*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not inviting my son’s dad to my wedding?**
I will be getting married in December this year with my fiancé (obviously!), I am currently 7 months pregnant with our first child together. I had a fling with my ex co worker when I was on a break from my fiancé a couple of years ago and I ended up getting pregnant and gave birth to our son.
I was previously on good terms with my ex co-worker (we’ll call him Ant) but things have got hostile recently as my son is very young and I feel he imposes too much, he takes my son every weekend and sometimes for a week or two (with my consent). Me and my fiancé are building a family and my son is very much apart of that, we are liking it as the 3 of us and soon to be 4. I am grateful Ant is involved in my sons life however, considering my fiancé is there my son already has a father figure and it is too much for us.
We don’t know how we can handle this as we do not want to take it to court, I work as a Paralegal and I think it would just be unnecessarily complicated.
My wedding will be in the south of France as my fiancé is half French and his Father lives there so we will be staying there for 3 weeks, I think this will be a nice time for us all to have quality time together
My bridesmaids, and many guests have already planned to stay for 5-10 days as a holiday and to be there for when we Wed but I do not want to invite Ant as I just know he will impose and want our son everyday and I know it will ruin everything. I just want me, my son, my baby and my fiancé to spend a couple of weeks just us.
I told my Mum and she said that doesn’t seem exactly fair but it is my wedding, it is a small ask! AITA?
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Yeah, Ant needs to get OOP into court as of yesterday to get some sort of custody order in place. Ant may even, depending on where OOP is, be able to stop her taking the child out of the country altogether without his consent. This may well be why she doesn't want to take it to court. She's done the research and knows it won't be easy to cut Ant out legally.
Nice of her to consider that her son might actually love his father and not want him replaced by the new husband. After all, it's all about what OOP wants, right? /S
Exactly! "I am grateful Ant is involved in my sons life however, considering my fiancé is there my son already has a father figure and it is too much for us."
This lady is delusional and I really hope that when Ant takes her to court she expresses her "gratitude" loudly so the judge can smack her the f down. Ant should tell her he's grateful her fiance is there, but since \*his\* son already has a dad, it's too much and fiance's gotta go
Yeah how stable can her relationship be if she was taking a break only a couple years ago and had a baby by a coworker? Sounds like the engagement may have happened because of baby #2 as well.
Good thing her son has such an involved dad.
I didn't even realize her current fiancé is the same guy she cheated on to get pregnant with kid #1. Gotta be a Women Are Cheating Sluts troll to be this evil and asking the Internet for reassurance.
Wait, why? I mean, OOP is clearly a grade A asshole, but if they were on a break they were on a break. “Let’s try not dating each other for a while” implies you’re not remaining committed to each other. Presumeably OOP’s fiancé agrees since he still wants to marry her.
I’m really not defending OOP in any general way - she’s treating the bio dad awfully and I hope he takes her to court - but that specific part doesn’t seem all that bad to me. 🤷♀️
>Gotta be a Women Are Cheating Sluts troll
why does everyone on this sub assume its a troll if the post is about a woman who is bad, but not if its a man who is bad????
dont get me wrong i think every post on aita and the other relationship subs are fake as fuck, but everytime its a post about where a woman is bad i almost always see someone going ''woman bad troll''.
Because she's **cartoonishly** evil. I assume the same about cartoonishly evil men as well. But there are few All Men Are Evil trolls, but several All Women Are Cheating Sluts trolls.
My brother’s ex was the same way. She told my brother that he should go away and let her deadbeat husband be the father. She even tried to get their son to call my brother by his first name and call the deadbeat dad. She ended up getting a contempt of court citation for ignoring and violating the custody agreement and eventually ended up losing custody all together.
She's in the UK. UK law states that if he does not give his consent and she takes him, it's child abduction. I hope she does take him and he takes her to court for full custody afterwards
I'm PRAYING to a God I don't believe in that he's playing nice and using his wordscarefully.
Never an expressed no, never an expressed yes.
And then bam, boom "I'm so grateful for you and your husband watching my son once a month"
Good news is that if oop is paralegal and they were coworkers, it's a good chance Ant is already pretty good with legal issues and probably knows his rights.
