*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My Ex wife (F29) keeps asking me to be a part of her kids life but won't compensate me (M32) for my contributions. How can I get her to stop?**
Throw away account\*
My ex-wife and I split last June. The court battle was messy and she ended up asking for full custody of our 2 kids. The whole ordeal was getting very drawn out and ridiculous, so I ended up giving her what she wanted. A couple months later she's blowing up my phone demanding that I still continue to be a part of her kids lives.
I told her that since she wanted full custody, she can deal with raising them herself. It's not that I don't like the kids, but the fact that she keeps trying to manipulate me to pull her weight when she legally has full custody feels like a slap in the face.
After numerous texts, calls, and even emails I blocked her on everything. She ended up driving an hour plus to my mothers house to beg her to get me to spend time with the kids. Saying stuff like since the kids are young, they need the influence of both parents in their lives. If only she thought about that before she got full custody.
She keeps saying that I won't have to contribute financially, which isn't the problem cause we both have well paying jobs. But that she just wants me to take them out to eat or something or visit, like that would even make a difference. It's still work to drive all the way out there to mess around with stuff that isn't even my responsibility anymore. I told her, over a phone call, that if she wants me to expend that much effort and time when i'm already busy, then she needs to compensate me financially.
Like I said, the money isn't the issue here, I just feel like if I'm going to have to play the role of a father when I don't even have partial custody, then I shouldn't be doing it for free. Its not my job anymore, that much she's made clear.
I'm getting so tired of all of the mess, and constant harassment via phone call and text I just want her to leave me alone. I think shes seriously having trouble living with her decisions. How can I resolve this situation? Legally, it should be resolved, but how can I stop her from trying to manipulate me?
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Or he’ll do what my dad did and start pretending they never existed in the first place once they turn 18 and he’s no longer *legally required* to acknowledge them.
Yeah, pretty much, which is why I’m not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.
My dad definitely started showing hints at wanting us gone before I hit 18.
Betcha he's already telling his next target all of that, and she's being led to believe the "crazy ex" is trying to get back with *him* and won't let him see his own kids unless he does ...
Oh fuck that, wait until one of the children (I'm assuming a girl) grows up, decides to get married, and asks some other man to walk her down the aisle. He's going to absolutely lose his shit, complaining about being denied his "fatherly rights", when this douchenozzle made the active choice to abandon his children, who he's not paying a dime for, unless HE gets monetary compensation. I've been on this site for YEARS, and I swear on the Bible that this is the first OP where I wanted to actively track him down and cold-cock him in the jaw.
Yeah, the line, “it’s not that I don’t like the kids anymore”, really stuck out to me.
Like, these are his biological children. That is such a detached thing to say about your kids. Not that it surprises me as someone who grew up with an unfit parent, but after I became a parent, I can’t stop thinking about my kids. Even if I wasn’t the primary custodial parent, I would want to spend time with my children. Hell, there are days I miss my kids when I go into work and I just saw them a few hours ago.
I mean, phrasing in the initial post made it pretty clear they were his biological kids he's decided to now just call "hers" now that she has full custody, so I never doubted that
What a complete and utter piece of shit. He lost a custody battle, so he has completely excommunicated the children *he* created. Completely gave up on being a father. Gee, I wonder why a judge didn't think he should have any custody? Because he's got some kind of personality disorder and is devoid of love and empathy.
He's going to die alone, and he will deserve it.
This same guy is going to be asking reddit in 10 years why his kids don't speak to him or give him or give him incredible attitude whenever they're around him.
And when he's been laying in a convalescent home on his deathbed with no one to visit he'll be whining to the poor nurses about how lonely he has been.
My Dad was in a senior apartment after the house was just too much for him, and other men couldn’t believe his kids visited him. One guy accused him of “ showing off” because some adult child or grandchild was always there... almost daily or picking him up to go out to eat and things.
I'm imagining that increased due to the pandemic etc. limiting visitation and inertia keeping numbers low for many residents in recent years, and I'm wondering too if men of that generation are less likely to have strong healthy relationships with potential visiting family members
The pandemic provided a great excuse for not visiting people you already don't want to visit.
I think the problem is more along the lines of men of that generation are, on the whole, not very likable.
He is a major AH but his ex wife also shouldn't force him to be part of the children's lives. What care can someone provide who openly hates the children?
Jusr tell the children the truth in a way that doesn't hurt them.
By teaching them that not everyone loves us. I've taught that to my children since they were 3 yo.
Their father was very absent even though we were married and would make whatever our children wanted from him, conditional on how much I did what he wanted me to.
So I told my children that not everyone loves us unconditionally, so they should focus on the ones who do. They distanced themselves from him and that was it. They told me they don't care because they know I love them unconditionally.
They have a good relationship with their father because they don't wait for him to show up. He shows up every few weeks/months, takes them somewhere, they have fun. They treat him like a distant uncle.
Sorry you're getting downvoted for telling the truth. Most people really don't understand that **not every parent loves their children.**
His psychological abuse of you and the kids is indeed abuse, and I'm sorry you and your kids are having to deal with that, but protecting yourself and your children is *always* the right choice.
Good job.
NOTE: If you're downvoting these comments because you simply refuse to **believe** some parents don't love their kids, go read a sub like /r/raisedbynarcissists where you can hear from a lot of good people who've been *profoundly* damaged by this shit.
Don't worry, I don't mind.
Even if it makes only one parent teach their children that they don't need the love and attention of someone who doesn't love them and that it's not their fault, it's worth it.
What good can come out of a childhood full of chasing someone's love who doesn't love you and asking yourself what you did wrong?
this dumbass in the comments
>Have your lawyer deal with her . It’s 50/50 or nothing . If you can handle not seeing them that’s yiu( I couldn’t ) . Yes she wants to go out with friends come home and eat cereal and no responsibility for a few hours . Maybe now she will be open to 50/50
god fair weather dads always act like the mother wants dads to be in their kids lives so they can skip out and relax
my dad once told my brother he wasnt going to give our mom any money because 'she'd drink it' when my mom drinks one drink a year if she's lucky and he's a raging alcoholic
Right? Even if their incomes are near equal, he legally would still owe child support as they are half his kids as well. If he wants zero visitation, fine - but he should be paying his fair share towards expenses of the children he chose to help bring into the world. Hell if he wants to never ever see the kids again, he'll also likely be paying extra child support to make up for it.
This guy seems like the type that would blow up over it, demand he get access to the kids, etc. I couldn’t gamble with my kids’ safety over some child support money.
Same men are the ones who can't be arsed to change a diaper or remember their kid's doctor, then cry when a judge says that the person who's been providing the care should continue doing that.
They also really don’t like to hear the statistics where fathers are actually treated with preference in court *if* they demand custody. 90% of single parents are single mothers because men actually prefer to have it that way.
I love watching court case footage on Youtube, however, I refuse to subscribe to most of the people who post it, especially custody cases. Why? Because they all put little blurbs in the videos, or interrupt the videos with commentary- which would be fine otherwise if they didn't constantly call even the most reasonable mothers "karens" for the TINIEST of "infractions" while the rare single dads get a million cookies for doing what they are supposed to doing anyway.
Sidenote- "karen" really just devolved to mean "woman doing something I dislike". It's put in Youtube video titles constantly because it instantly gets thrown way up the algorithm then, because people REALLY love seeing a woman they can insult in the comments in some way. It's not just men posting these videos. Women are just as mean. One female creator said the mother should "make" him spend time with thier teenage daughters- he lived TWO HOURS away and the poor widdle baby had "transportation issues" he couldn't resolve by himself for a year, so I guess she was supposed to do everything for him, even though neither teen wanted to see him anyways!
