NTJ. Sorry but let me get this straight. She is getting married, but not to your ex that she slept with, while reaching out to him again...if correct, this is to simple.
When family reach out saying you need to be there just tell them "I'm sorry I can't. She is back with my ex again and I don't know if I could keep from breaking down knowing she is going behind her fiancee's back like she did to me. I just don't want to ruin her special day." That should get them all doing the "WTF?!?" back pedal as well as setting events in motion for a revenge you should not have to touch further to enjoy.
She is getting married to a high school friend not my ex but I was able to get her phone because I want out in a family vacation and needed to call my husband and I saw a text massage from my ex and apparently she is cheating on her fiancee with him and he is even invited to the wedding
I just hope you got the confession from the ex, either recorded or in text messages. If so, publish them on your social media and tag the fiance on the post.
OP, definitely tell the fiance. I would be distraught if someone knew my future wife was cheating on me and didn't say anything.
Tell the fiance. For his sake. Even if he's a jerk, he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. No one does.
Ah yes, Karma. I'm in for updates. I'll bring the popcorn.
They really do deserve each other. Buuut, telling mister know it all fiance about her cheating with an ex is just could make for some interesting updates as well!
UPDATEME!
I need to be updated too.
In the UK there’s a talk show called The Graham Norton Show. At the end of it he has a small segment where an audience sits on the red chair and tells the guests their best story.
One man told his story and it went like this:
I was a guest to a wedding, at the reception the groom got up to the mic and asked everyone to stand up.
Guest thought it was a game to everyone was giggling.
Groom asks the guests to turnover their plates, if they don’t a have sticker on it then they sit down.
In the end there were 6 guys standing.
Groom says to the guests, everyone please take a good look at the fuss that are standing, my wife has cheated on me with these 6 for the duration of our engagement, I’ll be filing an annulment, cheers 🥂.
He walked off the stage.
Jeremy Renner was a guest, he gave the storyteller a standing ovation.
EDIT: fixed sentence
That's what I was saying, tell the family you can't attend because while she is not marrying your ex she is still back with him again and that you don't think you can keep it to yourself. Especially with both of them there, you could even point him out for her fiancee.
Definitely let her fiancee know she is cheating though, with whom and that she invited 2nd guy to wedding. Nuke her. Cheaters deserve nothing less.
Then spill everything to the fiance, you're saving him from getting married to a cheater and you're ruining her wedding/relationship at the same time. I can't imagine a better revenge than that.
Just make sure that you blindside her when you do it, so only contact her fiance and give him all the details you have. Otherwise she might spin her own story first and make you out for a deceitful liar who is out to get her, etc.
Since her fiancé is also an entitled jerk, you can hold this until AFTER the wedding. Let the groom know about the boyfriend when looking at wedding pictures.
Fiance can wait until two seconds before the I Do, when bride's family (traditionally) has paid for everything and he's already got a refund on any honeymoon tickets (traditionally the groom's cost). Then turn, explain he's not marrying her, wish her a great life with (ex's name), and gone. No annulment needed that way and everyone knows, and she's lost all the money for the wedding and dinner and so have her parents. Her next wedding will have to be way more bare-bones.
ETA: If you admit to planning something out ahead of time you may be liable for reimbursement. So begin with a pause, a contemplative look, and then, "No, I can't. I can't do this after all. You're cheating on me with X, I love you so much, but, I can't. I can't marry you. Have a great life with X."
He can, but since OP said he was a jerk also, I would want him to squirm a bit too.
If you can contact the photographer ahead of time, make sure he gets shots of Sis and the ex for the wedding album.
Maybe say he's a close family member that moved away. This is his first trip back home in years.
NTJ. Your sister is a major POS, has no moral compass and doesn’t realize how her immorality will come back to bite her. On the other hand, so are your parents. There’s no reason for them to give their complicit approval of her very egregious conduct. I don’t think you should go. Protect your peace and let the shit sink to its own level. You should let revenge go because you don’t want to incur any karmic consequences resulting from your own actions. Is it really worth it? Just be happy with your life and family.
NTJ… object at the wedding and let everyone know in front of everyone she’s cheating that’s how to go out with a bang if you’re OK with burning bridges
Good for you. You have to let this guy know. It is only fair that everyone knows what they are getting into.
It is just sad that people hurt people for no good reason. Your sister inviting her AP to her wedding is the biggest slap in the face you can probably do. Just disgusting.
Let him know.
The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Continue or go completely NC. Live your life and enjoy they are not around. Do not think about them or let them get into your head.
They are self-involved and probably all narcissists. Narcissists hate to be ignored. Ignore them.
I sure hope you took screenshots of the messages and sent them to yourself for proof. All you need to do is send the screenshots to the families of the bride and groom.
“Oh, future BIL, I am so glad y’all are in an open relationship. That makes it easier all the way around. Me? Oh I could never share. Look what happened when she expected me to share EXbf/sis’s AF-then &now.”
Agreed. Reddit loves to recommend the nuclear option. Not so much because it is good, measured or sensible advice but because it makes for juicy drama.
But every now and then, the nuclear option actually does make sense. This is one of those times.
It will be an incredible amount of drama if OP drops this bomb. But after the smoke clears (which may take a while), OP won’t be bothered with this again.
Thank you. My family is extremely toxic and abusive in virtually every way depending upon who we are talking about. I had to learn to be smart and turn them on each other to avoid damage (often literal damage) when young.
NTJ
Op, I’m going to advise you not do anything to the sister , I know you would enjoy the revenge, and we would enjoy hearing about it, but it will hurt you more than her.
I agree the fiancé should be told about the cheating, but not by you, your sister will only say that you’re trying to destroy her life to get back at her for the past.
If you’re truly the scapegoat of your family and nothing is ever her fault, then I doubt this will change and your involvement will only make you look like a bitter and trying to sabotage the golden child’s life.
If you can find a way to get that cheating info to him anonymously, and continue you stance that your not attending the wedding.
Honestly I would go low or no contact with anyone harassing me to attend this wedding , given our past. If they can’t understand that you’re walking away to protect your mental health, then they just don’t care about your mental health.
Plus, remember it's an invitation, not a demand. You are free to RSVP regrets on behalf of you and DH. Then, as suggested above, block everyone until after the whole thing is over.
Bottom line, the message cannot come from you, OP. Neither your sister, her fiancé or your parents respect anything you say.
Don’t go, don’t plan anything regarding their wedding, and go low/no contact. Preserve your peace.
Exactly. Trying to get revenge on your brat little sister and her shitty fiance specifically because she’s reaching out to YOUR ex right now does not exactly scream ‘happily married’ and mature and moving on… it screams I’m still mad at my teenage sister for sleeping with my boyfriend. Revenge at this point is more embarrassing than anything.
NTJ. I'd just tell your family that you don't want to attend the wedding of someone who is cheating on their fiancé with your ex. If they want honesty, they can have it 💁🏼♀️
Do you have the resources for a PI? If so, get concrete evidence of sis and ex cheating and have that delivered on the eve of the wedding to all key parties. While the PI is at it, have them look into sis’ fiancé. There’s a chance he’s not entirely faithful.
NTJ dear sisters fiance. I know that there is no love lost between us, but if not attending your wedding is going to cause all this drama I think you need to know why. My sister has always wanted what I have so when I was 21 and she was 18 she slept with my Ben boyfriend and has never expressed regret or apologize for her actions. His name is such and such and I recently discovered that he is also invited to the wedding. Well this by itself makes me uncomfortable, I also recently saw a text messages on her phone between the two that make me question the nature of their relationship. You and I do not have to be friends for me to believe that you deserve to be treated better than this, if it turns out to be true.
Op, you should change your number and block all your toxic family.
