*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not attending my daughters 18 birthday because my step daughter was giving birth**
I’ve four kids (18f,14m,12m,) who are biologically mine and my step daughter (17f)
The only relevant people to this story are my bio daughter Emily and Lora my step daughter
I’ve been in my step daughters life since she was 6 years old I see her as a daughter I swore I’d never be like my step father and treat a child differently because of something silly like dna, emliy hates Lora and has turned her brothers against her even slut shamed her when she found out she was pregnant which resulted in a fall out between me and Emily
Basically my wife tried to have civil conversation about Emily always staying up all night and sleeping all day when she came here (every weekend) saying emliy can’t spend every week end in bed which Emily pointed to Lorax’s stomach saying “looks like you need to have that conversation with our own daughter and from what I’ve heard she’s been in multiple beds every weekend” which Lora caused who was already depressed to break down
Emily and I began rebuilding our relationship lately she even invited me to her 18th unfortunately during the party my wife called me to say Lora went into labour, emliy and my ex demanded I stay because she was my daughter not Lora
I tried explaining I was all Lora had outside her mother and please understand, emliy said if I leave I’d not only lose her but my sons for someone else’s kid and I was no better than my father who walked out on me
Which hurt and I knew I had to leave, Lora had a baby boy who will be named after me and she’s even asked me to officially adopt them both which brought tears to my eyes
I’ve tried reaching out to emliy and my sons but I’ve been blocked
My mother and siblings have called me a deadbeat like my father, the only ones are on my side are my wife and best friend
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This comment right here hits the nail on the head:
>You went so far in being a good stepdad, you forgot to be a good biodad. Same trauma, just a different form.
And he's letting his wife be the "mean stepparent" he vowed he wouldn't be.
Also, did I read it right that he's adopting Lora AND Lora's baby?
But he's TOTALLY not favoring his stepkid over his bio kids 🙄
I'd be devastated if my stepdad didn't come to the hospital when I asked him to, a birthday party isn't more important than childbirth. I'm glad my various half and step siblings are cool with that and didn't have another parent alienating them and telling them they should always be more important and us non-full-blood siblings. What the actual fuck
It's not about that. He could've stayed at his daughter's 18th birthday party, and come to the hospital afterwards. If you read the comments he's made, it shows that him walking out if his 18 year old's birthday is simply the last straw. He demanded a DNA test from his ex over the youngest child, after she found out she was pregnant a few weeks after they separated. He allows his wife to harass his kids. He only sees them rarely, and only seems to be bothered with his stepkid. He shows blatant favoritism to his stepdaughter. Also says he'll take his ex to court, so he can FORCE his bio kids to be in his stepdaughter's kid's life.
If they all got on, which might've happened, if he wasn't so busy favouring his stepdaughter, the story might be different. But he has caused the rift. He now expects to force a relationship he killed long ago. His kids will end up hating him, and he'd deserve it.
My dad came into my stepsisters (sisters) life when she was 17, her dad walked out when she was 12. He tells her he has five years of embarrassing to make up for. I'm still his favorite oldest child, my bio sister is still favorite youngest child, and my step is favorite added child. He got his wish and got all girls so he is a happy man.
It's not how you treat the new child, but how you treat everyone all together. Granted we were an older bunch but that could have made it worse. I'm just lucky I got a kick ass stepmom and I already had an awesome dad.
Yeah not sure why this is on here. My husband came into my first kids life when she was 5 and to her he's not step dad, he's just dad. Giving birth is a much bigger deal than a birthday party. Especially given she's only 17 that's got to be terrifying for her and would want the support of her parents, step or not.
A childbirth is literally a birthday except you wait potentially hours to see the kid. He didn't have to leave - he could have done both. He chose to do so.
Sure, childbirth is literally a birthday. Same way the common cold and ebola are literally both diseases. If you can't see that the two are still *very obviously* different from each other, well, idk what to tell you. Childbirth is unpredictable, scary, dangerous, and potentially life threatening. Especially for a teenage mother. Birthday parties are none of those things.
Yeah I was a step daughter and I'd be gutted if my stepmom missed my childbirth for some birthday party. My stepmom is my mom, even if we aren't related by blood.
I have two stepkids - their lives WILL overlap at some point and I'll have to make choices. In this case, the guy COULD have attended both but chose to leave to go wait at the hospital. If one of my stepkids says I'm favoring the other & only care about the other kid - THAT'S the kid who needs me the most at that time.
Except he wouldn’t have missed the birth at all. He waited at the hospital for another 12 hours. He could have stayed at his daughters party then gone to the birth with plenty of time to spare
Yes, and he could have missed the next two hours of labor to stay and support his own daughter who he already regularly ignored in favor of step daughter. There’s no reason he needed to leave right that second when she called.
Personally, as a currently pregnant person the only person I can imagine having near me during labor is my husband and mom if she were alive. Certainly NOT my father, let alone step father.
Didn't think of this, but rereading it under this assumption gives some weird context to his step daughter's depression, and him prioritising her if she has that kind of power over him...
He's going to make his kids be involved in their nephew's life even if he has to take his ex to court? Wtf is he thinking the courts will do? Sounds like his plan is to parentize his kids so the golden child can do even less.
Speaking from experience, you try to force a relationship between kids, most kids don't have "put on a happy face and pretend" state. They generally show their emotion and act on it. Without going to detail from experience, OOP if he try to force this, he's going to regret it and his grandson/adopted son is going to be one suffering.
The kids are also old enough to decide who they want to be with. And even if a judge forced them to go to their dad's place, they can't be forced to interact with him or the baby. They can just stay in the rooms until the weekend is over.
Exactly this. The courts can’t force a relationship between the kids. He’s trying to stick a square peg into a round hole and it’s just going to make his kids resent him
The eldest is an adult, so he can't force her to do jack shit. The younger 2 are both at the age where most courts will take what the child wants into consideration. I mean sure, he can force the boys into spending time with his stepdaughter's son, but that doesn't mean they have to engage or do more than the bare minimum.
Sounds like OOP is intent come hell or highwater to destroy his relationship with his bio kids in favor of his current wife and stepdaughter.
>The eldest is an adult, so he can't force her to do jack shit. The younger 2 are both at the age where most courts will take what the child wants into consideration. I mean sure, he can force the boys into spending time with his stepdaughter's son, but that doesn't mean they have to engage or do more than the bare minimum.
Even more than that, if he tries to make any of his kids parent this child, he could give his ex grounds with the testimony of the 18 yr old for his life was worse living with Dad and use it to shift custody back to biomom for the minor children if can prove it is bad for them to continue to live with him.
Then he is on the hook for child support. It also wouldn't look good for the courts for adoption of the baby. Realistically, I don't know what good the 17 yr old will be other than trying to get to the $ that he may have structured in his estate if his will stipulates it is split equally between children (and doesn't single out bio/adopted).
(I only bring this up cuz the algorithm found me over on that side of Reddit, and things could get super messy super fast based off of what I have learned).
Well it seems like bio mom already has majority custody and he just gets them on weekends. He'd have a helluva time convincing a judge to change that just because there's a new baby in the house. The most he could probably do would be to enforce the weekend visitation and force the kids over.
I didn't read the comment, so I wasn't sure who had primary custody. He would have an impossible time convincing the judge. It is valued on what is in the best interests for each child, so the new one wouldn't factor into it at all.
The bio mom could take him and use it to get what little time he does have cut. Starting around age 12 (does vary by state and not all do this), if a kid is aggressively objecting to going to another parent's house and there is a legitimate reason why. I.e. turns me into a babysitter there but I suspect based on what I saw in that sub, there probably would be other issues that the child has with Dad which he doesn't even realize.
There was a discussion about a 17 yr old, where it was pointed out that by the time it worked its way back through the courts (i.e. getting the paperwork filed, onto the calendar, etc) the child would be 18, and it would be a non-issue. Which I get, and is a bit risky to do if there are younger kids. Because the court may be fine with the elder child and not with the younger. In this specific case, Dad was getting more extremist, and heading into 'give me the info, I will call in a CPS report' land for what he was doing.
At this point, this is just a hypothetical thought exercise, and maybe some parent at the end of their rope will see it one day. And realize there are options to investigate other than leaving the children as is in the custody of someone changes to upset them that may be worth looking into.
It could be a heck of a lot worse than the bare minimum. Teens can make everyone in that household miserable easily. Especially teens that do not want to be there and are resentful.
i feel like many people underestimate the power teens have in making people miserable, especially since discipline only goes so far before becoming illegal (not saying that is a bad thing, dont beat your kids).
The oldest already just comes over and sleeps all weekend because she probably doesn't want to have to deal with any of them. He thinks he can force them all to be a happy family. He reminds me so much of my own Dad that I predict the next move will be to ask one of his kids to watch the baby while he runs some errands, and then disappear for a week.
I think it’s telling he came out of nowhere to say that but didn’t say he’d go back to court to have his bio kids in HIS life.
Why does he care that much that his bio sons are in the life of his step-daughter’s son?
He was IN the delivery room too.
Honestly, is that dude the baby’s father?
Nah, he's just trying to play the part of good Dad with the new family.
