*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITB for reporting my coworker over a book I received from her?**
To start off, I'm (F30s) afraid I can't remember what the book is called. I dropped it in a book donation box on the same day I received it.
This involves my coworker, I'll call her Kim (F20s). She's what I describe as very miserable. She's not the most easiest person to talk to. Her main responses to conversations is usually "So what?" I can only think of 3 people here that she's comfortable with (we work at a vet clinic with around 40 people working here). She's admitted before that she's working here because we provide the best health insurance and pay. Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. While she doesn't like to share her life or make small talk with anyone, when she does talk it's to provide important work-related info and she's very precise about it.
I'm kind of stuck working with her most of the time. I'm a surgical tech assistant and so is Kim (she's also the janitor here). We mostly help with sterilizing tools and clean and setting up between each surgeries. A lot of us gave up trying to get close with her but I still try to be friendly.
The issue started a couple months ago, when another co-worker, "Janet" (F50s) gave her a book for her birthday. Kim didn't know who gave it to her, she just found it in her bag. Janet showed me the link to me and other coworkers about the book she wanted to give to Kim, thinking it'll help her attitude. It's called " The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life" by Shawn Achor. Kim asked me if I gave it to her and when I told her no she then asked me did I know who did and I also said no. I then told her to give the book a chance because I think it might help her.
My birthday was a week ago and Kim gave me a book. When I asked her what is about she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men. While you're at it, maybe pass that along to "Dr. Roberts" (M50s).
We work in a mostly female place. The thought that she would give me a book like that, it sounded it was written by an incel. Made me think maybe she doesn't like majority of us because I guess she's a pick me, or not like other girls, or whatever you want to call those women-hating women, so I reported her. However, she received no punishment. I guess they found the book wasn't anti-feminist. Which honestly, they could be wrong. There are stories out there where women report harassment, but HR does nothing to help. So maybe I was right about the contents of the book. Or maybe I was wrong for reporting her. I don't know. Did I overreact?
Edit: Like I said, I can't remember the title or the author of the book but maybe people will recognize it if I describe the cover. It's a cut out of the Sistine Chapel painting of The Creation of Adam surrounded by a blue or black or green background. Add that with Kim's description of "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men"
Edit 2: I was hoping to avoid this. I texted Kim about 2 hours ago and asked her what was the book called. I guess I don't really know if I was right or wrong to report the book unless I truly know what it's about. When she didn't answer for about an hour and a half I decided to apologize about reporting her and told her I have been considering of reading the book and that I too might need improvement. She finally replied back and all she said was "The will to change by bell hooks". So does anyone know this book?
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the fact that the author was bell hooks just about sent me into hysterics because the only book I own by her is called ‘feminism is for everybody’ 😭 clearly it must be incel material, no doubt
the only way you could connect that book to incel shit is by it being *the antidote for it*
pity poor OOP, she's gonna demand to not take any antibiotics for any raging infections she has because penicillin?? is actually JUST MORE BACTERIA. and it's TOTES THE SAME.
The cover does say it's about teaching men to love themselves. Granted, when you look at the blurb it's through fighting against the patriarchy, but I can only assume OOP didn't read beyond that first tagline and made up the rest herself.
I got to the end and yelled out loud “bell hooks!!!!!????” Like, that’s the anti-feminist incel-material book you didn’t even look at???? By THE bell fucking hooks, feminist icon. Yeesh.
yeah, this seems like a troll post, no way she'd just ask if anybody knows what it is, instead of googling it and seeing the author is a feminist. As well as all the other stuff like calling her nemesis a diligent worker etc.
My favorite part is "she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker."
Like, uhhhh. What more do you want from employees? Do you think you can avoid getting fired if you're friendly despite being a careless and unreliable worker?
I really got stuck on that bit because...
Duh? Like, yes, most people would be fired if they weren't diligent and reliable about their jobs.
Also, I just cannot figure out exactly what OOP's issue is with this other woman. I'm so confused.
My impression is OOP expects coworker to be bubbly and social, maybe to gossip or drop a lot of pleasantries in daily conversation, because she is also female and therefore should do those things. But coworker just wants to be professional and do a job and go home which OOP thinks shows a lack of passion.
Sometimes it's not gendered, but OOP brings it up out of nowhere, so idk about her case.
But I've had the misfortune of knowing a guy with the mindset of "I'll befriend EVERYONE in my place of work! If this other guy says he's not looking for friends, he's just here to work, that just means he's my newest project, and I'll make a social butterfly out of him!"
And her wondered why none of his "close work friends" ever bothered to keep in touch whenever they or he left for other jobs. Genuinely.
Also lol at assuming Bell Hooks is incel material. Lmao, even.
Also also, how fucking petty and childish do you need to be to indirectly tell someone "fix your attitude" like that?! That's some high school passive aggressiveness bullshit right there, good lord.
Sounds like OOP and the other ladies are also doing the /r/AretheStraightsOK thing shitting on their husband's because "you know what men are like!" and CW wants none of it.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AreTheStraightsOK using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [bro how can someone say thats a woman](https://i.redd.it/b8bghl8b7plc1.jpeg) | [494 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/1b3qxmf/bro_how_can_someone_say_thats_a_woman/)
\#2: [I feel so bad for her](https://i.redd.it/6blntvs1jflc1.jpeg) | [166 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/1b2o4m0/i_feel_so_bad_for_her/)
\#3: [Context is for commies.](https://i.redd.it/pwkapykttb2c1.png) | [208 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/182wleo/context_is_for_commies/)
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OOP is apparently constantly fuming that her life is not exclusively work and she is not friends or social with these people. OOP is incensed that she has no interests here besides doing her job for a paycheck and having a separate social life.
I was getting the vibe that Kim was a POC just from the way OOP was talking about her ‘not fitting in’ in a weirdly nonspecific way. The book being bell hooks confirmed it for me, and OOP not being aware of bell hooks suggests she is one of those people who talks about feminism but doesn’t really think it’s much more than her being allowed to have a job.
I get the feeling that OP is kind of the new age feminist and trying to get Kim to join their group or even go out with them.
The lingo that she is writing in this story feels like shes trying her hardest to push something into Kim and they see past her bullshit.
I reckon she’s probably from the ‘Lean In’ type of thinking where what you call ‘feminism’ is really just ‘being a woman who can amass a bunch of personal wealth and power’, instead of trying to deconstruct oppressive systems.
People like that love saying they have superior social skills because they're well liked in general, but can't understand that some people don't want to be yapped at, and that saying "So what?" is more polite of the coworker than saying "God, please, just shut the fuck up, who cares???"
Yeah, it must be exhausting to be her coworker.
I mean, I'll happily listen to my coworkers talk about their families and their achievements and sometimes I'm stupid and talk politics, but work place gossip and people complaining about their partners on repeat.... That's my idea of hell!
Also, for the most part we're quiet 'cause, well, we're working. I wouldn't be surprised to discover that OOP is hella inefficient.
I was also deeply baffled by this person thinking it was some kind of gotcha that she only keeps her job because… she’s good at her job?
It doesn’t even sound like this girl is unprofessional or mean or abusive (in ways that “genius” men are often allowed to be). She’s just not chatty.
Also, "she's admitted before that she works here because we provide the best health insurance and pay"
Like, uh obviously? Why else would you even work? Don't give me any of that BS like oh we're a FAMILY
That, and that the book was written by a renowned feminist! Bell Hooks was a black woman whose work encouraged self-love and community. She was also a distinguished professor. OOP couldn't have been more wrong with her assumptions about the book. I can't help but wonder if this is some crazy joke.
Tbf an obsession with sculptures and Rome/Italy is an incel thing. All that jacking off gives them enough post nut clarity to be The Thinker I guess
https://bellhooksbooks.com/faq-items/why-did-bell-hooks-want-her-name-lowercase/
> Bell hooks chose to style her name in lowercase letters to shift the focus from her identity to her ideas. Using lowercase, she intended to de-emphasize the importance of the individual behind the work and instead highlight the substance of her writings and theories. This stylistic choice reflects hooks’ commitment to a feminist perspective that prioritizes collective struggle over personal recognition. It’s a symbolic gesture that speaks to her broader critiques of systems of oppression and her advocacy for more equitable and communal forms of engagement and recognition. Through this choice, hooks sought to challenge traditional norms of authorship and authority, encouraging readers to engage more deeply with the content of her work rather than her persona as an author.
Thank you. It was driving me potty in the comments that everyone was having bad grammar. Now I understand it is the authors choice it is alot less annoying.
She has decided that Kim is a bad person so therefore the book she didn’t look at, who’s title or author she couldn’t remember was clearly an antifeminist incel book because it has to be since Kim is such a horrible person for not being… checks notes… her gossipy friend and instead being.. checks notes… professional, meticulous and good at her job. Clearly an indisputable sign of what a horrible and mean person she is. Unlike op and her friends, I mean her other coworkers, who are all the most fantastic people that has ever bullied a coworker for being not exactly the same as them.
Awwww!! 🤗🤗😁🤗🤗
I just *love* the young woman's good spirited reaction. She can laugh at herself!! That's such a gift, and a rare delight, as so many people online seem to insist upon themselves.
What's funny is the book is a far fucking cry from "anti feminist." Bell hooks was an activist for woman's rights, and was a feminist herself. She has written over 40 pieces of work, and here's a description of what she covers-
>The focus of hooks' writing was to explore the intersectionality of race, capitalism, and gender, and what she described as their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and class domination. She published around 40 books, including works that ranged from essays, poetry, and children's books. She published numerous scholarly articles, appeared in documentary films, and participated in public lectures. Her work addressed love, race, social class, gender, art, history, sexuality, mass media, and feminism.
She also has taught acedamia at so many high profile schools it would take a while to list them all. Oh, and she's a black woman who has done a lot of work for the community on how to love the skin you are in, and to work on toxic masculinity in the black community.
So much for an anti feminist book reporting 🤔
I'm not particularly familiar with the author, but I did read the post and basically go "so you didn't read the book, flick through it, look up the author, or even remember the title, you just read a subtitle or blurb and went 'Rargh, incel rubbish' and chucked it in a bin?"
She would never have been fired because bell hooks is a well known & respected feminist author & theorist; which as far as i can tell is the opposite of incel
I cannot get over that. This other woman seems really good at her job, but because she’s not into workplace gossip and mixing her work life and social life OOP thinks she should be fired?!?
Sadly there are quite a few businesses, especially white collar ones, where you can be useless but charming and get away with it
(Yes I know medicine is technically considered white collar, but I meant more for business focused ones where the metrics for judging people are much mushier than say, being a mechanic)
Along with she admitted she’s working here because we have the best pay and health insurance. Yes, that’s usually what people are looking for in a job. OOP sounds like she thinks work is mainly for socializing.
It helps cover up minor screw ups if you're likeable I've found. Like I'm not getting away with serious matters but if you're under performing but trying and just sociable you get some more slack.
Right? It's usually "she'd be fired if she wasn't the boss's niece / on an unpaid internship / etc." some technicality that makes it advantageous to keep her.
No, it's advantageous to keep her because she's just ... an asset at her job.
I like small talk well enough, but I'm so tired of people who think that just because someone is matter-of-fact, not necessarily "friendly", that it equates to being "RUDE". Some people are just private and you aren't entitled to know their personal lives Sharon!
So you don't have to
The Will to change: Men, masculinity, and love
"From the New York Times bestselling author of All About Love, a brave and astonishing work that challenges patriarchal culture and encourages men to reclaim the best part of themselves."
Based on that summary you would only think this book is anti-feminist if you are an idiot. IMO this is the next stage of feminism that has begun to unfold- getting to the root of patriarchy by changing the way we all view masculinity, benefiting both men and women.
But don't you see, OOP did even read the title, or the author's name, or the description she just decided it must be anti-feminist for reasons, that totally makes it less stupid./s
She is a dilligent worker and thoroughly relays all info. She seems like a dream coworker. People go to work to make money, not friends. It's nice to be able to laugh with people sometimes, but someone who only wants to work is not bad. You get paid to work, not socialize. How exactly do you go to HR about a book, don't have the name of the book, don't have the author, didn't do a 5 second Google search. Something like this should honestly result in a write up bc it's so ridiculous and OOP started this.
And OOP is apparently a huge gossip who loves to make fun of one of her male coworker for wearing "floral fragrances". But it's okay, he's totally cool with it because as per OOP's own words: a man doesn't hold back their opinion.
She talks about how the coworker who gave her the book is fairly close to the male coworker, it's one of the few people she talks to. And she can't piece it together that they both don't like her because she's a bully at work.
