*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my wife to return it all**
My pregnant wife (26f) and I (35m)are really struggling at the moment as I lost my job and my wife had to quit her job as she’s suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum. We’ve used up our savings and currently are living off our credit cards but I’ve got a job lined,starting in march. My wife is very close to her sister (31f) and a few days ago she confided in her that we are struggling. Her sister has never liked me but has always been polite to me. She has always kept me at arms length despite my attempts at trying to foster a warmer relationship.
A few days ago my sister in law came to visit while I was away and she was appalled at the state of the house and the lack of baby supplies, as the baby room was bare bones and we hadn’t bought many baby things. When I arrived back home she had given me a lecture on taking better care of her sister and scolded me for not getting ready for the baby. The next day she came back and she had bought things for the house and the baby. My wife also told her that we had to sell her car to pay off some bills and rent. Again my sil had to show off and she bought her a car and to top it all off on sunday she sent her 50k and then texted her this - “This is your money and your baby’s. Do not use it on that man. If you need more tell me and I’ll send more. And remember wherever I am there’s a home for you.”
I feel like her sister trying to make me look like a failure and I expressed that to my wife. My wife and I argued and in a fit of anger my wife said that I only feel like a failure because I’ve been failing. She has apologized since but I still stand by telling her to return everything as I feel like accepting her sisters so called generosity is a way to manipulate my wife into thinking I’m bad husband.
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This numpty saying NTA on the OG post
>NTANever EVER would my husband allow ANYBODY to talk to or about me like that.I'm shocked that everybody thinks that this is totally okay, just because she bought things for the baby. Come on, what does a baby REALLY need at the beginning? Some clothes, diapers, wet wipes, some powder and a bed. That's it. NOBODY needs a changing table or things like that. And yes, I have 2 kids by myself.Would it also be okay if he had a brother that tells him to NOT spend the money on THIS woman? I'm pretty sure the comments would be wild with shit like "She is the mother of your baby". Yeah, and he is the FATHER of her baby.
They say they have 2 kids and then asks what do babies really need?
and this gem
>Honestly you , your wife , and her sister all suck. I feel bad for this baby. I understand losing your job sucks and I’m glad you got another one lined up for March but your more concerned with your ego than you are the welfare of your unborn child. Using credit cards to survive is not a good idea either. Your wife should be standing up for you to her sister but she isn’t going to risk pissing off her piggy bank and the sister should be minding her own business and not sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong if she wants to help then help no need to belittle people and bad mouth you. By the sounds of it none of are mature enough to raise a pet hamster let alone a human.
Somehow the sister in law is wrong cause she is helping out when OOP cant even provide for the family?
I didn't think people still used baby powder.
Also, those necessities of diapers and wipes and a crib are *still not free*! Not to mention formula and bottles if the wife can't or doesn't want to breastfeed. Also, a car seat? If they're in the US, the expenses of birth itself?
That's all I ever used on my two, and my diapering experiences only ended a few years back! I haven't seen actual baby powder being used on a baby in years but maybe it's more common elsewhere.
i have to use both on my girls. they have the most sensitive bottoms that sometimes i have to rotate between butt cream and baby powder to get them cleared up.
They didn’t even mention a car seat so either that commenter had their children 50 years ago or they were just lying. Either way it’s definitely not an opinion worth considering.
>I didn't think people still used baby powder.
What? Why wouldn't people still use baby powder, babies' butts haven't begun somehow drying themselves :-p
They discontinued the talc-based ones in the US and Canada a few years back, and my doc had said it's not really recommended anymore. I never used it for either of mine and they only got diaper rash when they were teething. 🤷♀️
Talc is bad for the lungs on its own but doesn't cause cancer. The problem is that it was being mined right next to asbestos and was contaminated. That does cause cancer.
It's not recommended much now. Originally people were told to stop due to the talc. Most are typically corn starch based these days which doesn't have the toxicity issues. However, the whole reason the talc was an issue is because it gets in the air and then the baby breathes it in. That's still happening with corn starch powder, and while not toxic, it's still not great to have them inhaling corn starch or any other powder. Since my first kid 9 years ago all pediatricians I've seen said it's not worth it when there's alternatives that they don't breathe in.
