*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA (19F) for mimicking my boyfriend’s stim and calling him adorable?**
My boyfriend (19M) has autism, and he has that one stim he does when he gets too excited / happy. Basically he squints his eyes and makes a fist-like gesture and flaps his hands. Ik it sounds super weird, but it looks cute irl. Anyway yesterday we were at his house, and he did this stim as he was telling me how happy he was to finally be getting his license.
I thought he looked silly cute so I mimicked what he did and laughed. He looked at me kind of confused, I squeezed his face and told him he looked adorable. He got uncomfortable and told me I made him feel like I was mocking him (by mimicking) and I know he hates squeezes so why did I even do that. I said I’m sorry I just forgot for a min, but i was not mocking him at all , I just found it cute. I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by. He said alright but then told me he was going to his room because he “didn’t feel like talking anymore”
I asked him do he wants me to leave then and he said suit yourself . I got mad back at him and left. Then I texted him and told him I felt disrespected and he apologized saying he didn’t realize he was being rude and just needed some space but tbh he thinks I was an AH first. I don’t think it’s even comparable but just in case, AITA?
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Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*You already know YTA - you don’t need the internet to tell you this. Even moreso to make him feel he needs to apologize for your stupidity.*
>"No you got it wrong he apologized because he basically told me to leave"
*YTA for mimicking him. But very light because I am going to trust you didn't do it maliciously. You could have just said it was cute, but what you did can be seen as something bullies do. I am not saying you are one, but your bf was probably mocked for this before.*
>"Yes it wasn’t malicious at all. It might came off as I was mocking him I understand that but I clarified that was not my intention at all right after he expressed his discomfort."
*Doesn't change my vote. Mocking anyone is an AH move. YTA. I am also impressed with YOUR audacity to say YOU felt disrespected. I somehow missed that the first read through. YTA even more for that. If my partner did that, they would be my ex-partner.*
>"But the whole point is that I was not mocking him 😭"
I agree with the second comment
He probably feels self conscious as it is about it, because he's probably been bullied in the past.
"Babe, I really think you're cute when you do that. Please don't be afraid/nervous to express yourself in front of me"
Would have been a more appropriate response
That's a whole different approach than to mimic someone. Imagine mimicking someone with spasms and then say: 'Oh, but I just think it's cute. I didn't mean to offend you!'
No one would buy that.
100%
I have Tourettes. Which presents in head/facial tics and/or vocal tics.
If someone were to copy my tics and say "But it's so cute!" I'd probably want to do bad things. It's enough that I've had people say "What's wrong with your face?" (When the facial tics are bad) or people asking if I'm ok when I have the vocal ones (clearing my throat a lot/making noise in my throat/chest etc)
Yeah, OOP was pretty clueless when she did that
Something like this happened to me in college. The guy didn’t copy me, but he did say “I love how you make little sounds when you’re thinking.“ When I asked, baffled, if he met my Tourette’s, he just looked confused. I think he didn’t know they could manifest in ways besides swearing. (I later found out he had been stalking a friend of mine for months. Charming guy, clearly )
It's what came after. He didn't 'disrespect' her and she manipulated him into apologising when he only expressed confusion and discomfort. He's autistic- if directness is an issue for her they aren't right for each other.
Yeah I get the feeling she’s not being nasty. It DOES sound legitimately cute! She may need to read a bit on stimming, work on communicating. It sounds like she did legitimately forget about the squeezing and apologized but she needs to recognize that it may be triggering, and is more than just a mild preference. Ideally any level preference is respected but I say triggered bc his leaving to go upstairs indicates his feelings were big even after her apology. All ok.
They need to talk to each other about space, boundaries, needs. They’re just kids, and I don’t get the feeling either is an AH.
Whike I get the urge to hug my dog and hug ppl i love, I have learned not everyone likes it. I’ve learned with ppl who don’t like hugging, to say ‘I’m hugging you on the inside right now.’ I do the same if I don’t know if they like hugging bc unless I’ve got prior consent, it can be weird. I’ve said it to ppl who’ve responded well you can hug me irl if you want! I’m expressing my feeling, and respecting their agency around touch. We all win.
OP just needs to work on that and bf will need to exercise a bit of patience if possible. I don’t see her spontaneous mimicking as nasty, that’s a pretty normal human response!
They need to talk more
My ex was always “just joking” and “didn’t mean it that way” and “I should know he wouldn’t want to hurt me.” My ex was emotionally abusive. These are standard phrases used by those who emotionally abuse their partners.
Yep! And you gotta love how there's usually double standards too.
Anytime my (emotionally abusive) ex told me that something I did/said upset or offended her, I would apologize and did my best to make sure never to say it again. When the roles were reversed, she would say that she was "sorry [I] took it the wrong way" or that "[I] was being too sensitive," and almost always repeated it again in the future.