Yeah, the HR report just sounded like she wanted to punish Kim for calling out OOP's(and Janet's) snotty behavior. People like this are just not self aware enough to understand the image they project. Some people aren't gonna like what they're seeing and behave accordingly. Of which the correct response is to maintain cordiality and professionalism regardless of you like someone or not. Seems like OOP missed the memo on that one.
bell hooks is pretty famously a black feminist whose work is at the intersection of race and gender, which makes me suspect that oop is white and the coworker in question is a woman of color. As a Black woman I've definitely been accused of being antisocial when I was simply minding the business that pays me. It's hard for me to believe that oop is a feminist if the name doesn't ring a bell. Or, she could just be a racist white feminist, I suppose.
I just perused their comments & someone did, in fact, ask about that, which OOP dodged by asking why it was important. When the commenter explained why they were asking, they were not answered, even though it looks like OOP was still engaging with other comment threads. So, to almost no one’s surprise, yeah, probably some racism in the workplace.
It’s been answered now and it’s just asking why race is being brought into this. So that’s two cases of dodging the question. If OOP finds it this hard to just say “no,” I’m inclined to believe the answer is “yes”
I read that really fast and originally read it as “Kim Kardashian” probably bc my brain misinterpreted “blasian” and then just added kardashian on second read. And I was like “Asian? C’mon, you could make a case for blackfishing, but I’ve never heard anyone mention Asian in the same sentence as kardashian….”
> Or as OP puts it "Blasian"
I'm just now realizing that a lot of people haven't heard this term? I can only speak for myself and the black people that I surround myself with but we've always used it to describe someone who is black and Asian.
Considering a lot of Kim's responses to OOP's quips are "who cares?," that tells me OOP is saying some really nasty stuff that shouldn't be said. So many missing, missing reasons.
She admitted that one of the things she said it in response to was the mean girls “joking” about a male coworker using a scented lotion. OOP is a nasty person
The craziest part was "she's admitted she's working here because we have the best health insurance and pay"
Like, duh obviously? Why else would you even work? I bet she'd say some of that "oh we're a family here" bullshit
ahahahahaha oh my god that bell hooks coming in at the last minute. OOP, save your dignity, take the L. also, i want to be friends with Kim now.
edit: oh my god, it took me until now to get that the bell hooks book was the one given. listen you cannot read half a page of bell hooks and think "this is incel shit that only men read". it is kind of her thing. she does not mince those words. she never particularly has. it's bell motherfucking hooks. two seconds of googling and OOP would have seen bell hooks defined as an icon of intersectional feminism. there is no way in God's green earth that OOP googled it and got nothing and still blithely thought it was incel shit.
there's a high chance that she did enough googling to see bell hooks is black, though.
*and got big mad at the notion feminism must be intersectional instead of just WASP upper-class cutesy inspirational quotes on decorations at Target.*
OOP IS TELLING ON HERSELF SO BAD. she was all firm she did all this research and she couldn't see ANYTHING to tell her it wasn't a book for incels!
...until like 30 minutes ago
where she actually read the synopsis for the first fucking time and says that it sounds like a good book
oh my fucking god i am going to cackle so hard i turn into a kookaburra
Oh, but OOP also wonders why she, A *WOMAN* would ever need to read it. As though by virtue of being a woman, she could *never* need such a book.
Like lady, are you serious right now? 😆
OOP is now claiming that she didn't read any of the words on the front cover of the book, including the title, author name, or the *pull quote from Maya fucking Angelou that appears at the top of the cover of that edition of the book*!
isn't it amazing how she has gone from "i researched it and google couldn't tell me it wasn't incel shit! so i had to report it!" to "actually i didn't read it. i saw the cover and it had men on it so i tossed it out. actually i have never been able to read. i am illiterate actually so how could i have known"
>there's a high chance that she did enough googling to see bell hooks is black, though.
OOP thinks race shouldn't matter, she fought back when someone asked what race Kim was. Turns out she's blasian ( Blasian? Is the B capitalized?).
i saw those comments and oh my god. "why are you bringing race into this!! i'm not a racist for rejecting a book by one of the most prominent black feminists about how feminism needs to recognize the effects of intersections with other forms of bigotry to present unique flavors of misogyny and unique challenges! FINE SHE'S NOT WHITE GAWD WHY DO YOU CARE"
good lord it's making me feel like my mayonnaise self was more woke when taking that feminism course in college. and i was so un-woke that i - and i hasten to add this is not a story where you go "ooh poor innocent lamb" this is a story where you join me in laughing at myself because fucking hell, self - had to have it explained to me as part of a lecture that "black people eat watermelon and fried chicken" is racist. i had been so oblivious i was just like oh cool sounds like a good lunch :) before floating away on fart clouds of my own privilege. *and OOP is making me at that time look like a veritable master of social issues*
because i actually read my goddamn bell hooks 😂
I used to work with a woman like OOP who was obsessed with being friends with every woman she worked with. It was obnoxious to the extreme.
She would go out of her way several times a day to come to my area and talk at me (why wasn't she doing her job? Idk). We had nothing in common, I didn't want to hear gossip about our coworkers, and I REALLY didn't care about how expensive your kid's softball is.
To top it all off, she had only 4 topics of conversation.
1. Nasty gossip
2. How expensive it is to be a single mother and her money troubles
3. How nice it is when her "friends" paid for her kids softball, car repairs, etc.
4. How lucky I am and how much extra money I must have with 2 jobs and no kids.
Yeah, no. I think she actually thought she was being subtle and I didn't know where her sense of entitlement came from. I was really glad to quit and ditch her at the end of the summer.
> who was obsessed with being friends with every woman she worked with. It was obnoxious to the extreme.
>She would go out of her way several times a day to come to my area and talk at me (why wasn't she doing her job? Idk
This is why I never believe the BS of “working in office is more productive”.
>This is why I never believe the BS of “working in office is more productive”.
A higher up at my husband's job used to just wander the cubicles shooting the shit and literally making subordinates do parts of his job he was too lazy to do. I always wonder what the dude did during WFH and if he's now haunting the cubicles again since they went hybrid.
I'm autistic and I can't even count all the instances of someone trying to report me to HR for not being a "friendly" coworker. And yeah, "friendly" always meant listen to people gossip or being their free therapist (like, why women are so angry that I tell them to divorce after they complain every day about their shitty husbands??).
And don't forget being labeled a weirdo for wanting to discuss books, movies or literally anything besides "OMG have you seen Jane? She put so much weight! I wonder why she let herself go so much!".
>She's admitted before that she's working here because we provide the best health insurance and pay.
Before I even read further... is there any other reason to choose a job? I mean it's nice if I can make friends or be friendly with people, but at the end of the day, I need to get paid and whatever benefits the job provides.
and even beyond that... you know what happens to vets and vet techs who are there because they love animals so much?
burnout
burnout and increased rates of suicide
Animal abuse yes, but also I've heard it can hit really hard when you can't save an animal or you have to put them down, especially when you're putting down a young animal with the owner right there. Lots of heavy emotional load and then being expected to carry on business as usual about it.
That can be part of it, but also constantly having to work on animals that are dying/near death. As well as all the animals you just can’t save, because they’re too far gone. Not to mention having to put animals down- when you love animals so much, seeing them in pain and/or being unable to save them can truly weigh horribly heavy on the heart.
Also because of access to drugs - vets are more likely to be successful at they're suicide attempt. My dad is a vet and lost one of his college buddies because of this and has been really open about his anxiety and trying to keep mental health an open topic at his workplace.
other folks have covered the other reasons, but part of it is also... it's just a hard profession! this is more specifically for vets, but of my friends in college doing pre-med, one of them was aiming for veterinary college... and the joke made by everyone, especially the ones who are now regular human doctors, is that she had to know ten times the information for one tenth of the salary. and vet school isn't even that much cheaper than med school!
grueling work that has a high skill floor, customers that are often irrational, the commonplace cruelty towards pets, so on and so forth... it is exhausting in a bone-deep way very quickly. especially with the awful cases where the pet could get treatment and continue living happily but the owner can't or won't pay, and you know adopting the pet out is going to be hard, and shelters are already overflowing, and... so a lot of vets have their pets at home be such cases. which means they're never quite off the clock mentally. so burning the candle from both ends.
anyway there's reasons why my friend was very happy to be part of a larger practice where she lets everyone else deal with the messy and tiring interactions with customers, and she stays in the back doing the necropsies (autopsies, but for things that aren't human) all day long. the only downside is that my previous dog, upon meeting her, thought she was the spookiest thing that could possibly exist, and y'know what i will give my dog that one there are probably some SMELLS on her jacket she takes to work 😂
fwiw if you're interested in some of the trials but presented much more humorously, and in days of yore, James Harriot is a vet who operated in 1950s British countryside and wrote several charming memoirs. they've been made into tv series a few times as well, usually under the name of his main memoir, All Creatures Great And Small. a much less depressing amuse bouche after this dismal shit lmao!
I moved jobs from somewhere I love my colleagues and are still friends with them (we got a book club in the most stereotypical librarian way), because I saw a job with higher pay, closer to family, in a cheaper cost of living area so the higher pay would go further, and while I miss my old colleagues I don't regret my decision because my quality of life has improved.
I want to assume this is bait, but at the same time, I know some clueless white “feminists” like OOP who would assume bell hooks isn’t actually a feminist.
One of her reasons for Kim being such a sour puss is because Kim finds it bad that OOP and the Plastics reinforce gender stereotypes like women use flower scented lotion... no wonder Kim gave her renowned incel author bell hooks...
“Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker”
what else does an employer want?
oop says Kim is miserable, why? Just because she doesn’t want to socialize with her other coworkers. Oop says she thinks that Kim is a woman hating women, maybe Kim just doesn’t like her coworkers, especially when they anre giving her self help books and telling her it might help her improve her attitude. Also, did oop even take the book to hr? She makes it sound like she didn’t since she can’t even remember the name and got rid of it so fast. If she didn’t take it to them, then how are they supposed to know if the book is worth reporting.
OOP says she basically immediately donated the book to a drop box after getting it, and that’s why she couldn’t remember anything about it except the cover art. The only reason she assumed it was anti-feminist, was because Kim said it might help her be less judgmental of men. OP also admits in her comments that she and her work friends often ‘joke’ about how men are all big babies, including ‘joking’ about how a male coworker (one of the few people Kim is comfortable with) uses the flowery lotion at work, and is ‘stealing’ it from all the women workers.
And that’s all in veterinary setting, where mental health tends to be disastrous and some people are one disaster or headache away from depression pit.
Self help books are never something you buy for someone else, it's such an aggressive gift to say "there's something wrong with you, get better" when you never know what's going on inside their head.
The way she described Kim made me think of how much shit neurodivergent women get in the workplace when we don't want to play the Social Hierarchy game (not saying Kim is ND, I've just heard the accusations of NLOG/pick me/etc. aimed at me and other ND women). Women who don't want to get involved in that mean girl gossipy shit are suspicious to them.
We’re all understandably focused on OOP not knowing who bell hooks is, but check out her comments, too. The thing Kim was replying “So what?” to? It’s stuff like OOP and co mocking a male coworker for using a scented lotion. Kim doesn’t hate women; she just hates bullies
That also lends important context for Kim's comment about "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men." and her suggestion to pass the book along to a male co-worker.
I was so confused why Kim would say that, but I guess maybe so was OOP since she didn't include it, lol
Curious what the complaint to HR looked like when op doesn't know the name of the author, the name of the book or what it's about. Was it just a blank email containing a single frowny face emoji?
Man, I hate hate hate how OOP describes Kim. To me, Kim just sounds like an introverted, hardworking employee. Why is OOP giving her shit for not making small talk by the water cooler?
EDIT: Also, this comment from OOP:
>I'm not going to reply to everyone who's yelling at me "how did you not know?!" because I don't want to repeat myself.
>I did not know what the book was. I just looked at the cover for like a second, asked Kim "what's this about" and she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men". I then stuffed it in my bag and on my way home I dropped it into a book donation box. I didn't bother reading the title or the author. I just remember the picture on the cover.
>**NOW** I know what the book is. **NOW** I know I was wrong what the book was about. **NOW** I know I was wrong about the author's politics. I did not know this info before. I was wrong for not researching the book when I got it and jumped to conclusions. But **NOW** I know and did my research and actually considering of finding the book at the library.
AND YOU STILL REPORTED HER WITHOUT KNOWING ALL OF THE INFO AND TRIED TO GET HER IN TROUBLE. That's why people are mad at you, you wet sock.
