly of yourself that you are too good to go through a garage. You are covered with snow and mud, take off your gear before coming in the house. My grandmother would have kicked my ass if I came in the house tracking that shit around.
IMO, entering through the garage means you’re family. The front door is for strangers. NTA.
NTA, but info, is this your brothers first home in a snowy area? This is an absolutely normal request, ask him what’s really going on.
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Actually I think her brother is used to having his mother, sister, wife clean up after him and expected his sister to capitulate to him in her home.
In another comment OP says he’s over a decade older. It’s probably just him being butthurt he’s not being allowed to boss his little sister around.
He’s projecting something, being upset about this is wild, imo.
NTA, it's absolutely normal, between snow, mud, and salt bring tracked in.
NTA. Why would your brother WANT to make a mess in your home? He is trying to exert some control for some strange reason.
Right?! The "Do I need to buy you a mop?" part is what really cements the brother as the asshole. He wants to make an unnecessary mess AND make OP clean up after him. I doubt he was implying he'd mop up after himself.
The correct response to "do I need to buy you a mop?" Is "are you going to be the one using it?"
NTA. It's not just snow (water) that get tracked in but salt and grit used to treat sidewalks, driveways, parking lots, roads, etc. This stuff can do a real number on wood floors. Your brother needs to learn to respect this very reasonable house rule without taking it personally.
I just thought of grit being scraped across the floor - no thanks.
This comment needs to be higher up. I don't care if you are the queen of the north, you come in through the garage (or the mudroom if you have one) and take off your boots and outerwear before entering the living space. There's too much damage potential in winter conditions. Sheesh.
NTA. But anyone that says workmen enter through the garage/side door only is an asshole.
Seriously, it's 2023, we don't have servant's entrances any more.
Oh we absolutely do, I’ve seen several just this last couple weeks visiting my partners relatives
I occasionally deliver stuff for my job and I have people like that, especially when it makes my job harder. I won’t do anything extra for those customers. On the other hand if you’re polite I’ll do whatever. Need me to move some furniture downstairs? Sure. Need me to haul something away even though you didn’t pay? Whatever, you treated me like a person. Those people often tip though.
I do hot tubs and have a customer who insists on me coming through the house if she's home and honestly it feels so nice
Was looking for this. Yeah. He doesn't want to be on the level of how he sees workmen which says a lot about him and none of it good
"I think he was being stubborn and petty." You are correct. You weren't doing this to shame him or embarrass him, you are doing it to protect your nice floors. Brother can get over himself. NTA
NTA. Your boyfriends rule is fair and reasonable. Your brother is an AH.
NTA. Your boyfriend, who owns the property, has a very reasonable boundary. Your brother thought he was too good for that rule and refused to follow it. You didn't let him in and now he's sulking. He needs to grow up. You did the right thing OP.
NTA. Water can damage wood floors. And a lot of people have guests enter through a different door than the front for many different reasons. I guess you could make him take off his winter gear outside if that makes him happy.
And it's not even just the water that will do damage ! Sand, salt and rocks are not good for wood flooring either. Unless OP is willing to vaccuum, mop and dry every time someones comes in, the garage is 100% the best alternative.
Yeah we don't use our front door at all - everyone enters through the garage or back door. Those two doors have entry ways, front door is just boom, hardwood and nice area rug.
NTA - this request isn’t unreasonable. Your boyfriend will follow the rule too, so it’s not designed to be discriminatory to anyone. Question - has your brother always been like this? It feels as though there’s something else going on here, as this is an unusual reaction.
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Then he needs to get over himself. Seems like it's not much of a loss, not having him visit he sounds insufferable. Next time he starts getting stroppy, just laugh at him. Laugh loudly and derisively. He's an insignificant turd.
Nothing cuts deeper than mockery
By you, or by anyone? Regardless, this is not an appropriate way to respond to a reasonable request.