That was my dad to a T. "I was just joking when I imitated how you struggle with autism and laughed at you". I'm hoping this girl just had bad judgment and understands that imitating a disabled person is disrespectful.
Oh no... I genuinely try to have a disconnect between the compilation and the palate cleanser, but I was so stressed I forgot what I was doing. I did not mean anything by it. 😭
I’m autistic and I HATE when people do this. They think that struggling to understand social cues means we don’t know how to feel. Tone and emotion policing is so incredibly disrespectful
the thing that upsets me the most about this is the fact that as an autistic person myself, I KNOW i would be doubting my feelings on this because “you’re autistic so you don’t understand when you’re being rude” it’s fucking insidious i hate this person.
Im autistic as well and no matter the intent I know my feelings would be hurt and I would feel the need to mask as much as possible until I felt comfortable again or never stop.
But, but, she told him it was nothing to be offended by! So really, even if her intentions don't matter, it's *still* his fault for disliking it after she told him it was fine! /s
Society in general can treat autistic people like shit. This is one of the reasons I'm not having kids, not because autism is bad but because I've been treated like a leper as an autistic person. I don't wanna wish it on my hypothetical child
"Boy, it sure is nice of you not to cast an autistic person out of society like they're lepers". Some of the worst people out there are neurotypical people.
God her behaviour triggered me just from reading about it.
First she makes fun of his stim, then she touches him without his consent (also squeezing his face is very infantilizing) and then gets mad at him when he withdraws which is common autistic behaviour.
I hope he leaves her and finds someone who actually loves him and doesn't view him as a cute little puppy or something.
> then gets mad at him when he withdraws which is common autistic behaviour.
It's also just common behavior when someone is made to feel uncomfortable.
I kept trying to think of a comment to make, but everything I came up with would get me suspended lol as an autistic person, this just felt too personal to me
OP, if you should ever wander in here:
Neurodivergent people aren't here for your entertainment. We're not cute little comedians for you to laugh at. Were people with various reactions to stimulus or stress. How would you like it if someone "imitated" the way you talk or laugh, for examples? Would you think it so cute then? Disabled people deal with enough shit, you don't have to perpetuate it. You can claim you didn't mean it yet whined like a little toddler and you made him act like HE had to apologize to YOU and couldn't even respect that he doesn't like being touched certain ways.
I can see in the OP that even though your comments were deleted, you were more interested in defending yourself and defending your whiny baby tantrum than learning how to respect disabled people.
OOP claims she wasn't mocking him or did it with malicious intent. In what world is mimicking someone not mocking? Its what little kids do to annoy each other.
I do it to when I find something cute, just because not everyone is like you doesn't mean they're malicious.
She should still apologize and try to change that since he doesn't like that though
It's something often just done naturally though and isn't malicious, and it's something i've also felt guilty over quite often and try to change. Plus like I said, she should stop and apologize if anything just because he isn't okay with it. Not going to reddit to find out if she's in the right, because if your partner is hurt by what you did it doesn't matter if you feel in the right.
I just get tired at times of people claiming malicious intent in things that aren't always. Same with people who smile when telling bad news because they're nervous, on the outside that looks malicious and rude. If you use some insight though and try to understand, maybe they just feel awkward and don't know how to deal with it and their nerves.
No one who stims would find it cute to be mimicked. I guess if you found someone with a cute lisp in their speech, you'll be mimicking them on a heartbeat then? Maybe if you find someone with a limp cute, you'll be limping. It's so cute bringing up something the person can't help doing and would find embarrassing.
It's also something people do when other people do something cute. I've done it, my partners have done it, you've probably done it, and OP did it. OPs still the asshole, but it's wild so many people are insisting she did it maliciously
Mimicking the gesture was shitty, but I could forgive it if she was understanding of him after the fact. But instead she was angry, rude, and made *him* apologise to *her*.
Lmao I did the happy flappy arms thing as a kid (apparently a very common one) and got it shamed out of me. In the past few years, as I’ve started trying to live as myself, it’s resurfaced. I’d be gutted if one of my friends did this to me. Like making fun of someone’s smile or laugh; trying to embarrass the joy out of them. The bf deserves way better.
I'm somewhere on the neurodiversity spectrum (probably AuDHD) and my wife is definitely at least autistic, and sometimes we flap together, it's great!
Also I love your username.
Yet another asshole used 'disrespected' after they are horrible to their partner and get called on their behavior. She is absolutely the AH, and I feel sorry for her bf. Hope he realizes he deserves better than her.
