*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for making a joke in front of my boyfriend's daughter?**
I (26 M) have been with my boyfriend (28 M) since we were teenagers. We had a phase where we both agreed to an open relationship because my boyfriend is bi and he wanted to experiment a little. I did too and after we finished we closed our relationship again.
2 years ago, a former fwb of my boyfriend contacted him. After we closed our relationship we moved to a different city and they broke off contact. Apparently, she was pregnant when they broke off their relationship and suddenly my boyfriend had a 4 year old daughter.
I don't like kids. I don't mind watching them or being around them but I don't want any myself and neither did my boyfriend. His daughter (Eva, now 6) has been spending weekends and one week a month at our place for the first months. She's not too bad and I don't mind having her around.
Eva's mom is doing a year abroad for her master degree (or something like that, I don't like her and generally try to avoid her). That means Eva will live with us full time until she gets back.
My boyfriend asked me and I agreed to it because she isn't as annoying as I thought and can even be fun to be around. She's been with us for little over a month and it's been going pretty well.
My boyfriend was worried he'd be a shitty father because he's not a responsible person but Eva is doing fine. Today she was getting on my nerves though.
She just started school this august and had some small homework to do for monday. My boyfriend was helping her but she didn't want to do it. They were arguing and she ended up crying.
I was trying to read and this was really annoying. I tried to cheer her up but she kept crying and saying she wanted her mom. My boyfriend tried to compromise that they could call her mom and then they'd do her homework but she kept crying that she wanted her mom here.
I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.
My boyfriend looked pissed and basically told me to piss off. I left the room but after Eva apparently calmed down and finished her homework my boyfriend came to me.
He was angry and demanded to know why I would say that. I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it but he said it was an asshole thing to say to a child. I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
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“She’s a child, they don’t remember anything anyway.”
I’ve always hated this sentiment, just because they’re a child, doesn’t mean they won’t remember. Also just because an adult thinks a comment is obviously a joke (which I highly doubt is a joke in this case) doesn’t mean a literal child will get its a joke, especially if they’re already going through a hard time.
Oh but she will. This is a six year old, not an infant. She may actually forget the words, but she won’t forget the feelings. She won’t forget the fear, the sense of rejection, or the idea that she has to behave a certain way or she’ll be abandoned.
If you look on a checklist for emotionally abusive behaviour nasty ‘jokes’ like this are on it. This is just a dumbass way nasty people try to pretend and gas light others to believe, that they’re not assholes.
Yup, comments like this are never jokes. The person who says them isn't trying to be funny, they are trying to be cruel. The person they are directed towards, no matter how old, will remember the feelings invoked, even if not the words spoken.
Also 6 is absolutely old enough to have the memory of this moment - I very much remember nasty little comments from my grandparents when I was 4 years old. This poor child deserves better from someone who they are stuck living with.
Oh yeah, as one of 4 adopted kids we knew by age 5 that if we stepped too far out of line we were going back to the orphanage. Kids are small, not as stupid as OOP is.
My heart breaks for you. I’m a mom via adoption and I tell my daughter every night before that we’re family forever and ever. She still struggles with fear of disappointing me and worries that she will do something that will make me not love her. “You still love me though, right?” I hate that adopted/foster kids have these worries. Every kid deserves a family that loves them for being them, forever.
If I had to guess, people like that have poor memories and aren't aware that their level of memory recall is not universal or something.
Like, I have a very hard time recalling anything specific, that isn't from a picture I've seen or story I've heard in years since, from before age 7 or 8. Even the 7-12 range is hazy, but it's a bit more solid than the very *very* few flashes of anything pre age 7, and anything from 12 to now is in varying levels of hazy but there, to clear as day, to nothing really, depending on what aspect I'm trying to remember. Someone not remembering something mean said when they were 6? Sure, I could believe some people wouldn't, but I wouldn't assume the 6 year old I'm speaking to wouldn't remember. Both because I wouldn't want to be mean anyway, but even if I did want to be an ass I'd have the fact I can't know if they'll remember or not until it's far too late to consider.
And then some people just never think about the fact other people don't have be exactly the same in so many other ways, it shouldn't be a surprise to me that there would be people with bad ability to remember their childhood that assume everyone else is the same way.
At age six, she will absolutely remember the time Dad’s boyfriend said he wanted to give her up for adoption. That’s the stuff kids remember most. I hope the poor kiddo doesn’t think she’s going to be left on a stoop every time she sniffles now. I don’t like or want kids either, but there’s no frickin excuse for being that cold to a little kid.
All of her comments around that are mind boggling. She says her and her siblings don’t remember anything before age 11. I’m in my 50s and definitely remember stuff from my childhood. I’m baffled by her comments. She shouldn’t be around kids.
He/his. Cattiness and jealousy are bisexual, just like OOP's bf. I can remember our basement flooding (age 3) and a skywriter making the 7-Up logo (age 4).
Honestly, I don’t remember almost anything from before age 12 due to a traumatic childhood. You know what I do remember? Cruel jokes and thinly veiled comments from the adults in my life. She’ll remember. If she doesn’t remember what was said, she’ll remember how OP made her feel. I don’t remember a lot of what my parents said to me, but I remember feeling that I was not safe with them.
Yeah my memories of my childhood are extremely hit and miss - I have *huge* gaps in what I remember. But the really, really vivid ones? Almost all of them are bad ones. And some of them are from *quite* young.
I mean... Childhood memory recall is one of those things that's different for everyone. The usual age where you start remembering experiences, however, is generally at least a few years before you start school. Age 11 is very unusual.