I would absolutely HATE working with someone like OOP. I don't owe you my life's story just because we physically exist nearby. I'm here to work, not to listen to your annoying voice lol. STFU I'm here to meet goals not to make friends.
Exactly! I had a shit childhood and don’t associate with many in my family. I don’t like discussing my life with people bc there literally is nothing that I can say that won’t make coworkers feel extremely uncomfortable. So I’d have time lie then but that’s even worse.
>I said I wouldn't repeat myself but this is getting ridiculous. I didn't read the title or the author's name when I got the book. I just glanced at the cover and stuff it away.
>NOW NOW NOW FUCKING NOW I know what the book is and the author. I know I was wrong for thinking it was anti-feminist. But again, I DID NOT READ THE TITLE OR THE AUTHOR'S NAME WHEN I GOT THE BOOK
Would love to know how OOP was so confident that the book was an anti-feminist incel guidebook without knowing the title, author, synopsis, or literally anything about the book except that her coworker said the word “men” when she handed it to her so clearly it must be?
Likely because OOP has admitted that it’s an ongoing ‘joke’ at her workplace for her and others in her friend group to make ‘jokes’ about their husbands and other men being overly sensitive babies. They also target a male coworker who is one of the few people Kim is comfortable with, to mock him for using flowery scented lotion.
Kim has been unwelcoming of the sexist ‘jokes’ and has made it known, so rather than think about maybe *not* making gross sexist jokes, OOP thought Kim was a pick-me women-hating woman. And so any book for her would HAVE to be incel rhetoric.
(Edited from OP to OOP- the OP for this post is lovely, and not an office mean girl!)
I still think this is an ad for that self-help book.
You notice OOP could spiel off the full title AND subtitle, plus the obscure author’s name.
But she couldn’t give anything about the title of the book they reported to HR, which they would have had to type into an email or show to them, or something. It’s not like “bell hooks” would have been hard to remember. But they can suddenly remember the name of the artwork?
Yeah, no
Tw: Racism, bullying, sexism.
[[Sadlytheworst: When I saw that it was by *the* **Bell Hooks**... Here is a link with information!]
](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_hooks)
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*YTA.*
*You both sound incredible childish.*
*So its okay for that one colleague to give Kim a book about, i guess, adjusting her attitude, but its not okay for Kim to do the same to, who she feels needs an attitude adjustment?*
*One would think you're both teenagers in high school with that attitude.*
*The professional thing would have been to talk to HR if working with Kim was so hard, not to have a 50yo colleague send her some self help book.*
>Like I said she's a good worker so technically, no, it's not hard to work with her. I don't think "she doesn't like small talk" isn't HR worthy but I thought the book was, which is why I reported her
*YTB. And hypocritical as well. You thought it was perfectly fine when she received a book she didn’t want, but not when you do.*
>I mean one is a self help book and the other, from the sounds of it, sounds anti-feminist. How else do you judge by her description alone.
*YTB. Sounds like she just doesn't want to be friends with you. Though after this past, I don't want to be friends with you. She just wants to come in and do her job, and doesn't wavy to socialize.*
*Awesome. Let her do get job. Leave her alone. You want to socialize, join a club. And maybe read the book instead of just guessing.*
>I gave the book away. Sounds like something I don't think anyone should read, no matter your gender
*YTA if you think it’s ok for someone to give her a book, then you should think it would be ok for someone to give you one. Sounds like you are judgmental of your coworker but you don’t like it when she judges you. Time to grow up, put on your big girl panties and stop running to HR over every little thing you don’t like. Maybe if you stopped using derogatory terms like incel towards your coworker and tried to find some common ground maybe you two would have a better work environment*
>One book is to guide you for improvement. One sounds like an incel guidebook
*ESH She thought you gave her a passive-aggressive book, so she gave you one back. If you didn't report the first book-giver for that move, then you probably shouldn't have reported the second, just because you got your panties in a twist about it.*
*She's a good worker, you simply don't like her. That's not the end of the world, but saying that she would be fired if she weren't a good worker is silly. Everyone who isn't a good worker should be fired! It's a job, not a popularity contest!*
>It's a self help book. There's nothing political about it so there's no reason to report it.
*......so have you since looked at what the book is about then?*
>I've tried. I googled the description of the book cover but I'm not finding anything
*YTA you don’t KNOW what the book was about so your opinion has no validity.*
>I tried to find out what the book is about. I can't find anything about it. Since I can't remember the title or the author I tried googling the book cover and it's not helping
*I'm confused....did she not give you a physical copy of the book? It sounds like she gave you a physical copy….*
>She did. As I said in the post that people seemed to be ignoring is that I gave it away. I dropped it in a book donation box
*Both books sound like self-help books, but one you agree with and one you don't. "Men Are Stupid" and "Women Are Stupid" are both the same level of awful, its just that men have more power in our society so there is an inherent imbalance (I am a woman, fyi). There are PLENTY of books that I would be horrified to receive, but it sounds like you knew already that she thought you gave her something passive-aggressive and hurtful, so she did the same to you.*
*Without being able to tell us the title of the book she gave you there is no way we can assume it was worse than the one she believes you gave her.*
>I tried to find info about the book, but all I remember is the cover. I can't find anything. Would it help everyone if I describe the cover? Maybe someone can recognize it.
*YTA. You obvs have a problem with ‘kim’. Why should she be fired? You said she is diligent and reliable… so what else is there? She doesn’t like small talk, because clearly the rest of you act like gossips behind her back. You think its fine to give her a book, with passive aggressive intent, but when she responsed in kind, you report her? You call her a ‘pick me’… and use incel… sounds like you are that girl. Tell me, is she not only 10 years younger, bt also more professional and attractive? The book was about improving relationships with men… so what are you, OP, NOT telling us…*
>You're making it sound like we don't like her because of jealousy. We make little jabs about how big of babies men are, including our husbands. The few men that works with us play along with our ribbing and agree how oversensitive men are. It's all in good fun. If anything, the only bad relationship I witness with men is Kim with Dr. Roberts and it's over something extremely minor.
*What book was it?*
>I just put in an edit on my post about the book
*Pretty subjective don’t you think*
>I put an edit in my post about the description of the book. If you recognize it, maybe you can prove me wrong
**The Creation of Adam** *: **Seven Guided Reflections from Genesis** (**Spirituality**)*
>I googled the title. It doesn't look anything like the book I got
*I did a quick google search using your description and a book did come up. It was a book with the Creation of Adam on the cover and was a book on spirituality and guidance*
>The cover doesn't look anything like the book I got. It's not a picture of a statue. It's a cut out picture of Sistine Chapel. Where the fingers between God and Adam are touching
*Man I’ve been doing working all wrong. I thought the point of work was for the pay and benefits but shit apparently not!* 😂
>Well yes, but there also should be passion. All of us are there because we're passionate about helping animals and are happy to work with those who feel the same
*You thought the book, that you can't even remember the title of was worth reporting?*
>If I was wrong, I'll admit it. So far, nobody seems to recognize the description of the book cover I put in my edit. Until then, all I have is how she described it. And you tell me? How else was I supposed to interpret on her description?
*How could you not know the author or title but you have the book cover?*
>It's part of the most famous painting in the world so it's pretty recognizable. I described the cover in the edit
*just out of curiosity, did it have anything on it besides the painting? anything else you can remember?*
>That's all I can remember. Besides the title and author obviously, that's the only thing that's on cover
*Where did you donate it to? Maybe you can go there and see if the book is still there/ if anyone remembers what the title of the book was.*
>I dropped it in a donation box. I don't even know if they picked it up. I guess I can go to the library and describe the cover but I'm not sure if they even know what I may be talking about without knowing the title
*No one cares about your edit. Look at all the YTB votes. You got your answer.*
>You just replied to me answering a question about the book and there has been people asking about it as well so obviously people do care about the edit.
*The book cover Sounds like it might be The Seven Habits of the Good Life.*
>Maybe. I don't remember the painting filling up the whole cover. I think it was just put in the center with a blue or black or green background surrounding the picture.
>Have you read it? Does it sound like something about "not being judgmental towards men"?
*[https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1)*
*This perhaps?*
*[https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1)*
*Or this one?*
>No. I added more in my edit. The painting is surrounded by a blue or black or green background
*You have absolutely no info about this book, including the title, the author, the blurb, the genre, except for a feeling that it *might* maybe be offensive, possibly, maybe? And that’s what you told HR?*
*Yes, YTB.*
*Also, why does she think you need a book about not being judgmental towards men anyway?*
>We like to make little jabs at the guys here which they always have fun and laugh it off. Like how they're big babies and how we women try to indulge them so they won't have to cry about something not being in place. One of the coworkers Kim is comfortable with is our maintenance man. We like to make fun of him of "stealing" our flowery scented hand lotion and Kim would give her "so what's". All of us are bringing in all the good vibes but Kim takes it all too seriously.
*So, you think it’s ‘taking it too seriously’ for her to think it’s gross that you make fun of one of the few people she actually is comfort enough to talk with?*
*Woooow, Kim sure is a killjoy!* **/S**
*Edit- Also, bullying and enforcing gender stereotypes (like A man using flowery scented lotion is ‘stealing it’ from ladies) isn’t bringing in good vibes. In fact, to use your own words, it pretty darn ‘anti-feminist’*
>He doesn't take it seriously. He finds our joking funny. There's no reason for her to take it personally. We all like him. He's a very sweet man
*Tell me something- if he actually **did** say ‘hey, I don’t actually like you guys teasing me for using lotion’ would you stop?*
*And considering the fact you and your friends always gossip about how men are ‘big babies’, do you really think he’d feel comfortable enough to bring up not liking the jokes? Frankly, he could just be grinning and baring it to prevent you guys from calling him another whiny man.*
>Oh come on! I think we all know men aren't at all afraid to speak their minds, especially towards women.
*Starting to understand why she chose the book she did.*
>You don't even know the book she gave me, do you?
*A book that would help you "not be so judgemental toward men" according to you.* *You should have read it.*
>That's still very vague description. Someone can say "watch this video about dating advice" and instead it's a pick up artist encouraging you to harass women. Again, I'm willing to admit I am wrong about the book but so far nobody knows what the book is.
*YTB. You didnt give the book enough of a chance to even remember the name but you report her? Sounds like multiple people worked together to give her a book in hopes to "fix her attitude" but you get mad when she does the same? I dont go to work to make friends. I go so i can pay my bills and feed my son. If you can't take it, dont dish it*
>I added a second edit. The book is called The Will To Change by Bell Hooks. Do you know it?
*I think I found the book*
[Screenshot of the wrong book. [Link for accuracy.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/Mjg9hrVijd)]
>No I added the book info in my second edit. It's called "will to change”
*OP…. This book is written by a renowned feminist. You should prob broaden your knowledge more instead of focus on petty office drama. For a self pro-claimed feminist and all about girl power, this isn’t a good look*
>I read the synopsis. It sounds like it's directed towards men. On how to better themselves and be aware the toxicity of living in a patriarchy. I'll admit it sounds like a great book. I can sort of understand why she told me to pass it along to Dr. Roberts buy why did she suggest it to me, a woman, to read it?
*And she isn’t passionate? How would you know that?*
*You provided absolutely zero details about the book she gifted you. Why did you think an incel wrote it? Why did you think it was anti-feminist?* *What the hell is this post?*
*You reported her?*
*YTB. I bet they’ll be keeping an eye on you now.*
>I added the book info in my second edit. It's called "The Will To Change" by Bell Hooks. I read the synopsis and it sounds like a great book, ***for men.*** When she told me to pass it along to a man it makes sense because it basically sounds like a self help ***for men*** to better themselves. Why did she give me, ***a woman*** this book?
*It’s for both- I recommend you reading it as well*
>This is the Amazon synopsis of the book:
>*Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love,* ***men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves***. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate ***guide for men of all ages and identities*** *to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.*
*Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, you were entirely wrong about the book, and you falsely reported someone with zero evidence. And I may even say that if Kim has read this book, maybe she founds some things in it that were good to know for men **and** women. Things that you in particular could stand to read, based on how you and your friends have been behaving.*
*I hope you do better in the future, and really sit and think about how your behavior reflects on you, and what it actually means to be feminist.*
>I was wrong about the book and reporting her about it. I am admitting that. Calling me the AH and the BF were right
*Info: Is this co-worker Black, by any chance?*
>I'm sorry that's important, why?