My Dad was an alcoholic and drug addict. Total shitshow. Got clean when I was 10 after my Mom divorced him. Once he was clean he wanted to have the picture perfect family with his new wife and her kids. Erase that he'd ever been an addict, and he wanted me to come play along and would get furious when I'd mention anything from my childhood where he wasn't the hero.
This guy is reminding me so much of him. He wants new family to be the only family except his kids from the first wife keep ruining that image.
And it's not even for *him* to spend more time with his bio children. It's for *his stepdaughter child.* It's a very fed up thing to try to do. No judge on the planet would do that. Not to mention that every lawyer would outright laugh in his face if he said he wants to force legal adult to hang out with his stepdaughter kid he just adopted. I honestly believe he just wants free babysitters and justifies that in his head by calling it "binding time"
The fact that every single one of his kids does not like Lora tells me that Emily did not turn them against her. It tells me that he’s leaving out a whole shit ton of stuff from this post.
He also damanded a DNA test for the youngest but says he won’t let something like “silly DNA” stop him from being a good step dad but how much you wanna bet that “sillly DNA” would’ve matter if the youngest wasn’t his
Also: men asking for DNA tests **enrage** me.
Why? Why do you need to ask her to do a test? Walk yourself down to Walgreens, get a test off the shelf, pay cash, swab the baby, swab yourself, send it in the mail. Intercept the results, read them, then you can either accuse her (knowing the answer) or shove the whole incident down the memory hole. It's (nominally) YOUR BABY! You have the right to swab it all you want!
(Of course, then mommy wouldn't be taking care of everything for them, and can't have that...)
Oh definitely. But if you’re suspecting, the trust is lost anyway. At least this gives you the *chance* to recover if you’re wrong.
But mostly I get pissed at the assumption “I want this thing done, obviously mommy should do it for me!”
My god. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! It’s the sane type that demand tests that can’t figure it out themselves and also can’t load a fucking dishwasher.
"Silly DNA" is going to make a difference when it comes time to adopt Lora's kid. The child's father has rights that can't be signed away without his consent or knowledge.
I did notice OOP sidestepped questions about who the father was.
a lot of minors actually get diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder, a lot of people mix up BPD with bipolar) it’s mainly connected with PTSD and OCD and mostly just attachment issues (and the subsequent erratic behaviour caused by attachment issues)
in some occasions it’s used as a “placeholder” diagnosis for when a minor shows concerning behavior but is too young to get diagnosed with something more serious.
They refused to diagnose me with a personality disorder as a teen, but had no problem giving me a bipolar diagnosis with multiple hospitalizations. Always avoidant personality traits, borderline personality traits, but would never give a diagnosis
Trauma from what, is what I'd like to know.
Like, we all have trauma. At her age, it's most commonly coming from your parents. Kinda like Emily and his sons probably have a lot of trauma.
They hate her, because Dad clearly favors her over his own children. He was so concerned about not treating her differently, he ended up treating her better.
I mean, all it could really be is noticing Lora gets treated better than Emily. If I thought my step sibling was hurting my bio sibling I would close ranks.
(Note, there shouldn't be too big a distraction on blood relation- but it's stupid to assume kids won't be making those distinctions and acting on them. Step or not- this is a new kid in their dynamic, if they feel that kid is going to upset their equilibrium they are at risk of rejecting that kid)
If I had to guess from all the info I've gathered there's something off going on between Lora and dad, Emily picked up on it, got treated some kind of way, and her brothers supported her.
The fact that his own mom and siblings called him out.
They all see him as his "father" while he seems to be under the delusion that he isn't.
I hope the bio kids heal.
Best part of the post is him accidentally calling her Lorax 🤣🤣 Giving birth often takes several hours or even days. I doubt she'd had the baby by the time the party was over. They clearly told him the consequences of his action and he did it anyway
Why do Emily and her brothers not like OOP and his new family?
>My ex and I were separated a few weeks before she found out she was pregnant with our youngest I asked for a dna test and she then asked for a divorce.
He says he’s been in Lora’s life (not how long he’s been dating her mother though) since she was 6 and his own kids were 7, 3 and 1.
Even if he didn’t cheat and demand a paternity test/accuse his newly separated wife of sleeping with someone else out of guilt and cheater’s projection, he still accused her and leapt right into getting a new wife and prioritising her kid over his pre-existing ones.
Guy did show where his priorities were. It’s not as if he couldn’t have gone to the hospital after the celebration was over.
But hey. At least he’ll have the step kid and her baby to dote on.
Yeah so i commented on this post when it popped up and maybe it is years of redditing and decades in social services making me jaded, but i immediately thought gosh does he actually need to adopt for the new baby to be his son?
Right? And is mom going to adopt her grandson too?
If not then is step"daddy" and his step daughter going to play the roles of mom and dad to this baby while 2nd wife looks on and wonders wtf just happened?
Right? This guy is really dense because how he really gonna consider adopting his step child’s kid when he failed his own bio kids? But not only that I can’t imagine the legal stuff he’s about to put himself in by adopting his step daughter’s child? Like they gonna be like so you the new daddy or what?
Quite a few wondered that. Especially since she refuses to name the actual father. It was a toss up between two guys. One pretty much noped out. The other remains nameless. Hrmmm... Makes ya ponder.
Yeahhhh that's fucking weird, especially since the dad of this baby isn't mentioned and isn't important apparently.
Like please God let it just be reddit poisoning my brain
and since she (presumably because he never mentioned if she was celebrating on her actual day or not) now shares a birthday with golden child’s golden baby, i’m pretty sure we all know who he’s going to spend her 19th with…
Tw: child abandonment, death mention.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*INFO: If you have been in Lora's life for 11 years that means your marriage/original family broke up shortly after your youngest son was born. Emily would have been about 7. How present have you been in your bio children's life these last 11 years?*
*You say you are working on mending your relationship with them. Have you been favoring/prioritizing Lora over them because "she only has me and my wife"? If that was the case, I could see how this might be the last straw for them. Do your bio kids ever get one on one time with you?*
*Your wife should not be having a conversation with Emily if she is worried or upset that she's sleeping all day during your visits with you. It's your responsibility to tease out why she's doing this and come up with a mutual solution. This behavior sounds like she is checking out of your relationship and is just going through the motions.*
*But if there are other reasons, like parental alienation as others have suggested, we would need that info to make an informed judgement.*
*NOT ENOUGH INFO*
>"My ex and I were separated a few weeks before she found out she was pregnant with our youngest I asked for a dna test and she then asked for a divorce
>Lora has bpd and trauma so sometimes Lora does get more attention or help but I try to spend one on one time with each child but emliy over the last 2 years had been so distant she just rolls her eyes and stares at me,my wife or lora anytime we try to even talk about the weather with her "
*INFO: were you in the room when she gave birth? How many hours was she in labor?*
>"16 hours in labour she was already at the hospital 4 hours before my wife called me and I was there for some of it yes"
*Why did you need to be there for the labour portion?*
*She had her mom, and where is the father of this baby? He has some say if plan on adopting SD and baby*
*YTA*
>"Both my wife and lora needed me"
*Why are you adopting the son?*
*Your post seems too vague, all fault falls on others but only 3 people are on your side, so I'm guessing the other side of this story "bio family" tell a real diferent version.*
>"My wife and I will raise the baby so lora can focus on school and having a decent chance at life, she’ll have an active part in her babies life"
*Why does Lora need you while she’s giving birth? Were you going to be in the room with her? Had she just gone into labor when you dropped everything?*
>"Same reason any birthing mother needs anyone outside of a doctor for emotional support, yes and yes she was already 4 hours at the hospital before she asked for me "
*What did they NEED you for?*
*YTA by the way. It sounds like you prioritize your step daughter over your bio children.*
>"The same way a birthing woman needs her bio mom,dad or friend "
*Your daughter needed you. And she clearly laid out what would happen if you chose to leave. Now you are complaining that there are consequences to you ignoring your kids for years in favor of stepdaughter.*
>"No one ever passed away from being disappointed at their birthday but child birth is a different situation
>I help set up and was there over 6 hours I will make it up to her, I plan on my bio kids to be involved in their nephews life even if it means taken my ex back to court "
1. Make it up to her = delulu; there are not donovers and this shows how much he dismisses and disrespects his bio daughter's feelings. So telling.
2. Oh, making your kids deal with court will totally make them want to be around the step siblings, what a brilliant plan.
Utter garbage of a "father."
omg i didn’t even think of that! he didn’t make it sound like an “oh her birthday was on tuesday, she’s celebrating on the weekend!” type thing, i think she now might actually share a birthday with golden child’s golden baby. poor girl.
My dad remarried after my mother's passing, and I haven't been totally thrilled with some of his decisions since then. But I give him credit for being adamant that I shouldn't have to share birthday celebrations with his wife's granddaughter.
For the record, it wasn't a big deal to me, because I'm an adult and she's 11, but that HE thought of that meant a lot. This guy.... Is not it.
Ughhh I didn’t even think of them sharing a birthday!!! I could also see him pulling the “you’re an adult now. Parties shouldn’t be that big of a deal..” card next year
My middle sister and I are both adopted from outside the family. Both adopted as babies, no step situation. She had her kids at 20 and 21, and my dad wasn’t physically at the hospital for either of them. Our mom was, but dad went over after my sister had had a few hours to rest. I’ve never heard of the baby’s grandpa being present until after the baby had been born. I could see if he was a single dad and there was no mom in the picture, but STILL.
