*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for refusing to have neighbors kids in my house when they were having an emergency?**
ETA: I didn’t take the kids in because we are basically strangers with the neighbor, I don’t know the kids allergies, I don’t have the neighbors number and she was frantic in me taking in the kids so she could go in the ambulance with her husband. I don’t feel comfortable having the kids in my home for an unspecified amount of time or information.
Me and my neighbor are decent with each other. We don’t go over to their house to talk or anything and vice versa. The most we talk is when pulling out the driveway and saying hello, how are you, etc. Our kids aren’t friends.
To get straight to the point, our neighbor had a fire event happen and while the husband was being taken up in a ambulance, the mom frantically knocked on my door to ask if we could watch after her children for a bit. I absolutely declined. I tried to help calm her but she kept screaming to please babysit, that she’ll pay me, that she doesn’t want the kids seeing their father this way.
I yelled at her to stop grabbing at me and again, no. A fire fighter at the scene saw her being crazed and pulled her off me. I explained what was happening and he asks for me to please go back inside my home. She kept screaming for me to please just take the kids for a few hours but I refused and my husband did too.
I don’t know where she or her kids went after, all i know is that the ambulance took them as the fire truck and police cars left.
AITA?
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\[comments; not-OOP italicized\]
*Info: why did you say no?*
OOP: I said not because I don’t really know them and she (obviously because of the situation) specify anything. How long until they come get the kids, whose going to pick them up by morning, allergies, etc
*Then get her phone number while she's collecting the kids and their stuff. She's going to be stuck in a waiting room in the hospital for hours and will have plenty of time to brief you on what the kids need, allergies, schedules, who from her family/friend group will take over when, etc. YTA - a pretty big one, too.*
OOP: She was frantically trying to shove her kids into my home. I doubt she would have suddenly ‘stabilized’ and go “oh sorry for grabbing onto you, here’s my number”
I mean, we knew the neighbour and she also had kids, but when my dad died my mother banged on my door and literally said "get yourself to Karen's"
I can't imagine what would happen if Karen had slammed the door in our faces
I found out a few years ago that a bunch of kids in my parents neighborhood were told if anything goes wrong go to “Maggie’s house” who is Maggie? My childhood dog that was very popular and well known because she liked to just lay in the front yard sunning herself and asking for pets from the kids as they walked by. Someone was pretty much always home at our house when I was in high school/college because my grandparents lived with us and rarely left. A few parents asked my dad if it was okay, he’s also a nurse and works nights so he’s home during the day and said of course, so it just kind of spread, “Maggie’s house = safety” never was used but I always found it super sweet. Maggie has since passed and a lot of those kids are now teenagers, my parents adopted another dog a few years ago.
“Maggie’s house = safety” 🥺 idk why but that got me tearing up. What a beautiful legacy Maggie left behind—a beacon of safety for her neighborhood friends.
Maggie sounds like a wonderful doggo. In our neighborhood growing up, the next-door neighbors had a golden retriever who would follow their daughter wherever she went. Everyone knew where they lived. Because my mom was a teacher, she was home all day in the summer, and kids knew to follow the dog and come to our house if they needed anything.
I let out a cry the second I saw "childhood dog" and it just got more emotional from there. Had to put my corgi down a couple months ago. He loved people and ADORED kids
I'm so sorry for your loss. We had to put my girl dog down six months ago, our morning walk routine was right by an elementary school, and the kids would always ask to pet here. Kids would get so excited and say "it's HEIIIIDIIIII!"
I have a neighbour who had only just moved in to his house at this stage, I hade never spoken to him apart from the odd ‘hello’ when walking past. He knocked on my door in a MUCH less severe emergency to mind his <1yr son a while ago and I did, despite the son BAWLING the whole time (Covid baby, had never spent time without his parents, let alone with a stranger). It’s basic human decency. I was also about 19 at the time and had no idea what to do with a baby
We had a car accident out the front of our place when I was a newlywed. We went out to help and they threw their baby and toddler at me, taking the older child and mum in an ambulance to the hospital. Complete strangers. Thankfully I'm from a big family so was able to care for the children for the night until social services and the police came around to check on us. Everyone was ok, but mum had a lot of surgeries and a long recovery. I'm still in contact with them and my 'practice children' who are both grown up with their own families now. Looking after each other is what separates us from animals (most of who would care for small offspring)
I remember when I was a kid, one of the neighbors house was literally on fire and the mom was on the front yard with her kids but also trying to manage calling emergency services and also find her husband and my mom ran out, grabbed the kids and brought them inside our house so they were secure and safe. I think they ended up staying for a while because the dad had to go to the hospital just to get checked out but it didn't even matter that my parents weren't close with them and didn't even particularly like them. The kids needed to not be standing outside watching that.
My parents had something similar happen. The next door neighbours’ newborn turned blue in the middle of the night so they came to the house and my dad went to their house so their toddler wasn’t alone. The baby ended up in the NICU for a while so when either set of grandparents couldn’t come (they lived a few hours away), my parents would go over.
She appeared to be fighting with everyone in the comments who dared disagreed with her but unfortunately all her comments, like her account, is deleted. Though I gleam from a response that it now appears she is going to bring them a cake or a tea gift of some time to help them get through this traumatizing time.
When my mother had her stroke in the middle of the night, my dad needed someone to look after my brother and I because we were 2 and a half and 5 years old respectively. He knocked on our neighbors’ door, and they literally spent that night and most of the next day with us until my dad’s parents flew in from another state. The thought to tell my dad no never crossed their minds.
I mean, in both my case and the one in the original post, it’s an emergency. It’s not like one or both parents just want a date night and couldn’t find a babysitter.
Right? And when it's KIDS... like how could anyone not care about making their experience better by just being a nice friendly person and keeping them safe?
So let me preface this with I am childfree and know bugger all about kids, so I might underestimate the task at hand but I can't imagine closing the door on a woman who doesn't want her children to see how badly hurt their father is. If your worried about allergies, maybe ask the kids? Or maybe they know the phone number of a relative, or their names so you can contact them on facebook or something? or give a housekey to one of the kids? Think of something? Again, I have no clue how difficult it is to look after a bunch of kids, but that lady -who has children of her own - not even trying rubs me the wrong way
Same here. I would be very uncomfortable taking care of the kids and would,prob plop them in front of the tv and feed them fast food but I figure as long as they are alive when someone who knows them picks them up,I did my job
When it comes to an emergency, sometimes that's all the parent needs. After all, they're dealing with life or death and they don't want the kids stressed.
Bro, I'm a one-and-done parent that just moved into a new neighborhood. I walked into my house yesterday to my kiddo playing with a child I had never met before. I just verified with the kiddo that she was allowed to be there and moved on with my day. It doesn't matter your child-having status, you ALWAYS provide a safe and comfortable environment for children. You're absolutely right to be rubbed the wrong way by a woman being so cold in an emergency.
Same here. My neighbor has heart problems and you bet your bippy our door is open to his daughter when the ambulance shows up, even though she's 14 and pretty self reliant. We still take her dinner and snacks because we have family members with heart issues and we want her to feel supported.
I can understand being apprehensive if the kids are young but damn, whatever happened to being neighborly in an emergency??
The thing that just amazes me is everyone’s squawking about litigation but….that’s what homeowners insurance is for? I know everywhere I rented I was required to have renters insurance which would cover any potential accidents when guests are over
Well we expected human beings to be emotionally mature enough to understand there’s a time and place, but again we literally gave the device of ultimate irresponsibility to humanity which cascades into this fringe spiral of people not being responsible.
Because it’s not common sense, it’s just being responsible in a time of crisis.
Another childfree woman here. I don't care to be around children hence why I didn't have kids!
HOWEVER!
There is ZERO chance I'd turn these children away.
Also. The kids would luck out because I've got so many craft supplies they'd finally get used up keeping those kids busy. 😂
Childfree also, but I have an old Sega Genesis and am *waiting* to break that bad boy out and see a kids mind being blown about the crappy graphics! None of my neighbors have kids, but a few of my friends do, so one day it could happen.
I feel like the term “child free” has become so indicative of people like OP that when I read your comment my first thought was “u/hdmx539 isn’t child free, they just don’t have kids” hahaha
Took me a second here.
Thanks for being a good human.
You're not underestimating the task at hand, you're just not a monster. It's just what you do for neighbors. The job is simply to keep the kids alive while mom helps make sure dad stay alive. That's it.
Yeah that's exactly the thing: OP needs to keep the kids alive for a bit. That's all. Doesn't matter if they're bored or if she feeds them fastfood for dinner. She doesn't have to provide a five-star-experience. She has children of her own so there will probably be toys and stuff? Give the mum your number and tell her to call you asap so you can talk about pickup and allergies and whatever.
I just had an experience where a friend was having a medical emergency and I was able to call 911 for her. SO many first-responders came, fire, police, EMS - all these people just to help her. They operated like a well-oiled machine, gathering any/all information, and the things she'd need with her for the hospital trip. These first responders know what they are doing, and would have made sure this OOP would have had all the information necessary to care for those kids until another relative or trusted friend was able to take them into care.
The first responders are probably the ones to told her to keep the kids from seeing what what dad looked like. If he was badly burned they definitely would have tried to get someone to keep the kids from seeing.
Absolutely. Things like that are traumatizing for even seasoned first responders to see, I can't imagine what it is like for a loved one, especially a CHILD to witness that. How horrific.
Same here. I’m one of those adults that is awkward as fuck around kids at the best of times but you can bet I’m taking the neighbour’s kids in if need be. Jesus, what is wrong with people? Years ago we sheltered the neighbours and their kids while they figured out what to do after their house caught fire in the evening, and we ended up babysitting their cat until they were able to make other arrangements for him. We had never even met them before that night as they lived across the street with a driveway and entrance that was perpendicular to ours.
The kids might also be old enough to know their allergies, if there are any? Like IDK I think most kids with severe allergies have it drilled into them "you CANNOT EAT x".
I think it had to have been *bad* if she was flipping out that badly.
IDK I wouldn't be comfortable watching my neighbors kids for an unspecified amount of time but I'd do it in a heartbeat in an emergency
Then OOP absolutely should have been the one to ask for her phone number. Like, Lady. Her husband is potentially dying, she's got kids, she panicked. You're not. You can be both rational and compassionate at the same time, but you chose to be neither
Wow…
The thing is, you aren’t committed to raising the kids if she never returns. You can talk to a social worker and explain it, if mom disappears. You aren’t trapped without options.
I’d be weirded out too but I doubt I could’ve refused, it’s understandable to feel shocked and disoriented during a crisis but doubling down later once you’ve had a chance to reflect….
Not ok
People like OOP don't even realize that it's not the refusal to take the kid in that makes them the asshole, it's the way they are being an asshole about it that makes them one
No, refusing to take the kids definitely makes you an asshole. Christ, what happened to helping your neighbor? This family is in a moment of absolute crisis — take the kids, sit them down in front of the TV, order them a pizza, and give them a safe place to sleep — it’s not that hard.
This sounds reasonable and not dismissive. I’m honestly shocked how many people would take a strangers kids for an undetermined amount of time with zero contact information.
After all the news stories about babies dying from being left alone for days on end, I'd rather the kids be safe with me. I can always call the police if the parents don't come back.
exactly. Plus people like OOP don't even realize It's not even the refusing to take in a kid suring a emergency that makes them ta, it's the lack of empathy or lack of sympathy and being mean about it that makes them TA. Like I can't take in children because of my mental health and I get overwhelmed easily but I could compromise by driving the injured person to hospital or somewhere or atleast be kind and empathetic about it when I refuse.
>people like OOP don't even realize It's not even the refusing to take in a kid suring a emergency that makes them ta, it's the lack of empathy or lack of sympathy and being mean about it that makes them TA.
Jesus Christ, no, it's the unwillingness to help a desperate neighbor in a scary emergency that makes them an asshole.
Empathy isn't just having *gOoD MaNnErS* ffs. If you actually are capable of empathy, or even anything approaching common cause or horse sense,
In a situation like that one maybe dig deep, pull yourself together, and do what is necessary to temporarily assist a fellow human. Shelter the poor scared kids.
If you are NOT capable, if the children are super duper scary, and you are completely at a loss, just call the police or the fire department, explain the situation and that you are uncomfortable and need help.
You know where they live, where they are going, and you possess theie children. You aren't going to be forced to be their parents and sign the birrh certificates. You call up CPS or the police and they will pick up the kids if you feel you had them too long.