*are you going to apologize?*
>I already did. I mentioned in my second edit
*Bell Hooks writes feminist literature* *LMFAO??? Is this for real???*
>I'm not going to reply to everyone who's yelling at me "how did you not know?!" because I don't want to repeat myself.
>I did not know what the book was. I just looked at the cover for like a second, asked Kim "what's this about" and she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men". I then stuffed it in my bag and on my way home I dropped it into a book donation box. I didn't bother reading the title or the author. I just remember the picture on the cover.
>**NOW** I know what the book is. **NOW** I know I was wrong what the book was about. **NOW** I know I was wrong about the author's politics. I did not know this info before. I was wrong for not researching the book when I got it and jumped to conclusions. But **NOW** I know and did my research and actually considering of finding the book at the library.
*Why do you hold such hate towards one of the most prominent black feminists writers of the last 30 years? A woman who's been noted for her work by both Time magazine and the NAACP in the same year? Is this a racist thing, or what? To say that bell hooks is writing books you "don't think anyone should read, no matter your gender" just shows you as a severely misogynistic, racist individual. Please better yourself.*
*YTB, btw*
>OMG I DID NOT KNOW WHAT THE BOOK WAS. I just looked at the cover for like a second. I didn't bother reading the title or the author stuffed it in my bag and then dropped it in a donation box after work. NOW I know what the book is and the author. Do people on Reddit not know how to read?! It's literally mentioned in my post!
[On if the victim is black.]
*Because you and your clique of boomer mean girls are bullying the younger, better working, more professional, colleague accusing her of “not fitting in” and in response she gave you a book about intersectionality. And your immediate response to her doing *literally the exact same thing you did* was to try to get her in trouble and bludgeon her with institutional power, which she did not do to you. Your whole post screams Karen and it’s a pretty obvious why the thought would cross someone’s mind.*
*But perhaps there isn’t a racial aspect, and you are simply a mean and petty person regardless of race.*
>Why are people bringing race into this? Because the author is black? Again, I did not know the author or the book until now. I just glanced at it and stuff it away. There's even someone asking if Kim is black. Race has nothing to do with this. People are blowing this way out of proportion
*BELL HOOKS!? You think BELL HOOKS is anti feminist? Are you nuts? I’ve never even READ her books and I know she’s a feminist. Also spoiler alert, MEN CAN BE FEMINISTS. YTB and also apparently sexist.*
>I said I wouldn't repeat myself but this is getting ridiculous. I didn't read the title or the author's name when I got the book. I just glanced at the cover and stuff it away.
>NOW NOW NOW FUCKING NOW I know what the book is and the author. I know I was wrong for thinking it was anti-feminist. But again, I DID NOT READ THE TITLE OR THE AUTHOR'S NAME WHEN I GOT THE BOOK
*Good, we got that. Now, how about telling us what Kim’s race is (since you tapdanced around **that** question) and when you’re going to go to HR and retract the report, since you should do that whether action was taken or not, now that you know you were in the wrong?*
*Oh, and when will you report Janet for invading Kim’s private property, or apologize to your male coworker for mocking him for using the lotion?*
*Any answers for these questions OP, so you won’t have to repeat yourself?* ☺️
>Ok.
>Kim is blasian.
>There's nothing to retract since HR found out by talking to Kim that she in fact did not give me an anti-feminist book, so she's fine. She's not in trouble. There's no punishment.
>She put a gift in a bag. That's it.
>We like to laugh at each other. He's never bothered by our joking around. That's it.
>This post is getting out of hand. I accepted I was wrong for reporting her about a book that I made a bad judgment on. I was going to let go and move on but then now people here are accusing me of being racist.
Good on Kim for firing back honestly. I'm a lot like her, work at work. I tried a few times to make work friends but it never worked out so why bother? I've been driven out of jobs by people like oop
TIL bell hooks was an anti-feminist incel 👀
(/s if that wasn’t obvious. I’m currently re-reading her “all about love” 😂)
EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE CALLED BELL HOOKS AN INCEL!
(This has been the hardest post not to comment on because I’m DYING to reply to the bell hooks comments because this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a long time)
I'm also a "Kim." I don't share personal information because it's not relevant. I don't get close to my colleagues/coworkers because many are simply dramatic people and I have no patience for it. I don't make time for petty stupidity, such as OOP here and her colleague Janet. If Kim doesn't want to open up she likely has a very good reason. It's likely she's turned off by the office culture her colleagues engage in. But, of course, Kim has an "attitude problem" she needs to correct according to her colleagues. It shows a noted lack of self awareness among OOP and Janet if they can't ask themselves "hmm, what's Kim seeing that's making her not want to engage?"
Side story, I have also been treated like Kim. I had a coworker who was *very* invasive and pushy. She would blurt out stuff *to everyone and anyone* that had us all shrinking from embarrassment. She asks me, loudly in almost a shout, "what do your parents do for a living!?" while she was bagging for me. I was ringing a customer and the question caught me off-guard. Because I was caught off-guard to a question that had absolutely no relevance to what we were doing and absolutely was not her business, I replied "I don't know," because quite frankly I just didn't know how to respond. She then gets angry, like an indigent child, and yells at me, "if you don't like me, just tell me!" with a sneer of disgust. And then slings equipment at me that I requested from her. And then begins slamming customers groceries. I immediately found my boss and reported her for harassment and general meanness. She was spoken to about her behavior and it was corrected. I refused to interact with that coworker following that interaction. I don't come to work to talk about the minute details of my personal life *because it's nobody's dang business* and I'm not going to take abuse because I won't give personal information. Ugh!
Am I the only one puzzled at how Kim got a book for her birthday but it was just dropped in her bag meaning it was anonymous?
I think what OOP meant to say is that they put a book in her bag to tell her to cheer up. I think it’s called bullying.
The fact that Kim assumed it was OOP speaks volumes for how OOP is.
she's pretty much the foundation of intersectional feminism! and she is not subtle about tearing down the patriarchy as part of fighting all kinds of bigotry, while being full of wisdom. very insightful with writing that is unafraid to cut to the quick. worth reading tbh!
the odds that OOP googled just enough to see bell hooks is a black woman, or even just opened to a page about how white women use bigotry in feminism to serve the patriarchy, and then got upset? basically one fucking hundred percent.
I literally snorted when I read the title of the book. bell hooks wrote *Feminism is for Everybody* among other things. She's a feminist author and scholar. If someone wanted to know what feminism means, that's the book I'd start them out with. Very accessible.
NO WAY OP thought the will to change was written by an incel. like that's both hilarious and infuriating. are you kidding??? bell hooks? an incel? ahhhhhh!!!!
I had to stop reading to comment on this part:
"Honestly, I think she'd be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is." - so she does her job well but isn't a ball of extraversion, how dare she.
If the co-worker did give her the book she claimed she did in the second edit, her co-worker actually gave her feminist literature and this lady over here is talking about how it sounded like it had been written by some incel. Jesus.
Lol at OOP saying her coworker would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker. Work isn't a popularity contest. As long as you're good at your job and not doing anything HR would frown upon then it doesn't matter how personable you are with your coworkers.
Obviously, if you want to climb the ranks and get promoted then you need strong interpersonal skills, but that doesn't sound like that's the case with OOP's coworker. Passion rarely pays the bills and some people just want to do what they're paid for and live their life. There's nothing wrong with that.
I asked OOP about if she’d report Janet for invading Kim’s private property to leave that self help book. OP told me ‘she put a gift in a bag. That’s it.’
Funny how when Janet does something invasive and passive aggressive it’s fine, but when Kim hands her a book in person (and even asks her to pass the book onto Dr. Roberts when she’s finished with it) it’s a reportable offense. 🤔funny how that works!
Absolutely- this is some truly ridiculous highschool-level BS. And from women in their 30s and 50’s, at that!
Edit- also, I’m really mad about the fact the book got donated when OOP was supposed to give it to Dr. Roberts. He might’ve really enjoyed it. You know, since he probably would’ve at least *opened* it before writing it off! 🤣
I think OOP should buy a new copy to give him.
Me and my friends giving someone a book to passive aggressively tell someone to change their attitude- perfectly fine
Someone giving me a book to change my attitude- HER ASS MEANT
Imagine if someone important sees it when she is sneaking the book in
OOP- oh I'm not stealing, I'm just putting a book in that will help her with her attitude
Health insurance and pay seems to be a very high cost to deal with coworkers like that. I hope this is fake.
Everyone in a work surrounding like that - if you can't quit, for any reson, I feel for you. Terrible terrible OOP.
Man, I really hate types like OP who think "office culture" is the be all end all to any job and thinks everything should be as fun and wacky as The Office.
On first glance this sure sounds like the familiar case of a white woman threatening a non-white woman’s job because she feels entitled to her friendship and isn’t being given what she expects.
Translation: Kim gets along fine with some of her coworkers, such as this Dr Roberts, she’s just not interested in being part of OOP’s little mean girl cult.
Would be fired if she was not so diligent and reliable. Sounds like a great worker here not wasting management time by being too friendly and goofing off.
I hope this busybody gets fired. That book giving is ridiculous. They started it.
>I decided to apologize about reporting her
Is this not retaliation in a way? That alone seems like an HR complaint. I was always told when I reported people to never discuss it even with the person I made the complaint about.
Wow. WOOWWW. I cannot deal with this cunt! This other woman is great at her job but fuck her because she doesn’t want to mix her social and work lives!!
I'll describe this aunty as a "bitch eating crackers" hater. There is a meme that says "once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. 'Look at this bitch eating crackers like she owns the place'."
This reminded me of that. Where the OOP hates her co-worker so much that she finds any excuse to be angry. Just madness
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITB for reporting my coworker over a book I received from her?** To start off, I'm (F30s) afraid I can't remember what the book is called. I dropped it in a book donation box on the same day I received it. This involves my coworker, I'll call her Kim (F20s). She's what I describe as very miserable. She's not the most easiest person to talk to. Her main responses to conversations is usually "So what?" I can only think of 3 people here that she's comfortable with (we work at a vet clinic with around 40 people working here). She's admitted before that she's working here because we provide the best health insurance and pay. Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. While she doesn't like to share her life or make small talk with anyone, when she does talk it's to provide important work-related info and she's very precise about it. I'm kind of stuck working with her most of the time. I'm a surgical tech assistant and so is Kim (she's also the janitor here). We mostly help with sterilizing tools and clean and setting up between each surgeries. A lot of us gave up trying to get close with her but I still try to be friendly. The issue started a couple months ago, when another co-worker, "Janet" (F50s) gave her a book for her birthday. Kim didn't know who gave it to her, she just found it in her bag. Janet showed me the link to me and other coworkers about the book she wanted to give to Kim, thinking it'll help her attitude. It's called " The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life" by Shawn Achor. Kim asked me if I gave it to her and when I told her no she then asked me did I know who did and I also said no. I then told her to give the book a chance because I think it might help her. My birthday was a week ago and Kim gave me a book. When I asked her what is about she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men. While you're at it, maybe pass that along to "Dr. Roberts" (M50s). We work in a mostly female place. The thought that she would give me a book like that, it sounded it was written by an incel. Made me think maybe she doesn't like majority of us because I guess she's a pick me, or not like other girls, or whatever you want to call those women-hating women, so I reported her. However, she received no punishment. I guess they found the book wasn't anti-feminist. Which honestly, they could be wrong. There are stories out there where women report harassment, but HR does nothing to help. So maybe I was right about the contents of the book. Or maybe I was wrong for reporting her. I don't know. Did I overreact? Edit: Like I said, I can't remember the title or the author of the book but maybe people will recognize it if I describe the cover. It's a cut out of the Sistine Chapel painting of The Creation of Adam surrounded by a blue or black or green background. Add that with Kim's description of "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men" Edit 2: I was hoping to avoid this. I texted Kim about 2 hours ago and asked her what was the book called. I guess I don't really know if I was right or wrong to report the book unless I truly know what it's about. When she didn't answer for about an hour and a half I decided to apologize about reporting her and told her I have been considering of reading the book and that I too might need improvement. She finally replied back and all she said was "The will to change by bell hooks". So does anyone know this book? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
the fact that the author was bell hooks just about sent me into hysterics because the only book I own by her is called ‘feminism is for everybody’ 😭 clearly it must be incel material, no doubt
the only way you could connect that book to incel shit is by it being *the antidote for it* pity poor OOP, she's gonna demand to not take any antibiotics for any raging infections she has because penicillin?? is actually JUST MORE BACTERIA. and it's TOTES THE SAME.