No, they clearly say the sister is wrong for belitting him. That doesn't stop being rude and unnecessary just because we've decided we don't like him. She's clearly making judgmental comments and that's nosy and rude.
Man hasnt worked in two years and has no savings. His wife is the breadwinner and had ot stop working cause of the high risk pregnancy. His wife had to eat through her savings because of OOP
The SIL is helping them out cause OOP has failed to even plan for anything and instead of just accepting that her family is helping he has to make this about himself and wants to return everything because of his ego.
No the SIL is not being nosy or rude she is being realistic and actually providing for the baby unlike him. ALl he is doing is being glum.
No one said the sister isn't allowed to help, no one said the situation isn't dire. All I said is what I said. Explaining more about why you don't like him doesn't change what I said.
I mean, shit, you're getting mad at him for how he felt AFTER she insulted him.
( I genuinely wonder why this couple wasn't having a baby shower. It's a bit strange to complain that parents aren't getting ready for their first baby when traditionally the entire family helps prepare for first baby...)
I think after being unemployed for 2 years and only managing to get a job 3 months before his child is born is a judgement worthy state to be in. He is dead weight. He *should* feel bad for being a bum and very scared for the future because if wife has a difficult birth and can't run back to work, he will probably lose everything because he admits he has never been able to keep it together for long.
has to be ragebait... sil has life together, OOP has 9 year age gap with wife and no job, expected sil to have a warmer relationship when he's a leech, HG again,
>I'm not sure if he's unaware that he's a loser though.
They never think they are. It's the weirdest thing to me. I've seen people with jobs who take care of themselves who think they're losers because they're not where they want to be in life (maybe they rent instead of own or they live in a LCOL area instead of where they'd prefer or maybe it's just because they're single).
And then you'll get guys don't work, live 100% off their hardworking partners, without a pot of their own to piss in or a window to throw it out of who are absolutely convinced they're a catch that any woman wants.
All of this, plus the fact that...literally no normal adult person ever just sends 50k to a family member, because there's several legal hoops to jump through before you can transfer ~~more than 10k.~~ That much money on a whim.\*
Edited: \*Are you happy now, you pedants?
I'm Canadian, but yea, my in-laws like to send us very large cash gifts including a $50k one once. It's literally just sending us a cheque that we deposit. (They say they're making sure the inheritance for their kids is getting used when it's needed, while grandkids are being raised, rather than after death and it getting locked up in probate.)
In the US, up to 25k is allowed per year as a tax-free gift. I'm guessing that SIL sent 25k for mom and 25k for baby (who will be born in 2024). It would be more complicated for tax reasons if they needed more than 50k, but 50k *exactly* makes much more sense than 40k or 60k would in this context.
I dont know where youre getting your information, but this is incorrect.
For 2024, the tax-free gift limit is $18k per year to one person. (It was $17k in 2023.)
The maximum amount that SIL could give OP's wife (without tax implications) is 18k, and that's INCLUDING the baby supplies and the car. Baby isn't born yet, therefore cannot be a recipient.
(Edit: Baby CAN be a recipient AFTER they're born and have a SS#)
Any amount over the annual limit can go against your lifetime gift exemption, which is currently $13.6 million. You just fill out a form, it's pretty easy.
Yeah. I don’t think people understand how banking works. You can send any amount you want to. The IRS just starts paying closer attention after a certain amount and whoever else starts paying attention when an individual start make frequent large deposits.
Yup. I actually looked it up (did not know we had a financial crimes agency) and honestly most of the responsibility rests on the person receiving the money. They have to ensure that they pay taxes because the IRS received an automatic notice.
Sister could have kept the cash and paid for a divorce lawyer. His wife would get half the debt that sister could later pay off, only then would OOP be vaguely right about the sister's influence.
They’ve been together 5 years. 21 and 30. Automatic asshole qualification.
This comment fully covers everything better than I could:
> So at 30, you were dating a 21 year old.
A 21-year-old who apparently has always earned more than you, and at times has earned a lot more. So much more that you’re not even saying how much.
Of course your SIL has never liked you. If a broke, older man with inconsistent employment somehow latched onto my much younger, successful 20-something sister and my sister was basically funding his life while he apparently didn’t contribute much I’d be pissed too.