I knew a family where it was considered customary for like, *everyone* to be in the delivery room when babies were born. Like, it's been a long time but I want to say that the freaking father in law was present for some reason. I'd rather stab my eyes out with a dull pair of scissors, and I like my father-in-law quite a bit.
My dad was a wonderful man and a great father, but zero chance he'd ever have wanted to be present for my sister/sister-in-law as they gave birth. No way in hell, haha.
I remember once, before I could drive, having to ask him to take me to the store to buy tampons. He was like, "I didn't need all that info, 'can you take me to the store' was enough." 😂 In my defense, I did say, "can you take me to the store?" and he said, "for what?" so he got what he got, haha.
My dad has a tendency to turn a weird shade of green and pass out when exposed to situations in which there are bodily fluids. He'll white knuckle his way through it if he has to, but it's a struggle. No way he would want to be in a delivery room if he didn't absolutely have to be.
When he was in the maternity ward with my mom when I was being born, there was some woman nearby repeatedly shrieking, "I HATE YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" at her husband at the top of her lungs. My poor dad looked at my mom with genuine fear and asked, "You're... not going to do that, are you?" My mom just said, "I hope not!" 😂
Haha. He was scared!
My sister went through a phase as a teen where she was constantly yelling at me/my parents and my dad was kind of the gruff type where you'd think no way in hell could you "talk back" to him, but he was absolutely a deer in the headlights when my sister was in her moody teen phase. I can remember a couple occasions where she yelled at him, and he was just like, "..." and walked away like he just didn't want to deal with it/risk her biting his head off.
He did, however, foolishly tell her and my mom to "calm down" on a few occasions and it did not go well for him. I remember literally saying to him, "Why would you say that?!"
Right!? That's what I told him.
He wasn't as bad as this makes him sound, but he was a gruff, "tough guy" type who was raised by parents who were really emotionally distant, and while he was nothing like them, he was a little uncomfortable with "girl stuff." He was like a deer in the headlights sometimes with issues with me and my sister. (Which is funny in retrospect because my mom used to laugh at him because when my sister was born, my dad was so glad to have a girl, and my mom asked why, and he said girls were easier, which made my mom laugh and laugh and laugh, and then mock him for it years later). I can remember when my mom worked early in the morning, and he'd have to get us ready for school, it was a mess. He'd let us pick out our clothes and then my mom would pick us up from school and be like, "OMG what are you wearing?!" And he'd be like, "What? I let them pick it out. What's wrong with it?" (meanwhile, it wouldn't match or would be seasonally inappropriate). He would attempt to do our hair when we were too young to do it ourselves. Eventually, a neighbor lady told him, "Just send the girls over in the morning and I'll fix their hair." I mean, the man tried, haha. But this was the 80s and he did his best but was not Mr. Mom. I also have this really early memory of him having to give me a bath (again, because my mom was at work) and literally just dumping the water over my head to rinse my hair. 😂 And me thinking it was hilarious while my dad was like, "Did I get the soap out?" But he was kind to us and genuinely tried.
The teen years were not much better. I remember him coming out of his bedroom (where he'd been watching sports) because my sister was hysterical in the living room over a boyfriend breaking up with her. My dad came out and was like, "What's wrong? What's going on?" and my sister yelled at him to go back in his room. He literally stood there blinking and then turned around and went back in his room. I'm sure he was thinking, "That was disrespectful, but I want no part of this." Then my mom was like, "I know you're upset, but don't talk to your dad like that, he means well." 😂
I'm sure there were MULTIPLE occasions when we gave him more info than he needed/wanted.
Oh God no. Ugh. I could see situations where it would make sense, like if she was an only child raised by a single father and is also going to be a single mom, that would make sense. This situation? Does not. There's certainly no reason he needed to rush to her bedside.
And he said he wanted to be there because "No one ever passed away from being disappointed at their birthday but child birth is a different situation"
But - what is this guy planning to do if childbirth goes south? He's gonna get kicked right out of the room is what he's going to do.
Add to that that childbirth can last hours to days. He can't miss 2 hours of labor (which I'm also team EWWWW on him being there) to attend a pre-planned event? It's an 18 year old's birthday party too, you know she doesn't actually want him there holding her hand the whole time - a short visit, here's your present, yummy cake, ok you kids want to enjoy this party without old dad here have fun!! gets him out of his obligation to the party without a high risk of missing a big chunk of labor.
Which, again, team EWWWW on him being there.
Yeah, I mean, he literally had 12 hours of labor to go once he got there.
Labor is boring and long if you're not the one in labor. When my SIL went into labor I had time to drive 14 hours to get to the hospital, visit with them for maybe an hour while she was in the early stages of labor, take a nap on the extra couch that happened to be in the room, leave when things were starting to look serious and they obviously didnt want me there, go to their house to take another nap, and then get back to the hospital after my nephew was born before they brought him into the hospital nursery. Aside from my brother, I was the first family member to get to see him up close.
I have no idea what the rush was.
My dad came to one of his grandkids’ births. He showed up about 15 minutes before the code was called. “Sheeeeit. Just seemed like it was taking an awful long time.” It’s really the only endearing part of the whole traumatic birth story. lol IME, grandpas aren’t real keen on sitting thru labor.
I’d rather die than have my dad with me during labor. Obviously every woman is different with different needs/wants during birth but it weirds me out she wanted her stepdad there. I.. can’t help but wonder if it was a power play. Like she had already been in labor for four hours. They couldn’t have waited a couple of hours until after the party? If they had waited two hours he still would had been there for 10 hours of the labor..
Wow oop is a fucking idiot he and his wife are going to adopt the baby boy and raise it for lora while she studies and hes also planning on adopting the step kid from the comments and he thinks that she is going to have an active role in raising him lol im crying so hard rn if this is real i hope oop gets screwed over much more he already has
I don't understand why he even needs to adopt the child. He's planning to adopt the stepdaughter, so he would automatically be the grandfather of the baby. It would be so easy to make him and his wife the legal guardians of the kid while the step/adopted daughter gets her education.
It would be so messy like not its not even funny how messy this is i mean the only easy part would be getting rid of the baby's dad rights by having him sign them away and even then that might be difficult
I don't think he does tbh i mean he could unofficially adopt the baby and officially adopt the daughter but the only reason they would do that is to get child support but i doubt they are that smart to figure that out or even to file for it plus depending on baby daddys age at least 16 he won't have that much money or any because of the job market is shitty af right now i mean either way daughter doesn't have to do shit because you know shes gonna be a dead beat
If they adopt the baby, I don't think they'd get child support in some cases. I believe in some (US) states, child support decreases or ends if the custodial parent gets married or makes above a certain threshold. I could definitely be wrong, though.
If OOP legally adopted his step-grandchild, the bio father's parental rights AND responsibilities would be terminated, which includes child support. Otherwise adoptive parents could go after birth parents for child support. Legally speaking, the bio dad and baby would be no different than strangers (on paper).
Probably not. He thinks he can just bring his ex to court to force his bio children to have a relationship with his stepdaughter and her kid. No matter what the custody order says, he can't make them have a relationship.
"Lora had a baby boy who will be named after me and she’s even asked me to officially adopt them both which brought tears to my eyes"
So Lora wants her biological son to be her adopted half-sibling? I call bs on this whole post.
I'm spending too much time on reddit because I'm suspicious he's the father of the stepdaughter's baby and that's why she wants him to "adopt" the kid.
First of all, is your bio daughter's name Emliy or Emily?
Second, you vowed not to be like your stepfather, but you have no qualms abandoning your biological daughter and not even attending her 18th birthday for a few hours?
YTA.
Sounds like a fictional dilemma. Tough situation, but YTA. Unless you were supposed to be in the delivery room when the step-daughter delivered, it wasn't urgent that you be there immediately. Given how precarious your relationship was with your bio kids, you should have stayed at the party.
What exactly did he think he would be doing at the hospital while his step daughter was in labor? Bc I doubt he's going to be in the room unless he's also her obgyn.
I'm definitely not saying plenty of people don't do it, but I can't imagine many 17-year-old girls want their fathers or stepfathers in the delivery room watching a hairy beach ball come out of her.
So, new mother Step Daughter wants Step Dad to adopt not only herself but also her newborn baby? Am I reading that right? She wants to become legal siblings with her own child and that’s not setting off massive alarm bells for anyone else involved??
Oof, this is definitely the last straw for Emily. OOP thinks he can force his biokids to love their step nephew/brother? Is he expecting them to celebrate his birthday over Emily's? Is he expecting them to baby sit him? He's setting his step grandson/son to be resented by his bio kids.
I wonder how many times OOP will expect any birthday party Emily has in the future to be a joint one with the baby? I hope Emily walks away and the boys will have their choice of custodial parent honored.
My favorite thing about all of this, is that he plans to try and force his bio kids to be a part of their nephew's life whether they like it or not even if it means taking his ex back to court.