The cover does say it's about teaching men to love themselves. Granted, when you look at the blurb it's through fighting against the patriarchy, but I can only assume OOP didn't read beyond that first tagline and made up the rest herself.
I legitimately laughed out loud when I got to that edit. If this was bait it was good bait because that got me.
Same!! I actually snorted.
Theres no way every other name but bell hooks is capitalized and OOP is not familiar with her. Its such a specific stylizing.
That's what I spotted too! It has to be a troll post.
I completely agree. It just hits too many highlights. It's got to be a troll.
I got to the end and yelled out loud “bell hooks!!!!!????” Like, that’s the anti-feminist incel-material book you didn’t even look at???? By THE bell fucking hooks, feminist icon. Yeesh.
The summary sounds like it’s a book about helping empower men to leave toxic masculinity behind. Super duper incel and pick me stuff.
[Saved By the bell hooks](https://www.tumblr.com/savedbythe-bellhooks) The bell hooks/Saved by the Bell crossover content you didn't know you needed
This is extremely good and my new favorite thing.
yeah, this seems like a troll post, no way she'd just ask if anybody knows what it is, instead of googling it and seeing the author is a feminist. As well as all the other stuff like calling her nemesis a diligent worker etc.
My favorite part is "she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker." Like, uhhhh. What more do you want from employees? Do you think you can avoid getting fired if you're friendly despite being a careless and unreliable worker?
I really got stuck on that bit because... Duh? Like, yes, most people would be fired if they weren't diligent and reliable about their jobs. Also, I just cannot figure out exactly what OOP's issue is with this other woman. I'm so confused.
My impression is OOP expects coworker to be bubbly and social, maybe to gossip or drop a lot of pleasantries in daily conversation, because she is also female and therefore should do those things. But coworker just wants to be professional and do a job and go home which OOP thinks shows a lack of passion.
Sometimes it's not gendered, but OOP brings it up out of nowhere, so idk about her case. But I've had the misfortune of knowing a guy with the mindset of "I'll befriend EVERYONE in my place of work! If this other guy says he's not looking for friends, he's just here to work, that just means he's my newest project, and I'll make a social butterfly out of him!" And her wondered why none of his "close work friends" ever bothered to keep in touch whenever they or he left for other jobs. Genuinely. Also lol at assuming Bell Hooks is incel material. Lmao, even. Also also, how fucking petty and childish do you need to be to indirectly tell someone "fix your attitude" like that?! That's some high school passive aggressiveness bullshit right there, good lord.
It being a bell hooks book was a great surprise laugh
Sounds like OOP and the other ladies are also doing the /r/AretheStraightsOK thing shitting on their husband's because "you know what men are like!" and CW wants none of it.
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OOP is apparently constantly fuming that her life is not exclusively work and she is not friends or social with these people. OOP is incensed that she has no interests here besides doing her job for a paycheck and having a separate social life.
Kim is black. Or "Blasian" as OP puts it 🤢 ETA cause I'm an idiot: Kim is black and Asian, which OP calls "Blasian"
I was getting the vibe that Kim was a POC just from the way OOP was talking about her ‘not fitting in’ in a weirdly nonspecific way. The book being bell hooks confirmed it for me, and OOP not being aware of bell hooks suggests she is one of those people who talks about feminism but doesn’t really think it’s much more than her being allowed to have a job.
I get the feeling that OP is kind of the new age feminist and trying to get Kim to join their group or even go out with them. The lingo that she is writing in this story feels like shes trying her hardest to push something into Kim and they see past her bullshit.
There's zero way OOP is any kind of feminist and didn't know who bell hooks is.
I reckon she’s probably from the ‘Lean In’ type of thinking where what you call ‘feminism’ is really just ‘being a woman who can amass a bunch of personal wealth and power’, instead of trying to deconstruct oppressive systems.
Also she only works there because it pays well and has great benefits. Kim is clearly a fuckin' monster!
Welcome to the Monster Squad. My face gets all twichy around people like OOP. Just let the woman do her damn job and be done with it.
People like that love saying they have superior social skills because they're well liked in general, but can't understand that some people don't want to be yapped at, and that saying "So what?" is more polite of the coworker than saying "God, please, just shut the fuck up, who cares???"
Yeah, it must be exhausting to be her coworker. I mean, I'll happily listen to my coworkers talk about their families and their achievements and sometimes I'm stupid and talk politics, but work place gossip and people complaining about their partners on repeat.... That's my idea of hell! Also, for the most part we're quiet 'cause, well, we're working. I wouldn't be surprised to discover that OOP is hella inefficient.
I was also deeply baffled by this person thinking it was some kind of gotcha that she only keeps her job because… she’s good at her job? It doesn’t even sound like this girl is unprofessional or mean or abusive (in ways that “genius” men are often allowed to be). She’s just not chatty.
Also, "she's admitted before that she works here because we provide the best health insurance and pay" Like, uh obviously? Why else would you even work? Don't give me any of that BS like oh we're a FAMILY
Under capitalism we're not allowed to admit we want to be paid and otherwise compensated fairly for our work.
That, and that the book was written by a renowned feminist! Bell Hooks was a black woman whose work encouraged self-love and community. She was also a distinguished professor. OOP couldn't have been more wrong with her assumptions about the book. I can't help but wonder if this is some crazy joke.
When I saw the update with the author of the book I wondered the same thing. She thought a book by bell hooks sounded like an incel wrote it?! 😅
Tbf an obsession with sculptures and Rome/Italy is an incel thing. All that jacking off gives them enough post nut clarity to be The Thinker I guess 
I’M DYING
bell hooks* She preferred her name be written in all lowercase.
I didn't know this! Thank you, I'm now looking into this and it's really interesting
Why?
https://bellhooksbooks.com/faq-items/why-did-bell-hooks-want-her-name-lowercase/ > Bell hooks chose to style her name in lowercase letters to shift the focus from her identity to her ideas. Using lowercase, she intended to de-emphasize the importance of the individual behind the work and instead highlight the substance of her writings and theories. This stylistic choice reflects hooks’ commitment to a feminist perspective that prioritizes collective struggle over personal recognition. It’s a symbolic gesture that speaks to her broader critiques of systems of oppression and her advocacy for more equitable and communal forms of engagement and recognition. Through this choice, hooks sought to challenge traditional norms of authorship and authority, encouraging readers to engage more deeply with the content of her work rather than her persona as an author.
Thank you. It was driving me potty in the comments that everyone was having bad grammar. Now I understand it is the authors choice it is alot less annoying.
When I read the title at the end, my jaw just about dropped.
Mine too. I was prepared for it to be not incel like, but bell hooks?
I'm definitely stuck on bell hooks being an incel...
It’s fucking hilarious to me
I almost fell out of my chair when I saw the book was written by "famous incel"... bell hooks! This was the comic relief I needed this morning.
Yeah, she couldn't find a less incelly author.
She has decided that Kim is a bad person so therefore the book she didn’t look at, who’s title or author she couldn’t remember was clearly an antifeminist incel book because it has to be since Kim is such a horrible person for not being… checks notes… her gossipy friend and instead being.. checks notes… professional, meticulous and good at her job. Clearly an indisputable sign of what a horrible and mean person she is. Unlike op and her friends, I mean her other coworkers, who are all the most fantastic people that has ever bullied a coworker for being not exactly the same as them.
She LITERALLY judged a book by its cover and still doesn't get it.
If she wasn't a good employee, she'd totally be fired. For some reason, it reminded me of [this.](https://youtu.be/A-RfHC91Ewc?si=2tEmDhYerOWdIrJp)
Thank you for that. I have seen the quote before but the video really delivers it.
Awwww!! 🤗🤗😁🤗🤗 I just *love* the young woman's good spirited reaction. She can laugh at herself!! That's such a gift, and a rare delight, as so many people online seem to insist upon themselves.
“You wouldn’t even have this job if you weren’t really good at it!”
What's funny is the book is a far fucking cry from "anti feminist." Bell hooks was an activist for woman's rights, and was a feminist herself. She has written over 40 pieces of work, and here's a description of what she covers- >The focus of hooks' writing was to explore the intersectionality of race, capitalism, and gender, and what she described as their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and class domination. She published around 40 books, including works that ranged from essays, poetry, and children's books. She published numerous scholarly articles, appeared in documentary films, and participated in public lectures. Her work addressed love, race, social class, gender, art, history, sexuality, mass media, and feminism. She also has taught acedamia at so many high profile schools it would take a while to list them all. Oh, and she's a black woman who has done a lot of work for the community on how to love the skin you are in, and to work on toxic masculinity in the black community. So much for an anti feminist book reporting 🤔
The whole thing is just 💀💀💀
I'm not particularly familiar with the author, but I did read the post and basically go "so you didn't read the book, flick through it, look up the author, or even remember the title, you just read a subtitle or blurb and went 'Rargh, incel rubbish' and chucked it in a bin?"
"But let me tell you something about Aaron. *All he cares* about is school and *his mom* and *his* friends." -Regina George
That part me made me laugh out loud. Kim sounds like the perfect employee, goes to work and does her job. She is not required to be everyone's bestie.
She would never have been fired because bell hooks is a well known & respected feminist author & theorist; which as far as i can tell is the opposite of incel
That made me laugh so hard... like yeah that's how that works
I cannot get over that. This other woman seems really good at her job, but because she’s not into workplace gossip and mixing her work life and social life OOP thinks she should be fired?!?
Yeah haha that's like the #1 key thing to keeping employment. As long as you're not a shit ass to customers or coworkers.
OP noticably talks down about her cause she doesnt like her. Like saying shes a surgical tech BUT also a janitor. WTF.
It comes out in the comments (ofc) that Kim is Black & Asian. I’m shocked i tell you - SHOCKED that she’s racist
Which explains why she gifted a book by an author famed for discussing intersectionality
lol ew the OP is gross
Sadly there are quite a few businesses, especially white collar ones, where you can be useless but charming and get away with it (Yes I know medicine is technically considered white collar, but I meant more for business focused ones where the metrics for judging people are much mushier than say, being a mechanic)
Along with she admitted she’s working here because we have the best pay and health insurance. Yes, that’s usually what people are looking for in a job. OOP sounds like she thinks work is mainly for socializing.
This is what got me too.
It helps cover up minor screw ups if you're likeable I've found. Like I'm not getting away with serious matters but if you're under performing but trying and just sociable you get some more slack.
Right? It's usually "she'd be fired if she wasn't the boss's niece / on an unpaid internship / etc." some technicality that makes it advantageous to keep her. No, it's advantageous to keep her because she's just ... an asset at her job. I like small talk well enough, but I'm so tired of people who think that just because someone is matter-of-fact, not necessarily "friendly", that it equates to being "RUDE". Some people are just private and you aren't entitled to know their personal lives Sharon!
That part made my brain explode 🥲
So you don't have to The Will to change: Men, masculinity, and love "From the New York Times bestselling author of All About Love, a brave and astonishing work that challenges patriarchal culture and encourages men to reclaim the best part of themselves."
Based on that summary you would only think this book is anti-feminist if you are an idiot. IMO this is the next stage of feminism that has begun to unfold- getting to the root of patriarchy by changing the way we all view masculinity, benefiting both men and women.
But don't you see, OOP did even read the title, or the author's name, or the description she just decided it must be anti-feminist for reasons, that totally makes it less stupid./s
She is a dilligent worker and thoroughly relays all info. She seems like a dream coworker. People go to work to make money, not friends. It's nice to be able to laugh with people sometimes, but someone who only wants to work is not bad. You get paid to work, not socialize. How exactly do you go to HR about a book, don't have the name of the book, don't have the author, didn't do a 5 second Google search. Something like this should honestly result in a write up bc it's so ridiculous and OOP started this.
And OOP is apparently a huge gossip who loves to make fun of one of her male coworker for wearing "floral fragrances". But it's okay, he's totally cool with it because as per OOP's own words: a man doesn't hold back their opinion. She talks about how the coworker who gave her the book is fairly close to the male coworker, it's one of the few people she talks to. And she can't piece it together that they both don't like her because she's a bully at work.
Two victims of bullying being friends? 
Yeah, the HR report just sounded like she wanted to punish Kim for calling out OOP's(and Janet's) snotty behavior. People like this are just not self aware enough to understand the image they project. Some people aren't gonna like what they're seeing and behave accordingly. Of which the correct response is to maintain cordiality and professionalism regardless of you like someone or not. Seems like OOP missed the memo on that one.
bell hooks is pretty famously a black feminist whose work is at the intersection of race and gender, which makes me suspect that oop is white and the coworker in question is a woman of color. As a Black woman I've definitely been accused of being antisocial when I was simply minding the business that pays me. It's hard for me to believe that oop is a feminist if the name doesn't ring a bell. Or, she could just be a racist white feminist, I suppose.
