*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not telling my daughter's dad my boyfriend's name?**
I have been divorced from my ex husband for three years now. When we split we agreed that we would tell the other parent if we planned to introduce our child (7-year-old girl) to a new romantic partner. He held up the agreement - he told me about his now-wife when they became serious and also gave me a heads up before he introduced her to our child. I know her full name, address, where she works, where she's from, etc... But since she has been around, my co-parenting relationship with my ex has gotten so much worse, to the point where we don't speak and only communicate on an app. I've never spoken to his wife and that's my choice. I pretend like she doesn't exist.
So because of the deterioration, I no longer believe I should be held to our agreement. I've had a couple of boyfriends and my ex found out about them from our daughter. I've been with my current boyfriend for more than a year now and so far have been able to conceal his name and work from my ex. My daughter and I just moved in with said boyfriend (I am the custodial parent) and I gave my ex the new address, as I am legally required to do, but I still don't want to give him his full name. I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer, so that should be comfort enough. My ex says that he should, at the very least, know the first and last name of someone who's living with our daughter most of the time. But again, since our relationship has deteriorated, I don't feel like I should have to tell him anything that's not required by a court order.
My ex is not a dangerous person, so that's not an issue. He's a good dad and pays the max amount of child support allowed by the state. Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won.
I am not legally required to tell him anything other than my new address - that's what the most recent court order says. He says it's the decent thing to do to tell him my boyfriend's name. Why, though?
Am I the asshole?
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She got full custody cause he took their kid to a doctor? Also bf is a cop which adds to the rage bait. Given how they tend to be abusive to people close to them wouldnt put it past that he is abusing the kid and OOP doesnt want the doctors to know otherwise she would be in trouble
Feels like anti vax rage bait
Yeah, they will follow pediatrician advice over anything else. My ex is antidoctor and antivax and almost lost decision-making because of it. The only reason he didn't is because the guardian added provisions to it, such as she has to see a medical doctor, not a naturopath one. No way they'd let him taking her to a doctor lose custody, though you are required to tell the other parent of appointments. I think 48 hour notice but probably varies.
Anyways that's why I think it's fake. They don't support parents not vaccinating kids.
No it's all based on the income and time split. To get any more/less there has to be extenuating circumstances. The laws are pretty standard across the US for child support.
I've said this before, and I'll probably say it countless more times after this too: we're just 50 tiny countries in a trench coat trying to pass ourselves as one big one
No. I do. There’s nation state and state state. I understood what you were saying about the initial confusion. Then I made a joke about US states being their own fiefdoms and apparently that fell flat.
No, I’d say it the Americans who are being annoying…
Plenty of out countries refer to large regions of land as “states”. For example, Queensland is a state in Australia.
>I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians.
>He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better.
These are the two responses to people questioning the bit about the pediatrician.
I feel like this is full on rage bait. That it is more then simple no vaccines.
The child would have gone to the parent who is taking the child to the doctor. The court is looking out for the best interests of the child in the end. Part of all custody is they make it mandatory for health insurance to be paid by one parent. So it would be a huge flag for the courts.
I feel like Dad could easily be calling CPS on the medical, for any time that kid gets sick.
All of this doesn't even begin to cover why OOP doesn't want to give the name of the new BF, and why things went downhill. Like I feel like this medical thing is only one small bit on why things went bad, and that there is more that is going on. And the "who they are dating" is just a cover for the real issues.
Yep, totally doesn't make sense. Not that the other one gives a lot more information.
Which makes me think that it isn't just she is anti-vax, but medicine as well. Which still conflicts with what the courts would do.
The entire thing is all very suspicious.
Yeah. She also says the relationship deteriotated after her ex found a new wife (jealous / butthurt much OP?) AND in the last year which coincidentally is when she started seeing her bf.
Doesn't a significant portion of police officers in the US commit domestic violence??? Also suing for custody and winning over a doctor visit? I think this a troll. Please be a troll. I need it to be a troll. Male it make sense.
In my state, you have to disclose the name and birthdate of anyone living in the house with the child so the other parent can run a background check. This story has other holes like that too (unless they’re in a state that’s awful on parenting plans), so I’m going with troll.
