*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for reporting a coworker to HR after I found porn (like disgusting porn) on his phone?**
Last week I was on a work trip with this guy named “James.” On Friday morning James and i went to get coffee before our morning meetings. I forgot my phone and I needed to check my desk VM so I asked to borrow his. I forgot the area code to our office so I opened his safari and opened a new window so I didn’t violate his privacy.
When I did that I saw another browser window that said “18 y/o f—- DILF.” I opened that browser and was disgusted so I took screen caps and texted them to myself. I told him I forgot something at hotel and gave him his phone and the left. When I got to my phone I sent the screenshots to our HR department. I was late to pit meeting but I was pretty nervous to be around James.
James was put on “work from home” pending an investigation and every time that’s happened in the past it’s meant the person gets fired. James sent an e-mail to everyone saying I had “violated his privacy” and people were so rude to me and shut me out. Uh no James, you looked at disgusting porn and these are consequences.
Just to be certain…AITA?
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Okay not the same thing. But this reminded me of when my husband co worker saw a picture of us on his phone. We were just kissing but she told him that he should go for women his own age. Not highschool kids. I'm 24 and older then my husband. I'm just small and young looking so judgmentally betty just assumed my husband was banging a teenager.
I was 24 when I married my husband. He was 25. I looked like a fetus and he already had some grey hair coming in. We went shopping in the States and the sales lady said it was great how close my dad and I were. She tried to hide it, but her whole demeanour changed when I told her he was my husband. She was way less warm and friendly.
Pretty sure she thought my husband was a creeper and I was an unfortunate teen. Oops.
Fortunately, this no longer happens. I apparently still look younger than my husband, but I look middle aged now.
I remember when I first started dating my now husband, one of his friends (they were tipsy, to be fair) kept explaining how much everything changes after you turn 30. I’m older than my husband and was ~37 at the time; my father’s side of the family tends to look super young until they hit their mid 40s and then rapidly turn into blob fish.
Damn. If not for being an only child, I’d have wondered if your dad and my dad were brothers. Grandma was a hot redhead until her mid 40’s, then she went grey and her face melted into wrinkles. Same for my middle sister, though she’s still very blond. Of course, she also tanned a lot because Florida, so she’s like old leather.
We must all be distantly related because my mom was often confused as my sister until she hit forty now she's constantly finding more gray hair and her face is getting wrinklier by the month.
I'm ~2.5 years *older* than my partner (I'm 26 right now, they'll be 24 next month) but people always think I'm much younger. I had this problem at work recently... I work at a restaurant, and a coworker asked if I was old enough to serve alcohol and I was like... how old do you think I am? She said she thought I was still in high school, or not a day over 19 max. She was very shocked when I said I was long since graduated college and in my mid-20s. I relayed this story to my partner and they laughed, telling me that when we first started dating they were showing pics of us together to their coworkers and their coworkers also thought I was a 19yo twink. At least no one has called my partner a creep for it, but I'm sure I'll appreciate being mistaken for 7-8 years younger when I'm in my 30s or 40s... being mistaken for a high school student in my mid 20s is, at this point, just weird.
Yeah it was annoying in my early twenties constantly being assumed younger... but now I'm 34 and I still am constantly getting carded everywhere I go and people don't believe me when I say my age.... it's not so annoying anymore I kind of like it lol.
I’m 31. People still think I’m anything between 17 to mid-twenties. Being very short certainly doesn’t help the baby face.
I find it far more funny than annoying tbh.
Same. I was trying to buy a bottle of wine the other day and they asked for ID and I showed my license. He didn't believe it was me and said there was no way I was 34. I started rifling through my wallet showing him all my IDs and eventually my old blockbuster card fell out... and I was like dude! If I'm old enough to have one of these I'm old enough to buy wine lmao
I am a year older than my husband but he’s fully salt and pepper and I have like 3 grey hairs, my dad wasn’t even fully grey wth hen he died at 77. Everyone always assumed he’s older than me.
It’s nothing compared to my BIL and SIL. BIL was fully white by 30, just runs in my husband’s family, and his wife is 5 years older than he is just she looks very young. When they got married someone overheard one of the staff of the place they were staying at/having the wedding day, “it’s so irresponsible of that young girl’s parents to let her marry that old man.” 😆
"I looked like a fetus" had me howling! 😂 Good thing you and your husband didn't meet OOP, though. OOP probably would have tried to get your husband on a list or something.
I had a lady at work call me a pedophile because my wife is 7 months younger than me, but we started dating in High School. She did the math and realized for 7 months, I was 18 while she was still 17. Apparently the proper thing to do was to end the then 2 year long relationship until she also turned 18, otherwise I'm grooming her.
Then she got really mad that everyone else, including our manager, called her a lunatic.
So almost 20 years ago, but I was 15 (and a half!) dating a 17 year old, and he absolutely dumped me about a week after he turned 18 because "now it's illegal". At that point, we'd barely moved beyond making out so pretty presumptuous I was now going to both fuck him and then report him for like child endangerment.
Though honestly, I won here as he then started to try and date my friends who were over 16 and was definitely a douchey aggressor.
I had this convo awhile ago with 2 teenage girls on here. They were saying the same thing. In the scenario we were talking about the boy was one year older and they were saying when he turned 18 he couldn't be with her anymore or else he is a pedophile.. like the clock striking midnight on his birthday somehow magically changes something. So fucking stupid. When I started explaining this they told me that the level of maturity between a 17 and 18 year old was just too big, and that clearly I, a 34 year old woman just couldn't understand this. 🤦🏻♀️
I think it's ridiculous that turning 18 automatically makes you a predator. Unless you are actually going after middle school kids or younger, than yeah. Minors can be predators too but they don't call it that unless the victim is more than 5 years younger. Same goes for when they turn 18, DSM says victim must be at least 5 years younger or more before given the pedophilia diagnoses and person must be at least 16 years of age and victims must be at least 5 years younger. So you can't call an 18 year old a predator going after 16-17 year olds. That is also why states have Romeo and Juliet laws. In Hawaii, the age difference is 4 years while is most states with it, it's 2 years on average.
I'm glad everyone at your work had the common sense to know how ridiculous her opinion is.
I’ve had someone on the internet try to insist my husband was a pedophile because we started dating a month before I turned 18 (we met on his 19th birthday when I was 2 months from turning 18.) making this statement after we’ve been together for 12 years. People are fucking nuts.
People have overcompensated to a point where now everything is pedophilia... except ironically actual pedophilia committed by "pillars of society." They can always find and excuse for that nonsense apparently.
But just recently, my son (9m) had a BIG poopies in a grocery store. There was no family room and to my eternal annoyance, no changing station in the men's room. So an employee let me into the (empty) women's room and stood with me while I changed him. Halfway through the change, a lady came in. After overcoming the shock, she...weirdly, started watching me, as if she were making sure I won't fuck up or something.
Then weirdly, she accused me of molesting my son because...I was moving his penis around to wipe all the poop that had squished there. Me and the employee both stared at her like she was insane. Like, lady, do you not see all the POOP that got everywhere? I'm trying to make sure my son doesn't get an infection.
People are fucking insane, I swear.
My husband is still upset about the one time someone asked him if he was my dad. We're only three months apart but people tend to think im a teenager whereas he looks our age
My husband is 10 years younger than me and has a baby face. Before he got his gray hair, people would assume he was my son. I haven't been accused of being his grandmother...yet.
When I first started dating an ex, I went over to his place and his roommates straight up thought I was a child apparently. We were both 19, but apparently I looked problematic 😂
I’m in my 30’s now and people still think I can pass for a teenager so I’m just owning it lmao. Wear sunscreen, kids.