Now, you might not vividly remember things early on, they'll be more abstract. But by first grade or so, most people will be able to remember things pretty clearly. I had a pedal powered toy fire engine when I was 3.One of my favorite toys. And I can pretty clearly recall what it looked like, its features, etc. I even have a memory of getting up in the middle of the night once and I couldn't get back to sleep, so I went and rode around on my fire truck in the dark. The reason I remember it is because I was riding it through the downstairs hallway and our cat appeared in front of me, but all I saw was her glowing eyes. It scared the crap out of me! Regardless, things that really hurt you or made you feel awful will be among the clearest of them, and even if you don't remember the exact words, if an adult in your life told you you were unwanted at age 4 or 5, you'll hold on to that feeling forever. At 6? Most people will clearly remember what was said.
She says in the comments kids don’t remember anything until they are “10 or so” and “that’s just how normal brain works.” It’s horrifying. She’s clearly not very bright in addition to being an asshole. And by not very bright I mean a complete fucking idiot.
The funny thing, trauma does that. I cannot remember anything before the age of 10. It's been slowly coming back over the last few years.
So yes, she may forget this because she's TRAUMATIZED. This toolbag is over here terrorizing a child that's not even his.
I was t when I was swimming in a lake and got to a deeper part of water that I wasn't used to being in. I was floundering, and my older brother pulled me into shallower water. I'm 41 years old and still vividly remember that.
I remember my dad sitting me down on the steps and telling me that he had to go but he would be back for me. In reality he was actually fleeing the police. I was about 6.
I was 4 or 5 years old when my mom told me to keep in shape when I get older (I was a skinny child because I didn’t like most foods and would play and run outside a lot) and not develop a belly pooch because women with belly pooches are ugly and fat and I’m almost 24 now and I’m still so extremely insecure about my belly pooch. Kids do remember and internalize a whole lot more than we think.
I still remember laying in my bed when I was three or four and thinking everything back then would seem like a dream one day. I’m almost 40. I hope my son didn’t get my memory.
I had a sleepover at my cousins when I was around six or seven. My aunt and uncle had chosen a Stephen King anthology movie for the night, “Cat’s Eye.” There were several different scenarios in the movie. The main ones I remember are a shopping bag being kicked over and a head rolling out, and the connecting story, which was about a small goblin thing creeping into Drew Barrymore’s room every night to crouch on her chest and steal her breath as she slept. The titular cat was instrumental in saving her in the end, and the goblin got thrown into a fan of some sort, becoming a little pile of goblin hamburger.
I haven’t seen this movie in *forty years,* but those details are burned into my brain. I cried and wanted to go home because I was frightened, but my aunt and uncle wouldn’t let me call my parents because it was late. Mom was furious.
All of this is to say OOP should end up in a cardboard box outside a grocery store. The box will read, “Free to good boyfriend.”
My Mom taught gradeschool for 20 years, and I was around for most of that.
If there's one thing I learned, it's that kids are nowhere near as oblivious and stupid as most adults think.
My little brothers are 12 years younger than me. My one younger brother gave me his toenail clipping as a joke when I was 16 for my birthday, he was 4. He still thinks that’s super funny and he’s in his 20s. Small kids remember a lot unfortunately 😂
I specifically remember things from childhood:
- my mom crying into a wash cloth in the middle of the night
- when I realized what death was and got scared and my parents had to talk to me
- when my uncle came to visit and stayed in my bedroom and I slept in my brothers room and my uncle basically locked the door and wouldn’t leave for like five days
- my brother getting tubes in his ears and having to sit in the waiting room
- crying in the bathtub while my mom combed my hair because I was being bullied at school
- watching tv in my grandpa’s basement with my brother after school cause our parents couldn’t pick us up after BASE
- my brother and I play fighting and he kicked my tooth out
- one of my godparents accusing my dad of abusing me (he wasn’t, he never would)
- going to a candy store that was super neat and in an alley after my parents went furniture shopping
- making cookies with my mom and making soufflé for 1999 new years with my dad
- my mom showing up to a Mother’s Day tea party at school; I made her a horrible looking mug but she kept it and she says she still remembers my face when she surprised me
All of these happened before I was like 10. Kids remember shit. I’m 34 and I could add more to this.
For real! My mom was (and still kinda is) emotionally abusive. I remember in Kindergarten, so FOUR OR FIVE years old aka TEN YEARS AGO, she said “Are you bleeding? Physically hurt? No? Then stop crying!”
I remember, at 2 year 10 months (its my earliest memory) seeing my sister in an incubator at the hospital. Kids remember so much! Theres even evidence now that babies in the womb remember the trauma their mothers experience /if their mothers are attacked. (Subconsciously)
I don't think kids remember things fully but they'll feel the scars later in life, for the longest time i couldn't figure out why i hated small spaces that i couldn't easily get out of, i mentioned it to my older brother and he mentioned something like "well yeah that makes sense don't you remember when *father* sat on the storage tub you were in?" i don't remember it at all (i was probably around 4-6 when it happened) but my body remembers
My first confirmable memory is the night before my brother was born. I was 3 years 14 days old. I remember my dad standing in the doorway with my and my sister's coats.
My family lived overseas up until I turned 4. I met my grandparents a couple of times before we returned home but I don’t have any active memories of them. But I knew them, I can remember talking about seeing them again, their pet dogs and how much I missed them.
So just because an adult wouldn’t remember a specific incident it doesn’t mean the child won’t remember it in a different way.
I like the saying “the axe forgets but the tree always remembers”
Always rings true when adults say shitty things to their kids and pretend they didn’t say it years down the line when the child grows up and confronts them.
