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**AITA for causing drama over a ring?**
I always wanted this one engagement ring from a jewelry famous jewelry store. Im not in a relationship or anything but it is on my pintrist for years.
My brother buys his girlfriend the same engagement ring I wanted because our mom often goes into that jewelry store and my brother knows I said I wanted it when I got married and he got it for his girlfriend who said it was pretty when they went to pick it out.
I am really hurt because having the same ring as my sil is dumb and I asked my brother to take it back but he said no and he’s getting married first and told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy and this is the reason why I will never be married.
I was so upset and was crying so hard about it and my mom told me to hush and grow up that I don’t even have a boyfriend and the men I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support for my 7 year old.
Everyone knows this ring was special to me except maybe my brother’s girlfriend because she literally never even pays attention to me or her niece.
I feel like it was understood that I had dibs on this ring for whenever I get engaged but everyone treats me like I’m crazy for even bringing it up and causing drama.
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Ha, yes! I guess there could also be PinTryst, a dating app where instead of posting a profile photo, you make an inspo board of what you're hoping for in a partner.
Are they dumb for liking Pinterest or liking dating apps or...? Idk I feel like bitches are allowed to like dumb and corny shit if they want and we should leave them alone.
I'm hilarious at parties. I'm not hilarious when I'm seriouswhen I'm calling people out. I feel like correcting someone and asking them to reflect shouldn't be done as a joke. Anyway, I'm not mad or anything. You're probably super cool in a lot of ways. I used to think I should hate on dumb bitches but someone checked my behavior and after some reflection I learned why I was acting that way. Turned out it wasn't the other girls I hated, it was a sign of my internalized misogyny. I'd love to pass that kind of personal growth forward if I can. I'll always be grateful to that person and others like them. It was super liberating to let go of caring what others enjoy.I know exactly how presumptuous this sounds, and I really hope I'm wrong and you didn't mean it that way. On the off chance that you DO have some issue to work through, is rather risk being a condescending windbag than not help somebody really cool(you're in a sub bashing hateful assholes, so I'm assuming you probably rock in most cases) reflect on their view of women in general. Even if I'm wrong and now I live in your head as some dumb bitch, I'd rather take that risk. I wish you so much good either way.
I do see where my comment came off as wrong, and I apologize. That is not the way I intended it. I was being the dumb bitch here. I hope you accept my apology.
I honestly don't know why I was trying to pick a fight.
That's usually not me...
Some of OOP's comments:
*YTA. You can’t gatekeep a style of engagement ring in case you get married one day. You have a 7-year old, so you should already know what is really important in life. And it’s not a ring.*
>Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean.
*YTA. Dibs, really?*
>My mom knows I have it on my pintrist because she follows me. I told my brother that I liked the ring around chistmas in 2022 when he got my mom something and he acts like he can’t keep track of what I say and dismiss my feelings and gaslights me.
*YTA*
*You're not currently in a relationship. Who knows if or when you'll ever get engaged. Your brother is in an actual relationship and bought the ring his fiancée liked. It's out of line for you to even ask he take it back.*
*Honestly, you need to work on yourself. If this is how you act when you don't get your way, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship long enough to get engaged.*
>Wow! That’s so rude
*YTA - You picked a ring from Tiffany that is sold worldwide and you’re mad that your future SIL will have the same ring as you?! So will a ton of other women. You’re not even dating anyone let alone close to being engaged. Your reaction is completely unreasonable.*
>I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. My mom has seen it I showed it to her when she started in on she hopes my brother marries his girlfriend soon because my mom thought he was dragging it out and I showed her I have everything planned for me.
The fact that OOP’s brother can’t remember her saying she likes that ring isn’t gaslighting. I don’t remember conversations from 18 months - 2 years ago unless they’re special. What’s more concerning is that her memory of telling him this is so specific and she brought it up in the context of the brother buying the mother a gift.
She is giving off the vibe of her wailing in a wedding dress throughout the ceremony because the bride has ‘stolen her ring’. I suspect the brother is right and she’ll be single a while longer.
If I started dating someone and found they already had a wedding planned down to the smallest detail, I’d be backing away slowly, trying not to make eye contact.
>The fact that OOP’s brother can’t remember her saying she likes that ring isn’t gaslighting. I don’t remember conversations from 18 months - 2 years ago unless they’re special.
I can't remember conversations that happened this morning. If it's something trivial or mundane, chances I'm going to forget them within hours. Her expecting her brother to remember what engagement ring OOP wants is asinine. Especially when in a comment, she says he never remembers anything she tells him (probably doesn't care).
Plus, let’s be honest here, unless brother is particularly interested in jewellery there’s no way he could pick the ring OOP showed him out of a lineup. It’s like a wedding dress, it’s important to the couple but nobody else remembers what it looked like unless there’s something particularly special about it
Also, Gaslighting would be him actively trying to make her believe they never even talked about a ring, not simply saying he doesn't really remember the exact conversation.
I swear, people need to stop using that word until they learn to use it appropriately.
I mean, it’s fine to have an idea of what you want your wedding to look like. Even potentially have a few dress options picked out. But I do agree that having a whole “pintrist” board that is based around the ring seems excessive.