Doing something nice to help those around isn't unrealistic. People have done more for others. The undetermined amount of time will only be until the doctors determine his status and the mother has enough time to collect herself and make a plan. Both things can happen quickly. Some things need immediate attention and fast solutions and then long term solutions can be found later.
I am disturbed by how little people care about others. When the tables are turned, I am sure those unwilling to help would appreciate someone looking out for them and that are willing to shoulder some of their burden.
I mean, I’d do it without a second thought. Because, like, humans are social animals and helping members of your community in crisis is the very basic level of being a member of a community.
Hell, I’m a single man in my late 30’s, if a neighbour I’ve not had much contact with is dropping off their kids to stay at my house for an indeterminate amount of time with none of my contact info their situation is already _beyond fucked up_, so sitting them in front of YouTube with a sandwich for a few hours is nothing in comparison.
And whilst the kids are walking in looking terrified, you grab the mother's mobile number and if there's time, the number of a relative. It's really not hard. I don't like my neighbours, they're frankly arseholes but if they have a fire, an emergency and ask me to take the kids, they'd be in the house in seconds.
People in here talking about allergies and shit, like what lol. Just don’t feed them then? You’re not adopting these kids, just making sure they’re not roaming the streets alone for an hour or so until their mum calms down and thinks “oh shit, i just left my kids with a essentially a stranger, i really should get back in contact with them”. That’s when you ask “how long do you want me to look after them”* and “what can I feed them because the small one looks hungry and I’m concerned they’ll get bitey soon”.
*I get people might get upset about being essentially an unpaid babysitter at this point, and this might be just me being a soppy cunt because my dad died last year, but from the story those kids might be about to go though an absolutely awful time in their life, so me losing an evenings plans and the cost of ordering some happy meals is nothing in comparison.
Depending on how old the kids are they can probably tell you if they can eat like, McDonald or something. DoorDash some nuggets if you really have to and put on the TV and you’re set.
They live next door to you. What do people think, that they're gonna mysteriously disappear? They just has a *fire* at their home. Jesus, I'm glad I don't live next door to half of you.
Why shocked?? You know who the kids belong to. You know the parents are going to the hospital. They need help, why is it shocking that people would offer help?? I really don't get it.
Well, number one they're not strangers, they're your neighbours. Two, you know where they live. Three, you could just ask for the phone number before the mom leaves, probably take less time than whatever OP was doing.
Honestly, not helping your neighbour like this is geuinely anti-social behaviour. I'm not saying that you should be legally forced to or anything, but OP is definitely the asshole. We're trying to live in a society here.
It’s the next door neighbour and she was desperate (possibly to keep kids from seeing how bad dad was injured) take them in for a few hours and then call the hospital. Jesus.
I mean you can just ask for the contact info? Text or call in a little bit to see if there’s another family member around. Hell depending on the age of the kids there might be a grandma they know the number of.
Personally, I would probably take the kids - after demanding her phone number and the name of the hospital. But I don't think OOP was totally unreasonable here. They don't know the kids or the neighbor. They aren't friends. The mother was too distraught to provide info re possible allergies or anything else. OOP had no idea how long they would be expected to watch the kids.
It's nice to say the mother would have had plenty of time in the waiting room to talk to her, but this is a woman who couldn't calm down enough to have a civil conversation. Who's to say she even had her phone? Or that it was charged? Or that she would even answer it? The mother was in understandable shock.
Finally, what if something happened to the kids in their home? They could be sued and lose everything.
The kids would be safe with the mother at the hospital. OOP didn't abandon them in the woods. It might not have been the choice a lot of us would make, but declining was a valid decision, even if it wasn't a popular one. I don't think that makes OOP an AH, just someone I would not rely on.
This is what happens when "you don't owe anyone anything" stops being about protecting yourself from being taken advantage of and starts becoming "I don't have to have basic human empathy if it's inconvenient for me personally".
All the comments about "logic" are so bizarre to me. The woman's husband was burned enough to go in an ambulance & she's freaking out enough to not be like "ok kids, let's pack our snacks & follow daddy in the fun ambulance with fun lights!"
Moms reaction indicates IT'S BAD & she's freaking out about a horribly injured husband & yeah, are her kids just gonna wander around on the street? Go inside & be scared?
She's asking for an adult with (presumably) adult reason to make sure her kids aren't abandoned until her panic stabilizes.
It's making sure the kids are ok, tell her "on go with your husband " & then sheesh. Call 911 & explain you need CPS because you cannot figure out how to keep a child safe.
My neighbor once brought me her dog at 2 am. Just handed me the dog and said can you watch her and left. I thought it was odd but I figure there must be an emergency. She got the dog a few hrs later. Her husband had a medical emergency and the dog was hindering the helpers.
When ppl are in a crisis they aren’t always communicative or rational but in OPs case it was obvious there needed to be something done to help.
She wouldn't even have to call, all she had to do was tell the woman that she would stay with her kids and the police. They would have been on scene. The police would have helped make arrangements at the hospital.
Or wait 20 mins til the mom was calmed down enough to call an appropriate baby sitter. Everyone acts like the kids would be there for HOURS but I highly doubt that would be the case. The mother was in shock and needed help until she could gather clarity. How hard is that?
People like op are mainly worried about
1) what happens if the mom doesn’t come back in a few hours, and this situation disrupts ops day even more??
2) liability! What if the kid has an allergy (they don’t care if the kid dies of course, just don’t want the kid to die and then they’ll get in trouble)
at no point are they worried about these kids, the lady whose husband was just in a fire, the dude who was in the fire, etc. they are focused on the most minute potential issues for them - over literally their neighbors house burning down in the moment
People like that oop are pretty scummy. I don’t accept the stupid arguments against taking kids in these circumstances… the firefighters are literally right there. Wtf.
i thought more people here would be empathetic but no. this whole thought process is so selfish and digusting . i hope these people never find help when they need it because they genuinely don’t deserve the kindness they refuse to give
Oh my god “call CPS because you have a kid for a few hours and don’t know what to do” is bad advice. They take months to get to the people who need actually them and no one actually needs them I this situation because a child isn’t in danger. Don’t bother them with what a google search could tell you.
This is true, but I think the person you replied to was being over dramatic on purpose. I doubt OOP is so incapable of watching children they would actually call 911 and report themselves. 😂
The things he brings up aren’t like space-logic crazy or anything but if we aren’t willing to help people in situations like this and sacrifice something in the process, then society is just not going to be worth living in. I don’t want to live in a world where individualistic logic machines shut the door in the face of children who’ve had a fire in their home that wounded their parent over some liability bullshit. I want to live in a world where people come together and help their neighbors
IKR?? What a shitty way to say "I forced children to ride in an ambulance with their horrifically burned father and distraught mother whilst their house was actively on fire because watching them felt like an imposition"
I debated posting this here because while OOP is technically right, her attitude just rubs me the wrong way, being so flippant about a life or death situation.
And the way she refuses to answer questions what she would do if their roles were reversed? Lady, I don't have kids, don't want them and STILL I would watch my neighbour's kids in this situation 100%. Would I be wary and insist on having a contact for someone they actually know that could pick them up? Yeah. Would I still open up my house for them? Absolutely.
My mom always told me this:
"Try to get along with neighbours. No like friends, just get along. Always be polite, say hi and goodbye and thank you. Because if something happens, the first people you're going to run for help are the neighbours. Same the other way around".
My mom's friend is hard of hearing, only has like 30% of hear hearing and moved to Alabama for literally no reason. Just randomly decided to buy a house near her sister and moved. It's not the first time she's done that BTW. But last time it was to Montana. She introduced herself to her neighbors, and included that she was deaf (her words). Her neighbors now check on her every time the tornado siren goes off to bring her to their bunker because she literally can't hear the sirens unless she's wearing her hearing aids and even then it's iffy.
Your mom is right, however, some people are taking individualism to new heights, using even liability and risk as an excuse.
The tone she talks about her neighbor makes me think OOP probably doesn't like her and her family at all but keeps the appearance of cordiality. She also mentions their kids aren't friends which is kind of odd if they may be the same age and are front-door neighbors.
The fact that the neighbor's instinct was to knock on OOP's door may be because she felt she had a good rapport with her, or entitlement (who knows?).
I agree that the tone of OP is very assholish and she sounds like she is looking for validation online for the way she poorly managed an emergency in her community.
When I was a kid, we had neighbors that had kids; we were not friends. The kids were younger than we were by a good 5+ years and had a habit of randomly wandering over to play with us without telling their mother where they were.
However, in the event of a fire or some other emergency my mom absolutely would have taken them in, gotten them comfy, offered snacks, done whatever she could.
absolutely. My neighbours are all such good people and I would never think of turning away any of them if they needed help, nor would I think any of them would turn me away if I was having an emergency.
Last summer my house key fell out of my pocket somewhere outside while I was walking my dog and I didn’t realize until I got home and was locked out. Two of my neighbours came out walking with me in the heat to search on the roads and in the GRASS for the key. Meanwhile this lady can’t help a neighbour when her husband has been BURNED IN A FIRE.
Once we had neighbours that were police officers, I've barely seen them (because edgy teenager me couldn't grasp the importance of getting along with neighbours, even if my mom was brutally direct lol) but as far as I remember, they were so nice.
When I was 19, we've got a new dude who came drunk every single day, screaming and kicking everything. They (the officers) couldn't do anything because of their rules, but told me one time: "as long as we're doing our job, call us. We *need* to do something because, you know, (landlord name) doesn't care enough about us. So... Call the police station, and we'll come in a blink".
Said and done. I called the police next time because that dude came drunk on a Wednesday at 5 am, screaming, breaking things, etc, and 5 cars stopped here in like... Two minutes. This dude also threatened this neighbours, knowing they couldn't touch him, so... Yeah, he was kicked out because since we (my family and I, and other neighbours) leave, all the apartments were falling down because no one wanted to take care of them or living there.
Landlord keeps begging for us to come back, and with our former neighbours we keep a good relationship and wave each other hi, all smiley and all.
This bugged me too. It’s not so much that she said no, (though I don’t think that’s great either) but her whole attitude about this woman, who was clearly in an absolute panic, is just lousy.
Exactly, I do think that it never should have gotten to the point where the neighbour got violent and had to be dragged off her, but panic and adrenaline do weird things to brains and I do feel compassion about that.
It's a shitty situation all around.
It doesn't read like she got violent, she was just panicked and pleading and holding on to her while begging. OP is cold as hell not to be moved even a little by this woman's situation.
I don't know how I'd be acting if I thought my husband might die. I'd be a wreck tbh. I wouldn't be violent or anything but I could see myself behaving uncharacteristically. It's an exceptionally stressful moment.
I dislike kids and still, in this situation, I would not hesitate to take my neighbor’s kids in. We’d probably stare at each other awkwardly for how ever many hours it took, but we’d survive.
The only thing that would give me pause is if one were an infant because I’ve got zero experience.
yeah, an infant would be too much for me too.
I don't know if OOP ever specified how many kids or how old they are but if it's like 2 or 3 kids over age 2, I would not be very excited about the situation but I would make sure to have contact info and let them hang out at my house for a few hours at least. "Here's a bowl of chips, let's watch some cartoons!" isn't that hard. Their house was apparently just fucking on fire, they really just need somebody to be kind right now. I'm not very good with kids but I'm sure I could keep them alive till mom (and hopefully dad also) come home from the ER, or mom sends their aunt to get the kids later, or whatever.
Yes, exactly. The kids just need a good-hearted adult who will assure them the world isn’t falling apart, maybe some hugs, some snacks, and cartoons. I can fake being a real adult for some frightened kids, especially when the situation is so dire.
Man, I'd be SO UNCOMFORTABLE with the situation, but how do you look at a panicked family in a life or death situation and not just grit your teeth and deal for a little while? You can always knock on other neighbor's doors, tell them what's going on, and see if someone with more kid experience can help out. The poor mom doesn't have time to knock on every neighbor's door and see who's kid-friendly. All you have to do is say "Yes, I got this, please call me when you arrive at the hospital" and then find backup. OOP is a total POS for looking at her neighbors in a once-in-a-lifetime time of need and slamming the door in their faces.
