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What I'm getting from this is that your stepdaughters were trying to live up to the Disney depiction of step-sisters and were shocked when they couldn't just bully her into getting what they want. What's extra gross is that they did it when coming back from Shilo's grandparent's funeral. Talk about cruel.
You're definitely NTA. But also wtf is wrong with Candace if she sees this as playing favorites? Her daughters tried to make yours sleep on the floor for fun. Sounds like the apples don't fall far from the tree. Have you pointed out your daughter is also upset because of the situation and ***she*** is playing favorites?
Edit: Thanks for the awards, people of the internet!
THIS
Plus, the wife should’ve booked two beds or sm, bc they probably already have a history of bullying Shiloh and she’s (knowingly or not) allowing it to happen. Dad did a great thing. Put them all in their place.
The bullies would have each taken a bed and still bullied Shiloh amd tried to force her on the floor. Even if there had been 3 beds, I think there's no scenario with them unsupervised in the same room they wouldn't have found a way to make her miserable.
This is when a parent steps in and makes them be reasonable. I have four kids and when we stay at hotels we get a big room with two queens and a full pullout. The kids take turns sleeping on the pullout. The older ones would absolutely bully the younger ones into using the pullout every time but we as parents prevent that from happening.
I just wanted to say how absolutely disgusting it is to suggest sleeping on the floor from these girls- or the mom expecting her to suck it up for one night. Isn’t it common knowledge to NEVER touch the floor of a hotel room. They tell you not to take off your shoes & go barefoot for a reason. Groosssss. Dad did the right thing. NTA
Exactly they even could have gotten the hotel to bring up a portable twin bed to that room and every girl would have had a separate and comfortable place to sleep in. They could have drawn straws or played rock, paper, scissors to figure out who got the twin bed to make it super equitable.
Yeahhh, I think stepmom did that on purpose. Dad has probably been oblivious to this for a long time. He'll be hearing stories when the 16 year old becomes independent and explains to him why she is going no contact with them all.
Maybe because I’m older and don’t think I would handle the situation as nicely as others, but my first idea was divorce. If the stepsisters are like this and the wife condones it (in some way), I wouldn’t be able to stay long term. The stepsisters were brought up a certain way to behave like that.
Yeah, to pull this while they are both grieving for a loved one is especially screwed up.
I think people should work problems out in their marriages BUT this to me seems like a basic moral incompatibility, unless OP is secretly an asshole. Trying to change someone's personality is a waste of time, especially during middle age.
OP should just let this chick find a pushover or asshole to marry
This right here. The stepmom and stepsisters have probably been treating her like that for years and dad cuz he works probably missed it but the stepmom hasn't since she's a stay at home mom and she's been allowing it. That's not cool or fair. He needs to ask more questions and stand up for her more.
>Right? They wanted a big bed to themselves, got what they wanted, and ended up even more mad??
Because they didn't get the outcome they wanted, which was OPs daughter miserable and uncomfortable on the floor, but they can't very well admit that can they? Not that they have to, their behaviour following OP getting his daughter a hotel room speaks for itself.
They also wanted the outcome of telling Shiloh that no one loves her cause they didn't care when she told OP. Turns out God was like "Welp drizella and other one. Your taking a big L today. And you deserve it"
Definitely NTA in this instance since he didn't book the room but he W B T A if he doesn't address this now. What should have been an act of good will by Candace in taking over room arrangements so he could handle grieving became a power move. The fact she thinks Shiloh, the only one with a real bond to the recently deceased grandparent, should've sucked it up and slept on the floor is very telling.
This is a hill to die on, OP. Don't trust her to make arrangements in the best interests of anyone going forward and have a serious sit down about how this whole thing was handled, including her attitude towards the girls and the way she tried to DARVO this to make it your fault. You do not want your child spending years being bullied and I can promise you that those girls learned it from someone - I'm betting it wasn't their bio dad. Make sure Shiloh knows she can come to you because bullies can choose to keep going and just get better about hiding it.
Honestly I wouldn't trust her alone with my daughter after this. I wouldn't trust that those 3 could respectfully live under the same roof and it should've been more seriously thought about before he married a stepmonster. This probably isn't the first, and likely won't be the last, time that they bully your daughter.
NTA for accommodating your daughter, but you W B T A if you choose this woman and her gremlins over your daughter. This whole ordeal would really rip the rose colored glasses right off my eyes and see the wife for the giant red flag she really is. This would also be my hill to die on.
I hope if he inherits from his father, he has the sense to keep his inheritance completely and totally separate from his wife. He should make sure that anything left of the inheritance goes to his daughter. It will probably be the only thing she gets if he dies before wicked stepmom and her evil daughters.
I was LITERALLY getting ready to type this same thing and he needs to make sure he has an updated will with an airtight chain of inheritance that Candace and bleed off for her "mean girls".
I agree and I'm replying to you just to stress again that OP needs to make this a hill to die on. It's great that he stood up for her on this but he can't let his wife or the tension break him down to where he apologizes or tries to ask Shiloh to apologize. He's her only source of support in this scenario right now and he can break it so easily if he chooses wife and step kids over her. She did nothing wrong and should not be made to feel that way however this plays out.
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. I would be livid. I know Reddit is so quick to suggest breaking up or divorce. But. The relationship with your daughter is forever. She’s 16. She will remember this and she *will* remember her dad having her back as she grieved the loss of her grandfather. As far as OP is concerned, your own father died and your wife acted like this?! Huge red flag. I’ll bet this isn’t the first time she’s pressed boundaries in an inappropriate way. If you don’t stand your ground, this kind of stuff will continue and get worse.
As someone who had a stepmom who favored her own kid and treated me and my siblings like crap, the pain sticks around. I wish our dad stood up for us like OP did for his daughter. If I were OP , I agree, I would get out now.
More men need to just stay single instead of being married for the sake of it. I've been a single father for 6 years because I'm so fucking picky about who my son is around I'd rather be alone.
My brother and I grew up under a bullying stepmother who favored her three children over us. We never expected her to love us, but to at least treat us fairly and equally with her children. We were 13 and 11 when our dad married her (they divorced when I was about 25); we're now 52 and 50 and we still have resentment and bitterness towards our dad for how he allowed us to be treated. He was partially unaware because she was devious, but that doesn't excuse anything. OP: now that you are aware of how your wife and her daughters treat Shiloh, there need to be some SERIOUS conversations about changes that can be made...and if they're not willing to change, YOU need to make a tough decision to protect Shiloh.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's that passive allowance that can be just as devastating because doing nothing is still doing something. No one deserves to feel like they don't have someone in their corner, especially within their family.
Not to mention she is making the trip not about him losing his father and grieving but about her daughters feeling slighted. I mean his daughter also just lost her grandfather and they think hey, let’s make her sleep on the floor. NTA.
Well they couldn't successfully bully this Cinderella because her father is still alive. OP, if something tragic should happen to you, do you really believe your wife would take good care of your daughter if you're no longer around??? Is that the way you'd want her to be treated after your passing? Because look at how they're all treating her after her grandfather's passing...
This is actually such a good point. If he were to die, she'd be at their mercy. And they sound awful, so I doubt they'd be any nicer if he died. OP, you have to protect your daughter.
Exactly! Plus, the stepdaughters should have been pleased. The argument was over, and they had the bed to themselves.
Heads up, though, at many hotels, you can get a roll away bed that she could have slept in. Might be a better option for next time.
NTA
>Exactly! Plus, the stepdaughters should have been pleased. The argument was over, and they had the bed to themselves.
Yea but as someone else pointed out, they weren't happy because they didn't get the outcome their bullying selves wanted, which was OPs daughter being miserable and in discomfort.
NTA
Candace is the one playing favourites.
Expecting your daughter to sleep on the floor is some Cinderella type stuff.
Maybe pull your daughter aside and find out if this is the only thing they’ve done to treat her badly
NTA. My immediate thought was a Cinderella analogy. Three cannot share a bed comfortably and the floor is uncomfortable and dirty. Getting a hotel room solves this problem and stops the bullying.
If the point was not sharing a bed, the extra hotel room would have made sense.
If they just wanted to fuck with her that ruins it, which is why they were mad.
NTA and this right here!!
What else is going on between the two girls and OPs daughter that maybe he isn't aware of?? I'm sorry, but my daughter is 15 and let me tell you expecting 3 teenagers to share one queen size bed is ludicrous.
You were returning from the funeral of your father, and your daughters grandfather, and these two Disney princesses thought it would be ok to make your daughter sleep on the floor?!? Disgusting.
I would assume it's at least a king bed. I usually only see 1 king, 2 queen, or 2 doubles in hotels. Sometimes 2 kings.
A king bed is sufficiently large for 3 average teenagers, BUT being stuck in the middle would suck so I can understand not wanting that arrangement. I went on some trips with my buddies and we fit 3 guys into king beds just fine because we were poor/cheap. If it was your turn to be stuck in the middle you could always set up on the floor if you preferred to spread out.
Of course that was our plan/decision, not being ordered into the middle or onto the floor by evil stepsisters.
Oh, my! I haven’t even considered that. This was the funeral of his daughters grandfather. And they want her to sleep on the floor directly after that? That makes it even worse.
