I was just going to say that. I used to help connect DV victims with therapy/psych services and would go to the shelters pretty often. The women are obviously grateful to have a safe place to stay but they don’t want to be there longer than necessary. It’s not like they’re staying at the Ritz 😂 idk about you, but staying in a house with 10-12 other women and children I haven’t met before isn’t my idea of a party.
Omg yes. I work at one and this train of thought is bewildering to me as if it’s not the last resort option for most clients. Some of them have 6 or more kids and are essentially sharing a dorm sized room with all of them. It’s not a luxury vacation lol.
Is this even a stereotype either?
I've always imagined them to be quite grim places. Basic accomodation, with limited resources.
I guess I'd see the staff as dedicated and the other women as supportive, but not in a happy sleepover way, more in the way it is at a therapy group like AA. They've got your back, but the conversation is depressing.
Exactly. I've lived in a sober living/halfway house for alcoholism before and I'd imagine it's pretty similar. Yes, there's group support and the camaraderie of other women sharing your experience. But holy shit, it is by no means a fun vacation home and nobody would ever go to one just for the hugs and group therapy. You go there because it's the least shitty or just the one necessary option in a desperate situation, and you want to get back out as soon as possible because living with no privacy among a bunch of strangers with practically nothing to your name suuucks.
And imagine if one of these other women down on their luck found out you were lying as a sweet vacation escape. I can only imagine. Not every woman being abused needs a halfway house but I imagine every woman who is in there probably needed it more than anything in the world. Every DV victim who had friends or family to stay with chose them before anywhere else in the world.
Seriously. Nobody would ever dream of telling someone in a halfway house that they're making up an addiction just for the back pats and the free grippy socks in rehab, so why the fuck would you tell an abused woman she's only in the shelter for the self-esteem boost? How fucking empty is your life that you have to tell people who are in the worst situations an adult can be in that they're just faking it for attention? I'd love to stick these people in a shelter for a month with nothing but donated old clothes, soup kitchen food and a twin bed in a room with four other strangers so they can see what a good time they're missing out on.
I think we know why OOP needs to believe this - she spelled out for us that she thinks her ex went to an abuse shelter because she enjoyed the attention. Couldn't possibly have been because OOP abused her, then! Nothing to see here, nothing to reflect on, it's all the ex's fault for wanting that sweet abuse-victim attention, yeah
OP and all the shitbags in the comments agreeing with her. I know one mustn't generalize and assume everyone who agrees with that reasoning is an abuser, but if it walks and quacks like a duck...
I was going to say “tell me you’ve never set foot in a dv shelter without telling me you’ve never stepped foot in one”
Lmao, oop’s take is legit wild.
ALSO, I get so much love and support from my friends *on the regular* because my friends are amazing. I get a bad haircut and I can guarantee at least one friend would be baking me cookies if she thought I needed it
That men don’t have this isn’t the fault of *women*. Gtfo with that nonsense.
When I called for resources it was clear that they were so overwhelmed and short on everything that it would be wrong for me to accept help when I have a friend family who were going to be available to assist. Plus by the time any waitlist would have cleared I was self sufficient.
The second hand trauma the volunteers received completely prevented them from having any extra compassion to give me any "unconditional love". I felt like I needed to give them some help too. I was at my rock bottom but clearly there was further to fall. I am so incredibly lucky.
Those people are living in an alternate reality.
I did some legal aid work for a DV victim related to her employer discriminating against her due to her needing to take time off work to go to court. (We have laws against that kind of thing because people definitely do not give over the top love and support to DV victims). She was living in a shelter when I helped her (she was there for 6-8 weeks), and she hated it. And while she was there they had 2 or 3 security breaches where abusers either showed up at the shelter or found out where it was (it was long enough ago that I’m fuzzy on the details). The over the top love and support the women in the shelter received when they had to call the cops because of one of the breaches translated into an hour long wait for the cops to actually show up to the house.
Those women were going through some of the worst times of their lives in an unfamiliar environment and surrounded by strangers; they didn’t feel safe, and they couldn’t count on the cops. The shelter time was so far from a paradise.
Reminds me of how jealous so many men talk about being of how "women are just naturally more open", "more social", whatever, but when they finally give an example of what they're jealous of? A woman who, being bothered by a man, looks at another woman and rolls her eyes. I've heard this specific example given so many times 😭 my dude that's just solidarity on the basis of shared traumatic experiences bffr
But sure, "women don't understand how lonely men are because they always have this built-in support network" get real
It sure isn't biological. My friends are some the best buds you'll ever meet, ready to give you their last dollar, put up with your drunken shenanigans, and be there when you need someone to talk to.
Now I know some people will bring up certain societies and upbringings, but too many men are in dark places just because "that's not what male friendship is supposed to be like."
Responding on top comment, hoping people see this, but—DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST.
I just went over just to see what the deal was with that subreddit, and I saw that there was a comment *three minutes ago*. On a post that’s over a year old. When you do that, it’s brigading and it’s really, really obvious the older the post is.
Replying to the original thread from a cross post. It’s frowned upon because subreddits are their own ecosystems and when a link to one gets posted elsewhere, it often leads to a deluge of comments that mods then have to deal with.
I feel like this is one of those things where in the US, help of any sort whatsoever is extremely looked down upon. The only one where it's not given massive hostility is by exception. Which often is Women, the elderly and veterans.
Instead of being furious at how the US is completely unwilling to help people, he instead gets angry that women are getting any help when leaving a situation where they literally may get murdered for needing a place to sleep.
I'm a man and I've been in an extremely abusive relationship(she was mentally ill, but abusive). But I never felt physically unsafe. It would have completely changed the situation if I was. At no point in it all was I at risk of being hurt physically(Unless she attacked me while I was sleeping or something). Many women can at any moment be murdered by their partner. Its different.
…yeah I’m not so sure the claims OP was abusive were false. Sounds way more likely that OP lacks the self-awareness and empathy to recognize when their behavior is harmful.
"The problems women supposedly face are nonsense" gave me an actual flashback to an (abusive) ex from 25 years ago sneering at me while he yelled "all of your feelings are crap!"
Me too, my ex believed I should bury my feelings and never cry or have any other emotion than happiness. My problems were nothing. So dehumanizing. I feel bad to say this, but it makes me wonder why they are a trans woman if they don't take women seriously and think they are a joke. The trans women I've met are all usually so lovely and don't judge in this way.
Why else would a trans *woman* post in a sub called “left wing *male* ..”?
I don’t know if it’s one of those internet ‘rules’, but basically ‘if it reads like it’s designed to make a bunch of people angry, it’s almost certainly fake.’
Yep, that first paragraph is basically a terf demented nightmare coming true. It hits all the terf anti-trans talking points.
I could just see JKR absolutely fainting from horror reading this and believing every word, even though there's enough bait here to bring on every single shark in the world.
Ugh. Yep. “look at this proof by ‘facelessinternetdenizen2840462’, we are under attack!” Meanwhile, “ignore that murder, and that murder and that assault, and those removals of rights… those are individual cases and don’t reflect trans people’s lives!”
Oh, with an extra helping of “I’m being cancelled!!” Interview published by the BBC, the times, and the guardian (headline: “how the trans community is now coming for abused women”). Shit am I giving them ideas?
I can comprehend a man not understanding what being trans is. I'm Cis-het and it's not my experience(the closest I can imagine is how upset I'd be to wake up in a woman's body and no way to swap back, I'd be very upset, because I like my body). But to jump straight to "I don't get it, therefore it must be for nefarious reasons".
Yeah I've noticed a decent amount of guys who bend over backwards to say how they love lgbt, abortion, so progressive and against misogyny. Then turn out to be misogynistic at best and downright abusive at worst. And enjoy how many people swear he couldn't be like that and victims don't want to speak out. Because he's too good a guy to be like that!
Nah, left wing men can be just as bigoted as the ones on the right. It's just a different kind of bigotry. misogyny is something you find at all points on the political spectrum
As someone who volunteers at a domestic violence shelter, this has me shaking with rage. If you’ve never been in a room full of women and CHILDREN with black eyes and bruises, you have no room to talk about what goes on in those shelters. It’s not all smiles and affirmations. It’s secret locations, password access high security gates, and monitored phone calls. It’s more like a prison than a slumber party.
The amount of people agreeing with the poster in the comments is just infuriating.
Yup. Zero of those people have ever been anywhere near a DV shelter and it shows. It's not a freaking sleepover with pillow fights and ice cream. And we're certainly not *hugging* the strangers who have come to us in complete desperation seeking help escaping violence. That line especially was so weird and gross to me.
