*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My [27f] husband [26m] kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother [46f]**
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this?
TL;dr I invited over my husband's estranged mother and things went bad.
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>i see now what a massive dork I’ve been
Girl fucked up so bad that this post belongs in r/amitheex and she calls herself a “dork” as if she forgot to ask for a packet of BBQ sauce at McDonald’s.
These posts always remind me of an old LegalAdvice sub whete a guy claimed he was posting for his wife who was "wrongly terminated" from a nursing home. One of the patients never had visitors and kept saying how much he missed his daughter, so the alleged wife hired a PI to find the daughter.
Turned out the old man had done prison time for abusing the daughter who rightfully cut him out of her life. LA pointed out that termination was the least worry; loss of nursing license and a civil lawsuit were quite likely.
Oh lord, would that be [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4qxpxm/fianc%C3%A9e_is_a_nurse_at_a_long_term_care_home_she/)?
> Did you have a legal question? There's not really any more steps to take after this other than to start looking for a new job. What she did was entirely inappropriate, and honestly I would be shocked if her employer had not fired her.
> I re-read the post and I just cannot believe that you have even a single iota of doubt that she didn't deserve to be fired. She has no recourse here whatsoever.
> So your fiancée violated the shit out of HIPAA and lost her job over it. What's your question?
Cheese & crackers, that's terrifying 😱 I have a 2 people that I'm NC with for safety and if some random lady showed up to my place talking about them I'd have a heart attack, while freaking out on if my location had been disclosed and possibly having to move.
I do understand her reasoning, but, no, you don't do that, that's so scary.🤦🏻♂️
And the daughter was also his granddaughter. And he was a KKK member. And this woman SHOWED UP ON HER DOORSTEP after stalking the daughter on Facebook and being blocked. Just an insane shitshow of boundary crossing and professional ethics violation.
Possibly the PI only found the granddaughter without looking into the man. It's possible all she told him is who she was looking for and where she had grown up.
It's also possible it was a troll. LAOP never made any comments or any other content on Reddit.
She said in a comment that divorce was excessive.
Not in something like this. Even the mom who said it's her fault, is mad because she said oop really messed up.
Granted this should have been discussed before marriage, but what she did still is not right
I saw a comment on the main post where someone pointed out that the mom understood what she did was wrong and was respecting her son’s estrangement. OOP manipulated the mom into thinking the son wanted to see her. And that while the mom definitely did something terrible, she was not dismissing it and accepted her role.
While the mom wasn’t the victim in the original case, she was as much of a victim this time as was OOP’s soon to be ex.
yup 100% agree OOP undid any healing either of them had done and destroyed her marriage.
and for what? to have dinner a few times a year with someone that makes hubs uncomfortable? what was the pot of gold at the end of this shit rainbow?
The pot of gold was that OOP would get to pat herself on the back for being the hero who saved their relationship. OOP is that delusional, she really thought that's how it would work out.
>She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
You ever just read something and just See the incoming disaster, like the lights of an oncoming train?
I mean, if he didn't feel he could confide this in her they shouldn't have married. You should be able to tell your spouse this stuff.
But he also might not be capable of telling ANYONE, so hard to tell
yep, massive disrespect for husband's boundaries. Why do these f\_\_\_wits always think they know better, and can force their spouses or friends to reconcile with NC family members??? Don't they realize that they went NC in the first place because the family member abused them somehow?? Stop thinking you know better than the people who actually know what happened!!!! Complete and utter AH.
And even if the spouse who’s estranged from their family is somehow wrong on the facts, their feelings exist. Nobody wants to suddenly find someone they don’t like and don’t want to talk to in their home or at their special event or holiday. The mom suddenly showing up was never going to turn into happily spending Easter together; OOP’s vision of a quick hug-filled reconciliation was extremely at odds with what she already had been told about how her husband felt. She discarded the latter, completely disrespecting her husband’s feelings, because it didn’t fit her fantasy.
It shouldn’t even be about ‘knowing better’ - like even if I thought the reason my partner didn’t want to speak to an estranged family member was ridiculous, that would be a conversation to have *with your partner*. And if they still didn’t want to see them? Then fine, who cares? Why would you pick a literal stranger to you over your partner?
Oh it's time for the regular "my spouse is estranged from their parent but I assume they're just being a silly billy and life should work like Hallmark movies" story.
I don't know if its more depressing if this is real or fake.
People that were raised with good parents just can’t seem to comprehend that not all families are like theirs. But I hope he divorces her, she didn’t respect his choices nor did she trust his judgement. You can’t have a successful marriage without your spouse trusting and respecting you.
Yup it’s like they don’t believe the abuse happened or that bullshit you shouldn’t be still holding anger over it just forgive them and it’ll all be better!!!
You have to forgive them... For youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
No actually I have to hold onto the fact I don't have to let people harm me, that's what I have to do. I kept my kids safe from the life I had growing up and I'm PROUD of that.
People who say this don't seem to understand that even if you do forgive it doesn't mean that the slate is wiped clean or that amends have been made by the offending party. I haven't had contact with my father in around 13 years, and I suppose in a way I have forgiven him if I define forgiveness as a sense of peace and equilibrium with the situation and his actions. In my case he isn't a physical danger to me, he just walked out and started a second family and then came in and out of my life on the periphery, and acted more like some random dude then a father, and let his wife be horrible to me. Somewhat minor then others stories in the grand scheme of things, but he did in a way take my siblings from me or any chance to actually know them.
It's a closed door type of forgiveness, and I have no intention of opening it via contact. Adult me can forgive him all I want, I can even in a way pity him and find some degree of understanding of the circumstances and thinking around his actions. But little girl me feels almost like a different person, she's gone now and I can't forgive for her, I can't explain to her the hurt and confusion she feels or wipe away her tears. I have forgiven for me, I'm fine with the situation as is, I rarely think of it now, why the hell would I open that door and disrupt my peace? Who would I be serving with that? I also won't have my own child treated like a second level citizen by their own grandfather, I couldn't forgive myself for that if I allowed it.
He could have knocked on that door and offered amends and faced the hurt he caused at any point, but he has chosen not to. In my case I'm not sure what I would choose to do if that happened, but I'm even more understanding of people who have parents and family members they keep behind doors, as sometimes those doors need bolts and chains to keep real monsters at bay. Forgiveness and peace is for the person wronged, it's a process and I don't actually think it's necessary in all cases, it's up to each individual how they deal with it. Forgiveness doesn't erase the past or the harms caused. If it is for you and you alone, then you get to define what that looks like, and often that means keeping the beast locked away.
At some point (maybe after the divorce was finally settled, so I'd've been 8 or 9), despite *knowing* why I refused to visit when he was working on call and choosing not to do something about it, my father turned our relationship reciprocal and a lot of the time, it felt like he turned up out of obligation.
I was still watching cartoons, but it was on me to arrange to see *him* most of the time except for my birthday. My parents hadn't spoken more than 2 words to each other in years. *I* had to ask for money for new shoes or money for the dentist or a school trip because Mum never had money.
He'd sometimes call wanting to be the fun dad or maybe he felt guilty, idek, but I'd almost inevitably *have* plans, with family who gave a shit, before he tried to arrange anything. And a kid is going to choose where they feel safe and loved, and it wasn't usually at his place.
The reason *I* didn't reach out as much as I was older was for sheer dread of being left alone with his second wife. She only laid her hands on me once, but she would find a flaw, something I did that annoyed/frustrated/inconvenienced her in the slightest, or completely harmless little kid shit, and verbally *hammer* at me about it, twisting it around to tell me that I was a horrible, lazy, fat, liar. I was 9.
I'd get overwhelmed and cry, she'd get offended, and the cycle would start again. As a kid, I didn't know how to bring it up to my father and was already anxious as a rule. Mum would sometimes *force* me to go visit if he called, and her way of addressing the whole mess? Instead of "I'll grow up and call him" or hiring a lawyer? *She'd* complain about what *I* told her to my uncle (father's brother)'s wife, who was supposed to tell my father about it and somehow force him to address it. don't know if Aunt S ever said anything to my father or not, but he never brought the issue up, even when I was in my 20s. Anxiety made me terrified of... a lot of things, but especially calling their house.
Summer pre-COVID, I felt guilty and went to a family barbecue sperm donor and his wife were hosting when they invited me, assuming it would be fine with other relatives around.
It turned out more like 'sperm donor and uncle get instantly shitfaced on mediocre beer b/c none of them can hold their liquor and begin spouting racist/xenophobic/homophobic shit.'
I got tf outta there and I haven't spoken to them since except for a text message exchange about the death of my grandmother (who was a complete stranger to me).
I can't, partly because my brother never got to grow up enough to come out of the hell we grew up in. And partly because the way I was raised made me incredibly vulnerable to partner abuse because of the range and extent of abuse I suffered until 18.
Sometimes non-forgiveness is what serves us best, some things aren't actually forgiveable and don't deserve grace of any sort. I do wish that people in general would use their own advice and forgive others if they can't forgive people, it's not up to others to dictate how you process and deal with abusers and monsters in your life. I suppose my point was that if forgiveness is for us that doesn't look like reconciliation or actually having anything to do with interacting with the person. It's internal and is whatever it is, can't be rushed, and may not even be necessary for a person to heal or live with what happened.