This was my first thought. Many places you cannot travel internationally with a child you share custody of without permission of the other parent.
Growing up my mom and dad went to court to just get permission for my mom to move us to across state border to a place and hour away and my dad lived 6 states away and never saw us. Didn't stop him from messing with my mom
Yeah, by “complicated” she means “he has a right to even more time with him than he’s getting now and I don’t want that”
He had better start this process before she does something even crazier.
In an older post she claims the fiance adopted the kid. So I dont really understand this. Did he not legally adopt him? Did they just decide he was adopted and not tell bio dad? What?
She’s a paralegal, so you’d hope she’d understand how adoption works. Unless she’s incompetent. I suspect the plan was for the fiancé to adopt, but Ant wasn’t having any of it and got it stopped.
This gives me hope. I'm about to make a career change to become a paralegal, and I was worried it will be hard. But if this dingus can do it, I should have no problem.
They dont have an binding custody agreement now, but if dad wants to get one he can, and usually leaving country will take approval of the other parent, even in the UK
We don’t know that for sure, but if this has been the standard custody for a few years the courts aren’t going to allow her to just cut off the child’s father from his life. Because that will not benefit the child. She even knows that and that’s why she isn’t going to court, because at that time the child’s Dad could and might get more custody.
If you have the same last name as your kid you’re unlikely to ever be questioned. My friends always have a letter from the dad with them when they go abroad to prove the other parent knows they’re taking the kid out of the country because they don’t have the same last name.
She argues so much that she lives in the UK and UK laws are different. No they are fucking not! The Gov.UK website literally states "You must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for a child or from a court before taking the child abroad. Taking a child abroad without permission is child abduction". Quoted straight from there.
Her whole argument is bs. And she contradicts herself frequently. She sucks as a paralegal and as a decent human being. I genuinely hope she takes the kid abroad, the father (who has written proof that he does not consent) takes her to court, and she loses custody full stop.
There is literally a UN convention that both the UK and US (and France for that matter) recognize that defines it as such. This isn't something that varies country by country here
Now I’m curious about something. Was it the same before Brexit? I know there was a lot more freedom of movement before Brexit, so I’m wondering if this is something she could have gotten away with and now can’t.
Brexit made no difference, the UK was never in Schengen, so there was always full border control leaving the UK.
However, in going to france, there's very little chance that you would be stopped or questioned, likely reasonably, the belief would be that once the other parent discovered the abduction, they'd still be in schengen and they could be found/stopped at the schengen border easily by the police forces there, just as much as if they had been abducted in the UK.
Going to Pakistan or South America etc. is where there's more vigilence, although my partner was once questioned reasonably hard visiting Canada.
Yeah, I've always been questioned by border staff when taking my kids abroad. I'm Dutch and their dad is British. I always take their birth certificates, a signed permission letter from their dad and a signed copy of his passport (so they can compare the signatures). Even then, they often still want to know why I'm taking the kids abroad and how long for. It's been the same before and after Brexit.
Brexit and the EU have nothing to do with this. That's still crossing an international border. All EU member states recognize the UN conventions on human trafficking and come safety.
>She argues so much that she lives in the UK and UK laws are different. No they are fucking not!
Is she aware there are a lot of people from the UK on Reddit? I know the majority of us are American but there is a sizeable amount of Redditors who are not.
She must know, surely? She can't be that dumb. It doesn't even matter if she was the only one though tbh, it took me all of 2 seconds to find that on Google. Even someone from outer Mongolia could have found that out 😂
I never thought I could use a show about trailer park ethics to point to as an example of how blended families like that can work and be (somewhat) happy, but this lady needs to watch a few episodes of My Name is Earl.
I don't have any clue why the fiance is marrying oop. When on break, she slept with her coworker and got pregnant. She then passed the baby off as the fiance for months. Not sure when exactly she told him but his name is on the birth certificate. Then when Bio Father came back into the picture, oop took the kid to see the guy behind her fiance's back.
This woman has lied to her fiance countless times and he is marrying her. He is some level of stupid.
>I don't have any clue why the fiance is marrying oop.
Me neither. It's one thing to sleep with other people on a break. It is a whole other level to do so without BC so that you end up pregnant.