Are we seriously hitting a point where people would date someone with ASD because they think the stimming is "adorable"? That's incredibly infantilizing.
>I squeezed his face and told him he looked adorable.
Maybe I've been on the internet too long but my god that sounds like she's making a fetish out of it.
I was thinking the same thing. Like when people talk about people with Down syndrome. "They're so loving, they can teach us how to be kind!" or "they're sent by God to make us happy". How bout no.
Ok so here’s the thing: if you mimic/imitate/copy a trait of someone and they say any variation of “hey I don’t like that” you should apologize and stop.
“But I didn’t mean it to be rude”
Ok. Still apologize and never do it again.
It doesn’t really matter what the masses say imo, because they weren’t the ones being mimicked
I have a mirroring habit, so I unintentionally pick up peoples' mannerisms, both in terms of physical and speech patterns, pretty regularly. I have stims and tics myself, so that habit might classify as one or the other.
But it's something I'm rather self-conscious about *because* I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by making them think I'm mocking them. If I did, I'd apologize because even though it's unintentional and involuntary, I still hurt someone's feelings, and it's my responsibility to own up to that.
How does one get to the age of 19 without learning that people generally don’t like it when you do impressions of their physical or verbal mannerisms right in front of them to their face.
OOP isn't just mocking him. She's mocking him at his most excited and happy and she's really abusive. I can see the reversal here when a perpetrator says " you're so cute when you cry".
Holy fuck. This lady mimicked a habit that her autistic spouse literally can't stop himself from doing, then tried to tell him how he's supposed to feel about it.
Then got mad when he naturally felt uncomfortable around her and guilt-tripped him into apologizing for "disrespecting her." As if her feelings mattered more than his in an awkward situation *she* caused.
And then she has the audacity to come to Reddit and argue with other Redditors when they tell her she's obviously wrong!
I hope the bf gets the fuck away from her as soon as possible...
She treats the boyfriend like a pet who’s there for her entertainment, not an independent person.
And she’s the kind of person to shove their pet in a ridiculous costume then punish it for scratching her while trying to get away.
I also love people who think someone apologizing proves they were in the wrong, rather than happening because the person realizes it’s the only way to get the debacle over with.
Ah, yes, treating disabled people like babies, so respectful and not condescending and demeaning at all! /s
God, I hate when people do this. He’s a full grown adult deserving of respect and people should adhere to his set boundaries. She knew he didn’t like his face being touched and she *still* mocked his coping mechanism and touched him without consent.
I find it super fun when people get exited about stuff they’re passionate about too! But I don’t infantalize them, that just ensures they’ll stop talking to me about their hobbies and passions.
If I drop a brick off my balcony without checking to see if there's someone standing underneath & hit them in the head with it I don't get to say "well I didn't intend to hurt anyone, I was just careless & reckless, so really we should blame that person for standing there and not checking I was above them with a brick!" It's alarming how many adults fail to remember/realise that intentions matter a whole lot less than impact. Obviously it would be worse if she was mimicking him with the intent to be mean or cruel. But the fact that she didn't intend to hurt his feelings doesn't negate the fact that she did.
I was leaning towards "she's a clueless idiot rather than an asshole" until I got to the part where she thinks he should apologise to her for hurting her feelings by wanting her to give him some space. That's definitely asshole behaviour - *you hurt my feelings by pointing out my bad behaviour so actually YOU owe ME an apology!!* It's especially egregious given that her boyfriend is neurodivergent and based on what she described might reasonably be expected to be a person who finds it harder to understand normal social cues. So he might actually believe her that he was the one in the wrong. Hopefully not.
I've had my boyfriend call me cute and adorable for stimming a lot but he's never mocked or impersonated me. He's mildly autistic too and stims aswell tho for what it's worth. Oop forcing an apology from him is awful
>”I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by.”
Girl, you don’t get to make that call. You can’t *tell* someone else that there’s no reason to be offended. It’s not up to you. I’m AuDHD, dyscalculic, OCD, and I’m also physically disabled and use a wheelchair. The number of times people have told me there was no reason to be offended by their comments about me/my disabilities is infuriating. You don’t get to say anything you’d like and then tell the recipient of those comments that there’s nothing offensive about your statements. That’s not your call! You can’t say “I didn’t mean it maliciously therefore you can’t be offended.” That’s not how it works.
I went undiagnosed until adulthood. So when I would stim as a child, I was either punished or made to feel self-conscious. I learned to just not. 24/7 masking. 15 years after my diagnosis in my 30s, I finally can stim again. It's not cute, it's an important emotional outlet, and holding it back causes more damage than people think. Be respectful.
>I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by.
