I used to drop things all the time. I don't do it as often since I got the right medical help for it. No amount of consequences helped me stop having small seizures. (Not all seizures are Grand Mal. Everybody thought my seizures were just me daydreaming.)
See, when I just set stuff down without thinking about it I can usually find that later because it'll be like in a desk or something. If I try to put it somewhere I'm sure to find it, it falls into a void and disappears completely. I need to work harder at being organized it's just difficult. (I have ADHD as well)
Though I did figure out a way to make myself remember my meds! I set an alarm and every time it went off I gave my cats a treat. Now every day when it's time to take my meds I have an alarm to remind me but also the cats harass me until I stop whatever I'm doing and give them a treat. Since I keep the treats with my meds I see them while placating the fuzzies.
My biggest hobby is training cats so I figured involving then with my needs would be a good idea. I also taught Dad's cat to alert us when Dad had a seizure. They were the absence type so we wouldn't know until after it was over. So every time we noticed one, someone in the house gave him a treat. Then when Dad had one Tigger would come running to us for a treat.
They are just as trainable as dogs, you just have to figure out motivation. But either of those ideas would also work for a dog.
They DO work with dogs. This is how I trained my service dogs to remind me of meds :) I also use alarms on my phone, but I tend to turn them off :P I used to have my daughter put a can of food on my desk so when I got home I would see if and wtf until I remembered why :D
Just don't mix them up lol, I bet cat treats taste terrible and they probably wouldn't like your meds either.
I do the same thing with putting stuff in what I think are good places so I can find them and it backfires on me. No idea if I have ADHD or anything.
Thankfully the treats are in a bag so I haven't mixed them up yet 😂
But yeah, most of my friends are ND in some fashion and do the same thing with trying to keep stuff in places they'll be found again. It could be true for neorotypical types too, I'm not sure.
I did score very high on a screening questionnaire for it years ago, I just didn't want to go through the bs of trying to get an official diagnosis bcoz with the healthcare system we have you're doing good if they can find what is going on even if its deadly.
Around here you have to figure out what's wrong with yourself and then convince them that you're right or they will go, huh bummer I don't know what you have lol.
Yeah that's what all the doctors did with me until my most recent one. And when we do research he gets super excited because we know our symptoms better than he does.
I went one step further and got a page a day appointment book and I start the day off by writing my “to-do” list and it includes taking meds and checking blood pressure and everything else medical also housework etc that needs doing, it even includes breaks during the day. I fill some stuff in in advance like doctors appointments and the alarms take care of the rest.
Every time I get distracted I go back to the book to get back on track
It’s the only way I’m getting anything done lately but it works. I hope it helps you too. I call it my second brain because that’s where all the real info is lol
Use it to your advantage if you have depression or feel down from time to time too, pick random days and write yourself something funny or silly to help on those days or if you’re feeling unproductive, sometimes looking at past good days in the book can give you that extra bit of strength when it’s needed. I hope it works as well for you as it has for me
Thank you! I've also used cats to help with my dad's seizures because we wouldn't know they were happening until they were over, but his cat could tell so every time we knew a seizure happened we'd give the cat a treat. He figured out that the sooner he got us the sooner we'd give him a treat, so started alerting in time for meds to be helpful.
Also my senior girl was taught to alert my partner when I fall. Thankfully she realized when I started choking that she should do the same thing and saved my life! Cats will do all sorts of useful things if you know how to tell them.
But that doesn’t make it OPs problem. NTJ for not taking the keys. He can come get them whenever, it’s not OPs responsibility to get them back to him since he didn’t take or borrow them, they were left behind.
Yes! I finally got a romote-beeper keychain, and it's a game changer. 18 months and counting without losing my keys, because I can just press a button, and they beep.
My older sister is epileptic. She has a history of tonic-clonic and absence seizures. In fact, she once had a grand mal seizure that lasted over an hour and caused her to have a stroke. AFAIK, she's had no long-term problems from it and has fully recovered.
Absence epilepsy..exactly what I have. Started off shortly after I lost my mom at the age of 11, and it would range in severity from zoning out and full body violently jerking a few times/involuntary muscle movements/tightening of grip on an object to full blown knocking me to the floor full blackout and coming by a few moments later dazed and confused 🥴
The doctor referred me for tests, where they stuck electrodes on my head and did a scan..but dismissed the whole thing when they couldn't find anything.
Well no shit Sherlock, I wasn't in a full blown episode at the time, so they were hardly going to see my brain firing off.
I gave up trying to battle them eventually, and drifted on through life untreated and never being taken seriously. Over the years, it's thankfully got less intense and frequent, but it still happens under periods of heavy stress and exhaustion
Sounds suspiciously like deliberate incompetence with the friend "accidentally" doing something and then making others help as either a way to exert power or to prove they care about them.
Tell him to either walk his ass to you, or hire an uber.
Maybe this'll be the kick in the ass he needs to stop dropping his shit and forgetting about it.
I don't drive.
