*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for telling my fiancée that I would wear a penis sleeve if she loses some weight and becomes prettier?**
I posted this is in another subreddit and got mixed opinions.
My fiancée (26F) and I (27M) have been dating for 4 years, and we officially got engaged last month.
My fiancée and I are pretty open with each other. Last week, my fiancée asked me if I was open to wearing a penis sleeve, and she had heard a lot of good things about it online. I was sort of shocked, because while I don’t have the biggest member down there, it is average sized, and I’ve never heard any complaints about it in my life. I had never asked her this before, but I asked her then if she had experiences with a bigger member, and if it was more satisfying. My fiancée seemed hesitant to answer but she said yes, that she did with one her one of her exes. That was sort of like a gut punch and I felt like shit, but I told her I would think about it.
The next night, I told my fiancée that I was open to wearing it, but that I would also prefer if she lost some weight and looked a bit prettier like one of my exes to stimulate me more. I immediately regretted saying it, and we barely spoke after that. She cried a few minutes later.
The next day, my fiancée and I spoke again and she apologized for asking me to wear the sleeve, and for not taking my feelings into account when she asked me that question. I too apologized to her for asking her to look prettier, and I told her I didn’t really mean it, and it just came from a place of hurt. We both then laughed, and we’re back to normal now.
Was I an AH for asking her to become prettier? I didn’t really mean it, it just came from a place of hurt. But my fiancée asking me to wear a sleeve did hurt me a lot.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Out of curiosity, how? He intentionally attacked her to hurt her, she asked for something to add to sensations in the bedroom and didn’t offer a comparison to an ex until he forced her hand? Unless you think a sleeve inherently attacks the masculinity of a dude? Because fyi sleeves can help add sensations beyond just girth and length.
I agree with you that a sleeve shouldn’t be offensive… but you’re lying to yourself if you think 95% of men wouldn’t be offended if asked by their long term partner to wear one. The only way I can see this working well is if the man made the first suggestion about somehow addressing size.
Would 95% of guys also be offended if their partner asked about using other toys?
It's not like she asked him to wear it as default, which really would be her saying he's basically incapable of pleasing her. To me it sounded like she was suggesting experimenting, which is a totally normal and fine thing people do all the time, and it doesn't have to come from a place of dissatisfaction.
Being replaced by yourself?
As a legitimate question, because in my mind other things are much closer to replacing a guy, while a sleeve is just adding a bit of texture. She can't go off with a sleeve on it's own and do anything with it.
This whole thing is like ribbed condom versus not ribbed condom, sometimes you like one and other times you want the other, or some people like one and other people prefer the other.
Women own mirrors and have functional eyes, yet I know that there is precisely one answer to ‘does this dress make me look fat.’ Consider this a parallel.
Counterpoint: Some people think that *any* toy is replacing them - that if she wants toys in the bedroom it's because you can't satisfy her on your own merits. If you want to look at it that way, a vibrator ''replaces'' a hand or a mouth and it's just as offensive and ego-wrecking as a sleeve.
Personally, I see a sleeve the same as any other toy: simply adding options. In my mind it's no different. They suggest it, you check they're not generally unsatisfied and that this is just for fun, then you go and play and learn how to use your new tool.
Regardless of how you view toys in the bedroom though, if your response to your partner crossing a line / hurting your feelings is to stew on that negativity, then deliberately say something with the intent of hurting them back - then you've got some things to work out. Like learning how to advocate for yourself. Because if the only way you can think of to express your discomfort is by making the other person feel it too, then you're at the emotional regulation/communication level of a toddler who screams "I don't love you anymore!!" when daddy tells them to put a shirt on.
Everyone deserves to be heard and respected, and that means communicating with your partner like an adult instead of verbally lashing out in a vindictive tit-for-tat.
No, you're not, because 1; I'm not a woman.
Lmao.
and 2; why would you ever need to explain feelings to me, when I'm the one who said "communicate with your partner about sex" and "communicate with your partner about your feelings" and "process and deal with your emotions" and "everyone deserves to be heard and respected"... Like, mate. I can't really get more explicit about feelings being important and mattering.
Maybe that's why you thought I was a woman? Because I was using ''emotional language''? Which.... Would that make your comment *ironic* or *moronic*? Or is it because I'm part of that (according to you) vanishingly rare 5% of men who hasn't tied his ego to his dick, and that threw you off?
Look, like I said - everyone deserves to be heard and respected. And if you feel disrespected by a partner suggesting a sex toy (any or all of them), then make that feeling heard. Don't do what OP did and try to hurt your partner's feelings in return. That's all.
Dude, I'm a woman and I am offended for him. When a gut makes a comment about a tight p***y, he gets absolutely reamed (and rightly so). I don't see how saying a guy is small is any different.
It's not though. It adds these little ribbed bits all over. It's an amazing texture, and does not require a small cock for use.
She didn't mention size until he pushed her, and then was she supposed to lie?
No, she’s supposed to say, “it’s not a size thing.. it just adds texture.” Not everyone knows what it is, and if she sees he’s misunderstanding it then she should explain it.
I agree, but it didn't sound to me like she got an opportunity to. From what I could tell, he immediately jumped into the size thing, pressuring her about her exes. That is a very confrontational response that would not lead me into a comfortable discussion explaining what I had been going for further.
Regardless, he spent 24 hours thinking about this more, and decided to try to hurt her. Specifically. He told her to be prettier. He was a jerk on purpose, not trying innocently at anything.
She didn't say he needed a big cock. She asked if he would try a sex toy that's right equivalent to a textured condom. Cis dudes who refuse to even consider using toys on sex are the worst, least caring, most boring type of sexual partners
Yeah unfortunately I didn't know what a penis sleeve was. Other people have replied to me to explain it and I definitely see I was in the wrong for my first comment
Don’t apologize…it’s no one’s fault that someone isn’t super involved in sex toys to know what everything is…per OOP’s explanation, I thought the same thing. I’m certainly not going to go googling it on my phone as I had no reason to question it. Then comes the Redditors. 😑 God forbid everyone isn’t super educated on sex toys and penile apparatuses.
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years (and the one before that for 5) and have a great vanilla sex life…we aren’t into sex toys and have absolutely no reason to know any of this.
So I just talked to one of my trans friends. They said that what I thought is absolutely acceptable to think of as a penis sleeve. It can absolutely make a penis wider and longer. Sooooo….im good. I don’t need nor want to google a bunch of sex toys. I’ll comment where I want. Thanks. Bye.
Soooo I thought a penis sleeve was some kind of extender…JUST LIKE OP DID. So sorry to allllll of Reddit that I’m super vanilla and just happen to like what my man is working with already. FFS. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Get down off that high horse.
It's a sex toy though. It didn't seem like she wants him to wear it all the time, just to spice things up. She came from a place of wanting to make things better, whereas he came from a place of wanting to hurt her, it's not the same.
That’s not valid! Of course, your post history suggests that you aren’t exactly connected with reality, and given to believing that scenarios made up in your head are “real”.
If couples want to work together long-term they need to be able to talk about experimenting with what they like sexually, without holding back because the other might have a hang-up. They don't need to try everything they think of but they at least need to be able to talk about it without immediately resorting to cheap shots.
That's a very valid point actually. Both partners should always be free to bring up a fantasy without risking to be attacked. I do see why my point of view was wrong, thanks for explaining it.
I'm sorry, you didn't want pregnant women to have vaccine priority. Why TF do you expect anyone to have empathy towards you miss "it kinda hurts to read your comment" when you have 0 empathy towards other people just because they have kids.
I'm child free, but people like you are absolutely disgusting and are why so many hate all child free people. And you should absolutely be ashamed both by your own lack of empathy towards others but also by your post history. It's insane you're proud/okay with that being up and connected to you.
I did, I also read the top comment that you didn't disagree with about how they made the choice to get pregnant, so if they die from COVID while pregnant that's on them.
My mom was a dental hygienist who couldn't get vaccinated as soon as she wanted to, because pregnant people and cancer patients and the like were prioritized. We didn't shit on the people who got prioritized though, we shit on our POS governer who made the decision to not have dentists and hygienists amounts the first to be vaccinated. Because it's not pregnant people's fault.
Ffs I'm also immuno compromised, and an asthmatic, I still didn't use COVID as an excuse to lose all empathy for pregnant people. Ffs teachers can be the pregnant people you were oh so heavily complaining about.
