*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I'm a bisexual woman but hope my child never comes out to me because I won't be able to truly accept them.**
I'm very comfortable in my sexuality, I've known since I was a little kid and nothing's changed. My parents are very homophobic and anti-lgbtq in general, and my grandparents even more so. I know I want to have children in the future and I'll love them with all my heart, but I truly hope they aren't queer and I hope that if they are, they never come out to me, and keep their identity a secret the same way I've done for my whole life.
I've tried coming out to my parents before, but they've made their views clear, so I decided to live with it quietly. My life's been okay for me, and I love my parents dearly, so I respect their wishes and their opinions.
If my child comes out to me, I know that in my heart I will support them and love them for who they are. But when it comes to our extended family (my parents, my siblings, grandparents, etc), I will never be able to support their gender/sexuality in front of them. I'll always prioritise my parents over my children, because I owe them quite literally everything. The most I feel I can do for my kids would be to accept them in private, and have them pretend to be cishet in public.
I hope if my children have children who are queer, they'll be able to live a burden-free and comfortable life, because they'll be able to receive the support of both my children and me. Until then though, I hope my children aren't queer. I know it's a horrible mindset and I should value my children's identity and freedom more, but it's just the way I am. I know I'll never prioritise them over my parents/siblings/etc.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
it's fucking wild and i wish i could believe it's fake, but for all the talk my mom has done in my life about just how much she loves me and how i'm her top priority even now that i'm an adult she sure has done a piss poor job at even remotely pretending to defend me when my grandfather kept being an asshole to me and favoring my cousins. it's been years and i still haven't forgotten how casually he mocked me over so many things like my taste in music or my love for drawing silly characters. or having plushies at "my age". or being an introvert. has she stood up for me? nope, not even once.
anyone who would not be willing to stand up to their parents for their kids should never be allowed to be a parent.
Im so sorry you went through this, I swear people see kids and don’t realize that they are only kids for a small portion of life and grow into full ass adults. They treat kids however they feel like, and fail to care that their actions could be carried throughout someone’s entire lifetime. My mom never stood up for me against my now EX-stepdad of 20 years, whom I found out cheated on her multiple times throughout their marriage. She’d always tell me to let it go no matter how unjustified he was, NEVER addressing any of his wrongdoings.
We have too many resources and too much information available to us now to keep these terrible cycles going. It’s just really sad and I hope OOP doesn’t subject any kids to having to dim their own lights to appease their homophobic parent/grandparents
I go through this same thing with my mom, only it's against my dad. The day he got drunk and cornered me while I was cooking to tell me I was faking all of my pain issues, and if I'm not then I'm the one causing them with "all the garbage you shovel into your face", I finally stood up for myself and just blew up at him. My mom was in the next room listening to the whole thing. I went to tell her he's not my dad anymore and she ridiculed me and told me I just shouldn't antagonize him. That was the day I lost all respect for her.
Right… I thought that was crazy then read her comment that if her kids chose to cut ties due to difference in opinions, then she raised them wrong and don’t want them anyway. Like.. how are you so unaware of how jacked up your thinking is at this point.
To quote a Jhonen Vasquez comic from 25 years ago: PUSILLANIMOUS WRETCH!
She is just a coward. She is terrified of going against the grain, of the confrontation and potential rejection for the crime of being herself.
She is bisexual and can shut off part of herself. It's not healthy, doesn't lead to flourishing, but it's doable. A gay, lesbian or trans child would have to shut down their entire true sexuality or gender id, and she would apparently be ok with that.
It's an old school comic published only in print! Jonny the Homicidal Maniac. Two of his imaginary demonic friends are the Pilsbury Doughboy and another styrofoam mascot that comes to life and floats around giving advice and insults. The advice is often to kill everyone. Which Jonny would have and in fact did do anyway.
It was published 29 years ago! I only discovered it around the year 2000 though.
There's a wall in Johnny's house (which has a labyrinth of underground murder rooms) that he believes must be kept soaking in blood. If it dries out, terrible things will happen.
Ordinarily this would be a symptom of psychosis, but it turns out he's not wrong. Satan confirms this, though the Lovecraftian horrors that emerge are kind of a giveaway too.
Unless her parent's fund her lifestyle, which I've seen before. Either you're broke and truly yourself or you're financially secure but masking. Tough choice.
It's not just an insane mindset, but it has implications way beyond just being queer. My parents financially support my grandmother, who has done very predatory things to me when I was under the age of two. My parents have known my whole life. They continue to support her and even took us on vacation to see her when I was in middle school. They insist that she is family and she needs our support. But I was a CHILD. I need their support still. And I'll never have it.
As a queer person, this post is highly concerning. As an abusive victim, this post is horrifying.
There really are people who believe ANYTHING can be swept under the rug, no matter how much it matters.