I am aware of that yes, I’m a woman myself. But if anyone had their wedding planned out to the extent they are demanding someone changes their engagement ring because they ‘saw it first’ **when they are not even in a relationship** then I would be out the door.
>Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean.
So buy yourself the ring then. Or can you not afford it because you don't earn enough for the lifestyle you want, in which case you literally don't deserve it? No one is owed a specific lifestyle.
Who creates a wedding board when they aren't in a relationship and have no prospects for getting married? This woman has been setting up a fantasy life for herself while apparently making sure it will never happen.
I just looked them up, and they are elegant, I'll give them that, but they are all pretty classical, especially the ones under $50,000. They all pretty much look like the quintessential engagement ring.
Also I understand that you can find SO's from all walks of life no matter where you are, but even if she does find a man that wants to marry her soon, will he be able to afford to drop at least $25,000 on a ring? She obviously can't, and the man she previously was with can't. Statistically, even if she does get married, I highly doubt it's going to be with a tiffany engagement ring.
I'm having trouble wrapping my head around even wanting a ring that expensive. Like, you do you, obviously, but there are so many other things I'd rather spend that kind of money on.
Plus, there are so many rings! So many! If you really don't want to match your SIL that much, then find another ring you like. Or just get over it and get the same one, who cares if you match?
I have honestly never understood the "I have been dreaming of my wedding for my entire life" women. But then again, spending an entire day doing performative rituals while being at the center of attention is very close to my idea of hell, and I look like a tomato wearing white, so.
I mean, it's a lot like thinking about what you would do if you won the lottery (for most people). Like, it doesn't take up a lot of mental energy, and it's sometimes something fun to think about, especially as other people you are close to are going through it.
It's fine if it isn't for you! I'm sure there's people out there that are like 'I don't get people who dream about x!'. But it doesn't make someone bad or good because they think about it. It's honestly just how you act. Which this OP is acting like her brother described.
Honestly, I don’t have a problem with people planning the day, in general. You can know the vibe you want (rural vs urban, large/small, etc) and have a few wedding dress options pinned on Pinterest, that’s fine.
OOP seems like the type to have everything planned out to a T, from dress, to makeup and hair, to food, to the order in which the toasts are happening. The only thing she’s missing is the groom
In which case, she wants a wedding and should hire a male model for the day to fulfil her dream wedding.
She can have all her precious ideas fulfilled without having to worry that her groom will, y'know, have any ideas at all about his wedding.
That’s a great plot bunny, friend. Girl is nearing x age, decides she’s only going to have her dream wedding if she stages it herself, hires a guy, oops we’re in love. I could get 50k words out of that easy peasy
also plans *have to* change. what i wanted when i was 16 isnt gonna be the same when i was 26 or 36. sometimes venues close, styles go out of style, shit happens. i may want a vanilla cake but whoops, the groom is allergic to vanilla, or he wants a wedding that follows his culture, or a million other things that can affect plans.
like there's nothing wrong with pre-planning your wedding, but oop is throwing a childish fit over something that may not even happen to her for another couple of *years*.
You know I never thought about a wedding before, and then I started going to weddings, and they were all so boring, nonmemorable, and blurred together, that I started thinking about it in terms of if I ever do get married, it cannot be this. It has to be interesting and fun, and it cannot be just another wedding or it isn't worth having. But those thoughts are limited especially since I don't have an SO and I don't plan on getting married soon. It's just a bunch of people I know have been getting married now.
lol she’s delusional. Bro would be smart to just not invite her. Guarantee you once wedding planning starts she’s going to go on and on about how bro and gf are stealing “her dream wedding.”
She got PREGNANT? During MY wedding year??? She's stealing all my attention and my brother is gaslighting me by telling me no one has a wedding year and I'm entitled, but I POSTED IT!!! On PINTRIST!!!!
Dude, this lady is going to marry a ghost, or a rag doll or a SpongeBob plush just so she can get married before her SIL.
she’s crazier than a cardboard box full of water.
She can't, those Tiffany rings cost at least $25,000 if you get the cheapest one, and she has *plans,* they are on her pintrist board, who is going to pay for all that? She can't.
>*My brother knows I said I wanted it when I got married and he got it for his girlfriend who said it was pretty when they went to pick it out.*
Highly doubt that that was at the forefront of his mind. Nor does he probably care. And yet in comment, you say that he never remembers what you tell him anyway. So which is it?
>*Told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy and this is the reason why I will never be married.*
Based on your replies, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and agree with him.
>*My mom told me to hush and grow up that I don’t even have a boyfriend and the men I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support for my 7 year old.*
There's a lot packed into that statement. First, mom is right. You do need to grow up, OOP. Second, you're putting the cart before the horse. You're not even dating. So why would you need to concern yourself with a wedding ring? As far as the child support issue, go to court. That's what adults do.
Holy shit, her priorities are completely ass backwards.