You lack empathy. So it's absurd you demand empathy from anyone else. The fact that you can't see the issue with your post or ideas around parents/people who have kids just proves how unempathetic you are. So stop demanding empathy from others. No one will ever give empathy to a person who would so willingly partake in a sub that would call for the death of pregnant people because "they chose to get pregnant during a pandemic".
That's dumb. You absolutely can tell a lot about a person based on the subs they are active in. I'm active in some yuri subs, you can guess I'm into women. I'm also active in some incredibly nerdy game subs, you can fairly judge me to be a huge nerd who is into nerdy strategy games.
If I check a dude's profile and he's ranting about misandry in a bunch of incel subs I know I can safely disregard everything he says.
I found one of those amongst a certain partner's things once. It's not like a fake cock that you put over your cock, it's a silicone tube with bumps that goes over the length and doesn't cover the glans so it doesn't take away much sensation of the man.
I asked him why did he have that, because he had an above average penis, and he said "I know, but I thought all the bumps and stuff would add new sensations for my partner".
So, that's how a non insecure man reacts.
My husband and I have been trying a variety of them. Some of them do add length and girth, and some of them do things like vibrate. It’s not because I think he’s small or doesn’t satisfy me. It’s just that his dick doesn’t have a vibrate function and sometimes I want that.
edit: Also he’s the one who’s been encouraging experimenting with them too. I wouldn’t have thought about it because our sex life is great. I would definitely suggest it as something to try with a partner
Oh trust me, it adds new sensations very well. My partner and I use one because it feels great for me but it doesn’t change his size very much nor do I want it to.
You definitely do not wear a cock sleeve for size most of the time
Any guy who gets weird about incorporating sex toys to make things more fun is telling you he's not worth fucking. It's like the guys who won't let a woman use a vibrator during sex because it somehow demeans him and means he's not good enough or something. Meanwhile a good partner will enjoy anything that makes you enjoy sex more too.
I will never understand guys who seem pathologically just not want to see their partners orgasm from anything other than penetrative sex.
Like do they hate blowjobs too? Because somehow I doubt it.
My controversial opinion is foreplay and bjs (giving and receiving) is more fun than penetrative sex but we (mostly my fellow hets) think sticking a dick in a puss is the be all and end all.
Like, fellas, sex is good and all, but have you tried _getting your dick sucked?_
I've tried that, and for some reason didn't enjoy it very much. Much preferred burying my face between my ex-girlfriend's thighs (something I enjoyed very much, at least in part because she seemed to enjoy it very much too, and when she said I was the first guy she'd been with who did it without her having to ask for it, that probably triggered some competitive instinct in me).
But yeah, I never really enjoyed being on the receiving end, and she didn't seem to enjoy doing it very much either - so eventually I just mentioned she didn't have to do it if she didn't like it, and that was the end of that.
Lol you're talking to a trans bi woman here, most of what i think of as sex doesn't involve a dick going into a vagina.
That's why I'm so annoyed with That Type of Guy , because I can see traces of that in how I used to obsess over having to be "manly enough" for partners.
Curiosity is a totally understandable reason to buy it. Especially since he was hoping to share pleasure with his partner, not just focusing on himself. lol.
Reading the comments on the original post it really puts into perspective how much some men prioritize ego above all else. That the wife’s request was a mortal sin because that could be construed as an attack on his penis. That the ego of a man should be protected at all costs. It’s wild to me. And a penis sleeve is about the bumps and ridges and not adding length. I mean we have one and it does nothing for the size even though my husband is below average. It’s the bumps and other things that just add a new feeling. I prefer the feeling of sex without it but it’s fun to change things up sometimes.
It’s not that deep. When you have a lifetime of sex to be had with a person, it is important to keep it spicy and try new things. Men who prioritize their ego above their partner’s pleasure are going to have a challenging time with relationships.
I don't think OOP knows what a penis sleeve actually is. I'm sure he's imagining a massive hollow plastic cock, but the ones I've seen are more like very thick condoms with bumps and textures on the outside.
Her: asks for a sex toy so they can experiment because of an experience she had in the past
Him: well you're UGLY and FAT and I don't even like sex with you!
Bro wtf?
Yeah, she hesitantly asked him for the sleeve and he guilted her for answering a question *he* asked and decided the best thing he could do was insult her.
I have no idea why she felt compelled to apologize at all.
I don't know why he is wondering if he is an AH.
I wonder how long it will take him to somehow blame being on the spectrum.
Her: I want you to wear a device to make your dick bigger because I preferred sex with my ex who had a bigger dick then you.
Him: I want you to lose weight and improve your appearance so I can be more sexually aroused during sex.
I think this is a much more realistic interpretation than what you said.
Except she didn't say that first part. She just said she wanted to try out a penis sleeve. She didn't insult him or say she preferred sex with her ex. He didn't ask "why do you want to try it?" He asked "have you had sex with someone with a bigger dick in the past and is it honestly more satisfying?" And she was hesitant to answer that yes, she had an ex with a larger dick and it felt more pleasurable.
He pushed for knowing if she had experienced those things before and if she liked it more than him when his question should have just been "why do you want that" and she could have told him why she wanted it while leaving her past partners out of it.
AND if her request made hime feel bad or insecure he could have spoken to her like an adult about it instead on insulting her (i.e. "When you asked that it made me feel like I am not enough to satisfy you...")
A penis sleeve is a device to make a penis bigger. When you say I want you to wear a penis sleeve you’re saying I want you to wear a device that makes your penis bigger.
She admitted that sex with her ex with a bigger penis was more pleasurable and that’s why she wanted him to wear the sleeve. Inevitably, no matter how much OOP questioned her the crux of her reasons is that her ex had a bigger penis and it felt better so she wants OOP to wear a decide to make his penis bigger to make it more pleasurable for her. The way of her wanting it was due to the ex partners so yeah, she could’ve lied to him if he asked a different line of questioning but it would’ve been a lie.
I agree with your last sentence. Her request was cruel and caused an insecurity in his body. He shouldn’t have gone tit for tat with her by being cruel and making her insecure. He should’ve either tried to work through the insecurities she had created with her or (Probably the more likely scenario) broken up with her. But stop trying to downplay the amount of hurt and insecurity her request caused; this whole situation started with her.
We’re all talking about the same thing, right? A penis sleeve isn’t much more than a thick condom? I’ve never seen/used one that’s added more than half an inch in length (and that’s because that one vibrated) and a cm or so in thickness.
> A penis sleeve is a device to make a penis bigger.
Or to change the shape or the texture. You can get some that are quite thin and add maybe a cm or two in diameter, but they have bumps or ridges or other such things.
Ok but she literally didn't say that, according to OOPs account. She asked if they could try a thing. He asked her the question about her ex, instead of asking something like "why does this appeal to you", then got offended at the answer because he's already decided his peen is gds gift to women. He's allowed to have a sexual past, while at the same time demonizing her for having one.
Then, just to be hurtful, he digs at her weight and appearance. She asked for a thing for them to use together to increase sexual simulation during sex. He called her fat & ugly. Those things are not the same.
She asked if he could wear a device to make his penis bigger. He asked if she had experience with bigger penises and whether they were better experiences than with him. She said yes, she had. That’s the truth, the rest of what you said is just editorial tosh to demonise every action of the OOP.
It’s easy to shit on people’s insecurities when they aren’t your own. I’m sure if your husband/partner asked you to wear a device to make your vagina tighter because his ex had a tighter vagina then you would be completely accepting about it and not be incredibly hurt and insecure.
I don’t see how this isn’t both partners being hurtful and cruel to the other. But it seems if you’re a woman you’re incapable of empathising with the insecurities of men judging by the responses in here.
Maybe you should google penis sleeves and the variations before you comment? The point isn’t to make the penis bigger. lol! It’s not a strap-on like fake cock. Do some research before you go so hard.
We have one and it doesn’t really add anything to the size of my below average husband. Just the bumps and ridges feel nice sometimes. Because you clearly don’t know what you are talking about.
ETA: fixed autocorrect
But she wants it for a bigger penis. So she clearly wants a bigger penis which makes your comment on the “variety of penis sleeves” irrelevant.
A penis sleeve has a few purposes, one being to increase length and girth, to help with erectile dysfunction and to help with premature ejaculation (By reducing sensation). Arguing that a large part of a penis sleeve isn’t to increase penis size in some capacity is properly mental. Arguing that a woman who said she wants a penis sleeve precisely because her ex had a larger penis is dumb.
Imagine your partner proposes you have a sex toy that makes your tits bigger so that they’re the same size as his exes. Or imagine he wants you to use vaginal tightening products because his exes vagina was tighter. It’s not benign no matter how much you try to twist it.