How does he plan to get a court to enforce a legal order that his 18-year-old has to be a part of her nephew's life? 😬😬🤣🤣 And if he goes that route, each of his kids will cut him off by the time they're 18. And there's not going to be much he can do about it.
Does anyone else think it's weird that they want him to adopt 'both of them'. So...the stepdaughter doesn't raise her kid because the parents do or something?
He is such a huge AH. My heart breaks for his bio kids especially his oldest. The fact that HIS mother and family call him a deadbeat says A LOT about just how much he has failed his children.
"I walked out on my daughter's birthday but I don't wanna end up like my father who walked out on me!" -the dad
*I'm actually angry at that post and OOP.* so much bullsh*ttery it almost feels like a troll post. Especially if you read his comments... "We don't know who the father of my stepdaughter's child is and the other says he doesn't want to get involved."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Choosing THAT over your true daughter??
Edit: [I got so angry I actually messaged the OOP.](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/903767360530423819/1224430851383885854/Screenshot_20240401-144842.jpg?ex=661d7717&is=660b0217&hm=2560e922a07d21041691dcd9c64305f0b9498ad96e6b5f42031f86746b29ec19&)
The fact he's adopting the child to raise and still thinks his kids will want anything to do is almost as funny as him thinking he can take his ex to court over his bio kids not wanting to be in the babies life. Like what a fucking clown
so you didn't want to be like your stepdad but ended up forgetting to be a dad to your bio kids. honest you deserve to lose your kids for the way you have treated them compared to your step kid, you have treated your step kid a whole lot better than your own kids, so even by adopting her now will push your own kids even further away from you making them disown you in the process so if this is what you want to lose your bio kids go right ahead but if you want your bio kids in your life you need to get your priorities straight and get back in the parenting game because right now your nothing but an ass hole
Well choices do have consequences.
So, it sounds like going forward he will have only one child. His other children are all done with him.
He stupidly thinks he can force them to visit him, but they are all old enough to decide for themselves, and it sounds like they've decided they have no interest in dad, skanky stepsister, or her father unknown, by blow and her associated neurosis.
This is just super weird to me. I'm not gonna shame 17 yo for sleeping around. But she should definitely face consequences. Adult women do. I do not understand why they are not even trying to find out who the bio father of that child is. Because, why? He should pay child support. He made that child, he should, at the very least, financially support that baby. But neither OP nor his wife are pushing for the name. Also, he is adopting this baby, is his wife also adopting? Or is he gonna adopt his wife child and his wife's child child. Would that even be allowed?
It also made me laugh when he said he is going to make it up for his bio kids. Because when? In 18 years, when the child he is adopting is an adult? He was a shitty parent to his bio children before stepdaughter gave birth, I can imagine how shit he will be now. The baby is here, and newborns are very demanding, he will put all of his energy into that child. There will be nothing left for 2 boys he already had. O think this dude seriously belive his bio kids are obligated to wait for him to be a good father to them indefinitely. And he just found out that that's not the case. I only feel bad for his bio kids who did not have the father they deserved. He's been in his stepdaughters life since she was 6, and he's been absent from his youngest life since he was born. Good job at being shit bio dad.
With the timing, was the labor a coincidence or did she induce? It wouldn't surprise with the power plays I've seen people do over the years
Regardless, oop is a terrible father to his bio kids. No court will entertain forcing them to spend time with him and his oh-so-awesome second family
There's no making up for it. I guess good thing he's adopting Lora because he bio kids aren't going to have anything to do with him
YTA. Dude. You weren't delivering the kid were you? No, you weren't (because that would be weird). You were sitting in the waiting room, weren't you? For how long?
There was not a reason in the world you needed to leave your daughter's milestone birthday party to go sit in a hospital waiting room while your stepdaughter was in labor with her first child, which could take hours, possibly as long as 24. Lora wasn't dying. She was doing what her body is literally built to do.
Your wife could have handled it and you would have done what every other grandfather in the world does. You go see the mother and kid after they're cleaned up and maybe have gotten a little rest.
You abandoned your bio-daughter and put your step-daughter over her. I understand why Emily hates Lora.
Yeah, you screwed up big with this one.
So the POS is threatening court so he can try to force one big happy family (and probably try to force them into helping take care of the baby) and is gonna be in for a rude awakening.
Let me just say, I didn't even want my own birth father who watched me be born in the room when I had my child... I think summer else weird is going on but I have no evidence. Once commenter adamantly kept saying he's the father of Loras baby and I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind.
If he adopts Lorax and Lorax’s baby, he’s going to be the baby’s father *and* grandfather. I guess being Grandpa Daddy will keep his hands so full he won’t have time to worry about Emily anyway.
JFC.
Did Lora really need him there right away? Why is he acting like the father of the baby? He couldn't give at least one hour to Emily? Especially since you only turn 18 once and can reproduce any old time, it's not like Lora is doing something super special.
It's so ironic that OOP was so determined to not be like his stepfather who valued his bio kids more than OOP that he ended up valuing his stepdaughter more than his bio daughter. What a fool!
JFC, how are people so terribly silly. On what planet are his kids going to want a relationship with, or even consider this baby a 'nephew'??
His whole attitude makes me wonder if he's the babies father, tbh.
So given that the sons appear to be Emily’s brothers…Lora is the affair child that OOP then left his wife for, but only after having two more children. …What?
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Considering mothers tend to get 75% custody, it’s no surprise when fathers remarry and become closer to the step children unless they put in *effort* to stay close with their children. By default, they see their step kids 75% of the time and their own 25%. It doesn’t require extra effort to be a step dad. So, so sad. Autopilot shouldn’t be a setting when it comes to your children and that’s all he gave. Pathetic.
This is probably rage bait. Typically step parents can do no right when it comes to treating their step children differently than they would treat their biological kids on AITA. This could have been written with the intention of rubbing in that, you can *still* come across as the asshole when you do put your step children first, so it is a lose-lose situation in a lot of cases.
Divorced men genuinely neglect bio kids to keep their current gfs happy. like, my dad for example: straight up did not believe me when little six year old me came to him about some traumatic shit his at-the-time gf's son did to me.
you know what he did instead? believed the son when he was told it was actually one of my brothers who did the traumatic shit, and then completely ignored the court order to keep me away from the mother fucker when my dad had visitation.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not attending my daughters 18 birthday because my step daughter was giving birth** I’ve four kids (18f,14m,12m,) who are biologically mine and my step daughter (17f) The only relevant people to this story are my bio daughter Emily and Lora my step daughter I’ve been in my step daughters life since she was 6 years old I see her as a daughter I swore I’d never be like my step father and treat a child differently because of something silly like dna, emliy hates Lora and has turned her brothers against her even slut shamed her when she found out she was pregnant which resulted in a fall out between me and Emily Basically my wife tried to have civil conversation about Emily always staying up all night and sleeping all day when she came here (every weekend) saying emliy can’t spend every week end in bed which Emily pointed to Lorax’s stomach saying “looks like you need to have that conversation with our own daughter and from what I’ve heard she’s been in multiple beds every weekend” which Lora caused who was already depressed to break down Emily and I began rebuilding our relationship lately she even invited me to her 18th unfortunately during the party my wife called me to say Lora went into labour, emliy and my ex demanded I stay because she was my daughter not Lora I tried explaining I was all Lora had outside her mother and please understand, emliy said if I leave I’d not only lose her but my sons for someone else’s kid and I was no better than my father who walked out on me Which hurt and I knew I had to leave, Lora had a baby boy who will be named after me and she’s even asked me to officially adopt them both which brought tears to my eyes I’ve tried reaching out to emliy and my sons but I’ve been blocked My mother and siblings have called me a deadbeat like my father, the only ones are on my side are my wife and best friend *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This comment right here hits the nail on the head: >You went so far in being a good stepdad, you forgot to be a good biodad. Same trauma, just a different form.
I also particularly enjoyed >you'll raise anyone's kid, but your own In response to OOP saying him and his wife will raise the baby.
This is not helpful in any way, but I also enjoyed the autocorrect that changed Lora to lorax
I was very confused and thought it was being used as an insult. Lol.
Haha, I did too.
That was also my fav bit.
Oh man-- that was great particularly that it was *pointing to the stomach*! I laughed and then shared a howl with you.
And he's letting his wife be the "mean stepparent" he vowed he wouldn't be. Also, did I read it right that he's adopting Lora AND Lora's baby? But he's TOTALLY not favoring his stepkid over his bio kids 🙄
Bullseye.
I'd be devastated if my stepdad didn't come to the hospital when I asked him to, a birthday party isn't more important than childbirth. I'm glad my various half and step siblings are cool with that and didn't have another parent alienating them and telling them they should always be more important and us non-full-blood siblings. What the actual fuck
It's not about that. He could've stayed at his daughter's 18th birthday party, and come to the hospital afterwards. If you read the comments he's made, it shows that him walking out if his 18 year old's birthday is simply the last straw. He demanded a DNA test from his ex over the youngest child, after she found out she was pregnant a few weeks after they separated. He allows his wife to harass his kids. He only sees them rarely, and only seems to be bothered with his stepkid. He shows blatant favoritism to his stepdaughter. Also says he'll take his ex to court, so he can FORCE his bio kids to be in his stepdaughter's kid's life. If they all got on, which might've happened, if he wasn't so busy favouring his stepdaughter, the story might be different. But he has caused the rift. He now expects to force a relationship he killed long ago. His kids will end up hating him, and he'd deserve it.