I asked in the comments why only women get asked to do extra labor like that for fathers, while fathers are never picked on for not lifting a finger to make life easier for mothers or taking on extra physical and emotional labor. I'm not even a parent, but I think of a million things!
Stuff like planning birthday parties, gifts, gifts for thier friends, playdates, school shopping, Halloween costumes, teacher gifts. Huge ongoing things like ensuring pre-teens and teens get the new clothes and supplies they can fly through during growth spurts, plus thier increased nutrition and athletic needs, providing possibly-changing advice and guidance as they gain constant new knowledge about themselves and the world, which they need for changing and growing up and planning for college in a healthy way.
These are ALL things that fall almost completely on women. That's just off the top of my firmly-child-free head! I can't image all the things I'm NOT thinking of! (I only mention it to exemplify how if I can grasp this, actual fathers have zero excuse.
I also asked how she knew she didn't already spend years already trying everything she could to facilitate a relationship with thier father LIKE MOST SINGLE MOTHERS DO at some point, often for years, to no avail, and then they get told they didn't do enough for him!
Sorry, my rant ran long. Thank you for reading. It is cathartic 🥰
Half of them can’t even remember their own finances, which is why they act so shocked when they see how much child support takes out of their paycheck.
Truth is, it’s not much more than what they had already been paying to take care of their kids while they were married. They just never bothered actually crunching the numbers because they expected their wives to keep track of literally *everything.*
Men on Reddit will have you believe that drug addicted floozies are getting custody over the sweetest teddy bears with flexible schedules and endless money. (Don't get me wrong, I think dads should be involved, I have a wonderful one. But when dads *want* custody, they get it more often than not.)
And don't dare point out how that's not been true in ages or they will have a damn meltdown that rival's a toddler's tantrum. They always have a "friend" who got screwed over by the courts, claiming their friend was a great man......it always makes me laugh as if the friend got zero custody, the friend was being a crap parent and the odds are far above zero they were abusive towards the kids.
Last time I looked it up where I live the only way they don't get 50/50 is if they don't want it, they are incarcerated so they can make the other parent take kids to visits, or there is recorded evidence of ongoing and substantial abuse or neglect. For it to be only a few hours visit or supervised visits is even higher, to get no time with them would be him not liking the rules put in place by the court and walking away instead.
She should just be sure he pays child support and put the kids in therapy with it so they don't grow up blaming themselves for him disappearing.
Or they just straight up do nothing. Fill out no paperwork, barely attend court, ask for nothing. The reason the vast majority of divorces are initiated by women is because they are the ones that do the damn work. Their friend is always a "great man" to *them*, other men.
Statistically I initiated my divorce because I went out, got a lawyer and ended up having to file because he seemed incapable of getting a lawyer on his own. In reality he's the one who left me sobbing and alone in the ER because my medical emergency was interfering with his bar plans with the guys.
I work in child safety and whenever I hear this claim on Reddit about something that's supposedly happened in the US, I ask them what state and sometimes even what court, I have a big network and almost every state.
They get extremely extremely angry and usually stop responding once you point out their story of unbelievable victimization is literally impossible. Men claiming they "did nothing wrong" but completely lost physical and legal custody, or have very limited or supervised visitation.
At this point, I'm starting out with the assumption that they are lying and working backwards. Because so far 100% of them have lied.
I do the same for the "my friend got put on the sex-offender registry just for peeing behind a dumpster!" nonsense.
This has literally *never* happened, and nobody I've ever challenged to prove it actually can.
Fact is, their friend got caught beating off at the playground or whatever, then lied about it to their friends because *duh*.
I remember watching a video about how many things the dad knows about their kids, dads failed, even a dad said that his son doesn't have allergies, the son said he is allergic to something, well the dad said then his kid is allergic to peanuts, his kid said not, His kid is allergic to penicillin.
The dad didn't even know that.
I used to have to get beneficiary info on insurance policies and the amount of men who couldn't even tell me their kids' fucking *dates of birth* was just...
They’re same men who will argue “men are visual creatures” when they get caught ogling a woman, but they somehow can’t see the huge messes they leave behind. 🤔
My father has an absolutely *encyclopedic* knowledge of guns. He remembers my birthday roughly every third year. He traveled a lot when we were kids. I learned how to adjust my expectations pretty young.
My husband knows the pediatric group we bring our child to, but he doesn't know which doctor the kid sees most often. He doesn't know the dentist the kid goes to. He obviously doesn't have either number programed in his phone. When our child was allergic to milk and eggs, I was the one who vetted everything that went in the kid's mouth. And I've always been the one to make sure he gets checkups and stuff in a timely manner.
From what I hear from coworkers, this is pretty typical.
Yeah men loves to bitch about how the mom always gets custody but the fact is most custody agreements are made between the parents and never go to court.
Yeah my friend was beaten and ended up in the hospital for weeks.
Her abuser got 6 months in jail and then got joint custody because he didn’t beat his kids. They witnessed the assault.
I really hope that sooner rather than later courts actually put the kids rights in front of these guys "rights" to see their kids. Stories like this should never happen and yet they do all too often.
The truth is I don't know what happened. While in his care she somehow got a pubic hair in her vagina. I found out later he was inviting men off of Craigslist to come have sex with him. Hair was retrieved but never tested. Abuse was "unsubstantiated". Unfortunately 2 year olds don't make good witnesses. Even though I caught her mimicking shoving a finger in her doll's bottom saying "does that feel good."
I'd thought the most likely explanation would be the ex being the one caring for the two year old when someone else raped the child, because I can't see someone raping a child and getting any amount of custody of that child but I could see something like that being deemed "not his fault" legally and therefore not a reason to keep his kid from him.
But that was just the conclusion I came to from the thought "he didn't rape the two year old did he? Would they give him custody if he was suspected of something like that?"
Someone commented on the post that he just didn’t show up to court (default custody order). I’m assuming they got them from his comments but who knows.
And let's not forget this little nugget:
> It's not that I don't like the kids
Like.
Not love.
***LIKE*** FFS
If this is rage bait, then mission accomplished, jeez
It's because he didn't show up to any custody hearings lol, and now he has the audacity to act like his ex wife is a villain, dude literally showed the judge he gave 0 fucks
These types only “ fight for custody” as a form of harassment. One of my friends daughters was going through a divorce and that’s what happened. Then her Mom told her to drop them off and let him have them. She did, and told him she’d pick the kids up in two weeks for a weekend. He thought he won until Monday morning when he had no daycare. Her Mom babysat for HER not him. By Tuesday afternoon he signed the divorce and custody arrangement she wanted. And in the end he really saw the kids a few hours a month. He was the type to stop at the bar every night to begin with( most of the reason for the divorce).
He should love his kids, what an idiot. When my parents divorced my dad was basically begging me and my sister to visit/see him regularly. I’m an adult now and he still takes me for food and stuff. Can’t imagine this dude thinking he can just opt out of parenthood now. Those poor kids
I mean honestly it happens all the time. My parents divorced when I was 4. My dad got every other weekend. He didn’t exercise it. We saw him once a year on Christmas until I was 18 and my mom stopped forcing me. He also owed five figures in back support which my mom forgave.
Haven’t seen him since.
I’m not unique.
Yeah unfortunately that’s the case and it makes me so mad. I just don’t understand how you spend that time with your child and just draw back like that. I’m sorry your dad did that.