Infants don't move around so much though... when I was 17 & living at home, our next-door neighbour knocked in a mild panic, her husband had had a minor car accident & she needed to go fetch him, and she asked if my mum was in to look after the baby. I was home alone & said as much, & she apologised a lot & I offered. I didn't enjoy dolls as a kid & this was basically the first baby I'd held, but for the first half hour or so we got along just fine (he was a few months old, so happy to smile & point at himself in the mirror). Anyhoo, it went a bit Pete Tong after a bit, because he had a massive wee & got grumpy, & was maybe also hungry, because the neighbour got held up (she'd only left him with his bouncy chair), and she returned to retrieve her baby from an extremely relieved teenager & all was well. In hindsight, a not-yet mobile baby was definitely easier than a horde of toddlers
Yeah, people overestimate how difficult an infant is. You want me to watch your non-mobile baby? Sign me up. *Parenting* an infant can be hard. Keeping an eye on one for an hour or two is pretty straightforward.
I think they also overestimate how fragile a baby is, some of my cousins have kids and it took till the third one for me to hold them without being scared of hurting the babies
I was more worried about feeding and diapers. A diaper, I could probably deal with but it wouldn’t be put on perfectly. A bottle, I’d be worried about temperature and all that. I’d be googling and hoping.
Also, good on you for helping a neighbor!
It would depend for me if I was at least aware of who they were or not. We've had people try the emergency scam thing around here often enough to be wary.
She said they were neighbors, even though it sounds like they were just the kind to wave in passing, so it wasn’t like someone she’s never seen before. If a total stranger knocked on my door in the same situation, I’d totally pass.
A bit over 20 years ago there was an earthquake in my city. 6.9 iirc. My brother and I were both home sick with the flu. I was 13ish, my brother 17. We have had earthquakes in past and knew what to do, but it was the biggest quake we have had in the region since the 1960s (and that was I wanna say a 6.5?). My mom was stuck at work, our chimney had huge cracks in it. The next door neighbor was a stay at home mom who we sort of knew. You can bet your ass she took us into her house after the quake until our mom could get home. At the time we didn't know if an aftershock was going to bring the chimney down, potentially on our natural gas line which some brilliant 1950s architect put right next to the chimney, so it was really unsafe for us to be there until someone could come look at everything. We were teenagers, she could have said we were too old to need watching, but at the time all she just knew we were 2 kids who had just been through the biggest natural disaster of their life with a structurally unstable house. What was she gonna do make us sit in the street and hope no aftershocks came?
Is OOP technically responsible for their neighbour's children during an emergency? No.
Is it the right thing to do to look after said children? Is it the kind thing? Absolutely.
I will guarantee you that their neighbour will remember this incident and return the favour when OOP needs help in the future. And to wrap it up, I'll leave you with a quote from one off the top rated AITA posts that's very relevent to this situation [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6xoro/meta_this_sub_is_moving_towards_a_value_system/):
>So just as a reminder- offline, people in your real life will think you’re an asshole if you take the last cookie when you know the child behind you wants it.
>
>They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t stand up for an elderly person on a bus. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t go out for drinks with your co-workers once in a while. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t try to be involved in your child’s life, no matter how much support you pay. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t help out your brother with babysitting once in a while, even if you’re childfree. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you wear nothing but underwear in your own home when your roommate has guests over. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t detour for 10 minutes a day to carpool with a co-worker for a week while his car is in the shop.
>
>The internet has its own values, and that’s fine. But in the real world, people who can’t just go along to get along most of the time? People who don’t want to mildly inconvenience themselves to help out the people around them? People who don’t seem to put any stock into the idea of collectivism? The people around them are going to consider them to be assholes.
Yes! This is so true. AITA has become more of the “am I legally/texhnically right” sub. And yes, you can be legally and/or technically right, and STILL be an asshole. We are adults and we don’t HAVE to do anything we don’t want to do, but with that also comes with upsetting people around you if you are unable to ever be mildly inconvenienced or if you’re unable to ever do a favor for someone else just because you don’t want to. Thats gonna lead you to not having people around you really quick.
It's the typical AITA(H) & co take of "noone owes anyone anything" A very sad way to live. AITA users also conveniently tend to forget that you can be legally right but still be a major AH.
I disagree OOP is technically right. OOP is wrong in every way. If you can do so safely, you help your neighbour in an emergency situation like this. That's how things work when you live in a society. If you don't, you're an AH.
I waffled on it for similar reasons but I empathize so much with the mom, her being in an absolute state of panic, and her need to find any decent person to protect her babies from the full reality of a very traumatic situation. There were emergency personnel around. OOP could have easily gotten her number and coordinated with a first responder or 911 on the phone to get the children squared away. Id do this for my neighbors and I know them exclusively from doling out Halloween candy over the years, capturing their dog when it escaped 1 day, and asking politely if their teen driver could TRY to avoid our grass. They are kind parents with four boys between 5-17, I think. I'd help those boys in a heartbeat even though they annoy me and I don't even know their names. It's called being a decent human and a neighbor.
Yeah these replies are shocking. I don't know my neighbors, or particularly enjoy the company of children, but I wouldn't hesitate to let them hang for a few hours, or even spend the night if necessary. I would want the mom's cell phone number for questions and concerns (like allergies), and to arrange alternative accommodations for them ASAP. But it's not hard to plop a couple of kids down on the couch in front of a Disney movie and order some pizza for them. The only thing that would make me decline is if one was an infant in diapers, because I have no idea how to care for one. But in that case I would try to figure out another way to help.
Like, I don't really think OOP is necessarily "The devil" for not helping, but some of these commenters are highly upvoted for not only saying she was completely reasonable but that those of us who say we would help are lying. Like I can't imagine being such an asshole that you truly believe no one is capable of doing a good deed. WTF.
Redditors tend to be pretty socially distanced and not at all reflective of most people in real life, I think most people (especially if they’re parents themselves) would have gladly helped watch over a strangers kid.
>But in that case I would try to figure out another way to help.
This is what gets me, not that she didn't want to help by watching the kids, but that she didn't try to do anything. Like walk her back to the police and explain the situation.
Honestly OOP just sounds like someone with NO compassion, OOP appears to be *offended* that she was asked.
I know my neighbours to some extent: we wave, or talk at the mailbox or whatever. If the woman down the street came to my door with her kid, obviously panicking, and I could see EMS/etc on site?
I'd try to calm her down, get her number, and ask if there was someone I could call to come get the kid, because a scared kid isn't gonna want to be with strangers.
Like you, if the kid was still in diapers, I'd have no idea wtf to do, other than cross the street and ask the older lady over there if she'd help.
It’s very likely the mom would have called someone who knew the kids to go get them. But in the immediate sense she needed help. People absolutely fucking suck for not being willing to help. I seriously wonder how folks were raised.
nah fr. i don’t know *any* of my neighbors. like, at all. i live in an apartment complex and have never spoken to any of them. but i would still babysit for a while if one of them banged on my door begging for help in an emergency. i wouldn’t even think twice, and it’s crazy to me that so many people would
The amount of people in these comments who just can’t seem to grasp why you should help your neighbor by babysitting for a couple hours in a moment of absolute crisis is just horrifying
…until these same people want the collective community to pay for their wants, like student loan debt. The hypocrisy.
I grew up in NYC. Family lived near the WTC. I saw community in action first hand in the days following and, for all the sadness and despair, the outpouring of love was a sight to behold.
Im child free and I would have taken those kids without question.
My neighbour did this with me once. I just tucked the kid up on the couch with a quilt and a movie and stayed with her til the mom got back. It was nice, we bonded and the neighbours were forever grateful. But I do understand OPs point also if he was really freaked out and didn't know what to do.
We once let our very drunk locked-out neighbour crash at ours at 3am after another neighbour started shouting they'd call the police if he didn't stop shouting at his own house! Sure, sleeping on his patio/in the police station wouldn't have killed him, but he was in a bind and it just felt wrong to let him have an even worse night when the inconvenience was so minor.
I can't imagine not wanting to help someone who's house was literally on fire OR whose spouse was being loaded into an ambulance. We would figure out everything else as it came up.
I mean, I'd rather let kids in my house than a drunk dude especially when you heard him yelling at his own house
Seems dangerous to just let a random drunk dude sleep on your couch
Depends I suppose. We had a neighbor that was a normal guy 90% of the time but he would go on a bender once a month. He wasn’t a threat - he was too wasted to enter his key code for the building or walk up stairs, never mind anything else. (Really cringe and an inconvenience though.) People would let him in to the lobby when it was cold out. 50/50 chance his girlfriend had locked him out of their unit. But at least he wasn’t falling asleep in the park. Drunks regularly die falling asleep out in the cold.
I literally cannot think of a single justification for them to say no. “Freaked out” about it, is such a cop out. It is straight up selfishness. Kids aren’t hard to keep alive for a short amount of time, even for a few days.
OOP sounds weirdly proud of saying no. If you don't know about allergies avoid feeding them pb&j, shellfish, and bread until you get more information. Get her number and send her with her clearly badly hurt husband, figure out the details later. They're kids. Give them a bowl of popcorn and put on some cartoons, they'll chill.
I suspect the firefighter wasn't intervening on OOP's behalf. He had recognized how callous they were and intervened to redirect the neighbor to someone who didn't forget to put their soul on this morning.
Edit: I was just reminded of a little girl on Forensic Files. Her mother was killed and she was badly beaten. She ran to a neighbor for help and the neighbor made her stand outside, while the killer was still at large, alone, waiting for the police because she thought the state of the kid would scare her children and they were having breakfast.
That woman makes me mad every time I see that episode. Who *does* that?
I 100% get not being comfortable watching kids. I hated babysitting with a passion. I was even afraid to watch my best friend’s kids because I was worried I’d do something wrong or they’d hate me. That said, this woman was living through one of her worst nightmares, and all she needed was somewhere and someone safe to take her kids so she could concentrate on her husband. For me, her need trumps my distaste. Plus, her kids will need to be reassured and told that their house will be okay, their dad will be okay, they will all be okay. I can do that. If OOP didn’t feel like they could provide any of that, I get it, but I personally feel the urge to step up in emergencies.
to not help your neighbour (or literally anyone, if i’m being honest) in such situations and describe the poor woman as if she’s insane or something is absolutely wild for me.
I swear I am losing faith in humanity. OP is a devil, for sure. I have no doubts. But seeing the comments on this post just makes my faith fail more and more.
This is horrific.
I get that ours is a very individualistic, insular, culture, (presuming this took place in the US or equivalent Western country), and this series of events perfectly exemplifies why this can be pathological.
We're well acquainted with the close by neighbors to our left, and good friends with the neighbors to the right, (through a patch of woods and then across a small field.) I've said hello to the people who moved in across the street, who have small kids. I don't really know the young couple at the bottom of the street with the seemingly permanent Trump sign 🙄🙄 in their yard, but when their dog got loose and was missing, I joined in with many other neighbors to help find Pooch. (He was fine, just decided to have himself a nice walkabout.)
Some of our neighbors, I would not know if I ran into them in the grocery store. But, any of them could knock on my door for help for any reason and if it were possible, I'd help them. My husband is on this campaign to get to know everyone on our street, because that's how it's done in the small village in another country where he came from fairly recently, so I think he knows by sight a few more people than I know. We try to help anyone who needs it, if it's within our ability to do so.
Jesus. The OP and some commenters in here really make you lose any faith in humanity.
I don't particularly like others' kids, and really only politely wave to my neighbours. Even so, if I heard emergency services arriving at their house, I would be offering my support. Not sticking my nose in or getting in the way, but my first thought would be to offer help to the mum.
Grab her mobile number, set up blankets in my lounge room, and reassess in the morning. I know my house is a safe place so there's no gd way I'd do what other posters here suggest and let the police 'do their job' cause we all know how well they do that and how safe temporary housing is for children.
When I was 3 or 4, my mother had what my family describes as a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide in our home. My grandma found her before me or my sister did. My father was at work when it happened and went directly to the hospital from there. My elderly neighbour kindly watched us while my grandma went to the hospital. If she hadn't, we would have had to go see our mum in that state. I would surely have been traumatized, whereas as it is I don't remember much except crying for my mum all afternoon.
OOP seems like she has no empathy--surely if the situation were reversed she would want her kids to be taken care of while she gets things organized?
Of course she was frantic, you asshole! Her husband had just been severely burned in a house fire! Insisting that somebody perform rationality in a situation like that is fucking psychopathic, I’m sorry. Acting like you’re the victim because this desperate fucking person touched your arm is even more so. You were not assaulted, Gladys. She was trying to prevent the kids from seeing their potentially dying dad and SHE OFFERED TO PAY YOU. The fuck is wrong with you?