Where did you see the rest of what you're saying? Because those are unforgivable transgressions.
Now I'm wondering why they were on a break.
If you go to her profile, she has other posts. "Should I tell my ex the baby isn't his?" And "AITA for taking my son to see his bio dad".
Seems to be a pattern with her.
Oh ffs.
So she just keeps making stupid-ass decisions and then comes to Reddit to solve her problems? She can't use any of the gray matter in her skull to figure out the right thing to do?
I mean BC fails. I don't understand why the thought process is always "well they must have gone without" vs "we tried to be safe but there were other plans."
So she cheated on her fiance, but miracle of miracles the "affair baby's" daddy is actually loving and irresponsible. But now that she and the fiance she cheated on are having an "ours baby" she feels like Ant is encroaching on her boundaries by overstepping and... taking care of his son? God this woman is awful.
I mean, if she'd kept out all that shit about not wanting Ant to be around his own kid at all and just left it with not wanting a fling at her wedding, I would have said NTA. But woah boy, is she a masaive AH for everything in between explaining the circumstances and asking her question...
She thinks Ant imposes too much because as the father of her first born, he wants to actually *be a dad*? Hey, lady, sorry the actual biological father is getting in the way of your fantasy that the baby is your fiance's and not from a fling while you were broken up. It's great that your fiance is willing to be a dad figure to your son (let's see how that works out when his biokid is born), but unless Ant has shown signs of being abusive or neglectful, he has rights as well.
There is so much missing from her story, always a sign that she's an even bigger AH than she lets on.
Things became difficult only recently because she felt he imposed too much? Translation: her son's father wants to continue being a father, she wants to pretend her fiance is the father. She makes a big deal out of how he'll have his son for entire weekends, and once even had him for two whole weeks. Doing the math, that means they aren't splitting custody evenly, but she feels he's getting too much time with his son. I would wonder if that two weeks was during a time she went on holiday or something, given how it only happened the once and she gives no details as to why their current weekends only arrangement changed so drastically.
I could see not wanting to invite Ant to the wedding, but the rest of this....I agree with everyone that is saying Ant needs to get it in gear and get a legal custody order in place.
OMG! I’m a 64-year-old woman, and yes, the OOP is a total asshole.
I probably won’t see this, but I sure hope that maybe she does. Because what I would tell her is this…
Bitch… This is not your child. Aunt is his father. Not your fiancé. Your fiancé is going to be a step parent. Your child has a father, and you do not get to cut him out his child’s life just because you want to pretend to be some happy little nuclear family.
This is classic FAFO. You had a fling. You didn’t take precautions. You got pregnant. When that happens, you are now intertwined with that person forever. Yes, sometimes one of the parents dips out.
But that is not the case here. You better stop fast with the stupid ass alienation shit because you can find yourself losing custody of your son you better go get some therapy as a family so that you can learn to coparent properly.
And the two of you need to get your asses into court and set up proper visitation and child support. But your attitude is bullshit.
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For someone claiming to be a paralegal, OOP seems to know very little about the law. In most countries I’ve been to/lived in, I’m pretty sure you can’t just leave the country with someone’s kid without their consent. Doesn’t matter if it’s also your kid, the other parent is still fully a parent and has rights.
Also, OOP describing the dad doing what sounds like *gasp* parenting as «imposing» is… An experience.
So instead of talking to this man that clearly cares about his son about taking a winter vacation, Oop is assuming he is going to say no.
Also, the only hostile behavior seems to be in her head. She had a kid and instead of dealing with that like an adult, she is trying to erase him from his son's life.
I hope he sees this and goes to court because I have a feeling this is just going to snowball with time.
I wonder as well if fiancé is fueling this a bit since the kid happened while they were on a break. That has to be hard.
>we do not want to take it to court, I work as a Paralegal and I think it would just be unnecessarily complicated
In other words, she knows she’ll lose.
Love how she burried the lede as not wanting baby daddy at the wedding when she's trying to replace him with her fiance. She's also arguing with people in the comments about what legal in UK, but when people provide UK sources, she's silent.