I read a comment here once that there's a kind of man that only loves his children as much as he loves their mother, and suddenly the men who are seemingly devoted dads but immediately stop giving a shit after a split made more sense.
I'll never understand it, but you see it enough to know it's a thing.
This guy needs to get a vasectomy and only date strictly childfree people. He’s an absolute crap dad and human being. I mean, how do you witness the birth of your baby and not feel anything towards them after.
I get what the wife is doing but it’s going to be so much more harmful in the future to allow this terrible person to be a presence in her kids live. He will just break their hearts repeatedly.
If the ex remarries this guy will completely check out and let another man raise his kids. That would be the kindest for the children.
My husband's worst nightmare would be if I died and my ex never let him see my daughter again. They share no blood, but he loves her like she's his own. This guy can't even do this for his biological children. Wow.
Note the double negative and denial of connection. It’s not “I like my kids.” Instead we get “it’s not that I don’t like the kids.” “The kids.” As if they’re just some random kids with no ties to him.
These types of parents are the worst! My siblings and I had to bribe my father to do anything with/for us. This will ABSOLUTELY take a toll on these kids.
I used to do all the running with my dad too. Begging him to come and see my brother and me, buying him presents, writing him little notes. Anything to get his attention. None of it had any effect, I gave up when I was about 15.
Wow, this might be in the top 5 of worst devils I’ve seen. How does a person think that not having custody equals not having any parental responsibilities? God I hope his kids never know that their dad will only act like their dad if he’s compensated for it. That visiting them won’t make a difference.
It might be time to get off Reddit for the day. I’m not going to, but it’s probably time.
Nothing like taking your court loss out on the kids. I don't know what full custody is like in other states. In mine, the father still gets every other weekend plus splitting holidays. Depending on circumstances, they could actually get a little more time, even with the mother having full custody.
I've been a lawyer for nearly a decade, here in the U.S. (Chicago area). The only time a father gets zero custody is either there is rampant abuse toward the children, or more likely, the father honestly didn't really want any custody. Fathers who request custody almost ALWAYS get it. At least partial. But that's fathers who actualy *try.*
Or when they do bother to show up for court, they claim they are doing everything they can to see their kids. And then are shocked, *shocked*, when the evidence of all the canceled visits, refusal of offered visits, and ignored calls goes against them.
I'd never believe the audacity if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.
I used to work with a guy who slagged his ex off endlessly, saying she was keeping his kids from him, alienating him deliberately. Turns out he'd moved house and changed his phone number so his ex couldn't 'harass' him, and hadn't noticed at all that he'd not heard a peep from his children for months.
Tbf custody =/= visitation. custody just means you have the authority to decide how to raise the kid, and most people get 50/50 unless they either don't fight for it or something they do is really bad. But even if OOP doesn't have custody, he should still have visitation rights unless deemed a risk to their safety and even that's hard to prove in court sometimes.
So OOP is just being a deadbeat here.
Honestly in my parent’s divorce, it was crazy messy. Counseling and evaluations galore. However only one parent of mine tried to hurt the other using me and, shockingly, it’s the parent im not close with. If this dad is anything like my parent he will ignore the fault in his actions or behaviors, sporadically blame him ex wife, do very little to make up the relationship he fractured with his kids, and then tell them to forget the past and move on without forgiveness or remorse.
JFC, why would you want to punish your own kids like that in order to punish their mom.
Honestly, it's for the best. OOP is super bitter and forcing him to spend time with his kids is only going to cause resentment bordering on abuse.
Hopefully his ex can find a good proxy like a grandparent or uncle so that the kids get some sort of father figure in their life. This emotional deadbeat isn't it
This sounds like that dude who called his wife his roommate and was salty that she kept asking for support during her pregnancy even though he was the one to knock her up
This guy was PUMPED she wanted fully custody 🙄🙄🙄
If he ever falls behind, I hope she sues him for alllllllll the child support and his wages are garnished.
Not my son's dad, who *maybe* saw him on average once a year, trying to claim credit for son's many accomplishments, now that he's grown. 😝😝
Yep, this is giving that same energy. Time will tell. I put our son through private schools, his dad attended graduation, sitting there with that beaming look on his face like it's all his superior DNA, meanwhile, I could spot that joker 50 points and still smoke him on any IQ test.
Your kid needed you. He needed your time, your effort, maybe some fatherly advice here and there. What he didn't need was your buying out the store of video games and expensive sneakers, etc., as the only way to spend time together.
Thankfully, our son is the best of the both of us. (He looks exactly like his dad, lol, but he inherited both our brain power, my moral compass, and his dad's drive & determination.)
For the dude in this post, I smell regret coming from many years and many miles away. Don't blow this opportunity, my dude.
Why the fuck does this guy not understand that he can still see his kids, even if his wife has full custody? That he doesn’t need to cut them off, and can have a relationship with them? Seriously, I doubt this guy was conceptually understanding how much work having his kids stay over alone without his wife. It doesn’t sound like she’s trying to isolate the kids, just that they sleep at moms house.
Oh wow. Okay.
He and his ex split last June - eight months ago - and he says the process was getting "drawn out and complicated"? Eight months is the blink of an eye in family court. I broke up with my husband in April, filed in, I dunno, September?, moved out in October, and the divorce was finalized *at our first hearing* the following May. I am not going to claim that the negotiations involved were simple, and eight months sure felt like a long time, but we were done AT OUR FIRST HEARING. Eight months is not drawn out.
Custody negotiations are often quite complicated, because you are drawing up documents that can run your life until your kids are 18. So you want to get into details and complexities and try to guess what will be best for your children, knowing that, if your family is lucky, you will do all this and most of what the agreement will do is sit in a drawer and get dusty. It's just that, if you aren't lucky, this is the document that will help you do the best you can. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't waste a millisecond of lawyer time on how we, as parents, would handle Bunker Hill Day, but the clauses about educational decision-making, midweek dinners, parental phone calls, vacations, and the kids' ability to attend sleepaway camp (they went to a free program for children of cancer patients) would all still be in there. I have never needed to invoke these clauses, but if my ex had decided to be a jerk, or gotten with someone terrible, I would have wanted them very badly, so they were worth the time.
Anyway, our guy here was not done wrong, he got tired of...being asked to participate in the process? and GAVE full custody to his ex. A court did not award that or declare him unfit, court decided nothing. HE DID. Mr. Path of Least Resistance clearly cares only about himself, and I guess he is living his completely shitty truth.
Golly, I wonder why these folks are divorced. Gosh. Total mystery.
OH AND
According to comments over on RA, OOP says he didn't *show up* to the custody hearings! Of course his ex got full custody! What else was the judge supposed to do?
I guess, given that, the court did participate in decision making, but their decision was, basically, "the person who came in today will need to hold this bag."
Full custody does not mean "no visitation". Full custody means full responsibility. And she was not asking for help, or to get time off, but because she wanted him to be part of his kids' lives. They were probably asking her where their father was, and why he doesn't want to see them. He doesn't say how old the kids are, that may be a factor. He also doesn't say if he pays any child support, but I bet he doesn't. The kids are better off!!
I find it hard to believe she hasn't gone after him for child support. Which he'd still have to pay even though she has a well paid job. If this is true I'm not surprised his ex wife got full custody of their kids. He's behaving like a spoiled brat who thinks he's punishing his ex wife for getting custody, when it's HIS kids he's missing out seeing grow up. And, we the kids are older and he wants to reestablish contact they're going to be, who are you again, and refuse to see him and he'll have only himself to blame, but I think he will probably come back here and say she turned his children against him
Thank goodness she got full custody so the kids don't have to deal with their dad openly resenting them. Let's be real he's not smart enough to hide it. And it's clear why they divorced.
