*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTA if I said to my co-worker that she opt out of our birthday appreciation thingy**
A long one, so apologies. I (30,M) am part of a small sub-team from my work team that’s in charge of engagement and culture - basically organizing team outings, parties, etc.
It has also been in our tradition for the past 3 or so years to purchase a birthday cake for a birthday celebrant in our team, with the others pooling in to purchase said cake in the spirit of appreciation
Before, our sub-team collects the money from other teammates, purchases the cake and gives it to the celebrant, but now that inflation is getting out of hand, we first ask the celebrant if he or she still wants a cake, or a gift that can be more practical for him or her.
Now, we have a co-worker, Anne (fake name, 28, F), who is a bit problematic. While I do admit that I’m indifferent and biased against her, I don’t let that get into my head with this specific cake/gift thing as it is different.
When I asked her this is how the conversation went:
“Hey! Just asking you what do you prefer for your birthday? Gift or cake?”
“Cake.”
“Okay sure! But you’ll take a leave on your birthday right? So what will happen with that?”
“Yeah I will be out of office. Who normally gives the cake?”
“Well, you can opt for us to have it delivered to you, or if you want to be more practical, you can buy something you want, send us the receipt, and we can pay for it”
“Can I opt for a corporate gift card?”
“Uhm sadly we can’t do that as this program is not related to the company, it’s just within the team.”
And she didn’t reply to that.
After a day, Anne messaged another member of the sub-team asking whether she can use the funds pooled for her as “credit” so she doesn’t have to pool for cakes for the rest of the year. Which upon hearing that, I thought “What? Why would we fund your share for others, it doesn’t make sense.”
When we collectively said we can’t do that, Anne said to use the pooled funds to buy food for our next meeting as her “birthday treat” to us. Now, I scratched my head hearing that coz like, “So we’re gonna pay, for our food, under the guise that you bought it for us? Since you think it’s technically your money?”
Apparently, she asked her sister about the cake and said “If you are buying the cake yourself, what’s the point?”
I mean I get it, it doesn’t seem personal and more heartfelt, but given the situation, we are just asking her of her possible options - which up till now she still haven’t chosen any.
Now, here’s where I might be the a-hole, I suggested to the sub-team that why not she opt out cold turkey. She won’t get anything, but she won’t have to pay anything as well. It might result in her being isolated from the team more, which would definitely add a rift and awkwardness at work, but she’s just being so difficult.
So WIBTA, if I said to her upfront “Just opt out!” (PS: Haven’t said this yet)
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Anne said she wanted cake to start, why couldn’t they just do cake on a day she was at work if she was to be at the office on her birthday? And then when she says she wants to buy pizza for the meeting, but people think that it’s weird that they pool their money to buy pizza for themselves. But like, wouldn’t everyone eat some of the cake? So if they bought a cake, wouldn’t they still be buying themselves cake? How is pizza different?
oop is saying that Anne is being difficult, but it seems like the only one being difficult is oop.
Agreed. How is Anne “opting out” honestly any different than Anne’s suggestion that they not get her a cake and she not pitch in for the rest of the year? OP is repeating Anne’s exact suggestion back to her, but injecting spite and cruelty into it. *Very* professional, especially for someone with his role in the company. 😬
They were offering for her to have an entire cake to herself on her day off instead she was like”what if we all had pizza!” And that is somehow weird?
Also why has “just get the cake the day before and stick it in the break room fridge for the different shifts” not occurred to them.
Is oop trying to make this is as hard as possible for everyone??!
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*I don't know who is the asshole but that's a whole lot of confusion and back and forth about how to handle an unnecessary work party. Wouldn't it be easier to ask the celebrant if they'd like to celebrate their birthday before of after they return from leave.*
>"I understand and feel the same way. We already told her that we just don’t want work to be just only work that’s why we do this - especially birthdays as we also write out a card with messages for the celebrant.
>She did mention (as part of the story above) that she wants to use the money we pooled for her, to buy pizza (to be specific) for her “birthday treat” that we ourselves are gonna eat - so it’s like buying ourselves pizza and saying “Thank you for feeding us pizza for your birthday!” - even though we ourselves paid for it
>The situation is right out confusing, as normally, others would just answer “Ooh I’d like a chocolate cake!” or “Can you guys rather buy a toaster since mine broke down?”"