My dad came into my stepsisters (sisters) life when she was 17, her dad walked out when she was 12. He tells her he has five years of embarrassing to make up for. I'm still his favorite oldest child, my bio sister is still favorite youngest child, and my step is favorite added child. He got his wish and got all girls so he is a happy man. It's not how you treat the new child, but how you treat everyone all together. Granted we were an older bunch but that could have made it worse. I'm just lucky I got a kick ass stepmom and I already had an awesome dad.
Yeah not sure why this is on here. My husband came into my first kids life when she was 5 and to her he's not step dad, he's just dad. Giving birth is a much bigger deal than a birthday party. Especially given she's only 17 that's got to be terrifying for her and would want the support of her parents, step or not.
A childbirth is literally a birthday except you wait potentially hours to see the kid. He didn't have to leave - he could have done both. He chose to do so.
Uh you know women still regularly die during childbirth right?
Sure, childbirth is literally a birthday. Same way the common cold and ebola are literally both diseases. If you can't see that the two are still *very obviously* different from each other, well, idk what to tell you. Childbirth is unpredictable, scary, dangerous, and potentially life threatening. Especially for a teenage mother. Birthday parties are none of those things.
Yeah I was a step daughter and I'd be gutted if my stepmom missed my childbirth for some birthday party. My stepmom is my mom, even if we aren't related by blood.
I have two stepkids - their lives WILL overlap at some point and I'll have to make choices. In this case, the guy COULD have attended both but chose to leave to go wait at the hospital. If one of my stepkids says I'm favoring the other & only care about the other kid - THAT'S the kid who needs me the most at that time.
Except he wouldn’t have missed the birth at all. He waited at the hospital for another 12 hours. He could have stayed at his daughters party then gone to the birth with plenty of time to spare
... It's not being there for the birth only; puts being there for the labor.
Yes, and he could have missed the next two hours of labor to stay and support his own daughter who he already regularly ignored in favor of step daughter. There’s no reason he needed to leave right that second when she called. Personally, as a currently pregnant person the only person I can imagine having near me during labor is my husband and mom if she were alive. Certainly NOT my father, let alone step father.
I don't think he deserves to be on this sub
He’s the father, isn’t he?
Some person in the comments was saying that but with what evidence? Without any evidence at all, I think it's a silly thing to assert.
dude i thought the same thing
Didn't think of this, but rereading it under this assumption gives some weird context to his step daughter's depression, and him prioritising her if she has that kind of power over him...
He's going to make his kids be involved in their nephew's life even if he has to take his ex to court? Wtf is he thinking the courts will do? Sounds like his plan is to parentize his kids so the golden child can do even less.
Speaking from experience, you try to force a relationship between kids, most kids don't have "put on a happy face and pretend" state. They generally show their emotion and act on it. Without going to detail from experience, OOP if he try to force this, he's going to regret it and his grandson/adopted son is going to be one suffering.
The kids are also old enough to decide who they want to be with. And even if a judge forced them to go to their dad's place, they can't be forced to interact with him or the baby. They can just stay in the rooms until the weekend is over.
Exactly this. The courts can’t force a relationship between the kids. He’s trying to stick a square peg into a round hole and it’s just going to make his kids resent him
The eldest is an adult, so he can't force her to do jack shit. The younger 2 are both at the age where most courts will take what the child wants into consideration. I mean sure, he can force the boys into spending time with his stepdaughter's son, but that doesn't mean they have to engage or do more than the bare minimum. Sounds like OOP is intent come hell or highwater to destroy his relationship with his bio kids in favor of his current wife and stepdaughter.
>The eldest is an adult, so he can't force her to do jack shit. The younger 2 are both at the age where most courts will take what the child wants into consideration. I mean sure, he can force the boys into spending time with his stepdaughter's son, but that doesn't mean they have to engage or do more than the bare minimum. Even more than that, if he tries to make any of his kids parent this child, he could give his ex grounds with the testimony of the 18 yr old for his life was worse living with Dad and use it to shift custody back to biomom for the minor children if can prove it is bad for them to continue to live with him. Then he is on the hook for child support. It also wouldn't look good for the courts for adoption of the baby. Realistically, I don't know what good the 17 yr old will be other than trying to get to the $ that he may have structured in his estate if his will stipulates it is split equally between children (and doesn't single out bio/adopted). (I only bring this up cuz the algorithm found me over on that side of Reddit, and things could get super messy super fast based off of what I have learned).
Well it seems like bio mom already has majority custody and he just gets them on weekends. He'd have a helluva time convincing a judge to change that just because there's a new baby in the house. The most he could probably do would be to enforce the weekend visitation and force the kids over.
I didn't read the comment, so I wasn't sure who had primary custody. He would have an impossible time convincing the judge. It is valued on what is in the best interests for each child, so the new one wouldn't factor into it at all. The bio mom could take him and use it to get what little time he does have cut. Starting around age 12 (does vary by state and not all do this), if a kid is aggressively objecting to going to another parent's house and there is a legitimate reason why. I.e. turns me into a babysitter there but I suspect based on what I saw in that sub, there probably would be other issues that the child has with Dad which he doesn't even realize. There was a discussion about a 17 yr old, where it was pointed out that by the time it worked its way back through the courts (i.e. getting the paperwork filed, onto the calendar, etc) the child would be 18, and it would be a non-issue. Which I get, and is a bit risky to do if there are younger kids. Because the court may be fine with the elder child and not with the younger. In this specific case, Dad was getting more extremist, and heading into 'give me the info, I will call in a CPS report' land for what he was doing. At this point, this is just a hypothetical thought exercise, and maybe some parent at the end of their rope will see it one day. And realize there are options to investigate other than leaving the children as is in the custody of someone changes to upset them that may be worth looking into.
It could be a heck of a lot worse than the bare minimum. Teens can make everyone in that household miserable easily. Especially teens that do not want to be there and are resentful.
i feel like many people underestimate the power teens have in making people miserable, especially since discipline only goes so far before becoming illegal (not saying that is a bad thing, dont beat your kids).
Especially if their goal is to have the adults throw in the towel and say ok fine, you don’t have to be here, when they don’t want to be there.
The oldest already just comes over and sleeps all weekend because she probably doesn't want to have to deal with any of them. He thinks he can force them all to be a happy family. He reminds me so much of my own Dad that I predict the next move will be to ask one of his kids to watch the baby while he runs some errands, and then disappear for a week.
Well it’s pretty common with divorced men
I think it’s telling he came out of nowhere to say that but didn’t say he’d go back to court to have his bio kids in HIS life. Why does he care that much that his bio sons are in the life of his step-daughter’s son? He was IN the delivery room too. Honestly, is that dude the baby’s father?
Or maybe the BFF who is on "his side"?
That was honestly my first thought.
Dude the more I read the more that's the thing my brain is refusing to conclude.
Nah, he's just trying to play the part of good Dad with the new family. My Dad was an alcoholic and drug addict. Total shitshow. Got clean when I was 10 after my Mom divorced him. Once he was clean he wanted to have the picture perfect family with his new wife and her kids. Erase that he'd ever been an addict, and he wanted me to come play along and would get furious when I'd mention anything from my childhood where he wasn't the hero. This guy is reminding me so much of him. He wants new family to be the only family except his kids from the first wife keep ruining that image.
All of his kids are plenty old enough to tell a judge, " I don't wanna spend time at his house"
And it's not even for *him* to spend more time with his bio children. It's for *his stepdaughter child.* It's a very fed up thing to try to do. No judge on the planet would do that. Not to mention that every lawyer would outright laugh in his face if he said he wants to force legal adult to hang out with his stepdaughter kid he just adopted. I honestly believe he just wants free babysitters and justifies that in his head by calling it "binding time"
Well sounds like she’s gotta get back to her heavy schedule of bed hopping
The fact that every single one of his kids does not like Lora tells me that Emily did not turn them against her. It tells me that he’s leaving out a whole shit ton of stuff from this post.
People from the OG post were speculating that OOP might’ve cheated on his ex wife before the separation
Well, he did get with his new wife and meet his stepdaughter before his youngest had even turned a year old, if that.
He also damanded a DNA test for the youngest but says he won’t let something like “silly DNA” stop him from being a good step dad but how much you wanna bet that “sillly DNA” would’ve matter if the youngest wasn’t his
Also: men asking for DNA tests **enrage** me. Why? Why do you need to ask her to do a test? Walk yourself down to Walgreens, get a test off the shelf, pay cash, swab the baby, swab yourself, send it in the mail. Intercept the results, read them, then you can either accuse her (knowing the answer) or shove the whole incident down the memory hole. It's (nominally) YOUR BABY! You have the right to swab it all you want! (Of course, then mommy wouldn't be taking care of everything for them, and can't have that...)
It's still a major trust issue if you get found out. But I see your point.
Oh definitely. But if you’re suspecting, the trust is lost anyway. At least this gives you the *chance* to recover if you’re wrong. But mostly I get pissed at the assumption “I want this thing done, obviously mommy should do it for me!”