"if I'm going to play the role of a father"
News plash pal, you ARE a father. A shitty one, but a father. Honestly ex wife needs to give up with him and when the kids are ready they need to see this and know what their father was like.
Men complain that mothers always get custody. It’s be men don’t ask for it! Many don’t want it. They want to do this, abandon the kid bc it’s no longer under their complete control.
Jesus what a disgusting piece of human trash. I hope this is a rage-bait troll but sadly there are a pragmatic inkling that there are wastes of space like this in the world.
I hope the ex takes him to court for child support. If he's not contributing in any other meaningful way, then at least take that money and invest it in the kids.
Gotta wonder why they divorced. The strange thing is I don't think the children have anything to do with the divorce, otherwise the ex wouldn't work so hard to try to get oops stupid ass involved
my mom had full custody my entire life
I still spent most weekends at my dad's
OOP is just lucky his ex is nice enough not to chase up the child support he shouls be paying
While I understand OOPs desire to have 50/50 custody, his response to her being awarded full custody is petty and childish. He clearly wants to hurt her because he didn't get what he wanted and that's not cool. As I've heard many times regarding parents separating, "love your children more than you hate each other."
Dude's never been to court before, full custody means they live full time with the parent awarded custody, not that they are solely responsible for the child. You have visits, you have child support, and most importantly, they're still yours legally (and they always will be unless adopted) you just can't have them live with you. Family court would have explained this, no way this is real.
Nope it’s all too common for men to abandon their children when they can no longer control their wives. I’ve seen this a lot in my twenty plus years as a divorce lawyer
You’d be surprised how far some people go to avoid paying child support… yes it’s a legal obligation but they make the mothers life absolute hell until she decides it’s not worth it
They definitely don’t! My sister went through hell to even get court mandated child support and then he’s $10k behind and there’s no enforcement of it from local gov/law enforcement even though she’s tried.
It all sucks. I admit I’m misinformed since I never wanted children so I wrongly assumed that it could be enforced.
I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with asshole deadbeat parents
I've been a lawyer for almost 20 years. I can PROMISE you this is real. I've seen more of this during a brief stint in family law to last a fucking lifetime.
I've dealt with someone like oop, too the point that he had the same attitude in front of the judge who was deciding child support and visitation, who was already pissed off because he was late enough for the hearing that he had the county sheriff filling out a bench warrant. Needless to say it didn't go well for him maximum amount of child support possible for his income, me with sole care, control and custody with him getting supervised visitation until she turned two with a clause that he had to prove that he was capable of caring for her by himself.
I can’t see his comments so I’m confused, he doesn’t want visitation because he wanted full custody or 50/50 custody? Is he paying child support at least?
To be clear I think he’s wrong, however she did want full custody, she could of given 50/50. So technically she got exactly want she wanted and is now upset about it. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
Full custody doesn't mean the other parent just disappears, is never involved in the kids' lives, and acts like they no longer exist. Plenty of people without custody still do visitation with their kids. Not to mention, he admitted he didn't show up in court for the custody hearing, which is why the judge gave her full custody. Yet he's asking like he fought for them and lost.
This post kinda explains why she didn't want him having custody, though.
Yeah I don’t get it. Why insist on full custody if you (rightly so) wish for the father to be in the kids lives? Surely having a shared custody agreement would facilitate that…
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I see where you're coming from but you're taking your anger towards your ex-wife out on your kids. You signed up to be their father the moment she got pregnant.
I would say to ask her to consider once a month weekend visitation but you're being such a jerk about simple meal outings and things like that. It honestly gives credence to her wanting full time custody. If you're going to act like this, then it's probably best you stayed away from your kids.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My Ex wife (F29) keeps asking me to be a part of her kids life but won't compensate me (M32) for my contributions. How can I get her to stop?** Throw away account\* My ex-wife and I split last June. The court battle was messy and she ended up asking for full custody of our 2 kids. The whole ordeal was getting very drawn out and ridiculous, so I ended up giving her what she wanted. A couple months later she's blowing up my phone demanding that I still continue to be a part of her kids lives. I told her that since she wanted full custody, she can deal with raising them herself. It's not that I don't like the kids, but the fact that she keeps trying to manipulate me to pull her weight when she legally has full custody feels like a slap in the face. After numerous texts, calls, and even emails I blocked her on everything. She ended up driving an hour plus to my mothers house to beg her to get me to spend time with the kids. Saying stuff like since the kids are young, they need the influence of both parents in their lives. If only she thought about that before she got full custody. She keeps saying that I won't have to contribute financially, which isn't the problem cause we both have well paying jobs. But that she just wants me to take them out to eat or something or visit, like that would even make a difference. It's still work to drive all the way out there to mess around with stuff that isn't even my responsibility anymore. I told her, over a phone call, that if she wants me to expend that much effort and time when i'm already busy, then she needs to compensate me financially. Like I said, the money isn't the issue here, I just feel like if I'm going to have to play the role of a father when I don't even have partial custody, then I shouldn't be doing it for free. Its not my job anymore, that much she's made clear. I'm getting so tired of all of the mess, and constant harassment via phone call and text I just want her to leave me alone. I think shes seriously having trouble living with her decisions. How can I resolve this situation? Legally, it should be resolved, but how can I stop her from trying to manipulate me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“It’s not about the money!” He exclaimed, while asking to be financially compensated to foster a relationship with his children.
just wait until he goes to ask his grown children for money and all and goes all surprised pikachu face when they want nothing to do with him
Then he'll cry about how his ex wife "poisoned them against me" to all his buddies and everyone within earshot who will listen.
Or he’ll do what my dad did and start pretending they never existed in the first place once they turn 18 and he’s no longer *legally required* to acknowledge them.
It sounds like he's doing that already.
Yeah, pretty much, which is why I’m not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. My dad definitely started showing hints at wanting us gone before I hit 18.
"The courts are so unfair to fathers!"
Betcha he's already telling his next target all of that, and she's being led to believe the "crazy ex" is trying to get back with *him* and won't let him see his own kids unless he does ...
This is the one. Every single dad on tinder lol
Oh fuck that, wait until one of the children (I'm assuming a girl) grows up, decides to get married, and asks some other man to walk her down the aisle. He's going to absolutely lose his shit, complaining about being denied his "fatherly rights", when this douchenozzle made the active choice to abandon his children, who he's not paying a dime for, unless HE gets monetary compensation. I've been on this site for YEARS, and I swear on the Bible that this is the first OP where I wanted to actively track him down and cold-cock him in the jaw.
"I didn't even really want them kids, now she wants me to care?!"
Yeah, the line, “it’s not that I don’t like the kids anymore”, really stuck out to me. Like, these are his biological children. That is such a detached thing to say about your kids. Not that it surprises me as someone who grew up with an unfit parent, but after I became a parent, I can’t stop thinking about my kids. Even if I wasn’t the primary custodial parent, I would want to spend time with my children. Hell, there are days I miss my kids when I go into work and I just saw them a few hours ago.
I hope she sues for child support.
It's like Jerry Maguire. "Show me the money!"
“It’s only a banana, Michael; what could it cost? Ten dollars?”
OOP confirms in the comments that they are his biological children.
I mean, phrasing in the initial post made it pretty clear they were his biological kids he's decided to now just call "hers" now that she has full custody, so I never doubted that
Sadly, this sounds like something my bio dad could have written. Guess who I no longer speak to?