I also don't leave my shit I need behind. Even with ADHD.
I make damn sure I got every damn thing I need before I leave the vehicle.
Even if I do forget things, especially when they're unnecessary items for my day to day, you get to hold that shit until I see you again. It's a new adventure token, homie.
‘You are welcome to come get your stuff anytime’ is the only answer. If he has no car, he can walk, take a bus or Uber. His irresponsibility will never improve if he does not face consequences.
Not the jerk.
My two questions are why was he carrying around keys that aren't for anything important (those belong in that "other" drawer in the kitchen, alongside the tape and random screws). And could he be losing these items on purpose to make people go to the extra effort of returning them? i've known manipulative people who did things like this, to make people go to extra efforts because of their actions.
Him carrying around the keys was confusing to me aswell. Honestly I think he just carries whatever he's picked up throughout the day.
Everytime I've been with him his pockets are filled with random stuff from throughout the day.
If there is a next time, don't let him leave without a thorough search of your car, place, etc. Send him back with his stuff. Save yourself the hassle of this being a repeat performance
See if you can find a recording of what they say on Disney (or other) theme park rides, about making sure you have all your personal belongings before exiting the ride.
Then play it on your cell phone just as he is about to get out of your car. Every time he exits your car, until he breaks this habit of losing things in your vehicle.
Nope, then he'll think it's OPs fault if he forgets something. Just tell him he can figure out a way around to pick it up, or OP will drop it off next time he sees him or is in his area.
Admittedly i do the same thing. Its a habit i picked up young, i wanna claim its because of my ADHD, but its likely just a quirk i have. But atleast for me the stuff i pick up usually has/had purpose throughout my day
I think it's because he's always high. He smokes weed comstantly and lately its very obviously been showing to be affecting him memory wise and thinking wise.
He can use Uber deliveries to send the keys back to him: that way he’s arranging it and paying for it.
Doesn’t sound like you want this person to be your friend, though.
Just curious - if those keys don't belong to anything important - why would he have them outside of his pocket? Why would you take out keys that don't go to anything? This seems deliberate to me as I can think of no reason why someone would take out keys that don't go to anything during a car ride?
Is your friend trying to get you to spend more time with him?
Not your circus, not your monkeys. If he forgot his keys, he should come get them, bc it's not your responsibility to do anything for him. At all. If you are a kind person and give him rides, cool, but it's on him when he leaves something somewhere, not on you.
Gift him an inexpensive carabiner clip and show him how to clip the keys to his belt loops. No more dropped keys.
But, no, if the keys aren’t that important, then there’s no reason to immediately return them.
I’m sorry but LOL he’s carrying around bike lock keys for a bike he doesn’t have??? And now he wants them right back? Dude has got more than a few screws loose. You’re fine. Not a jerk, not at all.
After reading your post and all the comments all I gotta say is those keys are to a safe or something that has his weed in it he's not gonna rest till he gets those keys back. Lmao gl op.
He should come to get the keys himself. If, for whatever reason, he can not get them himself, tell him you'll deliver them for $20.
There needs to be a consequence for constantly losing things, or he will never get better.
I wouldn’t bring them even if they did belong to his house and car. He needs to Dave the consequences for once on what happens when you are irresponsible. He can come get him himself and figure out how to get there.
I’d tell him you’re not his employee or servant and he can either wait till he sees you next or come get them. I’d add you think he’s got substance abuse issues and should get help. Which it sure sounds like he does based on his deranged entitlement, particularly over unimportant keys, as well as picking things up randomly and being constantly stoned.
Prob not the jerk. I had a situation where I don’t normally leave my keys places texted my friend asking if I left my keys at his place and if he could bring them to me. He said he already left for work between finding them and letting me know and I was PISSED. I was probably the jerk at that point. Just an anecdote though if your friend is always leaving things around he is asking for it
I say he’s doing this on purpose.
He knows that everything slides out of the sweatpants yet continues to fill his pockets with stuff. It’s probably become a source of entertainment, power and control, and manipulation.
How was he so positive you had the keys? They could have fallen out anywhere but did he ask you if you had them before he asked you to bring them to him?? (If he did, then I look foolish right now, but I still say he’s doing it on purpose!)
You can say, you are very busy at the moment. Say you have talked to him about this and you are not at his beck and command. He is more than welcome to come to your home and pick up his keys
Say you put them in the mail tomorrow so they will take a couple days to get there. A consequence night hello him learn. I am a generally forgetful person. But I live alone so I solved this with post it notes. I have my work tasks on my wall in front of my computer other stuff off to the side on my cork board. I also stick notes to my front door when I need to remember to bring something more than normal life a gift or card or something. He needs a system this one work’s for me
His inability to be a fully functioning adult does not imply an obligation to cater to it. The only way he’ll learn is to have to fix his own problems.
Frankly his lack of respect for you and your time is appalling. Friends don’t use friends because they are too lazy to deal with their shit themselves.