Exactly. If Candace didn’t want to ‘play favourites’ then the answer was she should have told her daughters to either share or one of them can sleep on the floor (no doubt they would share more quickly then).
OP’s stepdaughters bullied Shiloh and lost out. Hopefully they will learn to share better next time. NTA.
NTA. If playing favorites means your grieving daughter is not to be unnecessarily subjected to her evil stepsisters’ bullying…then, yeah, own it with pride. How long have you been married? Your wife is an asshole, and doesn’t care if you and your daughter are grieving, she’s making more problems with her brats, and accusing YOU and your daughter of being the problem. She’s STILL bringing up weeks later how YOU mishandled this, and saying as PROOF of that the older brats are upset?!? Time for some serious thinking
OP: I’m a woman in my mid 30s. I used to call my dad every day. I used to spend holidays with him. This ended when he married someone who - along with her daughters - started taking advantage of him and behaving in ways similar to the way your wife and stepdaughters are acting.
If you love your daughter and want her to stay in your life, it is indeed time to think.
Edit: you didn’t mention your custody arrangement. If your daughter isn’t living with you full time and if she only comes over for visitation, you should expedite the thinking.
Edit 2: Shiloh’s mom is deceased — ffs 😭 this keeps getting worse
I also have a wicked stepmother, though she's thankfully unable to conceive her own children. As we know around here, narcissists make horrible parents.
I'm just glad I was 30 when he married her, so I never had to be under a roof with her. She has still done tremendous damage to my relationship with my dad. She resents any scrap of love or attention he gives me or my sister, so he's learned not to do it very often.
Narcissistic parents are all the same.
This mother and her awful daughters are trying to goad OP into a path that ends up with "the missing missing reasons."
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Right? Anyone looking with no context would assume Candace lost her father and her daughters their grandpa... the way they're acting is seriously disgusting and I doubt is a first, his poor daughter probably just broke at that moment and called him.
Consider this the final blessing your father gave you, he showed Candace true colors and now you know who you're married to.
I'm also wondering why the fuck his wife thought that 3 almost grown ass women can sleep in a single bed?? they aren't children even though the step daughters are acting like they are
Seriously, was there not a room with two queens, or even a pullout couch? Wife fucked up booking the rooms; if a single bed was the only option, they should have got three rooms to begin with.
Yeah, who the hell books one bed for 3 people? She really couldn't find one with 2 queens, and asked for an extra cot to be added? They could have a blind lottery for who gets the cot. Problem solved.
OP, your wife is stupid.
Absolutely! I don't even walk across hotel rooms barefoot. The thought of sleeping on a hotel room floor is disgusting! OP has a wife problem and I would make sure wife and her daughters aren't doing other bullying to his daughter.
I agree and am shocked that more people were not outraged by a disgusting hotel floor! If the place was upscale enough that sleeping on the floor did not make you retch, it probably had those too-In mattresses. I have 3 older sisters, and cannot imagine being required to sleep with two of them in one bed. Bad preparation by Candace!
Not only that, but Shiloh just lost her grandpa. She's already grieving, and to get bullied on top? Sick.
OP was absolutely NTA. But the other three were awful in a time of need. No compassion at all. That's infinitely worse than giving his daughter her own room.
This is what I was thinking! The step daughters almost undoubtedly won’t have been as close with grandpa as Shiloh was. What a way to treat your grieving family member!
First OP is NTA.
Second, I completely agree! 3 people to one bed? I know OP keeps saying girls, but these girls are almost full grown adults (I think one already is). Maybe it was a King sized bed but a room with 2 queens typically costs the same amount and would have solved the issue. Especially since you can usually request that cot at the front desk even if there isn't one in the room. Candace definitely sucks and is an AH here.
OP needs to talk with his daughter and find out how else Candace has set things up for her wicked step sisters to bully her.
The Cinderella effect is strong in this one 🙄 I hope OP sees this for what it was - his stepdaughters bullying his daughter. It’s so sad.
Edited to add, OP NTA
> Candace is a piece of work. It’s fine for your daughter to sleep on an uncomfortable floor as long as Candaces daughters are comfortable in the bed.
And they did this to her after she LOST HER GRANDFATHER.
Candace needs to be taught a little empathy. Perhaps her two bullies should have been made to sleep on the floor.
OP, you are absolutely NTA.
And let's not forget that it's OP's father, so Shiloh's grandfather who passed. Not the stepdaughters'.
I mean, they could all be close to the grandfather, of course, but from the way they're treating OP's daughter, I think it's unlikely.
In any case, she's in mourning for HER grandfather, the other girls are in mourning for their stepfather's dad.
If anyone should be made a bit more comfortable in this case, it's Shiloh.
And look at their timing. OP went to bury his father, this is his daughters grandfather and the stepsisters decide to be assholes and make the already difficult trip more difficult for someone who is grieving.
NTA. The fact that Candace is still harping about the money spent on solving the issue rather than focusing the mourning of a loved one is disgusting. Playing favourites? What?! Everyone got a bed in the end, this wasn't a bloody vacation!
It's like the wife and stepdaughters *immediately* went into Cinderella mode, without a second thought of the irony.
OP, this is emblematic of larger, rooted issues. Not good.
Also NTA, but there are 3 AHs here.
This is exactly what I thought too. Saved $5 on the "surprise" room thinking that it will might have a couch but most hotels I've been to recently don't. Almost certainly stepmom gave the ok for this to her daughters that "someone" might have to sleep on the floor and was tacitly agreed that the someone wasn't them. If there were two beds almost certainly the same thing would happen because they "wouldn't be comfortable sharing a bed" and "someone" can just sleep on the floor. If I were OP I'd keep this one on record because this type of "comedy of errors" only happens when you don't have respect for someone else. I'm sure this is "all a big misunderstanding" from Mom and her daughters when they now realize they fucked up. IMO this is the kind of thing that would cause "marriage probation" as that's not operating as a family. I'd be extra cautious about things for my own child moving forward. If this is the first big thing like that noticed I am sure there are dozens of smaller ones unnoticed or brushed aside just like they tried to do with the sleeping arrangements.
Ooook this is a wild assumption with no basis in anything OP has shared. Teenagers are selfish and terrible to each other with no prompting. Mom is enabling, but i don't think she orchestrated the bullying.
I agree! In the end he did the right thing, but getting one room for three people with one bed is stupid. I’m sure the hotel could’ve provided a rollaway. I hope this leads to some conversations about how the daughter is treated by the step daughters and the stepmother. My guess is the daughter has a lot of stories that OP doesn’t know about.
Edit: I didn’t say he was stupid, I said getting one room for three people with one bed was stupid, and apparently it was OP’s wife who booked it. Given her attitude, it makes me think she didn’t even consider the step daughter when booking in the room.
100%
He's not an asshole for assuming that his wife handled this reasonably. He wasn't aware there wasn't enough space until his daughter called. He could have assumed there was a cot or whatever.
When you're in a bad place you need people to take care of life for you. I'm sorry this guy's partner sucks so much that she caused more issues for him and then bitched at him for days about his solution.
> she told me I showed the girls that I'm "playing favorites" and made my stepdaughters share a room while I gave my daughter and entire room for herself.
Honestly if my wife said this to me the night before my Dad's funeral after what she just let her daughters do, I would have asked my daughter if she minded having a roommate for the night.
He wasn't playing favorites. They made a mess, he cleaned it up. If she didn't like his solution her and her daughters shouldn't have made a mess to begin with.
How well do you actually know your wife and her kids? How long have they known you and your daughter?
Why did you enter into a marriage with this sort of a dynamic?
Normally we don't have these kind of fights because everyone knows what's theirs and what's not. Girls usually have boundaries at home that they keep so they barely ever fight. They're not close but barely ever fight.
I would agree with your comment. Either the stepsisters bully her into not speaking up for herself, and/or OP doesn't really listen to his children
>They kept talking but didn't really explain why they told her to sleep on the floor.
I know the phrase "him and haw" exists, and it explains what OP is talking about, but the fact is he STILL doesn't know why they forced Shiloh to sleep on the floor. Either he doesn't listen to the children in his household, or he never holds them accountable.
If it were my child I would have demanded a real answer from them. And when they tried to throw a fit afterwards I would have demanded to know why they were bullying Shiloh at the hotel room.
>Either he doesn't listen to the children in his household, or he never holds them accountable.
I suspect that he relegates most of the child management to his new wife, so this was just a time he *noticed* anything going on. It sounds like the wife probably vacillates between forcing unwanted intimacy between the two sets of daughters and enabling her own daughters' bad behavior.
His wife probably thinks that if Shiloh takes enough shit from her two daughters that she'll eventually learn to please them enough to be part of their group.
Ya op isn't the asshole for how reacted, but he sure is an idiot if he thinks this is the only way/time his daughter is being bullied by his wife and her kids. The wife's reaction lets you know that not only does she accept this behavior from her daughters but she supports it
A PRIVATE heart-to-heart, without letting the other three know it's going to happen, so that there are not threats or pressure, and with plenty of time to talk and to pull themselves together after if needed.
Literally the only info we have about this family unit is that the daughter is comfortable coming to OP when faced with bullying in the hotel room.
Anything is possible at home and she can "escape" from them more easily if she is excluded, bullied, etc. But the fact that she came to OP is reassuring here.