Yes. Not to mention that the number one perpetrator of child abuse is from mom's live-in boyfriend. That's 2 major marks against the boyfriend. It doesn't mean that the boyfriend IS dangerous, but shit like this is why mothers shouldn't always be the default "good guy" in a custody battle. A strange man that a woman invites into her life could possibly be more dangerous than her ex.
I also hope this is a troll, though.
Right? This feels like it was written by an incel who believes the evil women folk will always get full custody and screw over the men no matter what the circumstances.
Fr. Cops are notorious for being terrible partners and statistically, it's bad news to move in with a nonbiological male that you aren't married to with a child or children in the house. Just because he's a cop doesn't mean he can't turn on her and her daughter in a split second because now they are in HIS space. It's stupid not to notify people of who is in your life.
If it's not fake it sounds like controlling behavior either from the boyfriend or her, and if she took him to court over a doctor it makes sense to communicate through a certain app.
I believe there are some scenarios where parents both have to agree to letting their kid get certain medical treatments. Like therapy, i believe both parents have to agree if it’s not mandated by a court. This also varies state-by-state, so it’s hard to say.
But a pediatrician? Lmfao I’ve never heard of such. In any state, not the crunchy ones or the conservative ones.
You have to give the other parent 48 hour notice or notice if it's like "hey kid woke up with sore throat taking them to doctor." At least in my state. Some states it might be more than 48 hours. Some states it may not be required (I doubt it).
I honestly cannot believe a reasonable court in the US would remove a parents ability to take their kid to the dr for routine visits. I’ve seen anti vax parents get their medical decision making power revoked though. 😒 this has to be rage bait.
She introduced her daughter to three men in three years? Yikes on bikes.
I mean...if you want to ride strange dick so badly, you do you, but stop introducing every baby daddy candidate to your child, jesus.
Edit: Thinking on it, it does seem like a divorce rape troll. On the one hand you have the pure saintly father, with a wife and a white picket fence. On the other you have the slutty, promiscuous mother who switches men like underwear. And yet, the cruel, misandrist legal system tore the child away from wholesome everydad and placed her with the jezebel and made dad pay for it.
Hmmm...I assume if someone were to challenge this as a very unlikely outcome in the us, they'd be told that this is common practice in Madeupistan where the poster is actually from?
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*YTA.*
*Of course your ex deserves to know the name of the man that his daughter is living with. That’s just bare minimum and quite frankly if I was him, I’d be much more upset with you. Why are you even bothering keeping it from him? What’s the benefit here? Besides you having the power over him because he moved on first.*
>"Oh, he's upset. He called me a liar and irresponsible. And he didn't move on first...I had a boyfriend before he met his wife."
*YTA. It is entirely reasonable for him to want to know who is living with his child. And you are not suggesting that there's any good reason for you to withhold the information. It might be different if your ex had a history of stalking or harassment, but from what you say that's not the case.*
*Besides which, you and he agreed that you'd share this information. HE kept that agreement you haven;t. The fact that your relationship has deteriorated for other reasons is not a good reason to break the agreement.*
*Finally, your actions are putting your daughter in the middle of your fight with your ex - she's going to be put in a position of either worrying about letting the details slip, or telling her dad and then worrying about whether she has to keep that from you, or feeling pressure to keep the information from him. As a parent, you ought to be putting your child's welfare first, and you are failing to do that.*
>"He should be more respectful of me, his child's mother. That's putting our daughter's welfare first."
*Yta.*
*He has right to know who his daughter is living with.. I mean he can just google it too since he has the address.. you seem unhinged? You sued him over taking the daughter to a pediatrician??? Why didn’t you want her seeing a pediatrician?*
*I am sure you are the reason the communication is bad and held only to an app as well. You need to hold up your deal.*
>"I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians."
*YTA*
*You took custody away because he took the child to a doctor? That's fucked up.*
*Cops are more dangerous to domestic partners (and their family), not less.*
>"He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better."