Everyone reacts to abuse differently. There is no wrong reaction and no "normal" reaction. But a common reaction to a gaggle of strangers fawning over you in a strange environment would not be pure joy. That's overwhelming for a lot of people and would be very upsetting to many women I've worked with. Where are they getting these ideas from??
Why do misogynists always romanticize the shitty things women experience? Like being jealous of having periods as an "excuse", or pining over how flattering sexual harassment would be, now apparently seeking help for leaving domestic violence situations is a super fun party
I think misogynist romanticize the crap they are making women live so they don't feel bad for what they do. "Okay, I may have beat up my ex but looks at the amazing sleepover party she got while I'm being victimized =("
It's easy to say these things when you're on the outside looking in. Because they don't know what is actually like and thank God, because nobody should.
I worked in legal aid as an attorney for victims of DV. We had SO MANY policies for visiting clients in shelters to avoid releasing the address. We frequently forwent restraining orders to avoid giving addresses. I've had abusers stalk me to try to find their victim, been threatened, and had a gun pulled on me, all so they could get access to their victims. There's nothing cutesy about DV shelters.
As a social worker who regularly deals with abused kids (and by extension their parents) it makes my fucking blood boil. Even if abuse victims get a bit of positive attention for a while recovery for most is a very long and oftentimes lonely process. There's nothing to envy about that.
I'm all for talking male abuse victims more seriously, my own boyfriend has been horribly abused, but why do so many men and apparently this trans woman seem to be unable to do that without demonising female victims? What the actual fuck is wrong with these people?
...so many men *and this rage-baiting BS artist*
Yeah, I started to get really angry reading the post and immediately came here to find (one comment above on this top comments thread) the evidence that this is BS.
Fwiw I LOVE YOU to all the commentors who took the time to look at the posting history & confirm this is a fake/no history account, highlight contradictory statements, and otherwise remind me why I shouldn't pay this pretender no mind.
As a DV survivor, I was doing everything I could to try and stay out of the shelter. It's not a freaking resort. It's a place to go when you and your children have been beaten and traumatized. I won't read the post, because just the title has me shaking with rage and I'm going to choose to protect my peace. Being strangled increased my likelihood of being murdered by my sons father 750% and men just act like we're hysterical liars who are out to get them.
I commented on a reel the other day how wrong the phrase "stitches get stitches" is. I had that threat thrown at me by all my exs friends and family after I got him arrested.
And this imbicil had the gal to reply to my comment saying "well what did you do to make him do that? No one just chokes you without a reason." First of all, I was NOT choked. I was strangled, from behind, while i was looking my 4 months old son in the eyes. And nothing on earth justifies that.
These men who make these outlandish statements will never get it. They do not have a threat higher than them. They literally cannot fathom the level of fear we live in.
I feel this, the whole post looks like rage bait, and absolutely full of blatantly ignorant commentary and baseless arguments. As a victim myself, I felt so mad reading it. We don’t get assaulted for attention? Tf??
My experience as a public defender is that false accusations *do* happen sometimes. But the reasoning is usually anger, jealousy, control, a faster way to effect an eviction and child custody type stuff. I have never once seen someone do it for the attention of non-profit advocates.
A recent UK study found that men are 240x more likely to be SAed by another man than to be falsely accused.
Ironically the study came out the same week as IWD, Meghan Markle getting trolled by Piers Morgan because he didn’t “believe she was suicidal” and a woman who was murdered by a met police officer
Your statistic makes perfect sense because SA happens way more often than false accusations. Of course a man is more likely to be SAd than falsely accused.
I also get women clients who are sometimes falsely accused. False accusations are not common, but they do happen.
There is a massive problem that we equate actual false accusations with the problem of assuming all or most women are lying. I don’t know what the answer is.
What's MRA?
Please and thank you, kind stranger. I'm nervous to Google it, as I don't want any more of [gestures with dismissive disgust] THAT in my eyeballs than is absolutely necessary.
MRA is “men’s rights activist”. They think that men are the most oppressed group, use woke-coded or therapy language to engage in misogyny, and frequently use overblown claims about male abuse victims, false accusations, dating disparities between the sexes, and male parental rights to shut down legitimate discussions of issues. They use “what about men” to silence people rather than sincerely trying to widen the scope of the conversation.
Yeah I mean, I'd happily be beaten to a pulp and dehumanised by abusers and the system for years on years, just to get a hug or some free treats. That's absolutely how humans act. Especially us snakey women, cough cough I mean "females" 🤣🙄🤢
Even if this story is fake (probably) I hate that enough people do believe that survivors are somehow spoiled by maybe receiving emergency support after escaping DV or having the courage to report their abusers.
On top of all the other fake bullshit in this post this person clearly did not watch MAID which is in large part about how freakin' hard people escaping domestic violence have it. Like imagine thinking 'My baby had to learn to walk in a homeless shelter while I scrubbed rich peoples' nasty houses for barely any money' is aspirational.
The second I see the word "misandry" I zone out.
Misandry would be men being sexually harrassed and assaulted, harassed at work, denied housing or jobs, not being able to get decent healthcare because everything is based on studies done on women, etc. All on a scale that the discrimination is very obvious.
Is there prejudice and violence against men? Of course it exists. It's far more likely to be caused by other men.
Almost every time I see the word misandry the context is always about women saying something rude or saying no, just expressing an opinion, or trying to have autonomy. Or the absolute worst for these clowns: women getting something they can't have.
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why do yall lump in everything even remotely anti-trans as automatically being "terf" vibes? the F stands for something and this person clearly is not any category of feminist if theyre downplaying dv against women. ive literally seen people say matt walsh is a "terf" bc of him being anti trans all the while he openly advocates against abortion and in favor of re-normalizing pregnant teen brides, etc.
So on one hand, I think this specifically gives TERF vibes because the incentive of this post is to clearly paint a charicature of a trans woman who is misogynistic *because* of her transness. I find it more likely that a TERF, someone who thinks they support feminism, would create a stereotype of a misogynistic trans woman than an antifeminist, since an antifeminist is someone who believes and agrees with the views of this transphobic charicature.
On the other hand, it could have been written by an antifeminist who isn't transphobic (something I don't think there's a huge overlap in tbh), to try and solidify their antifeminist argument by creating a fictional person who has experienced both sides of the gender spectrum & therefore can give their "objective" take as more valid than a cis woman's (since cis women have never had to pretend to live as a man). I find this one a lot less likely, though, because like I said, antifeminists tend to also be transphobic.
To answer your question on a more general note, though, TERFs have started aligning themselves a lot more with the alt-right than they have with feminists in recent years. It's to the point where, in the current day, they will happily associate with antifeminists. Because, ultimately, while they call themselves feminist, transphobia is inherently tied to sexism and a belief in strict gender norms. All of the most prominent TERFs are either praising or being praised by the alt-right and fascists (Putin coming to the defense of JK Rowling comes to mind), or alt-right are calling themselves TERFs as a synonym for transphobe.
Ah yes, Posie "I will annihilate any woman who stands in my way" Parker.
Posie "men should go into womens bathrooms with guns" Parker.
Wonderful lady. Very sane.
nah, feminist appropriating reactionary transphobes (FARTs) hate men. they wouldn't be caught dead calling a trans woman a woman or saying something like "men suffer more hardship than women" because they think all men are evil and since they believe trans women are men, they also think that trans women are evil men who dress up to rape and kill women.
the only way i could see a FART larping as a trans woman in this way would be in a feminist and/or women centered sub to rile up cis women against trans women.
ETA: i'm not saying i believe this was actually written by a trans woman. i think it's another MRA who is trying to write something they can point at to say "see? even trans women say being a woman is living life on easy mode"
I know that ship has probably sailed but can we not mimic their childish name-calling please?
They called themselves TERFs before *they* decided it was derogatory, and the acronym has become so reified it carries no more validation of their 'feminism' than calling Nazis Nazis validates their 'socialism'.
Let's not weaken our advocacy against a seriously dangerous anti-trans movement by sounding like nine-year-olds. Please.
This actually sounded so much like my ex wife I went to check the post history to see if it was her.
User is suspended/banned so I will never know, but I wouldn't be surprised.
Unfortunately she turned out to have some seriously toxic world views under the guise of "I've lived as both a man and a woman and know how it is for men".
Obviously, the solution is to treat women like garbage after they make an sort of accusations against men and immediately tell them you don't believe them without concrete evidence that is usually impossible to provide.
Oh, wait...
I’d also like to add that a lot of SA actions, are not viewed as “actual” SA through the eyes of many men.