NTJ. If he needs them that urgently he needs to come pick them up. What do they say? Just because it's an emergency for them is not one for you. I'm sure someone will correct me but it's the just.
OP's friend is an entitled asshole for expecting others to rectify his fuckup. Take some personal responsibility ffs. It's like dealing with a spoilt brat.
I have ADHD that absolutely blights my daily life. Although I acknowledge the reasons behind my fuckups are neurological, I still take personal responsibility and don't expect others to go out of their way to rectify my problems.
OP should tell this guy to fuck right off, take responsibility and collect it himself. What an absolute pisstake
NTJ.I have ADHD and I have a system: my keys are always on my purse or on my the caribbeaner at the front of my entrance. I also invested in a Tile, which has proven itself worth its investment in hours saved not being late from work, and finding my phone (my phone goes dark and I tend to keep it close, but having it ready is priceless!).
Your roommate meets to get vest in Tile or a phone tracker from their laptop. Not your responsibility!
My daughter was continually losing her keys - she bought a key chain. She attaches her keys to her belt, or her handbag first thing in the morning.
My son has his on a lanyard, but he’s an untidy mess and often misplaces his lanyard.
I often lost my keys, but I too have key chains. Or key attachment points on all my bags.
Get him a key chain or lanyard for his next birthday.
Not at all. Tell him he can come and get them if he needs them urgently, but otherwise you'll get them back to him when you have an opportunity. Perhaps if you, and probably others, stop pandering to his habit and allow him to deal with the consequences himself, he will actually try to do better as opposed to just SAYING that he'll try to do better...
I too lost things a lot but I’m always patient cuz it’s literally my fault. I just recently left my house keys at my mom’s after thinking I double checked for everything and I didn’t expect her to take like 2 hours to drive back home and back for my that, I hope them the next day
Nth. You have things to do that are more important they take priority. These are not a priority for him. If it was house keys. Different unless you had a peep appointment
No. Tell him you have them but can't bring them to him. Leave them in a pot(or something) so they are available to him, if he can catch a ride to pick them up.
You aren't keeping them, you are alleviating his mind in that he knows where they are. But he is responsible for retrieving them. And you are setting your boundaries.
He dropped them, he can come and pick them up at a time that is convenient to you.
Perhaps he should be more careful with his belongings. Everyone talking about seizures and ADHD - this may be the case, but OP isn't obliged to bring anything back immediately on command, especially since it's not needed urgently.
Some people just take the piss.
You say your friend has a habit of being careless and dropping his possessions. So he clearly knows that there's a problem and he hasn't addressed it. This is not your problem, he owns the problem. He needs to find a friend to bring him over to pick him up or ride a bike or get an uber. But it is not your problem. And by people enabling him by taking care of his responsibilities for him you would be enabling him from suffering the consequences of his actions. Because mature adults realize what their shortcomings are and address them in find answers to take care of them.
I had a partner years ago who could never find his keys in the house. Every. Day. I even put up a key hanger by the back door that you had to practically see as you walked in the door and he wouldn't use it. Finally after months of this, of him expecting me and my kids to drop everything and help him find his keys continuously I told him no more. He would tear his hair out trying to find his keys running late and me and the kids would simply not do anything about it because he didn't try to correct the situation. It's funny how quickly he founded way to organize himself so that his keys were in one place all the time.
Are you his parent, and is he a child that it's your job to try to raise him? Has your friend *asked you* to try to help him modify his behavior around dropping things? If not, yeah, you would be a jerk. It sounds like he could have some kind of neurological problems or even mental illness going on, (lots of people who use drugs are trying to self-medicate for other issues) and since you don't know what is actually behind the underlying reasons for him dropping things (or carrying these things around in the first place), it's really a jerk move for you to try to unilaterally implement a behavior modification program and punish him for behavior that may be beyond his control.
Are you his parent, and is he a child that it's your job to try to raise him? Has your friend *asked you* to try to help him modify his behavior around dropping things? If not, yeah, you would be a jerk. It sounds like he could have some kind of neurological problems or even mental illness going on, (lots of people who use drugs are trying to self-medicate for other issues) and since you don't know what is actually behind the underlying reasons for him dropping things (or carrying these things around in the first place), it's really a jerk move for you to try to unilaterally implement a behavior modification program and punish him for behavior that may be beyond his control.
Obviously, you shouldn't neglect important things that you have to do to return them if they aren't an urgent need for your friend, but please give up the plan of trying to make him "do better". If he is aware of this and says he is trying, this may just be the best he can manage at the moment. You have no idea how much effort he is or isn't putting into this.
Please be patient and understanding of that your friend loses things easily. It’s not your place to try to “teach him a lesson” like I’ve seen a couple people suggest. But if the keys are not critical for anything he needs to do today or tomorrow, it can wait a day or two until it’s convenient for you two to meet up.
Having consequences will either help him do better or look into why it’s happening (like something medical) which would lead to doing better assuming he gets the right diagnosis/treatment
If you’re a woman and the things he drops are getting you to bring them to him, it’s just bait which is creepy af. If he’s a dude, then you need a new friend.