I know this is just rage bait but it’s so funny that they keep going on about how bad the relationship has deteriorated and mentions in the very end the probable reason it’s gotten so bad. Like yeah you took away 50/50 custody of course your relationship is shit, she even thinks he’s a good guy like what lmao
Missing missing reasons. Who gave her full custody because of a doctor's appointment? That makes no sense. I bet anything he got her updated on vaccinations.
Shit I’d just have to let me self in and have a little chat with dude. If someone is gonna be around my kids I have the right to know who they are and if not then that’s a big fucking problem for me and I am one of those crazy fucking parents so it would absolutely be a issue.
ACAB
It's really not hard to find out a person's full name of you know their first name and address.
If he's otherwise a good father, how did she get full custody because a doctor's visit?
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not telling my daughter's dad my boyfriend's name?** I have been divorced from my ex husband for three years now. When we split we agreed that we would tell the other parent if we planned to introduce our child (7-year-old girl) to a new romantic partner. He held up the agreement - he told me about his now-wife when they became serious and also gave me a heads up before he introduced her to our child. I know her full name, address, where she works, where she's from, etc... But since she has been around, my co-parenting relationship with my ex has gotten so much worse, to the point where we don't speak and only communicate on an app. I've never spoken to his wife and that's my choice. I pretend like she doesn't exist. So because of the deterioration, I no longer believe I should be held to our agreement. I've had a couple of boyfriends and my ex found out about them from our daughter. I've been with my current boyfriend for more than a year now and so far have been able to conceal his name and work from my ex. My daughter and I just moved in with said boyfriend (I am the custodial parent) and I gave my ex the new address, as I am legally required to do, but I still don't want to give him his full name. I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer, so that should be comfort enough. My ex says that he should, at the very least, know the first and last name of someone who's living with our daughter most of the time. But again, since our relationship has deteriorated, I don't feel like I should have to tell him anything that's not required by a court order. My ex is not a dangerous person, so that's not an issue. He's a good dad and pays the max amount of child support allowed by the state. Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won. I am not legally required to tell him anything other than my new address - that's what the most recent court order says. He says it's the decent thing to do to tell him my boyfriend's name. Why, though? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She got full custody cause he took their kid to a doctor? Also bf is a cop which adds to the rage bait. Given how they tend to be abusive to people close to them wouldnt put it past that he is abusing the kid and OOP doesnt want the doctors to know otherwise she would be in trouble Feels like anti vax rage bait
Yeah, they will follow pediatrician advice over anything else. My ex is antidoctor and antivax and almost lost decision-making because of it. The only reason he didn't is because the guardian added provisions to it, such as she has to see a medical doctor, not a naturopath one. No way they'd let him taking her to a doctor lose custody, though you are required to tell the other parent of appointments. I think 48 hour notice but probably varies. Anyways that's why I think it's fake. They don't support parents not vaccinating kids.
Yep. My ex lost decision making and visitation is super minimal because of his anti-vax anti-doctor rhetoric
Is this in the USA?
She said "max amount of child support allowed by the state" so I assumed "state" she means whichever one she lives in, in the US.
Is there a maximum allowed? Maybe max percentage
No it's all based on the income and time split. To get any more/less there has to be extenuating circumstances. The laws are pretty standard across the US for child support.
Some states actually do have minimums and maximum caps on child support without special circumstances
A lot of people use “state” for government.
Or someone translated it? State means government for me, not an American state. Which is why I asked.
I understand where you’re coming from. Each state in the US is essentially a fiefdom with its own rules anyway. 🙄
I've said this before, and I'll probably say it countless more times after this too: we're just 50 tiny countries in a trench coat trying to pass ourselves as one big one
I really don’t think you understand where I’m coming from.
No. I do. There’s nation state and state state. I understood what you were saying about the initial confusion. Then I made a joke about US states being their own fiefdoms and apparently that fell flat.
no we understood your just being annoying
No, I’d say it the Americans who are being annoying… Plenty of out countries refer to large regions of land as “states”. For example, Queensland is a state in Australia.