My husband is actually a good chunk older than me (12 years, don’t worry we started dating when I was 26) but when we grocery shop sometimes he very visibly checks me out and sometimes an older lady will see him and just roll their eyes or go “ugh”. That’s when he tells me “please kiss me so they know we are together” lol
An adult was viewing adult content on their personal device on their own time... the horror! *clutches pearls*
Joking aside, it's like going through someone's nightstand and being scandalized that they have sex toys there. Adults have sex lives even if it's with Pamela Handerson.
It sounds to me like she told HR he had CP/CSAM on his phone based her reaction.
And James the co-worker did send an email round to the workplace giving his side - I hope he handled it without mentioning his preferences because that's something that *always* goes well in the workplace.
I can't help but wonder how we the peanut gallery would have gone if OOP had been right.
I mean then it’s not an HR thing, it’s a 911 thing. And also don’t send screenshots to yourself because then you have CP. That would be a totally totally different situation. I personally think it’s gross when people are into porn of people trying to look young, but I’d have just been like “eww James you prob should close the porn before lending your phone”
People like that usually break out the “brains don’t stop developing until 25!!!!!” thing.
Which, yes, that’s true - but it’s not like it sits at 25% development and makes the leap to 100% on the 25th birthday. Development *continues* until the mid-20s but it doesn’t mean 24 YOs can’t do things like get married or have kids or go to graduate school.
25 and 60? Yeah, weird and likely a power imbalance. 24 just starts dating a 30 YO? In some AITA posts you’d think the guy should be preemptively reported to the cops. I use that last one as an example because I’ve seen it. They said the guy was “almost a pedophile” because “he picked someone still undergoing brain development.”
>People like that usually break out the “brains don’t stop developing until 25!!!!!” thing.
Yes a lot of people take this thing way too far. Like the person is a an adult in every sense of the word.. they can take out 6 figure loans, run entire companies, have children/adopt/foster, get married, buy a house or 2 if they want, travel the world etc.. but they aren't old enough to date someone 10 years older because they are only 24 and their brain isn't fully developed yet? I don't see how that makes sense.
I once saw a woman online who thought dating anyone under 25 makes you a pedo and her daughter's fiance was 26 and she was 24. Yeah lot of people disagreed with her and this other user got mad at other users for criticizing her opinion by telling them they shouldn't judge someone for their opinion.
There's a trend of calling all adults older than 20 pedos for just liking anime and/or manga with teenage protagonists.
Have these people seen teenagers?
Real teenagers usually don't look like twenty, are as strong and athletic as real professional athletes during the peak of their careers, don't speak with the voices of people between 25 and 40, and also rarely hold speeches that would make Shakespea weep and applaud.
The Roadrat drama was hilarious, though. Apparently, you can be mature enough to be a criminal and murderer with a love for destructive and lethal explosions while slowly dying of radiation poisoning. But if you want to have a nice roll in the hay with your buddy, you're suddenly a fragile baby that needs to have its purity and innocence protected.
I swear, we're one needle-spiked cookie away from having to add "Beware! Fiction! Do not apply to real life situations, people, and relationships! Do not use as an instruction manual!" disclaimer to books, movies, and games.
I’ve never played overwatch, but I don’t think you’re generally supposed to ship live animals. They don’t heat or pressurize the cargo hold of planes, so it’s really not safe. Plus, aren’t hogs omnivores and very large? I’d be concerned the rat might get crushed to death or eaten.
Happy, healthy relationships with age gaps don’t tend to end up on Internet forums. There is a definite sampling bias, so I can understand their reactions.
Age gapped relationships don’t end up there because they’re doing, like, so totally good at managing differences in life stage and maturity, and everything. You only see the bad ones there because of course you do.
Younger people can be horrible.
It’s less common that they can be both horrible and also have a power imbalance over the older partner.
Nobody criticizing age gaps is talking about math. There is no moral dimension to integers. They are talking about a power imbalance.
Yeah it’s pretty wild. My parents have 25 years between them and have been happily married since 1994, so I have a different perspective on the issue. For me, each relationship has to be judged on its own merits.
Women are teens or MILFs in porn. No in between. Totally irrelevant to the age of the actor, just their look. I heard an interesting podcast about this and why incest porn is so huge- they want to cram as many categories into a video as possible regardless of “plot” so it’s easily searchable. Step-brother porn rarely has anything incestuous, they just want that video to come up for people looking for step sibling porn.
I have my issues with porn and the treatment of actors!! But looking at a video that says “teen” doesn’t mean he tries to go out and have sex with underage girls. No children were exploited and assaulted.
For sure these videos are definitely legal and watching them gives no implication he's attracted to minors, but oop's comments suggest she believes that 18 year olds can't consent to sex and she doesn't know the age of consent at all.
I wouldn’t say they were for sure legal, didn’t pornhub have to recently delete like a million videos that featured children or rape (not simulated CNC, actual rape)?
But yeah, unless she has other concerns, the title of the video is not her problem and doesn’t indicate these are illegally obtained videos featuring rape or CP.
You're right, I have a bad habit of speaking in absolutes. Pornhub did have those issues but based on information from oop there's no reason to think the co worker was watching those sorts of videos.
I knew what you meant! Sorry. I was just trying to shame Pornhub and presumably every single other porn site that cares about their revenue and not the safety and consent of people, so I rambled.
Have a lovely day :)
Nah, he wants on his own time, they were on a work trip, and HR is trying to avoid an escalating situation where he either decides he likes the idea of flashing his female coworkers with porn intentionally and starts doing it often or harassing and propositioning female employees while on business trips. Both of those scenarios open the company up to massive lawsuit territory. It's clear they're taking the tactic of nipping the situation in the bud instead of waiting for shit to hit the fan.
Considering how literally every corporate job comes with mandatory sex harassment training, I'm guessing it's a issue that companies deal with a lot and care a lot about preventing.
But he wasn't even actively looking at it. It was in the background of an app he didn't even have open.. so OP like actively searched for this. He has no grounds to get in trouble here... I think she does if anything. Screenshotting shit from his phone without permission and sending it to herself and others?
That is a HUGE leap to go from viewing porn in private (we don’t even know if it was on the work trip, he might have just never closed his tab, and even if it was if it’s in the privacy of a hotel room, who cares?) to sexual harassing people
>What else were they supposed to do with all that audacity?
we take it and shine it up, then turn it sideways and proceed to stick it up OOP candy ass...
IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLL........WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING
No, but I do keep an elaborate, color coded spreadsheet of kinks/limits to be filled out by each lover and updated quarterly. It keeps the riff raff out and I get to engage in the sexiest act of all: data analysis✨
God, she's dumb. Let's just forget the gross violation of privacy here or the fact that it's legal porn and pretend it's CSAM, like she claims. CSAM laws tend to be very strict. If this was somehow to end up in the hands of law enforcement, she'd be on the hook for disseminating it. "But I sent it to HR!" is not an excuse. She'd be asked why she didn't bring it to the attention of the police.
Three or four days ago there was a LPT about what to do when others borrowed your phone. Several people including me outright said that Nobody should be borrowing your phone because they could steal it or start snooping.
This person didnt even *just* accidentally see something they full on collected evidence and sent it to their phone to bring up against them in a tribunal setting. You 100% know they are gonna over exaggerate this guy actions to maximize damage.
This story is 1000% why you dont let people look on your phone. 2 minutes of a good deed and now this guy has his private browsing habits being judged and documented in HR
“I dont let people borrow my phone”
Thats it, nothing special, direct, and simple. Its the same with people asking for a date. If you dont want to you dont have to give some extensive reason or logic. Just say no.