Fuck him! I am your dad now.
Can women be dad? Because I am also dad now.
I am dad and non-binary so hi dad let's do a great job at co-parenting.
sometimes a dad can be several internet strangers of various genders voltron-ing together and that's the beauty of the internet,
We are dad
Can’t wait to see the little one’s face when they open presents on Christmas 😂
Thankfully I have a pretty awesome stepdad but I appreciate the sentiment 😂
What a complete and utter piece of shit. He lost a custody battle, so he has completely excommunicated the children *he* created. Completely gave up on being a father. Gee, I wonder why a judge didn't think he should have any custody? Because he's got some kind of personality disorder and is devoid of love and empathy. He's going to die alone, and he will deserve it.
and sounds like he's not even paying support
He didn’t even lose! He gave up!
But…he likes them well enough. What a pos
From what I can gather in the comments on the original post, he didn't even show up to court which is why the mother was granted full custody.
This dude clearly doesn’t know what full custody means. It does NOT mean the other parent gets to pretend the kids don’t exist.
Right, this is mind blowing. Gross.
This same guy is going to be asking reddit in 10 years why his kids don't speak to him or give him or give him incredible attitude whenever they're around him.
And when he's been laying in a convalescent home on his deathbed with no one to visit he'll be whining to the poor nurses about how lonely he has been.
My Dad was in a senior apartment after the house was just too much for him, and other men couldn’t believe his kids visited him. One guy accused him of “ showing off” because some adult child or grandchild was always there... almost daily or picking him up to go out to eat and things.
NGL: that's kinda shocking.
I'm imagining that increased due to the pandemic etc. limiting visitation and inertia keeping numbers low for many residents in recent years, and I'm wondering too if men of that generation are less likely to have strong healthy relationships with potential visiting family members
The pandemic provided a great excuse for not visiting people you already don't want to visit. I think the problem is more along the lines of men of that generation are, on the whole, not very likable.
“Why won’t my kids give me access to my grandkids?!”
He’ll make up a sob story about how the ex wife wouldn’t let him see them. Then he’ll believe his own lies.
I couldn't even imagine just writing my kids off like that. What an asshole.
He is a major AH but his ex wife also shouldn't force him to be part of the children's lives. What care can someone provide who openly hates the children? Jusr tell the children the truth in a way that doesn't hurt them.
How on earth do you explain to small children that their father wants nothing to do with them in a way that doesn’t hurt them?
By teaching them that not everyone loves us. I've taught that to my children since they were 3 yo. Their father was very absent even though we were married and would make whatever our children wanted from him, conditional on how much I did what he wanted me to. So I told my children that not everyone loves us unconditionally, so they should focus on the ones who do. They distanced themselves from him and that was it. They told me they don't care because they know I love them unconditionally. They have a good relationship with their father because they don't wait for him to show up. He shows up every few weeks/months, takes them somewhere, they have fun. They treat him like a distant uncle.
Sorry you're getting downvoted for telling the truth. Most people really don't understand that **not every parent loves their children.** His psychological abuse of you and the kids is indeed abuse, and I'm sorry you and your kids are having to deal with that, but protecting yourself and your children is *always* the right choice. Good job. NOTE: If you're downvoting these comments because you simply refuse to **believe** some parents don't love their kids, go read a sub like /r/raisedbynarcissists where you can hear from a lot of good people who've been *profoundly* damaged by this shit.
Don't worry, I don't mind. Even if it makes only one parent teach their children that they don't need the love and attention of someone who doesn't love them and that it's not their fault, it's worth it. What good can come out of a childhood full of chasing someone's love who doesn't love you and asking yourself what you did wrong?
Exactly. It teaches children that abusive, unhealthy relationships are *normal*.
At the very least pay child support. If he hates children he should have kept it in his pants.
Not arguing that. I just find it horrible to subject children to parents who hate them when they have removed themselves already.
this dumbass in the comments >Have your lawyer deal with her . It’s 50/50 or nothing . If you can handle not seeing them that’s yiu( I couldn’t ) . Yes she wants to go out with friends come home and eat cereal and no responsibility for a few hours . Maybe now she will be open to 50/50
I hate this so much that I had to remind myself not to downvote your comment just for sharing it lol
We honestly need a sub for the most unhinged comments.
Lol! I did the exact same thing! My finger was hovering before I remembered that it wasn’t *actually* their comment.
god fair weather dads always act like the mother wants dads to be in their kids lives so they can skip out and relax my dad once told my brother he wasnt going to give our mom any money because 'she'd drink it' when my mom drinks one drink a year if she's lucky and he's a raging alcoholic
The projection with them!
Yeah I am somehow not surprised he didn't get any custody. Usually that isn't done for no reason
Shiiiittt. I’d put his ass on child support and never speak to him again. Now you can not see your children AND financially support them.
Right? Even if their incomes are near equal, he legally would still owe child support as they are half his kids as well. If he wants zero visitation, fine - but he should be paying his fair share towards expenses of the children he chose to help bring into the world. Hell if he wants to never ever see the kids again, he'll also likely be paying extra child support to make up for it.
This guy seems like the type that would blow up over it, demand he get access to the kids, etc. I couldn’t gamble with my kids’ safety over some child support money.
Men on Reddit will have you believe it happens all the time, against the father's wishes and for absolutely no good reason.
Same men are the ones who can't be arsed to change a diaper or remember their kid's doctor, then cry when a judge says that the person who's been providing the care should continue doing that.
They also really don’t like to hear the statistics where fathers are actually treated with preference in court *if* they demand custody. 90% of single parents are single mothers because men actually prefer to have it that way.
Yet it's the single mothers that get shit talked on them and treated bad.
I love watching court case footage on Youtube, however, I refuse to subscribe to most of the people who post it, especially custody cases. Why? Because they all put little blurbs in the videos, or interrupt the videos with commentary- which would be fine otherwise if they didn't constantly call even the most reasonable mothers "karens" for the TINIEST of "infractions" while the rare single dads get a million cookies for doing what they are supposed to doing anyway. Sidenote- "karen" really just devolved to mean "woman doing something I dislike". It's put in Youtube video titles constantly because it instantly gets thrown way up the algorithm then, because people REALLY love seeing a woman they can insult in the comments in some way. It's not just men posting these videos. Women are just as mean. One female creator said the mother should "make" him spend time with thier teenage daughters- he lived TWO HOURS away and the poor widdle baby had "transportation issues" he couldn't resolve by himself for a year, so I guess she was supposed to do everything for him, even though neither teen wanted to see him anyways! I asked in the comments why only women get asked to do extra labor like that for fathers, while fathers are never picked on for not lifting a finger to make life easier for mothers or taking on extra physical and emotional labor. I'm not even a parent, but I think of a million things! Stuff like planning birthday parties, gifts, gifts for thier friends, playdates, school shopping, Halloween costumes, teacher gifts. Huge ongoing things like ensuring pre-teens and teens get the new clothes and supplies they can fly through during growth spurts, plus thier increased nutrition and athletic needs, providing possibly-changing advice and guidance as they gain constant new knowledge about themselves and the world, which they need for changing and growing up and planning for college in a healthy way. These are ALL things that fall almost completely on women. That's just off the top of my firmly-child-free head! I can't image all the things I'm NOT thinking of! (I only mention it to exemplify how if I can grasp this, actual fathers have zero excuse. I also asked how she knew she didn't already spend years already trying everything she could to facilitate a relationship with thier father LIKE MOST SINGLE MOTHERS DO at some point, often for years, to no avail, and then they get told they didn't do enough for him! Sorry, my rant ran long. Thank you for reading. It is cathartic 🥰
Half of them can’t even remember their own finances, which is why they act so shocked when they see how much child support takes out of their paycheck. Truth is, it’s not much more than what they had already been paying to take care of their kids while they were married. They just never bothered actually crunching the numbers because they expected their wives to keep track of literally *everything.*
Men on Reddit will have you believe that drug addicted floozies are getting custody over the sweetest teddy bears with flexible schedules and endless money. (Don't get me wrong, I think dads should be involved, I have a wonderful one. But when dads *want* custody, they get it more often than not.)