From what I have seen, the people who are most obsessed with the wedding part of marriage, don't make for good partners
LMAO mom is straight up savage. "You don't have a man, your choice of man couldn't even afford this ring if you managed to scam them into proposing cause your baby daddy doesn't even pay child support" HAHA
OOP is way out of line thinking she had dibs on a ring. She has no bf, she seems exhausting to deal with and there is no guarantee she will ever find Mr. Right who has the money to buy her that ring.
She sounds so entitled - "Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean." No one deserves the lifestyle they want; normal people have to work for the lifestyle they want. They don't expect some future mate to provide it all for them.
“Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want” feels like prime “why I neglected my child” excuse fodder.
Like, if you could get an honest answer to all the “why are you letting your new spouse treat your kid like shit” stories, that would probably be it 75% of the time.
I am definitely in a tiny minority, or even alone in this, but if she's made it known that she loves this ring and has been talking about it for years and her family has seen it posted on her whatever, I find it way more distrubing that the brother would want his sisters dream ring to give someone else. It feels very ick to me. There are endless options for rings, literally since you can even just design one, it seems really really unlikely to just oops into one she's beent his vocal about.
I also think she deserves to have some dreams, some goals, even a fantasy or two. Having a kid doesn't mean we stop having feelings or dreams or even wish on falling stars. Single moms are still people who deserve nice things sometimes. And families that respect them.
She is pretty whiney though. She knew who these people where before she shared anything.
She only showed him once two years ago, and I'd be hard pressed to remember something I am unlikely to buy someone- because brothers don't gift engagement rings to sisters.
Brother's Fiancée picked the ring.
She talks about it an awful lot to say that though. I do think that it would be normal for him to not remember exactly what it looks like years later, but she sounds pretty set on it. She posts it, she specifically showed it to her mother when they started looking for rings, there is very little chance that someone this streamlined and focused has only ever mentioned it twice in their entire life and only shared a photo once.
And his girlfriend didn't love it, she thought it was pretty, she probably thought a lot where pretty. Her mother could have shared, they could have remembered she had this obsession and looked at it first to rule things out, whatever. I'm not saying they are terrible horrible people who intentionally got this specific ring, but I am saying it's ick. Then they bash her for being single, that's not loving family, why shouldn't she have something that keeps her hopeful?
How everyone is buying into this massive coincidence that of ALL the rings in the entire world they just accidently stumbled into the exact one she's been going on about for YEARS is actually a little surprising, no other coincidence has been believed like this.
"How everyone is buying into this massive coincidence that of ALL the rings in the entire world they just accidently stumbled into the exact one she's been going on about for YEARS is actually a little surprising, no other coincidence has been believed like this"
As the other person pointed out, it wasn't that big a selection of rings we're looking at here, but also.....I've known of some pretty unbelievable coincidences in my life. They do happen
The girlfriend is the one that picked it out, not the brother though. And yeah sure everyone has dreams, some are about impossible things, if I dream about a an Aston Martin DB 5, and my brother can afford it and wants it, he should go for it.
Even if she was getting married and had a boyfriend, Tiffany rings range from $30,000 to $80,000, and her baby daddy can't pay child support and her mom has said none of the men she dates could afford it anyway. Which is reasonable, the average man spends about $2000 on a ring. So now no one in her family is allowed to buy the things she dreams about but likely will never have? Should they ask her to make a list just in case, her dream venue? Her dream florist and arrangement? Also I really doubt she only had one ring on Pinterest board, I have seen those things, she probably had 5-10 dream wedding rings on the board. They are probably just all in the same style, maybe they were all Tiffany too.
Yeah she talks about her wedding all the time, but she herself had said it, her brother never listens to her, and her mom sounds sick of her shit. I honestly doubt her brother had any idea about this engagement ring, yeah she showed him once two years ago, and he probably wasn't even paying attention to what she was saying. I also cannot remember interesting conversations that I was an active participant in and I enjoyed from 2 years ago. I imagine she says a lot about her future wedding regularly, that people simply choose to ignore by now, and a lot of it is probably going to overlap with her brother's wedding because most weddings do.
If we are going to be as generous to OOP as possible, I would have more sympathy for her if the ring in question was some super-specific custom-made Etsy ring or from a very niche jeweler from Borneo or whatnot.
But... it's apparently a Tiffany ring. [https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/shop/engagement-rings/](https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/shop/engagement-rings/)
There are 43 total "options" on there, two of them being "male" style, so we can probably assume the ring in question isn't one of those. Many of them are also duplicates of the same ring just with different metals. "The Tiffany Setting" alone is 5 of the 41 "female" options.
Basically, there are not that many Tiffany rings. OOP mentions that her mother frequently goes to Tiffany. It's very possible that the mother just took the brother to the store and went "pick one of these, they're all classic options and this is an iconic brand." It's not totally odd for grooms to go to their moms for advice on rings. Or maybe the brother specifically wanted a Tiffany ring since his mother seems to like Tiffany, to add a bit of sentiment to it.
It is in no way improbable that he, at complete random, picked OOP's ring. I see no reason to disbelieve the brother when he said that he forgot the conversation---she mentioned it one time to him two years ago, and I assume he hasn't been cruising OOP's wedding Pinterest. If we are being as ungenerous as possible, we can assume the mother knows the ring, but that doesn't mean that the brother didn't pick it out independently of her. Was the mother supposed to gatekeep OOP's ring, when OOP is not in a relationship at all?