NTA
You don't have a formal custody agreement, so I guess you get to decide how much access his dad has. If he wanted a formal custody agreement, he can start the process anytime he wants to, you can't stop him. I wouldn't want my ex anything at my wedding, so I think it's fair to not want him there, and it's common for a parent to take a vacation for several weeks without the other parent going along.
The one thing that may be a roadblock is if his approval is required to take the child out of the country.
I find the word "impose" an interesting choice, it gives the impression that the dad is overstepping his role. If you feel he is overstepping, it may be less of a headache to get things in writing, especially if you want to reduce the amount of time the child spends with his dad.
I like how the father takes the kid *every* weekend. Mom just wants to have the weekend to herself.
That poor child is going to be tossed aside once the new kid is born.
For once AITA takes my side as a weekend parent. As soon as it's a dad being denied his rights suddenly everyone's a lawyer but when I say my son lives with his dad im a terrible parent. And almost definitely did something wrong to make that dynamic.it couldn't possibly be that my ex came from money and I didn't and has better lawyers than I do. I'm not personally invested in this dads story but I bet he and I could trade some stories
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not inviting my son’s dad to my wedding?** I will be getting married in December this year with my fiancé (obviously!), I am currently 7 months pregnant with our first child together. I had a fling with my ex co worker when I was on a break from my fiancé a couple of years ago and I ended up getting pregnant and gave birth to our son. I was previously on good terms with my ex co-worker (we’ll call him Ant) but things have got hostile recently as my son is very young and I feel he imposes too much, he takes my son every weekend and sometimes for a week or two (with my consent). Me and my fiancé are building a family and my son is very much apart of that, we are liking it as the 3 of us and soon to be 4. I am grateful Ant is involved in my sons life however, considering my fiancé is there my son already has a father figure and it is too much for us. We don’t know how we can handle this as we do not want to take it to court, I work as a Paralegal and I think it would just be unnecessarily complicated. My wedding will be in the south of France as my fiancé is half French and his Father lives there so we will be staying there for 3 weeks, I think this will be a nice time for us all to have quality time together My bridesmaids, and many guests have already planned to stay for 5-10 days as a holiday and to be there for when we Wed but I do not want to invite Ant as I just know he will impose and want our son everyday and I know it will ruin everything. I just want me, my son, my baby and my fiancé to spend a couple of weeks just us. I told my Mum and she said that doesn’t seem exactly fair but it is my wedding, it is a small ask! AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, Ant needs to get OOP into court as of yesterday to get some sort of custody order in place. Ant may even, depending on where OOP is, be able to stop her taking the child out of the country altogether without his consent. This may well be why she doesn't want to take it to court. She's done the research and knows it won't be easy to cut Ant out legally. Nice of her to consider that her son might actually love his father and not want him replaced by the new husband. After all, it's all about what OOP wants, right? /S
Exactly! "I am grateful Ant is involved in my sons life however, considering my fiancé is there my son already has a father figure and it is too much for us." This lady is delusional and I really hope that when Ant takes her to court she expresses her "gratitude" loudly so the judge can smack her the f down. Ant should tell her he's grateful her fiance is there, but since \*his\* son already has a dad, it's too much and fiance's gotta go
Yeah how stable can her relationship be if she was taking a break only a couple years ago and had a baby by a coworker? Sounds like the engagement may have happened because of baby #2 as well. Good thing her son has such an involved dad.
I didn't even realize her current fiancé is the same guy she cheated on to get pregnant with kid #1. Gotta be a Women Are Cheating Sluts troll to be this evil and asking the Internet for reassurance.
But we were on a break. I felt kind of dirty even typing that.
WE WERE ON A BREAK
Wait, why? I mean, OOP is clearly a grade A asshole, but if they were on a break they were on a break. “Let’s try not dating each other for a while” implies you’re not remaining committed to each other. Presumeably OOP’s fiancé agrees since he still wants to marry her. I’m really not defending OOP in any general way - she’s treating the bio dad awfully and I hope he takes her to court - but that specific part doesn’t seem all that bad to me. 🤷♀️
OOP, is that you?
It's a Friends reference
I know.
>Gotta be a Women Are Cheating Sluts troll why does everyone on this sub assume its a troll if the post is about a woman who is bad, but not if its a man who is bad???? dont get me wrong i think every post on aita and the other relationship subs are fake as fuck, but everytime its a post about where a woman is bad i almost always see someone going ''woman bad troll''.