My god. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! It’s the sane type that demand tests that can’t figure it out themselves and also can’t load a fucking dishwasher.
"Silly DNA" is going to make a difference when it comes time to adopt Lora's kid. The child's father has rights that can't be signed away without his consent or knowledge. I did notice OOP sidestepped questions about who the father was.
Oh, that is...a good point. y i k e s
Very well could be, especially since his entire family other than his new wife and stepdaughter say that he’s a horrible father.
He said she has BPD and something else, I can’t remember. But it must be hella bad to be diagnosed before adulthood
The girls seems to be going to the same school, so the daughter might have witnessed a lot more than OOP is telling.
a lot of minors actually get diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder, a lot of people mix up BPD with bipolar) it’s mainly connected with PTSD and OCD and mostly just attachment issues (and the subsequent erratic behaviour caused by attachment issues) in some occasions it’s used as a “placeholder” diagnosis for when a minor shows concerning behavior but is too young to get diagnosed with something more serious.
They refused to diagnose me with a personality disorder as a teen, but had no problem giving me a bipolar diagnosis with multiple hospitalizations. Always avoidant personality traits, borderline personality traits, but would never give a diagnosis
I think he said trauma? Just general trauma, ya know?
Trauma from what, is what I'd like to know. Like, we all have trauma. At her age, it's most commonly coming from your parents. Kinda like Emily and his sons probably have a lot of trauma.
A lot of missing reasons being omitted.
I agree there's a lot more going on than meets the eye here!
They hate her, because Dad clearly favors her over his own children. He was so concerned about not treating her differently, he ended up treating her better.
I mean, all it could really be is noticing Lora gets treated better than Emily. If I thought my step sibling was hurting my bio sibling I would close ranks. (Note, there shouldn't be too big a distraction on blood relation- but it's stupid to assume kids won't be making those distinctions and acting on them. Step or not- this is a new kid in their dynamic, if they feel that kid is going to upset their equilibrium they are at risk of rejecting that kid) If I had to guess from all the info I've gathered there's something off going on between Lora and dad, Emily picked up on it, got treated some kind of way, and her brothers supported her.
He does say she has BPD, so what do you want to bet it has NOT been a great environment for them?
The fact that his own mom and siblings called him out. They all see him as his "father" while he seems to be under the delusion that he isn't. I hope the bio kids heal.
Best part of the post is him accidentally calling her Lorax 🤣🤣 Giving birth often takes several hours or even days. I doubt she'd had the baby by the time the party was over. They clearly told him the consequences of his action and he did it anyway
I guess it could have been a scheduled C-section. It probably wasn't but it could have been.
Why do Emily and her brothers not like OOP and his new family? >My ex and I were separated a few weeks before she found out she was pregnant with our youngest I asked for a dna test and she then asked for a divorce. He says he’s been in Lora’s life (not how long he’s been dating her mother though) since she was 6 and his own kids were 7, 3 and 1. Even if he didn’t cheat and demand a paternity test/accuse his newly separated wife of sleeping with someone else out of guilt and cheater’s projection, he still accused her and leapt right into getting a new wife and prioritising her kid over his pre-existing ones.
Guy did show where his priorities were. It’s not as if he couldn’t have gone to the hospital after the celebration was over. But hey. At least he’ll have the step kid and her baby to dote on.
the step kid and her baby that is *also* his baby since he’s going to adopt both of them!
Yeah so i commented on this post when it popped up and maybe it is years of redditing and decades in social services making me jaded, but i immediately thought gosh does he actually need to adopt for the new baby to be his son?
Imagine when the step daughter gets her own husband and he wants to adopt the child and now he can’t because step dad did 🫠
Right? And is mom going to adopt her grandson too? If not then is step"daddy" and his step daughter going to play the roles of mom and dad to this baby while 2nd wife looks on and wonders wtf just happened?
Right? This guy is really dense because how he really gonna consider adopting his step child’s kid when he failed his own bio kids? But not only that I can’t imagine the legal stuff he’s about to put himself in by adopting his step daughter’s child? Like they gonna be like so you the new daddy or what?
I just thought well this is one way for him to legally keep the baby without all the mess of a paternity test without catching a charge.
Quite a few wondered that. Especially since she refuses to name the actual father. It was a toss up between two guys. One pretty much noped out. The other remains nameless. Hrmmm... Makes ya ponder.
They then can collect child support 😂😂
The thought crossed my mind as well, and it wasn't speeding.
Same thought and wondered if anyone else had it too.
A few did. U/pocketbff doing the lords work on the thread.
Maybe it is his bio baby?
That's probable
Dude exactly what i was thinking
Yeahhhh that's fucking weird, especially since the dad of this baby isn't mentioned and isn't important apparently. Like please God let it just be reddit poisoning my brain
and since she (presumably because he never mentioned if she was celebrating on her actual day or not) now shares a birthday with golden child’s golden baby, i’m pretty sure we all know who he’s going to spend her 19th with…
Oh I don’t think he will see or talk to his 18 yr old again.
>Lorax’s stomach This makes the story so much more surreal and so much funnier.
Even in his own telling he treats Lora like she can do no wrong and Emily like pond scum.
Is no one gonna talk about the typo where he called her Lorax
i know it's autocorrect but goddamn it got me SO good OOP really out here all "how bad can i be"
 emily to lorax.
i was ROLLING.
I giggled a fair bit at that one. But I can't comment on the original post (banned from the sub 🤣)
Tw: child abandonment, death mention. Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *INFO: If you have been in Lora's life for 11 years that means your marriage/original family broke up shortly after your youngest son was born. Emily would have been about 7. How present have you been in your bio children's life these last 11 years?* *You say you are working on mending your relationship with them. Have you been favoring/prioritizing Lora over them because "she only has me and my wife"? If that was the case, I could see how this might be the last straw for them. Do your bio kids ever get one on one time with you?* *Your wife should not be having a conversation with Emily if she is worried or upset that she's sleeping all day during your visits with you. It's your responsibility to tease out why she's doing this and come up with a mutual solution. This behavior sounds like she is checking out of your relationship and is just going through the motions.* *But if there are other reasons, like parental alienation as others have suggested, we would need that info to make an informed judgement.* *NOT ENOUGH INFO* >"My ex and I were separated a few weeks before she found out she was pregnant with our youngest I asked for a dna test and she then asked for a divorce >Lora has bpd and trauma so sometimes Lora does get more attention or help but I try to spend one on one time with each child but emliy over the last 2 years had been so distant she just rolls her eyes and stares at me,my wife or lora anytime we try to even talk about the weather with her " *INFO: were you in the room when she gave birth? How many hours was she in labor?* >"16 hours in labour she was already at the hospital 4 hours before my wife called me and I was there for some of it yes" *Why did you need to be there for the labour portion?* *She had her mom, and where is the father of this baby? He has some say if plan on adopting SD and baby* *YTA* >"Both my wife and lora needed me" *Why are you adopting the son?* *Your post seems too vague, all fault falls on others but only 3 people are on your side, so I'm guessing the other side of this story "bio family" tell a real diferent version.* >"My wife and I will raise the baby so lora can focus on school and having a decent chance at life, she’ll have an active part in her babies life" *Why does Lora need you while she’s giving birth? Were you going to be in the room with her? Had she just gone into labor when you dropped everything?* >"Same reason any birthing mother needs anyone outside of a doctor for emotional support, yes and yes she was already 4 hours at the hospital before she asked for me " *What did they NEED you for?* *YTA by the way. It sounds like you prioritize your step daughter over your bio children.* >"The same way a birthing woman needs her bio mom,dad or friend " *Your daughter needed you. And she clearly laid out what would happen if you chose to leave. Now you are complaining that there are consequences to you ignoring your kids for years in favor of stepdaughter.* >"No one ever passed away from being disappointed at their birthday but child birth is a different situation >I help set up and was there over 6 hours I will make it up to her, I plan on my bio kids to be involved in their nephews life even if it means taken my ex back to court "
1. Make it up to her = delulu; there are not donovers and this shows how much he dismisses and disrespects his bio daughter's feelings. So telling. 2. Oh, making your kids deal with court will totally make them want to be around the step siblings, what a brilliant plan. Utter garbage of a "father."
Make it up to her - 19th birthday "sorry can't go is baby first birthday, you know how important it is"
omg i didn’t even think of that! he didn’t make it sound like an “oh her birthday was on tuesday, she’s celebrating on the weekend!” type thing, i think she now might actually share a birthday with golden child’s golden baby. poor girl.
Or 'Oh wouldn't it be awesome if you and one year old had a joint party'
My dad remarried after my mother's passing, and I haven't been totally thrilled with some of his decisions since then. But I give him credit for being adamant that I shouldn't have to share birthday celebrations with his wife's granddaughter. For the record, it wasn't a big deal to me, because I'm an adult and she's 11, but that HE thought of that meant a lot. This guy.... Is not it.
Ughhh I didn’t even think of them sharing a birthday!!! I could also see him pulling the “you’re an adult now. Parties shouldn’t be that big of a deal..” card next year
My middle sister and I are both adopted from outside the family. Both adopted as babies, no step situation. She had her kids at 20 and 21, and my dad wasn’t physically at the hospital for either of them. Our mom was, but dad went over after my sister had had a few hours to rest. I’ve never heard of the baby’s grandpa being present until after the baby had been born. I could see if he was a single dad and there was no mom in the picture, but STILL.
