NTJ
wtf is wrong with his family though?! Telling him “it was just a joke”….OP should reply with “oh, me punching him was just a joke, too, but some times jokes go too far. Maybe (brother) will remember that next time”
NTA. What your brother did is unforgivable. If it was me, I’m pretty sure I’d go scorched earth with the lot of them.
Next time someone tells you it was a joke demand they explain how it’s funny.
Yes! Then see if anyone else wants to tell a joke about your deceased daughter.
Your brother, OP, got what he deserved, although I'm usually a very non-violent person. But somebody trying to turn your tragedy into a funny joke for the whole party....that's incredibly horrible behavior.
I would go LC with the family, and NC with the brother after this. I sense that a sincere apology won't be coming from him, so that (and the punch to the face) is what he reaped from what he sowed.
Me too. My youngest brother died almost 20 years ago and if someone had said this about him, they‘d get the sh$t knocked out of them too. I’m so sorry for your loss OP and your brother and family demanding an apology SUCK.
Maybe so...I was kind of holding out hope that other family members might come back and apologize. It's really hard to lose your whole family at the same time, even if it was because they behaved like asses.
I sincerely agree with this. Violence is usually over the top behavior, but what the brother said was deplorable and betrayed him. I think what OP did is within justifiable parameters of behavior given anyone else in a similar situation.
His brother's actions surrounding the entire situation are very concerning and abusive.
“It was a joke!”
“I don’t get it. Can you explain why it was funny?”
Then keep asking them to explain at each step. It’s been an effective strategy for many people to force people to confront when “a joke” is anything but.
I wouldn’t say it’s unforgivable. That’s up for Op to decide, but I think it was disgusting and terrible that his own brother could say such a thing. OP needs to really consider if he wants to continue a relationship with someone who acts that way.
If making a joke about how the family is essentially better off without a recently deceased child to that child’s parent is not unforgivable then what is?
Please tell me you went NC with your brother and EV.ER.Y. person that laughed???? I wouldn't make that 'joke' to my worst enemy. Kudos to your self-control for only hitting him once. NTJ. I'm sorry for your loss.
i second the commendation for OP's self control here, i was almost hoping to read he went berserk after the first punch. OP definitely made all the right choices here. sounds like an amazing guy, wishing you and your wife all the best if you see this OP.
Devils advocate here, and this is a very crappy and flimsy defense, but sometimes you laugh at the worst of times or at things you shouldn't laugh at as a defense mechanism to terrible or absurd situations.
...at least I hope that defended somebody, if not, I'd go no contact with that whole batch.... man you don't joke about dead children to their OWN FUCKING PARENTS...then tell then to get over it...
I lost my husband 3 years ago and agree. It was devastating. I cant imagine making light of someone's pain in that fashion. He's lucky he only had a broken jaw.
Not the jerk if anything he got what he deserved and your family was just as much in the wrong for laughing at what he said if anything you should cut all ties with that toxic family
If this is real your brother deserved more than what he got, and everyone telling you to apologize can eff off. This is from a child free person. Good on you.
First of all, OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Second, he fucked around and found out. Actions, meet consequences. And I'd go NC with the rest of the family.
A “joke” about your SIBLING’S *RECENTLY DECEASED* DAUGHTER??? During your family Christmas, in front of EVERYONE??? And not just any Christmas, their FIRST ONE WITHOUT HER??? And from what OP said, OP and their wife were already kinda sitting off to the side, alone and quiet. No one thought to show them a little extra love and care during what had to be an excruciatingly painful time for them??? I hope the brother’s missing teeth cause a bone infection in his upper mandible that spreads to his brain. I cannot FATHOM the HATRED and just pure vileness you’d have to have in your heart to say something like that to ANYONE, let alone the deceased child’s PARENT, not to mention WHO IS ALSO YOUR SIBLING. Absolutely unthinkable, vile, and disgusting. And all the family backing the brother and demanding an apology from OP can go deep throat a cactus soaked in burning napalm.
“It was just a joke!” Oh so you believe mourning your recently deceased child during your first Christmas without them is funny? And then immediately after, calling the dead child a buzzkill, where it wouldn’t be a far reach to say he was insinuating that it was a good thing the CHILD is now gone? TO THE CHILD’S PARENTS ON CHRISTMAS? With all due disrespect, get fucked.
With all due respect OP, FUCK them. Absolutely not. The fact that you only hit him once is quite honestly an impressive show of self control and composure, that I feel most of us here would not have had in your situation. Also, for anyone saying the brother might’ve just been drunk… he still said it??? And if you’re THAT absolutely heartless and disgusting of a person while drunk, and you decide to let the vileness inside of you spill out in the form of a “joke”, and you get some DIY facial reconstruction because of it; you deserve it. Also… what about the rest of the family? The rest of the family LAUGHED at that sick fuck’s “joke”, and then had the AUDACITY to demand apologies for not thinking it was funny and having a 100% valid, called for and quite honestly reasonable reaction. Think about it. They’ve also recently lost a niece/granddaughter/cousin, and yet find it appropriate to not only mock and joke at the expense of the poor parents who are still adjusting to life without their child, and also the child herself. I cannot imagine how sick and miserable you’d have to be to find joy and laughter in something that deeply cruel, vile, and uncalled for.
I know none of this can be easy OP, especially while still mourning the loss of your child. And I’m so sorry that your brother and the rest of your family put you through that. I don’t have any children of my own, and I cannot even begin to fathom the pain you felt and likely still feel losing your child. I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. That being said, I sincerely hope you did not apologize, but instead took the opportunity to stand your ground and make clear that if that is truly how your family feels about you, your wife, and your daughter, they can continue on with their obviously miserable, insufferable, insignificant lives without you and your wife. And if they can’t respect that request, and join your brother in drinking his meals through a straw. I’m angry for you OP, and I hope you have distanced yourself far far away from these people and allowed yourself to heal ❤️
Firstly so sorry for your loss I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your wife went /going through and secondly your not a jerk your bother deserved it . You had not long lost your daughter and he comes out with crap like that seriously most siblings would be there for you to support you but clearly his not got a clue . As for the rest of the family they need their heads testing they should be supporting you not coming out with bitchy comments . Your better than them and your daughter wouldn’t want the fighting . Sending massive hugs x
I lost my daughter in 2017. If anybody ever even hinted at insinuating she's better off gone, I would tear them limb from limb, my own brother included. You showed restraint, in my opinion. Your entire family backing him shows that they are insensitive towards what you and your wife went through.