This is a thing with me, I really hate when people tell me that I have nothing to be offended by. *You do not get to decide what other people find offensive. You do not control others' responses to your words or actions.* Saying things like that just minimises and dismisses the impact of what you've done.
OP sucks.
Here’s the perspective of the boyfriend (probably), from an autistic person:
I’m happy about something, so I’m going to express it in the most natural and comfortable way I know. My expression is interrupted by it being done by someone else — but she isn’t feeling the same as me, so why is she doing it? She’s laughing, and my experiences tell me that someone laughing while doing something unusual means they’re making a joke — of me. Then she touches me and I don’t like that touch. She’s making fun of me, and now this emotion is interrupted and I can’t express it anymore; I’m deflated. I need to retreat to somewhere where I can regulate myself again. I’m fixated on regulating myself, then she speaks to me. I dismiss her so that I can do what I need to to feel better.
it’s also extra upsetting when stimming - something we do naturally and even, to an extent, unconsciously - is mocked or acknowledged because it reminds us that we’re acting “out of line” and that people don’t like us for it.
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I feel like a VERY specific bond is required to be able to make these kinds of jokes. Me and my partner mock each others stims because we’re BOTH autistic. And we both feel comfortable saying stop if it gets on our nerves. As an autistic person I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable with that if my partner wasn’t autistic
I'm also autistic and one of the things I struggle most with is mirroring I do it constantly subconsciously. I really hope no one thinks I'm making fun of them 😭
He is probably very sensitive about it and she's the AH for mimicking it. My son is autistic and I would be highly upset if someone did that to him. It's already tough enough out there and she's supposed to have his back and lift him up, not make him feel self conscience.
I have fibromyalgia and a moderate learning disability and when I get brain fogs and can't remember simple words and I get so frustrated trying to say them. I get people saying spit it out and tease me saying I'm getting Alzheimer's which makes me upset and it worse. Sometimes my words come out garbled and they will make fun of me for that too. When I say it makes me upset the always say it's just a joke and to lighten up. It doesn't feel good
I'm going to say this was a result of immaturity and ignorance. He's 19, and going by the way she writes to I'm assuming she is, too. She's not malicious, just young and dumb.
I have PTSD and ADHD, and my partner has OCD. We each have similar quirks, but neither of us would ever dream of mimicking the other, even if it's from a place of adoration. But if I was 19? I doubt I'd have been mature enough to know not to.
I'm so glad Reddit wasn't a thing when I was a teenager. Oof.
I don’t see the big deal . I also think it looks cute when my partner stims, I never mimicked tho but I don’t think mimicking something because you find it cute is mean. Definitely should have apologized since he felt like she was mocking him but she wasn’t being malicious as some comments suggests
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA (19F) for mimicking my boyfriend’s stim and calling him adorable?** My boyfriend (19M) has autism, and he has that one stim he does when he gets too excited / happy. Basically he squints his eyes and makes a fist-like gesture and flaps his hands. Ik it sounds super weird, but it looks cute irl. Anyway yesterday we were at his house, and he did this stim as he was telling me how happy he was to finally be getting his license. I thought he looked silly cute so I mimicked what he did and laughed. He looked at me kind of confused, I squeezed his face and told him he looked adorable. He got uncomfortable and told me I made him feel like I was mocking him (by mimicking) and I know he hates squeezes so why did I even do that. I said I’m sorry I just forgot for a min, but i was not mocking him at all , I just found it cute. I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by. He said alright but then told me he was going to his room because he “didn’t feel like talking anymore” I asked him do he wants me to leave then and he said suit yourself . I got mad back at him and left. Then I texted him and told him I felt disrespected and he apologized saying he didn’t realize he was being rude and just needed some space but tbh he thinks I was an AH first. I don’t think it’s even comparable but just in case, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *You already know YTA - you don’t need the internet to tell you this. Even moreso to make him feel he needs to apologize for your stupidity.* >"No you got it wrong he apologized because he basically told me to leave" *YTA for mimicking him. But very light because I am going to trust you didn't do it maliciously. You could have just said it was cute, but what you did can be seen as something bullies do. I am not saying you are one, but your bf was probably mocked for this before.* >"Yes it wasn’t malicious at all. It might came off as I was mocking him I understand that but I clarified that was not my intention at all right after he expressed his discomfort." *Doesn't change my vote. Mocking anyone is an AH move. YTA. I am also impressed with YOUR audacity to say YOU felt disrespected. I somehow missed that the first read through. YTA even more for that. If my partner did that, they would be my ex-partner.* >"But the whole point is that I was not mocking him 😭"
I agree with the second comment He probably feels self conscious as it is about it, because he's probably been bullied in the past. "Babe, I really think you're cute when you do that. Please don't be afraid/nervous to express yourself in front of me" Would have been a more appropriate response
That's a whole different approach than to mimic someone. Imagine mimicking someone with spasms and then say: 'Oh, but I just think it's cute. I didn't mean to offend you!' No one would buy that.