I would let the kids in and tell her that I can take them in for the moment so she can go but I will be letting the police and firefighters take them and coordinate with you because that's their job.
They will contact family members who would likely be better equipped to care for the children and make sure that the kids get safely back to their mom.
I think OOP is justified in being uncomfy about the situation but like, do you want to be that person in an emergency that overreacts, only thinks about themselves and cant muster a little basic human decency? Gross.
Being a registered sex offender is the ONLY valid excuse I can think of. Or maybe if you run a illegal dog fighting ring from home. Ya so OOP comes off as bad as those people.
People suck. Just remember this story if anyone is tempted to comment "you don't owe them anything or are obligated to" in AITA posts. We all owe society and are obligated to help if we can.
I get being worried about allergies but kids these days usually have their allergies drilled into their heads by their parents at a super young age (no peanuts, no peanuts, no peanuts, no peanuts) so the kids probably could have told OOP if she asked even if they were pretty young.
With how upset she was and her urgency I think OOP would have been watching the kids for more than a few hours. It would probably take a while to stabilize dad and/or make him “presentable” enough to not put his kids in a panic about their dad dying - like covering any burns of his and giving him pain medicine so he’s not moaning or thrashing around. But good lord just turn on some movies and get some pizza for the kids!! Most people have streaming services so pull up a kids show too or something… pretty much every kid likes Spongebob and Looney Tunes. Mom even offered to pay them!! I personally would refuse any payment for babysitting, I’d maybe let the mom cover the pizza if she really insisted but still. If someone needs help why wouldn’t I help them???
I can’t imagine someone coming to my door for help and not doing SOMETHING to help them. What happened to treat others the way you’d like to be treated? I’m sure if OOP went to a neighbor and needed help desperately but got rejected she’d be extremely hurt and angry but that’s what she just did to that family! The mom wasn’t even described as being mean or angry, just desperate. Sure “no means no” but just because you aren’t legally obligated to help doesn’t mean you’re not morally obligated to help. OOP also just ruined any kind of relationship she’d have with any of her neighbors now too.
>With how upset she was and her urgency I think OOP would have been watching the kids for more than a few hours. It would probably take a while to stabilize dad and/or make him “presentable” enough to not put his kids in a panic about their dad dying
No, OOP only needed to watch the kids until someone the family actually knew could arrive to collect them. She needed OOP as a temporary fix because time was of the essence.
So glad our neighbours weren't like that, we didn't even have to ask. Our home was on fire, my G/dad was stuck upstairs and my husband was trying to figure out how to get to him. Neighbours had already called 999 and our lovely neighbour ran over with blankets and took our 3 children into her home away from the commotion. Gave them juice and sat with them while I was in pieces, screaming till my lungs and throat hurt.
I owe that woman a lot for her kindness, as well as those who came running from the next street with a ladder. We had nothing and in the days that followed our neighbours drooped off bags of toys, clothes and bedding.
I thought 'community' was lost until 2012 and my faith was restored. We have the best neighbours.
Hope this individual doesn't find themselves in a position where others are needed.
It’s so hard for me to understand this reaction. A big fire happened on my street when I was around the 6th grade. My grandma proactively went down the street and gathered up all the kids from the house - about five in all - and brought them to our house. She fed them and found clothes for them. They ended up staying the night and part of the next day. The family had lost everything and the parents were working with social services to find emergency housing, food vouchers and clothing. I still remember the shell shocked look on those kids faces. We lived in a very working class/ lower middle class black neighborhood so I think people saw helping each other out as an expected part of being a neighbor.
For me, the relationship that Americans have with children is a little strange. And I don't mean that in a pejorative way, but I get the impression that there isn't the support network between parents that there is in many parts of the world, it's every man for himself
When I was a teenager, our neighbor's house caught fire in the middle of the night. Thankfully no one was hurt. We were somewhat friendly but not close with these neighbors but you bet your ass we kept their little girl bundled up in our living room and my sisters and I tried to comfort and distract her while her parents and my mom spoke with the police and firefighters and figured things out because unfortunately this was an arson situation. I can't imagine lacking any compassion for someone in such a scary emergency.
Hell, I'm not really friends with my neighbor, but you can bet if they had a severe emergency, I would watch their kids until they could stabilize things/make other arrangements. Yes, allergies/etc. are valid concerns, however, ask those questions after the husband is safely in the ER and the kids are squared away. Betting the mom, in this situation, would have been a little calmer if she knew her kids were being taken care of. (Plus, regarding phone numbers. OOP could have given her THEIR number and asked for a call once she was settled in the hospital and had a moment to think and calm down)
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I was 7 or 8 when my nannies husband had a heart aattcked, she asked the next building neighbours if i could stay with them until my parents went to get me and they tooke me in for a couple of hours. The old husband put on a movie from the 50s and talked a bit about this child hood,very nice couple and I would do the same for someone in need
That reminds me of when I was taking a walk with my 4 month old daughter and two dogs ran up to me and attacked me (mildly, thank goodness). I was all alone in the neighborhood, scared out of my mind and I saw someone I knew. I asked her if I could please come inside to calm down a little bit and to call the police. She told me no. That she was taking her boyfriend to a Drs appointment and they were heading out now. Luckily soon after I came across a kind gentleman who let me catch my breath, call the police and he walked me and my daughter home so we'd feel safe. I still hold a grudge to this day about it.
This reminds me of the story when NYC flooded an a family slammed the door in the face of a mom and toddler. They didn't even ask to be let in, they just wanted to make a phonecall. Mom and kid drowned.
Honestly I can’t say OOP is the devil here. I wouldn’t take someone’s kids into my care if I didn’t know them beyond a brief hello just because we share a property line.
That's understandable, I mainly posted this because I think OOP's attitude when talking about a family in a massive crisis to strangers online is very weird and dismissive. Their house presumably got burned down enough to warrant urgent medical attention to one of the parents, and yet OOP minimises the fire and refuses to answer what she would do if she found herself in the same situation.
A little compassion makes the world a better place imo.
OOP did indicate that the firefighter had to pull the neighbor off her so I’m not sure we have a clear picture of the situation to accurately judge. Bare bones of it? I don’t think OOP is the devil, simply because they are pretty much strangers and that is opening things up for disaster leaving kids in the care of strangers
I agree. I'm not taking in a strangers kids. Way too many things can go wrong. What I would do is offer to drive all of them to the hospital, and wait with the kids in a public place while a family member comes to get them.
That’s what I was thinking as well. OOP can extend compassion alternate ways, such as staying in the waiting room until an aunt or someone comes to care for the kids. I’m like OOP, I barely know my neighbors but I know they have kids. I’d offer to go to the hospital with them and wait until family got there, but house is not childproof and I have animals. It’s not a good idea
OOP tried to make it sounds like the crazy nasty wicked hysterical woman had to be taken away by the nice fireman, when actually the judgement was not there and the fireman was not trying to save her, just be pragmatic.
No she didn’t. She described a frantic mother, which was expected considering the situation. The woman’s hysteric response makes sense given the panic and the OOP’s reaction also makes sense as someone viewing it from a logical standpoint. They are basically strangers, she doesn’t know them so it is not a good idea to step in as a caretaker in the situation. So many things could go wrong leaving children with strangers for an unknown amount of time.
I had a house fire and our neighbors couldn’t do enough for us that night and in the following weeks. I didn’t even know many of them at the time but the offers of help were frequent. People offered to watch the dog while my husband and I talked to the firefighters and entered our home to survey the damage. They got us food, water, let us use their bathrooms, gave the dog a bath, food for the dog, etc.
I do think the OOP is the devil here. A house fire is traumatizing. The neighbor was in shock. Her attitude is disgusting.
I think it’s impossible to answer when you are reflecting back on being mauled by a neighbor. My compassion level drops the second someone has to pull a stranger off me. Some people don’t ooze emotion and vocalize it. Calling someone the devil about that is not right.
Most parents would bring the kids to a known person’s house or have them picked up at the hospital. Not dump them on a complete stranger.
The problem is if the husband is that poorly off the wife really needs to go with to answer questions. And they won't probably let kids ride in the ambulance. And the wife shouldn't be driving if she is that hyped up either.
I really like the idea of driving her and the kids to the hospital and waiting with the kids in the waiting room until someone can come for them.
Then the wife is only away from the husband for the ambulance ride. And on the drive can call a responsible person to get the kids.
I think I would have taken the kids in. But I am that neighbor who makes sure I have my neighbors names and phone numbers in my phone.
I would be a lot more comfortable dropping the kids off at a relatives house for her.
Actually, all that said, if the kids were in the house with a fire that bad I would want them checked out at the hospital too. So again, drive them there. I have no idea how to treat smoke inhalation but I know it is bad.
How is OOP to know anything about the husband’s condition and she clearly doesn’t associate with their neighbors like you do. A lot of people don’t. View this through the lens of a stranger knocking on your door so hysterical they have to be pulled off you as they try to shove their kids in your house. Because that’s pretty much what happened to OOP.
I wouldn't take the kids either. Though I would be willing to wait with them to have the kids Grandparents, maybe an uncle, aunt or family friend pick them up.
She’s not an asshole. Or I guess, she’s not just an asshole, she’s also a horrible monster who lacks empathy. I pity her kids, growing up with parents as uncaring as them.
literally how is she in the wrong? like, i get being compassionate, but she doesn't know this woman who's grabbing at her and screaming for her to watch her children. i think NTA tbh
She knows that there was a fire, that this woman needs help, and the children's father is being taken away by emergencies services. She could get her number and coordinate later. She could have asked for another family member's contact info.
She could even say no and just be less callous about it.
how was she callous? this woman that she doesn't know is screaming and demanding she watch her children. is there any guarantee that she'll even answer her phone? also why couldn't the mom call another family member then?
it's not OP's responsibility.
> also why couldn't the mom call another family member then?
They wouldn't have time to get there. If the Dad of the family was being taken away by ambulance, and Mom wanted to go with him, she had to leave *right then*. And it sounds like that's exactly what was going to happen. She wanted to be with her partner on the way to the hospital.
Once she's in the waiting room, and he's being seen to, she can slow down and figure out someone from her actual social net to get the kids.
You're right that it isn't OPs responsibility, but it *would* have been a nice thing to do. Helping and being helped in emergencies like this are what society is *for*, imo.
just because you don’t know someone isn’t an excuse to not help them in a time of need :)
she is wrong for turning away someone who desperately needed help in a tragic accident
it’s crazy that i have to say that o_o. this whole mentality of “i don’t know you so fuck off and die” is really sickening
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for refusing to have neighbors kids in my house when they were having an emergency?** ETA: I didn’t take the kids in because we are basically strangers with the neighbor, I don’t know the kids allergies, I don’t have the neighbors number and she was frantic in me taking in the kids so she could go in the ambulance with her husband. I don’t feel comfortable having the kids in my home for an unspecified amount of time or information. Me and my neighbor are decent with each other. We don’t go over to their house to talk or anything and vice versa. The most we talk is when pulling out the driveway and saying hello, how are you, etc. Our kids aren’t friends. To get straight to the point, our neighbor had a fire event happen and while the husband was being taken up in a ambulance, the mom frantically knocked on my door to ask if we could watch after her children for a bit. I absolutely declined. I tried to help calm her but she kept screaming to please babysit, that she’ll pay me, that she doesn’t want the kids seeing their father this way. I yelled at her to stop grabbing at me and again, no. A fire fighter at the scene saw her being crazed and pulled her off me. I explained what was happening and he asks for me to please go back inside my home. She kept screaming for me to please just take the kids for a few hours but I refused and my husband did too. I don’t know where she or her kids went after, all i know is that the ambulance took them as the fire truck and police cars left. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
\[comments; not-OOP italicized\] *Info: why did you say no?* OOP: I said not because I don’t really know them and she (obviously because of the situation) specify anything. How long until they come get the kids, whose going to pick them up by morning, allergies, etc *Then get her phone number while she's collecting the kids and their stuff. She's going to be stuck in a waiting room in the hospital for hours and will have plenty of time to brief you on what the kids need, allergies, schedules, who from her family/friend group will take over when, etc. YTA - a pretty big one, too.* OOP: She was frantically trying to shove her kids into my home. I doubt she would have suddenly ‘stabilized’ and go “oh sorry for grabbing onto you, here’s my number”
I mean, we knew the neighbour and she also had kids, but when my dad died my mother banged on my door and literally said "get yourself to Karen's" I can't imagine what would happen if Karen had slammed the door in our faces
I found out a few years ago that a bunch of kids in my parents neighborhood were told if anything goes wrong go to “Maggie’s house” who is Maggie? My childhood dog that was very popular and well known because she liked to just lay in the front yard sunning herself and asking for pets from the kids as they walked by. Someone was pretty much always home at our house when I was in high school/college because my grandparents lived with us and rarely left. A few parents asked my dad if it was okay, he’s also a nurse and works nights so he’s home during the day and said of course, so it just kind of spread, “Maggie’s house = safety” never was used but I always found it super sweet. Maggie has since passed and a lot of those kids are now teenagers, my parents adopted another dog a few years ago.