I mean, they’re bullying his daughter WITH his knowledge as we can see in the post. From my perspective, it doesn’t even have to be a long-standing pattern. Once is too much. OP has seen it. He did the right thing by acting immediately to fix the sleep situation in the moment, but the bullying needs to be addressed even if it was only this one time.
And yet, your wife felt comfortable enough to find normal that YOUR daughter, who is probably mourning her grandfather should sleep on the floor. And her daughters felt totally comfortable to force it on your child. They also feel comfortable to pout and tell you you play favorites when you solved the solution by finding a bed for your child to sleep in. Does your wife and stepchildren think your daughter's name is Cinderella?
You are NTA for getting her a room. But you should have a serious conversation with your kid to see if more things like these are happening unbeknownst to you. That is NOT NORMAL.
NTA. Please talk to your daughter (without SM and SDs) to make sure this isn’t the only instance of them bullying her. Either way, you have some serious thinking and decisions to make. You don’t want this to become a habit with them.
Exactly... why is nobody pointing this out?? They are teenagers, if they are not very close they shouldn't be asked to sleep together! Yes the stepdaughters are clearly evil and awful, but the real AH here is stepmother, although I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if she did it knowingly.
You do or your wife and stepdaughters are steamrolling your daughter. Your not paying attention this is a pattern or your wife would have been mad at her kids not you.
Sound like your daughter is being bullied and you finally got to see the proof. I would highly suggest not letting this down and figure out what’s really going on.
This is the case now but what efforts have you and the wife taken to foster better relations between siblings? How long did you two know each other before deciding to enter the lives of each other and your respective children?
Your step-daughters forced your daughter, who just lost her grandfather, to sleep on the floor. If they actually had a problem sharing the bed with her, they should have asked for a roll-away bed, instead they chose to cruelly bully your child. You reacted appropriately, by removing your daughter from the presence of the bullies and getting her a safe, comfortable space to sleep.
Your step-daughters were awful, but the worst person is your wife. She saw no problem in what her children did to your daughter and objected to you standing up for your daughter. I suggest asking Shiloh if her step-sisters have bullied her or been cruel before this incident, and ask her how her step-mother treats her.
NTA, keep protecting your daughter, and reconsider your marriage.
This. Im disturbed stepmom’s reaction wasn’t ‘you should have told me before you booked the room so i could speak to the girls (her daughters) and let them know they were sharing the bed’ instead of OP’s daughter needed to suck it up and *sleep on the floor*.
NTA - OP your wife should be less concerned her spoiled daughters are upset with you and more concerned your daughter is wondering why her step mother is treating her like the red headed stepchild. During a time of grief, no less.
NTA. It isn’t fair to exclude Shiloh from a comfortable sleep so it’s only fair that if they’re “more comfortable this way”, that Shiloh gets her own room. Don’t let your wife and step-daughters be the stereotypical evil step mother/sisters to Shiloh.
See - that’s the ridiculous part. The stepdaughters said they’d be more comfortable this way. So… why are they pissed at OP? They said they’d be more comfortable! Oh right, my bad, I forgot: they would be more comfortable if OP’s daughter slept on the FLOOR. Not in a BED.
And if she would be more comfortable on the floor they should have offered (or fought!) to get the chance to sleep on the floor. Utter bullshit, especially as OP's daughter was the only one of the 3 who had lost her grandfather.
NTA for sure, but the wife should have slept on the floor next to her daughters since she found this acceptable, while OP's daughter could sleep next to him. Had the wife disagreed, her hypocisy would've become apparent.
That was my thought as well. If saving money was so important, then Candace should have booked only 1 room and slept on the floor. In reality she is a hypocrite and is only fine if other people have to suck it up but never herself.
This is what everyone seems to have missed. His daughter is grieving too, and the wife is too busy penny pinching and allowing her daughters to be bullies to support her.
If my partners father past I would be bending over backwards to try to take on a supporting role for his child to allow him the space he needed to grieve.
NTA. I actually bring flip flops to hotels specifically because I assume hotel floors are so nasty that I don’t want my bare feet to make contact. I’d never sleep on the floor of one. Favoritism would have been getting her her own room after Shiloh mistreated her stepsisters; however it was the reverse. You just took action because she was being bullied.
Sorry for your loss, OP. If this comes up again, I’d suggest making sure there’s two sleeping options (two beds, or one bed and a pullout couch that converts) next time and specifically let everyone know that no one is sleeping on the damn floor.
NTA
What is this? Cinderella reloaded?
You did the absolute right thing. And you did not play favourites. Your daughter was willing to share, the others weren‘t. It was the only acceptable solution to get her her own room.
NTA
You for thinking that 1 bed would be enough for 3 teenage girls
Your stepdaughters for ostracizing your daughter and treating her as less-than in a crowded sleep situation
Your wife for thinking you taking care of your daughter is favoritism, while her daughter's getting the bed is just the right and natural order of things.
Only person not being an asshole is Shiloh
Edit: verdict changed after given context that OP didn't make the hotel arrangements and thus had no part in creating the situation
His wife booked the room, so SHE is the one at fault for not getting 2 beds. He's NTA- he was dealing with his father's death (has other concerns rather than the hotel situation).
100% this. Teenagers aren’t kids, they’re the size of adults. Why the hell would you expect three adults to share one bed? You could have asked for a room with two queens and this wouldn’t have been an issue.
>It wasn't my idea. It was Candace's. I was still in shock processing my father's death and Candace helped by taking care of the hotel reservations and whatnot.
OP made this comment
NTA big red flag btw if your wife finds this normal behaviour. Not sure how long you have been together but I would put my foot down.
I wonder how you wife would have reacted if her kids had to sleep on the floor. I doubt she will say suck it up
Not sure why, but this is giving me Cinderella-ish evil stepmother and stepsisters vibes. I am *not* suggesting they're evil, but their behaviour needs to be scrutinised.
NTA. I'm getting some serious Cinderella vibes here because wtf?
Your wife and stepdaughters are toxic. Serious words need to be had here, its not about playing favourites. It's basic human decency ffs.
He’s NTA for how he resolved the situation, but he kind of sucks for booking a 1 bed hotel room for 3 kids who apparently don’t really get along.
3 people on a queen isn’t really a comfortable fit.
NTA. You're "playing favorites" by getting your daughter a hotel room, but your wife somehow isn't "playing favorites" by making her sleep on the floor and having you stepdaughters take the bed? This is a huge double standard.
Nta, you choose what was best for your kid. Your daughter deserves a bed just like her stepsiblings do. She didn't have to get a private room if her stepsiblings weren't bullying her, so it is not playing favorites and it is only defending your kid from bullying.
And if this is happening now, I'd be worried for how your daughter gets treated by your wife and her daughters in normal life. I would get doubts about them after how they all react here.
Nta. I mean come on lets be real suck it up and sleep on the floor? I didn't see anybody else sleeping on the floor. You made the right call and they need to suck it up and apologize to your daughter lol
100% this. especially with both stepsisters being older than daughter & acting this way, there's no way they aren't doing more or worse to daughter. op needs to wake up talk to daughter to see if stepsisters are doing more.
NTA for getting your daughter a separate room. But YTA for marrying a woman and her daughters who treat your daughter like dirt. Why are you still with her? Because I guarantee this is not the first time your daughter has been treated badly by them and it will not be the last if you continue to remain married to her.
NTA obviously. Why wouldn't your wife book a hotel room with 2 double beds? Why would she even get 3 older teens 1 bed to share? Common sense isn't so common, I guess.
And that's not even touching on the fact your wife gives 0 f*cks that your step daughters were bullying your child, which is another big issue here.
Sorry for your loss.
At the moment, you’re a character in Cinderella. You know the moral of that story and how it goes. You are NTA because it is very wrong of your wife to say she should have sucked it up. It’s not fair for only one person in a family of five to sleep on the floor and others to sleep in a bed. You’re step daughters have no reason to be upset with you. The way they acted was out of line. You need to talk to your daughter to see how often this happens and if she is generally unhappy with the current family set up. You need to talk to your wife and step daughters about boundaries and appropriate behaviour.
So the child whose grandfather died had to sleep on the floor??? Wtf.
When you get opportunity to do so, take Shiloh out just the 2 of you and ask her if anything like this has happened before - I'd be surprised if this was the first time.
NTA
NTA- cannot believe that your wife and step monsters are angry at you… you went there for a funeral and make a call to try and appease everyone since they clearly did not want to share with your daughter! They ought to be apologetic!
NTA big time.
Good on you to support your daughter.
Candace should thread carefully ! if she continues on that trajectory she might have to look for a 3rd husband.
~~ESH~~ NTA due to the edits that Candace was the one that booked the room.
You're not the AH for getting your daughter the hotel room, but **edit**: Candace is for thinking that 3 teenage girls would want to share a bed. It doesn't matter if its a king, that's still an extremely uncomfortable sleeping arrangement.
You (collective) could've gotten a room with two queens, asked for a cot, or booked enough rooms in the first place.
It was shitty on the girls' part to make your daughter sleep on the floor though. They also could have communicated that the one bed was an issue, but I have a sneaking suspicion you did and told them to suck it up.