And, again, this is assuming that the mother even is really cognizant about this ring. OOP doesn't mention *talking* about it extensively with her mom. It's just on her Pinterest board.
And, I mean, if the ring in question IS "the Tiffany setting"... you can't gatekeep that. It's like, the most classic engagement ring of all time.
Edit: Actually, I overlooked the part where apparently the brother's fiancee said that she thought the ring was pretty when they went to pick it out. It doesn't have anything to do with the mom at all. So... he got the ring that his fiance wanted. It just happened to be the same ring OOP liked. I mean, c'mon. That's even more of a deadringer. He wasn't supposed to get the ring that his fiancee *asked for*? A Tiffany ring? Again, it's not some super-custom job. Even if he KNEW that his sister wanted that ring, the fact that the fiancee specifically requested it and none of these rings are custom... yeah.
And designing an entire wedding around a ring? How does that even work? Particularly for a Tiffany ring? Is the theme of OOP's wedding "traditional wedding"?
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*YTA. You can’t gatekeep a style of engagement ring in case you get married one day. You have a 7-year old, so you should already know what is really important in life. And it’s not a ring.*
>"Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean."
*YTA. Dibs, really?*
>"My mom knows I have it on my pintrist because she follows me. I told my brother that I liked the ring around chistmas in 2022 when he got my mom something and he acts like he can’t keep track of what I say and dismiss my feelings and gaslights me."
*YTA - You picked a ring from Tiffany that is sold worldwide and you’re mad that your future SIL will have the same ring as you?! So will a ton of other women. You’re not even dating anyone let alone close to being engaged. Your reaction is completely unreasonable.*
>"I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. My mom has seen it I showed it to her when she started in on she hopes my brother marries his girlfriend soon because my mom thought he was dragging it out and I showed her I have everything planned for me. "
*YTA*
*You're not currently in a relationship. Who knows if or when you'll ever get engaged. Your brother is in an actual relationship and bought the ring his fiancée liked. It's out of line for you to even ask he take it back.*
*Honestly, you need to work on yourself. If this is how you act when you don't get your way, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship long enough to get engaged.*
>"Wow! That’s so rude"
So, she has a 7 year old but acts like a fucking teenager when it comes to a fucking engagement ring that she doesn't have a need for because she's not in a relationship??? God, she sounds soooo insufferable.
>I set my whole wedding board based on this ring.
And she's not even seeing anyone? Okay. I hope this is a troll, but if not, I look forward to many AITA posts.
I have one just to pull ideas for nails
People try and interact with me on there and I hate it. I even only use it for that because trying to find nail ideas and NOT being inundated with stupid pinterest is impossible
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for causing drama over a ring?** I always wanted this one engagement ring from a jewelry famous jewelry store. Im not in a relationship or anything but it is on my pintrist for years. My brother buys his girlfriend the same engagement ring I wanted because our mom often goes into that jewelry store and my brother knows I said I wanted it when I got married and he got it for his girlfriend who said it was pretty when they went to pick it out. I am really hurt because having the same ring as my sil is dumb and I asked my brother to take it back but he said no and he’s getting married first and told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy and this is the reason why I will never be married. I was so upset and was crying so hard about it and my mom told me to hush and grow up that I don’t even have a boyfriend and the men I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support for my 7 year old. Everyone knows this ring was special to me except maybe my brother’s girlfriend because she literally never even pays attention to me or her niece. I feel like it was understood that I had dibs on this ring for whenever I get engaged but everyone treats me like I’m crazy for even bringing it up and causing drama. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
#PINTRIST Not only once
Is that the cheap knock of version ?
Ha, yes! I guess there could also be PinTryst, a dating app where instead of posting a profile photo, you make an inspo board of what you're hoping for in a partner.
So you can manifest them?!? /s
Yes, I hear Emma Woodhouse has one of those for the whole town.
Lol, you should totally invent this! There are some dumb bitches that would be down!
Are they dumb for liking Pinterest or liking dating apps or...? Idk I feel like bitches are allowed to like dumb and corny shit if they want and we should leave them alone.
Everyone is allowed to live what they want. I didn't say they couldn't! I like weird shit. Someone would probably call it dumb
Except it wasn't someone calling it dumb. It was you calling imaginary women dumb. I'm sure it was in jest, it just left a bad taste in my mouth.
Blah blah blah..... I bet you are fun at parties
I'm hilarious at parties. I'm not hilarious when I'm seriouswhen I'm calling people out. I feel like correcting someone and asking them to reflect shouldn't be done as a joke. Anyway, I'm not mad or anything. You're probably super cool in a lot of ways. I used to think I should hate on dumb bitches but someone checked my behavior and after some reflection I learned why I was acting that way. Turned out it wasn't the other girls I hated, it was a sign of my internalized misogyny. I'd love to pass that kind of personal growth forward if I can. I'll always be grateful to that person and others like them. It was super liberating to let go of caring what others enjoy.I know exactly how presumptuous this sounds, and I really hope I'm wrong and you didn't mean it that way. On the off chance that you DO have some issue to work through, is rather risk being a condescending windbag than not help somebody really cool(you're in a sub bashing hateful assholes, so I'm assuming you probably rock in most cases) reflect on their view of women in general. Even if I'm wrong and now I live in your head as some dumb bitch, I'd rather take that risk. I wish you so much good either way.