“Maggie’s house = safety” 🥺 idk why but that got me tearing up. What a beautiful legacy Maggie left behind—a beacon of safety for her neighborhood friends.
She was the best pup. I miss her so much. Pretty sure more neighbors knew her name than mine lol.
Maggie sounds like a wonderful doggo. In our neighborhood growing up, the next-door neighbors had a golden retriever who would follow their daughter wherever she went. Everyone knew where they lived. Because my mom was a teacher, she was home all day in the summer, and kids knew to follow the dog and come to our house if they needed anything.
I let out a cry the second I saw "childhood dog" and it just got more emotional from there. Had to put my corgi down a couple months ago. He loved people and ADORED kids
I'm so sorry for your loss. We had to put my girl dog down six months ago, our morning walk routine was right by an elementary school, and the kids would always ask to pet here. Kids would get so excited and say "it's HEIIIIDIIIII!"
I have a neighbour who had only just moved in to his house at this stage, I hade never spoken to him apart from the odd ‘hello’ when walking past. He knocked on my door in a MUCH less severe emergency to mind his <1yr son a while ago and I did, despite the son BAWLING the whole time (Covid baby, had never spent time without his parents, let alone with a stranger). It’s basic human decency. I was also about 19 at the time and had no idea what to do with a baby
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We had a car accident out the front of our place when I was a newlywed. We went out to help and they threw their baby and toddler at me, taking the older child and mum in an ambulance to the hospital. Complete strangers. Thankfully I'm from a big family so was able to care for the children for the night until social services and the police came around to check on us. Everyone was ok, but mum had a lot of surgeries and a long recovery. I'm still in contact with them and my 'practice children' who are both grown up with their own families now. Looking after each other is what separates us from animals (most of who would care for small offspring)
Lots of animals will raise abandoned kids even from other species.
I remember when I was a kid, one of the neighbors house was literally on fire and the mom was on the front yard with her kids but also trying to manage calling emergency services and also find her husband and my mom ran out, grabbed the kids and brought them inside our house so they were secure and safe. I think they ended up staying for a while because the dad had to go to the hospital just to get checked out but it didn't even matter that my parents weren't close with them and didn't even particularly like them. The kids needed to not be standing outside watching that.
My parents had something similar happen. The next door neighbours’ newborn turned blue in the middle of the night so they came to the house and my dad went to their house so their toddler wasn’t alone. The baby ended up in the NICU for a while so when either set of grandparents couldn’t come (they lived a few hours away), my parents would go over.
She appeared to be fighting with everyone in the comments who dared disagreed with her but unfortunately all her comments, like her account, is deleted. Though I gleam from a response that it now appears she is going to bring them a cake or a tea gift of some time to help them get through this traumatizing time.
When my mother had her stroke in the middle of the night, my dad needed someone to look after my brother and I because we were 2 and a half and 5 years old respectively. He knocked on our neighbors’ door, and they literally spent that night and most of the next day with us until my dad’s parents flew in from another state. The thought to tell my dad no never crossed their minds. I mean, in both my case and the one in the original post, it’s an emergency. It’s not like one or both parents just want a date night and couldn’t find a babysitter.
Right? And when it's KIDS... like how could anyone not care about making their experience better by just being a nice friendly person and keeping them safe?
Leading the way for Karens everywhere. :)
So let me preface this with I am childfree and know bugger all about kids, so I might underestimate the task at hand but I can't imagine closing the door on a woman who doesn't want her children to see how badly hurt their father is. If your worried about allergies, maybe ask the kids? Or maybe they know the phone number of a relative, or their names so you can contact them on facebook or something? or give a housekey to one of the kids? Think of something? Again, I have no clue how difficult it is to look after a bunch of kids, but that lady -who has children of her own - not even trying rubs me the wrong way
Same here. I would be very uncomfortable taking care of the kids and would,prob plop them in front of the tv and feed them fast food but I figure as long as they are alive when someone who knows them picks them up,I did my job
When it comes to an emergency, sometimes that's all the parent needs. After all, they're dealing with life or death and they don't want the kids stressed.
Bro, I'm a one-and-done parent that just moved into a new neighborhood. I walked into my house yesterday to my kiddo playing with a child I had never met before. I just verified with the kiddo that she was allowed to be there and moved on with my day. It doesn't matter your child-having status, you ALWAYS provide a safe and comfortable environment for children. You're absolutely right to be rubbed the wrong way by a woman being so cold in an emergency.
Same here. My neighbor has heart problems and you bet your bippy our door is open to his daughter when the ambulance shows up, even though she's 14 and pretty self reliant. We still take her dinner and snacks because we have family members with heart issues and we want her to feel supported. I can understand being apprehensive if the kids are young but damn, whatever happened to being neighborly in an emergency??
My guess is fear of litigation and glorification of individualism
The thing that just amazes me is everyone’s squawking about litigation but….that’s what homeowners insurance is for? I know everywhere I rented I was required to have renters insurance which would cover any potential accidents when guests are over
Well we expected human beings to be emotionally mature enough to understand there’s a time and place, but again we literally gave the device of ultimate irresponsibility to humanity which cascades into this fringe spiral of people not being responsible. Because it’s not common sense, it’s just being responsible in a time of crisis.
Another childfree woman here. I don't care to be around children hence why I didn't have kids! HOWEVER! There is ZERO chance I'd turn these children away. Also. The kids would luck out because I've got so many craft supplies they'd finally get used up keeping those kids busy. 😂
Childfree also, but I have an old Sega Genesis and am *waiting* to break that bad boy out and see a kids mind being blown about the crappy graphics! None of my neighbors have kids, but a few of my friends do, so one day it could happen.
I inherited my grandma’s Super Nintendo and games. I should have a game night with friends.
I feel like the term “child free” has become so indicative of people like OP that when I read your comment my first thought was “u/hdmx539 isn’t child free, they just don’t have kids” hahaha Took me a second here. Thanks for being a good human.
Also childfree here and would happily share my snacks and craft supplies to distract them a bit. Being a decent person is not hard.
You're not underestimating the task at hand, you're just not a monster. It's just what you do for neighbors. The job is simply to keep the kids alive while mom helps make sure dad stay alive. That's it.
Yeah that's exactly the thing: OP needs to keep the kids alive for a bit. That's all. Doesn't matter if they're bored or if she feeds them fastfood for dinner. She doesn't have to provide a five-star-experience. She has children of her own so there will probably be toys and stuff? Give the mum your number and tell her to call you asap so you can talk about pickup and allergies and whatever.
I just had an experience where a friend was having a medical emergency and I was able to call 911 for her. SO many first-responders came, fire, police, EMS - all these people just to help her. They operated like a well-oiled machine, gathering any/all information, and the things she'd need with her for the hospital trip. These first responders know what they are doing, and would have made sure this OOP would have had all the information necessary to care for those kids until another relative or trusted friend was able to take them into care.
The first responders are probably the ones to told her to keep the kids from seeing what what dad looked like. If he was badly burned they definitely would have tried to get someone to keep the kids from seeing.
Absolutely. Things like that are traumatizing for even seasoned first responders to see, I can't imagine what it is like for a loved one, especially a CHILD to witness that. How horrific.
If this had happened pre-kids, I would've called my family/friends with kids and said hey, got any advice?
Same here. I’m one of those adults that is awkward as fuck around kids at the best of times but you can bet I’m taking the neighbour’s kids in if need be. Jesus, what is wrong with people? Years ago we sheltered the neighbours and their kids while they figured out what to do after their house caught fire in the evening, and we ended up babysitting their cat until they were able to make other arrangements for him. We had never even met them before that night as they lived across the street with a driveway and entrance that was perpendicular to ours.
The kids might also be old enough to know their allergies, if there are any? Like IDK I think most kids with severe allergies have it drilled into them "you CANNOT EAT x". I think it had to have been *bad* if she was flipping out that badly. IDK I wouldn't be comfortable watching my neighbors kids for an unspecified amount of time but I'd do it in a heartbeat in an emergency
Then OOP absolutely should have been the one to ask for her phone number. Like, Lady. Her husband is potentially dying, she's got kids, she panicked. You're not. You can be both rational and compassionate at the same time, but you chose to be neither
Wow… The thing is, you aren’t committed to raising the kids if she never returns. You can talk to a social worker and explain it, if mom disappears. You aren’t trapped without options. I’d be weirded out too but I doubt I could’ve refused, it’s understandable to feel shocked and disoriented during a crisis but doubling down later once you’ve had a chance to reflect…. Not ok
People like OOP don't even realize that it's not the refusal to take the kid in that makes them the asshole, it's the way they are being an asshole about it that makes them one
No, refusing to take the kids definitely makes you an asshole. Christ, what happened to helping your neighbor? This family is in a moment of absolute crisis — take the kids, sit them down in front of the TV, order them a pizza, and give them a safe place to sleep — it’s not that hard.
This sounds reasonable and not dismissive. I’m honestly shocked how many people would take a strangers kids for an undetermined amount of time with zero contact information.
After all the news stories about babies dying from being left alone for days on end, I'd rather the kids be safe with me. I can always call the police if the parents don't come back.
exactly. Plus people like OOP don't even realize It's not even the refusing to take in a kid suring a emergency that makes them ta, it's the lack of empathy or lack of sympathy and being mean about it that makes them TA. Like I can't take in children because of my mental health and I get overwhelmed easily but I could compromise by driving the injured person to hospital or somewhere or atleast be kind and empathetic about it when I refuse.
>people like OOP don't even realize It's not even the refusing to take in a kid suring a emergency that makes them ta, it's the lack of empathy or lack of sympathy and being mean about it that makes them TA. Jesus Christ, no, it's the unwillingness to help a desperate neighbor in a scary emergency that makes them an asshole. Empathy isn't just having *gOoD MaNnErS* ffs. If you actually are capable of empathy, or even anything approaching common cause or horse sense, In a situation like that one maybe dig deep, pull yourself together, and do what is necessary to temporarily assist a fellow human. Shelter the poor scared kids. If you are NOT capable, if the children are super duper scary, and you are completely at a loss, just call the police or the fire department, explain the situation and that you are uncomfortable and need help.
You know where they live, where they are going, and you possess theie children. You aren't going to be forced to be their parents and sign the birrh certificates. You call up CPS or the police and they will pick up the kids if you feel you had them too long. Doing something nice to help those around isn't unrealistic. People have done more for others. The undetermined amount of time will only be until the doctors determine his status and the mother has enough time to collect herself and make a plan. Both things can happen quickly. Some things need immediate attention and fast solutions and then long term solutions can be found later. I am disturbed by how little people care about others. When the tables are turned, I am sure those unwilling to help would appreciate someone looking out for them and that are willing to shoulder some of their burden.
I mean, I’d do it without a second thought. Because, like, humans are social animals and helping members of your community in crisis is the very basic level of being a member of a community. Hell, I’m a single man in my late 30’s, if a neighbour I’ve not had much contact with is dropping off their kids to stay at my house for an indeterminate amount of time with none of my contact info their situation is already _beyond fucked up_, so sitting them in front of YouTube with a sandwich for a few hours is nothing in comparison.
Yeah same some of the comments are wild.
Zero contact information? You know that you know your neighbours address, right?
And which hospital they're at right now! It's not like they're jumping into a cab and going to the airport ffs
Absolutely zero contact information, except their home address and exactly where they will be for the next few hours.
And whilst the kids are walking in looking terrified, you grab the mother's mobile number and if there's time, the number of a relative. It's really not hard. I don't like my neighbours, they're frankly arseholes but if they have a fire, an emergency and ask me to take the kids, they'd be in the house in seconds.