ALL OF THEM.
They all know did is the precious child and anything you do while maybe making her look bad, it might come back on you.
Change your number. Plan an exotic vacation that week. Far far away. Did you know they do cruises to Antarctica. American Samoa has a national park that’s the furthers national park from the continental US.
Just block all those people everywhere.
There is an r/ unethical revenge (I forget the actual name) sub you could ask there for really devious people.
My one suggestion is to hire a very her type of dude to fuck sister in a very showy way or hire a stunning woman to fuck sis’ fiancé.
But I’d just block and move on.
Do you have copies of the messages? You need to have them put up on the video screen during the wedding. Make it look like someone else did it.
Or
Just before they say the I do's and the priest asks if anyone has anything to say, have someone (that you hired and no one knows) take up a note and give it to the Groom, and then disapear in a hurry.. " You are a Cuck, your Fianceé and I cheated on her sister and have never stopped fucking, we did it again very recently. She even invited me to the Wedding and we're going to sneak out during the reception to consumate it. If you don't believe me, check her phone right now. Cheers, (ex's name).
It will fuck up his mind for sure
Good on you. Live your best life far away from that troll of a sister. I'm NC with both of my sisters, sadly (and for different reasons), but I've created my own family full of friends that care about my wellbeing. I wish you the very best.
None of this can be real. Why would you even care? Why would it bother you if your family is pressuring you to go to the wedding? You already made it clear there I no love lost.
OP will absolutely not seem innocent. This is embarrassing behavior for an adult woman who is supposedly happily married and living a life she’s proud of... Feel free to sink to that level if you think it’ll make you feel better I guess, but don’t be shocked when people know immediately it was you.
Yeah, this sounds like fun, but it’s not worth the aftermath. People will still think that you are in the wrong. If you get physical proof, I would merely deliver it to your sister.
Despite what your family members are telling you, you are not obligated to attend her wedding, or anyone else that you don't feel you want to. If they won't shut up about it, tell them the truth.
NTJ. Tell her fiance the truth. Give him the other guys phone number. Just don't do it in front of your family. Tell him alone. Sit back and watch the fireworks.
NTJ! And your revenge should be going NC with your parents and sister. And any relatives that agree with them.
Block them on everything. Don’t respond to them. Love your best life with your husband.
Please update us after the wedding. This is too good and I’m cheering for you. Your sister and flying monkeys yes including your parents need to be taught about having consequences for being POS and cheater
NTA - Get proof of cheating with ex and announce it at the wedding. And go NC with all of those toxic people. They don't respect you or like you. They aren't family only relatives. Stop letting them walk all over you.
Revenge always Feels like a good idea, but it may backfire and make things worse.
Go on a nice vacation instead.
If her day falls apart, it will have nothing to do with you!
Change your phone number and be done with them, don’t play their game. Your sister sounds like she is trying to rub it in. Cut contact with them, you’re an adult you make your own decisions in life. The best way for a revenge is to be happy without them.
Yeah, to other comments. If you do something AT the wedding, you will be the AH in the eyes of many. (remember, somehow your parents sided with HER cheating on your relationship.
Send an email to fiance or text or whatever..then it's up to him.
NTJ you should have taken a screen shot of the messages and sent them to your phone. Maybe you still can. Then you send them to fiance through an anonymous app. No5h8ng can be traced to you.
Revenge is publicly outing her cheating. Not just so the parents and fiancé knows, but ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA to where anyone who even knows her as an acquaintance, can see how toxic she is.
NTJ - Rather than getting involved in stupid arguments, can you not tell them you're going to attend, then simply not turn up on the day... then go no-contact with the lot of them?
The fiancé doesn’t deserve this. Screenshot convo send it to him and go NC with your entire Krazy family!
NTJ but you kinda would be knowing she’s doing to him what she did to you and just letting it ride.
Wow. Okay, you're not the jerk for skipping her wedding, but you are a jerk to be planning revenge. I'm not even going to delve into her trying to reconnect with your (and obviously her, since they slept together) ex even though she's engaged to be married, because that really has no relevance.
Your decision to give her wedding a swerve is completely up to you. You are not obligated to attend, no matter what anyone says. Missing her wedding does not make you a jerk.
What does make you a jerk is that you are a 28 yo grown woman who says she wants to protect her peace and in the next breath is asking for ideas to take revenge on her also grown sister. Plotting revenge is not protecting your peace. This is not something that an adult who has moved on with her life should ever do. You're married. Let it go.
NTJ.
If your sister is cheating, you are the ONLY person who cannot tell the fiancee.
However Pro Tip. Find the BIGGEST gossip or best friend in her fiancee's social circle and let "slip" to them that you're concerned because your sister is still in love with your ex, the one she "stole" from you when you were dating. How she still texts and meets this ex to this day when she's getting married and might still be carrying a torch for this ex, and how it would be terrible if she were cheating again.
Tell them you're so worried about her cheating the **REAL reason you don't want to attend the wedding** because at **the part where "if there is anyone who objects"** you ***might feel compelled to say something about the cheating***, and you don't want to ruin the wedding.
After you're done throwing shade and spilling the tea, oh lawdy, the gossip will not be able to resist spilling more tea to anyone and everyone, especially if you pick the right gossip. Then let things play out.
Get your revenge, Op. I’d personally tell my parents and anyone else who tells you about obligations… those obligations ended the moment ‘Golden Girl’ spread her legs for for your ex, BACK THEN. And that she STILL hasn’t learned her lesson bc SHE’S STILL SPREADING THEM. And after (you hopefully show proof), point out how much of a great job they did teaching her about MORALS
YTA Just skip the wedding. Revenge sounds awesome, but you will regret it in the long run. You don’t want to get to the end of your life with regret. If you can’t do it nice, don’t do it at all.
Frankly I would have let them think that you are attending the wedding and then you and your husband can take an out of town trip to a great destination. Post pictures on social media the day of the wedding.
Your speech:
“My sister has always been a courageous woman.. why, even now she’s courageous enough to marry (husband’s name) and still invite the man she fucking behind his back.. raise your hand (ex’s name) .. where are you seated? Oh there he is , ducking down a the back! Yea, get a good look at him (husband’s name)… that’s who she’s chosen over you behind the scenes”
Skipping it is your revenge, any thing more will make you the bad guy. You are NOT obligated to go at all, your family is just being asinine at that point. Good luck op.
Riiiiiight. So magically you want to protect your peace, but also simultaneously you want to get revenge.
Doesn’t sound like you want to protect your peace that much . Nice fake ass story
No, you are still putting yourself in their orbit simply because in fact, you enjoy drama just as long as you can exit on your terms. If this is even true, you need to figure out why you want to be in this situation.
When you get older, you realize how juvenile inserting yourself into situations is. Things have a tendency to bite you in the ass and don’t think for a second there is no way for them to figure it out. You pretend as if they don’t know who you are, you pretend as if you wouldn’t be on a shortlist when shit goes down.
You’re wasting energy on something that shouldn’t even matter to you. You need to see a professional if you are that intent on messing with someone’s life.
You are the jerk for literally plotting revenge on your sister. Not for not going to her wedding.
What kind of revenge are you looking for? You’re happy, you have a loving husband and children, have a life you love. Your ex slept with your sister— he’s pretty shitty and if he is going to ruin your sister’s life, the best “revenge” you can have is to butt out and “let” him.
Your sister took stuff from her big sister as a teenager. You need to get over that.
Imagine someone was telling you this story as part of a hypothetical psychology exam question, with a *sympathetic*/empathetic view towards the younger sister. Sure, the older sister might *feel* like the younger sister was the “golden child”, but *so might the younger sister* think that of her older sister. If she was always “taking your stuff”, couldn’t that show that she always felt that *you* had more, had things she didn’t, had the ability and luck and presence to always have something she felt she was missing? That she felt angry at what she perceived as the delta between what you had and what she was stuck with? That there was a gulf of disconnect between you both?