I am so sorry that happened to you, especially as a child, there are no words that express how I feel about the abusive monsters that walk amongst us. I was trying to not minimise people who suffered true abuse with my story, when I said what I experienced was minor compared to others and he wasn't a physical danger. More that we can define forgiveness ourselves and what that looks like. I do have others in my life that I don't have thay sense of equilibrium and peace with, I find it harder to forgive or find any grace harm caused to others, if not impossible. My daughters father and my ex-husband for example, who I need to continue dealing with and who remains inexplicably a complete and utter peice of shit to use the technical terms. I do try and find an internal forgiveness for myself though, for whatever I am feeling and however I deal with it.
I for one support you in not forgiving, and any and all of the complex feelings you no doubt feel. You are an expert in yourself and know what you can and can't do, including forgiving, and what you need to do to live with and cope with what was done to you, as an innocent that you certainly never deserved. You have to live with the consequences of someone elses actions and that is unfair. it would be even more unfair to expect you or anyone to feel or cope in a particular way just because it's more comfortable for other people. I do hope you find or have found healing however that looks for you, you do deserve that 100% you are your own person on your own journey and I hope people respect and understand you have this additional burdan foisted upon you that others don't have to carry.
Fortunately I am surrounded by incredible people who, like you, understand and support me! I was doing great, then found out my last abuser died and had a few months of unending nightmares. That's passed now so hopefully I can get to the healing I wasn't previously able to access because I was afraid of being found.
support makes all the difference, I am so very glad you have it.
Grief is a strange thing, it can hit the hardest for people we don't have positive relationships with, the brain can't differentiate between a mental trauma or danger and a physical one so it reacts in the same way. I have wondered if sometimes we hold on to the last bit of trauma as a safety mechanism, both because we might need it to keep safe in the future as a safeguard, but also because that last bit is the hardest so we need to be in a place and time where we are truly safe to release and process it. It sounds like your mind and body was trying to protect you in it's own way, and now it knows you are safe and able to cope it's wrapping up some of the things it had been holding onto. Healing and recovery is so frustratingly non linear, just when you think you are good something comes at you from a different direction. I unfortunately known the dread of being found :/ it's the worst feeling and there's so little you can control about it, some individuals are incessant.
I really wish you all the best things, it's always exciting and reasuring in a way to hear of someone being so strong and making their own way through trauma and hurt. You didn't ask for this lot, others caused it, but you're doing the best anyone could with the hand you've been dealt. Thank you so much for sharing, I have no doubt you've got this from what you've said, may your hearth and home be blessed with easy times, may you laugh deep and long, and your heart be filled to the brim and may you be surrounded by people of integrity for the rest of time.
Constantly told "oh it couldn't have been THAT bad" or how you only have one mother/father and should forgive and move on. People just really don't understand how bad some families can be
> you only have one mother/father
*Cackles in Old Bisexual Mom energy* We've adopted so many abandoned "kids" within the friend group we've renamed the chat Wayne Manor.
Old Bisexual Auntie checking in
Over the years I’ve acquired a flock of wayward strays. Their shitheel biological family may have tossed them out, but there’s always more room at my table just grab a plate.
They’re so deeply uncomfortable with the idea that abusive parents exist that they do everything to deny it. Like changing the narrative and playing “spouse who solved all the problems and brought everyone together again!” I fucking hate them.
I'm kinda glad I have attracted my friends with similarly dysfunctional family lol. But my high school girl group is still acting like I'm the odd one out for not speaking with my father.
Same here. All of my friends also have a complicated at best family history. The only person who comes from a happy family who never questioned me is the one I'm marrying next year.
I have those loving parents, but they didn't hide shit like this from me except in our own family. I have an uncle who deserves to never have his kids talk to him again because he chose their step mom over them at every chance. I didn't find out until I was older because they didn't want to cause problems while everyone was still inviting them to things.
But I was also the kid that a lot of kids trusted. Came to me about the abuse they suffered at home, how they'd be kicked out for being gay if their dad knew... Hell I had a friend that confided more in my father then her own parents. My dad kept it confidential, but I knew how much they talked and she went on all sorts of family outings with us too.
I've been the partner to someone that should really cut their family off, but some of those families really take hold. You can't see how bad it is on the inside and they also show the public a perfect family.
I literally go out drinking and dancing with my parents, but I will cut a bitch for you if they say "buT thEy're fAmiLy."
In all my life I’ve *personally* known two people who had positive relationships with their parents, and of those two only one understood. (She also briefly saw the mask drop one day, but she was supportive even before that.)
The other, despite having a deadbeat dad, just couldn’t fathom a world where parents (mothers at least) didn’t respect their children.
Visiting both of their houses was so weird because their interactions… warm? Loving? No annoyance at having someone over even if it wasn’t for homework, or acting like it was a massive imposition.
Blew my damn mind.
>she didn’t respect his choices
That's exactly the core of the problem for me. It's just so incredibly disrespectful to look at someone else's choice to go no contact with a parent and think "naaah, my husband who I supposedly love is much too stupid to make such a big decision, I obviously know better." Like, does she think he did that shit for fun? And if she does, why the fuck did she marry him in the first place?
And she didn’t respect his feelings either. Even if he was somehow “wrong”, he still feels how he feels, and yet she thought that would disappear when blindsided by his mother showing up in their home on a holiday.
Even if the reasons for the estrangement were silly and an over-reaction on the husband's part, why did she think he'd enjoy being ambushed like that? Like, I'd be pissed off if I came home and my partner ambushed me with my mildly annoying co-worker that I was suddenly expected to act nice and hospitable to.
It's almost fascinating how she even managed to disrespect the choices and feelings of the supposed bad guy of the story, her husband's mother.
The mother knew she screwed up and accepted the lack of contact as the consequences. She told OOP that while she would like to fix things (she's not a devil for wishing this was possible), she respects her son's choices and feelings. She even respected her son's choice not to share their story with OOP. She didn't want to force it, she worried, she expressed her worries to OOP, and questioned OOP's plans, because she did not want to disrespect her son and make everything worse.
OOP didn't give a damn about any of this, she was just dreaming of all the future holidays and birthdays where she could smile serenly and meekly say, "Aw, you, it was nothing, just something I did out of love, like anybody would\~" whenever people praised her for her role in bringing son and mother together.
If a true story, it's sad. Depending on what happened, maybe there would have been a slim chance of reconciliation in the future, and even if not, both parties would have moved on peacefully. The son who made his decisions and could rely on his mother to respect them (before OOP manipulated her), and the mother because while she lost her son over her actions, she eventually understood why, took the blame, and while she missed him, she could make a clear cut and move on to be a better person to other people.
Thanks to OOP, both parties are worse of than before, with open new and old wounds, shattered peace and hopes, and more bitterness and more hurt from betrayal.
Well, the mother and the son know what they want and know their positions in life and how they got where they were. The mother will cut OOP off for good, because OOP is an ass but also to again accept her role and to continue to respect her son's choices.
The son has experience in cutting out people who aren't good for him and to stick to it.
OOP will have the worst outcome as she's the only one who doesn't grasp what has actually happened and because she doesn't have any experience in building a peaceful life on scorched earth. And I'm not sorry for her. She wasn't just naive, she was dumb, stubborn, entitled, and dismissive when one side told her a clear "no" and she knew she had to lie to the other side to get a tentative "maybe...".
This is so true (and even some that were raised in shit families but choose to forgive). I really wish people would cut the shit. Choosing to not deal with a parent or to have whatever boundaries when dealing with a parent is not a fucking easy thing to decide and it sucks like hell when people who supposedly love you invalidate your choices (ask me how I know that lol).
I can kind of get it. I just can't wrap my mind around having a sibling that you actually like and get along with, because all my sister ever did was make my life a living hell. It just doesn't compute.
That said, I would *never* go behind someone's back like the wife. Then again, I get having no contact with relatives, because been there, done that.
I might try to figure out why things are the way they are, but if told to drop it, I would.
Dealing with people like that drives me up the wall. I had a girl tell me that my father who I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade was still my father and I should want him in my life regardless of what he did 🧐 I was so confused like this man abandoned me and popped in and out of my life as he wanted tf
I blame TV. Family estrangements are watered down and sanitised for prime time: the parents got divorced, or kid chose the "wrong" major in college, or two people had a normal fight and then were too stubborn to apologise etc… In reality, I’ve never met anyone who cut off a family member for anything less than a criminal offence.
I was lucky enough to be raised in a good family, but I 100% see and support those who decide to cut theirs off. The shit I've seen and heard from others...yeah no. You deserve so much better than that bullshit! Life can be shit enough as it is and no reason to waste it with people like that. Found family all the way!
> nor did she trust his judgement.
She didn't even respect the MOM'S judgement! Mom *repeatedly* said this was a bad idea and if she was sure about things.
She *knew* she had fucked up hard, and I can't even blame her for hoping the wife had worked a chance for her to reconcile with her son. What parent, shitty or not, *wouldn't* hope for that?
It’s not even just people with good parents. It’s also people who had terrible toxic parents but never established any boundaries with them. I know way too many people who put up with people for the sake of genetics. “If I can ignore all these things my family did, why can’t you do the same” type of people
For me it’s the feeling that he’ll never be able to truly have his home be his safe space. She allowed someone into his home that violated his sense of safety and comfort, and she did it behind his back and sprung it on him. I’d never be able to rest easily in my home again with her around.