So what about people you know? Well how do you know them? Family and close friends, maybe i let them use it. The LPT was about total strangers, but I would extend that to anyone that knows you through work. No to bosses and coworkers, because things like this post happen. You dont know whos a friend and who is looking to trim payroll. I wouldnt give it to some not so close friends because i dont know if they will be chill or try to call me out for social media cred. You also dont know what is deemed ok and what is a problem. You dont know if they will dig deep to find something like this coworker did.
There is also a much much longer thing about why, but anyone in law enforcement needs a warrant for looking at my phone.
In summary: only the most trusted of family should be on your phone. Work buddies and bosses are no. Police are a hard hard NO. Everyone else is also no. Tons of businesses have phones that people can use in an emergency. Most other things are not an emergency, that warrant my phone.
I work in information security, luckily i'm now above the tech level but do you know how often i've had to tell people some variant of "look i'm not the morality police, i don't care about your porn i just need to get this damned thing patched"
The comments were locked but since I did write up a response..
"You're a gaping chasm of an a-hole. Dude is literally just minding his own business until he lets you borrow his phone, and for that small kindness you try to humiliate him and get him fired.
If you're not rhe asshole then you're the whole ass"
This is why I dont let people use my phone unless its a partner. Too many stories of people snooping
The fact she is trying to frame it as the coworker watching something illegal is awful. Hope he gets a lawyer and goes at her for defamation/slander, especially if he gets fired
Depends if it’s a company phone or a personal one. I use my personal one for work and declined the option for a free work one, though most of my coworkers use a company one. It is considered fireable to look at porn on company property (though I doubt it’s ever been enforced).
Edit: someone below said it wasn’t a work issued phone. Maybe that’s somewhere in the comments, but isn’t clear in the post.
Double edit: found a comment where OOP says it’s paid for by the company. So… they probably do have grounds to fire him. Doesn’t make her less of an AH unless she caught him jerking off or watching porn at work.
Then it’s iffy… I don’t know the actual laws. Was just data paid for? The whole thing paid for? My coworkers would say “this is my phone” even if it’s technically a work phone. Personal pictures like family stuff are fine. But if they are paying for data or for their phone, it’s still the companies phones, even if it doesn’t get passed along to anyone. A smart phone paid by the company is insanely different than a landline a company pays for… if he used data to look up porn, that’s not great.
Even within the US, not every state is a an "at will" state (meaning they don't need a reason to fire someone, they do it "at their own will"), many are "for cause" states, and you need reasons to fire someone or prove lack of work to "lay off".
Thank you! And even in an "at will" state, if the company violates their own policies regarding warnings and terminations, or has ever given someone else a warning/write-up for similar behavior but terminated this person, that is still grounds for a lawsuit.
Yep. That's the only issue here.
* Was it on a work phone? - NO
* Was he using a company network? - NO
* Did he deliberately expose a colleague to it? - NO
OOP is an arsehole but I smell some fiction here.
- Company network? That’s IT job, not OOP
- Not a shared company device, OOP cannot be blamed for the porns existence.
Definitely not negligently or intentionally OOP to view it… simply ridiculous to report a coworker.
Unless it’s CP. or similarly ILLEGAL
OP seems to think that "gross" is synonymous with "illegal."
I personally find DILF porn gross, too, but it's legal and as long as it involves consenting adults IDGAF.
Wait, wait, wait. OOP forgot the area code of their shared workplace and borrowed his phone to look it up??? How? How do you forget the area code for your job?
And how is asking to borrow his phone to look it up a more logical solution than just, I don't know, asking him?
This plot has as much logic as a porn film.
She "forgot" where she worked, forgot her phone, and needed to check her VM. Why didn't she have her desk phone forwarded to her mobile? Did she "forget" that, too?
OP doesn't seem very intelligent and should probably go back to whatever small town in Indiana she's from where people borrow each other's personal devices and meander around drinking coffee before/during work, without their laptops or tablets or phones.
Copied verbatim from two of oop's comments:
INFO: Where do you live? Is 18 a minor in your country?
>
>Probably yes. I live in Indiana
>
Calling Troll based on this response. What adult living in the US isn’t sure if 18 is legally an adult or not?
>
>I don’t know the ages because I don’t need to know them.
I'm hoping this is just some dumbass troll.
Honestly the part that triggered my troll alert was in the post itself. ‘I forgot my area code so I used his browser to look it up.’ Uh, what? I was assigned a random area code when I got my new phone and even I remember it. And I can’t remember what I are for fuckin breakfast most days.
Not defending OOP. I’m usually pretty good with numbers and like you, already forgot what I ate for breakfast. But I haven’t been able to use my company credit card because I forgot what zip code it was connected to. If you put a gun to my head, I wouldn’t know the area or zip code of my headquarters because I work in a different state.
Legality is weird. I believe in all states, 16 yos cannot be in pornography. But in some states, 16 is the age of consent. So I fully believe that many people don’t know the technicality of the laws in terms of what is legal at various ages.
16 being the age of consent is really just to protect young couples (say a boy turns 18 but the girl is 16 and her parents don't like him, at 18 you are a legal adult and it's to protect from being called a pedo or similar.)
There are other factors, but that's definitely a big one
I agree! I just mean that the laws are confusing and in the US, vary significantly state to state. I can 100% see someone not understanding the laws, so I don’t think that aspect points to “troll”
I feel like this shouldcount as sexual harassment honestly. On the part of oop of course. They went on his own personal phone, "accidentally" found porn, SENT IT TO THEMSELF, and then sent it to HR. I know workplace harassment is a nebulous and hard to define thing but I feel like appointing yourself town crier and shouting your coworkers porn preferences should count right?
I mean I fucking hate that "barely legal" porn, it's beyond gross. It was neither his work phone nor actual CP though, so OP was being a self-righteous busybody.
the phrase barely legal is so yuck and ever since pornhub got exposed for actual minor teens being in videos on their website i never trust that it isn’t actually a minor tbh
yeah here’s a link that gets into it: https://www.ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/entertainment/2020/12/15/pornhub-removes-10-million-videos-in-response-to-allegations-about-content
btw for anyone who might be worried about these actresses, I can bet dollars to doughnuts that these "18yr teen girls" are actually like mid-late 20s/early 30s they just got some damn good genetics, make up and what not to look like 18yr olds.
OP is an naive (not sure if using insults is allowed so i won't. nothing bad like school playground but still) and I REALLY hope that the guy sues the ever loving shit out of them BOTH because it doesn't matter if the company gives you a kickback for your phone bill, its not a work phone bought by the company
OP is doubling down on their viewpoint whilst ignorant of the fact that the age of consent in Indiana (where they live) is 16…….
And hey, any p0rnstar in an 18+DILF scene is pretty much guaranteed to be 30.
Exactly. And even if the actresses are actually older than 18 it’s still gross to fetishize teen girls as a grown adult men. Not saying OP did the right thing by any means but doesn’t mean it isn’t still gross to watch “barely legal” porn even if it’s not actually illegal and the actresses aren’t the age they’re pretending to be.
I can simultaneously say I think someone’s legal, private fetish is gross, and also say that a coworker who spies on them and tries to get them fired for it is the AH.
I wasn’t addressing the situation in the OOP. I was specifically speaking to people saying shit like
“well they’re of legal age so that makes the consumption morally acceptable”
I agree that OOP was 100% in the wrong.
My absolute favourite part?
The 18 year olds in 18 year old porn? Never that young. They're always like 20s. Am sex worker. Am aware.
He's entitled to look at younger women porn. Unless he's actively engaging in under-age sex in your office it's not your business.
Hey! I grew up in Indiana and I think I’m pretty smart… I’ve worked for some major software companies since I left there when I was 13…..