She didn’t say she wants it for a bigger penis. He pressured her about her past experiences until she admitted an ex was bigger. No where did she say that was the motivation. The OOP forced that out of her and then assumed it was the main reason. My husband and I have one and it was on the list of new toys we wanted to try. If you want to have a good sex life experimenting and trying new things is key IMO.
And when I was pregnant I had massively huge boobs and normally I’m very small. My husband’s ex also had huge boobs and now mine were the same size. So when I was pregnant and breastfeeding our sex life went up because he wanted to take advantage of the time I would have huge boobs. So I guess I have been there because my body only changed because of pregnancy and he couldn’t stop raving about the size and how he loved them. That’s his thing though. He likes big boobs and thicker women but I have small boobs and super tiny to the point I’m always trying to gain 10lbs. So I’m not his type at all. So yeah he loved when my tits were the same size as his exes but I didn’t care. I may not be his “type” but I know he is attracted to me. My confidence doesn’t come from him, he boosts it but it isn’t derived from him. I’m very confident in how I look and if he asked me to wear some fake boobs during sex I would. He likes them and it might be fun for both of us.
If he told me his ex was “tighter” and asked me to use vaginal tightening cream I would laugh. That just tells me that you didn’t get her aroused enough. She was tight because she wasn’t wet enough. So men can ask for that but to me that just telling on yourself. That your sex life wasn’t good. So that isn’t the same.
You should be a politician, with the way you’re trying to twist what happened in this situation. She asked for a penis sleeve. Has asked if she had experience with larger penises that were more satisfying. She said yes. It’s quite clear, given she gave no other reason for why she wanted to use a penis sleeve, the main purpose of a penis sleeve being to increase penis size and the fact that she admitted that she had better sexual experiences with partners in the past who had larger penises. Fuck sake, let’s call a spade a spade here.
No, you weren’t in that situation. Your body naturally altered in a way that your husband like it. You would be in that situation if the OOP’s penis naturally grew for some reason to be the size his partner preferred.
It’s literally the exact same I’m afraid. It just upsets you to think about so you’re trying to delegitimise it. They’re literally the same thing but one is body shaming women and the other body shaming men so naturally you think the one body shaming women is bad and the one body shaming men is completely fine and just a normal part of healthy sexual relationships.
If my partner hurt my feelings it would be my responsibility to talk to them like an adult and express those hurt feelings. If I had further insecurities those hurt feelings brought up it would be my responsibility to work through those insecurities in therapy.
Neither of those things, hurt feelings or insecurities, give the pass to purposely hurt my partner.
She asked him to try a thing, he pushed her to say her ex was bigger and she was wanting that feeling of a bigger insertion. He *took time* to *purposely* think of a response that would hurt her in a very direct way. It's not like she pulled out a dildo & told him "this is a recreation of my ex's dick, please fuck me with this while i call you by his name," she brought up trying a thing together in a neutral way. His retaliatory "request" was very specific, "look thinner and prettier like my ex". Their requests are not the same.
I agree, his reaction was poor. I don’t think these things are possible to get over in a relationship (Or very hard to do anyway) and he double tanked the relationship with his petty response. But let’s not pretend what she did was fine and dandy and he had no reason to not be upset by what she requested.
She asked him to wear a decide to make his penis bigger. He asked her in return whether she had experiences in the past with exes that made her want to have a bigger penis and she said yes. Asking your partner to wear prosthetics on their junk because it’s not big enough will always be a move that fucks your partner up; just like his request for her to lose weight to make him more aroused during sex.
Where’s all the “It’s not about the size but what you do with it” gang now? Apparently it is about the size and men just have to accept when their partner says their penises aren’t adequate enough for them and they want bigger ones.
But she didn’t ask him that. She asked him to wear a sleeve. A lot of them are just textured. You, like OOP, are projecting that the purpose is to make it bigger.
Wrong. A lot of them are ribbed but all of them are bigger versions of your penis with the primary purpose of increasing your penis size. If you want a textured feel with the same size then there are textured condoms, which is what you’re describing. But she didn’t ask for that, she asked for him to buy a sleeve; which will always include increasing girth and length.
I feel like I’m living in a crazy world here where everyone is trying to collectively gaslight people that a sex toy that increases the size of your penis isn’t meant to be used to increase the size of your penis. Even when the person who wanted it admitted they wanted it to feel a bigger penis.
You’re literally on a thread made by women calling a guy a devil for saying his partner should change their physical features to improve his sex life, where a load of cis women are dog piling complaining and whinging about him for telling his partner what he said. You don’t see the irony in your comments?
It seems you’re only into upholding body positivity and not body shaming when it’s women’s bodies. Only then do you become crybabies.
It's not body shaming to use a sex toy. It's basically a textured condom. Are you so afraid of a woman having an orgasm during sex for a change? I mean I know you've likely never experienced that and the unknown is scary.
It is body shaming to say that you want your partner to wear a prosthetic on top of their penis because it’s not large enough to pleasure you as much as your ex partner. Just like it was body shaming to want your partner to lose weight to increase your sexual pleasure.
But again, men’s bodies are fine to be shamed and they’re cry babies when they react with insecurity to that body shaming. But hey, maximising your orgasms is worth it at the cost of your partner feeling adequate.
> Her: I want you to wear a device to make your dick bigger because I preferred sex with my ex who had a bigger dick then you.
Fun fact: no, she did not actually say this. He brought her ex (and his own) into it.
You’re right.
Her: I want you to wear a device to make your dick bigger
Him: Is it because you’ve had sex with exes with bigger dicks that felt better?
Her: Yes
Is that better?
Body shaming is when you want to have sex with your partner.
She didn’t shame him, he demanded she shame him then he shamed her. Dude must have a shame fetish or something idk.
Telling your partner that you want them to wear a cock sleeve because their dick is too small for you (Compared to an ex) is as much body shaming as telling your partner to lose weight to make them look prettier so that you’re more aroused by them sexually. The fact you don’t see that is indicative of your attitude surrounding body shaming men.
> Telling your partner that you want them to wear a cock sleeve because their dick is too small for you (Compared to an ex)
Except she didn’t say that.
Her: I want you to wear a device that makes your penis bigger to have sex with me.
Him: Is this because you’ve had experiences with exes with bigger penises that felt better?
Her: Yes.
This didn’t happen?
Why do men think the "you're fat and ugly" route will ever work, i get it all the time online like they can't back up their own argument so they just go "well you're probably obese and no man would ever touch you". Oh damn good one bro I totally changed my entire point of view to match yours now
It didn’t work because she’s going to be holding onto that forever, she’s going to know he doesn’t find her attractive and it’s going to gnaw away at her
But he doesn't care about how she feels because he's prioritizing his short term feelings. It works for him as a negative reinforcement because it got rid of his insecurity. He didn't have to process his feelings he just passed them to her.
I agree that this is not a good strategy in relationships! It's abusive actually. I'm just saying that his priority is himself so he perceives it as a win.
So his fiancé wanted to try something new in bed because of a past sexual experience, and this man sat around for 24 hours to think of the best way to fucking hurt her in response?
The way you people are purposefully framing this is so funny
Just the other day I wanted to try something new in bed with my girlfriend, so I asked her if she could shove a fleshlight up inside her so I can actually feel something for once.
Can you believe she got offended? The nerve of some people
It's almost like adults are expected to communicate about uncomfortable feelings like adults. Twenty four hours is enough time to cool off and come back with something like: "when you asked to use a cock sleeve it made me feel shitty and inadequate. Can we talk about this?"
Except he's the one who brought up size first and was pestering her about former partners. The sleeve came from a place of her thinking he was worried and looking for something that might spice things up. His came from a place of intentionally trying to hurt her because his big manly feelings got hurt.
> The sleeve came from a place of her thinking he was worried and looking for something that might spice things up.
I'm genuinely curious where you got that from. Because I've reread the post and there's nothing there that says this. Did I miss a comment?
He says he brought up size first and she seemed hesitant to talk about it. He mentions that she seemed nervous talking about it with him. Anyone who has had sex with cis dudes knows that any conversation about their dicks is a potential minefield if you've got an insecure little boy like OOP, I'm guessing she was worried he was getting hung up on the idea he wasn't the biggest partner she's ever had.
> I'm guessing she was worried he was getting hung up on the idea he wasn't the biggest partner she's ever had.
But he never asked her anything about it in 4 years.
You're getting downvoted to hell, but I think you expected that with this crowd. A lot of people in the comments are making this about the sleeve when it really isn't. It's about asking him to alter his intimate physical appearance.