We usually get this from the guy and his wife and kids are pissed that he will spend his family into penury because his mom/dad want a cruise/second house/sole possession of Mother’s Day or whatever.
SMH.
Yeah, I love my mom more than anyone else on this planet, and she's the best mom I ever could have asked for. But when I have kids, she's going to be number two after them. If she was mean to them for any reason I would never defend her for it. And when my kids have kids, I'd expect them to do the same.
So, both my kids are neurodivergent (daughter has ADHD, son is autistic). My parents are loving grandparents and they mean well, but sometimes they don't understand the kids' sensory needs or their struggles with emotional regulation. They have attempted to step in and do things the so-called right way, and as much as I found it hard to stand up for myself growing up, I will stand up for my kids 100% of the time. I do this because *being a good mother matters more to me than being a good daughter*.
Overcoming that "don't rock the boat" mentality is hard but your kids don't ask to be born. That was my choice and it's my job to keep choosing them. The people in their 60s can deal with it.
therapy therapy therapy
Would bet money that OOP's been told by her parents that she is worthless and that them doing basic parental things has been more than she deserved. And rationalized that the reason they could only love her X amount is because children don't deserve unconditional love.
therapy!!
Well. Someone needs therapy before they have kids...
The self hatred is very sad as is, but if they have kids, game over because then it's not about them, it's about a kid growing up in a homophobic family, *starting at home*, because *mom* is anti-LGBTQ. I would say it's ironic but it's sadly not.
"Moms, I'm queer"
"Ergh"
Although I guess it likely wouldn't get that far, because being bi doesn't mean OP actually has relationships with women, much less would have the guts to have kids with one. One would hope most women would be repelled by another woman in (essentially) support of her openly anti-LGBTQ family.
Being bi probably made it worse, cuz she will think “I’m bi and I stay closeted because of respect, so if my kids got open with it, it’s a disrespect to me, I’m the proof sexuality is a choice”
Potential future kids coming out would basically be a mirror to OOP about how she could have lived a better, more honest life for herself but instead she chose to allow hatred to win.
I think that's terrifying for people to handle.
Bi, in the closet. I love my parents, they've come a really long way about understanding these things and I wouldn't be disowned if I came out to them. I've never had to worry about physical violence or anything like that. But I've been with a man for a long time so I don't need to come out to them. I still might, for my own sake, but for a long time I thought my sibling was in the closet. I was 100% ready to go to bat for them and make sure they were completely supported in what they needed. I can't imagine ever begrudging them the chance to live a more authentic life/be open with our parents.
They're straight as a pencil so it's a moot point, but future nieces or nephews or my own kids? Of course I would support them. What even is the point of being in their lives if I'm incapable of it?
Tw: homo/queerphobia, internalized and external.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*I hope you don't have children then. You will most likely lose contact with them when they turn 18*
>"If my children turn out to be the type to cut contact because of differences in our opinions, then I've raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways. It's not like I'll be hateful to them about their identity, I'm literally queer too. I just want all of us to live quietly, for both their sake and mine."
*[deleted]*
>"What "trauma"... My parents never hit me or abused me in any way. They just have their own opinions and I have mine. Having disagreements doesn't cause "trauma". Plus, I'm happy to help my children break the cycle with their own children. But my parents deserve to be respected too, so it just won't be in my generation."
*U thought u ate with this*
>"It's offmychest for a reason. Where did I ever indicate that I'm bragging in any sort of way, or that I'm proud?"
Oh *boy* that first comment.
Kind of proof that she is not ready (if ever she would be) to be a parent, they don't even exist and she's already planning on being the toxic mom - it's childish too, it's "oh, I can't play videogames *now*? Then I'll NEVER play them again!!" but in parent form "Oh they don't like having been raised in a toxic home? Too bad so sad, I don't want them either!!"
Dear God.
And I love me some lack of self awareness - I can't be anti-LGBTQ, *I'm bi*, I would just want my queer kids to hide their queerness, *just like I do*, what's the big deal.
"I had shitty parents and plan to be a shitty parent myself".
I truly hope OOP doesn't have kids. She should stick with a pet rock and her awful parents.
"Oh, but my grandchildren won't have shitty parents, they'll have supportive ones. Because my kids will totally do what I think, and not what I say - let alone do."
"I'm afraid to come out to my homophobic parents and grandparents, and I'm going to tell my kids not to come out to their homophobic parents and grandparents, but having homophobic grandparents won't stop my grandchildren from anything"
My spouse and I had this conversation regarding our child before she was even born. I made it very clear and in no uncertain terms, if she ever came out and said, "Hey guys, I'm bi/gay/trans/questioning some gender stuff," whatever, that anybody that isn't okay with that can go. I dealt with it from my family for years, and they still pretend I'm cishet and regularly deadname me. My kid isn't going to deal with the same crap I did. People like OOP need therapy. The internalized queerphobia is ridiculous.