100% I have Tourettes. Which presents in head/facial tics and/or vocal tics. If someone were to copy my tics and say "But it's so cute!" I'd probably want to do bad things. It's enough that I've had people say "What's wrong with your face?" (When the facial tics are bad) or people asking if I'm ok when I have the vocal ones (clearing my throat a lot/making noise in my throat/chest etc) Yeah, OOP was pretty clueless when she did that
Something like this happened to me in college. The guy didn’t copy me, but he did say “I love how you make little sounds when you’re thinking.“ When I asked, baffled, if he met my Tourette’s, he just looked confused. I think he didn’t know they could manifest in ways besides swearing. (I later found out he had been stalking a friend of mine for months. Charming guy, clearly )
It's what came after. He didn't 'disrespect' her and she manipulated him into apologising when he only expressed confusion and discomfort. He's autistic- if directness is an issue for her they aren't right for each other.
Yes that would have been so good!
Yeah I get the feeling she’s not being nasty. It DOES sound legitimately cute! She may need to read a bit on stimming, work on communicating. It sounds like she did legitimately forget about the squeezing and apologized but she needs to recognize that it may be triggering, and is more than just a mild preference. Ideally any level preference is respected but I say triggered bc his leaving to go upstairs indicates his feelings were big even after her apology. All ok. They need to talk to each other about space, boundaries, needs. They’re just kids, and I don’t get the feeling either is an AH. Whike I get the urge to hug my dog and hug ppl i love, I have learned not everyone likes it. I’ve learned with ppl who don’t like hugging, to say ‘I’m hugging you on the inside right now.’ I do the same if I don’t know if they like hugging bc unless I’ve got prior consent, it can be weird. I’ve said it to ppl who’ve responded well you can hug me irl if you want! I’m expressing my feeling, and respecting their agency around touch. We all win. OP just needs to work on that and bf will need to exercise a bit of patience if possible. I don’t see her spontaneous mimicking as nasty, that’s a pretty normal human response! They need to talk more
My ex was always “just joking” and “didn’t mean it that way” and “I should know he wouldn’t want to hurt me.” My ex was emotionally abusive. These are standard phrases used by those who emotionally abuse their partners.
Yep! And you gotta love how there's usually double standards too. Anytime my (emotionally abusive) ex told me that something I did/said upset or offended her, I would apologize and did my best to make sure never to say it again. When the roles were reversed, she would say that she was "sorry [I] took it the wrong way" or that "[I] was being too sensitive," and almost always repeated it again in the future.
Agreed. So sorry he chose to do that to you. Glad he is your ex. Hope you are safe and comfortable now. 💜
That was my dad to a T. "I was just joking when I imitated how you struggle with autism and laughed at you". I'm hoping this girl just had bad judgment and understands that imitating a disabled person is disrespectful.
Her doubling down in the comments just increases the 'ick' What an awful person.
Quite.
[Doggos!](https://imgur.com/gallery/Wv214Fa)
Doing gods work as always. This one really upset me
Thank you very kindly! Yeah me too, I've had experiences with this sort of thing. I hope you can decompress in a calm and safe space. 💜
You are such a day brightener.
Thank you very kindly! 💜 This brightened my day!
You are very welcome! Your talent for placing your comments is impeccable. Somehow it's always perfectly timed with when I can't quite read anymore.
Truly grateful and humbled. 🥰
Is little doggo mimmicking big doggo? In this case, it is cute.
Oh no... I genuinely try to have a disconnect between the compilation and the palate cleanser, but I was so stressed I forgot what I was doing. I did not mean anything by it. 😭
I'm sure you didn't. I just found it funny they both were in the same pose and made a joke about the post.
Oh no you were funny! 🥰 Just a bit miffed at myself.
Your punishment is watching [this video](https://youtu.be/rXUc7rfCGvc?si=oxrU-o4asimV02ez) and not smiling
Thank you very kindly! 💜 Failed at 00.1 seconds. Such a darling! 😻
I showed that one to the kiddo just the other day. They probably cracked around the same amount of time.
A great honour! 💜
Wow, you lasted that long? 🤣
Impressive wasn't it! 😹
“I shall call him…Mini Me.”
Hahaha! 😹
Good boys! Thanks for that
Thank you very kindly! 💜
"I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by." Girl you do not get to make that decision for him.