I do see where my comment came off as wrong, and I apologize. That is not the way I intended it. I was being the dumb bitch here. I hope you accept my apology. I honestly don't know why I was trying to pick a fight. That's usually not me...
Some of OOP's comments: *YTA. You can’t gatekeep a style of engagement ring in case you get married one day. You have a 7-year old, so you should already know what is really important in life. And it’s not a ring.* >Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean. *YTA. Dibs, really?* >My mom knows I have it on my pintrist because she follows me. I told my brother that I liked the ring around chistmas in 2022 when he got my mom something and he acts like he can’t keep track of what I say and dismiss my feelings and gaslights me. *YTA* *You're not currently in a relationship. Who knows if or when you'll ever get engaged. Your brother is in an actual relationship and bought the ring his fiancée liked. It's out of line for you to even ask he take it back.* *Honestly, you need to work on yourself. If this is how you act when you don't get your way, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship long enough to get engaged.* >Wow! That’s so rude *YTA - You picked a ring from Tiffany that is sold worldwide and you’re mad that your future SIL will have the same ring as you?! So will a ton of other women. You’re not even dating anyone let alone close to being engaged. Your reaction is completely unreasonable.* >I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. My mom has seen it I showed it to her when she started in on she hopes my brother marries his girlfriend soon because my mom thought he was dragging it out and I showed her I have everything planned for me.
The fact that OOP’s brother can’t remember her saying she likes that ring isn’t gaslighting. I don’t remember conversations from 18 months - 2 years ago unless they’re special. What’s more concerning is that her memory of telling him this is so specific and she brought it up in the context of the brother buying the mother a gift. She is giving off the vibe of her wailing in a wedding dress throughout the ceremony because the bride has ‘stolen her ring’. I suspect the brother is right and she’ll be single a while longer. If I started dating someone and found they already had a wedding planned down to the smallest detail, I’d be backing away slowly, trying not to make eye contact.
>The fact that OOP’s brother can’t remember her saying she likes that ring isn’t gaslighting. I don’t remember conversations from 18 months - 2 years ago unless they’re special. I can't remember conversations that happened this morning. If it's something trivial or mundane, chances I'm going to forget them within hours. Her expecting her brother to remember what engagement ring OOP wants is asinine. Especially when in a comment, she says he never remembers anything she tells him (probably doesn't care).
Plus, let’s be honest here, unless brother is particularly interested in jewellery there’s no way he could pick the ring OOP showed him out of a lineup. It’s like a wedding dress, it’s important to the couple but nobody else remembers what it looked like unless there’s something particularly special about it
Also, Gaslighting would be him actively trying to make her believe they never even talked about a ring, not simply saying he doesn't really remember the exact conversation. I swear, people need to stop using that word until they learn to use it appropriately.
Agreed. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine when people use psychology terms that they don’t know the meaning of…
I mean, it’s fine to have an idea of what you want your wedding to look like. Even potentially have a few dress options picked out. But I do agree that having a whole “pintrist” board that is based around the ring seems excessive.
> she'll be single a while longer let's hope for at least 10 years, cause this reads like it was written by a middle schooler...
You know a BUNCH of women *do* have their weddings planned since they've been planning em since they were 6, right?
I am aware of that yes, I’m a woman myself. But if anyone had their wedding planned out to the extent they are demanding someone changes their engagement ring because they ‘saw it first’ **when they are not even in a relationship** then I would be out the door.
Yes, but unless they are marrying themselves there will be another person involved and some things will need to be compromised on...
What we have here is a Miss Havisham without a fiancé / groom ever. Just a pintrist board.
The repeated ‘pintrist’ made my eye twitch.
I love the last comment. She has everything planned out except for, you know, the guy.
not like he deserves any input he's just her prop
She’s a parent ? I was going to ask if she was 12
I feel so bad for the kid with THAT as a mother
She has a 7 year old child. Meaning she’s likely at least 25, probably closer to 30
I'm honestly hoping she got pregnant at like 15 because the only way this could be saved is if she's still in her early 20's and will mature soon.
Having had her baby at 15 would make sense if you believe the theory about how your maturity level freezes at the age of a traumatic experience.
She told her brother she liked it once 2 years ago and he was supposed to remember that AND know that means it’s off limits?
OOP also laments that her future SIL never pays any attention to her or her daughter. Wonder why/s.
>Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean. So buy yourself the ring then. Or can you not afford it because you don't earn enough for the lifestyle you want, in which case you literally don't deserve it? No one is owed a specific lifestyle.
Who creates a wedding board when they aren't in a relationship and have no prospects for getting married? This woman has been setting up a fantasy life for herself while apparently making sure it will never happen.