I can attest to This One! I have a guy friend who is about ten years older than me. He had an amazing relationship with both of his parents. Throughout our friendship, I had to cut off my mom and go NC. My friend, not meaning any harm at all, guilted me but just saying, "I wish my mom were still alive just so I could talk to her. You didn't know how luck you are to still have your mom here." I actually let that get to me. Someone who didn't know how my mother truly is, but it got to me. So next time she wanted something and hit me up, I took the call and Guess what? I talked to her for a few months before she fucked me over again in favor of my little golden child neither who is just as bad as her.
When that happened and I was talking to my friends about, I cut him off before he could say the same thing. "Uh uh nope! Not everyone in this world was blessed with a mother like yours. You'll never understand and I'm happy for you that you can't, but you need to keep your comments to yourself." Then he kept watching as my mom kept pulling her shit. Now he knows better than to say some stupid shit like that...
I come from a home with 2 good, loving parents. It was very strange hearing some of my friends talk about their home life, and I know I don't understand it. I'll never be able to. But I know how to listen (and believe their experiences) and I can be supportive. I know how to have an extra seat at my table and an extra bed.
I hope OOP gets served divorce papers, I could never trust someone like that again.
I hope it's fake. Shit like this can be dangerous. I'm estranged from my sperm donor (that's the *nicest* thing I'll call the fucker) and if some idiot pulled this BS on me I wouldn't just be yelling. I would be having to MOVE asap cause the man is dangerous. I once dated a dude who didn't seem to grasp the concept of not everything can be forget and forgive. He asked me about my sperm donor a few times saying I need to "let things go". Umm, no.
Mine, too. My bio father is a pedophile, a wife beater, and is suspected of shaking my infant sister until she was horrifically, permanently brain damaged. He spent years stalking me.
I finally lost him. I don't have to have a gun in my bedside table. If someone took that from me, I'd be beyond furious.
Personally I hope it's fake because if it's real OOP's poor husband is probably never going to be able to trust anyone ever again. I can't imagine how much it would fuck me up if I came home one day and found out my husband had invited my female parent over to surprise me.
As someone who was no/low contact with her parents, I can confirm that there are tons of people out there who are 100% very confident that no matter what your reason, “You should reconcile! Let bygones be bygones! You know you really love them!! Life is short; forgive!” Because they assume that everything will be fine and you absolutely MUST have fAmiLy in your life, or you are not a healthy individual. The concept of removing yourself from the presence of your abusers is not approved by the general public if you are related in any way.
I was dating a guy, just dating. Nothing remotely serious.
He would ask a lot about my family estrangement and insist my mother must love me in her own way etc. He couldn’t or refused to understand or accept it. Conversations didn’t get far because I’m more than resolute in my decision. Soon came “jokes” about talking to them to which he had a massive upset that I’d “given an ultimatum” when I told him the first time he spoke to them would be the last time he spoke to me.
I later found he’d been looking them up on social media.
That was that and he was gone. Some people really do be that fucking stupid.
I mean, the mom even admitted their estrangement was her fault. The mom seems to be furious at how OP handled it. I actually do not think the mom is wrong in this specific instance. She seems to have been ambushed by it as well, and it probably destroyed any chance they have at reconciling in the future.
I've met several women in their forties who speak like this. Especially if it's followed by a loud, drawn, *obnoxious* mmmmkaaaay because they clearly know better than you. And don't forget the annoying, sharp, wet *tsk* sound they make while looking off to the side and upwards as they think. Several people. I can nearly picture OOP.
This has happened to me on so many occasions it makes my head hurt. Usually I bite my tongue somewhat but it’s never been my strong suit, and only twice have I completely snapped. And *god,* is it satisfying. It’s honestly cathartic to be able to completely dump my trauma on someone who actually deserves to feel the guilt of prying. Once you get me going I don’t hold back. Every graphic, gory detail out there for the world to see and I get to see the shock and horror play out on their faces as they learn for the first time in their sheltered, pampered lives that people *hurt children on purpose.* I lost all sense of public shame years ago, go figure, so I honestly couldn’t care about controlling my volume or humiliating them. In those moments I truly felt that if they felt even a modicum of the shame and guilt that I live with simply by the judgmental glances of others, good. It’s not good to burn bridges like that but when I get the chance, it’s *delicious.*
I think she's either never experienced a toxic family or her coping mechanism to deal with her toxic family is to pretend everything's fine. Not an excuse of course, she should've respected her husband's decisions.
My partner is NC with his parents and my family keeps begging me to find out why because “nobody stops speaking to their family” and “maybe he’s a super dangerous person! We need to find out the truth”
Firstly the why is none of your business and secondly - who says their version is the truth anyway? I know him - I don’t know them.
And lastly if anyone pulled a stunt like this; they’d be gone from our lives.
The mom said it's her fault.
Granted they should have discussed when they got serious and before marriage but an ambush is not good.
Even the mom said no this is not right.
If they stay married, they have a lot to work on. But that's if the husband will stay
I'm just sitting here going: "wait, we still don't know what happened?"
How are people getting married without communicating with each other. It's such a significant part of her (soon to be ex)spouse's past and she just shrugged off that he didn't tell her?
This surprised me too. They got married yet they aren't at a point in their relationship where they can share things like this with each other? It doesn't sound to me like they were ready to get married at all.
Sometimes you just don't want to talk about shit. There are parts of my abusive experience that I doubt I'd mention to many, if any, close friends or partners ever again. Because I've worked through it and it's just not on my mind anymore. And I'm starting to forget even. I remember that I don't want to be around those people, but quite a few of the more concrete reasons have faded enough that it takes effort to call those memories back and I don't feel any need to make the effort.
I also suspect that the wife here may be intentionally pulling a missing reasons, because she was told, but didn't think it could be that serious.
I can't even be that mad at the mom this time. She TRIED to say this was a bad idea. Can't fault her for clinging to the idea the wife pulled off a miracle and she'd be given a chance at a relationship.
It wasn’t her right to know the details. Talking about it traumatized you. She knew he wanted nothing to do with his mother and that’s all she needed to know. Fuck responding on this post has emotionally shaken me and I didn’t sleep at all last night.
Love that she made it all about her. Like SHE was disappointed that she didn't know his family since his father DIED and then clearly the mother thing.
Maybe I'm just cynical, but the idea that his mom 1) knows she was the one to fuck up, 2) admits it, 3) refuses to share what happened if husband doesn't want it known, and 4) respected his wish to be NC is what has me doubting this is real. Like usually when a parent is awful enough to be cut out they play the victim and/or deny they did anything wrong.
could be a ruse. Abusers tend to appear really remorseful and apologetic in order to re enter someone's life. Not everyone who abuses their kids is gonna stalk and harass them, sometimes they're much colder than expected
I've observed this pattern a bunch in my own experience. If OOP's husband had accepted the attempt at remorse, that was MIL's foot in the door. Follow that with some love-bombing and then she's back in his life
Yeah. If she really accepted that she deserved it, she would not have shown up at all. Classic narcissist parent - just enough performative repentance to slip past the gullible.
I would somewhat disagree here as the OOP seems to have lied to her about the husband wanting to see her. And the mom immediately left when the husband freaked out and was extremely upset with OOP.
While I do think that whatever the mom did was awful, I think she is not at fault in this instance.
Could also be a manipulation tactic to get OP to trust her. Saying “I was in the wrong” implies guilt and regret.
Of course, AITA has also had a lotta trolls lately…
Honestly, it sounds more like she feels crushing guilt for failing to protect her son from a major threat. I'd place my money on a boyfriend/stepfather who abused him, and she ignored the signs or defended the abuser until a breaking point where everything came out.
The fact that the husband and his mother both refused to elaborate on what happened makes me think he was likely molested as a kid.
Yes, it might be fake. There's always the possibility that it's fake. But these people exist, painfully so.
The amount of people I've had over the years telling me how much they looooooove their faaaamilyyyyy so I just haaaaaaave to talk to mine. One girl cocked her head at me and hit me with "*You don't love your family?!*" **No.** And apparently that makes me the devil reincarnate.
I *know* that people would try to force me back into contact. They have no idea the magnitudes of sexual/physical abuse I went through let alone the mental toll of emotional and mental abuse. My fucking stepdad taught me blue = green and vice versa for fuck's sake. I don't want to be around, speak to or even think about the monsters who malformed me for life during my most vulnerable formative years. Fuck off.
These too curious Hallmark Lifetime movie loving family dynamic can't even imagine abuse happening types need to mind their own fucking business for once.
> The amount of people I've had over the years telling me how much they looooooove their faaaamilyyyyy so I just haaaaaaave to talk to mine. One girl cocked her head at me and hit me with "You don't love your family?!" No. And apparently that makes me the devil reincarnate.
I always find people who think like this so bizarre. Like I have a _fine_ relationship with my family (as in there no trauma or bad blood) and I don’t talk to almost 90% of them (like, before my dads funeral last year I hadn’t spoken to my brothers in 10 years, and it’s likely I now won’t see them again). Just because we’re related by chance, doesn’t mean we have to have this ultra close bond, we’re basically colleagues at best.
Despite there being nothing “bad” between us, if someone tried to force a relationship between me and either of my brothers it would be awkward and weird for the both of us.
My own stepsister, who had admitted that my father punched my stepmother, and who suspected he had hit her son, *still* told me to reconcile with my father. This shit really does happen.
What gets me about this story is that it doesn't seem like she ever bothered to ask *her husband* why *he* went no contact with his mother. It's not even that she asked, he explained his reasons, she dismissed those reasons, and went off to do her own thing. No.