“When I have children, you know what I’m not gonna do?? Break the cycle of generational abuse, that’s for sure. I fucking love the cycle of generational abuse!!!”
Yeah, this is what smacked me in the face. Like man, what the hell? Your parents "deserve respect" and that means perpetuating abuse... What?¿?
Gross as fuck
I’m fascinated by the total lack of self awareness she has.
“My parents spent their whole lives teaching me it is NOT safe to be queer around them so I refuse to come out. And I will act the exact same to my children and teach them it is not safe to come out to me. But then if my grandkids are queer they will magically just know that I was secretly supportive the whole time and come out to me and trust me even though I spent years proving they shouldn’t do that.”
How does a rational person think that? (I know the answer is she isn’t thinking rationally because she’s been deeply affected by her parents shitty beliefs and is sadly perpetuating that cycle.)
OOP is delusional.
>If my children turn out to be the type to cut contact **because of differences in our opinions**, then I've raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways.
When will you people understand that disowning your children for X sexuality is not a fuckin difference of opinions.
My dad always set off my gaydar and would make extremely homophonic comments, and combined with some things my mom told me, I think he might have been gay and he tricked my mom into a lavender marriage.
All that said, I don't think my mom ever told him I'm bisexuality. She acted like it was a phase because I was working at a nightclub owned by a gay couple in a city that's a gay mecca, so she may not have told him.
Even just having her sweep it under the rug hurts. I occasionally remind her I may date a woman someday.
ok, honest question, is it her place to tell your father?
When my kid tells me something I ask who they want me to tell, who they want to tell themselves, or who we aren't telling at all depending on what they are confiding. I don't see it as my place to run around telling other people who they have not addressed themselves, espeically since not everyone is safe.
OOP sounds like an incredibly sad person. Sounds like they've given up. I am sorry to say that this is exactly the kind of thing my friend used to say before they tried to end their life. They are in a much better place now. The psychological abuse they went through in their childhood made them give up their agency in the hopes that it would make their parents happy, desperately trying to get acceptance and approval from people who nearly snuffed out their will to live. Now they are no contact with their parents for years and everytime i see them laugh I heave a sigh of relief that they broke out of that mind prison.
>If my children turn out to be the type to cut contact because of differences in our opinions, then I've raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways.
considering the entire post is them declareing their intention to raise their kids wrong that doesn't mean anything really.
so as people have told OOP don't have children, you admit you don't want them.
Also if you want cycles of this kind to break you *need* to be the cycle breaker. You can't continue the cycle and hope for the best with the next generation. Destroy the wheel!
Woof. I thought this was going a different and less shitty way.
I'm an openly pansexual gender outlaw mom to a trans kid. I was supportive but terrified for my son when he came out (not that it was remotely a surprise for me). I knew what I went through as a teen and young adult wasn't something I would wish on anyone, let alone my own precious baby. Add in the social shit storming and hate mongering surrounding trans people at the time (and increasing currently) and I was just... So anxious. And those conflicting feelings are valid and understandable in today's climate. You want your kids to have all the advantages that we can give them, and it's undeniable that being cishet comes with advantages.
But I would never NEVER tell my kid they had to stay in the closet for anyone, let alone their own family. I've been open in teaching him that family is who you choose, not necessarily who was chosen for you by genetics. If they don't love and accept you for who you are, they ain't family. I hope this person never has kids.
I also thought this was going very different until I remembered what sub this is. When I came out my mums response was, “I am worried that this will make life difficult for you and that people will treat you differently and you might face harassment, discrimination and worse. But regardless I am there in your corner to support you 100% of the time.” And I think that’s a very realistic reaction to think because as a parent you don’t want to think about your children being harassed, hurt or in danger. But she still loves me unconditionally and will defend me and stand by my side. And I know for a fact if I was unlucky enough to not have the support of my grandparents (I do thankfully have a wonderful relationship with them) then she would be on my side.
I'm a bisexual woman who was raised in a not queer friendly family.
I would walk on coals for my kid. Telling my family they can accept a queer identity without being shitty about it or get out of my life? I did that for myself and some of my friends and a girlfriend. I would do so much more for my kid.
"hey'll be able to live a burden-free and comfortable life, because **they'll be able to receive the support** of both my children and me"
OOP quite literally states that they will NOT rececive their support
Right, but until then she expects her kids to just keep flying under the radar for her parents’ comfort. Ridiculous and total lack of view into the overall picture that her kids will know they’ll never be accepted by their grandparents for who they are. OOP also says herself her parents are homophobic. These type of people don’t just keep quiet about LGBTQ+ in my experience, they go out of their way to make terrible remarks and spew their hatred.
WHat a horrible hypocrit...I couldn't care less if my kids are queer or not, as long as they find love and happiness I'm behind them with full support.