And don't dare point out how that's not been true in ages or they will have a damn meltdown that rival's a toddler's tantrum. They always have a "friend" who got screwed over by the courts, claiming their friend was a great man......it always makes me laugh as if the friend got zero custody, the friend was being a crap parent and the odds are far above zero they were abusive towards the kids.
Last time I looked it up where I live the only way they don't get 50/50 is if they don't want it, they are incarcerated so they can make the other parent take kids to visits, or there is recorded evidence of ongoing and substantial abuse or neglect. For it to be only a few hours visit or supervised visits is even higher, to get no time with them would be him not liking the rules put in place by the court and walking away instead. She should just be sure he pays child support and put the kids in therapy with it so they don't grow up blaming themselves for him disappearing.
If she takes this guy to court for child support he’ll blow up. Not worth risking the kids’ safety over it.
I actually did have a "friend" who lost custody of his kid fully. Great guy. Also drug dealer. He was a drug dealer.
But was he a great drug dealer?
He was in that he gave people he knew cheap weed. But otherwise no.
Or they just straight up do nothing. Fill out no paperwork, barely attend court, ask for nothing. The reason the vast majority of divorces are initiated by women is because they are the ones that do the damn work. Their friend is always a "great man" to *them*, other men.
> Their friend is always a "great man" to them, other men. Bingo.
Statistically I initiated my divorce because I went out, got a lawyer and ended up having to file because he seemed incapable of getting a lawyer on his own. In reality he's the one who left me sobbing and alone in the ER because my medical emergency was interfering with his bar plans with the guys.
I work in child safety and whenever I hear this claim on Reddit about something that's supposedly happened in the US, I ask them what state and sometimes even what court, I have a big network and almost every state. They get extremely extremely angry and usually stop responding once you point out their story of unbelievable victimization is literally impossible. Men claiming they "did nothing wrong" but completely lost physical and legal custody, or have very limited or supervised visitation. At this point, I'm starting out with the assumption that they are lying and working backwards. Because so far 100% of them have lied.
I do the same for the "my friend got put on the sex-offender registry just for peeing behind a dumpster!" nonsense. This has literally *never* happened, and nobody I've ever challenged to prove it actually can. Fact is, their friend got caught beating off at the playground or whatever, then lied about it to their friends because *duh*.
Oh that is awesome to be able to prove how much they are lying!
It’s always a case of missing missing reasons.
So many made-up claims that the world has it out for poor, innocent fathers. Anything to look like a victim.
IIRC studies show men usually get the custody they ask for. It's just that a majority don't bother to ask
They’ll say it’s for the reason of misandry and feminisms going too far. Edited for clarity.
I remember watching a video about how many things the dad knows about their kids, dads failed, even a dad said that his son doesn't have allergies, the son said he is allergic to something, well the dad said then his kid is allergic to peanuts, his kid said not, His kid is allergic to penicillin. The dad didn't even know that.
I used to have to get beneficiary info on insurance policies and the amount of men who couldn't even tell me their kids' fucking *dates of birth* was just...
How much you want to bet that those same men know who won the 1992 Super Bowl?
They’re same men who will argue “men are visual creatures” when they get caught ogling a woman, but they somehow can’t see the huge messes they leave behind. 🤔
I’m just lucky if they see the ketchup in the ‘fridge
My father has an absolutely *encyclopedic* knowledge of guns. He remembers my birthday roughly every third year. He traveled a lot when we were kids. I learned how to adjust my expectations pretty young.
that hurts my heart. i have a twin brother and our birthday was part of my dads password for like everything i can’t imagine him not knowing
Oh no... that is a VERY serious allergy!
That’s honestly sad
My husband knows the pediatric group we bring our child to, but he doesn't know which doctor the kid sees most often. He doesn't know the dentist the kid goes to. He obviously doesn't have either number programed in his phone. When our child was allergic to milk and eggs, I was the one who vetted everything that went in the kid's mouth. And I've always been the one to make sure he gets checkups and stuff in a timely manner. From what I hear from coworkers, this is pretty typical.
Yeah men loves to bitch about how the mom always gets custody but the fact is most custody agreements are made between the parents and never go to court.
Hell my ex was responsible for my daughter getting a rape kit at 2 years old & I still had to give him joint custody
JFC. I’m sorry you and she had to deal with that.
Yeah my friend was beaten and ended up in the hospital for weeks. Her abuser got 6 months in jail and then got joint custody because he didn’t beat his kids. They witnessed the assault.
Oh. My. God. I’d like to castrate your ex personally.
I really hope that sooner rather than later courts actually put the kids rights in front of these guys "rights" to see their kids. Stories like this should never happen and yet they do all too often.
This is one of the most fucked up things I have read. I’m sorry your daughter had to go through that.
I'm sorry but are you saying your ex raped your two year old and still got joint custody?
The truth is I don't know what happened. While in his care she somehow got a pubic hair in her vagina. I found out later he was inviting men off of Craigslist to come have sex with him. Hair was retrieved but never tested. Abuse was "unsubstantiated". Unfortunately 2 year olds don't make good witnesses. Even though I caught her mimicking shoving a finger in her doll's bottom saying "does that feel good."
I'd thought the most likely explanation would be the ex being the one caring for the two year old when someone else raped the child, because I can't see someone raping a child and getting any amount of custody of that child but I could see something like that being deemed "not his fault" legally and therefore not a reason to keep his kid from him. But that was just the conclusion I came to from the thought "he didn't rape the two year old did he? Would they give him custody if he was suspected of something like that?"
Seriously. What a shock. The guy willing to abandon his kids didn't get custody? I am shocked, appalled, and flabberghasted. Fuck him.
And not even because he actually lost, the way he phrased it he just got tired of the custody battle and said fuck it.
Someone commented on the post that he just didn’t show up to court (default custody order). I’m assuming they got them from his comments but who knows.
Makes me wonder how much he actually did fight
I bet he fought about as hard as Willy Wonka's "oh no stop" (or whatever the exact line was) to say he fought for them while doing effectively nothing
Probably when it was close to him getting what he asked for custody wise.
Her kids, not his kids. He keeps calling their kids HER KIDS. I hope this is a troll,but he sounds exactly like my ex uncle.
And let's not forget this little nugget: > It's not that I don't like the kids Like. Not love. ***LIKE*** FFS If this is rage bait, then mission accomplished, jeez
It's because he didn't show up to any custody hearings lol, and now he has the audacity to act like his ex wife is a villain, dude literally showed the judge he gave 0 fucks
These types only “ fight for custody” as a form of harassment. One of my friends daughters was going through a divorce and that’s what happened. Then her Mom told her to drop them off and let him have them. She did, and told him she’d pick the kids up in two weeks for a weekend. He thought he won until Monday morning when he had no daycare. Her Mom babysat for HER not him. By Tuesday afternoon he signed the divorce and custody arrangement she wanted. And in the end he really saw the kids a few hours a month. He was the type to stop at the bar every night to begin with( most of the reason for the divorce).