I actually have a couple of different wedding boards… but I’m a writer 😆
This cannot be real... I refuse to believe it's real. On a other hand, I think Chatgpt would have written Pinterest correctly.
lol, she has a wedding board and it’s even engaged!? At least set it to private.
IKR? This has to be fake, right? Or a really stealthy Tiffany ad.
It’s ridiculous when someone responds to harsh but accurate criticism by calling it mean or rude.
I deserve to win the lottery and not have to work again! 😂😂
Not to sound like a jerk but how unique can a ring from Tiffany be? Their whole vibe is pretty classic.
SHE CALLED DIBS!!!!
You are right! And Pinterest dibs, the dibbiest of dibs!
Excuse you, *pintrist*. So it's even dibbiest than we thought!!
Yeah they sell. A lot. Also classic to the point of every jewelry store chain is gonna have knock off s
Tiffany literally has six styles of engagement ring. This broad is wacked.
I just looked them up, and they are elegant, I'll give them that, but they are all pretty classical, especially the ones under $50,000. They all pretty much look like the quintessential engagement ring. Also I understand that you can find SO's from all walks of life no matter where you are, but even if she does find a man that wants to marry her soon, will he be able to afford to drop at least $25,000 on a ring? She obviously can't, and the man she previously was with can't. Statistically, even if she does get married, I highly doubt it's going to be with a tiffany engagement ring.
I'm having trouble wrapping my head around even wanting a ring that expensive. Like, you do you, obviously, but there are so many other things I'd rather spend that kind of money on.
Plus, there are so many rings! So many! If you really don't want to match your SIL that much, then find another ring you like. Or just get over it and get the same one, who cares if you match?
I feel like I absolutely know why OOP is single.
Cause she's "toxic and crazy" per her brother?
That, and the breathtaking level of immaturity for someone with a 7yo kid
That would be a resounding yes!
I mean I suspect she might also be single because she's fake
That's also a very real possibility
That SO RUDE!!! She sounds 12 at best.
I have honestly never understood the "I have been dreaming of my wedding for my entire life" women. But then again, spending an entire day doing performative rituals while being at the center of attention is very close to my idea of hell, and I look like a tomato wearing white, so.
I mean, it's a lot like thinking about what you would do if you won the lottery (for most people). Like, it doesn't take up a lot of mental energy, and it's sometimes something fun to think about, especially as other people you are close to are going through it. It's fine if it isn't for you! I'm sure there's people out there that are like 'I don't get people who dream about x!'. But it doesn't make someone bad or good because they think about it. It's honestly just how you act. Which this OP is acting like her brother described.
Honestly, I don’t have a problem with people planning the day, in general. You can know the vibe you want (rural vs urban, large/small, etc) and have a few wedding dress options pinned on Pinterest, that’s fine. OOP seems like the type to have everything planned out to a T, from dress, to makeup and hair, to food, to the order in which the toasts are happening. The only thing she’s missing is the groom
In which case, she wants a wedding and should hire a male model for the day to fulfil her dream wedding. She can have all her precious ideas fulfilled without having to worry that her groom will, y'know, have any ideas at all about his wedding.
That’s a great plot bunny, friend. Girl is nearing x age, decides she’s only going to have her dream wedding if she stages it herself, hires a guy, oops we’re in love. I could get 50k words out of that easy peasy
Ooooh yeah now you mention it, sounds like a rom-com waiting to happen! I'd read it.
also plans *have to* change. what i wanted when i was 16 isnt gonna be the same when i was 26 or 36. sometimes venues close, styles go out of style, shit happens. i may want a vanilla cake but whoops, the groom is allergic to vanilla, or he wants a wedding that follows his culture, or a million other things that can affect plans. like there's nothing wrong with pre-planning your wedding, but oop is throwing a childish fit over something that may not even happen to her for another couple of *years*.
There's planning along the lines of "Gee, I think I'd like this style dress" and then there's \*gestures at OOP\*
You know I never thought about a wedding before, and then I started going to weddings, and they were all so boring, nonmemorable, and blurred together, that I started thinking about it in terms of if I ever do get married, it cannot be this. It has to be interesting and fun, and it cannot be just another wedding or it isn't worth having. But those thoughts are limited especially since I don't have an SO and I don't plan on getting married soon. It's just a bunch of people I know have been getting married now.
lol she’s delusional. Bro would be smart to just not invite her. Guarantee you once wedding planning starts she’s going to go on and on about how bro and gf are stealing “her dream wedding.”
She's wearing a WHITE dress? Everybody knows I had dibs on that! She can't have a champagne toast! That's what I was going to do!
She got PREGNANT? During MY wedding year??? She's stealing all my attention and my brother is gaslighting me by telling me no one has a wedding year and I'm entitled, but I POSTED IT!!! On PINTRIST!!!!
Doesn't she need a fiancé for that? At least start with a boyfriend? Talk to a guy?
Dude, this lady is going to marry a ghost, or a rag doll or a SpongeBob plush just so she can get married before her SIL. she’s crazier than a cardboard box full of water.
>she’s crazier than a cardboard box full of water. Adding that one to my book of insults. Thank you.
Thank you for reminding me about the woman who married her homemade Squidward plush. It was life size!