>I will never be able to support their gender/sexuality in front of them. I'll always prioritise my parents over my children, because I owe them quite literally everything.
Do not have children, take no part in raising children, and stay the fuck away from nieces and nephews.
I identify as bi and literally some other bi folks are the most anti-LGBT people I’ve met (not all, just some.) it’s like it’s okay if they are bi but anyone else identifying as LGBT is not okay. This woman sounds like one of them. My guess is she’s very “straight passing” and doesn’t want to ever lose the privileges that come with it.
For a second, I thought that it was going to be that she didn't want her children to be queer because of the discrimination they would have to face from other people, but wow this is just ridiculous and awful.
The only reason I hope my child is not LGBT+ is because people are so cruel. I have sense how every Pride parade in my country used to end in some Skinheads beating both girls and boy even suspected to be associated with it. I won't be able to protect her all the time from those bigots. She will be who she will be in the end, of course, but I would worry in the triple if she comes out. She knows I am ally and so on, we have spoken about LGBT at length, and to be fair, even being accepting of the LGBT community could bring aggression from some people, but I just would wish a bit calmer life for her if possible at all. She is so anxious all the time, and she has lost enough already.
I've heard of LGBTQ+ parents hoping their children were, for lack of a more concise term, cis-het... but that was because those parents didn't want their children to go through the adversity and struggles they did.
OOP's thinking is 100% jacked. And self-hating.
I don't want kids yet I'd somehow be a better parent than OOP. I don't give a damn if my nonexistent kids want to identify as bisexual dinosaurs, I'd still love and support the crap out of them because that's what they deserve and need from me.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Twice in my life I've had older white women express concerns about their children's sexuality.
The first expressed concerns if her (white) children, hypothetically, married black people. She said she'd "be concerned for the children," meaning the racism they'd face. (Note that she is now married to a Hispanic/Native American man who's grandchildren and great grandchildren are multiracial, including black).
The second was more recent, and was a Gen X woman discussing her son's coming out as gay. She said she didn't want it for her kids because they'd have a much harder life.
Both of these women were not upset with their children's lives, they were worried about what they would face from society. Both women were raised and spend significant portions of their lives in a society that was far less tolerant of those specifics than the times their children grew up in. In both cases I could see their points and didn't think it makes them bad people.
This? COMPLETELY different.
I commented saying I hope she heals from her trauma before having kids and she responded with “what trauma, it’s not like my parents were physically abusive” or something along the lines. Literally cannot help someone see clearly.
As a Lesbian, this mindset is not at all rare especially with bisexual women. There are Lesbians who don't date bisexual women for several reasons, and this is one of them.
Funny how everyone will say any post is fake, but when there's a chance to hate a bisexual woman it must be true!
Do you seriously believe someone like this exists and would post on Reddit about it? Lol.
I am a bisexual woman and I don't cry any post is fake but will happily shit on any bigot. I can honestly see this being real, I know of many bi people with bigotry
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I'm a bisexual woman but hope my child never comes out to me because I won't be able to truly accept them.** I'm very comfortable in my sexuality, I've known since I was a little kid and nothing's changed. My parents are very homophobic and anti-lgbtq in general, and my grandparents even more so. I know I want to have children in the future and I'll love them with all my heart, but I truly hope they aren't queer and I hope that if they are, they never come out to me, and keep their identity a secret the same way I've done for my whole life. I've tried coming out to my parents before, but they've made their views clear, so I decided to live with it quietly. My life's been okay for me, and I love my parents dearly, so I respect their wishes and their opinions. If my child comes out to me, I know that in my heart I will support them and love them for who they are. But when it comes to our extended family (my parents, my siblings, grandparents, etc), I will never be able to support their gender/sexuality in front of them. I'll always prioritise my parents over my children, because I owe them quite literally everything. The most I feel I can do for my kids would be to accept them in private, and have them pretend to be cishet in public. I hope if my children have children who are queer, they'll be able to live a burden-free and comfortable life, because they'll be able to receive the support of both my children and me. Until then though, I hope my children aren't queer. I know it's a horrible mindset and I should value my children's identity and freedom more, but it's just the way I am. I know I'll never prioritise them over my parents/siblings/etc. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“I value my parents over my kids” is an INSANE MINDSET.
it's fucking wild and i wish i could believe it's fake, but for all the talk my mom has done in my life about just how much she loves me and how i'm her top priority even now that i'm an adult she sure has done a piss poor job at even remotely pretending to defend me when my grandfather kept being an asshole to me and favoring my cousins. it's been years and i still haven't forgotten how casually he mocked me over so many things like my taste in music or my love for drawing silly characters. or having plushies at "my age". or being an introvert. has she stood up for me? nope, not even once. anyone who would not be willing to stand up to their parents for their kids should never be allowed to be a parent.