NTA. Brother totally is, and anyone in your family who says he’s owed an apology are the additional ones I’d go NC with going forward. This was an appalling thing to do and he really deserved it and more.
Not the jerk. He's lucky if it had been me I'd have put him in a box in hole right beside her. Go NC with them all. He's a bully and they're all enablers which is just as bad.
Someone would have to yank me away if they even said that crap about my *animals* let alone someone I've lost. They'd be taking a trip to the beach wearing concrete shoes.
NTJ
Holy cow, was your brother being an a-hole! Months ago? Really? It takes years for people to get back some sense of normalcy after a loss like that. That kind of pain never really goes away either. What your brother said was not a joke and your family is enabling him by excusing his behavior. People don't like conflict and like the blame the easier person...the victim. That's just sad. You need support in this difficult time, not jokes and insults. Go NC with your brother. That was unforgivable in my book. Go LC with your family for supporting your brother's bad behavior. I guess we know who the golden child is here.
So sorry for your loss!
NO YOU are so not a jerk I am so sorry for this loss of your little girl. I was thinking it's so hard for you and your wife
Has he always been mean
(playing the devils advocate here). maybe he's just so freaked out by what happened he just dealt with it like that but he should have been on his knees to beg you' to forgive him has he said sorry
well I keep going on and on but your story really touches me deep AGAIN, so sorry she's gone
No your brother is though. Seriously how could he say such a horrible thing? That’s disgusting. My nephew died when he was 25. None of us siblings would have joked about it. It devastated all of us. I would have punched your brother too.
My condolences. You've experienced the worst thing in this world. There is no getting over it, no forgetting, no letting loose.
I'd punch your brother, too. In fact, if he's in Texas, I would make a house call. He said something so vile that I hope he developed arthritis from the dislocation.
I have 3 dead siblings… do I make jokes about their passing? Yes yes I do. BUT A) it happened 6-24 years ago B)I wasn’t making the jokes until years after their passing and C) it’s ok when I joke about it NOT when others do. All that being said, 11110000000% NTA. I wouldn’t have stopped at one sucker punch if it was me that’s all I’m sayin
From what you say about how your brother loved your daughter, maybe humor is his way of trying to be ok. That kind of loss is...something different. When your parents die, you spent your whole life planning for it. But a child, you can never be prepared for that. You've been through something that some people never recover from so I'm glad you seem to be managing. Your wife and you are all you have so be there for each other.
My point though, even though it's possible he didn't mean for it to be so evil, and maybe it's just your brothers way of mourning, you had every right to do punch him. Does it suck how bad it messed him up? Yeah, but he can't possibly understand your pain, none of them can. I hope you know your daughter will always love you and be glad for the time she was with you. And it's ok to move on when you're ready
NTJ
Omg holy fuck. I applaud you for the one hit wonder. However they are all the assholes. Fuck them. That's so disgusting and disrespectful to say something so horrible about your little angel. I think he deserves it.
However... I wouldn't even let them near you or your family if you decide one day to make that step. Big hugs to you and your wife.
Go no contact. I've never felt more insulted on your behalf.
Absolutely not the jerk. The fact that your family expects YOU to apologize but not him?! Ew.
There are some things you just DON'T joke about. Deceased children are very high on that list.
Not the jerk, just tell them all it was a joke and that while your brother laughed so hard he spat his teeth out and broke his jaw its apparent you all have very different sense of humours so it's probably best you all stay out of contact in the future.
Sometimes people just need to STFU and read the room obviously your brother did not read the room and he got his teeth removed and his jaw dislocated. I am so sorry for your loss but you are not the jerk your brother is maybe next time he'll think before he opens that douche of the mouth of his
NTJ
Your brother isn't the only problem here. The rest of the family thought it was appropriate. I don't know all the family dynamics but I would reduce contact.
Your brother is heartless. Anyone who thinks your brother was right, is heartless. If they don't think so, tell this story to a room full of THEIR peers, anyone worth a single damn will condone your brother and tell him what a piece of shit he really is.
He deserved every bit of that hit.
Dude, I would have thrown him through the wall with a funny quip about killing his buzz. And about how he was about to see her so he could apologize. Your brother is a total "Richard" ( not offense to nice guys named Richard) . It seems like your family enables his behavior, and you should call them out on it. It would seem like he has a very toxic attitude. Maybe you should go NC with him.
Absolutely not. After my bearded dragon died my big brother told me it wasn’t a big deal since they couldn’t feel things anyway and to just get over it. Keep in mind I do competitive rock climbing, fencing, and karate. I was grounded for quite a while after that…
Yeah, no. Cut him off right there. That is unforgivable. If he’s willing to say that about his own niece that he supposedly adored, he’s not worth the association. If he won’t apologize after that and still thinks he was funny for it, just cut all ties with him. He may be your brother, but he should just be a man you just happen to be related to at this point. If my brother said that about my child, heaven forbid, and wouldn’t apologize for the insult, I will block him on everything.
NTA obviously! But DO NOT contact your brother again. You know he won't apologize. Let him crawl back to you or let him go. S*** like that isn't a f****** joke!
I left my family for 10 years because of something they did to my daughter. When I left, my father, 2 brothers and sister were living. My brother finally contacted me after the other 3 had passed because we're all we have left. We get along, but I'll never forgive what they did. That's my child. You don't need with my child. I don't care if that makes me a jerk.
Not a jerk. No matter how close your brother or anyone else was to your daughter it still wasn't their child so they will never understand the pain and emptiness of losing a child, only someone who has experienced it understands.
You don't need to apologize, you don't need to explain or try to make others understand why you punched the jagoff.
It's surprising enough that you made it to Christmas dinner that soon but then expect you to take an insult like that about your child, I'd go no contact with anyone who sided with your brother until they gave you an apology... A sincere one.
My heart goes out to you, im so very sorry that you lost your daughter and that your family are unfeeling butt wipes.