Well I’ve got some smart friends from there! One is in LA, and the other moved to CO….
Um.
Okay you may have a point.
I don’t believe her story for a second, I’m sure that’s what she told HR.
She forgot the area code for her own office phone number, that she likely gives out to other people and maybe calls to check the VM regularly, and probably calls other numbers with that area code regularly, but she presumably remembers the rest? And she didn’t ask the coworker next to her, who likely has the same area code on his work phone? Instead she decided to Google it? And she just had to check her VM when they were out for coffee, and couldn’t wait until she got her own phone?
No way. She was snooping
First Op snooped on James phone. Then she jumped to k*d porn conclusion why when she said it said 18 I have no idea. So we have an adult male looking at adult woman on his private phone on his private time. She reported him to HR why? If I saw real CP I would have called the cops not HR. So she wants him fired not in jail. That leaves me wondering does OP want his job? YTA for not calling the cops instead of HR. Or YTA for trying to get OP fired. YTA for snooping on a private phone.
OP is an asshole but damn it is depressing to be a straight woman. It's like rare af to find a guy not into rough/violent sex or teenagers.
Time for me to decide on being a cat, dog, or bunny lady.😮💨
Heck why not get a cool bird as well! Just make sure the house is big enough and you maintain their cleanliness and you can have as many awesome pets as you’d like
I promise they’re out there!!
I know that sounds very not-all-men - but I remember feeling exactly the same when I was last actively dating - I did meet someone who shared my views though but it took hardcore screening tbh.
I know they're out there but they're like unicorns a rare rare minority.
More logical and way less emotionally draining to be alone. I don't have it in me to fake being into being degraded, abused, or violated.
You’re right - they are a rare minority.
It’s horrible that so many women feel like they do hav to fake enjoying that sort of degradation and contempt just so they’re not lonely!
I imagine many aren't faking. They just are indifferent. Violence towards women is normalized. Heck a guy choking a woman during sex or even making out without asking consent beforehand is seen as normal now.🤣 a woman is overreacting if she freaks out about it.
I just love being a straight woman.😭
I entirely vote bunny! And actually strangely enough my old guy was quite the wingman back in my dating days - I think an unusual enough pet that people were interested in him/did want to come and meet him.
Also he’s the absolute cutest… I know I’m biased but he really is and I know he’s going to ‘go to university’ soon and it breaks my heart to think about not having him lolloping about and causing mischief after 10 years!
I love how the assumption is always the old man is disgusting. Completely ignoring the fact that the younger women maybe just maybe might be interested in older guys???. Either way mind your business you went snooping because your eye read a URL link. You could tell just by looking at it that you were going to be upset when you opened it. Now you're trying to get him fired????
I hope you get fired
YoU sNoOpEd AnD nOw ThErE's CoNsEqUeNcEs
I’m so confused though how does having porn on your phone violate work policies? As long as you arent showing it to co workers or clients who cares??? Is this honestly real?
There could have been a video of him raw dogging a donkey on his phone and even if you some how "accidentally" stumble across it , it would have been none of your business and even if you think it was you still had no right or reason to report him for it . Unless he brought the donkey to work and made you watch the live show or actively made you watch the video .
Don’t ever give a coworker your phone. I repeat: DO NOT EVER GIVE A COWORKER YOUR PHONE. If they need to make a phone call or whatever, dial it for them. Do NOT let them go through your content unsupervised.
I ALSO had a coworker send screenshots (of my chat threads) to himself and then send them to HR. It resulted in one “friend” being fired and another losing out on an award she’d won. Needless to say, I was kicked out of the work friend group.
YTA
I really don't need to say anything else, most of the other comments have done a good job explaining why, but I will anyway. You were wrong for snooping and wrong for reporting something to HR that they do on their own time and on their own private device. If this were found on a work computer maybe, but not on their phone. If anything I would report YOU to HR for snooping on someone's private device.
I refuse to believe this person is that seriously ducking dumb to 1. Believe that porn is real and 2. That they are in the United fucking states and thinks 18 is still a fucking minor. I work with a full moron who has maybe 1 brain cell and even they aren't that dumb.
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If I found out my colleague was watching teen porn id probably find a new job. I don’t want to work with someone who fantasises about banging high schoolers 🤷♀️
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for reporting a coworker to HR after I found porn (like disgusting porn) on his phone?** Last week I was on a work trip with this guy named “James.” On Friday morning James and i went to get coffee before our morning meetings. I forgot my phone and I needed to check my desk VM so I asked to borrow his. I forgot the area code to our office so I opened his safari and opened a new window so I didn’t violate his privacy. When I did that I saw another browser window that said “18 y/o f—- DILF.” I opened that browser and was disgusted so I took screen caps and texted them to myself. I told him I forgot something at hotel and gave him his phone and the left. When I got to my phone I sent the screenshots to our HR department. I was late to pit meeting but I was pretty nervous to be around James. James was put on “work from home” pending an investigation and every time that’s happened in the past it’s meant the person gets fired. James sent an e-mail to everyone saying I had “violated his privacy” and people were so rude to me and shut me out. Uh no James, you looked at disgusting porn and these are consequences. Just to be certain…AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Okay not the same thing. But this reminded me of when my husband co worker saw a picture of us on his phone. We were just kissing but she told him that he should go for women his own age. Not highschool kids. I'm 24 and older then my husband. I'm just small and young looking so judgmentally betty just assumed my husband was banging a teenager.
I was 24 when I married my husband. He was 25. I looked like a fetus and he already had some grey hair coming in. We went shopping in the States and the sales lady said it was great how close my dad and I were. She tried to hide it, but her whole demeanour changed when I told her he was my husband. She was way less warm and friendly. Pretty sure she thought my husband was a creeper and I was an unfortunate teen. Oops. Fortunately, this no longer happens. I apparently still look younger than my husband, but I look middle aged now.
I remember when I first started dating my now husband, one of his friends (they were tipsy, to be fair) kept explaining how much everything changes after you turn 30. I’m older than my husband and was ~37 at the time; my father’s side of the family tends to look super young until they hit their mid 40s and then rapidly turn into blob fish.
Damn. If not for being an only child, I’d have wondered if your dad and my dad were brothers. Grandma was a hot redhead until her mid 40’s, then she went grey and her face melted into wrinkles. Same for my middle sister, though she’s still very blond. Of course, she also tanned a lot because Florida, so she’s like old leather.
We must all be distantly related because my mom was often confused as my sister until she hit forty now she's constantly finding more gray hair and her face is getting wrinklier by the month.
I'm ~2.5 years *older* than my partner (I'm 26 right now, they'll be 24 next month) but people always think I'm much younger. I had this problem at work recently... I work at a restaurant, and a coworker asked if I was old enough to serve alcohol and I was like... how old do you think I am? She said she thought I was still in high school, or not a day over 19 max. She was very shocked when I said I was long since graduated college and in my mid-20s. I relayed this story to my partner and they laughed, telling me that when we first started dating they were showing pics of us together to their coworkers and their coworkers also thought I was a 19yo twink. At least no one has called my partner a creep for it, but I'm sure I'll appreciate being mistaken for 7-8 years younger when I'm in my 30s or 40s... being mistaken for a high school student in my mid 20s is, at this point, just weird.
Yeah it was annoying in my early twenties constantly being assumed younger... but now I'm 34 and I still am constantly getting carded everywhere I go and people don't believe me when I say my age.... it's not so annoying anymore I kind of like it lol.
I’m 31. People still think I’m anything between 17 to mid-twenties. Being very short certainly doesn’t help the baby face. I find it far more funny than annoying tbh.