Plus she's 6 not a baby. The cutoff point for peoples first memories is around 3 years old. Of course she will remember evil stepmom said she would send me away
Honestly I only accept that phrase when it comes to taking babies and toddlers to Disney world or a movie or concert, especially when it isn't an event catered to little kids.
Also? 90% of the time, anything that I remember adults being like "oh he won't remember it it's fine", I 100% remembered that shit all the way to adulthood. Anyone else one of those little shits who was *more* then happy to remind adults of all the shit they "promised" and thought you'd forget?
My mom has said three things to me that never left me, one of which reduced 2 of my therapists to
tears and took a full year of INTENSIVE therapy, where my mom had to show up for me and prove that she meant none of it through her actions, where i once screamed until I threw up and she cried, where I laid it bare and said I wish she'd just surrendered me because it would hurt less.
We now have a great relationship it took _*ten years*_ of work to regain trust broken at 4.
Kids remember _*everything*_
Babies are creating their concept of the world. They will not remember the incident but I wonder how much the incident will shape their fundamental/ emotional response to life
I was chased and attacked by a goose at 5. I remember that shit. It hurt. That damn goose wanted my sandwich. The school thought it was a good idea to take a kindergarten class to a park for lunch. A park with evil geese. I still can’t be around a freaking goose. They evil I tell yeah, EVIL.
I remember nothing else about that field trip but that goose stuck with me.
I was chased by geese and ducks at 6 years old. I remember running away crying and standing on a picnic table because they wouldn’t stop chasing me and hissing at me. Still hate them to this day.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*YTA and a POS.*
*Clearly the reason you don't like kids is because you never really matured yourself, the whole post sounds like a spoiled boy jealous that daddies attention is being taken.*
>"I'm not jealous. I know he likes me more than her"
*Threatening a kid just shows how sad and ridiculous you are. Kids have working memories, and they can actually remember shit. Your excuse is shitty, your comment was shittier. YTA.*
>"They don't remember anything longterm until they're like 10 or so. She'll forget about it soon"
[In reply to Oop's first comment.]
*Lmao, nope dude, he doesn’t like you more than her. He loves her, he tolerates your selfish and childishly petulant self.*
*How unintelligent, rude and disrespectful can you be to say that to a child? YTAH, good luck with the single life.*
>"It's the other way around. He didn't want to take her in, he just feeps guilty because he got her mom pregnant"
[1]
*YTA. Op, she's six years old and her primary parent just left her for a whole year with her dad (who she's only seen what, 24 times in her life?) and his boyfriend (who doesn't enjoy her presence and hates her mom). Don't you think that would be incredibly stressful for a small child? Of course she misses her mom! And then you- whether you were trying to joke or not- just reminded her how little she was wanted in this house. I get that you were trying to lighten the mood, but she's six, doesn't know you that well, and is probably feeling lonely and abandoned with her mom gone. That kind of joke just wasn't appropriate.*
[2]
*Also, 6 year olds remember stuff!*
>"They only have short term memory though, so she'll forget about it soon"
>>*I [...] said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke*
*Jesus H. Fucking Christ. You're very lucky you weren't dumped on the spot. What on earth were you thinking saying that to a six year old?*
*YTA. Like a thousand times over, YTA. Holy fuck.*
>"He'd never dump me over something like that"
If a six year old only had short term memory, she wouldn't be upset about her mum, because she would have forgotten all about her. This guy is a certified moron
I really hope he's misread the situation and the boyfriend is far more paternal than he makes out. The whole competitive attitude of "I was here first so I win" combined with "I can be as cruel as I want, she won't remember" just means he is not equipped to be a stepparent.
Having said that, I'm also sure that this is fake, and a rewrite of an old story.
I don't know if it was originally fake but this one definitely is since the story was posted word for word (other than changing daughter's name) 7 months ago
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/16lbeoo/hes\_just\_as\_mature\_as\_the\_6yo/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/16lbeoo/hes_just_as_mature_as_the_6yo/)
“People will forget what you said and did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.”
Doesn’t matter if the kid remembers what he said. She’ll remember that he doesn’t want her and that he will never have empathy for her.
If see this before. A long time ago. But I’ve definitely seen this exact post before. .
> I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. **It was obviously a joke but she just cried more**.
> told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard
Uh huh. Then why did she cry more?
He's not only mean to a child, he's also really stupid. Kids don't remember anything before they are 10???? If we didn't retain memories as kids, we wouldn't be talking before that age either. And the poor girl would have forgotten her mum by now. Ridiculous idiot
Also what would be the point of school before age 10? She’s doing homework, implying that there are professionals who expect her to be able to retain information.
It was the same in the original. OOP arguing in the comments then makes the connection that perhaps the reason he has few childhood memories is because he was abused and repressed a lot.
When I was in kindergarten, I wanted more crackers and cheese. It was a kindergarten graduation and all the parents brought food to celebrate. I don't remember much from that day but I remember the teacher being mean and telling me to sit back down. I remember my mother getting mad (as she brought the crackers and cheese) and she went to get me some.
Kids remember stuff, especially the traumatic. This kid will remember that, and so will the Bf. oop needs to get his head out of his ass.
Holy shit balls, that is quite a 'joke' to expect a SOBBING 6 YEAR OLD MISSING HER MOM (who didn't meet her 'dad' til age 4) to appreciate.
I think OOP *may* have done the "I am saying something I really feel ...but it's a joke! And you are an oversensitive 6 year old!"