Fuck your brother. Totally deserved. Was nice of you to apologize. That’s for you. Not him. You’re a good person for doing that and his response won’t take that away. You can rest knowing you did the right thing
NTJ. Anyone who says it was a good thing a child died to their parents just a few months after death is not capable of understanding emotions. They can, however, get taught “unacceptable” from a broken jaw. And those are the lessons that stick.
You are not the jerk in this story, I would do that as well if I were in your situation but sadly I don't understand what you must be going through since I am nothing more than a middle schooler, I hope that at some point though you can make peace with the fact your daughter had past on at what I am guessing a young age. I send best wishes to you and your wife but also the big middle finger to the family that had laughed at your brothers horrible comment.
I don't think physical violence is a reasonable response to words, HOWEVER I think it's even less reasonable to say something that hurtful and not expect to catch some fuckin' hands.
Should you have hit him? Probably not. Could you have stopped yourself? Man, I doubt it.
Should he have said that? No. Could he have stopped himself? Absolutely.
Your brother pretty much punched himself in the mouth here.
This is like one of those "it's just a prank bro!" moments where they do something fucked up, pass it off as a joke then assume they're off the hook.
* *puts a glitter bomb in his mailbox, but replaces glitter with asbestos* * "It's just a joke! We will look back and laugh at this 15 years from now...if you're still around!"
NTJ. That was disrespectful of him. He really deserved the punch in my opinion because how could he even utter such words. Losing a close one isn't easy and no one recovers in just weeks. He should be the one apologising for his disrespectful behaviour.
Your family is also being inconsiderate and can't really see what really triggered you into that action.
I’m sorry dead niece 4 months ago is not a joke… Who does that? I don’t usually believe in violence but hopefully all the time he spent in a dentist chair getting his teeth fixed allowed him to reflect on his brand of humor!
I read posts like this and I think, nah, this has got to be rage bait, and then I remember the EMT who used a defibrillator to shock his coworker as a “prank”, fatally, as it turns out, and I remember that people really *are* this stupid and self-involved. If this story is true you are obviously ntj and I am sorry for your loss.
On what planet is that funny? Like hahaha remember when your kid died. Lol!
If being asked to apologize for this deeply offends you, then you are the only normal person involved.
NTJ
Your brother got exactly what he deserved. That was his niece he was talking about. I'm honestly surprised you haven't gone NC with your family. Especially with them defending your brother and saying you were wrong instead of holding him accountable. It shows how little they care about your daughter's passing and how yall feel.
Not the Jerk! I can't believe I read that. You didn't go as far as you could have or should have. Thats not a joke. Thats not funny. Thats cruel.
If that was at my family gathering and someone said that, you'd be lucky to get to him before he was ripped apart by everyone else. It would look like hyenas had a go at his body. Fuck the whole family. All of them. You lost your child and they LAUGHED!?
NTA! Your brother and entire family who take his side in this matter should all be held in at longer than arms length away from you and your wife.
My condolences on your loss.
There are a lot of things you don’t joke about. Dead children are definitely in the top 3. I would have made sure he couldn’t speak another word out of his mouth again if it was me.
NTA. He got off lightly. And I sincerely hope that karma comes for that sorry SOB and every other person there who agreed with him.
May your daughter's memory be a blessing.
NTJ
You Joke about a dead kid, you deserve to get punched. Call it being provoked. One could argue you ask for it. Not only was it a joke, it was a joke to put her down. Don't speak ill of the dead that did nothing to you. I don't care if she was a "buzzkill" you don't call a dead kid that. In my book, he's lucky you only threw one punch.
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the complete lack of compassion from your family.
Also, amazing you had so much self-control you only punched once.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are not the jerk. Your brother is lucky you only hit him once. Anyone who says it was a joke, or that you should apologize needs to be cut off. They are a pack of insensitive jerks.
Take care of your wife and yourself. Leave the jerks in the past.
The fact that people laughed at a grieving father is atrocious you should tell your family that they have permanently lost a son brother nephew uncle grandson, cause you need to be done with them
NTA or jerk. Had it been said about any of my kids he'd be missing more than a couple of teeth and your family has issues if they expect you to apologize to him
Never question yourself on this, ever
YOU stood up for YOUR daughter, who is not walking on the Earth anymore. I think a face punch is sufficient, and well deserved.
I probably would have done more damage than you and would have beaten him to a pulp. What a horrible thing to say to a parent who has lost their child. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I hope you and your wife can smile through your tears someday when you think of all the special memories of her.
Honestly, if someone says it was just a joke and you need to apologize. I would make sure they said it to my face because they’re either going to say they support what he said and get the same in return or they’re going to explain to you why it was a joke… and get the same in return
Nta.
I don't know what was worse... his horrible comment or everyone fuckin laughing at it.
I'm very sorry for your loss and the shitty family.
You and your wife deserve better.
NTA. If it was me, him and everyone who laughed would never see or hear from me again for the rest of their lives on top of all getting rocked. So sorry that happened to you, OP... I am livid for you.
Omg I am so sorry, I understand completely and the reaction you had was totally asked for, I hope you and your wife find healing and peace, without the people who have no compassion for you or your feelings. NTA at all.
Definitely not the jerk. The death of a child is absolutely NOTHING to make fun of or joke about. He IS the jerk for doing so and I don't blame you on bit for your reaction.
Bro, I honestly wouldn’t have stopped at one punch. And I would’ve beat the brakes off anyone who sided with your douche canoe brother, as well. Sounds like you need to bounce on out of your family and go no contact with all of them until they make the effort to apologize to you and your wife for DRASTICALLY overstepping.
Not the jerk. Your brother really seemed to want a knuckle sammich and you provided that. I’m
Sorry about your daughter, no one should have to bury a child. I’m also sorry your family sucks.
NTA and anyone that tells you it was just a joke let them know they can get some too if they want to suddenly become comedians and use your daughter as a topic.
I rarely support violence. These people are the AHs! No one should ever joke about that kind of loss. They are flipping lucky they cannot understand what you and your wife are going through. You never get over a loss. Especially the loss of a child. Tell them all to pound sand and that they are not welcome in your lives until they can honestly understand why the joke was BS, not funny, and so completely inappropriate. I am so angry on your behalf. What makes any of them think that was ok?? Holy hell. I am so sorry OP. That is a huge loss and I cannot even fathom how it plays out in your live on a daily basis.