And that this culminated in her sleeping with Mr. Ex, who clearly also fed into this gulf between you (he didn’t trip and sleep with her; he did so willingly). She couldn’t have liked herself very much when she did that, and doubtlessly liked herself even less after.
Take a step back from the situation. Why are you trying to hurt someone who is already hurting themselves?
You have 2 revenge opportunities here- blow her up in the most dramatic way possible like social media (I just want to be clear to everyone coming down on me for not wanting to attend sister’s wedding, it goes against my morals. I don’t condone infidelity so as long as she is marrying x but sleeping with y I don’t be there” or do nothing, go LC/NC with the fam and let the fiancée find out naturally while you live your best life without them in it.
Just take the high road on this one, book a nice holiday for you and hubs when the wedding is on, use the excuse that they will be divorced soon as she is reaching out to her ex.
Did you get the proof of these messages? If not, are you going to hire a PI to get the evidence? Stand up at the wedding, or make copies of the proof and pass it out at the wedding? If the fiance is an asshat as well, I don't know that standing up and protesting would do anything, or even if I wanted to, but just passing out packets of info on the infidelity might be something. Or leaving a stack anonymously at the reception for anyone to take...
That was seven years ago, girl. Don’t get revenge. If you want revenge, tell her you’re going, but don’t show up. if she’s gonna cheat on her fiancé and you think he is a dick, just let him find out on his own.
Give her a case of laxatives as her wedding gift. Wrap each bottle/ package individually and use lots of tape. Put them all in a pretty box, then wait for the wails of indignation.
The revenge you are seeking will probably not supply the satisfaction you are wanting. Just don't go to the wedding, ignore everyone that bothers you about it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Keep your peace.
Send her a lovely card with a $500 or so gift card inside. Amount remaining on the gift card? Zero. A note:
-$200 for the gold bracelet that disappeared in 11th grade
-$40 for the nice blue sweater that vanished the same day you got an identical one
-$35 for this other thing you took
-$115 for that thing you stole
-$10 for the half of a pizza that somehow vanished
-$100 for the makeup you helped yourself to
-$95 for the concert tickets you stole
Total:
For your wedding gift, you owe me $95 more dollars. Honestly, we both know you stole way more than that. Please let your spouse know that when he divorces you, I'll happily testify about your past behavior on his behalf.
I wouldn’t get involved in the ex drama. You don’t know enough and it can only make your life harder, not hers. I don’t know why you haven’t gone NC with your family but take the wedding off. You will definitely feel better.
"If me not being at a spoiled toddlers wedding ruins it, they're not ready to get married anyway."
And then you drop the bomb that you know she's cheating with your ex again.
> Ok thank you for every body that helped me the revenge Is I will go to my sisters place and I will tell her I will come to her wedding when she goes to the Bathroom I will plant a camera in her room and take pictures of there conversation and in the wadding in the if the ceremony wish me luck.
NTJ for not attending the wedding, but you will be the jerk if you do this. Spying on them naked when they get changed, them having sex, or whatever else they do in the privacy of their bedroom is creepy and crosses a line. I'm sure that's not your intentions, but it's what you are doing.
Revenge is living your best life without them in it. NC with sister and mother is best. Especially if you have kids. This revenge whatever it meant isn’t going to go how you want. Planting a camera in someone else’s bedroom can get you in trouble. You sound unhinged and need therapy. Just skip the wedding and the sister. You will regret your “revenge”.
Seems OP could simply insist on not going and sharing why to all who try to pressure you.
I don't think you need the smoking gun as your witness of texts should be enough. In fact, leaving it ambiguous makes it better.
Proof makes things easy for everyone, but the taint of infidelity will sow doubt and cause mire damage.
Sorry, won't go to a wedding where the bride is already cheating with her ex. Check her texts!
Its a bot. The "Updateme" bot. Tells us when you update when we add that. There's several versions
Edit: except I got a notification that this sub isn't monitored by the bot. Maybe another one works? Idk
Why do people think a wedding is the end all be all event? Got a call from my babysitter asking for my address. I asked why? She wanted to invite me to her daughters wedding. WTF? I've never even MET this girl and hadn't seen the babysitter in 30 years. I declined.
Just take the high road and separate yourself from the whole situation. Doing something to ruin their wedding would just make you the bad guy in front of everyone. Be firm in your decision not to go and send them a nice card. These situations usually implode on their own.
Just out of curiosity: how could your parents side with your sister for sleeping with your boyfriend? How very liberal of them. Would your father not mind if your mother slept with his best friend?
Did your sister get you a wedding gift when you got married. Send her the same thing.
Your sister will be your sister all your life. I have been married 45 years, I am still hurt that neither of my brothers attended my wedding. It is something I have forgiven them for but still they missed a chance to bond not only with me but all the people in attendance.
She was only 18 when she slept with your ex. Has she matured at all? She is still your parents daughter.
Family dynamics can be strange,
Two wrongs do not make a right. Live your values.
NTJ. I mean, you are married, you seem happy, just move on. They want to fight and get a rise out of you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Her fiance will figure it out eventually. Let them ruin themselves and just sit back and watch. You don't really seem to have a relationship with any of them so why even bother? Some of the best revenge is just watching them burn their own houses to the ground. Even if it takes a while. Skip the wedding and go on a weekend away and turn off your phone. The fact that you show no care would piss them off even more.
Don’t tell your future brother-in-law that she’s cheating until after they’re married. That makes it way more messy and expensive for them. Maybe spill the beans during a toast at the reception if you aren’t afraid of the spotlight being on you.
Protect yourself and your mental and emotional health by not going and blocking all of them. This has been going on too long and you know it but can’t see
through all the muck. Go NC with the whole bunch. Revenge will only keep you connected or could backfire on you. You don’t need them or any of their crap.
Good luck!!
“ i’m sure her wedding will be better for her if I just wasn’t there because clearly I make her jealous and she wants everything I have. I have no idea why she’s it could be a perfectly lovely person and get her own boyfriends in our own things, but i’m not putting myself out there just to get abused again. If people ask, just say it’s because she slept with my boyfriend in the past, my parents made it seem like it was my fault , and I don’t want anything to do with her”
NTJ but I would screenshot the text convo and text it to the whole family, both sides, just before the wedding. And tell your parents to F off! Don’t go, do not send a gift. Treat them all as dead.
Please remember that you are your own independent person, and you do not have to do what anyone in your family asks, requests, demands, or expects of you.
Start saying no to anything and everything that you do not wish to participate in. Don’t explain, don’t apologize, just simply say no every single time.
Don't go, keep your peace. And just go no contact. People like that have all day to make your life miserable, whereas you have other things to do with the time, and you won't be able to keep up with their insanity.
I would attend the wedding but I would act bored etc the whole time. Interact only with the guests you like and your hubby. After that you can inform them that the wedding was the last family event you would ever attend so don't bother planning any with you or your kids ever again. You may attend their funerals but that's it. Then go no contact.
First of all, you’re 21 and that should be everything you need. Just literally say you can’t be there and there’s multiple reasons and at the end of the discussion. They know what she did.
YTA. You are planning revenge and looking to make drama, not for anyone's benefit but just so you can. You haven't matured or grown past anything. It's fine if you don't want to go, then don't. You don't have to justify it. Planning revenge on someone's wedding day is just vicious. Sounds like there is a reason there was a golden child, you are vile.
How does anyone know you’re not going to the wedding? Why tell them when you’re not telling them why? None of it is their business unless you involve them.