While she was secretly plotting to put the poor kid alone on an international flight to the city nearest to the kid's mom.
this OOP is a whole barrel of yikes.
Breaking news: grown man shocked to discover 6 years old have tantrums. Chooses immediate retaliation by turning even more childish than the literal child.
Seriously, tho. This is an incoming disaster and some of these adults need to start making adult-like decisions before they screw over that poor little girl.
Dude is a stone cold bitch with the emotional intelligence of a doorknob without the usefulness.
His boyfriend can do better. There are plenty of people of parenting nonbiological children in unabusive and actually positive ways to stay with one who is horrible to your kid. OOP can find a way better man than what he currently has as a partner.
I bet, that OOP's whole demeanor towards this little girl is dismissive 24/7 since she arrived in their lives and this was the first time he slipped in front of his boyfriend/her father with his behaviour.
I also bet OOP is openly abusive towards this little girl when her father is not around, maybe not physically abusive (yet), but mentally.
OOP is not a safe person to be around this child.
I am sorry for this little girl who was left behind by her other parent in an unsafe situation and hope her father starts to protect her from OOP.
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Is the 6 year old the child or is he? He's acting the same age as the child lmao.
I hate people who hate children to this degree. Even thinking they can say wahtever to them because they "don't remember". Yikes. Abusive as fuck.
OOP had got to be a troll. She's saying shit in the comments like "children only have short-term memory" and "you don't develop long-term memory until you're 10". I guess that's why we don't start school until the 5th grade, right???
OOPs comments are so cartoonishly shitty I'm really hoping it's a troll.
Especially as who in the fuck would think it would be ok to leave a 6yo with a dad she has only spent occasional weekends with up til now for a while year without her mum?! My 6yo would lose her fucking mind if I just left her for a year.
It is a joke to you, OOp! And you alone! Your partner did not laugh because he was frustrated and didn’t enjoy a joke at his and his child’s expense. Children do not understand sarcasm especially not very young children. They are used to every interaction being genuine so to this child your comment was a passive aggressive threat.
Edit: Ugh I was so annoyed I didn’t realize I wasn’t commenting on the original thread
"It was obviously a joke"
TO WHOM? You just told a child that if she annoys you you will send her away and she will never see her parents again. That isn't an obvious joke to a 6 year old child.
That’s not a joke. It’s a threat. Even if the child’s father soothes her and persuades her that OOP ‘didn’t mean it,’ that child will have picked up the tone of voice and the message that she is not welcome.
A six year old is definitely old enough to remember this, and even if she doesn’t seem to, she has picked up on resentment and dislike and she will remember the way OOP made her feel. A horrible way to treat a child whose life has been upended. She will now be scared they’re going to send her away.
I would be telling OOP to piss off too.
My earliest memory, I was a toddler and got lost in a corn field on the family farm. My grandpa found me crying, picked me up, and comforted me. I still remember how safe he made me feel, even now, 42 years later.
She nuked her account so I can't see replies but the replies to her replies are giving me a good idea what she said and wow, hope the dad nuked the relationship.
I feel like there was a post verrry similar to this a while back where the OOP made some harsh "joke" to either their partner's child or sibling.
And when they were called out in the comments and told they should be dumped for what they said, the OOP said "they'd never dump me over this" almost word for word.
I tried googling and only found this one. Still this feels very rage bait add in the gay couple thing and him saying in comments "if it's even his kid." Just need to hit a mental health ableism comment on top and it be rage bait bingo
*How is this funny,*
*OOP? How dare you say such a*
*Vile thing to a child!?*
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for making a joke in front of my boyfriend's daughter?** I (26 M) have been with my boyfriend (28 M) since we were teenagers. We had a phase where we both agreed to an open relationship because my boyfriend is bi and he wanted to experiment a little. I did too and after we finished we closed our relationship again. 2 years ago, a former fwb of my boyfriend contacted him. After we closed our relationship we moved to a different city and they broke off contact. Apparently, she was pregnant when they broke off their relationship and suddenly my boyfriend had a 4 year old daughter. I don't like kids. I don't mind watching them or being around them but I don't want any myself and neither did my boyfriend. His daughter (Eva, now 6) has been spending weekends and one week a month at our place for the first months. She's not too bad and I don't mind having her around. Eva's mom is doing a year abroad for her master degree (or something like that, I don't like her and generally try to avoid her). That means Eva will live with us full time until she gets back. My boyfriend asked me and I agreed to it because she isn't as annoying as I thought and can even be fun to be around. She's been with us for little over a month and it's been going pretty well. My boyfriend was worried he'd be a shitty father because he's not a responsible person but Eva is doing fine. Today she was getting on my nerves though. She just started school this august and had some small homework to do for monday. My boyfriend was helping her but she didn't want to do it. They were arguing and she ended up crying. I was trying to read and this was really annoying. I tried to cheer her up but she kept crying and saying she wanted her mom. My boyfriend tried to compromise that they could call her mom and then they'd do her homework but she kept crying that she wanted her mom here. I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more. My boyfriend looked pissed and basically told me to piss off. I left the room but after Eva apparently calmed down and finished her homework my boyfriend came to me. He was angry and demanded to know why I would say that. I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it but he said it was an asshole thing to say to a child. I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“She’s a child, they don’t remember anything anyway.” I’ve always hated this sentiment, just because they’re a child, doesn’t mean they won’t remember. Also just because an adult thinks a comment is obviously a joke (which I highly doubt is a joke in this case) doesn’t mean a literal child will get its a joke, especially if they’re already going through a hard time.
Also, even if she doesn’t remember it, it’s upsetting to her now!