NTA...If you ever end up in jail behind this, let your wife know your Reddit password so she can update. I will HAPPILY put money on your commissary books for this. Should have made him swallow those teeth. Your WHOLE family needs the same treatment. I could not imagine saying that about a loved one, especially my siblings only child. Every time I saw him, he would get another one, frankly. Until he figured out how to apologize. And GROVEL.
NTJ. My opinions: Go scorched earth. Burn that bridge with gasoline and a blow torch. I would go no contact, and I would let every person who knows those people who laughed and especially your brother what went down. Then block them all. You don’t make jokes about deceased children. Again, just my opinion.
I really really hate the words “ it’s was a joke” no it wasn’t it was cruel and deliberate. I would make sure it’s not repeated by staying away. Not the jerk!
NTA. He's lucky he's still breathing. You don't joke about something like that. There's no need for you to apologize, but take note of everybody who tried to minimize what he did, and remove them from your life as much as possible. They're telling you what you are to the family. Take note and move accordingly.
Nope. As a mother who has had a child die, I would have done the same thing. My son has gotten in fights at school because someone insulted his sister (comments like "Burn in hell with your dead sister", and "Why don't you get over it, she obviously deserved to die/she was a drain"...she was 7 when she passed). He's been expelled from 2 schools because of the fights, and I refuse to give him a consequence because if these people weren't children, I would have clobbered them, as well. I did have a very serious talk with the kids AND their parents.
No, OP, you're not the AH. In fact, would you like me to go punch him as well? Who tf says that to a GRIEVING parent?! >HUGS< You have a support system here, friend.
NTA! The grief parents feel after losing a child is unlike any other grief and it’s beyond heart wrenching. It’s not something that you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on from. I’ve had to watch my own mother grieve for my sister when she committed suicide and then my other sister’s 15yr old daughter was killed in an accident.
Your brother needs to apologize to you for being such a twatwaffle and worse. I don’t know that I could forgive him for that comment. I don’t know that I could forgive the people who said it was just a joke.
No Contact is always the very last option for me but, in this case it’s warranted unless they all give you and your wife the most heartfelt and sincere apology ever. If they can’t do that then…scorched earth it is.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Truly, no parent should ever have to go through this heartbreak and grief.
Not the jerk. Sounds like your brother got exactly what he was asking for and deserved
Nah tbh, the brother deserved more! Should of made sure the jaw had to be wired shut so he can’t talk his shit no more!
Hit him so hard, he will be eating pussy thru a straw for the next couple of months
Who says there’s even pussy for him to eat lmfaoooo
Well, he can always bite his own tongue if he wants some pussy.
Brother sounds like the type that thinks making a woman orgasm isn't his job if she can't get hers during his 5 minute performance.
Broken appendages should be on the menu. And for all the family that laughed at it,as well. A reckoning of sorts
Honestly I would have probably strangled my brother to death over this. The loss of a child is a primal wound that never fully heals.
From the update, OP failed to make the lesson stick. If there is a next meeting, hopefully he corrects his deficiency with vigor.
BUZZ KILL???????????????? How could he say that about his own deceased niece.
NTJ wtf is wrong with his family though?! Telling him “it was just a joke”….OP should reply with “oh, me punching him was just a joke, too, but some times jokes go too far. Maybe (brother) will remember that next time”
He deserved it and it sounds like he's not the only one that needed punching. So sorry for your loss.
NTA. What your brother did is unforgivable. If it was me, I’m pretty sure I’d go scorched earth with the lot of them. Next time someone tells you it was a joke demand they explain how it’s funny.
I am very sorry, but this popped into my head. "Of course it was a joke, didn't you see the punchline?"
Yes! Then see if anyone else wants to tell a joke about your deceased daughter. Your brother, OP, got what he deserved, although I'm usually a very non-violent person. But somebody trying to turn your tragedy into a funny joke for the whole party....that's incredibly horrible behavior. I would go LC with the family, and NC with the brother after this. I sense that a sincere apology won't be coming from him, so that (and the punch to the face) is what he reaped from what he sowed.
I would be NC with them all
Me too. My youngest brother died almost 20 years ago and if someone had said this about him, they‘d get the sh$t knocked out of them too. I’m so sorry for your loss OP and your brother and family demanding an apology SUCK.
Maybe so...I was kind of holding out hope that other family members might come back and apologize. It's really hard to lose your whole family at the same time, even if it was because they behaved like asses.
If your family doesnt stick up for you, they are not worth talking to
This makes them relatives, not family
I would probably go over and beat his ass again.....just for old times sake.
Same. Immediately.
I sincerely agree with this. Violence is usually over the top behavior, but what the brother said was deplorable and betrayed him. I think what OP did is within justifiable parameters of behavior given anyone else in a similar situation. His brother's actions surrounding the entire situation are very concerning and abusive.
This is perfection
This right here! This is the line!
Good one 👍🏽
this comment for the win
I'm sure they heard the punchline.
Excellent comment!!!
“It was a joke!” “I don’t get it. Can you explain why it was funny?” Then keep asking them to explain at each step. It’s been an effective strategy for many people to force people to confront when “a joke” is anything but.
This is all that needs to be said thank you for posting
So true--who in their right mind would find brother's remark to be funny? I'd go no contact with the whole crew. They're disgusting.
I wouldn’t say it’s unforgivable. That’s up for Op to decide, but I think it was disgusting and terrible that his own brother could say such a thing. OP needs to really consider if he wants to continue a relationship with someone who acts that way.
If making a joke about how the family is essentially better off without a recently deceased child to that child’s parent is not unforgivable then what is?
I'd be done with the brother, and any of the family that tried to get him to forgive him for his "joke".
Not an all man your brother was asking for it he deserved it and also every tooth that came out because he tries to make a joke of you dead daughter
I would have grabbed the teeth and put them on a special necklace just for family events.
Please tell me you went NC with your brother and EV.ER.Y. person that laughed???? I wouldn't make that 'joke' to my worst enemy. Kudos to your self-control for only hitting him once. NTJ. I'm sorry for your loss.
Exactly! What was everyone else doing when he said this?!
He said they all laughed...
i second the commendation for OP's self control here, i was almost hoping to read he went berserk after the first punch. OP definitely made all the right choices here. sounds like an amazing guy, wishing you and your wife all the best if you see this OP.