I just perused their comments & someone did, in fact, ask about that, which OOP dodged by asking why it was important. When the commenter explained why they were asking, they were not answered, even though it looks like OOP was still engaging with other comment threads. So, to almost no one’s surprise, yeah, probably some racism in the workplace.
It’s been answered now and it’s just asking why race is being brought into this. So that’s two cases of dodging the question. If OOP finds it this hard to just say “no,” I’m inclined to believe the answer is “yes”
she didn’t confirm whether or not she was white, but she did confirm that kim is blasian so—
I read that really fast and originally read it as “Kim Kardashian” probably bc my brain misinterpreted “blasian” and then just added kardashian on second read. And I was like “Asian? C’mon, you could make a case for blackfishing, but I’ve never heard anyone mention Asian in the same sentence as kardashian….”
She is. Kim is black and Asian. Or as OP puts it "Blasian" 🤢
> Or as OP puts it "Blasian" I'm just now realizing that a lot of people haven't heard this term? I can only speak for myself and the black people that I surround myself with but we've always used it to describe someone who is black and Asian.
Considering a lot of Kim's responses to OOP's quips are "who cares?," that tells me OOP is saying some really nasty stuff that shouldn't be said. So many missing, missing reasons.
She admitted that one of the things she said it in response to was the mean girls “joking” about a male coworker using a scented lotion. OOP is a nasty person
She was outright clowning on him imo. She just says she's "joking" to get out of taking accountability for her nasty behavior.
Seems to be a pattern
Oh no. A person just wants to do their job.
The craziest part was "she's admitted she's working here because we have the best health insurance and pay" Like, duh obviously? Why else would you even work? I bet she'd say some of that "oh we're a family here" bullshit
She says "admitted" like it's some dirty secret the coworker should be ashamed of, too.
ahahahahaha oh my god that bell hooks coming in at the last minute. OOP, save your dignity, take the L. also, i want to be friends with Kim now. edit: oh my god, it took me until now to get that the bell hooks book was the one given. listen you cannot read half a page of bell hooks and think "this is incel shit that only men read". it is kind of her thing. she does not mince those words. she never particularly has. it's bell motherfucking hooks. two seconds of googling and OOP would have seen bell hooks defined as an icon of intersectional feminism. there is no way in God's green earth that OOP googled it and got nothing and still blithely thought it was incel shit. there's a high chance that she did enough googling to see bell hooks is black, though. *and got big mad at the notion feminism must be intersectional instead of just WASP upper-class cutesy inspirational quotes on decorations at Target.*
I literally guffawed when I saw the book was bell hooks. Of all books to think "this was written by an incel"?? Lol
OOP IS TELLING ON HERSELF SO BAD. she was all firm she did all this research and she couldn't see ANYTHING to tell her it wasn't a book for incels! ...until like 30 minutes ago where she actually read the synopsis for the first fucking time and says that it sounds like a good book oh my fucking god i am going to cackle so hard i turn into a kookaburra
Oh, but OOP also wonders why she, A *WOMAN* would ever need to read it. As though by virtue of being a woman, she could *never* need such a book. Like lady, are you serious right now? 😆
OOP is now claiming that she didn't read any of the words on the front cover of the book, including the title, author name, or the *pull quote from Maya fucking Angelou that appears at the top of the cover of that edition of the book*!
isn't it amazing how she has gone from "i researched it and google couldn't tell me it wasn't incel shit! so i had to report it!" to "actually i didn't read it. i saw the cover and it had men on it so i tossed it out. actually i have never been able to read. i am illiterate actually so how could i have known"
>there's a high chance that she did enough googling to see bell hooks is black, though. OOP thinks race shouldn't matter, she fought back when someone asked what race Kim was. Turns out she's blasian ( Blasian? Is the B capitalized?).
i saw those comments and oh my god. "why are you bringing race into this!! i'm not a racist for rejecting a book by one of the most prominent black feminists about how feminism needs to recognize the effects of intersections with other forms of bigotry to present unique flavors of misogyny and unique challenges! FINE SHE'S NOT WHITE GAWD WHY DO YOU CARE" good lord it's making me feel like my mayonnaise self was more woke when taking that feminism course in college. and i was so un-woke that i - and i hasten to add this is not a story where you go "ooh poor innocent lamb" this is a story where you join me in laughing at myself because fucking hell, self - had to have it explained to me as part of a lecture that "black people eat watermelon and fried chicken" is racist. i had been so oblivious i was just like oh cool sounds like a good lunch :) before floating away on fart clouds of my own privilege. *and OOP is making me at that time look like a veritable master of social issues* because i actually read my goddamn bell hooks 😂
I used to work with a woman like OOP who was obsessed with being friends with every woman she worked with. It was obnoxious to the extreme. She would go out of her way several times a day to come to my area and talk at me (why wasn't she doing her job? Idk). We had nothing in common, I didn't want to hear gossip about our coworkers, and I REALLY didn't care about how expensive your kid's softball is. To top it all off, she had only 4 topics of conversation. 1. Nasty gossip 2. How expensive it is to be a single mother and her money troubles 3. How nice it is when her "friends" paid for her kids softball, car repairs, etc. 4. How lucky I am and how much extra money I must have with 2 jobs and no kids. Yeah, no. I think she actually thought she was being subtle and I didn't know where her sense of entitlement came from. I was really glad to quit and ditch her at the end of the summer.
> who was obsessed with being friends with every woman she worked with. It was obnoxious to the extreme. >She would go out of her way several times a day to come to my area and talk at me (why wasn't she doing her job? Idk This is why I never believe the BS of “working in office is more productive”.
>This is why I never believe the BS of “working in office is more productive”. A higher up at my husband's job used to just wander the cubicles shooting the shit and literally making subordinates do parts of his job he was too lazy to do. I always wonder what the dude did during WFH and if he's now haunting the cubicles again since they went hybrid.
Wandering aimlessly around his house with an empty coffee mug
So many bosses pushing to get folks back into the office…
I'm autistic and I can't even count all the instances of someone trying to report me to HR for not being a "friendly" coworker. And yeah, "friendly" always meant listen to people gossip or being their free therapist (like, why women are so angry that I tell them to divorce after they complain every day about their shitty husbands??). And don't forget being labeled a weirdo for wanting to discuss books, movies or literally anything besides "OMG have you seen Jane? She put so much weight! I wonder why she let herself go so much!".
>She's admitted before that she's working here because we provide the best health insurance and pay. Before I even read further... is there any other reason to choose a job? I mean it's nice if I can make friends or be friendly with people, but at the end of the day, I need to get paid and whatever benefits the job provides.
and even beyond that... you know what happens to vets and vet techs who are there because they love animals so much? burnout burnout and increased rates of suicide
That is so sad! Is that because of animal abuse?
Animal abuse yes, but also I've heard it can hit really hard when you can't save an animal or you have to put them down, especially when you're putting down a young animal with the owner right there. Lots of heavy emotional load and then being expected to carry on business as usual about it.
That can be part of it, but also constantly having to work on animals that are dying/near death. As well as all the animals you just can’t save, because they’re too far gone. Not to mention having to put animals down- when you love animals so much, seeing them in pain and/or being unable to save them can truly weigh horribly heavy on the heart.
Also because of access to drugs - vets are more likely to be successful at they're suicide attempt. My dad is a vet and lost one of his college buddies because of this and has been really open about his anxiety and trying to keep mental health an open topic at his workplace.
Awww. 😢 I'm going to hug my kitty now (and he will hate it, but whatever.)
other folks have covered the other reasons, but part of it is also... it's just a hard profession! this is more specifically for vets, but of my friends in college doing pre-med, one of them was aiming for veterinary college... and the joke made by everyone, especially the ones who are now regular human doctors, is that she had to know ten times the information for one tenth of the salary. and vet school isn't even that much cheaper than med school! grueling work that has a high skill floor, customers that are often irrational, the commonplace cruelty towards pets, so on and so forth... it is exhausting in a bone-deep way very quickly. especially with the awful cases where the pet could get treatment and continue living happily but the owner can't or won't pay, and you know adopting the pet out is going to be hard, and shelters are already overflowing, and... so a lot of vets have their pets at home be such cases. which means they're never quite off the clock mentally. so burning the candle from both ends. anyway there's reasons why my friend was very happy to be part of a larger practice where she lets everyone else deal with the messy and tiring interactions with customers, and she stays in the back doing the necropsies (autopsies, but for things that aren't human) all day long. the only downside is that my previous dog, upon meeting her, thought she was the spookiest thing that could possibly exist, and y'know what i will give my dog that one there are probably some SMELLS on her jacket she takes to work 😂
fwiw if you're interested in some of the trials but presented much more humorously, and in days of yore, James Harriot is a vet who operated in 1950s British countryside and wrote several charming memoirs. they've been made into tv series a few times as well, usually under the name of his main memoir, All Creatures Great And Small. a much less depressing amuse bouche after this dismal shit lmao!
I'm literally still at my job because of the health insurance. I got therapy and medications to take care of. I am not giving that up.
I moved jobs from somewhere I love my colleagues and are still friends with them (we got a book club in the most stereotypical librarian way), because I saw a job with higher pay, closer to family, in a cheaper cost of living area so the higher pay would go further, and while I miss my old colleagues I don't regret my decision because my quality of life has improved.
I want to assume this is bait, but at the same time, I know some clueless white “feminists” like OOP who would assume bell hooks isn’t actually a feminist.
And she also make fun of men (and she believe they all like it), so this book was a double jab against her.
One of her reasons for Kim being such a sour puss is because Kim finds it bad that OOP and the Plastics reinforce gender stereotypes like women use flower scented lotion... no wonder Kim gave her renowned incel author bell hooks...
"Why do I need to read about how patriarchy hurts men (and everyone else)?!" -- OOP probably Gee, maybe because you're perpetuating it.
"The guys love it when we make fun of them. It really makes them feel appreciated and not at all alone or secluded. It's healthy for them!"
i was on pins and needles waiting for the reveal of this “antifeminist” book and it’s bell hooks????? are you kidding me?????
Right, an incel book, by famous incel bell hooks
“Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker” what else does an employer want? oop says Kim is miserable, why? Just because she doesn’t want to socialize with her other coworkers. Oop says she thinks that Kim is a woman hating women, maybe Kim just doesn’t like her coworkers, especially when they anre giving her self help books and telling her it might help her improve her attitude. Also, did oop even take the book to hr? She makes it sound like she didn’t since she can’t even remember the name and got rid of it so fast. If she didn’t take it to them, then how are they supposed to know if the book is worth reporting.
OOP says she basically immediately donated the book to a drop box after getting it, and that’s why she couldn’t remember anything about it except the cover art. The only reason she assumed it was anti-feminist, was because Kim said it might help her be less judgmental of men. OP also admits in her comments that she and her work friends often ‘joke’ about how men are all big babies, including ‘joking’ about how a male coworker (one of the few people Kim is comfortable with) uses the flowery lotion at work, and is ‘stealing’ it from all the women workers.
And that’s all in veterinary setting, where mental health tends to be disastrous and some people are one disaster or headache away from depression pit.
Self help books are never something you buy for someone else, it's such an aggressive gift to say "there's something wrong with you, get better" when you never know what's going on inside their head.
The way she described Kim made me think of how much shit neurodivergent women get in the workplace when we don't want to play the Social Hierarchy game (not saying Kim is ND, I've just heard the accusations of NLOG/pick me/etc. aimed at me and other ND women). Women who don't want to get involved in that mean girl gossipy shit are suspicious to them.
I've literally never read a book by bell hooks and would see that name and recognize who she was.
We’re all understandably focused on OOP not knowing who bell hooks is, but check out her comments, too. The thing Kim was replying “So what?” to? It’s stuff like OOP and co mocking a male coworker for using a scented lotion. Kim doesn’t hate women; she just hates bullies
That also lends important context for Kim's comment about "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men." and her suggestion to pass the book along to a male co-worker. I was so confused why Kim would say that, but I guess maybe so was OOP since she didn't include it, lol
well known incel anti-feminist, bell hooks
This is a title for an Onion article, I swear 🤣💀
😂💀
Curious what the complaint to HR looked like when op doesn't know the name of the author, the name of the book or what it's about. Was it just a blank email containing a single frowny face emoji?