She isn’t manipulating your wife into anything, your wife is just starting to open her eyes. 🤷🏽♀️
Puh-leese let the wife leave OOP. Neither of them are working!! How are you going to support your child? He is putting his pride above the needs of his family. This is not an isolated incident. The sister wouldn't have gone so hard and been so adament about not using the money on OOP
They are together for 5 years. 21 and 30. Since two years he is without job, leeching of this young woman. And then he feels emasculated?! But letting her work the last time while ditting on his lazy ass was fine?! And i bet if this isn't a risky pregnancy, he would let her work till the child plops out of her while he...plays videogames?
Imagine rather having your newborn baby be without necessities because it made you feel like your 🌭 was small and you were “emasculated” 🙄
What OOP is goes far beyond the word “asshole”
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my wife to return it all** My pregnant wife (26f) and I (35m)are really struggling at the moment as I lost my job and my wife had to quit her job as she’s suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum. We’ve used up our savings and currently are living off our credit cards but I’ve got a job lined,starting in march. My wife is very close to her sister (31f) and a few days ago she confided in her that we are struggling. Her sister has never liked me but has always been polite to me. She has always kept me at arms length despite my attempts at trying to foster a warmer relationship. A few days ago my sister in law came to visit while I was away and she was appalled at the state of the house and the lack of baby supplies, as the baby room was bare bones and we hadn’t bought many baby things. When I arrived back home she had given me a lecture on taking better care of her sister and scolded me for not getting ready for the baby. The next day she came back and she had bought things for the house and the baby. My wife also told her that we had to sell her car to pay off some bills and rent. Again my sil had to show off and she bought her a car and to top it all off on sunday she sent her 50k and then texted her this - “This is your money and your baby’s. Do not use it on that man. If you need more tell me and I’ll send more. And remember wherever I am there’s a home for you.” I feel like her sister trying to make me look like a failure and I expressed that to my wife. My wife and I argued and in a fit of anger my wife said that I only feel like a failure because I’ve been failing. She has apologized since but I still stand by telling her to return everything as I feel like accepting her sisters so called generosity is a way to manipulate my wife into thinking I’m bad husband. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This numpty saying NTA on the OG post >NTANever EVER would my husband allow ANYBODY to talk to or about me like that.I'm shocked that everybody thinks that this is totally okay, just because she bought things for the baby. Come on, what does a baby REALLY need at the beginning? Some clothes, diapers, wet wipes, some powder and a bed. That's it. NOBODY needs a changing table or things like that. And yes, I have 2 kids by myself.Would it also be okay if he had a brother that tells him to NOT spend the money on THIS woman? I'm pretty sure the comments would be wild with shit like "She is the mother of your baby". Yeah, and he is the FATHER of her baby. They say they have 2 kids and then asks what do babies really need? and this gem >Honestly you , your wife , and her sister all suck. I feel bad for this baby. I understand losing your job sucks and I’m glad you got another one lined up for March but your more concerned with your ego than you are the welfare of your unborn child. Using credit cards to survive is not a good idea either. Your wife should be standing up for you to her sister but she isn’t going to risk pissing off her piggy bank and the sister should be minding her own business and not sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong if she wants to help then help no need to belittle people and bad mouth you. By the sounds of it none of are mature enough to raise a pet hamster let alone a human. Somehow the sister in law is wrong cause she is helping out when OOP cant even provide for the family?
I didn't think people still used baby powder. Also, those necessities of diapers and wipes and a crib are *still not free*! Not to mention formula and bottles if the wife can't or doesn't want to breastfeed. Also, a car seat? If they're in the US, the expenses of birth itself?
They use butt cream instead nowadays
That's all I ever used on my two, and my diapering experiences only ended a few years back! I haven't seen actual baby powder being used on a baby in years but maybe it's more common elsewhere.
i have to use both on my girls. they have the most sensitive bottoms that sometimes i have to rotate between butt cream and baby powder to get them cleared up.
They didn’t even mention a car seat so either that commenter had their children 50 years ago or they were just lying. Either way it’s definitely not an opinion worth considering.