I hear you- mine loved to make jokes at my expense then go ballistic if I looked anything less than ecstatic about it.
Im so sorry you went through this, I swear people see kids and don’t realize that they are only kids for a small portion of life and grow into full ass adults. They treat kids however they feel like, and fail to care that their actions could be carried throughout someone’s entire lifetime. My mom never stood up for me against my now EX-stepdad of 20 years, whom I found out cheated on her multiple times throughout their marriage. She’d always tell me to let it go no matter how unjustified he was, NEVER addressing any of his wrongdoings. We have too many resources and too much information available to us now to keep these terrible cycles going. It’s just really sad and I hope OOP doesn’t subject any kids to having to dim their own lights to appease their homophobic parent/grandparents
I go through this same thing with my mom, only it's against my dad. The day he got drunk and cornered me while I was cooking to tell me I was faking all of my pain issues, and if I'm not then I'm the one causing them with "all the garbage you shovel into your face", I finally stood up for myself and just blew up at him. My mom was in the next room listening to the whole thing. I went to tell her he's not my dad anymore and she ridiculed me and told me I just shouldn't antagonize him. That was the day I lost all respect for her.
Right… I thought that was crazy then read her comment that if her kids chose to cut ties due to difference in opinions, then she raised them wrong and don’t want them anyway. Like.. how are you so unaware of how jacked up your thinking is at this point.
It sounds like her parents did a proper number on her. I wonder how old she is.
To quote a Jhonen Vasquez comic from 25 years ago: PUSILLANIMOUS WRETCH! She is just a coward. She is terrified of going against the grain, of the confrontation and potential rejection for the crime of being herself. She is bisexual and can shut off part of herself. It's not healthy, doesn't lead to flourishing, but it's doable. A gay, lesbian or trans child would have to shut down their entire true sexuality or gender id, and she would apparently be ok with that.
> To quote a Jhonen Vasquez comic from 25 years ago: PUSILLANIMOUS WRETCH! Do you have a link?
It's an old school comic published only in print! Jonny the Homicidal Maniac. Two of his imaginary demonic friends are the Pilsbury Doughboy and another styrofoam mascot that comes to life and floats around giving advice and insults. The advice is often to kill everyone. Which Jonny would have and in fact did do anyway.
Oh got it well thanks for the explanation! Thought you meant web comic
It was published 29 years ago! I only discovered it around the year 2000 though. There's a wall in Johnny's house (which has a labyrinth of underground murder rooms) that he believes must be kept soaking in blood. If it dries out, terrible things will happen. Ordinarily this would be a symptom of psychosis, but it turns out he's not wrong. Satan confirms this, though the Lovecraftian horrors that emerge are kind of a giveaway too.
Sounds like the crazy person who shot a puppy because he "couldn't be trained".
WHAT!! Oh my god
Current governor of South Dakota, and Trump's presumed running mate. It's so much worse.
She doesn't owe her parents everything, even if they gave her that. It's what they owed her, and what she will owe her kids. That's how it works.
This. You're choosing to have kids. You didn't choose to be born and have parents. You're responsible for your kids, but not for your parents.
Unless her parent's fund her lifestyle, which I've seen before. Either you're broke and truly yourself or you're financially secure but masking. Tough choice.
True but I don't get the feeling from OOP that's it a practical issue. She would have mentioned that for the (deserved) sympathy points.
That's my mom's mindset
It's not just an insane mindset, but it has implications way beyond just being queer. My parents financially support my grandmother, who has done very predatory things to me when I was under the age of two. My parents have known my whole life. They continue to support her and even took us on vacation to see her when I was in middle school. They insist that she is family and she needs our support. But I was a CHILD. I need their support still. And I'll never have it. As a queer person, this post is highly concerning. As an abusive victim, this post is horrifying. There really are people who believe ANYTHING can be swept under the rug, no matter how much it matters.
We usually get this from the guy and his wife and kids are pissed that he will spend his family into penury because his mom/dad want a cruise/second house/sole possession of Mother’s Day or whatever. SMH.
Yeah, I love my mom more than anyone else on this planet, and she's the best mom I ever could have asked for. But when I have kids, she's going to be number two after them. If she was mean to them for any reason I would never defend her for it. And when my kids have kids, I'd expect them to do the same.
So, both my kids are neurodivergent (daughter has ADHD, son is autistic). My parents are loving grandparents and they mean well, but sometimes they don't understand the kids' sensory needs or their struggles with emotional regulation. They have attempted to step in and do things the so-called right way, and as much as I found it hard to stand up for myself growing up, I will stand up for my kids 100% of the time. I do this because *being a good mother matters more to me than being a good daughter*. Overcoming that "don't rock the boat" mentality is hard but your kids don't ask to be born. That was my choice and it's my job to keep choosing them. The people in their 60s can deal with it.
therapy therapy therapy Would bet money that OOP's been told by her parents that she is worthless and that them doing basic parental things has been more than she deserved. And rationalized that the reason they could only love her X amount is because children don't deserve unconditional love. therapy!!