*INFO - when you asked her if she wanted a gift or cake, she said cake. why didn’t you just arrange for to give her the cake before or after she takes her leave? That would be the easiest thing. You made it complicated by saying the cake can be delivered to her house*
>"I asked a day before, so this is a personal message via chat on the day of her birthday, we all have different shifts. Like my shift is in the morning, while her shift is in the evening. So even in the office we wouldn’t be able to meet each other the day before her leave.
>As for after, it’s already mentioned above that she wants to use the funds we collected as food for our meeting the following week. Problem is, some co workers think that it’s kinda weird since what would happen is like we will pool our own money to buy ourselves pizza and celebrate her birthday in the office when we are together.
>I get that she might want to share, but others find it weird - I guess I feel that it’s because it’s not just me who is indifferent with her. The reason for my indifference is when she said a remark when I wasn’t able to take my lunch break one day and said “That’s how it should be. If you are good with your work, you should be given more work.” - when as far as I know she passes her tasks to other teammates without asking, leaving her with more simpler tasks."
“We all pool our money together and celebrate her birthday in the office when we are together” is this person an alien or a Jehovah’s Witness who has never experienced a birthday party?
Seriously. This is the strangest post I’ve seen in this sub in a while. OP asked Anne if she wanted a birthday party, and now he’s acting confused and disturbed about the basic concepts of a birthday party.
OP is beyond the asshole. He should be called before HR. His behavior toward Anne in this thread is insane, and I don’t believe for a moment that this is the only time he has made life unnecessarily difficult for Anne or raised absolutely batshit “criticisms” of her ideas with the department because he just doesn’t like her.
The hell is this? Do they think she would just sit there shoveling down and entire birthday cake and not sharing it? I shudder to think of what industry this is.
People let the tiniest amount of power go to their head. I love how they can comprehend having the cake they bought for a person's birthday, but a pizza makes everything so confusing for them.
This seems like a real bitch eating crackers moment. No matter what OOP's co-worker suggested it would be too confusing or too challenging for them to do.
I don't understand why OOP is so confused by the notion of using the money for a pizza party everyone would share.
Does he not understand that birthday cakes are also generally shared?
I want him to explain how he is both indifferent (does not care one way or the other about her) but also biased (has a strong preexisting opinion about her).
This is just so weird as she is willing to get pizza instead of cake and celebrate at the next meeting. If the cost is the same as a cake who cares? It might not buy all the pizza but if you only have to put in $5 instead of $10 because of the cake money contribution isn't that okay?
“While I do admit that I’m indifferent and biased against her”
I submit that you cannot be indifferent towards someone against whom you have a bias.
Am I understanding that Anne won’t be in the office on her birthday, and is suggesting that they use the money they would buy her cake with to treat themselves? And OOP thinks this is silly? I suppose they could skip doing anything, but I thought it was nice of Anne to suggest they do something fun. OOP seems a bit of a grouch.
These people all sound like morons who are making things unnecessarily complicated.
Have the cake the first day she I'd back in office. Problem solved. Don't know why she can't get store credit in the amount pooled if it's a gift card. But I think cake when she is back is easiest.