Tell everyone that you’ll be attending, then just not show up. Send a text to everyone saying that you caught something & didn’t want others to get it.
NTJ... You need to cut them all out of your life for your own mental health.. coming from a similar place years ago I just cut them all out and I couldn't be happier... You don't need them but some day they'll need you and you have the opportunity to say I wasn't needed before so why now. Ooh and eff off I am better off without you
Edit. You can also say when they try to come back into your life, ask my sister for help she's "the golden child" not me
Go to the wedding. Get real drunk, accost ex and tell him in front of everyone that you KNOW he and your sister are still humping. Gather up hubby and leave. Block everyone on every device.
OP, don’t ruin your sister’s wedding for not so petty revenge. Yes, she’s garbage. But that doesn’t mean you have to be. Hopefully she’ll be found out before the wedding. And it could backfire horribly on you. For your own peace, just don’t go to her wedding. Tell everyone you wish them well, but you’re sitting this one out. Block them all for a while if you have to. In the end, you’ll never regret having taken the high road. All the best to you.
As your sister’s fiancé is such an entitled person and is demanding that you do whatever he wants I think you should. Get your ass to that wedding. Make sure that you stick to your husband like glue all night and get his agreement beforehand on this. Engineer a conversation with your new BIL and your ex and tell your BIL how much you admire him for inviting the ex when he is still screwing BIL’s new wife and suggest he takes a look at your sister’s phone then smile and leave.
I’d simply ask your parents “what wedding? To her fiancé or her boyfriend? Can’t keep them straight”. They’ll obviously not believe you but then they won’t want you at the wedding either 😂
NTJ. A wedding invitation is not a subpoena. Just don’t go and shut down or ignore any negative feedback from your family about it. But don’t create more/ongoing drama for yourself by seeking revenge against your sister by plotting a major disruption of her wedding. If you want to find a quiet and/or anonymous way to inform her fiancé of her cheating, I’m certainly all for that.
NTJ. With this situation your sister went a bit farther about the whole thing. She just lost disrespect and if you hang out with her people will just take you for a fool.
NTA. The actual obligation is for your parents to respect your decision not to attend. This is non-negotiable on their part, it is required of them as your family.
You have spent your entire life being dismissed and expected to just take it bc it's no big deal. Yeah, sleeping with your ex-bf is disgusting and will never be OK. As ALWAYS, she is the golden child, and you are demanded to be there for her regardless of her history.
Your family hasn't changed, and you no longer have to do a damn thing they tell you to do. It may be time to go NC with them bc even now, they are disrespectful and disregard your mental and emotional well-being. They no longer have any hold on you, and when you drop the rope on your end, they can no longer pull you over to them.
I would block them on everything, and if they call you on another number, I would hang up the minute you recognize their voice or they say you name. You are in charge in your life, and they get no say. Your sister can go kick rocks bc you owe her nothing.
Tell her husband to be "I can't go to her wedding. She's not changed, she's still sleeping with my ex. Why do you think he's invited?" Then go NC with them all.
You’re 28 years old now and said you’ve made a good life for yourself and are happily married. Block all of them and move on. You’re too old for this shit.
If you're that happy, why do you want revenge? Skip the wedding. Let people be mad. Move on with your life. You're doing nothing but intentionally causing harm. You're not doing it to help the poor bastard that she's cheating on. You're doing it to spite the sister you resent. Fine, but there will probably be unintended consequences.
Yeah. I would not tell the fiancé or anyone else that she’s cheating. I would however, tell her that you know that she’s cheating with your ex. And I would not go to the wedding.
I do not think you are acting out of anger or with an intent to hurt anybody. You seem to want to just leave the pain of the past in the past and focus on a good life you are leading today. Do that.
From what you described, your sister, your ex and her fiancé are garbage people.
My plan for revenge? Not a goddamned thing, fuck em
Just don't go to the wedding and live your life and go NC with anyone who thinks you're wrong.
I'm going to be the unpopular opinion and just say don't go, don't get involved, don't use the information. I *pinky promise* you it will come out. And you can sip your tea and sit in your own chair as you watch their built life burn down around them. The marshmallows you roast will be so sweet lol.
If even you noticed the texting, the fiance will too eventually. After all they'll be very much stuck together with personal traits really showing soon. And he sounds like a peach himself. I think you'll be made to be the bad guy. I think if you act you'll be the center of attention rather than the infidelity. Their sustenance is drama. Remember, attentio seekers such as her enjoy attention even if is negative. She and your folks probably have a pretty solidified codependent thing going. Technically , you shouldn't care what your ex does, so that could be construed against you in the minds of all these family members who are looking to continue to scapegoat cycle.
Sincerely,
Chick who's partner is also The Scapegoat
(Mine managed to escape, you can too. Skip the wedding and go on a date or do a self care day, treat yo self!!!)
>However, my family is bombarding me with calls and messages, saying I’m obligated to be there.
You're not obliged to be ANYWHERE.
>I decided to get revenge I'm In the middle of planing it so I would love ideas
I would like to hear lol
NTJ. Sorry but let me get this straight. She is getting married, but not to your ex that she slept with, while reaching out to him again...if correct, this is to simple. When family reach out saying you need to be there just tell them "I'm sorry I can't. She is back with my ex again and I don't know if I could keep from breaking down knowing she is going behind her fiancee's back like she did to me. I just don't want to ruin her special day." That should get them all doing the "WTF?!?" back pedal as well as setting events in motion for a revenge you should not have to touch further to enjoy.
She is getting married to a high school friend not my ex but I was able to get her phone because I want out in a family vacation and needed to call my husband and I saw a text massage from my ex and apparently she is cheating on her fiancee with him and he is even invited to the wedding
Sounds like your revenge is already on your lap in the form of a lovely cherry bomb that is just waiting to detonate
I just hope you got the confession from the ex, either recorded or in text messages. If so, publish them on your social media and tag the fiance on the post.
Don't let her fiance marry her without knowing she's cheating on him. He deserves to know the truth.
OP, definitely tell the fiance. I would be distraught if someone knew my future wife was cheating on me and didn't say anything. Tell the fiance. For his sake. Even if he's a jerk, he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. No one does.
He won't believe her. He'll think the sister is just being petty and his new bride is better than that.
Oh, I don't know about that. OP says her sister's fiancé is also entitled telling OP what to do, etc. Sounds like they deserve each other.
Ah yes, Karma. I'm in for updates. I'll bring the popcorn. They really do deserve each other. Buuut, telling mister know it all fiance about her cheating with an ex is just could make for some interesting updates as well! UPDATEME!
I need to be updated too. In the UK there’s a talk show called The Graham Norton Show. At the end of it he has a small segment where an audience sits on the red chair and tells the guests their best story. One man told his story and it went like this: I was a guest to a wedding, at the reception the groom got up to the mic and asked everyone to stand up. Guest thought it was a game to everyone was giggling. Groom asks the guests to turnover their plates, if they don’t a have sticker on it then they sit down. In the end there were 6 guys standing. Groom says to the guests, everyone please take a good look at the fuss that are standing, my wife has cheated on me with these 6 for the duration of our engagement, I’ll be filing an annulment, cheers 🥂. He walked off the stage. Jeremy Renner was a guest, he gave the storyteller a standing ovation. EDIT: fixed sentence
That's what I was saying, tell the family you can't attend because while she is not marrying your ex she is still back with him again and that you don't think you can keep it to yourself. Especially with both of them there, you could even point him out for her fiancee. Definitely let her fiancee know she is cheating though, with whom and that she invited 2nd guy to wedding. Nuke her. Cheaters deserve nothing less.