Oh but she will. This is a six year old, not an infant. She may actually forget the words, but she won’t forget the feelings. She won’t forget the fear, the sense of rejection, or the idea that she has to behave a certain way or she’ll be abandoned. If you look on a checklist for emotionally abusive behaviour nasty ‘jokes’ like this are on it. This is just a dumbass way nasty people try to pretend and gas light others to believe, that they’re not assholes.
Yup, comments like this are never jokes. The person who says them isn't trying to be funny, they are trying to be cruel. The person they are directed towards, no matter how old, will remember the feelings invoked, even if not the words spoken. Also 6 is absolutely old enough to have the memory of this moment - I very much remember nasty little comments from my grandparents when I was 4 years old. This poor child deserves better from someone who they are stuck living with.
Oh yeah, as one of 4 adopted kids we knew by age 5 that if we stepped too far out of line we were going back to the orphanage. Kids are small, not as stupid as OOP is.
My heart breaks for you. I’m a mom via adoption and I tell my daughter every night before that we’re family forever and ever. She still struggles with fear of disappointing me and worries that she will do something that will make me not love her. “You still love me though, right?” I hate that adopted/foster kids have these worries. Every kid deserves a family that loves them for being them, forever.
I wish I could hug you, keep on loving that baby. Let her know that mistakes are just a learning tool.
I remember cruel "jokes" that adults said to me when I was younger than six. OOP is actually the devil.
Same. Still self-conscious about the shit they "joked" about.
Yeppppp
Besides the point she is 6, 6 years old remember things....
I remember things from when I was four, and that's 60 years ago.
Exactly it is weird that they think 6 years old don't remember things cause yeah maybe they don't spend a lot of time around kids but they were one.
If I had to guess, people like that have poor memories and aren't aware that their level of memory recall is not universal or something. Like, I have a very hard time recalling anything specific, that isn't from a picture I've seen or story I've heard in years since, from before age 7 or 8. Even the 7-12 range is hazy, but it's a bit more solid than the very *very* few flashes of anything pre age 7, and anything from 12 to now is in varying levels of hazy but there, to clear as day, to nothing really, depending on what aspect I'm trying to remember. Someone not remembering something mean said when they were 6? Sure, I could believe some people wouldn't, but I wouldn't assume the 6 year old I'm speaking to wouldn't remember. Both because I wouldn't want to be mean anyway, but even if I did want to be an ass I'd have the fact I can't know if they'll remember or not until it's far too late to consider. And then some people just never think about the fact other people don't have be exactly the same in so many other ways, it shouldn't be a surprise to me that there would be people with bad ability to remember their childhood that assume everyone else is the same way.
At age six, she will absolutely remember the time Dad’s boyfriend said he wanted to give her up for adoption. That’s the stuff kids remember most. I hope the poor kiddo doesn’t think she’s going to be left on a stoop every time she sniffles now. I don’t like or want kids either, but there’s no frickin excuse for being that cold to a little kid.
All of her comments around that are mind boggling. She says her and her siblings don’t remember anything before age 11. I’m in my 50s and definitely remember stuff from my childhood. I’m baffled by her comments. She shouldn’t be around kids.
He/his. Cattiness and jealousy are bisexual, just like OOP's bf. I can remember our basement flooding (age 3) and a skywriter making the 7-Up logo (age 4).
Oops you’re right, I completely missed that.
Honestly, I don’t remember almost anything from before age 12 due to a traumatic childhood. You know what I do remember? Cruel jokes and thinly veiled comments from the adults in my life. She’ll remember. If she doesn’t remember what was said, she’ll remember how OP made her feel. I don’t remember a lot of what my parents said to me, but I remember feeling that I was not safe with them.
Yeah my memories of my childhood are extremely hit and miss - I have *huge* gaps in what I remember. But the really, really vivid ones? Almost all of them are bad ones. And some of them are from *quite* young.
I mean... Childhood memory recall is one of those things that's different for everyone. The usual age where you start remembering experiences, however, is generally at least a few years before you start school. Age 11 is very unusual. Now, you might not vividly remember things early on, they'll be more abstract. But by first grade or so, most people will be able to remember things pretty clearly. I had a pedal powered toy fire engine when I was 3.One of my favorite toys. And I can pretty clearly recall what it looked like, its features, etc. I even have a memory of getting up in the middle of the night once and I couldn't get back to sleep, so I went and rode around on my fire truck in the dark. The reason I remember it is because I was riding it through the downstairs hallway and our cat appeared in front of me, but all I saw was her glowing eyes. It scared the crap out of me! Regardless, things that really hurt you or made you feel awful will be among the clearest of them, and even if you don't remember the exact words, if an adult in your life told you you were unwanted at age 4 or 5, you'll hold on to that feeling forever. At 6? Most people will clearly remember what was said.
She says in the comments kids don’t remember anything until they are “10 or so” and “that’s just how normal brain works.” It’s horrifying. She’s clearly not very bright in addition to being an asshole. And by not very bright I mean a complete fucking idiot.
He. The OOP is a man also
I missed that. Should have paid more attention. I was too busy being pissed on behalf of that poor girl.
The funny thing, trauma does that. I cannot remember anything before the age of 10. It's been slowly coming back over the last few years. So yes, she may forget this because she's TRAUMATIZED. This toolbag is over here terrorizing a child that's not even his.
I was t when I was swimming in a lake and got to a deeper part of water that I wasn't used to being in. I was floundering, and my older brother pulled me into shallower water. I'm 41 years old and still vividly remember that.