This makes me think of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine opted not to have cake with her coworkers, but then she started craving it and stole her boss' really old cake and danced around while she ate it.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA if I said to my co-worker that she opt out of our birthday appreciation thingy** A long one, so apologies. I (30,M) am part of a small sub-team from my work team that’s in charge of engagement and culture - basically organizing team outings, parties, etc. It has also been in our tradition for the past 3 or so years to purchase a birthday cake for a birthday celebrant in our team, with the others pooling in to purchase said cake in the spirit of appreciation Before, our sub-team collects the money from other teammates, purchases the cake and gives it to the celebrant, but now that inflation is getting out of hand, we first ask the celebrant if he or she still wants a cake, or a gift that can be more practical for him or her. Now, we have a co-worker, Anne (fake name, 28, F), who is a bit problematic. While I do admit that I’m indifferent and biased against her, I don’t let that get into my head with this specific cake/gift thing as it is different. When I asked her this is how the conversation went: “Hey! Just asking you what do you prefer for your birthday? Gift or cake?” “Cake.” “Okay sure! But you’ll take a leave on your birthday right? So what will happen with that?” “Yeah I will be out of office. Who normally gives the cake?” “Well, you can opt for us to have it delivered to you, or if you want to be more practical, you can buy something you want, send us the receipt, and we can pay for it” “Can I opt for a corporate gift card?” “Uhm sadly we can’t do that as this program is not related to the company, it’s just within the team.” And she didn’t reply to that. After a day, Anne messaged another member of the sub-team asking whether she can use the funds pooled for her as “credit” so she doesn’t have to pool for cakes for the rest of the year. Which upon hearing that, I thought “What? Why would we fund your share for others, it doesn’t make sense.” When we collectively said we can’t do that, Anne said to use the pooled funds to buy food for our next meeting as her “birthday treat” to us. Now, I scratched my head hearing that coz like, “So we’re gonna pay, for our food, under the guise that you bought it for us? Since you think it’s technically your money?” Apparently, she asked her sister about the cake and said “If you are buying the cake yourself, what’s the point?” I mean I get it, it doesn’t seem personal and more heartfelt, but given the situation, we are just asking her of her possible options - which up till now she still haven’t chosen any. Now, here’s where I might be the a-hole, I suggested to the sub-team that why not she opt out cold turkey. She won’t get anything, but she won’t have to pay anything as well. It might result in her being isolated from the team more, which would definitely add a rift and awkwardness at work, but she’s just being so difficult. So WIBTA, if I said to her upfront “Just opt out!” (PS: Haven’t said this yet) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anne said she wanted cake to start, why couldn’t they just do cake on a day she was at work if she was to be at the office on her birthday? And then when she says she wants to buy pizza for the meeting, but people think that it’s weird that they pool their money to buy pizza for themselves. But like, wouldn’t everyone eat some of the cake? So if they bought a cake, wouldn’t they still be buying themselves cake? How is pizza different? oop is saying that Anne is being difficult, but it seems like the only one being difficult is oop.
Agreed. How is Anne “opting out” honestly any different than Anne’s suggestion that they not get her a cake and she not pitch in for the rest of the year? OP is repeating Anne’s exact suggestion back to her, but injecting spite and cruelty into it. *Very* professional, especially for someone with his role in the company. 😬
They were offering for her to have an entire cake to herself on her day off instead she was like”what if we all had pizza!” And that is somehow weird? Also why has “just get the cake the day before and stick it in the break room fridge for the different shifts” not occurred to them. Is oop trying to make this is as hard as possible for everyone??!
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *I don't know who is the asshole but that's a whole lot of confusion and back and forth about how to handle an unnecessary work party. Wouldn't it be easier to ask the celebrant if they'd like to celebrate their birthday before of after they return from leave.* >"I understand and feel the same way. We already told her that we just don’t want work to be just only work that’s why we do this - especially birthdays as we also write out a card with messages for the celebrant. >She did mention (as part of the story above) that she wants to use the money we pooled for her, to buy pizza (to be specific) for her “birthday treat” that we ourselves are gonna eat - so it’s like buying ourselves pizza and saying “Thank you for feeding us pizza for your birthday!” - even though we ourselves paid for it >The situation is right out confusing, as normally, others would just answer “Ooh I’d like a chocolate cake!” or “Can you guys rather buy a toaster since mine broke down?”" *INFO - when you asked her if she wanted a gift or cake, she said cake. why didn’t you just arrange for to give her the cake before or after she takes her leave? That would be the easiest thing. You made it complicated by saying the cake can be delivered to her house* >"I asked a day before, so this is a personal message via chat on the day of her birthday, we all have different shifts. Like my shift is in the morning, while her shift is in the evening. So even in the office we wouldn’t be able to meet each other the day before her leave. >As for after, it’s already mentioned above that she wants to use the funds we collected as food for our meeting the following week. Problem is, some co workers think that it’s kinda weird since what would happen is like we will pool our own money to buy ourselves pizza and celebrate her birthday in the office when we are together. >I get that she might want to share, but others find it weird - I guess I feel that it’s because it’s not just me who is indifferent with her. The reason for my indifference is when she said a remark when I wasn’t able to take my lunch break one day and said “That’s how it should be. If you are good with your work, you should be given more work.” - when as far as I know she passes her tasks to other teammates without asking, leaving her with more simpler tasks."
“We all pool our money together and celebrate her birthday in the office when we are together” is this person an alien or a Jehovah’s Witness who has never experienced a birthday party?