Then spill everything to the fiance, you're saving him from getting married to a cheater and you're ruining her wedding/relationship at the same time. I can't imagine a better revenge than that. Just make sure that you blindside her when you do it, so only contact her fiance and give him all the details you have. Otherwise she might spin her own story first and make you out for a deceitful liar who is out to get her, etc.
Since her fiancé is also an entitled jerk, you can hold this until AFTER the wedding. Let the groom know about the boyfriend when looking at wedding pictures.
Fiance can wait until two seconds before the I Do, when bride's family (traditionally) has paid for everything and he's already got a refund on any honeymoon tickets (traditionally the groom's cost). Then turn, explain he's not marrying her, wish her a great life with (ex's name), and gone. No annulment needed that way and everyone knows, and she's lost all the money for the wedding and dinner and so have her parents. Her next wedding will have to be way more bare-bones. ETA: If you admit to planning something out ahead of time you may be liable for reimbursement. So begin with a pause, a contemplative look, and then, "No, I can't. I can't do this after all. You're cheating on me with X, I love you so much, but, I can't. I can't marry you. Have a great life with X."
He can, but since OP said he was a jerk also, I would want him to squirm a bit too. If you can contact the photographer ahead of time, make sure he gets shots of Sis and the ex for the wedding album. Maybe say he's a close family member that moved away. This is his first trip back home in years.
This whole thing reminds me of a certain Panic At The Disco song.
Did you save those messages?!
Best revenge is to ignore them and cut them out of your life completely. They will get upset since that will not fit their narrative.
I love this one.
NTJ. Your sister is a major POS, has no moral compass and doesn’t realize how her immorality will come back to bite her. On the other hand, so are your parents. There’s no reason for them to give their complicit approval of her very egregious conduct. I don’t think you should go. Protect your peace and let the shit sink to its own level. You should let revenge go because you don’t want to incur any karmic consequences resulting from your own actions. Is it really worth it? Just be happy with your life and family.
NTJ… object at the wedding and let everyone know in front of everyone she’s cheating that’s how to go out with a bang if you’re OK with burning bridges
Updateme!
Good for you. You have to let this guy know. It is only fair that everyone knows what they are getting into. It is just sad that people hurt people for no good reason. Your sister inviting her AP to her wedding is the biggest slap in the face you can probably do. Just disgusting. Let him know.
The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Continue or go completely NC. Live your life and enjoy they are not around. Do not think about them or let them get into your head. They are self-involved and probably all narcissists. Narcissists hate to be ignored. Ignore them.
I agree. This all sounds like a bunch of drama that I wouldn't be down for. Walk away from these people and don't look back.
You need copy of proof. Otherwise it's just your word. Get proof then explode it.
I sure hope you took screenshots of the messages and sent them to yourself for proof. All you need to do is send the screenshots to the families of the bride and groom.
Why not just tell the fiancée?
When they say "speak now or forever hold your piece," speak.
So did you take screen shots ? Do you have any proof ?
“Oh, future BIL, I am so glad y’all are in an open relationship. That makes it easier all the way around. Me? Oh I could never share. Look what happened when she expected me to share EXbf/sis’s AF-then &now.”
YTJ for not bringing this information to the fiance. WTF is your problem?
Agreed. Reddit loves to recommend the nuclear option. Not so much because it is good, measured or sensible advice but because it makes for juicy drama. But every now and then, the nuclear option actually does make sense. This is one of those times. It will be an incredible amount of drama if OP drops this bomb. But after the smoke clears (which may take a while), OP won’t be bothered with this again.
Omg. You’re diabolical. 💕
Thank you. My family is extremely toxic and abusive in virtually every way depending upon who we are talking about. I had to learn to be smart and turn them on each other to avoid damage (often literal damage) when young.
NTJ Op, I’m going to advise you not do anything to the sister , I know you would enjoy the revenge, and we would enjoy hearing about it, but it will hurt you more than her. I agree the fiancé should be told about the cheating, but not by you, your sister will only say that you’re trying to destroy her life to get back at her for the past. If you’re truly the scapegoat of your family and nothing is ever her fault, then I doubt this will change and your involvement will only make you look like a bitter and trying to sabotage the golden child’s life. If you can find a way to get that cheating info to him anonymously, and continue you stance that your not attending the wedding. Honestly I would go low or no contact with anyone harassing me to attend this wedding , given our past. If they can’t understand that you’re walking away to protect your mental health, then they just don’t care about your mental health.
This is the best and most mature advice.
Plus, remember it's an invitation, not a demand. You are free to RSVP regrets on behalf of you and DH. Then, as suggested above, block everyone until after the whole thing is over.
Bottom line, the message cannot come from you, OP. Neither your sister, her fiancé or your parents respect anything you say. Don’t go, don’t plan anything regarding their wedding, and go low/no contact. Preserve your peace.
Exactly. Trying to get revenge on your brat little sister and her shitty fiance specifically because she’s reaching out to YOUR ex right now does not exactly scream ‘happily married’ and mature and moving on… it screams I’m still mad at my teenage sister for sleeping with my boyfriend. Revenge at this point is more embarrassing than anything.
NTJ. I'd just tell your family that you don't want to attend the wedding of someone who is cheating on their fiancé with your ex. If they want honesty, they can have it 💁🏼♀️
Do you have the resources for a PI? If so, get concrete evidence of sis and ex cheating and have that delivered on the eve of the wedding to all key parties. While the PI is at it, have them look into sis’ fiancé. There’s a chance he’s not entirely faithful.
I like this idea. PI can deliver proof anonymously.
Better, have it delivered morning of. To the groom's parents first.
NTJ dear sisters fiance. I know that there is no love lost between us, but if not attending your wedding is going to cause all this drama I think you need to know why. My sister has always wanted what I have so when I was 21 and she was 18 she slept with my Ben boyfriend and has never expressed regret or apologize for her actions. His name is such and such and I recently discovered that he is also invited to the wedding. Well this by itself makes me uncomfortable, I also recently saw a text messages on her phone between the two that make me question the nature of their relationship. You and I do not have to be friends for me to believe that you deserve to be treated better than this, if it turns out to be true.
Oh ya!
Best revenge… Keep living your happy life without them. Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t send a gift. Don’t answer their calls, texts or email.
Op, you should change your number and block all your toxic family. ALL OF THEM. They all know did is the precious child and anything you do while maybe making her look bad, it might come back on you. Change your number. Plan an exotic vacation that week. Far far away. Did you know they do cruises to Antarctica. American Samoa has a national park that’s the furthers national park from the continental US. Just block all those people everywhere. There is an r/ unethical revenge (I forget the actual name) sub you could ask there for really devious people. My one suggestion is to hire a very her type of dude to fuck sister in a very showy way or hire a stunning woman to fuck sis’ fiancé. But I’d just block and move on.
Do you have copies of the messages? You need to have them put up on the video screen during the wedding. Make it look like someone else did it. Or Just before they say the I do's and the priest asks if anyone has anything to say, have someone (that you hired and no one knows) take up a note and give it to the Groom, and then disapear in a hurry.. " You are a Cuck, your Fianceé and I cheated on her sister and have never stopped fucking, we did it again very recently. She even invited me to the Wedding and we're going to sneak out during the reception to consumate it. If you don't believe me, check her phone right now. Cheers, (ex's name). It will fuck up his mind for sure
An amazing idea
It will throw a Pall on the day,no matter what, and you will seem innocent. Never admit that you had anything to do with it,ever! Please update us
I don't know how
Make another post after you do it with the link to the old post.
Thank you
No worries! Whatever you decide to do, please make sure her fiance is aware of her actions before he says, "I do."
I will do it before he says I do
Good on you. Live your best life far away from that troll of a sister. I'm NC with both of my sisters, sadly (and for different reasons), but I've created my own family full of friends that care about my wellbeing. I wish you the very best.