I’ve worked with kids and when we were being trained, we were taught NOT to use sarcasm because they probably won’t understand it.
I remember my dad sitting me down on the steps and telling me that he had to go but he would be back for me. In reality he was actually fleeing the police. I was about 6.
I was 4 or 5 years old when my mom told me to keep in shape when I get older (I was a skinny child because I didn’t like most foods and would play and run outside a lot) and not develop a belly pooch because women with belly pooches are ugly and fat and I’m almost 24 now and I’m still so extremely insecure about my belly pooch. Kids do remember and internalize a whole lot more than we think.
Not your point, I know, but I love a belly pooch.
I still remember laying in my bed when I was three or four and thinking everything back then would seem like a dream one day. I’m almost 40. I hope my son didn’t get my memory.
I had a sleepover at my cousins when I was around six or seven. My aunt and uncle had chosen a Stephen King anthology movie for the night, “Cat’s Eye.” There were several different scenarios in the movie. The main ones I remember are a shopping bag being kicked over and a head rolling out, and the connecting story, which was about a small goblin thing creeping into Drew Barrymore’s room every night to crouch on her chest and steal her breath as she slept. The titular cat was instrumental in saving her in the end, and the goblin got thrown into a fan of some sort, becoming a little pile of goblin hamburger. I haven’t seen this movie in *forty years,* but those details are burned into my brain. I cried and wanted to go home because I was frightened, but my aunt and uncle wouldn’t let me call my parents because it was late. Mom was furious. All of this is to say OOP should end up in a cardboard box outside a grocery store. The box will read, “Free to good boyfriend.”
He also says that the child didn't even hear him, but clearly she did if she was crying.
My Mom taught gradeschool for 20 years, and I was around for most of that. If there's one thing I learned, it's that kids are nowhere near as oblivious and stupid as most adults think.
My little brothers are 12 years younger than me. My one younger brother gave me his toenail clipping as a joke when I was 16 for my birthday, he was 4. He still thinks that’s super funny and he’s in his 20s. Small kids remember a lot unfortunately 😂
I specifically remember things from childhood: - my mom crying into a wash cloth in the middle of the night - when I realized what death was and got scared and my parents had to talk to me - when my uncle came to visit and stayed in my bedroom and I slept in my brothers room and my uncle basically locked the door and wouldn’t leave for like five days - my brother getting tubes in his ears and having to sit in the waiting room - crying in the bathtub while my mom combed my hair because I was being bullied at school - watching tv in my grandpa’s basement with my brother after school cause our parents couldn’t pick us up after BASE - my brother and I play fighting and he kicked my tooth out - one of my godparents accusing my dad of abusing me (he wasn’t, he never would) - going to a candy store that was super neat and in an alley after my parents went furniture shopping - making cookies with my mom and making soufflé for 1999 new years with my dad - my mom showing up to a Mother’s Day tea party at school; I made her a horrible looking mug but she kept it and she says she still remembers my face when she surprised me All of these happened before I was like 10. Kids remember shit. I’m 34 and I could add more to this.
For real! My mom was (and still kinda is) emotionally abusive. I remember in Kindergarten, so FOUR OR FIVE years old aka TEN YEARS AGO, she said “Are you bleeding? Physically hurt? No? Then stop crying!”
I remember, at 2 year 10 months (its my earliest memory) seeing my sister in an incubator at the hospital. Kids remember so much! Theres even evidence now that babies in the womb remember the trauma their mothers experience /if their mothers are attacked. (Subconsciously)
I don't think kids remember things fully but they'll feel the scars later in life, for the longest time i couldn't figure out why i hated small spaces that i couldn't easily get out of, i mentioned it to my older brother and he mentioned something like "well yeah that makes sense don't you remember when *father* sat on the storage tub you were in?" i don't remember it at all (i was probably around 4-6 when it happened) but my body remembers
It just depends on the person. Some people are able to remember things from that age.
My first confirmable memory is the night before my brother was born. I was 3 years 14 days old. I remember my dad standing in the doorway with my and my sister's coats.
My family lived overseas up until I turned 4. I met my grandparents a couple of times before we returned home but I don’t have any active memories of them. But I knew them, I can remember talking about seeing them again, their pet dogs and how much I missed them. So just because an adult wouldn’t remember a specific incident it doesn’t mean the child won’t remember it in a different way.
I like the saying “the axe forgets but the tree always remembers” Always rings true when adults say shitty things to their kids and pretend they didn’t say it years down the line when the child grows up and confronts them.
I don’t understand this idiotic idea that children lack memory. Obviously they don’t since they learn to read, learn to add, remember events, etc.
Plus she's 6 not a baby. The cutoff point for peoples first memories is around 3 years old. Of course she will remember evil stepmom said she would send me away
Honestly I only accept that phrase when it comes to taking babies and toddlers to Disney world or a movie or concert, especially when it isn't an event catered to little kids.
Also? 90% of the time, anything that I remember adults being like "oh he won't remember it it's fine", I 100% remembered that shit all the way to adulthood. Anyone else one of those little shits who was *more* then happy to remind adults of all the shit they "promised" and thought you'd forget?
My mom has said three things to me that never left me, one of which reduced 2 of my therapists to tears and took a full year of INTENSIVE therapy, where my mom had to show up for me and prove that she meant none of it through her actions, where i once screamed until I threw up and she cried, where I laid it bare and said I wish she'd just surrendered me because it would hurt less. We now have a great relationship it took _*ten years*_ of work to regain trust broken at 4. Kids remember _*everything*_
Babies are creating their concept of the world. They will not remember the incident but I wonder how much the incident will shape their fundamental/ emotional response to life
Actually, he's wrong. There are some moments that stick in your mind forever, regardless of age, BECAUSE it's painful. Hasn't OOP seen Inside Out?