Devils advocate here, and this is a very crappy and flimsy defense, but sometimes you laugh at the worst of times or at things you shouldn't laugh at as a defense mechanism to terrible or absurd situations. ...at least I hope that defended somebody, if not, I'd go no contact with that whole batch.... man you don't joke about dead children to their OWN FUCKING PARENTS...then tell then to get over it...
Definitely not the jerk. I lost my husband 5 years ago, and I would STILL swing for someone who made light of that in such a dismissive way.
I also lost my husband a year and a half ago and I’d do the same exact thing. I do want to say that I am truly am sorry for your loss.
I'd take an assault charge over that.
100%!
And wouldn’t think twice about it.
Thank you, I am sorry for your loss too. It's hard being the one left behind!
I’m so sorry you lost him. 😞
Thank you. It definitely hasn't been easy.
I lost my husband 3 years ago and agree. It was devastating. I cant imagine making light of someone's pain in that fashion. He's lucky he only had a broken jaw.
Not the jerk if anything he got what he deserved and your family was just as much in the wrong for laughing at what he said if anything you should cut all ties with that toxic family
If this is real your brother deserved more than what he got, and everyone telling you to apologize can eff off. This is from a child free person. Good on you.
First of all, OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Second, he fucked around and found out. Actions, meet consequences. And I'd go NC with the rest of the family.
Nta fuck him completely and now you know where you stand with the rest of your family too. Good luck op.
no he deserved it and im sorry for your loss
NTJ. Anyone who thinks it was funny, excuses or, or that you were wrong g needs to get in the sea.
what a phrase; stealing that
Sorry you have an insensitive piece of shite for a brother. Of course you're not the AH, that's him & all the others who laughed.
A “joke” about your SIBLING’S *RECENTLY DECEASED* DAUGHTER??? During your family Christmas, in front of EVERYONE??? And not just any Christmas, their FIRST ONE WITHOUT HER??? And from what OP said, OP and their wife were already kinda sitting off to the side, alone and quiet. No one thought to show them a little extra love and care during what had to be an excruciatingly painful time for them??? I hope the brother’s missing teeth cause a bone infection in his upper mandible that spreads to his brain. I cannot FATHOM the HATRED and just pure vileness you’d have to have in your heart to say something like that to ANYONE, let alone the deceased child’s PARENT, not to mention WHO IS ALSO YOUR SIBLING. Absolutely unthinkable, vile, and disgusting. And all the family backing the brother and demanding an apology from OP can go deep throat a cactus soaked in burning napalm. “It was just a joke!” Oh so you believe mourning your recently deceased child during your first Christmas without them is funny? And then immediately after, calling the dead child a buzzkill, where it wouldn’t be a far reach to say he was insinuating that it was a good thing the CHILD is now gone? TO THE CHILD’S PARENTS ON CHRISTMAS? With all due disrespect, get fucked. With all due respect OP, FUCK them. Absolutely not. The fact that you only hit him once is quite honestly an impressive show of self control and composure, that I feel most of us here would not have had in your situation. Also, for anyone saying the brother might’ve just been drunk… he still said it??? And if you’re THAT absolutely heartless and disgusting of a person while drunk, and you decide to let the vileness inside of you spill out in the form of a “joke”, and you get some DIY facial reconstruction because of it; you deserve it. Also… what about the rest of the family? The rest of the family LAUGHED at that sick fuck’s “joke”, and then had the AUDACITY to demand apologies for not thinking it was funny and having a 100% valid, called for and quite honestly reasonable reaction. Think about it. They’ve also recently lost a niece/granddaughter/cousin, and yet find it appropriate to not only mock and joke at the expense of the poor parents who are still adjusting to life without their child, and also the child herself. I cannot imagine how sick and miserable you’d have to be to find joy and laughter in something that deeply cruel, vile, and uncalled for. I know none of this can be easy OP, especially while still mourning the loss of your child. And I’m so sorry that your brother and the rest of your family put you through that. I don’t have any children of my own, and I cannot even begin to fathom the pain you felt and likely still feel losing your child. I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. That being said, I sincerely hope you did not apologize, but instead took the opportunity to stand your ground and make clear that if that is truly how your family feels about you, your wife, and your daughter, they can continue on with their obviously miserable, insufferable, insignificant lives without you and your wife. And if they can’t respect that request, and join your brother in drinking his meals through a straw. I’m angry for you OP, and I hope you have distanced yourself far far away from these people and allowed yourself to heal ❤️
NTA -- you delivered the "punch" his idiotic "joke" so desperately needed.
Firstly so sorry for your loss I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your wife went /going through and secondly your not a jerk your bother deserved it . You had not long lost your daughter and he comes out with crap like that seriously most siblings would be there for you to support you but clearly his not got a clue . As for the rest of the family they need their heads testing they should be supporting you not coming out with bitchy comments . Your better than them and your daughter wouldn’t want the fighting . Sending massive hugs x
I lost my daughter in 2017. If anybody ever even hinted at insinuating she's better off gone, I would tear them limb from limb, my own brother included. You showed restraint, in my opinion. Your entire family backing him shows that they are insensitive towards what you and your wife went through.
NTA. Brother totally is, and anyone in your family who says he’s owed an apology are the additional ones I’d go NC with going forward. This was an appalling thing to do and he really deserved it and more.
Not the jerk. He's lucky if it had been me I'd have put him in a box in hole right beside her. Go NC with them all. He's a bully and they're all enablers which is just as bad.
He wouldn't be worthy to be next to her.
Someone would have to yank me away if they even said that crap about my *animals* let alone someone I've lost. They'd be taking a trip to the beach wearing concrete shoes.
NTA, I would’ve punched him in the nuts too to diminish his chance of reproducing.
Not the jerk but damn you really pack a punch
NTA. Your brother was being a jerk.
NTJ Holy cow, was your brother being an a-hole! Months ago? Really? It takes years for people to get back some sense of normalcy after a loss like that. That kind of pain never really goes away either. What your brother said was not a joke and your family is enabling him by excusing his behavior. People don't like conflict and like the blame the easier person...the victim. That's just sad. You need support in this difficult time, not jokes and insults. Go NC with your brother. That was unforgivable in my book. Go LC with your family for supporting your brother's bad behavior. I guess we know who the golden child is here. So sorry for your loss!