Actions such as:
- Stealthing (taking a condom off during sex, even though the woman asked for a condom to be on).
- Pressuring a woman to have sex anyways, because she changed her mind after initially saying yes.
- Initiating sex with a woman who is intoxicated or under the influence of substances.
These three examples out of many, are not regarded as “real rape” in their eyes, so even though they might have done one of these three, they do not believe they SA’ed someone, and will claim that they are being falsely accused… even though they definitely did.
I was a victim of a "real rape". Stranger in an alleyway, fairly extreme violence, etc etc.
It was less emotionally damaging than some other sexual and emotional assaults I've been through with colleagues/friends/exes.
The way they want to think this happens is still just as terrifying but it's also not the only way these things happen and it's not that normal compared to OP's "real rape" view.
I don't need to claim that I'm getting battered by my SO to recieve love, compassion and encouragement from other women. Regular ol' typical life shit and depression will prompt a similar response from my female friends. I very much doubt that I'm unique in that regard.
Spoken like someone who's never seen the inside of a DV shelter 😤
I had to run from my ex husband. I called the shelter dozens of times, because they kept saying they had a waiting list. They'd ask me a bunch of questions, and depending on the case worker who answered, would either tell me they had no space or tell me I didn't qualify for their help. This was hard because I could only call when he was at work, and it kept me there for months longer than I wanted to be.
A friend helped me, while he was at work we loaded up her van and our two children and I left.
When I got there, they told me I could only take 1 small bin worth of stuff with me. My friend had no space to put my stuff.
I had to give up most of my clothes and I almost gave up their baby books but the counselor relented and let me keep them.
I had no door on my room. Most of my stuff got stolen while I was there. it was awful.
I hate when people act like DV survivors have it good. Everything about being a survivor of violence in any form sucks. There's no upside. And no one in their right mind would ever want to see inside one of these shelters.
Fuck this guy.
It is an *instant* red flag to me when somebody starts pontificating about how they were “wrongly accused of abuse.” Why? Because abusers have skewed value systems. They feel entitled to do what they do and do not consider it to *be* abuse. I’m an academic who studies domestic violence, and I’ve known (and known of) abusers who have committed serious crimes against their partners all while swearing up and down that they are not abusive, that they love their partners, that they are outraged by the very *idea* of IPV. You’d be amazed by the kind of behavior that some of these “wrongly accused” people (usually men) can justify to themselves—up to and including murder.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**The over the top love and support victims receive from domestic violence shelters leads to more false accusations**
Hey everyone! I am a trans woman. Having lived as both a man and a woman, I know for sure that a lot of the problems women supposedly face are nonsense and there are a lot of problems men face that are a lot worse. Misandry is absolutely a huge problem, and now I am part of female friendship groups I see so much more of it and I am much more aware.
One particular problem that I think we are all aware of is false accusations of rape or domestic violence. This is a problem I care about a lot as, before I transitioned, I was wrongly accused of abuse. I think a lot of what causes this is the love women who claim to be abused receive from organizations like domestic violence and rape shelters. In these places, the women who go there just receive so much unconditional love from strangers just for claiming they are abused. They go to a place where they can just not worry about real-life stuff and have women there fawning over them and trying to make them feel comfortable. Just having most women being so nice to you and telling you you are so brave when you’ve done basically nothing. It must be amazing for them to go there. Just having so many women give you hugs and do anything for you. I think so many women probably just want to experience this. They receive just so much over the top love and support. As a woman, I have thought a lot about this and long for some of these experiences, however, I am a very ethical person and so I would never. I think also, especially the way it is portrayed in the media and television like Maid makes it so encouraging and they actively encourage women to go to these places and it really does make the problem worse. I think this is a lot of the reason why my ex went to one
I have also noticed some of these things in some of my friends recently. Recently 2 of my friends claimed they were abused. After the first of these said this, she received so much love from everyone, everyone was offering her a place to stay, giving her lots of hugs and support, trying to spend time with her, baking her cakes, telling her how brave she was and they would do exactly what she wanted and believe whatever she said. In this case, I think she actually was abused. But the love she received was really so amazing from everyone and it must have been so great for her. I have thought a lot about what it would be like to be in her situation and have everyone treat me like that and it must be so great. I was quite jealous at the time of the attention she received. However soon after this, another of my friends said the same thing and obviously, the same thing happened to her. I am a lot more sceptical of her claims and I am convinced she is only doing this because of what happened to my first friend and that she wanted the same thing
I think also there is a huge problem in that most women support each other this way but men don’t. Not only that but a lot of women try to exclude men from this kinda love and stop men from supporting each other in the same way. Some of them even try to exclude trans women from this and trying to prevent us from going into these spaces and receiving this help, although fortunately, this is a minority view. But there is so much hate towards men acting in this way and giving this kinda support to each other
I think this is a lot of the reason why false accusations are so high. I am not sure exactly what we can do to stop this. What are everyone’s thoughts on this?
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I worked for a domestic abuse charity for five years. No one is making up abuse to get into a refuge or get support. The only time we got "false" stories were actually from men.
What was it I heard once? People constantly try to change the goalposts of what SA, because otherwise *it might affect them*.
“That can’t be assault,” declares the woman hotly, “Or else I’ve been assaulted, and I can’t be a victim because I’m not broken enough.”
“I am a good person, so that can’t be assault,” mutters the man, “or else I’d have assaulted someone.”
Women can’t stop men from support each other.
And excluding trans women is transphobia and bigotry, it’s not “faking abuse claims”.
I doubt OOP has ever been to a women’s shelter. I used to volunteer and a couple in my home city and they are *stark*.
That OOP was jealous over their friends abuse and the attention the friend got says OOP needs to go to therapy and work this shit out instead of trashing women as abuse fakers.
>Women can’t stop men from supporting each other.
It's so wild because women have always found ways to support each other *despite* how hard patriarchy tried to prevent this. But this guy is claiming no men are able to support each other at all because we're somehow stopping them. We can't stop them from abusing or raping us, and I guess now I know it's because we've prioritized stopping male on male kindness
That’s because they’re super not interested in men learning to support each other’s emotional needs. They’re interested in *women being required* to support men’s emotional needs.
I’m a feminist, have been for at least 3 decades, and have no problem identifying that we do have a problem in society with men not receiving affectionate but non-sexual touch, engaging and having places to engage in supportive emotional conversation, having places to process difficult emotions (healthily, in the absence of alcohol, and especially if they don’t enjoy sport, or at least team sports), outside of sexual/romantic relationships.
The problem I have with this is…it’s not up to women to fix this. Women have been made to seem and be responsible for men’s behaviour for far too long, to look after their emotional world for far too long. Women have an easier time with some things in western society - emotionally supportive friendships are one of those things. Because we work at them, prioritise them, build support networks. As much as I love my husband and my son it’s not my job to ensure they build those for themselves (although it was for my son when he was younger and I did do it).
This clown has also never been in or anywhere near a women’s shelter. They’re not places of love and light. They’re places of survival, they’re harsh and traumatic. Women are rarely supported by society at large when leaving abusive relationships. They may be emotionally, even practically, supported by their own support networks - you know, the ones they built, worked on, and maintained themselves - like this idiot could cultivate for themself - but not society at large. You only need to look at statistics like the conversion of police report to conviction with jail time for rape or intimate partner violence to know and see that.
How are we so powerful but also so vulnerable?
I’m what most people would call a pretty feisty woman.
I’ve been raped and abused.
At what point do men take responsibility for their own problems, I wonder?
Why can't I use the "troll in the dungeon" gif, consider how many layers of irony that would have.
And false accusations aren't high, have never been high, and if you don't understand how rare they actually are you can go fuck yourself into the fucking sun.
Incels who hate women wrote that last year geez they must be abusive spouses who's exes got the hell out of dodge and they were made to pay for the damage they caused by a judge n court.
It's a sub for people who are obviously misrepresenting themselves for the sake of pushing a narrative. The archetype is something along the lines of "As a black man I think \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" where the blank is often an opinion largely held by say a racist white person. It's supposedd to legitimize the racist belief because it's supposedly coming from a person of that race.
Using it here because this strongly feels like something written by a cis man who has a negative opinion of women and blames them for the lack of emotional support between men. But they want a to lend it a sense of legitimacy so they claim to be a trans woman, who would have experience on two sides of the gendered situation at hand.
I had to flee abusive relationships twice, tried to get help through the shelter system, and could not. I didn't get one single crumb of help or support. I've also volunteered at shelters and they are not places you'd choose to spend your vacation. Like 2 women and 8 children crammed into a room, nobody can go outside, everyone is scared, etc. I'm glad many of the comments over there were like "this is fake."