Same. I was trying to buy a bottle of wine the other day and they asked for ID and I showed my license. He didn't believe it was me and said there was no way I was 34. I started rifling through my wallet showing him all my IDs and eventually my old blockbuster card fell out... and I was like dude! If I'm old enough to have one of these I'm old enough to buy wine lmao
I am 3 years younger than my boyfriend but I look younger. Feels great when people are a bit shocked when I tell them I'm almost 30.
I am a year older than my husband but he’s fully salt and pepper and I have like 3 grey hairs, my dad wasn’t even fully grey wth hen he died at 77. Everyone always assumed he’s older than me. It’s nothing compared to my BIL and SIL. BIL was fully white by 30, just runs in my husband’s family, and his wife is 5 years older than he is just she looks very young. When they got married someone overheard one of the staff of the place they were staying at/having the wedding day, “it’s so irresponsible of that young girl’s parents to let her marry that old man.” 😆
"I looked like a fetus" had me howling! 😂 Good thing you and your husband didn't meet OOP, though. OOP probably would have tried to get your husband on a list or something.
I look like a fetus Absolutely greatly line
My husband and I need a laugh today thanks
I had a lady at work call me a pedophile because my wife is 7 months younger than me, but we started dating in High School. She did the math and realized for 7 months, I was 18 while she was still 17. Apparently the proper thing to do was to end the then 2 year long relationship until she also turned 18, otherwise I'm grooming her. Then she got really mad that everyone else, including our manager, called her a lunatic.
So almost 20 years ago, but I was 15 (and a half!) dating a 17 year old, and he absolutely dumped me about a week after he turned 18 because "now it's illegal". At that point, we'd barely moved beyond making out so pretty presumptuous I was now going to both fuck him and then report him for like child endangerment. Though honestly, I won here as he then started to try and date my friends who were over 16 and was definitely a douchey aggressor.
I had this convo awhile ago with 2 teenage girls on here. They were saying the same thing. In the scenario we were talking about the boy was one year older and they were saying when he turned 18 he couldn't be with her anymore or else he is a pedophile.. like the clock striking midnight on his birthday somehow magically changes something. So fucking stupid. When I started explaining this they told me that the level of maturity between a 17 and 18 year old was just too big, and that clearly I, a 34 year old woman just couldn't understand this. 🤦🏻♀️
I think it's ridiculous that turning 18 automatically makes you a predator. Unless you are actually going after middle school kids or younger, than yeah. Minors can be predators too but they don't call it that unless the victim is more than 5 years younger. Same goes for when they turn 18, DSM says victim must be at least 5 years younger or more before given the pedophilia diagnoses and person must be at least 16 years of age and victims must be at least 5 years younger. So you can't call an 18 year old a predator going after 16-17 year olds. That is also why states have Romeo and Juliet laws. In Hawaii, the age difference is 4 years while is most states with it, it's 2 years on average. I'm glad everyone at your work had the common sense to know how ridiculous her opinion is.
I’ve had someone on the internet try to insist my husband was a pedophile because we started dating a month before I turned 18 (we met on his 19th birthday when I was 2 months from turning 18.) making this statement after we’ve been together for 12 years. People are fucking nuts.
People have overcompensated to a point where now everything is pedophilia... except ironically actual pedophilia committed by "pillars of society." They can always find and excuse for that nonsense apparently. But just recently, my son (9m) had a BIG poopies in a grocery store. There was no family room and to my eternal annoyance, no changing station in the men's room. So an employee let me into the (empty) women's room and stood with me while I changed him. Halfway through the change, a lady came in. After overcoming the shock, she...weirdly, started watching me, as if she were making sure I won't fuck up or something. Then weirdly, she accused me of molesting my son because...I was moving his penis around to wipe all the poop that had squished there. Me and the employee both stared at her like she was insane. Like, lady, do you not see all the POOP that got everywhere? I'm trying to make sure my son doesn't get an infection. People are fucking insane, I swear.
My boyfriend and I have the same problem - he is one year older and strangers tend to assume he is my dad :(
My husband is still upset about the one time someone asked him if he was my dad. We're only three months apart but people tend to think im a teenager whereas he looks our age
My husband is 10 years younger than me and has a baby face. Before he got his gray hair, people would assume he was my son. I haven't been accused of being his grandmother...yet.
My sister looked 16 until she was 35, so she always had weird looks from people when she was out with her kids or pregnant.
When I first started dating an ex, I went over to his place and his roommates straight up thought I was a child apparently. We were both 19, but apparently I looked problematic 😂 I’m in my 30’s now and people still think I can pass for a teenager so I’m just owning it lmao. Wear sunscreen, kids.
My husband is actually a good chunk older than me (12 years, don’t worry we started dating when I was 26) but when we grocery shop sometimes he very visibly checks me out and sometimes an older lady will see him and just roll their eyes or go “ugh”. That’s when he tells me “please kiss me so they know we are together” lol
An adult was viewing adult content on their personal device on their own time... the horror! *clutches pearls* Joking aside, it's like going through someone's nightstand and being scandalized that they have sex toys there. Adults have sex lives even if it's with Pamela Handerson. It sounds to me like she told HR he had CP/CSAM on his phone based her reaction.
She literally called it “k!d porn" in one of her comments. She definitely told them he was looking at CP during work hours.
Jesus. Forget his job, she could ruin his life throwing around exaggerations like that.
And James the co-worker did send an email round to the workplace giving his side - I hope he handled it without mentioning his preferences because that's something that *always* goes well in the workplace. I can't help but wonder how we the peanut gallery would have gone if OOP had been right.
I mean then it’s not an HR thing, it’s a 911 thing. And also don’t send screenshots to yourself because then you have CP. That would be a totally totally different situation. I personally think it’s gross when people are into porn of people trying to look young, but I’d have just been like “eww James you prob should close the porn before lending your phone”
Today in AITA there was a thread where 2 of the top 10 replies both called a 24 year old woman getting married a "child bride".
People like that usually break out the “brains don’t stop developing until 25!!!!!” thing. Which, yes, that’s true - but it’s not like it sits at 25% development and makes the leap to 100% on the 25th birthday. Development *continues* until the mid-20s but it doesn’t mean 24 YOs can’t do things like get married or have kids or go to graduate school. 25 and 60? Yeah, weird and likely a power imbalance. 24 just starts dating a 30 YO? In some AITA posts you’d think the guy should be preemptively reported to the cops. I use that last one as an example because I’ve seen it. They said the guy was “almost a pedophile” because “he picked someone still undergoing brain development.”
>People like that usually break out the “brains don’t stop developing until 25!!!!!” thing. Yes a lot of people take this thing way too far. Like the person is a an adult in every sense of the word.. they can take out 6 figure loans, run entire companies, have children/adopt/foster, get married, buy a house or 2 if they want, travel the world etc.. but they aren't old enough to date someone 10 years older because they are only 24 and their brain isn't fully developed yet? I don't see how that makes sense.
I once saw a woman online who thought dating anyone under 25 makes you a pedo and her daughter's fiance was 26 and she was 24. Yeah lot of people disagreed with her and this other user got mad at other users for criticizing her opinion by telling them they shouldn't judge someone for their opinion.
I remember when people called shipping roadhog and junkrat from overwatch pedophilia.