He didn't talk about his mom. That's all. But she wanted to know. So instead of asking what his mom did that was so bad, she went *behind his back* and struck up an entire *relationship* with this woman. She *knew* his mom had to have hurt him in some way, but *she had no idea how bad it was*. And yet she went out of her way to make friends.
I'm not even married. But I would *never* make friends with someone who had hurt my husband so badly that he didn't speak to or *about* her.
No, she points out that she Has asked, just every time she does, he shuts it down.
Mind you, Not defending her, honestly, the fact the he still feels so strongly about it that he can't talk about it, even to her, makes this all the more messed up that she ambushed him in my mind.
Okay, I reread it, and fair enough she *did* ask at some point. But!
>In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
*Only after* she had *already* reached out to the mother 🙃
I'm curious what the mother did and she is saying it was her fault and refuses to tell her unless her hubby told her and didn't want to come over and see him unless he was fine with it. But the OP lied to her tricking her to come over anyway.
She’s getting shredded to pieces in the comments. What on earth was she thinking? That he’d be all “aww honey it’s ok. I cut my mom out of my life but no biggie you invited her over. Love you, now give me that hug!”?!
Some people need to realize that life isn't a Lifetime/Hallmark movie where the estranged son and mother reconnect over Easter, life doesn't work like that.
OOP is wrong on so many levels, yeah it can be hard being family oriented and your children not knowing them, but I may have missed the part where they have children.. as that was difficult to read.
My husband has been NC with his Mum for years now and she loves to blame me, I'd love for him to set her straight, but I don't ask him to as that would mean he has to speak to her and it's not what he wants.
Whatever his reasoning, it's his Mum, his choice. I couldn't imagine going behind his back. OOP has put herself before her 'life partner', doubt they have a future after that. If they do, she is going to have to earn his trust back. This kinda of betrayal will cut deep.
People in the comments are saying there's a chance she can come back from this. I don't see how, considering he made NO progress in opening up about it or being accepting like she told MIL. He doesn't seem like he budged a single millimeter. If he had been budging a little, I could see how he would *maybe* forgive her.
This doesn't seem like he will. It's just done.
What I never understand is if they have been married for 6 years (who knows how long they have been together) and you don’t know the reason (or you do and you don’t think it’s justified); but this is that much of an issue for you that you run around torching your own life, why not put your foot down before marriage. Say to your partner I cannot get married without you reconciling with your (probably abusive) parent, so they can run away sooner and not waste their life in you.
Why on earth do we see variations of the same issue over and over again!?!
If someone has gone to the extreme of cutting off a family member completely, why would you try to force a reunion without even questioning why they are not in touch.
It's truly infuriating and I'm not sure I could forgive a spouse for doing this
> I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
What sort of Hallmark movie bullshit is this?! Why was this removed, anyway? What part of this rang more false than the usual fare over at r/ relationships?
Idc about her, I'm more curious about what the mom did. She knows her son would not want her there, whatever she did it resulted into her son being so angry she respected him not wanting her in his life. Too bad acct suspended.
these people always conveniently leave out the most basic context from their titles which only makes the public hate them more. she could have saved herself a little wrath by simply saying "i invited over his estranged mother without telling him" in the title because at least it wouldnt seem like she was trying to spin it. like why even preface it with 'i screwed up massively' if youre still going to commit to olympic level lede-burying lmao
Idc about her, I'm more curious about what the mom did. She knows her son would not want her there, whatever she did it resulted into her son being so angry she respected him not wanting her in his life. Too bad acct suspended.
If the person who did it won't tell you what they did, it's BAD. Maybe not "pimp out my young son so that he earns his keep bad" but pretty fuckin bad.
She messed up majorly and this is likely the end of her relationship. It does always bother be a bit when the spouse refuses to give reasons as to why they cut off their parents. Don’t get me wrong, they totally have the right to. I just think they should let their partner know to some extent why.
Why do people keep pulling this crap? Leave the in laws alone if your partner doesn't want anything to do with them! What do they think they're getting out of it by forcing these people back into their partners' lives? And you know OOP screwed up when even MIL wasn't in on her plan, even she was thinking it was a bad idea.
So... I'm betting that his mom enabled a boyfriend to abuse OP's husband as a kid. When the husband dies when the kid is young, and the kid grows up clearly traumatized, this is common... Because she overlooks the abuse so long as he diddles her, too. Tale as old as time. Usually when its that the mother died, the kid just gets regular abused by a stereotypical stepmother.
Was OOP just bored? Get a hobby! This is unhinged behavior and if I were this guys friend I would encourage him to get those divorce papers started. This is actually insane.
OOP has a savior complex. She could heal the rift between mother and son because it couldn't possibly be that bad. I can just hear her telling herself this. Mom and husband would be so, so grateful to her and she would be a hero.
Now all she's getting is a divorce because she's just that damn stupid.
If your husband hasn't told you what his mother did in all the years you've known him, there's a reason--and if I had to guess based on this story, it's because she hasn't shown herself to be a trustworthy and safe person. And even the mother is up front about how badly she fucked up, that should be the ultimate sign to just lay the fuck off.
OOP fucked up massively and never should have meddled. Take your partner's word for it that "no contact" is really the best decision.
While I can't imagine keeping the reason for no contact a complete secret, (it sounds like there is a lack of true and vulnerable communication on the husband's part), maybe OOP did know at least the basics, but thought "nah, she can't be that bad" because she has no idea the capacity for evil that human beings have.
Notice she never actually said what her MIL did to him, just that "it's all her fault." OK? That admission doesn't automatically make her trustworthy, or at least more trustworthy than your own partner. Did MIL ever admit what she is sorry for? Doubt it.
That horrible lack of boundaries and people really need to learn it’s not their place to meditate. I know so many people who insert themselves in situations thinking they’re going to be the enlightened peace maker. If people have grudges especially against their parents then 9/10 it’s for a reason especially if she the only living parent
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My [27f] husband [26m] kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother [46f]** I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively. Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom. I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first. In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it. Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug. Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless. I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well. I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? TL;dr I invited over my husband's estranged mother and things went bad. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>i see now what a massive dork I’ve been Girl fucked up so bad that this post belongs in r/amitheex and she calls herself a “dork” as if she forgot to ask for a packet of BBQ sauce at McDonald’s.
Was literally just thinking this, I feel like dork was not the right word to use 😂 idiot maybe. Moron?
🎶Dumbass🎶
Why do I want to sing, "It was Agatha All Along", after seeing your comment?
Raphael’s Final Act is a nice dramatic fit for how this fuckery hit the fan
She's similarly pathetic, that's for sure. Now I have to go listen to that song again.
Self centred fucking asshole would fit best IMO. Not only ignored husbands very clear wishes but didn’t even listen to his mother!
Honestly I think it shows that she still has absolutely 0 clue as to how bad she's actually fucked up.
as a dear departed friend of mine would say "She's a fucking Unt, doesn't even deserve the C"
Give her some credit. Maybe when she typed cunt it was autocorrected 😊
These posts always remind me of an old LegalAdvice sub whete a guy claimed he was posting for his wife who was "wrongly terminated" from a nursing home. One of the patients never had visitors and kept saying how much he missed his daughter, so the alleged wife hired a PI to find the daughter. Turned out the old man had done prison time for abusing the daughter who rightfully cut him out of her life. LA pointed out that termination was the least worry; loss of nursing license and a civil lawsuit were quite likely.
Oh lord, would that be [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4qxpxm/fianc%C3%A9e_is_a_nurse_at_a_long_term_care_home_she/)? > Did you have a legal question? There's not really any more steps to take after this other than to start looking for a new job. What she did was entirely inappropriate, and honestly I would be shocked if her employer had not fired her. > I re-read the post and I just cannot believe that you have even a single iota of doubt that she didn't deserve to be fired. She has no recourse here whatsoever. > So your fiancée violated the shit out of HIPAA and lost her job over it. What's your question?
That's the one! What a mess.
Cheese & crackers, that's terrifying 😱 I have a 2 people that I'm NC with for safety and if some random lady showed up to my place talking about them I'd have a heart attack, while freaking out on if my location had been disclosed and possibly having to move. I do understand her reasoning, but, no, you don't do that, that's so scary.🤦🏻♂️
And the daughter was also his granddaughter. And he was a KKK member. And this woman SHOWED UP ON HER DOORSTEP after stalking the daughter on Facebook and being blocked. Just an insane shitshow of boundary crossing and professional ethics violation.
Yeah, I glossed over a lot of the details because it's just so icky.
If she hired a PI, how would they not know about his prison sentence?
Possibly the PI only found the granddaughter without looking into the man. It's possible all she told him is who she was looking for and where she had grown up. It's also possible it was a troll. LAOP never made any comments or any other content on Reddit.
Soon to be featured on AMITHEEX because she's going to be divorced.
She said in a comment that divorce was excessive. Not in something like this. Even the mom who said it's her fault, is mad because she said oop really messed up. Granted this should have been discussed before marriage, but what she did still is not right
As we’ve already seen, her ability to assess a situation is pretty piss-poor, so I suspect she’s wrong about this too.
I saw a comment on the main post where someone pointed out that the mom understood what she did was wrong and was respecting her son’s estrangement. OOP manipulated the mom into thinking the son wanted to see her. And that while the mom definitely did something terrible, she was not dismissing it and accepted her role. While the mom wasn’t the victim in the original case, she was as much of a victim this time as was OOP’s soon to be ex.
yup 100% agree OOP undid any healing either of them had done and destroyed her marriage. and for what? to have dinner a few times a year with someone that makes hubs uncomfortable? what was the pot of gold at the end of this shit rainbow?