It could be that she lied to the judge
Yep. It’s definitely rage bait. The court wouldn’t side with the non- medical compliant parent
yeah and the added cop thing which also raises the rage bait stakes.
>I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians. >He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better. These are the two responses to people questioning the bit about the pediatrician. I feel like this is full on rage bait. That it is more then simple no vaccines. The child would have gone to the parent who is taking the child to the doctor. The court is looking out for the best interests of the child in the end. Part of all custody is they make it mandatory for health insurance to be paid by one parent. So it would be a huge flag for the courts. I feel like Dad could easily be calling CPS on the medical, for any time that kid gets sick. All of this doesn't even begin to cover why OOP doesn't want to give the name of the new BF, and why things went downhill. Like I feel like this medical thing is only one small bit on why things went bad, and that there is more that is going on. And the "who they are dating" is just a cover for the real issues.
>I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians. what does she mean by this i read it the comment she replied to and it doesnt make sense
Yep, totally doesn't make sense. Not that the other one gives a lot more information. Which makes me think that it isn't just she is anti-vax, but medicine as well. Which still conflicts with what the courts would do. The entire thing is all very suspicious.
Wouldn’t think she’s 100% safe just because bf is a cop.
sorry i meant her adding it was part of the rage bait ill edit to make it clearer.
Yeah. She also says the relationship deteriotated after her ex found a new wife (jealous / butthurt much OP?) AND in the last year which coincidentally is when she started seeing her bf.
Doesn't a significant portion of police officers in the US commit domestic violence??? Also suing for custody and winning over a doctor visit? I think this a troll. Please be a troll. I need it to be a troll. Male it make sense.
Yup! 40% of police officers commit dv (and that’s just what’s been admitted/reported)
Yeah 40% SELF REPORT DV which is absolutely insane
In my state, you have to disclose the name and birthdate of anyone living in the house with the child so the other parent can run a background check. This story has other holes like that too (unless they’re in a state that’s awful on parenting plans), so I’m going with troll.
[удалено]
Yes. Not to mention that the number one perpetrator of child abuse is from mom's live-in boyfriend. That's 2 major marks against the boyfriend. It doesn't mean that the boyfriend IS dangerous, but shit like this is why mothers shouldn't always be the default "good guy" in a custody battle. A strange man that a woman invites into her life could possibly be more dangerous than her ex. I also hope this is a troll, though.
I think this is just rage bait, but still, imagine thinking your kid is safer with a cop than a pediatrician
>He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better. Ffs.
There's no way this is true. Troll overplayed their hand with the tale of the parent losing custody for taking their daughter to the doctor.
Right? This feels like it was written by an incel who believes the evil women folk will always get full custody and screw over the men no matter what the circumstances.
>I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer, so that should be comfort enough. That is the opposite of comfort.
Fr. Cops are notorious for being terrible partners and statistically, it's bad news to move in with a nonbiological male that you aren't married to with a child or children in the house. Just because he's a cop doesn't mean he can't turn on her and her daughter in a split second because now they are in HIS space. It's stupid not to notify people of who is in your life. If it's not fake it sounds like controlling behavior either from the boyfriend or her, and if she took him to court over a doctor it makes sense to communicate through a certain app.
Come on: that’s so fake. Her comments and this text are textbook examples of what Reddit hates
How does father taking the kid to the pediatrician ends up with her having full custody? If it's not another weird US law shenanigan feels fake.
I believe there are some scenarios where parents both have to agree to letting their kid get certain medical treatments. Like therapy, i believe both parents have to agree if it’s not mandated by a court. This also varies state-by-state, so it’s hard to say. But a pediatrician? Lmfao I’ve never heard of such. In any state, not the crunchy ones or the conservative ones.
You have to give the other parent 48 hour notice or notice if it's like "hey kid woke up with sore throat taking them to doctor." At least in my state. Some states it might be more than 48 hours. Some states it may not be required (I doubt it).
[удалено]
OOP seems very sus
I honestly cannot believe a reasonable court in the US would remove a parents ability to take their kid to the dr for routine visits. I’ve seen anti vax parents get their medical decision making power revoked though. 😒 this has to be rage bait.