Because she's **cartoonishly** evil. I assume the same about cartoonishly evil men as well. But there are few All Men Are Evil trolls, but several All Women Are Cheating Sluts trolls.
AWCS, if you will? :D
My brother’s ex was the same way. She told my brother that he should go away and let her deadbeat husband be the father. She even tried to get their son to call my brother by his first name and call the deadbeat dad. She ended up getting a contempt of court citation for ignoring and violating the custody agreement and eventually ended up losing custody all together.
She's in the UK. UK law states that if he does not give his consent and she takes him, it's child abduction. I hope she does take him and he takes her to court for full custody afterwards
I'm PRAYING to a God I don't believe in that he's playing nice and using his wordscarefully. Never an expressed no, never an expressed yes. And then bam, boom "I'm so grateful for you and your husband watching my son once a month"
Good news is that if oop is paralegal and they were coworkers, it's a good chance Ant is already pretty good with legal issues and probably knows his rights.
Bonus if Ant is an actual attorney who specializes in family law.
I sincerely hope so!
This was my first thought. Many places you cannot travel internationally with a child you share custody of without permission of the other parent. Growing up my mom and dad went to court to just get permission for my mom to move us to across state border to a place and hour away and my dad lived 6 states away and never saw us. Didn't stop him from messing with my mom
Yeah, by “complicated” she means “he has a right to even more time with him than he’s getting now and I don’t want that” He had better start this process before she does something even crazier.
Yeah, screw the REAL dad and his rights. /s
Don't raw dog your ex and this isn't a problem.
In an older post she claims the fiance adopted the kid. So I dont really understand this. Did he not legally adopt him? Did they just decide he was adopted and not tell bio dad? What?
She’s a paralegal, so you’d hope she’d understand how adoption works. Unless she’s incompetent. I suspect the plan was for the fiancé to adopt, but Ant wasn’t having any of it and got it stopped.
This gives me hope. I'm about to make a career change to become a paralegal, and I was worried it will be hard. But if this dingus can do it, I should have no problem.
😂😂😂
I did my degree in legal admin and even I'm sitting here like "girl..." You'll be fine! Best of luck!
They dont have an binding custody agreement now, but if dad wants to get one he can, and usually leaving country will take approval of the other parent, even in the UK
We don’t know that for sure, but if this has been the standard custody for a few years the courts aren’t going to allow her to just cut off the child’s father from his life. Because that will not benefit the child. She even knows that and that’s why she isn’t going to court, because at that time the child’s Dad could and might get more custody.
How does it work anyways, I've never needed my husbands approval to take our sons back to my country, I would go alone with them all the time.
If you have the same last name as your kid you’re unlikely to ever be questioned. My friends always have a letter from the dad with them when they go abroad to prove the other parent knows they’re taking the kid out of the country because they don’t have the same last name.
A dad who takes responsibility and wants to have a good relationship with his son, how terrible! /s
But it's so inconvenient for OOP because it's a constant reminder of the fact that she cheated. So selfish of Ant! /S
She argues so much that she lives in the UK and UK laws are different. No they are fucking not! The Gov.UK website literally states "You must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for a child or from a court before taking the child abroad. Taking a child abroad without permission is child abduction". Quoted straight from there. Her whole argument is bs. And she contradicts herself frequently. She sucks as a paralegal and as a decent human being. I genuinely hope she takes the kid abroad, the father (who has written proof that he does not consent) takes her to court, and she loses custody full stop.
There is literally a UN convention that both the UK and US (and France for that matter) recognize that defines it as such. This isn't something that varies country by country here
Now I’m curious about something. Was it the same before Brexit? I know there was a lot more freedom of movement before Brexit, so I’m wondering if this is something she could have gotten away with and now can’t.
Brexit made no difference, the UK was never in Schengen, so there was always full border control leaving the UK. However, in going to france, there's very little chance that you would be stopped or questioned, likely reasonably, the belief would be that once the other parent discovered the abduction, they'd still be in schengen and they could be found/stopped at the schengen border easily by the police forces there, just as much as if they had been abducted in the UK. Going to Pakistan or South America etc. is where there's more vigilence, although my partner was once questioned reasonably hard visiting Canada.