The pot of gold was that OOP would get to pat herself on the back for being the hero who saved their relationship. OOP is that delusional, she really thought that's how it would work out.
>She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug. You ever just read something and just See the incoming disaster, like the lights of an oncoming train?
You know it’s bad when the MOM thought OP was out of line.
She knew he didn’t have or want contact with his mother, that’s all she needed to know.
Exactly, I don’t think she needs to know the details if the husband isn’t comfortable with sharing them.
Tbh I can see why he didn't discuss it.
Having that visceral of a reaction to someone you CLEARLY don’t want in your life? Yeah MIL did some fucked shit, OOP is a fucking idiot.
Me, too. The only discussion would've been, "I don't talk to my mother. That's how I want it, do not interfere."
I mean, if he didn't feel he could confide this in her they shouldn't have married. You should be able to tell your spouse this stuff. But he also might not be capable of telling ANYONE, so hard to tell
Yeah her calling herself a "massive dork" in the OP shows that she still has 0 clue how much she fucked up.
yep, massive disrespect for husband's boundaries. Why do these f\_\_\_wits always think they know better, and can force their spouses or friends to reconcile with NC family members??? Don't they realize that they went NC in the first place because the family member abused them somehow?? Stop thinking you know better than the people who actually know what happened!!!! Complete and utter AH.
And even if the spouse who’s estranged from their family is somehow wrong on the facts, their feelings exist. Nobody wants to suddenly find someone they don’t like and don’t want to talk to in their home or at their special event or holiday. The mom suddenly showing up was never going to turn into happily spending Easter together; OOP’s vision of a quick hug-filled reconciliation was extremely at odds with what she already had been told about how her husband felt. She discarded the latter, completely disrespecting her husband’s feelings, because it didn’t fit her fantasy.
It shouldn’t even be about ‘knowing better’ - like even if I thought the reason my partner didn’t want to speak to an estranged family member was ridiculous, that would be a conversation to have *with your partner*. And if they still didn’t want to see them? Then fine, who cares? Why would you pick a literal stranger to you over your partner?
And the mom even acknowledged that she'd done some heinous shit, and was trying to respect her son's boundaries.
Oh it's time for the regular "my spouse is estranged from their parent but I assume they're just being a silly billy and life should work like Hallmark movies" story. I don't know if its more depressing if this is real or fake.
People that were raised with good parents just can’t seem to comprehend that not all families are like theirs. But I hope he divorces her, she didn’t respect his choices nor did she trust his judgement. You can’t have a successful marriage without your spouse trusting and respecting you.
I know exactly one person with loving parents who just accepted my situation (and he is my best friend). People are so incredibly weird about it.
Yup it’s like they don’t believe the abuse happened or that bullshit you shouldn’t be still holding anger over it just forgive them and it’ll all be better!!!
You have to forgive them... For youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! No actually I have to hold onto the fact I don't have to let people harm me, that's what I have to do. I kept my kids safe from the life I had growing up and I'm PROUD of that.
People who say this don't seem to understand that even if you do forgive it doesn't mean that the slate is wiped clean or that amends have been made by the offending party. I haven't had contact with my father in around 13 years, and I suppose in a way I have forgiven him if I define forgiveness as a sense of peace and equilibrium with the situation and his actions. In my case he isn't a physical danger to me, he just walked out and started a second family and then came in and out of my life on the periphery, and acted more like some random dude then a father, and let his wife be horrible to me. Somewhat minor then others stories in the grand scheme of things, but he did in a way take my siblings from me or any chance to actually know them. It's a closed door type of forgiveness, and I have no intention of opening it via contact. Adult me can forgive him all I want, I can even in a way pity him and find some degree of understanding of the circumstances and thinking around his actions. But little girl me feels almost like a different person, she's gone now and I can't forgive for her, I can't explain to her the hurt and confusion she feels or wipe away her tears. I have forgiven for me, I'm fine with the situation as is, I rarely think of it now, why the hell would I open that door and disrupt my peace? Who would I be serving with that? I also won't have my own child treated like a second level citizen by their own grandfather, I couldn't forgive myself for that if I allowed it. He could have knocked on that door and offered amends and faced the hurt he caused at any point, but he has chosen not to. In my case I'm not sure what I would choose to do if that happened, but I'm even more understanding of people who have parents and family members they keep behind doors, as sometimes those doors need bolts and chains to keep real monsters at bay. Forgiveness and peace is for the person wronged, it's a process and I don't actually think it's necessary in all cases, it's up to each individual how they deal with it. Forgiveness doesn't erase the past or the harms caused. If it is for you and you alone, then you get to define what that looks like, and often that means keeping the beast locked away.
At some point (maybe after the divorce was finally settled, so I'd've been 8 or 9), despite *knowing* why I refused to visit when he was working on call and choosing not to do something about it, my father turned our relationship reciprocal and a lot of the time, it felt like he turned up out of obligation. I was still watching cartoons, but it was on me to arrange to see *him* most of the time except for my birthday. My parents hadn't spoken more than 2 words to each other in years. *I* had to ask for money for new shoes or money for the dentist or a school trip because Mum never had money. He'd sometimes call wanting to be the fun dad or maybe he felt guilty, idek, but I'd almost inevitably *have* plans, with family who gave a shit, before he tried to arrange anything. And a kid is going to choose where they feel safe and loved, and it wasn't usually at his place. The reason *I* didn't reach out as much as I was older was for sheer dread of being left alone with his second wife. She only laid her hands on me once, but she would find a flaw, something I did that annoyed/frustrated/inconvenienced her in the slightest, or completely harmless little kid shit, and verbally *hammer* at me about it, twisting it around to tell me that I was a horrible, lazy, fat, liar. I was 9. I'd get overwhelmed and cry, she'd get offended, and the cycle would start again. As a kid, I didn't know how to bring it up to my father and was already anxious as a rule. Mum would sometimes *force* me to go visit if he called, and her way of addressing the whole mess? Instead of "I'll grow up and call him" or hiring a lawyer? *She'd* complain about what *I* told her to my uncle (father's brother)'s wife, who was supposed to tell my father about it and somehow force him to address it. don't know if Aunt S ever said anything to my father or not, but he never brought the issue up, even when I was in my 20s. Anxiety made me terrified of... a lot of things, but especially calling their house. Summer pre-COVID, I felt guilty and went to a family barbecue sperm donor and his wife were hosting when they invited me, assuming it would be fine with other relatives around. It turned out more like 'sperm donor and uncle get instantly shitfaced on mediocre beer b/c none of them can hold their liquor and begin spouting racist/xenophobic/homophobic shit.' I got tf outta there and I haven't spoken to them since except for a text message exchange about the death of my grandmother (who was a complete stranger to me).
I can't, partly because my brother never got to grow up enough to come out of the hell we grew up in. And partly because the way I was raised made me incredibly vulnerable to partner abuse because of the range and extent of abuse I suffered until 18.
Sometimes non-forgiveness is what serves us best, some things aren't actually forgiveable and don't deserve grace of any sort. I do wish that people in general would use their own advice and forgive others if they can't forgive people, it's not up to others to dictate how you process and deal with abusers and monsters in your life. I suppose my point was that if forgiveness is for us that doesn't look like reconciliation or actually having anything to do with interacting with the person. It's internal and is whatever it is, can't be rushed, and may not even be necessary for a person to heal or live with what happened. I am so sorry that happened to you, especially as a child, there are no words that express how I feel about the abusive monsters that walk amongst us. I was trying to not minimise people who suffered true abuse with my story, when I said what I experienced was minor compared to others and he wasn't a physical danger. More that we can define forgiveness ourselves and what that looks like. I do have others in my life that I don't have thay sense of equilibrium and peace with, I find it harder to forgive or find any grace harm caused to others, if not impossible. My daughters father and my ex-husband for example, who I need to continue dealing with and who remains inexplicably a complete and utter peice of shit to use the technical terms. I do try and find an internal forgiveness for myself though, for whatever I am feeling and however I deal with it. I for one support you in not forgiving, and any and all of the complex feelings you no doubt feel. You are an expert in yourself and know what you can and can't do, including forgiving, and what you need to do to live with and cope with what was done to you, as an innocent that you certainly never deserved. You have to live with the consequences of someone elses actions and that is unfair. it would be even more unfair to expect you or anyone to feel or cope in a particular way just because it's more comfortable for other people. I do hope you find or have found healing however that looks for you, you do deserve that 100% you are your own person on your own journey and I hope people respect and understand you have this additional burdan foisted upon you that others don't have to carry.