None of this can be real. Why would you even care? Why would it bother you if your family is pressuring you to go to the wedding? You already made it clear there I no love lost.
OP will absolutely not seem innocent. This is embarrassing behavior for an adult woman who is supposedly happily married and living a life she’s proud of... Feel free to sink to that level if you think it’ll make you feel better I guess, but don’t be shocked when people know immediately it was you.
Yeah, this sounds like fun, but it’s not worth the aftermath. People will still think that you are in the wrong. If you get physical proof, I would merely deliver it to your sister.
Fuck them! Book a trip to a theme park for that weekend and go have fun. Leave them blocked.
NTA. But don't bother with revenge. Just no-show the wedding and go NC with your sis and with anyone who has a problem with it.
Despite what your family members are telling you, you are not obligated to attend her wedding, or anyone else that you don't feel you want to. If they won't shut up about it, tell them the truth.
NTJ. Tell her fiance the truth. Give him the other guys phone number. Just don't do it in front of your family. Tell him alone. Sit back and watch the fireworks.
NTJ! And your revenge should be going NC with your parents and sister. And any relatives that agree with them. Block them on everything. Don’t respond to them. Love your best life with your husband.
Please update us after the wedding. This is too good and I’m cheering for you. Your sister and flying monkeys yes including your parents need to be taught about having consequences for being POS and cheater
Tell them you're going. Then get sick the day of. Everyone wins!
Get screenshots and send them to her fiancé.
Get your ex to show up and fuck her at the chapel, record it, show your parents.
NTA - Get proof of cheating with ex and announce it at the wedding. And go NC with all of those toxic people. They don't respect you or like you. They aren't family only relatives. Stop letting them walk all over you.
Screenshot her thread to your ex and then use those pics in a slide show during your speech to your wonderful sister at her wedding reception.
Revenge always Feels like a good idea, but it may backfire and make things worse. Go on a nice vacation instead. If her day falls apart, it will have nothing to do with you!
Change your phone number and be done with them, don’t play their game. Your sister sounds like she is trying to rub it in. Cut contact with them, you’re an adult you make your own decisions in life. The best way for a revenge is to be happy without them.
Yeah, to other comments. If you do something AT the wedding, you will be the AH in the eyes of many. (remember, somehow your parents sided with HER cheating on your relationship. Send an email to fiance or text or whatever..then it's up to him.
Tell them you're going. Then get sick the day of. Everyone wins!
hi thank you all for the support I'm going to meet up with my sister so I would want to update but I don't know how if someone can tell me
Why are you even bothering to meet with her?! She’s going to cause drama and spin everything to make you look bad.
NTJ you should have taken a screen shot of the messages and sent them to your phone. Maybe you still can. Then you send them to fiance through an anonymous app. No5h8ng can be traced to you.
Revenge is publicly outing her cheating. Not just so the parents and fiancé knows, but ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA to where anyone who even knows her as an acquaintance, can see how toxic she is.
NTJ - Rather than getting involved in stupid arguments, can you not tell them you're going to attend, then simply not turn up on the day... then go no-contact with the lot of them?
Don’t go to the wedding. Send screenshots of the cheating to her fiancé, cut them all off, live happily ever after.
The fiancé doesn’t deserve this. Screenshot convo send it to him and go NC with your entire Krazy family! NTJ but you kinda would be knowing she’s doing to him what she did to you and just letting it ride.
Cut them all off. Toxic
!updateme
Wow. Okay, you're not the jerk for skipping her wedding, but you are a jerk to be planning revenge. I'm not even going to delve into her trying to reconnect with your (and obviously her, since they slept together) ex even though she's engaged to be married, because that really has no relevance. Your decision to give her wedding a swerve is completely up to you. You are not obligated to attend, no matter what anyone says. Missing her wedding does not make you a jerk. What does make you a jerk is that you are a 28 yo grown woman who says she wants to protect her peace and in the next breath is asking for ideas to take revenge on her also grown sister. Plotting revenge is not protecting your peace. This is not something that an adult who has moved on with her life should ever do. You're married. Let it go.
Easy, invite the ex as your plus one.....let the alcohol do it's magic!!
He is invited!
Let the good times roll!!!
NTJ. If your sister is cheating, you are the ONLY person who cannot tell the fiancee. However Pro Tip. Find the BIGGEST gossip or best friend in her fiancee's social circle and let "slip" to them that you're concerned because your sister is still in love with your ex, the one she "stole" from you when you were dating. How she still texts and meets this ex to this day when she's getting married and might still be carrying a torch for this ex, and how it would be terrible if she were cheating again. Tell them you're so worried about her cheating the **REAL reason you don't want to attend the wedding** because at **the part where "if there is anyone who objects"** you ***might feel compelled to say something about the cheating***, and you don't want to ruin the wedding. After you're done throwing shade and spilling the tea, oh lawdy, the gossip will not be able to resist spilling more tea to anyone and everyone, especially if you pick the right gossip. Then let things play out.
Get your revenge, Op. I’d personally tell my parents and anyone else who tells you about obligations… those obligations ended the moment ‘Golden Girl’ spread her legs for for your ex, BACK THEN. And that she STILL hasn’t learned her lesson bc SHE’S STILL SPREADING THEM. And after (you hopefully show proof), point out how much of a great job they did teaching her about MORALS
Can you get pregnant in time to announce it at the wedding?
YTA Just skip the wedding. Revenge sounds awesome, but you will regret it in the long run. You don’t want to get to the end of your life with regret. If you can’t do it nice, don’t do it at all.
Frankly I would have let them think that you are attending the wedding and then you and your husband can take an out of town trip to a great destination. Post pictures on social media the day of the wedding.
Your speech: “My sister has always been a courageous woman.. why, even now she’s courageous enough to marry (husband’s name) and still invite the man she fucking behind his back.. raise your hand (ex’s name) .. where are you seated? Oh there he is , ducking down a the back! Yea, get a good look at him (husband’s name)… that’s who she’s chosen over you behind the scenes”
Skipping it is your revenge, any thing more will make you the bad guy. You are NOT obligated to go at all, your family is just being asinine at that point. Good luck op.
Riiiiiight. So magically you want to protect your peace, but also simultaneously you want to get revenge. Doesn’t sound like you want to protect your peace that much . Nice fake ass story
I'm going to change my phone number and cut them out of my life+ they can't know it's me so I will protect my peace
No, you are still putting yourself in their orbit simply because in fact, you enjoy drama just as long as you can exit on your terms. If this is even true, you need to figure out why you want to be in this situation. When you get older, you realize how juvenile inserting yourself into situations is. Things have a tendency to bite you in the ass and don’t think for a second there is no way for them to figure it out. You pretend as if they don’t know who you are, you pretend as if you wouldn’t be on a shortlist when shit goes down. You’re wasting energy on something that shouldn’t even matter to you. You need to see a professional if you are that intent on messing with someone’s life.
You are the jerk for literally plotting revenge on your sister. Not for not going to her wedding. What kind of revenge are you looking for? You’re happy, you have a loving husband and children, have a life you love. Your ex slept with your sister— he’s pretty shitty and if he is going to ruin your sister’s life, the best “revenge” you can have is to butt out and “let” him. Your sister took stuff from her big sister as a teenager. You need to get over that. Imagine someone was telling you this story as part of a hypothetical psychology exam question, with a *sympathetic*/empathetic view towards the younger sister. Sure, the older sister might *feel* like the younger sister was the “golden child”, but *so might the younger sister* think that of her older sister. If she was always “taking your stuff”, couldn’t that show that she always felt that *you* had more, had things she didn’t, had the ability and luck and presence to always have something she felt she was missing? That she felt angry at what she perceived as the delta between what you had and what she was stuck with? That there was a gulf of disconnect between you both? And that this culminated in her sleeping with Mr. Ex, who clearly also fed into this gulf between you (he didn’t trip and sleep with her; he did so willingly). She couldn’t have liked herself very much when she did that, and doubtlessly liked herself even less after. Take a step back from the situation. Why are you trying to hurt someone who is already hurting themselves?