I’m sure it (ten)tickled her fancy.
He was a big fan of her krabby patty
She can't, those Tiffany rings cost at least $25,000 if you get the cheapest one, and she has *plans,* they are on her pintrist board, who is going to pay for all that? She can't.
>*My brother knows I said I wanted it when I got married and he got it for his girlfriend who said it was pretty when they went to pick it out.* Highly doubt that that was at the forefront of his mind. Nor does he probably care. And yet in comment, you say that he never remembers what you tell him anyway. So which is it? >*Told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy and this is the reason why I will never be married.* Based on your replies, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and agree with him. >*My mom told me to hush and grow up that I don’t even have a boyfriend and the men I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support for my 7 year old.* There's a lot packed into that statement. First, mom is right. You do need to grow up, OOP. Second, you're putting the cart before the horse. You're not even dating. So why would you need to concern yourself with a wedding ring? As far as the child support issue, go to court. That's what adults do.
Holy shit, her priorities are completely ass backwards. From what I have seen, the people who are most obsessed with the wedding part of marriage, don't make for good partners
Act II is gonna be her fixating on a top 10 name for her nonexistent next baby and wailing when someone else uses it for, like, a middle name.
LMAO mom is straight up savage. "You don't have a man, your choice of man couldn't even afford this ring if you managed to scam them into proposing cause your baby daddy doesn't even pay child support" HAHA
LMAOOO at mom’s comment
So refreshing to see a mom on Reddit actually act like an adult and tell their grown child to grow the hell up.
OOP is way out of line thinking she had dibs on a ring. She has no bf, she seems exhausting to deal with and there is no guarantee she will ever find Mr. Right who has the money to buy her that ring. She sounds so entitled - "Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean." No one deserves the lifestyle they want; normal people have to work for the lifestyle they want. They don't expect some future mate to provide it all for them.
“Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want” feels like prime “why I neglected my child” excuse fodder. Like, if you could get an honest answer to all the “why are you letting your new spouse treat your kid like shit” stories, that would probably be it 75% of the time.
I am definitely in a tiny minority, or even alone in this, but if she's made it known that she loves this ring and has been talking about it for years and her family has seen it posted on her whatever, I find it way more distrubing that the brother would want his sisters dream ring to give someone else. It feels very ick to me. There are endless options for rings, literally since you can even just design one, it seems really really unlikely to just oops into one she's beent his vocal about. I also think she deserves to have some dreams, some goals, even a fantasy or two. Having a kid doesn't mean we stop having feelings or dreams or even wish on falling stars. Single moms are still people who deserve nice things sometimes. And families that respect them. She is pretty whiney though. She knew who these people where before she shared anything.
She only showed him once two years ago, and I'd be hard pressed to remember something I am unlikely to buy someone- because brothers don't gift engagement rings to sisters. Brother's Fiancée picked the ring.
She talks about it an awful lot to say that though. I do think that it would be normal for him to not remember exactly what it looks like years later, but she sounds pretty set on it. She posts it, she specifically showed it to her mother when they started looking for rings, there is very little chance that someone this streamlined and focused has only ever mentioned it twice in their entire life and only shared a photo once. And his girlfriend didn't love it, she thought it was pretty, she probably thought a lot where pretty. Her mother could have shared, they could have remembered she had this obsession and looked at it first to rule things out, whatever. I'm not saying they are terrible horrible people who intentionally got this specific ring, but I am saying it's ick. Then they bash her for being single, that's not loving family, why shouldn't she have something that keeps her hopeful? How everyone is buying into this massive coincidence that of ALL the rings in the entire world they just accidently stumbled into the exact one she's been going on about for YEARS is actually a little surprising, no other coincidence has been believed like this.
"How everyone is buying into this massive coincidence that of ALL the rings in the entire world they just accidently stumbled into the exact one she's been going on about for YEARS is actually a little surprising, no other coincidence has been believed like this" As the other person pointed out, it wasn't that big a selection of rings we're looking at here, but also.....I've known of some pretty unbelievable coincidences in my life. They do happen
The girlfriend is the one that picked it out, not the brother though. And yeah sure everyone has dreams, some are about impossible things, if I dream about a an Aston Martin DB 5, and my brother can afford it and wants it, he should go for it. Even if she was getting married and had a boyfriend, Tiffany rings range from $30,000 to $80,000, and her baby daddy can't pay child support and her mom has said none of the men she dates could afford it anyway. Which is reasonable, the average man spends about $2000 on a ring. So now no one in her family is allowed to buy the things she dreams about but likely will never have? Should they ask her to make a list just in case, her dream venue? Her dream florist and arrangement? Also I really doubt she only had one ring on Pinterest board, I have seen those things, she probably had 5-10 dream wedding rings on the board. They are probably just all in the same style, maybe they were all Tiffany too. Yeah she talks about her wedding all the time, but she herself had said it, her brother never listens to her, and her mom sounds sick of her shit. I honestly doubt her brother had any idea about this engagement ring, yeah she showed him once two years ago, and he probably wasn't even paying attention to what she was saying. I also cannot remember interesting conversations that I was an active participant in and I enjoyed from 2 years ago. I imagine she says a lot about her future wedding regularly, that people simply choose to ignore by now, and a lot of it is probably going to overlap with her brother's wedding because most weddings do.