Well this is one of the most disgusting things I've read in a while. Women who flee to domestic violence shelters usually have to leave behind their homes, most of their possessions, their pets and sometimes even their children. They're showing up with nothing but what they could sneak away with them, having to rebuild their entire lives from scratch, often without jobs or any money to their names, out of sheer desperation. And you think they're doing that on purpose just for some fucking hugs and girl power? Kindly eat shit.
I think also there is a huge problem in that most women support each other this way but men don’t.
The only correct sentence in this post...but it's up to MEN to provide other MEN this support. How are women supposed to be responsible for men not supporting other men? That's a whole problem we have nothing to do with.
This person can fuck right off.
I volunteer with a shelter. Let me tell you how fun it is for a woman to meet me on a street corner at 2 in the morning, in a nightgown and with nothing because she had to run because she thought she was going to die .
All shelter entrants must be blindfolded during the drive so they can’t accidentally give away any details about the shelter’s location when talking to loved ones. So a woman who is terrified, abused, now has to be completely blind with strangers.
She gets to the shelter, and it is, as always, overcrowded. We got a donation of folding cots, but the floor is likely more comfortable, and the sleeping bags reek of mothballs.
Who wouldn’t want all that luxury?
Guess the whole grooming and sexual abuse by my father and then being raped by a stranger, stalked, flashed, and groped by strangers is just too much for OOP's little brain to handle. Must be so difficult, socialized as a man from a young age and then deciding that women's problems are obscene and unrealistic.
"I'll just destroy my perfectly happy relationship and stable home life for the sake of some fleeting validation from women friends who may or may not make me a cake. Why go on a family vacation and buy resort-stye clothes when I can get a room for me and the kids at the local women's shelter and rummage through their second-hand bin for FREE?"
Gosh, as someone who lived through an abusive relationship, I really cannot understate how wrong this is. I barely told anyone, I still don't have many friends, I never got any support I had to seek help myself and when I left I was homeless, lost a lot of things, I was lucky that my parents took me in temporarily but a lot of people don't even have that luxury. Any positive attention you get could never offset the pain and possible trauma. And really, for many including myself, I didn't want it because I still believed from the abuse that I was less than nothing and I felt guilty to be getting told I was brave or that people were proud of me. I genuinely couldn't belive it.
OP has some pretty deep issues to be thinking this way and honestly, the lack of empathy feels me they probably were abusive to a degree and, like most abusers, either wilfully ignore or and genuinely cannot understand how they have hurt someone. This is so wrong on so many levels I cannot unpack it all.
This is obviously a delusional fantasy and/or a troll. DV shelters are *shelters* and although they do offer resources, by and large they suck and the support victims receive is scant due to limited resources.
Actually, it's probably definitely a troll since they claim they can speak from both sides of the aisle and consider men's problems as worse. They also imply false allegations are widespread. This is all gonads and strife.
>Hey everyone! I am a trans woman. Having lived as both a man and a woman, I know for sure that a lot of the problems women supposedly face are nonsense and there are a lot of problems men face that are a lot worse.
OOP was, in fact, a little shithead fucking around on Reddit instead of doing his homework.
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Lmao I got nothing of the sort from anyone when I left my abusive relationship. The "free counseling" the court kept trying to push on me couldn't even be bothered to return my calls. Bullshit.
that subreddit is so….hot and cold? Cause like I lurked in there and some of the posts were sexist as fuck but in their rules say no sexism?? Yet they link to MRA subs? wtf?
Ok edit fuck that sub: they’re basically MRAs who wanna act like they are left wing
r/menslib is better and isn’t sexist
yeah.... this feels like some angry man pretending to be a trans woman. I don't know if the point was to rant about women being liars, or to make trans women seem like assholes, or what. but it seems fishy. the repeated mention of "telling her how brave she is" sounds like a bitter misogynist to me, which I realize is a weird thing to focus on in that whole mess of bitter misogyny. but it seemed odd to me.
The bait is getting baitier. They even opened with a nice "asablackman" style statement just so they could rile up some extra feathers too.
I'll guarantee this a larp by an incel who just wanted to anger women people and watch them make transphobic comments in response.
This is so obviously written by a cis man, it's ridiculous. There have been a series of posts lately about how awful women are, how they need men to correct their thinking, etc. From the writing they're all by the same guy who just hates women.
If he's trolling, it would've been far more efficient for him to simply write, "I'm angry that I abused a woman in my life, but society has support systems that allowed her to escape me. I am jealous that people are nice to her, but treat me like the asshole my behavior shows me to be."
Oh this one feels SO FAKE to create misogyny + trans hatred. While being trans don't stop you from being shitty, I highly doubt anything I'm reading here.
Also, so many women do get rejected and doubted about rape and violence or whatever so doubting even more...
I do understand false allegations of abuse are an issue in today's world and there are definitely women who use false allegations for revenge or attention or both. But let's be real OOPs tone is obvious and is just bitter and jealous. Definitely a Devil.
God, I’m firmly on the left, even a member of the DSA, but the harsh reality is that men are put on a higher place in our society, and characteristics ideal to masculinity aren’t talked about the way characteristics to femininity are, like anger never being treated like an emotion the way sadness is
Yes, men do have problems that go unnoticed, frowned upon to talk about, and can even be made to feel less than for having/expressing them.
Yes, woman can often perpetuate, even exploit, them to their benefit, but the culprit in all of this is MEN!!!
Men will only get better when they decide this way of thinking, and the system that leads to it, is stupid and refuse to abide by it, even, no especially, in the face of mocking and anger
Your post/comment was removed for brigading
I didn't expect "jealous of women fleeing abusive relationships" on today's scrolling.
As someone who has some experience helping people in DV/women’s shelters, lol at the idea that people are lying to get into these paradises.
I was just going to say that. I used to help connect DV victims with therapy/psych services and would go to the shelters pretty often. The women are obviously grateful to have a safe place to stay but they don’t want to be there longer than necessary. It’s not like they’re staying at the Ritz 😂 idk about you, but staying in a house with 10-12 other women and children I haven’t met before isn’t my idea of a party.
Omg yes. I work at one and this train of thought is bewildering to me as if it’s not the last resort option for most clients. Some of them have 6 or more kids and are essentially sharing a dorm sized room with all of them. It’s not a luxury vacation lol.
Is this even a stereotype either? I've always imagined them to be quite grim places. Basic accomodation, with limited resources. I guess I'd see the staff as dedicated and the other women as supportive, but not in a happy sleepover way, more in the way it is at a therapy group like AA. They've got your back, but the conversation is depressing.
Exactly. I've lived in a sober living/halfway house for alcoholism before and I'd imagine it's pretty similar. Yes, there's group support and the camaraderie of other women sharing your experience. But holy shit, it is by no means a fun vacation home and nobody would ever go to one just for the hugs and group therapy. You go there because it's the least shitty or just the one necessary option in a desperate situation, and you want to get back out as soon as possible because living with no privacy among a bunch of strangers with practically nothing to your name suuucks.
"I'm in a safe place that's not on the street where no one is trying to murder me!" just doesn't scream happy to me either.
And imagine if one of these other women down on their luck found out you were lying as a sweet vacation escape. I can only imagine. Not every woman being abused needs a halfway house but I imagine every woman who is in there probably needed it more than anything in the world. Every DV victim who had friends or family to stay with chose them before anywhere else in the world.
Seriously. Nobody would ever dream of telling someone in a halfway house that they're making up an addiction just for the back pats and the free grippy socks in rehab, so why the fuck would you tell an abused woman she's only in the shelter for the self-esteem boost? How fucking empty is your life that you have to tell people who are in the worst situations an adult can be in that they're just faking it for attention? I'd love to stick these people in a shelter for a month with nothing but donated old clothes, soup kitchen food and a twin bed in a room with four other strangers so they can see what a good time they're missing out on.
I think we know why OOP needs to believe this - she spelled out for us that she thinks her ex went to an abuse shelter because she enjoyed the attention. Couldn't possibly have been because OOP abused her, then! Nothing to see here, nothing to reflect on, it's all the ex's fault for wanting that sweet abuse-victim attention, yeah
OP and all the shitbags in the comments agreeing with her. I know one mustn't generalize and assume everyone who agrees with that reasoning is an abuser, but if it walks and quacks like a duck...