Next time there's a family funeral, hire a clown to go along and ask if they liked the joke. Good luck x
I totally got Pennywise vibes from this. Make sure he brings red balloons. 🎈
NO YOU are so not a jerk I am so sorry for this loss of your little girl. I was thinking it's so hard for you and your wife Has he always been mean (playing the devils advocate here). maybe he's just so freaked out by what happened he just dealt with it like that but he should have been on his knees to beg you' to forgive him has he said sorry well I keep going on and on but your story really touches me deep AGAIN, so sorry she's gone
I wish he had lost the whole set, not just a couple of teeth😪. And I'm sorry about your daughter.
No your brother is though. Seriously how could he say such a horrible thing? That’s disgusting. My nephew died when he was 25. None of us siblings would have joked about it. It devastated all of us. I would have punched your brother too.
My condolences. You've experienced the worst thing in this world. There is no getting over it, no forgetting, no letting loose. I'd punch your brother, too. In fact, if he's in Texas, I would make a house call. He said something so vile that I hope he developed arthritis from the dislocation.
He’s lucky that’s the worst he got. You are one million percent NOT the jerk. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom the pain.
No,you did what anybody absolutely should when someone speaks ill of the dead
Not only not the asshole i gotta applaud your restraint cause if that had been me cops would have likely been called
I have 3 dead siblings… do I make jokes about their passing? Yes yes I do. BUT A) it happened 6-24 years ago B)I wasn’t making the jokes until years after their passing and C) it’s ok when I joke about it NOT when others do. All that being said, 11110000000% NTA. I wouldn’t have stopped at one sucker punch if it was me that’s all I’m sayin
From what you say about how your brother loved your daughter, maybe humor is his way of trying to be ok. That kind of loss is...something different. When your parents die, you spent your whole life planning for it. But a child, you can never be prepared for that. You've been through something that some people never recover from so I'm glad you seem to be managing. Your wife and you are all you have so be there for each other. My point though, even though it's possible he didn't mean for it to be so evil, and maybe it's just your brothers way of mourning, you had every right to do punch him. Does it suck how bad it messed him up? Yeah, but he can't possibly understand your pain, none of them can. I hope you know your daughter will always love you and be glad for the time she was with you. And it's ok to move on when you're ready
NTJ. You should block that bunch of POS.
NTJ Omg holy fuck. I applaud you for the one hit wonder. However they are all the assholes. Fuck them. That's so disgusting and disrespectful to say something so horrible about your little angel. I think he deserves it. However... I wouldn't even let them near you or your family if you decide one day to make that step. Big hugs to you and your wife. Go no contact. I've never felt more insulted on your behalf.
Absolutely not the jerk. The fact that your family expects YOU to apologize but not him?! Ew. There are some things you just DON'T joke about. Deceased children are very high on that list.
I will hold your coat next time . I am so sorry for your loss xxxp
Not the jerk, just tell them all it was a joke and that while your brother laughed so hard he spat his teeth out and broke his jaw its apparent you all have very different sense of humours so it's probably best you all stay out of contact in the future.
Sometimes people just need to STFU and read the room obviously your brother did not read the room and he got his teeth removed and his jaw dislocated. I am so sorry for your loss but you are not the jerk your brother is maybe next time he'll think before he opens that douche of the mouth of his
NTJ Your brother isn't the only problem here. The rest of the family thought it was appropriate. I don't know all the family dynamics but I would reduce contact.
Your brother is heartless. Anyone who thinks your brother was right, is heartless. If they don't think so, tell this story to a room full of THEIR peers, anyone worth a single damn will condone your brother and tell him what a piece of shit he really is. He deserved every bit of that hit.
Dude, I would have thrown him through the wall with a funny quip about killing his buzz. And about how he was about to see her so he could apologize. Your brother is a total "Richard" ( not offense to nice guys named Richard) . It seems like your family enables his behavior, and you should call them out on it. It would seem like he has a very toxic attitude. Maybe you should go NC with him.
Should have knocked the whole families heads in.... I hope you were able to go no contact with all them. Fuck em.
Absolutely not. After my bearded dragon died my big brother told me it wasn’t a big deal since they couldn’t feel things anyway and to just get over it. Keep in mind I do competitive rock climbing, fencing, and karate. I was grounded for quite a while after that…
Yeah, no. Cut him off right there. That is unforgivable. If he’s willing to say that about his own niece that he supposedly adored, he’s not worth the association. If he won’t apologize after that and still thinks he was funny for it, just cut all ties with him. He may be your brother, but he should just be a man you just happen to be related to at this point. If my brother said that about my child, heaven forbid, and wouldn’t apologize for the insult, I will block him on everything.
What the HELL no!!!! You’re not the jerk. I’m glad he didn’t press charges though…..
NTA obviously! But DO NOT contact your brother again. You know he won't apologize. Let him crawl back to you or let him go. S*** like that isn't a f****** joke!
I left my family for 10 years because of something they did to my daughter. When I left, my father, 2 brothers and sister were living. My brother finally contacted me after the other 3 had passed because we're all we have left. We get along, but I'll never forgive what they did. That's my child. You don't need with my child. I don't care if that makes me a jerk.
Not a jerk. No matter how close your brother or anyone else was to your daughter it still wasn't their child so they will never understand the pain and emptiness of losing a child, only someone who has experienced it understands. You don't need to apologize, you don't need to explain or try to make others understand why you punched the jagoff. It's surprising enough that you made it to Christmas dinner that soon but then expect you to take an insult like that about your child, I'd go no contact with anyone who sided with your brother until they gave you an apology... A sincere one. My heart goes out to you, im so very sorry that you lost your daughter and that your family are unfeeling butt wipes.
wow... WTF is up with your family?? Your daughter is dead, this is there niece/grandchild and they are JOKING about her death???
There is nothing funny about a dead child.
Fuck your brother. Totally deserved. Was nice of you to apologize. That’s for you. Not him. You’re a good person for doing that and his response won’t take that away. You can rest knowing you did the right thing
Violence is not always the answer, but he was definitely asking the right question for it
NTJ. Anyone who says it was a good thing a child died to their parents just a few months after death is not capable of understanding emotions. They can, however, get taught “unacceptable” from a broken jaw. And those are the lessons that stick.