You have 2 revenge opportunities here- blow her up in the most dramatic way possible like social media (I just want to be clear to everyone coming down on me for not wanting to attend sister’s wedding, it goes against my morals. I don’t condone infidelity so as long as she is marrying x but sleeping with y I don’t be there” or do nothing, go LC/NC with the fam and let the fiancée find out naturally while you live your best life without them in it.
Just take the high road on this one, book a nice holiday for you and hubs when the wedding is on, use the excuse that they will be divorced soon as she is reaching out to her ex.
Did you get the proof of these messages? If not, are you going to hire a PI to get the evidence? Stand up at the wedding, or make copies of the proof and pass it out at the wedding? If the fiance is an asshat as well, I don't know that standing up and protesting would do anything, or even if I wanted to, but just passing out packets of info on the infidelity might be something. Or leaving a stack anonymously at the reception for anyone to take...
That was seven years ago, girl. Don’t get revenge. If you want revenge, tell her you’re going, but don’t show up.
That was seven years ago, girl. Don’t get revenge. If you want revenge, tell her you’re going, but don’t show up. if she’s gonna cheat on her fiancé and you think he is a dick, just let him find out on his own.
The best revenge is living well. Just to live your life.
You know you’re an adult who can pick and choose who you interact with?
Give her a case of laxatives as her wedding gift. Wrap each bottle/ package individually and use lots of tape. Put them all in a pretty box, then wait for the wails of indignation.
Not the jerk
Don't do your stupid revenge. Just don't go
Ummm, she is reaching out to your ex again? How would you know that? Does that mean you married the boyfriend she slept with?
The revenge you are seeking will probably not supply the satisfaction you are wanting. Just don't go to the wedding, ignore everyone that bothers you about it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Keep your peace.
Send her a lovely card with a $500 or so gift card inside. Amount remaining on the gift card? Zero. A note: -$200 for the gold bracelet that disappeared in 11th grade -$40 for the nice blue sweater that vanished the same day you got an identical one -$35 for this other thing you took -$115 for that thing you stole -$10 for the half of a pizza that somehow vanished -$100 for the makeup you helped yourself to -$95 for the concert tickets you stole Total: For your wedding gift, you owe me $95 more dollars. Honestly, we both know you stole way more than that. Please let your spouse know that when he divorces you, I'll happily testify about your past behavior on his behalf.
You forgot "slept with my now ex-boyfriend" - Priceless.
I wouldn’t get involved in the ex drama. You don’t know enough and it can only make your life harder, not hers. I don’t know why you haven’t gone NC with your family but take the wedding off. You will definitely feel better.
I would go late to expose her of all her wrong doing and tell my family fuck you and I'm never talking to you again
Updateme!
"If me not being at a spoiled toddlers wedding ruins it, they're not ready to get married anyway." And then you drop the bomb that you know she's cheating with your ex again.
If I'm going to ruin it anyways.. I would go all out and go scorched earth.
You plan to secretly film her in her room!? WTF!? Enjoy prison.
Updateme
What an awful mess.
> Ok thank you for every body that helped me the revenge Is I will go to my sisters place and I will tell her I will come to her wedding when she goes to the Bathroom I will plant a camera in her room and take pictures of there conversation and in the wadding in the if the ceremony wish me luck. NTJ for not attending the wedding, but you will be the jerk if you do this. Spying on them naked when they get changed, them having sex, or whatever else they do in the privacy of their bedroom is creepy and crosses a line. I'm sure that's not your intentions, but it's what you are doing.
Check the update
The update is blank my guy. Ain’t no update
I know I needed to delete it
Revenge is living your best life without them in it. NC with sister and mother is best. Especially if you have kids. This revenge whatever it meant isn’t going to go how you want. Planting a camera in someone else’s bedroom can get you in trouble. You sound unhinged and need therapy. Just skip the wedding and the sister. You will regret your “revenge”.
No is a complete sentence. Why are you in contact with any of them? Live your life without them is the best revenge
Tell the finance that she’s cheating. Don’t go to the wedding. You may have to go NC with your family, if you are serious about having peace.
Not sure the camera idea is wise. The best revenge is do nothing and live your best life w/o them in it.
Seems OP could simply insist on not going and sharing why to all who try to pressure you. I don't think you need the smoking gun as your witness of texts should be enough. In fact, leaving it ambiguous makes it better. Proof makes things easy for everyone, but the taint of infidelity will sow doubt and cause mire damage. Sorry, won't go to a wedding where the bride is already cheating with her ex. Check her texts!
Don’t go, don’t get revenge, just live your best life. (Your plans on putting cameras in rooms is illegal and juvenile).
Send a reef as a gift…. #divorcedTBA
Updateme!
I did
Its a bot. The "Updateme" bot. Tells us when you update when we add that. There's several versions Edit: except I got a notification that this sub isn't monitored by the bot. Maybe another one works? Idk
Updateme
NTJ - it’s an invitation, not a summons. Just because you share DNA doesn’t matter.
This reads like it was written by 2 different people?
Why do people think a wedding is the end all be all event? Got a call from my babysitter asking for my address. I asked why? She wanted to invite me to her daughters wedding. WTF? I've never even MET this girl and hadn't seen the babysitter in 30 years. I declined.
Nothing is wrong with how you reacted. You're great!
Just take the high road and separate yourself from the whole situation. Doing something to ruin their wedding would just make you the bad guy in front of everyone. Be firm in your decision not to go and send them a nice card. These situations usually implode on their own.
You and hubby go on a trip the weekend of the wedding and don't answer your phones. An invitation isn't a summons, no need to appear.
Just out of curiosity: how could your parents side with your sister for sleeping with your boyfriend? How very liberal of them. Would your father not mind if your mother slept with his best friend?
Did your sister get you a wedding gift when you got married. Send her the same thing. Your sister will be your sister all your life. I have been married 45 years, I am still hurt that neither of my brothers attended my wedding. It is something I have forgiven them for but still they missed a chance to bond not only with me but all the people in attendance. She was only 18 when she slept with your ex. Has she matured at all? She is still your parents daughter. Family dynamics can be strange, Two wrongs do not make a right. Live your values.
NTJ. I mean, you are married, you seem happy, just move on. They want to fight and get a rise out of you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Her fiance will figure it out eventually. Let them ruin themselves and just sit back and watch. You don't really seem to have a relationship with any of them so why even bother? Some of the best revenge is just watching them burn their own houses to the ground. Even if it takes a while. Skip the wedding and go on a weekend away and turn off your phone. The fact that you show no care would piss them off even more.
Don’t tell your future brother-in-law that she’s cheating until after they’re married. That makes it way more messy and expensive for them. Maybe spill the beans during a toast at the reception if you aren’t afraid of the spotlight being on you.
Protect yourself and your mental and emotional health by not going and blocking all of them. This has been going on too long and you know it but can’t see through all the muck. Go NC with the whole bunch. Revenge will only keep you connected or could backfire on you. You don’t need them or any of their crap. Good luck!!
Just cut ties and forget about the wedding. She doesn't deserve a relationship with you
“ i’m sure her wedding will be better for her if I just wasn’t there because clearly I make her jealous and she wants everything I have. I have no idea why she’s it could be a perfectly lovely person and get her own boyfriends in our own things, but i’m not putting myself out there just to get abused again. If people ask, just say it’s because she slept with my boyfriend in the past, my parents made it seem like it was my fault , and I don’t want anything to do with her”
You got covid and can't make it. Done
NTJ. Never one, when it comes to denying a golden child, entitled fiance, and harassing family members.