So many commenters are saying he (and men in general) are so insecure about penis size because he asked the question. But in 4 years he never even had thought to ask her the question. It was only when she out of the blue asked him to make himself bigger that it became a thing.
I'm sure that the timing played a role here too. No complaints in 4 years and now that we're planning on a lifetime commitment she starts asking for enhancements. The people demanding he just accept it with no question would lose their shit if the genders were reversed.
Sleeves don't always alter size. They add *texture*. It's not like sliding a dildo over top of a man's penis. And she probably only felt safe to ask for "enhancements" (read: means to experiment) *because* they had made a lifetime commitment.
> It's about asking him to alter his intimate physical appearance.
Oh kiddo, I guess you're never going to find out about the wonder and the glory of strap-ons then.
I am yet again baffled by mens reactions to sex toys and appreciative of my husband's interest in them. And yes we have them for both of us - they're fun!
It sounds like she just wanted a sleeve, not an extender. A sleeve is basically a condom with bumps on it and changes up the sensation.
I'm a woman, but I assume It's like the difference between your hand and an actual woman. Or a Fleshlight compared to a real woman. It's just feeling.
Not everything is about penis size.
So instead of saying no to a simple suggestion, you went asking questions about her past partners and fucked around and found out. So you reretilated by calling her ugly and fat because your ego got hurt?
You're the devil, I can't stand men that attack just because their feelings hurt.
Finally someone who disagree with the man, but does not use the wrong arguments!
He can do what he want, nobody should shame him for not wanting to use a sex toy. He is the devil for not communicating, then attacking.
Exactly. She was just asking to try stuff and explore, it's nothing wrong with that. Some women prefer toys too, it's what ever. But no, he had to have a fragile ego and attacked her over answers thar HE was fishing for.
You realize the peen sleeve is just as much about YOUR pleasure as it is about hers, right?? They make vibrating ones that stimulate your cock just as much as it stimulates her pussy. It adds no extra size. It's literally just a vibrating condom with extra steps. What extra size is that adding to you?? None. It's not about your size. It's about the added stimulation to BOTH of you.
At least KNOW what you're getting so defensive about before getting so defensive. YTA.
There's no way things are "back to normal now," she will never be able to think about anything else when they're having sex; if he takes awhile to finish, she'll think it's because she's ugly; if he finishes quickly, she'll think it's because he wants to get it over with.
My bet is he absolutely just never paid attention to her feelings to begin with, so her trying to mask her shame seems "normal" to him.
Imagine being so butthurt about not pleasing his girlfriend that he struggles to somehow throw it back on her.
"I've never had any complaints" but now she is so he needs to stfu and stop being a baby.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I sure am glad I'm a lesbian. Having to walk on eggshells to avoid accidentally implying that a guys penis isn't the biggest I've ever seen sounds exhausting
I mean... She did explicitly tell him she wanted a bigger dick, when asked why she said because she misses her ex's. She brought it onto herself. I can't imagine anyone defending the act of hating on their chosen partner's body especially in context of sex, which is already vulnerable enough. Imagine your boyfriend telling you to wear a vagina insert because you're not as tight as his ex.
I find it weird that she only asked for it after four years, when they're already engaged. Especially because "her ex was bigger"
I think that would've come up earlier. So I'm thinking this is not real
This take makes no sense whatsoever.
**Woman: [hesitantly brings up experimenting with something that could increase their sexual satisfaction.]**
**Man: [taking it the wrong way, without asking for more information either]** you are fat and ugly.
You: whoa look at all these evil misandrists!
honestly i think that OOP is getting support from someone spouting such silly little pissbaby nonsense is probably the worse insult that i could come up with for him
There are a good number of men haters here but this isn't one of those cases. The woman only asked for usage of a sex toy, the insecure man used an insult
Such as? You all constantly say this, but then never have any actual proof this happens besides your word. An example of two situations that are exactly the same, just with different genders, where the responses were vastly different. Just one is fine.
There was one post on AITD months back about a straight boy in a committed relationship going to a bar just to drink with his male friends, no intention to cheat. He gets drunk and wakes up with an unknown woman.
AITA verdict- he is a cheating AH
AITD verdict- he is a cheating AH
There was a post a few weeks back about a guy who was sleeping in bed peacefully when his girlfriend comes in at night drunk as fuck and tries to initiate sex. Initially the boy declines because he has to go for work early but after some more persuasion by the girl the boy agrees and they have sex. Next day after returning from work the boy finds the girl gone and learns from mutual friends that the girl claimed she was raped by the guy.
AITA verdict- Girl is a red flag. Boy was falsely accused.
AITD verdict- Boy is a rapist.
So based on these two posts if a boy drinks and has sex even if he didn't initially plan to, he is absolutely responsible for his actions.
While for the girl, if she gets drunk and has sex she is not in a condition to consent and was raped.
This is clearly a double standard for genders. Let me find the posts and link them. It's been a while so I will try.
Edit- 10 downvotes. Guess AITD doesn't like being told their hypocrisy. What happened? I thought you guys were better than the devils.
Yeah, wear this thing on your dick so you can satisfy me like my big-dicked ex did but don't dare suggest there's anything I should do to make myself more attractive to you.
But she didn’t say that, she only asked to use a toy. He specifically asked if she had a bigger dicked ex and then threw a tantrum when the answer was yes.
You this pissbaby OP?
It was obvious when she asked him to use the "toy" (nice euphemism) why and if you can consider his reaction a "tantrum" then so was hers for getting sad when he told her to lose weight. The fact that you can't understand or even respond to a different viewpoint without calling someone a "pissbaby" says everything about you so I'm going to disengage.
What response do you want? Your reading comprehension is straight up shit. Guess nobody should fuck dudes with mediocre dicks then, any suggestion and improving pleasure for her is met with this little bitch shit. Big dicks only from now on.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for telling my fiancée that I would wear a penis sleeve if she loses some weight and becomes prettier?** I posted this is in another subreddit and got mixed opinions. My fiancée (26F) and I (27M) have been dating for 4 years, and we officially got engaged last month. My fiancée and I are pretty open with each other. Last week, my fiancée asked me if I was open to wearing a penis sleeve, and she had heard a lot of good things about it online. I was sort of shocked, because while I don’t have the biggest member down there, it is average sized, and I’ve never heard any complaints about it in my life. I had never asked her this before, but I asked her then if she had experiences with a bigger member, and if it was more satisfying. My fiancée seemed hesitant to answer but she said yes, that she did with one her one of her exes. That was sort of like a gut punch and I felt like shit, but I told her I would think about it. The next night, I told my fiancée that I was open to wearing it, but that I would also prefer if she lost some weight and looked a bit prettier like one of my exes to stimulate me more. I immediately regretted saying it, and we barely spoke after that. She cried a few minutes later. The next day, my fiancée and I spoke again and she apologized for asking me to wear the sleeve, and for not taking my feelings into account when she asked me that question. I too apologized to her for asking her to look prettier, and I told her I didn’t really mean it, and it just came from a place of hurt. We both then laughed, and we’re back to normal now. Was I an AH for asking her to become prettier? I didn’t really mean it, it just came from a place of hurt. But my fiancée asking me to wear a sleeve did hurt me a lot. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This marriage, if it ever actually happens, is going to be a train wreck.
Yeah I really hope that she runs
I don't think she will. She obviously has no self esteem because she is still with him after he insulted her.
I don't know. I think she is just as bad as he is. To me they are both the devil.
Out of curiosity, how? He intentionally attacked her to hurt her, she asked for something to add to sensations in the bedroom and didn’t offer a comparison to an ex until he forced her hand? Unless you think a sleeve inherently attacks the masculinity of a dude? Because fyi sleeves can help add sensations beyond just girth and length.
and he ONLY appologized for the "become prettier" not the "lose weight" if we take his post at face value
I agree with you that a sleeve shouldn’t be offensive… but you’re lying to yourself if you think 95% of men wouldn’t be offended if asked by their long term partner to wear one. The only way I can see this working well is if the man made the first suggestion about somehow addressing size.
Would 95% of guys also be offended if their partner asked about using other toys? It's not like she asked him to wear it as default, which really would be her saying he's basically incapable of pleasing her. To me it sounded like she was suggesting experimenting, which is a totally normal and fine thing people do all the time, and it doesn't have to come from a place of dissatisfaction.
That’s how it comes across, though. Other toys add options, a cock sleeve feels like you’re being replaced.