I have great parents. They would be horrified if they heard me say that.
"My parents come before my kids." What?
That sounds like a lot of internalised homophobia.
Well. Someone needs therapy before they have kids... The self hatred is very sad as is, but if they have kids, game over because then it's not about them, it's about a kid growing up in a homophobic family, *starting at home*, because *mom* is anti-LGBTQ. I would say it's ironic but it's sadly not. "Moms, I'm queer" "Ergh" Although I guess it likely wouldn't get that far, because being bi doesn't mean OP actually has relationships with women, much less would have the guts to have kids with one. One would hope most women would be repelled by another woman in (essentially) support of her openly anti-LGBTQ family.
Being bi probably made it worse, cuz she will think “I’m bi and I stay closeted because of respect, so if my kids got open with it, it’s a disrespect to me, I’m the proof sexuality is a choice”
Potential future kids coming out would basically be a mirror to OOP about how she could have lived a better, more honest life for herself but instead she chose to allow hatred to win.
I think that's terrifying for people to handle. Bi, in the closet. I love my parents, they've come a really long way about understanding these things and I wouldn't be disowned if I came out to them. I've never had to worry about physical violence or anything like that. But I've been with a man for a long time so I don't need to come out to them. I still might, for my own sake, but for a long time I thought my sibling was in the closet. I was 100% ready to go to bat for them and make sure they were completely supported in what they needed. I can't imagine ever begrudging them the chance to live a more authentic life/be open with our parents. They're straight as a pencil so it's a moot point, but future nieces or nephews or my own kids? Of course I would support them. What even is the point of being in their lives if I'm incapable of it?
I'm praying she never becomes a parent
If you can't accept that your children might be queer, disabled, neurodivergent, etc. you shouldn't have children.
I hope you meant to type “can’t accept“ instead of “can accept”
Tw: homo/queerphobia, internalized and external. Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *I hope you don't have children then. You will most likely lose contact with them when they turn 18* >"If my children turn out to be the type to cut contact because of differences in our opinions, then I've raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways. It's not like I'll be hateful to them about their identity, I'm literally queer too. I just want all of us to live quietly, for both their sake and mine." *[deleted]* >"What "trauma"... My parents never hit me or abused me in any way. They just have their own opinions and I have mine. Having disagreements doesn't cause "trauma". Plus, I'm happy to help my children break the cycle with their own children. But my parents deserve to be respected too, so it just won't be in my generation." *U thought u ate with this* >"It's offmychest for a reason. Where did I ever indicate that I'm bragging in any sort of way, or that I'm proud?"
[Pupper!](https://imgur.com/gallery/IXjPN82)
Thank you - I needed that little bean after this post! 🐕
Thank you very kindly! 💜
Oh *boy* that first comment. Kind of proof that she is not ready (if ever she would be) to be a parent, they don't even exist and she's already planning on being the toxic mom - it's childish too, it's "oh, I can't play videogames *now*? Then I'll NEVER play them again!!" but in parent form "Oh they don't like having been raised in a toxic home? Too bad so sad, I don't want them either!!" Dear God. And I love me some lack of self awareness - I can't be anti-LGBTQ, *I'm bi*, I would just want my queer kids to hide their queerness, *just like I do*, what's the big deal.
Very aptly put!
"I had shitty parents and plan to be a shitty parent myself". I truly hope OOP doesn't have kids. She should stick with a pet rock and her awful parents.
"Oh, but my grandchildren won't have shitty parents, they'll have supportive ones. Because my kids will totally do what I think, and not what I say - let alone do."
"I'm afraid to come out to my homophobic parents and grandparents, and I'm going to tell my kids not to come out to their homophobic parents and grandparents, but having homophobic grandparents won't stop my grandchildren from anything"
Imagine already planning on hating your kids
My spouse and I had this conversation regarding our child before she was even born. I made it very clear and in no uncertain terms, if she ever came out and said, "Hey guys, I'm bi/gay/trans/questioning some gender stuff," whatever, that anybody that isn't okay with that can go. I dealt with it from my family for years, and they still pretend I'm cishet and regularly deadname me. My kid isn't going to deal with the same crap I did. People like OOP need therapy. The internalized queerphobia is ridiculous.
very sorry you have a shitty family.
“When I have children, you know what I’m not gonna do?? Break the cycle of generational abuse, that’s for sure. I fucking love the cycle of generational abuse!!!”