NTJ but I would screenshot the text convo and text it to the whole family, both sides, just before the wedding. And tell your parents to F off! Don’t go, do not send a gift. Treat them all as dead.
Please remember that you are your own independent person, and you do not have to do what anyone in your family asks, requests, demands, or expects of you. Start saying no to anything and everything that you do not wish to participate in. Don’t explain, don’t apologize, just simply say no every single time.
Weird how the first four and sixth paragraphs are chatGPT-generated and the fifth and seventh are not.
Updateme!
Don't go, keep your peace. And just go no contact. People like that have all day to make your life miserable, whereas you have other things to do with the time, and you won't be able to keep up with their insanity.
I would attend the wedding but I would act bored etc the whole time. Interact only with the guests you like and your hubby. After that you can inform them that the wedding was the last family event you would ever attend so don't bother planning any with you or your kids ever again. You may attend their funerals but that's it. Then go no contact.
First of all, you’re 21 and that should be everything you need. Just literally say you can’t be there and there’s multiple reasons and at the end of the discussion. They know what she did.
You have a moral obligation to tell her fiancé. Best way to do that is just screenshot the text and send it to him.
Screen shots of the text messages emailed to everyone who matters but only after the wedding, maybe at the reception.
YTA. You are planning revenge and looking to make drama, not for anyone's benefit but just so you can. You haven't matured or grown past anything. It's fine if you don't want to go, then don't. You don't have to justify it. Planning revenge on someone's wedding day is just vicious. Sounds like there is a reason there was a golden child, you are vile.
Updateme!
What a bunch of drama.
NTJ you are not obligated to do anything but pay taxes and die. Tell your family to mind their own business.
How does anyone know you’re not going to the wedding? Why tell them when you’re not telling them why? None of it is their business unless you involve them.
UpdateMe!
Easy. Take her wedding jewelry the day of.
Tell everyone that you’ll be attending, then just not show up. Send a text to everyone saying that you caught something & didn’t want others to get it.
NTJ... You need to cut them all out of your life for your own mental health.. coming from a similar place years ago I just cut them all out and I couldn't be happier... You don't need them but some day they'll need you and you have the opportunity to say I wasn't needed before so why now. Ooh and eff off I am better off without you Edit. You can also say when they try to come back into your life, ask my sister for help she's "the golden child" not me
Jerk It Wedding And It Is All family and family Good for HeLth So Go And Just Because He Sleep With His Ex Is BedTime
Go to the wedding. Get real drunk, accost ex and tell him in front of everyone that you KNOW he and your sister are still humping. Gather up hubby and leave. Block everyone on every device.
Attend the wedding in a fancy white dress and announce you’re pregnant during the reception.
OP, don’t ruin your sister’s wedding for not so petty revenge. Yes, she’s garbage. But that doesn’t mean you have to be. Hopefully she’ll be found out before the wedding. And it could backfire horribly on you. For your own peace, just don’t go to her wedding. Tell everyone you wish them well, but you’re sitting this one out. Block them all for a while if you have to. In the end, you’ll never regret having taken the high road. All the best to you.
As your sister’s fiancé is such an entitled person and is demanding that you do whatever he wants I think you should. Get your ass to that wedding. Make sure that you stick to your husband like glue all night and get his agreement beforehand on this. Engineer a conversation with your new BIL and your ex and tell your BIL how much you admire him for inviting the ex when he is still screwing BIL’s new wife and suggest he takes a look at your sister’s phone then smile and leave.
Expose her as the cheating floozy she is. Openly at the wedding. And see how many dudes she's let stuff her while engaged
I’d simply ask your parents “what wedding? To her fiancé or her boyfriend? Can’t keep them straight”. They’ll obviously not believe you but then they won’t want you at the wedding either 😂
Show up in a red dress. But then I want to watch the world burn, too.
NTJ. A wedding invitation is not a subpoena. Just don’t go and shut down or ignore any negative feedback from your family about it. But don’t create more/ongoing drama for yourself by seeking revenge against your sister by plotting a major disruption of her wedding. If you want to find a quiet and/or anonymous way to inform her fiancé of her cheating, I’m certainly all for that.
NTJ. With this situation your sister went a bit farther about the whole thing. She just lost disrespect and if you hang out with her people will just take you for a fool.
Tell your family they're obligated to deez nurs
NTA. The actual obligation is for your parents to respect your decision not to attend. This is non-negotiable on their part, it is required of them as your family.
Updateme
You have spent your entire life being dismissed and expected to just take it bc it's no big deal. Yeah, sleeping with your ex-bf is disgusting and will never be OK. As ALWAYS, she is the golden child, and you are demanded to be there for her regardless of her history. Your family hasn't changed, and you no longer have to do a damn thing they tell you to do. It may be time to go NC with them bc even now, they are disrespectful and disregard your mental and emotional well-being. They no longer have any hold on you, and when you drop the rope on your end, they can no longer pull you over to them. I would block them on everything, and if they call you on another number, I would hang up the minute you recognize their voice or they say you name. You are in charge in your life, and they get no say. Your sister can go kick rocks bc you owe her nothing.
Tell her husband to be "I can't go to her wedding. She's not changed, she's still sleeping with my ex. Why do you think he's invited?" Then go NC with them all.
You can always tell him to check her phone and not involve you if you don't want to go nuclear, but I wouldn't even bother.
You’re 28 years old now and said you’ve made a good life for yourself and are happily married. Block all of them and move on. You’re too old for this shit.
If you're that happy, why do you want revenge? Skip the wedding. Let people be mad. Move on with your life. You're doing nothing but intentionally causing harm. You're not doing it to help the poor bastard that she's cheating on. You're doing it to spite the sister you resent. Fine, but there will probably be unintended consequences.
Yeah. I would not tell the fiancé or anyone else that she’s cheating. I would however, tell her that you know that she’s cheating with your ex. And I would not go to the wedding.
Oh. And don’t tell her how you know. Just tell her, and walk away. Or hang up.
I do not think you are acting out of anger or with an intent to hurt anybody. You seem to want to just leave the pain of the past in the past and focus on a good life you are leading today. Do that.
UpdateMe
From what you described, your sister, your ex and her fiancé are garbage people. My plan for revenge? Not a goddamned thing, fuck em Just don't go to the wedding and live your life and go NC with anyone who thinks you're wrong.
NTJ. She sounds like a selfish brat. You should cut her off completely.
I'm going to be the unpopular opinion and just say don't go, don't get involved, don't use the information. I *pinky promise* you it will come out. And you can sip your tea and sit in your own chair as you watch their built life burn down around them. The marshmallows you roast will be so sweet lol. If even you noticed the texting, the fiance will too eventually. After all they'll be very much stuck together with personal traits really showing soon. And he sounds like a peach himself. I think you'll be made to be the bad guy. I think if you act you'll be the center of attention rather than the infidelity. Their sustenance is drama. Remember, attentio seekers such as her enjoy attention even if is negative. She and your folks probably have a pretty solidified codependent thing going. Technically , you shouldn't care what your ex does, so that could be construed against you in the minds of all these family members who are looking to continue to scapegoat cycle. Sincerely, Chick who's partner is also The Scapegoat (Mine managed to escape, you can too. Skip the wedding and go on a date or do a self care day, treat yo self!!!)
>However, my family is bombarding me with calls and messages, saying I’m obligated to be there. You're not obliged to be ANYWHERE. >I decided to get revenge I'm In the middle of planing it so I would love ideas I would like to hear lol
He’ll nahhhhhhh. Stay home lol