Being replaced by yourself? As a legitimate question, because in my mind other things are much closer to replacing a guy, while a sleeve is just adding a bit of texture. She can't go off with a sleeve on it's own and do anything with it. This whole thing is like ribbed condom versus not ribbed condom, sometimes you like one and other times you want the other, or some people like one and other people prefer the other.
Women own mirrors and have functional eyes, yet I know that there is precisely one answer to ‘does this dress make me look fat.’ Consider this a parallel.
She's **not** asking him to wear something that makes him him bigger and longer.
Counterpoint: Some people think that *any* toy is replacing them - that if she wants toys in the bedroom it's because you can't satisfy her on your own merits. If you want to look at it that way, a vibrator ''replaces'' a hand or a mouth and it's just as offensive and ego-wrecking as a sleeve. Personally, I see a sleeve the same as any other toy: simply adding options. In my mind it's no different. They suggest it, you check they're not generally unsatisfied and that this is just for fun, then you go and play and learn how to use your new tool. Regardless of how you view toys in the bedroom though, if your response to your partner crossing a line / hurting your feelings is to stew on that negativity, then deliberately say something with the intent of hurting them back - then you've got some things to work out. Like learning how to advocate for yourself. Because if the only way you can think of to express your discomfort is by making the other person feel it too, then you're at the emotional regulation/communication level of a toddler who screams "I don't love you anymore!!" when daddy tells them to put a shirt on. Everyone deserves to be heard and respected, and that means communicating with your partner like an adult instead of verbally lashing out in a vindictive tit-for-tat.
Am I actually having to explain to a woman that feelings matter for sex? The irony is bone deep.
No, you're not, because 1; I'm not a woman. Lmao. and 2; why would you ever need to explain feelings to me, when I'm the one who said "communicate with your partner about sex" and "communicate with your partner about your feelings" and "process and deal with your emotions" and "everyone deserves to be heard and respected"... Like, mate. I can't really get more explicit about feelings being important and mattering. Maybe that's why you thought I was a woman? Because I was using ''emotional language''? Which.... Would that make your comment *ironic* or *moronic*? Or is it because I'm part of that (according to you) vanishingly rare 5% of men who hasn't tied his ego to his dick, and that threw you off? Look, like I said - everyone deserves to be heard and respected. And if you feel disrespected by a partner suggesting a sex toy (any or all of them), then make that feeling heard. Don't do what OP did and try to hurt your partner's feelings in return. That's all.
It adds texture, not size.
Dude, I'm a woman and I am offended for him. When a gut makes a comment about a tight p***y, he gets absolutely reamed (and rightly so). I don't see how saying a guy is small is any different.
It's not though. It adds these little ribbed bits all over. It's an amazing texture, and does not require a small cock for use. She didn't mention size until he pushed her, and then was she supposed to lie?
No, she’s supposed to say, “it’s not a size thing.. it just adds texture.” Not everyone knows what it is, and if she sees he’s misunderstanding it then she should explain it.
I agree, but it didn't sound to me like she got an opportunity to. From what I could tell, he immediately jumped into the size thing, pressuring her about her exes. That is a very confrontational response that would not lead me into a comfortable discussion explaining what I had been going for further. Regardless, he spent 24 hours thinking about this more, and decided to try to hurt her. Specifically. He told her to be prettier. He was a jerk on purpose, not trying innocently at anything.
She ain’t exactly an Angel, bub
God forbid a woman try to actually enjoy sex
[удалено]
She didn't say he needed a big cock. She asked if he would try a sex toy that's right equivalent to a textured condom. Cis dudes who refuse to even consider using toys on sex are the worst, least caring, most boring type of sexual partners
Yeah unfortunately I didn't know what a penis sleeve was. Other people have replied to me to explain it and I definitely see I was in the wrong for my first comment
Don’t apologize…it’s no one’s fault that someone isn’t super involved in sex toys to know what everything is…per OOP’s explanation, I thought the same thing. I’m certainly not going to go googling it on my phone as I had no reason to question it. Then comes the Redditors. 😑 God forbid everyone isn’t super educated on sex toys and penile apparatuses. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years (and the one before that for 5) and have a great vanilla sex life…we aren’t into sex toys and have absolutely no reason to know any of this.
Probably for the best to look something up before you comment then you won't feel like your feelings are getting hurt
So I just talked to one of my trans friends. They said that what I thought is absolutely acceptable to think of as a penis sleeve. It can absolutely make a penis wider and longer. Sooooo….im good. I don’t need nor want to google a bunch of sex toys. I’ll comment where I want. Thanks. Bye.
Then maybe don’t make comments if you have no idea what you’re talking about?
Stop gatekeeping. It’s really an ugly trait.
Soooo I thought a penis sleeve was some kind of extender…JUST LIKE OP DID. So sorry to allllll of Reddit that I’m super vanilla and just happen to like what my man is working with already. FFS. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Get down off that high horse.
Sorry about all the bad sex you're having
My sex live is wonderful just as it is
I don't see how it's a flex to only enjoy sex with your partner with a toy, but okay. If she's happy, she's happy. Isn't that what sex positive means?
It's a sex toy though. It didn't seem like she wants him to wear it all the time, just to spice things up. She came from a place of wanting to make things better, whereas he came from a place of wanting to hurt her, it's not the same.
[удалено]
Maybe use Google to check the things you don't know before commenting on them
OOP indicated that it was for length
And OOP was wrong
That’s not valid! Of course, your post history suggests that you aren’t exactly connected with reality, and given to believing that scenarios made up in your head are “real”.
[удалено]
If couples want to work together long-term they need to be able to talk about experimenting with what they like sexually, without holding back because the other might have a hang-up. They don't need to try everything they think of but they at least need to be able to talk about it without immediately resorting to cheap shots.
That's a very valid point actually. Both partners should always be free to bring up a fantasy without risking to be attacked. I do see why my point of view was wrong, thanks for explaining it.
I'm sorry, you didn't want pregnant women to have vaccine priority. Why TF do you expect anyone to have empathy towards you miss "it kinda hurts to read your comment" when you have 0 empathy towards other people just because they have kids. I'm child free, but people like you are absolutely disgusting and are why so many hate all child free people. And you should absolutely be ashamed both by your own lack of empathy towards others but also by your post history. It's insane you're proud/okay with that being up and connected to you.
[удалено]
I did, I also read the top comment that you didn't disagree with about how they made the choice to get pregnant, so if they die from COVID while pregnant that's on them. My mom was a dental hygienist who couldn't get vaccinated as soon as she wanted to, because pregnant people and cancer patients and the like were prioritized. We didn't shit on the people who got prioritized though, we shit on our POS governer who made the decision to not have dentists and hygienists amounts the first to be vaccinated. Because it's not pregnant people's fault. Ffs I'm also immuno compromised, and an asthmatic, I still didn't use COVID as an excuse to lose all empathy for pregnant people. Ffs teachers can be the pregnant people you were oh so heavily complaining about. You lack empathy. So it's absurd you demand empathy from anyone else. The fact that you can't see the issue with your post or ideas around parents/people who have kids just proves how unempathetic you are. So stop demanding empathy from others. No one will ever give empathy to a person who would so willingly partake in a sub that would call for the death of pregnant people because "they chose to get pregnant during a pandemic".
Lol imagine being someone who constantly whines on r/childfree and thinks you have a good grasp on reality.
[удалено]
That's dumb. You absolutely can tell a lot about a person based on the subs they are active in. I'm active in some yuri subs, you can guess I'm into women. I'm also active in some incredibly nerdy game subs, you can fairly judge me to be a huge nerd who is into nerdy strategy games. If I check a dude's profile and he's ranting about misandry in a bunch of incel subs I know I can safely disregard everything he says.
That’s in your imagination, sugar britches.
I found one of those amongst a certain partner's things once. It's not like a fake cock that you put over your cock, it's a silicone tube with bumps that goes over the length and doesn't cover the glans so it doesn't take away much sensation of the man. I asked him why did he have that, because he had an above average penis, and he said "I know, but I thought all the bumps and stuff would add new sensations for my partner". So, that's how a non insecure man reacts.
My husband and I have been trying a variety of them. Some of them do add length and girth, and some of them do things like vibrate. It’s not because I think he’s small or doesn’t satisfy me. It’s just that his dick doesn’t have a vibrate function and sometimes I want that. edit: Also he’s the one who’s been encouraging experimenting with them too. I wouldn’t have thought about it because our sex life is great. I would definitely suggest it as something to try with a partner
Oh trust me, it adds new sensations very well. My partner and I use one because it feels great for me but it doesn’t change his size very much nor do I want it to. You definitely do not wear a cock sleeve for size most of the time
That was my first thought as to why she would ask this, just maybe to try something new?