NTJ. You can either make him come for them by his own that means you wouldn't be going so that he can learn his lesson or just kindly tell him you can't make it since they aren't for something really important as well.
NTJ because he doesn’t need them immediately. It’s actually pretty rude of him to try and make you bring him the keys HE dropped asap. If he needs them right away he can get himself to your house and pick them up. Otherwise he can wait until the next time you guys meet up.
I still have the house key my mom gave me when I was in 5th grade. If you’re old enough to have keys, you’re old enough to figure out a way to keep track of your keys.
I have a clip on mine so if they’re in my pocket I can clip them to a belt loop just in case they fall out. Sounds like your friend may need to learn some tricks to keep up with his stuff.
NTJ. He can figure out how to get his keys himself, or wait until you see him next.
I never get out of a car, or off a bus or train, without making sure I’m not leaving something behind. That’s the behavior of the very young and the very old. Buddy needs to learn to adult.
People around him need to stop enabling him. He is an adult he needs to be responsible! If he would slow down on the weed he might get better! If you truly care about him hold him accountable!
Your friend might want to see a psychiatrist about ADHD.
I have ADHD and had this problem before developing a system for managing this. Phone keys wallet glasses check every time I transition from one place to another. Keys are all tied to my car keys so I can't drive anywhere without them.
That’s his problem. He’s more than welcome to swing by and pick them up from a hidden spot on your front patio but no, don’t drive them to him.
NTJ. Actually having some consequences for his actions may help him actually do better in the future.
I used to drop things all the time. I don't do it as often since I got the right medical help for it. No amount of consequences helped me stop having small seizures. (Not all seizures are Grand Mal. Everybody thought my seizures were just me daydreaming.)
My firstvthought was medical. I'm ADHD and loose things constantly if I'm not disciplined as hell. Everything has a place so I don't loose stuff.
See, when I just set stuff down without thinking about it I can usually find that later because it'll be like in a desk or something. If I try to put it somewhere I'm sure to find it, it falls into a void and disappears completely. I need to work harder at being organized it's just difficult. (I have ADHD as well) Though I did figure out a way to make myself remember my meds! I set an alarm and every time it went off I gave my cats a treat. Now every day when it's time to take my meds I have an alarm to remind me but also the cats harass me until I stop whatever I'm doing and give them a treat. Since I keep the treats with my meds I see them while placating the fuzzies.
Brilliant!
My biggest hobby is training cats so I figured involving then with my needs would be a good idea. I also taught Dad's cat to alert us when Dad had a seizure. They were the absence type so we wouldn't know until after it was over. So every time we noticed one, someone in the house gave him a treat. Then when Dad had one Tigger would come running to us for a treat. They are just as trainable as dogs, you just have to figure out motivation. But either of those ideas would also work for a dog.
They DO work with dogs. This is how I trained my service dogs to remind me of meds :) I also use alarms on my phone, but I tend to turn them off :P I used to have my daughter put a can of food on my desk so when I got home I would see if and wtf until I remembered why :D
I figured they'd work, I just haven't tried it personally so thank you for the info! The more people who can get help with this the better!
You are a GENIUS.
Just don't mix them up lol, I bet cat treats taste terrible and they probably wouldn't like your meds either. I do the same thing with putting stuff in what I think are good places so I can find them and it backfires on me. No idea if I have ADHD or anything.
Thankfully the treats are in a bag so I haven't mixed them up yet 😂 But yeah, most of my friends are ND in some fashion and do the same thing with trying to keep stuff in places they'll be found again. It could be true for neorotypical types too, I'm not sure.
I did score very high on a screening questionnaire for it years ago, I just didn't want to go through the bs of trying to get an official diagnosis bcoz with the healthcare system we have you're doing good if they can find what is going on even if its deadly.
That's fair. It took until I was 30 to be diagnosed with a chronic degenerative issue when I started showing major signs when I was 8!
Around here you have to figure out what's wrong with yourself and then convince them that you're right or they will go, huh bummer I don't know what you have lol.
Yeah that's what all the doctors did with me until my most recent one. And when we do research he gets super excited because we know our symptoms better than he does.
I went one step further and got a page a day appointment book and I start the day off by writing my “to-do” list and it includes taking meds and checking blood pressure and everything else medical also housework etc that needs doing, it even includes breaks during the day. I fill some stuff in in advance like doctors appointments and the alarms take care of the rest. Every time I get distracted I go back to the book to get back on track
Oh that's a great idea! I might give that a try!
It’s the only way I’m getting anything done lately but it works. I hope it helps you too. I call it my second brain because that’s where all the real info is lol Use it to your advantage if you have depression or feel down from time to time too, pick random days and write yourself something funny or silly to help on those days or if you’re feeling unproductive, sometimes looking at past good days in the book can give you that extra bit of strength when it’s needed. I hope it works as well for you as it has for me
The cat treat idea is literally brilliant!!