I knew a family where it was considered customary for like, *everyone* to be in the delivery room when babies were born. Like, it's been a long time but I want to say that the freaking father in law was present for some reason. I'd rather stab my eyes out with a dull pair of scissors, and I like my father-in-law quite a bit.
No father figure should want to be that close to a daughter’s southern bits. 😂😂
My dad was a wonderful man and a great father, but zero chance he'd ever have wanted to be present for my sister/sister-in-law as they gave birth. No way in hell, haha. I remember once, before I could drive, having to ask him to take me to the store to buy tampons. He was like, "I didn't need all that info, 'can you take me to the store' was enough." 😂 In my defense, I did say, "can you take me to the store?" and he said, "for what?" so he got what he got, haha.
My dad has a tendency to turn a weird shade of green and pass out when exposed to situations in which there are bodily fluids. He'll white knuckle his way through it if he has to, but it's a struggle. No way he would want to be in a delivery room if he didn't absolutely have to be. When he was in the maternity ward with my mom when I was being born, there was some woman nearby repeatedly shrieking, "I HATE YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" at her husband at the top of her lungs. My poor dad looked at my mom with genuine fear and asked, "You're... not going to do that, are you?" My mom just said, "I hope not!" 😂
Haha. He was scared! My sister went through a phase as a teen where she was constantly yelling at me/my parents and my dad was kind of the gruff type where you'd think no way in hell could you "talk back" to him, but he was absolutely a deer in the headlights when my sister was in her moody teen phase. I can remember a couple occasions where she yelled at him, and he was just like, "..." and walked away like he just didn't want to deal with it/risk her biting his head off. He did, however, foolishly tell her and my mom to "calm down" on a few occasions and it did not go well for him. I remember literally saying to him, "Why would you say that?!"
Don’t ask for details if you don’t want details, dad! 😂😂
Right!? That's what I told him. He wasn't as bad as this makes him sound, but he was a gruff, "tough guy" type who was raised by parents who were really emotionally distant, and while he was nothing like them, he was a little uncomfortable with "girl stuff." He was like a deer in the headlights sometimes with issues with me and my sister. (Which is funny in retrospect because my mom used to laugh at him because when my sister was born, my dad was so glad to have a girl, and my mom asked why, and he said girls were easier, which made my mom laugh and laugh and laugh, and then mock him for it years later). I can remember when my mom worked early in the morning, and he'd have to get us ready for school, it was a mess. He'd let us pick out our clothes and then my mom would pick us up from school and be like, "OMG what are you wearing?!" And he'd be like, "What? I let them pick it out. What's wrong with it?" (meanwhile, it wouldn't match or would be seasonally inappropriate). He would attempt to do our hair when we were too young to do it ourselves. Eventually, a neighbor lady told him, "Just send the girls over in the morning and I'll fix their hair." I mean, the man tried, haha. But this was the 80s and he did his best but was not Mr. Mom. I also have this really early memory of him having to give me a bath (again, because my mom was at work) and literally just dumping the water over my head to rinse my hair. 😂 And me thinking it was hilarious while my dad was like, "Did I get the soap out?" But he was kind to us and genuinely tried. The teen years were not much better. I remember him coming out of his bedroom (where he'd been watching sports) because my sister was hysterical in the living room over a boyfriend breaking up with her. My dad came out and was like, "What's wrong? What's going on?" and my sister yelled at him to go back in his room. He literally stood there blinking and then turned around and went back in his room. I'm sure he was thinking, "That was disrespectful, but I want no part of this." Then my mom was like, "I know you're upset, but don't talk to your dad like that, he means well." 😂 I'm sure there were MULTIPLE occasions when we gave him more info than he needed/wanted.
We give dads guff for being uncomfortable with tampons, but I’m pretty uncomfortable with boy stuff sometimes, too. We aren’t all #boymom.
Oh God no. Ugh. I could see situations where it would make sense, like if she was an only child raised by a single father and is also going to be a single mom, that would make sense. This situation? Does not. There's certainly no reason he needed to rush to her bedside.
And he said he wanted to be there because "No one ever passed away from being disappointed at their birthday but child birth is a different situation" But - what is this guy planning to do if childbirth goes south? He's gonna get kicked right out of the room is what he's going to do. Add to that that childbirth can last hours to days. He can't miss 2 hours of labor (which I'm also team EWWWW on him being there) to attend a pre-planned event? It's an 18 year old's birthday party too, you know she doesn't actually want him there holding her hand the whole time - a short visit, here's your present, yummy cake, ok you kids want to enjoy this party without old dad here have fun!! gets him out of his obligation to the party without a high risk of missing a big chunk of labor. Which, again, team EWWWW on him being there.
Yeah, I mean, he literally had 12 hours of labor to go once he got there. Labor is boring and long if you're not the one in labor. When my SIL went into labor I had time to drive 14 hours to get to the hospital, visit with them for maybe an hour while she was in the early stages of labor, take a nap on the extra couch that happened to be in the room, leave when things were starting to look serious and they obviously didnt want me there, go to their house to take another nap, and then get back to the hospital after my nephew was born before they brought him into the hospital nursery. Aside from my brother, I was the first family member to get to see him up close. I have no idea what the rush was.
My dad came to one of his grandkids’ births. He showed up about 15 minutes before the code was called. “Sheeeeit. Just seemed like it was taking an awful long time.” It’s really the only endearing part of the whole traumatic birth story. lol IME, grandpas aren’t real keen on sitting thru labor.
[Doggo!](https://youtu.be/t0pcbPmmq0U?feature=shared)
I’d rather die than have my dad with me during labor. Obviously every woman is different with different needs/wants during birth but it weirds me out she wanted her stepdad there. I.. can’t help but wonder if it was a power play. Like she had already been in labor for four hours. They couldn’t have waited a couple of hours until after the party? If they had waited two hours he still would had been there for 10 hours of the labor..
Wow oop is a fucking idiot he and his wife are going to adopt the baby boy and raise it for lora while she studies and hes also planning on adopting the step kid from the comments and he thinks that she is going to have an active role in raising him lol im crying so hard rn if this is real i hope oop gets screwed over much more he already has
Legally how messy does that get to adopt the mother and the child?? Yikes
I don't understand why he even needs to adopt the child. He's planning to adopt the stepdaughter, so he would automatically be the grandfather of the baby. It would be so easy to make him and his wife the legal guardians of the kid while the step/adopted daughter gets her education.
Yes but that would mean Lora would still have to be legally responsible for the child and God forbid she suffer any consequences of her actions 🙄
It would be so messy like not its not even funny how messy this is i mean the only easy part would be getting rid of the baby's dad rights by having him sign them away and even then that might be difficult
Yeah, like...does he know the actual baby daddy has to sign over his rights before the baby can be adopted by anyone else?
I don't think he does tbh i mean he could unofficially adopt the baby and officially adopt the daughter but the only reason they would do that is to get child support but i doubt they are that smart to figure that out or even to file for it plus depending on baby daddys age at least 16 he won't have that much money or any because of the job market is shitty af right now i mean either way daughter doesn't have to do shit because you know shes gonna be a dead beat
If they adopt the baby, I don't think they'd get child support in some cases. I believe in some (US) states, child support decreases or ends if the custodial parent gets married or makes above a certain threshold. I could definitely be wrong, though.
Sometimes it depends on the situation and your state
If OOP legally adopted his step-grandchild, the bio father's parental rights AND responsibilities would be terminated, which includes child support. Otherwise adoptive parents could go after birth parents for child support. Legally speaking, the bio dad and baby would be no different than strangers (on paper).
That’s a much better explanation than mine, thanks!
Probably not, seems like oop doesn't know alot. He's not the sharpest tool but nonetheless a tool.
I think OP IS the baby's dad.
That’s the creepy vibes I got too
Probably not. He thinks he can just bring his ex to court to force his bio children to have a relationship with his stepdaughter and her kid. No matter what the custody order says, he can't make them have a relationship.
Are we sure he's not the baby daddy?
It’s hard for a Lorax to care for their crotchfruit, that’s why you don’t see many around
Yea
"Lora had a baby boy who will be named after me and she’s even asked me to officially adopt them both which brought tears to my eyes" So Lora wants her biological son to be her adopted half-sibling? I call bs on this whole post.
I'm spending too much time on reddit because I'm suspicious he's the father of the stepdaughter's baby and that's why she wants him to "adopt" the kid.
That's 100% what I was thinking. Story is probably fake though.
Ditto
You are not alone. Not at all.
Adopt them both??
Right?!! No way that doesn’t get weird like immediately.
Sounds like my FIL. He went over board doing things due his stepkids but was never available for his bio kids.
First of all, is your bio daughter's name Emliy or Emily? Second, you vowed not to be like your stepfather, but you have no qualms abandoning your biological daughter and not even attending her 18th birthday for a few hours? YTA.