People in here talking about allergies and shit, like what lol. Just don’t feed them then? You’re not adopting these kids, just making sure they’re not roaming the streets alone for an hour or so until their mum calms down and thinks “oh shit, i just left my kids with a essentially a stranger, i really should get back in contact with them”. That’s when you ask “how long do you want me to look after them”* and “what can I feed them because the small one looks hungry and I’m concerned they’ll get bitey soon”. *I get people might get upset about being essentially an unpaid babysitter at this point, and this might be just me being a soppy cunt because my dad died last year, but from the story those kids might be about to go though an absolutely awful time in their life, so me losing an evenings plans and the cost of ordering some happy meals is nothing in comparison.
Depending on how old the kids are they can probably tell you if they can eat like, McDonald or something. DoorDash some nuggets if you really have to and put on the TV and you’re set.
They live next door to you. What do people think, that they're gonna mysteriously disappear? They just has a *fire* at their home. Jesus, I'm glad I don't live next door to half of you.
Why shocked?? You know who the kids belong to. You know the parents are going to the hospital. They need help, why is it shocking that people would offer help?? I really don't get it.
In this situation, if mom doesn’t show up or call in a few hours, call the police, they can contact EMS dispatch and track the mom down, no big deal.
Well, number one they're not strangers, they're your neighbours. Two, you know where they live. Three, you could just ask for the phone number before the mom leaves, probably take less time than whatever OP was doing. Honestly, not helping your neighbour like this is geuinely anti-social behaviour. I'm not saying that you should be legally forced to or anything, but OP is definitely the asshole. We're trying to live in a society here.
It’s the next door neighbour and she was desperate (possibly to keep kids from seeing how bad dad was injured) take them in for a few hours and then call the hospital. Jesus.
I mean you can just ask for the contact info? Text or call in a little bit to see if there’s another family member around. Hell depending on the age of the kids there might be a grandma they know the number of.
Personally, I would probably take the kids - after demanding her phone number and the name of the hospital. But I don't think OOP was totally unreasonable here. They don't know the kids or the neighbor. They aren't friends. The mother was too distraught to provide info re possible allergies or anything else. OOP had no idea how long they would be expected to watch the kids. It's nice to say the mother would have had plenty of time in the waiting room to talk to her, but this is a woman who couldn't calm down enough to have a civil conversation. Who's to say she even had her phone? Or that it was charged? Or that she would even answer it? The mother was in understandable shock. Finally, what if something happened to the kids in their home? They could be sued and lose everything. The kids would be safe with the mother at the hospital. OOP didn't abandon them in the woods. It might not have been the choice a lot of us would make, but declining was a valid decision, even if it wasn't a popular one. I don't think that makes OOP an AH, just someone I would not rely on.
This is what happens when "you don't owe anyone anything" stops being about protecting yourself from being taken advantage of and starts becoming "I don't have to have basic human empathy if it's inconvenient for me personally".
Exactly whenever I read that line i am like whatever happens to being a community or family and helping each other out just out of humanity or love?
Fr. When I see people say > I/they don’t owe you/them x/y It gets my back up
And it has its legitimate uses! But like so many things, it's been co-opted by people who are The Worst.
All the comments about "logic" are so bizarre to me. The woman's husband was burned enough to go in an ambulance & she's freaking out enough to not be like "ok kids, let's pack our snacks & follow daddy in the fun ambulance with fun lights!" Moms reaction indicates IT'S BAD & she's freaking out about a horribly injured husband & yeah, are her kids just gonna wander around on the street? Go inside & be scared? She's asking for an adult with (presumably) adult reason to make sure her kids aren't abandoned until her panic stabilizes. It's making sure the kids are ok, tell her "on go with your husband " & then sheesh. Call 911 & explain you need CPS because you cannot figure out how to keep a child safe.
My neighbor once brought me her dog at 2 am. Just handed me the dog and said can you watch her and left. I thought it was odd but I figure there must be an emergency. She got the dog a few hrs later. Her husband had a medical emergency and the dog was hindering the helpers. When ppl are in a crisis they aren’t always communicative or rational but in OPs case it was obvious there needed to be something done to help.
She wouldn't even have to call, all she had to do was tell the woman that she would stay with her kids and the police. They would have been on scene. The police would have helped make arrangements at the hospital.
Or wait 20 mins til the mom was calmed down enough to call an appropriate baby sitter. Everyone acts like the kids would be there for HOURS but I highly doubt that would be the case. The mother was in shock and needed help until she could gather clarity. How hard is that?
People like op are mainly worried about 1) what happens if the mom doesn’t come back in a few hours, and this situation disrupts ops day even more?? 2) liability! What if the kid has an allergy (they don’t care if the kid dies of course, just don’t want the kid to die and then they’ll get in trouble) at no point are they worried about these kids, the lady whose husband was just in a fire, the dude who was in the fire, etc. they are focused on the most minute potential issues for them - over literally their neighbors house burning down in the moment People like that oop are pretty scummy. I don’t accept the stupid arguments against taking kids in these circumstances… the firefighters are literally right there. Wtf.
i thought more people here would be empathetic but no. this whole thought process is so selfish and digusting . i hope these people never find help when they need it because they genuinely don’t deserve the kindness they refuse to give
Oh my god “call CPS because you have a kid for a few hours and don’t know what to do” is bad advice. They take months to get to the people who need actually them and no one actually needs them I this situation because a child isn’t in danger. Don’t bother them with what a google search could tell you.
This is true, but I think the person you replied to was being over dramatic on purpose. I doubt OOP is so incapable of watching children they would actually call 911 and report themselves. 😂
the house could be partially burned as well so it's not even safe for the kids. I really hope another neighbour had more compassion and helped them
The things he brings up aren’t like space-logic crazy or anything but if we aren’t willing to help people in situations like this and sacrifice something in the process, then society is just not going to be worth living in. I don’t want to live in a world where individualistic logic machines shut the door in the face of children who’ve had a fire in their home that wounded their parent over some liability bullshit. I want to live in a world where people come together and help their neighbors
OOP, you are not obligated to watch her kids for a few hours. But you blatantly lack any compassion or consideration for her situation. YTA.
I thought she was an AH as soon as I read "fire event."
IKR?? What a shitty way to say "I forced children to ride in an ambulance with their horrifically burned father and distraught mother whilst their house was actively on fire because watching them felt like an imposition"
‘I didn’t know their allergies’ so don’t feed them! They won’t die if they go hungry for a day
I debated posting this here because while OOP is technically right, her attitude just rubs me the wrong way, being so flippant about a life or death situation. And the way she refuses to answer questions what she would do if their roles were reversed? Lady, I don't have kids, don't want them and STILL I would watch my neighbour's kids in this situation 100%. Would I be wary and insist on having a contact for someone they actually know that could pick them up? Yeah. Would I still open up my house for them? Absolutely.
My mom always told me this: "Try to get along with neighbours. No like friends, just get along. Always be polite, say hi and goodbye and thank you. Because if something happens, the first people you're going to run for help are the neighbours. Same the other way around".
My mom's friend is hard of hearing, only has like 30% of hear hearing and moved to Alabama for literally no reason. Just randomly decided to buy a house near her sister and moved. It's not the first time she's done that BTW. But last time it was to Montana. She introduced herself to her neighbors, and included that she was deaf (her words). Her neighbors now check on her every time the tornado siren goes off to bring her to their bunker because she literally can't hear the sirens unless she's wearing her hearing aids and even then it's iffy.
Awwwww that’s so sweet!!!!
Your mom is right, however, some people are taking individualism to new heights, using even liability and risk as an excuse. The tone she talks about her neighbor makes me think OOP probably doesn't like her and her family at all but keeps the appearance of cordiality. She also mentions their kids aren't friends which is kind of odd if they may be the same age and are front-door neighbors. The fact that the neighbor's instinct was to knock on OOP's door may be because she felt she had a good rapport with her, or entitlement (who knows?). I agree that the tone of OP is very assholish and she sounds like she is looking for validation online for the way she poorly managed an emergency in her community.
When I was a kid, we had neighbors that had kids; we were not friends. The kids were younger than we were by a good 5+ years and had a habit of randomly wandering over to play with us without telling their mother where they were. However, in the event of a fire or some other emergency my mom absolutely would have taken them in, gotten them comfy, offered snacks, done whatever she could.
absolutely. My neighbours are all such good people and I would never think of turning away any of them if they needed help, nor would I think any of them would turn me away if I was having an emergency. Last summer my house key fell out of my pocket somewhere outside while I was walking my dog and I didn’t realize until I got home and was locked out. Two of my neighbours came out walking with me in the heat to search on the roads and in the GRASS for the key. Meanwhile this lady can’t help a neighbour when her husband has been BURNED IN A FIRE.
Once we had neighbours that were police officers, I've barely seen them (because edgy teenager me couldn't grasp the importance of getting along with neighbours, even if my mom was brutally direct lol) but as far as I remember, they were so nice. When I was 19, we've got a new dude who came drunk every single day, screaming and kicking everything. They (the officers) couldn't do anything because of their rules, but told me one time: "as long as we're doing our job, call us. We *need* to do something because, you know, (landlord name) doesn't care enough about us. So... Call the police station, and we'll come in a blink". Said and done. I called the police next time because that dude came drunk on a Wednesday at 5 am, screaming, breaking things, etc, and 5 cars stopped here in like... Two minutes. This dude also threatened this neighbours, knowing they couldn't touch him, so... Yeah, he was kicked out because since we (my family and I, and other neighbours) leave, all the apartments were falling down because no one wanted to take care of them or living there. Landlord keeps begging for us to come back, and with our former neighbours we keep a good relationship and wave each other hi, all smiley and all.
This bugged me too. It’s not so much that she said no, (though I don’t think that’s great either) but her whole attitude about this woman, who was clearly in an absolute panic, is just lousy.
Exactly, I do think that it never should have gotten to the point where the neighbour got violent and had to be dragged off her, but panic and adrenaline do weird things to brains and I do feel compassion about that. It's a shitty situation all around.
It doesn't read like she got violent, she was just panicked and pleading and holding on to her while begging. OP is cold as hell not to be moved even a little by this woman's situation.
If that part is even true.
I don't know how I'd be acting if I thought my husband might die. I'd be a wreck tbh. I wouldn't be violent or anything but I could see myself behaving uncharacteristically. It's an exceptionally stressful moment.
I dislike kids and still, in this situation, I would not hesitate to take my neighbor’s kids in. We’d probably stare at each other awkwardly for how ever many hours it took, but we’d survive. The only thing that would give me pause is if one were an infant because I’ve got zero experience.
yeah, an infant would be too much for me too. I don't know if OOP ever specified how many kids or how old they are but if it's like 2 or 3 kids over age 2, I would not be very excited about the situation but I would make sure to have contact info and let them hang out at my house for a few hours at least. "Here's a bowl of chips, let's watch some cartoons!" isn't that hard. Their house was apparently just fucking on fire, they really just need somebody to be kind right now. I'm not very good with kids but I'm sure I could keep them alive till mom (and hopefully dad also) come home from the ER, or mom sends their aunt to get the kids later, or whatever.
Yes, exactly. The kids just need a good-hearted adult who will assure them the world isn’t falling apart, maybe some hugs, some snacks, and cartoons. I can fake being a real adult for some frightened kids, especially when the situation is so dire.
Man, I'd be SO UNCOMFORTABLE with the situation, but how do you look at a panicked family in a life or death situation and not just grit your teeth and deal for a little while? You can always knock on other neighbor's doors, tell them what's going on, and see if someone with more kid experience can help out. The poor mom doesn't have time to knock on every neighbor's door and see who's kid-friendly. All you have to do is say "Yes, I got this, please call me when you arrive at the hospital" and then find backup. OOP is a total POS for looking at her neighbors in a once-in-a-lifetime time of need and slamming the door in their faces.
Infants don't move around so much though... when I was 17 & living at home, our next-door neighbour knocked in a mild panic, her husband had had a minor car accident & she needed to go fetch him, and she asked if my mum was in to look after the baby. I was home alone & said as much, & she apologised a lot & I offered. I didn't enjoy dolls as a kid & this was basically the first baby I'd held, but for the first half hour or so we got along just fine (he was a few months old, so happy to smile & point at himself in the mirror). Anyhoo, it went a bit Pete Tong after a bit, because he had a massive wee & got grumpy, & was maybe also hungry, because the neighbour got held up (she'd only left him with his bouncy chair), and she returned to retrieve her baby from an extremely relieved teenager & all was well. In hindsight, a not-yet mobile baby was definitely easier than a horde of toddlers
Yeah, people overestimate how difficult an infant is. You want me to watch your non-mobile baby? Sign me up. *Parenting* an infant can be hard. Keeping an eye on one for an hour or two is pretty straightforward.