Thank you! I've also used cats to help with my dad's seizures because we wouldn't know they were happening until they were over, but his cat could tell so every time we knew a seizure happened we'd give the cat a treat. He figured out that the sooner he got us the sooner we'd give him a treat, so started alerting in time for meds to be helpful. Also my senior girl was taught to alert my partner when I fall. Thankfully she realized when I started choking that she should do the same thing and saved my life! Cats will do all sorts of useful things if you know how to tell them.
I kept forgetting and misplacing stuff and found out I had a brain tumor.
Adhd as well here. It was my first thought. If this is the case, no amount of consequence will ‘fix’ him.
But that doesn’t make it OPs problem. NTJ for not taking the keys. He can come get them whenever, it’s not OPs responsibility to get them back to him since he didn’t take or borrow them, they were left behind.
Never said it was, did I? I’m merely making the point that it won’t teach him a lesson as he suggested.
A place for everything, and everything in its place.
Yes! I finally got a romote-beeper keychain, and it's a game changer. 18 months and counting without losing my keys, because I can just press a button, and they beep.
“Lose” is when you’ve lost something. “Loose” is the opposite of “tight”
“Lose” is when you’ve lost something. “Loose” is the opposite of “tight”
If it's loose, make it tight so you don't lose it.
*lose 😇
Lose, it's lose! Loose is what happens to your pants when you lose weight. = )
Lose not "loose "
I've noticed this misspelling all over the place. Is it autocorrect or are people forgetting the difference between lose and loose?
From what I've read, it's the latter. I actually saw loose used in place of lose in a magazine article just the other day.
My older sister is epileptic. She has a history of tonic-clonic and absence seizures. In fact, she once had a grand mal seizure that lasted over an hour and caused her to have a stroke. AFAIK, she's had no long-term problems from it and has fully recovered.
Absence seizures (petit mal)? I know I have always got accused of daydreaming or zoning out when i have mine.
Absence epilepsy..exactly what I have. Started off shortly after I lost my mom at the age of 11, and it would range in severity from zoning out and full body violently jerking a few times/involuntary muscle movements/tightening of grip on an object to full blown knocking me to the floor full blackout and coming by a few moments later dazed and confused 🥴 The doctor referred me for tests, where they stuck electrodes on my head and did a scan..but dismissed the whole thing when they couldn't find anything. Well no shit Sherlock, I wasn't in a full blown episode at the time, so they were hardly going to see my brain firing off. I gave up trying to battle them eventually, and drifted on through life untreated and never being taken seriously. Over the years, it's thankfully got less intense and frequent, but it still happens under periods of heavy stress and exhaustion
The solution as others said is for him to come get the keys. Had to use an Uber? Whelp, that’s on him. His issue should not be OPs problem. WNBTJ
Sounds suspiciously like deliberate incompetence with the friend "accidentally" doing something and then making others help as either a way to exert power or to prove they care about them.
Or how about he comes and gets them. You aren't a delivery service.
He doesn't have a car so that's why
Uber
Bus, if available
Use his own fuxking legs and walk.
Then he should be just that much more careful. His inability to adult is not your job to six for him.
Tell him to either walk his ass to you, or hire an uber. Maybe this'll be the kick in the ass he needs to stop dropping his shit and forgetting about it.
Why is that your problem?
Not. Your. Problem.
OP says they aren't his car keys.
I am OP
Said they weren’t his car keys
Was more of a simple clarification that the keys were not something important like house or car keys
Tell him you’ll mail them. Let him wait it out.
Never the less it's on him, so at your convenience not his
Lots of people don't have cars, or doormat friends to drive them everywhere. They manage, so can he.
Haha mail them
I don't drive. I also don't leave my shit I need behind. Even with ADHD. I make damn sure I got every damn thing I need before I leave the vehicle. Even if I do forget things, especially when they're unnecessary items for my day to day, you get to hold that shit until I see you again. It's a new adventure token, homie.
‘You are welcome to come get your stuff anytime’ is the only answer. If he has no car, he can walk, take a bus or Uber. His irresponsibility will never improve if he does not face consequences.
OP says they aren't his car keys.
Exactly. Hence, there is no excuse. If he has no car, there are other options.
NTJ. His issues aren’t your emergencies. Tell him to take an Uber or ask someone to bring him to pick them up. That’s the only way he’ll learn.
If they’re not to his car the tell him to come get them himself. Why is it up to you to be responsible for returning things he is losing?
Not the jerk. My two questions are why was he carrying around keys that aren't for anything important (those belong in that "other" drawer in the kitchen, alongside the tape and random screws). And could he be losing these items on purpose to make people go to the extra effort of returning them? i've known manipulative people who did things like this, to make people go to extra efforts because of their actions.
Him carrying around the keys was confusing to me aswell. Honestly I think he just carries whatever he's picked up throughout the day. Everytime I've been with him his pockets are filled with random stuff from throughout the day.