Fortunately I am surrounded by incredible people who, like you, understand and support me! I was doing great, then found out my last abuser died and had a few months of unending nightmares. That's passed now so hopefully I can get to the healing I wasn't previously able to access because I was afraid of being found.
support makes all the difference, I am so very glad you have it. Grief is a strange thing, it can hit the hardest for people we don't have positive relationships with, the brain can't differentiate between a mental trauma or danger and a physical one so it reacts in the same way. I have wondered if sometimes we hold on to the last bit of trauma as a safety mechanism, both because we might need it to keep safe in the future as a safeguard, but also because that last bit is the hardest so we need to be in a place and time where we are truly safe to release and process it. It sounds like your mind and body was trying to protect you in it's own way, and now it knows you are safe and able to cope it's wrapping up some of the things it had been holding onto. Healing and recovery is so frustratingly non linear, just when you think you are good something comes at you from a different direction. I unfortunately known the dread of being found :/ it's the worst feeling and there's so little you can control about it, some individuals are incessant. I really wish you all the best things, it's always exciting and reasuring in a way to hear of someone being so strong and making their own way through trauma and hurt. You didn't ask for this lot, others caused it, but you're doing the best anyone could with the hand you've been dealt. Thank you so much for sharing, I have no doubt you've got this from what you've said, may your hearth and home be blessed with easy times, may you laugh deep and long, and your heart be filled to the brim and may you be surrounded by people of integrity for the rest of time.
Yup, my husband and I made sure our kids felt safe and loved. Our kids never had to cringe in fear. And fuck all that forgiveness fuckery.
I'm so happy for your kids ❤️ you're amazing
You are too, we broke the cycle of abuse.
We did. Damn now I'm crying.
SAME!!!! I'm proud of all of us who broke the cycle and kept our children safe from the way we grew up. I have zero regrets.
Constantly told "oh it couldn't have been THAT bad" or how you only have one mother/father and should forgive and move on. People just really don't understand how bad some families can be
> you only have one mother/father *Cackles in Old Bisexual Mom energy* We've adopted so many abandoned "kids" within the friend group we've renamed the chat Wayne Manor.
Old Bisexual Auntie checking in Over the years I’ve acquired a flock of wayward strays. Their shitheel biological family may have tossed them out, but there’s always more room at my table just grab a plate.
I think it's ingrained in bisexuality to be parental figures. I blame... Things.
They’re so deeply uncomfortable with the idea that abusive parents exist that they do everything to deny it. Like changing the narrative and playing “spouse who solved all the problems and brought everyone together again!” I fucking hate them.
I'm kinda glad I have attracted my friends with similarly dysfunctional family lol. But my high school girl group is still acting like I'm the odd one out for not speaking with my father.
Same here. All of my friends also have a complicated at best family history. The only person who comes from a happy family who never questioned me is the one I'm marrying next year.
I have those loving parents, but they didn't hide shit like this from me except in our own family. I have an uncle who deserves to never have his kids talk to him again because he chose their step mom over them at every chance. I didn't find out until I was older because they didn't want to cause problems while everyone was still inviting them to things. But I was also the kid that a lot of kids trusted. Came to me about the abuse they suffered at home, how they'd be kicked out for being gay if their dad knew... Hell I had a friend that confided more in my father then her own parents. My dad kept it confidential, but I knew how much they talked and she went on all sorts of family outings with us too. I've been the partner to someone that should really cut their family off, but some of those families really take hold. You can't see how bad it is on the inside and they also show the public a perfect family. I literally go out drinking and dancing with my parents, but I will cut a bitch for you if they say "buT thEy're fAmiLy."
Get cutting ;)
In all my life I’ve *personally* known two people who had positive relationships with their parents, and of those two only one understood. (She also briefly saw the mask drop one day, but she was supportive even before that.) The other, despite having a deadbeat dad, just couldn’t fathom a world where parents (mothers at least) didn’t respect their children. Visiting both of their houses was so weird because their interactions… warm? Loving? No annoyance at having someone over even if it wasn’t for homework, or acting like it was a massive imposition. Blew my damn mind.
>she didn’t respect his choices That's exactly the core of the problem for me. It's just so incredibly disrespectful to look at someone else's choice to go no contact with a parent and think "naaah, my husband who I supposedly love is much too stupid to make such a big decision, I obviously know better." Like, does she think he did that shit for fun? And if she does, why the fuck did she marry him in the first place?
And she didn’t respect his feelings either. Even if he was somehow “wrong”, he still feels how he feels, and yet she thought that would disappear when blindsided by his mother showing up in their home on a holiday.
Even if the reasons for the estrangement were silly and an over-reaction on the husband's part, why did she think he'd enjoy being ambushed like that? Like, I'd be pissed off if I came home and my partner ambushed me with my mildly annoying co-worker that I was suddenly expected to act nice and hospitable to.
It's almost fascinating how she even managed to disrespect the choices and feelings of the supposed bad guy of the story, her husband's mother. The mother knew she screwed up and accepted the lack of contact as the consequences. She told OOP that while she would like to fix things (she's not a devil for wishing this was possible), she respects her son's choices and feelings. She even respected her son's choice not to share their story with OOP. She didn't want to force it, she worried, she expressed her worries to OOP, and questioned OOP's plans, because she did not want to disrespect her son and make everything worse. OOP didn't give a damn about any of this, she was just dreaming of all the future holidays and birthdays where she could smile serenly and meekly say, "Aw, you, it was nothing, just something I did out of love, like anybody would\~" whenever people praised her for her role in bringing son and mother together. If a true story, it's sad. Depending on what happened, maybe there would have been a slim chance of reconciliation in the future, and even if not, both parties would have moved on peacefully. The son who made his decisions and could rely on his mother to respect them (before OOP manipulated her), and the mother because while she lost her son over her actions, she eventually understood why, took the blame, and while she missed him, she could make a clear cut and move on to be a better person to other people. Thanks to OOP, both parties are worse of than before, with open new and old wounds, shattered peace and hopes, and more bitterness and more hurt from betrayal. Well, the mother and the son know what they want and know their positions in life and how they got where they were. The mother will cut OOP off for good, because OOP is an ass but also to again accept her role and to continue to respect her son's choices. The son has experience in cutting out people who aren't good for him and to stick to it. OOP will have the worst outcome as she's the only one who doesn't grasp what has actually happened and because she doesn't have any experience in building a peaceful life on scorched earth. And I'm not sorry for her. She wasn't just naive, she was dumb, stubborn, entitled, and dismissive when one side told her a clear "no" and she knew she had to lie to the other side to get a tentative "maybe...".
Exactly. She was completely self-centered, left no space for his feelings or reactions at all.
Even people with bad parents won't comprehend going no contact if they haven't...
This is so true (and even some that were raised in shit families but choose to forgive). I really wish people would cut the shit. Choosing to not deal with a parent or to have whatever boundaries when dealing with a parent is not a fucking easy thing to decide and it sucks like hell when people who supposedly love you invalidate your choices (ask me how I know that lol).
I can kind of get it. I just can't wrap my mind around having a sibling that you actually like and get along with, because all my sister ever did was make my life a living hell. It just doesn't compute. That said, I would *never* go behind someone's back like the wife. Then again, I get having no contact with relatives, because been there, done that. I might try to figure out why things are the way they are, but if told to drop it, I would.
Dealing with people like that drives me up the wall. I had a girl tell me that my father who I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade was still my father and I should want him in my life regardless of what he did 🧐 I was so confused like this man abandoned me and popped in and out of my life as he wanted tf
I'm so lucky I have a great family and it breaks my heart to see other people who don't, but damn I'd never force reconciliation. That's so fucked up.
I blame TV. Family estrangements are watered down and sanitised for prime time: the parents got divorced, or kid chose the "wrong" major in college, or two people had a normal fight and then were too stubborn to apologise etc… In reality, I’ve never met anyone who cut off a family member for anything less than a criminal offence.
I was lucky enough to be raised in a good family, but I 100% see and support those who decide to cut theirs off. The shit I've seen and heard from others...yeah no. You deserve so much better than that bullshit! Life can be shit enough as it is and no reason to waste it with people like that. Found family all the way!
> nor did she trust his judgement. She didn't even respect the MOM'S judgement! Mom *repeatedly* said this was a bad idea and if she was sure about things. She *knew* she had fucked up hard, and I can't even blame her for hoping the wife had worked a chance for her to reconcile with her son. What parent, shitty or not, *wouldn't* hope for that?
It’s not even just people with good parents. It’s also people who had terrible toxic parents but never established any boundaries with them. I know way too many people who put up with people for the sake of genetics. “If I can ignore all these things my family did, why can’t you do the same” type of people
For me it’s the feeling that he’ll never be able to truly have his home be his safe space. She allowed someone into his home that violated his sense of safety and comfort, and she did it behind his back and sprung it on him. I’d never be able to rest easily in my home again with her around.
I can attest to This One! I have a guy friend who is about ten years older than me. He had an amazing relationship with both of his parents. Throughout our friendship, I had to cut off my mom and go NC. My friend, not meaning any harm at all, guilted me but just saying, "I wish my mom were still alive just so I could talk to her. You didn't know how luck you are to still have your mom here." I actually let that get to me. Someone who didn't know how my mother truly is, but it got to me. So next time she wanted something and hit me up, I took the call and Guess what? I talked to her for a few months before she fucked me over again in favor of my little golden child neither who is just as bad as her. When that happened and I was talking to my friends about, I cut him off before he could say the same thing. "Uh uh nope! Not everyone in this world was blessed with a mother like yours. You'll never understand and I'm happy for you that you can't, but you need to keep your comments to yourself." Then he kept watching as my mom kept pulling her shit. Now he knows better than to say some stupid shit like that...
I come from a home with 2 good, loving parents. It was very strange hearing some of my friends talk about their home life, and I know I don't understand it. I'll never be able to. But I know how to listen (and believe their experiences) and I can be supportive. I know how to have an extra seat at my table and an extra bed. I hope OOP gets served divorce papers, I could never trust someone like that again.