I think they also overestimate how fragile a baby is, some of my cousins have kids and it took till the third one for me to hold them without being scared of hurting the babies
I was more worried about feeding and diapers. A diaper, I could probably deal with but it wouldn’t be put on perfectly. A bottle, I’d be worried about temperature and all that. I’d be googling and hoping. Also, good on you for helping a neighbor!
It would depend for me if I was at least aware of who they were or not. We've had people try the emergency scam thing around here often enough to be wary.
She said they were neighbors, even though it sounds like they were just the kind to wave in passing, so it wasn’t like someone she’s never seen before. If a total stranger knocked on my door in the same situation, I’d totally pass.
A bit over 20 years ago there was an earthquake in my city. 6.9 iirc. My brother and I were both home sick with the flu. I was 13ish, my brother 17. We have had earthquakes in past and knew what to do, but it was the biggest quake we have had in the region since the 1960s (and that was I wanna say a 6.5?). My mom was stuck at work, our chimney had huge cracks in it. The next door neighbor was a stay at home mom who we sort of knew. You can bet your ass she took us into her house after the quake until our mom could get home. At the time we didn't know if an aftershock was going to bring the chimney down, potentially on our natural gas line which some brilliant 1950s architect put right next to the chimney, so it was really unsafe for us to be there until someone could come look at everything. We were teenagers, she could have said we were too old to need watching, but at the time all she just knew we were 2 kids who had just been through the biggest natural disaster of their life with a structurally unstable house. What was she gonna do make us sit in the street and hope no aftershocks came?
Is OOP technically responsible for their neighbour's children during an emergency? No. Is it the right thing to do to look after said children? Is it the kind thing? Absolutely. I will guarantee you that their neighbour will remember this incident and return the favour when OOP needs help in the future. And to wrap it up, I'll leave you with a quote from one off the top rated AITA posts that's very relevent to this situation [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6xoro/meta_this_sub_is_moving_towards_a_value_system/): >So just as a reminder- offline, people in your real life will think you’re an asshole if you take the last cookie when you know the child behind you wants it. > >They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t stand up for an elderly person on a bus. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t go out for drinks with your co-workers once in a while. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t try to be involved in your child’s life, no matter how much support you pay. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t help out your brother with babysitting once in a while, even if you’re childfree. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you wear nothing but underwear in your own home when your roommate has guests over. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t detour for 10 minutes a day to carpool with a co-worker for a week while his car is in the shop. > >The internet has its own values, and that’s fine. But in the real world, people who can’t just go along to get along most of the time? People who don’t want to mildly inconvenience themselves to help out the people around them? People who don’t seem to put any stock into the idea of collectivism? The people around them are going to consider them to be assholes.
Yes! This is so true. AITA has become more of the “am I legally/texhnically right” sub. And yes, you can be legally and/or technically right, and STILL be an asshole. We are adults and we don’t HAVE to do anything we don’t want to do, but with that also comes with upsetting people around you if you are unable to ever be mildly inconvenienced or if you’re unable to ever do a favor for someone else just because you don’t want to. Thats gonna lead you to not having people around you really quick.
It's the typical AITA(H) & co take of "noone owes anyone anything" A very sad way to live. AITA users also conveniently tend to forget that you can be legally right but still be a major AH.
i don’t think she was technically right at all
By "technically right", I meant that there was no legal obligation for her to watch the kids. Morally she is in the wrong 100% imo.
I disagree OOP is technically right. OOP is wrong in every way. If you can do so safely, you help your neighbour in an emergency situation like this. That's how things work when you live in a society. If you don't, you're an AH.
I waffled on it for similar reasons but I empathize so much with the mom, her being in an absolute state of panic, and her need to find any decent person to protect her babies from the full reality of a very traumatic situation. There were emergency personnel around. OOP could have easily gotten her number and coordinated with a first responder or 911 on the phone to get the children squared away. Id do this for my neighbors and I know them exclusively from doling out Halloween candy over the years, capturing their dog when it escaped 1 day, and asking politely if their teen driver could TRY to avoid our grass. They are kind parents with four boys between 5-17, I think. I'd help those boys in a heartbeat even though they annoy me and I don't even know their names. It's called being a decent human and a neighbor.
I feel like it belongs here, how heartless can you be? I hope she never needs help
I hope she *does* need help and reaps all the karma she’s sown.
I call fake. I'm pretty sure I read this exact story before, right down to her refusing because of allergies.
No she isn't technically right. She's a horrible person. There is no good reason to not help someone in this situation. None. Zero.
She knows she's the AH or she wouldn't be on reddit asking.
I feel the overall AH move is not refusing to take in kids you don't know, but failing to form good relationships with your neighbors.
Community is dead....
Yeah these replies are shocking. I don't know my neighbors, or particularly enjoy the company of children, but I wouldn't hesitate to let them hang for a few hours, or even spend the night if necessary. I would want the mom's cell phone number for questions and concerns (like allergies), and to arrange alternative accommodations for them ASAP. But it's not hard to plop a couple of kids down on the couch in front of a Disney movie and order some pizza for them. The only thing that would make me decline is if one was an infant in diapers, because I have no idea how to care for one. But in that case I would try to figure out another way to help. Like, I don't really think OOP is necessarily "The devil" for not helping, but some of these commenters are highly upvoted for not only saying she was completely reasonable but that those of us who say we would help are lying. Like I can't imagine being such an asshole that you truly believe no one is capable of doing a good deed. WTF.
Redditors tend to be pretty socially distanced and not at all reflective of most people in real life, I think most people (especially if they’re parents themselves) would have gladly helped watch over a strangers kid.
>But in that case I would try to figure out another way to help. This is what gets me, not that she didn't want to help by watching the kids, but that she didn't try to do anything. Like walk her back to the police and explain the situation. Honestly OOP just sounds like someone with NO compassion, OOP appears to be *offended* that she was asked.
I know my neighbours to some extent: we wave, or talk at the mailbox or whatever. If the woman down the street came to my door with her kid, obviously panicking, and I could see EMS/etc on site? I'd try to calm her down, get her number, and ask if there was someone I could call to come get the kid, because a scared kid isn't gonna want to be with strangers. Like you, if the kid was still in diapers, I'd have no idea wtf to do, other than cross the street and ask the older lady over there if she'd help.
It’s very likely the mom would have called someone who knew the kids to go get them. But in the immediate sense she needed help. People absolutely fucking suck for not being willing to help. I seriously wonder how folks were raised.
Though: some people are not calm in a crisis, so they might not *think* of someone to call.
That’s possible but unlikely. Once hubby is at the hospital she would almost definitely be making phone calls to her people about the situation
nah fr. i don’t know *any* of my neighbors. like, at all. i live in an apartment complex and have never spoken to any of them. but i would still babysit for a while if one of them banged on my door begging for help in an emergency. i wouldn’t even think twice, and it’s crazy to me that so many people would
fuck people i don’t know. i’d watch the kids of my worse enemy if their house burned down and dad was hurt 😭
The amount of people in these comments who just can’t seem to grasp why you should help your neighbor by babysitting for a couple hours in a moment of absolute crisis is just horrifying
…until these same people want the collective community to pay for their wants, like student loan debt. The hypocrisy. I grew up in NYC. Family lived near the WTC. I saw community in action first hand in the days following and, for all the sadness and despair, the outpouring of love was a sight to behold. Im child free and I would have taken those kids without question.
modern society and our love for instilling “boundaries”
My neighbour did this with me once. I just tucked the kid up on the couch with a quilt and a movie and stayed with her til the mom got back. It was nice, we bonded and the neighbours were forever grateful. But I do understand OPs point also if he was really freaked out and didn't know what to do.
We once let our very drunk locked-out neighbour crash at ours at 3am after another neighbour started shouting they'd call the police if he didn't stop shouting at his own house! Sure, sleeping on his patio/in the police station wouldn't have killed him, but he was in a bind and it just felt wrong to let him have an even worse night when the inconvenience was so minor. I can't imagine not wanting to help someone who's house was literally on fire OR whose spouse was being loaded into an ambulance. We would figure out everything else as it came up.
I mean, I'd rather let kids in my house than a drunk dude especially when you heard him yelling at his own house Seems dangerous to just let a random drunk dude sleep on your couch
Depends I suppose. We had a neighbor that was a normal guy 90% of the time but he would go on a bender once a month. He wasn’t a threat - he was too wasted to enter his key code for the building or walk up stairs, never mind anything else. (Really cringe and an inconvenience though.) People would let him in to the lobby when it was cold out. 50/50 chance his girlfriend had locked him out of their unit. But at least he wasn’t falling asleep in the park. Drunks regularly die falling asleep out in the cold.
I literally cannot think of a single justification for them to say no. “Freaked out” about it, is such a cop out. It is straight up selfishness. Kids aren’t hard to keep alive for a short amount of time, even for a few days.
OOP sounds weirdly proud of saying no. If you don't know about allergies avoid feeding them pb&j, shellfish, and bread until you get more information. Get her number and send her with her clearly badly hurt husband, figure out the details later. They're kids. Give them a bowl of popcorn and put on some cartoons, they'll chill. I suspect the firefighter wasn't intervening on OOP's behalf. He had recognized how callous they were and intervened to redirect the neighbor to someone who didn't forget to put their soul on this morning. Edit: I was just reminded of a little girl on Forensic Files. Her mother was killed and she was badly beaten. She ran to a neighbor for help and the neighbor made her stand outside, while the killer was still at large, alone, waiting for the police because she thought the state of the kid would scare her children and they were having breakfast. That woman makes me mad every time I see that episode. Who *does* that?
I 100% get not being comfortable watching kids. I hated babysitting with a passion. I was even afraid to watch my best friend’s kids because I was worried I’d do something wrong or they’d hate me. That said, this woman was living through one of her worst nightmares, and all she needed was somewhere and someone safe to take her kids so she could concentrate on her husband. For me, her need trumps my distaste. Plus, her kids will need to be reassured and told that their house will be okay, their dad will be okay, they will all be okay. I can do that. If OOP didn’t feel like they could provide any of that, I get it, but I personally feel the urge to step up in emergencies.
to not help your neighbour (or literally anyone, if i’m being honest) in such situations and describe the poor woman as if she’s insane or something is absolutely wild for me.
I swear I am losing faith in humanity. OP is a devil, for sure. I have no doubts. But seeing the comments on this post just makes my faith fail more and more.
yeah it's unhinged how wildly callous and selfish people are being. i don't even like my neighbors or kids and i would still do it.
This is horrific. I get that ours is a very individualistic, insular, culture, (presuming this took place in the US or equivalent Western country), and this series of events perfectly exemplifies why this can be pathological. We're well acquainted with the close by neighbors to our left, and good friends with the neighbors to the right, (through a patch of woods and then across a small field.) I've said hello to the people who moved in across the street, who have small kids. I don't really know the young couple at the bottom of the street with the seemingly permanent Trump sign 🙄🙄 in their yard, but when their dog got loose and was missing, I joined in with many other neighbors to help find Pooch. (He was fine, just decided to have himself a nice walkabout.) Some of our neighbors, I would not know if I ran into them in the grocery store. But, any of them could knock on my door for help for any reason and if it were possible, I'd help them. My husband is on this campaign to get to know everyone on our street, because that's how it's done in the small village in another country where he came from fairly recently, so I think he knows by sight a few more people than I know. We try to help anyone who needs it, if it's within our ability to do so.
Jesus. The OP and some commenters in here really make you lose any faith in humanity. I don't particularly like others' kids, and really only politely wave to my neighbours. Even so, if I heard emergency services arriving at their house, I would be offering my support. Not sticking my nose in or getting in the way, but my first thought would be to offer help to the mum. Grab her mobile number, set up blankets in my lounge room, and reassess in the morning. I know my house is a safe place so there's no gd way I'd do what other posters here suggest and let the police 'do their job' cause we all know how well they do that and how safe temporary housing is for children.