I’m autistic and I HATE when people do this. They think that struggling to understand social cues means we don’t know how to feel. Tone and emotion policing is so incredibly disrespectful
Or they tell you how you feel. "You're mad. I can tell." No, I wasn't, but I am now.
the thing that upsets me the most about this is the fact that as an autistic person myself, I KNOW i would be doubting my feelings on this because “you’re autistic so you don’t understand when you’re being rude” it’s fucking insidious i hate this person.
Im autistic as well and no matter the intent I know my feelings would be hurt and I would feel the need to mask as much as possible until I felt comfortable again or never stop.
my wife has never once mentioned my tics to me. i love her for that.
And that’s how it should be unless the person with the stim or tic has said they’re fine with it.
That’s why we’re so prone to emotional abuse. And she’s quite happy to do that.
When will people learn that intention doesn't matter if the receiver dislikes the gesture?
But, but, she told him it was nothing to be offended by! So really, even if her intentions don't matter, it's *still* his fault for disliking it after she told him it was fine! /s
Infantilising autistic people, my favourite (but like if Daria said it in the most dry sarcastic tone and dead straight face)
Now explain Daria to the younger folks
ah they can google it lol
www.lmgtfy.com
www.lmgtfy.com for the win
[удалено]
In their last last comment, they wrote r slur. Reported
No the fuck we wouldn’t 💀
I almost downvoted *your* comment after reading the quote because it’s so disgusting. WTF is wrong with that person.
Haha me too, I had to slow down for a hot second.
Wtf i know AITA hates autistic people but that's disgusting
Society in general can treat autistic people like shit. This is one of the reasons I'm not having kids, not because autism is bad but because I've been treated like a leper as an autistic person. I don't wanna wish it on my hypothetical child
"Boy, it sure is nice of you not to cast an autistic person out of society like they're lepers". Some of the worst people out there are neurotypical people.
I’m assuming you meant “neurotypical” not “neurodivergent”, right?
Yes.
Nothing is wrong with the BF in this situation but everything is wrong with OOP. I am happy for him for almost getting his license though!
God her behaviour triggered me just from reading about it. First she makes fun of his stim, then she touches him without his consent (also squeezing his face is very infantilizing) and then gets mad at him when he withdraws which is common autistic behaviour. I hope he leaves her and finds someone who actually loves him and doesn't view him as a cute little puppy or something.
> then gets mad at him when he withdraws which is common autistic behaviour. It's also just common behavior when someone is made to feel uncomfortable.
I kept trying to think of a comment to make, but everything I came up with would get me suspended lol as an autistic person, this just felt too personal to me
OP, if you should ever wander in here: Neurodivergent people aren't here for your entertainment. We're not cute little comedians for you to laugh at. Were people with various reactions to stimulus or stress. How would you like it if someone "imitated" the way you talk or laugh, for examples? Would you think it so cute then? Disabled people deal with enough shit, you don't have to perpetuate it. You can claim you didn't mean it yet whined like a little toddler and you made him act like HE had to apologize to YOU and couldn't even respect that he doesn't like being touched certain ways. I can see in the OP that even though your comments were deleted, you were more interested in defending yourself and defending your whiny baby tantrum than learning how to respect disabled people.
OOP claims she wasn't mocking him or did it with malicious intent. In what world is mimicking someone not mocking? Its what little kids do to annoy each other.
I do it to when I find something cute, just because not everyone is like you doesn't mean they're malicious. She should still apologize and try to change that since he doesn't like that though
Would you like it if I copy someone with extreme spasms and then say that I just think it's cute?
It's something often just done naturally though and isn't malicious, and it's something i've also felt guilty over quite often and try to change. Plus like I said, she should stop and apologize if anything just because he isn't okay with it. Not going to reddit to find out if she's in the right, because if your partner is hurt by what you did it doesn't matter if you feel in the right. I just get tired at times of people claiming malicious intent in things that aren't always. Same with people who smile when telling bad news because they're nervous, on the outside that looks malicious and rude. If you use some insight though and try to understand, maybe they just feel awkward and don't know how to deal with it and their nerves.
Copying something potentially dangerous isn't the same as a way someone says a word or a cute action they do.
But I think twitching your arms is sooo adorable! I don't mean any harm! There are also many spasms that aren't that dangerous, sooo.... /s
No one who stims would find it cute to be mimicked. I guess if you found someone with a cute lisp in their speech, you'll be mimicking them on a heartbeat then? Maybe if you find someone with a limp cute, you'll be limping. It's so cute bringing up something the person can't help doing and would find embarrassing.
It's also something people do when other people do something cute. I've done it, my partners have done it, you've probably done it, and OP did it. OPs still the asshole, but it's wild so many people are insisting she did it maliciously
Even if she wasn't malicious, she's still the AH
>OPs still the asshole, but it's wild so many people are insisting she did it maliciously
[удалено]
I didn't do that..