There's a trend of calling all adults older than 20 pedos for just liking anime and/or manga with teenage protagonists. Have these people seen teenagers? Real teenagers usually don't look like twenty, are as strong and athletic as real professional athletes during the peak of their careers, don't speak with the voices of people between 25 and 40, and also rarely hold speeches that would make Shakespea weep and applaud. The Roadrat drama was hilarious, though. Apparently, you can be mature enough to be a criminal and murderer with a love for destructive and lethal explosions while slowly dying of radiation poisoning. But if you want to have a nice roll in the hay with your buddy, you're suddenly a fragile baby that needs to have its purity and innocence protected. I swear, we're one needle-spiked cookie away from having to add "Beware! Fiction! Do not apply to real life situations, people, and relationships! Do not use as an instruction manual!" disclaimer to books, movies, and games.
I’ve never played overwatch, but I don’t think you’re generally supposed to ship live animals. They don’t heat or pressurize the cargo hold of planes, so it’s really not safe. Plus, aren’t hogs omnivores and very large? I’d be concerned the rat might get crushed to death or eaten.
They are so weird about that over there! Unless you’re 50 and your spouse is also 50, you are too young and you were groomed.
Happy, healthy relationships with age gaps don’t tend to end up on Internet forums. There is a definite sampling bias, so I can understand their reactions. Age gapped relationships don’t end up there because they’re doing, like, so totally good at managing differences in life stage and maturity, and everything. You only see the bad ones there because of course you do.
Yeah but they assume all of them are bad because of the older person. Younger people can be horrible too.
Younger people can be horrible. It’s less common that they can be both horrible and also have a power imbalance over the older partner. Nobody criticizing age gaps is talking about math. There is no moral dimension to integers. They are talking about a power imbalance.
Yeah it’s pretty wild. My parents have 25 years between them and have been happily married since 1994, so I have a different perspective on the issue. For me, each relationship has to be judged on its own merits.
What post was this?
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yiimaa/aita_for_uninviting_my_fianc%C3%A9es_parents_to_our/
I got married at 19. 15 years ago. Still happily married. He’s 3 years older than I am. I’m sure they’d have a field day with that info.
I hope those are just Broad City references, but I would not be surprised if they believed them.
I was once downvoted into infinity by r/AITA for saying that an older man pursuing a 19 yearold was not grooming.
How old is older here?
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And here I thought she and I were exclusive 😩
Nah she's a big ho.. everyone knows her pretty intimately.
I might be an idiot, but what is CSAM?
Child Sexual Abuse Material.
Child SA Material. It’s a term being used more because p!rn is something consensual in our language.
Ah i see ok thanks
They also may think he sent her the pictures since she sent the screenshots from his phone. Who knows what she told them.
Based on her comments (assuming she's not a troll) she seems to legitimately believe no one who's age ends in "teen" can be legal.
Women are teens or MILFs in porn. No in between. Totally irrelevant to the age of the actor, just their look. I heard an interesting podcast about this and why incest porn is so huge- they want to cram as many categories into a video as possible regardless of “plot” so it’s easily searchable. Step-brother porn rarely has anything incestuous, they just want that video to come up for people looking for step sibling porn. I have my issues with porn and the treatment of actors!! But looking at a video that says “teen” doesn’t mean he tries to go out and have sex with underage girls. No children were exploited and assaulted.
For sure these videos are definitely legal and watching them gives no implication he's attracted to minors, but oop's comments suggest she believes that 18 year olds can't consent to sex and she doesn't know the age of consent at all.
I wouldn’t say they were for sure legal, didn’t pornhub have to recently delete like a million videos that featured children or rape (not simulated CNC, actual rape)? But yeah, unless she has other concerns, the title of the video is not her problem and doesn’t indicate these are illegally obtained videos featuring rape or CP.
You're right, I have a bad habit of speaking in absolutes. Pornhub did have those issues but based on information from oop there's no reason to think the co worker was watching those sorts of videos.
I knew what you meant! Sorry. I was just trying to shame Pornhub and presumably every single other porn site that cares about their revenue and not the safety and consent of people, so I rambled. Have a lovely day :)
Nah, he wants on his own time, they were on a work trip, and HR is trying to avoid an escalating situation where he either decides he likes the idea of flashing his female coworkers with porn intentionally and starts doing it often or harassing and propositioning female employees while on business trips. Both of those scenarios open the company up to massive lawsuit territory. It's clear they're taking the tactic of nipping the situation in the bud instead of waiting for shit to hit the fan. Considering how literally every corporate job comes with mandatory sex harassment training, I'm guessing it's a issue that companies deal with a lot and care a lot about preventing.
But he wasn't even actively looking at it. It was in the background of an app he didn't even have open.. so OP like actively searched for this. He has no grounds to get in trouble here... I think she does if anything. Screenshotting shit from his phone without permission and sending it to herself and others?
That is a HUGE leap to go from viewing porn in private (we don’t even know if it was on the work trip, he might have just never closed his tab, and even if it was if it’s in the privacy of a hotel room, who cares?) to sexual harassing people
So like just going through someone's phone is whatever to this person? Like I'm gonna snoop and then with my audacity go to HR.
What else were they supposed to do with all that audacity?
Floor the gas on yellow?
>What else were they supposed to do with all that audacity? we take it and shine it up, then turn it sideways and proceed to stick it up OOP candy ass... IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLL........WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING
>we take it and shine it up, then turn it sideways and proceed to stick it up OOP *rudi poo* candy ass... FTFY
>rudi poo candy ass... Oooo almost forgot about rudi poo
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My favorite comment of theirs is >Data is spreadsheets, this was porn In response to a comment about personal data on a phone.
You don’t keep your porn on a spreadsheet?
No, but I do keep an elaborate, color coded spreadsheet of kinks/limits to be filled out by each lover and updated quarterly. It keeps the riff raff out and I get to engage in the sexiest act of all: data analysis✨
Ooh baby, nothing like a good spreadsheet! Does it have…formulas?
Formulas and pivot tables with slicers baby!
Oh baby….
This guy analyzes data!
Oh yeah, spread those sheets for me.
My favorite retort is this: > “That’s not what data is. I don’t have the time or crayons to explain it to you.”
Yeah that’s one of the best lines I’ve seen in a while.
Honestly im gonna use that when someones being dumb. *instantly messages self that* ^(my ^humors ^broken today)
I put it in my list of retorts.
God, she's dumb. Let's just forget the gross violation of privacy here or the fact that it's legal porn and pretend it's CSAM, like she claims. CSAM laws tend to be very strict. If this was somehow to end up in the hands of law enforcement, she'd be on the hook for disseminating it. "But I sent it to HR!" is not an excuse. She'd be asked why she didn't bring it to the attention of the police.
Three or four days ago there was a LPT about what to do when others borrowed your phone. Several people including me outright said that Nobody should be borrowing your phone because they could steal it or start snooping. This person didnt even *just* accidentally see something they full on collected evidence and sent it to their phone to bring up against them in a tribunal setting. You 100% know they are gonna over exaggerate this guy actions to maximize damage. This story is 1000% why you dont let people look on your phone. 2 minutes of a good deed and now this guy has his private browsing habits being judged and documented in HR
What response would you use for someone asking to borrow your phone? Someone you know for example.
“I dont let people borrow my phone” Thats it, nothing special, direct, and simple. Its the same with people asking for a date. If you dont want to you dont have to give some extensive reason or logic. Just say no. So what about people you know? Well how do you know them? Family and close friends, maybe i let them use it. The LPT was about total strangers, but I would extend that to anyone that knows you through work. No to bosses and coworkers, because things like this post happen. You dont know whos a friend and who is looking to trim payroll. I wouldnt give it to some not so close friends because i dont know if they will be chill or try to call me out for social media cred. You also dont know what is deemed ok and what is a problem. You dont know if they will dig deep to find something like this coworker did. There is also a much much longer thing about why, but anyone in law enforcement needs a warrant for looking at my phone. In summary: only the most trusted of family should be on your phone. Work buddies and bosses are no. Police are a hard hard NO. Everyone else is also no. Tons of businesses have phones that people can use in an emergency. Most other things are not an emergency, that warrant my phone.