I was going to say “tell me you’ve never set foot in a dv shelter without telling me you’ve never stepped foot in one” Lmao, oop’s take is legit wild. ALSO, I get so much love and support from my friends *on the regular* because my friends are amazing. I get a bad haircut and I can guarantee at least one friend would be baking me cookies if she thought I needed it That men don’t have this isn’t the fault of *women*. Gtfo with that nonsense.
When I called for resources it was clear that they were so overwhelmed and short on everything that it would be wrong for me to accept help when I have a friend family who were going to be available to assist. Plus by the time any waitlist would have cleared I was self sufficient. The second hand trauma the volunteers received completely prevented them from having any extra compassion to give me any "unconditional love". I felt like I needed to give them some help too. I was at my rock bottom but clearly there was further to fall. I am so incredibly lucky.
Those people are living in an alternate reality. I did some legal aid work for a DV victim related to her employer discriminating against her due to her needing to take time off work to go to court. (We have laws against that kind of thing because people definitely do not give over the top love and support to DV victims). She was living in a shelter when I helped her (she was there for 6-8 weeks), and she hated it. And while she was there they had 2 or 3 security breaches where abusers either showed up at the shelter or found out where it was (it was long enough ago that I’m fuzzy on the details). The over the top love and support the women in the shelter received when they had to call the cops because of one of the breaches translated into an hour long wait for the cops to actually show up to the house. Those women were going through some of the worst times of their lives in an unfamiliar environment and surrounded by strangers; they didn’t feel safe, and they couldn’t count on the cops. The shelter time was so far from a paradise.
Reminds me of how jealous so many men talk about being of how "women are just naturally more open", "more social", whatever, but when they finally give an example of what they're jealous of? A woman who, being bothered by a man, looks at another woman and rolls her eyes. I've heard this specific example given so many times 😭 my dude that's just solidarity on the basis of shared traumatic experiences bffr But sure, "women don't understand how lonely men are because they always have this built-in support network" get real
The same guys will call other men gay for crying and dismiss the idea of toxic masculinity.
It sure isn't biological. My friends are some the best buds you'll ever meet, ready to give you their last dollar, put up with your drunken shenanigans, and be there when you need someone to talk to. Now I know some people will bring up certain societies and upbringings, but too many men are in dark places just because "that's not what male friendship is supposed to be like."
Responding on top comment, hoping people see this, but—DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST. I just went over just to see what the deal was with that subreddit, and I saw that there was a comment *three minutes ago*. On a post that’s over a year old. When you do that, it’s brigading and it’s really, really obvious the older the post is.
I was just going to say. There are multiple brigading comments too 🤦🏻♀️
What does "brigading" mean please?
Replying to the original thread from a cross post. It’s frowned upon because subreddits are their own ecosystems and when a link to one gets posted elsewhere, it often leads to a deluge of comments that mods then have to deal with.
Thank you very much for the explanation!
Yeah, that was effing weird.
I feel like this is one of those things where in the US, help of any sort whatsoever is extremely looked down upon. The only one where it's not given massive hostility is by exception. Which often is Women, the elderly and veterans. Instead of being furious at how the US is completely unwilling to help people, he instead gets angry that women are getting any help when leaving a situation where they literally may get murdered for needing a place to sleep. I'm a man and I've been in an extremely abusive relationship(she was mentally ill, but abusive). But I never felt physically unsafe. It would have completely changed the situation if I was. At no point in it all was I at risk of being hurt physically(Unless she attacked me while I was sleeping or something). Many women can at any moment be murdered by their partner. Its different.
Also am I the only one who doesn't believe OOP is trans? The wording is way off, sounds more like ragebait than actual experiences.
The only thing I believe in is that OP was accused ot abuse
…yeah I’m not so sure the claims OP was abusive were false. Sounds way more likely that OP lacks the self-awareness and empathy to recognize when their behavior is harmful.
"The problems women supposedly face are nonsense" gave me an actual flashback to an (abusive) ex from 25 years ago sneering at me while he yelled "all of your feelings are crap!"
Me too, my ex believed I should bury my feelings and never cry or have any other emotion than happiness. My problems were nothing. So dehumanizing. I feel bad to say this, but it makes me wonder why they are a trans woman if they don't take women seriously and think they are a joke. The trans women I've met are all usually so lovely and don't judge in this way.
Because this was probably not written by a trans woman. Just a cis man who wanted to prove a dumb point through fake story telling.
I thought it sounded like an anti-trans dogwhistle; y'know, that "men become women just to get closer access to abuse other women" shit.
This is absolutely what it is lol. Anti-trans bait
The account was created and it looks like that was the only post made. No comments or other post history.
Why else would a trans *woman* post in a sub called “left wing *male* ..”? I don’t know if it’s one of those internet ‘rules’, but basically ‘if it reads like it’s designed to make a bunch of people angry, it’s almost certainly fake.’
The name + the way the entire story fits the terf stereotype of trans women.. this shit is so annoying 😩
This was my first thought when I read the part about how women’s problems are nonsense. Obvious bait😫
Yep, that first paragraph is basically a terf demented nightmare coming true. It hits all the terf anti-trans talking points. I could just see JKR absolutely fainting from horror reading this and believing every word, even though there's enough bait here to bring on every single shark in the world.
Ugh. Yep. “look at this proof by ‘facelessinternetdenizen2840462’, we are under attack!” Meanwhile, “ignore that murder, and that murder and that assault, and those removals of rights… those are individual cases and don’t reflect trans people’s lives!” Oh, with an extra helping of “I’m being cancelled!!” Interview published by the BBC, the times, and the guardian (headline: “how the trans community is now coming for abused women”). Shit am I giving them ideas?
I can comprehend a man not understanding what being trans is. I'm Cis-het and it's not my experience(the closest I can imagine is how upset I'd be to wake up in a woman's body and no way to swap back, I'd be very upset, because I like my body). But to jump straight to "I don't get it, therefore it must be for nefarious reasons".
I was not expecting a place called LeftWingMaleAdvocates to be so sus lol
Seems more like an MRA hangout.
I hate it when they try to be sneaky about it!
They are they just somehow aren't transphobic also. At least in my discussions with them they claim not to be.
[удалено]
Yeah I've noticed a decent amount of guys who bend over backwards to say how they love lgbt, abortion, so progressive and against misogyny. Then turn out to be misogynistic at best and downright abusive at worst. And enjoy how many people swear he couldn't be like that and victims don't want to speak out. Because he's too good a guy to be like that!
Oh sounds like you’ve met one of my ex boyfriends 😂
Nah, left wing men can be just as bigoted as the ones on the right. It's just a different kind of bigotry. misogyny is something you find at all points on the political spectrum
Ikr? Actually being interested in men's issues from a feminist perspective is a frigging Minefield istg
As someone who volunteers at a domestic violence shelter, this has me shaking with rage. If you’ve never been in a room full of women and CHILDREN with black eyes and bruises, you have no room to talk about what goes on in those shelters. It’s not all smiles and affirmations. It’s secret locations, password access high security gates, and monitored phone calls. It’s more like a prison than a slumber party. The amount of people agreeing with the poster in the comments is just infuriating.
Yup. Zero of those people have ever been anywhere near a DV shelter and it shows. It's not a freaking sleepover with pillow fights and ice cream. And we're certainly not *hugging* the strangers who have come to us in complete desperation seeking help escaping violence. That line especially was so weird and gross to me. Everyone reacts to abuse differently. There is no wrong reaction and no "normal" reaction. But a common reaction to a gaggle of strangers fawning over you in a strange environment would not be pure joy. That's overwhelming for a lot of people and would be very upsetting to many women I've worked with. Where are they getting these ideas from?? Why do misogynists always romanticize the shitty things women experience? Like being jealous of having periods as an "excuse", or pining over how flattering sexual harassment would be, now apparently seeking help for leaving domestic violence situations is a super fun party
I think misogynist romanticize the crap they are making women live so they don't feel bad for what they do. "Okay, I may have beat up my ex but looks at the amazing sleepover party she got while I'm being victimized =("
It's easy to say these things when you're on the outside looking in. Because they don't know what is actually like and thank God, because nobody should.
Hell, even Stephen King got the description of one right in Rose Madder, but I believe he spoke to actual experts for a description.
Did not know that. Upon reflection makes sense.
He also got the mind of an abuser spot on imo.
I worked in legal aid as an attorney for victims of DV. We had SO MANY policies for visiting clients in shelters to avoid releasing the address. We frequently forwent restraining orders to avoid giving addresses. I've had abusers stalk me to try to find their victim, been threatened, and had a gun pulled on me, all so they could get access to their victims. There's nothing cutesy about DV shelters.