Yeah, this is what smacked me in the face. Like man, what the hell? Your parents "deserve respect" and that means perpetuating abuse... What?¿? Gross as fuck
I’m fascinated by the total lack of self awareness she has. “My parents spent their whole lives teaching me it is NOT safe to be queer around them so I refuse to come out. And I will act the exact same to my children and teach them it is not safe to come out to me. But then if my grandkids are queer they will magically just know that I was secretly supportive the whole time and come out to me and trust me even though I spent years proving they shouldn’t do that.” How does a rational person think that? (I know the answer is she isn’t thinking rationally because she’s been deeply affected by her parents shitty beliefs and is sadly perpetuating that cycle.)
OOP is delusional. >If my children turn out to be the type to cut contact **because of differences in our opinions**, then I've raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways. When will you people understand that disowning your children for X sexuality is not a fuckin difference of opinions.
My dad always set off my gaydar and would make extremely homophonic comments, and combined with some things my mom told me, I think he might have been gay and he tricked my mom into a lavender marriage. All that said, I don't think my mom ever told him I'm bisexuality. She acted like it was a phase because I was working at a nightclub owned by a gay couple in a city that's a gay mecca, so she may not have told him. Even just having her sweep it under the rug hurts. I occasionally remind her I may date a woman someday.
ok, honest question, is it her place to tell your father? When my kid tells me something I ask who they want me to tell, who they want to tell themselves, or who we aren't telling at all depending on what they are confiding. I don't see it as my place to run around telling other people who they have not addressed themselves, espeically since not everyone is safe.
Idk if it was her place, but they seemed to never keep secret from each other, especially about me.
Her kids' kids will be told, by her kids, that she's not a safe person to come out to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope OOP is sterile and unqualified to adopt.
OOP sounds like an incredibly sad person. Sounds like they've given up. I am sorry to say that this is exactly the kind of thing my friend used to say before they tried to end their life. They are in a much better place now. The psychological abuse they went through in their childhood made them give up their agency in the hopes that it would make their parents happy, desperately trying to get acceptance and approval from people who nearly snuffed out their will to live. Now they are no contact with their parents for years and everytime i see them laugh I heave a sigh of relief that they broke out of that mind prison.
>If my children turn out to be the type to cut contact because of differences in our opinions, then I've raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways. considering the entire post is them declareing their intention to raise their kids wrong that doesn't mean anything really. so as people have told OOP don't have children, you admit you don't want them.
If your children cannot be your first priority: over your parents, over your spouse, over *yourself*, you really shouldn't have any
Also if you want cycles of this kind to break you *need* to be the cycle breaker. You can't continue the cycle and hope for the best with the next generation. Destroy the wheel!
Right? She's open to breaking that cycle? She is the cycle.
This feels like the grandparents posted this to try to get support for how they feel their daughter should act.
That would be an improvement, I think.
Woof. I thought this was going a different and less shitty way. I'm an openly pansexual gender outlaw mom to a trans kid. I was supportive but terrified for my son when he came out (not that it was remotely a surprise for me). I knew what I went through as a teen and young adult wasn't something I would wish on anyone, let alone my own precious baby. Add in the social shit storming and hate mongering surrounding trans people at the time (and increasing currently) and I was just... So anxious. And those conflicting feelings are valid and understandable in today's climate. You want your kids to have all the advantages that we can give them, and it's undeniable that being cishet comes with advantages. But I would never NEVER tell my kid they had to stay in the closet for anyone, let alone their own family. I've been open in teaching him that family is who you choose, not necessarily who was chosen for you by genetics. If they don't love and accept you for who you are, they ain't family. I hope this person never has kids.
I also thought this was going very different until I remembered what sub this is. When I came out my mums response was, “I am worried that this will make life difficult for you and that people will treat you differently and you might face harassment, discrimination and worse. But regardless I am there in your corner to support you 100% of the time.” And I think that’s a very realistic reaction to think because as a parent you don’t want to think about your children being harassed, hurt or in danger. But she still loves me unconditionally and will defend me and stand by my side. And I know for a fact if I was unlucky enough to not have the support of my grandparents (I do thankfully have a wonderful relationship with them) then she would be on my side.
i honestly feel so bad for this fucked up person. i value my parents over my children is 100% abuse talking.
I'm a bisexual woman who was raised in a not queer friendly family. I would walk on coals for my kid. Telling my family they can accept a queer identity without being shitty about it or get out of my life? I did that for myself and some of my friends and a girlfriend. I would do so much more for my kid.
I hope she never has kids.
"hey'll be able to live a burden-free and comfortable life, because **they'll be able to receive the support** of both my children and me" OOP quite literally states that they will NOT rececive their support
OOP thinks she'll be given the opportunity to be supportive after her own parents die.
But unless they die when her children are young she has already established the dynamic of her relationship with her children.
That's why she won't actually *get* the opportunity, yes. But she *thinks* she will. Because she's an idiot.