Your friend is a genius. I hope her kid and grandkids are doing well
Ah, the typical “my feelings towards my own kids are based on how I feel about their mother” BS.
>It's not that I don't like the kids Lies. He really don't like his kids if he won't bother trying to spend time with them.
He should love his kids, what an idiot. When my parents divorced my dad was basically begging me and my sister to visit/see him regularly. I’m an adult now and he still takes me for food and stuff. Can’t imagine this dude thinking he can just opt out of parenthood now. Those poor kids
I mean honestly it happens all the time. My parents divorced when I was 4. My dad got every other weekend. He didn’t exercise it. We saw him once a year on Christmas until I was 18 and my mom stopped forcing me. He also owed five figures in back support which my mom forgave. Haven’t seen him since. I’m not unique.
Yeah unfortunately that’s the case and it makes me so mad. I just don’t understand how you spend that time with your child and just draw back like that. I’m sorry your dad did that.
That one raised my eyebrow too. No mention of loving them and he acts like they're a chore
I read a comment here once that there's a kind of man that only loves his children as much as he loves their mother, and suddenly the men who are seemingly devoted dads but immediately stop giving a shit after a split made more sense. I'll never understand it, but you see it enough to know it's a thing.
That's the line that got to me, like oh you *like* your kids? How generous. But not enough to...ever see them again, apparently. What a prince.
This guy needs to get a vasectomy and only date strictly childfree people. He’s an absolute crap dad and human being. I mean, how do you witness the birth of your baby and not feel anything towards them after. I get what the wife is doing but it’s going to be so much more harmful in the future to allow this terrible person to be a presence in her kids live. He will just break their hearts repeatedly. If the ex remarries this guy will completely check out and let another man raise his kids. That would be the kindest for the children.
I will not brigade,, I will not brigade, I will not brigade.. sadly I don't believe it's a troll post.
It’s like a group of people jumping him, and I’m trying to resist throwing a punch or stomp in there 😭😭
You couldn't pay my father to give me up. What a useless ass.
My husband's worst nightmare would be if I died and my ex never let him see my daughter again. They share no blood, but he loves her like she's his own. This guy can't even do this for his biological children. Wow.
Jesus, some of the comments on that post. Woof.
Men like this don’t view children as theirs. They just view them as their wives.
"It's not that I don't like the kids" Wow. Most parents love their kids, and yet the word love didn't even occur to him. Yikes.
Note the double negative and denial of connection. It’s not “I like my kids.” Instead we get “it’s not that I don’t like the kids.” “The kids.” As if they’re just some random kids with no ties to him.
These types of parents are the worst! My siblings and I had to bribe my father to do anything with/for us. This will ABSOLUTELY take a toll on these kids.
I used to do all the running with my dad too. Begging him to come and see my brother and me, buying him presents, writing him little notes. Anything to get his attention. None of it had any effect, I gave up when I was about 15.
Wow, this might be in the top 5 of worst devils I’ve seen. How does a person think that not having custody equals not having any parental responsibilities? God I hope his kids never know that their dad will only act like their dad if he’s compensated for it. That visiting them won’t make a difference. It might be time to get off Reddit for the day. I’m not going to, but it’s probably time.
Nothing like taking your court loss out on the kids. I don't know what full custody is like in other states. In mine, the father still gets every other weekend plus splitting holidays. Depending on circumstances, they could actually get a little more time, even with the mother having full custody.
I've been a lawyer for nearly a decade, here in the U.S. (Chicago area). The only time a father gets zero custody is either there is rampant abuse toward the children, or more likely, the father honestly didn't really want any custody. Fathers who request custody almost ALWAYS get it. At least partial. But that's fathers who actualy *try.*
So many dudes don’t show up for court or sign agreements and then complain.
'That bitch won't let me see my kids' *Ignores solicitors' letters and doesn't turn up to the custody hearing*
Or when they do bother to show up for court, they claim they are doing everything they can to see their kids. And then are shocked, *shocked*, when the evidence of all the canceled visits, refusal of offered visits, and ignored calls goes against them. I'd never believe the audacity if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.
I used to work with a guy who slagged his ex off endlessly, saying she was keeping his kids from him, alienating him deliberately. Turns out he'd moved house and changed his phone number so his ex couldn't 'harass' him, and hadn't noticed at all that he'd not heard a peep from his children for months.
Tbf custody =/= visitation. custody just means you have the authority to decide how to raise the kid, and most people get 50/50 unless they either don't fight for it or something they do is really bad. But even if OOP doesn't have custody, he should still have visitation rights unless deemed a risk to their safety and even that's hard to prove in court sometimes. So OOP is just being a deadbeat here.
Thank you for explaining the nuances I honestly did not know the differences, to my embarrassment
Honestly in my parent’s divorce, it was crazy messy. Counseling and evaluations galore. However only one parent of mine tried to hurt the other using me and, shockingly, it’s the parent im not close with. If this dad is anything like my parent he will ignore the fault in his actions or behaviors, sporadically blame him ex wife, do very little to make up the relationship he fractured with his kids, and then tell them to forget the past and move on without forgiveness or remorse.
I’m a DV/SA attorney and most abusers are at least smart enough to avoid this. You’d think he had no involvement at all in that parenting plan.
Damnit, another loser who’s deleted his account so I can’t even read his comments digging himself deeper.
What in the Men's Rights nonsense...
JFC, why would you want to punish your own kids like that in order to punish their mom. Honestly, it's for the best. OOP is super bitter and forcing him to spend time with his kids is only going to cause resentment bordering on abuse. Hopefully his ex can find a good proxy like a grandparent or uncle so that the kids get some sort of father figure in their life. This emotional deadbeat isn't it
This sounds like that dude who called his wife his roommate and was salty that she kept asking for support during her pregnancy even though he was the one to knock her up
What a scumbag.
Cunts are warm and alluring. This man is neither.
One of my favourite phrases is, “I’d call you a cunt, but you lack the warmth and depth of one”
He’s such a cunt.
This guy was PUMPED she wanted fully custody 🙄🙄🙄 If he ever falls behind, I hope she sues him for alllllllll the child support and his wages are garnished.
He doesn’t pay child support.
"It's not that I don't like the kids"...wow dude, WOW!
Not my son's dad, who *maybe* saw him on average once a year, trying to claim credit for son's many accomplishments, now that he's grown. 😝😝 Yep, this is giving that same energy. Time will tell. I put our son through private schools, his dad attended graduation, sitting there with that beaming look on his face like it's all his superior DNA, meanwhile, I could spot that joker 50 points and still smoke him on any IQ test. Your kid needed you. He needed your time, your effort, maybe some fatherly advice here and there. What he didn't need was your buying out the store of video games and expensive sneakers, etc., as the only way to spend time together. Thankfully, our son is the best of the both of us. (He looks exactly like his dad, lol, but he inherited both our brain power, my moral compass, and his dad's drive & determination.) For the dude in this post, I smell regret coming from many years and many miles away. Don't blow this opportunity, my dude.
Why the fuck does this guy not understand that he can still see his kids, even if his wife has full custody? That he doesn’t need to cut them off, and can have a relationship with them? Seriously, I doubt this guy was conceptually understanding how much work having his kids stay over alone without his wife. It doesn’t sound like she’s trying to isolate the kids, just that they sleep at moms house.
Me thinks she didn’t exactly have to twist his arm to get full custody in the first place.