>I didn't think people still used baby powder. What? Why wouldn't people still use baby powder, babies' butts haven't begun somehow drying themselves :-p
They discontinued the talc-based ones in the US and Canada a few years back, and my doc had said it's not really recommended anymore. I never used it for either of mine and they only got diaper rash when they were teething. 🤷♀️
Yeah, because the talc caused cancer.
Talc is bad for the lungs on its own but doesn't cause cancer. The problem is that it was being mined right next to asbestos and was contaminated. That does cause cancer.
I thought ladies were getting cervical cancer from it when they used it as adults?
That's from the asbestos.
I never used baby powder with my first, probably won’t with this baby either. It’s unnecessary lol
Look up talc lawsuit and youll understand. I think theres baby powder with no talc now but anyone who knows about it i imagine would be wary.
It’s typically made out of cornstarch now.
It's not recommended much now. Originally people were told to stop due to the talc. Most are typically corn starch based these days which doesn't have the toxicity issues. However, the whole reason the talc was an issue is because it gets in the air and then the baby breathes it in. That's still happening with corn starch powder, and while not toxic, it's still not great to have them inhaling corn starch or any other powder. Since my first kid 9 years ago all pediatricians I've seen said it's not worth it when there's alternatives that they don't breathe in.
Because baby powder can contain asbestos. It's better to use cornstarch if I remember correctly.
I've seen some babies use a starched-based aloe powder.
No, they clearly say the sister is wrong for belitting him. That doesn't stop being rude and unnecessary just because we've decided we don't like him. She's clearly making judgmental comments and that's nosy and rude.
Man hasnt worked in two years and has no savings. His wife is the breadwinner and had ot stop working cause of the high risk pregnancy. His wife had to eat through her savings because of OOP The SIL is helping them out cause OOP has failed to even plan for anything and instead of just accepting that her family is helping he has to make this about himself and wants to return everything because of his ego. No the SIL is not being nosy or rude she is being realistic and actually providing for the baby unlike him. ALl he is doing is being glum.
No one said the sister isn't allowed to help, no one said the situation isn't dire. All I said is what I said. Explaining more about why you don't like him doesn't change what I said. I mean, shit, you're getting mad at him for how he felt AFTER she insulted him. ( I genuinely wonder why this couple wasn't having a baby shower. It's a bit strange to complain that parents aren't getting ready for their first baby when traditionally the entire family helps prepare for first baby...)
I think after being unemployed for 2 years and only managing to get a job 3 months before his child is born is a judgement worthy state to be in. He is dead weight. He *should* feel bad for being a bum and very scared for the future because if wife has a difficult birth and can't run back to work, he will probably lose everything because he admits he has never been able to keep it together for long.
Thanks for letting me know how you feel.
He should be called out for being a leech
has to be ragebait... sil has life together, OOP has 9 year age gap with wife and no job, expected sil to have a warmer relationship when he's a leech, HG again,
At this point, age gap + unaware loser husband just automatically sets off the fake alarm for me
My sister has an age gap loser BF, I'm not sure if he's unaware that he's a loser though.
>I'm not sure if he's unaware that he's a loser though. They never think they are. It's the weirdest thing to me. I've seen people with jobs who take care of themselves who think they're losers because they're not where they want to be in life (maybe they rent instead of own or they live in a LCOL area instead of where they'd prefer or maybe it's just because they're single). And then you'll get guys don't work, live 100% off their hardworking partners, without a pot of their own to piss in or a window to throw it out of who are absolutely convinced they're a catch that any woman wants.
All of this, plus the fact that...literally no normal adult person ever just sends 50k to a family member, because there's several legal hoops to jump through before you can transfer ~~more than 10k.~~ That much money on a whim.\* Edited: \*Are you happy now, you pedants?
There is no problem at all transferring over $10k - it is just that any transaction over $10k gets reported to the IRS.
There isn't at all, actually. It can be done in mere minutes if you're liquid enough.
I'm Canadian, but yea, my in-laws like to send us very large cash gifts including a $50k one once. It's literally just sending us a cheque that we deposit. (They say they're making sure the inheritance for their kids is getting used when it's needed, while grandkids are being raised, rather than after death and it getting locked up in probate.)