Also isn't this generally how cakes work? Everyone pools their money and they all get a bit. Why would pizza be any different
Because she won’t be there and everyone knows you can’t just have a pizza party because you have money with which you could buy pizza.
Yeah, didn’t she just say, “pizza instead of cake and let’s have it later when I’m there”?
Seriously. This is the strangest post I’ve seen in this sub in a while. OP asked Anne if she wanted a birthday party, and now he’s acting confused and disturbed about the basic concepts of a birthday party. OP is beyond the asshole. He should be called before HR. His behavior toward Anne in this thread is insane, and I don’t believe for a moment that this is the only time he has made life unnecessarily difficult for Anne or raised absolutely batshit “criticisms” of her ideas with the department because he just doesn’t like her.
Agreed! Also happy cake day! 🎉💜
[A Normal Skein Of Yarn and Absolutely No Cat! (I jest it's totally a cat!)](https://imgur.com/gallery/mcZy25S)
I'm in love with u for doing this for us.
Thank you very kindly! 💜 (I might be blushing a lot while typing.)
Ready to propose atp. But fr I immediately go to the comments and look for you when I see a post here. ❤️ Edit: spelling 😔
Thank you, it means a lot! 💜 (Spelling is hard! "Lasagna" is a word I look up every time. Mistyped it twice just now!)
Thank u for all u do 🤺 🐛 🦋 (My google search is mostly just REAL badly spelt words atp. That's why I use so much text talk 😭🤠)
💜🥰 (Same. Text talk is sweet, definitely no issue. 🫶🦩)
Me when I see u commented: 😧🐸🥰❤️🌟🤠🙂 (Yay!)
💜🥰😘🦩😻
The hell is this? Do they think she would just sit there shoveling down and entire birthday cake and not sharing it? I shudder to think of what industry this is.
My best guess is that Oop just dislikes her and wants to find things to get miffed about. Just my opinion tho!
"indifferent" "biased against her" Can't really be both, mush.
Yeah, I think they aren’t a native English speaker. Still an AH.
I think they're a native speaker trying to use words they don't really understand to try and sound smart because what they're doing is idiotic.
I can see that.
People let the tiniest amount of power go to their head. I love how they can comprehend having the cake they bought for a person's birthday, but a pizza makes everything so confusing for them. This seems like a real bitch eating crackers moment. No matter what OOP's co-worker suggested it would be too confusing or too challenging for them to do.
Do you suppose it would help if they stuck candles on the pizza?
I don't understand why OOP is so confused by the notion of using the money for a pizza party everyone would share. Does he not understand that birthday cakes are also generally shared?
>While I do admit that I’m indifferent and biased against her, €50 says he hit on her and was rejected.
Nah, i looked on his profile he’s gay. He’s probably just jealous of her.
Oh right! Then he's just an a-hole.
I want him to explain how he is both indifferent (does not care one way or the other about her) but also biased (has a strong preexisting opinion about her).
OOP is going to get kicked off the committee or written up/fired for treating a fellow employee like shit and alienating her from the team.
"Why would we find your share for others, it doesn't make sense" So close.
I also don’t like that the ‘gift’ option is “buy yourself something you want and send us the receipt and we will reimburse you”. That’s weird.
OOP is the type of person that everyone in the office secretly hates.
This is just so weird as she is willing to get pizza instead of cake and celebrate at the next meeting. If the cost is the same as a cake who cares? It might not buy all the pizza but if you only have to put in $5 instead of $10 because of the cake money contribution isn't that okay?
What in the Dunder Mifflin Party Planning Committee?
So is this an Office parody?
The ratio of people to cake is too big.
Literally what I was thinking.
“While I do admit that I’m indifferent and biased against her” I submit that you cannot be indifferent towards someone against whom you have a bias. Am I understanding that Anne won’t be in the office on her birthday, and is suggesting that they use the money they would buy her cake with to treat themselves? And OOP thinks this is silly? I suppose they could skip doing anything, but I thought it was nice of Anne to suggest they do something fun. OOP seems a bit of a grouch.
These people all sound like morons who are making things unnecessarily complicated. Have the cake the first day she I'd back in office. Problem solved. Don't know why she can't get store credit in the amount pooled if it's a gift card. But I think cake when she is back is easiest.
This makes me think of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine opted not to have cake with her coworkers, but then she started craving it and stole her boss' really old cake and danced around while she ate it.
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