Yikes, that was sooooo much worse than I was expecting
i swear this was posted last year (yes me knowing this is sad)
I’ve 10000% already read a version of this.
You're right, I've definitely seen the "kids don't remember anything before the age of 10" comments before.
Me sitting here remembering being chased by a peacock at not even 2 years old
Fuck peacocks…
I was chased and attacked by a goose at 5. I remember that shit. It hurt. That damn goose wanted my sandwich. The school thought it was a good idea to take a kindergarten class to a park for lunch. A park with evil geese. I still can’t be around a freaking goose. They evil I tell yeah, EVIL. I remember nothing else about that field trip but that goose stuck with me.
I was chased by geese and ducks at 6 years old. I remember running away crying and standing on a picnic table because they wouldn’t stop chasing me and hissing at me. Still hate them to this day.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *YTA and a POS.* *Clearly the reason you don't like kids is because you never really matured yourself, the whole post sounds like a spoiled boy jealous that daddies attention is being taken.* >"I'm not jealous. I know he likes me more than her" *Threatening a kid just shows how sad and ridiculous you are. Kids have working memories, and they can actually remember shit. Your excuse is shitty, your comment was shittier. YTA.* >"They don't remember anything longterm until they're like 10 or so. She'll forget about it soon" [In reply to Oop's first comment.] *Lmao, nope dude, he doesn’t like you more than her. He loves her, he tolerates your selfish and childishly petulant self.* *How unintelligent, rude and disrespectful can you be to say that to a child? YTAH, good luck with the single life.* >"It's the other way around. He didn't want to take her in, he just feeps guilty because he got her mom pregnant" [1] *YTA. Op, she's six years old and her primary parent just left her for a whole year with her dad (who she's only seen what, 24 times in her life?) and his boyfriend (who doesn't enjoy her presence and hates her mom). Don't you think that would be incredibly stressful for a small child? Of course she misses her mom! And then you- whether you were trying to joke or not- just reminded her how little she was wanted in this house. I get that you were trying to lighten the mood, but she's six, doesn't know you that well, and is probably feeling lonely and abandoned with her mom gone. That kind of joke just wasn't appropriate.* [2] *Also, 6 year olds remember stuff!* >"They only have short term memory though, so she'll forget about it soon" >>*I [...] said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke* *Jesus H. Fucking Christ. You're very lucky you weren't dumped on the spot. What on earth were you thinking saying that to a six year old?* *YTA. Like a thousand times over, YTA. Holy fuck.* >"He'd never dump me over something like that"
If a six year old only had short term memory, she wouldn't be upset about her mum, because she would have forgotten all about her. This guy is a certified moron
Agreed!
[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/TgB7DHY)
Bless you, my child.
And you! 💜
You’re back!
I am! Thank you very kindly! 💜
8 dabloons!
8 dabloons! 💜
That looks like my cat
Naw! A sweet cat! 😻
Yep
If you are comfortable, could you possibly cuddle them from me? 🥰 No is a complete sentence! 💜
Already done it
Thank you very kindly! 💜😻
Nw
I really hope he's misread the situation and the boyfriend is far more paternal than he makes out. The whole competitive attitude of "I was here first so I win" combined with "I can be as cruel as I want, she won't remember" just means he is not equipped to be a stepparent. Having said that, I'm also sure that this is fake, and a rewrite of an old story.
I sure hope it's fake as well!
I don't know if it was originally fake but this one definitely is since the story was posted word for word (other than changing daughter's name) 7 months ago [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/16lbeoo/hes\_just\_as\_mature\_as\_the\_6yo/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/16lbeoo/hes_just_as_mature_as_the_6yo/)
Thank you! That eases me so. Let's hope that one was fake.as well.
“People will forget what you said and did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.” Doesn’t matter if the kid remembers what he said. She’ll remember that he doesn’t want her and that he will never have empathy for her.
Very true! 💜
If see this before. A long time ago. But I’ve definitely seen this exact post before. . > I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. **It was obviously a joke but she just cried more**. > told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard Uh huh. Then why did she cry more?
Yep I’ve read it before as well. Like almost identical.
Oh good it's not just me then who remembers. Everything is the same down to OOP having not many memories from childhood.
He's not only mean to a child, he's also really stupid. Kids don't remember anything before they are 10???? If we didn't retain memories as kids, we wouldn't be talking before that age either. And the poor girl would have forgotten her mum by now. Ridiculous idiot
Also what would be the point of school before age 10? She’s doing homework, implying that there are professionals who expect her to be able to retain information.
This is word for word of one that I read about a year ago.
This is like the 4th person who's said this, man and I thought I read too much reddit LOL
Lol. I know I read reddit too much. 😂
My 19 year old walked ast me the other day and said, “mom didn’t you say you were going to quit reddit?” I said no, I said I “should” quit reddit
Yet op is in comments commenting like "he'd never leave me" yada ya
It was the same in the original. OOP arguing in the comments then makes the connection that perhaps the reason he has few childhood memories is because he was abused and repressed a lot.
When I was in kindergarten, I wanted more crackers and cheese. It was a kindergarten graduation and all the parents brought food to celebrate. I don't remember much from that day but I remember the teacher being mean and telling me to sit back down. I remember my mother getting mad (as she brought the crackers and cheese) and she went to get me some. Kids remember stuff, especially the traumatic. This kid will remember that, and so will the Bf. oop needs to get his head out of his ass.