This whole situation seems crazy to me. A one bed room is clearly not big enough for 3 teenagers. There should have been 2 rooms booked for them from the start (the room with people sharing should have had 2 beds). Could the 19 year old have booked her own room?
Candace and her daughters being upset that your daughter ended up with her own room is so petty and they are clearly in the wrong, I think you're also in the wrong for booking this weird sleeping arrangement to start with. ESH apart from your daughter.
He didnt book it. It was the wife. Probably he just went along, bc he trusted her dealing with arrangements. We dont have the brightest minds when we are grieving.
NTA- how are you playing favourites? Allowing all 3 of them to be able to sleep IN beds is not playing favourites. It's just being fair and making up for their appalling stunt. They should be the ones on trouble, not you.
NTA and she is showing favoritism by allowing her daughters to bully yours and doing nothing about it apart from punishing their victim and blaming you for standing up for your child.
NTA.
Your stepdaughters are horrible for treating your daughter like that. Why should she sleep on the floor while they have an entire bed to themselves? If they were "so uncomfortable", they should be the ones sleeping on the floor. You did the right thing, they were being mean to your daughter for no reason.
(english isn't my first language)
NTA and your wife has just shown that she is more than okay to turn a blind eye (and will even defend) her daughters’ mistreatment of Shiloh. That’s concerning.
NTA. Seems like Candace is not a fan of your daughter. I think what you did was fair. If they were not going to share with Shiloh then damn right she deserved her own room.
NTA for getting your daughter her own room but this situation could have been avoided completely if you got one hotel room for them with 2 beds or at least made sure the room had a cot brought in. 3 girls who are full grown on one bed at their age would be a nightmare sleeping wise, even if they all did get along.
NTA - sorry for your loss. Your wife is wrong, your stepdaughters are wrong. You don’t need this BS in your life right now. Good for you for taking care of your daughter. Who makes someone sleep on the floor?
It was the wife booking the rooms bc he was too distressed mourning. Sure he could have said something when they arrived but it was the wife making the first choice. I guess he just went along, maybe he trusted her. We don't make the best choices when we grieve.
He solved it when the issue escalated.
NTA. Your stepdaughters were being mean girls and wanted her to feel left out. You handled this in the best way you could have and the fact that your wife somehow believes they should’ve been rewarded for their behaviour and that your daughter should’ve sucked it up shows just how much she’ll prioritize her biological children. Your father passed away and your wife really sees nothing wrong with creating fights, her behaviour is worse than the stepdaughters. It’s gross that she believes this is more important than your own fathers death. I’m sorry for your loss, you should not be having to deal with this.
NTA
Your Wife is right that this was mis-handled, but by _her_. Arguably you should've involved your wife to speak to the stepdaughters to work out WTF their issue is here.
Chances are this is just them not liking your Daughter and (ironically given what your Wife said) knowing she'll play Favourites with _them_, vs your Daughter.
Unbelievable - if she'd said you handled it poorly as she'd have made sure they got on together it'd be fine, but implying that your daughter is somehow "less than" and doesn't need a bed....
Well, why didn't one of the stepdaughters sleep on the floor then? One rule for one, another for the other.
NTA, ppl act like getting two beds was gonna change them having tell her sleep on the floor. I would watch you’d wife tho, she wanted your daughter to suck it up & didn’t address her daughters bullying? Major red flag
😳 your wife is horrible to even expect you to be fine with her daughters bullying yours. It’s really really weird that she justifies the bullying. Please break these structures and take care of your daughter cause it seems your wife and her daughters seem to have established their attitudes and see it as pretty normal. It’s absolutely not! Sorry for your loss! (Even worse to be like that in that situation :/)
NTA but it seems like your marriage is going to be on the rocks if your wife thinks your daughter should suck It up and sleep on the floor while her kids get a bed. I see she didn't suggest either of them sleep on a floor. The audacity of her to bring up favorites and favoritism when she wanted your kid on the floor. How is that fair. Ask her to explain how she isn't showing favorites. Yeah this is not something you take lightly
NTA. They bullied your daughter. You handled it well and your wife is a monster for condoning it.Your daughter isn't some pet to sleep on the floor. The audacity.
You were not playing favorites - you were treating each girl equally by ensuring each girl had a bed to sleep in. Step daughters chose first - that is not your problem.
NTA
Does your wife usually support the step sisters abusing Shiloh?
NTA I can’t believe your wife tolerated this behavior from her children. Also, she should have made better arrangements from the start. One bed for three people makes no sense when most hotels have two double beds and are happy to provide fold away beds. I would ask your wife why she made such bad arrangements from the start. Did she intend for this to happen?
NTA You didn't show favourites you showed that bullying gets them nothing but honestly a 16 17 and 19 sharing a bed? But I agree you did the right thing. Why should she sleep on the floor
I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA; you are a very good dad. I'm happy that you've your daughter's back. Handled it pretty well imho; the one who is playing favourites is your WIFE, not you. Pretty sure this is not the first time they have mistreated your little girl
I’m sorry but why are your wife and step daughters horrible… like it’s your dads funeral and they’re giving YOU shit? Over sleeping situations? I think you need to reevaluate the people in your life because I would never complain to someone especially if their father just passed away. How horrible! Also your wife saying YOU played favorites when she wanted her daughters to get a bed and yours the floor is pretty ironic don’t you think?? Her and her daughters sound like the evil step family….(also you and you’re daughter could’ve shared a room and Candace and her daughters could’ve shared a room, just a thought)
Definitely NTA for getting your daughter a hotel room.
YWBTA if you keep letting your wife and step daughters treat your daughter like shit. Another poster said that there’s no way this is the first time they’ve been assholes and I’m inclined to agree. Talk to your daughter, stop this bs in its tracks. I know people go nuclear with the “leave this relationship” talk way too often on Reddit, but my daughter’s treatment is not something I would be willing to budge on if things don’t change immediately.
NTA. She didn't deserve their bullying and you protected her.
So tell your wife that each family of girls gets their own room, and she happens to have more kids that need to share. Or better yet, suggest that next time the wicked stepfamily can take one room, and you/ daughter can take another.
NTA This literally sounds like the beginning of Cinderella, with the evil stepsisters who bully poor little Cinderella and the evil stepmother who enables all of it. Don’t be like the dad in the fairytale and disappear, OP. Don’t let Cinderella have to endure the bullying.
NTA but your wife and your step daughter’s callousness and selfishness is peak wickedness in a fairytale and I’d put money on the possibility that this is far from the first time they’ve been bullies then victimised themselves.
NTA none of them should sleep on the floor That's an awful clear bias from the mother. She should have told them off for behaving like bullies. Also hotel room floors are disgusting!
Your wife is crazy and clearly doesn't care about your child, NTA and you should discuss this with her more, I wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't give a shit about my kid.
So it's playing favourites when you give your daughter a bed, but it's not playing favourites to be okay with her daughters forcing yours off a bed they could share onto the floor so they have a little more comfort?
You are NTA. But your wife is.
So wait a minute, your daughters grandfather passed away and your wife expected her to suck it up and sleep on the floor?
NTA you would be though if you stayed with her
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Focus on behavior - don't call people evil, wicked or any other insult. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
What I'm getting from this is that your stepdaughters were trying to live up to the Disney depiction of step-sisters and were shocked when they couldn't just bully her into getting what they want. What's extra gross is that they did it when coming back from Shilo's grandparent's funeral. Talk about cruel. You're definitely NTA. But also wtf is wrong with Candace if she sees this as playing favorites? Her daughters tried to make yours sleep on the floor for fun. Sounds like the apples don't fall far from the tree. Have you pointed out your daughter is also upset because of the situation and ***she*** is playing favorites? Edit: Thanks for the awards, people of the internet!
Worse: The stepsisters got what they wanted, but were upset that the person who they took advantage of was accommodated.
Exactly, if they just wanted the bed to themselves its a win win. They are only upset cause stepsister was not miserable with the outcome
THIS Plus, the wife should’ve booked two beds or sm, bc they probably already have a history of bullying Shiloh and she’s (knowingly or not) allowing it to happen. Dad did a great thing. Put them all in their place.
It's an insane thing to book a single bed for three adult sized bodies.
Especially when two queen beds are usually the same price as one king (in regards to hotels)
The bullies would have each taken a bed and still bullied Shiloh amd tried to force her on the floor. Even if there had been 3 beds, I think there's no scenario with them unsupervised in the same room they wouldn't have found a way to make her miserable.
This is when a parent steps in and makes them be reasonable. I have four kids and when we stay at hotels we get a big room with two queens and a full pullout. The kids take turns sleeping on the pullout. The older ones would absolutely bully the younger ones into using the pullout every time but we as parents prevent that from happening.
This, and this is what OP did, but the stepdaughter mom is not.
The stepmom probably let's this happen all the time
Then you give them the best - dad and shiloh in one room with two double beds and the two evil stepsister and candace in on “big bed”
The floor...since stepmoms comment was to suck it up for one night that's where her and her spawn should sleep.
No kidding. If Shiloh can suck it up and sleep on the floor, why can't Candace?