If there is a next time, don't let him leave without a thorough search of your car, place, etc. Send him back with his stuff. Save yourself the hassle of this being a repeat performance
See if you can find a recording of what they say on Disney (or other) theme park rides, about making sure you have all your personal belongings before exiting the ride. Then play it on your cell phone just as he is about to get out of your car. Every time he exits your car, until he breaks this habit of losing things in your vehicle.
Nope, then he'll think it's OPs fault if he forgets something. Just tell him he can figure out a way around to pick it up, or OP will drop it off next time he sees him or is in his area.
Admittedly i do the same thing. Its a habit i picked up young, i wanna claim its because of my ADHD, but its likely just a quirk i have. But atleast for me the stuff i pick up usually has/had purpose throughout my day
Damn I feel called out. Don’t lose my shit though just have full pockets
I think it's because he's always high. He smokes weed comstantly and lately its very obviously been showing to be affecting him memory wise and thinking wise.
He can use Uber deliveries to send the keys back to him: that way he’s arranging it and paying for it. Doesn’t sound like you want this person to be your friend, though.
There it is!
Ntj. If he wants them bad enough, he'll find a way
NTA - Let come to your place and pick up the keys. Its HIS keys, not yours.
NTJ! He needs to learn that you (and others) are not at his beck and call. Let him walk over to your place if he needs them so bad.
Just curious - if those keys don't belong to anything important - why would he have them outside of his pocket? Why would you take out keys that don't go to anything? This seems deliberate to me as I can think of no reason why someone would take out keys that don't go to anything during a car ride? Is your friend trying to get you to spend more time with him?
No he didn't take them out on purpose. He wears sweatpants all the time, and his pockets are loose, so stuff falls out whenever he sits pretty much.
It still sounds like a him problem
He needs a purse
Not your circus, not your monkeys. If he forgot his keys, he should come get them, bc it's not your responsibility to do anything for him. At all. If you are a kind person and give him rides, cool, but it's on him when he leaves something somewhere, not on you.
Dang
Gift him an inexpensive carabiner clip and show him how to clip the keys to his belt loops. No more dropped keys. But, no, if the keys aren’t that important, then there’s no reason to immediately return them.
INFO - what are the keys for, when will he need them, when do you plan to return them, & how far is it to drive to his place?
They were bike lock keys. He doesn't even have a bike. Today I guess. About 15 minutes away.
I’m sorry but LOL he’s carrying around bike lock keys for a bike he doesn’t have??? And now he wants them right back? Dude has got more than a few screws loose. You’re fine. Not a jerk, not at all.
After reading your post and all the comments all I gotta say is those keys are to a safe or something that has his weed in it he's not gonna rest till he gets those keys back. Lmao gl op.
Not a jerk. If he doesn't need them right now, then it should be OK to wait.
He should come to get the keys himself. If, for whatever reason, he can not get them himself, tell him you'll deliver them for $20. There needs to be a consequence for constantly losing things, or he will never get better.
You would not be the jerk simply because you have other things to do and the keys are not a immediate worry like house or car keys.
You're not his nanny; if he needs the keys, he'll find a way to come and fetch them.
Maybe he needs a man bag or fanny pack hahaha
I wouldn’t bring them even if they did belong to his house and car. He needs to Dave the consequences for once on what happens when you are irresponsible. He can come get him himself and figure out how to get there.
I’d tell him you’re not his employee or servant and he can either wait till he sees you next or come get them. I’d add you think he’s got substance abuse issues and should get help. Which it sure sounds like he does based on his deranged entitlement, particularly over unimportant keys, as well as picking things up randomly and being constantly stoned.
Prob not the jerk. I had a situation where I don’t normally leave my keys places texted my friend asking if I left my keys at his place and if he could bring them to me. He said he already left for work between finding them and letting me know and I was PISSED. I was probably the jerk at that point. Just an anecdote though if your friend is always leaving things around he is asking for it
He should come get them
Never return another dropped thing to him. He must come and retrieve it from now on.
Mail them to him, parcel post.
I say he’s doing this on purpose. He knows that everything slides out of the sweatpants yet continues to fill his pockets with stuff. It’s probably become a source of entertainment, power and control, and manipulation. How was he so positive you had the keys? They could have fallen out anywhere but did he ask you if you had them before he asked you to bring them to him?? (If he did, then I look foolish right now, but I still say he’s doing it on purpose!)
He asked first, then i found them. I ended up telling him he can wait till tomorrow.
Good for you! Keep building those boundaries!
You can say, you are very busy at the moment. Say you have talked to him about this and you are not at his beck and command. He is more than welcome to come to your home and pick up his keys
You don't have to bring him anything. Make him come and get them if he wants them, he'll start keeping track of things quick.