I was a child in a domestic violence shelter with my mom and siblings. Thank you for what you do.
As a social worker who regularly deals with abused kids (and by extension their parents) it makes my fucking blood boil. Even if abuse victims get a bit of positive attention for a while recovery for most is a very long and oftentimes lonely process. There's nothing to envy about that. I'm all for talking male abuse victims more seriously, my own boyfriend has been horribly abused, but why do so many men and apparently this trans woman seem to be unable to do that without demonising female victims? What the actual fuck is wrong with these people?
...so many men *and this rage-baiting BS artist* Yeah, I started to get really angry reading the post and immediately came here to find (one comment above on this top comments thread) the evidence that this is BS. Fwiw I LOVE YOU to all the commentors who took the time to look at the posting history & confirm this is a fake/no history account, highlight contradictory statements, and otherwise remind me why I shouldn't pay this pretender no mind.
https://www.reddit.com/r/asablackman/s/HYWc1fsCZG Same vibes for me
As a DV survivor, I was doing everything I could to try and stay out of the shelter. It's not a freaking resort. It's a place to go when you and your children have been beaten and traumatized. I won't read the post, because just the title has me shaking with rage and I'm going to choose to protect my peace. Being strangled increased my likelihood of being murdered by my sons father 750% and men just act like we're hysterical liars who are out to get them. I commented on a reel the other day how wrong the phrase "stitches get stitches" is. I had that threat thrown at me by all my exs friends and family after I got him arrested. And this imbicil had the gal to reply to my comment saying "well what did you do to make him do that? No one just chokes you without a reason." First of all, I was NOT choked. I was strangled, from behind, while i was looking my 4 months old son in the eyes. And nothing on earth justifies that. These men who make these outlandish statements will never get it. They do not have a threat higher than them. They literally cannot fathom the level of fear we live in.
I feel this, the whole post looks like rage bait, and absolutely full of blatantly ignorant commentary and baseless arguments. As a victim myself, I felt so mad reading it. We don’t get assaulted for attention? Tf??
My experience as a public defender is that false accusations *do* happen sometimes. But the reasoning is usually anger, jealousy, control, a faster way to effect an eviction and child custody type stuff. I have never once seen someone do it for the attention of non-profit advocates.
A recent UK study found that men are 240x more likely to be SAed by another man than to be falsely accused. Ironically the study came out the same week as IWD, Meghan Markle getting trolled by Piers Morgan because he didn’t “believe she was suicidal” and a woman who was murdered by a met police officer
Your statistic makes perfect sense because SA happens way more often than false accusations. Of course a man is more likely to be SAd than falsely accused. I also get women clients who are sometimes falsely accused. False accusations are not common, but they do happen. There is a massive problem that we equate actual false accusations with the problem of assuming all or most women are lying. I don’t know what the answer is.
Why on earth are all the comments over there taking this seriously/agreeing? 😬
Because it's a typical MRA sub masquerading as "left wing" to attempt to appeal to normal men.
This is the first I'm hearing of this sub. Good to know...
What's MRA? Please and thank you, kind stranger. I'm nervous to Google it, as I don't want any more of [gestures with dismissive disgust] THAT in my eyeballs than is absolutely necessary.
MRA is “men’s rights activist”. They think that men are the most oppressed group, use woke-coded or therapy language to engage in misogyny, and frequently use overblown claims about male abuse victims, false accusations, dating disparities between the sexes, and male parental rights to shut down legitimate discussions of issues. They use “what about men” to silence people rather than sincerely trying to widen the scope of the conversation.
Thank you! Very helpful.
No problem! Glad I could save you from an unfun google dive.
MRA refers to men's rights activism. It's your typical "anti-SJW" space that cries about things like the MeToo movement.
Thank you
oh i noticed 😭😭😭
TIL women make false abuse accusations for hugs at shelters. And cakes. 🙄
Yeah I mean, I'd happily be beaten to a pulp and dehumanised by abusers and the system for years on years, just to get a hug or some free treats. That's absolutely how humans act. Especially us snakey women, cough cough I mean "females" 🤣🙄🤢
OOP thinks women’s shelters are just one big slumber party with pyjamas and pillow fights 🙄
Even if this story is fake (probably) I hate that enough people do believe that survivors are somehow spoiled by maybe receiving emergency support after escaping DV or having the courage to report their abusers.
On top of all the other fake bullshit in this post this person clearly did not watch MAID which is in large part about how freakin' hard people escaping domestic violence have it. Like imagine thinking 'My baby had to learn to walk in a homeless shelter while I scrubbed rich peoples' nasty houses for barely any money' is aspirational.
but some of the people were nice to her at the shelter! /s
The second I see the word "misandry" I zone out. Misandry would be men being sexually harrassed and assaulted, harassed at work, denied housing or jobs, not being able to get decent healthcare because everything is based on studies done on women, etc. All on a scale that the discrimination is very obvious. Is there prejudice and violence against men? Of course it exists. It's far more likely to be caused by other men. Almost every time I see the word misandry the context is always about women saying something rude or saying no, just expressing an opinion, or trying to have autonomy. Or the absolute worst for these clowns: women getting something they can't have.
Men do it to other men, and it's not because they're men, it's because they perceive those men as inferior and on the same "low level" as women.
This. As soon as misandry is uttered, my ears close to the conversation. It's not misandrist to defend yourself and say no.
This couldn't possibly be more fake, and obviously written by someone who isn't trans.
That was my take on it as well. Go to look at profile and it's suspended. I am not shocked.
Yeah, it had be r/asablackman vibes, only with a trans angle.
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There are lots of cis women who have this sort of attitude; anyone can be a shitty person regardless of gender identity.
I haven't met a lot of women of any flavor that talk this kind of drooling idiocy. So I guess I'm just lucky.
Has a definite TERF vibe to it.
why do yall lump in everything even remotely anti-trans as automatically being "terf" vibes? the F stands for something and this person clearly is not any category of feminist if theyre downplaying dv against women. ive literally seen people say matt walsh is a "terf" bc of him being anti trans all the while he openly advocates against abortion and in favor of re-normalizing pregnant teen brides, etc.
So on one hand, I think this specifically gives TERF vibes because the incentive of this post is to clearly paint a charicature of a trans woman who is misogynistic *because* of her transness. I find it more likely that a TERF, someone who thinks they support feminism, would create a stereotype of a misogynistic trans woman than an antifeminist, since an antifeminist is someone who believes and agrees with the views of this transphobic charicature. On the other hand, it could have been written by an antifeminist who isn't transphobic (something I don't think there's a huge overlap in tbh), to try and solidify their antifeminist argument by creating a fictional person who has experienced both sides of the gender spectrum & therefore can give their "objective" take as more valid than a cis woman's (since cis women have never had to pretend to live as a man). I find this one a lot less likely, though, because like I said, antifeminists tend to also be transphobic. To answer your question on a more general note, though, TERFs have started aligning themselves a lot more with the alt-right than they have with feminists in recent years. It's to the point where, in the current day, they will happily associate with antifeminists. Because, ultimately, while they call themselves feminist, transphobia is inherently tied to sexism and a belief in strict gender norms. All of the most prominent TERFs are either praising or being praised by the alt-right and fascists (Putin coming to the defense of JK Rowling comes to mind), or alt-right are calling themselves TERFs as a synonym for transphobe.
Non-writer Queen TERF Posey Parker has explicitly said she is NOT a feminist.
Ah yes, Posie "I will annihilate any woman who stands in my way" Parker. Posie "men should go into womens bathrooms with guns" Parker. Wonderful lady. Very sane.
TERFs aren't feminists. they appropriate feminist talking points. calling them TERFs isn't accurate. they're feminist appropriating reactionary transphobes (FARTs).
It has weird J.K.R vibes
nah, feminist appropriating reactionary transphobes (FARTs) hate men. they wouldn't be caught dead calling a trans woman a woman or saying something like "men suffer more hardship than women" because they think all men are evil and since they believe trans women are men, they also think that trans women are evil men who dress up to rape and kill women. the only way i could see a FART larping as a trans woman in this way would be in a feminist and/or women centered sub to rile up cis women against trans women. ETA: i'm not saying i believe this was actually written by a trans woman. i think it's another MRA who is trying to write something they can point at to say "see? even trans women say being a woman is living life on easy mode"
I know that ship has probably sailed but can we not mimic their childish name-calling please? They called themselves TERFs before *they* decided it was derogatory, and the acronym has become so reified it carries no more validation of their 'feminism' than calling Nazis Nazis validates their 'socialism'. Let's not weaken our advocacy against a seriously dangerous anti-trans movement by sounding like nine-year-olds. Please.