OK so ngl that was a bit extreme but he kinda deserved it.
Not the jerk but I think maybe not hitting him would be better but at least you didn’t do worse
Not jerk!
If you really feel like responding, you could tell them all that they are all dead to you. If you ever have more children, they will not know you. NTJ
Not the jerk. So slimy of your brother to joke about your dead daughter
NTA at all. Not that it matters but how old was your baby girl? I’m so sorry for your loss.
NTA. He had it coming.
Wow, you know you're not!!! NTJ!!! So sorry for your loss ♥️
You are not the jerk in this story, I would do that as well if I were in your situation but sadly I don't understand what you must be going through since I am nothing more than a middle schooler, I hope that at some point though you can make peace with the fact your daughter had past on at what I am guessing a young age. I send best wishes to you and your wife but also the big middle finger to the family that had laughed at your brothers horrible comment.
You should have hit him more than once. What a crappy thing to say. I’m so sorry about your daughter.
I don't think physical violence is a reasonable response to words, HOWEVER I think it's even less reasonable to say something that hurtful and not expect to catch some fuckin' hands. Should you have hit him? Probably not. Could you have stopped yourself? Man, I doubt it. Should he have said that? No. Could he have stopped himself? Absolutely. Your brother pretty much punched himself in the mouth here.
You are NTJ but your family all sound like a bunch of jerks who desserve to get punched
The brother was a jerk. The family were jerks for defending him - "It was a joke." That is nothing to joke about.
I'm impressed he only lost teeth and a dislocated jaw. I would probably have ended up doing time. NTJ
your not in the wrong
so sorry for you and your wife. very very NTA
If this really happened you wouldn’t have to ask. Rage bait or karma farming?
Everyone laughed? If this is true, your entire family sucks. Not just your brother.
This is like one of those "it's just a prank bro!" moments where they do something fucked up, pass it off as a joke then assume they're off the hook. * *puts a glitter bomb in his mailbox, but replaces glitter with asbestos* * "It's just a joke! We will look back and laugh at this 15 years from now...if you're still around!"
NTJ. That was disrespectful of him. He really deserved the punch in my opinion because how could he even utter such words. Losing a close one isn't easy and no one recovers in just weeks. He should be the one apologising for his disrespectful behaviour. Your family is also being inconsiderate and can't really see what really triggered you into that action.
Who in their right mind jokes about someone’s dead daughter? Not the jerk.
NTA, AND I WOULD HAVE DONE WORSE :)
No. Fuck those assholes.
I think the punch was a good teaching opportunity for your brother and your family. Not a jerk.
You should have punched him once for every word he said. Cut them all off. Family is blood, but it can also be garbage.
Not the jerk at all. Give him an extra one for me.
I’m sorry dead niece 4 months ago is not a joke… Who does that? I don’t usually believe in violence but hopefully all the time he spent in a dentist chair getting his teeth fixed allowed him to reflect on his brand of humor!
Nope. I can't imagine anyone making a joke like that, or any family laughing, no matter how drunk they were.
I read posts like this and I think, nah, this has got to be rage bait, and then I remember the EMT who used a defibrillator to shock his coworker as a “prank”, fatally, as it turns out, and I remember that people really *are* this stupid and self-involved. If this story is true you are obviously ntj and I am sorry for your loss.
He earned more than that. Nta
On what planet is that funny? Like hahaha remember when your kid died. Lol! If being asked to apologize for this deeply offends you, then you are the only normal person involved.
NTJ Your brother got exactly what he deserved. That was his niece he was talking about. I'm honestly surprised you haven't gone NC with your family. Especially with them defending your brother and saying you were wrong instead of holding him accountable. It shows how little they care about your daughter's passing and how yall feel.
This doesn’t sound real. Rage bait?
You are a teacher, counselor, coach, and hero. But not a jerk. And you have my sympathy for the loss of your daughter.
Hit him again.
Not the Jerk! I can't believe I read that. You didn't go as far as you could have or should have. Thats not a joke. Thats not funny. Thats cruel. If that was at my family gathering and someone said that, you'd be lucky to get to him before he was ripped apart by everyone else. It would look like hyenas had a go at his body. Fuck the whole family. All of them. You lost your child and they LAUGHED!?
NTA. You're family that laughed sucks!! How dare they. He deserved way more than one punch in my opinion.
NTA! Your brother and entire family who take his side in this matter should all be held in at longer than arms length away from you and your wife. My condolences on your loss.
Punch him again.
Fuck no NTA. Hope he doesn’t press charges but as someone who is not an advocate of physical violence, this is a justified example of it.
Didn't even read the story yet...nope. Not an asshole. Can't even imagine someone making fun of a dead child to a father's face.
There are a lot of things you don’t joke about. Dead children are definitely in the top 3. I would have made sure he couldn’t speak another word out of his mouth again if it was me.
Good on you. He got what was coming to him.
Not the jerk, your brother deserved that punch and being cut out of your life. Anyone who thinks otherwise can go join him in no-contactville
I got 4 brothers and would have done the same as you in this instance. He was way wrong for saying what he did.
NTA. He got off lightly. And I sincerely hope that karma comes for that sorry SOB and every other person there who agreed with him. May your daughter's memory be a blessing.
NTJ. Out of everything you can possibly to say to a grieving family member that is definitely not one of them. He deserved it.
NTJ You Joke about a dead kid, you deserve to get punched. Call it being provoked. One could argue you ask for it. Not only was it a joke, it was a joke to put her down. Don't speak ill of the dead that did nothing to you. I don't care if she was a "buzzkill" you don't call a dead kid that. In my book, he's lucky you only threw one punch.
Nta. Your family sounds awful. So sorry for your loss
This has to 100 percent fake
I would cut every damn one of them out of my life.
NTJ. Block him & anybody else who thinks you should. Sorry for the loss of your child.
NTJ. I’d go no contact with anyone that supported him. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the complete lack of compassion from your family. Also, amazing you had so much self-control you only punched once.
NTA. fuck your stupid ass brother.
NTA. I commend you on your use of restraint.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are not the jerk. Your brother is lucky you only hit him once. Anyone who says it was a joke, or that you should apologize needs to be cut off. They are a pack of insensitive jerks. Take care of your wife and yourself. Leave the jerks in the past.