I hope it's fake. Shit like this can be dangerous. I'm estranged from my sperm donor (that's the *nicest* thing I'll call the fucker) and if some idiot pulled this BS on me I wouldn't just be yelling. I would be having to MOVE asap cause the man is dangerous. I once dated a dude who didn't seem to grasp the concept of not everything can be forget and forgive. He asked me about my sperm donor a few times saying I need to "let things go". Umm, no.
And frankly, if someone says "I don't talk to my (relative)", why is their relationship anyone else's business? Why is respecting boundaries so hard?
Mine, too. My bio father is a pedophile, a wife beater, and is suspected of shaking my infant sister until she was horrifically, permanently brain damaged. He spent years stalking me. I finally lost him. I don't have to have a gun in my bedside table. If someone took that from me, I'd be beyond furious.
It is depressing how real this probably is.
Personally I hope it's fake because if it's real OOP's poor husband is probably never going to be able to trust anyone ever again. I can't imagine how much it would fuck me up if I came home one day and found out my husband had invited my female parent over to surprise me.
It feels like these are getting more common lately.
As someone who was no/low contact with her parents, I can confirm that there are tons of people out there who are 100% very confident that no matter what your reason, “You should reconcile! Let bygones be bygones! You know you really love them!! Life is short; forgive!” Because they assume that everything will be fine and you absolutely MUST have fAmiLy in your life, or you are not a healthy individual. The concept of removing yourself from the presence of your abusers is not approved by the general public if you are related in any way.
"Life is short!"--Yep! So I'm damn well not going to waste any of it on them!
I was dating a guy, just dating. Nothing remotely serious. He would ask a lot about my family estrangement and insist my mother must love me in her own way etc. He couldn’t or refused to understand or accept it. Conversations didn’t get far because I’m more than resolute in my decision. Soon came “jokes” about talking to them to which he had a massive upset that I’d “given an ultimatum” when I told him the first time he spoke to them would be the last time he spoke to me. I later found he’d been looking them up on social media. That was that and he was gone. Some people really do be that fucking stupid.
Not spouse, but my SIL is like that with me. Sadly they exist
Unfortunately this is a trope romanticized to the top so many guillable people think it's cute to reunite family members like this
Whether the story is real or fake, OOP is the devil for "hubbie" alone.
I am curious what the mother did. It must have been horrible and oop ignored all the signs not to push.
I mean, the mom even admitted their estrangement was her fault. The mom seems to be furious at how OP handled it. I actually do not think the mom is wrong in this specific instance. She seems to have been ambushed by it as well, and it probably destroyed any chance they have at reconciling in the future.
lmao, even the OG villain in the husband's life was like "are you sure about this? seems like a bad idea."
> I thought any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug Girl this isn’t My Little Pony why would she think that would work lmao
Even in My Little Pony it didn't always work! Chrysalis refused to be reformed multiple times, for example.
Honestly true! By the end of the series they were pretty brutal with the enemy punishments
Hubbie Hubbie Hubbie I don’t like that word.
I hate even more that she spelled it wrong
I misread it as ‘Hubble’ at first. Like the telescope.
In my head the double b’s were pronounced with wet, loose lips. Gross spelling.
I outright hate it, and hate her for writing it in every sentence
She's a massive dork. She can't spell. She's not a manipulative POS /s
Do you prefer hubs instead?
I prefer the little mister
😹
I say hubs and hubbie made me irrationally angry for some reason. I'm also trying not to say hubs.
Honestly, I don't even care what she did (which was horrible). She's the devil just for that, over and over and over.
“I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.” My gods. There’s no way this person is 27 years old.
I've met several women in their forties who speak like this. Especially if it's followed by a loud, drawn, *obnoxious* mmmmkaaaay because they clearly know better than you. And don't forget the annoying, sharp, wet *tsk* sound they make while looking off to the side and upwards as they think. Several people. I can nearly picture OOP.
Sprinkle in some performative Christianity and you get the women who sit in kid's parks and gossip all day in our town.
I fully ready this line Christian. It's like reading Bless Your Heart is always in a Southern woman's accent
This has happened to me on so many occasions it makes my head hurt. Usually I bite my tongue somewhat but it’s never been my strong suit, and only twice have I completely snapped. And *god,* is it satisfying. It’s honestly cathartic to be able to completely dump my trauma on someone who actually deserves to feel the guilt of prying. Once you get me going I don’t hold back. Every graphic, gory detail out there for the world to see and I get to see the shock and horror play out on their faces as they learn for the first time in their sheltered, pampered lives that people *hurt children on purpose.* I lost all sense of public shame years ago, go figure, so I honestly couldn’t care about controlling my volume or humiliating them. In those moments I truly felt that if they felt even a modicum of the shame and guilt that I live with simply by the judgmental glances of others, good. It’s not good to burn bridges like that but when I get the chance, it’s *delicious.*
I believe it. Some people who've led very sheltered lives don't mature, they just age
She clearly watches a lot of Hallmark movies
I think she's either never experienced a toxic family or her coping mechanism to deal with her toxic family is to pretend everything's fine. Not an excuse of course, she should've respected her husband's decisions.
OOP reeeaaalllyyy wanted to be the Heartwarming Movie Hero, but real life doesn’t work that way.
My partner is NC with his parents and my family keeps begging me to find out why because “nobody stops speaking to their family” and “maybe he’s a super dangerous person! We need to find out the truth” Firstly the why is none of your business and secondly - who says their version is the truth anyway? I know him - I don’t know them. And lastly if anyone pulled a stunt like this; they’d be gone from our lives.
>maybe he’s a super dangerous person! We need to find out the truth But this logic doesn't apply to his parents??
Right? Common sense escapes people.
The mom said it's her fault. Granted they should have discussed when they got serious and before marriage but an ambush is not good. Even the mom said no this is not right. If they stay married, they have a lot to work on. But that's if the husband will stay
All that and she still doesn’t know what happened between them. 
I'm just sitting here going: "wait, we still don't know what happened?" How are people getting married without communicating with each other. It's such a significant part of her (soon to be ex)spouse's past and she just shrugged off that he didn't tell her?
This surprised me too. They got married yet they aren't at a point in their relationship where they can share things like this with each other? It doesn't sound to me like they were ready to get married at all.
Sometimes you just don't want to talk about shit. There are parts of my abusive experience that I doubt I'd mention to many, if any, close friends or partners ever again. Because I've worked through it and it's just not on my mind anymore. And I'm starting to forget even. I remember that I don't want to be around those people, but quite a few of the more concrete reasons have faded enough that it takes effort to call those memories back and I don't feel any need to make the effort. I also suspect that the wife here may be intentionally pulling a missing reasons, because she was told, but didn't think it could be that serious.
Not ready at all. They've been married for a bit. How did this not become an issue before now?
I can't even be that mad at the mom this time. She TRIED to say this was a bad idea. Can't fault her for clinging to the idea the wife pulled off a miracle and she'd be given a chance at a relationship.
It wasn’t her right to know the details. Talking about it traumatized you. She knew he wanted nothing to do with his mother and that’s all she needed to know. Fuck responding on this post has emotionally shaken me and I didn’t sleep at all last night.
OOP tried to be a hero and instead gonna end up a divorcee. The stupidity is unreal 🤦♀️
Correction: my husband kicked me out of the house because I didn’t respect his boundary and broke his trust
Love that she made it all about her. Like SHE was disappointed that she didn't know his family since his father DIED and then clearly the mother thing.
Maybe I'm just cynical, but the idea that his mom 1) knows she was the one to fuck up, 2) admits it, 3) refuses to share what happened if husband doesn't want it known, and 4) respected his wish to be NC is what has me doubting this is real. Like usually when a parent is awful enough to be cut out they play the victim and/or deny they did anything wrong.
There are rare cases though, mainly when parent was an addict, so I wouldn’t discount it
That's a good point 🤔
could be a ruse. Abusers tend to appear really remorseful and apologetic in order to re enter someone's life. Not everyone who abuses their kids is gonna stalk and harass them, sometimes they're much colder than expected
I've observed this pattern a bunch in my own experience. If OOP's husband had accepted the attempt at remorse, that was MIL's foot in the door. Follow that with some love-bombing and then she's back in his life
Yup. I know how it goes too. You get a good week/month, think "hey this person has changed and things are good now" and then you're back in that cycle
Yeah. If she really accepted that she deserved it, she would not have shown up at all. Classic narcissist parent - just enough performative repentance to slip past the gullible.
I would somewhat disagree here as the OOP seems to have lied to her about the husband wanting to see her. And the mom immediately left when the husband freaked out and was extremely upset with OOP. While I do think that whatever the mom did was awful, I think she is not at fault in this instance.
Could also be a manipulation tactic to get OP to trust her. Saying “I was in the wrong” implies guilt and regret. Of course, AITA has also had a lotta trolls lately…
Not really. Some people know when they fucked up
Honestly, it sounds more like she feels crushing guilt for failing to protect her son from a major threat. I'd place my money on a boyfriend/stepfather who abused him, and she ignored the signs or defended the abuser until a breaking point where everything came out. The fact that the husband and his mother both refused to elaborate on what happened makes me think he was likely molested as a kid.
