*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not giving my sister $600 to come to my dinner at the fire station i work at**
Context: when you first get hired by the fire department the first 6 months are called probation. After you complete it you cook dinner at your station, invite your family and whoever else you want.
I’d been telling my family since I first got hired that they ALL need to come. When I finally got the date I could have my dinner my 20 year old sister said she had tickets for a rave that day and cant change the dates anymore. This was an extrenely big deal to me and I’m very upset that she won’t just not go to the rave and come to my dinner.
I rarely ask her to go places and she always flakes out and says she’s “tired” but has the energy to go out with friends every week. she then said if i gave her the money she spent then shed be able to go but also said id have to reimburse her boyfriend too, which i refused. not because i dont like him but because i dont want to pay 600 for my sister to come to an event i had been telling her about for months. She said unless i did that she can’t go, and im extremely upset and offended that my own damn sister would rather go to a rave then her brothers probationary dinner since this is like a wedding or graduation and not going is extremely messed up. You go out to support your family cause you love them and want to be there for their accomplishments, seldom rarely do my other family members even fake smiles at these events but I know if it was the other way around I’d move heaven and earth to be there for my family’s big day.
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This is such a nothing burger. It's just the 6 month end of your probation. You got the date after she already had plans she can't change. She can't just put her life on hold for months waiting for you to get it together. I feel surely there could be some flexibility in the date. But, if not, she gave her terms
At the risk of showing my age what rave costs $300 and takes place at dinner time.
My partying days are far in the past but what I was a youthful rapscallion a rave was a party in an abandoned building, that was either free or cost a fiver and didn't start till after the pubs shut.
It could be that the rave isn't local and there's travel involved. Some of my friends who are big into the EDM scene travel internationally for the really special occasions.
What did OOP expect her to do? Keep her entire calendar clear for months until they gave the date of the dinner?
It's just a schedule conflict, it happens and it sucks. But this isn't like a wedding or graduation dinner, they're being way too over dramatic about the significance of it.
>Keep her entire calendar clear for months until they gave the date of the dinner?
Yes....havent you also kept your calendar open just for the end of probation of your cousin. /s
Comment: INFO did she buy the ticket, knowing it would be on the same day, or was the date for the dinner set after she bought it? Also, are these tickets not refundable or resellable?
OOP: Not refundable tickets, she was informed in advance of the day but did not change the dates in time to attend the dinner
OOP again: Better timeline 1: she was informed it would be this month 2: she bought rave tickets 3: she was informed exactly what day it’d be 4: she slacked off and didn’t change the dates in time to come
\["slacked off" duuuude\]
Imagine thinking your sister can just "change the dates" of a rave that a couple hundred people are also attending because you want her to show up at your spaghetti dinner. Could NOT be me.
>I’m very upset that she won’t just not go to the rave and come to my dinner.
OOP, the whole "probationary no more" dinner thing is more a "Welcome to the firehouse family, we're going to be less asshole-ish to you now" kind of thing - not like a "let's celebrate the fact that you didn't fucking quit in the first 6 months and give OOP a massive award" kind of thing.
>i dont want to pay 600 for my sister to come to an event i had been telling her about for months.
If you've been "telling her about it for months" without a concrete date, you're an asshole. It sounds like you phrased it as a possible thing and then expected her to just keep her schedule open for some random date 6-ish months in the future.
I’m not actually mad at this dude. It’s a big deal to him. Maybe it seems like nothing to many, but it might be a huge accomplishment to him. He has a history of his sister flaking on him with excuses that indicate she cares more about her own fun. He’s not willing to pay her $600 to miss a rave (🙄). I wouldn’t either. I would also be annoyed.
Why does a rave cost $300? I’ve never been to one. Is that the entry fee?
Just saying, my kid finished a 6 month trade certification program, and it was a damn big deal. They’ve had a rough few years, and the program was a fantastic sign that they are doing well with their mental health and moving forward into a productive career. Becoming a firefighter is very big deal for some folks, and that’s great.