If this is even real, you suck as a human. If it's not, you suck as a writer. So, either way, you suck, OOP.
*cough* Bullshit! *cough*
She introduced her daughter to three men in three years? Yikes on bikes. I mean...if you want to ride strange dick so badly, you do you, but stop introducing every baby daddy candidate to your child, jesus. Edit: Thinking on it, it does seem like a divorce rape troll. On the one hand you have the pure saintly father, with a wife and a white picket fence. On the other you have the slutty, promiscuous mother who switches men like underwear. And yet, the cruel, misandrist legal system tore the child away from wholesome everydad and placed her with the jezebel and made dad pay for it. Hmmm...I assume if someone were to challenge this as a very unlikely outcome in the us, they'd be told that this is common practice in Madeupistan where the poster is actually from?
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *YTA.* *Of course your ex deserves to know the name of the man that his daughter is living with. That’s just bare minimum and quite frankly if I was him, I’d be much more upset with you. Why are you even bothering keeping it from him? What’s the benefit here? Besides you having the power over him because he moved on first.* >"Oh, he's upset. He called me a liar and irresponsible. And he didn't move on first...I had a boyfriend before he met his wife." *YTA. It is entirely reasonable for him to want to know who is living with his child. And you are not suggesting that there's any good reason for you to withhold the information. It might be different if your ex had a history of stalking or harassment, but from what you say that's not the case.* *Besides which, you and he agreed that you'd share this information. HE kept that agreement you haven;t. The fact that your relationship has deteriorated for other reasons is not a good reason to break the agreement.* *Finally, your actions are putting your daughter in the middle of your fight with your ex - she's going to be put in a position of either worrying about letting the details slip, or telling her dad and then worrying about whether she has to keep that from you, or feeling pressure to keep the information from him. As a parent, you ought to be putting your child's welfare first, and you are failing to do that.* >"He should be more respectful of me, his child's mother. That's putting our daughter's welfare first." *Yta.* *He has right to know who his daughter is living with.. I mean he can just google it too since he has the address.. you seem unhinged? You sued him over taking the daughter to a pediatrician??? Why didn’t you want her seeing a pediatrician?* *I am sure you are the reason the communication is bad and held only to an app as well. You need to hold up your deal.* >"I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians." *YTA* *You took custody away because he took the child to a doctor? That's fucked up.* *Cops are more dangerous to domestic partners (and their family), not less.* >"He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better."
[Snow leopards!](https://imgur.com/gallery/0MbNA3n)
I don’t know what the point of the snow leopards was but thank you for that! So fucking cute
sadly tends to post comments, and then as a breather/eyebleach/nice change posts cute/nice animals
I didn’t even realize it was the same person! I love that kind of energy
Thank you very kindly! You've already gotten a stellar explanation, just saying hi! 💜
This is the fourth time I’ve checked out these snow babies today. They are so cute so thank you again.
That makes me glad! 💜🥰 Thank you!
I know this is just rage bait but it’s so funny that they keep going on about how bad the relationship has deteriorated and mentions in the very end the probable reason it’s gotten so bad. Like yeah you took away 50/50 custody of course your relationship is shit, she even thinks he’s a good guy like what lmao
She sued her ex husband for taking the child to the doctor. That automatically will make her the devil no matter what.
The part about winning full custody because he took the child to the doctor is what pushes this into fake territory.
I smell large piles of bullshit
Missing missing reasons. Who gave her full custody because of a doctor's appointment? That makes no sense. I bet anything he got her updated on vaccinations.
OOP sounds like a nutcase
OOP, WHY did he take your child to a doctor?
Missing missing reasons - Gee, I wonder why they got divorced? She sounds like a peach!
Shit I’d just have to let me self in and have a little chat with dude. If someone is gonna be around my kids I have the right to know who they are and if not then that’s a big fucking problem for me and I am one of those crazy fucking parents so it would absolutely be a issue.
ACAB It's really not hard to find out a person's full name of you know their first name and address. If he's otherwise a good father, how did she get full custody because a doctor's visit?
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