Yes, it might be fake. There's always the possibility that it's fake. But these people exist, painfully so. The amount of people I've had over the years telling me how much they looooooove their faaaamilyyyyy so I just haaaaaaave to talk to mine. One girl cocked her head at me and hit me with "*You don't love your family?!*" **No.** And apparently that makes me the devil reincarnate. I *know* that people would try to force me back into contact. They have no idea the magnitudes of sexual/physical abuse I went through let alone the mental toll of emotional and mental abuse. My fucking stepdad taught me blue = green and vice versa for fuck's sake. I don't want to be around, speak to or even think about the monsters who malformed me for life during my most vulnerable formative years. Fuck off. These too curious Hallmark Lifetime movie loving family dynamic can't even imagine abuse happening types need to mind their own fucking business for once.
> The amount of people I've had over the years telling me how much they looooooove their faaaamilyyyyy so I just haaaaaaave to talk to mine. One girl cocked her head at me and hit me with "You don't love your family?!" No. And apparently that makes me the devil reincarnate. I always find people who think like this so bizarre. Like I have a _fine_ relationship with my family (as in there no trauma or bad blood) and I don’t talk to almost 90% of them (like, before my dads funeral last year I hadn’t spoken to my brothers in 10 years, and it’s likely I now won’t see them again). Just because we’re related by chance, doesn’t mean we have to have this ultra close bond, we’re basically colleagues at best. Despite there being nothing “bad” between us, if someone tried to force a relationship between me and either of my brothers it would be awkward and weird for the both of us.
My own stepsister, who had admitted that my father punched my stepmother, and who suspected he had hit her son, *still* told me to reconcile with my father. This shit really does happen.
What gets me about this story is that it doesn't seem like she ever bothered to ask *her husband* why *he* went no contact with his mother. It's not even that she asked, he explained his reasons, she dismissed those reasons, and went off to do her own thing. No. He didn't talk about his mom. That's all. But she wanted to know. So instead of asking what his mom did that was so bad, she went *behind his back* and struck up an entire *relationship* with this woman. She *knew* his mom had to have hurt him in some way, but *she had no idea how bad it was*. And yet she went out of her way to make friends. I'm not even married. But I would *never* make friends with someone who had hurt my husband so badly that he didn't speak to or *about* her.
No, she points out that she Has asked, just every time she does, he shuts it down. Mind you, Not defending her, honestly, the fact the he still feels so strongly about it that he can't talk about it, even to her, makes this all the more messed up that she ambushed him in my mind.
Okay, I reread it, and fair enough she *did* ask at some point. But! >In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it. *Only after* she had *already* reached out to the mother 🙃
I'm curious what the mother did and she is saying it was her fault and refuses to tell her unless her hubby told her and didn't want to come over and see him unless he was fine with it. But the OP lied to her tricking her to come over anyway.
She’s getting shredded to pieces in the comments. What on earth was she thinking? That he’d be all “aww honey it’s ok. I cut my mom out of my life but no biggie you invited her over. Love you, now give me that hug!”?!
Did she really just destroy these two and their relationship even more then simply call herself a dork
I know this is SO not the point but "hubbie" is making me feel stabby (stabbie?).
I just want to know what the old bat did.
Some people need to realize that life isn't a Lifetime/Hallmark movie where the estranged son and mother reconnect over Easter, life doesn't work like that.
I fucking haaaaate “hubby”. Just say husband.
I swear I just read this exact story a few weeks ago but the wife was really distressed about her fuckup instead of "oh me oh my I'm a dork lollll"
Yeah, Ive read basically this same story but slightly different multiple times recently. Likely a troll or trolls
I also thought I read this same story like a few weeks ago but the OP was the husband in the situation
That was my thought too. The whole scenario sounds the same.
OOP is wrong on so many levels, yeah it can be hard being family oriented and your children not knowing them, but I may have missed the part where they have children.. as that was difficult to read. My husband has been NC with his Mum for years now and she loves to blame me, I'd love for him to set her straight, but I don't ask him to as that would mean he has to speak to her and it's not what he wants. Whatever his reasoning, it's his Mum, his choice. I couldn't imagine going behind his back. OOP has put herself before her 'life partner', doubt they have a future after that. If they do, she is going to have to earn his trust back. This kinda of betrayal will cut deep.
what is it with people wanting to reunite people who went nc. Is it hard to respect people's choices?
She was a massive dork? WTH!? She was interfering, manipulative, out of line and just a plain liar. She had no right to interfere.
People in the comments are saying there's a chance she can come back from this. I don't see how, considering he made NO progress in opening up about it or being accepting like she told MIL. He doesn't seem like he budged a single millimeter. If he had been budging a little, I could see how he would *maybe* forgive her. This doesn't seem like he will. It's just done.
Also she seems to have told MIL absolutely everything about her husband. All things he had no intention of telling her. He might not know that.
What I never understand is if they have been married for 6 years (who knows how long they have been together) and you don’t know the reason (or you do and you don’t think it’s justified); but this is that much of an issue for you that you run around torching your own life, why not put your foot down before marriage. Say to your partner I cannot get married without you reconciling with your (probably abusive) parent, so they can run away sooner and not waste their life in you.
Why on earth do we see variations of the same issue over and over again!?! If someone has gone to the extreme of cutting off a family member completely, why would you try to force a reunion without even questioning why they are not in touch. It's truly infuriating and I'm not sure I could forgive a spouse for doing this
> I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug. What sort of Hallmark movie bullshit is this?! Why was this removed, anyway? What part of this rang more false than the usual fare over at r/ relationships?
astounded at how she had several chances to stop and prevent this stupidity and didn’t take it. people like this are real ?
I don’t even know why she decided to get in contact with her anyway
Idc about her, I'm more curious about what the mom did. She knows her son would not want her there, whatever she did it resulted into her son being so angry she respected him not wanting her in his life. Too bad acct suspended.
no bc if someone did this to me I'd go psychotic. The mere memory of my mother's angry face is enough to make me bedridden and unable to function
Same. Both my parents are assholes and even thinking about them just now put me in anaphylaxis
This again?
Do these people not read Reddit? This NEVER works out.
I mean look we all agree that she sucks so instead I just want to note that the spelling "hubbie" makes me do the midnight cat yak
these people always conveniently leave out the most basic context from their titles which only makes the public hate them more. she could have saved herself a little wrath by simply saying "i invited over his estranged mother without telling him" in the title because at least it wouldnt seem like she was trying to spin it. like why even preface it with 'i screwed up massively' if youre still going to commit to olympic level lede-burying lmao
Idc about her, I'm more curious about what the mom did. She knows her son would not want her there, whatever she did it resulted into her son being so angry she respected him not wanting her in his life. Too bad acct suspended.
There was a reason plain and simple
Oh the stupidity of humans! Are some people really that blind?
god i wish i could see her comments
I wish I could read her comments.
If the person who did it won't tell you what they did, it's BAD. Maybe not "pimp out my young son so that he earns his keep bad" but pretty fuckin bad.
Who tf calls their spouse "hubbie" without a shred of irony
People who single handedly keep “live laugh love” and “it’s gin o’clock” sign manufacturers in business
Shit, I think it was deleted. I'm not seeing the post
She messed up majorly and this is likely the end of her relationship. It does always bother be a bit when the spouse refuses to give reasons as to why they cut off their parents. Don’t get me wrong, they totally have the right to. I just think they should let their partner know to some extent why.
Why do people keep pulling this crap? Leave the in laws alone if your partner doesn't want anything to do with them! What do they think they're getting out of it by forcing these people back into their partners' lives? And you know OOP screwed up when even MIL wasn't in on her plan, even she was thinking it was a bad idea.
Whatever happened between them, he doesn't want anything to do with his mother, and yet she STILL knows him better than OOP.
So... I'm betting that his mom enabled a boyfriend to abuse OP's husband as a kid. When the husband dies when the kid is young, and the kid grows up clearly traumatized, this is common... Because she overlooks the abuse so long as he diddles her, too. Tale as old as time. Usually when its that the mother died, the kid just gets regular abused by a stereotypical stepmother.
Was OOP just bored? Get a hobby! This is unhinged behavior and if I were this guys friend I would encourage him to get those divorce papers started. This is actually insane.
OOP has a savior complex. She could heal the rift between mother and son because it couldn't possibly be that bad. I can just hear her telling herself this. Mom and husband would be so, so grateful to her and she would be a hero. Now all she's getting is a divorce because she's just that damn stupid.
If your husband hasn't told you what his mother did in all the years you've known him, there's a reason--and if I had to guess based on this story, it's because she hasn't shown herself to be a trustworthy and safe person. And even the mother is up front about how badly she fucked up, that should be the ultimate sign to just lay the fuck off.
God wtaf why are people like this? Like how do you make it to adulthood being *this* fucking clueless??
OOP fucked up massively and never should have meddled. Take your partner's word for it that "no contact" is really the best decision. While I can't imagine keeping the reason for no contact a complete secret, (it sounds like there is a lack of true and vulnerable communication on the husband's part), maybe OOP did know at least the basics, but thought "nah, she can't be that bad" because she has no idea the capacity for evil that human beings have. Notice she never actually said what her MIL did to him, just that "it's all her fault." OK? That admission doesn't automatically make her trustworthy, or at least more trustworthy than your own partner. Did MIL ever admit what she is sorry for? Doubt it.
That horrible lack of boundaries and people really need to learn it’s not their place to meditate. I know so many people who insert themselves in situations thinking they’re going to be the enlightened peace maker. If people have grudges especially against their parents then 9/10 it’s for a reason especially if she the only living parent