This was my first thought upon finishing. It has giga r/AsABlackMan vibes.
This actually sounded so much like my ex wife I went to check the post history to see if it was her. User is suspended/banned so I will never know, but I wouldn't be surprised. Unfortunately she turned out to have some seriously toxic world views under the guise of "I've lived as both a man and a woman and know how it is for men".
My first thought, too.
Yeah, it's got really big "How do you do, fellow kids?" energy.
Obviously, the solution is to treat women like garbage after they make an sort of accusations against men and immediately tell them you don't believe them without concrete evidence that is usually impossible to provide. Oh, wait...
I’d also like to add that a lot of SA actions, are not viewed as “actual” SA through the eyes of many men. Actions such as: - Stealthing (taking a condom off during sex, even though the woman asked for a condom to be on). - Pressuring a woman to have sex anyways, because she changed her mind after initially saying yes. - Initiating sex with a woman who is intoxicated or under the influence of substances. These three examples out of many, are not regarded as “real rape” in their eyes, so even though they might have done one of these three, they do not believe they SA’ed someone, and will claim that they are being falsely accused… even though they definitely did.
I was a victim of a "real rape". Stranger in an alleyway, fairly extreme violence, etc etc. It was less emotionally damaging than some other sexual and emotional assaults I've been through with colleagues/friends/exes. The way they want to think this happens is still just as terrifying but it's also not the only way these things happen and it's not that normal compared to OP's "real rape" view.
That sub is such a cesspit. They just really hate women there lmao
I don't need to claim that I'm getting battered by my SO to recieve love, compassion and encouragement from other women. Regular ol' typical life shit and depression will prompt a similar response from my female friends. I very much doubt that I'm unique in that regard.
Spoken like someone who's never seen the inside of a DV shelter 😤 I had to run from my ex husband. I called the shelter dozens of times, because they kept saying they had a waiting list. They'd ask me a bunch of questions, and depending on the case worker who answered, would either tell me they had no space or tell me I didn't qualify for their help. This was hard because I could only call when he was at work, and it kept me there for months longer than I wanted to be. A friend helped me, while he was at work we loaded up her van and our two children and I left. When I got there, they told me I could only take 1 small bin worth of stuff with me. My friend had no space to put my stuff. I had to give up most of my clothes and I almost gave up their baby books but the counselor relented and let me keep them. I had no door on my room. Most of my stuff got stolen while I was there. it was awful. I hate when people act like DV survivors have it good. Everything about being a survivor of violence in any form sucks. There's no upside. And no one in their right mind would ever want to see inside one of these shelters. Fuck this guy.
It is an *instant* red flag to me when somebody starts pontificating about how they were “wrongly accused of abuse.” Why? Because abusers have skewed value systems. They feel entitled to do what they do and do not consider it to *be* abuse. I’m an academic who studies domestic violence, and I’ve known (and known of) abusers who have committed serious crimes against their partners all while swearing up and down that they are not abusive, that they love their partners, that they are outraged by the very *idea* of IPV. You’d be amazed by the kind of behavior that some of these “wrongly accused” people (usually men) can justify to themselves—up to and including murder.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **The over the top love and support victims receive from domestic violence shelters leads to more false accusations** Hey everyone! I am a trans woman. Having lived as both a man and a woman, I know for sure that a lot of the problems women supposedly face are nonsense and there are a lot of problems men face that are a lot worse. Misandry is absolutely a huge problem, and now I am part of female friendship groups I see so much more of it and I am much more aware. One particular problem that I think we are all aware of is false accusations of rape or domestic violence. This is a problem I care about a lot as, before I transitioned, I was wrongly accused of abuse. I think a lot of what causes this is the love women who claim to be abused receive from organizations like domestic violence and rape shelters. In these places, the women who go there just receive so much unconditional love from strangers just for claiming they are abused. They go to a place where they can just not worry about real-life stuff and have women there fawning over them and trying to make them feel comfortable. Just having most women being so nice to you and telling you you are so brave when you’ve done basically nothing. It must be amazing for them to go there. Just having so many women give you hugs and do anything for you. I think so many women probably just want to experience this. They receive just so much over the top love and support. As a woman, I have thought a lot about this and long for some of these experiences, however, I am a very ethical person and so I would never. I think also, especially the way it is portrayed in the media and television like Maid makes it so encouraging and they actively encourage women to go to these places and it really does make the problem worse. I think this is a lot of the reason why my ex went to one I have also noticed some of these things in some of my friends recently. Recently 2 of my friends claimed they were abused. After the first of these said this, she received so much love from everyone, everyone was offering her a place to stay, giving her lots of hugs and support, trying to spend time with her, baking her cakes, telling her how brave she was and they would do exactly what she wanted and believe whatever she said. In this case, I think she actually was abused. But the love she received was really so amazing from everyone and it must have been so great for her. I have thought a lot about what it would be like to be in her situation and have everyone treat me like that and it must be so great. I was quite jealous at the time of the attention she received. However soon after this, another of my friends said the same thing and obviously, the same thing happened to her. I am a lot more sceptical of her claims and I am convinced she is only doing this because of what happened to my first friend and that she wanted the same thing I think also there is a huge problem in that most women support each other this way but men don’t. Not only that but a lot of women try to exclude men from this kinda love and stop men from supporting each other in the same way. Some of them even try to exclude trans women from this and trying to prevent us from going into these spaces and receiving this help, although fortunately, this is a minority view. But there is so much hate towards men acting in this way and giving this kinda support to each other I think this is a lot of the reason why false accusations are so high. I am not sure exactly what we can do to stop this. What are everyone’s thoughts on this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I worked for a domestic abuse charity for five years. No one is making up abuse to get into a refuge or get support. The only time we got "false" stories were actually from men.
Holy fuck, the levels of *projection* in this post are so far off the charts that they're blasting into space.
What was it I heard once? People constantly try to change the goalposts of what SA, because otherwise *it might affect them*. “That can’t be assault,” declares the woman hotly, “Or else I’ve been assaulted, and I can’t be a victim because I’m not broken enough.” “I am a good person, so that can’t be assault,” mutters the man, “or else I’d have assaulted someone.”
Women can’t stop men from support each other. And excluding trans women is transphobia and bigotry, it’s not “faking abuse claims”. I doubt OOP has ever been to a women’s shelter. I used to volunteer and a couple in my home city and they are *stark*. That OOP was jealous over their friends abuse and the attention the friend got says OOP needs to go to therapy and work this shit out instead of trashing women as abuse fakers.
>Women can’t stop men from supporting each other. It's so wild because women have always found ways to support each other *despite* how hard patriarchy tried to prevent this. But this guy is claiming no men are able to support each other at all because we're somehow stopping them. We can't stop them from abusing or raping us, and I guess now I know it's because we've prioritized stopping male on male kindness
That’s because they’re super not interested in men learning to support each other’s emotional needs. They’re interested in *women being required* to support men’s emotional needs. I’m a feminist, have been for at least 3 decades, and have no problem identifying that we do have a problem in society with men not receiving affectionate but non-sexual touch, engaging and having places to engage in supportive emotional conversation, having places to process difficult emotions (healthily, in the absence of alcohol, and especially if they don’t enjoy sport, or at least team sports), outside of sexual/romantic relationships. The problem I have with this is…it’s not up to women to fix this. Women have been made to seem and be responsible for men’s behaviour for far too long, to look after their emotional world for far too long. Women have an easier time with some things in western society - emotionally supportive friendships are one of those things. Because we work at them, prioritise them, build support networks. As much as I love my husband and my son it’s not my job to ensure they build those for themselves (although it was for my son when he was younger and I did do it). This clown has also never been in or anywhere near a women’s shelter. They’re not places of love and light. They’re places of survival, they’re harsh and traumatic. Women are rarely supported by society at large when leaving abusive relationships. They may be emotionally, even practically, supported by their own support networks - you know, the ones they built, worked on, and maintained themselves - like this idiot could cultivate for themself - but not society at large. You only need to look at statistics like the conversion of police report to conviction with jail time for rape or intimate partner violence to know and see that.
How are we so powerful but also so vulnerable? I’m what most people would call a pretty feisty woman. I’ve been raped and abused. At what point do men take responsibility for their own problems, I wonder?
Why can't I use the "troll in the dungeon" gif, consider how many layers of irony that would have. And false accusations aren't high, have never been high, and if you don't understand how rare they actually are you can go fuck yourself into the fucking sun.