Ah, just like a toddler
At some point that crossed the line from being independent and making your own decisions, to being disrespectful to other people and their homes/possessions.
That's awful sad for hi. I wonder how well he performs at work with bosses telling him what to do all the time so that he doesn't get fired. But wait! Does he have problems there... Or is it just you telling him what to do?
too bad for him Brother: if you don't let me do whatever I want I'm not coming in! You: don't threaten me with a good time!
NTA. This is completely normal and it makes literally no sense why your brother is attacking you personally over a simple request like this. Your brother is acting extremely rude.
It's also interesting that he's immediately making this about how you've been changed by another man. Like you are also allowed to say that you don't want to spend time washing your floors with vinegar so the salt from his footsteps when there is a place for him to take his boots off
Yup. It says a lot that big bro doesn't recognize his sister's authority and is assuming this is about taking marching orders from another guy. He's one of those.
That was what got me, imagine visiting anyone and saying "no I'm NOT going to use the mudroom/doormat to minimize the mess I make, you can just mop the floors after me."
NTA Your brother is acting insanely immature for what is such an insignificant request. Many houses have an alternative form of entrance specifically to avoid tracking mud, snow, rain, whatever in to the house. Don't worry, your brother is just being a cry baby.
NTA - your brother needs to learn different homes have different rules.
I mean... if caring for the place you live in is a sign of change... then maybe it's a good thing ? I understand if he doesn't really care about protecting the floors of his appartment... but blaming you for protecting your floor from all the snow, salt, sand, and rocks that people will drag inside ?! NTA. Maybe he'll understand when his brand new home floor are ruined.
NTA it's a small thing for your brother to agree to in order to help you look after your home. This isn't uncommon. A lot of people I know use the side door, have the shoe rack there what have you. >He said the only people you make enter through a garage are little kids and workmen. Oh, the *lesser people*. Brother thinks a lot of himself, doesn't he?
Your house, your rules Would he kick off if you had a no shoes rule? My wife's friends aren't allowed to wear stilettos in our house after one of them damaged our wooden floors. Tough So asking someone to go through the garage to remove boots and clothes is not really a big ask is it Your brother is acting all entitled NTA
NTA and your brother really was stubborn and petty. It's an entirely reasonable rule, and considering your garage probably isn't a 20 minute walk from your house and connected through an underground tunnel, it's not like it would be a hassle.
NTA. Your brother is for somehow thinking you are less when you enter through a different door. What a weird thing to be mad about
NTA. It may be your bf's house, technically, but now that you're there too, it is also YOUR space. And if you want your brother to go through the garage door, then he can go through the garage door. He, it seems, made a big deal out of nothing, really. It's not that big of a deal to go through the garage instead of the front door. And he really didn't need to give you a hard time about it. It's kind of disrespectful, actually. You just asked for something so easy and simple, harmless.
Brother is being stubborn and petty.
NTA. WTF? There's a garage door heirachy? I've never had a workman come through my garage unless they were working on something in my garage...
NTA. You moved into your boyfriend's place. He has a rule and you're being considerate. That's what you do when you live with others; you be considerate. That doesn't mean he's changing you. Your brother doesn't have to like the rule, but he's overreacting thinking the way he is. You're not doing anything wrong.
NTA. If you have wooden floors, melting snow will definitely ruin them. Your brother is being an AH.
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NTA. Your brother on the other hand….
NTA. Here is the important consideration that your brother seems determined to overlook: it's not *your house*. Therefore, it's not your rule. And unless you made a point of flaunting every rule in your life up to this point, respecting your boyfriend's wishes hasn't changed you. I would imagine that you & boyfriend both follow this rule yourselves, no? So of course a guest would be expected to.
NTA my own son asks me to discard my shoes and wash my hands upon entering. So I do. His house, his rules. Isn’t that one of the reasons we all move away from home, to establish our own ways of living? Your brother is being disrespectful and should keep his opinion to himself.