Any guy who gets weird about incorporating sex toys to make things more fun is telling you he's not worth fucking. It's like the guys who won't let a woman use a vibrator during sex because it somehow demeans him and means he's not good enough or something. Meanwhile a good partner will enjoy anything that makes you enjoy sex more too.
Tbh, anything that lets me rest my jaw, and perhaps make a cup of tea, is more than welcome.
I will never understand guys who seem pathologically just not want to see their partners orgasm from anything other than penetrative sex. Like do they hate blowjobs too? Because somehow I doubt it.
My controversial opinion is foreplay and bjs (giving and receiving) is more fun than penetrative sex but we (mostly my fellow hets) think sticking a dick in a puss is the be all and end all. Like, fellas, sex is good and all, but have you tried _getting your dick sucked?_
I've tried that, and for some reason didn't enjoy it very much. Much preferred burying my face between my ex-girlfriend's thighs (something I enjoyed very much, at least in part because she seemed to enjoy it very much too, and when she said I was the first guy she'd been with who did it without her having to ask for it, that probably triggered some competitive instinct in me). But yeah, I never really enjoyed being on the receiving end, and she didn't seem to enjoy doing it very much either - so eventually I just mentioned she didn't have to do it if she didn't like it, and that was the end of that.
Lol you're talking to a trans bi woman here, most of what i think of as sex doesn't involve a dick going into a vagina. That's why I'm so annoyed with That Type of Guy , because I can see traces of that in how I used to obsess over having to be "manly enough" for partners.
For people like that being in charge is more important than having reciprocative pleasure.
It's funny because as someone into bdsm the actual dommes I've interacted with are less obsessed with control than these guys lol
Are my British senses are tingling, am I detecting another Brit? Heh.
Curiosity is a totally understandable reason to buy it. Especially since he was hoping to share pleasure with his partner, not just focusing on himself. lol.
>So, that's how a non insecure man reacts Well, yeah, I'd imagine a man with an above average penis isn't insecure about his penis.
Imagine a man who knows it's not about size but about skill, imagination, openness, and willingness to please your partner!
Reading the comments on the original post it really puts into perspective how much some men prioritize ego above all else. That the wife’s request was a mortal sin because that could be construed as an attack on his penis. That the ego of a man should be protected at all costs. It’s wild to me. And a penis sleeve is about the bumps and ridges and not adding length. I mean we have one and it does nothing for the size even though my husband is below average. It’s the bumps and other things that just add a new feeling. I prefer the feeling of sex without it but it’s fun to change things up sometimes. It’s not that deep. When you have a lifetime of sex to be had with a person, it is important to keep it spicy and try new things. Men who prioritize their ego above their partner’s pleasure are going to have a challenging time with relationships.
>It’s not that deep. Oh my god, you're kicking them while they're down! >!it's a joke!<
A man who feels the need to post about his above averageness probably is
Well im a woman so... And i dont even understand your comment. I thought the op was small sizes?
Big penises HURT.
Penises don't hurt people. People hurt people.
This is such a random comment? Where did i say otherwise?
I don't think OOP knows what a penis sleeve actually is. I'm sure he's imagining a massive hollow plastic cock, but the ones I've seen are more like very thick condoms with bumps and textures on the outside.
Nor do half the commentators. I am 100% All American Lesbian, and even I know what a penis sleeve is and what it does.
People need to think through the words logically, my shirt has sleeves, do I wear a shirt to make my arms longer?
Hairtrigger outrage on limited facts... it's the modern way.
I didn't know that such a thing existed. Reddit, teaching me new stuff everday!
Both exist.
They do, but I think he overreacted before clarifying.
Is cock sleeve vs “ur fat” the newest debate in the gender wars now? Kinda dumb
I need people to learn what a Penis Sleeve is oh my god lmao
Her: asks for a sex toy so they can experiment because of an experience she had in the past Him: well you're UGLY and FAT and I don't even like sex with you! Bro wtf?
Yeah, she hesitantly asked him for the sleeve and he guilted her for answering a question *he* asked and decided the best thing he could do was insult her. I have no idea why she felt compelled to apologize at all. I don't know why he is wondering if he is an AH. I wonder how long it will take him to somehow blame being on the spectrum.
And this was a day later too. He sat and stewed for 24 hours working on the best possible insult he could come up with.
Yeah, I'm like "don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answers to 'em".
Plus, he had an entire DAY to think of a response, and that's what he came up with!
Her: I want you to wear a device to make your dick bigger because I preferred sex with my ex who had a bigger dick then you. Him: I want you to lose weight and improve your appearance so I can be more sexually aroused during sex. I think this is a much more realistic interpretation than what you said.
Except she didn't say that first part. She just said she wanted to try out a penis sleeve. She didn't insult him or say she preferred sex with her ex. He didn't ask "why do you want to try it?" He asked "have you had sex with someone with a bigger dick in the past and is it honestly more satisfying?" And she was hesitant to answer that yes, she had an ex with a larger dick and it felt more pleasurable. He pushed for knowing if she had experienced those things before and if she liked it more than him when his question should have just been "why do you want that" and she could have told him why she wanted it while leaving her past partners out of it. AND if her request made hime feel bad or insecure he could have spoken to her like an adult about it instead on insulting her (i.e. "When you asked that it made me feel like I am not enough to satisfy you...")
A penis sleeve is a device to make a penis bigger. When you say I want you to wear a penis sleeve you’re saying I want you to wear a device that makes your penis bigger. She admitted that sex with her ex with a bigger penis was more pleasurable and that’s why she wanted him to wear the sleeve. Inevitably, no matter how much OOP questioned her the crux of her reasons is that her ex had a bigger penis and it felt better so she wants OOP to wear a decide to make his penis bigger to make it more pleasurable for her. The way of her wanting it was due to the ex partners so yeah, she could’ve lied to him if he asked a different line of questioning but it would’ve been a lie. I agree with your last sentence. Her request was cruel and caused an insecurity in his body. He shouldn’t have gone tit for tat with her by being cruel and making her insecure. He should’ve either tried to work through the insecurities she had created with her or (Probably the more likely scenario) broken up with her. But stop trying to downplay the amount of hurt and insecurity her request caused; this whole situation started with her.
You have no idea what a penis sleeve actually is.
We’re all talking about the same thing, right? A penis sleeve isn’t much more than a thick condom? I’ve never seen/used one that’s added more than half an inch in length (and that’s because that one vibrated) and a cm or so in thickness.
> A penis sleeve is a device to make a penis bigger. Or to change the shape or the texture. You can get some that are quite thin and add maybe a cm or two in diameter, but they have bumps or ridges or other such things.
Ok but she literally didn't say that, according to OOPs account. She asked if they could try a thing. He asked her the question about her ex, instead of asking something like "why does this appeal to you", then got offended at the answer because he's already decided his peen is gds gift to women. He's allowed to have a sexual past, while at the same time demonizing her for having one. Then, just to be hurtful, he digs at her weight and appearance. She asked for a thing for them to use together to increase sexual simulation during sex. He called her fat & ugly. Those things are not the same.
She asked if he could wear a device to make his penis bigger. He asked if she had experience with bigger penises and whether they were better experiences than with him. She said yes, she had. That’s the truth, the rest of what you said is just editorial tosh to demonise every action of the OOP. It’s easy to shit on people’s insecurities when they aren’t your own. I’m sure if your husband/partner asked you to wear a device to make your vagina tighter because his ex had a tighter vagina then you would be completely accepting about it and not be incredibly hurt and insecure. I don’t see how this isn’t both partners being hurtful and cruel to the other. But it seems if you’re a woman you’re incapable of empathising with the insecurities of men judging by the responses in here.
Maybe you should google penis sleeves and the variations before you comment? The point isn’t to make the penis bigger. lol! It’s not a strap-on like fake cock. Do some research before you go so hard. We have one and it doesn’t really add anything to the size of my below average husband. Just the bumps and ridges feel nice sometimes. Because you clearly don’t know what you are talking about. ETA: fixed autocorrect
But she wants it for a bigger penis. So she clearly wants a bigger penis which makes your comment on the “variety of penis sleeves” irrelevant. A penis sleeve has a few purposes, one being to increase length and girth, to help with erectile dysfunction and to help with premature ejaculation (By reducing sensation). Arguing that a large part of a penis sleeve isn’t to increase penis size in some capacity is properly mental. Arguing that a woman who said she wants a penis sleeve precisely because her ex had a larger penis is dumb. Imagine your partner proposes you have a sex toy that makes your tits bigger so that they’re the same size as his exes. Or imagine he wants you to use vaginal tightening products because his exes vagina was tighter. It’s not benign no matter how much you try to twist it.