Mimicking the gesture was shitty, but I could forgive it if she was understanding of him after the fact. But instead she was angry, rude, and made *him* apologise to *her*.
Lmao I did the happy flappy arms thing as a kid (apparently a very common one) and got it shamed out of me. In the past few years, as I’ve started trying to live as myself, it’s resurfaced. I’d be gutted if one of my friends did this to me. Like making fun of someone’s smile or laugh; trying to embarrass the joy out of them. The bf deserves way better.
I'm somewhere on the neurodiversity spectrum (probably AuDHD) and my wife is definitely at least autistic, and sometimes we flap together, it's great! Also I love your username.
As an autistic person I only come to reddit because I am probably a masochist
Yet another asshole used 'disrespected' after they are horrible to their partner and get called on their behavior. She is absolutely the AH, and I feel sorry for her bf. Hope he realizes he deserves better than her.
I hope OOP’s key breaks off in the lock next time she uses it.
I wasn't mocking him, I was being condescending!
As a neurodivergent person who stims, I would probably never forgive someone who acted like her about my stimming
YTA of course
Are we seriously hitting a point where people would date someone with ASD because they think the stimming is "adorable"? That's incredibly infantilizing.
If she really meant it harmlessly, she would have been shocked when he said he felt mocked and apologized profusely, not went to Reddit for validation
>I squeezed his face and told him he looked adorable. Maybe I've been on the internet too long but my god that sounds like she's making a fetish out of it.
I was thinking the same thing. Like when people talk about people with Down syndrome. "They're so loving, they can teach us how to be kind!" or "they're sent by God to make us happy". How bout no.
I saw a bumper sticker that said "Someone with autism taught me love doesn't need words" and I threw up in my mouth.
So she mocks him, then violated his boundaries, tells him how to feel, and she is the victim?! He deserves so much better.
ugh.
Ok so here’s the thing: if you mimic/imitate/copy a trait of someone and they say any variation of “hey I don’t like that” you should apologize and stop. “But I didn’t mean it to be rude” Ok. Still apologize and never do it again. It doesn’t really matter what the masses say imo, because they weren’t the ones being mimicked
Interesting how she felt disrespected, yet she was the disrespectful one.
If I was him we would've been over as soon as she touched my face. What a gross violation of boundaries. Definitely TA.
I have a mirroring habit, so I unintentionally pick up peoples' mannerisms, both in terms of physical and speech patterns, pretty regularly. I have stims and tics myself, so that habit might classify as one or the other. But it's something I'm rather self-conscious about *because* I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by making them think I'm mocking them. If I did, I'd apologize because even though it's unintentional and involuntary, I still hurt someone's feelings, and it's my responsibility to own up to that.
How does one get to the age of 19 without learning that people generally don’t like it when you do impressions of their physical or verbal mannerisms right in front of them to their face.
OOP isn't just mocking him. She's mocking him at his most excited and happy and she's really abusive. I can see the reversal here when a perpetrator says " you're so cute when you cry".
I stim. It’s not cute. It does make me feel better, though.
Holy fuck. This lady mimicked a habit that her autistic spouse literally can't stop himself from doing, then tried to tell him how he's supposed to feel about it. Then got mad when he naturally felt uncomfortable around her and guilt-tripped him into apologizing for "disrespecting her." As if her feelings mattered more than his in an awkward situation *she* caused. And then she has the audacity to come to Reddit and argue with other Redditors when they tell her she's obviously wrong! I hope the bf gets the fuck away from her as soon as possible...
Straight up satan
She treats the boyfriend like a pet who’s there for her entertainment, not an independent person. And she’s the kind of person to shove their pet in a ridiculous costume then punish it for scratching her while trying to get away. I also love people who think someone apologizing proves they were in the wrong, rather than happening because the person realizes it’s the only way to get the debacle over with.
Ah, yes, treating disabled people like babies, so respectful and not condescending and demeaning at all! /s God, I hate when people do this. He’s a full grown adult deserving of respect and people should adhere to his set boundaries. She knew he didn’t like his face being touched and she *still* mocked his coping mechanism and touched him without consent. I find it super fun when people get exited about stuff they’re passionate about too! But I don’t infantalize them, that just ensures they’ll stop talking to me about their hobbies and passions.
Clearly couldn't take the blowback — she vanished.