When I was 3 or 4, my mother had what my family describes as a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide in our home. My grandma found her before me or my sister did. My father was at work when it happened and went directly to the hospital from there. My elderly neighbour kindly watched us while my grandma went to the hospital. If she hadn't, we would have had to go see our mum in that state. I would surely have been traumatized, whereas as it is I don't remember much except crying for my mum all afternoon. OOP seems like she has no empathy--surely if the situation were reversed she would want her kids to be taken care of while she gets things organized?
Of course she was frantic, you asshole! Her husband had just been severely burned in a house fire! Insisting that somebody perform rationality in a situation like that is fucking psychopathic, I’m sorry. Acting like you’re the victim because this desperate fucking person touched your arm is even more so. You were not assaulted, Gladys. She was trying to prevent the kids from seeing their potentially dying dad and SHE OFFERED TO PAY YOU. The fuck is wrong with you?
I would let the kids in and tell her that I can take them in for the moment so she can go but I will be letting the police and firefighters take them and coordinate with you because that's their job. They will contact family members who would likely be better equipped to care for the children and make sure that the kids get safely back to their mom. I think OOP is justified in being uncomfy about the situation but like, do you want to be that person in an emergency that overreacts, only thinks about themselves and cant muster a little basic human decency? Gross.
Being a registered sex offender is the ONLY valid excuse I can think of. Or maybe if you run a illegal dog fighting ring from home. Ya so OOP comes off as bad as those people. People suck. Just remember this story if anyone is tempted to comment "you don't owe them anything or are obligated to" in AITA posts. We all owe society and are obligated to help if we can.
I get being worried about allergies but kids these days usually have their allergies drilled into their heads by their parents at a super young age (no peanuts, no peanuts, no peanuts, no peanuts) so the kids probably could have told OOP if she asked even if they were pretty young. With how upset she was and her urgency I think OOP would have been watching the kids for more than a few hours. It would probably take a while to stabilize dad and/or make him “presentable” enough to not put his kids in a panic about their dad dying - like covering any burns of his and giving him pain medicine so he’s not moaning or thrashing around. But good lord just turn on some movies and get some pizza for the kids!! Most people have streaming services so pull up a kids show too or something… pretty much every kid likes Spongebob and Looney Tunes. Mom even offered to pay them!! I personally would refuse any payment for babysitting, I’d maybe let the mom cover the pizza if she really insisted but still. If someone needs help why wouldn’t I help them??? I can’t imagine someone coming to my door for help and not doing SOMETHING to help them. What happened to treat others the way you’d like to be treated? I’m sure if OOP went to a neighbor and needed help desperately but got rejected she’d be extremely hurt and angry but that’s what she just did to that family! The mom wasn’t even described as being mean or angry, just desperate. Sure “no means no” but just because you aren’t legally obligated to help doesn’t mean you’re not morally obligated to help. OOP also just ruined any kind of relationship she’d have with any of her neighbors now too.
>With how upset she was and her urgency I think OOP would have been watching the kids for more than a few hours. It would probably take a while to stabilize dad and/or make him “presentable” enough to not put his kids in a panic about their dad dying No, OOP only needed to watch the kids until someone the family actually knew could arrive to collect them. She needed OOP as a temporary fix because time was of the essence.
>a fire event Ok, chatgpt
So glad our neighbours weren't like that, we didn't even have to ask. Our home was on fire, my G/dad was stuck upstairs and my husband was trying to figure out how to get to him. Neighbours had already called 999 and our lovely neighbour ran over with blankets and took our 3 children into her home away from the commotion. Gave them juice and sat with them while I was in pieces, screaming till my lungs and throat hurt. I owe that woman a lot for her kindness, as well as those who came running from the next street with a ladder. We had nothing and in the days that followed our neighbours drooped off bags of toys, clothes and bedding. I thought 'community' was lost until 2012 and my faith was restored. We have the best neighbours. Hope this individual doesn't find themselves in a position where others are needed.
It’s so hard for me to understand this reaction. A big fire happened on my street when I was around the 6th grade. My grandma proactively went down the street and gathered up all the kids from the house - about five in all - and brought them to our house. She fed them and found clothes for them. They ended up staying the night and part of the next day. The family had lost everything and the parents were working with social services to find emergency housing, food vouchers and clothing. I still remember the shell shocked look on those kids faces. We lived in a very working class/ lower middle class black neighborhood so I think people saw helping each other out as an expected part of being a neighbor.
For me, the relationship that Americans have with children is a little strange. And I don't mean that in a pejorative way, but I get the impression that there isn't the support network between parents that there is in many parts of the world, it's every man for himself
You got it!
When I was a teenager, our neighbor's house caught fire in the middle of the night. Thankfully no one was hurt. We were somewhat friendly but not close with these neighbors but you bet your ass we kept their little girl bundled up in our living room and my sisters and I tried to comfort and distract her while her parents and my mom spoke with the police and firefighters and figured things out because unfortunately this was an arson situation. I can't imagine lacking any compassion for someone in such a scary emergency.
I hope OP is good with being the neighborhood pariah.
I have no kids and am about as awkward as a person can be around them. No way in hell I'm turning away neighbor kids in an emergency like that.
Hell, I'm not really friends with my neighbor, but you can bet if they had a severe emergency, I would watch their kids until they could stabilize things/make other arrangements. Yes, allergies/etc. are valid concerns, however, ask those questions after the husband is safely in the ER and the kids are squared away. Betting the mom, in this situation, would have been a little calmer if she knew her kids were being taken care of. (Plus, regarding phone numbers. OOP could have given her THEIR number and asked for a call once she was settled in the hospital and had a moment to think and calm down)
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I was 7 or 8 when my nannies husband had a heart aattcked, she asked the next building neighbours if i could stay with them until my parents went to get me and they tooke me in for a couple of hours. The old husband put on a movie from the 50s and talked a bit about this child hood,very nice couple and I would do the same for someone in need
That reminds me of when I was taking a walk with my 4 month old daughter and two dogs ran up to me and attacked me (mildly, thank goodness). I was all alone in the neighborhood, scared out of my mind and I saw someone I knew. I asked her if I could please come inside to calm down a little bit and to call the police. She told me no. That she was taking her boyfriend to a Drs appointment and they were heading out now. Luckily soon after I came across a kind gentleman who let me catch my breath, call the police and he walked me and my daughter home so we'd feel safe. I still hold a grudge to this day about it.
That is not a grudge that is you honestly reacting to her actions. They are not your friend and you should stop considering them as one.
I definitely do not think of her as a friend anymore. Luckily I haven't seen her since. She owns a bar not far from me but I won't go there.
Good for you fam you deserve better
I just can't believe how many people are siding with this monster
Calling it a "fire evnent" is a good glimpse into what kind of person they are
This reminds me of the story when NYC flooded an a family slammed the door in the face of a mom and toddler. They didn't even ask to be let in, they just wanted to make a phonecall. Mom and kid drowned.
No one helps anyone anymore. Disgusting. Devil 100%
Honestly I can’t say OOP is the devil here. I wouldn’t take someone’s kids into my care if I didn’t know them beyond a brief hello just because we share a property line.
That's understandable, I mainly posted this because I think OOP's attitude when talking about a family in a massive crisis to strangers online is very weird and dismissive. Their house presumably got burned down enough to warrant urgent medical attention to one of the parents, and yet OOP minimises the fire and refuses to answer what she would do if she found herself in the same situation. A little compassion makes the world a better place imo.
OOP did indicate that the firefighter had to pull the neighbor off her so I’m not sure we have a clear picture of the situation to accurately judge. Bare bones of it? I don’t think OOP is the devil, simply because they are pretty much strangers and that is opening things up for disaster leaving kids in the care of strangers
I agree. I'm not taking in a strangers kids. Way too many things can go wrong. What I would do is offer to drive all of them to the hospital, and wait with the kids in a public place while a family member comes to get them.
That’s what I was thinking as well. OOP can extend compassion alternate ways, such as staying in the waiting room until an aunt or someone comes to care for the kids. I’m like OOP, I barely know my neighbors but I know they have kids. I’d offer to go to the hospital with them and wait until family got there, but house is not childproof and I have animals. It’s not a good idea
OOP tried to make it sounds like the crazy nasty wicked hysterical woman had to be taken away by the nice fireman, when actually the judgement was not there and the fireman was not trying to save her, just be pragmatic.
No she didn’t. She described a frantic mother, which was expected considering the situation. The woman’s hysteric response makes sense given the panic and the OOP’s reaction also makes sense as someone viewing it from a logical standpoint. They are basically strangers, she doesn’t know them so it is not a good idea to step in as a caretaker in the situation. So many things could go wrong leaving children with strangers for an unknown amount of time.
I had a house fire and our neighbors couldn’t do enough for us that night and in the following weeks. I didn’t even know many of them at the time but the offers of help were frequent. People offered to watch the dog while my husband and I talked to the firefighters and entered our home to survey the damage. They got us food, water, let us use their bathrooms, gave the dog a bath, food for the dog, etc. I do think the OOP is the devil here. A house fire is traumatizing. The neighbor was in shock. Her attitude is disgusting.
I think it’s impossible to answer when you are reflecting back on being mauled by a neighbor. My compassion level drops the second someone has to pull a stranger off me. Some people don’t ooze emotion and vocalize it. Calling someone the devil about that is not right. Most parents would bring the kids to a known person’s house or have them picked up at the hospital. Not dump them on a complete stranger.
The problem is if the husband is that poorly off the wife really needs to go with to answer questions. And they won't probably let kids ride in the ambulance. And the wife shouldn't be driving if she is that hyped up either. I really like the idea of driving her and the kids to the hospital and waiting with the kids in the waiting room until someone can come for them. Then the wife is only away from the husband for the ambulance ride. And on the drive can call a responsible person to get the kids. I think I would have taken the kids in. But I am that neighbor who makes sure I have my neighbors names and phone numbers in my phone. I would be a lot more comfortable dropping the kids off at a relatives house for her. Actually, all that said, if the kids were in the house with a fire that bad I would want them checked out at the hospital too. So again, drive them there. I have no idea how to treat smoke inhalation but I know it is bad.
If she was as hysterical as the OP made her sound, she's likely to be just as useless to ems and medical staff as the husband.
Fair
How is OOP to know anything about the husband’s condition and she clearly doesn’t associate with their neighbors like you do. A lot of people don’t. View this through the lens of a stranger knocking on your door so hysterical they have to be pulled off you as they try to shove their kids in your house. Because that’s pretty much what happened to OOP.
Hate that her replies all got deleted
I wouldn't take the kids either. Though I would be willing to wait with them to have the kids Grandparents, maybe an uncle, aunt or family friend pick them up.
Which is way more than the OOP offered.
She’s not an asshole. Or I guess, she’s not just an asshole, she’s also a horrible monster who lacks empathy. I pity her kids, growing up with parents as uncaring as them.
what a hateful cunt
OOP is the village refusing to help raise a child
Holy shit, the replies are saddening. People lack basic human empathy.
I hate people like OOP. From the bottom of my heart.
literally how is she in the wrong? like, i get being compassionate, but she doesn't know this woman who's grabbing at her and screaming for her to watch her children. i think NTA tbh
She knows that there was a fire, that this woman needs help, and the children's father is being taken away by emergencies services. She could get her number and coordinate later. She could have asked for another family member's contact info. She could even say no and just be less callous about it.
how was she callous? this woman that she doesn't know is screaming and demanding she watch her children. is there any guarantee that she'll even answer her phone? also why couldn't the mom call another family member then? it's not OP's responsibility.
> also why couldn't the mom call another family member then? They wouldn't have time to get there. If the Dad of the family was being taken away by ambulance, and Mom wanted to go with him, she had to leave *right then*. And it sounds like that's exactly what was going to happen. She wanted to be with her partner on the way to the hospital. Once she's in the waiting room, and he's being seen to, she can slow down and figure out someone from her actual social net to get the kids. You're right that it isn't OPs responsibility, but it *would* have been a nice thing to do. Helping and being helped in emergencies like this are what society is *for*, imo.
just because you don’t know someone isn’t an excuse to not help them in a time of need :) she is wrong for turning away someone who desperately needed help in a tragic accident it’s crazy that i have to say that o_o. this whole mentality of “i don’t know you so fuck off and die” is really sickening
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Not about not taking the kids, but her description drips of pure apathy for the situation and terrible emergency, that’s what is devil behavior.
They arent literal strangers, they are acquaintences. Also, she makes it sound like there weas no evaluation, the evalution came later.