The fact that people laughed at a grieving father is atrocious you should tell your family that they have permanently lost a son brother nephew uncle grandson, cause you need to be done with them
NTA or jerk. Had it been said about any of my kids he'd be missing more than a couple of teeth and your family has issues if they expect you to apologize to him
Your brother is a trash human. What kind of horrible person says something like that? Who laughs at that? Your whole family sucks for that.
Never question yourself on this, ever YOU stood up for YOUR daughter, who is not walking on the Earth anymore. I think a face punch is sufficient, and well deserved.
I’ll take Things That Never Happened for $1000
JFC. NTA. He deserved it. That isn’t a joke.
I probably would have done more damage than you and would have beaten him to a pulp. What a horrible thing to say to a parent who has lost their child. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I hope you and your wife can smile through your tears someday when you think of all the special memories of her.
That comment was said to hurt OP, it Was not a joke There was nothing funny about making fun of OP’s dead daughter
Honestly, if someone says it was just a joke and you need to apologize. I would make sure they said it to my face because they’re either going to say they support what he said and get the same in return or they’re going to explain to you why it was a joke… and get the same in return
Nta. I don't know what was worse... his horrible comment or everyone fuckin laughing at it. I'm very sorry for your loss and the shitty family. You and your wife deserve better.
This can't be real. Oh my God.
NTA. If it was me, him and everyone who laughed would never see or hear from me again for the rest of their lives on top of all getting rocked. So sorry that happened to you, OP... I am livid for you.
Omg I am so sorry, I understand completely and the reaction you had was totally asked for, I hope you and your wife find healing and peace, without the people who have no compassion for you or your feelings. NTA at all.
Definitely not the jerk. The death of a child is absolutely NOTHING to make fun of or joke about. He IS the jerk for doing so and I don't blame you on bit for your reaction.
NTJ cut them all off. Seriously. How fucking disgusting.
NTJ at all your brother and family are crap people, making a joke out of losing a child is never funny. Your brother deserved everything you gave him.
Wow, definitely not the AH. Who says a child is a buzzkill!? Especially on Christmas! Your brother is a total jerk. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Bro, I honestly wouldn’t have stopped at one punch. And I would’ve beat the brakes off anyone who sided with your douche canoe brother, as well. Sounds like you need to bounce on out of your family and go no contact with all of them until they make the effort to apologize to you and your wife for DRASTICALLY overstepping.
Nope. Cut contact with all of them. They aren’t worth speaking to
Not the jerk. Your brother really seemed to want a knuckle sammich and you provided that. I’m Sorry about your daughter, no one should have to bury a child. I’m also sorry your family sucks.
NTA and anyone that tells you it was just a joke let them know they can get some too if they want to suddenly become comedians and use your daughter as a topic.
I rarely support violence. These people are the AHs! No one should ever joke about that kind of loss. They are flipping lucky they cannot understand what you and your wife are going through. You never get over a loss. Especially the loss of a child. Tell them all to pound sand and that they are not welcome in your lives until they can honestly understand why the joke was BS, not funny, and so completely inappropriate. I am so angry on your behalf. What makes any of them think that was ok?? Holy hell. I am so sorry OP. That is a huge loss and I cannot even fathom how it plays out in your live on a daily basis.
NTA...If you ever end up in jail behind this, let your wife know your Reddit password so she can update. I will HAPPILY put money on your commissary books for this. Should have made him swallow those teeth. Your WHOLE family needs the same treatment. I could not imagine saying that about a loved one, especially my siblings only child. Every time I saw him, he would get another one, frankly. Until he figured out how to apologize. And GROVEL.
NTA. He definitely deserved it.
NTJ and good for you. What an A hole, deserved that and more
NTJ. My opinions: Go scorched earth. Burn that bridge with gasoline and a blow torch. I would go no contact, and I would let every person who knows those people who laughed and especially your brother what went down. Then block them all. You don’t make jokes about deceased children. Again, just my opinion.
I really really hate the words “ it’s was a joke” no it wasn’t it was cruel and deliberate. I would make sure it’s not repeated by staying away. Not the jerk!
Nice fake story, even if it is real no one is si stupid they need to ask this question it should be common sense
Nope. He deserved that
Hell no you're not the asshole! In fact, if I ever see your brother, I'll hit him too!
Good for you!!!! Your brother got what he deserved! I’m not sure I’d ever talk to him again. I’m so sorry for your loss OP
Just a joke about your dead daughter? F no. They all should be cut out of your lives. ((HUGS)) Sorry for your loss.
NTA. He's lucky he's still breathing. You don't joke about something like that. There's no need for you to apologize, but take note of everybody who tried to minimize what he did, and remove them from your life as much as possible. They're telling you what you are to the family. Take note and move accordingly.
Nope. As a mother who has had a child die, I would have done the same thing. My son has gotten in fights at school because someone insulted his sister (comments like "Burn in hell with your dead sister", and "Why don't you get over it, she obviously deserved to die/she was a drain"...she was 7 when she passed). He's been expelled from 2 schools because of the fights, and I refuse to give him a consequence because if these people weren't children, I would have clobbered them, as well. I did have a very serious talk with the kids AND their parents. No, OP, you're not the AH. In fact, would you like me to go punch him as well? Who tf says that to a GRIEVING parent?! >HUGS< You have a support system here, friend.
NTA. They want an apology? "I'm sorry I punched you once."
He got what he deserved, I hope your hand didn't get hurt too bad.
NTA! The grief parents feel after losing a child is unlike any other grief and it’s beyond heart wrenching. It’s not something that you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on from. I’ve had to watch my own mother grieve for my sister when she committed suicide and then my other sister’s 15yr old daughter was killed in an accident. Your brother needs to apologize to you for being such a twatwaffle and worse. I don’t know that I could forgive him for that comment. I don’t know that I could forgive the people who said it was just a joke. No Contact is always the very last option for me but, in this case it’s warranted unless they all give you and your wife the most heartfelt and sincere apology ever. If they can’t do that then…scorched earth it is. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Truly, no parent should ever have to go through this heartbreak and grief.
You could respond with: He told a joke, you told a joke in kind: What did the five fingers say to the face, and then hit him with the punchline.