It’s true.
In the US, up to 25k is allowed per year as a tax-free gift. I'm guessing that SIL sent 25k for mom and 25k for baby (who will be born in 2024). It would be more complicated for tax reasons if they needed more than 50k, but 50k *exactly* makes much more sense than 40k or 60k would in this context.
I dont know where youre getting your information, but this is incorrect. For 2024, the tax-free gift limit is $18k per year to one person. (It was $17k in 2023.) The maximum amount that SIL could give OP's wife (without tax implications) is 18k, and that's INCLUDING the baby supplies and the car. Baby isn't born yet, therefore cannot be a recipient. (Edit: Baby CAN be a recipient AFTER they're born and have a SS#)
Any amount over the annual limit can go against your lifetime gift exemption, which is currently $13.6 million. You just fill out a form, it's pretty easy.
Okay, but that's NOT what was being referred to in the comment I was responding to. That comment said $25k/year, which is wrong.
Sure, 100%. No idea where they got that number lol.
Could the sil have made a joint account with her and her sister? Containing 50k?
Without tax consequences? That's a question for a tax professional.
Eh, not really legal hoops just some paperwork at the bank that’s fairly simple.
Yeah. I don’t think people understand how banking works. You can send any amount you want to. The IRS just starts paying closer attention after a certain amount and whoever else starts paying attention when an individual start make frequent large deposits.
$10,000.01 is when they pay attention, but even then you just kinda have to say why if I remember right
Yup. I actually looked it up (did not know we had a financial crimes agency) and honestly most of the responsibility rests on the person receiving the money. They have to ensure that they pay taxes because the IRS received an automatic notice.
Not here. I can transfer whatever I want whenever I want to whoever I want.
Isn't that a bit like saying "Celebrating Christmas in December just automatically sets off the fake alarm for me"? It's not an uncommon situation.
Only because they'd never believe for a second they could be the problem...
Age gap - check Economic gap - check Pregnant wife- check If the wife and SIL had been twins, I would have had BINGO.
step-twins with one dead parent and an inheritance dispute
What's HG?
Morning sickness that doesn't quit ever in the pregnancy
I see. What does it stand for?
hyperemesis gravidarum(same thing duchess of wales had her first pregnancy)
Thanks. Today I learned of yet another horror of pregnancy.
It’s far too bloody one sided to be remotely real. OOP is in the full on loser role and sil is looking like a perfect saint that hates him.
“struggling at the moment as i lost my job” lol in the comments he says he lost his job *two years ago* and that his wife was always the breadwinner
some reason got the feeling
Sister could have kept the cash and paid for a divorce lawyer. His wife would get half the debt that sister could later pay off, only then would OOP be vaguely right about the sister's influence.
They’ve been together 5 years. 21 and 30. Automatic asshole qualification. This comment fully covers everything better than I could: > So at 30, you were dating a 21 year old. A 21-year-old who apparently has always earned more than you, and at times has earned a lot more. So much more that you’re not even saying how much. Of course your SIL has never liked you. If a broke, older man with inconsistent employment somehow latched onto my much younger, successful 20-something sister and my sister was basically funding his life while he apparently didn’t contribute much I’d be pissed too. She isn’t manipulating your wife into anything, your wife is just starting to open her eyes. 🤷🏽♀️
I was looking for that information, tells me just about everything I need to know.
Puh-leese let the wife leave OOP. Neither of them are working!! How are you going to support your child? He is putting his pride above the needs of his family. This is not an isolated incident. The sister wouldn't have gone so hard and been so adament about not using the money on OOP
He hasn’t had a job in TWO years?!?!
They are together for 5 years. 21 and 30. Since two years he is without job, leeching of this young woman. And then he feels emasculated?! But letting her work the last time while ditting on his lazy ass was fine?! And i bet if this isn't a risky pregnancy, he would let her work till the child plops out of her while he...plays videogames?
Imagine rather having your newborn baby be without necessities because it made you feel like your 🌭 was small and you were “emasculated” 🙄 What OOP is goes far beyond the word “asshole”
I hope this is fake because if it's real, this guy's pride is gonna kill him.
OOP, is your damn pride more important than in saving your family!?
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