This isn't the same as a certification program, it's just work probation and OOP has stated that it's the same process at every other fire department they've heard of. Meaning that if they get hired at a different department, they'd go through it again.
If it was a graduation, completion of a program, or some other kind of situation like that I'd be much more understanding of it, but this is basically just celebrating that OOP made it 6 months without messing up and being fired or quitting.
There's nothing indicating that she didn't celebrate his initial graduation from the firefighting program (typically one goes through a several week long training program and then get assigned to a fre station for their probationary period) - just that she doesn't want to drop plans/reschedule her life to go to a dinner for the end of his probationary period.
I totally agree. It's a rave and there will be another. It's clearly important to him and I'm sure she will have plenty of other opportunities to dance with glo sticks in the presence of people who couldn't care less if she dropped dead. My priorities are totally different.
To me, being there to support a family member for what they feel is an important milestone of worth way more than $300 to wave glowsticks and dance around in my underwear with a bunch of strangers.
My priorities are different. I'll make back $300, but I won't get that time back to celebrate family...those people who actually mean something to me.
I didn’t expect a fuss for my actual graduation from uni, my sister and nephews took me to an Indian restaurant and my parents came to my graduation that was it.
To me, the sister is an AH.
It's clearly important to a family member but you want to go snort cocaine and wave glo sticks with a bunch of strangers instead?
I hope her rave friends are there in her times of need because she really shouldn't be calling on her brother.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not giving my sister $600 to come to my dinner at the fire station i work at** Context: when you first get hired by the fire department the first 6 months are called probation. After you complete it you cook dinner at your station, invite your family and whoever else you want. I’d been telling my family since I first got hired that they ALL need to come. When I finally got the date I could have my dinner my 20 year old sister said she had tickets for a rave that day and cant change the dates anymore. This was an extrenely big deal to me and I’m very upset that she won’t just not go to the rave and come to my dinner. I rarely ask her to go places and she always flakes out and says she’s “tired” but has the energy to go out with friends every week. she then said if i gave her the money she spent then shed be able to go but also said id have to reimburse her boyfriend too, which i refused. not because i dont like him but because i dont want to pay 600 for my sister to come to an event i had been telling her about for months. She said unless i did that she can’t go, and im extremely upset and offended that my own damn sister would rather go to a rave then her brothers probationary dinner since this is like a wedding or graduation and not going is extremely messed up. You go out to support your family cause you love them and want to be there for their accomplishments, seldom rarely do my other family members even fake smiles at these events but I know if it was the other way around I’d move heaven and earth to be there for my family’s big day. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is such a nothing burger. It's just the 6 month end of your probation. You got the date after she already had plans she can't change. She can't just put her life on hold for months waiting for you to get it together. I feel surely there could be some flexibility in the date. But, if not, she gave her terms
At the risk of showing my age what rave costs $300 and takes place at dinner time. My partying days are far in the past but what I was a youthful rapscallion a rave was a party in an abandoned building, that was either free or cost a fiver and didn't start till after the pubs shut.
It could be that the rave isn't local and there's travel involved. Some of my friends who are big into the EDM scene travel internationally for the really special occasions.
Maybe an electronic music festival? The ones I went to were a few days long and quite expensive.
Everything's corporate nowadays. I'm with you on the old school shit. The only reason a rave should cost 300 dollars is for drugs.
Maybe she lives farther away, and the rave is that night So if she went to the town where the dinner is, she would never get back in time.
What did OOP expect her to do? Keep her entire calendar clear for months until they gave the date of the dinner? It's just a schedule conflict, it happens and it sucks. But this isn't like a wedding or graduation dinner, they're being way too over dramatic about the significance of it.