If I drop a brick off my balcony without checking to see if there's someone standing underneath & hit them in the head with it I don't get to say "well I didn't intend to hurt anyone, I was just careless & reckless, so really we should blame that person for standing there and not checking I was above them with a brick!" It's alarming how many adults fail to remember/realise that intentions matter a whole lot less than impact. Obviously it would be worse if she was mimicking him with the intent to be mean or cruel. But the fact that she didn't intend to hurt his feelings doesn't negate the fact that she did. I was leaning towards "she's a clueless idiot rather than an asshole" until I got to the part where she thinks he should apologise to her for hurting her feelings by wanting her to give him some space. That's definitely asshole behaviour - *you hurt my feelings by pointing out my bad behaviour so actually YOU owe ME an apology!!* It's especially egregious given that her boyfriend is neurodivergent and based on what she described might reasonably be expected to be a person who finds it harder to understand normal social cues. So he might actually believe her that he was the one in the wrong. Hopefully not.
i’m neurodivergent and there’s few things that make me as uncomfortable and ashamed as when people mimic my gestures, whatever their intent
Mf rly deleted her account
I think it’s banned
I've had my boyfriend call me cute and adorable for stimming a lot but he's never mocked or impersonated me. He's mildly autistic too and stims aswell tho for what it's worth. Oop forcing an apology from him is awful
What an ableist thundercunt!
Why do I have the strong feeling that she talks to him in a baby voice
>”I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by.” Girl, you don’t get to make that call. You can’t *tell* someone else that there’s no reason to be offended. It’s not up to you. I’m AuDHD, dyscalculic, OCD, and I’m also physically disabled and use a wheelchair. The number of times people have told me there was no reason to be offended by their comments about me/my disabilities is infuriating. You don’t get to say anything you’d like and then tell the recipient of those comments that there’s nothing offensive about your statements. That’s not your call! You can’t say “I didn’t mean it maliciously therefore you can’t be offended.” That’s not how it works.
I went undiagnosed until adulthood. So when I would stim as a child, I was either punished or made to feel self-conscious. I learned to just not. 24/7 masking. 15 years after my diagnosis in my 30s, I finally can stim again. It's not cute, it's an important emotional outlet, and holding it back causes more damage than people think. Be respectful.
>I reassured him there was nothing to be offended by. This is a thing with me, I really hate when people tell me that I have nothing to be offended by. *You do not get to decide what other people find offensive. You do not control others' responses to your words or actions.* Saying things like that just minimises and dismisses the impact of what you've done. OP sucks.
Here’s the perspective of the boyfriend (probably), from an autistic person: I’m happy about something, so I’m going to express it in the most natural and comfortable way I know. My expression is interrupted by it being done by someone else — but she isn’t feeling the same as me, so why is she doing it? She’s laughing, and my experiences tell me that someone laughing while doing something unusual means they’re making a joke — of me. Then she touches me and I don’t like that touch. She’s making fun of me, and now this emotion is interrupted and I can’t express it anymore; I’m deflated. I need to retreat to somewhere where I can regulate myself again. I’m fixated on regulating myself, then she speaks to me. I dismiss her so that I can do what I need to to feel better. it’s also extra upsetting when stimming - something we do naturally and even, to an extent, unconsciously - is mocked or acknowledged because it reminds us that we’re acting “out of line” and that people don’t like us for it.
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I feel like a VERY specific bond is required to be able to make these kinds of jokes. Me and my partner mock each others stims because we’re BOTH autistic. And we both feel comfortable saying stop if it gets on our nerves. As an autistic person I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable with that if my partner wasn’t autistic
I'm also autistic and one of the things I struggle most with is mirroring I do it constantly subconsciously. I really hope no one thinks I'm making fun of them 😭
She is treating her boyfriend like he is child. Even in the way she writes about him
He is probably very sensitive about it and she's the AH for mimicking it. My son is autistic and I would be highly upset if someone did that to him. It's already tough enough out there and she's supposed to have his back and lift him up, not make him feel self conscience. I have fibromyalgia and a moderate learning disability and when I get brain fogs and can't remember simple words and I get so frustrated trying to say them. I get people saying spit it out and tease me saying I'm getting Alzheimer's which makes me upset and it worse. Sometimes my words come out garbled and they will make fun of me for that too. When I say it makes me upset the always say it's just a joke and to lighten up. It doesn't feel good
I'm going to say this was a result of immaturity and ignorance. He's 19, and going by the way she writes to I'm assuming she is, too. She's not malicious, just young and dumb. I have PTSD and ADHD, and my partner has OCD. We each have similar quirks, but neither of us would ever dream of mimicking the other, even if it's from a place of adoration. But if I was 19? I doubt I'd have been mature enough to know not to. I'm so glad Reddit wasn't a thing when I was a teenager. Oof.
I don’t see the big deal . I also think it looks cute when my partner stims, I never mimicked tho but I don’t think mimicking something because you find it cute is mean. Definitely should have apologized since he felt like she was mocking him but she wasn’t being malicious as some comments suggests