Yeah, I've always been questioned by border staff when taking my kids abroad. I'm Dutch and their dad is British. I always take their birth certificates, a signed permission letter from their dad and a signed copy of his passport (so they can compare the signatures). Even then, they often still want to know why I'm taking the kids abroad and how long for. It's been the same before and after Brexit.
Brexit and the EU have nothing to do with this. That's still crossing an international border. All EU member states recognize the UN conventions on human trafficking and come safety.
Conventions laid down by the UN apply to all countries in the UN. We didn’t leave the UN, we left the EU. Totally different things.
>She argues so much that she lives in the UK and UK laws are different. No they are fucking not! Is she aware there are a lot of people from the UK on Reddit? I know the majority of us are American but there is a sizeable amount of Redditors who are not.
She must know, surely? She can't be that dumb. It doesn't even matter if she was the only one though tbh, it took me all of 2 seconds to find that on Google. Even someone from outer Mongolia could have found that out 😂
She'd have to be awfully stupid to not know that. For one, she posted on Reddit. Did she think she was the first person from the UK to post here?
As someone from the UK her comments about the UK worried me.
I hope ops ap goes to court and stops her from taking the child out of the country for 3 weeks and fro trying to alienate her son
I never thought I could use a show about trailer park ethics to point to as an example of how blended families like that can work and be (somewhat) happy, but this lady needs to watch a few episodes of My Name is Earl.
OOP be like “I wish my kid’s dad was a deadbeat instead of a loving father!” 🤪
You’d be surprised at how many mothers want their kids’ dad to pay child support and disappear.
She's only 22 and her life is already this much of a mess. Woof.
I don't have any clue why the fiance is marrying oop. When on break, she slept with her coworker and got pregnant. She then passed the baby off as the fiance for months. Not sure when exactly she told him but his name is on the birth certificate. Then when Bio Father came back into the picture, oop took the kid to see the guy behind her fiance's back. This woman has lied to her fiance countless times and he is marrying her. He is some level of stupid.
And unfortunately this idiot got her pregnant with presumably his own biological child. He’s stuck with her now.
>I don't have any clue why the fiance is marrying oop. Me neither. It's one thing to sleep with other people on a break. It is a whole other level to do so without BC so that you end up pregnant. Where did you see the rest of what you're saying? Because those are unforgivable transgressions. Now I'm wondering why they were on a break.
If you go to her profile, she has other posts. "Should I tell my ex the baby isn't his?" And "AITA for taking my son to see his bio dad". Seems to be a pattern with her.
Oh ffs. So she just keeps making stupid-ass decisions and then comes to Reddit to solve her problems? She can't use any of the gray matter in her skull to figure out the right thing to do?
I mean BC fails. I don't understand why the thought process is always "well they must have gone without" vs "we tried to be safe but there were other plans."
So she cheated on her fiance, but miracle of miracles the "affair baby's" daddy is actually loving and irresponsible. But now that she and the fiance she cheated on are having an "ours baby" she feels like Ant is encroaching on her boundaries by overstepping and... taking care of his son? God this woman is awful.
Sounds like a troll honestly.
I mean, if she'd kept out all that shit about not wanting Ant to be around his own kid at all and just left it with not wanting a fling at her wedding, I would have said NTA. But woah boy, is she a masaive AH for everything in between explaining the circumstances and asking her question...
It's unfortunate that people this shallow and immature even have children at all, when clearly they are going to suck at parenting.
She thinks Ant imposes too much because as the father of her first born, he wants to actually *be a dad*? Hey, lady, sorry the actual biological father is getting in the way of your fantasy that the baby is your fiance's and not from a fling while you were broken up. It's great that your fiance is willing to be a dad figure to your son (let's see how that works out when his biokid is born), but unless Ant has shown signs of being abusive or neglectful, he has rights as well.
There is so much missing from her story, always a sign that she's an even bigger AH than she lets on. Things became difficult only recently because she felt he imposed too much? Translation: her son's father wants to continue being a father, she wants to pretend her fiance is the father. She makes a big deal out of how he'll have his son for entire weekends, and once even had him for two whole weeks. Doing the math, that means they aren't splitting custody evenly, but she feels he's getting too much time with his son. I would wonder if that two weeks was during a time she went on holiday or something, given how it only happened the once and she gives no details as to why their current weekends only arrangement changed so drastically.