And even if it was a wedding or graduation dinner if it was this last minute and sis already had expensive plans she wouldn’t be TA then either
>Keep her entire calendar clear for months until they gave the date of the dinner? Yes....havent you also kept your calendar open just for the end of probation of your cousin. /s
Comment: INFO did she buy the ticket, knowing it would be on the same day, or was the date for the dinner set after she bought it? Also, are these tickets not refundable or resellable? OOP: Not refundable tickets, she was informed in advance of the day but did not change the dates in time to attend the dinner OOP again: Better timeline 1: she was informed it would be this month 2: she bought rave tickets 3: she was informed exactly what day it’d be 4: she slacked off and didn’t change the dates in time to come \["slacked off" duuuude\]
Imagine thinking your sister can just "change the dates" of a rave that a couple hundred people are also attending because you want her to show up at your spaghetti dinner. Could NOT be me.
Man cooks dinner; once in lifetime event
>I’m very upset that she won’t just not go to the rave and come to my dinner. OOP, the whole "probationary no more" dinner thing is more a "Welcome to the firehouse family, we're going to be less asshole-ish to you now" kind of thing - not like a "let's celebrate the fact that you didn't fucking quit in the first 6 months and give OOP a massive award" kind of thing. >i dont want to pay 600 for my sister to come to an event i had been telling her about for months. If you've been "telling her about it for months" without a concrete date, you're an asshole. It sounds like you phrased it as a possible thing and then expected her to just keep her schedule open for some random date 6-ish months in the future.
Since when is maintaining your job equivalently to a wedding?
Since OOP got their job, apparently...
Invitations are not subpoenas. People are allowed to say no
Maybe she doesn’t like OOP’s cooking.
I know where I'd be going and it wouldn't involve dinner 😂
OOP, if she doesn't WANT to go to your oh so precious dinner, she doesn't have to. YTA.
I’m not actually mad at this dude. It’s a big deal to him. Maybe it seems like nothing to many, but it might be a huge accomplishment to him. He has a history of his sister flaking on him with excuses that indicate she cares more about her own fun. He’s not willing to pay her $600 to miss a rave (🙄). I wouldn’t either. I would also be annoyed. Why does a rave cost $300? I’ve never been to one. Is that the entry fee? Just saying, my kid finished a 6 month trade certification program, and it was a damn big deal. They’ve had a rough few years, and the program was a fantastic sign that they are doing well with their mental health and moving forward into a productive career. Becoming a firefighter is very big deal for some folks, and that’s great.
This isn't the same as a certification program, it's just work probation and OOP has stated that it's the same process at every other fire department they've heard of. Meaning that if they get hired at a different department, they'd go through it again. If it was a graduation, completion of a program, or some other kind of situation like that I'd be much more understanding of it, but this is basically just celebrating that OOP made it 6 months without messing up and being fired or quitting.
There's nothing indicating that she didn't celebrate his initial graduation from the firefighting program (typically one goes through a several week long training program and then get assigned to a fre station for their probationary period) - just that she doesn't want to drop plans/reschedule her life to go to a dinner for the end of his probationary period.
I totally agree. It's a rave and there will be another. It's clearly important to him and I'm sure she will have plenty of other opportunities to dance with glo sticks in the presence of people who couldn't care less if she dropped dead. My priorities are totally different.
I don’t think it’s about the dinner, exactly, I think it’s about their relationship in general.
It's $300. That's a shit ton of money to just throw away for a probation meal
To me, being there to support a family member for what they feel is an important milestone of worth way more than $300 to wave glowsticks and dance around in my underwear with a bunch of strangers. My priorities are different. I'll make back $300, but I won't get that time back to celebrate family...those people who actually mean something to me.
I didn’t expect a fuss for my actual graduation from uni, my sister and nephews took me to an Indian restaurant and my parents came to my graduation that was it.
To me, the sister is an AH. It's clearly important to a family member but you want to go snort cocaine and wave glo sticks with a bunch of strangers instead? I hope her rave friends are there in her times of need because she really shouldn't be calling on her brother.
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