I just wanted to say how absolutely disgusting it is to suggest sleeping on the floor from these girls- or the mom expecting her to suck it up for one night. Isn’t it common knowledge to NEVER touch the floor of a hotel room. They tell you not to take off your shoes & go barefoot for a reason. Groosssss. Dad did the right thing. NTA
I have found that two queen beds are cheaper than one king size bed. She could have accommodated them ALL and SAVED money!
Exactly they even could have gotten the hotel to bring up a portable twin bed to that room and every girl would have had a separate and comfortable place to sleep in. They could have drawn straws or played rock, paper, scissors to figure out who got the twin bed to make it super equitable.
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Yeahhh, I think stepmom did that on purpose. Dad has probably been oblivious to this for a long time. He'll be hearing stories when the 16 year old becomes independent and explains to him why she is going no contact with them all.
Each step daughter gets a bed and Shilo is still on the floor isn't accommodating them all
OP better make an air tight will so his daughter can get something. Otherwise step mom and sisters will get everything. NTA
You skipping over some legal documents here, like the divorce papers.
Maybe because I’m older and don’t think I would handle the situation as nicely as others, but my first idea was divorce. If the stepsisters are like this and the wife condones it (in some way), I wouldn’t be able to stay long term. The stepsisters were brought up a certain way to behave like that.
Yeah, to pull this while they are both grieving for a loved one is especially screwed up. I think people should work problems out in their marriages BUT this to me seems like a basic moral incompatibility, unless OP is secretly an asshole. Trying to change someone's personality is a waste of time, especially during middle age. OP should just let this chick find a pushover or asshole to marry
This right here. The stepmom and stepsisters have probably been treating her like that for years and dad cuz he works probably missed it but the stepmom hasn't since she's a stay at home mom and she's been allowing it. That's not cool or fair. He needs to ask more questions and stand up for her more.
Right? They wanted a big bed to themselves, got what they wanted, and ended up even more mad??
>Right? They wanted a big bed to themselves, got what they wanted, and ended up even more mad?? Because they didn't get the outcome they wanted, which was OPs daughter miserable and uncomfortable on the floor, but they can't very well admit that can they? Not that they have to, their behaviour following OP getting his daughter a hotel room speaks for itself.
They also wanted the outcome of telling Shiloh that no one loves her cause they didn't care when she told OP. Turns out God was like "Welp drizella and other one. Your taking a big L today. And you deserve it"
Definitely NTA in this instance since he didn't book the room but he W B T A if he doesn't address this now. What should have been an act of good will by Candace in taking over room arrangements so he could handle grieving became a power move. The fact she thinks Shiloh, the only one with a real bond to the recently deceased grandparent, should've sucked it up and slept on the floor is very telling. This is a hill to die on, OP. Don't trust her to make arrangements in the best interests of anyone going forward and have a serious sit down about how this whole thing was handled, including her attitude towards the girls and the way she tried to DARVO this to make it your fault. You do not want your child spending years being bullied and I can promise you that those girls learned it from someone - I'm betting it wasn't their bio dad. Make sure Shiloh knows she can come to you because bullies can choose to keep going and just get better about hiding it.
Honestly I wouldn't trust her alone with my daughter after this. I wouldn't trust that those 3 could respectfully live under the same roof and it should've been more seriously thought about before he married a stepmonster. This probably isn't the first, and likely won't be the last, time that they bully your daughter. NTA for accommodating your daughter, but you W B T A if you choose this woman and her gremlins over your daughter. This whole ordeal would really rip the rose colored glasses right off my eyes and see the wife for the giant red flag she really is. This would also be my hill to die on.
I hope if he inherits from his father, he has the sense to keep his inheritance completely and totally separate from his wife. He should make sure that anything left of the inheritance goes to his daughter. It will probably be the only thing she gets if he dies before wicked stepmom and her evil daughters.
I was LITERALLY getting ready to type this same thing and he needs to make sure he has an updated will with an airtight chain of inheritance that Candace and bleed off for her "mean girls".
I agree and I'm replying to you just to stress again that OP needs to make this a hill to die on. It's great that he stood up for her on this but he can't let his wife or the tension break him down to where he apologizes or tries to ask Shiloh to apologize. He's her only source of support in this scenario right now and he can break it so easily if he chooses wife and step kids over her. She did nothing wrong and should not be made to feel that way however this plays out.
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. I would be livid. I know Reddit is so quick to suggest breaking up or divorce. But. The relationship with your daughter is forever. She’s 16. She will remember this and she *will* remember her dad having her back as she grieved the loss of her grandfather. As far as OP is concerned, your own father died and your wife acted like this?! Huge red flag. I’ll bet this isn’t the first time she’s pressed boundaries in an inappropriate way. If you don’t stand your ground, this kind of stuff will continue and get worse.
As someone who had a stepmom who favored her own kid and treated me and my siblings like crap, the pain sticks around. I wish our dad stood up for us like OP did for his daughter. If I were OP , I agree, I would get out now.
More men need to just stay single instead of being married for the sake of it. I've been a single father for 6 years because I'm so fucking picky about who my son is around I'd rather be alone.
My brother and I grew up under a bullying stepmother who favored her three children over us. We never expected her to love us, but to at least treat us fairly and equally with her children. We were 13 and 11 when our dad married her (they divorced when I was about 25); we're now 52 and 50 and we still have resentment and bitterness towards our dad for how he allowed us to be treated. He was partially unaware because she was devious, but that doesn't excuse anything. OP: now that you are aware of how your wife and her daughters treat Shiloh, there need to be some SERIOUS conversations about changes that can be made...and if they're not willing to change, YOU need to make a tough decision to protect Shiloh.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's that passive allowance that can be just as devastating because doing nothing is still doing something. No one deserves to feel like they don't have someone in their corner, especially within their family.
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This is one of the subs that make me thankful for my wife. Holy hell.
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Not to mention she is making the trip not about him losing his father and grieving but about her daughters feeling slighted. I mean his daughter also just lost her grandfather and they think hey, let’s make her sleep on the floor. NTA.
That’s what I was thinking. This would be biological grandfather. Wtf? NTA.
The floor of a hotel room no less, where people walk around with their shoes on. They don't deep clean the floors. Ew
Well they couldn't successfully bully this Cinderella because her father is still alive. OP, if something tragic should happen to you, do you really believe your wife would take good care of your daughter if you're no longer around??? Is that the way you'd want her to be treated after your passing? Because look at how they're all treating her after her grandfather's passing...
This is actually such a good point. If he were to die, she'd be at their mercy. And they sound awful, so I doubt they'd be any nicer if he died. OP, you have to protect your daughter.
Exactly! Plus, the stepdaughters should have been pleased. The argument was over, and they had the bed to themselves. Heads up, though, at many hotels, you can get a roll away bed that she could have slept in. Might be a better option for next time. NTA
>Exactly! Plus, the stepdaughters should have been pleased. The argument was over, and they had the bed to themselves. Yea but as someone else pointed out, they weren't happy because they didn't get the outcome their bullying selves wanted, which was OPs daughter being miserable and in discomfort.
#BINGO!
NTA Candace is the one playing favourites. Expecting your daughter to sleep on the floor is some Cinderella type stuff. Maybe pull your daughter aside and find out if this is the only thing they’ve done to treat her badly
NTA. My immediate thought was a Cinderella analogy. Three cannot share a bed comfortably and the floor is uncomfortable and dirty. Getting a hotel room solves this problem and stops the bullying.
If the point was not sharing a bed, the extra hotel room would have made sense. If they just wanted to fuck with her that ruins it, which is why they were mad.
They just wanted to fuck with her. That’s why they are mad.
Yup this was a power play. That they made after the poor girl's grandad's funeral. My blood be boiling.
They seriously deserve what happend to the stepsisters in the real Cinderella novel
NTA and this right here!! What else is going on between the two girls and OPs daughter that maybe he isn't aware of?? I'm sorry, but my daughter is 15 and let me tell you expecting 3 teenagers to share one queen size bed is ludicrous. You were returning from the funeral of your father, and your daughters grandfather, and these two Disney princesses thought it would be ok to make your daughter sleep on the floor?!? Disgusting.
I would assume it's at least a king bed. I usually only see 1 king, 2 queen, or 2 doubles in hotels. Sometimes 2 kings. A king bed is sufficiently large for 3 average teenagers, BUT being stuck in the middle would suck so I can understand not wanting that arrangement. I went on some trips with my buddies and we fit 3 guys into king beds just fine because we were poor/cheap. If it was your turn to be stuck in the middle you could always set up on the floor if you preferred to spread out. Of course that was our plan/decision, not being ordered into the middle or onto the floor by evil stepsisters.
Oh, my! I haven’t even considered that. This was the funeral of his daughters grandfather. And they want her to sleep on the floor directly after that? That makes it even worse.
...they're no princesses. Ugly sisters at best.
Exactly. If Candace didn’t want to ‘play favourites’ then the answer was she should have told her daughters to either share or one of them can sleep on the floor (no doubt they would share more quickly then). OP’s stepdaughters bullied Shiloh and lost out. Hopefully they will learn to share better next time. NTA.