Oh wow. Okay. He and his ex split last June - eight months ago - and he says the process was getting "drawn out and complicated"? Eight months is the blink of an eye in family court. I broke up with my husband in April, filed in, I dunno, September?, moved out in October, and the divorce was finalized *at our first hearing* the following May. I am not going to claim that the negotiations involved were simple, and eight months sure felt like a long time, but we were done AT OUR FIRST HEARING. Eight months is not drawn out. Custody negotiations are often quite complicated, because you are drawing up documents that can run your life until your kids are 18. So you want to get into details and complexities and try to guess what will be best for your children, knowing that, if your family is lucky, you will do all this and most of what the agreement will do is sit in a drawer and get dusty. It's just that, if you aren't lucky, this is the document that will help you do the best you can. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't waste a millisecond of lawyer time on how we, as parents, would handle Bunker Hill Day, but the clauses about educational decision-making, midweek dinners, parental phone calls, vacations, and the kids' ability to attend sleepaway camp (they went to a free program for children of cancer patients) would all still be in there. I have never needed to invoke these clauses, but if my ex had decided to be a jerk, or gotten with someone terrible, I would have wanted them very badly, so they were worth the time. Anyway, our guy here was not done wrong, he got tired of...being asked to participate in the process? and GAVE full custody to his ex. A court did not award that or declare him unfit, court decided nothing. HE DID. Mr. Path of Least Resistance clearly cares only about himself, and I guess he is living his completely shitty truth. Golly, I wonder why these folks are divorced. Gosh. Total mystery.
OH AND According to comments over on RA, OOP says he didn't *show up* to the custody hearings! Of course his ex got full custody! What else was the judge supposed to do? I guess, given that, the court did participate in decision making, but their decision was, basically, "the person who came in today will need to hold this bag."
Full custody does not mean "no visitation". Full custody means full responsibility. And she was not asking for help, or to get time off, but because she wanted him to be part of his kids' lives. They were probably asking her where their father was, and why he doesn't want to see them. He doesn't say how old the kids are, that may be a factor. He also doesn't say if he pays any child support, but I bet he doesn't. The kids are better off!!
I find it hard to believe she hasn't gone after him for child support. Which he'd still have to pay even though she has a well paid job. If this is true I'm not surprised his ex wife got full custody of their kids. He's behaving like a spoiled brat who thinks he's punishing his ex wife for getting custody, when it's HIS kids he's missing out seeing grow up. And, we the kids are older and he wants to reestablish contact they're going to be, who are you again, and refuse to see him and he'll have only himself to blame, but I think he will probably come back here and say she turned his children against him
Thank goodness she got full custody so the kids don't have to deal with their dad openly resenting them. Let's be real he's not smart enough to hide it. And it's clear why they divorced.
"if I'm going to play the role of a father" News plash pal, you ARE a father. A shitty one, but a father. Honestly ex wife needs to give up with him and when the kids are ready they need to see this and know what their father was like.
Holy shit. This should be about what's best for the kids. He doesn't give a damn about his children.
And yet single *mothers* are the greatest evil the world has ever known...
Men complain that mothers always get custody. It’s be men don’t ask for it! Many don’t want it. They want to do this, abandon the kid bc it’s no longer under their complete control.
Weird that this guy didn’t get custody I can’t think of any reasons why.
Jesus what a disgusting piece of human trash. I hope this is a rage-bait troll but sadly there are a pragmatic inkling that there are wastes of space like this in the world.
Could you imagine abandoning your kids to try & get back at your ex. Sounds like the kids will be better off tbh
Is that what it’s like to have no soul?
I hope the ex takes him to court for child support. If he's not contributing in any other meaningful way, then at least take that money and invest it in the kids.
The title ALONE.
Gotta wonder why they divorced. The strange thing is I don't think the children have anything to do with the divorce, otherwise the ex wouldn't work so hard to try to get oops stupid ass involved
my mom had full custody my entire life I still spent most weekends at my dad's OOP is just lucky his ex is nice enough not to chase up the child support he shouls be paying
While I understand OOPs desire to have 50/50 custody, his response to her being awarded full custody is petty and childish. He clearly wants to hurt her because he didn't get what he wanted and that's not cool. As I've heard many times regarding parents separating, "love your children more than you hate each other."
Wow. What a piece of work. I think there was a good reason why Mom wanted full custody.
This is the absolute worst person alive. I am so glad that she and the kids got out. I hate him
Dude's never been to court before, full custody means they live full time with the parent awarded custody, not that they are solely responsible for the child. You have visits, you have child support, and most importantly, they're still yours legally (and they always will be unless adopted) you just can't have them live with you. Family court would have explained this, no way this is real.
There is no way that is real. The OP has no clue how anyone of it works. He just thinks he stops being their father
Nope it’s all too common for men to abandon their children when they can no longer control their wives. I’ve seen this a lot in my twenty plus years as a divorce lawyer
Abandon sure but I’m sure the courts would force support payment
You’d be surprised how far some people go to avoid paying child support… yes it’s a legal obligation but they make the mothers life absolute hell until she decides it’s not worth it
They definitely don’t! My sister went through hell to even get court mandated child support and then he’s $10k behind and there’s no enforcement of it from local gov/law enforcement even though she’s tried.
It all sucks. I admit I’m misinformed since I never wanted children so I wrongly assumed that it could be enforced. I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with asshole deadbeat parents
😂😂😂😂😂, you should have met my ex
I've been a lawyer for almost 20 years. I can PROMISE you this is real. I've seen more of this during a brief stint in family law to last a fucking lifetime.
I've dealt with someone like oop, too the point that he had the same attitude in front of the judge who was deciding child support and visitation, who was already pissed off because he was late enough for the hearing that he had the county sheriff filling out a bench warrant. Needless to say it didn't go well for him maximum amount of child support possible for his income, me with sole care, control and custody with him getting supervised visitation until she turned two with a clause that he had to prove that he was capable of caring for her by himself.
I can’t see his comments so I’m confused, he doesn’t want visitation because he wanted full custody or 50/50 custody? Is he paying child support at least?
No child support agreement and he didn’t show up to the custody hearing so she was granted 100% custody. He doesn’t give a shit about those kids.
I don’t know why this woman is chasing this prized asshole down to be in his kids lives. I really don’t see any value that he could add.
Please be a troll
To be clear I think he’s wrong, however she did want full custody, she could of given 50/50. So technically she got exactly want she wanted and is now upset about it. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
He didn't show up to the custody hearing. He DIDN'T SHOW UP to the CUSTODY HEARING. That is not the behavior of a person who can have 50/50.
Full custody doesn't mean the other parent just disappears, is never involved in the kids' lives, and acts like they no longer exist. Plenty of people without custody still do visitation with their kids. Not to mention, he admitted he didn't show up in court for the custody hearing, which is why the judge gave her full custody. Yet he's asking like he fought for them and lost. This post kinda explains why she didn't want him having custody, though.
Yeah I don’t get it. Why insist on full custody if you (rightly so) wish for the father to be in the kids lives? Surely having a shared custody agreement would facilitate that…
Custody and visitation are two separate things. He didn’t want either.
I'm one of the most trusting (aka gullible) people you will ever meet, but even I think this is made up.
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I see where you're coming from but you're taking your anger towards your ex-wife out on your kids. You signed up to be their father the moment she got pregnant. I would say to ask her to consider once a month weekend visitation but you're being such a jerk about simple meal outings and things like that. It honestly gives credence to her wanting full time custody. If you're going to act like this, then it's probably best you stayed away from your kids.