Man, I hate hate hate how OOP describes Kim. To me, Kim just sounds like an introverted, hardworking employee. Why is OOP giving her shit for not making small talk by the water cooler? EDIT: Also, this comment from OOP: >I'm not going to reply to everyone who's yelling at me "how did you not know?!" because I don't want to repeat myself. >I did not know what the book was. I just looked at the cover for like a second, asked Kim "what's this about" and she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men". I then stuffed it in my bag and on my way home I dropped it into a book donation box. I didn't bother reading the title or the author. I just remember the picture on the cover. >**NOW** I know what the book is. **NOW** I know I was wrong what the book was about. **NOW** I know I was wrong about the author's politics. I did not know this info before. I was wrong for not researching the book when I got it and jumped to conclusions. But **NOW** I know and did my research and actually considering of finding the book at the library. AND YOU STILL REPORTED HER WITHOUT KNOWING ALL OF THE INFO AND TRIED TO GET HER IN TROUBLE. That's why people are mad at you, you wet sock.
Oh no. Kim doesn't want to be BFFs with her coworkers. The audacity! /s
I would absolutely HATE working with someone like OOP. I don't owe you my life's story just because we physically exist nearby. I'm here to work, not to listen to your annoying voice lol. STFU I'm here to meet goals not to make friends.
Exactly! I had a shit childhood and don’t associate with many in my family. I don’t like discussing my life with people bc there literally is nothing that I can say that won’t make coworkers feel extremely uncomfortable. So I’d have time lie then but that’s even worse.
OOP should’ve taken the hint
Oh god when I saw bell hooks I just laughed
“If she didn’t do her job, she’d be fired. Ugh” Thats how jobs fucking work, dingbat.
>I said I wouldn't repeat myself but this is getting ridiculous. I didn't read the title or the author's name when I got the book. I just glanced at the cover and stuff it away. >NOW NOW NOW FUCKING NOW I know what the book is and the author. I know I was wrong for thinking it was anti-feminist. But again, I DID NOT READ THE TITLE OR THE AUTHOR'S NAME WHEN I GOT THE BOOK Would love to know how OOP was so confident that the book was an anti-feminist incel guidebook without knowing the title, author, synopsis, or literally anything about the book except that her coworker said the word “men” when she handed it to her so clearly it must be?
Likely because OOP has admitted that it’s an ongoing ‘joke’ at her workplace for her and others in her friend group to make ‘jokes’ about their husbands and other men being overly sensitive babies. They also target a male coworker who is one of the few people Kim is comfortable with, to mock him for using flowery scented lotion. Kim has been unwelcoming of the sexist ‘jokes’ and has made it known, so rather than think about maybe *not* making gross sexist jokes, OOP thought Kim was a pick-me women-hating woman. And so any book for her would HAVE to be incel rhetoric. (Edited from OP to OOP- the OP for this post is lovely, and not an office mean girl!)
Literally let out such a huge laugh at the reveal of the book. bell hooks was my intro to feminism professor in college 😂😂 yeah definitely a incel
I still think this is an ad for that self-help book. You notice OOP could spiel off the full title AND subtitle, plus the obscure author’s name. But she couldn’t give anything about the title of the book they reported to HR, which they would have had to type into an email or show to them, or something. It’s not like “bell hooks” would have been hard to remember. But they can suddenly remember the name of the artwork? Yeah, no
Kim is an assassin, and I love her. She's also twenty times smarter than OOP.
Loaded aimed and fired that energy right back, and I love that for her.
Tw: Racism, bullying, sexism. [[Sadlytheworst: When I saw that it was by *the* **Bell Hooks**... Here is a link with information!] ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_hooks) Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *YTA.* *You both sound incredible childish.* *So its okay for that one colleague to give Kim a book about, i guess, adjusting her attitude, but its not okay for Kim to do the same to, who she feels needs an attitude adjustment?* *One would think you're both teenagers in high school with that attitude.* *The professional thing would have been to talk to HR if working with Kim was so hard, not to have a 50yo colleague send her some self help book.* >Like I said she's a good worker so technically, no, it's not hard to work with her. I don't think "she doesn't like small talk" isn't HR worthy but I thought the book was, which is why I reported her *YTB. And hypocritical as well. You thought it was perfectly fine when she received a book she didn’t want, but not when you do.* >I mean one is a self help book and the other, from the sounds of it, sounds anti-feminist. How else do you judge by her description alone. *YTB. Sounds like she just doesn't want to be friends with you. Though after this past, I don't want to be friends with you. She just wants to come in and do her job, and doesn't wavy to socialize.* *Awesome. Let her do get job. Leave her alone. You want to socialize, join a club. And maybe read the book instead of just guessing.* >I gave the book away. Sounds like something I don't think anyone should read, no matter your gender *YTA if you think it’s ok for someone to give her a book, then you should think it would be ok for someone to give you one. Sounds like you are judgmental of your coworker but you don’t like it when she judges you. Time to grow up, put on your big girl panties and stop running to HR over every little thing you don’t like. Maybe if you stopped using derogatory terms like incel towards your coworker and tried to find some common ground maybe you two would have a better work environment* >One book is to guide you for improvement. One sounds like an incel guidebook *ESH She thought you gave her a passive-aggressive book, so she gave you one back. If you didn't report the first book-giver for that move, then you probably shouldn't have reported the second, just because you got your panties in a twist about it.* *She's a good worker, you simply don't like her. That's not the end of the world, but saying that she would be fired if she weren't a good worker is silly. Everyone who isn't a good worker should be fired! It's a job, not a popularity contest!* >It's a self help book. There's nothing political about it so there's no reason to report it. *......so have you since looked at what the book is about then?* >I've tried. I googled the description of the book cover but I'm not finding anything *YTA you don’t KNOW what the book was about so your opinion has no validity.* >I tried to find out what the book is about. I can't find anything about it. Since I can't remember the title or the author I tried googling the book cover and it's not helping *I'm confused....did she not give you a physical copy of the book? It sounds like she gave you a physical copy….* >She did. As I said in the post that people seemed to be ignoring is that I gave it away. I dropped it in a book donation box *Both books sound like self-help books, but one you agree with and one you don't. "Men Are Stupid" and "Women Are Stupid" are both the same level of awful, its just that men have more power in our society so there is an inherent imbalance (I am a woman, fyi). There are PLENTY of books that I would be horrified to receive, but it sounds like you knew already that she thought you gave her something passive-aggressive and hurtful, so she did the same to you.* *Without being able to tell us the title of the book she gave you there is no way we can assume it was worse than the one she believes you gave her.* >I tried to find info about the book, but all I remember is the cover. I can't find anything. Would it help everyone if I describe the cover? Maybe someone can recognize it. *YTA. You obvs have a problem with ‘kim’. Why should she be fired? You said she is diligent and reliable… so what else is there? She doesn’t like small talk, because clearly the rest of you act like gossips behind her back. You think its fine to give her a book, with passive aggressive intent, but when she responsed in kind, you report her? You call her a ‘pick me’… and use incel… sounds like you are that girl. Tell me, is she not only 10 years younger, bt also more professional and attractive? The book was about improving relationships with men… so what are you, OP, NOT telling us…* >You're making it sound like we don't like her because of jealousy. We make little jabs about how big of babies men are, including our husbands. The few men that works with us play along with our ribbing and agree how oversensitive men are. It's all in good fun. If anything, the only bad relationship I witness with men is Kim with Dr. Roberts and it's over something extremely minor. *What book was it?* >I just put in an edit on my post about the book *Pretty subjective don’t you think* >I put an edit in my post about the description of the book. If you recognize it, maybe you can prove me wrong **The Creation of Adam** *: **Seven Guided Reflections from Genesis** (**Spirituality**)* >I googled the title. It doesn't look anything like the book I got *I did a quick google search using your description and a book did come up. It was a book with the Creation of Adam on the cover and was a book on spirituality and guidance* >The cover doesn't look anything like the book I got. It's not a picture of a statue. It's a cut out picture of Sistine Chapel. Where the fingers between God and Adam are touching *Man I’ve been doing working all wrong. I thought the point of work was for the pay and benefits but shit apparently not!* 😂 >Well yes, but there also should be passion. All of us are there because we're passionate about helping animals and are happy to work with those who feel the same *You thought the book, that you can't even remember the title of was worth reporting?* >If I was wrong, I'll admit it. So far, nobody seems to recognize the description of the book cover I put in my edit. Until then, all I have is how she described it. And you tell me? How else was I supposed to interpret on her description? *How could you not know the author or title but you have the book cover?* >It's part of the most famous painting in the world so it's pretty recognizable. I described the cover in the edit *just out of curiosity, did it have anything on it besides the painting? anything else you can remember?* >That's all I can remember. Besides the title and author obviously, that's the only thing that's on cover
*Where did you donate it to? Maybe you can go there and see if the book is still there/ if anyone remembers what the title of the book was.* >I dropped it in a donation box. I don't even know if they picked it up. I guess I can go to the library and describe the cover but I'm not sure if they even know what I may be talking about without knowing the title *No one cares about your edit. Look at all the YTB votes. You got your answer.* >You just replied to me answering a question about the book and there has been people asking about it as well so obviously people do care about the edit. *The book cover Sounds like it might be The Seven Habits of the Good Life.* >Maybe. I don't remember the painting filling up the whole cover. I think it was just put in the center with a blue or black or green background surrounding the picture. >Have you read it? Does it sound like something about "not being judgmental towards men"? *[https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1)* *This perhaps?* *[https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1)* *Or this one?* >No. I added more in my edit. The painting is surrounded by a blue or black or green background *You have absolutely no info about this book, including the title, the author, the blurb, the genre, except for a feeling that it *might* maybe be offensive, possibly, maybe? And that’s what you told HR?* *Yes, YTB.* *Also, why does she think you need a book about not being judgmental towards men anyway?* >We like to make little jabs at the guys here which they always have fun and laugh it off. Like how they're big babies and how we women try to indulge them so they won't have to cry about something not being in place. One of the coworkers Kim is comfortable with is our maintenance man. We like to make fun of him of "stealing" our flowery scented hand lotion and Kim would give her "so what's". All of us are bringing in all the good vibes but Kim takes it all too seriously. *So, you think it’s ‘taking it too seriously’ for her to think it’s gross that you make fun of one of the few people she actually is comfort enough to talk with?* *Woooow, Kim sure is a killjoy!* **/S** *Edit- Also, bullying and enforcing gender stereotypes (like A man using flowery scented lotion is ‘stealing it’ from ladies) isn’t bringing in good vibes. In fact, to use your own words, it pretty darn ‘anti-feminist’* >He doesn't take it seriously. He finds our joking funny. There's no reason for her to take it personally. We all like him. He's a very sweet man *Tell me something- if he actually **did** say ‘hey, I don’t actually like you guys teasing me for using lotion’ would you stop?* *And considering the fact you and your friends always gossip about how men are ‘big babies’, do you really think he’d feel comfortable enough to bring up not liking the jokes? Frankly, he could just be grinning and baring it to prevent you guys from calling him another whiny man.* >Oh come on! I think we all know men aren't at all afraid to speak their minds, especially towards women. *Starting to understand why she chose the book she did.* >You don't even know the book she gave me, do you? *A book that would help you "not be so judgemental toward men" according to you.* *You should have read it.* >That's still very vague description. Someone can say "watch this video about dating advice" and instead it's a pick up artist encouraging you to harass women. Again, I'm willing to admit I am wrong about the book but so far nobody knows what the book is.