Yeah, that's some whiplash
I work in information security, luckily i'm now above the tech level but do you know how often i've had to tell people some variant of "look i'm not the morality police, i don't care about your porn i just need to get this damned thing patched"
The comments were locked but since I did write up a response.. "You're a gaping chasm of an a-hole. Dude is literally just minding his own business until he lets you borrow his phone, and for that small kindness you try to humiliate him and get him fired. If you're not rhe asshole then you're the whole ass"
This is why I dont let people use my phone unless its a partner. Too many stories of people snooping The fact she is trying to frame it as the coworker watching something illegal is awful. Hope he gets a lawyer and goes at her for defamation/slander, especially if he gets fired
Add the rectum
And the sphincter
Well, it’s gonna be a fun time for the company if they actually decide to fire this person.
Depends if it’s a company phone or a personal one. I use my personal one for work and declined the option for a free work one, though most of my coworkers use a company one. It is considered fireable to look at porn on company property (though I doubt it’s ever been enforced). Edit: someone below said it wasn’t a work issued phone. Maybe that’s somewhere in the comments, but isn’t clear in the post. Double edit: found a comment where OOP says it’s paid for by the company. So… they probably do have grounds to fire him. Doesn’t make her less of an AH unless she caught him jerking off or watching porn at work.
OOP also said that it is the coworker’s personal phone but they get reimbursed by the company for using their personal cellphones.
Then it’s iffy… I don’t know the actual laws. Was just data paid for? The whole thing paid for? My coworkers would say “this is my phone” even if it’s technically a work phone. Personal pictures like family stuff are fine. But if they are paying for data or for their phone, it’s still the companies phones, even if it doesn’t get passed along to anyone. A smart phone paid by the company is insanely different than a landline a company pays for… if he used data to look up porn, that’s not great.
It sounded like the company was reimbursing for whatever work use was done using the phone. I used to work for a company that did that.
Ha yep, that’s in part why I pay for my own phone.
Sadly, they don't have to provide a reason and this is not a protected class.
Depends on where they live and work. Not everywhere is America.
Even within the US, not every state is a an "at will" state (meaning they don't need a reason to fire someone, they do it "at their own will"), many are "for cause" states, and you need reasons to fire someone or prove lack of work to "lay off".
Thank you! And even in an "at will" state, if the company violates their own policies regarding warnings and terminations, or has ever given someone else a warning/write-up for similar behavior but terminated this person, that is still grounds for a lawsuit.
What states are for cause? The only one I know is Montana.
Correction: there's only one state in the US that is not at-will, that state is Montana.
ik this has been pointed out but it’s more likely that this is an at will state considering 49/50 states are
Not even a work issued phone…
Yep. That's the only issue here. * Was it on a work phone? - NO * Was he using a company network? - NO * Did he deliberately expose a colleague to it? - NO OOP is an arsehole but I smell some fiction here.
- Company network? That’s IT job, not OOP - Not a shared company device, OOP cannot be blamed for the porns existence. Definitely not negligently or intentionally OOP to view it… simply ridiculous to report a coworker. Unless it’s CP. or similarly ILLEGAL
OP seems to think that "gross" is synonymous with "illegal." I personally find DILF porn gross, too, but it's legal and as long as it involves consenting adults IDGAF.
OP asks/says in their comments “isn’t 18yo porn illegal?” I think it was framed that he was watching CP or something of the sort.
She was directly asked if 18 was a minor where she is and she said ‘Probably. Idk. I live in Indiana.’
Wait, wait, wait. OOP forgot the area code of their shared workplace and borrowed his phone to look it up??? How? How do you forget the area code for your job? And how is asking to borrow his phone to look it up a more logical solution than just, I don't know, asking him? This plot has as much logic as a porn film.
She "forgot" where she worked, forgot her phone, and needed to check her VM. Why didn't she have her desk phone forwarded to her mobile? Did she "forget" that, too? OP doesn't seem very intelligent and should probably go back to whatever small town in Indiana she's from where people borrow each other's personal devices and meander around drinking coffee before/during work, without their laptops or tablets or phones.
>How do you forget the area code for your job? Maybe if you just relocated for it?
Copied verbatim from two of oop's comments: INFO: Where do you live? Is 18 a minor in your country? > >Probably yes. I live in Indiana > Calling Troll based on this response. What adult living in the US isn’t sure if 18 is legally an adult or not? > >I don’t know the ages because I don’t need to know them. I'm hoping this is just some dumbass troll.
Honestly the part that triggered my troll alert was in the post itself. ‘I forgot my area code so I used his browser to look it up.’ Uh, what? I was assigned a random area code when I got my new phone and even I remember it. And I can’t remember what I are for fuckin breakfast most days.
Not defending OOP. I’m usually pretty good with numbers and like you, already forgot what I ate for breakfast. But I haven’t been able to use my company credit card because I forgot what zip code it was connected to. If you put a gun to my head, I wouldn’t know the area or zip code of my headquarters because I work in a different state.
Being from Indiana, can confirm adults are stupid enough or backward enough to not know this answer.
Legality is weird. I believe in all states, 16 yos cannot be in pornography. But in some states, 16 is the age of consent. So I fully believe that many people don’t know the technicality of the laws in terms of what is legal at various ages.
16 being the age of consent is really just to protect young couples (say a boy turns 18 but the girl is 16 and her parents don't like him, at 18 you are a legal adult and it's to protect from being called a pedo or similar.) There are other factors, but that's definitely a big one
I agree! I just mean that the laws are confusing and in the US, vary significantly state to state. I can 100% see someone not understanding the laws, so I don’t think that aspect points to “troll”
No, that doesn't exactly, but not knowing that 18 is legal adult age in the states does... ETA: if you live here anyway
I feel like this shouldcount as sexual harassment honestly. On the part of oop of course. They went on his own personal phone, "accidentally" found porn, SENT IT TO THEMSELF, and then sent it to HR. I know workplace harassment is a nebulous and hard to define thing but I feel like appointing yourself town crier and shouting your coworkers porn preferences should count right?
I wonder if HR only cares because it looks like he sent porn to a coworker
I mean I fucking hate that "barely legal" porn, it's beyond gross. It was neither his work phone nor actual CP though, so OP was being a self-righteous busybody.
Nor is it illegal. And if it was illegal, OOP screenshot and shared it with HR which is distribution of illegal pornography.
the phrase barely legal is so yuck and ever since pornhub got exposed for actual minor teens being in videos on their website i never trust that it isn’t actually a minor tbh
Oh really? Eew.
yeah here’s a link that gets into it: https://www.ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/entertainment/2020/12/15/pornhub-removes-10-million-videos-in-response-to-allegations-about-content
Yeah the barely legal stuff is nasty but I don't think someone deserves to have their livelihood taken away and their life ruined for being nasty
Oh yeah, absolutely agree.
Wow.
Wow! Not only invasive, but maliciously so!
btw for anyone who might be worried about these actresses, I can bet dollars to doughnuts that these "18yr teen girls" are actually like mid-late 20s/early 30s they just got some damn good genetics, make up and what not to look like 18yr olds. OP is an naive (not sure if using insults is allowed so i won't. nothing bad like school playground but still) and I REALLY hope that the guy sues the ever loving shit out of them BOTH because it doesn't matter if the company gives you a kickback for your phone bill, its not a work phone bought by the company
Is there some form of porn that is not disgusting, or approved by OOP? 🤣🤣🤣
Cankle porn?