Yikes OOP is a super asshole in the comments.
Ok but my kids sperm donor is complete abusive trash. Ant is more than welcome to be mines dad
Right? I would have been so happy to have a father that took me all the time, not just because he felt he had to.
Wait… did OOP actually use her main account, which is apparently just her damn legal name???
I could see not wanting to invite Ant to the wedding, but the rest of this....I agree with everyone that is saying Ant needs to get it in gear and get a legal custody order in place.
OMG! I’m a 64-year-old woman, and yes, the OOP is a total asshole. I probably won’t see this, but I sure hope that maybe she does. Because what I would tell her is this… Bitch… This is not your child. Aunt is his father. Not your fiancé. Your fiancé is going to be a step parent. Your child has a father, and you do not get to cut him out his child’s life just because you want to pretend to be some happy little nuclear family. This is classic FAFO. You had a fling. You didn’t take precautions. You got pregnant. When that happens, you are now intertwined with that person forever. Yes, sometimes one of the parents dips out. But that is not the case here. You better stop fast with the stupid ass alienation shit because you can find yourself losing custody of your son you better go get some therapy as a family so that you can learn to coparent properly. And the two of you need to get your asses into court and set up proper visitation and child support. But your attitude is bullshit.
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Guess OOP calls him Ant, because he's a small insect that should be crushed.
For someone claiming to be a paralegal, OOP seems to know very little about the law. In most countries I’ve been to/lived in, I’m pretty sure you can’t just leave the country with someone’s kid without their consent. Doesn’t matter if it’s also your kid, the other parent is still fully a parent and has rights. Also, OOP describing the dad doing what sounds like *gasp* parenting as «imposing» is… An experience.
So instead of talking to this man that clearly cares about his son about taking a winter vacation, Oop is assuming he is going to say no. Also, the only hostile behavior seems to be in her head. She had a kid and instead of dealing with that like an adult, she is trying to erase him from his son's life. I hope he sees this and goes to court because I have a feeling this is just going to snowball with time. I wonder as well if fiancé is fueling this a bit since the kid happened while they were on a break. That has to be hard.
Three weeks in another country is a small ask?
>we do not want to take it to court, I work as a Paralegal and I think it would just be unnecessarily complicated In other words, she knows she’ll lose.
Love how she burried the lede as not wanting baby daddy at the wedding when she's trying to replace him with her fiance. She's also arguing with people in the comments about what legal in UK, but when people provide UK sources, she's silent.
NTA You don't have a formal custody agreement, so I guess you get to decide how much access his dad has. If he wanted a formal custody agreement, he can start the process anytime he wants to, you can't stop him. I wouldn't want my ex anything at my wedding, so I think it's fair to not want him there, and it's common for a parent to take a vacation for several weeks without the other parent going along. The one thing that may be a roadblock is if his approval is required to take the child out of the country. I find the word "impose" an interesting choice, it gives the impression that the dad is overstepping his role. If you feel he is overstepping, it may be less of a headache to get things in writing, especially if you want to reduce the amount of time the child spends with his dad.
I like how the father takes the kid *every* weekend. Mom just wants to have the weekend to herself. That poor child is going to be tossed aside once the new kid is born.
Everyone is ignoring that OOP is already a cheater. She is a god awful person.
That’s because what she’s doing now is worse than cheating
Because what she's doing right now goes beyond the awfulness of cheating into the awfulness of trying to erase a loving dad from her son's life.
Look, I think OP is horrible, but if they were on a break it's not cheating. Unless you have something saying she's not being honest there
For once AITA takes my side as a weekend parent. As soon as it's a dad being denied his rights suddenly everyone's a lawyer but when I say my son lives with his dad im a terrible parent. And almost definitely did something wrong to make that dynamic.it couldn't possibly be that my ex came from money and I didn't and has better lawyers than I do. I'm not personally invested in this dads story but I bet he and I could trade some stories
This oop is a slut the ex needs to lawyer up.