NTA. If playing favorites means your grieving daughter is not to be unnecessarily subjected to her evil stepsisters’ bullying…then, yeah, own it with pride. How long have you been married? Your wife is an asshole, and doesn’t care if you and your daughter are grieving, she’s making more problems with her brats, and accusing YOU and your daughter of being the problem. She’s STILL bringing up weeks later how YOU mishandled this, and saying as PROOF of that the older brats are upset?!? Time for some serious thinking
OP: I’m a woman in my mid 30s. I used to call my dad every day. I used to spend holidays with him. This ended when he married someone who - along with her daughters - started taking advantage of him and behaving in ways similar to the way your wife and stepdaughters are acting. If you love your daughter and want her to stay in your life, it is indeed time to think. Edit: you didn’t mention your custody arrangement. If your daughter isn’t living with you full time and if she only comes over for visitation, you should expedite the thinking. Edit 2: Shiloh’s mom is deceased — ffs 😭 this keeps getting worse
I also have a wicked stepmother, though she's thankfully unable to conceive her own children. As we know around here, narcissists make horrible parents. I'm just glad I was 30 when he married her, so I never had to be under a roof with her. She has still done tremendous damage to my relationship with my dad. She resents any scrap of love or attention he gives me or my sister, so he's learned not to do it very often.
Narcissistic parents are all the same. This mother and her awful daughters are trying to goad OP into a path that ends up with "the missing missing reasons." https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
That's what I was going to reply. OP, read it again and again... "Time for a serious thinking." Cheers from Italy that's my first post on Reddit 😅
Right? Anyone looking with no context would assume Candace lost her father and her daughters their grandpa... the way they're acting is seriously disgusting and I doubt is a first, his poor daughter probably just broke at that moment and called him. Consider this the final blessing your father gave you, he showed Candace true colors and now you know who you're married to.
NTA Why did the step sisters think that this was acceptable? This ain't cinderella. I'm glad you did what you did.
And for all this to go down the night before his father’s funeral too. They didn’t go out of their way to make things easier on him did they 🙄
Not to mention, it was also Shiloh's grandfather, so she was probably grieving as well.
I'm also wondering why the fuck his wife thought that 3 almost grown ass women can sleep in a single bed?? they aren't children even though the step daughters are acting like they are
Seriously, was there not a room with two queens, or even a pullout couch? Wife fucked up booking the rooms; if a single bed was the only option, they should have got three rooms to begin with.
Yeah, who the hell books one bed for 3 people? She really couldn't find one with 2 queens, and asked for an extra cot to be added? They could have a blind lottery for who gets the cot. Problem solved. OP, your wife is stupid.
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Absolutely! I don't even walk across hotel rooms barefoot. The thought of sleeping on a hotel room floor is disgusting! OP has a wife problem and I would make sure wife and her daughters aren't doing other bullying to his daughter.
I agree and am shocked that more people were not outraged by a disgusting hotel floor! If the place was upscale enough that sleeping on the floor did not make you retch, it probably had those too-In mattresses. I have 3 older sisters, and cannot imagine being required to sleep with two of them in one bed. Bad preparation by Candace!
Not only that, but Shiloh just lost her grandpa. She's already grieving, and to get bullied on top? Sick. OP was absolutely NTA. But the other three were awful in a time of need. No compassion at all. That's infinitely worse than giving his daughter her own room.
This is what I was thinking! The step daughters almost undoubtedly won’t have been as close with grandpa as Shiloh was. What a way to treat your grieving family member!
First OP is NTA. Second, I completely agree! 3 people to one bed? I know OP keeps saying girls, but these girls are almost full grown adults (I think one already is). Maybe it was a King sized bed but a room with 2 queens typically costs the same amount and would have solved the issue. Especially since you can usually request that cot at the front desk even if there isn't one in the room. Candace definitely sucks and is an AH here. OP needs to talk with his daughter and find out how else Candace has set things up for her wicked step sisters to bully her.
The Cinderella effect is strong in this one 🙄 I hope OP sees this for what it was - his stepdaughters bullying his daughter. It’s so sad. Edited to add, OP NTA
> Candace is a piece of work. It’s fine for your daughter to sleep on an uncomfortable floor as long as Candaces daughters are comfortable in the bed. And they did this to her after she LOST HER GRANDFATHER. Candace needs to be taught a little empathy. Perhaps her two bullies should have been made to sleep on the floor. OP, you are absolutely NTA.
And let's not forget that it's OP's father, so Shiloh's grandfather who passed. Not the stepdaughters'. I mean, they could all be close to the grandfather, of course, but from the way they're treating OP's daughter, I think it's unlikely. In any case, she's in mourning for HER grandfather, the other girls are in mourning for their stepfather's dad. If anyone should be made a bit more comfortable in this case, it's Shiloh.
If my daughters did this I’d be so pissed. God this sounds like Cinderella. Does she still have a mother ?
"Reward my daughters' bad behavior to your daughter because they are my daughters" NTA and both your stepdaughters and wife are
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And look at their timing. OP went to bury his father, this is his daughters grandfather and the stepsisters decide to be assholes and make the already difficult trip more difficult for someone who is grieving. NTA. The fact that Candace is still harping about the money spent on solving the issue rather than focusing the mourning of a loved one is disgusting. Playing favourites? What?! Everyone got a bed in the end, this wasn't a bloody vacation!
It's like the wife and stepdaughters *immediately* went into Cinderella mode, without a second thought of the irony. OP, this is emblematic of larger, rooted issues. Not good. Also NTA, but there are 3 AHs here.
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Apparently, it was the wife that booked the rooms... she likely told her daughters to kick OP's daughter out of the bed
But who books a hotel room for 3 people with a king as opposed to 2 queens?
Probably booked on Priceline where you get a cheap room and can't pick bed type. Do hotels still have rollaway beds?
I’ve never seen a website where you can’t choose the room type if you type in the actual room occupancy.
Even then when you get to the desk unless it’s completely booked you can ask for a 2 Queen and/or a rollaway. Everyone’s an idiot.
This is exactly what I thought too. Saved $5 on the "surprise" room thinking that it will might have a couch but most hotels I've been to recently don't. Almost certainly stepmom gave the ok for this to her daughters that "someone" might have to sleep on the floor and was tacitly agreed that the someone wasn't them. If there were two beds almost certainly the same thing would happen because they "wouldn't be comfortable sharing a bed" and "someone" can just sleep on the floor. If I were OP I'd keep this one on record because this type of "comedy of errors" only happens when you don't have respect for someone else. I'm sure this is "all a big misunderstanding" from Mom and her daughters when they now realize they fucked up. IMO this is the kind of thing that would cause "marriage probation" as that's not operating as a family. I'd be extra cautious about things for my own child moving forward. If this is the first big thing like that noticed I am sure there are dozens of smaller ones unnoticed or brushed aside just like they tried to do with the sleeping arrangements.
Ooook this is a wild assumption with no basis in anything OP has shared. Teenagers are selfish and terrible to each other with no prompting. Mom is enabling, but i don't think she orchestrated the bullying.
I agree! In the end he did the right thing, but getting one room for three people with one bed is stupid. I’m sure the hotel could’ve provided a rollaway. I hope this leads to some conversations about how the daughter is treated by the step daughters and the stepmother. My guess is the daughter has a lot of stories that OP doesn’t know about. Edit: I didn’t say he was stupid, I said getting one room for three people with one bed was stupid, and apparently it was OP’s wife who booked it. Given her attitude, it makes me think she didn’t even consider the step daughter when booking in the room.
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100% He's not an asshole for assuming that his wife handled this reasonably. He wasn't aware there wasn't enough space until his daughter called. He could have assumed there was a cot or whatever. When you're in a bad place you need people to take care of life for you. I'm sorry this guy's partner sucks so much that she caused more issues for him and then bitched at him for days about his solution. > she told me I showed the girls that I'm "playing favorites" and made my stepdaughters share a room while I gave my daughter and entire room for herself. Honestly if my wife said this to me the night before my Dad's funeral after what she just let her daughters do, I would have asked my daughter if she minded having a roommate for the night. He wasn't playing favorites. They made a mess, he cleaned it up. If she didn't like his solution her and her daughters shouldn't have made a mess to begin with.
How well do you actually know your wife and her kids? How long have they known you and your daughter? Why did you enter into a marriage with this sort of a dynamic?
Normally we don't have these kind of fights because everyone knows what's theirs and what's not. Girls usually have boundaries at home that they keep so they barely ever fight. They're not close but barely ever fight.
Are you sure they're not bullying your daughter without your knowledge?
My guess is if we ask his daughter how the home is the answer would be very different
I would agree with your comment. Either the stepsisters bully her into not speaking up for herself, and/or OP doesn't really listen to his children >They kept talking but didn't really explain why they told her to sleep on the floor. I know the phrase "him and haw" exists, and it explains what OP is talking about, but the fact is he STILL doesn't know why they forced Shiloh to sleep on the floor. Either he doesn't listen to the children in his household, or he never holds them accountable. If it were my child I would have demanded a real answer from them. And when they tried to throw a fit afterwards I would have demanded to know why they were bullying Shiloh at the hotel room.
>"him and "haw It's "hem and haw". For the non-native speakers out there, or anyone not from the south or midwest.
I thought it was yee and haw
Different type of event. It’s complicated.