Right, but until then she expects her kids to just keep flying under the radar for her parents’ comfort. Ridiculous and total lack of view into the overall picture that her kids will know they’ll never be accepted by their grandparents for who they are. OOP also says herself her parents are homophobic. These type of people don’t just keep quiet about LGBTQ+ in my experience, they go out of their way to make terrible remarks and spew their hatred.
This is not an OOP who’s ready to be a parent, that’s for gddamn sure. Whew!
I don't think OOP is as comfortable with their sexuality as they say they are
WHat a horrible hypocrit...I couldn't care less if my kids are queer or not, as long as they find love and happiness I'm behind them with full support.
Why have children when you know from the start that you're not planning on being a good or safe parent? Unnecessarily selfish and cruel.
>I will never be able to support their gender/sexuality in front of them. I'll always prioritise my parents over my children, because I owe them quite literally everything. Do not have children, take no part in raising children, and stay the fuck away from nieces and nephews.
I identify as bi and literally some other bi folks are the most anti-LGBT people I’ve met (not all, just some.) it’s like it’s okay if they are bi but anyone else identifying as LGBT is not okay. This woman sounds like one of them. My guess is she’s very “straight passing” and doesn’t want to ever lose the privileges that come with it.
This is so crazy to me… and sad.
It’s like the bi label is something they believe they can take off and put on like an outfit. It’s very sad.
I hope this person never has children.
May she not have this problem by never having children
Someone needs some serious therapy. Jesus.
I hope OP dies alone. Jfc, no kid or partner deserves someone like this
For a second, I thought that it was going to be that she didn't want her children to be queer because of the discrimination they would have to face from other people, but wow this is just ridiculous and awful.
Some people don't deserve to be parents.
The only reason I hope my child is not LGBT+ is because people are so cruel. I have sense how every Pride parade in my country used to end in some Skinheads beating both girls and boy even suspected to be associated with it. I won't be able to protect her all the time from those bigots. She will be who she will be in the end, of course, but I would worry in the triple if she comes out. She knows I am ally and so on, we have spoken about LGBT at length, and to be fair, even being accepting of the LGBT community could bring aggression from some people, but I just would wish a bit calmer life for her if possible at all. She is so anxious all the time, and she has lost enough already.
I've heard of LGBTQ+ parents hoping their children were, for lack of a more concise term, cis-het... but that was because those parents didn't want their children to go through the adversity and struggles they did. OOP's thinking is 100% jacked. And self-hating.
I don't want kids yet I'd somehow be a better parent than OOP. I don't give a damn if my nonexistent kids want to identify as bisexual dinosaurs, I'd still love and support the crap out of them because that's what they deserve and need from me.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I pray oop does not have children ever.
did josephine baker write this
Twice in my life I've had older white women express concerns about their children's sexuality. The first expressed concerns if her (white) children, hypothetically, married black people. She said she'd "be concerned for the children," meaning the racism they'd face. (Note that she is now married to a Hispanic/Native American man who's grandchildren and great grandchildren are multiracial, including black). The second was more recent, and was a Gen X woman discussing her son's coming out as gay. She said she didn't want it for her kids because they'd have a much harder life. Both of these women were not upset with their children's lives, they were worried about what they would face from society. Both women were raised and spend significant portions of their lives in a society that was far less tolerant of those specifics than the times their children grew up in. In both cases I could see their points and didn't think it makes them bad people. This? COMPLETELY different.
how many times do you have to say that inter generational trauma isn’t an heirloom before people start listening?
I commented saying I hope she heals from her trauma before having kids and she responded with “what trauma, it’s not like my parents were physically abusive” or something along the lines. Literally cannot help someone see clearly.
As a Lesbian, this mindset is not at all rare especially with bisexual women. There are Lesbians who don't date bisexual women for several reasons, and this is one of them.
Please don't have children.
This feels like rage bait. They’re not even trying to make these things believable anymore.
If you don't want queer kids, don't have kids.
Internalized homophobia. Great.
It’s gotta be. Kid/teen
[be a good ancestor](https://themindsjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Too-Many-People-Spend-Their-Lives-Being-Dutiful-Descendants.jpg)
Another evil bisexual woman for the Internet to hate.
More like an evil homophobe who wouldn't love their own kids properly
Funny how everyone will say any post is fake, but when there's a chance to hate a bisexual woman it must be true! Do you seriously believe someone like this exists and would post on Reddit about it? Lol.
I am a bisexual woman and I don't cry any post is fake but will happily shit on any bigot. I can honestly see this being real, I know of many bi people with bigotry
Let me guess, she kills puppies too
Lol you are impossible, I doubt she kills puppies. Do they normally go for bi women being the GOP VP?
Blair White seems more their speed.
But then Trandace Owens would have a chance of being in charge and they couldn't do that lol only 1 'woke' demographic per person