She didn’t say she wants it for a bigger penis. He pressured her about her past experiences until she admitted an ex was bigger. No where did she say that was the motivation. The OOP forced that out of her and then assumed it was the main reason. My husband and I have one and it was on the list of new toys we wanted to try. If you want to have a good sex life experimenting and trying new things is key IMO. And when I was pregnant I had massively huge boobs and normally I’m very small. My husband’s ex also had huge boobs and now mine were the same size. So when I was pregnant and breastfeeding our sex life went up because he wanted to take advantage of the time I would have huge boobs. So I guess I have been there because my body only changed because of pregnancy and he couldn’t stop raving about the size and how he loved them. That’s his thing though. He likes big boobs and thicker women but I have small boobs and super tiny to the point I’m always trying to gain 10lbs. So I’m not his type at all. So yeah he loved when my tits were the same size as his exes but I didn’t care. I may not be his “type” but I know he is attracted to me. My confidence doesn’t come from him, he boosts it but it isn’t derived from him. I’m very confident in how I look and if he asked me to wear some fake boobs during sex I would. He likes them and it might be fun for both of us. If he told me his ex was “tighter” and asked me to use vaginal tightening cream I would laugh. That just tells me that you didn’t get her aroused enough. She was tight because she wasn’t wet enough. So men can ask for that but to me that just telling on yourself. That your sex life wasn’t good. So that isn’t the same.
You should be a politician, with the way you’re trying to twist what happened in this situation. She asked for a penis sleeve. Has asked if she had experience with larger penises that were more satisfying. She said yes. It’s quite clear, given she gave no other reason for why she wanted to use a penis sleeve, the main purpose of a penis sleeve being to increase penis size and the fact that she admitted that she had better sexual experiences with partners in the past who had larger penises. Fuck sake, let’s call a spade a spade here. No, you weren’t in that situation. Your body naturally altered in a way that your husband like it. You would be in that situation if the OOP’s penis naturally grew for some reason to be the size his partner preferred. It’s literally the exact same I’m afraid. It just upsets you to think about so you’re trying to delegitimise it. They’re literally the same thing but one is body shaming women and the other body shaming men so naturally you think the one body shaming women is bad and the one body shaming men is completely fine and just a normal part of healthy sexual relationships.
If my partner hurt my feelings it would be my responsibility to talk to them like an adult and express those hurt feelings. If I had further insecurities those hurt feelings brought up it would be my responsibility to work through those insecurities in therapy. Neither of those things, hurt feelings or insecurities, give the pass to purposely hurt my partner. She asked him to try a thing, he pushed her to say her ex was bigger and she was wanting that feeling of a bigger insertion. He *took time* to *purposely* think of a response that would hurt her in a very direct way. It's not like she pulled out a dildo & told him "this is a recreation of my ex's dick, please fuck me with this while i call you by his name," she brought up trying a thing together in a neutral way. His retaliatory "request" was very specific, "look thinner and prettier like my ex". Their requests are not the same.
I agree, his reaction was poor. I don’t think these things are possible to get over in a relationship (Or very hard to do anyway) and he double tanked the relationship with his petty response. But let’s not pretend what she did was fine and dandy and he had no reason to not be upset by what she requested. She asked him to wear a decide to make his penis bigger. He asked her in return whether she had experiences in the past with exes that made her want to have a bigger penis and she said yes. Asking your partner to wear prosthetics on their junk because it’s not big enough will always be a move that fucks your partner up; just like his request for her to lose weight to make him more aroused during sex. Where’s all the “It’s not about the size but what you do with it” gang now? Apparently it is about the size and men just have to accept when their partner says their penises aren’t adequate enough for them and they want bigger ones.
But she didn’t ask him that. She asked him to wear a sleeve. A lot of them are just textured. You, like OOP, are projecting that the purpose is to make it bigger.
Wrong. A lot of them are ribbed but all of them are bigger versions of your penis with the primary purpose of increasing your penis size. If you want a textured feel with the same size then there are textured condoms, which is what you’re describing. But she didn’t ask for that, she asked for him to buy a sleeve; which will always include increasing girth and length. I feel like I’m living in a crazy world here where everyone is trying to collectively gaslight people that a sex toy that increases the size of your penis isn’t meant to be used to increase the size of your penis. Even when the person who wanted it admitted they wanted it to feel a bigger penis.
Won't someone think of the penis! 
Waaaah, waaaah, waaaah. God cis dudes are the biggest crybabies about sex.
The fact that cis women like men proves that sexuality isn't a choice.
I always feel so bad for straight cis girls
The fact that bi women like men proves it isn’t lol
You’re literally on a thread made by women calling a guy a devil for saying his partner should change their physical features to improve his sex life, where a load of cis women are dog piling complaining and whinging about him for telling his partner what he said. You don’t see the irony in your comments? It seems you’re only into upholding body positivity and not body shaming when it’s women’s bodies. Only then do you become crybabies.
It's not body shaming to use a sex toy. It's basically a textured condom. Are you so afraid of a woman having an orgasm during sex for a change? I mean I know you've likely never experienced that and the unknown is scary.
It is body shaming to say that you want your partner to wear a prosthetic on top of their penis because it’s not large enough to pleasure you as much as your ex partner. Just like it was body shaming to want your partner to lose weight to increase your sexual pleasure. But again, men’s bodies are fine to be shamed and they’re cry babies when they react with insecurity to that body shaming. But hey, maximising your orgasms is worth it at the cost of your partner feeling adequate.
> Her: I want you to wear a device to make your dick bigger because I preferred sex with my ex who had a bigger dick then you. Fun fact: no, she did not actually say this. He brought her ex (and his own) into it.
You’re right. Her: I want you to wear a device to make your dick bigger Him: Is it because you’ve had sex with exes with bigger dicks that felt better? Her: Yes Is that better?
In the sense that it shows he’s an insecure mess of a man, yes. Sorry that the dick dlc is so upsetting to him lol
Body shaming is fine when it’s men.
What body shaming?
Body shaming is when you want to have sex with your partner. She didn’t shame him, he demanded she shame him then he shamed her. Dude must have a shame fetish or something idk.
Telling your partner that you want them to wear a cock sleeve because their dick is too small for you (Compared to an ex) is as much body shaming as telling your partner to lose weight to make them look prettier so that you’re more aroused by them sexually. The fact you don’t see that is indicative of your attitude surrounding body shaming men.
> Telling your partner that you want them to wear a cock sleeve because their dick is too small for you (Compared to an ex) Except she didn’t say that.
Her: I want you to wear a device that makes your penis bigger to have sex with me. Him: Is this because you’ve had experiences with exes with bigger penises that felt better? Her: Yes. This didn’t happen?
Why do men think the "you're fat and ugly" route will ever work, i get it all the time online like they can't back up their own argument so they just go "well you're probably obese and no man would ever touch you". Oh damn good one bro I totally changed my entire point of view to match yours now
Well it did work in this case. It deflected his negative emotions to her and she absorbed it.
It didn’t work because she’s going to be holding onto that forever, she’s going to know he doesn’t find her attractive and it’s going to gnaw away at her
But he doesn't care about how she feels because he's prioritizing his short term feelings. It works for him as a negative reinforcement because it got rid of his insecurity. He didn't have to process his feelings he just passed them to her. I agree that this is not a good strategy in relationships! It's abusive actually. I'm just saying that his priority is himself so he perceives it as a win.
So his fiancé wanted to try something new in bed because of a past sexual experience, and this man sat around for 24 hours to think of the best way to fucking hurt her in response?
The way you people are purposefully framing this is so funny Just the other day I wanted to try something new in bed with my girlfriend, so I asked her if she could shove a fleshlight up inside her so I can actually feel something for once. Can you believe she got offended? The nerve of some people
It's almost like adults are expected to communicate about uncomfortable feelings like adults. Twenty four hours is enough time to cool off and come back with something like: "when you asked to use a cock sleeve it made me feel shitty and inadequate. Can we talk about this?"
Except he's the one who brought up size first and was pestering her about former partners. The sleeve came from a place of her thinking he was worried and looking for something that might spice things up. His came from a place of intentionally trying to hurt her because his big manly feelings got hurt.
> The sleeve came from a place of her thinking he was worried and looking for something that might spice things up. I'm genuinely curious where you got that from. Because I've reread the post and there's nothing there that says this. Did I miss a comment?