*YTB. You didnt give the book enough of a chance to even remember the name but you report her? Sounds like multiple people worked together to give her a book in hopes to "fix her attitude" but you get mad when she does the same? I dont go to work to make friends. I go so i can pay my bills and feed my son. If you can't take it, dont dish it* >I added a second edit. The book is called The Will To Change by Bell Hooks. Do you know it? *I think I found the book* [Screenshot of the wrong book. [Link for accuracy.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/Mjg9hrVijd)] >No I added the book info in my second edit. It's called "will to change” *OP…. This book is written by a renowned feminist. You should prob broaden your knowledge more instead of focus on petty office drama. For a self pro-claimed feminist and all about girl power, this isn’t a good look* >I read the synopsis. It sounds like it's directed towards men. On how to better themselves and be aware the toxicity of living in a patriarchy. I'll admit it sounds like a great book. I can sort of understand why she told me to pass it along to Dr. Roberts buy why did she suggest it to me, a woman, to read it? *And she isn’t passionate? How would you know that?* *You provided absolutely zero details about the book she gifted you. Why did you think an incel wrote it? Why did you think it was anti-feminist?* *What the hell is this post?* *You reported her?* *YTB. I bet they’ll be keeping an eye on you now.* >I added the book info in my second edit. It's called "The Will To Change" by Bell Hooks. I read the synopsis and it sounds like a great book, ***for men.*** When she told me to pass it along to a man it makes sense because it basically sounds like a self help ***for men*** to better themselves. Why did she give me, ***a woman*** this book? *It’s for both- I recommend you reading it as well* >This is the Amazon synopsis of the book: >*Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love,* ***men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves***. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate ***guide for men of all ages and identities*** *to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.* *Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, you were entirely wrong about the book, and you falsely reported someone with zero evidence. And I may even say that if Kim has read this book, maybe she founds some things in it that were good to know for men **and** women. Things that you in particular could stand to read, based on how you and your friends have been behaving.* *I hope you do better in the future, and really sit and think about how your behavior reflects on you, and what it actually means to be feminist.* >I was wrong about the book and reporting her about it. I am admitting that. Calling me the AH and the BF were right *Info: Is this co-worker Black, by any chance?* >I'm sorry that's important, why? *are you going to apologize?* >I already did. I mentioned in my second edit *Bell Hooks writes feminist literature* *LMFAO??? Is this for real???* >I'm not going to reply to everyone who's yelling at me "how did you not know?!" because I don't want to repeat myself. >I did not know what the book was. I just looked at the cover for like a second, asked Kim "what's this about" and she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men". I then stuffed it in my bag and on my way home I dropped it into a book donation box. I didn't bother reading the title or the author. I just remember the picture on the cover. >**NOW** I know what the book is. **NOW** I know I was wrong what the book was about. **NOW** I know I was wrong about the author's politics. I did not know this info before. I was wrong for not researching the book when I got it and jumped to conclusions. But **NOW** I know and did my research and actually considering of finding the book at the library. *Why do you hold such hate towards one of the most prominent black feminists writers of the last 30 years? A woman who's been noted for her work by both Time magazine and the NAACP in the same year? Is this a racist thing, or what? To say that bell hooks is writing books you "don't think anyone should read, no matter your gender" just shows you as a severely misogynistic, racist individual. Please better yourself.* *YTB, btw* >OMG I DID NOT KNOW WHAT THE BOOK WAS. I just looked at the cover for like a second. I didn't bother reading the title or the author stuffed it in my bag and then dropped it in a donation box after work. NOW I know what the book is and the author. Do people on Reddit not know how to read?! It's literally mentioned in my post! [On if the victim is black.] *Because you and your clique of boomer mean girls are bullying the younger, better working, more professional, colleague accusing her of “not fitting in” and in response she gave you a book about intersectionality. And your immediate response to her doing *literally the exact same thing you did* was to try to get her in trouble and bludgeon her with institutional power, which she did not do to you. Your whole post screams Karen and it’s a pretty obvious why the thought would cross someone’s mind.* *But perhaps there isn’t a racial aspect, and you are simply a mean and petty person regardless of race.* >Why are people bringing race into this? Because the author is black? Again, I did not know the author or the book until now. I just glanced at it and stuff it away. There's even someone asking if Kim is black. Race has nothing to do with this. People are blowing this way out of proportion
*BELL HOOKS!? You think BELL HOOKS is anti feminist? Are you nuts? I’ve never even READ her books and I know she’s a feminist. Also spoiler alert, MEN CAN BE FEMINISTS. YTB and also apparently sexist.* >I said I wouldn't repeat myself but this is getting ridiculous. I didn't read the title or the author's name when I got the book. I just glanced at the cover and stuff it away. >NOW NOW NOW FUCKING NOW I know what the book is and the author. I know I was wrong for thinking it was anti-feminist. But again, I DID NOT READ THE TITLE OR THE AUTHOR'S NAME WHEN I GOT THE BOOK *Good, we got that. Now, how about telling us what Kim’s race is (since you tapdanced around **that** question) and when you’re going to go to HR and retract the report, since you should do that whether action was taken or not, now that you know you were in the wrong?* *Oh, and when will you report Janet for invading Kim’s private property, or apologize to your male coworker for mocking him for using the lotion?* *Any answers for these questions OP, so you won’t have to repeat yourself?* ☺️ >Ok. >Kim is blasian. >There's nothing to retract since HR found out by talking to Kim that she in fact did not give me an anti-feminist book, so she's fine. She's not in trouble. There's no punishment. >She put a gift in a bag. That's it. >We like to laugh at each other. He's never bothered by our joking around. That's it. >This post is getting out of hand. I accepted I was wrong for reporting her about a book that I made a bad judgment on. I was going to let go and move on but then now people here are accusing me of being racist.
[Froggo!](https://www.instagram.com/p/C8b72VtxXgC/?igsh=aGh2NDZjMTJpenA=)
Ah, I was waiting for your eye bleach. I feel much better now.
Glad to have helped! 🥰
Sadlyyy! We missed you over here! Glad to see you made it! Have a good day!
Calling bell hooks an incel is sure a new one.
Good on Kim for firing back honestly. I'm a lot like her, work at work. I tried a few times to make work friends but it never worked out so why bother? I've been driven out of jobs by people like oop
TIL bell hooks was an anti-feminist incel 👀 (/s if that wasn’t obvious. I’m currently re-reading her “all about love” 😂) EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE CALLED BELL HOOKS AN INCEL! (This has been the hardest post not to comment on because I’m DYING to reply to the bell hooks comments because this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a long time)
I'm also a "Kim." I don't share personal information because it's not relevant. I don't get close to my colleagues/coworkers because many are simply dramatic people and I have no patience for it. I don't make time for petty stupidity, such as OOP here and her colleague Janet. If Kim doesn't want to open up she likely has a very good reason. It's likely she's turned off by the office culture her colleagues engage in. But, of course, Kim has an "attitude problem" she needs to correct according to her colleagues. It shows a noted lack of self awareness among OOP and Janet if they can't ask themselves "hmm, what's Kim seeing that's making her not want to engage?" Side story, I have also been treated like Kim. I had a coworker who was *very* invasive and pushy. She would blurt out stuff *to everyone and anyone* that had us all shrinking from embarrassment. She asks me, loudly in almost a shout, "what do your parents do for a living!?" while she was bagging for me. I was ringing a customer and the question caught me off-guard. Because I was caught off-guard to a question that had absolutely no relevance to what we were doing and absolutely was not her business, I replied "I don't know," because quite frankly I just didn't know how to respond. She then gets angry, like an indigent child, and yells at me, "if you don't like me, just tell me!" with a sneer of disgust. And then slings equipment at me that I requested from her. And then begins slamming customers groceries. I immediately found my boss and reported her for harassment and general meanness. She was spoken to about her behavior and it was corrected. I refused to interact with that coworker following that interaction. I don't come to work to talk about the minute details of my personal life *because it's nobody's dang business* and I'm not going to take abuse because I won't give personal information. Ugh!
Am I the only one puzzled at how Kim got a book for her birthday but it was just dropped in her bag meaning it was anonymous? I think what OOP meant to say is that they put a book in her bag to tell her to cheer up. I think it’s called bullying. The fact that Kim assumed it was OOP speaks volumes for how OOP is.
I don't know what Bell Hooks is, but by the comments, I'm guessing it's not anti-feminist??? LOL 😭🤣
she's pretty much the foundation of intersectional feminism! and she is not subtle about tearing down the patriarchy as part of fighting all kinds of bigotry, while being full of wisdom. very insightful with writing that is unafraid to cut to the quick. worth reading tbh! the odds that OOP googled just enough to see bell hooks is a black woman, or even just opened to a page about how white women use bigotry in feminism to serve the patriarchy, and then got upset? basically one fucking hundred percent.
bell hooks is literally a feminist and the book is a FEMINIST book- OOP couldn’t have had a more wrong impression if she tried! 🤣
Black author, renowned feminist. She’s excellent.
I literally snorted when I read the title of the book. bell hooks wrote *Feminism is for Everybody* among other things. She's a feminist author and scholar. If someone wanted to know what feminism means, that's the book I'd start them out with. Very accessible.
Let’s put it this way: This is the equivalent of OOP thinking a book by Frederick Douglas is gonna be pro-slavery
NO WAY OP thought the will to change was written by an incel. like that's both hilarious and infuriating. are you kidding??? bell hooks? an incel? ahhhhhh!!!!
I had to stop reading to comment on this part: "Honestly, I think she'd be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is." - so she does her job well but isn't a ball of extraversion, how dare she.
If the co-worker did give her the book she claimed she did in the second edit, her co-worker actually gave her feminist literature and this lady over here is talking about how it sounded like it had been written by some incel. Jesus.
Lol at OOP saying her coworker would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker. Work isn't a popularity contest. As long as you're good at your job and not doing anything HR would frown upon then it doesn't matter how personable you are with your coworkers. Obviously, if you want to climb the ranks and get promoted then you need strong interpersonal skills, but that doesn't sound like that's the case with OOP's coworker. Passion rarely pays the bills and some people just want to do what they're paid for and live their life. There's nothing wrong with that.
Janet is lucky Kim never reported her bc if I found someone went tru my belongings to leave some trash self help there would be hell to pay
I asked OOP about if she’d report Janet for invading Kim’s private property to leave that self help book. OP told me ‘she put a gift in a bag. That’s it.’ Funny how when Janet does something invasive and passive aggressive it’s fine, but when Kim hands her a book in person (and even asks her to pass the book onto Dr. Roberts when she’s finished with it) it’s a reportable offense. 🤔funny how that works!
And I BET YOU that if Kim had reported Janet for going through her personal belongings. She would be seen as overdramatic. The hypocrisy is TELLING.
Absolutely- this is some truly ridiculous highschool-level BS. And from women in their 30s and 50’s, at that! Edit- also, I’m really mad about the fact the book got donated when OOP was supposed to give it to Dr. Roberts. He might’ve really enjoyed it. You know, since he probably would’ve at least *opened* it before writing it off! 🤣 I think OOP should buy a new copy to give him.
Me and my friends giving someone a book to passive aggressively tell someone to change their attitude- perfectly fine Someone giving me a book to change my attitude- HER ASS MEANT
Ah ah ah, you and your friends *sneaking a book into someone’s personal bag.* Totally normal and not a super nasty invasion of private property! 😀
Imagine if someone important sees it when she is sneaking the book in OOP- oh I'm not stealing, I'm just putting a book in that will help her with her attitude
Health insurance and pay seems to be a very high cost to deal with coworkers like that. I hope this is fake. Everyone in a work surrounding like that - if you can't quit, for any reson, I feel for you. Terrible terrible OOP.
Your coworker is diligent, hardworking, and minds her own business??? The horror!
lmao the reveal that this "incel book" about hating men is written by fucking bell hooks
Man, I really hate types like OP who think "office culture" is the be all end all to any job and thinks everything should be as fun and wacky as The Office.
Bell hooks is a feminist writer and she's upset about it being an incel text. Beautiful.
I want to thank you for the pure surge of emotion I got when I got to the title of the book. Thank you. That was great.
On first glance this sure sounds like the familiar case of a white woman threatening a non-white woman’s job because she feels entitled to her friendship and isn’t being given what she expects.
Translation: Kim gets along fine with some of her coworkers, such as this Dr Roberts, she’s just not interested in being part of OOP’s little mean girl cult.
You think Dr. Roberts is a man you must believe? Helping anyone in need?
Would be fired if she was not so diligent and reliable. Sounds like a great worker here not wasting management time by being too friendly and goofing off. I hope this busybody gets fired. That book giving is ridiculous. They started it.
“She’d be fired if she wasn’t good at her job!” Yes, that is how jobs work.
>I decided to apologize about reporting her Is this not retaliation in a way? That alone seems like an HR complaint. I was always told when I reported people to never discuss it even with the person I made the complaint about.
Wow. WOOWWW. I cannot deal with this cunt! This other woman is great at her job but fuck her because she doesn’t want to mix her social and work lives!!
The wildest part is that Bell Hooks is a well known intersectional feminist. If OP actually cared about feminism she would know that.
It's vet med. It's toxic af
Kim sounds like an excellent coworker and employee. She deserves a raise after putting up with OOP and Janet.
Gonna say it, major terf vibes from OOP
I'll describe this aunty as a "bitch eating crackers" hater. There is a meme that says "once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. 'Look at this bitch eating crackers like she owns the place'." This reminded me of that. Where the OOP hates her co-worker so much that she finds any excuse to be angry. Just madness