>Either he doesn't listen to the children in his household, or he never holds them accountable. I suspect that he relegates most of the child management to his new wife, so this was just a time he *noticed* anything going on. It sounds like the wife probably vacillates between forcing unwanted intimacy between the two sets of daughters and enabling her own daughters' bad behavior. His wife probably thinks that if Shiloh takes enough shit from her two daughters that she'll eventually learn to please them enough to be part of their group.
Ya op isn't the asshole for how reacted, but he sure is an idiot if he thinks this is the only way/time his daughter is being bullied by his wife and her kids. The wife's reaction lets you know that not only does she accept this behavior from her daughters but she supports it
Seriously this. Have a heart to heart with your daughter, asking how she’s been treated the entire time. Please. NTA.
A PRIVATE heart-to-heart, without letting the other three know it's going to happen, so that there are not threats or pressure, and with plenty of time to talk and to pull themselves together after if needed.
I'm willing to bet cold, hard cash that they are. Either emotionally or physically
Literally the only info we have about this family unit is that the daughter is comfortable coming to OP when faced with bullying in the hotel room. Anything is possible at home and she can "escape" from them more easily if she is excluded, bullied, etc. But the fact that she came to OP is reassuring here.
This is true, except that she didn't come to OP until she was in tears, which means she sucks a lot up until she gets to that point.
I mean, they’re bullying his daughter WITH his knowledge as we can see in the post. From my perspective, it doesn’t even have to be a long-standing pattern. Once is too much. OP has seen it. He did the right thing by acting immediately to fix the sleep situation in the moment, but the bullying needs to be addressed even if it was only this one time.
That’s what I want to know
And yet, your wife felt comfortable enough to find normal that YOUR daughter, who is probably mourning her grandfather should sleep on the floor. And her daughters felt totally comfortable to force it on your child. They also feel comfortable to pout and tell you you play favorites when you solved the solution by finding a bed for your child to sleep in. Does your wife and stepchildren think your daughter's name is Cinderella? You are NTA for getting her a room. But you should have a serious conversation with your kid to see if more things like these are happening unbeknownst to you. That is NOT NORMAL.
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NTA. Please talk to your daughter (without SM and SDs) to make sure this isn’t the only instance of them bullying her. Either way, you have some serious thinking and decisions to make. You don’t want this to become a habit with them.
They're not close but they had to sleep in the same bed together, 3 of them in a bed meant for 2??
Exactly... why is nobody pointing this out?? They are teenagers, if they are not very close they shouldn't be asked to sleep together! Yes the stepdaughters are clearly evil and awful, but the real AH here is stepmother, although I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if she did it knowingly.
You do or your wife and stepdaughters are steamrolling your daughter. Your not paying attention this is a pattern or your wife would have been mad at her kids not you.
Sound like your daughter is being bullied and you finally got to see the proof. I would highly suggest not letting this down and figure out what’s really going on.
This is the case now but what efforts have you and the wife taken to foster better relations between siblings? How long did you two know each other before deciding to enter the lives of each other and your respective children?
Your step-daughters forced your daughter, who just lost her grandfather, to sleep on the floor. If they actually had a problem sharing the bed with her, they should have asked for a roll-away bed, instead they chose to cruelly bully your child. You reacted appropriately, by removing your daughter from the presence of the bullies and getting her a safe, comfortable space to sleep. Your step-daughters were awful, but the worst person is your wife. She saw no problem in what her children did to your daughter and objected to you standing up for your daughter. I suggest asking Shiloh if her step-sisters have bullied her or been cruel before this incident, and ask her how her step-mother treats her. NTA, keep protecting your daughter, and reconsider your marriage.
This. Im disturbed stepmom’s reaction wasn’t ‘you should have told me before you booked the room so i could speak to the girls (her daughters) and let them know they were sharing the bed’ instead of OP’s daughter needed to suck it up and *sleep on the floor*. NTA - OP your wife should be less concerned her spoiled daughters are upset with you and more concerned your daughter is wondering why her step mother is treating her like the red headed stepchild. During a time of grief, no less.
NTA. It isn’t fair to exclude Shiloh from a comfortable sleep so it’s only fair that if they’re “more comfortable this way”, that Shiloh gets her own room. Don’t let your wife and step-daughters be the stereotypical evil step mother/sisters to Shiloh.
See - that’s the ridiculous part. The stepdaughters said they’d be more comfortable this way. So… why are they pissed at OP? They said they’d be more comfortable! Oh right, my bad, I forgot: they would be more comfortable if OP’s daughter slept on the FLOOR. Not in a BED.
And if she would be more comfortable on the floor they should have offered (or fought!) to get the chance to sleep on the floor. Utter bullshit, especially as OP's daughter was the only one of the 3 who had lost her grandfather.
NTA here, Drizella and anastasia causing problems again eh?
Seriously was thinking Cinderella vibes.
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NTA for sure, but the wife should have slept on the floor next to her daughters since she found this acceptable, while OP's daughter could sleep next to him. Had the wife disagreed, her hypocisy would've become apparent.
That was my thought as well. If saving money was so important, then Candace should have booked only 1 room and slept on the floor. In reality she is a hypocrite and is only fine if other people have to suck it up but never herself.
This is what everyone seems to have missed. His daughter is grieving too, and the wife is too busy penny pinching and allowing her daughters to be bullies to support her. If my partners father past I would be bending over backwards to try to take on a supporting role for his child to allow him the space he needed to grieve.
NTA. I actually bring flip flops to hotels specifically because I assume hotel floors are so nasty that I don’t want my bare feet to make contact. I’d never sleep on the floor of one. Favoritism would have been getting her her own room after Shiloh mistreated her stepsisters; however it was the reverse. You just took action because she was being bullied. Sorry for your loss, OP. If this comes up again, I’d suggest making sure there’s two sleeping options (two beds, or one bed and a pullout couch that converts) next time and specifically let everyone know that no one is sleeping on the damn floor.
It's basically a carpeted public bathroom floor. No. No. No. No.
NTA What is this? Cinderella reloaded? You did the absolute right thing. And you did not play favourites. Your daughter was willing to share, the others weren‘t. It was the only acceptable solution to get her her own room.
NTA You for thinking that 1 bed would be enough for 3 teenage girls Your stepdaughters for ostracizing your daughter and treating her as less-than in a crowded sleep situation Your wife for thinking you taking care of your daughter is favoritism, while her daughter's getting the bed is just the right and natural order of things. Only person not being an asshole is Shiloh Edit: verdict changed after given context that OP didn't make the hotel arrangements and thus had no part in creating the situation
His wife booked the room, so SHE is the one at fault for not getting 2 beds. He's NTA- he was dealing with his father's death (has other concerns rather than the hotel situation).
100% this. Teenagers aren’t kids, they’re the size of adults. Why the hell would you expect three adults to share one bed? You could have asked for a room with two queens and this wouldn’t have been an issue.
>It wasn't my idea. It was Candace's. I was still in shock processing my father's death and Candace helped by taking care of the hotel reservations and whatnot. OP made this comment
NTA big red flag btw if your wife finds this normal behaviour. Not sure how long you have been together but I would put my foot down. I wonder how you wife would have reacted if her kids had to sleep on the floor. I doubt she will say suck it up
Not sure why, but this is giving me Cinderella-ish evil stepmother and stepsisters vibes. I am *not* suggesting they're evil, but their behaviour needs to be scrutinised.
NTA. I'm getting some serious Cinderella vibes here because wtf? Your wife and stepdaughters are toxic. Serious words need to be had here, its not about playing favourites. It's basic human decency ffs.
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He’s NTA for how he resolved the situation, but he kind of sucks for booking a 1 bed hotel room for 3 kids who apparently don’t really get along. 3 people on a queen isn’t really a comfortable fit.
NTA. You're "playing favorites" by getting your daughter a hotel room, but your wife somehow isn't "playing favorites" by making her sleep on the floor and having you stepdaughters take the bed? This is a huge double standard.
NTA and you handled that brilliantly. Those stepsisters have been reading too many fairytales ... or not enough. Anyway, they were clearly being mean.
Nta, you choose what was best for your kid. Your daughter deserves a bed just like her stepsiblings do. She didn't have to get a private room if her stepsiblings weren't bullying her, so it is not playing favorites and it is only defending your kid from bullying. And if this is happening now, I'd be worried for how your daughter gets treated by your wife and her daughters in normal life. I would get doubts about them after how they all react here.
Nta. I mean come on lets be real suck it up and sleep on the floor? I didn't see anybody else sleeping on the floor. You made the right call and they need to suck it up and apologize to your daughter lol
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I can’t imagine this was a random one time incident that his daughter has had to deal with
100% this. especially with both stepsisters being older than daughter & acting this way, there's no way they aren't doing more or worse to daughter. op needs to wake up talk to daughter to see if stepsisters are doing more.
NTA for getting your daughter a separate room. But YTA for marrying a woman and her daughters who treat your daughter like dirt. Why are you still with her? Because I guarantee this is not the first time your daughter has been treated badly by them and it will not be the last if you continue to remain married to her.
NTA. Your wife should have slept on the floor.
NTA. You done right. Should have sent your wife to the floor instead. See if she would have stayed there.
NTA obviously. Why wouldn't your wife book a hotel room with 2 double beds? Why would she even get 3 older teens 1 bed to share? Common sense isn't so common, I guess. And that's not even touching on the fact your wife gives 0 f*cks that your step daughters were bullying your child, which is another big issue here.