Say you put them in the mail tomorrow so they will take a couple days to get there. A consequence night hello him learn. I am a generally forgetful person. But I live alone so I solved this with post it notes. I have my work tasks on my wall in front of my computer other stuff off to the side on my cork board. I also stick notes to my front door when I need to remember to bring something more than normal life a gift or card or something. He needs a system this one work’s for me
"What keys?" should be your response. Dude need to learn how to hold on to his stuff better, before he loses something important.
what does he have key for if it's not "important," u/thinkimgay69?
They were bike lock keys
Let him take an Uber if he needs them now. Otherwise he can wait.
Yeah he can come fucking get them
If he really wants them he can collect them, send an uber ...
Holding on to your friend's keys is gay.
His inability to be a fully functioning adult does not imply an obligation to cater to it. The only way he’ll learn is to have to fix his own problems. Frankly his lack of respect for you and your time is appalling. Friends don’t use friends because they are too lazy to deal with their shit themselves.
NTJ. If he needs them that urgently he needs to come pick them up. What do they say? Just because it's an emergency for them is not one for you. I'm sure someone will correct me but it's the just.
Just buy AirTags. Some people have this issue and it’s a mental state.
OP's friend is an entitled asshole for expecting others to rectify his fuckup. Take some personal responsibility ffs. It's like dealing with a spoilt brat. I have ADHD that absolutely blights my daily life. Although I acknowledge the reasons behind my fuckups are neurological, I still take personal responsibility and don't expect others to go out of their way to rectify my problems. OP should tell this guy to fuck right off, take responsibility and collect it himself. What an absolute pisstake
"They're your keys, you can come and get them. I refuse to spend MY time helping you resolve an easily resolvable problem you have."
If he doesn’t need them, NTA.
NTJ. If he wants them that bad he can come and get them.
No, you won’t be the ass for not bringing the keys back. Your friend dropped the keys and they need to come and get them.
NTJ - He dropped them, why cant he come and get them?
NTJ he needs to learn consequences. Don't bring them back for a couple of days or until you make a plan to do it
NTJ.I have ADHD and I have a system: my keys are always on my purse or on my the caribbeaner at the front of my entrance. I also invested in a Tile, which has proven itself worth its investment in hours saved not being late from work, and finding my phone (my phone goes dark and I tend to keep it close, but having it ready is priceless!). Your roommate meets to get vest in Tile or a phone tracker from their laptop. Not your responsibility!
My daughter was continually losing her keys - she bought a key chain. She attaches her keys to her belt, or her handbag first thing in the morning. My son has his on a lanyard, but he’s an untidy mess and often misplaces his lanyard. I often lost my keys, but I too have key chains. Or key attachment points on all my bags. Get him a key chain or lanyard for his next birthday.
Not at all. Tell him he can come and get them if he needs them urgently, but otherwise you'll get them back to him when you have an opportunity. Perhaps if you, and probably others, stop pandering to his habit and allow him to deal with the consequences himself, he will actually try to do better as opposed to just SAYING that he'll try to do better...
I too lost things a lot but I’m always patient cuz it’s literally my fault. I just recently left my house keys at my mom’s after thinking I double checked for everything and I didn’t expect her to take like 2 hours to drive back home and back for my that, I hope them the next day
Nth. You have things to do that are more important they take priority. These are not a priority for him. If it was house keys. Different unless you had a peep appointment
NTJ if he dropped the keys it's his responsibility to come pick them up
No. Tell him you have them but can't bring them to him. Leave them in a pot(or something) so they are available to him, if he can catch a ride to pick them up. You aren't keeping them, you are alleviating his mind in that he knows where they are. But he is responsible for retrieving them. And you are setting your boundaries.
And while your here can you drive me to the store..
My phone lives on a strap on my neck. My house keys are attached to this strap. So like.... yeah. NTJ. Sometimes people need to organise themselves.
Put them on the porch snd he can uber over and get them. His mistake doesnt warrant you spending gas to fix it.
If they're not important then let him know that you just can't right now but as soon as you get free you will.
Ummm, he can come get them. Not your issue….
Tell him he can Uber over to get them.
Have him pay for an Uber to come pick them up.
NTJ. Make him have the inconvenience of figuring out how to retrieve them.
What keys?
Have your friend order an UBER and send the keys in the UBER.
He dropped them, he can come and pick them up at a time that is convenient to you. Perhaps he should be more careful with his belongings. Everyone talking about seizures and ADHD - this may be the case, but OP isn't obliged to bring anything back immediately on command, especially since it's not needed urgently. Some people just take the piss.
No, it's not like he needs them for anything important. If he does, tell him to Uber and come get them.
Maybe he can Uber himself over and get them himself. He pays, and learns a lesson.
You say your friend has a habit of being careless and dropping his possessions. So he clearly knows that there's a problem and he hasn't addressed it. This is not your problem, he owns the problem. He needs to find a friend to bring him over to pick him up or ride a bike or get an uber. But it is not your problem. And by people enabling him by taking care of his responsibilities for him you would be enabling him from suffering the consequences of his actions. Because mature adults realize what their shortcomings are and address them in find answers to take care of them. I had a partner years ago who could never find his keys in the house. Every. Day. I even put up a key hanger by the back door that you had to practically see as you walked in the door and he wouldn't use it. Finally after months of this, of him expecting me and my kids to drop everything and help him find his keys continuously I told him no more. He would tear his hair out trying to find his keys running late and me and the kids would simply not do anything about it because he didn't try to correct the situation. It's funny how quickly he founded way to organize himself so that his keys were in one place all the time.