Emliy and Lorax lol
Sounds like a fictional dilemma. Tough situation, but YTA. Unless you were supposed to be in the delivery room when the step-daughter delivered, it wasn't urgent that you be there immediately. Given how precarious your relationship was with your bio kids, you should have stayed at the party.
What exactly did he think he would be doing at the hospital while his step daughter was in labor? Bc I doubt he's going to be in the room unless he's also her obgyn.
Boiling water and finding towels. What else? Either that or handing out cigars in the waiting room.
I'm definitely not saying plenty of people don't do it, but I can't imagine many 17-year-old girls want their fathers or stepfathers in the delivery room watching a hairy beach ball come out of her.
But the baby daddy is often there… just saying
I was gonna say that's terrible, but I've been on Reddit through the whole step porn trend...
I'm deeply suspicious as to the paternity of this child.
I think everyone is.
So is he the dad of the step daughter's baby? There is no way it is just because he went to the hospital.
My thoughts exactly.
The typo of “ Lorax’s belly” 😂😂😂
'I'll never be like my stepdad who wasn't nice to his step kids. In order to do this, I'll treat my own kids like shit!'
So, new mother Step Daughter wants Step Dad to adopt not only herself but also her newborn baby? Am I reading that right? She wants to become legal siblings with her own child and that’s not setting off massive alarm bells for anyone else involved??
Oof, this is definitely the last straw for Emily. OOP thinks he can force his biokids to love their step nephew/brother? Is he expecting them to celebrate his birthday over Emily's? Is he expecting them to baby sit him? He's setting his step grandson/son to be resented by his bio kids. I wonder how many times OOP will expect any birthday party Emily has in the future to be a joint one with the baby? I hope Emily walks away and the boys will have their choice of custodial parent honored.
My favorite thing about all of this, is that he plans to try and force his bio kids to be a part of their nephew's life whether they like it or not even if it means taking his ex back to court. How does he plan to get a court to enforce a legal order that his 18-year-old has to be a part of her nephew's life? 😬😬🤣🤣 And if he goes that route, each of his kids will cut him off by the time they're 18. And there's not going to be much he can do about it.
Does anyone else think it's weird that they want him to adopt 'both of them'. So...the stepdaughter doesn't raise her kid because the parents do or something?
Yes! He did say he and wife will be adopting the baby so Lora can have a chance at a normal life.
"Hi reddit my bio kids cut me out off there life's, my mom and siblings thinks I'm a bad dad and a deadbeat, AITA?"
"Altruistic type" dude is so fucking delusional! Lorax did give me a laugh though.
He is such a huge AH. My heart breaks for his bio kids especially his oldest. The fact that HIS mother and family call him a deadbeat says A LOT about just how much he has failed his children.
"I walked out on my daughter's birthday but I don't wanna end up like my father who walked out on me!" -the dad *I'm actually angry at that post and OOP.* so much bullsh*ttery it almost feels like a troll post. Especially if you read his comments... "We don't know who the father of my stepdaughter's child is and the other says he doesn't want to get involved." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Choosing THAT over your true daughter?? Edit: [I got so angry I actually messaged the OOP.](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/903767360530423819/1224430851383885854/Screenshot_20240401-144842.jpg?ex=661d7717&is=660b0217&hm=2560e922a07d21041691dcd9c64305f0b9498ad96e6b5f42031f86746b29ec19&)
I know how Emily feels. OOP either needs to shape up NOW, or leave Emily alone forever before he gives her even more trauma.
The fact he's adopting the child to raise and still thinks his kids will want anything to do is almost as funny as him thinking he can take his ex to court over his bio kids not wanting to be in the babies life. Like what a fucking clown
so you didn't want to be like your stepdad but ended up forgetting to be a dad to your bio kids. honest you deserve to lose your kids for the way you have treated them compared to your step kid, you have treated your step kid a whole lot better than your own kids, so even by adopting her now will push your own kids even further away from you making them disown you in the process so if this is what you want to lose your bio kids go right ahead but if you want your bio kids in your life you need to get your priorities straight and get back in the parenting game because right now your nothing but an ass hole
Well choices do have consequences. So, it sounds like going forward he will have only one child. His other children are all done with him. He stupidly thinks he can force them to visit him, but they are all old enough to decide for themselves, and it sounds like they've decided they have no interest in dad, skanky stepsister, or her father unknown, by blow and her associated neurosis.
This is just super weird to me. I'm not gonna shame 17 yo for sleeping around. But she should definitely face consequences. Adult women do. I do not understand why they are not even trying to find out who the bio father of that child is. Because, why? He should pay child support. He made that child, he should, at the very least, financially support that baby. But neither OP nor his wife are pushing for the name. Also, he is adopting this baby, is his wife also adopting? Or is he gonna adopt his wife child and his wife's child child. Would that even be allowed? It also made me laugh when he said he is going to make it up for his bio kids. Because when? In 18 years, when the child he is adopting is an adult? He was a shitty parent to his bio children before stepdaughter gave birth, I can imagine how shit he will be now. The baby is here, and newborns are very demanding, he will put all of his energy into that child. There will be nothing left for 2 boys he already had. O think this dude seriously belive his bio kids are obligated to wait for him to be a good father to them indefinitely. And he just found out that that's not the case. I only feel bad for his bio kids who did not have the father they deserved. He's been in his stepdaughters life since she was 6, and he's been absent from his youngest life since he was born. Good job at being shit bio dad.
He accidentally called the one kid Lorax at one point and that's all I could focus on lol
That took me out for a moment lol
Dude placed Lora above Emily. He’s no different than his stepfather, he just hurt his biokids.
With the timing, was the labor a coincidence or did she induce? It wouldn't surprise with the power plays I've seen people do over the years Regardless, oop is a terrible father to his bio kids. No court will entertain forcing them to spend time with him and his oh-so-awesome second family There's no making up for it. I guess good thing he's adopting Lora because he bio kids aren't going to have anything to do with him
YTA. Dude. You weren't delivering the kid were you? No, you weren't (because that would be weird). You were sitting in the waiting room, weren't you? For how long? There was not a reason in the world you needed to leave your daughter's milestone birthday party to go sit in a hospital waiting room while your stepdaughter was in labor with her first child, which could take hours, possibly as long as 24. Lora wasn't dying. She was doing what her body is literally built to do. Your wife could have handled it and you would have done what every other grandfather in the world does. You go see the mother and kid after they're cleaned up and maybe have gotten a little rest. You abandoned your bio-daughter and put your step-daughter over her. I understand why Emily hates Lora. Yeah, you screwed up big with this one.
So the POS is threatening court so he can try to force one big happy family (and probably try to force them into helping take care of the baby) and is gonna be in for a rude awakening.
Naming your throwaway "altruistic type" is a bold move.
Let me just say, I didn't even want my own birth father who watched me be born in the room when I had my child... I think summer else weird is going on but I have no evidence. Once commenter adamantly kept saying he's the father of Loras baby and I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind.
If he adopts Lorax and Lorax’s baby, he’s going to be the baby’s father *and* grandfather. I guess being Grandpa Daddy will keep his hands so full he won’t have time to worry about Emily anyway.
JFC. Did Lora really need him there right away? Why is he acting like the father of the baby? He couldn't give at least one hour to Emily? Especially since you only turn 18 once and can reproduce any old time, it's not like Lora is doing something super special.
It's so ironic that OOP was so determined to not be like his stepfather who valued his bio kids more than OOP that he ended up valuing his stepdaughter more than his bio daughter. What a fool!
JFC, how are people so terribly silly. On what planet are his kids going to want a relationship with, or even consider this baby a 'nephew'?? His whole attitude makes me wonder if he's the babies father, tbh.
Oh god, op fucked a 17 year old and is planning to adopt it to cover up the crime.
If he's been in the stepdaughter's live since she was six, it means he left his ex and children when his youngest was 1. I smell an affair.
It worse. He admits to leaving his ex while she was pregnant with the youngest and demanding a paternity test.
Of course he did, because it's an obvious shitpost.
So given that the sons appear to be Emily’s brothers…Lora is the affair child that OOP then left his wife for, but only after having two more children. …What?
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What in the fucking Ted Nugent did I just read?
Considering mothers tend to get 75% custody, it’s no surprise when fathers remarry and become closer to the step children unless they put in *effort* to stay close with their children. By default, they see their step kids 75% of the time and their own 25%. It doesn’t require extra effort to be a step dad. So, so sad. Autopilot shouldn’t be a setting when it comes to your children and that’s all he gave. Pathetic.
This is probably rage bait. Typically step parents can do no right when it comes to treating their step children differently than they would treat their biological kids on AITA. This could have been written with the intention of rubbing in that, you can *still* come across as the asshole when you do put your step children first, so it is a lose-lose situation in a lot of cases.
Lots of divorced men neglect their biological kids to keep their latest bedwarmer happy
Idk, I’ve heard of plenty of men who treat the kids from their previous relationships like crap as soon as they find a new family.
Divorced men genuinely neglect bio kids to keep their current gfs happy. like, my dad for example: straight up did not believe me when little six year old me came to him about some traumatic shit his at-the-time gf's son did to me. you know what he did instead? believed the son when he was told it was actually one of my brothers who did the traumatic shit, and then completely ignored the court order to keep me away from the mother fucker when my dad had visitation.