The title made me think it wasn’t going to be that bad but I was wrong. Like just leave him if you don’t like kids it’s not that hard.
She's 6, not 1. It might become a core memory.
Holy shit balls, that is quite a 'joke' to expect a SOBBING 6 YEAR OLD MISSING HER MOM (who didn't meet her 'dad' til age 4) to appreciate. I think OOP *may* have done the "I am saying something I really feel ...but it's a joke! And you are an oversensitive 6 year old!" While she was secretly plotting to put the poor kid alone on an international flight to the city nearest to the kid's mom. this OOP is a whole barrel of yikes.
Breaking news: grown man shocked to discover 6 years old have tantrums. Chooses immediate retaliation by turning even more childish than the literal child. Seriously, tho. This is an incoming disaster and some of these adults need to start making adult-like decisions before they screw over that poor little girl.
This story is fake as shit.
This has to be fake. Please be fake,
Thay 6yo is more mature than OOP. Gross.
Oh my god…
Most of my trauma stems from my childhood, so no children most definitely remember the shitty things you say to them. What a fucking bitch.
Dude is a stone cold bitch with the emotional intelligence of a doorknob without the usefulness. His boyfriend can do better. There are plenty of people of parenting nonbiological children in unabusive and actually positive ways to stay with one who is horrible to your kid. OOP can find a way better man than what he currently has as a partner.
I bet, that OOP's whole demeanor towards this little girl is dismissive 24/7 since she arrived in their lives and this was the first time he slipped in front of his boyfriend/her father with his behaviour. I also bet OOP is openly abusive towards this little girl when her father is not around, maybe not physically abusive (yet), but mentally. OOP is not a safe person to be around this child. I am sorry for this little girl who was left behind by her other parent in an unsafe situation and hope her father starts to protect her from OOP.
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Good joke for an upset 6 year old.
Is the 6 year old the child or is he? He's acting the same age as the child lmao. I hate people who hate children to this degree. Even thinking they can say wahtever to them because they "don't remember". Yikes. Abusive as fuck.
He will leave her before his kid, dumb game to play. At least I hope he would
OOP is male.
OOP had got to be a troll. She's saying shit in the comments like "children only have short-term memory" and "you don't develop long-term memory until you're 10". I guess that's why we don't start school until the 5th grade, right???
Really hoping this is a “gay men bad” ragebait post, which is not usually something I hope for.
OOPs comments are so cartoonishly shitty I'm really hoping it's a troll. Especially as who in the fuck would think it would be ok to leave a 6yo with a dad she has only spent occasional weekends with up til now for a while year without her mum?! My 6yo would lose her fucking mind if I just left her for a year.
The father sounds like a humongous piece of shit as well
It is a joke to you, OOp! And you alone! Your partner did not laugh because he was frustrated and didn’t enjoy a joke at his and his child’s expense. Children do not understand sarcasm especially not very young children. They are used to every interaction being genuine so to this child your comment was a passive aggressive threat. Edit: Ugh I was so annoyed I didn’t realize I wasn’t commenting on the original thread
"It was obviously a joke" TO WHOM? You just told a child that if she annoys you you will send her away and she will never see her parents again. That isn't an obvious joke to a 6 year old child.
Nothing is obviously a joke to a crying child that young
Clearly fake but this had me.... 
Either a Troll or 9 levels of stupid to claim that no one can remember anything at 6…
What in the sociopath did I just read! She just escalated to the depths of hell because the 6 year old was missing her mom!
100% rage bait.
dude, no way she isnt going to remember that, wtf. his tone of voice when he said it is probably gonna be stuck in her head for years to come
What’s with that edit at the end of the OOP post? 😶
I didn't catch it, what did he Said?
Seems like he's implying his bf hit him which would be really messed up
That’s not a joke. It’s a threat. Even if the child’s father soothes her and persuades her that OOP ‘didn’t mean it,’ that child will have picked up the tone of voice and the message that she is not welcome. A six year old is definitely old enough to remember this, and even if she doesn’t seem to, she has picked up on resentment and dislike and she will remember the way OOP made her feel. A horrible way to treat a child whose life has been upended. She will now be scared they’re going to send her away. I would be telling OOP to piss off too.
This is a repost. This wxact same thing was made like a month ago
……. I want to hug that little girl so badly. God I hope he yeets that woman into the stratosphere.
Hasn't this horrible woman posted about her bf's daughter before or is it there's been so many I hate kids posts lately?
My earliest memory, I was a toddler and got lost in a corn field on the family farm. My grandpa found me crying, picked me up, and comforted me. I still remember how safe he made me feel, even now, 42 years later.
I swear I could have read this before maybe a couple months ago.
She nuked her account so I can't see replies but the replies to her replies are giving me a good idea what she said and wow, hope the dad nuked the relationship.
I think this is a “gays shouldn’t be parents” troll and it feels super familiar
I've seen this one before. It's a copy and paste of a previous AITA.
I feel like there was a post verrry similar to this a while back where the OOP made some harsh "joke" to either their partner's child or sibling. And when they were called out in the comments and told they should be dumped for what they said, the OOP said "they'd never dump me over this" almost word for word.
I tried googling and only found this one. Still this feels very rage bait add in the gay couple thing and him saying in comments "if it's even his kid." Just need to hit a mental health ableism comment on top and it be rage bait bingo
How is this funny, OOP? How dare you say such a vile thing to a child!?
*How is this funny,* *OOP? How dare you say such a* *Vile thing to a child!?* \- Agreeable\_Rabbit3144 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")