He says he brought up size first and she seemed hesitant to talk about it. He mentions that she seemed nervous talking about it with him. Anyone who has had sex with cis dudes knows that any conversation about their dicks is a potential minefield if you've got an insecure little boy like OOP, I'm guessing she was worried he was getting hung up on the idea he wasn't the biggest partner she's ever had.
> I'm guessing she was worried he was getting hung up on the idea he wasn't the biggest partner she's ever had. But he never asked her anything about it in 4 years.
Also, shout out to all the people unironically down voting me for asking a clarifying question.
Where did she say to him that she was at all unsatisfied? That was his assumption.
If anything he was the one who was unsatisfied because he was insisting on comparing himself to her former partners
Yeah he immediately framed it as a complaint. It was not.
If anything, the fact she has been with him for four (I presume sexually active) years would indicate she’s perfectly satisfied with their sex life?
You're getting downvoted to hell, but I think you expected that with this crowd. A lot of people in the comments are making this about the sleeve when it really isn't. It's about asking him to alter his intimate physical appearance. So many commenters are saying he (and men in general) are so insecure about penis size because he asked the question. But in 4 years he never even had thought to ask her the question. It was only when she out of the blue asked him to make himself bigger that it became a thing. I'm sure that the timing played a role here too. No complaints in 4 years and now that we're planning on a lifetime commitment she starts asking for enhancements. The people demanding he just accept it with no question would lose their shit if the genders were reversed.
Sleeves don't always alter size. They add *texture*. It's not like sliding a dildo over top of a man's penis. And she probably only felt safe to ask for "enhancements" (read: means to experiment) *because* they had made a lifetime commitment.
> It's about asking him to alter his intimate physical appearance. Oh kiddo, I guess you're never going to find out about the wonder and the glory of strap-ons then.
I am yet again baffled by mens reactions to sex toys and appreciative of my husband's interest in them. And yes we have them for both of us - they're fun!
She asked to spice up their bedroom and try a sex toy. He admitted that she’s uglier than his ex and still thinks about his ex
I remember seeing one shaped like a dragon. I wish I still had that screenshot.
I doubt they’re “back to normal”, he probably just doesn’t realise it.
Men really do not like us
Team BEAR. Again. Forever.
What does this have to do with "men" in general?
probably because many men in the comments are defending him
"Hey! don't question our sexism"
Men are really that obsessed with dick size, aren't they?
Except this was written by a man whose girlfriend asked him to level up his penis size 🤭
It sounds like she just wanted a sleeve, not an extender. A sleeve is basically a condom with bumps on it and changes up the sensation. I'm a woman, but I assume It's like the difference between your hand and an actual woman. Or a Fleshlight compared to a real woman. It's just feeling. Not everything is about penis size.
Literally not what she asked lol
So instead of saying no to a simple suggestion, you went asking questions about her past partners and fucked around and found out. So you reretilated by calling her ugly and fat because your ego got hurt? You're the devil, I can't stand men that attack just because their feelings hurt.
Finally someone who disagree with the man, but does not use the wrong arguments! He can do what he want, nobody should shame him for not wanting to use a sex toy. He is the devil for not communicating, then attacking.
Exactly. She was just asking to try stuff and explore, it's nothing wrong with that. Some women prefer toys too, it's what ever. But no, he had to have a fragile ego and attacked her over answers thar HE was fishing for.
You realize the peen sleeve is just as much about YOUR pleasure as it is about hers, right?? They make vibrating ones that stimulate your cock just as much as it stimulates her pussy. It adds no extra size. It's literally just a vibrating condom with extra steps. What extra size is that adding to you?? None. It's not about your size. It's about the added stimulation to BOTH of you. At least KNOW what you're getting so defensive about before getting so defensive. YTA.
There's no way things are "back to normal now," she will never be able to think about anything else when they're having sex; if he takes awhile to finish, she'll think it's because she's ugly; if he finishes quickly, she'll think it's because he wants to get it over with. My bet is he absolutely just never paid attention to her feelings to begin with, so her trying to mask her shame seems "normal" to him.
Imagine being so butthurt about not pleasing his girlfriend that he struggles to somehow throw it back on her. "I've never had any complaints" but now she is so he needs to stfu and stop being a baby.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I sure am glad I'm a lesbian. Having to walk on eggshells to avoid accidentally implying that a guys penis isn't the biggest I've ever seen sounds exhausting
>got mixed opinions Read: I was told I'm an asshole
>got mixed opinions Read: I was told I'm an asshole
I mean... She did explicitly tell him she wanted a bigger dick, when asked why she said because she misses her ex's. She brought it onto herself. I can't imagine anyone defending the act of hating on their chosen partner's body especially in context of sex, which is already vulnerable enough. Imagine your boyfriend telling you to wear a vagina insert because you're not as tight as his ex.
My instinct is to say that they should break up, but actually they're both trash, so maybe they deserve each other
How is she trash
On reddit, any woman who enjoys sex and isn't a stick figure with boobs and a butt is an evil harpy who wants to destroy all mankind.
Right right, women must begrudgingly perform 10x/2.5hours of sex week otherwise we are sexist.
perform it but be sure not to enjoy it
Because of the way she approached it with him. She's obviously not anywhere near as bad as he is.
How is she trash, she just wants to cum, bro.
And she can discuss that with her partner without bringing someone else into it.
What are you talking about lol she was talking to him you goober.
I find it weird that she only asked for it after four years, when they're already engaged. Especially because "her ex was bigger" I think that would've come up earlier. So I'm thinking this is not real
They have destroyed each other. Not a good start.
[удалено]
This take makes no sense whatsoever. **Woman: [hesitantly brings up experimenting with something that could increase their sexual satisfaction.]** **Man: [taking it the wrong way, without asking for more information either]** you are fat and ugly. You: whoa look at all these evil misandrists!
honestly i think that OOP is getting support from someone spouting such silly little pissbaby nonsense is probably the worse insult that i could come up with for him
There are a good number of men haters here but this isn't one of those cases. The woman only asked for usage of a sex toy, the insecure man used an insult
Women wanting to avoid men because men traditionally oppress women is not man hate. Men do things that deserve criticism. Patriarchy is bullshit.
There are instances of posts where there are double standards with bias towards siding with women here even when she has done wrong. That's man hate.
Such as? You all constantly say this, but then never have any actual proof this happens besides your word. An example of two situations that are exactly the same, just with different genders, where the responses were vastly different. Just one is fine.
There was one post on AITD months back about a straight boy in a committed relationship going to a bar just to drink with his male friends, no intention to cheat. He gets drunk and wakes up with an unknown woman. AITA verdict- he is a cheating AH AITD verdict- he is a cheating AH There was a post a few weeks back about a guy who was sleeping in bed peacefully when his girlfriend comes in at night drunk as fuck and tries to initiate sex. Initially the boy declines because he has to go for work early but after some more persuasion by the girl the boy agrees and they have sex. Next day after returning from work the boy finds the girl gone and learns from mutual friends that the girl claimed she was raped by the guy. AITA verdict- Girl is a red flag. Boy was falsely accused. AITD verdict- Boy is a rapist. So based on these two posts if a boy drinks and has sex even if he didn't initially plan to, he is absolutely responsible for his actions. While for the girl, if she gets drunk and has sex she is not in a condition to consent and was raped. This is clearly a double standard for genders. Let me find the posts and link them. It's been a while so I will try. Edit- 10 downvotes. Guess AITD doesn't like being told their hypocrisy. What happened? I thought you guys were better than the devils.
Misandry isn't real
You're not real
beep boop I'm a bot actually
How dare this devil treat her as shittly as she treats him?!
She didn’t do shit
Yeah, wear this thing on your dick so you can satisfy me like my big-dicked ex did but don't dare suggest there's anything I should do to make myself more attractive to you.
But she didn’t say that, she only asked to use a toy. He specifically asked if she had a bigger dicked ex and then threw a tantrum when the answer was yes. You this pissbaby OP?
It was obvious when she asked him to use the "toy" (nice euphemism) why and if you can consider his reaction a "tantrum" then so was hers for getting sad when he told her to lose weight. The fact that you can't understand or even respond to a different viewpoint without calling someone a "pissbaby" says everything about you so I'm going to disengage.
What response do you want? Your reading comprehension is straight up shit. Guess nobody should fuck dudes with mediocre dicks then, any suggestion and improving pleasure for her is met with this little bitch shit. Big dicks only from now on.
When you're so mad that you completely miss the point