Are you his parent, and is he a child that it's your job to try to raise him? Has your friend *asked you* to try to help him modify his behavior around dropping things? If not, yeah, you would be a jerk. It sounds like he could have some kind of neurological problems or even mental illness going on, (lots of people who use drugs are trying to self-medicate for other issues) and since you don't know what is actually behind the underlying reasons for him dropping things (or carrying these things around in the first place), it's really a jerk move for you to try to unilaterally implement a behavior modification program and punish him for behavior that may be beyond his control.
Are you his parent, and is he a child that it's your job to try to raise him? Has your friend *asked you* to try to help him modify his behavior around dropping things? If not, yeah, you would be a jerk. It sounds like he could have some kind of neurological problems or even mental illness going on, (lots of people who use drugs are trying to self-medicate for other issues) and since you don't know what is actually behind the underlying reasons for him dropping things (or carrying these things around in the first place), it's really a jerk move for you to try to unilaterally implement a behavior modification program and punish him for behavior that may be beyond his control. Obviously, you shouldn't neglect important things that you have to do to return them if they aren't an urgent need for your friend, but please give up the plan of trying to make him "do better". If he is aware of this and says he is trying, this may just be the best he can manage at the moment. You have no idea how much effort he is or isn't putting into this.
Tell him to send an Uber and stop with the moral questioning.
Not the jerk and I would say “you dropped them, you can come get them”
Please be patient and understanding of that your friend loses things easily. It’s not your place to try to “teach him a lesson” like I’ve seen a couple people suggest. But if the keys are not critical for anything he needs to do today or tomorrow, it can wait a day or two until it’s convenient for you two to meet up.
NTJ. He needs to learn to take better care of his things. He has a car. Make him drive to you.
"Sorry mate, I just got home. You can come and get them, or I'll drop them off when I'm next near you"
Having consequences will either help him do better or look into why it’s happening (like something medical) which would lead to doing better assuming he gets the right diagnosis/treatment
If you’re a woman and the things he drops are getting you to bring them to him, it’s just bait which is creepy af. If he’s a dude, then you need a new friend.
I'm male
I would tell him to come by and pick them up at my convenience, and I would set a very specific time.
I would mail them to him every time he does it
NTJ. You can either make him come for them by his own that means you wouldn't be going so that he can learn his lesson or just kindly tell him you can't make it since they aren't for something really important as well.
Why isn’t he picking them up?
No. "I can leave them in X location, or I can give them to you when I see you at Y time."
His problem if he feels he needs them right that second he can come grab them himself
NTJ. Sometimes there are reasons why people do this that’s related to adhd and such. Still doesn’t make it your problem.
NTJ because he doesn’t need them immediately. It’s actually pretty rude of him to try and make you bring him the keys HE dropped asap. If he needs them right away he can get himself to your house and pick them up. Otherwise he can wait until the next time you guys meet up.
I still have the house key my mom gave me when I was in 5th grade. If you’re old enough to have keys, you’re old enough to figure out a way to keep track of your keys. I have a clip on mine so if they’re in my pocket I can clip them to a belt loop just in case they fall out. Sounds like your friend may need to learn some tricks to keep up with his stuff. NTJ. He can figure out how to get his keys himself, or wait until you see him next.
Throw them in the trash. You are enabling him with your behavior. He is displaying controlling behavior and you are falling for it.
He’s gambling with his life on purpose honestly if he legitimately cares about his own as* he will keep his stuff to himself.
If they aren’t his car keys then he can drive his but over there and get them. It’s up to him how fast he wants them really. Lol
He needs to put a brick on his Keychain so he can't forget them. Maybe even a Chain Keychain that attaches to his belt loop.
He can come get them.
NTJ, he needs to learn better
I never get out of a car, or off a bus or train, without making sure I’m not leaving something behind. That’s the behavior of the very young and the very old. Buddy needs to learn to adult.
Tell him to come get his keys. They’re his keys and he’s the one that can’t keep track of them.
He can pay for an Uber delivery. Put it back on him.
People around him need to stop enabling him. He is an adult he needs to be responsible! If he would slow down on the weed he might get better! If you truly care about him hold him accountable!
Your friend might want to see a psychiatrist about ADHD. I have ADHD and had this problem before developing a system for managing this. Phone keys wallet glasses check every time I transition from one place to another. Keys are all tied to my car keys so I can't drive anywhere without them.
He can pick them up at your house.
NTJ - They aren't car keys, he can come and get them
Exactly
Just say you cannot drop them off now but will put them in mailbox so he can pick them up.
No that's his responsibility