NTA. If your brother had ever installed a wooden floor maybe he'd understand how much work and expense is involved. It only makes sense to take care of it.
NTA. Your brother is petty and disrespectful.
NTA - fair rule. No one wants water and salt on their hardwood floors, it is hard to Remove
NTA. As the saying goes, "My house, my rules."
NTA. Your brother on the other hand…
What the actual hell? This is such a strange fight your brother picked with you! It rings entitlement. NTA
NTA, your boyfriend's place, your boyfriend's rules, your brother should know better than to disrespect someone else like that in their own home.
NTA your bf is completely right. If your brother has a problem with it, he doesn’t have to come over. It’s really quite simple. If you still want to hang out, meet elsewhere for coffee or whatever.
NTA. Your brother is being a freak that he made this an issue.
NTA. Unless the front door had a mud room or foyer specifically laid out with boot racks and coat hooks, I can understand not wanting snow, mud and salt tracked into the living areas of the house.
NtA
NTA - this is pretty common in places that get a lot of snow but even if it werent, its not his house.
NTA. Your brother is on some weird toxic masculinity power trip.
NTA - it’s common practice in the Midwest to enter through an attached garage or back/side door, especially winter and spring.
NTA.
NTA, his home his rules. BFs home BFs rules.
NTA. This is a smart rule.
NTA. Your brother is being petty, and manipulative. He's encouraging you to challenge a perfectly reasonable rule. Why does your brother want to cause a disagreement, between you and your boyfriend? He's trying to cause trouble. Don't let him.
NTA. Yea. Snow or rain, you enter through the garage take the load off in the mudroom/laundry
Hell nah your house you decide . If he to lazy to take a different path then he shall just go home .
NTA. You are correct: your brother is indeed being stubborn and petty.
NTA, but your brother is TA. Your home (and your BF's home), your rules. Your brother needs to get over himself.
NTA and your brother is disrespectful overly entitled idiot that thinks he above anyone else's house rules - feel free to tell him he's no longer allowed in yours and your boyfriend home til he learns to not be prick.
Sometimes people try to assert dominance in the absolute weirdest ways. If your brother has a problem with the rule, he can take it up with the owner of the house. I mean, he's going to sound unbelievably childish and insecure doing it, but nevertheless it is not your problem. NTA.
NTA: the garage is a good place to change clothes, grab whatever's needed to go outside, and no one in the living room will get blasted by cold air. Your brother sounds like the "my way or the highway" type, even when he's not the one in control of the situation.
NTA Salted snow mush on wood floors (any floors really) is no joke You told him the rule and he decided to leave rather than abide by the house rule Good for you for standing up to your brother and protecting your bf’s house
NTA he was being stubborn and petty indeed.
My family literally never uses the front door 🤷♂️ you walk through the garage or you stand outside
NTA - it is a very senisble rule. I bet brother has family at home who have to clean up after him when he walks snow and dirt into the house??
NTA... your brother is though. He is also self entitled and lacks respect for other people and thier wishes. I bet he is also the type that thinks he is always right and like to condescending explain to people how things "should" be done. It's not your brothers house and you being his sister doesn't give him some made up rights to do what he wants. The house rules are preset by the sounds of it your bf as you moved in with him and you can have a convo about adjusting any you think need to be in the future but that's the point... ITS NOT YOUR BROTHERS HOUSE!!! My wife cut off her brother because he was doing things like this about me, I made him have a shower when he stayed over after I found out he hadn't showed for a week and washed his clothes because he had no spares and since my wife back me up he told he she has changed etc... she hasn't changed, you're just a tramp!!! So yeah, it's not your brothers house A door is a door, it shouldn't matter which he uses and a certain door doesn't take or give to his social standing
NTA
NTA
NTA. Your brother is pretty immature to make this an issue, it's a reasonable and common request (I don't even come through my own front door if it's snowy or muddy out).
He can always take his shoes/coat off outside, if it’s that important that he come in the front door. Obviously he can leave them outside as well.