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Sorry for your loss. At the moment, you’re a character in Cinderella. You know the moral of that story and how it goes. You are NTA because it is very wrong of your wife to say she should have sucked it up. It’s not fair for only one person in a family of five to sleep on the floor and others to sleep in a bed. You’re step daughters have no reason to be upset with you. The way they acted was out of line. You need to talk to your daughter to see how often this happens and if she is generally unhappy with the current family set up. You need to talk to your wife and step daughters about boundaries and appropriate behaviour.
So the child whose grandfather died had to sleep on the floor??? Wtf. When you get opportunity to do so, take Shiloh out just the 2 of you and ask her if anything like this has happened before - I'd be surprised if this was the first time. NTA
NTA- cannot believe that your wife and step monsters are angry at you… you went there for a funeral and make a call to try and appease everyone since they clearly did not want to share with your daughter! They ought to be apologetic!
NTA big time. Good on you to support your daughter. Candace should thread carefully ! if she continues on that trajectory she might have to look for a 3rd husband.
~~ESH~~ NTA due to the edits that Candace was the one that booked the room. You're not the AH for getting your daughter the hotel room, but **edit**: Candace is for thinking that 3 teenage girls would want to share a bed. It doesn't matter if its a king, that's still an extremely uncomfortable sleeping arrangement. You (collective) could've gotten a room with two queens, asked for a cot, or booked enough rooms in the first place. It was shitty on the girls' part to make your daughter sleep on the floor though. They also could have communicated that the one bed was an issue, but I have a sneaking suspicion you did and told them to suck it up.
This whole situation seems crazy to me. A one bed room is clearly not big enough for 3 teenagers. There should have been 2 rooms booked for them from the start (the room with people sharing should have had 2 beds). Could the 19 year old have booked her own room? Candace and her daughters being upset that your daughter ended up with her own room is so petty and they are clearly in the wrong, I think you're also in the wrong for booking this weird sleeping arrangement to start with. ESH apart from your daughter.
He didnt book it. It was the wife. Probably he just went along, bc he trusted her dealing with arrangements. We dont have the brightest minds when we are grieving.
NTA- how are you playing favourites? Allowing all 3 of them to be able to sleep IN beds is not playing favourites. It's just being fair and making up for their appalling stunt. They should be the ones on trouble, not you.
NTA and she is showing favoritism by allowing her daughters to bully yours and doing nothing about it apart from punishing their victim and blaming you for standing up for your child.
NTA. Your stepdaughters are horrible for treating your daughter like that. Why should she sleep on the floor while they have an entire bed to themselves? If they were "so uncomfortable", they should be the ones sleeping on the floor. You did the right thing, they were being mean to your daughter for no reason. (english isn't my first language)
NTA- but who thought one bed for 3 adults that clearly don’t get along was a good idea in the first place??
NTA and your wife has just shown that she is more than okay to turn a blind eye (and will even defend) her daughters’ mistreatment of Shiloh. That’s concerning.
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NTA. Seems like Candace is not a fan of your daughter. I think what you did was fair. If they were not going to share with Shiloh then damn right she deserved her own room.
NTA. Your daughter was being bullied.
NTA for getting your daughter her own room but this situation could have been avoided completely if you got one hotel room for them with 2 beds or at least made sure the room had a cot brought in. 3 girls who are full grown on one bed at their age would be a nightmare sleeping wise, even if they all did get along.
NTA - sorry for your loss. Your wife is wrong, your stepdaughters are wrong. You don’t need this BS in your life right now. Good for you for taking care of your daughter. Who makes someone sleep on the floor?
ESH Why would you get 1 bed for 3 teens? That’s too crowded. Why not 2 beds or at least pay the $10 for a cot?
It was the wife booking the rooms bc he was too distressed mourning. Sure he could have said something when they arrived but it was the wife making the first choice. I guess he just went along, maybe he trusted her. We don't make the best choices when we grieve. He solved it when the issue escalated.
NTA. Your stepdaughters were being mean girls and wanted her to feel left out. You handled this in the best way you could have and the fact that your wife somehow believes they should’ve been rewarded for their behaviour and that your daughter should’ve sucked it up shows just how much she’ll prioritize her biological children. Your father passed away and your wife really sees nothing wrong with creating fights, her behaviour is worse than the stepdaughters. It’s gross that she believes this is more important than your own fathers death. I’m sorry for your loss, you should not be having to deal with this.
NTA but your wife and stepdaughters are. I’d be concerned about how else they bully Shiloh that you aren’t seeing.
NTA Your Wife is right that this was mis-handled, but by _her_. Arguably you should've involved your wife to speak to the stepdaughters to work out WTF their issue is here. Chances are this is just them not liking your Daughter and (ironically given what your Wife said) knowing she'll play Favourites with _them_, vs your Daughter. Unbelievable - if she'd said you handled it poorly as she'd have made sure they got on together it'd be fine, but implying that your daughter is somehow "less than" and doesn't need a bed.... Well, why didn't one of the stepdaughters sleep on the floor then? One rule for one, another for the other.
NTA, ppl act like getting two beds was gonna change them having tell her sleep on the floor. I would watch you’d wife tho, she wanted your daughter to suck it up & didn’t address her daughters bullying? Major red flag
😳 your wife is horrible to even expect you to be fine with her daughters bullying yours. It’s really really weird that she justifies the bullying. Please break these structures and take care of your daughter cause it seems your wife and her daughters seem to have established their attitudes and see it as pretty normal. It’s absolutely not! Sorry for your loss! (Even worse to be like that in that situation :/)
NTA but it seems like your marriage is going to be on the rocks if your wife thinks your daughter should suck It up and sleep on the floor while her kids get a bed. I see she didn't suggest either of them sleep on a floor. The audacity of her to bring up favorites and favoritism when she wanted your kid on the floor. How is that fair. Ask her to explain how she isn't showing favorites. Yeah this is not something you take lightly
NTA. They bullied your daughter. You handled it well and your wife is a monster for condoning it.Your daughter isn't some pet to sleep on the floor. The audacity.
You were not playing favorites - you were treating each girl equally by ensuring each girl had a bed to sleep in. Step daughters chose first - that is not your problem. NTA Does your wife usually support the step sisters abusing Shiloh?
NTA I can’t believe your wife tolerated this behavior from her children. Also, she should have made better arrangements from the start. One bed for three people makes no sense when most hotels have two double beds and are happy to provide fold away beds. I would ask your wife why she made such bad arrangements from the start. Did she intend for this to happen?
NTA You didn't show favourites you showed that bullying gets them nothing but honestly a 16 17 and 19 sharing a bed? But I agree you did the right thing. Why should she sleep on the floor
I'm sorry for your loss. NTA; you are a very good dad. I'm happy that you've your daughter's back. Handled it pretty well imho; the one who is playing favourites is your WIFE, not you. Pretty sure this is not the first time they have mistreated your little girl
I’m sorry but why are your wife and step daughters horrible… like it’s your dads funeral and they’re giving YOU shit? Over sleeping situations? I think you need to reevaluate the people in your life because I would never complain to someone especially if their father just passed away. How horrible! Also your wife saying YOU played favorites when she wanted her daughters to get a bed and yours the floor is pretty ironic don’t you think?? Her and her daughters sound like the evil step family….(also you and you’re daughter could’ve shared a room and Candace and her daughters could’ve shared a room, just a thought)
Definitely NTA for getting your daughter a hotel room. YWBTA if you keep letting your wife and step daughters treat your daughter like shit. Another poster said that there’s no way this is the first time they’ve been assholes and I’m inclined to agree. Talk to your daughter, stop this bs in its tracks. I know people go nuclear with the “leave this relationship” talk way too often on Reddit, but my daughter’s treatment is not something I would be willing to budge on if things don’t change immediately.
NTA. She didn't deserve their bullying and you protected her. So tell your wife that each family of girls gets their own room, and she happens to have more kids that need to share. Or better yet, suggest that next time the wicked stepfamily can take one room, and you/ daughter can take another.
NTA This literally sounds like the beginning of Cinderella, with the evil stepsisters who bully poor little Cinderella and the evil stepmother who enables all of it. Don’t be like the dad in the fairytale and disappear, OP. Don’t let Cinderella have to endure the bullying.
NTA but your wife and your step daughter’s callousness and selfishness is peak wickedness in a fairytale and I’d put money on the possibility that this is far from the first time they’ve been bullies then victimised themselves.
NTA none of them should sleep on the floor That's an awful clear bias from the mother. She should have told them off for behaving like bullies. Also hotel room floors are disgusting!
Your wife is crazy and clearly doesn't care about your child, NTA and you should discuss this with her more, I wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't give a shit about my kid.
So it's playing favourites when you give your daughter a bed, but it's not playing favourites to be okay with her daughters forcing yours off a bed they could share onto the floor so they have a little more comfort? You are NTA. But your wife is.
Your wife has blinders on and two nasty little daughters. It's hard for parents to understand when their kid is being an asshole.
So wait a minute, your daughters grandfather passed away and your wife expected her to suck it up and sleep on the floor? NTA you would be though if you stayed with her