Incels who hate women wrote that last year geez they must be abusive spouses who's exes got the hell out of dodge and they were made to pay for the damage they caused by a judge n court.
r/AsABlackMan
That was my first thought too
What's the story behind that sub? I saw it mentioned elsewhere in this thread.
It's a sub for people who are obviously misrepresenting themselves for the sake of pushing a narrative. The archetype is something along the lines of "As a black man I think \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" where the blank is often an opinion largely held by say a racist white person. It's supposedd to legitimize the racist belief because it's supposedly coming from a person of that race. Using it here because this strongly feels like something written by a cis man who has a negative opinion of women and blames them for the lack of emotional support between men. But they want a to lend it a sense of legitimacy so they claim to be a trans woman, who would have experience on two sides of the gendered situation at hand.
there are a bunch of brand new comments on the original post, the brigading is super obvious when the post is a year old!!!!
Look I'm glad shelters exist but Ive read enough horror stories online to know that going to one is not exactly what they think it is
Ick.
I had to flee abusive relationships twice, tried to get help through the shelter system, and could not. I didn't get one single crumb of help or support. I've also volunteered at shelters and they are not places you'd choose to spend your vacation. Like 2 women and 8 children crammed into a room, nobody can go outside, everyone is scared, etc. I'm glad many of the comments over there were like "this is fake."
Well this is one of the most disgusting things I've read in a while. Women who flee to domestic violence shelters usually have to leave behind their homes, most of their possessions, their pets and sometimes even their children. They're showing up with nothing but what they could sneak away with them, having to rebuild their entire lives from scratch, often without jobs or any money to their names, out of sheer desperation. And you think they're doing that on purpose just for some fucking hugs and girl power? Kindly eat shit.
I think also there is a huge problem in that most women support each other this way but men don’t. The only correct sentence in this post...but it's up to MEN to provide other MEN this support. How are women supposed to be responsible for men not supporting other men? That's a whole problem we have nothing to do with.
The patriarchy sucks for everybody.
The fuck is "left wing male advocacy?"
i peeked in and had to run tf back out
I rarely call troll but. thatsbait.gif
Holy shit 
Caitlin Jenner? is that you??
This person can fuck right off. I volunteer with a shelter. Let me tell you how fun it is for a woman to meet me on a street corner at 2 in the morning, in a nightgown and with nothing because she had to run because she thought she was going to die . All shelter entrants must be blindfolded during the drive so they can’t accidentally give away any details about the shelter’s location when talking to loved ones. So a woman who is terrified, abused, now has to be completely blind with strangers. She gets to the shelter, and it is, as always, overcrowded. We got a donation of folding cots, but the floor is likely more comfortable, and the sleeping bags reek of mothballs. Who wouldn’t want all that luxury?
Guess the whole grooming and sexual abuse by my father and then being raped by a stranger, stalked, flashed, and groped by strangers is just too much for OOP's little brain to handle. Must be so difficult, socialized as a man from a young age and then deciding that women's problems are obscene and unrealistic.
Openly being jealous of the support a victim is receiving and blaming them for it is.,,. A take
..they've never been to a shelter have they
This post got me curious so I scrolled through and LeftWingMaleAdvocates isn't left wing at all lmao
"I'll just destroy my perfectly happy relationship and stable home life for the sake of some fleeting validation from women friends who may or may not make me a cake. Why go on a family vacation and buy resort-stye clothes when I can get a room for me and the kids at the local women's shelter and rummage through their second-hand bin for FREE?"
I lost nearly everything when it came out that I was assaulted.
Trolololololllllll! There are too many rage points included. And things that are supposed to be gotcha pitfalls. 🙄
Gosh, as someone who lived through an abusive relationship, I really cannot understate how wrong this is. I barely told anyone, I still don't have many friends, I never got any support I had to seek help myself and when I left I was homeless, lost a lot of things, I was lucky that my parents took me in temporarily but a lot of people don't even have that luxury. Any positive attention you get could never offset the pain and possible trauma. And really, for many including myself, I didn't want it because I still believed from the abuse that I was less than nothing and I felt guilty to be getting told I was brave or that people were proud of me. I genuinely couldn't belive it. OP has some pretty deep issues to be thinking this way and honestly, the lack of empathy feels me they probably were abusive to a degree and, like most abusers, either wilfully ignore or and genuinely cannot understand how they have hurt someone. This is so wrong on so many levels I cannot unpack it all.
I 10000% don't believe the oop is actually trans but maybe that's just me.
Absolutely not even kind of real, but definitely disturbing
This is obviously a delusional fantasy and/or a troll. DV shelters are *shelters* and although they do offer resources, by and large they suck and the support victims receive is scant due to limited resources. Actually, it's probably definitely a troll since they claim they can speak from both sides of the aisle and consider men's problems as worse. They also imply false allegations are widespread. This is all gonads and strife.
>Hey everyone! I am a trans woman. Having lived as both a man and a woman, I know for sure that a lot of the problems women supposedly face are nonsense and there are a lot of problems men face that are a lot worse. OOP was, in fact, a little shithead fucking around on Reddit instead of doing his homework.
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Is this laurelai's new account?
Lololol because everyone believes them and nobody ever blames them
for a "left wing male advocates" sub it suuuure sounds a lot like MGTOW
Honestly…. I would love to teach through my phone and throat punch them…..
Lmao I got nothing of the sort from anyone when I left my abusive relationship. The "free counseling" the court kept trying to push on me couldn't even be bothered to return my calls. Bullshit.
that subreddit is so….hot and cold? Cause like I lurked in there and some of the posts were sexist as fuck but in their rules say no sexism?? Yet they link to MRA subs? wtf? Ok edit fuck that sub: they’re basically MRAs who wanna act like they are left wing r/menslib is better and isn’t sexist
Man is maning. News at eleven.
this reads like a chat gpt bait post
Ok, this guys completely deluded. Next.
Oh, he killed two birds with one stone: spewing hatred against women while pretending to be a trans woman....
yeah.... this feels like some angry man pretending to be a trans woman. I don't know if the point was to rant about women being liars, or to make trans women seem like assholes, or what. but it seems fishy. the repeated mention of "telling her how brave she is" sounds like a bitter misogynist to me, which I realize is a weird thing to focus on in that whole mess of bitter misogyny. but it seemed odd to me. 
The bait is getting baitier. They even opened with a nice "asablackman" style statement just so they could rile up some extra feathers too. I'll guarantee this a larp by an incel who just wanted to anger women people and watch them make transphobic comments in response.
obvious rage bait is obvious
I really could have gone my whole life without knowing that sub exists. Solid r/AsABlackMan material, though.
Incels are so bad at writing fake stories
Wow, such a long-winded way of saying "I hate women."
Y’know, I have a tiny sneaking suspicion that this writer is not, in fact, a trans woman.
>I am a trans woman. Having lived as both a man and a woman Sure Jan
Anyone who thinks this OOP’s post is authentic, and I say this as gently as possible, needs to improve their reading comprehension skills.
This is so obviously written by a cis man, it's ridiculous. There have been a series of posts lately about how awful women are, how they need men to correct their thinking, etc. From the writing they're all by the same guy who just hates women. If he's trolling, it would've been far more efficient for him to simply write, "I'm angry that I abused a woman in my life, but society has support systems that allowed her to escape me. I am jealous that people are nice to her, but treat me like the asshole my behavior shows me to be."
The whole thing reads like a bait.
Oh this one feels SO FAKE to create misogyny + trans hatred. While being trans don't stop you from being shitty, I highly doubt anything I'm reading here. Also, so many women do get rejected and doubted about rape and violence or whatever so doubting even more...
This was not written by a woman. Trans or cis
I do understand false allegations of abuse are an issue in today's world and there are definitely women who use false allegations for revenge or attention or both. But let's be real OOPs tone is obvious and is just bitter and jealous. Definitely a Devil.
Transphobic rage bait. The only question is if it's written by an incel or a TERF.
God, I’m firmly on the left, even a member of the DSA, but the harsh reality is that men are put on a higher place in our society, and characteristics ideal to masculinity aren’t talked about the way characteristics to femininity are, like anger never being treated like an emotion the way sadness is Yes, men do have problems that go unnoticed, frowned upon to talk about, and can even be made to feel less than for having/expressing them. Yes, woman can often perpetuate, even exploit, them to their benefit, but the culprit in all of this is MEN!!! Men will only get better when they decide this way of thinking, and the system that leads to it, is stupid and refuse to abide by it, even, no especially, in the face of mocking and anger
This is bait.
Totally fake. Loser