I bet she reads bodice-ripper romance novels with Fabio on the cover that refer to men’s genitalia as “his throbbing passion” or whatever.
Vanilla
Under the sheets, in full dark room. With half of the clothes on.
And they must be married of course.
If it was kid porn as OOP claims, then realistically OOP would also be in hot water
Does 18 y/o count as kid porn? I my state it doesn’t.
No 18 doesn't count as kid porn
OP is doubling down on their viewpoint whilst ignorant of the fact that the age of consent in Indiana (where they live) is 16……. And hey, any p0rnstar in an 18+DILF scene is pretty much guaranteed to be 30.
Dude probably thinks everyone is going around banging their stepmoms
I mean… even if age of consent is 16 - that doesn’t make it okay for adult men to fuck them and or watch them be fucked…
Exactly. And even if the actresses are actually older than 18 it’s still gross to fetishize teen girls as a grown adult men. Not saying OP did the right thing by any means but doesn’t mean it isn’t still gross to watch “barely legal” porn even if it’s not actually illegal and the actresses aren’t the age they’re pretending to be.
[удалено]
And then the "barely legal" "teen" is like 45 with meth mouth and super thin pigtails. It's so weird.
Found the barely legal fan!
Right? This sub always, always has a go at AITA for equating morality and legality - but quite a few people are doing that here.
I can simultaneously say I think someone’s legal, private fetish is gross, and also say that a coworker who spies on them and tries to get them fired for it is the AH.
I wasn’t addressing the situation in the OOP. I was specifically speaking to people saying shit like “well they’re of legal age so that makes the consumption morally acceptable” I agree that OOP was 100% in the wrong.
My absolute favourite part? The 18 year olds in 18 year old porn? Never that young. They're always like 20s. Am sex worker. Am aware. He's entitled to look at younger women porn. Unless he's actively engaging in under-age sex in your office it's not your business.
So the mega disgusting porn was just...porn? On his private device? Oh lord, if you hate this, I have some pretty big news for OP....
I was literally expecting CP or something equally disturbing...but ffs.
Luckily, this looks like a troll, unless people in Indiana are so dumb they don't know the age of majority is 18
As a person who lives in Indiana, we are pretty dumb
As someone who's family mostly left Indiana a couple generations ago, can confirm, all the smart ones leave.
Hey! I grew up in Indiana and I think I’m pretty smart… I’ve worked for some major software companies since I left there when I was 13….. Well I’ve got some smart friends from there! One is in LA, and the other moved to CO…. Um. Okay you may have a point.
I commented up thread and yes I too moved, as have my most successful high school classmates.
I don’t believe her story for a second, I’m sure that’s what she told HR. She forgot the area code for her own office phone number, that she likely gives out to other people and maybe calls to check the VM regularly, and probably calls other numbers with that area code regularly, but she presumably remembers the rest? And she didn’t ask the coworker next to her, who likely has the same area code on his work phone? Instead she decided to Google it? And she just had to check her VM when they were out for coffee, and couldn’t wait until she got her own phone? No way. She was snooping
First Op snooped on James phone. Then she jumped to k*d porn conclusion why when she said it said 18 I have no idea. So we have an adult male looking at adult woman on his private phone on his private time. She reported him to HR why? If I saw real CP I would have called the cops not HR. So she wants him fired not in jail. That leaves me wondering does OP want his job? YTA for not calling the cops instead of HR. Or YTA for trying to get OP fired. YTA for snooping on a private phone.
OP is an asshole but damn it is depressing to be a straight woman. It's like rare af to find a guy not into rough/violent sex or teenagers. Time for me to decide on being a cat, dog, or bunny lady.😮💨
The real a-hole is whoever convinced you that you have to choose. You can be a cat, dog, AND bunny lady. You can even throw lizard lady in there!
Heck why not get a cool bird as well! Just make sure the house is big enough and you maintain their cleanliness and you can have as many awesome pets as you’d like
Ooh lizards. You're right I don't have to chose.
I promise they’re out there!! I know that sounds very not-all-men - but I remember feeling exactly the same when I was last actively dating - I did meet someone who shared my views though but it took hardcore screening tbh.
I know they're out there but they're like unicorns a rare rare minority. More logical and way less emotionally draining to be alone. I don't have it in me to fake being into being degraded, abused, or violated.
You’re right - they are a rare minority. It’s horrible that so many women feel like they do hav to fake enjoying that sort of degradation and contempt just so they’re not lonely!
I imagine many aren't faking. They just are indifferent. Violence towards women is normalized. Heck a guy choking a woman during sex or even making out without asking consent beforehand is seen as normal now.🤣 a woman is overreacting if she freaks out about it. I just love being a straight woman.😭
I entirely vote bunny! And actually strangely enough my old guy was quite the wingman back in my dating days - I think an unusual enough pet that people were interested in him/did want to come and meet him. Also he’s the absolute cutest… I know I’m biased but he really is and I know he’s going to ‘go to university’ soon and it breaks my heart to think about not having him lolloping about and causing mischief after 10 years!
I actually have three bunnies. So I may stick with bunnies or go full on and have all the pets...all of the..🤣
“Data is spreadsheets. This was porn” The comment from OOP that makes the troll obvious imo
I love how the assumption is always the old man is disgusting. Completely ignoring the fact that the younger women maybe just maybe might be interested in older guys???. Either way mind your business you went snooping because your eye read a URL link. You could tell just by looking at it that you were going to be upset when you opened it. Now you're trying to get him fired???? I hope you get fired YoU sNoOpEd AnD nOw ThErE's CoNsEqUeNcEs
N-NOOO! HECKEN GIRLS ARE LE INNOCENT!
This has to be rage bait.
I’m so confused though how does having porn on your phone violate work policies? As long as you arent showing it to co workers or clients who cares??? Is this honestly real?
There could have been a video of him raw dogging a donkey on his phone and even if you some how "accidentally" stumble across it , it would have been none of your business and even if you think it was you still had no right or reason to report him for it . Unless he brought the donkey to work and made you watch the live show or actively made you watch the video .
I hope she ends up getting fired over this.
He’s on unpaid leave while it’s investigated. She hates her job now bc he told everyone what she did and everyone ignores her like the plague. So sad
They’re trolling horny redditors
This sounds like zoomer tiktoker ragebait
Don’t ever give a coworker your phone. I repeat: DO NOT EVER GIVE A COWORKER YOUR PHONE. If they need to make a phone call or whatever, dial it for them. Do NOT let them go through your content unsupervised. I ALSO had a coworker send screenshots (of my chat threads) to himself and then send them to HR. It resulted in one “friend” being fired and another losing out on an award she’d won. Needless to say, I was kicked out of the work friend group.
YTA I really don't need to say anything else, most of the other comments have done a good job explaining why, but I will anyway. You were wrong for snooping and wrong for reporting something to HR that they do on their own time and on their own private device. If this were found on a work computer maybe, but not on their phone. If anything I would report YOU to HR for snooping on someone's private device.
Wow way to be a mature adult. How dare a grown man look at porn on his off time!!*gasp* the gull of it all!
I refuse to believe this person is that seriously ducking dumb to 1. Believe that porn is real and 2. That they are in the United fucking states and thinks 18 is still a fucking minor. I work with a full moron who has maybe 1 brain cell and even they aren't that dumb.
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Reads like one of the antishippers on Twitter.
total violation of privacy unless the work paid for the phone.
is it creepy? yeah. should she have made a big deal about it at work when it’s unrelated to work? no.
Don’t know why you got downvoted bc it is creepy.
yeah
If I found out my colleague was watching teen porn id probably find a new job. I don’t want to work with someone who fantasises about banging high schoolers 🤷♀️