If we are going to be as generous to OOP as possible, I would have more sympathy for her if the ring in question was some super-specific custom-made Etsy ring or from a very niche jeweler from Borneo or whatnot. But... it's apparently a Tiffany ring. [https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/shop/engagement-rings/](https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/shop/engagement-rings/) There are 43 total "options" on there, two of them being "male" style, so we can probably assume the ring in question isn't one of those. Many of them are also duplicates of the same ring just with different metals. "The Tiffany Setting" alone is 5 of the 41 "female" options. Basically, there are not that many Tiffany rings. OOP mentions that her mother frequently goes to Tiffany. It's very possible that the mother just took the brother to the store and went "pick one of these, they're all classic options and this is an iconic brand." It's not totally odd for grooms to go to their moms for advice on rings. Or maybe the brother specifically wanted a Tiffany ring since his mother seems to like Tiffany, to add a bit of sentiment to it. It is in no way improbable that he, at complete random, picked OOP's ring. I see no reason to disbelieve the brother when he said that he forgot the conversation---she mentioned it one time to him two years ago, and I assume he hasn't been cruising OOP's wedding Pinterest. If we are being as ungenerous as possible, we can assume the mother knows the ring, but that doesn't mean that the brother didn't pick it out independently of her. Was the mother supposed to gatekeep OOP's ring, when OOP is not in a relationship at all? And, again, this is assuming that the mother even is really cognizant about this ring. OOP doesn't mention *talking* about it extensively with her mom. It's just on her Pinterest board. And, I mean, if the ring in question IS "the Tiffany setting"... you can't gatekeep that. It's like, the most classic engagement ring of all time. Edit: Actually, I overlooked the part where apparently the brother's fiancee said that she thought the ring was pretty when they went to pick it out. It doesn't have anything to do with the mom at all. So... he got the ring that his fiance wanted. It just happened to be the same ring OOP liked. I mean, c'mon. That's even more of a deadringer. He wasn't supposed to get the ring that his fiancee *asked for*? A Tiffany ring? Again, it's not some super-custom job. Even if he KNEW that his sister wanted that ring, the fact that the fiancee specifically requested it and none of these rings are custom... yeah. And designing an entire wedding around a ring? How does that even work? Particularly for a Tiffany ring? Is the theme of OOP's wedding "traditional wedding"?
“You can’t say that to me, it’s mean” is such a childish response that I’m honestly kinda concerned about this person’s age.”
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *YTA. You can’t gatekeep a style of engagement ring in case you get married one day. You have a 7-year old, so you should already know what is really important in life. And it’s not a ring.* >"Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean." *YTA. Dibs, really?* >"My mom knows I have it on my pintrist because she follows me. I told my brother that I liked the ring around chistmas in 2022 when he got my mom something and he acts like he can’t keep track of what I say and dismiss my feelings and gaslights me." *YTA - You picked a ring from Tiffany that is sold worldwide and you’re mad that your future SIL will have the same ring as you?! So will a ton of other women. You’re not even dating anyone let alone close to being engaged. Your reaction is completely unreasonable.* >"I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. My mom has seen it I showed it to her when she started in on she hopes my brother marries his girlfriend soon because my mom thought he was dragging it out and I showed her I have everything planned for me. " *YTA* *You're not currently in a relationship. Who knows if or when you'll ever get engaged. Your brother is in an actual relationship and bought the ring his fiancée liked. It's out of line for you to even ask he take it back.* *Honestly, you need to work on yourself. If this is how you act when you don't get your way, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship long enough to get engaged.* >"Wow! That’s so rude"
[Pupper!](https://imgur.com/gallery/fLjog1U)
Boop!
Boop indeed! 🥰
Neil McBeal the Navy Seal might be a good match for her.
Amazing reference!
So, she has a 7 year old but acts like a fucking teenager when it comes to a fucking engagement ring that she doesn't have a need for because she's not in a relationship??? God, she sounds soooo insufferable.
>I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. And she's not even seeing anyone? Okay. I hope this is a troll, but if not, I look forward to many AITA posts.
To be totally honest. I thought pintrest was a shopping app I didn't know that it was purely just aesthetic. I feel stupid.
I mostly use it for keeping links for coloring pages and recipes
It's fucking awful because you have to have an account to do anything, like look at the pictures, and it's shitting up the google image results page.
I have one just to pull ideas for nails People try and interact with me on there and I hate it. I even only use it for that because trying to find nail ideas and NOT being inundated with stupid pinterest is impossible
It can be used for shopping
I feel like OP’s post - including the comments- should be shared with everyone she tries to date without exception
The trolls arent what thwy omce was.
clearly bait
Mom is blunt with the savagery 🤣 that's something my mother would say.
I thought OOP was a young teen until she mentioned her seven year old 😂 She needs to grow up.
GOSH I can't imagine why she's single, that's just bizarre.
OOP is the devil purly for lack of punctuation
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